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It’s the End of the World or the Beginning. I Can’t Tell.

Isn’t it weird how the worst of times can overlap with the best of times?

I’ve been here in northern Michigan, at my folk’s home, working remotely, hiding from the news cycle for several weeks. (Mr. CL was here too, but had to head back earlier.) I’ve spent my days weeding the garden, moving mulch, wearing sweaters, seeing family and friends. Feeling a sort of calm I haven’t felt in a long while.

(Part of that zen is that there’s no TV here. Just wifi. So, I’m blissfully out of the news cycle.)

And then RBG died Friday night.

And like millions of people, I felt deep loss at her passing. And dread about the upheaval to come. And gratitude that such a woman lived and accomplished so much for human rights.

Wait, Tracy, isn’t this place apolitical? 

It is. About elected officials. Per my Job job. RBG is dead. So I think I’m in the all clear. And if you feel a delicious schadenfreude about that (shockingly, there are people who do), I’d ask you to skip today. If you feel you must share your anti-choice abortion views on today’s blog, don’t. I’ll delete them.

“This is something central to a woman’s life, to her dignity. It’s a decision that she must make for herself. And when government controls that decision for her, she’s being treated as less than a fully adult human responsible for her own choices.” — RBG

If you find it incongruent that you like my advice, but you hate my political views — I’d consider that an honor to RBG. She had a gift for talking across the aisle. She was dear friends with Antonin Scalia FFS.

I loved how common sense, how clear-headed, RBG’s voice was. No snark. No edge. Just the pure power of reason. Why of course women, LBGTQ, minorities, are fully human. Let me walk you through it…

I used to work for the D.C. Bar Association as the staff writer and I got to cover RBG a few times. Once when she was addressing the incoming freshman class at Georgetown Law school. She spoke about her friendship with Scalia:

But more than a fellow lover of opera, travel companion, and renown wit, Ginsburg said that Scalia was a “discerning shopper” who once helped her pick out a living room rug. “It’s worn very well,” added Ginsburg.

Such small intimacies underscored a larger lesson about talking across the aisle and finding commonality among people with whom you disagree.

She quoted Scalia on their friendship as saying, “I attack ideas. I don’t attack people. Some very good people have very bad ideas.” Ginsburg said she was strengthened by Scalia’s “attacks.”

That is the epitome of mighty. Attacks only energized her. She said she’d read Scalia’s criticism and used it to shore up her opinions. Let him find the weak spots. She’d learn from it, patch that shit, and make it stronger.

There’s a life lesson.

What couldn’t this woman do, except be immortal? She put herself through law school while parenting a toddler AND her husband Marty had testicular cancer. She did his homework for him. Nursed him through it, while maintaining her own stellar grades. She had a marriage of equality and mutual support, of deep love and respect. She could die on that accomplishment alone. A woman of her generation finds a mate who loves her brain. But nope, she goes on to break jurisprudence barriers, and kick cancer’s ass.

And she was gracious.

One personal anecdote. I once pulled off an epic Valentine’s Day coup — I got Mr. CL a signed copy of RBG’s “My Own Words.”

Long story short how I managed this: I wrote an obsequious letter to her about Mr. CL, that he was a civil rights lawyer in Texas who admired her greatly. How he once demanded a sexual harasser’s shoes in a lawsuit, so the creep would have to leave mediation in socks (he didn’t get them). I told RBG I was sure she would’ve gotten those shoes. I enclosed a picture of Mr. CL at the 2016 women’s march in Washington holding a sign that read: “TEXANS UNDERSTAND BULLSHIT WHEN THEY SEE IT.” And I put the letter inside a card I purchased at the Neue Gallerie in New York, a portrait of a fierce girl.

She signed the book.

Not only did she sign it, she wrote a personal note on the back of her gold-embossed Supreme Court card. How did I know how much she loved that particular painting? Cheers, Mr. CL! RBG.

The woman gave so much of herself. Hell, she officiated a wedding in the last months of her life. Attended new immigrants citizenship swearing ins.

I hate that she is gone. I hate that we still have to fight so hard to keep the rights she spent a lifetime trying to achieve. The woman was an OPTIMIST. When a law student asked her if she got discouraged, she looked at that class of Georgetown freshman and said “No.” This room is half women. When she went to law school, the number of women students was in the single digits. And today women lawyers could be employed. (Famously, RBG — being on both the Harvard Law Review and Columbia Law Review, graduating tops in her class, could not get a job after graduation in the 1950s, so took up teaching.)

We can’t go back.

I think of her example. Accept the challenges. Learn from them. Strengthen your resolve.

Then crush it.

Rest in peace, RBG.

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    • Beans, just so you know, since Justice Ginsberg was Jewish, the more appropriate wish is “May her memory be a blessing.” I only mention it because I’ve seen lots of folks use RIP and that’s apparently not it.

      • http://www.sheldoncomics.com/archive/151229.html

        “In this life, we only have a finite time to leave the world better than we found it.

        So in these rare, few days we’re given, our PURPOSE is to make the lives and loves of this world better through our actions.

        The things you do for yourself, will by and large and with your death.

        But the things you do for Others … those will continue to ripple out across human history.

        So off they go: The ripples of another day’s work”.

      • Let me be the Jew who reassures you that you are absolutely allowed to grieve her passing in any way that is meaningful for *you*. I’ve said both RIP and may her memory be for a blessing and meant both.

        • Joanna,
          Thank you for adding your comment!

          Today’s blog is all about the huge loss for our country and remembering the woman who gave us so much.

          I’ve read comments elsewhere about how inappropriate all the flowers left for her at the Supreme Court are. While it is true that flowers are not sent to Jewish mourners, there is nothing wrong with people leaving flowers in her memory or honor.

          Respecting, honoring or memorializing someone of any faith when done with a pure heart and good intentions is never wrong.

          A higher rule In Judaism is never to embarrass someone who made a mistake that they had no way of knowing. It’s all about tolerance.

          And the woman loved crab cakes so let’s realize she loved her heritage and religion but wasn’t a stickler for the rules!

          • CL, thanks for the beautiful post about RBG. Yes, she had a great husband/marriage but she was also heavily influenced by her adored mother, Celia.
            Celia’s life was circumscribed by the times. According to the Washington Post: Celia Amster was the first American-born child in a family of Austrian Jewish immigrants. According to family lore, she once broke her nose when she was reading a book while walking down the street and falling into an open cellar door. She excelled in school, graduating from high school at only 15. Instead of furthering her education, Celia was forced to get a job as a garment worker and pay for her brother’s education at Cornell University.

            Like most women of her generation, Celia married young and had two children, daughters Marilyn and Joan, who later went by her middle name Ruth. Marilyn died of meningitis at 6, when Ginsburg was only 14 months old.
            Celia had planned for her daughter to go further than she had been allowed to, saving a portion of the money her husband gave her every week for a secret college fund.
            “Two things were important to her and she repeated them endlessly,” Ginsburg wrote. “One was to ‘be a lady,’ and that meant to conduct yourself civilly, don’t let emotions like anger or envy get in the way. And the other was to be independent, which was an unusual message for mothers at that time to be giving their daughters.”
            Celia Amster Bader died the day before her daughter’s high school graduation. She was 48 years old. She died of cervical cancer, which we now know is caused by HPV, which is sexually transmitted. So the genesis of so much heartbreak detailed on this blog, the untrammeled male sex drive – in this case, most likely her father’s – broke RBG’s heart, too.

            • That’s exactly what I thought. A woman of her mother’s era, who had only one sexual partner (her husband), died from job ? That bastard cheated on her !

              As an aside, there needs to more education about stds and their effects on reproductive health and cancer risks. This includes men and prostate cancer.

  • No law firms would give her employment when she left university would they.
    How times change hey.
    I was never interested in school.
    Implying to my children passing exams makes your life easier in the long term. BBC says by mid October 50,000 uk residents might be infected by virus per DAY.
    its gonna be a scary world.

    • Susan Devlin,

      Your first two sentences really resonated w/me. And Tracy, I too was happy and surprised to learn in all the NPR coverage about RBG this past weekend that she was friends w/Scalia (and he w/her. They had a clip of him saying so), and how she loved and cared for her husband through all his sickness, and their life together.

      I also laughed when they retold the story of her telling a school official that was reporting something their son had done to get in trouble at school that he had two parents, and that it was his father’s turn to handle a problem, instead of always calling on her.

      What a wonderful woman. What a wonderful person. What a great lawyer. What a great judge.

      I have said a few times to myself these past few days that I hope there is a reward in death for people like her. Or at least peace.

  • She was such a strong, brave woman who hung on as long as she could to try to protect us. We owe it to her to keep fighting to keep her legacy alive. It’s hard though because I want to curl up in a ball and hide from this reality. It’s like the DDay PTSD all over again.

  • Love this! She’s been an inspiration to so many of us!
    I saw the Fearless Girl statue was wearing an RBG collar this morning.

  • I totally concur. How great that you have her signed book. We all chuckled and felt such admiration when The Notorious RBG was trending. But when we heard of her passing on Friday, it was like a dark and scary collective grief fell upon all of us who are hanging on by a thread and felt a bit of security that she was still dissenting. Ha! She was epitome of a woman being and doing her best, while making substantial impact. Describing her as an inspiration barely scratches the surface.

  • What an amazing woman. Another accomplishment was becoming a cultural icon and she did it with such style and grace. Her influence will live on.

  • Thank you for this post! I attended a women’s empowerment workshop over the weekend and during the closing circle, I spoke about RBG. I was the first and only one to utter her name during the entire day and I found that to be incredibly disconcerting at an event which was supposed to be about harnessing the power of women. Regardless of one’s political viewpoint(s), it is undeniable that RBG’s work positively influenced society and brought forth much needed change. Tiny in stature, yet enormous in strength, Shakespeare’s “Though she be but little, she is fierce!” line suites RBG perfectly! RBG was a true inspiration as a woman…and as a human being.

  • Yeah, thx RBG for not going out at the top of your game back when Obama was in office and ensuring 20 years at least of right wing court. Not that it matters that much the right and the left are competing for who can when the race to the bottom. The fallacy of an aged outdated supreme court was demonstrated during FDR’s time.

    • And then what? It become clear in 2016 that the Senate Republicans would block any of Obama’s picks due to an “election” year. Let’s see if they apply that “rule” consistently now (we know they won’t).

      Back in 2016, no one expected that Trump would win. I’m sure that RBG, like the rest of us, thought that Hilary would win and was expecting that Hilary would pick a highly qualified woman, just like her, to replace her. It is not RBG’s fault that she did not retire when Obama was President. The woman beat cancer and held on for so long for us. Let’s honor her accomplishments

      • I was trying to be polite. Wait until Obama or Trump kick. I use to give some of those beltway narcisitic psychopaths the benefit of a doubt. Not no more. Maybe she was something in her day. She was 70 in when Obama took office the second time and it was suggested then she step aside to assure what had been accomplished. Now thanks to her here we are. It is only a matter of time before abortion is severely restricted if not eliminated. As the saying goes, “A thousand brownie points and you get an atta boy, but one oh shit wipes the slate clean.” In case you haven’t looked lately its pretty oh shit out there.

  • FLASHBACK TO 2016 REGARDING RBG’S QUOTE ABOUT THE OPEN SEAT UNDER OBAMA.

    As for whether the Senate should take up a vote on Garland, Ginsburg said at the time, “That’s their job.”

    • Yes it was their job. And how very hypocritical and disingenuous of certain powers-that-be to argue that it wasn’t necessarily their immediate job back then, but it somehow is now.

  • After speaking with a host of indirect-speaking therapists, I learned real boundary setting from you, CL. It is one of the best things I’ve ever learned.

    Thank you.

    You and RBG sit on branches of the same tree, and that’s a fact. You’d respond humbly to that, I’m sure, but I’m correct about it.

    Thanks for this lovely post. Yeah, it will be tough for some people — everyone thinks boundaries are great until they, themselves, are on the receiving end of them — but another thing I learned from you is how real character demands that we gracefully receive boundaries, too.

    Another one of the best things I’ve ever learned.

    Peace to you, my grieving friends.

  • If you don’t like it, leave. That’s what people like to say, right? Her page, her rules. Just like no shirt, no service.

  • I have stayed away from the news for the last couple of days, because I found it so appalling that the fight over a replacement began before her body was even cold. Whether you loved her positions or not, RBG was able to disagree without being disagreeable. We need more people like her in this country.

    • I’m like you, Elizabeth Lee. Normally a news junkie, I was sickened by the disrespect shown by those hypocrites who announced they would quickly move to replace her just hours after her death. Have they no decency? The answer to that question, unfortunately, has been obvious for the last few years.

      Turned off all news over the weekend.

      But I wore my Notorious RBG t-shirt yesterday.

  • Rest in peace, RBG.

    Since we’re talking about politics now, and CL has previously blogged about the exploits of Anthony Weiner (aka Carlos Danger), I’m surprised that we haven’t seen a single CL column about Ilhan Omar’s affair and subsequent marriage to Tim Mynett, who she was paying hundreds of thousands as a campaign advisor. https://nypost.com/2019/08/27/my-husband-dumped-me-for-rep-ilhan-omar-dc-mom-says-in-divorce-filing/

    Ilhan’s ex-husband also allegedly had the pleasure of discovering his wife’s infidelity when he walked in on the illicit couple lounging in their pajamas at her DC headquarters. https://nypost.com/2020/02/14/ilhan-omars-ex-allegedly-learned-of-affair-after-walking-in-on-her-and-lover-in-pajamas/

    I somehow suspect that if the Congress person involved in this sordid scandal were someone like Dan Crenshraw or Devin Nunes, we would’ve seen a blog about it by now.

  • Here, here. All Rise. RBG legacy is In part the millions of women supporting their families without a man, Having productive careers, not being wholly dependent on a man, liberation from our own limited thinking, and also liberating men from being the only financial contributor. We fight on with her as our inspiration and flag bearer.

    • It is not a good thing that women are raising children without a man in the house.
      The consequences to society of such a situation are well documented.

  • RBG’s life and, now, her passing strike a chord with chumps. She understood the de-valuing, the gas lighting, the false equivalencies, the shit sandwiches. She used those experiences to craft arguments and gave voice to the silenced.

    It is terrifyingly unfair to go through infidelity and divorce, this administration, this election and this pandemic all at the same time. I remain grateful for both RBG and CL.

  • May her memory be always for a blessing. It made me feel a tiny bit better to be reminded of the Jewish tradition that a tzaddik (fem. tzaddeket), or righteous person, will die on Rosh Hashanah, the New Year that begins our High Holy Days. So in this way RBG is especially honored, though it’s a shame that Rosh Hashanah falls before the election. Time for us all to be mighty and keep Gaining That Life that RBG championed!

  • If Amy Coney Barrett or Barbara Lagoa is the nominee, the public will be treated to lots of anti-Catholic rhetoric and accusations of racism.

    • After how Kavanaugh was treated, I don’t want to hear a single word about how the other side feels. That was the most disgusting display of behavior I have ever seen in politics. A good man completely smeared in front of his family without an iota of proof of literally anything by a messed up lying woman with a hazy memory and couldn’t even tell you a date. They tried the same shit with Clarence Thomas. They tried it in the 2016 election as well yet convince themselves they’re the “good guys.”

      They won’t try the rape thing with a female nominee so they will attack her religion and accuse her of “racism” to tie in to the the BLM cult-like worship. So predictable.

      • Tracy, can this be that ish you take down today?

        This blog is exposes the fallacy of the “good man” who’s reputation is being “smeared” every day.

        … also “rape thing” 🤮 – just not today please.

  • ” ‘I attack ideas . . . I don’t attack people’ . . . that is the epitome of mighty.”

    Seems to me this is instructive for chumps struggling with interaction with their cheaters, even in gray rock situations.

    The desire to attack the person who blew up our lives for selfish fuckwit reasons is so, SO very understandable. It’s immediate gratification. It feels good. It satisfies an emotional desire. All aspects of the entitlement mentality that finds a way to justify cheating.

    A calm demeanor when facing volatile issues; a laser-like focus on facts rather than emotions; a relentless pursuit of what is right and fair and just; compromising if/when needed on small details but remaining resolute on big picture stuff. These are this things that make up ‘mighty.” These are the traits that should distinguish chumps from cheaters.

  • Great read, CL.

    And amidst all the wisdom written above, what really resonates for me is Good People can have Bad Ideas and that doesn’t mean I can’t get along with him. I have many friends with whom I don’t share common ideologies… and like RBG… what they say informs me and makes me stronger in my knowledge, it doesn’t mean I have to agree or dislike them.

    In CN, we are trying to overcome Bad People with Bad Ideas… so, for what it’s worth, don’t take that comment read HOPIUM in to it. Cheaters are bad people with bad character and bad ideas about risking your health, blowing up your children’s (and pets) homes, floating around on wings of entitlement, destroying your financial future, ad infinitum.

    I’m going to try to mirror my actions to RBG… be generous of spirit and temperance to good people… but I will remain firm in my resolve to keep cheaters and those who abide them well in the camp of No Contact.

  • Also funny how the woman’s exclusive right to decide to have an abortion is something for “all humanity”.

    “This is something central to a woman’s life, to her dignity. It’s a decision that she must make for herself. And when government controls that decision for her, she’s being treated as less than a fully adult human responsible for her own choices.” — RBG

    Therefore it’s not for all humanity but only for the woman central in making the decision.

    The reasoning is flawed anyway, I think, because having an abortion is not taking responsibility for your actions (having unprotected sex or whatever). I am not against abortion, but the reasoning is flawed.

    • When all humans, regardless of race or gender, or sexual preference or any other categorization are treated as fully equal and fully human it is very much good for all humanity.

    • GuideDog, in a perfect world your flawless reasoning would carry more weight. But this is not the case, is it? Women are coerced into sex, they are forced into sex and sometimes they willingly have sex but precautions fail. They may be in a place where they want to have sex, but not in a place to raise children. Should a couple in difficult circumstances not have sex because they could conceive a child if precautions fail? Not many men would accept that.
      What about young girls that lack knowledge and are even more susceptible to coercion to have sex by older men. Should they carry the burden and stigma put on them by selfish men?
      Finally, how are you with the government telling you what you can do with your body? Many of the virulent pro lifers are the same people who complain about the government tyranny of being forced to wear a cloth mask. Figure that one out?

    • “responsibility for your actions (having unprotected sex or whatever)”. It’s usually the man who refuses to just shut up and put on the damn thingy. There is also a very fine line between consensual and non consensual sex. I will agree to banning abortion when we can also agree to mandatory jail time for any man who gets a woman pregnant unless he has a signed agreement indicating that she is ok with becoming pregnant by him. That’s fair right? Then he has to take responsibility for his actions too. I bet that would cut down on unwanted pregnancies real fast.

  • These days I sometimes slip into despair about my own life and the state of our nation, so I need this reminder: “Accept the challenges. Learn from them. Strengthen your resolve.”

    RBG is an inspiration! Thanks for posting, CL!

    RIP RBG

  • Ruth Bader Ginsberg will always hold a place in my heart. My Mom, and all my siblings loved her, too. Her marriage to such a loving, supportive man still chokes me up, it was so sweet to see! We really need hero’s like her, and it’s sad for us that she’s gone, but the love for her remains!

  • #Sometimes… is MY favorite WORD in the entire english language.
    #Sometimes… the minute you take away ANY CHOICE in this country life as we know it goes away!
    #Sometimes… a SINGLE Human Being changes the entire universe by her words.
    #Sometimes… a SINGLE WORD or PHRASE can change your LIFE!!
    #Sometimes…. The graciousness of a SINGLE Person can totally make YOUR ENTIRE YEAR!!

    Sometimes, it is not about the promise…
    but WHO made the promise…
    Sometimes, it is not about the vow that was made…
    but about WHO will always walk beside us…
    Sometimes, it is not about the words that have been said…
    but WHO we are listening to in the quietness of the heart…
    Sometimes, it is not about fighting, even when right…
    but WHO you kneel before and ask for help…
    Sometimes, it is not the ugliness of choice…
    but WHO turns my view to all the beauty surrounding me…
    Sometimes, it is not the walls that are boxing you in…
    but WHO I remember has the power to destroy them…
    Sometimes, it is not the pain of betrayal…
    but WHO will never FORSAKE ME!!!

    An original AJ Stoddard poem…

  • Thank you for this Tracy. You always have the right things to say that somehow always make me feel better.

    As an aside, I am forever appalled that people STILL have to troll even after you have made clear they will be deleted for posting opposing politcal rhetoric. A little life lesson for the trolls:

    * When someone dies and the person posting is honoring that person, maybe reserve unnecessary opposing comments this time. Allow the rest of us to grieve in peace. There are plenty of other opportunities to voice opposition (say, by voting… or maybe not following the person you disagree with anymore because you can’t bear to have contact with someone who isn’t in full political agreement with you). But being nasty when someone has passed away and others are honoring her? Stop. *

    • All of a sudden reason and logic is the same as trolling?
      The story is about someone apparantly known for “attacking ideas and not the person”. Some way to honour that statement by feeling attacked by reason and deleting comments of opinion. I didn’t attack the person who died. I didn’t know her. Nor do I have anything against abortion.
      But I’ll keep my opinion to myself

      • I don’t have to honor every opinion on this blog. It’s my site. Today we’re honoring the legacy of RBG.

        There are people who hate her, who hate the work she did for women’s reproductive freedoms. And it is my choice to not let what should be a celebration of her life and mourning of her passing be derailed by fights about abortion.

        You’re entitled to your opinion that I’m a hypocritical jerk for deleting such comments. I’m entitled to my boundary to delete such comments.

          • I’m not familiar with that name but now you’re using a false analogy because I did not say that abortion should be forbidden. I do not oppose abortion.
            This is getting us nowhere. Again: I’m sorry for your loss.
            She meant something to you personally so I will respect that

        • Maybe my comment wasn’t at the right place or time. But neither was it nasty. I now understand she was a well known public figure in your country and I will respect that she is mourned.
          I will leave logic for what it is now and respect you’re boundaries.
          I’m sorry for your loss

          • This is *Tracy’s * site, she has no obligation to provide a platform for anyone.

            As a UK chump, I know nothing about Judge Ginsberg, apart from what I ‘ve read online. Sympathies to all here who are saddened by her death.

        • But bake that cake, right? Something tells me you wouldn’t be okay with a leftist POV being shut down or a leftist being told to go to another business. But you’re super okay with doing it to others.

          • False equivalence, Marty: CL is not running a business open to the public. This is an opinion-based website, with zero federal oversight – she’s free to shut down any commenter, for any reason. There are other places to have certain conversations, if that’s what you’re looking for.

            Also, people like me (LGBTQ+) who are turned away from purchasing cakes or whatever are not rejected merely because of our stated views; every establishment gets to generate rules of appropriate conduct that are fairly applied to everyone (“No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service”). We LGBTQ+ people are rejected because of who we ARE. In other words, the message of celebrating a wedding on a cake is no different whether it’s a same-sex or opposite-sex couple. What is different is the sex/gender of the celebrants – who we ARE as a question of fundamental identity, not what words we are using.

            In my case, my 5-year-old daughter started piano lessons with a small-town Indiana teacher who abruptly ended them when she learned that my daughter had two moms, sending our first check back *through the mail* even though we lived across the street from her, then avoiding any contact with us thereafter. We were faced with the shit sandwich of trying to explain to a 5-year-old why she needed to switch teachers so soon. (No, we didn’t tell her the unvarnished truth until she was older.)

            So, here’s my empathy-building question for you, Marty: have you ever had to deal with living across the street from someone who wants to deny – not just your views, but your right to exist as you are? And who will use their public business as a mouthpiece to communicate that view to you, with your innocent 5-year-old child as a pawn?

            • I disagree with you there. Just as this is Tracy’s site and she is not therefore obligated to provide anyone with a platform, the music teacher is not obligated to provide music lessons to anyone she doesn’t wish to, and a privately owned bakery is not obligated to provide cakes to anyone they don’t wish to. Freedom of choice goes both ways.

              • Businesses catering to the public have a right to have rules that apply to all customers. “Don’t be LGBTQ+” is inherently a discriminatory “rule.”

                And you didn’t answer my question, Chumpnomore: Have you ever had a neighbor make it clear that they want to have nothing whatsoever to do with you or your child, merely because of who you are? Let alone a business owner.

                I made myself vulnerable in relating that story, and would appreciate some empathy.

              • So the blacks only restrooms and water fountains along with whites only hotels and restaurants, not to mention segregated amusement parks, white only towns- you get the picture- of our not so distant past are okay with you chumpmomore6?

              • Absolutely not. But it isn’t the same thing.

                I was referring to *privately owned* businesses, not the Jim Crow laws of the segregated South.

                A *privately owned* business has the right to refuse service to anyone it pleases, whether I, or anyone else, thinks they’re arsehole for doing so.

                Lez chump, I *do* have empathy for you, your daughter, and any gay couples who have experienced anything similar.

                But the fact I think they’re arseholes doesn’t negate the fact that a privately owned business has the right to refuse service to anyone it chooses, with the emphasis on *privately owned*.

              • Chumpnomore: Thanks for the expression of empathy. But you still seem to be suggesting that “privately owned” businesses of the modern Southern US could still legally discriminate against Black people according to the principle you articulate.

                That’s just not true. Anti-discrimination laws apply to all businesses that cater to the public. A Black person told not to enter a business only on the basis that they are Black (as opposed to some other rule that applies equally to everyone, like not wearing shoes) would have an excellent case for discrimination in court. (Now, it’s true that many businesses get around this problem by creating rules that are far more likely to apply to people of color or others, than to the general population. But I digress.) Plenty of “privately owned” businesses in the US maintained discriminatory practices after the Jim Crow laws were struck down – which is why proactively anti-discrimination laws became necessary.

                What’s unfair is when those clear and legal protections are not extended to LGBTQ+ and other people. And unfair application of existing law is one of the reasons why the composition of the US Supreme Court remains so important.

              • That is incorrect. No government or business has the right to refuse service on the basis of protected classes, ie, on the basis of race, creed, color or sexual orientation. Otherwise, as LezChump stated, the privately owned businesses would be able to refuse service to customers because of the color of their skin or their religious beliefs or because they are female. Surely that can not be what you are arguing for? That we go back to the days when Blacks or Jews could be refused service? When women could not obtain credit in their own name? Surely not.

              • This comment is for Lez Chump because there is nowhere to reply to her last comment on this thread.:

                He didn’t say he’s for businesses not making cakes for gay people. That’ss putting words in his mouth. So too, Chumperella that Marty is some kind of white suopremist. I am a conservative and I would make flower arrangements and cakes for gay weddings, even though I have a shirttail relative whose business got sued for not doing something along those lines. Some of us right leaning people take very much to heart the whole “life liberty and the pursuit of happiness” thing which embraces the idea of equality for all. If we can can get married then so can you, and all that goes with it. However, these people being sued are Christians, yet are sued for not creating something on commission for a ceremony that goes agsinst their religion and personal beliefs. Has anyone sued a Muslim for doing the same? Highly unlikely, due to *political correctness.* I say this as someone who is most definitely not Christian; I am actually pagan.

                Yes, I am a white woman and I have had neighbors shun me because of who I am. Because when I was young I looked like a hippie. Because I lived with a man back when people were just starting to do that in lieu of getting married. Because I was living in a foriegn country where they disliked Americans. Because I traveled in North Africa where white women who don’t wear burkas are sluts (traveled, not a tourist). Because I was beautiful when young and that was threatening to some women so was sometimes treated like I was stupid (typical trope) to grasp at some sort of “edge” on the situation. Because I was a white person living on the most populated Hawaiian island for 10 years, hence a “dirty haole” (Look it up.) Things like being the first in line and the last waited on at an establishment, or being ignored until I had to leave. Being hired by a company large enough to take up an entire floor of a downtown office bulding by someone in personnel that considered my education and work ethic worthwhile, only to be shunned and mistreated by coworkers to the point where I had to quit in a few weeks. No wonder I was (temporarily) the only white person there. Where on the last week of public schools haole (dirty white) parents pull their kids out because it’s Kill Haole Week,” an endearing island tradition of beating up white classmates. My female sibling in a male-dominated field in the 70s treated horribly by professors and classmates and then later in in her profession. It happens, and the stuff that happens is unkind, unfair, and shouldn’t, especially where children are involved, It can feel like you’re trying to walk through landmines, at times. Guess what? Life is unfair, and there will always be stupid, ignorant people around who mete that out for whatever reason. You two don’t know Marty and how he feels about gay preople. He might even be gay, himself.

              • Beth, in the UK there is a Common Law right to refuse entry or service to whomever one chooses.

                The person being refused entry or service has the right to sue the business, but it’s very long drawn out and complicated.

            • LezChump, I’m sorry that happened to you and your daughter. Sounds like you lost a really shitty teacher. Thanks to her bigotry, she did herself the favor by removing herself from your life AND refunding your money.

              Good riddance to bad rubbish.

              • Thanks, CL. It is true that we ended up finding a really lovely young (fresh out of college) teacher for our daughter, and it worked out okay. But, it was still painful to discuss it with my daughter some years later, when she was old enough to work out the truth. And we did not end up living long in that town, though we were able to afford a really beautiful Victorian house there…

                Now we’re in a community that isn’t so small-minded, but is more of what we used to call “country-club Republican” when I was growing up. Not so much with the active bigotry, but just a lot of confusion, like when I was trying to consult local attorneys about my same-sex divorce, and they got really hung up on how many years we had been *legally* married (even though my STBX is at least willing to stipulate that we have been married since 1998). Smh…

  • Beautifully written! I had so hoped she would hold on until after the election but I know she did her best. She always did her best.
    I watched a show about her the other day and rejoiced that she had such a wonderful husband and marriage. If only there were more men like him.

  • She was a feminist icon and it is a great loss, but one thing that has bothered me in the reaction is this fear of a dystopian future I’m hearing from people. She was part of a movement, one of many courageous women who fought for what we have today. It wasn’t a weak movement that is going to be toppled at her passing. It’s not something that is totally altered by the party that is in the White House or the party balance of the SCOTUS. Our rights as individuals are threatened when we give politicians of either party too much power, but the work of someone like RBG was not about party affiliation, left or right, liberal or conservative. Her contributions to the world are not really being threatened. So I hope the focus can be on honoring her life’s work and the media can stop using her passing as a political talking point.

  • Because this is the LACGAL website . . .

    In January 2017, masochistically watching the inauguration dance of the President and First Lady, I made a note that should I be fortunate to meet someone, I will be dancing like Barack and Michelle Obama. Not going to settle for a man whose personal accomplishments are raw dogging a porn star and having five children with three women.

    “Marty was an extraordinary person. Of all the boys I had dated, he was the only one who really cared that I had a brain.”

    Marriage goals.

    • Marriage/relationship goals for sure! I read several articles over the weekend that referenced a letter Marty Ginsburg penned to Ruth while in the hospital shortly prior to his death. He stated, “My dearest Ruth, you are the only person I have loved in my life. Setting aside a bit parents and kids, and their kids. And I have admired and loved you almost since the day we met at Cornell some 56 years ago.”

      I was sobbing uncontrollably while reading that, firstly because of the pure romantic aspect of his words yet also due to the realization that I’m far too old to ever be that “Only Love” for someone. I do feel like I once had the potential of that as my ex and I met we were teens and were each other’s firsts for so many experiences. (He is still the only person I have ever loved).

      A quarter century later, he discarded me and immediately replaced me with a much younger “Forever Love”.

      My heart tremendously aches to feel undeserving of the love that Ruth and Marty shared, but their story also gives me a sense of joy knowing there are others who have that in their lives.

  • She worked so hard, for all of us, to her last, through what must have been intense pain. She deserves the highest of honors, and true rest. Her memory is a blessing to us all.

  • RGB took enormous political risks when she went against party and was one of only two who dissented a disastrous SCOTUS decision in 2011, one that affected my family and countless others on all sides of the political spectrum in profound ways and continues to. I felt personally moved by the stand she took and will never forget it even if the cause was lost.
    I also felt vindicated by the written dissent for having to make some extreme choices that triggered chaos and controversy in my extended family following that decision. It was a case of the political becoming immediately personal and not in an abstract sense or on principle but direct cause and effect. If I had moments of doubt in the face of the fallout, I remembered that written dissent.
    The issue at hand would have seemed obscure and terribly confusing to onlookers who weren’t personally initiated regarding the stakes. It was almost an IQ test and the moment when I began to understand that laws and policies are often based on cellular science in modern times so that democracy is not possible without scientific literacy. But RGB and another justice, though not personally affected, were able to rise to the complexities, see through the rhetoric, grasp the stakes and do the difficult but right thing. Those are awesome and intimidating shoes to fill. RIP RBG.

  • You are right; but as CL has stated this is her site and she can do what she wants.

    I personally am going to not make any comments (aside from this one) unless it is related to the intention of the site, which I think normally CL does well, as do most of the commenters.

    So to those who feel a personal loss, sorry for your loss. I also offer my condolences to RGs family, as I know it is a huge loss to them of course.

    For the rest of us who have differing opnions and feel we can’t be heard, we can be heard in Nov; so let’s just speak then as loudly as we can. The other side will also speak, and let’s all try to be respectful of those who differ when the dust settles.

    You have been respectful, so I don’t mean it as against you, or anyone else in particular.

    • Thank you for the graceful comment. I would like to mention, too, that some who lean left may entertain some right leaning views, and some who lean right may embrace some some left leaning views (like myself). Like any sort of personal belief, be it religious or political, for example, there is a spectrum where people fall. Lately, however, things seem so polarized, so black and white. I remember as a child people on Sundays would stop by my grandparent’s farm in the cold months when the crops were in. It was a common custom then put in the country. You’d offer food, something to drink. Around the wood stove conversation would sometimes turn to religion or politics. People listened to each other and agreed to disagree. Everyone knew each other well and helped each other out when necessary, bought livestock from each other, and so on. Those days are long gone. The polarization and ill-will towards others on both sides of the fence is utterly appaling. This is not the country I used to know.

  • She was a remarkable woman, a beacon of courage, fortitude and an icon to the idea that we are all created equal. I thank her for hanging in there as long as she did, and I can only hope that there are others who will stand for individual freedom the way she did.

  • A lion of grace and strength. Her ethical stance is soon to be replaced by a severely throwback to the old days hack.

    She was a backstop for us all.

    Very much missed.

  • Thank you for this, Tracy. I cried when I read the news about Justice Ginsberg’s death. Funny to me that the tears are becasue I know I will need to step up to the plate more now that she is gone, the matriarch is no longer – now the women left behind will need to pick up where she left off. I thought about Ruth Ginsberg all last week during my workouts. I thought aobut how strong she is physically and intellectually and her strength of integrity. No, I don’t usually focus on Ruth Ginsberg during my workouts, so it is interesting to me that she passed last Friday. Ruth Ginsberg was a fitness enthusiast and had the same personal trainer since 1999 and she was and continues to be an inspiration to me to be fit and healthy in body, spirit, and mind. It is as if the Universe was telling me it is time, it is time to take action, it is time to stand up for the rights of women and the oppressed, the stigmatized and the marginalized, it is time to step up to the plate and get into the game, because the major league player is going to retire.
    It is fitting to me that you write about Ruth Ginsberg today, thank you for acknowledging her, I live in a TV free world of my own in a rural paradise and I did not want my thoughts of her to be tarnished by anyone who does not truly understand what a gift she is to this planet. Chump Lady and Chump Nation, you are part of this action Ruth Ginsberg is a part of, to stand up for the oppressed and the underserved – we are all pointing out the injustice of what has happened to us and we are not playing a part in the lies anymore. Finding our voice, speaking and even writing about the abuse we have endured is a catalyst for change. This will allow others to identify abuse when they see it happen to others and to speak out about it when it happens to them personally. We, in Chump Nation, are helping ourselves and others to find our voice and stop hiding in fear and pain so true healing of ourselves and mankind can happen.
    Whatever part we play in standing up for integrity and justice, big or small, is important. I am grateful for you, Tracy, and for all of Chump Nation – you inspire me to be better and, in turn, I will inspire others to be better. Ruth Ginsberg’s memory is a blessing, she reminds me that I am Fierce Girl and my experience with adversity, abuse, stigma, shame, and marginalization allow me to be mighty.
    Much love and kindness, Peregrine.

  • I had Joy Reid’s show on the TV. I was only half paying attention to it when she stopped her conversation with a guest to read something. I will never forget maybe 5 seconds of silence and the look on Reid’s face. I knew it was terrible news.

    Losing RBG feels like losing a family member or a dear mentor who changed my life. I can’t beat the talking heads speculation about filling her seat or going on social media to see someone thinking of her death as “owing the libs.” If someone I know would do that, I would never forgive it. I’m not a grudge holder, but celebrating the death of this magnificent woman–that’s a lifetime deal breaker for me. And it should be.

    Thanks for this lovely post. It’s not politics to feel grief and loss at the passing of someone who blazed a trail for people to come behind her. It’s human. I’m not a Republican but I was deeply saddened by the passing of John McCain and watched his memorial service from front to back. He was a genuine hero and patriot, regardless of his political views. RBG is, has been, and will be the woman in the world I most admire. May she take her well-earned rest in peace, with the love and gratitude of millions for her life so very well lived.

    • Thank you LAJ. You always get straight to the heart of the matter. I’ve been thinking about John McCain’s death too since we lost RBG. I admired them both tremendously and will feel their losses for the rest of my life, I think.

      • John McCain cheated on his first wife Carol Shepp to be with Cindy Hensley.

        John was tortured as a prisoner of war and Carol was seriously injured in accident,which required 23 surgeries.

        “After he came home,he walked with a limp,she walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona (Cindy Hensley) and the rest is history” said billionaire Ross Perot. He loathed cheaters.

  • Thank you for recognizing a really mighty woman who overcame inequalities and then went on to fight tirelessly for others. Rest in Power RBG.

    I leave you all who are arguing that this is too political with 17 of RBG’s amazing quotes. She wanted equality for all and had both the ability to see interesting perspectives and write persuasive decisions that showed that equality is a human right and admirable to aspire to find in all our personal and public lives. We are a better world to have had RBG have the ability to decide fairly in our Supreme Court for so long.

    1. “Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.”

    2. “So often in life, things that you regard as an impediment turn out to be great, good fortune.”

    3. “Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.”

    4. “When a thoughtless or unkind word is spoken, best tune out.”

    5. “Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”

    6. “You can’t have it all, all at once.”

    7. “I’m a very strong believer in listening and learning from others.”

    8. “In the course of a marriage, one accommodates the other”

    9. “In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”

    10. “A gender line…helps to keep women not on a pedestal, but in a cage.”

    11. “If you want to be a true professional, do something outside yourself.”

    12. “Reading is the key that opens doors to many good things in life. Reading shaped my dreams, and more reading helped me make my dreams come true.”

    13. “Don’t be distracted by emotions like anger, envy, resentment. These just zap energy and waste time.”

    14. “You can disagree without being disagreeable.”

    15. “If you have a caring life partner, you help the other person when that person needs it. I had a life partner who thought my work was as important as his, and I think that made all the difference for me.”

    16. “Women belong in all places where decisions are being made. It shouldn’t be that women are the exception.”

    17. “I would like to be remembered as someone who used whatever talent she had to do her work to the very best of her ability.”

    Source for quotes: https://www.inc.com/peter-economy/17-powerfully-inspiring-quotes-from-ruth-bader-ginsburg.html

    • There’s no doubt that she did many good things on the Supreme Court and advanced women’s rights, even if some of her work is subject to reasonable disagreement.

    • Thanks for posting these, Downtoearth. Some of this advice is tough for me to read, though, as a chump with a very covert narc spouse. RBG is definitely assuming here that both partners in a marriage are acting in good faith, and are not disordered. Sadly, as we chumps know, that’s not always the case – and moreover, it’s sometimes very difficult to see the truth.

      I *thought* I was accommodating my STBX, and supporting her career. (We are both women.) I *thought* I was being emotionally mature by not litigating every slight, and being “a little deaf” sometimes. Unfortunately, my STBX was NOT emotionally mature, and craved more ego kibbles than I was giving her. Unbeknownst to me, she was resenting all the “distance” she perceived in our relationship because of my independence and diplomacy.

      So, RGB’s advice works best when you’re dealing with emotionally healthy people who would not disrespect you fundamentally, or deny your humanity. In the latter cases…as we chumps know, sometimes it’s healthier to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt, and walk away. (That’s easier to do personally than politically/legally, I realize.) I think RBG would be the first to say that there’s a corollary to #15: if you’re feeling DISrespected by your partner and treated UNequally, there’s a problem that will not likely be solved by selective deafness.

      • She specified selective deafness was for *good* marriages. So I’m sure she did not have in mind the crap marriages to assholes that we all had when she spoke of marriage. It seems she had a great marriage to somebody who respected her.

        I get where you’re coming from. I was accommodating with my cheater and didn’t hold grudges, but it didn’t make a bit of difference. I might just as well have been a horrid, selfish, cheating bitch all those years because that’s the kind of person he chose over me.
        Cheaters don’t respect kindness and goodness. They see us as weak for those qualities and just use and abuse us.

  • I watched an interview (with Nina Tottenberg, I think) where RBG was asked if she had any regrets.

    She replied that she had come to see the discrimination and professional challenges she faced as blessings – being rejected by law firms allowed her to develop as scholar and teacher and gave her the opportunity to become deeply involved in advocacy for women’s rights, being appointed to the DC Court rather than the Second Circuit put her in a position to hear cases central to those causes she believed most important, etc

    She ended by telling an anecdote saying that she and Justice O’Connor used to joke that if their paths had been easy, they would both have been retired partners from premiere law firms rather than justices on the Supreme Court.

    May her memory be blessing and inspiration to us.

  • This past weekend, I watched the film RBG and I was impressed how much she valued marriage and family. She spoke so lovingly about her husband and really seemed to know how to balance her stellar career with her marriage. I couldn’t help but contrast that with my own marriage to a frivolous woman of poor character, who was RBG’s polar opposite.

    • Yes, her character and the character of her husband really resonate with me. Both in juxtaposition to what I had originally chosen and in inspiration toward life goals.

  • RBG exemplified integrity, as do you Chump Lady. In a world where personal and political hypocrisy seems to run so rampant that many become numb to it. Thank you.

  • Thank you so much for posting this. When my oldest daughter and I heard of her passing we cried as if we lost a cherished member of the family. For those of you who just don’t get it and you feel the burning need to add your opposing views – think of it this way- would you crash the funeral/wake of someone you didn’t care for just to voice you opposing view of that person? How would you feel if someone did that to you? For the love of God please let us grieve….

  • I hope this doesn’t fall into the turning the conversation to politics category, but I want to share how clear it became to me this weekend that part of the reason I’m able to work towards “get a life” in the way I am is because of some of Justice Ginsburg’s lifetime of work. I’m 50 this year and dealing with hard things that are familiar to everyone on this site — a spouse who was unfaithful, setting up my own household, getting finances untangled, dealing with lawyers, etc. But a conversation with my mom this Saturday reminded me how much worse it could be. That is, my mother (married in 1963) pointed out that for the first several years of her marriage, she couldn’t get a credit card or a bank account in her own name. She had to quit working her office job when she got pregnant with me because the place she worked wouldn’t employ women with children. She was a stay-at-home-mother doing home child care for years, until my youngest sibling went to middle school, only then going back to full-time work (and bringing in some much-needed family income.) And she didn’t establish any kind of credit in her own name until she was in her fifties. My parents are still together, and my dad is still alive — but in this conversation my mother made explicit for the first time how terrified she was that she might be divorced or widowed and left without the ability to take care of herself, much less small children. Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s work helped make it possible for people in a marriage, especially women, to be financially independent enough that they could weather terrible calamities — and be able to choose to leave an unfaithful, abusive spouse with some hope of being financially okay. Would I be strong enough to walk away from my cheating husband if I didn’t have my own career, my own salary, my own savings, my own ability to get a job and a mortgage? I don’t know — but I’m glad that I don’t have to live in a world that would require such choices. No matter what you think of Justice Ginsburg, it seems undeniable that she did work in her lifetime that made things better for a great number of people, and I am grateful for her.

    • All of this! Thank you for sharing. The ability to have options has set women free, to the chagrin of certain male counterparts. And given that many of us here had all this freedom and STILL CHOSE to stay with our cheaters, I think it’s safe to say that we would forever be locked into these abusive relationships without RBG’s assistance securing us, at least, the ability to leave…if not the willpower to do so.

    • Absolutely this.

      My aunt (of the Your Walls Will Sing fame) could not get a divorce in the 1970s because women could not have credit without their husbands signatures.

      She got a divorce when her male boss co-signed a loan so she could afford a legal retainer.

      ONE GENERATION ago. This happened in MY LIFE TIME.

      Thank you RBG and all the women who blazed the trail.

    • This!!!! So much this. From the time I was young enough to comprehend the English language, my mother told my sister and I that we shouldn’t strive to marry doctors but to become doctors. Later we learned that this was only a possibility because of great women like the notorious RBG. Women don’t necessarily need to become doctors but they need to be independent and able to take care of them and their children should the unthinkable happen.

      My generation and those following owe her a debt of gratitude. I hope all the great work she did is not undone for future generations!

  • That “one person” happens to be the owner of the blog. Her house. Her rules. Her opinions. Don’t like her rules or her opinions? There are other blogs. Why not just go to one which is friendly towards those who would piss on RBG’s grave instead of whining about restrictions on this one?
    Right wing blogs are plentiful. Have at it.

  • What a moving tribute to the Notorious RBG, CL. That kind of exceptional human being is a rarity in this world and this is an incalculable loss.

  • I wish I could have thrived in a marriage as gentle and decent and respectful as hers. RBG had that kind of marriage. One that freed her to soar. Rest In Peace, your honor.

  • I mourn the passing of RBJ. Her voice will be missed. Like LAJ, above, I also mourned John McCain. I do not have to agree with every word either of them ever uttered, or affiliate with a single political party, in order to appreciate them as two very strong people committed to their causes, who were also willing to listen to opposing views with respect to the other, even though they did not agree. If disagreement is respectful, perhaps a stronger bond can be formed by compromise? When I tell people I am Independent, there are those on both sides of the political spectrum who look at me like I am an alien who does not realize how the vote works. I get very tired of that, and I have been over other people thinking for me for a very long time.

    I admire people who understand emotion and fear, but do not let either control them. I admire people who think, decide on a course of action, and then work toward achieving that goal. I admire people who admit and learn from their mistakes. I distrust those who never admit they make mistakes. I do not understand the need to denigrate the ideas of others, without consideration, or the need to be nasty. I do not see the need for personal attacks on people who have a different point of view.

    Since I am a woman, I can only guess at what it is like to be a man, since I am white, I cannot speak to being black. I can Listen, however. I always wonder how someone who does not know what it is like to be me can feel entitled to tell me how to live my life. Present your ideas respectfully, but allow me to make my own decision, thank you.

    For my life, personally, I owe RBG and other feminists who worked tirelessly for my chance at equality in the human race. I remember when I got out of college being told that I could not apply for a management position because only men were considered for those positions, Yes, told to my face. I remember having to mention the Equal Credit laws in order to get a credit card in my own name, to buy a car, to get electric and telephone service in my own name. I have worked beside men, and in male dominated fields most of my working life, and I was paid less than they were. I have experienced bullies and sexual predators. I have raised two sons as a single mother. I have run a home on a budget ever since I left home for college at the age of 17. I would not have been able to achieve many things I have achieved without having access to reliable birth control, medical insurance, and the right to make my own medical decisions about what happens to my own body.

    I do not presume to make choices for others, male or female. RBG also represented men’s rights in her legal career. She could not see reason to justify unequal rights under the law for male or female, any race, religion or sexual orientation. If you want the right to make your own choices, honor the life work of RBG. She would have fought for your right to voice your own opinion. She would have listened to your point of view. If you feel you must silence or extinguish any voice but your own, that you must dominate or be better than another human to feel good about yourself, you just don’t understand what she stood for,

    • John McCain cheated on his first Carol with Cindy.
      He adopted Carol’s sons from her first marriage. Her first husband also cheated on her. John and Carol had a daughter.
      The three children didn’t attend John and Cindy’s wedding.

      • Yes. When he was in Vietnam, a POW, Carol kept the home fires burning, ever devoted to him. She was in an car accident that left her crippled (not sure if it was permanent) and gained weight. She was no longer his “Long Tall Sally,” as he like to call her, when he returned home. The OW, Cindy was an heiress with plenty of money to fund his ambitions, as well as young, slender, and pretty. McCain was not an honorable man. Carol, on the other hand, never publicly said a negative word about him. A classy lady, not worthy of him.

        • The New Yorker ran a piece on Cindy McCain. The product of a marriage that started as an affair. She wrested control of her father’s fortune. One of her two half sisters (her father’s first daughter) received $10,000 upon his death. Cindy Lou/Poo inherited millions.
          Vile cunt.

        • I think Carol Shepp received a good financial settlement, including a couple of houses. Her son Andy works as an executive for his stepmonster’s inherited beer distribution company. Some people cozy up to the ones with power and money.

          • There was probably some legal document /non disclosure agreement she had to sign in exchange for the goodies,funded by Cindy. Her mother-in-law sued her for return of personal property (family heirlooms?). That tough old bitch is still alive. Over one hundred years old.
            One of the Latinx restaurant workers at my favorite place said it best “Most politicians are putos”

      • I admire people for various reasons. They are still human, and fallible. My suspicion is that in the middle of the darkest night we humans all have something we regret, or some past action we wish we could change. But a bad thing does not necessarily negate a good thing. I might be a great mother, but a terrible engineer. The two things are not equal..

        I do not want to know about the private lives of musicians, or artists who create a song or a painting I admire. If I enjoy the work, their private failings have nothing to do with it. If we required our politicians, doctors, lawyers, butchers, bakers or candlestick makers to be perfect, we would not have any.

        I did not know, or wish to know, about John McCain’s marital history. It does not change the fact he was a POW or a war hero. He had a public political history, and many of his points of view do not correspond with mine. But he stood up for his beliefs, and he stood up for veterans, and he worked across party lines to achieve goals. I admire those things about him, and I still do.

        I don’t know about the private life of John Lewis, but I know he was an essential actor in the civil rights movement. He went headfirst into battle, and was beaten bloody to work toward racial equality. He died this year, and was honored for his achievements. He also crossed party lines to achieve his goals. I admire him for his life’s work, too.

        RBG was mighty for what she achieved in her lifetime. I don’t know much about her personal life, either. I know what she achieved, and how she moved not only women’s rights, but human rights forward. I admire her for those things.

        My mother says I will not let her have hero’s, because I sometimes tell her things she does not want to hear about her hero’s. She loved the Lone Ranger. She never questioned why Tonto was always his assistant, and never a hero in his own right. She never thought about what Tonto represented to a white audience, or whether his portrayal perpetuated stereotypes about Native Americans. She just loved the Lone Ranger. She is entitled to love him if she wants to, he represents something special to her. I am not going to try to ruin that for her.

        The Lone Ranger is a fictional character. Many other public figures she admires are all too human. Many pretended to have values they did not actually possess. Some of them did accomplish some great things, and some of them were caught doing some despicable things. Some of her heroes did some things which I personally find repellant. Since they are real, not fictional, and since my mother and I have very different political views, we sometimes have had some fiery arguments. They do not change the fact she is my mother and I love her. She has her heroes, and I have mine.

        The point is, she and I are human, and we both have failings, but we also both have value. We can agree to disagree. We do not have to be the same, or see all things in the same way to love each other or respect each other. We both reach across our differences to achieve our greater goals.

        Tolerance and communication are the most important tools we have to get along with one another. My goal is to achieve a state of MEH where I do not worry about the differences between my views and other people’s views destroying out mutually inhabited world. I admire people who try to reach understanding and acceptance.

        Please let me admire the people I admire, and do not require them to be perfect. I would rather have some hero’s, than no hero’s. Thank you.

        • When I see your name Portia I know that what follows is thoughtful and well written. John McCain admitted that his first marriage and how he ended it was his greatest moral failure. Perhaps that’s why his first daughter and two (adopted) sons were able to reconcile with him.

  • Abortion is legal. I hate it but also hate the death penalty. If you readers want to support something then, please, look at the justice system that routinely jails people with no money but the rich just skate on through.

    • Exactly… I dislike that abortion is so often necessary due to lack of access to contraceptives and Plan B. It’s still a necessary right for women to maintain bodily autonomy.

      Also, isn’t it interesting that the wealthiest (and no I’m not talking about the surgeon millionaire or small business owner) are able to skirt the rules that govern reasonable society? Maybe an issue we can all coalesce around rather than fighting about the pre-approved social issues.

  • “Such small intimacies underscored a larger lesson about talking across the aisle and finding commonality among people with whom you disagree.” – RBG

    Amen, sister.

    There are so many things for which we share and appreciate and have love.
    If we can remember our humanity, we realize there’s no aisle, we are already sitting next to each other.
    Let’s start with our agreements and toast those.
    Onward to better things.

  • I love that she has a love story that is deep, and rich…..and that she fought so hard for those that could not. I really hope she is replaced by another amazing woman…..please God!!! And I am typically republican, but I think anyone with half a brain can see what an enormous loss this is to all of man and womankind.

    I guess I am becoming more of a feminist in my old age.

    RIP Ruth…..

  • I almost certainly would not be working in my profession were it not for RBG’s sharp mind and tireless efforts. I wouldn’t have my own credit cards, mortgage, or birth control options either.

    I will honor RBG by continuing to fight for equality and continuing to dissent when equality is not championed.

  • I haven’t followed the Supreme Court ever in my 6 decades. It’s never been pertinent to my happiness.

    I’ll be the first to admit though that the Old Testament misogyny paradigm has not worked out well for “the weaker sex”.

    The movie Zeitgeist pretty much sums up the methodology of societal control IMHO.

    What I do know is that we have so many laws on the books that at any given time we’re all felons for some rationale beyond my comprehension. Women might be physically weaker than men in a very general sense however that’s pretty much where it ends.

    I got my physical ass handed to me in my late teens In a Tae Kwan Do class one might. There I learned respect ✊

    Looking back I also fully recognize that it has been the women in my short visit here that have given me instruction that really mattered.

    Does that make me less of a man? I don’t think so. Shine down on your life’s work RGB. BRAVA!! Brava!

  • CL- brilliantly said. RBG was remarkable. The very picture of poise and grit and respectfully applying loads of intelligence and insight and compassion. Definite lessons to learn and a model to emulate when life kicks you straight in the neck.

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