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UBT: “You Might Appreciate Knowing Some of This”

Dear Chump Lady,

I’m a chump a year and a half out with 5 kids and a 25 year marriage. Your website, friends and a good therapist have saved my life. My cheater led a double life wherein he hired a firm to coach him how to get women, he hired high end prostitutes, has spent hundreds of thousands on injections, improvements and a creepy lifestyle under a false name all while I raised the children.

Currently, he’s super invested in a 22-year-old ballerina whose adopted single mother is dying of dementia. I recently received the following text from him and I thought the UBT might enjoy an easy process of abject narcissism:

From cheater:

I want you know I feel that I have grown a lot in the past year and a half. There are many past behaviors and choices that I deeply regret. There’s much more I could say about that, and naturally text isn’t the place to do it. But I want you know that I feel much pain, regret, and guilt. I am still figuring a lot out and confused how to communicate this or start to make amends. I am not looking for you to respond or have any answers. But I thought you might appreciate knowing some of this. I hope that is the case and that this text reaches you in some place of safety. If it doesn’t, it’s not your fault. It’s mine.

Such bullshit. So many sentences start with “I”.

Thanks,

Mighty Momma

Dear Mighty Momma,

Injections? Where? OMG, maybe I don’t want to know. That IS creepy. I’m glad you’re rid of his inflatable dick junkie self.

The Universal Bullshit Translator has been on a bit of a hiatus lately. Regretting its cookie consumption. Doom-scrolling through Twitter. And continuously watching Tenacious D do the Time Warp. (This gives the UBT life.)

So your little bullshit snack comes as a happy distraction. I told the UBT to put down the lebkuchen and get to work!

I want you know I feel that I have grown a lot in the past year and a half.

And isn’t that special? My personal growth journey! I have no actual character or recompense to point out, but I feel progress. And that’s what matters — my perceptions, not your reality.

There are many past behaviors and choices that I deeply regret.

Nameless, nebulous regrets. My regrets are so anonymous they could be in the Witness Protection Program. Vapor has more gravitas than my regrets.

Sorry is never having to be specific.

There’s much more I could say about that,

But I won’t. Because… me. Did I mention how I’ve grown?

and naturally text isn’t the place to do it.

I really would like to apologize to you, but my data plan doesn’t cover bullshit.

But I want you know that I feel much pain, regret, and guilt.

You should know about my feelings. Notice I don’t ask you about yours. I don’t care!

Really, I don’t feel these things, but I like to cos-play Regretful Ex to see what sort of reaction I get from you. Hurt? Angry? Horny? Interested? Ooh… kibbles!

I am still figuring a lot out and confused how to communicate this or start to make amends.

I can figure out how to siphon thousands of dollars from the marital assets for dick injections, but I’m confused on the particulars of “amends.”

Perhaps my 22-year-old ballerina girlfriend can explain it to me in my dotage.

#holdmeclosertinydancer

I am not looking for you to respond or have any answers.

Shut up and let me tell you about my FEELINGS.

But I thought you might appreciate knowing some of this.

I bring the glad tidings of fuckwits.

I hope that is the case and that this text reaches you in some place of safety. If it doesn’t, it’s not your fault. It’s mine.

I imagine you cowered in a street corner somewhere. Bereft over the loss of me. While the cold wind howls and you only have a matchstick to warm yourself by. In the glow of my better life. While a ballerina twirls in a box. Containing jewels you cannot possess. Press your face to the glass! See my furrowed brow. Is that a passing regret? A bad bean burrito? Freeze and wonder! I could let you in, and save you from the cold. I am so powerful. And so deeply, deeply regretful. About that burrito.

***

Mighty Momma, don’t respond. He’s not sorry. He’s looking for centrality. Don’t feed the beast. No contact.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at info@chumplady.com. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Feeling almost sorry for the 22-year-old here. Was she one of his OW, or did he get involved with her after the divorce? If it’s the latter, he may be preying on a very immature and vulnerable young woman. Thankfully you got rid of this creep!

    • Maybe that’s the main purpose of this text: to impress and reassure HER. And she may be naïve enough to buy into this drivel.

    • I’d be tempted to send the fuckwit the UBT. But no, what. would be the point? *Nothing* would pierce that balloon of gas, self-aggrandizement, entitlement, and general fuckwittery. ????????????

      Ignore. Plus, why is this pos actually able to text you? Get OFW, transact any communication you have to have about your children through that, and block this moron everywhere else. xx

    • Innocence is about actions. As a nerdy kid, I worked with a lot of adults in the arts and ended up the unwilling confidant of various FWs, cheaters and pragmatic hoes. I figured out quickly that being able to sing Mahler’s Kindertotenlieder does not a class act make. This type seems to love cornering clueless bystanders into nodding along to FW tales as a way to hijack approval for their sleazy exploits from a member of “Team Innocence.”

      In the eyes of a 14 or 15 year old, a 22 year old side chick seems plenty crusty and corrupt and the ingenue act looks crass, scary and fake. I swore I’d scrub toilets rather than end up like that.

      • To me, it’s unclear whether she really was the side chick – or someone he met after the divorce, which happened a year and half ago, apparently. I don’t think it’s necessary to depict her as the evil one here. The guy himself is evil and manipulative enough, as his actions show. Maybe he simply found a more gullible target (who may not know half of his story) – probably one with serious “daddy issues”. If that is the case, she will be in for a true horror show, I think.

        • EllyB– Agreed that there’s no indication whether tiny dancer is an AP or post-divorce kibble supplier. And I also agree with my combat vet dad that “war is rape”– either turning destitute and terrified women and children into whores or easier victims. The world is undergoing a kind of war now. Traditionally unequal pay for women and interrupted work and school, furloughs, terror of the future, the millennial and gen Z epidemics of depression, student debt and social isolation from the COVID crisis are making for more whores and sitting ducks for exploitation– a gift for old pervs. A Gallup pole reported 10% of millennials were involved in sugaring before the pandemic. I imagine it will be even worse now.

          These factors have always been more or less true in the arts and I’m sure it’s worse there too. But because I started working so young, I have somewhat “tempered” sympathy for the women or boy-toys who give into it. In my experience, those types always fail to warn or fail to back up the claims of other victims. Like Malcolm X, I have some jaundice for “house slaves” unless they’ve got starving kids or are on the street. I learned all this the really hard way.

          I’m also leery of those who chronically act out daddy issues. I’ve never met anyone like that who didn’t turn out to be dangerous to the innocent on some level in their own right. It’s sad because many harm themselves most of all, began as genuine victims and were driven by despair and lack of support. But once they internalize this crap, they end up on the Ghislaine Maxwell spectrum.

          I actually don’t like harboring biases and wish my gut reaction was wrong about certain things. But so far the gut reaction has been spot on and there has always been a price for trying to suspend that leeriness. I now apply the principle to who gets anywhere near my kids after getting a refresher course that “active daddy issues” is not a minor idiosyncrasy.

    • Just to clear things up ballerina is definitely OW as they started dating almost a year before DDay after I had hip surgery. No idea about her or all the past infidelities/ double life until DDay.

      • Thank you for clearing that up! And yes, then she really does not deserve any of our sympathy. Again, thankfully this guy isn’t in your life anymore. He really sounds like a creep and a predator to me (that is why I guessed he could also take advantage of unsuspecting women). And anyway, I fully second the recommendation to block him.

    • I feel sorry for her, anyway. Even if they started before the divorce, he may have fed her a line and she (being young and naive) fell for it. Happens all the time.

      I’m so grossed out by age gap relationships. They’re usually abusive. Of course predators flock to young adults, because they’re the easiest to take advantage of.

      I know a serial rapist who groomed his 3rd wife when she was 22 and he was 45. He played it up as a big love story, and of course people in the community fell for it. I was a teenager myself at the time and found it odd. Now, as a woman in her 30s? I want to vomit.

      • Yep.

        I remember the talk about Elvis and Priscilla. He was 24 or so and she was 14 when they met. She was 16 and he was 26 when she moved in with him. I remember saying to my dad, would you let me move in with Elvis at 16. He said “would I let you move in with the 26 year old down the street?” I said no. He said “then there is your answer, money doesn’t make it right”

        My dad was pretty old fashioned, but he was right.

      • ” I feel sorry for her, anyway. Even if they started before the divorce, he may have fed her a line and she (being young and naive) fell for it. Happens all the time.”

        *Strongly* disagree. 22 years old is *not* a child. Plenty old enough to have a moral compass. She’s just a typical whore.

        • Yep, if you don’t have a moral compass by the time you are out of High School, you likely will never have one.

          If he were in a position of power over her, or something like that; it might change my view. Depending on how it went down.

        • When I was 22, a guy in his 40’s tried to date me. He was a co-worker and we went out to lunch a few times. He told me that he was getting divorced from his wife and he was depressed because it was so complicated by the kids and *her cancer*.

          Now. Hahahah. I can clearly see in my 40’s what an asshole this guy was. But I didn’t know he might not be telling the truth when I was 22. I didn’t get that maybe the divorce wasn’t a mutual idea, that talking to girls who had been out of college for only a few months about what a drag the sick mother of your children was was abhorrent. At that age, I still believed (and it was true to a large extent) that adults knew things I didn’t. Who was I to question what was he was saying? I had never been even in a long-term relationship before. No life experience.

          The main reason we didn’t go out was because he was an old disgusting guy. I had lunch with him because I sort of thought I had to? (I was 22 and this was my first real job.) But it wasn’t a moral thing. I didn’t have enough life education to make a moral choice.

          Not forgiving the OW, just saying that the power differential between 20’s and 40’s is REAL.

          • Oh no you didn’t. There is a clear line. A married person is off limits. No excuses about using age. Yes, young and dumb is a real thing but I agree with the above. Morals are also a real thing.

            • Oh no I didn’t?

              Look, personally, I wasn’t much for dating. I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 28, in large part, because I had been so constantly harassed and stalked by older men starting from when I was still in grade school! What I am saying is that if a 40 year old man tells you he’s divorcing, and paints it like he’s as good as divorced, a 22 year old, who doesn’t know anything about divorce, can’t be counted on to know the difference. I didn’t. I had 12 years of Catholic school and I understood that I shouldn’t “covet thy neighbor’s wife”. But I wasn’t coveting anything. I was fending off a predator, and I’m saying that it did not occur to me at the time that he was attempting to manipulate me and I didn’t get the ways in which he was doing it.

              Looking through adult eyes I see the usual cheater nonsense: sad sausage, check, “evil” wife, check, etc … Looking at it through 22 year old eyes, I didn’t. It matters how inexperienced you are.

              • I think there is a somewhat misogynistic cliché according to which all young women who get involved with older men (or who are merely receiving attention from them) are basically evil seductresses who know exactly what they are doing, while the old guys are “just silly” and basically don’t understand what they are getting into (and deserve to be pitied). I think most – if not all – of these guys understand quite well what they are doing.

              • Thank you Why! Both your comments are spot on. I completely relate to your story. I was basically kicked out young and dumb, wasn’t taught how to take care of myself. My parents blame me for “not wanting to talk.” “You seemed you knew everything.” Which is weird cause I didn’t have any say in anything. ugh

          • “Not forgiving the OW, just saying that the power differential between 20’s and 40’s is REAL.”

            I don’t understand what that means. Are you saying that a woman in her twenties is vulnerable to a man in his forties, because he’s *older*? Doesn’t make sense to me.

            A sense of morality, as Susie Lee says, is part of you by the age of 18 at least, (sometimes even younger), and if it isn’t, you likely never will have one. I’m using “you” in the general sense, not referring to you personally.

            • A problem I see here is that many people would be more willing to perceive an old guy who pursues younger women as “naive” and “gullible” than the young woman herself. People are frequently making excuses for the guy who is – purportedly – just being lured in by the cunning young person etc. Because of the different life experiences I consider this to be very implausible (if at all, it is rather the other way around). This is not to condone OWs, of course.

              • If our spouses can lie to us, pretend they’re invested in a happy marriage with us, and we wholeheartedly believe it, why is it so impossible for us to believe that same spouse could convince another that they are in an unhappy marriage, and working through a divorce, in order to lure them into a relationship? Why do we think the other person is a co-conspirator in our marriage’s demise? I posit that the other person can be lied to and convinced just as we were. I suggest our disappointment and anger should truly be directed to the one that truly betrayed us. The other person is just a bit player in the action.

              • I see you are still beating that dead horse like you did in the other UBT thread. Why?

                Were you the OW? Is this why you feel the need to defend/minimise the behaviour of whores?

                As I said to you on that thread, decent people with character Do. Not. Fuck. Married. People.

                It’s really not rocket science.

            • @chumpnomore6 In a comment further down the thread, you are claiming that I try to defend OW. Was that comment really directed at me? I haven’t defended them anywhere (and I haven’t commented on this in any other thread, either). My only point was that we should firmly distinguish between young women who date much older single men and those who are an older man’s OW – and that we shouldn’t judge the non-OW so harshly (they certainly show poor judgment, but maybe they are simply being taken advantage of).

              • No, EllyB, my comment was not directed to you, but to ‘Duped’.

                Sometimes when one replies to a commenter, the comment doesn’t go under that commenters comment, don’t know why! Sorry, in future I’ll reply to a commenter by name. ????

                Duped has several times defended/minimised the behaviour of the OW, and objected to them being referred to as whores, which is why I replied as I did, noting she was still flogging that horse. ????

                I certainly don’t think young women who date much older men (unmarried) are in the same category as OW.

                ????

            • In my late teens, I dated a guy who was 30 and single (!). It was my first boyfriend and my “big love” (or so I thought). He dumped me after six weeks. I fully blamed myself for the demise of that “relationship”. Later on, I heard that he started pursuing a married woman in her thirties right after breaking up with me. A few years later, according to rumors, he pursued a teenager even younger than me. That’s what I meant when I pointed out that young women can get hurt because they are too naive. Not: “Young women are so naive that they should be forgiven when they date married men” – because that’s absolutely not the case.

              • I was raised by a narcissistic mother who was also a huge misogynist. From an early age, she basically taught me that all women in the world were bad news, and that young men could be very toxic, too. Older men, however, were gorgeous and had to be treated with utmost respect, especially when they were family dads and had a reputable career! Growing up, I certainly understood that cheating was bad, and becoming an OW was out of the question for me. However, I often pitied male cheaters who had young OW. The OW were so unpleasant – they were manipulative, they undermined other women, and they bent over backwards to please the cheater. The cheater, however, was (seemingly) great – charming, funny, self-confident, gregarious, well liked… Didn’t he deserve a much better partner? Furthermore, he usually had an (ex-)wife who was obviously very unhappy, controlling and unwilling to forgive. Poor guy…

                It took me many years to understand that these old (“respectable”, “mature”) guys were at least as toxic as their young OW, and that they benefited from their actions much more than anyone else. Also, the OWs obvious misogynia didn’t make them unhappy – it was extra kibbles for them!

  • I, I, I, me, me, me. That is all I see in this fuckwit’s message. Might I suggest the Power Of BLOCKETY BLOCK BLOCK? That is the only response to this level of self aggrandizing drivel.

    Mighty Mama, block this ass. He is wasting your time, not to mention testing the limits of the UBT. Sure you have kids together, so. Communicate through MFW or another online source, e-mail perhaps. He isn’t phone number worthy. Delete him from your contacts and feel even mightier. He gets nothing from you. That dick injecting cheater gets nothing. How I am hoping you are safely divorced and your kids are all adults.

    • ThirtyThreeYears–

      Had to do a song parody in honor of your post…

      Salacious Hoola
      She twirls for our moula
      Blockety Blockety Block
      My sad sausage ploys are all a big crock
      Blockety Blockety Block

      Sagging salami
      Stuck with her mommy
      Blockety Blockety Block
      It’ll do magic, believe it or not
      Blockety Blockety
      Blockety Blockety
      Blockety Blockety Block!

  • Mighty Momma,

    I had 25 years with a fuckwit and five kids, too. I’m ten years out from that, and my life is good. I want you to know that it gets better, and that no contact is your best friend. When my youngest graduated from high school, I gleefully blocked him from all routes of communication. It takes a written letter for him to get to me, and I don’t have to read it.

    • Yup. I blocked mine wherever I could, and any letters go straight into the trash. One would think that 35 years later he would have gotten the message. No contact is the path to sanity.

    • That’s exactly what I thought! Vague statements, apparent regret, difficulty communicating …… don’t you want to know what I’m thinking and feeling, more specifically? Wouldn’t you like to better understand why I did what I did and how I feel about it now? Can’t you forgive me my nebulous errors, with this nebulous apology?

      For years I fell for this sort of bullcrap. It’s just bait and fake remorse.

      • Yup. “Ooh, look at me, flashing a saucy ankle of regret and human decency! Are you not intrigued? Don’t you want more?”

        The answer is no. No, you don’t want more, leave that bag of STDs and malfunctions to his bullshit blathering and steer clear of the whole mess. The Ballerina will be fine, she’ll do what she must to survive and move on – or won’t. Not your circus or monkeys.

  • “Moe! Look! The time and money I stole from her was magically been restored!”

    (nyuk nyuk nyuk)

    Don’t respond to stooges.

  • The letter writer doesn’t say whether the divorce is final, but if it’s not, then based on similar letters I got from my ex during the settlement negotiations I would say this is a lame attempt to soften her up so he can press for more.

    Also:
    #holdmeclosertinydancer made me laugh and laugh.

  • That last para. UBT, you are a totally mad comic genius. Tell Tracy she is too.

    Heads-up mighty momma – he’s turning himself on with his drama. Woe!

    And, the woe lasts half a minute. NEVER forget that even if they look, feel and talk like genuine human … it passes very quickly. The shape shifting defaults to self-interested fuck-up. Stay AWAY and keep your babies away.

    (22 years and four kids to a double-lifer)

  • Sorry is never having to be specific.

    I spat my coffee right there. UBT was well ready for this tasty morsel and did not disappoint!!!

    • Right? This whole thing is a bunch of fancy words and literally no substance. No specifics, no actual mention of anything solid. Just nebulous passive voice phrases about “growth.”

      I literally said out loud “the fuck is he even talking about?” while reading this.

      I’m guessing he wants letter writer to eagerly respond with excited inquisition about what he’s done and how he’s gotten better.

      Yeah no, how about he go swallow a pointe shoe…

    • Same here! “Things happened”. Vague things. Nebulous things. Those wafty things he is sorry for. Kinda. Maybe.

      Mighty, you are getting your “Nutcracker” on that NO ballerina can compare with. Yay for you! Keep up the NO CONTACT in spite of his sadz!

  • That’s a horrendous story by anyone’s standards but what really leaped out at me was “the ballerina with the adopted demented mom”. Is she in another country perchance? Will she need him to keep supplying money so she can take care of mommy dearest? And then when mommy dearest pops her clogs I guess her little brother will then need major heart surgery, back in the home country, where they don’t have medical coverage. And then …..

    • Attie, good point. I agree that the cheater could be the victim of a scam. Poor guy. NOT!

      I was confused by the phrase: “adopted demented mom.” Does this mean that the mom was adopted or that the dancer adopted the mom? Am I missing something here?

      I also suspect the cheater is the roughly same age as the demented mom, which just adds to the creepiness of the entire, sordid situation.

      MM, you’re well rid of him (even though the betrayal hurts like hell).

      • First tells when being scammed online ? Spelling errors and misuse of vocabulary. Adoptive parent and adopted child are correct. Mighty Momma my money is on your ex being conned. And this is his problem, not yours I hope in terms of marital assets being spent on ballerina.

    • That’s actually a good question and a good observation. What 22-year-old professional ballerina is interested in an older man who needs dick injections? I’d love to know if she is actually in another country or their mode of contact. Especially given the mother dying of dementia part and his penchant for blowing money on his side hoes. That sounds like a catfish and if it is, serves him right.

  • “Look at me. I apologized. I said I regret! My side of the street is now clean!!!”

    Mighty Momma shouldn’t care what this injected turd thinks and should not reply, as CL suggests.

    But either way, this will satisfy a narrative in his deranged mind:

    If MM doesn’t reply: He can hold up that text as evidence that he took the high road. He can tell tiny dancer that his STBX (or ex?) is so bitter that she doesn’t even possess the grace to issue an acknowledgment of my fauxpology. I was right to cheat on her. I cheated and wasted thousands, but she didn’t reply!!!! We’re even!! She has shown her true colors.

    If MM replies: Ooh ooh ooh!!! She replied! Kibbles!!! She cares. I’m relevant. Maybe she’ll be up for a three-way.

    But, alas, who cares what his narrative is? MM, this is about you and what will make you happier. No Contact as much as possible. Good luck. You are mighty indeed!

    • Best to reply to everything politely and with complete disinterest “ok thanks”, “ok noted”, “ok, busy but will get back to you” (Then don’t!) etc. Always be the better person, which we’ve always been. They are conniving, manipulative game players. There is always an agenda, a need that they are trying to satisfy for themSELVES!! That’s the only thing you can be sure of. Don’t show your hand. If divorce is not final, any show of kindness is just to keep you on side. Reveal nothing, stay utterly serene and calm, then lay out all their gruesome deeds to the judge with your lawyer at your side! They won’t know what’s hit them.

      • When I get drivel from fuckwit that should be acknowledged, I find emojis handy, like ????.

        Shuts him right up. He can’t say I’m being a b..ch for ignoring him, which will lead to more ranting and drivel, and yet, I’m saying nothing to fuel his bs.

          • Lol- emojis are a great shutdown. I made myself ‘dickhead response templates’ to help limit the time and energy I have to put into responding to my ex (we have a child). I use ???????? ???? ‘ok’ ‘cheers for that’ ‘no thanks’ ‘sorry, not at the moment’ and ‘appreciated’. Covers most things.

          • My favorite comeback is “well sure” I heard it first on reruns of “The Gilmore Girls” It was what the mom used to say when someone would say something totally stupid.

          • When I still had to have contact w/Cheater Narc Ex because of the kids, he used to use ‘K’ as a reply, to show he was a cool kid (in his 40s). I told him he had to stop as he wasn’t 17. Gave me great pleasure to imagine his red face and rising blood pressure to that, but he started writing whole words again.

            But I love the idea of responding with that to the fuckwittery! I have just used the big green check mark ….

      • Hmmm. I think Olly makes a good point.

        Especially if the divorce isn’t finalized yet, I think you can disarm him by giving courtroom, businesslike replies. Sometimes NC can seem like a silent scream. Grey rock keeps the cheater from painting his stbx as vengeful and makes him more likely to cooperate.

        Per my own lawyer’s advice, I adopted this strategy before the divorce was finalized. I think it kept my stbx from being a total vindictive ass. I don’t know. Even since the divorce, when I get an email (like the relatively recent “I want to acknowledge your 60th birthday”), I just wrote back, “Thanks.” I included the period. It was intended as the punctuation version of a middle finger. Frankly, there are still some outstanding financial issues, and I want to keep him compliant.

        Sometimes it pays to be strategic.

        • My lawyer said the same. Don’t communicate with him, about the divorce or anything else. Be polite but firm. I usually managed it. A couple times when he called I said what some might not consider polite, but to me needed to be said.

          Over all I kept myself above the fray, and was the better person. As previously stated, it was easy for me to be the better person since I was/am.

        • “I want to acknowledge your 60th birthday” ???? What the hell is that? How robotic! Still uses “I” in a birthday message. Centrality much?!

          Like a calendar notification popped up and he was obligated to send some notification. Can’t even leave you be on your birthday.

          Generic greetings to you! Beep boop.

          • Haha. yep!

            This robotic email was actually dripping with passive-aggressiveness. He was beyond pissed that I hadn’t extended birthday wishes to him on *his* birthday, which was only days before mine.

            So the true message behind “I want to acknowledge your 60th birthday” was “Fuck you! You didn’t wish me a happy birthday. I’m better than you because at least I have the decency to ‘acknowledge’ your birthday.” Whatevs

            • I got the aggressive “Happy Birthday” message from him on HIS birthday. We were in the midst of the worst of it. I ignored it.

              • I got a passive aggressive/sad sausage combo 48th Bday text 3.5 years after the divorce. It was the wrong day of course. I’d spent every birthday since my 19th with the asshole and he never learned when it was. He knew what month, but various guesses for the day were always wrong; sometimes before sometimes after… His mother, or later the kids, would give him a heads up and then we’d go out to eat some weekend nearby. I just brushed it off as a quirk. One year teenaged DS comes to me and says “Dad thinks your birthday is tomorrow. Can we all just pretend because you know how he gets pissed when he’s wrong about stuff.” That pretty much sums it up.

      • This is exactly what I did.

        Ex had no clue what was coming for him at trial and I laid it all out there. Cheating, porn addiction, escorts, minimal parenting. He was so worried of what the judge would order, he settled with me after trial. His attorney was not prepared at ALL and asked me two questions while mine grilled him. He underestimated me because I was playing “nice”. He’s not so smart.

    • I agree 100%, Spinach. I received a fauxpology from my cheater ex that was all about him – his pain, the lessons he’s learned and how hard he’s working to become a better person. I struggled with whether or not to reply for the reasons you describe. After waiting a few days, I replied with: ‘I got your message. I hope you’re able to make the changes needed to lead a happy, healthy life.’ Not sure if it was the best response, but it was the right one for me.

  • Here’s what an actual apology looks like:

    “I’m sorry. My poor choices and character caused you tremendous pain and humiliation. None of this was your fault. I can’t take back what I’ve done or your time that I’ve wasted, but I’ll agree to whatever settlement you think is fair and get out of your life.”

    Maybe it’s hopium, but I keep waiting for a UBT submission that actually seems genuine.

    • Lulu: I’d suggest even more specific….”I lied to you our entire marriage, I had affairs with 10 women beginning in September 1992 with (insert names of my accomplices), I told everyone we knew that you were insane and cruel and that our marriage was over but I lied to you so I could keep using you for money and domestic care and free sex, I stole money from you in the amount of $359,642.79 (see repayment enclosed), I gave you three SDTs, I manipulated you into selling our family home by fraud as I never had any intention of reconciling. I ruined our Childrens’ sense of security and was the direct cause of our daughter’s suicide attempt……”. Specificity.

      • Yes, but even if we got that kind of apology, there is still no way to make any of the harm acceptable, no way to rebuild from the ruins. And deep down, they would not truly take accountability. I suspect that for 99% of fuckwits, there is no truly changed behavior or attitude. The entitlement/selfishness is so deeply engrained.

        The other day CL wrote something to the effect of, “It doesn’t hurt them to hurt us.” That’s really the heart of the matter. Such a painful truth that I am still struggling to come to terms with even 2 years after the divorce was finalized.

        How can someone convey an apology or heartfelt remorse if they didn’t truly consider or care about the harm done to us in their pursuit of “happiness”?

        • That they can lie so easily I guess would make any apology suspect.

          Mine sent a fauxpology but then tried to screw me in the divorce. Words are meaningless.

          Also, his fauxpology was one of those: “I’m sorry I hurt you, *BUT* blah blah you were blah blah, and our marriage was blah blah blah. You have to admit both of us were blah blah blah.”

          Sell that shit elsewhere. I’m done.

          • “That they can lie so easily I guess would make any apology suspect.”

            Exactly. I vaguely remember fuckwit beginning some sort of vague fauxapology; I just said “Do you seriously think I would ever believe another word you ever said?”

            • I got the apology letter (this was before internet) I just read it, and never responded. Basically “I don’t know why I acted like such a low life” In my head I was thinking, because you are a low life. Only a low life could treat another human being the way you treated me. Not only as a human being, but as a wife of 22 years.

              But, I just ignore it. Wish I still had that letter, I would send it to CL for the BS translator. It got stolen when my wallet was stolen at my part time job.

              • Yup, I got a similar faux apology, in which he claimed that all of his lying and cheating and abuse was “out of alignment with my values,” but also expressed absolutely NO interest or curiosity in exploring how he allowed himself to repeatedly and deliberately act so “out of character” for so long. The words mean nothing, especially when the entitled, selfish, disordered behavior continues. An apology without changed behavior is just more lies and manipulation.

              • I got the apology letter – actually it was a letter he left with the kids, after apologizing to them in a therapy session with them, after he’d blown up that relationship. But he knew I’d see it, and he included sad mentions of me and how he’d done me wrong (a bit, because, well, not happy, and didn’t manage that well ….),

                Then of course a few days later when I was still giving BIFF replies to his emails, he says ‘I thought that letter of apology might make a difference for us … and maybe we could talk’. Still hoovering, and using his kids distress to do so. Disgusting.

            • Yep, if there is a but there, that negates the apology.

              I don’t remember a but in the letter; but it still didn’t mean anything to me. I was so disgusted at that point, I was not receptive.

              If I had it to read several years later, maybe it might have meant something.

      • Mother jumper:: similar…..☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ We can dream right? As long as we keep living our fabulous new life..

    • During the wreconciliation, I did get the first part of that apology, but it slowly segued into this…

      “I’m sorry. My poor choices and character caused you tremendous pain and humiliation. None of this was your fault…

      …I need alimony and lots of it. (And he gets it still)
      …I need you not to tell anyone what happened (tried to get attorney’s involved a la Weinstein NDA
      …portrays me as an angry bitter ex wife who fell out of love with years ago
      …tells people I poisoned my kids against him which is pure evil and one of the reasons he fell out of love.

      Their apologies are worthless bullshit trying to get reconciliation and cake.

      • Oh FFS! I, too, “poisoned our kids.” Mr. “I Was A Great Dad; I don’t Care What the Kids Say” even told the judge/mediator that it was my fault that his kids want nothing to do with him.

        My kids are professionals in their late 20s and 30s. As my 33-year-old daughter put it, “I have a brain.”

        Not sure how I also managed to poison all his colleagues who’ve turned their backs on him, his sister (“she speaks to me sparingly” he whined), and other family members (on *his* side). Guess I have superpowers!

      • Mine pulled the poisoned kids argument as well! D-day was almost 4 years ago, and he still hasn’t accepted responsibility for their damaged lives. Apparently, it’s all my fault that the kids barely tolerate him – crazy bitch that I am! ????

        • Yup, I ‘turned his kids against him.’
          Two are 26, the other 21. They can make up their own minds and did. The last to refuse to talk to him is a lawyer and was trying to get him to realize what he had done.
          She finally decided she had tried long enough and cut off communication. But, it was MY FAULT because this was 4 weeks after the daughter moved back in with me to ride out COVID isolation. (We both lived alone and work from home. Her lease was running out, so she moved in and now pays ME rent!) So, I must have worked to turn her against him. Never mind that they were in family counseling the whole time and she told him exactly what he needed to do to maintain contact with her, which he refused to do.
          The most ironic part is the final reason she gave him for cutting off contact is that he would not take responsibility for his actions. When he immediately turned around and blamed me through his, and my lawyer, my daughter said, “I have never had a difficult decision so immediately confirmed as being right.”
          He is missing out on relationships with three wonderful young people.

  • If all of your kids are over the age of 15, it’s time to block this jackass on text. Set up a communication app that you use only in case of emergency and only with him.

    You don’t need an open pipeline to his mindfuckery and BS. And I hope you know about the ballerina because the kids told you. And even that pipeline can be shut down with: “Honey, I’m glad you’re getting along with CheaterDad, but it’s not good for me to know about his romantic life. Let’s talk about what to have for dinner.”

  • #holdmeclosertinydancer BRILLIANT

    I should really know better than to read CL while drinking my morning coffee cos now it’s all over the screen cos I laughed so hard. I too have received nebulous amorphous emails dipping the toe in a toxic soup of faux apology and personal journey insights. If the behavior doesn’t change, nothing changes and it never will.

  • “Mighty Momma, don’t respond. He’s not sorry. He’s looking for centrality. Don’t feed the beast. No contact.”

    And, Mighty Momma, I bet dimwit has hit some hard times and needs you for something. Not to mention a sudden need to look good in the picture.

  • Mighty Momma,

    Sounds like you are well on your way to meh. Thanks for sharing that text; it’s a great teaching tool for newer chumps who could potentially fall for that sort of utter BS.

    CL – priceless UBT. “My data plan doesn’t cover bullshit” ????

  • Mighty Momma, you and I would have a lot to talk about. I don’t understand how these men can ditch a family for their own selfishness. I have been told that this doesn’t make them a bad person or a bad father. Excuse me- it does. When they put themselves first, they aren’t good in any way.
    I agree that no contact would be best. Remember that when they fool us for this long, we have to believe that everything they say is a lie.

    • Yep, even if there are no children; it makes them a bad/selfish person. That is not how you treat someone who trusts you.

      Yes, good people can be in a bad marriage, but the remedy is not lying and cheating. The remedy is being honest, then ending the marriage before you lie or cheat if that is the only way.

      They will rarely do that, they will almost always lie and cheat. Partly because they are cowards, partly because they don’t really know for sure if they want to end the marriage, they are trying a new life out. In some cases they know they don’t want to end the marriage, they just want some thrills. They don’t think the chump will find out, as they are just so damn smart. Unfortunately many time the chump does not find out for years, if ever.

      In almost all cases bottom line is they are selfish and the well being of their partner or their family is not on the table.

      • Preach sister!

        The enormity of his actions really only just registered for me the other day. I thought back on the family times together but imagined that I was the one who was lying and cheating. And it was nauseating. No wonder he wasn’t happy with our marriage. I wouldn’t be either if I had to constantly worry about getting caught and couldn’t have an honest conversation with my spouse.

        He made the marriage a miserable farce and then complained that he wasn’t happy in it. What an ignorant fool.

        • “He made the marriage a miserable farce and then complained that he wasn’t happy in it. What an ignorant fool.”

          I believe this is the case in 99.9 percent of the cases with cheaters. Not because I think the betrayed are perfect, but because the betrayed are trusting enough to be taken advantage of. A lessor trusting person is not as easy to manipulate.

        • After discovery when my cheater said things like he wasn’t happy in the marriage I simply replied ‘you made it that way’, and I was right, he had deliberately treated me with contempt for years because he didn’t want to upset his whore, while this was unknown to me and I kept trying to improve the relationship. There is no way I was taking any of the blame when I know I did everything I was supposed to do. It was quite a shock to him when I told him to get out and move in with his whore, he couldn’t comprehend that I wanted nothing further to do with him, he had such a high opinion of his own greatness (totally delusional).

  • I have always loved CL and the UBT’s bullshit translations. I think humor is therapy, being able to laugh at our problems diminishes them. I have also been told an old adage, men fear women laughing at them, and women fear men killing them. So if a man doesn’t want to be laughed at, too bad. If he acts like a stooge, you laugh. Just be somewhere safe when you do.

    If someone is willing to go to such extreme actions in order to pretend to be someone else, I can only think they are deeply unhappy and always will be. Be grateful to be away from this Pit of Despair! No matter what is injected, or what surgery is done, eventually money and time run out. Then what? The thought of a man being old enough to have had a 25 year marriage, and 5 children, and then think a 22 year old ballerina is a suitable love connection indicates there is no connection to reality. That is the type of couple you think WTF about when you see them out! It never looks good, I can only hope tiny dancer doesn’t squeeze too hard one day and break the codger’s brittle bones. I don’t think there is anywhere to inject when you are in a body cast. So Creepy!

    Hang on Mighty Momma! Your kids will grow up and your life will change for the better. You lost a cheater and are gaining a life, and that is what Chump Nation is all about. Laugh and move forward!

    • Thanks for the therapeutic laughs, Portia. ‘Hold me closer but plz don’t break my brittle codger bones, Tiny Dancer!’ LOL

    • Yeah, the whole ballerina thing…stinks. I hope he’s being catfished!
      Seriously, a ballerina? A 22 yo actual ballerina is working like hell on her career. Not fucking old sad sacks. Please confirm he’s an even bigger idiot

      • However, I don’t believe this would hurt him emotionally on a deeper level. More like a stock market bet gone wrong, or buying a defective sports car (and noticing it too late). Bad for his wallet and perhaps also for his public image – but nothing beyond that.

  • I would guess that bs missives like this arise from a momentary need to punish shmoopies. God knows FWs rely on the weaponized power of betrayal. But it doesn’t work when the presumed third leg of the triangle refuses to play along.

    Maybe shmoops didn’t fetch his pipe and slippers quick enough. Maybe she made what she thought was a sly jibe about needing to up his dose of “Centrum Silver” (bimbo code for Viagra). Maybe he found her profile was back up at Seeking Arrangements. Maybe her mother was caught having a very lucid conversation on the phone with a Swiss investment analyst. Maybe he found twinkle toes’ diary and it was all numbers, including a formula for FW’s life expectancy (le) x expected acquisitions (ea).

    • This made me laugh. Hilarious and so accurate, which makes it more hilarious.

      When fuckwits are in any way being “nice” to you or sending this kind of drivel, it’s usually just to make schmoopie dance harder or to punish her, or both. Even if you don’t respond or react, it doesn’t matter because in fuckwit’s disordered brain, mission already accomplished.

      • Foolishchump–

        There’s so much infantile rage and dependency underlying cheating. In a triangle– the sacred geometry of all FWs– there has to be a victim, soneone being punished. It’s the only way people with certain personality disorders can exist in relationships.

        Once you know the bizarre FW messages or PA tactics are all coming from triangulation and that virtually all APs and FWs are bullies, whether overt or dissembling, the more the manipulation tactics and general FW MO become transparent.

        If a FW has a main AP, it’s easier to interpret the triangulation cues, though this can be substituted for whoremongers or pick-up artists having a bad night at the bar or sensing contempt from a sex worker or having an escort/sugar baby/hookup start stalking or extorting them.

        Sometimes FWs, who are always identity shopping, adopt and try out on you nasty new manipulation tactics they just experienced at the hands of equally emotionally abusive AP’s which provides a little peek into how “twu wuv” is working out. This usually happens when the AP gets the upper hand for a moment, withholds or threatens to break it off, etc. If the behavior or tactic seems brand new, it’s usually borrowed and FW is passing to buck.

        DARVO blitzes can signify:

        1) that the AP has demanded the betrayed partner’s scalp as proof of victory.

        Or, 2) FWs might preemtively scalp the betrayed partner to leave a ritual blood offering on the poontang alter in the hopes the angry gods of skeaze will keep the kibble and orgasms coming.

        Or 3) Like when your two-faced, social-climbing former BFF in, say, fifth grade trashes you to the mean kid social group they aspire to as the price of admission, they sonetimes circle back around to spew the invented backtalk to you directly, either to feel like less of a wormy, backstabbing hypocrite or to hijack your stunned, stumped response as proof that you agree with their assesment of you.

        But #3 is often also a response to the unspoken demand to throw a victim-scalp on the bully bonding alter. Or else the FW is “rehearsing” the damning narrative they made up about the victim to try to shift blame when FW starts feeling sharp judgment from their social context, or before they try out the fabrication in divorce proceedings, thereby tippng their hand and showing where the victim needs to shore up and strengthen defenses or jujitsu FW’s demented hostility.

        Then drippy hoovering usually means shmoops requires a beatdown for having caused insecurity, doubt and chagrin sonewhere on the FW’s constantly shifting werdo poles between fear of abandonment and terror of being engulfed.

        Maintaining NC is so much easier once you recognize the patterns.

  • They all seem to write what they believe are moving and deep essays. I wonder why that is? Legends in their own minds I suppose.

    • Mine actually wrote “you go through what you go through “. He’s enlightened now because of a rhymed phrase probably caught of a cross stitched throw pillow.

      ???? barf

      • “He’s enlightened now because of a rhymed phrase probably caught of a cross stitched throw pillow.” haha

        Reminds me of the now-infamous “it is what it is.”

        Que sera sera!

      • I wish I could cross stitch.
        I got, “I’m having so much trouble with the idea of losing you”. My own UBT says this is: I’m losing my cake, I’m losing the house cleaner, the laundry do-er, the bill payer, the cook, the gardener, the nice house and social calendar organiser. Damn! It’s so inconvenient.
        I also got, “I’m sorry you feel this way.” The UBT simply says to that: I’m not actually sorry and it’s all your fault.

          • Sorry Spinach, it really hurts to hear that. I got “I’m sorry you feel that way” in response to me crying and incredulous at his horribly cold behaviour. I said to him, “You haven’t even apologized at all of what you’ve done. I’m so surprised, this isn’t like you.” Clearly, he wasn’t sorry.

              • We were in the last negotiations of our Divorce (after 36 yrs and it was tense). Sitting in front of 3 atttornies, before I agreed to settle anything, I asked him to say he was sorry. He said, exactly that. Sorry you feel that way.

                I immediately got up, pushed my chair back, said, that isn’t an apology, and walked straight out the door with my lawyer scuttling behind me.

                Him? He immediately got up, walked straight out the door and started walking quickly down the street – with his $1200/hr lawyer chasing after him. (Like in Fargo – the perp is driving away lol) Finally, the lawyer got him turned back, told him how to properly apologize to me as he knew I’d never negotiate without it.

                Came back, called me back in the room and, I swear the guy was as upset as I’ve ever seen or heard him. I guess I shamed him with my opinion of him as a person. He was actually so sincere that his real apology gave me satisfaction. And, since he was feeling guilty, he spilled out a pretty nice settlement…he was so afraid of the cost of going to court.

                I’m one of the lucky ones to get that one last consolation of a ‘sorry’.

        • Cross stitch share of the week that a neighbor posted on his Twitter feed

          When they go low
          you fucking punch
          them in the neck
          so they know you
          mean business
          This is about power not affect

          I don’t advocate violence but this had me ????

      • Post discard mine started a new job with a start-up.
        Under his signature line he had the phrase “Be the change you want to see in the world”
        It made me sick every time I read it.
        Poor baby had to leave the start-up when it ran out of funding in COVID.

      • Lol! Mine tried “We each have our road in life which we must travel.” I asked him if that Deep Thought came from the OW and he turned red.
        #DeepThot

    • That’s because they believe they are deep and we are not. Or so they think. Mine went OTT in this regard. Writing an awful poem (sure there were more, wish I had found more than one, it’s comedy gold), sticking quotes on Pinterest and the classic that sealed his fate in my eyes and someone who has lost hit shit…. when I said well you sure have held on to a lot of resentments that you’ve never previously mentioned over the years. His response ‘I feel the highs very high and the lows very low, MY life is very experiential’.

      Definitely believes in his own self importance. Great eye opener for me though, from that point I was thinking who is this jerk? If OW laps that stuff up then more fool her.

  • All I heard was “I’m the victim here” and “Please absolve me of all my guilt so I can move on with my now fantastic life.” Sheesh don’t they ever listen to themselves?

    • Exactly!!!! POOR ME!!

      Reminds me of what my ex said to me after D-Day (before divorce): “I’m sad every day.” Oh boo frickin’ hoo!!!!

      No acknowledgment that I might be sad. No inquiry about my well-being. They’re all the same.

      • Oh exactly, I got

        ‘Do you know what it’s like not to be seen?’

        ‘I need someone who nourishes my soul’.

        ‘I’ve been so unhappy it’s made be ill and my good friends have been really worried about me’ (to which I responded, ‘What good friends?’)

        But the fact I was upset, nay devastated, he was furious with me about that. Furious.

  • Sorry means never having to be specific… a UBT classic.

    Might Momma… there is not enough sanitizer even in a pre-pandemic world to get the yuck off your eyes from reading that drivel.

    While he was trying to get you to feed him some kibbles, hopefully you got a good reminder of the bullet you dodged when he twirled away with his ballerina.

    #nocontact #blockhim

  • What struck me is that if you read his letter, without context, you’d have no idea he is talking about or “regretting”. It literally could be anything. Leaving the house messy? Forgetting to change the tires? Forgetting your birthday? Buying the wrong kind of apples? Other than for a laugh, not even worth taking the time to read his fluffy drivel.

    Glad you are out Mighty Momma! My FW blew six digits on hookers and has no clue that he looks like a complete idiot when he’s out with someone younger than his kids (and that everyone looking at them would know exactly the situation). It’s a special kind of MF but life is much better on the outside of it!

  • 1 comment & 1 Story about the “not a bad person”

    First, CL – that’s damn well written humor today. The #holdmeclosertinydancer was simply brilliant. Thank you.

    The lines about the “nebulous generic regrets – so anonymous they could be in the witness protection program” is also hilarious AND oh so very accurate.

    Second, a true story about the “STILL A GOOD PERSON” mantra of people who are NOT good.

    “BUT I’m still a GOOD person” line is something I heard as a lawyer all the time. (Of my 300 criminal defense clients, I had maybe 10 who really wanted to change their ways and atone)…

    I was a defense lawyer doing my job and usually, my clients accused of terrible crimes had something terrible in their background that could at least help me try to understand why they snapped, or whether they were mentally ill, etc. Most had horrific childhoods.

    But I specifically recall ONE client well. He was smart, attractive, educated AND accused of crimes against 2 young stepdaughters AND later, beating his wife.

    As his lawyer, I WANTED to find a reason to explain this soldier’s terrible & cruel behavior. It was impossible for me to reconcile his good family background with 2 solid loving parents, a good childhood, 2 successful functioning siblings, and a high IQ — with his horrific crimes.

    So I spent a LOT of time & energy with psychiatric exams for him, and taking detailed histories of FOO issues and the “stressors” in his life that could lead him to do what he did. Alas, no such luck.

    The most frequent diagnosis was “narcissist with strong sociopathic tendencies” (which I now call “plain evil” AND OR “trust that they suck”).

    I had never had a client so blatantly qualified to make healthy smart choices, instead choose to do bad horrible things and appear not to feel any remorse and NOT even be able to FAKE it.

    In fact, when he took the stand where he was SUPPOSED to say he was “SORRY & WRONG” and “needed help” – INSTEAD, he began with a narrative I had never heard.

    The first sentence out of his mouth was “I really feel like I am kind of the victim here today – because I was treated like a black sheep in my family- BUT I’m STILL A GOOD PERSON…”

    While jailed, he complained to me about how harsh his sentence was (it was the lightest of any client, given the charges and number of victims) compared to others there who “Did way worse” (also false).

    It has been 30 years now. He never informed me of any reason for his choices and expressed zero remorse for the harm he did.

    So, NO, that client never “grew” from the experience. He was and is an evil person.

    Trust that they suck.

    • Doctor’s1stWife–

      I was a victim’s advocate in a case where the DV defendant dramatically lost in trial. The thing that sewed up the verdict was when defendant lied on the stand about his physician father’s past violence.

      To impeach the perpetrator’s testimony, the prosection played tapes recorded by the victim of the defendant describing Dr. Dad’s extreme abuse of the defendant’s entire family. The defendant, who’d sat calmly like someone on a hunger strike for an important cause through days of victim and medical expert testimony about the horrible things he’d done to the victim, went bonkers when the tapes were played in court.

      Go figure. Dr. Dad was paying the defendant’s legal bills but that alone didn’t explain why the college educated defendant didn’t warn the defense team that recordings of this might exist.

      The criminologist, author and DV researcher Donald Dutton (who testified against OJ Simpson) described in several books how abusers he studied in prison would at times either disremember or lie about abuse they experienced or witnessed from a role model in childhood, sometimes even long after their past abuser was dead. Dutton described how convicted abusers who’d deeply internalized abusive experiences from childhood viewed their own past abusers as omniscient beyond the grave. It seems protecting one’s own past abuser has something to do with degree of internalization.

  • I sense that he feels genuinely sorry. Not sorry for hurting you, but sorry for himself that he realizes he’s such an asshole! Not your problem. No response. Things won’t go well for the tiny dancer either.

  • Thank you CL! I needed a good laugh. Today you provided several LOLs!

    This one is a classic. Your humor is a balm to my soul.

    Bonus laughs: thanks so much for the link to Tenacious D doing the Time Warp. Jack Black takes Riff Raff to the next level!

  • “Sorry is never having to be specific.”

    Amen.

    After D-day (double life discovered after 22 years of a normal happy marriage–he actually resided in another home with another woman and her kids), my STBX sent letters to the kids and me every week saying sorry–never replied when asked what exactly he regretted. But he said things that revealed his complete lack of insight into his depravity and the severity of the situation. My favorite was this:

    “This is probably one of the worst things I have done in my life.”

    Our eyes really popped out with that one. My 3 teenage kids said “Probably??? One of??? What else could be worse than this?” That single line told me everything I needed to get out. I don’t know this person at all.

  • Oh, this guy is begging to be UBTed.

    “I want you know I feel that I have grown a lot in the past year and a half.”

    I’m telling you, steroids are awesome. I can fix you up with my guy. Hey, it might make your boobs grow. ????

    “There are many past behaviors and choices that I deeply regret.”

    Like having sex with only one person for a few days. That was brutal!

    “There’s much more I could say about that, and naturally text isn’t the place to do it. But I want you know that I feel much pain, regret, and guilt.”

    Well not regret or guilt, but these sores on my junk hurt like a bitch. I wonder how that happened. Wanna kiss it better?

    “I am still figuring a lot out and confused how to communicate this or start to make amends.”

    So basically, I will do nothing to make amends. I’m too confused about communication and it’s got my brain too full of, like, thoughts. So that’s what thoughts are. Damn, they’re not fun at all. Why do people like having them?

    “I am not looking for you to respond or have any answers.”

    You absolutely must respond and give me answers!

    “But I thought you might appreciate knowing some of this.”

    I would appreciate knowing how central I am.

    “I hope that is the case and that this text reaches you in some place of safety. If it doesn’t, it’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

    I hope you are miserable, pining away for my fabulousness and it’s totally your fault. Why couldn’t you just be a 22 year old ballerina and an 18 year old barista and a 25 year old clerk at the county courthouse and….well, you get the idea. How selfish of you to just be you. I hope you’ve learned your lesson.

  • Chump Lady – thank you! You nailed it with the UBT – down to every last detail – I knew you would! Your words of wisdom and chump nation have been a life saver as I navigate the minefield of leaving my cheater to gain a life. So I’ve left my cheater – no contact for 6 months, settlement agreement signed, divorce soon to be final and I’m working on gaining a life. Still dealing with lots of complex ptsd symptoms after pouring my life and love into a covert narcissist who abused me. As I’m coming to terms with this your site and chump nation have been invaluable to my healing. Thank you.
    CN – sorry I didn’t have a chance to post earlier. I’ve been over the moon that CL fed my text to UBT but with 5 kids home virtual schooling I’ve had someone 3 feet away from me all day yelling “mommy”! All the best to all of you – thanks for the support!

    • You ARE Mighty!! No contact will keep you on the path to meh. You will get there!

      Time truly heals. Promise!

      And thanks for submitting that perfectly gross drivel from you STBX. Such great material for the UBT!

  • i laughed so hard at this translation i had tears streaming down my morning face. thank you once again CL for your wit. what a classic this one is.

  • Prior to this I did not know dick injections even existed. I assume these injections are to make the targeted area larger? If only I had made more money Nitwit could have benefited from these injections. God knows he needs them. Oh well. His undersized weiner and his habit of withholding sex are the OW’s problem now.

    Praise to you, Mighty Momma, for seeing through the fields of bovine feces and dumping his cheating ass!

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