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UBT: The ‘Shame’ of Being Tiger Woods’ Mistress

Rachel Uchitel
Credit: HBO

Several alert chumps have sent me requests to watch the new Tiger Woods documentary on HBO and snark about Rachel Uchitel, who appears to be enjoying the secondhand fumes of celebrity.

Before I get to my trenchant commentary, why is Uchitel glaring at us while forcefully unbuttoning her jacket? I fear for this breast button. Valiantly holding together those bicycled-pumped boobs. Can it stand up to the force? Or will it pop off and blind a cameraman?

Anywho… back to the Tiger documentary…. I couldn’t finish it. I didn’t get to the sad sausage Schmoopie self-reflection part because I couldn’t get through the golf part.

I know Tiger Woods is a barrier-breaking golf savant. And I know his father pushed him (I wanted to yell at Earl, “HE IS A BABY! Put down your ego and let this poor kid have a potty break!”) But this drama could not draw me in because… golf.

I hate golf. I hate country clubs. I hate lime green trousers. I hate Brett Kavanagh cos-play. I hate white shoes with tassels. I hate a sport that requires pressed leisure wear and tidy haircuts. I have deep FOO golf issues. (My grandfather: “Tracy, you are sick in the head. Golf is a wholesome FAMILY SPORT.”)

Can’t watch golf.

But that’s okay, because Rachel Uchitel has spoken to many media outlets about how very difficult it has been to be Rachel Uchitel. And the Universal Bullshit Translator is here for it.

From People magazineTiger Woods’ Former Mistress Rachel Uchitel on Why She’s Appearing in Doc After Years of ‘Shame’

In a recent interview with Extra, Uchitel — the woman who was at the forefront of Woods’ 2009 sex scandal — revealed why it was important for her to finally speak out after spending years “under the shame of what’s been going on.”

“I have been silent for over a decade now, and I felt that it was really important to me to speak only once in my life because I have spent all these years letting people think what they want to think and say what they want to say,” she told the outlet.

Did I get a hush money deal for $10 million brokered by Gloria Allred and then fucked up the nondisclosure part when I emotionally vomited all over Drew Pinsky in Celebrity Rehab? And had to give the money back?

Switcho! Change-o! DARVO! I am oppressed by shame and silence.

“I needed to take the shackles off and be able to tell my story for me.”

Unshackle the VIP hostesses of the world and let them be free! Tell all my people the great tidings of all-you-can-eat breadsticks!

Uchitel, 45, said it was time to “set the record straight on what happened” as she believes that “one moment doesn’t define your life.”

One moment doesn’t inspire great confidence in Tiger’s lovemaking skills.

“I don’t like to be branded as a mistress. I don’t like to be branded as a homewrecker — that’s not who I am,” she told the outlet. “I’m a 45-year-old woman. I made one wrong turn 10 years ago … I didn’t throw somebody down the stairs. I didn’t kill someone. I made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes.”

Bitch cookie. No one died! Oh… except my first fiancee in 9/11 and then I tried to shake his family down for money.

In 2002 I told the New York Times: ”Money doesn’t necessarily compensate, but in this society that’s what we use to compensate. What else is there, unless they’re going to give me some knight in shining armor?”

Hey, it’s not like I drove the plane into the building.

“The whole thing has made my life a living hell for the last 10 years,” she told Extra, adding, “I made a bad decision. And I regret it, and I’m embarrassed about it …”

So embarrassed that after Tiger, I cheated with actor David Boreanaz while his wife was pregnant. If homewrecker isn’t my brand, Ivory doesn’t make soap.

I regret nothing. Except maybe this fitted powder blue jacket that looks like the unholy love child of Margaret Thatcher and a sunbrella deck cushion.

She said she hopes her appearance in the documentary will help people further understand her side of the story and “maybe look inside themselves and realize that maybe they’ve made a mistake like that.”

Who among us hasn’t star-fucked? May I escort you to the champagne lounge?

“I would just hope that maybe at this point, now that everybody knows my name, they might just maybe want to believe me a little bit,” Uchitel said in the interview. “That I’m not that awful of a person and they could maybe give me a chance this time around.”

I’m actually that awful a person.

Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • Sometimes I see these stories online or whatever and I just have to keep walking. Keep walking. Keep scrolling. I can’t let it in my head. I’m still too easily triggered.

    It seems like these people who are cheaters just want everybody to see that they’re really not so bad. Really they had no other choice.

    And in the name of all that is holy, the blame needs to go right where it should go on the spouse who was cheated on because really, if it wasn’t for them not doing whatever they didn’t do or doing whatever they did, none of this would have happened.

    Chump’s are to blame. Pure and simple. And I refuse to open myself up to that garbage.


    • I think most people see Tiger’s ex Elin and her vengeance by golf club to SUV window in a very sympathetic light.

      Chumps get blamed a lot, but I don’t think that’s the story with Tiger Woods. He owned his “sex addiction” or whatever he calls it.

      This post is just snarking about the OW that wants to advance her D-minus-list celebrity on it. I find all very ridiculous. Don’t be triggered. Laugh at the absurdity.

      • The second episode goes into Elin being cast as a gold-digger when she filed for divorce…..

        • Yeah same happened to me! Not on the Elin scale but after 37 years together and 29 years married, I reckoned that 50% was a reasonable deal!! Now after 7 years split and divorced, my ex’s focus is still on the gold digger I am! Hey ho!!

          • Of course. My ex wanted sympathy because I was getting support from him even when he lost his job….boo hoo. Maybe he shouldn’t have slept with his coworker that he was superior to and have the company dragged through it. The CEO fired him and then on a chance meeting with said CEO, the guy told me it wasn’t even the affair that got FW fired… FW was horrible in the office and on his way out regardless. So then FW (age 50) whined to his mom and dad that I’m such a “gold digger” and just want his money. And I asked them “did he tell you that he had lost several jobs when we were getting married and I gave him $20k of my savings to bail him out? Then I married him in a courthouse nearly a year before the “wedding” so that he would have benefits? (yes… I feel like an idiot now… I had real faith in him. Neither his parents nor anyone else knew e were already married. FW made me keep the secret). I more than earned that support. Gold Digger, my a$$. They are all idiots.

            I’m glad you got your 50% Sue T. I wish it were more. You earned it for sure.

          • Me too, Sue T. Trial judge awarded me all assets in equitable property division instead of maintenance/alimony because he did not want me having to deal with “highly disordered” XH of 25 years one more minute. We married at 22 and built everything we had through decades of extremely hard work.

            At first, XH told everyone, including our kids ???? that I was a materialistic psycho and that young homewrecker AP wasn’t a golddigger because “everyone says I look like I’m in my 20s” like her (oh please! You’re a 55 year old who looks older) fast forward 6 years, XH tries to hoover back all sad sausage because AP IS a golddigger who really IS psycho. She regularly talks about her fantasy of murdering him in his sleep!

      • I watch “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” just to see Lizbet whack the bad guy with a golf club and rescue Mikhal from the serial killer, then chase him out of the house into an SUV and throw the golf club through the back window as it’s driving away.

        It makes me laugh, cheer, and applaud every time.

        • I like “Gone Girl” and “The Girl on The Train” for popcorn validation. ????

      • “One moment doesn’t inspire great confidence in Tiger’s lovemaking skills”


        Your comments on golf are also so spot on! ⛳????

        • Hey, give golf a break! When my then-husband of 30 years left me for the OW, I joined a local golf club seeking new friends and something, anything, to fill my now-empty days and to distract my hurting heart. I was NOT a golfer, I knew no one at the club, and this was extremely outside my comfort zone.

          I was welcomed with open arms. In the first two years I made a whole cadre of new friends who are more my friends than some of my old “Switzerland” friends, and I made progress learnig how to play golf. At its essence, golf is both cerebral and physical, challenging and relaxing, social yet individual, and extremely rewarding yet sometimes discouraging. There is nothing inherent about golf that involves white tasseled shoes, snobbery, or exclusivity.

          If you let yourself get caught up in the old stereotypes, or get stuck with the idea of your grandparents’ country club, you are guilty of painting a whole lot of people with the same broad brush, and that is extremely unfair no matter what your rationalization is for doing so.

          Golf delivered new friends and a new life to me, and gave me a new, healthy, lifelong passion at a time when I desperately needed all of that. There was no other community so open and available and welcoming. So don’t knock it, please!

          • Champ, I used to consider golf from Tracy’s viewpoint, my grandfather was so disappointed in me. Then I humored my uncle and he taught me a little golf. Today I regret that I never listened to my GF. Golf is a smart game and so what about the rest.

          • Idk, as an environmentalist I cannot get behind golf. Natural habitats have been disfigured and destroyed to create artificially watered fake nature. They use enormous amounts of water.

            Beyond that, it also has a long history of bigotry, sexism and racism.

            I’ll pass on golf. It’s declining in popularity and that makes me happy.

      • I thought Elin might have been a bit dramatic. Now that I’m a chump, I feel nothing but deep sympathy and compassion for her, and I regret I wasn’t there to help her.

        So many of us chumps have hideous reactions to learning about our fuckwit’s fuckwittery. And of course we do. The people we trusted the most dropped atomic bombs on our lives and didn’t give a shit. The sheer intensity of the emotional response cannot be understood by anyone but a chump. Adding insult to injury, our fuckwits find our emotional response inconvenient. Family and friends sometimes think we are over reacting.

        How do we shift the narrative with our family and friends so they don’t think we are “crazy”, “unstable” or “nuts”? I’m not asking to do this with our fuckwits. They are a lost cause and deserve nothing.

    • Articles like this trigger me ( I have PTSD from infidelity) do I normally don’t read them. I don’t have to, I know what it’s gonna said, that they are innocent and that it was all “organic” and bla bla bla.

      I hate that harlots and cheaters go on to sip their champagnes and learn nothing! They get gifts, trips, fame and fortune while everyone else has to pick up the pieces, be humilliated and live with the stigma of people thinking it is our fault and we weren’t good enough. Does anyone actually thinks is not our fault and that they are in fact better and deserving of happiness. Are they all in a massive delusion that they are above everything???

      Where is justice?

      • The justice is in knowing that almost everyone looks at her as a pathetic loser. Rachel Uchitel is 45. She’s running out of time for sleeping around with celebrities. She’s too old to be a formidable home-wrecking groupie anymore… and now everyone knows who she is, so it’s doubtful any A list celebrities will take the bait from her. Now she’s just trying to get what she can from it (money only). No matter the “brave face” (ha) she’s putting on… her life is crap. Rest assured.

        And there’s justice in knowing I’ll never be like that… and she’s stuck and branded as a complete asshole. She doesn’t want to be defined by it…but she is. The fact that Rachel U actually says that people should “maybe look inside themselves and realize that maybe they’ve made a mistake like that” makes me laugh out loud at how delusional she is. She’s desperate for everyone else to be shitty like her. But nope. I’m not. You’re not. And let that give you peace.

        I too suffered serious PTSD from FW and his AP…. blind-sided… complete destruction of my world. But keep your head up Queen. If you have children, be your best for them (I fought hard to be free and happy for my son). Just focus on you and your happiness. Evntually you’ll see that it’s ok. You’re ok. That’s all that matters. F*** those losers (Cheaters and APs).

        • I agree!! I’ve read a couple of articles on her where she talks the same shit about not being a bad person and getting “her side out there.” And every article I’ve read makes her look ten times worse. I’m convinced whoever is publishing these is laughing their ass off.

        • But her FACE?! Those lips, that botox, omg. Can she even make an expression??

  • Just another whore profiting off being a whore. She has to pay for the lip injections and botox somehow. She disgusts me. I’m going to pay her no-never-mind. Be gone, whore.

    • Why is it that these women who get face injections all end up looking the same? The most extreme cases look like they’re ready for a casting call for the role of the Grinch.

      • I thought about an old song by Hall and Oats, Maneater. Appropriate lyrics.

        “So many have paid to see
        What you think
        You’re gettin’ for free
        The woman is wild
        A she-cat tamed
        By the purr of a Jaguar
        Money’s the matter
        If you’re in it for love
        You ain’t gonna get too far”

    • I agree! I think my eyes are stuck because I rolled them too hard.

      Sad sack, my a$$!

  • Oh golf, the ‘sport’ of cheaters.

    Stbx was a college golfer. At the height of the affair, he had multiple ‘golf tournaments’ out of town. Through Discovery, I’ve learned that he likely made them all up to be able to visit OW. Golf is a great cover for carrying on an affair. They have an excuse to be gone for 5-6 hours, a day, or a weekend. It is also a breeding ground for toxic masculinity.

    I will never date another golfer again. That’s a big red flag to me.
    Stbx is already trying to brainwash our kids into playing golf (his dad did that to him) by taking them to a golf course most possession periods. Gross.

    • Guess what sport my x took up after he left?


      In 27 years with me he never golfed once. Not once.

      • What’s with the bashing golf????
        I was cheated on and I’m male,
        I love golf and am a man of integrity,
        Let’s be honest seems to me a lot of footballers, basket ballers, actors, teachers,
        Policemen, pastors, that cheat.
        Trying to draw masculinity issues and male cheating link in golf to be a long bow.
        I would say cheating isn’t sport, occupation or gender specific crosses over all walks of life and hobbies

        • Tommo, and to all the other golf lovers out there — it’s me. Golf doesn’t make anyone a cheater any more than pickle ball or Bible study. I’m not linking golf with cheating. I just grew up around golf. A LOT OF GOLF. Like, pro golfers in the family. Like, golf on the television for every family get together.

          The only reasonable explanation of golf I ever got was from a Scot, who said, it’s the only sport where you swing and for that split second, you can be as good as a professional. It’s mental. It’s zen. It’s all good and…. I’m sick in the head.

          Golf to me just seems incredibly uptight. I get that people love it. I channel my perfectionism elsewhere.

          We must agree to disagree about the joys of golf.

          • Thanks chump lady love your work, interestingly my wife doesn’t share my love of golf or cricket, I can’t understand it!

    • I don’t know about the toxic masculinity thing. I never saw it. Maybe professional golfers. When I golf it is with mainly married men who want to have some guy time and play a challenging sport. I golf and I was married to a serial cheater.

      • I don’t mean to insult golfers with integrity. Cheaters are everywhere and no segment of life corners the market.


        • Golfers can be cheaters, runners can be cheaters, chefs, policemen, geography teachers, scout leaders, doctors, accountants, hotel managers, artists, footballers, mechanics, sailors…the list never ends!

      • Though it’s not a part of the scene in your particular group/circle, the culture is often rife with it in general. There’s no requirement to be that way, of course, it’s just an easy environment in which to be that way —

        And if you’re a lady — especially a young lady — and socially attractive, that is painfully apparent pretty quickly. (Women and girls are just so used to it being a social norm that it doesn’t get discussed a lot.)

      • It must be hard to be lumped in with the assholes. I’m sorry for that.

        It’s just easy to find a common denominator, and then stay away from that set, as a means of self-protection.

        Kudos and hugs.

        • Yes, I would stay away from investment bankers, doctors, and consultants. All professions that require long hours on the job and/or travel for work – perfect set-ups for cheating!!!

          I don’t know who would want their child to marry a doctor, knowing what two friends who were married to doctors went through!

          • And military, Goverment and police!!! All positions of power and control, with long hours and trips that are “secret”. Twice chumped by military men, bagging howorkers on work trips!

              • Ding ding ding!! You got the perfect storm! Narc military doctor. I’m so sorry. Yep, the deployment, that is how my husband fell inn luvvvv aswipe. Hope the karma bus come for both aswipes

              • Whooshy & Queen of Chumps

                What assholes. How do they fall for that shit – she’s the only female human that speaks English in a 100 mile radius, must be really special and twu.

                At least both of yours waited for the excuse of deployment. My “special” forces narc FW couldn’t keep it in his pants for three weeks. In Germany where there are literally 10,000 interesting things to do besides your co-worker’s wife.

    • 2 Toddlers,

      Ex-Mrs LFTT took to attending a twice weekly choir practise about 18 months before she was busted for cheating but our kids (the old “iPhone synched to iPad” gambit). Turns out the she seldom – if ever – actually went to choir practise ….. she just used it as cover for Wednesday evenings and Saturday afternoons out with her AP.

      In hindsight I should have guessed that something was up; she can’t sing for sh*t.


      PS – I’m not dating, but membership of a choir would be a red flag for me like golf is for you.

      • Choirs can be closed society environments in many ways. I’ve sung in them all my life, and like any group scenario, internal relationships and dramas are common. I can see why that would be a pain inspirer for a person whose partner used it as a fishing pond. Ew.

        • Amiisfree,

          Ex-Mrs LFTT did not use the choir as a fishing pond. She used it as cover to hook up with an ex-boyfriend of hers. I guess that my issue here is trust; I thought that I was supporting my then wife in doing something new and making new friends ….. only to find that she was doing an old boyfriend instead.


          • Anything can be a cover. My ex was fucking around in the condo he was fixing up for his mother to downsize to. I wondered why it was taking him so long to install a vanity and faucet but at the time never suspected Mr. Perfect of cheating.

            • My ex used his dad’s bowel cancer and subsequent passing as a cover for cheating. I thought he was distraught and being supportive. There were red flags I ignored because, you know, cancer.

              • Same here. I was providing the bulk of his mothers care. I thought his distance was coming from dealing with her illness and frail state. Nope. It was because he had discarded us both.

      • The irony, its just comical! Mine hunted all season and when I asked if he got anything, he confessed no he didn’t. I thought, you were gone basically every chance, even spend the nights for months and didn’t get one kill?
        I’m done with hunters.

    • My ex plays hockey- toxic masculinity, lots of heavy drinking after the games, out of town tournaments and stinky equipment and plenty of cheating….

      • I met a hockey player out with a friend one night. He was fun and funny, nice Canadian guy. We flirted and kissed a bit and he asked me to text him.

        I FB stalked him and found out he had been married less than six months. To an absolutely gorgeous woman that anyone in their right mind would say is more attractive than I.

        It’s not about anyone but the cheater. Everyone they encounter is a prop in their one- man or one- woman show.

    • Yes. My friend, a chump, helped me through my divorce. During this time her brother, a golf pro, was caught with some sparkletwat golf girlie 20 years younger than him. He was driving around with her in his car, and his wife pulled up behind him at a red light with their 9 year old son in the car. It was ugly. They divorced, sparkletwat and he married and are still together 22 years later. I still despise what he did to his family. I can’t hear about golf without thinking of them.

  • 50 is bearing down hard on Rachel, and she knows that her type of woman has a best before date.

    So many lives stained by adultery. I think that is one of the things that hurts us chumps. Our history has been sullied by these creeps. No Walton family story for us.

    • This right here – she was probably thrilled to milk five additional minutes of notoriety. Keeping a solid client base is probably harder for her to come by these days.

      Her defensiveness about her behavior is likely the result of her awareness that the biggest accomplishment in her life is being a manipulative, damaging and ultimately discarded side piece of liars and emotional abusers. She wasn’t special even in that regard – when these sleazeballs weren’t shagging her, they were cheating with others just like her.

  • Thank you Tracy! I was one of those who asked for this…thanks for granting my wish!

    I don’t excuse co-conspirators. The blame belongs to all parties who knowingly participate in the assault. That’s why there is a legal term….JOINT PRINCIPAL. Placing the blame for the affair solely on the party who is in a committed relationship is exactly the logic used by the co-conspirator to excuse and justify their conduct. No one gets a pass in my courtroom. We are all responsible for our behavior, especially behavior we know would hurt others.

    I figure change would look like this:

    1) Don’t take hush money. That money belonged to his wife and children.

    2) Stop participating in illicit relationships.

    3) Don’t engage in publicity that likely re-traumatize your victims (spouse and children).

    4) Keep your mouth shut other than talking to a therapist or a psychiatrist. You’re not a victim; you’re a perp.

    5) Confine your public comments to acknowledging the incredible damage and pain you caused spouse, children, and family, and make actual efforts to make amends, for the rest of your life, for the lives you helped destroy.

    If you want to attempt to control public opinion, keeping your mouth shut and staying out of the spotlight is a good start. I am wondering how much she was paid for this.

  • Having watched the full documentary, I was somewhat satisfied to see that this “girlfriend” was simply the one that the chump wife discovered. There were many others that her FW husband insisted on carrying on “relationships” with besides Botox lady (the waitress at the diner!).

    The sad thing was that my co-dependent chumpiness kinda sorta started to feel sorry for the kid when I saw what his Dad did to him – had hookups in a Winnebago at the 15th hole with young Tiger playing outside! Apple/tree….

    Elin, for the golf club send off, I salute you!

    • Oh yes! I was so happy when she did that. I had filed 2 months before and told my ex he should consider himself lucky that I didn’t go all Elin on him.

  • A great article on gaslighting, by Dr. Ramani….

    I appreciated this section especially:

    “Interestingly, we often see gaslighting as an individual phenomenon – one person attempting to control another, but it can happen in other ways as well. Gaslighting can occur by proxy – another person in the gaslighter’s world vouching for them (‘You’re wrong about him, he’s not a bad guy, I have never had any issue with him’). There can also be something I term ‘gaslighting by tribe’ – when an entire group, typically a family, will close ranks and ally with the gaslighter (‘Your father has been a good provider, just let it go’), though this can also happen in workplaces or among friends (‘We’re lucky to work here, don’t be so sensitive about what he says’). When other people validate the gaslighter’s antics, it can fortify the power of this dynamic and leave the gaslighted even more confused. In therapy, I have the luxury of working with clients individually but, when they leave our time together, they’re faced with complex familial networks, and the gaslighting dynamic can be magnified by culture, social class and religion. Each session in therapy feels more like dialysis, a clearing out of the confusing and toxic things they were told; I fortify each client for the subsequent weeks until we can again recalibrate against the collective gaslighting they face.”

    In my opinion, anyone who tells me I should not be angry at the cheating accomplice is gaslighting me as described above.

    • More….

      “A particularly toxic impact of gaslighting is that it reinforces the victim’s compulsion to provide evidence to substantiate their feelings. I know I am working with a client experiencing long-term gaslighting when they say things in therapy such as: ‘I know I have no right to feel this way but, when I show you this text he sent me, it will make more sense.’ My job as the therapist is to let my client know that I don’t need to see the text, and instead I focus on the distortion that they ‘have no right to feel this way’. It is my role to remind them that their feelings are always valid, there are no ‘unjust’ feelings. We then work together to help them dismantle this idea that their feelings require an evidentiary base.“

      • VH

        Thanks for the link.

        As the past 4 years continue to unravel and reveal hidden agendas in my psyche this stuff is exactly what I am seeing and having words to label the behavior with is such a relief.

        Validating is the word that describes it best. Like a huge weight drops from my shoulders again and I am freed up a bit more from the self-blame I had allow to rest upon my shoulders….

        It is a miracle that I was still standing straight.

        Of course what I find as the layers are torn away is that it is generational as well as societal – the sins of our fathers – 7 generations etc…all philosophical and esoteric writing speak to this but I thought I had dodged that bullet by being aware….

        Yeah, I may dodged the bullet with the self-knowledge I had at the time…..but it is the the cannon balls that I am running into now 🙂

        I have an older son who is now doing similar stuff and I am seeing it for what it is….ie the gaslighting has been turned off yet others are still being sympathetic to him….’He’ll grow out of it. He is just going through a hard time due to the divorce etc….’ I was accepting that too until now when it has reached a limit for me…can’t do it anymore simply because I can’t do it anymore and the compulsion to defend myself and to apologize at the same time is profound. I see it as it plays out in my mind….

        I also know that the rooms of Al-Anon are filling up with parents of grown children now…lamenting similar behaviors from their grown children. Rooms that used to be filled with people dealing with their spouses or teens – a new level is being reached which is tragic yet exciting at the same time in that Al-Anon does keep changing to address and meet the needs of all that happens to people who are affected by someone else’s abusive behavior.

        Thanks to Tracy for bringing this to light in such a clear and coherent way. I so wish I could warn others but, alas, I know I can’t because who would ever believe this stuff if you haven’t experienced yourself!!!

        4 years ago I was happily married to the man I loved and respected and I though it was mutual and now….that family is completely destroyed as well as my past and my future….

        A living nightmare.

        No thanks….nobody wants to hear it unless they too have already been chumped so thanks to all who are here – sorry for your pain and thanks for showing up and sharing so I know I am not alone.

        • Sending you great big hugs. You are definitely not alone and CN will always have your back. All of us here have painfully earned the right to say….Been there, done that, got the tee shirt.

      • Thank you for this, Velvet Hammer. Describes my FOO to a tee. Only gaslighting/passive aggressive line missing is “It’s only a joke” or “I was only joking”. No, you weren’t; furthermore, it wasn’t funny in the least.

      • I hadn’t thought of it before reading that quote, but that puts the finger right on what bothers me so much about the Switzerland people in my life (including my own lawyer, unfortunately): the secondhand gaslighting. When they say things like, “Well, I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you,” or “He’s basically a good guy,” they’re not just expressing their view of my ex, they’re trying to get me to change my view to match theirs. I don’t think they do this for the same reason as my ex did it–i.e., to destabilize my confidence in my grip on reality and thus make it easier for him to substitute whatever fantasy he wanted me to believe in place of my reality–but it’s definitely related. That’s why I call it secondhand gaslighting. If Switzerland people were to accept your experience with your ex, then it would mean they would have to alter their view/opinion of your ex, and they don’t want to–because they have an investment in their fantasy about your ex as an awesome person, or maybe about all people as being essentially awesome inside; or, because they don’t want to be or feel like a judgmental person themselves. In other words, they a some strong investment in a fantasy view of themselves or others, and your experience of trauma and abuse threatens that fantasy. Since they don’t feel they can tell you to your face, “That didn’t happen” or “You’re making things up,” they settle for secondhand gaslighting: i.e., instead of validating your testimony, they either counter it with a statement about the essential goodness of your ex or subsume it under some larger statement about the transcendent goodness of humanity.

        Either way, secondhand gaslighting still invalidates your testimony and puts you in the position of either questioning your experience or feeling you need to produce receipts. I hate it, and it took me a long time and a lot of therapy until I was strong enough to say, as Elsie said a couple of weeks ago, “Well, I was there, and I disagree.”

    • Velvet Hammer: Thanks for sharing that article. Interesting read generally, and very helpful to me as I try to heal (with a therapist) from twenty years of gaslighting by my cheating STBX.

    • The utility of the word “gaslighting” is being undermined by people using it to mean plain old “lying”.

      Gaslighting means deliberately falsifying reality to someone, for the purpose of causing the person to doubt his memory or sanity. My XW lies to me pretty frequently, but only gaslit me once: she refused to say whether she was having an affair, and then denied that she had refused, asserting instead that actually she had answered “no, I am not having an affair” and I was making the whole thing up. Gaslighting is not just lying, but lying about something you know the other person knows in order to make the other person doubt his grasp on reality. It’s a particularly vicious type of psychological manipulation that aims to destroy a person’s ability to trust his own mind. Telling someone “oh, I don’t believe you because your ex was always nice to me” isn’t really gaslighting: it’s disrespect, and minimization, and poor logic (because really, everyone knows people who act inconsistently at times), but that’s not the same as gaslighting.

      Also, the word “gaslighting” has achieved a certain cachet, so people try to appropriate it. My XW (who, poor thing, is struggling with her poor standing in the hierarchy of oppression, as she’s a rich, white, European tenured professor) discovered it a year or so ago and keeps trying to use it against me. For instance, when I told XW that I would ask directly ask one of our kids about a particular subject, rather then relying on her description of kid’s opinion (due to a history of kid expressing different views to me compared to XW), XW told me that I was gaslighting her. Nothing in our exchange had anything to do with gaslighting, but XW apparently felt it would buttress her argument somehow by attaching my behavior to a term that’s associated with psychological abuse.

      • For me, the movie from which the term came is the definitive resource for its applications and usage….

        I always defer to education and experience greater than mine…..

    • Ugh. I used to love Buffy then there was Joss Whedon being a cheating fuckwit and now Angel. Blech.

    • I’ve never heard of this guy, but clearly he’s an abusive perv.
      He’s saying his affair was a one off while he’s being accused of sexual harassment by somebody else, FFS. You need to harass a lot of women before one of them gets up the courage to come forward. So we can assume there are a bunch of others.

  • she doesn’t seem to think there’s any think wong with her behaviour that is the problem. comparing herself to abusers, murderers, throwing someone down the stairs. her behaviour is cold. I, unfortunately, had known several ow, and what surprises me is how cold or lack of empathy their behaviour is. I think she saw him as a meal ticket or delusions of marriage. I think she’s doing this for money, or winding his wife or ex-wife up. I don’t know if he’s still married or not. She knew he was in a relationship did she care no, and she cares now, does she fuck.

  • All I can say is what a whining bitch.

    I also hate golf but for no solid reason that a deep dislike of Pringle jumpers and what I don’t know but it brings out a very visceral reaction in me. Who knows. Much disappointment to my grandma who was Lady Golf Captain and some or other club and loved it.

  • I don’t have it in me to watch this. But it seems like what all these OW do when their 15 minutes of fame is up. It’s because no one gives a shit anymore that she has to make a plea for centrality. NO ONE CARES YOU ARE A HO anymore. Elin has moved on.

  • She’s in the news again for breaking up another marriage. Her new “man” left his wife, apparently with no notice, and moved across the country after a fast fall for darling Ms. Vomitel.

  • Comedian Drew Michaels does a great bit on how cheating is not “one mistake.”

    “You add the tip wrong on a credit card receipt– that’s one mistake. Cheating is a complex algorithm of steps. All the steps are necessary to pull off the task of cheating.
    Rught? Do you know how easy it is not to fuck somebody?? Like I have not fucked almost every person ever.”

  • This is historically amusing! I’m of a political ideology that gets branded as baby killers, communists, and a few other things…obe most prevalent is book burners and censors… I/ we are none of the aforementioned, me being least likely to burn or censor books. However if there is a book I would censor/ burn it would be the ” THE UNIVERSAL GUIDE TO BULLSHIT BLAME SHIFT PITY PARTY MAKE ME TGE VICTIM CHEATER HANDBOOK” this douchnozzel must have written the forward to it. Honestly I’m in amazement as to the narrative script is perpetrated by these sick fuckers!. As for golf…during .y working years I was in an high pressure executive industry for over 30 years. I was the best at what I did racking up performance awards and professional accolades from across the industry spectrum. The “C” suite would regularly seek my advice and opinion. I trained and mentored many of those that made it to the upper echelons. I never got the promotion I worked so very hard for. Why?! I despised golf. I hated the club’s the carts the balls and especially the vermin that infested the clubhouses… Oh I tried but really the thought of hanging around with lecherous pussy-bitch- men attempting to cultivate a machismo they would never possess by shagging young interns secretaries and office girls for a locker room brag fest was nauseating. I was a football player a wrestler a boxer and power lifter . Golf was never on my radar. When I interviewed at the last “dog and pony show” ( promotion interview) and was point blank asked why I didn’t golf it became abundantly clear why I wasn’t in the fold. Fuck Golf!

    • Personally I think any “hobby” or “sport” or “work” can be used as an excuse to get out and cheat, but the blame doesn’t belong on the excuse, but on the cheater for using it.

      But golf, and private clubs, in the workplace are a real issue. These barriers have been used against women for years as justification for not promoting them. The armed forces used combat experience as a way to bar women from the top positions as well. In my opinion work efficiency and understanding the job should be the basis for promotion. Some games may help you with real life issues, chess may introduce different strategies, team playing games may introduce bonding and trust. I don’t know all the ways to get better in the workplace, but I do know what it is like to work under someone who was appointed superior status due to nepotism or cronyism. It is a slow death to your spirit to be directed by someone who doesn’t even know how or why the work is done. Proficiency in golf certainly does not equate to proficiency in the work place. I believe it requires a different skill set.

      When will our society learn to judge by evaluation of the merits of the case? All these outside considerations dilute the purpose of an organization, and I believe contribute to its eventual downfall . Historically, empires fall when the decadence overwhelms the work ethic which made the empire great.

      • Completely agree! I work in banking and the women are never asked to golf but needed for fun things like working the check in table, Free stuff tables, etc. Then let’s talk country club memberships – many of the male executives and lenders have bank paid golf memberships. Probably not one woman at the bank who gets that perk which runs thousands annually.

        • One golf club near my hometown in NJ forced widows to turn in their memberships after their husbands died. Widowers allowed to keep pitching and swinging though.
          Didn’t I read somewhere golf stands for “gentlemen only ladies forbidden” ?
          I can see the appeal of the game, having been introduced to it by a former boyfriend. But reliving the hole by hole recap of a game is boooring as hell.

    • NYNB– I’ve heard that about golf. I kind of felt that way in the NYC arts scene as the only one who wasn’t doing coke and x or star-bonking. Not to compare the two things except in the sense of being weirdly compulsory and culty. Golf at least involves sunshine and walking and skill. Coke not so much.

    • I get that NY. I really do.
      I worked my way up from a US ARMY TMDE calibrator (very high level electronics) to Chief Tech in a NMC dialysis facility, through community college (Eng.) PHI BETA KAPPA, then got into injection plastic molding as a Quality Engineer in a family owned business. I became their Senior Sales Engineer after being begged by the Pres. , the VPs (x3) to laterally transfer into that position.

      Interaction with the Presidents son (a complete daddy’s THE PREZ ASSHOLE type) created problems with the worker and honey$ bees until they decided to give said Son of Prez a 2 million $ trust to go home and watch Star Trek. So Yeah. Seen that side of corporate fuckwittery.

      The President of the company was like a grandfather to me. He was a very kind and supportive man. We spent alot of time together developing a microdoalysis probe product line for big pharma neural research with mice and rats. Pre-clinical researchers. Right up my alley having gained a thorough knowledge of nephrology tech. Those 16 years allowed me access to numerous corporate customers with the dinners, shows, perks but I never felt the urge to cheat. Hell, I even took my X along to a huge MEDICA show in Germany so she could see Europe while I worked it.

      Long story short, the president’s son-in-law conspired with two entrenched (corrupt) VPs to force him out. They banned him from ever entering the property again. The last 7 years there, I brought in 53 million in sales. My accounts. All me. These 3 idiots running the company were doomed to run it in the ground.

      I got ushered out after 19 years service because it’s cheaper to replace me with a younger buck. Needless to say, I cashed out my stock immediately and retired. Fuck those assholes. Oh Yeh. Yearly corporate Golf charity drives. I didn’t golf. I was a Dad 1st. Putting on a gee, pads and having at it was more my idea of sport. The VPs went, the ME’s went. I straight up said I don’t do golf. Not part of my hussle.

      • Sir .. this is absolutely disgusting. (I would be remiss if didn’t thank you for both your military service and your work with advances in the field of dialysis and nephrologist. My dad, a proud decorated WW2 US Navy combat veteran, spent the last 15 years of his life attached to a dialysis machine 3days per week. We were told 5-7 tops but the combination of advances by such dedicated people like you and his shear tenacity extended his life beyond expectations. For your efforts for those in such straights I am grateful. ) the idea that the fruit of the boss’ loins somehow eschew greater competency than others far more dedicated and knowledgeable astounds me. One might obviously care to promote from pride a vicarious role for one’s child but must also realize the risk one takes business wise . I would love to have had one of my kids join me in my business, none had the hutzpa and would have been disastrous in said role. Nepotism ,while more of a delusion than practical, only serves the business model in terms of advertising, (eg) “Nutbag and Son” or “Serving New York for 3 Generations ” etc. Not saying all is disastrous but the practical side must be considered and tge best for the job given the tasks compensation offices and accolades.

  • Am I the only one that thinks that “secondhand celebrity fumes” would be a great name for a band?

      • My LOL moment was “Except maybe this fitted powder blue jacket that looks like the unholy love child of Margaret Thatcher and a sunbrella deck cushion.” I scared the dog I laughed so hard.

    • I just did a search on it — it’s available to be registered (at least in the US and UK) for use on clothing — t-shirts, hats, etc.

      So, any entrepreneurs out there . . .

  • Is it just me or does she look like a man trying to be a woman? She is like the gross poster child of the never ending vortex of attention seeking smoochies. Ugh!

    Bt the way, no judgement in cross dressers here….my only judgement is in the lengths this idiot will go to bask in the lime light. Screw Tiger Woods and break up his family – Check! Publicly cry about the horrors of being a sidepiece – Check! Getting massive cheek, jaw and lip implants so much so you are doing triple takes to see where is her Adam’s apple – Check! I mean, is she contouring her face to chisel her way back into our hearts with that blue steel stare or what?! It’s like every other smoochie sidepiece….they make sure they go out big in every way they can.????

  • For me, all these years later, I think there IS a useful way a person in her shoes can speak out about the experience.

    This isn’t it. At all. ????

    I have seen times where a person who was young at the time (and didn’t then forge a career out of banging their way to stardom) essentially says “What I did was wrong. I was young and foolish and it was a terrible decision and there’s no apology that covers it. That being true, it’s inappropriate and inaccurate that I was blamed far more in the media than the cheater was. I was called a whore while the person who lied to his wife had no consequences, and that needs to change, because it’s part of the problem that creates and upholds the power dynamic in the first place. So call me a whore 20 years later if you must, and I’ll let you have that opinion, just be sure you call the guy who actually lied to his wife — AND violated workplace/team ethics, AND inappropriately used his power — the same thing.”

    And again, I say: This piece isn’t it.

    (I realize my example is still rife with issues, so don’t go nuts on me, please. ???? I’m just saying it’s not inaccurate. Powerful partnered people DO deliberately target less experienced, often younger people for their sexscapades because power DOES have leverage. And at least this version has some amount of accountability in it.)

    • Not going nuts on it but not agreeing. I sort of made a “study” of a genuinely massive, 8 day online comment thread following a report on the Dominic West/Lily James thing. It was really interesting. The attacks on West for being old, ugly, yucky, sleazy, a so-so has-been actor outnumbered any scathing, misogynistic remarks about James’ homewrecking or “whoring” by 100-to-1. Most of the comments about James were more in a tone of quasi-concern, like “She seems to be doing a lot of coke following her breakup from actor X, “making poor choices,” “self esteem issues,” and “What’s she doing with him??” Someone wryly joked that others shouldn’t be the “Thot police” which was followed by some raving, over-the-top remarks about how the female affair partner is always slut shamed more and disparaged more than the married guy!!

      But those remarks seemed totally out of place because, in fact, this was not happening on that massive thread or really anywhere else I looked. All the headlines on James were how fans were “defending” James from homewrecker accusations. West was reamed, mocked, torn to pieces. At most James was not held blameless and her scruples and mental health were questioned but not in really flaming terms. Sympathy was reserved for West’s wife with many expressing hopes that she’d “kick West to the curb and clean him out.”

      I’m sure that in days of yore, the “brazen strumpet ” OW would be more likely to be castigated than the married “cad.” But that just doesn’t seem to be how it works these days– though the media seems to insist this is still the case. This is why the tone of the thread was so surprising to me considering that nearly every article discussing female APs I’ve read in the mainstream or pseudo-alternative media (“Jezebel,” etc.) makes out like the public reserves all its ire for “side chicks” and cheating men get off Scot free and how we’re not supposed to heap all the blame on women, yada yada. It’s started to remind me of the white men’s rights movement a bit. Like where’s the evidence that white men are being grossly discriminated against? Then I realized that the whole illusion is generated by entitlement because so many APs who hit the headlines following affairs with famous married FWs have been playing the “slut shamed” pity card so much that this has become the story.

      Knowing affair participants arguably get into affairs to feel special and due to entitlement and the public’s mere non-admiration of the behavior stings like a physical assault would to a person with a normal ego and normal boundaries. I know that some APs have received random scary Twitter attacks but that doesn’t even come close to number, intensity and duration of attacks on famous male cheaters. (not that I feel sorry for the male cheaters either). Then once forgotten, the former APs of famous FWs start to rhapsodize on all the slut shaming they received… though obviously no one is even talking about them anymore.

      It seems the poor pitiful put-upon victim-of-misogyny AP narrative is wholly hijacked from the legitimate narratives of silenced and disparaged victims of rape, workplace gender discrimination and workplace harassment. But isn’t grandstanding and hijacking about what you’d expect from someone with a poaching MO?

      Sorry for any typos.

      • We could exchange dueling anecdotal examples and gender stereotypes all day. Of course my scenario won’t be true 100% of the time. Almost nothing is. You shared a different experience you see. I acknowledge, it can go that way. I just see it as more common for the more vulnerable party to bear the lion’s share of the blame in society’s eyes.

        My core point was specifically that if an AP spoke out about the very common social reality that the less powerful and popular person — often the younger and/or non-man in any duo — takes a much bigger social hit than the powerful, popular person, it’s the one thing they might have that’s worth saying.

        This situation often occurs even though the popular/powerful cheater is the only one of the two who had a commitment to the chump. Sometimes right at first the cheater gets a lot of vitriol, but the privilege of power and popularity often results in a severe lack of long-term consequences. They keep their job, have “a comeback”, get awards, make all the money… and that stinks.

        If an AP can speak to the inappropriate nature of the heavy slant of the vitriol without claiming to be a victim or asking for absolution for shitty ethics, I see merit in the act.

        Part of the reason I see merit in it is, young people make crap decisions all the time, and not everyone keeps making terrible decisions forever. It may not be common (and the person who inspired this article clearly doesn’t fit it), but some people actually DO learn from their bad choice the first time and avoid the bad thing for the rest of their lives.

        I think it is important to level the field, to hold everyone who contributed to a bad thing equally accountable for equal contribution.

        I also think it’s a good example of accountability to openly say “there’s no rectifying what I did” and mean it. I think there is value in learning, and demonstrating, how to do that.

        That’s my opinion. All are entitled to their own.

        • Also, note, I had to select fenders to write my example, and like CL I chose them as I did because the overwhelming data we have so far is that the gender lines often tend to fall where older men pursue younger women. I am actually a person whose viewpoint of gender is extremely nonbinary and I absolutely don’t intend to be vitriolic about men in general.

          Data isn’t every person’s reality, but it is still leaning strongly toward guys like Tiger getting to become popular and wealthy and win awards again. Because there he is, doing it, before our eyes.

  • I believe there is a difference between feeling attracted to a person, or our idealized version of who we think this person is, and acting upon the attraction. When I was still too young to have any type of physical relationship, up till now when I have retired from work and seeking any type of relationship, I have always been attracted to certain male “types”. As I grew older I realized these actors, or characters in a book, or teachers, or media personalities were all mirages who existed as attractive men mainly in my mind. It did not matter how old they are, or if they are married in real life, or are actually the total opposite of the character type they portray in public. I was never going to act on any of my fantasy life.

    Some women never learn to be authentic people standing on their own worth. They seek out famous partners and attach themselves to them in some way. If the partner is vane enough to need “groupies” these women often realize they are one of many, and they consider any marital partner just another member of the harem. They seek fame by association. I cannot speak for men, because I never had conversations about this with men, but my guess would be they have similar qualities. I have heard these folks called “Star-Fuckers.” I would guess sex is the easiest access to a star, but I have also known women who are office wives, with titles like personal secretary or assistant, who never actually have a sexual relationship, but hold all the secrets, and manage all the appointments. They are caretakers of the image, and consider themselves to be the most important person in the life of the star.

    What these women never seem to realize is that all people are either useful or not, in the moment, to the star. No one has any feeling, or need, or value, except in the eyes of the star. The value is always transitory. The star will fly away into the universe at any time, because the star knows there are always more groupies out there. This is how the star thinks. Reality has nothing to do with the star’s opinion of himself, or what appears to be the groupies opinion about themselves. Fame by association.

    When I realized my core relationships were with men who considered themselves to be a star, I had to back up and take a look at who I really was. No matter what effort I put into the relationship, I could never please my father, or my two ex’s. I had followed my FOO raising, and been a dutiful daughter, and wife, and thought I should be married to fit into what I thought was the world order. In many ways, I was as deluded as some of the women my ex’s chose as frolic partners. I didn’t realize when I married, that I had partnered with someone who considered himself a star, and who had no consideration of my worth. It was only when I finally figured out I deserved respect on my own merit, and could stand alone and still be valuable that I finally became free of living in an illusion.

    The people who never figure this out, and continue to try to justify their existence on some type of a relationship with a “star” are doomed to become space debris. They will float in the universe with no justifying purpose, caught in a delusion of their own making.

    • ” I didn’t realize when I married, that I had partnered with someone who considered himself a star, and who had no consideration of my worth.”

      So true. I was of use to him. Until I was not. The moment I stopped reflecting him at twice the size he was, I became a useless piece of trash to him.

      The shock of that discovery will reverberate forever. As much as I’d love to have a man in my life, I just don’t know if it’s a good idea to be that vulnerable again.

      I may be lonely sometimes, but I’m not in pain.

  • Yup, I’ve been doing so well and this triggered me too. My daughter is home quarantining and said Dad and Pinot Nwar (her name is something equally ridiculous) took the kids to ice cream last night and were funny asking her all these questions about COVID symptoms. They are still together 2 years later. Taking 50% of my time with my kids and 75% of the income. I know I am so lucky anyway. Just having a how is this ok moment. So we star crossed schmoopies could be together. I want to scream do you think he really would’ve left for you if I hadn’t flipped out? But then I still wonder about that to. Things were unsustainable due to his cake eating. I hope he marries her on the one hand. . .because its so clear now thats so not what any of these cheaters were really after. On the other hand no matter what I think I will always feel so dramatically cheated. If we could all be Elin.

    • Hugs.

      Both of my children are currently visiting their dad and the OW at her beach mansion. It stings.

      He’s a tennis pro and a cliché. Tennis and golf are brethren sports in many ways.

      We met when life was young and money was a struggle. After much hard work, we made “our” upper middle-class dream come true. Then he hooked a rich client and dumped me like hired help. Can’t say I wasn’t warned.

      Now they’re building their “together” mansion in a lovely gated, seaside golf & tennis community. The kids are impressed by it all, and I just slide into existential ruminations about justice and karma.

      So, hugs.

  • The story in the NYT about her having been engaged to a man who was killed in the attack on the Twin Towers reveals that even at 26-years old she was a selfish and entitled person who believed in her victimization–and compensation for it–above all. It doesn’t surprise me at all that she went on to a career of sleeping with married men.

    • They can fake it, but deep don’t change.

      Whenever I slip into crazy fantasies about how my ex and the OW are staring into each other’s eyes while sipping mimosas and petting their new puppy (a Twister feat, I realize), I jerk myself back to reality by reminding myself that they don’t change. If anything the cheater was probably more stable and regulated during the Affair Times when we chumps created the necessary support to temper their fucked-up inner worlds.

      My guess is that a lot of cheaters careen into crazy town when they lose the emotional guardrails that we chumps provide.

      • “My guess is that a lot of cheaters careen into crazy town when they lose the emotional guardrails that we chumps provide.”

        It may mean I’m not in Meh-Town yet, but I hope you’re right.

        • Well, Adelante, I’m with you, happily buttering the popcorn.

          I’m meh deficient.

      • I didn’t really think about it until your comment, Spinach, but yeah, I did a LOT of emotional stabilization for my ex. He basically used me like Prozac to calm him down and talk him off whatever ledge of rage, anxiety, or self-loathing he was on. I was constantly having to be like, “You’re so smart, you’re so competent, you’re such a good manager, you’re so witty, you’re so strong….” The amount of insecurity anesthetic that man needed on the daily would have knocked a horse out. He may or may not be getting his required dosage from the OW. I don’t know much about her, but I can tell you that the kind of soothing I did required (a) a deep knowledge of my ex and his psychology, (b) trust, as much as a narc is capable of having in his partner, and (c) ninja skills. The OW may be a cog psych prof (in fact!), but that’s no substitute for 20 years of experiential knowledge and a good, trustworthy character, which…yeah, not so much. So, like you say, he’s probably going to go off the rails sooner rather than later.

        • Okupin,

          Developing human-Prozac skills tailored to a specific person isn’t easy. That shit takes time!

  • How ugly was she that she needed that much plastic surgery? And the blow up lips. Ugh. You just can’t fix ugly.

  • The Tiger Woods cheating scandal is a sort of trigger because unbeknownst to me as I sat on the couch next to husband when story broke on the news, he was cheating too. I remember saying, “oh Tiger you are a dirty dog & get what you have coming.” That was Thanksgiving Sunday & my dday bus was just rounding the corner to run me down the day after Christmas.

    • My Dday was just after Ice T’s wife was publicized as having an affair. We were listening on the radio when the announcer busted out the news on the radio. My, now, ex was furious and denounced all cheaters. I won’t even mention the racist comments he made about her because she was white. Just a few days later I found out about Shrek. I remember flashing back to how offended he was by cheaters. I guess he felt it was wrong for mean women to cuckold a man, but it was ok for men to do it to their wives. He too tried to portray me as a gold digger, except he lied because I didn’t get any of his money. I didn’t need his shit, I already made my own money and paid my own way. So he lied to friends and family. He made up elaborate tales of how much I was getting in the divorce. His mother confronted me so nastily that I showed her both his and my bank statements. Both reflected that he wasn’t putting any money in my account and I was receiving any money from his account. She at least had the decency to apologize and to be shocked that she was so easily conned by her kid.

    • It is weird that so many Ddays are right around Christmas. Mine was Christmas day. I mean I was suspicious, but actual day of discovery of 25 Dec. He was such a decent chap, he waiting until the day after New Years to leave. Treated me like shit until then, but I guess it made sense to him.

      • It has to be stressful when your wife and your Schmoopie both want your physical presence on a holiday. Not to mention the gift dilemma! What to buy, how much to spend, does the one who gets the gift of his presence get a less expensive gift? Wait, I know the answer to this one. His presence, the totality of being him, that’s the gift you never wanted and must return! Who ever gets him is getting the worst gift ever!

  • “Now that everyone knows my name”, huh? She was so irrelevant, at the time, to me that I never bothered to take not of her name (nor the dozen or so other low hanging fruit he was f’ing). Whose name did I remember, his poor wife’s.
    I remember a co worker mad as hell at how much Elin was getting. I had to chime in that Tiger leaned on his wife and mentioned all the things that she had to do in order to make it possible for him to 1) have the career that made him so rich, and 2) afford hum the time to fuck strange, that she deserved every penny and more. Of course, I later found out he was a cheater too. I should have realized when he took it so personally.
    Cheaters are so cliché!

    • I hate that “gold-digging” bullshit. It was pulled on me too.

      In real life, first wives aren’t gold diggers. They’re the ones who helped build the mine.

      They deserve half. And two-thirds (or more) if the spouse cheated.

    • One of my ex’s loved the TV show “Cheaters”. He would say bad things about the cheater, but he was actually studying for details about how to cheat and not get caught. Too bad for him I was better at being a “Crime Solver.” In retrospect, it actually makes me laugh.

  • ‘A’ mistake? ‘Not who she is?’ Pulease. Ok here’s some kibble…
    Begone! Take that silver medal in suckitude and shuffle off to live with yourself.

  • I’d take a knight in armor as compensation for all the abuse my ex inflicted upon me. I can’t even get a lawyer to return my call about getting all the $ I spent on our wedding, honeymoon, our therapy, and my therapy back, let alone punitive damages.
    Society stinks.

  • Then there’s this tidbit of her being the victim of losing on her investment.

    “ Ms. Uchitel said she had gotten some charity money and was far from poor. Still, she felt there should be something to ease the pain of a lost future. ”Money doesn’t necessarily compensate,” she said, ”but in this society that’s what we use to compensate. What else is there, unless they’re going to give me some knight in shining armor?”

    This was after her fiancé died in 9/11. It speaks for itself.

  • “I made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes.”

    She lands the AP triple lutz: beginning with some easy minimizing and false equivalence but ending with a strong self-pity move.

  • “I don’t like to be branded as a mistress. I don’t like to be branded as a homewrecker — that’s not who I am,” she told the outlet. “I’m a 45-year-old woman. I made one wrong turn 10 years ago … I didn’t throw somebody down the stairs. I didn’t kill someone. I made a mistake. Everybody makes mistake”

    Bull Fucking Shit —- That face, those pumped up lips, fake person, acting innocent, She and everyone like her including all the cheaters MAKE ME SICK!! She is a piece of work, typical “everybody makes mistakes” yes, but we all don’t F*** married men! You showed us who you are, we believe it!

    • She may not LIKE being branded as a mistress and homewrecker, but hey, sometimes reality sucks.

      I don’t like being branded as a 60-year old divorced woman who was chumped, but here we are.

  • “I don’t like to be branded as a mistress. I don’t like to be branded as a homewrecker — that’s not who I am,” she told the outlet. “I’m a 45-year-old woman. I made one wrong turn 10 years ago … I didn’t throw somebody down the stairs. I didn’t kill someone. I made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes.”

    Yes, poor schmoopie made “a” mistake.
    *insert eye roll here*

  • Everybody knows her name? Oh, she wishes. Never heard of her. I didn’t follow the Tiger Woods scandal because I, too, hate golf and ignore anything associated with it.
    I have no doubt there are many other golf haters out there who wouldn’t dream of watching a film about Tiger Woods and never heard of Rachel Upchuck or whatever her name is. She sounds like a particularly mercenary homewrecking cunt. I’m glad I don’t need to sit through a boring AF golf film to be able to point at her and laugh. Thanks, CL. ????

    • Famous only in her own dreams. I’d never heard of her either. Yeesh.

      Stick me on the hate-golf side of the ledger and no offense to those who love it.

      My loathing might have something to do with my ex who wanted SO much for me to learn and then would make the outing extra fun by saying helpful things like, “You’re supposed to try to hit the ball onto the fairway.” He also enjoyed mocking my swing. Fun times!

      • Hey, he can fuck off. You must be a great golfer since every time you played with him you got an asshole in one. 😉

        Mine wasn’t into golf, but used to go on all day golf outings with people from work, one of whom, of course, was OW. I did wonder at the time why he went on those outings when he didn’t even like the sport. Gaaawd, they’re predictable
        in their suckage.

  • I saw her and this doco pop up and figured that it was one of two things, or both: The money had run out, or she was short on attention. I have nothing, Tiger had a nice setup with the wife and kids, and he couldn’t keep it in his pants. I understand his father fucked up and let him have no fun, but he didn’t have to get married either. Rachel Utchitel is a bottom feeder.

  • I don’t understand why anyone would go to such lengths to look like Steven Tyler. I mean, he’s a hell of a talented musician (really), but I wouldn’t pay money to take on his facial characteristics. He’s another one who can’t keep it in his pants but I suspect most people know that fact.

    Flashing $10,000 around after sleeping with some guy – how is that not prostitution?

    Whatever. She’s an awful person.

  • RU is a skank and a whore. She is President and CEO of all lowlifes. She can apologize all she wants and she won’t get any sympathy from me. She would f*ck a married man again if she thought it benefited her. Lots of OW skanks, like RU chase after $$. It’s so gross. I saw these skanks literally pursue my ex in front of me. To this day, I’m still in disbelief how one would choose to be a skank vs having integrity. Gross! Gross! Gross!

    I did not watch the documentary nor do I care to do so. As for Elin, I applaud her hitting the SUV with a golf club. I can 100% relate to her pain, anger and her actions. She actually makes me feel normal. I did a little bit of non-human damage post D-Day myself.

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