Your blog helped me to cut through the nonsense about staying with a cheater and I can say that I am now divorced and at peace with it. I am happy to report that I am doing so much better and am gaining a life day by day.
I would like to submit this to the UBT for proper roasting. Husband had an affair with a woman 12 years his junior (I believe she was 19 and he 33) and they both maintained a 3-year affair behind my back. I found out about the affair in 2020 and I pick me danced (I have since retired my tap shoes).
Ex-H did the typical cheater stuff. I did confront the OW several times PRIOR to me reading your blog [in hindsight, I wouldn’t recommend it because you can put your personal safety at risk AND they know exactly what they are doing and just don’t care). Essentially, she confirmed to me that he lied to her as well many times. Even when I went no contact when I first found out -– I found out he had filed a police report on her because he sent me an e-mail professing his confusion about wanting to be with me, and she playing relationship police, looked through his phone and found it.
Now that we are divorced, my ex had tried to get me back –- with constant text messaging and phone calls. Everything was half-assed and he did none of the things required –- when I asked him if he was going to pay me and our son all the money he stole for his affair, he said, “Are you going to pay me all the money in rent you owe me from not living here?” I left due to his emotional and mental abuse and his neglect of our child which he fails to acknowledge still.
We communicate through a parenting app and I noticed that he began texting me things about our past marriage at 11 PM, 3 AM, 10 AM – either late at night or during the weekdays during working hours trying to convince me to get back with him – even sending me articles about the of divorce on children.
I think that he is trying to contact me while she is not around and I feel as though I am being treated like an OW –- even though we share a child and I have to keep some sort of communication open. I am practicing no contact when possible and gray rock when needed. He thinks that I am being condescending when I only respond to him about our son and practice BIFF (brief, informative, friendly, firm).
I received this text from the OW a few weeks ago from a different number (I never responded and blocked her number and also filed a police report).
I’m reaching out because I feel that you should be in the loop of some things. I’m aware that asshat has reached out to you crying out for forgiveness and begging for a second chance with you. Although I am not aware of your response or any conversation after because he chooses to keep that conversation private. Which is fine, maybe it’s better I don’t see. But I think you should know that he came to me asking for another chance and to rebuild our relationship a little after the divorce. We’ve been together since. As of today our relationship is over I suppose. But this is me being “woman to woman”. Also maybe since you have his best interest, since I was upset about learning that he’s been reaching out to you, he’s threatened and is in the process of exposing explicit pictures of myself and maybe you can talk him out of it lol. If not that’s cool, I’ll just report him.
Also, for additional laughs for you and CN – he plays in a band and uses that band account to communicate with the OW. In my day of relationship police, I uncovered a few conversations that he was trying to solicit sex from someone else while married to me and dating OW (he claimed up and down that he was messing with a scammer to see how far it could go) – when I confronted OW, she also informed me that she caught him trying to solicit someone’s phone number for a hookup.
If she “won” him, why contact me? And if he is so secure in his relationship with Schmoopie — why feel the need to contact me clandestine at certain hours of the day? I do not want to be a hypotenuse and am not falling for the BS.
I think you’re well aware that he’s not secure in his relationship with Schmoopie. Or anyone. And face it, you’re experiencing a delicious schadenfreude that things aren’t going swimmingly for either of them. Thank the sweet Lord Jesus you’re well clear of their steaming pile of dysfunction. Stay no contact, and IGNORE all your ex’s non-childcare messages on the parenting software. (Geez.)
But thanks for the OW snack. The Universal Bullshit Translator could use a workout. Its transponders are all flabby. It blames the pandemic, but really all it wants to do is lounge about, eat cookies, read P.G. Wodehouse novels, and imagine its retirement. “I’ll get a corgi and name him Bertie Woofster!”
Back to work, UBT! No corgis today.
I’m reaching out because I feel that you should be in the loop of some things.”
Unlike that three years I spent clandestinely fucking your husband. But now I’m consumed with thoughts of your welfare and would like to give you daily progress reports on my relationship status. You seem to be startling indifferent to my suffering.
I’m aware that asshat has reached out to you crying out for forgiveness and begging for a second chance with you.
Clearly, you forced him to do this. What with your mind-melding powers of telepathy.
Although I am not aware of your response or any conversation after because he chooses to keep that conversation private.
He could be conspiring with YOU against ME. The cosmic irony of my outrage about this is completely lost on me. #intheloop
Anyway, I am not presently aware of your response. Did you have one? I’ll find out.
Which is fine, maybe it’s better I don’t see.
I GPSed his underwear.
But I think you should know that he came to me asking for another chance and to rebuild our relationship a little after the divorce.
I’M THE ONE HE REALLY LOVES!
We’ve been together since.
Off and on for three years. Plus a little after your divorce. Okay, more on than off. #rebuilding
As of today our relationship is over I suppose.
I dunno. Convince me. You want him? I’ll dance harder. I really didn’t expect you to abandon the field on this semi-employed leech with delusions of rock star grandiosity. Am I just the average groupie or am I his muse? I’ll never know unless you play unwitting hypotenuse to my drama. Come back, Chump! Fight for him, so I know he’s a prize!
But this is me being “woman to woman”.
I fuck your husband because I believe in Universal Sisterhood.
Also maybe since you have his best interest, since I was upset about learning that he’s been reaching out to you, he’s threatened and is in the process of exposing explicit pictures of myself and maybe you can talk him out of it lol.
Nothing says true love like revenge porn.
Do a sister a solid. Talk him out of harming me, because you should absolutely expend all your social capital and good will on a woman who conspired in your abuse. This is MY abuse we’re talking about. And that’s VERY different.
If not that’s cool, I’ll just report him.
Enjoy this veiled threat.
Thanks! Just thought you should know! I’m here! I matter! I am MONITORING THE SITUATION and I’ll have reports! #intheloopwoman2woman