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The ‘If You Aren’t Nicer’ Threat

October 8, 2020 by Chump Lady

People still submit one-liners of Stupid Shit Cheaters Say to me. Got this one yesterday: “If you aren’t nicer to me, I’m going to cheat on you.” Let’s decode it, shall we? It’s only sentence, but therein lies so much crap. “If you aren’t nicer to me…” Implies what he does or does not do […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cheater Tactics, Pick me dance Tagged With: Infidelity abuse, Threats

‘I Fail to Understand Your Hostility’

October 7, 2020 by Chump Lady

There is no mindfuck like the I Fail to Understand Your Hostility mindfuck. As mindfucks go, it’s Jedi-level mindfuckery. Oh sure your lesser manipulator can sputter some pathetic lies, or shrug and play dumb. The IFTUYH mindfucker, however, is one cool customer. Zero adaptive anxiety. Your inchoate rage just bounces off their wall of smug. This crazy […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cheater Tactics, Gaslighting Tagged With: Gaslighting, manipulation

Cheater Word Salad Attacks

September 30, 2020 by Chump Lady

Chump Lady used to be a think tank editor in her younger days. Think tank publishing is mostly vanity publishing and not every book was stellar. But I learned an important lesson as a young editor. There was a direct correlation between good writing and clear messages — and bad messages and WTF-is-the-point-here?! word salad. Word […]

Filed Under: Cheater Tactics, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Word Salad

Dear Chump Lady, My Wife Is Near Perfect But I See Prostitutes

July 23, 2020 by Chump Lady

Hi Chump Lady, I happened upon your website and it seems to contain a lot of good advice for certain circumstances. But there are others, I think, where the main advice of “just leave” doesn’t apply. See, I’m a cheater and never expected I would be. I married my near perfect wife, a wonderful human […]

Filed Under: Character disorder, Cheater Tactics, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Prostitution, Sex addiction

Lies Are Exhausting

April 8, 2020 by Chump Lady

Avoid feelings of paralysis

A primer in mindfuckery today — exhaustion as manipulation tactic. If you’re a cheater and you want your chump to back off? Keep ’em running in circles, chasing unicorn (tails) tales. How is this accomplished? With a constant barrage of bullshit, half-truths, outright lies, indignation, and the ol’ I Fail to Understand Your Hostility mindfuck. […]

Filed Under: Cheater Tactics, Deception, What Not to Do Tagged With: Lies

‘Don’t Call It Snooping’

February 17, 2020 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I need to get on the soapbox and say this. Back when Horace the “Porn Addict” and I were clients of the couples therapy arm of the RIC (well, I was a client and he was a tourist), I used to catch hell from everyone concerned over “snooping.” It went like this: […]

Filed Under: Cheater Tactics, Reconciliation, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Marriage Police

‘I Feel Guilty for Leaving Him’

December 12, 2019 by Chump Lady

Dear Chump Lady, I discovered in September 2018 that my husband of 3 years (together a total of 13 years) had been having a 2-year affair with his coworker. (The affair started before our 1-year wedding anniversary and spanned our time trying to get pregnant, our time doing IVF, while I was pregnant and while […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Cheater Tactics, co-parenting with a fuckwit, Divorce, Trust that they suck Tagged With: No Contact, Trust That They Suck

More Stupid Shit Cheaters Say

October 4, 2019 by Chump Lady

I know I have a page for this, but why hasn’t Stupid Shit Cheaters Say been a Friday Challenge? The time has come. When I started this place, I naively thought I would catalog the crazy. More naively, I thought I would draw it. I had no idea I would get literally thousands of submissions, […]

Filed Under: Cheater Tactics, Deception, Gaslighting Tagged With: Bullshit, Lies, Stupid Shit Cheaters Say

The Plan B Offer

June 18, 2019 by Chump Lady

If things don’t work out with her, perhaps you and I could work things out. This was submitted to my “Universal Bullshit Translator” inbox. It’s so cake-y and so common. Yeah, right, I want to be Plan B! Thanks for being so bold and out there with it, Cheaterpants. How many in CN have gotten this […]

Filed Under: Cake Eating, Cheater Tactics, Ego kibbles, Pick me dance, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Pick Me Dance, Plan B

Way to Take Down a Cheater

May 8, 2019 by Chump Lady

A standing ovation for Talia Jane, a young writer who posted screen grabs of a conversation between her and married journalist perving on her. Need a primer in how to shut shit down? Here’s a master class. Background — she’s a young, underemployed writer, he’s an older dude offering career advice. Then, as it often is […]

Filed Under: Cheater Tactics Tagged With: Boundaries, Cheater

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