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Better Days Ahead 2022 Edition

Good morning Chump Lady.

I am feeling particularly strong today and thought I’d like to share some encouragement for those just starting their journey. As a backstory, I’m almost four years post D-Day and a little over a year post divorce. When I think back to those first two years, when my world was chaos, it was always music and beauty that got me through.

I was thinking, it would be amazing to have everyone post the songs that got them through, to inspire the next crew. There were many songs I relied on to get me through, but today I was listening to Dua Lipa’s Salt. It is probably not a song for everyone, but together, we definitely have something to offer all tastes.

Also, for what it is worth, as an added encouragement, I was 40, professionally successful, by the accounts of others very attractive, a loving mother of three, and highly educated, when I discovered my ex was frequenting massage parlors for sexual favors. Cheaters cheat, not because of anything that us chumps are lacking. It is never about us. Never about something we were lacking. I know you say this regularly, but I’m saying it again, because it is so important to moving on.

S

Dear S,

Thank you for the encouragement for new chumps and for the Friday Challenge idea. I’d also like to know during these difficult times, what’s getting everyone through? What is the soundtrack of your mighty? Got a Spotify list?

To those of you on Spotify, I made my own little playlist below. Imagine you’re trapped in a car with your uncool aunt Chump Lady — this is what we’re listening to. (My tastes were anachronistic even when I was a young person. I spared you the high church Anglican choral music.) I could do lugubrious or righteous fuck off songs, but I put this together with positive YOU CAN DO IT vibes.

The final aria is Shemekia Copeland — a 7 minute triumph of “It Don’t Hurt No More.”

And that’s what I wish for everyone in this New Year. No more hurt. Better days ahead.

Happy New Year to you all!

Tracy

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  • Right now it’s “All You Had To Do Was Stay” by Taylor Swift since my STBX has been telling me how much he loves and misses me and that I was gold and he lost it. I also like:

    Truth Hurts – Lizzo
    Good As Hell – Lizzo
    Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
    Wide Awake – Katy Perry
    And lots more!

  • Thank you both! I had a few songs that helped. I also avoided all Country songs (so many country cheater songs!) … and all things Sinatra (FW’s Favorite).

    But the one song that helped me most is one my friend recommended when I was venting to her one day:

    Let It Be (The Beatles).

    When Paul McCartney was struggling as The Beatles were nearing their end… Paul had a dream that his mother (who had died about 10 years prior) came to him and told him to just “let it be.” And he’s said that it brought him a sense of calm. He sat at his piano and wrote it.

    When I was feeling at my worst, I’d sing “Let It Be” to myself. I still do.

    • “Let it Be” is my song, too.

      When my dad died, I couldn’t process it. It took me about ten years, and then he came to me in a dream, and said, “You can’t maintain it” (meaning the grief.) He said, “You’ve gotta let it go.” In the dream, it reminded me of the words to “Let it Be…”

  • Lauren Daigle “Rescue”
    King and Country “God only knows”
    Lizzo “Good as hell”
    Katie Perry “Roar”

    Those are the top 4 i can think of. I love music and being cheated on it has taken me awhile to like listening to radio and such because so many songs bring back memories. But 3.5 years post D day and 2.5 divorced. Im thriving and so are my 3 kids.

    • I am also a fan of “Roar.”

      I used to like listening to music and dancing around the house and singing. Klootzak doesn’t like people singing along with songs and pooh poohed music I like to the point I just stopped listening to it. Just listening to music and singing with it will be healing for me.

    • Yes!!!!!!! Especially the part “some say you’re going to get what you give, but some things only god can forgive”.
      Somebody that I used to know-Gotye
      Bury me-Thirty Seconds to Mars
      Apologize-One Republic
      Fighter-Christina Aguilera.

  • All Things Must Pass, George Harrison
    What is Life, George Harrison
    (This one is dedicated to my 3 adult children)

      • Her father, Miller Williams, was a prolific poet and all around literary genius. She grew up in my hometown.

    • Underrated song….Best Days by Kellie Pickler. Please look up the lyrics…..here’s a snip bit:

      Cause I’ll be there, in the back of your mind
      From the day we met to the very last night
      And it’s just too bad, cause you’ve already had the best days
      The best days of you life

  • 1. Sisyphus (Andrew Bird)
    2. Youth (Daughter)
    3. Moon at the Window (Joni Mitchell)
    4. Silence (Dave Thomas Jr.)
    5. Boa Sorte (Vanessa da Mata & Ben Harper)
    6. Não Enche (Caetano Veloso)
    7. Like a Rolling Stone (Bob Dylan)
    8. Pode Encomendar o seu Caixão (Martinho da Vila)
    9. I’m Still Standing (Elton John)
    10. Sitting (Yusuf Islam fka Cat Stevens)
    11. Baby Bitch (Ween)

    • I forgot all about that Vanessa da Mata song, says this chump who also speaks a bit of Portuguese. I liked it even before I was chumped.

      Many have already said Lizzo, Good as Hell. That’s my go to.

      The Chainsmokers Hope is not about cheating, but similar emotions.

      • Oi, Unstuck!

        Since you speak Portuguese, you might find it amusing that the lyrics of “Não Enche” serendipitously uses the very expression “D-day” (dia D) in a context of chump liberation from an abusive and deceptive partner.

        Feliz ano novo, tudo de bom pra você!

      • Feliz ano novo, ClearWaters!

        I had to research for this one, had never heard this samba before, but people say it is a classic.

        Are you brazilian too by any chance?

          • Wow, ClearWaters, I’m so glad you gently gave me that hint about being brazilian too!

            Sorry for going off-topic, but I would like to share an aspect of my nightmare that a fellow brazilian will surely have a clearer understanding of. My XW is a military police officer (working in health corps though) and decided to blow up our 20 years marriage having an affair with a crooked cop (there are strong reasons to believe he is a “miliciano”), putting our two autistic sons in harm’s way all along. I am not in the military (I am a professor) and have been very affraid since then. I have been explicitly threatened by the AP. Thankfully the affair is over now, but I had to turn down a position in a top university where we used to live (I am sure you can guess where that is; I just don’t want to write it down) and move my kids to the (smaller) city where I currently hold a position in order to protect ourselves. I’m gonna spare you the messy details, but, in a nutshell, she had no option left other than to move along because the debt she secretly amassed during the affair rendered her unable to support herself where we used to live. I cannot bear to see a police car anymore without feeling very uncomfortable, I think I am traumatized. I am even affraid that maybe it is not wise to talk about these things here at Chump Lady’s blog.

            I was way too willing to compromise in financial matters in order to get over the divorce as quick as possible and that put her in a position to pay her debts within the next years (if she only could quit the compulsive spending and ostentation; thankfully, this seems unlikely). Also, she’s got a wealthy boyfriend recently. My biggest fear is that she will drag me to court again any time soon to request full custody and move our kids back to where she works. Of course I will fight back with all I have, and I have a lot, but I am too weary and financially depleted and just to think of that now scares the shit out of me.

            Just hours ago, I had a very unpleasant exchange with her as I caught her trying to gaslight my oldest son over a videocall that my XMIL did not abused him verbally yesterday by calling him a mongoloid and “frouxo” (you know what that means in our machist culture). I did stand for his account of events (which my XMIL not even tried to rebute) and told everybody involved that that is unnaceptable. The response on her side was rage and veiled threats: I cannot speak to her that way in front of our kids. But then how can I defend them? My lawyer told me to document the facts by getting an extra appointment with my kid’s therapist and asking her to write a report. Also to inform the “conselho tutelar”. Other than that I am at a loss here. The kids have been through so much the last couple years.

            I don’t know if I really have a question here or only wanted to vent to someone that maybe can understand. I think I would like to know from others (you, in this case) if you think my fears are either proportionate or exaggerated.

            Again, sorry for going way off-topic and ranting, things got a bit out of hand emotionally for me these hollidays. I totally understand if you prefer not to comment.

            Feliz ano novo!

            • BrazilianChump,
              I wish Chump Lady still had her forum so we could make better contact, but I feel so bad for you, I’ll reply here. I read your story yesterday and was so upset I dreamt about it. I hope you read this late reply.

              Adding insult to injury is to be threatened by a militia AP. Non-Brazilian chumps have no idea what this means.

              Frankly, I bet your XW will not bother to get custody of your children. She is too busy working on her magnificence. In addition, if your children are autistic that means a lot of work and $. Ask me how I know. I have one son with Asperger’s. I never understood why we had to struggle so much to pay therapy bills. Now I know. Besides eternally helping his family of mediocre dimwits, starting with his cheater father XH was spending on FWs. XH helped with our sons 2% of the time and only if he was going to be coddled by the therapist. So I think your children are safe with you.

              It is disgusting to have to acknowledge the power of militias in Brazil now, but I also bet the militia AP is now more focussed on your XW, his ex-AP (and what she knows), than on you. That is how their pea-sized brains work. Militia-man now has nothing to gain by harassing you. Furthermore you seem to be working in a different “militia jurisdiction” now. This is so crazy! You are a professor (so am I). So work hard at being indispensable in whatever you teach and research, this creates a protection.

              I hope your divorce settlement left you free of your FW-XW’s stupid debts. Mine did. Pitbull lawyers even got Sparkledick to pay for their fees. And he is still running up debts. To think he has a PhD.

              BrazilianChump, you seem to be young. I hope you meet a good woman.

              • Words can’t describe how grateful I am for your reply, ClearWaters, thank you so much!

                Not expecting you to read or reply to what follows, just getting stuff out of my chest. I already bothered you enough for the first day of the year.

                People close to me (and formerly to both of us as a couple) have also reassured me that she won’t bother going for full custody (although she says she will do so as soon as she is debt-free). She is not that insterested in spending time with the kids unless it is in public, fancy and makes for some nice instagram photos. I am their primary care-giver for a long time now even prior to the affair. It came in handy, now that I have to cook, clean, make laundry, help with homework, take them to therapy, etc. all by myself while working my ass off teaching online and barely trying to continue my research. I have them with me 4 days each week even though it should be the other way around as per our divorce decree (but I am grateful for that). She only works 24h each week and one of the perks of being a boss is that she can schedule her shifts as she pleases. But even so she usually waives her sundays with the kids to be in other city with her boyfriend. This Christmas she just dumped the kids with her mom and left (maybe got a ride in Santa’s sledge). All this is just silly me trying to say that you’re probably right about she not seeking more custody and I hope you are.

                But she is really into impression management, and it sure doesn’t sits well with the moms of the elite private school our oldest son used to go to that such good catholic mom as my XW doesn’t have full custody since I live in another state. How come? It could raise questions, right? It would come as no surprise for me if she were off to manipulate some moronic flying monkey attorney from their ranks into working pro bono for her. She is the quintessential sad sausage.

                As for the militia man, what she may know about his supposed illicit activities is an open secret, and nobody really cares. Fact is he is too well-off for a private soldier and is into the van transportation business (huge red flag, right?). Also: was denied access to the force due to charges of domestic violence against a former fiancé of his; courts ruled in his favor on grounds of presumed innocence (my XW told me AP bought the plaintiff a house in exchange for hers dropping the charges). Also: usually troopers are assigned to paperwork (or sent to help in a hospital) when they screw up on the streets or are someone’s protégé; my XW told me it was both: AP allegedly killed a person in action and was in the good graces of a crooked officer. Also: AP’s best-buddy and bbq partner (one of my XW’s subordinates too) was arrested at his job for involvement in a homicide.
                Also: during wreckonciliation I caught winds of XW planning a pool-party with my kids at AP’s house in a militia dominated area. Too big a house for a private’s paystub. Point is: everybody knows and no one gives a shit.

                Shortly after I filled for divorce he dumped her (not hot enough, his words) and she promptly arranged for him to be transferred from the hospital at which he was her direct-report to a Pacifying Police Unit located in a conflagrated part of the town (she’s stuck a bullseye in his forehead; still don’t know how she’s got everyone else involved in the decision to comply). THAT is where my fear of my kids going back to that city comes from. He sure holds a grudge against her, as attested by the insults and threats he screamed at her (my then 8 yo son heard it all) and the fact that he’s thrown shit at the fan at work and exposed her (not good for her impression management). I don’t want my kids anywhere near that mess.

                Also, nothing prevents XW and former AP to rekindle their twu wuv as soon as she is financially attractive again. Her current boyfriend is just as replaceable as I was. There is a considerable age gap between the two of them and I suspect she is just using him for status, free flight vouchers (he is a commercial pilot for an airline), fancy nights out and a roof over her head back there where she works (AP was different, I think he’s got her hooked).

                Sorry for vomiting all over your shoes (as in CL’s very apt metaphor), but I have nobody to tell these things that could understand.

              • Words cannot describe how grateful I am for you taking from your time to reply to my oversharing, ClearWaters, thank you very much!

                I wrote a reply earlier today, but it is waiting for moderation, which got me wondering if I maybe have disclosed information that was deemed inappropriate by the blog’s standards. If that is the case, I apologize to CL and her moderators.

                In any case, I wanted to let you know that I did read your kind reply and to thank you once again.

    • Not Brazilian but geographically close and funny. It sounds like a chump tango or could describe an AP. https://youtu.be/lHFmXJQJO5Y

      Decís que sí, pensás que no
      cambiás el juego en lo mejor
      pensás que sí, decís que no
      volás con fuego en un motor

      Con estos sí, con esos no
      tenés capricho al por mayor
      con esos sí, con estos no
      ¿qué bicho ruin te vacunó?

      Viajás aquí, viajás allá
      si no te invitan, te colás
      pedís allá, negás aquí
      tu suma resta, y vos seguís

      Tenés un fin que no es un plan
      te tira letra tu bacán
      transás allá, mentís aquí
      no lo escondas que ya te vi

      Querés ser bien, como esas viejas, bien perfumadas
      que juegan al bridge, medio mamadas
      con cartas bien marcadas, ay
      para las gilas como vos

      Salí, ¿No ves el tongo en el que estás?
      rajá, lo que te dan ahora
      se vuelve, la soga
      con que te van a liquidar

      Decís que sí, pensás que no
      cambiás de dueño sin razón
      pensás que sí, decís que no
      creés que un sueño es un colchón

      Con estos sí, con esos no
      ni arroz, ni leche, ni tazón
      con esos sí, con estos no
      ¿Qué bicho ruin te convenció?

      Viajás aquí, viajás allá
      pasás vergüenza y te humillás
      pedís allá, negás aquí
      tu cuenta embarga el porvenir

      Tenés un fin que no es un plan
      licuás la masa y no habrá pan
      transás allá, mentís aquí
      no lo escondas que ya te vi

      Querés ser bien, como esas viejas, bien perfumadas
      que juegan al bridge, medio mamadas
      con cartas bien marcadas, ay
      para las gilas como vos

      Salí, ¿No ves el tongo en el que estás?
      rajá, lo que te dan ahora
      se vuelve, la soga
      con que te, con que te van a liquidar.

      • Hell of a Chump,

        this song sounds modern to me, but your argentinian reference reminded me of one of Gardel’s that, except for the first and last strophes, I could “sing” (not that I can sing for real, ha!) word for word to my XW: mano a mano.

        Happy new year!

  • Popped in on my day off to say Mighty New Year to you all!

    Here are some less famous ones for the list. 😊

    David Wilcox (USA musician)
    – Rise
    – Rule Number One
    – Start With the Ending
    – Johnny’s Camaro (ESPECIALLY this one)

  • Thy Will – Hillary Scott and the Scott Family
    (anything on KLOVE actually)

    Sail On – The Commodores (it’s actually a break up song!)

    Roar – Katy Perry

    To be honest, I stayed away from “regular radio” for almost two years… listening to break-up songs and unrequited love songs did NOT help my mental health. KLOVE is all positive music, all the time.

    I’m seven years out – well in to my Meh Days. You will get here too, promise. It begins with self-care.

    Happy new year Chump Lady and Chump Nation

    • I nicknamed my ex “Phil Collins” on my phone as the ex hates Phil Collins while I think Phil is da bomb. Makes me giggle every time his name pops up on my phone. It would kill the ex to know that is now his name.

  • One Girl Revolution, by Superchick. They do other cool songs that help me feel
    like a MMA champion.

    I would also add that music is helpful when I need to cry and am stuck. Those tears are not for him but necessary for healing my own pain…Mother Nature’s healing drug.

    I’ve heard numerous chumps talk about resisting crying because they think tears are somehow about the cheater, losing power to the cheater, the cheater winning somehow, giving something to the cheater, the cheater getting one over on them, etc.

    No. Tears are our emotional expression of pain, and they heal, like we laugh when we hear something we think is funny.

    I am a crying advocate.

    When my daughter was little, we were walking home from school one day and she told me the yard duty lady told her to stop crying. Them’s fighting words and I was really incensed. So I taught her to hold up her hand like a STOP sign and say, “I’ll be with you when I’m done crying.” We practiced while walking to school the next day.

    So the music that helps me cry is just as important and necessary as the music that helps me feel capable and mighty.

    • There are songs I love that Traitor X and the Craigslist cockroach ruined and I am scheming on getting those back on MY playlist.

      One afternoon just before DDay, we were in the car and I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith came on and he quickly switched stations. I said, “Hey! I love that song! What are you doing?!” I later figured out during the post DDay digital sleuthing that it was one of “their”
      songs.

      I never said anything about it and he doesn’t know that I put that together, so because things didn’t turn out how he thought, sometimes that song is blasting from my car stereo when I pull up at the business meeting. I then comment how much I love that song.

      It’s a fool who cheats on a smartass of superior intelligence and comic timing.

      😜

  • Music can still be a trigger for me as ex was a musician and, during our 30 years together, he determined the soundtrack. I can listen to the Beatles now and not always think about the Hofner Bass under the guest room bed.

    Classical music is the soothing balm which I grew up with. And there’s centuries of that available.

      • Both lovely choices. Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” speaks to me of something it took me far too long to learn. *I* was worthy of respect, and those who tried to take it from me were worthy of *no* respect.

        “I will survive”. *Love* this one, it reminds me so much of the early days of discovering the betrayal, and wondering if I actually could survive it, and I did, thank God.

        Music is so powerful, there have been days when I thought I couldn’t bear to go on, then a song would come on the radio, or I would remember a singer I particularly loved and play her CD, and just listening to it gave me strength to go on.

        God bless musicians and singers. 🙏💪

  • Good Morning CN and happy new year.

    I am almost one year D-day and just one week post divorce ( yeah, got rid of the trash ), and things were looking up for me, but then Tru Wuv wrote me a dissertation on social media ( I did not read it but it mentioned my ex ) a few days ago. Why? Why engage me? What purpose would that serve me — I understand these freaks need to triangulate to get those extra tingly orgasms, however why include me?

    My songs:
    Rush — Fly by Night
    Black Sabbath ( all of it )
    American Analog Set ( all of it )

    Happy New Year and hope all y’all are extra mighty this year.

    • Wow,….I have loved Fly By Night since I was twelve years old! Neil Peart was my drummer hero. We had family friends who were cousins of Alex Lifeson, and I was never able to benefit from that connection by meeting the band. 😭

      I’ll be adding that to my Power Song playlist….thanks for the reminder and you have me in your cheering section for your continued healing.

      • Haha thanks Velvet Hammer!

        I was lucky enough to see Rush play live several times back in the day— but never met them in person. I hear they are very approachable ( according to the documentary ) so I hope you get to meet them one day.

        I listen to 2112 also since the 1st part is transformative.

        • Seeing Rush was an unforgettable rush for me. I became a drummer because of Neil. In eighth grade I challenged the drummer in school band and won his seat. Losing his seat to a girl was so humiliating for him. We’re still friends and laugh about it now. On my infidelity recovery bucket list is to get another kit and start playing again.

          Breaking out the Rush today!

          • That’s so cool ( your drumming ).
            Neil was incredible. Amazing musician, but he was also a deeply troubled and sensitive human which made his song writing so relatable to we commoners.
            As a side note on getting through this year, I listened to Fly by Night on repeat for hours as I worked on a project of mine ( Zodiac Killer ) and the time changes that Rush is known for were signals to my brain to stop obsessing over trash and to focus on my work. I sort of trained myself that “Fly by night” ( … change my life again … ) was written expressly for me to get healthy, and by hearing the first few beats my brain cleared and my mind focused on me. Thanks Neil!!!

          • Hey, Velvet Hammer! I’m a woman drummer too. And a Neil Peart fan. I’ve seen Rush a couple times and decided to buy a set of DW drums because that is what he played. I was absolutely gutted when he passed.

            “Tom Sawyer” has always been my anthem and is on my bucket list of songs to learn on the kit. It always makes me feel mighty.

            VH, make a resolution to buy that kit and start playing again in 2022! If you are on Facebook, there is an awesome group called Drummer Girls United. A very positive, encouraging group of women drummers from around the world. Look us up! 🥁💪🏻❤️

            • And VH, As you probably know, drumming is very therapeutic. It fully engages both your mind and body. And it’s a great way to take out some aggression. On rough days I always feel so much better after a good session on my drum kit.

              • Spiritual benefits of drumming = exactly!!

                We are totally going sidebar here on Chumplady today, Xioba and Nemesis!

                Check out Greg Gaylord of Drum Solo. He was a neighbor and is a friend and makes awesome drums…some from wood reclaimed from the bottom of Lake Michigan. Charlie Watts bought from him. I plan to give him a call.

                Girl drummers were so rare in the 70’s; I loved it instantly. Also on my drumming bucket list is taiko drumming. Taiko Dojo and Kenny Endo are near me in San Francisco so I have to wait out the pandemic.

                Thanks for the FB page info!

              • VH, I Googled Greg Gaylord. Looks like he is currently with Craviotto Drums, which are my dream drums. They are practically works of art. What an awesome connection to have!

                You aren’t too far from my neck of the woods. One of my friends runs women’s three day drum camps from her home in Auburn California. You can Google that too, if you’d like. I’ve been to a couple of them. Great drum instruction and perhaps even more than that, a great hang. Highly recommend it.

                One of my resolutions for next year is to start going to an African drumming meet-up. I have a djembe and I want to learn how to play it better. I’ve always enjoyed hand percussion.

                We really have gone off the rails here a bit. 😂 Bottom line, there is a large, supportive community of women drummers that we didn’t have back in the day when we first started playing. Hope you get back into it!

              • I took up drumming this year too (told my instructor I wanted to hit things). VH, I think you will love picking it up again!

                I’ve played music since I was 9, but lost interest after I moved in with FW. I just didn’t feel comfortable playing with him around. If there was ever a sign something was off with our relationship, that should have been so obvious.

                I set up a drum kit in my bedroom and now I play whenever I feel like it (it’s electronic so sleeping children/neighbor friendly). Drumming has replaced doom scrolling and replying to stupid FW texts.

                I am a 50 year old woman who keeps drumsticks in my car (practice while I am waiting for kids). I probably look ridiculous and I DON’T CARE! Some serious, take back my power vibes – highly recommended 🙂

                Thanks for the new drum ideas – not off topic for me at all!

                Happy new year!

              • Ok, let’s go all the way off the rails today!

                Nemesis, I’d be happy to introduce you to Greg. His mom and dad are still my neighbors. They are awesome down-to-earth people. His drums literally took over the house when he lived with them and they were totally cool with it.

                I just joined the FB group….look for me and send me a PM.

                Chumpy, I had sticks AND a tambourine in my car for many years. Way more fun at red lights!

                😍

              • #Sometimes — Its AMAZING to see Y’all’s Other side!! —

                Totally NOT a drummer at all —

                But its great to see everyone’s Different “Diamond Facets” that makes you the “kewl” Human Being’s Y’all are!!

                Original “Merced, CA” Girl!!

  • The Dixie Chicks, The Commodores (because it was left in my car – Lionel Ritchie wrote some deep ones) and Stevie Nicks’ Landslide. I could listen to that one over and over. In fact, whenever that song comes, I just shush everyone, stop, close my eyes and sing along: 🎵I’ve been afraid of changin cause I’ve built my whole life around you. But time makes you bolder, children get older and I’m getting older too. So take this love and take it down…the landslide brought me down 🎵

    • Possibly my favorite song of all time. It’s gorgeous! I’ve loved it since I was a little girl. There are dozens of remakes but nothing can match Stevie.

      • Agreed RE: Landslide ~ such a phenomenal song (I love to listen to covers of it too when I’m in the mood to listen to it again and again)

        I also incessantly played “Take a Bow” (Rihanna) for months upon end after D-Day

  • Mr. Wonderful’s Toupees
    – Brian Combe

    The next logical question is how do I even know about this song? Well since my ex has a shitty toupee I did a search for toupee songs.

    This song is ridiculous but so is a crappy jet black toupee, especially when the rest of you is grey.

    It makes me chuckled 😅😅😅

  • Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini was definitely my #1 song during that time, to remind me of all that I put aside for him and to never, ever do it again.

    My other favorites are/were:
    Never Again – Kelly Clarkson
    Dirty Laundry – Carrie Underwood
    Hurt Me – Meghan Trainor
    Girl – Maren Morris
    I’m Good – Abby Anderson
    I’m a Fighter – Maya Gabrielle Satterwhile
    You Broke Me First – Tate McRae
    Liability – Carly Pearce (and her entire 29 Album)
    Liar – Davina Michelle
    I Forgot That You Existed – Taylor Swift
    Broken & Beautiful – Kelly Clarkson
    Truth About You – Mitchell Tenpenny
    Want Me Back – Lindsay Ell

    Music has been so healing for me and I hope this list can help someone else. I always feel lots of inner power when I listed to this playlist. It reminds me that I am mighty!

      • I’m so happy that you liked it! I had it on repeat for quite a while during my most difficult days.

        The line, “the fact that she is real hurts but doesn’t kill” gets me every time. So powerful.

    • Fleetwood &Rumors- Definitely
      Just good old rock and roll helps too.

      I love music as well. I also can’t listen to many country songs.

      But there are some amazing Christian artists that help lift me up.
      Crowder ❤- Come as You Are
      Zach Williams– Chain Breaker & New Christmas album really does swing well
      We are the Kingdom- Child of Love
      Rend Collective
      Leslie Jordan

    • “Exile” from Folklore made me bawl like a baby for the first time in months. Since I was abandoned out of the blue (got an e-mail tho) after 28 years of marriage the whole theme of ‘never seeing the signs’ and ‘leaving out the side door’ were absolutely spot-on. I ended up yelling at the video during the call-and-response of “I never saw the signs/I gave so many signs” between the duo because that was my life. I stood up and yelled,

      “SIGNS?!! FUCKING ***SIGNS***???!!! OPEN YOUR FUCKING BABY MOUTH AND ~SAY~ YOU ARE UNHAPPY INSTEAD OF CHEATING AND ABANDONING, YOU FUCKING CHEATING LYING PIECE OF SHIT”

      which of course is no indictment of TS herself, I was yelling at my X.

      Hey, I guess the “sign” he put out there was when he was fucking around on me and lying when asked direct questions about it. Yep, totes missed it. #mybad

      Cathartic.

      I more than once have rocked out to “Titanium” by David Guetta while driving. It makes me cry, too.

  • Nina Simone’s Ain’t Got No, I Got Life

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5jI9I03q8E

    Happy New Year CN!
    I am so busy lately that I must seem like “UnderWaters” instead of ClearWaters here at CN. And all because I am free of a cheater.
    Be brave CN, it all works out and for the better for anyone with guts.

    My son who is living with his FW father is finally moving out…

  • Karma Police // Radiohead
    How it ends // DevochKa
    In The New Year // The Walkman
    Got New Dreams // Naked Raygun

    And my favorite: Let Down // Radiohead
    “…. You know, you know where you are with
    You know where you are with
    Floor collapsing, floating
    Bouncing back and
    One day I am gonna grow wings
    A chemical reaction…”

    • First two are favorites of mine that have been out of the rotation for awhile. Good reminder!

      Had “Knives Out” stuck in my head for awhile…

    • “Let Down” is an amazing song.

      In fact, the whole of ‘OK Computer’, played from start to finish, got me through several difficult years.

  • Better Man. Little Big Town
    It’s not cheerful but strengthening

    Dixie Chicks
    Linda Ronstadt Poor Poor pitiful me always puts a smile on my face

    Lie by the Band Perry

    Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty

    • Better Man by Little Big Town – Described my whole life! I came across the video on YouTube while I was at work soon after my final DDay this summer and had to leave my desk and go outside and sob!

      I actually remember the first time I heard this song. They performed it live on an award show soon after my first DDay in 2015 (that I didn’t know was an actual DDay until this summer). Our son and my stepdaughter were at home with me. I was just stunned at the truth of the song and had to leave the room to keep from crying in front of them! You cant write songs like that without having experienced the situation yourself.

  • Happy New Year CL and CN ❤
    I would have been cool with Anglican high church choral music, CL!

    Cee-Lo Green’s Fuck You – all time never-fail fave
    https://youtu.be/pc0mxOXbWIU

    Also I Will Survive got a good workout in the early days, as did Pompeii and Things We Lost on the Fire by Bastille, Bleeding Out (and others) by Imagine Dragons and a fair bit of Within Temptation – the gothic stage of grief I guess.

    Then I got more kick-ass as I got my mojo back – Gin Wigmore’s Black Sheep, Gabriella Cilmi’s Sweet About Me, Jordin Sparks Battlefield, Boom Bap Pow’s My World, Castles by Freya Ridings. Lots of sassy ladies with attitude.

  • Positive You Can Do It/It Will Be Fine songs (not necessarily in order. Also, not all necessarily upbeat, but the message is the right one):

    Don’t Worry Bout Me by Zara Larsson
    Ciao Adios by Anne-Marie
    Sunday Morning by No Doubt (my favourite)
    Don’t Call Me Up by Mabel
    Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence
    So What by Pink

    Songs for General Positive Vibes:

    Kings and Queens by Ava Max
    Who Knows by Avril Lavigne
    Down on the Corner by Creedence
    Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves

  • Music did not really get me through the healing process. As a matter of fact, I find I no longer feel music the way I used to. That being said, I do remember cranking up the volume to Ozzy Ozborne’s “No More Tears” and jamming out to that on occasion. Instead of music, I began to enjoy the melodies of silence and thought, especially on nature walks.

  • Good as Hell, Lizzo
    I’m Still Standing, Elton John
    It’s Only Love, Bryan Adams feat. Tina Turner
    New Attitude, Patti LaBelle

    And “One More Minute” by “Weird Al” Yankovic was and continues to be my absolute jam, especially when I forget to TTTS (trust that they suck).

    • Thanks for introducing me to “One More Minute”, DWA!!! I love Weird Al Yankovic but somehow had never heard this one before. Gold! Happy new year!

  • I had a driving job, when I was in the throes of leaving my mirage, and music was so important. I would turn the sound up, and cry and drive. My favorite was this obscure Hawaiian band called Kaiser Surf Crew, they are just super happy, upbeat guys! High Surf Advisory, Set Them Free. That whole CD was sweet, and uplifting. Long story, but a restaurant owner burned it for me, when he saw that my X was being abusive, and handed it to me as we were leaving.
    Also, the album Who Is Jill Scott, she feels so powerful to me, and I love her voice.
    Happy New Year all! 🎆

  • I’m a drummer and a singer. One of the songs I enjoyed playing and singing (at the top of my lungs) during my early chumphood was Ceelo Green’s “Fuck You”. It always made me laugh. And wonder what the neighbors were thinking. 😄

    Another song that made me smile is Raelynn’s “Bra Off”. Cute, catchy little tune.

    • Keyboard player and singer here. Thrilled to see so many musicians on the blog.

      To listen
      Seether’s Rise Above This
      Lizzo’s Truth Hurts and Good as Hell
      Jars of Clay Flood Lift Me Up
      Sixx A.M. Life is Beautiful

      To sing:
      Train’s Ordinary
      Memories by Adam Levine
      Who Knew by Pink
      Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa
      My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crow
      Mama’s Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert
      Watch Over You by Alter Bridge

      • I LOOOVE Seether! Great tune. “Fine Again” is another good one. I’ve belted that one out a few times when I was feeling especially morose.

        Yes, so cool to see so many musicians here. 🤘🏻🎼🎤🎸🥁🎹🥰

  • Dua Lipa – IDGAF

    Already mentioned by others – Phil Collins I Don’t Care Anymore and Elton John “Still Standing”

  • Music got me through healing. But not the power/fuck you songs. The sad songs. Those are the songs that helped me feel, and then to heal. It was over the minute I found out on D-Day, and the sad songs were my comfort.

    Heart of the Matter – Don Henley – the live one from the hell freezes over tour

    Silver Springs – Fleetwood Mac (there’s a live version on YouTube that’s the best)

    Landslide – Fleetwood Mac

    Let Her Go – Passenger

    Who Knew – Pink

    Better Man – Taylor’s version
    The 1 – Taylor Swift
    Exile – Taylor Swift

    Don’t – Ed Sheeran

    Talk – Kodaline

    I Knew You Were Trouble – Taylor

    Lover – Michael Stanley Band

    I know I’m at Tuesday because these songs are now just good songs. I don’t cry over them, I just appreciate that they’re good songs that helped me.

    Happy New Year!
    Hope that 2022 is all Tuesdays!

    • I’ll add three:

      Sit Down by James
      Travelling Woman by Bat for Lashes

      -and this one that my lovely SIL sent me when he asked for a second chance and I said no.

      https://youtu.be/fD7kgjYo7Ls

      A very happy, mighty new year, Chump Nation! Much love ❤

    • Patsy Cline’s Walkin’ After Midnight is a sad but hopeful sing that works that way, too. Sometimes we have to walk through it to GET through it.

      • Walking through it, to *get* through it, struck me. For quite a while I absolutely refused to either walk through it, or get through it.

        I just curled into a ball. I couldn’t listen to anyone, couldn’t accept what any one was telling me. It was a period of so much pain, I can’t bear to remember it.

        And yet, there was always music! Kate Rusby, Irish ballads, Scottish music, all of them helped me in one way or another.

        The most therapeutic? Dancing and screaming to the “Drop Kick Murphy’s” whilst stomping on my wedding photos. 😂😂😂

  • A couple of good friends made playlists for me in the dark times after DD; those leaned heavily toward girl anthems like the immortal “I Will Survive” and Pink’s “So What”. It was helpful, as I live in an area where lots of driving time is just part of life, to be able to slip in a CD and just sing along. I mentioned this to my therapist, and she asked me which was the best song of the bunch; that answer changed daily, but on that day, my response was Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats”. The therapist hadn’t heard it, so I ran down to the car and grabbed the CD. She listened, and then she gave me the most evil, conspiratorial, unprofessional grin, and said “I like that….” 🤣🤣🤣

    • Yup. I know country is off the list for some but “Before He Cheats” and Sara Evans’ “Cheatin’” as well as Dixie Chicks’ “Goodbye Earl” are among my guilty pleasures.

  • I’ll Take The Rain – REM
    Don’t Come Around Here No More – Tom Petty
    Return to Innoncence – Enigma
    Dog Days Are Over – Florence and the Machine

  • Happy New Year to Tracey and everyone here. Thankyou for your constant help and support through 2021, I really get such comfort from reading the posts. Let’s hope 2022 is better for us all . Xx

  • Related to today’s topic (music) and something that inspired me just yesterday…I watched the documentary about Clive Davis, the legendary Golden Ears of the music industry.

    It was a total accident of fate that he became who he is, discovering a talent he never knew he had. I LOVED that. I think we all have talent we don’t know we have that get squashed by the energy suck of being in repressive relationships with liars/cheaters/thieves. Cheaters are DEFINITELY not people helping you climb and be your best self. That person is sucking the life force out of you, squashing you, and stripping your power and energy away. Danger, Will Robinson!

    Later, when betrayed by executives at the record label he founded who were ousting him, he left. All 18 senior executives went with him. That’s an example of
    loyalty and overcoming adversity I want to learn from!

    I was crying watching this movie. I think it’s because of the support and loyalty themes running throughout, something I am only just now grasping how I never had in my family or mirage.

    It’s amazing to see how much music I love that he is behind!

    • Rolling in the Deep was my biggie! It came out as I was in my worst days, and I listened to it over and over because it just focused my anger and made me feel powerful. It sent me to searching to create a whole playlist of angry women power type songs from a bunch of eras. Some are very obscure, but perfect. I’ve added to it over time as new songs came out or came to my attention and it became more about what I would accept in a future relationship, and I even threw in a few from men as I recovered.

      Rolling in the Deep – Adele
      These Boots are Made for Walking – Nancy Sinatra
      Better be Good to Me – Tina Turner
      I Love Myself Today – Bif Naked
      The Wreckoning – Boomkat
      Sick and Tired – Anastacia
      Strings of Life (Stronger on my Own) – Soul Central
      Can’t Be Tamed – Miley Cyrus
      Survivor – Destiny’s Child
      Respect – Aretha Franklin
      Bad Blood – Taylor Swift
      Strong Enough – Cher
      Roar – Katy Perry
      Bitch – Meredith Brooks
      You Don’t Own Me – Lesley Gore
      Forget You – CeeLo Green
      Brand New Day – Neil Patrick Harris

  • This is such a great new year’s gift! I have a few that I still love and that still help these 6 years later:

    Better Things to Do by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
    I Learned the Hard Way by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
    Greenville by Lucinda Williams
    Big Mess by Lucinda Williams

    Music can be a trigger for me too ICanseeTuesday. My ex was a musician too and looked down on everything. Now I can enjoy what I like and sing along loud (i love music and singing but am not a great singer. He would tell me I was “ruining”songs when i sang along)
    He no longer gets hired for anything as he is so unreliable and has lied to too many people about too many things.
    Happy new year to all!

    • I am a pretty good singer. Used to sing karaoke and get applause and asked to sing again. Klootzak also said I ruined songs when I sang with them and would turn the volume up louder and louder until I would stop.

      It’s not about us. It’s about devaluing us. I could have been Adele and he would have told me to shut up. I hope you sing loud and proud now, girl!

  • Sheryl Crows :
    “A Change Will Do You Good”

    Especially the scene in the Music Video where she hurls his guitar out a second story window …
    (My soon to be X is a musician.)

    Great to dance to, and shake off the blues.

  • Runrig (Celtic rock band) – “The Last Dance”.

    I was lucky enough to go to their farewell gig at Stirling Castle, whilst still in the throes of divorce proceedings.

    I still dance around the living room to “The Stamping Ground”, and “Hearts of Olden Glory”, singing my heart out.

    Anything bt Kate Rusby, but especially “Jenny” on her album “Philosophers, Poets and Kings.”. It’s about a racehorse that’s sneered at by everybody on the track, but ends up winning! 🥇😂

    You can tell I’m an old folkie.

    Happy New Year to CL, and all of CN! You have all helped me through the worst of days, thank you. May 2022 be the. Best year for all of us! 💕😘💕

    • Ahh you live in Scotland, no wonder I like your posts. I lived not far from Stirling in the Argyll area, winter/spring of ’89. Beautiful country which reminds me of my native PNW in many ways. Strong, amazing people. I see where you get your strength, no nonsense approach, and take-no-prisoners attitude. (And Stirling Castle is really cool).

      • Thank you so much, WeAreTheChumpions!

        Actually I don’t live in Scotland, although born there, I live in Northumberland, the next best thing!

        Yes, Stirling Castle is *very* cool. 🏰👌

        • Kirsty Mcoll – The boy down the chip shop says he’s Elvis”.

          I just love her. Her death was so sad.

          For US chumps, “the chip shop” refers to the chippy, deep fried haddock with mushy peas, salt and lots of vinegar. 😂

          • I miss that. The little shop on the road by the sea wall, take away only, fish & chips wrapped in newspaper drenched in malted vinegar. Nothing like it to warm the soul on a blustery day! Big chunks of fresh quality fish straight out of the Notth Sea, way bigger and firmer than the cod we can get here, and we make fish & chips at our house all the time. Can’t quite duplicate what you Brits do.

          • Chumpnomore6,
            OMGOSH!!! Flashback!!!! I LOVE mushy peas!! As a retired flight attendant, I had them on my layovers in London, Windsor and also Edinburgh, Scotland along with the wonderful little sausages!!! (Mashers??) I miss those great layovers!!!

            • The UK sausages are called bangers. When served with mashed potatoes they are called bangers and mash.

  • The Gap Band – You Dropped A Bomb On Me
    Foreigner – I Want To Know What Love Is
    The Bee Gees – I Can’t See Nobody
    Crosby, Stills & Nash – Southern Cross
    DAVID RUFFIN -“MY WHOLE WORLD ENDED (THE MOMENT YOU LEFT ME)” [1969]
    Ronnie Dyson – (If You Let Me Make Love To You Then) Why Can’t I Touch You?
    Joan Baez – Diamonds and Rust
    Air Supply – Making Love Out Of Nothing At All
    Adele – Set Fire To The Rain
    Dusty Springfield ~ i Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself
    The Mamas & the Papas “Look Through My Window”

  • What a wonderful Friday challenge! I love seeing everyone’s inspirational play lists:

    Here’s my playlist:

    “Roar”-Katy Perry
    “Chasing Pavements”-Adele
    “Truth Hurts”-Lizzie
    “Good As Hell”-Lizzie
    “Water Me”-Lizzie
    “Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops)”-Blu Cantrell
    “I Hope”-Gabby Barrett
    “Dog Days Are Over”-Florence+the machine
    “Leave The Pieces When You Go”-The Wreckers
    “Top Of The World”-The Carpenters
    “Winning”-Pitbull
    “Lovely Day”-Bill Withers
    “You Don’t Own Me”-Grace

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

  • Burn the Ships by For King and Country

    Burn the ships, cut the ties
    Send a flare into the night
    Say a prayer, turn the tide
    Dry your tears and wave goodbye
    Step into a new day
    We can rise up from the dust and walk away
    We can dance upon our heartache, yeah
    So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships
    And don’t you look back
    So long to shame, walk through the sorrow
    Out of the fire into tomorrow
    So flush the pills, face the fear
    Feel the wave disappear
    We’re comin’ clear, we’re born again
    Our hopeful lungs can breathe again
    Oh, we can breathe again

  • My anthem has always been Jill Scott’s “Golden.” It was the ringtone on my phone when I left my husband in 2010 after 18 years of marriage. I gave him the marital home (our only asset) and got myself an apartment.
    It was super generic, but I painted and decorated it within an inch of its life, and truly felt I was “living my life like it’s golden.”
    In the next few years, I moved in and out of many rentals. I also wasted 4 years and countless tears on a Lying Cheating Loser and textbook sociopath.
    During that ordeal, I created a whole playlist called Walkaway Woman Shit.
    In May of 2018 I finally remembered who I am, and walked away from the LCL for good. Later that same year, I bought a 1930 Tudor cottage at auction, in a town 100 miles away.
    These days, I’m busy fixing up my cottage, making art, and enjoying my cats and houseplants. Basically living my life like it’s golden.

  • Pretty much anything by Tom Petty, but standouts would include Don’t Come Around Here, Won’t Back Down, and his cover of the Byrds song, I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better.

    • “The Waiting” is also an excellent Chump Nation anthem!

      Especially for those waiting for Tuesday.

  • Most anything Stevie Wonder, my go to, happy, feed your soul music man.
    I just love Allen Stone, Give you Blue is my go to one. ( my daughter got tickets for us this Christmas for she and I to see him late January in Austin, I’m stoked!)
    Lizzo’s “ Good as Hell” is the one I chose to do on the karaoke I bought my kids and I for Christmas. (I played it over and over beforehand and had it memorized.) We had a good time with that.

    New York State of Mind-Billy Joel ( my roots)
    Imagine- Lennon ( also Let It Be for me too)
    Gloria’s -I Will Survive (feels empowering to sing it)
    Elton John- Your Song
    Stevie Nix- Landslide
    Chris Stapleton- I was Wrong

    I also can’t play any Sinatra since it was a love of FW. I’m okay with that though.
    I have some problems with Whitney now too after seeing texts of his saying “just like the song, I have nothing if I don’t have you”, ( how about your wife of 30 years, A-hole!) Only that song of Whitney’s is tarnished, thank God for that! ( he didn’t even marry that one either and prob is using that same line on yet another skank in his lineup this very minute 🙄)

    Uptown Funk- Bruno Mars
    Bill Withers-Lean on Me
    Glady Knight- Midnight Train to Georgia

    Earth, Wind and Fire if I need the prompt to
    just get the hell up and dance man, can’t sit if EWF is playing!

    Happy New Year all, wishing you peace and the appreciation of the simple little joys that show up every day, that’s the gold in life.
    Here’s hoping Tuesday’s going to be well worth our wait! 🍾🥂🎉🎊👍😊

  • State of Grace by Taylor Swift
    Dog Days are Over (popular here!)
    Castles by Freya Ridings

    I’m gonna build castles
    From the rubble of your love
    I’m gonna be stronger
    Than you ever thought I was

  • SIA is my go- to girl! She has a song for every mood. One of my favorites is “Unstoppable” and reminds me of the fire I walked through and how I’m bad ass for doing it.
    Happy New Year to everyone❤️❤️❤️

    • Sia is my fave too, especially Flames. My 14yr old and I would sing it at the top of our lungs!
      The first line always gets me – ‘one foot in front of the other babe’
      That’s all I could do some days. Doing way better now, 4yrs out from DDay and heading for Tuesday 😊

  • Love this!

    Wings – Little Mix
    Truth Hurts – Lizzo
    Good as Hell – Lizzo
    Fuck You – Ceelo Green
    So What – Pink
    Thank You, Next – Ariana Grande
    Since You’ve Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson
    Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
    We are never, ever getting back together – Taylor Swift
    Fighter – Christina Aguilera
    Problem – Ariana Grande
    Someone that I used to know – Goyte
    Love Yourself – Justin Bieber
    Grenade – Bruno Mars
    Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops) – Blu Cantrell

  • I find the best songs were made before I was born.

    “You’re So Vain”- Carly Simon
    “I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor
    “I Can See Clearly Now” – Johnny Nash
    “Dancing in the Moonlight” – King Harvest

    The order in which I listed the songs is no coincidence; it pretty much describes the arc to meh.

    • “… They were murdered by the other team/Who went on to win, 15-nil …”

      This immediately popped into my head from my music vault!

  • So many great songs! I have a couple that really helped me immediately following DDay:

    “It’s Gonna Be OK” – The Piano Guys
    “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” – Danny Gorecki (I think?)

    I also searched for “calming harp music” on YouTube, and found several long-playing recordings that were good for ambient music.

    None of the ones that helped me, initially, were the kick-ass empowering songs that many have cited. It took me a while to move into those. I think I had to acknowledge the devastation, first. I wonder if there is a “stages of recovery as reflected in songs selected”?

    Happy New Year, CN!

  • So many good songs listed here.

    One for when you are melancholy and lonely — Mavis Staples’ You’re Not Alone. It is a masterpiece.

  • So much fantastic music! What a good challenge.
    As I began to recover from abandonment, discovery and divorce court, I loved Pink’s song So What for the following lyrics –
    “So what I’M STILL A ROCK STAR”
    “And You’re a TOOL!”
    Happy New Year fellow Rock Stars!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ&list=RDFJfFZqTlWrQ&start_radio=1&rv=FJfFZqTlWrQ&t=0
    (NB, at the end of the video Pink has a rapprochement with the tool in question. I definitely didn’t want that bit but I still love the energy of her song)

    • Love that song!
      For me it was Kasey Chambers “I’m Alive”
      Kasey is an Australian country music singer
      https://youtu.be/iKKKKWHgFFU
      Well make no mistakes I have been down this track
      I’ve felt what it’s like to have a knife in my back
      I took all the sorries and I stuffed them all in a sack
      I turned to the experts but that didn’t work
      Got down on my knees and I prayed but it hurt
      I thought I struck gold but it turned out to be dirt
      And through all the blood and the sweat and the tears
      Things ain’t always what they appear
      I made it through the hardest fucking year

      Also, everything on Dixie Chicks Gaslighter album
      Amy sharks Cry Forever also an Australian pop singer

  • It took a long time before I could really handle music with lyrics. The stuff on the radio was way too triggering for me. My go-to was the melodic progressive trance station on di.fm (aka Digitally Imported).

    But if y’all want a good (NC-17) laugh, here’s a country song about cheating – by none other than Scuzz Twittly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ82_3tGM3U – “In Cuntry”.

  • I’m shocked I haven’t seen Rolling in the Deep by Adele on these lists. That was my “crank the radio, beat on the steering wheel, scream at the top of lungs” favorite! I also oddly loved Jason Aldean’s “You Make it Easy”. Jason’s a FW too, but that song gave me hope for a future with someone who would treat me like I deserve to be treated (I’ve found him. Yay!)

    I agree with Kelsea Ballerini “Miss Me More” and “I Hope” by Gabby Barrett. My kids actually started getting irritated that I played those songs so much, haha!

    I’m a big fan of Pink as well. She has so many songs that are empowering!

    • Hey @I’mbetternow,

      My Fav Adele is — Set Fire To The Rain — Cause it perfectly encapsulated my “abilities”

      #Sometimes — MY OUTSIDE DOESN’T MATCH MY INSIDE!!

  • In Another Time – Sade
    A slow beautiful song that allowed me to cry as I buried my ex H’s affair for a few months, waiting to confront him until my youngest graduated from high school.

    Silver Springs – sung by Stevie Nicks
    Love the irony of this song, written with Lindsey Buckingham in mind. Even though it seems that she’s ‘stuck’ on the love he could have had, it makes me smile that it must be irritating to him. And one of my daughters went to college in Baltimore, close to this town with the lovely name that inspired the song.

    Tracey, your humor and snark is a gift. Thank you for being who you are. All the best to all of CN in 2022 ❤️

  • At different phases of the whole process different songs have spoken to me. Before I made up my mind to divorce, I used to listen to “Watershed” by the Indigo Girls: “Up on the watershed/Standing at the fork in the road/You can stand there and agonize/’Til your agony’s your heaviest load.” That one was particularly satisfying because my ex was the one who loved, loved, loved the Indigo Girls, and I was using one of their songs to motivate me to leave. Eric Clapton’s “One Chance” was a song that depending on how I was feeling I would respond to as me making a mistake leaving, or him making a mistake doing what he’d done. Sheryl Crow’s “A Change Will Do You Good” was great when I needed to reassure myself I’d done the right thing, and to motivate me to try new things. Now that I’ve been out almost four years, I like to move to Pharrell Williams’s “Happy.”

    • Yes! Also….
      A Thousand Times by Ella Mai
      What You Did- Mahalia and Ella Mai
      Pick Up Your Feelings – Jazmine Sullivan
      Bag Lady – Erika Badu
      Enough Cryin- Mary J Blige
      These are a major part of my playlist. So helpful!

  • I forgot that you existed- Taylor Swift
    This Is Me- The Greatest Showman
    You don’t know your worth- Khalid
    If your over me- Years & Years
    He wasn’t man enough- Toni Braxton
    IDGAF- Dua Lipa
    Fighter- Christina Aguilera
    Believe- Cher

  • OK Go’s “This Too Shall Pass”
    U2’s “Get on Your Boots”
    Love the lyrics of both.

    The “This Too Shall Pass” song video on YouTube has an impressive Rube Goldberg Machine. 🙂

      • bread&roses, Wow, thanks for sharing! I actually don’t really know their work. I don’t even know how I stumbled on the song I mentioned. The song and video (!) you shared is great! And it’s a message that fits where I am right now. I clearly need to see more of their song videos. 🙂

  • Shake It Off – Taylor Swift. Happy – Pharrell Williams. Another One Bites The Dust – Queen

    Over two years out and just one year divorced, I still find music very difficult. It was a huge part of our 26 years together. And a huge part of my life before him. However, all the choices in the house were his. Mine were disparaged. Now, my house, my rules.

    ExgfOW was into Tori Amos and I’ve never liked her music so no problem there. Hope he’s enjoying yearning over Cornflake Girl or whatever their song is called.

  • I also believe crying is a cathartic thing for me so, though just about anything by Duran Duran thrills me and puts me in a good mood, my songs to cry to are “Before the Rain” (anyone who loves 80s music really needs to get the entire All You Need is Now album to bop around to) and “Ordinary World.”

    I don’t cry for yesterday.
    There’s an ordinary world
    Somehow I have to find.
    And as I try to make my way
    To the ordinary world
    I will learn to survive.

    It’s my wooooooooorld!

    Others I love which are more positive:
    Pat McCurdy’s “Screw You”
    Pat McCurdy’s “Imagine a Picture (of me and you, only you’re not in it)”
    Pink’s “There You Go” (Actually, just about anything by Pink.)
    Sheryl Crow “Soak Up the Sun”
    Katy Perry “Roar”
    Sarah MacLachlan “Stupid” and “Fallen”

    I have more but I’m afraid I’m about to lose my post. lol

    • Emmylous Harris “Born to Run”
      Linda Ronstadt “You’re No Good” and “Silver Threads and Golden Needles”
      Buck Owens “Love’s Gonna Live Here”
      Mary Chapin Carpenter “He Thinks He’ll Keep Her”
      Pink “F**kin Perfect” and “18 Wheeler” and “Blow Me”

      This is great. I’m playing songs and singing. Great suggestions, everyone! Just discovered Tom Petty’s “Change the Locks.” lol

  • Absolutely “I Am Here” by Pink
    “I’ve Got the Music in Me” by Kiki Dee
    “The Wood Song” by Indigo Girls
    “Hero” by Cash Cash

  • Edith Piaf “Non, Je ne regrette rien”
    Helen Reddy “I am Woman”
    Lynard Skynard “Freebird”
    Carole King “Too Late”
    Selena Gomez “Lose you to Love Me”.

    I have many already listed (84 on my playlist).

  • Love this thread! Here is my list:

    Who Knew? – Pink
    Try – Pink
    So What – Pink
    Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
    Tubthumping – Chumbawamba (‘I get knocked down, but I get up again, you ain’t never gonna keep me down’ – it’s been my theme song for the past five years)
    Hold Me Jesus – Rich Mullins
    If I Stand – Rich Mullins
    You Never Let Go – Matt Redman

    • RHA love that Chumbawumba one … I used to belt it out on the car in the morning traffic on the way to work years ago. My heartstarter.

  • Love Too Good by Jefferson Starship, is priceless snark…
    Have a Heart by Bonnie Raitt, starts off with – shut up, don’t lie to me…

  • Momma’s Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert
    Better Things to Do- Terri Clark
    How Do You Like Me Now- Toby Keith
    Freeze Frame-J Geils Band
    To name just a few

  • Back in the bad days:
    “Payphone,” Maroon 5 (with Wiz Khalifa)
    “Begin Again,” Taylor Swift
    “All Alright,” Zac Brown Band
    “Paint it Black,” Rolling Stones
    “Carry On,” Pat Green
    “May It Be,” Enya (from the Lord of the Rings soundtrack_
    “No Surrender,” Bruce Springsteen
    “F**K You,” Ceelo Green
    “Any Other World,” Mika
    Anything by Otis Redding or Sam Cooke

    I also second Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger” and “Since U Been Gone”

    • I’m loving this thread. The nicest thing is looking up these songs, most of which I’ve never heard of, and loving them.

      I really love learning new stuff! 👏💕

      • “righteous fuck off songs” YES.
        Those angry songs are what got me through. Not the “you can do it” postivity kind of stuff now on my playlist. So cathartic. Empowering. I can listen to the fuck off songs today without any accompanying flashbacks. And feel the power. Interesting……
        “Stockholm Syndrome” – Muse

        • Yeah, I listened to lots of angry songs back in the bad days. Like the referenced Muse song. Holy moley, that song.
          But not all of the music was angry.
          In the spirit of today’s challenge, I dedicate Patti Smith’s “Peaceable Kingdom” to all chumps. Happiest of New Year’s to each of you!

        • I love Muse, and the fw had to spoil that for me like everything else. He took me to a Muse concert where, unbeknownst to me, the OW was in attendance. I guess it was just to hang around and smirk at unsuspecting me, because she doesn’t like Muse. They cooked up that sick game to violate me. In my more paranoid moments (and it’s hard not to be paranoid when dealing with a fw) I wonder if they had planned to get me into some dark corner and do me harm, but had chickened out.
          I took selfies of us at that concert, and no exaggeration, he came out looking evil. I thought it was a trick of the light. But no, it was because he was smirking and had the narc shark eyes. I didn’t look like that in the same photos and in the same light. I looked normal. I shudder just to think of his horrible face and what dark thoughts must have been going on in his sick mind.
          That was 2017, and I still get triggered listening to Muse sometimes.
          But I try not to let him stop me from enjoying things. The song Dead Inside is a perfect description of a narcissist.

          • Your experience was truly terrifying. Yes, some music is triggery for me too, and Muse bless ’em aren’t shy about going deep and dark. Most of their music was not a good place to dwell in too long during the bad days. So I can see how the experience at the concert combined with Muse’s oeuvre would be challenging for you. To have their brilliant music tarnished for you by a monster just sucks. Makes me angry!

            I’m glad you still listen to Muse sometimes. Maybe there’s a way to reclaim ALL of it FOR YOU a little at a time? Not sure what that would look like or if it’s worth it to you in the grand scheme of re-claiming your mighty. Hope so.

            Here’s a Muse post D-day story for you. Just a couple of months after D-day my sister, her teenage son and my college age daughter and I went to see “Muse:Drones World Tour” (one night only worldwide release of the Drones Tour live concert footage). The experience was so emotional for me; I had tears. My sister held my hand during some of the songs. I remember her gripping especially hard during “Madness.” But afterward as we left the theatre I felt light. Cathartic. That emotional release is a gift great artists give us.Yes, I was down, but there was still beauty to be experienced. I looked around at the audience. Young and old, hippies and Brooks Brothers. It was such a diverse crowd. I assumed my sister and I would be the oldest folks in the theatre. Not so! There were seniors with walkers and canes I kid you not. Something about Muse’s music touches people allover the world from all walks of life.
            You can do it. Take Muse back in 2022!

            • What a wonderful experience! I’m so happy for you. I agree, Muse has universal appeal for people who appreciate songs with emotional depth. No wonder OW doesn’t like them.

              Yes, I will eventually reclaim not just Muse, but everything. I am determined to do so.

  • Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill album and Sarah McLachlan’s Fumbling Towards Ecstasy album were both on repeat during my divorce. I also threw on the song Lips are Moving by Meghan Trainor when I felt like thinking about what a lying sack of shit my ex was.
    So glad to leave that whole chapter in the distant past!
    Happy New Year everyone!

  • Whole albums:

    Fiona Apple “Fetch The Bolt Cutters”
    Megan Thee Stallion “Good News”
    Lauryn Hill “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill”
    Aretha Franklin “Amazing Grace”

  • Armin van Buuren featuring Jaren- Unforgivable

    Samantha ( Patrik Remann & Amir Hakim Mix )- U- Turn

    Puscifer- Toma

    Loads of TOOL

    Evanescence- Sick

  • Thanks for the New Year’s Eve soundtrack, Chump Lady and Nation. Home alone tonight (by choice) and tuning in. Some off my playlist:

    Before We Were Together – Margaret Glaspy
    I Hate You, L.E.S Artistes – Lily Wood and the Prick (anything by her, really)
    Waste Your Time – Jackson+Sellers
    Memories Are Now – Jesca Hoop
    No Sense In Lovin’ – Uncle Tupelo
    Traveling Alone – Tift Merritt
    It’s Not You, It’s Me – The Little Willies
    Woman – Cat Power & Lana Del Ray
    Habit – Gabrielle Shonk
    One More Song the Radio Won’t Like – Kathleen Edwards
    Gloria – Patti Smith (this song has made me feel mighty since I was a tiny girl)

  • It’s New Year’s Day. It’s the start of 2022. My first fw free year although can’t file for divorce till March which will make this year even brighter.
    Here Comes The Sun by the Beatles makes me feel more optimistic.
    Happy New Year to CN and to Chump Lady!
    I couldn’t have got this far without you ☺️

  • ANGRY
    High – Peking Duk
    Good Luck – Basement Jaxx
    How You Like Me Now – The Heavy

    SAD
    Timshel – Mumford and Sons
    Hurt – Johnny Cash
    Runaway – Kanye West

    UPLIFTING
    Higher Love – Kygo and Whitney Houston
    Wash Away – Joe Purdy
    The World Ain’t Slowing Down – Ellis Paul

    • TBC, Basement Jaxx has always been my go to! Absolute classic.
      Love Peking Duk too.

      Very cool selection 👏

      • I haven’t met too many people outside Australia who love Peking Duk! Those angry songs really got me through the aftermath of D-Day.

  • Lots of songs got me through. But at the darkest times Chris Cornell’s “Murderer of Blue Skies” pretty much said it all for me.

    “I can’t wait to never be with you again
    And I can’t wait to lead a life that you’re not in
    And I won’t break, though I may bend from time to time
    I can’t wait to never be with you again”

  • Here are live renditions of three sad songs that I used to intentionally watch to make me cry every time and process losing my XW and how she betrayed me.
    Now I can watch them all without crying and remember how heartbroken I was then, but not so much anymore.
    I feel stronger now having survived such pain, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone (except her). I know many here have been through the same sorrow, some might just be starting to go through it, keep going, it gets better.
    Once you have fully processed your grief, you can move on to the more empowering ‘Fuck You’ type songs which are a lot of un.

    Let Her Go – Passenger https://youtu.be/rXVJuwLsqvo
    Sunrise – No Fixed Address https://youtu.be/QYsOWIcSskM
    Slippin’ Away – Max Merritt https://youtu.be/Cz0rJQPjBTs

  • I have many of these and a three hour playlist!

    Here’s a new one I just found and LOVE

    sorry isn’t good enough – Joy Oladokun

    Give it a listen, it’s awesome!

  • I don’t have a list to share, but a reflection. In my youth and as a young adult my love of music was intense. It made me feel connected to the world. It put words to my emotions. After I met the ex, I almost entirely gave up listening to music. I didn’t even listen in the car. After he was gone, I slowly started listening again. Thanks to YouTube I have access to songs and artists, especially non-English speaking artists, that I never could have experienced otherwise. Now I have music in my life every day. I take guitar lessons and explore new artists and old favorites researching songs to learn. Music has brought me back to life.

    • Same here. Music brought me joy and the more unhappy FW made me, I just stopped listening. He complained if I sang. Didn’t like me playing music I liked. It became a battleground and I gave up listening to music. I look forward to feeling like it more often.

  • Music can bring me right back to where I was during the hopium period (Pink & Nate Ruess Just Give Me a Reason), the long decision making process (Fun. Carry On) and all the different emotions after I decided to leave him ( many Vampire Weekend- Hannah Hunt, A Punk, Bambino, This Life, Unbearably White). Sometimes it’s just one line that means a lot. Screamed inside my car. Or some just plain fun, on days I felt good.

  • Ozziechump here. Almost 5 years from DDay and now divorced 7 months out. I read daily, but rarely post.
    Just wanted to say Happy New Year and a massive thank you to CL & chumps for saving my soul and healing my heart!
    I’m out, rebuilding a life and recovering from the trauma. I’m now 64; can’t imagine repartnering but also happy with that. I answer to no one, learned self compassion and absolutely rock badass!
    To the New Chumps; we are here for your pain and your torment. This has forever defined my character and strengthened my resolve. My walls resound with joy. However hard, So many of us here are living proof that you will thrive.
    Thank you to the many posts that inspire and lift me! VELVET HAMMER; I think you top my list!
    Happy New Year All!

  • The Stone Roses, full album, especially Shoot You Down, Made of Stone, I Am the Resurrection, This Is the One
    Lauryn Hill, Lost Ones
    Ace of Base, The Sign
    Depeche Mode, New Life
    Kate Bush, Hounds of Love
    Bjork, Isobel
    Cardi B, Bodak Yellow (for the flying monkeys)
    Rolling Stones, You Can’t Always Get What You Want
    T Rex, Cosmic Dancer

  • My tastes are metalish or real country BLUEGRASS!!!

    Saliva RISE UP

    The Steel Woods THE SECRET & WILD&BLUE

    Vertical Horizon FINDING ME

    Them Dirty Roses. FIX YOU

    Blackberry Smoke PAYBACKS A BITCH

    Skynyrd. CHEATIN WOMAN

    Operator.

    Shinedown. HOW DID YOU LOVE?

  • “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister

    Heard it the day after dday and it has really helped in my resolve to leave.

  • I was captivated by this song, Almost Lover.

    “sweet sadness in your eyes”
    “clever trick”
    he told me that his brother killed himself, as I was walking away, so I went back to him…

    “i’d never want to see you unhappy; i thought you’d want the same for me”
    but they’re not thinking about us, are they?

    “Goodbye, my almost lover
    Goodbye, my hopeless dream
    I’m trying not to think about you
    Can’t you just let me be
    So long, my luckless romance
    My back is turned on you
    Shoulda known you’d bring me heartache
    Almost lovers always do”

    I watched this video over and over. I play the piano, and my hair is long, and I was living near a river in the forest… and one day it occurred to me…

    “why is this beautiful, gorgeous redhead, (in the video) who has so many options, pining away over her ‘almost lover?’ ”

    and that was it.

    i was over him…

    it wasn’t a marriage for me; it was an engagement… but this video helped me… immeasurably…

  • On my playlist I have many of the songs already named, but here are a few I don’t think were mentioned:

    Smiling Faces Sometimes – The Undisputed Truth
    Dancing with Myself – Billy Idol
    Maybellene – Chuck Berry
    Already Gone – Eagles
    Let It Go – Idina Menzel
    Bite Me – Avril Lavigne
    Life on Mars? – David Bowie
    (Actually, anything by David Bowie)

    • Yes to Let It Go! Have sung that loud so many times when he is away from the house. My son thinks I just really like Frozen.

    • ***Why this song is extra Mighty***

      The “he” Aimee refers to in this song is a metaphor for the cut throat Music Biz she was stepping away from. “Calling it Quits” was released in 2000 when Aimee was 40 years old. At that time, Aimee was at loggerheads with a monolithic youth/sex obsessed male dominated Music Biz that didn’t understand her music, didn’t appreciate her not so sexy persona, and couldn’t be bothered to figure out what to do with her.

      Aimee struggled for two years to get the suits to release her latest album, which would eventually become “Bachelor no. 2”. Fed up with the whole thing, she gave Geffen/Interscope the middle finger, bought her master tapes back from them—and created her own record label SuperEgo. She courageously released the brilliant “Bachelor no. 2” (her quintessential album IMHO check it out if you aren’t familiar) independently! The record sold over 200,000 copies in a year, which doesn’t sound like much, but was quite a pioneering feat for an independent artist in that early internet pre YouTube era. The backstory behind “Calling it Quits” was inspirational during my dark days. And it’s a great song with some fab lyrics. Yes, Aimee is mighty.

  • I found some powerful songs after the cheater…one of them was my favourite song at the time I met my late husband. It’s a song that speaks to me again through this difficult time…

    “Get Up” by All Good Things.

    Try it. It reminds me that I have to be strong.

  • I have these songs saved on a playlist I call my Kickarse Playlist

    Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

    Firework – Katy Perry

    I’m Still Standing – Elton John

    Keep Holding On – Avril Lavigne

    Overcomer – Mandisa

    Roar – Katy Perry

    Voice of Truth – Casting Crowns

    We Won’t Be Shaken – Building 429

    You’ll Get Through This – Martina McBride

    You’re History – Shakespears Sister

    Skyscraper – Demi Lovato

  • The Pains of Growing- Allesia Cara
    She’s Gonna Make It – Garth Brooks
    Stay – Sugarland
    A Little Bit Stronger – Sara Evans

  • Well since I spent yesterday recovering from being hit by a car while running I’m late to throw party however:
    Dig down – muse
    You’re somebody else – flora cash
    Radioactive – imagine dragons
    Car radio – 21 pilots
    Olivia Rodrigo s entire album
    Shake it off – Taylor swift
    Bad blood – Taylor swift
    Nightmare – Halsey
    Bells.of Santa Fe – Halsey
    You should see me in a crown – eilish
    Cross me – Sheeran w chance
    God’s gonna cut you down – cash

    I could go on and on. Lol

    • yikes! are you okay, Ragingmeh?

      i love a billie eilish song, too. her las performance on SNL was amazing.

      • Thx for asking.

        The first 2 days my entire lower back and bum were in agony from the impact trauma muscle bruising tightness. But luckily nothing broke.

        Getting better everyday.

        Damn, it feels good to be gangsta!

  • Monsters – Shinedown
    Get Up – Shinedown
    Bulletproof – Godsmack
    Be Alright – Dean Lewis
    Whiskey Glasses – Morgan Wallen
    In Between – Beartooth
    Throne – Bring Me the Horizon
    In the Dark – Bring Me the Horizon

  • Was never married, but thanks to this blog was able to leave my cheater bf after 2 months of pick me dancing and never looked back. That was April 2021 and I had just turned 29 now I’ll be 30 in March 🥳 songs that helped me, I think women of all ages will enjoy but especially my millennial and Gen Z chumps. Happy 2022!

    Savage by Rihanna (honestly the entire Anti album)
    Don’t hurt yourself by Beyoncé (I know I know, my auntie didn’t take her own advice lol)
    Thanks for Nothing by Mariah the Scientist
    7 Rings by Ariana Grande
    Oceans by Hillsong
    Bounce Back by Big Sean
    Weak by Flo Milli

  • Not sure if anyone has already shared this one: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette

    “And I’m here, to remind you
    Of the mess you left when you went away
    It’s not fair, to deny me
    Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
    You, you, you oughta know”

    I blast it while driving and it’s incredibly therapeutic, especially when my STBX is playing games during our high conflict divorce!

    Then I follow it up with “It’s My Life” by Jon Jovi to remind myself that I am taking back my life.

    All of the “Birds of Prey” soundtrack is empowering, girl, kick-ass themed music.

    “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden has been my go to for years when I am upset.

  • For me it has to be

    ‘I’m feeling good’ by Nina Simone

    Listened to it over and over and over when FW left. Then done lots of drawings depicting what the song is about!

    I love it and it got me through dark times.

    Divorce and settlement will be finalised the end of Jan 👍🏼👍🏼

    I’m on the train to meh!

  • For me it’s Nina Simone’s’Feeling Good’

    Listened to it over and over and over when FW left. Cried to it, screamed at it, hit the floor sobbing, I tried to be mighty.

    Then I got up! I done lots of sketches depicting what the song meant to me and what I felt it meant to her.

    Divorce and settlement will be finalised by the end of Jan. 18 m separated, 10 m no contact (really is the way to go). Goodbye to 34 years of my life given to someone who proved several times the he just weren’t worth it!

    I’m on the train to meh! To any newbies…. You’ll get there ❤️

    Happy New Year.

  • Curse Me Good by The Heavy is the song that really turned my attitude around. It’s about how his baby isn’t satisfied and cheats and lies, and I love the chorus:

    And if you wanna cry ’bout something
    I’ll make it something worth crying for
    And if you need to curse my name
    Curse me good!

    And if you want to lie ’bout something
    Then make it something worth dying for
    And if you need to curse my name
    Curse me good!

    • This song resonates with me, because chumps cry about something worth crying for, the loss of their former reality, and the breakup of their families. And most of us would only engage in elaborate deceptions about something worth dying for, like hiding people from death squads, or keeping national security secrets, or protecting our children from disordered individuals. But the FWs cry about losing half their money and their good reputation, and would lie just to get some strange, or sometimes for no apparent reason at all, even when they know that you know what the truth is.

  • The songs I’d listen to were mostly really angry songs, like anything by Rage against the machine. I’d crank it up and sing along ‘F*** you, I won’t do what you tell me’. It was good to get it off my chest and get angry to sort stuff out 🙂 . Nice to know there were people angrier than me too.

    Love songs were not allowed for a long time.

  • As a thanks to this group; and the word “Gospel” here is not about any particular book:
    There was a time I believed life was over for me…

  • The verse from Leonard Cohen’s Everybody Knows:

    Everybody knows that you love me baby
    Everybody knows that you really do
    Everybody knows that you’ve been faithful
    give or take a night or two
    Everybody knows you’ve been discreet
    but there were so many people you just had to meet without your clothes.
    Everybody knows.

    Lynyrd Skykyrd – One More Time

  • Use to listen over and over to Say Something by A Great Big World. And cry and cry. Then one day, had my airpods in while I was grocery shopping and Say Something came on. Such a wrenching song “Say something, I’m giving up on you…”

    Then Say Something ended and my through my airpods I heard the words: “You’ll Be Okay.”

    Well I thought that the spirits that hang out in Kroger were talking directly to me. Telling me I would be okay.

    It was just the next song on the album, but you know what, it rocked my world. I love that song now.

    You’ll Be Okay – A Great Big World

    You’ll be okay
    The sun will rise
    To better days
    And change will come
    It’s on it’s way
    Just close your eyes
    And let it rain
    ‘Cause you’re never alone

    Just look inside
    You know the way
    Let it go
    Fly away
    And say goodbye
    To yesterday
    ‘Cause you’re never alone
    And I will always be there
    You just carry on
    You will understand
    And I will be strong
    When love is gone
    And I’ll carry on…
    You’ll be okay
    You’ll be okay
    The sun will rise
    To better days
    You’ll be okay
    You’ll be okay

  • Two weeks after D-day I walked back into my gym. I worked out religiously the last year of our marriage, desperate for his approval. But when I walked in that day I realized here was a part of life he had never touched, (he never worked out or accompanied me to do so). A place that was completely free, that he hadn’t tainted. My cardio list became my soundtrack for those first few years, and kickboxing helped me get out so much anger. 7 years out and I can say that those pounds of a happy relationship have packed back on lol.

    One song that I haven’t seen mentioned is “Bleed It Out” by Linkin Park. None of the lyrics have to do with cheating, but the beat is so powerful and there will never be another vocalist who can express anger/angst like Chester. The All American Rejects’ “Gives You Hell” is also good. And Adele’s first album was incredible, both for crying and victory.

    My ex also hated country music, so getting to delve back into my first love (Southern born and bred), was a victory each time I sang along. I highly recommend Miranda Lambert’s “Gunpowder and Lead.”

  • This summer and fall, when I was deeply mourning the betrayal and loss I listened to Bon Iver’s “I can’t make you love me/ nick of time” repeatedly. It walked me through letting go and ends with a note of hope. It’s a beautiful song.

  • Kirsty MacColl – “England 2, Columbia Nil”
    “There’s a Guy Works Down the Chip Shop Swears He’s Elvis”

    Bonnie Raitt – “I Know”
    “Give It Up or Let Me Go”

  • “No” — Shakira.

    This helped me keep focused during my doubts, his hoovering, his SADS, and when I just didn’t have the energy to argue.

  • Love everybody’s choices here.

    I made a playlist at the time called ‘rebirth / run bitch’ (to encourage myself to run… should’ve been nicer to myself though in hindsight), and a few of the top ones that I still listen to from that are:

    – Selfish, by LilSimz (‘My best friend is I’)
    – Not Above Love, by AlunaGeorge (‘you keep robbing my heart like a bank, no thank you, no thank you’)
    – Nothing Burns Like The Cold, by Snoh Aalegra (good song for No Contact motivation…)
    – Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe, by Kendrick Lamar
    – I Forgot That You Existed, by Taylor Swift
    – thank u, next, by Ariana Grande
    – Hard out Here, by Lily Allen (‘It’s hard out here for a bitch’ lol)

    I had to listen to all of this music to train my brain to feel more anger/indignation for myself than sadness/pain/untangling skein for him. And I think it helped xx

  • This is my current theme song:
    Nessa Barrett – I Hope UR Miserable Until UR Dead

    I hope you never fall in love again
    I hope you’ll be yourself and lose your friends
    I hope they call you out for shit you said
    I hope you’re miserable until you’re dead
    I hope you’re haunted by all your regrets
    I hope they fuck you up inside your head
    You know I don’t forgive, I don’t forget
    I hope you’re miserable until you’re dead

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FxSAI9pwocs

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