Good morning Chump Lady.
I am feeling particularly strong today and thought I’d like to share some encouragement for those just starting their journey. As a backstory, I’m almost four years post D-Day and a little over a year post divorce. When I think back to those first two years, when my world was chaos, it was always music and beauty that got me through.
I was thinking, it would be amazing to have everyone post the songs that got them through, to inspire the next crew. There were many songs I relied on to get me through, but today I was listening to Dua Lipa’s Salt. It is probably not a song for everyone, but together, we definitely have something to offer all tastes.
Also, for what it is worth, as an added encouragement, I was 40, professionally successful, by the accounts of others very attractive, a loving mother of three, and highly educated, when I discovered my ex was frequenting massage parlors for sexual favors. Cheaters cheat, not because of anything that us chumps are lacking. It is never about us. Never about something we were lacking. I know you say this regularly, but I’m saying it again, because it is so important to moving on.
S
Dear S,
Thank you for the encouragement for new chumps and for the Friday Challenge idea. I’d also like to know during these difficult times, what’s getting everyone through? What is the soundtrack of your mighty? Got a Spotify list?
To those of you on Spotify, I made my own little playlist below. Imagine you’re trapped in a car with your uncool aunt Chump Lady — this is what we’re listening to. (My tastes were anachronistic even when I was a young person. I spared you the high church Anglican choral music.) I could do lugubrious or righteous fuck off songs, but I put this together with positive YOU CAN DO IT vibes.
The final aria is Shemekia Copeland — a 7 minute triumph of “It Don’t Hurt No More.”
And that’s what I wish for everyone in this New Year. No more hurt. Better days ahead.
Happy New Year to you all!
Tracy
Right now it’s “All You Had To Do Was Stay” by Taylor Swift since my STBX has been telling me how much he loves and misses me and that I was gold and he lost it. I also like:
Truth Hurts – Lizzo
Good As Hell – Lizzo
Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
Wide Awake – Katy Perry
And lots more!
Thank you both! I had a few songs that helped. I also avoided all Country songs (so many country cheater songs!) … and all things Sinatra (FW’s Favorite).
But the one song that helped me most is one my friend recommended when I was venting to her one day:
Let It Be (The Beatles).
When Paul McCartney was struggling as The Beatles were nearing their end… Paul had a dream that his mother (who had died about 10 years prior) came to him and told him to just “let it be.” And he’s said that it brought him a sense of calm. He sat at his piano and wrote it.
When I was feeling at my worst, I’d sing “Let It Be” to myself. I still do.
I’d agree that there are far too many cheater Country and Western songs, but I can recommend one. The Band Perry’s DONE.
https://youtu.be/4emYaDbaJ8w
ExWifeofSparkleDick — oh yes! I love DONE by the Band Perry!
This was one of my top songs for my divorce.
“Let it Be” is my song, too.
When my dad died, I couldn’t process it. It took me about ten years, and then he came to me in a dream, and said, “You can’t maintain it” (meaning the grief.) He said, “You’ve gotta let it go.” In the dream, it reminded me of the words to “Let it Be…”
For me it was the entire soundtrack of Rent.
Lauren Daigle “Rescue”
King and Country “God only knows”
Lizzo “Good as hell”
Katie Perry “Roar”
Those are the top 4 i can think of. I love music and being cheated on it has taken me awhile to like listening to radio and such because so many songs bring back memories. But 3.5 years post D day and 2.5 divorced. Im thriving and so are my 3 kids.
Yes, Christina-its a new day! Roar by Kay Perry makes me feel so strong!!!
I am also a fan of “Roar.”
I used to like listening to music and dancing around the house and singing. Klootzak doesn’t like people singing along with songs and pooh poohed music I like to the point I just stopped listening to it. Just listening to music and singing with it will be healing for me.
Praying —Kesha
100%
Yes!!!!!!! Especially the part “some say you’re going to get what you give, but some things only god can forgive”.
Somebody that I used to know-Gotye
Bury me-Thirty Seconds to Mars
Apologize-One Republic
Fighter-Christina Aguilera.
That woman has been dealing with an abusive fuckwit (and industry) for years and is still fighting hard.
All Things Must Pass, George Harrison
What is Life, George Harrison
(This one is dedicated to my 3 adult children)
I love George Harrison.
Joy-Lucinda Williams
Change the Locks-Tom Petty
Cry Me A River-Joe Cocker
ANYTHING Lucinda. Small but mighty. “Righteously” always makes me tap my foot and straighten my spine.
Her father, Miller Williams, was a prolific poet and all around literary genius. She grew up in my hometown.
Underrated song….Best Days by Kellie Pickler. Please look up the lyrics…..here’s a snip bit:
Cause I’ll be there, in the back of your mind
From the day we met to the very last night
And it’s just too bad, cause you’ve already had the best days
The best days of you life
1. Sisyphus (Andrew Bird)
2. Youth (Daughter)
3. Moon at the Window (Joni Mitchell)
4. Silence (Dave Thomas Jr.)
5. Boa Sorte (Vanessa da Mata & Ben Harper)
6. Não Enche (Caetano Veloso)
7. Like a Rolling Stone (Bob Dylan)
8. Pode Encomendar o seu Caixão (Martinho da Vila)
9. I’m Still Standing (Elton John)
10. Sitting (Yusuf Islam fka Cat Stevens)
11. Baby Bitch (Ween)
I forgot all about that Vanessa da Mata song, says this chump who also speaks a bit of Portuguese. I liked it even before I was chumped.
Many have already said Lizzo, Good as Hell. That’s my go to.
The Chainsmokers Hope is not about cheating, but similar emotions.
Oi, Unstuck!
Since you speak Portuguese, you might find it amusing that the lyrics of “Não Enche” serendipitously uses the very expression “D-day” (dia D) in a context of chump liberation from an abusive and deceptive partner.
Feliz ano novo, tudo de bom pra você!
BrazilianChump, and what about our ME DEIXA EM PAZ, by Monsueto & Airton Amorim?
Feliz Ano Novo!
Feliz ano novo, ClearWaters!
I had to research for this one, had never heard this samba before, but people say it is a classic.
Are you brazilian too by any chance?
Yes!
Wow, ClearWaters, I’m so glad you gently gave me that hint about being brazilian too!
Sorry for going off-topic, but I would like to share an aspect of my nightmare that a fellow brazilian will surely have a clearer understanding of. My XW is a military police officer (working in health corps though) and decided to blow up our 20 years marriage having an affair with a crooked cop (there are strong reasons to believe he is a “miliciano”), putting our two autistic sons in harm’s way all along. I am not in the military (I am a professor) and have been very affraid since then. I have been explicitly threatened by the AP. Thankfully the affair is over now, but I had to turn down a position in a top university where we used to live (I am sure you can guess where that is; I just don’t want to write it down) and move my kids to the (smaller) city where I currently hold a position in order to protect ourselves. I’m gonna spare you the messy details, but, in a nutshell, she had no option left other than to move along because the debt she secretly amassed during the affair rendered her unable to support herself where we used to live. I cannot bear to see a police car anymore without feeling very uncomfortable, I think I am traumatized. I am even affraid that maybe it is not wise to talk about these things here at Chump Lady’s blog.
I was way too willing to compromise in financial matters in order to get over the divorce as quick as possible and that put her in a position to pay her debts within the next years (if she only could quit the compulsive spending and ostentation; thankfully, this seems unlikely). Also, she’s got a wealthy boyfriend recently. My biggest fear is that she will drag me to court again any time soon to request full custody and move our kids back to where she works. Of course I will fight back with all I have, and I have a lot, but I am too weary and financially depleted and just to think of that now scares the shit out of me.
Just hours ago, I had a very unpleasant exchange with her as I caught her trying to gaslight my oldest son over a videocall that my XMIL did not abused him verbally yesterday by calling him a mongoloid and “frouxo” (you know what that means in our machist culture). I did stand for his account of events (which my XMIL not even tried to rebute) and told everybody involved that that is unnaceptable. The response on her side was rage and veiled threats: I cannot speak to her that way in front of our kids. But then how can I defend them? My lawyer told me to document the facts by getting an extra appointment with my kid’s therapist and asking her to write a report. Also to inform the “conselho tutelar”. Other than that I am at a loss here. The kids have been through so much the last couple years.
I don’t know if I really have a question here or only wanted to vent to someone that maybe can understand. I think I would like to know from others (you, in this case) if you think my fears are either proportionate or exaggerated.
Again, sorry for going way off-topic and ranting, things got a bit out of hand emotionally for me these hollidays. I totally understand if you prefer not to comment.
Feliz ano novo!
BrazilianChump,
I wish Chump Lady still had her forum so we could make better contact, but I feel so bad for you, I’ll reply here. I read your story yesterday and was so upset I dreamt about it. I hope you read this late reply.
Adding insult to injury is to be threatened by a militia AP. Non-Brazilian chumps have no idea what this means.
Frankly, I bet your XW will not bother to get custody of your children. She is too busy working on her magnificence. In addition, if your children are autistic that means a lot of work and $. Ask me how I know. I have one son with Asperger’s. I never understood why we had to struggle so much to pay therapy bills. Now I know. Besides eternally helping his family of mediocre dimwits, starting with his cheater father XH was spending on FWs. XH helped with our sons 2% of the time and only if he was going to be coddled by the therapist. So I think your children are safe with you.
It is disgusting to have to acknowledge the power of militias in Brazil now, but I also bet the militia AP is now more focussed on your XW, his ex-AP (and what she knows), than on you. That is how their pea-sized brains work. Militia-man now has nothing to gain by harassing you. Furthermore you seem to be working in a different “militia jurisdiction” now. This is so crazy! You are a professor (so am I). So work hard at being indispensable in whatever you teach and research, this creates a protection.
I hope your divorce settlement left you free of your FW-XW’s stupid debts. Mine did. Pitbull lawyers even got Sparkledick to pay for their fees. And he is still running up debts. To think he has a PhD.
BrazilianChump, you seem to be young. I hope you meet a good woman.
Words can’t describe how grateful I am for your reply, ClearWaters, thank you so much!
Not expecting you to read or reply to what follows, just getting stuff out of my chest. I already bothered you enough for the first day of the year.
People close to me (and formerly to both of us as a couple) have also reassured me that she won’t bother going for full custody (although she says she will do so as soon as she is debt-free). She is not that insterested in spending time with the kids unless it is in public, fancy and makes for some nice instagram photos. I am their primary care-giver for a long time now even prior to the affair. It came in handy, now that I have to cook, clean, make laundry, help with homework, take them to therapy, etc. all by myself while working my ass off teaching online and barely trying to continue my research. I have them with me 4 days each week even though it should be the other way around as per our divorce decree (but I am grateful for that). She only works 24h each week and one of the perks of being a boss is that she can schedule her shifts as she pleases. But even so she usually waives her sundays with the kids to be in other city with her boyfriend. This Christmas she just dumped the kids with her mom and left (maybe got a ride in Santa’s sledge). All this is just silly me trying to say that you’re probably right about she not seeking more custody and I hope you are.
But she is really into impression management, and it sure doesn’t sits well with the moms of the elite private school our oldest son used to go to that such good catholic mom as my XW doesn’t have full custody since I live in another state. How come? It could raise questions, right? It would come as no surprise for me if she were off to manipulate some moronic flying monkey attorney from their ranks into working pro bono for her. She is the quintessential sad sausage.
As for the militia man, what she may know about his supposed illicit activities is an open secret, and nobody really cares. Fact is he is too well-off for a private soldier and is into the van transportation business (huge red flag, right?). Also: was denied access to the force due to charges of domestic violence against a former fiancé of his; courts ruled in his favor on grounds of presumed innocence (my XW told me AP bought the plaintiff a house in exchange for hers dropping the charges). Also: usually troopers are assigned to paperwork (or sent to help in a hospital) when they screw up on the streets or are someone’s protégé; my XW told me it was both: AP allegedly killed a person in action and was in the good graces of a crooked officer. Also: AP’s best-buddy and bbq partner (one of my XW’s subordinates too) was arrested at his job for involvement in a homicide.
Also: during wreckonciliation I caught winds of XW planning a pool-party with my kids at AP’s house in a militia dominated area. Too big a house for a private’s paystub. Point is: everybody knows and no one gives a shit.
Shortly after I filled for divorce he dumped her (not hot enough, his words) and she promptly arranged for him to be transferred from the hospital at which he was her direct-report to a Pacifying Police Unit located in a conflagrated part of the town (she’s stuck a bullseye in his forehead; still don’t know how she’s got everyone else involved in the decision to comply). THAT is where my fear of my kids going back to that city comes from. He sure holds a grudge against her, as attested by the insults and threats he screamed at her (my then 8 yo son heard it all) and the fact that he’s thrown shit at the fan at work and exposed her (not good for her impression management). I don’t want my kids anywhere near that mess.
Also, nothing prevents XW and former AP to rekindle their twu wuv as soon as she is financially attractive again. Her current boyfriend is just as replaceable as I was. There is a considerable age gap between the two of them and I suspect she is just using him for status, free flight vouchers (he is a commercial pilot for an airline), fancy nights out and a roof over her head back there where she works (AP was different, I think he’s got her hooked).
Sorry for vomiting all over your shoes (as in CL’s very apt metaphor), but I have nobody to tell these things that could understand.
Words cannot describe how grateful I am for you taking from your time to reply to my oversharing, ClearWaters, thank you very much!
I wrote a reply earlier today, but it is waiting for moderation, which got me wondering if I maybe have disclosed information that was deemed inappropriate by the blog’s standards. If that is the case, I apologize to CL and her moderators.
In any case, I wanted to let you know that I did read your kind reply and to thank you once again.
Not Brazilian but geographically close and funny. It sounds like a chump tango or could describe an AP. https://youtu.be/lHFmXJQJO5Y
Decís que sí, pensás que no
cambiás el juego en lo mejor
pensás que sí, decís que no
volás con fuego en un motor
Con estos sí, con esos no
tenés capricho al por mayor
con esos sí, con estos no
¿qué bicho ruin te vacunó?
Viajás aquí, viajás allá
si no te invitan, te colás
pedís allá, negás aquí
tu suma resta, y vos seguís
Tenés un fin que no es un plan
te tira letra tu bacán
transás allá, mentís aquí
no lo escondas que ya te vi
Querés ser bien, como esas viejas, bien perfumadas
que juegan al bridge, medio mamadas
con cartas bien marcadas, ay
para las gilas como vos
Salí, ¿No ves el tongo en el que estás?
rajá, lo que te dan ahora
se vuelve, la soga
con que te van a liquidar
Decís que sí, pensás que no
cambiás de dueño sin razón
pensás que sí, decís que no
creés que un sueño es un colchón
Con estos sí, con esos no
ni arroz, ni leche, ni tazón
con esos sí, con estos no
¿Qué bicho ruin te convenció?
Viajás aquí, viajás allá
pasás vergüenza y te humillás
pedís allá, negás aquí
tu cuenta embarga el porvenir
Tenés un fin que no es un plan
licuás la masa y no habrá pan
transás allá, mentís aquí
no lo escondas que ya te vi
Querés ser bien, como esas viejas, bien perfumadas
que juegan al bridge, medio mamadas
con cartas bien marcadas, ay
para las gilas como vos
Salí, ¿No ves el tongo en el que estás?
rajá, lo que te dan ahora
se vuelve, la soga
con que te, con que te van a liquidar.
Hell of a Chump,
this song sounds modern to me, but your argentinian reference reminded me of one of Gardel’s that, except for the first and last strophes, I could “sing” (not that I can sing for real, ha!) word for word to my XW: mano a mano.
Happy new year!
Popped in on my day off to say Mighty New Year to you all!
Here are some less famous ones for the list. ????
David Wilcox (USA musician)
– Rise
– Rule Number One
– Start With the Ending
– Johnny’s Camaro (ESPECIALLY this one)
Yay! You’re here!
Holidays are great!!! ????????????
My favorite is Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini.
Yes yes yes. Kelsea says it all!!! And of course Lizzo.
YES! This song is magical & powerful
Thy Will – Hillary Scott and the Scott Family
(anything on KLOVE actually)
Sail On – The Commodores (it’s actually a break up song!)
Roar – Katy Perry
To be honest, I stayed away from “regular radio” for almost two years… listening to break-up songs and unrequited love songs did NOT help my mental health. KLOVE is all positive music, all the time.
I’m seven years out – well in to my Meh Days. You will get here too, promise. It begins with self-care.
Happy new year Chump Lady and Chump Nation
Sail On was one of mine, too!
Katy Perry ‘Roar’
Phil Collins ‘ I Don’t Care Anymore’
Oooo…another good one…Phil Collins!
I nicknamed my ex “Phil Collins” on my phone as the ex hates Phil Collins while I think Phil is da bomb. Makes me giggle every time his name pops up on my phone. It would kill the ex to know that is now his name.
To remind myself that FW was “someone that i used to know” by Gotye
https://youtu.be/8UVNT4wvIGY
That was on my playlist, too! Very unique
That’s one for me also.
This song is sheer perfection. Thanks for providing the link, Navigator.
One Girl Revolution, by Superchick. They do other cool songs that help me feel
like a MMA champion.
I would also add that music is helpful when I need to cry and am stuck. Those tears are not for him but necessary for healing my own pain…Mother Nature’s healing drug.
I’ve heard numerous chumps talk about resisting crying because they think tears are somehow about the cheater, losing power to the cheater, the cheater winning somehow, giving something to the cheater, the cheater getting one over on them, etc.
No. Tears are our emotional expression of pain, and they heal, like we laugh when we hear something we think is funny.
I am a crying advocate.
When my daughter was little, we were walking home from school one day and she told me the yard duty lady told her to stop crying. Them’s fighting words and I was really incensed. So I taught her to hold up her hand like a STOP sign and say, “I’ll be with you when I’m done crying.” We practiced while walking to school the next day.
So the music that helps me cry is just as important and necessary as the music that helps me feel capable and mighty.
There are songs I love that Traitor X and the Craigslist cockroach ruined and I am scheming on getting those back on MY playlist.
One afternoon just before DDay, we were in the car and I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith came on and he quickly switched stations. I said, “Hey! I love that song! What are you doing?!” I later figured out during the post DDay digital sleuthing that it was one of “their”
songs.
I never said anything about it and he doesn’t know that I put that together, so because things didn’t turn out how he thought, sometimes that song is blasting from my car stereo when I pull up at the business meeting. I then comment how much I love that song.
It’s a fool who cheats on a smartass of superior intelligence and comic timing.
????
I love this so much!
You are a true Rock Star!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom, wit, and stories that encourage!
????
1000% true on the tears. Mother Nature’s healing drug indeed.
Music can still be a trigger for me as ex was a musician and, during our 30 years together, he determined the soundtrack. I can listen to the Beatles now and not always think about the Hofner Bass under the guest room bed.
Classical music is the soothing balm which I grew up with. And there’s centuries of that available.
Respect by Aretha Franklin.
Also: I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
Both lovely choices. Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” speaks to me of something it took me far too long to learn. *I* was worthy of respect, and those who tried to take it from me were worthy of *no* respect.
“I will survive”. *Love* this one, it reminds me so much of the early days of discovering the betrayal, and wondering if I actually could survive it, and I did, thank God.
Music is so powerful, there have been days when I thought I couldn’t bear to go on, then a song would come on the radio, or I would remember a singer I particularly loved and play her CD, and just listening to it gave me strength to go on.
God bless musicians and singers. ????????
Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
Respect -Aretha Franklin
I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
Yes. Top of my list.
“Love Stinks” (Jay Geils Band)
Not very Tuesday, but always cheers me up, IDK why. 😉
Good Morning CN and happy new year.
I am almost one year D-day and just one week post divorce ( yeah, got rid of the trash ), and things were looking up for me, but then Tru Wuv wrote me a dissertation on social media ( I did not read it but it mentioned my ex ) a few days ago. Why? Why engage me? What purpose would that serve me — I understand these freaks need to triangulate to get those extra tingly orgasms, however why include me?
My songs:
Rush — Fly by Night
Black Sabbath ( all of it )
American Analog Set ( all of it )
Happy New Year and hope all y’all are extra mighty this year.
Wow,….I have loved Fly By Night since I was twelve years old! Neil Peart was my drummer hero. We had family friends who were cousins of Alex Lifeson, and I was never able to benefit from that connection by meeting the band. ????
I’ll be adding that to my Power Song playlist….thanks for the reminder and you have me in your cheering section for your continued healing.
Haha thanks Velvet Hammer!
I was lucky enough to see Rush play live several times back in the day— but never met them in person. I hear they are very approachable ( according to the documentary ) so I hope you get to meet them one day.
I listen to 2112 also since the 1st part is transformative.
Seeing Rush was an unforgettable rush for me. I became a drummer because of Neil. In eighth grade I challenged the drummer in school band and won his seat. Losing his seat to a girl was so humiliating for him. We’re still friends and laugh about it now. On my infidelity recovery bucket list is to get another kit and start playing again.
Breaking out the Rush today!
That’s so cool ( your drumming ).
Neil was incredible. Amazing musician, but he was also a deeply troubled and sensitive human which made his song writing so relatable to we commoners.
As a side note on getting through this year, I listened to Fly by Night on repeat for hours as I worked on a project of mine ( Zodiac Killer ) and the time changes that Rush is known for were signals to my brain to stop obsessing over trash and to focus on my work. I sort of trained myself that “Fly by night” ( … change my life again … ) was written expressly for me to get healthy, and by hearing the first few beats my brain cleared and my mind focused on me. Thanks Neil!!!
Hey, Velvet Hammer! I’m a woman drummer too. And a Neil Peart fan. I’ve seen Rush a couple times and decided to buy a set of DW drums because that is what he played. I was absolutely gutted when he passed.
“Tom Sawyer” has always been my anthem and is on my bucket list of songs to learn on the kit. It always makes me feel mighty.
VH, make a resolution to buy that kit and start playing again in 2022! If you are on Facebook, there is an awesome group called Drummer Girls United. A very positive, encouraging group of women drummers from around the world. Look us up! ????????????❤️
And VH, As you probably know, drumming is very therapeutic. It fully engages both your mind and body. And it’s a great way to take out some aggression. On rough days I always feel so much better after a good session on my drum kit.
Spiritual benefits of drumming = exactly!!
We are totally going sidebar here on Chumplady today, Xioba and Nemesis!
Check out Greg Gaylord of Drum Solo. He was a neighbor and is a friend and makes awesome drums…some from wood reclaimed from the bottom of Lake Michigan. Charlie Watts bought from him. I plan to give him a call.
Girl drummers were so rare in the 70’s; I loved it instantly. Also on my drumming bucket list is taiko drumming. Taiko Dojo and Kenny Endo are near me in San Francisco so I have to wait out the pandemic.
Thanks for the FB page info!
VH, I Googled Greg Gaylord. Looks like he is currently with Craviotto Drums, which are my dream drums. They are practically works of art. What an awesome connection to have!
You aren’t too far from my neck of the woods. One of my friends runs women’s three day drum camps from her home in Auburn California. You can Google that too, if you’d like. I’ve been to a couple of them. Great drum instruction and perhaps even more than that, a great hang. Highly recommend it.
One of my resolutions for next year is to start going to an African drumming meet-up. I have a djembe and I want to learn how to play it better. I’ve always enjoyed hand percussion.
We really have gone off the rails here a bit. ???? Bottom line, there is a large, supportive community of women drummers that we didn’t have back in the day when we first started playing. Hope you get back into it!
I took up drumming this year too (told my instructor I wanted to hit things). VH, I think you will love picking it up again!
I’ve played music since I was 9, but lost interest after I moved in with FW. I just didn’t feel comfortable playing with him around. If there was ever a sign something was off with our relationship, that should have been so obvious.
I set up a drum kit in my bedroom and now I play whenever I feel like it (it’s electronic so sleeping children/neighbor friendly). Drumming has replaced doom scrolling and replying to stupid FW texts.
I am a 50 year old woman who keeps drumsticks in my car (practice while I am waiting for kids). I probably look ridiculous and I DON’T CARE! Some serious, take back my power vibes – highly recommended ????
Thanks for the new drum ideas – not off topic for me at all!
Happy new year!
Ok, let’s go all the way off the rails today!
Nemesis, I’d be happy to introduce you to Greg. His mom and dad are still my neighbors. They are awesome down-to-earth people. His drums literally took over the house when he lived with them and they were totally cool with it.
I just joined the FB group….look for me and send me a PM.
Chumpy, I had sticks AND a tambourine in my car for many years. Way more fun at red lights!
????
#Sometimes — Its AMAZING to see Y’all’s Other side!! —
Totally NOT a drummer at all —
But its great to see everyone’s Different “Diamond Facets” that makes you the “kewl” Human Being’s Y’all are!!
Original “Merced, CA” Girl!!
The Dixie Chicks, The Commodores (because it was left in my car – Lionel Ritchie wrote some deep ones) and Stevie Nicks’ Landslide. I could listen to that one over and over. In fact, whenever that song comes, I just shush everyone, stop, close my eyes and sing along: ????I’ve been afraid of changin cause I’ve built my whole life around you. But time makes you bolder, children get older and I’m getting older too. So take this love and take it down…the landslide brought me down ????
Landslide, yes!
Possibly my favorite song of all time. It’s gorgeous! I’ve loved it since I was a little girl. There are dozens of remakes but nothing can match Stevie.
Agreed RE: Landslide ~ such a phenomenal song (I love to listen to covers of it too when I’m in the mood to listen to it again and again)
I also incessantly played “Take a Bow” (Rihanna) for months upon end after D-Day
Mr. Wonderful’s Toupees
– Brian Combe
The next logical question is how do I even know about this song? Well since my ex has a shitty toupee I did a search for toupee songs.
This song is ridiculous but so is a crappy jet black toupee, especially when the rest of you is grey.
It makes me chuckled ????????????
That old Budweiser commercial – Mr Really Bad Toupee Wearer.
https://youtu.be/gOgQcyklEBc
My ex went the other direction…he’s one of the “shaved his head to cover up for the fact that he’s gray and going bald”. THAT’ll trick his 31 year old wife. She’ll never know he’s 53!
OMG, that is hilarious!
Thank you for that.
When things have been very low in recent years, there’s a song that always helps me to regain perspective.
I’m sharing it here in the hope that others may be as uplifted as I have been.
https://youtu.be/SxTNhD5jTyQ
Funny! That’s hilarious!
OMG this video is a GIFT! I love it ????
1) “Dare Me”
– Pointer Sisters
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_F3uv01kTgE
2) “Let the River Run”
– Carly Simon, theme from “Working Girl”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yuRnWqW86_s
Just fyi to all, if you post more than one link, it goes to the modify/spam queue. So have patience if I’m not at the computer to fish you out. I’ll get to it as soon as I can.
Oops, sorry, thank you, and duly noted!
Miss Me More by Kelsea Ballerini was definitely my #1 song during that time, to remind me of all that I put aside for him and to never, ever do it again.
My other favorites are/were:
Never Again – Kelly Clarkson
Dirty Laundry – Carrie Underwood
Hurt Me – Meghan Trainor
Girl – Maren Morris
I’m Good – Abby Anderson
I’m a Fighter – Maya Gabrielle Satterwhile
You Broke Me First – Tate McRae
Liability – Carly Pearce (and her entire 29 Album)
Liar – Davina Michelle
I Forgot That You Existed – Taylor Swift
Broken & Beautiful – Kelly Clarkson
Truth About You – Mitchell Tenpenny
Want Me Back – Lindsay Ell
Music has been so healing for me and I hope this list can help someone else. I always feel lots of inner power when I listed to this playlist. It reminds me that I am mighty!
Whoa, “Liar” is amazing! I’d never heard it before. Thanks for this great list.
I’m so happy that you liked it! I had it on repeat for quite a while during my most difficult days.
The line, “the fact that she is real hurts but doesn’t kill” gets me every time. So powerful.
Taylor Swift’s album Folklore and Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors got me through the end of a 25 year relationship.
Fleetwood &Rumors- Definitely
Just good old rock and roll helps too.
I love music as well. I also can’t listen to many country songs.
But there are some amazing Christian artists that help lift me up.
Crowder ❤- Come as You Are
Zach Williams– Chain Breaker & New Christmas album really does swing well
We are the Kingdom- Child of Love
Rend Collective
Leslie Jordan
“Exile” from Folklore made me bawl like a baby for the first time in months. Since I was abandoned out of the blue (got an e-mail tho) after 28 years of marriage the whole theme of ‘never seeing the signs’ and ‘leaving out the side door’ were absolutely spot-on. I ended up yelling at the video during the call-and-response of “I never saw the signs/I gave so many signs” between the duo because that was my life. I stood up and yelled,
“SIGNS?!! FUCKING ***SIGNS***???!!! OPEN YOUR FUCKING BABY MOUTH AND ~SAY~ YOU ARE UNHAPPY INSTEAD OF CHEATING AND ABANDONING, YOU FUCKING CHEATING LYING PIECE OF SHIT”
which of course is no indictment of TS herself, I was yelling at my X.
Hey, I guess the “sign” he put out there was when he was fucking around on me and lying when asked direct questions about it. Yep, totes missed it. #mybad
Cathartic.
I more than once have rocked out to “Titanium” by David Guetta while driving. It makes me cry, too.
This episode of Song Exploder (Lindsey Buckingham talks “Go Your Own Way”) is great:
https://songexploder.net/fleetwood-mac
Better Days by Dermot Kennedy
…the rain, it ain’t permanent…and soon we’ll be dancing in the sun…”
Nina Simone’s Ain’t Got No, I Got Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5jI9I03q8E
Happy New Year CN!
I am so busy lately that I must seem like “UnderWaters” instead of ClearWaters here at CN. And all because I am free of a cheater.
Be brave CN, it all works out and for the better for anyone with guts.
My son who is living with his FW father is finally moving out…
Karma Police // Radiohead
How it ends // DevochKa
In The New Year // The Walkman
Got New Dreams // Naked Raygun
And my favorite: Let Down // Radiohead
“…. You know, you know where you are with
You know where you are with
Floor collapsing, floating
Bouncing back and
One day I am gonna grow wings
A chemical reaction…”
First two are favorites of mine that have been out of the rotation for awhile. Good reminder!
Had “Knives Out” stuck in my head for awhile…
“Let Down” is an amazing song.
In fact, the whole of ‘OK Computer’, played from start to finish, got me through several difficult years.
Better Man. Little Big Town
It’s not cheerful but strengthening
Dixie Chicks
Linda Ronstadt Poor Poor pitiful me always puts a smile on my face
Lie by the Band Perry
Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty
Better Man by Little Big Town – Described my whole life! I came across the video on YouTube while I was at work soon after my final DDay this summer and had to leave my desk and go outside and sob!
I actually remember the first time I heard this song. They performed it live on an award show soon after my first DDay in 2015 (that I didn’t know was an actual DDay until this summer). Our son and my stepdaughter were at home with me. I was just stunned at the truth of the song and had to leave the room to keep from crying in front of them! You cant write songs like that without having experienced the situation yourself.
Happy New Year CL and CN ❤
I would have been cool with Anglican high church choral music, CL!
Cee-Lo Green’s Fuck You – all time never-fail fave
https://youtu.be/pc0mxOXbWIU
Also I Will Survive got a good workout in the early days, as did Pompeii and Things We Lost on the Fire by Bastille, Bleeding Out (and others) by Imagine Dragons and a fair bit of Within Temptation – the gothic stage of grief I guess.
Then I got more kick-ass as I got my mojo back – Gin Wigmore’s Black Sheep, Gabriella Cilmi’s Sweet About Me, Jordin Sparks Battlefield, Boom Bap Pow’s My World, Castles by Freya Ridings. Lots of sassy ladies with attitude.
Positive You Can Do It/It Will Be Fine songs (not necessarily in order. Also, not all necessarily upbeat, but the message is the right one):
Don’t Worry Bout Me by Zara Larsson
Ciao Adios by Anne-Marie
Sunday Morning by No Doubt (my favourite)
Don’t Call Me Up by Mabel
Call Me When You’re Sober by Evanescence
So What by Pink
Songs for General Positive Vibes:
Kings and Queens by Ava Max
Who Knows by Avril Lavigne
Down on the Corner by Creedence
Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves
Music did not really get me through the healing process. As a matter of fact, I find I no longer feel music the way I used to. That being said, I do remember cranking up the volume to Ozzy Ozborne’s “No More Tears” and jamming out to that on occasion. Instead of music, I began to enjoy the melodies of silence and thought, especially on nature walks.
Good as Hell, Lizzo
I’m Still Standing, Elton John
It’s Only Love, Bryan Adams feat. Tina Turner
New Attitude, Patti LaBelle
And “One More Minute” by “Weird Al” Yankovic was and continues to be my absolute jam, especially when I forget to TTTS (trust that they suck).
Thanks for introducing me to “One More Minute”, DWA!!! I love Weird Al Yankovic but somehow had never heard this one before. Gold! Happy new year!
I had a driving job, when I was in the throes of leaving my mirage, and music was so important. I would turn the sound up, and cry and drive. My favorite was this obscure Hawaiian band called Kaiser Surf Crew, they are just super happy, upbeat guys! High Surf Advisory, Set Them Free. That whole CD was sweet, and uplifting. Long story, but a restaurant owner burned it for me, when he saw that my X was being abusive, and handed it to me as we were leaving.
Also, the album Who Is Jill Scott, she feels so powerful to me, and I love her voice.
Happy New Year all! ????
Martin Briley–Salt in my tears aka You ain’t worth the salt in my tears
I believe I can fly-r.Kelly
Rearview Mirror by Pearl Jam.
I’m a drummer and a singer. One of the songs I enjoyed playing and singing (at the top of my lungs) during my early chumphood was Ceelo Green’s “Fuck You”. It always made me laugh. And wonder what the neighbors were thinking. ????
Another song that made me smile is Raelynn’s “Bra Off”. Cute, catchy little tune.
Keyboard player and singer here. Thrilled to see so many musicians on the blog.
To listen
Seether’s Rise Above This
Lizzo’s Truth Hurts and Good as Hell
Jars of Clay Flood Lift Me Up
Sixx A.M. Life is Beautiful
To sing:
Train’s Ordinary
Memories by Adam Levine
Who Knew by Pink
Don’t Start Now by Dua Lipa
My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crow
Mama’s Broken Heart by Miranda Lambert
Watch Over You by Alter Bridge
I LOOOVE Seether! Great tune. “Fine Again” is another good one. I’ve belted that one out a few times when I was feeling especially morose.
Yes, so cool to see so many musicians here. ????????????????????????????????
Dua Lipa – IDGAF
Already mentioned by others – Phil Collins I Don’t Care Anymore and Elton John “Still Standing”
Music got me through healing. But not the power/fuck you songs. The sad songs. Those are the songs that helped me feel, and then to heal. It was over the minute I found out on D-Day, and the sad songs were my comfort.
Heart of the Matter – Don Henley – the live one from the hell freezes over tour
Silver Springs – Fleetwood Mac (there’s a live version on YouTube that’s the best)
Landslide – Fleetwood Mac
Let Her Go – Passenger
Who Knew – Pink
Better Man – Taylor’s version
The 1 – Taylor Swift
Exile – Taylor Swift
Don’t – Ed Sheeran
Talk – Kodaline
I Knew You Were Trouble – Taylor
Lover – Michael Stanley Band
I know I’m at Tuesday because these songs are now just good songs. I don’t cry over them, I just appreciate that they’re good songs that helped me.
Happy New Year!
Hope that 2022 is all Tuesdays!
I’ll add three:
Sit Down by James
Travelling Woman by Bat for Lashes
-and this one that my lovely SIL sent me when he asked for a second chance and I said no.
https://youtu.be/fD7kgjYo7Ls
A very happy, mighty new year, Chump Nation! Much love ❤
Patsy Cline’s Walkin’ After Midnight is a sad but hopeful sing that works that way, too. Sometimes we have to walk through it to GET through it.
Walking through it, to *get* through it, struck me. For quite a while I absolutely refused to either walk through it, or get through it.
I just curled into a ball. I couldn’t listen to anyone, couldn’t accept what any one was telling me. It was a period of so much pain, I can’t bear to remember it.
And yet, there was always music! Kate Rusby, Irish ballads, Scottish music, all of them helped me in one way or another.
The most therapeutic? Dancing and screaming to the “Drop Kick Murphy’s” whilst stomping on my wedding photos. ????????????
I love that stomping image! I waked for miles. Only thing I could manage.
A couple of good friends made playlists for me in the dark times after DD; those leaned heavily toward girl anthems like the immortal “I Will Survive” and Pink’s “So What”. It was helpful, as I live in an area where lots of driving time is just part of life, to be able to slip in a CD and just sing along. I mentioned this to my therapist, and she asked me which was the best song of the bunch; that answer changed daily, but on that day, my response was Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats”. The therapist hadn’t heard it, so I ran down to the car and grabbed the CD. She listened, and then she gave me the most evil, conspiratorial, unprofessional grin, and said “I like that….” ????????????
Yup. I know country is off the list for some but “Before He Cheats” and Sara Evans’ “Cheatin’” as well as Dixie Chicks’ “Goodbye Earl” are among my guilty pleasures.
I’ll Take The Rain – REM
Don’t Come Around Here No More – Tom Petty
Return to Innoncence – Enigma
Dog Days Are Over – Florence and the Machine
Monsters – Band of Horses
Happy New Year to Tracey and everyone here. Thankyou for your constant help and support through 2021, I really get such comfort from reading the posts. Let’s hope 2022 is better for us all . Xx
“I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor.
“Take a Bow” by Rihanna. It’s perfect.
Related to today’s topic (music) and something that inspired me just yesterday…I watched the documentary about Clive Davis, the legendary Golden Ears of the music industry.
It was a total accident of fate that he became who he is, discovering a talent he never knew he had. I LOVED that. I think we all have talent we don’t know we have that get squashed by the energy suck of being in repressive relationships with liars/cheaters/thieves. Cheaters are DEFINITELY not people helping you climb and be your best self. That person is sucking the life force out of you, squashing you, and stripping your power and energy away. Danger, Will Robinson!
Later, when betrayed by executives at the record label he founded who were ousting him, he left. All 18 senior executives went with him. That’s an example of
loyalty and overcoming adversity I want to learn from!
I was crying watching this movie. I think it’s because of the support and loyalty themes running throughout, something I am only just now grasping how I never had in my family or mirage.
It’s amazing to see how much music I love that he is behind!
https://www.netflix.com/us/title/80190588?s=i&trkid=13747225&vlang=en&clip=81185076
Please forgive me for piggybacking on your post, Velvet, but WaPo is not letting me post a standalone reply of my own – apparently WaPo doesn’t like my music taste? Again, please forgive me ?
1) “Dare Me”
– Pointer Sisters
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_F3uv01kTgE
(… for when you are strapping on your gladiator leathers, and maybe need a bit of a confidence boost)
2) “Let the River Run”
– Carly Simon, theme from “Working Girl”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yuRnWqW86_s
(… for that fling your arms wide at the sunrise/sunset, face alight, chest swelling with peace, relief, and joy feeling)
Adele – “Rolling in the Deep”
Rolling in the Deep was my biggie! It came out as I was in my worst days, and I listened to it over and over because it just focused my anger and made me feel powerful. It sent me to searching to create a whole playlist of angry women power type songs from a bunch of eras. Some are very obscure, but perfect. I’ve added to it over time as new songs came out or came to my attention and it became more about what I would accept in a future relationship, and I even threw in a few from men as I recovered.
Rolling in the Deep – Adele
These Boots are Made for Walking – Nancy Sinatra
Better be Good to Me – Tina Turner
I Love Myself Today – Bif Naked
The Wreckoning – Boomkat
Sick and Tired – Anastacia
Strings of Life (Stronger on my Own) – Soul Central
Can’t Be Tamed – Miley Cyrus
Survivor – Destiny’s Child
Respect – Aretha Franklin
Bad Blood – Taylor Swift
Strong Enough – Cher
Roar – Katy Perry
Bitch – Meredith Brooks
You Don’t Own Me – Lesley Gore
Forget You – CeeLo Green
Brand New Day – Neil Patrick Harris
This is such a great new year’s gift! I have a few that I still love and that still help these 6 years later:
Better Things to Do by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
I Learned the Hard Way by Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
Greenville by Lucinda Williams
Big Mess by Lucinda Williams
Music can be a trigger for me too ICanseeTuesday. My ex was a musician too and looked down on everything. Now I can enjoy what I like and sing along loud (i love music and singing but am not a great singer. He would tell me I was “ruining”songs when i sang along)
He no longer gets hired for anything as he is so unreliable and has lied to too many people about too many things.
Happy new year to all!
I am a pretty good singer. Used to sing karaoke and get applause and asked to sing again. Klootzak also said I ruined songs when I sang with them and would turn the volume up louder and louder until I would stop.
It’s not about us. It’s about devaluing us. I could have been Adele and he would have told me to shut up. I hope you sing loud and proud now, girl!
Sheryl Crows :
“A Change Will Do You Good”
Especially the scene in the Music Video where she hurls his guitar out a second story window …
(My soon to be X is a musician.)
Great to dance to, and shake off the blues.
Runrig (Celtic rock band) – “The Last Dance”.
I was lucky enough to go to their farewell gig at Stirling Castle, whilst still in the throes of divorce proceedings.
I still dance around the living room to “The Stamping Ground”, and “Hearts of Olden Glory”, singing my heart out.
Anything bt Kate Rusby, but especially “Jenny” on her album “Philosophers, Poets and Kings.”. It’s about a racehorse that’s sneered at by everybody on the track, but ends up winning! ????????
You can tell I’m an old folkie.
Happy New Year to CL, and all of CN! You have all helped me through the worst of days, thank you. May 2022 be the. Best year for all of us! ????????????
Ahh you live in Scotland, no wonder I like your posts. I lived not far from Stirling in the Argyll area, winter/spring of ’89. Beautiful country which reminds me of my native PNW in many ways. Strong, amazing people. I see where you get your strength, no nonsense approach, and take-no-prisoners attitude. (And Stirling Castle is really cool).
Thank you so much, WeAreTheChumpions!
Actually I don’t live in Scotland, although born there, I live in Northumberland, the next best thing!
Yes, Stirling Castle is *very* cool. ????????
Kirsty Mcoll – The boy down the chip shop says he’s Elvis”.
I just love her. Her death was so sad.
For US chumps, “the chip shop” refers to the chippy, deep fried haddock with mushy peas, salt and lots of vinegar. ????
I miss that. The little shop on the road by the sea wall, take away only, fish & chips wrapped in newspaper drenched in malted vinegar. Nothing like it to warm the soul on a blustery day! Big chunks of fresh quality fish straight out of the Notth Sea, way bigger and firmer than the cod we can get here, and we make fish & chips at our house all the time. Can’t quite duplicate what you Brits do.
Chumpnomore6,
OMGOSH!!! Flashback!!!! I LOVE mushy peas!! As a retired flight attendant, I had them on my layovers in London, Windsor and also Edinburgh, Scotland along with the wonderful little sausages!!! (Mashers??) I miss those great layovers!!!
The UK sausages are called bangers. When served with mashed potatoes they are called bangers and mash.
The Gap Band – You Dropped A Bomb On Me
Foreigner – I Want To Know What Love Is
The Bee Gees – I Can’t See Nobody
Crosby, Stills & Nash – Southern Cross
DAVID RUFFIN -“MY WHOLE WORLD ENDED (THE MOMENT YOU LEFT ME)” [1969]
Ronnie Dyson – (If You Let Me Make Love To You Then) Why Can’t I Touch You?
Joan Baez – Diamonds and Rust
Air Supply – Making Love Out Of Nothing At All
Adele – Set Fire To The Rain
Dusty Springfield ~ i Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself
The Mamas & the Papas “Look Through My Window”
What a wonderful Friday challenge! I love seeing everyone’s inspirational play lists:
Here’s my playlist:
“Roar”-Katy Perry
“Chasing Pavements”-Adele
“Truth Hurts”-Lizzie
“Good As Hell”-Lizzie
“Water Me”-Lizzie
“Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops)”-Blu Cantrell
“I Hope”-Gabby Barrett
“Dog Days Are Over”-Florence+the machine
“Leave The Pieces When You Go”-The Wreckers
“Top Of The World”-The Carpenters
“Winning”-Pitbull
“Lovely Day”-Bill Withers
“You Don’t Own Me”-Grace
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Oops-LIZZO
Stupid autocorrect!
“Leave the Pieces” is great.
And I don’t like Garth Brooks for being an actual FW but “Friends in Low Places” is lovely, though I can say kiss my ass without the involvement of alcohol. ????
TRUE!! ????????
Burn the Ships by For King and Country
Burn the ships, cut the ties
Send a flare into the night
Say a prayer, turn the tide
Dry your tears and wave goodbye
Step into a new day
We can rise up from the dust and walk away
We can dance upon our heartache, yeah
So light a match, leave the past, burn the ships
And don’t you look back
So long to shame, walk through the sorrow
Out of the fire into tomorrow
So flush the pills, face the fear
Feel the wave disappear
We’re comin’ clear, we’re born again
Our hopeful lungs can breathe again
Oh, we can breathe again
I just bought that song, thanks
My anthem has always been Jill Scott’s “Golden.” It was the ringtone on my phone when I left my husband in 2010 after 18 years of marriage. I gave him the marital home (our only asset) and got myself an apartment.
It was super generic, but I painted and decorated it within an inch of its life, and truly felt I was “living my life like it’s golden.”
In the next few years, I moved in and out of many rentals. I also wasted 4 years and countless tears on a Lying Cheating Loser and textbook sociopath.
During that ordeal, I created a whole playlist called Walkaway Woman Shit.
In May of 2018 I finally remembered who I am, and walked away from the LCL for good. Later that same year, I bought a 1930 Tudor cottage at auction, in a town 100 miles away.
These days, I’m busy fixing up my cottage, making art, and enjoying my cats and houseplants. Basically living my life like it’s golden.
Trying to Feel Alive – Porter Robinson
Pretty much anything by Tom Petty, but standouts would include Don’t Come Around Here, Won’t Back Down, and his cover of the Byrds song, I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better.
“The Waiting” is also an excellent Chump Nation anthem!
Especially for those waiting for Tuesday.
The Champion by Carrie Underwood & Ludicris, I feel powerful when I listen to it.
Most anything Stevie Wonder, my go to, happy, feed your soul music man.
I just love Allen Stone, Give you Blue is my go to one. ( my daughter got tickets for us this Christmas for she and I to see him late January in Austin, I’m stoked!)
Lizzo’s “ Good as Hell” is the one I chose to do on the karaoke I bought my kids and I for Christmas. (I played it over and over beforehand and had it memorized.) We had a good time with that.
New York State of Mind-Billy Joel ( my roots)
Imagine- Lennon ( also Let It Be for me too)
Gloria’s -I Will Survive (feels empowering to sing it)
Elton John- Your Song
Stevie Nix- Landslide
Chris Stapleton- I was Wrong
I also can’t play any Sinatra since it was a love of FW. I’m okay with that though.
I have some problems with Whitney now too after seeing texts of his saying “just like the song, I have nothing if I don’t have you”, ( how about your wife of 30 years, A-hole!) Only that song of Whitney’s is tarnished, thank God for that! ( he didn’t even marry that one either and prob is using that same line on yet another skank in his lineup this very minute ????)
Uptown Funk- Bruno Mars
Bill Withers-Lean on Me
Glady Knight- Midnight Train to Georgia
Earth, Wind and Fire if I need the prompt to
just get the hell up and dance man, can’t sit if EWF is playing!
Happy New Year all, wishing you peace and the appreciation of the simple little joys that show up every day, that’s the gold in life.
Here’s hoping Tuesday’s going to be well worth our wait! ????????????????????????
EWF is the best, hands down! Can I add Al Green to your list?
State of Grace by Taylor Swift
Dog Days are Over (popular here!)
Castles by Freya Ridings
I’m gonna build castles
From the rubble of your love
I’m gonna be stronger
Than you ever thought I was
And Miley Cyrus- The Climb
SIA is my go- to girl! She has a song for every mood. One of my favorites is “Unstoppable” and reminds me of the fire I walked through and how I’m bad ass for doing it.
Happy New Year to everyone❤️❤️❤️
Sia is my fave too, especially Flames. My 14yr old and I would sing it at the top of our lungs!
The first line always gets me – ‘one foot in front of the other babe’
That’s all I could do some days. Doing way better now, 4yrs out from DDay and heading for Tuesday ????
That’s awesome!
I’m going to have to listen to that one. I love “Alive” also and “Bird Set Free”.
Love this!
Wings – Little Mix
Truth Hurts – Lizzo
Good as Hell – Lizzo
Fuck You – Ceelo Green
So What – Pink
Thank You, Next – Ariana Grande
Since You’ve Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson
Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
We are never, ever getting back together – Taylor Swift
Fighter – Christina Aguilera
Problem – Ariana Grande
Someone that I used to know – Goyte
Love Yourself – Justin Bieber
Grenade – Bruno Mars
Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops) – Blu Cantrell
Control by Puddle Of Mudd
Violet by Hole
Bad Religion – Do What You Want
ALL played VERY Loud!!
I find the best songs were made before I was born.
“You’re So Vain”- Carly Simon
“I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor
“I Can See Clearly Now” – Johnny Nash
“Dancing in the Moonlight” – King Harvest
The order in which I listed the songs is no coincidence; it pretty much describes the arc to meh.
Great songs from the best music era ever.
i like a beat, it reminds me to keep going. that the heart beats on, you know? and a little rebellion never fucking hurts.
#1 the magnificent seven by the clash
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj1Nf850Lys
full disclosure. DANCE MUSIC keeps me going. i love the subwoofer thrumming the floorboards and i move.
“… They were murdered by the other team/Who went on to win, 15-nil …”
This immediately popped into my head from my music vault!
So many great songs! I have a couple that really helped me immediately following DDay:
“It’s Gonna Be OK” – The Piano Guys
“Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” – Danny Gorecki (I think?)
I also searched for “calming harp music” on YouTube, and found several long-playing recordings that were good for ambient music.
None of the ones that helped me, initially, were the kick-ass empowering songs that many have cited. It took me a while to move into those. I think I had to acknowledge the devastation, first. I wonder if there is a “stages of recovery as reflected in songs selected”?
Happy New Year, CN!
Mr. Hurricane – Beast
Play it loud ????
So many good songs listed here.
One for when you are melancholy and lonely — Mavis Staples’ You’re Not Alone. It is a masterpiece.
So much fantastic music! What a good challenge.
As I began to recover from abandonment, discovery and divorce court, I loved Pink’s song So What for the following lyrics –
“So what I’M STILL A ROCK STAR”
“And You’re a TOOL!”
Happy New Year fellow Rock Stars!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ&list=RDFJfFZqTlWrQ&start_radio=1&rv=FJfFZqTlWrQ&t=0
(NB, at the end of the video Pink has a rapprochement with the tool in question. I definitely didn’t want that bit but I still love the energy of her song)
Love that song!
For me it was Kasey Chambers “I’m Alive”
Kasey is an Australian country music singer
https://youtu.be/iKKKKWHgFFU
Well make no mistakes I have been down this track
I’ve felt what it’s like to have a knife in my back
I took all the sorries and I stuffed them all in a sack
I turned to the experts but that didn’t work
Got down on my knees and I prayed but it hurt
I thought I struck gold but it turned out to be dirt
And through all the blood and the sweat and the tears
Things ain’t always what they appear
I made it through the hardest fucking year
Also, everything on Dixie Chicks Gaslighter album
Amy sharks Cry Forever also an Australian pop singer
It took a long time before I could really handle music with lyrics. The stuff on the radio was way too triggering for me. My go-to was the melodic progressive trance station on di.fm (aka Digitally Imported).
But if y’all want a good (NC-17) laugh, here’s a country song about cheating – by none other than Scuzz Twittly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ82_3tGM3U – “In Cuntry”.
I felt the same. I still struggle with listening to it now, but I made a F@@k You play list and it had helped. Ha ha.
Also these videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnV3TS55TpE – 10 hours of water sounds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwSHOI7DwWM&t=30s – same but has some birdsong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJZxtO9XNno – 12 hours of babbling brook
https://www.rainymood.com/ – background rain sounds
I’m shocked I haven’t seen Rolling in the Deep by Adele on these lists. That was my “crank the radio, beat on the steering wheel, scream at the top of lungs” favorite! I also oddly loved Jason Aldean’s “You Make it Easy”. Jason’s a FW too, but that song gave me hope for a future with someone who would treat me like I deserve to be treated (I’ve found him. Yay!)
I agree with Kelsea Ballerini “Miss Me More” and “I Hope” by Gabby Barrett. My kids actually started getting irritated that I played those songs so much, haha!
I’m a big fan of Pink as well. She has so many songs that are empowering!
Hey @I’mbetternow,
My Fav Adele is — Set Fire To The Rain — Cause it perfectly encapsulated my “abilities”
#Sometimes — MY OUTSIDE DOESN’T MATCH MY INSIDE!!
In Another Time – Sade
A slow beautiful song that allowed me to cry as I buried my ex H’s affair for a few months, waiting to confront him until my youngest graduated from high school.
Silver Springs – sung by Stevie Nicks
Love the irony of this song, written with Lindsey Buckingham in mind. Even though it seems that she’s ‘stuck’ on the love he could have had, it makes me smile that it must be irritating to him. And one of my daughters went to college in Baltimore, close to this town with the lovely name that inspired the song.
Tracey, your humor and snark is a gift. Thank you for being who you are. All the best to all of CN in 2022 ❤️
“Curtains For You” – The Only Ones
That refrain still does it for me when I’m PO’d.
At different phases of the whole process different songs have spoken to me. Before I made up my mind to divorce, I used to listen to “Watershed” by the Indigo Girls: “Up on the watershed/Standing at the fork in the road/You can stand there and agonize/’Til your agony’s your heaviest load.” That one was particularly satisfying because my ex was the one who loved, loved, loved the Indigo Girls, and I was using one of their songs to motivate me to leave. Eric Clapton’s “One Chance” was a song that depending on how I was feeling I would respond to as me making a mistake leaving, or him making a mistake doing what he’d done. Sheryl Crow’s “A Change Will Do You Good” was great when I needed to reassure myself I’d done the right thing, and to motivate me to try new things. Now that I’ve been out almost four years, I like to move to Pharrell Williams’s “Happy.”
Me, Myself & I was played on repeat for 2 solid years.
https://music.apple.com/us/album/me-myself-and-i/201274359?i=201275913
Yes! Also….
A Thousand Times by Ella Mai
What You Did- Mahalia and Ella Mai
Pick Up Your Feelings – Jazmine Sullivan
Bag Lady – Erika Badu
Enough Cryin- Mary J Blige
These are a major part of my playlist. So helpful!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PXRrySTujn8
Frazey Fords “Done” is spectacular. Link above
This is beautiful, thank you. Never heard it before.
Wow! This is new to me. Love it. Perfect.
I loved the Frazey Ford one too!
Thanks for sharing, that was really cute and never heard of her, beautiful voice.
Another song that came to mind is
Boy Wonder’s – For Once In My Life. I sing it to myself in front of the mirror. ????????
Love this!
I forgot that you existed- Taylor Swift
This Is Me- The Greatest Showman
You don’t know your worth- Khalid
If your over me- Years & Years
He wasn’t man enough- Toni Braxton
IDGAF- Dua Lipa
Fighter- Christina Aguilera
Believe- Cher
OK Go’s “This Too Shall Pass”
U2’s “Get on Your Boots”
Love the lyrics of both.
The “This Too Shall Pass” song video on YouTube has an impressive Rube Goldberg Machine. 🙂
Their songs are fun, but OK Go’s videos are the real attraction! “Needing is one thing and getting, getting is another” was a refrain of mine while eating shit sandwiches. Fortunately, watching the Needing/Getting video always makes me love life:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MejbOFk7H6c
bread&roses, Wow, thanks for sharing! I actually don’t really know their work. I don’t even know how I stumbled on the song I mentioned. The song and video (!) you shared is great! And it’s a message that fits where I am right now. I clearly need to see more of their song videos. 🙂
Shake It Off – Taylor Swift. Happy – Pharrell Williams. Another One Bites The Dust – Queen
Over two years out and just one year divorced, I still find music very difficult. It was a huge part of our 26 years together. And a huge part of my life before him. However, all the choices in the house were his. Mine were disparaged. Now, my house, my rules.
ExgfOW was into Tori Amos and I’ve never liked her music so no problem there. Hope he’s enjoying yearning over Cornflake Girl or whatever their song is called.
Ooh and Pink – Cover Me In Sunshine
Mighty Warrior I love Cover Me In Sunshine too – such a singable melody and so hopeful.
And when I’m feeling maudlin ‘Diamonds and Rust’ Joan Baez.
Oh, I love “Another One Bites the Dust” thanks for the reminder that it’s good in this context. Just relistened to it.
I also believe crying is a cathartic thing for me so, though just about anything by Duran Duran thrills me and puts me in a good mood, my songs to cry to are “Before the Rain” (anyone who loves 80s music really needs to get the entire All You Need is Now album to bop around to) and “Ordinary World.”
I don’t cry for yesterday.
There’s an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive.
It’s my wooooooooorld!
Others I love which are more positive:
Pat McCurdy’s “Screw You”
Pat McCurdy’s “Imagine a Picture (of me and you, only you’re not in it)”
Pink’s “There You Go” (Actually, just about anything by Pink.)
Sheryl Crow “Soak Up the Sun”
Katy Perry “Roar”
Sarah MacLachlan “Stupid” and “Fallen”
I have more but I’m afraid I’m about to lose my post. lol
Emmylous Harris “Born to Run”
Linda Ronstadt “You’re No Good” and “Silver Threads and Golden Needles”
Buck Owens “Love’s Gonna Live Here”
Mary Chapin Carpenter “He Thinks He’ll Keep Her”
Pink “F**kin Perfect” and “18 Wheeler” and “Blow Me”
This is great. I’m playing songs and singing. Great suggestions, everyone! Just discovered Tom Petty’s “Change the Locks.” lol
Tom Petty is great!
Absolutely “I Am Here” by Pink
“I’ve Got the Music in Me” by Kiki Dee
“The Wood Song” by Indigo Girls
“Hero” by Cash Cash
Edith Piaf “Non, Je ne regrette rien”
Helen Reddy “I am Woman”
Lynard Skynard “Freebird”
Carole King “Too Late”
Selena Gomez “Lose you to Love Me”.
I have many already listed (84 on my playlist).
Love this thread! Here is my list:
Who Knew? – Pink
Try – Pink
So What – Pink
Stronger – Kelly Clarkson
Tubthumping – Chumbawamba (‘I get knocked down, but I get up again, you ain’t never gonna keep me down’ – it’s been my theme song for the past five years)
Hold Me Jesus – Rich Mullins
If I Stand – Rich Mullins
You Never Let Go – Matt Redman
Oh, and Happy New Year everyone! It’s already 2022 in New Zealand ????
RHA love that Chumbawumba one … I used to belt it out on the car in the morning traffic on the way to work years ago. My heartstarter.
Love Too Good by Jefferson Starship, is priceless snark…
Have a Heart by Bonnie Raitt, starts off with – shut up, don’t lie to me…
Little by little you fade, while I fall apart
Momma’s Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert
Better Things to Do- Terri Clark
How Do You Like Me Now- Toby Keith
Freeze Frame-J Geils Band
To name just a few
Back in the bad days:
“Payphone,” Maroon 5 (with Wiz Khalifa)
“Begin Again,” Taylor Swift
“All Alright,” Zac Brown Band
“Paint it Black,” Rolling Stones
“Carry On,” Pat Green
“May It Be,” Enya (from the Lord of the Rings soundtrack_
“No Surrender,” Bruce Springsteen
“F**K You,” Ceelo Green
“Any Other World,” Mika
Anything by Otis Redding or Sam Cooke
I also second Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger” and “Since U Been Gone”
Now I’m reinvesting in vinyl and listening a lot to the Beatles’s Abbey Road. Here Comes the Sun…
It don’t get any better than that!
I’m loving this thread. The nicest thing is looking up these songs, most of which I’ve never heard of, and loving them.
I really love learning new stuff! ????????
“righteous fuck off songs” YES.
Those angry songs are what got me through. Not the “you can do it” postivity kind of stuff now on my playlist. So cathartic. Empowering. I can listen to the fuck off songs today without any accompanying flashbacks. And feel the power. Interesting……
“Stockholm Syndrome” – Muse
Yeah, I listened to lots of angry songs back in the bad days. Like the referenced Muse song. Holy moley, that song.
But not all of the music was angry.
In the spirit of today’s challenge, I dedicate Patti Smith’s “Peaceable Kingdom” to all chumps. Happiest of New Year’s to each of you!
I love Muse, and the fw had to spoil that for me like everything else. He took me to a Muse concert where, unbeknownst to me, the OW was in attendance. I guess it was just to hang around and smirk at unsuspecting me, because she doesn’t like Muse. They cooked up that sick game to violate me. In my more paranoid moments (and it’s hard not to be paranoid when dealing with a fw) I wonder if they had planned to get me into some dark corner and do me harm, but had chickened out.
I took selfies of us at that concert, and no exaggeration, he came out looking evil. I thought it was a trick of the light. But no, it was because he was smirking and had the narc shark eyes. I didn’t look like that in the same photos and in the same light. I looked normal. I shudder just to think of his horrible face and what dark thoughts must have been going on in his sick mind.
That was 2017, and I still get triggered listening to Muse sometimes.
But I try not to let him stop me from enjoying things. The song Dead Inside is a perfect description of a narcissist.
Your experience was truly terrifying. Yes, some music is triggery for me too, and Muse bless ’em aren’t shy about going deep and dark. Most of their music was not a good place to dwell in too long during the bad days. So I can see how the experience at the concert combined with Muse’s oeuvre would be challenging for you. To have their brilliant music tarnished for you by a monster just sucks. Makes me angry!
I’m glad you still listen to Muse sometimes. Maybe there’s a way to reclaim ALL of it FOR YOU a little at a time? Not sure what that would look like or if it’s worth it to you in the grand scheme of re-claiming your mighty. Hope so.
Here’s a Muse post D-day story for you. Just a couple of months after D-day my sister, her teenage son and my college age daughter and I went to see “Muse:Drones World Tour” (one night only worldwide release of the Drones Tour live concert footage). The experience was so emotional for me; I had tears. My sister held my hand during some of the songs. I remember her gripping especially hard during “Madness.” But afterward as we left the theatre I felt light. Cathartic. That emotional release is a gift great artists give us.Yes, I was down, but there was still beauty to be experienced. I looked around at the audience. Young and old, hippies and Brooks Brothers. It was such a diverse crowd. I assumed my sister and I would be the oldest folks in the theatre. Not so! There were seniors with walkers and canes I kid you not. Something about Muse’s music touches people allover the world from all walks of life.
You can do it. Take Muse back in 2022!
What a wonderful experience! I’m so happy for you. I agree, Muse has universal appeal for people who appreciate songs with emotional depth. No wonder OW doesn’t like them.
Yes, I will eventually reclaim not just Muse, but everything. I am determined to do so.
Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill album and Sarah McLachlan’s Fumbling Towards Ecstasy album were both on repeat during my divorce. I also threw on the song Lips are Moving by Meghan Trainor when I felt like thinking about what a lying sack of shit my ex was.
So glad to leave that whole chapter in the distant past!
Happy New Year everyone!
Jagged Little Pill. Oh lordy yes.
Whole albums:
Fiona Apple “Fetch The Bolt Cutters”
Megan Thee Stallion “Good News”
Lauryn Hill “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill”
Aretha Franklin “Amazing Grace”
“Don’t come around here no more” Tom Petty
Perfect!
You Can’t Lose What You Ain’t Never Had – Muddy Waters https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9rBw5E0lqQ
Colorado Mass Choir-Still Have Joy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIwliyG3uHo
Pistol Annies – Got My Name Changed Back https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cr0ktKa7SaQ
Jamey Johnson & Lee Ann Womack – Give It Away https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3odBldMm8Q
The Eurhythmics, Would I Lie To You and Thorn In My Side.
Duane Eddy – I Almost Lost My Mind https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfME87xbCdo
Armin van Buuren featuring Jaren- Unforgivable
Samantha ( Patrik Remann & Amir Hakim Mix )- U- Turn
Puscifer- Toma
Loads of TOOL
Evanescence- Sick
Thanks for the New Year’s Eve soundtrack, Chump Lady and Nation. Home alone tonight (by choice) and tuning in. Some off my playlist:
Before We Were Together – Margaret Glaspy
I Hate You, L.E.S Artistes – Lily Wood and the Prick (anything by her, really)
Waste Your Time – Jackson+Sellers
Memories Are Now – Jesca Hoop
No Sense In Lovin’ – Uncle Tupelo
Traveling Alone – Tift Merritt
It’s Not You, It’s Me – The Little Willies
Woman – Cat Power & Lana Del Ray
Habit – Gabrielle Shonk
One More Song the Radio Won’t Like – Kathleen Edwards
Gloria – Patti Smith (this song has made me feel mighty since I was a tiny girl)
Oh, and one that’s OFF the playlist: Humble and Kind by Loreena McKennitt
Ray Charles singing What a Wonderful World. It’s my gratitude song and a reminder of what’s really important–so grateful to be fw free.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-I2hTyauuVY
It’s New Year’s Day. It’s the start of 2022. My first fw free year although can’t file for divorce till March which will make this year even brighter.
Here Comes The Sun by the Beatles makes me feel more optimistic.
Happy New Year to CN and to Chump Lady!
I couldn’t have got this far without you ☺️
ANGRY
High – Peking Duk
Good Luck – Basement Jaxx
How You Like Me Now – The Heavy
SAD
Timshel – Mumford and Sons
Hurt – Johnny Cash
Runaway – Kanye West
UPLIFTING
Higher Love – Kygo and Whitney Houston
Wash Away – Joe Purdy
The World Ain’t Slowing Down – Ellis Paul
TBC, Basement Jaxx has always been my go to! Absolute classic.
Love Peking Duk too.
Very cool selection ????
I haven’t met too many people outside Australia who love Peking Duk! Those angry songs really got me through the aftermath of D-Day.
Lots of songs got me through. But at the darkest times Chris Cornell’s “Murderer of Blue Skies” pretty much said it all for me.
“I can’t wait to never be with you again
And I can’t wait to lead a life that you’re not in
And I won’t break, though I may bend from time to time
I can’t wait to never be with you again”
Here are live renditions of three sad songs that I used to intentionally watch to make me cry every time and process losing my XW and how she betrayed me.
Now I can watch them all without crying and remember how heartbroken I was then, but not so much anymore.
I feel stronger now having survived such pain, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone (except her). I know many here have been through the same sorrow, some might just be starting to go through it, keep going, it gets better.
Once you have fully processed your grief, you can move on to the more empowering ‘Fuck You’ type songs which are a lot of un.
Let Her Go – Passenger https://youtu.be/rXVJuwLsqvo
Sunrise – No Fixed Address https://youtu.be/QYsOWIcSskM
Slippin’ Away – Max Merritt https://youtu.be/Cz0rJQPjBTs
I have many of these and a three hour playlist!
Here’s a new one I just found and LOVE
sorry isn’t good enough – Joy Oladokun
Give it a listen, it’s awesome!
I don’t have a list to share, but a reflection. In my youth and as a young adult my love of music was intense. It made me feel connected to the world. It put words to my emotions. After I met the ex, I almost entirely gave up listening to music. I didn’t even listen in the car. After he was gone, I slowly started listening again. Thanks to YouTube I have access to songs and artists, especially non-English speaking artists, that I never could have experienced otherwise. Now I have music in my life every day. I take guitar lessons and explore new artists and old favorites researching songs to learn. Music has brought me back to life.
Same here. Music brought me joy and the more unhappy FW made me, I just stopped listening. He complained if I sang. Didn’t like me playing music I liked. It became a battleground and I gave up listening to music. I look forward to feeling like it more often.
Music can bring me right back to where I was during the hopium period (Pink & Nate Ruess Just Give Me a Reason), the long decision making process (Fun. Carry On) and all the different emotions after I decided to leave him ( many Vampire Weekend- Hannah Hunt, A Punk, Bambino, This Life, Unbearably White). Sometimes it’s just one line that means a lot. Screamed inside my car. Or some just plain fun, on days I felt good.
Ozziechump here. Almost 5 years from DDay and now divorced 7 months out. I read daily, but rarely post.
Just wanted to say Happy New Year and a massive thank you to CL & chumps for saving my soul and healing my heart!
I’m out, rebuilding a life and recovering from the trauma. I’m now 64; can’t imagine repartnering but also happy with that. I answer to no one, learned self compassion and absolutely rock badass!
To the New Chumps; we are here for your pain and your torment. This has forever defined my character and strengthened my resolve. My walls resound with joy. However hard, So many of us here are living proof that you will thrive.
Thank you to the many posts that inspire and lift me! VELVET HAMMER; I think you top my list!
Happy New Year All!
The Stone Roses, full album, especially Shoot You Down, Made of Stone, I Am the Resurrection, This Is the One
Lauryn Hill, Lost Ones
Ace of Base, The Sign
Depeche Mode, New Life
Kate Bush, Hounds of Love
Bjork, Isobel
Cardi B, Bodak Yellow (for the flying monkeys)
Rolling Stones, You Can’t Always Get What You Want
T Rex, Cosmic Dancer
My tastes are metalish or real country BLUEGRASS!!!
Saliva RISE UP
The Steel Woods THE SECRET & WILD&BLUE
Vertical Horizon FINDING ME
Them Dirty Roses. FIX YOU
Blackberry Smoke PAYBACKS A BITCH
Skynyrd. CHEATIN WOMAN
Operator.
Shinedown. HOW DID YOU LOVE?
“We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister
Heard it the day after dday and it has really helped in my resolve to leave.
Almost Lover by Fine Frenzy
I was captivated by this song, Almost Lover.
“sweet sadness in your eyes”
“clever trick”
he told me that his brother killed himself, as I was walking away, so I went back to him…
“i’d never want to see you unhappy; i thought you’d want the same for me”
but they’re not thinking about us, are they?
“Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Shoulda known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do”
I watched this video over and over. I play the piano, and my hair is long, and I was living near a river in the forest… and one day it occurred to me…
“why is this beautiful, gorgeous redhead, (in the video) who has so many options, pining away over her ‘almost lover?’ ”
and that was it.
i was over him…
it wasn’t a marriage for me; it was an engagement… but this video helped me… immeasurably…
On my playlist I have many of the songs already named, but here are a few I don’t think were mentioned:
Smiling Faces Sometimes – The Undisputed Truth
Dancing with Myself – Billy Idol
Maybellene – Chuck Berry
Already Gone – Eagles
Let It Go – Idina Menzel
Bite Me – Avril Lavigne
Life on Mars? – David Bowie
(Actually, anything by David Bowie)
Yes to Let It Go! Have sung that loud so many times when he is away from the house. My son thinks I just really like Frozen.
“Hold on,” – Wilson Phillips
“Someday I’ll be Saturday night.” – Bon Jovi
Aimee Mann!
“Calling it Quits”
***Why this song is extra Mighty***
The “he” Aimee refers to in this song is a metaphor for the cut throat Music Biz she was stepping away from. “Calling it Quits” was released in 2000 when Aimee was 40 years old. At that time, Aimee was at loggerheads with a monolithic youth/sex obsessed male dominated Music Biz that didn’t understand her music, didn’t appreciate her not so sexy persona, and couldn’t be bothered to figure out what to do with her.
Aimee struggled for two years to get the suits to release her latest album, which would eventually become “Bachelor no. 2”. Fed up with the whole thing, she gave Geffen/Interscope the middle finger, bought her master tapes back from them—and created her own record label SuperEgo. She courageously released the brilliant “Bachelor no. 2” (her quintessential album IMHO check it out if you aren’t familiar) independently! The record sold over 200,000 copies in a year, which doesn’t sound like much, but was quite a pioneering feat for an independent artist in that early internet pre YouTube era. The backstory behind “Calling it Quits” was inspirational during my dark days. And it’s a great song with some fab lyrics. Yes, Aimee is mighty.
Ugh…how could I forget this one? This was my anthem!!
Britt Nicole, “The Sun is Rising.”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FMo17uuY6W0
I found some powerful songs after the cheater…one of them was my favourite song at the time I met my late husband. It’s a song that speaks to me again through this difficult time…
“Get Up” by All Good Things.
Try it. It reminds me that I have to be strong.
I have these songs saved on a playlist I call my Kickarse Playlist
Eye of the Tiger – Survivor
Firework – Katy Perry
I’m Still Standing – Elton John
Keep Holding On – Avril Lavigne
Overcomer – Mandisa
Roar – Katy Perry
Voice of Truth – Casting Crowns
We Won’t Be Shaken – Building 429
You’ll Get Through This – Martina McBride
You’re History – Shakespears Sister
Skyscraper – Demi Lovato
The Pains of Growing- Allesia Cara
She’s Gonna Make It – Garth Brooks
Stay – Sugarland
A Little Bit Stronger – Sara Evans
Well since I spent yesterday recovering from being hit by a car while running I’m late to throw party however:
Dig down – muse
You’re somebody else – flora cash
Radioactive – imagine dragons
Car radio – 21 pilots
Olivia Rodrigo s entire album
Shake it off – Taylor swift
Bad blood – Taylor swift
Nightmare – Halsey
Bells.of Santa Fe – Halsey
You should see me in a crown – eilish
Cross me – Sheeran w chance
God’s gonna cut you down – cash
I could go on and on. Lol
yikes! are you okay, Ragingmeh?
i love a billie eilish song, too. her las performance on SNL was amazing.
*last
Thx for asking.
The first 2 days my entire lower back and bum were in agony from the impact trauma muscle bruising tightness. But luckily nothing broke.
Getting better everyday.
Damn, it feels good to be gangsta!
Monsters – Shinedown
Get Up – Shinedown
Bulletproof – Godsmack
Be Alright – Dean Lewis
Whiskey Glasses – Morgan Wallen
In Between – Beartooth
Throne – Bring Me the Horizon
In the Dark – Bring Me the Horizon
Was never married, but thanks to this blog was able to leave my cheater bf after 2 months of pick me dancing and never looked back. That was April 2021 and I had just turned 29 now I’ll be 30 in March ???? songs that helped me, I think women of all ages will enjoy but especially my millennial and Gen Z chumps. Happy 2022!
Savage by Rihanna (honestly the entire Anti album)
Don’t hurt yourself by Beyoncé (I know I know, my auntie didn’t take her own advice lol)
Thanks for Nothing by Mariah the Scientist
7 Rings by Ariana Grande
Oceans by Hillsong
Bounce Back by Big Sean
Weak by Flo Milli
Not sure if anyone has already shared this one: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette
“And I’m here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know”
I blast it while driving and it’s incredibly therapeutic, especially when my STBX is playing games during our high conflict divorce!
Then I follow it up with “It’s My Life” by Jon Jovi to remind myself that I am taking back my life.
All of the “Birds of Prey” soundtrack is empowering, girl, kick-ass themed music.
“Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden has been my go to for years when I am upset.
“Fuck It” (Eamon)
One more: “According to You” (Orianthi)
This could be the best one of them all; for a while there it was my personal anthem.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atBg9zLI2bA – Pray for You – Jaron and The Long Road to Love
It’s hilarious; hope all of you love it.
“She Let Herself Go” by George Strait. So good!
For me it has to be
‘I’m feeling good’ by Nina Simone
Listened to it over and over and over when FW left. Then done lots of drawings depicting what the song is about!
I love it and it got me through dark times.
Divorce and settlement will be finalised the end of Jan ????????????????
I’m on the train to meh!
For me it’s Nina Simone’s’Feeling Good’
Listened to it over and over and over when FW left. Cried to it, screamed at it, hit the floor sobbing, I tried to be mighty.
Then I got up! I done lots of sketches depicting what the song meant to me and what I felt it meant to her.
Divorce and settlement will be finalised by the end of Jan. 18 m separated, 10 m no contact (really is the way to go). Goodbye to 34 years of my life given to someone who proved several times the he just weren’t worth it!
I’m on the train to meh! To any newbies…. You’ll get there ❤️
Happy New Year.
Curse Me Good by The Heavy is the song that really turned my attitude around. It’s about how his baby isn’t satisfied and cheats and lies, and I love the chorus:
And if you wanna cry ’bout something
I’ll make it something worth crying for
And if you need to curse my name
Curse me good!
And if you want to lie ’bout something
Then make it something worth dying for
And if you need to curse my name
Curse me good!
This song resonates with me, because chumps cry about something worth crying for, the loss of their former reality, and the breakup of their families. And most of us would only engage in elaborate deceptions about something worth dying for, like hiding people from death squads, or keeping national security secrets, or protecting our children from disordered individuals. But the FWs cry about losing half their money and their good reputation, and would lie just to get some strange, or sometimes for no apparent reason at all, even when they know that you know what the truth is.
I hope I am not repeating anyone, but Chumbawamba’s Tubthumper. The refrain is pure gold!
The songs I’d listen to were mostly really angry songs, like anything by Rage against the machine. I’d crank it up and sing along ‘F*** you, I won’t do what you tell me’. It was good to get it off my chest and get angry to sort stuff out 🙂 . Nice to know there were people angrier than me too.
Love songs were not allowed for a long time.
As a thanks to this group; and the word “Gospel” here is not about any particular book:
There was a time I believed life was over for me…
oops, well I was watching that too; but here is what I meant:
And this one you can smell the exhaust from the Karma bus… (also done by Funkadelics)
And one more for about getting to Meh.
The verse from Leonard Cohen’s Everybody Knows:
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you’ve been faithful
give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you’ve been discreet
but there were so many people you just had to meet without your clothes.
Everybody knows.
Lynyrd Skykyrd – One More Time
Hurray to CL for The Specials in her initial play list. I did not know CL wore a pork pie hat dressed in 2 tone.
The Specials — You’re Wondering Now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM4XpxzEyYI
A more recent ska band with another Tuesday song
The Interrupters — Gave you Everything
Use to listen over and over to Say Something by A Great Big World. And cry and cry. Then one day, had my airpods in while I was grocery shopping and Say Something came on. Such a wrenching song “Say something, I’m giving up on you…”
Then Say Something ended and my through my airpods I heard the words: “You’ll Be Okay.”
Well I thought that the spirits that hang out in Kroger were talking directly to me. Telling me I would be okay.
It was just the next song on the album, but you know what, it rocked my world. I love that song now.
You’ll Be Okay – A Great Big World
You’ll be okay
The sun will rise
To better days
And change will come
It’s on it’s way
Just close your eyes
And let it rain
‘Cause you’re never alone
Just look inside
You know the way
Let it go
Fly away
And say goodbye
To yesterday
‘Cause you’re never alone
And I will always be there
You just carry on
You will understand
And I will be strong
When love is gone
And I’ll carry on…
You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
The sun will rise
To better days
You’ll be okay
You’ll be okay
Two weeks after D-day I walked back into my gym. I worked out religiously the last year of our marriage, desperate for his approval. But when I walked in that day I realized here was a part of life he had never touched, (he never worked out or accompanied me to do so). A place that was completely free, that he hadn’t tainted. My cardio list became my soundtrack for those first few years, and kickboxing helped me get out so much anger. 7 years out and I can say that those pounds of a happy relationship have packed back on lol.
One song that I haven’t seen mentioned is “Bleed It Out” by Linkin Park. None of the lyrics have to do with cheating, but the beat is so powerful and there will never be another vocalist who can express anger/angst like Chester. The All American Rejects’ “Gives You Hell” is also good. And Adele’s first album was incredible, both for crying and victory.
My ex also hated country music, so getting to delve back into my first love (Southern born and bred), was a victory each time I sang along. I highly recommend Miranda Lambert’s “Gunpowder and Lead.”
This summer and fall, when I was deeply mourning the betrayal and loss I listened to Bon Iver’s “I can’t make you love me/ nick of time” repeatedly. It walked me through letting go and ends with a note of hope. It’s a beautiful song.
Kirsty MacColl – “England 2, Columbia Nil”
“There’s a Guy Works Down the Chip Shop Swears He’s Elvis”
Bonnie Raitt – “I Know”
“Give It Up or Let Me Go”
“No” — Shakira.
This helped me keep focused during my doubts, his hoovering, his SADS, and when I just didn’t have the energy to argue.
Love everybody’s choices here.
I made a playlist at the time called ‘rebirth / run bitch’ (to encourage myself to run… should’ve been nicer to myself though in hindsight), and a few of the top ones that I still listen to from that are:
– Selfish, by LilSimz (‘My best friend is I’)
– Not Above Love, by AlunaGeorge (‘you keep robbing my heart like a bank, no thank you, no thank you’)
– Nothing Burns Like The Cold, by Snoh Aalegra (good song for No Contact motivation…)
– Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe, by Kendrick Lamar
– I Forgot That You Existed, by Taylor Swift
– thank u, next, by Ariana Grande
– Hard out Here, by Lily Allen (‘It’s hard out here for a bitch’ lol)
I had to listen to all of this music to train my brain to feel more anger/indignation for myself than sadness/pain/untangling skein for him. And I think it helped xx
This is my current theme song:
Nessa Barrett – I Hope UR Miserable Until UR Dead
I hope you never fall in love again
I hope you’ll be yourself and lose your friends
I hope they call you out for shit you said
I hope you’re miserable until you’re dead
I hope you’re haunted by all your regrets
I hope they fuck you up inside your head
You know I don’t forgive, I don’t forget
I hope you’re miserable until you’re dead
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FxSAI9pwocs
“Good Day” by Brett Eldredge