Happy Valentine’s Day. The Toronto mayor John Tory resigned the other day for schtupping a staff member and the Universal Bullshit Translator is here for it. (I will announce poetry winners later today. So much snark, so little time.)
An alert chump sent me Rosie DeMano’s hand-wringing op-ed in the Toronto Star on why John Tory’s wandering dick should still be in office.
We’ll just get straight to the Lebkuchen.
Pride and prejudice and punishment: The fall and folly of John Tory.
This isn’t a political scandal. It’s a Jane Austen plot. Willoughby!
He led the city through a ravaging pandemic. He pleaded with us to keep a distance, to be cautious, to take care.
But somewhere along the line, he threw prudence to the wind.
He fucked a staffer. Her name might be Prudence.
The heart wants what it wants, I guess.
Chaos. Impending lawsuits. A long marriage imploded.
He drew close, intimately close, to a woman who was not his wife.
He flew too close to the sun. Our Canadian Icarus.
I have no prejudice against Tory for that, won’t even call him foolish. Glass houses and all that.
As you probably guessed, I’m a cheater too.
But while his pride has been stripped to the bone, the punishment for his indiscretion – even if the sanction was self-imposed – is inordinately high.
Tory should not have resigned as mayor of Toronto.
He should stay and get handsy with the interns.
I can’t think of a good reason why Tory is less fit to occupy the mayor’s office today than he was a week ago, or less than four months ago, when voters overwhelmingly elected him to a historic third term.
A man who can lie to his wife’s face would never lie to the electorate. We’re special!
I can’t think of a public interest reason to have exposed Tory’s extramarital affair with a member of his staff either.
I can’t think of a reason, which means there are no reasons. Not that my head is empty.
Behold the wreckage: A city in administrative chaos, a marriage in turmoil, a reputation in tatters, and a return to Crazy Town down at the hall.
It’s almost like… he did something… and these are consequences.
Let’s blame the consequences and not his actions.
People who fuck around on those nearest and dearest to them always have everyone’s best interests in mind.
Toronto will emerge from the ashes of Tory’s imploded mayoralty sturdily enough, confronting the same social and economic dilemmas that had beset it before Friday. Just as it survived the ball-and-chain of office that once hung around the neck of Rob Ford. Though the two predicaments couldn’t be more dissimilar. Ford was a crack-smoking lout with casually racist tendencies who befouled everything he touched. Tory is a casualty of hackneyed morality.
Hey Toronto, let’s all get phoenix tattoos like Ben Affleck! #riseup
Sex scandals don’t have much of a shelf-life and little of significant bearing on the commonwealth beyond the thrill of breathless scuttlebutt. John Profumo’s notorious affair with 19-year-old Christine Keeler back in the ’60s may have brought down a British prime minister over an alleged security risk — Profumo, Minister of War, leg-overing a teenager who may have been simultaneously sleeping with a possible Russian spy, amidst Cold War tensions. But U.S. President Bill Clinton is still viewed as a great statesman despite his lyin’ bit on the side with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Republicans impeached Clinton and the media impeached Lewinsky — who’s subsequently reinvented herself as a sympathetic figure in the #MeToo era and anti-bullying champion.
Monica Lewinsky has made one hell of a shell-life out of a sex scandal. But look, great statesmen fuck around on their wives. Expect it. Admire it! Honeytrap it and blackmail it for its secrets!
Leg-over the hackneyed morality, I say, and fuck it with the Daily Mail. I like my prime ministers compromised.
Tory’s straycation has none of that, well, puerility, apart from the dramatic age difference. Golly, a woman less than half Tory’s age still finds him shag-worthy? Touchdown and dancing in the end zone.
Have you seen John Tory’s pandemic hair? Or his 68-year-old white Canadian man dance moves? I’d tap that.
As sex scandals go, however, this is fundamentally about a decent man who betrayed his wife of some 44 years.
What’s her name?
Not the man we thought we knew or the man as he’s habitually presented himself — upstanding, devoted husband, a model of rectitude. But who is, really, what they project? In the shadows, especially, of an alluring tryst.
Call me, John. 1-800-HACKNEY. Wear your devoted husband mask. We’ll do it in the shadows behind the Aspidistras.
He deceived his spouse, not the electorate.
Who cares about his spouse? Not me.
That was no cause to resign, though quit he did on Friday evening, with a confessional if cursory statement delivered at a press conference, an hour or so after the Star broke the exclusive story online.
At the end of the day, I’m thinking: So what? If that’s the worst of Tory’s sins, so bloody what? And I’m not a Tory cheerleader.
I’m just okay with creepy power imbalances in the workplace and domestic abuse. It’s not like I break out pompoms.
News judgment, when and what to publish, is subjective, often heatedly debated in the top editors’ offices, and fortunately way above my paygrade. But I know, from more than four decades at the Star, that this paper, for all its progressive values – which I generally share – has, historically, a weird puritanical streak.
I blame the lawyers. And those harassment settlements.
I don’t question the reporting, I question why it was published. Where is the public service in outing an intensely private matter that appeared to have no political relevance, no legal shakiness, no employment inequity? And I ask that while honestly wondering why Tory stepped down so hastily, which might suggest there are further layers to the story, to which I’m not privy.
I wouldn’t have run it, which is maybe why nobody has ever invited me to join management. The view is better down here anyway.
There’s no employment inequity of a mayor schtupping a much younger staffer. Human resources loves this shit.
Sitting in a downtown diner Saturday morning, listening to the conversations around me — Tory the subject du jour — the prevailing sentiment was lament more than anything else for a man who through hubris or selfishness or poor judgment has been brought to embarrassing ruin. Nobody among this chattering class at least reached for a political spin — leave that to the sententious rabble at city hall, some of whom have been suckling at the political teat for far too long.
I Rosie am a woman of the diner. I suck at op-eds, not political teats.
Tory described his months-long dalliance with a 31-year-old member of his staff — since departed, the affair ended — as a “serious error in judgment,” a relationship that did “not meet the standards to which I hold myself as mayor and as a family man.”
I guess the heart wanted a serious error in judgment.
I don’t know about that because the details are skimpy. Maybe it was a great relationship while it lasted. Maybe it fulfilled something that was lacking in Tory’s life. Maybe he loved her and was loved back. Maybe it was a bluntly sexual compulsion. And maybe marriage and fidelity aren’t the bedrock of a civilized society. Many of us no longer take the traditional view of marriage as a lifelong sentence of exclusivity, forsaking all others. Intimacy grows stale, passion replaced by companionable ease.
Maybe Tory’s dick was the most important thing. More important than his wife, or family, or Toronto, or city budgets, or municipal works projects. Maybe Tory’s dick is the bedrock of civilized society. Tory’s dick never grows stale, or lacks companionship. Tory’s dick 2024!
Is it so wrong to snatch at the enticement of something more, at desire gratified? Certainly social media — for what that’s worth — had been pulsing with pious outrage. Though an equally robust segment — reading the comments — are astonished by all the fuss and the crashing consequence.
Is it so wrong to snatch some workplace snatch? To gratify one’s desires at the expense of, oh, everyone else but especially your devoted wife who’s going to some stultifying ribbon cutting on your behalf and isn’t fucking the help?
I am astonished by the fuss.
There’s no law in Ontario, as the Star reportage pointed out, that prohibits workplace romances between consenting adults, including bosses and employees. Toronto city council’s Code of Conduct doesn’t specifically address affairs of the heart, or loins, between councillors and their staff. The city’s Human Rights and Anti-Harassment/Discrimination policy ensures every employee equal treatment free from sexual harassment, which includes (under Ontario law), protection against unwelcome sexual advances from someone in a position to confer a benefit or promotion.
Porcupines cavort recklessly among Methodists. Aloysius! This is a hot calzone! Blow-dry my pantaloons and call me a turnip.
I’m sorry, the UBT appears to be malfunctioning. I don’t know how much more it can take.
It’s possible there’s more beneath the surface of this particular workplace liaison. But thus far there’s no evidence of coercion or preferential treatment for the unidentified woman – raises, bonuses, favouritism. And spare me the patronizing mantra of an inherent imbalance of power between the participants. That implies an adult professional female is incapable of making her own decisions. It infantilizes women, in my opinion, even as I acknowledge that cultural standards have changed. But surely that shift shouldn’t demonize either the man or the woman in a consensual affair. We don’t stone adulterers. We don’t assume the man is a seducer or the woman a succubus.
Do not patronize professional females, except Monica Lewinsky who was a total innocent. It’s totally empowering to fuck your boss.
Intimate relationships are complex. Anyone who insists de facto otherwise — lots of that going around at city hall and the clucking disapprovers enjoying Tory’s political demise — has a poor grasp of the tangled dynamics between women and men, nuances that can’t be codified in legislation and regulations.
Cheating on one’s wife is so complicated. I’m not sure chumpy lady brains can understand it. Let’s call in some mathematicians to explain the tangles. Ipso facto Texas wacko. Nuances that can’t be canoodled in aspic.
I’m sorry. We’re losing the UBT.
Ethics can be hard to quantify, integrity resistant to facile calibration, character a reductive construct. A person can be two things at once or different things in separate situations. A man can love his wife and still philander, to use another judgment-heavy term. Personally, I was far more disappointed in Tory supporting a motion last week that struck down a health board recommendation to keep warming centres for the homeless open around the clock until mid-April, opting for further staff study. That was the Tory his critics deride to the T: overly cautious and prudent to a fault, where a city in severe decline is crying out for urgent action.
Ethics are like Chinese spy balloons, hard to quantify, integrity resistant… are there 4, 20? Are they wayward party favors lost over Montana? Who will shoot them down with heavy judgment. BE FREE BALOON.
Personally, I was far more disappointed by my genital warts. They need a warming compress. Or a health recommendation. I cry out for urgent action. John! Call me!
I may be a morals outlier or ethically deficient. But better that than scandal-mongering and sanctimonious.
I may be intellectually deficient nor aware of a moral if it bit my left nipple. But better that than bilious cattle herding and gin rummy. Good day to you!
What the hell!!? I hope the city has a garbage truck.
Spoonriver, this takes the prize for making me lol at work. 💀
It is apologists like this one who continue to erode the idea of loyalty. One of the best definitions of being a grownup is postponing pleasure. I guess we are a world with fewer and fewer adults.
I can’t stand these guys trotting out the “marriage and monogamy is outdated” line to justify cheating. Get. Divorced. Then. Dipshit.
bUt dIvOrCe iZ cOmpLiCatEd, sTrEsSfuL anD eXpEnsIVe. In other words, MEEEEEEEEEEE.
CL, the UBT was flying higher than Icarus this time.
Put it to bed with a Lebkuchen coffee and a Pulitzer Prize nomination!
As “chumpedlindyhopper” put it so beautifully in yesterday’s post:
“I came for the snark, I stay because of the compassion.”
BTW, thank you for saying that, chumpedlindyhopper.
“Many of us no longer take the traditional view of marriage as a lifelong sentence of exclusivity, forsaking all others. Intimacy grows stale, passion replaced by companionable ease.”
Can you tell I’m a cheater?
“A person can be two things at once or different things in separate situations. A man can love his wife and still philander, to use another judgment-heavy term.”
Does my fuckwittery show?
Wonderful UBT. I love this idiot’s use of appeal to popularity. He’s won several terms, so he must be a good mayor, right? The late crackhead wife-beater Rob Ford was even more popular. Obviously, the people of Toronto have impeccable taste in mayors.
Ugh, this quote got me too OHFFS. Such brave outliers these cheater apologists, bravely defying convention
That’s fine, if they don’t believe in marriage, why not stay single and free to sleep with who ever? Or leave honourably their stultifying partner 😒
They like to take Chumps’ resources instead and then berate them for expecting loyalty in return
“if they don’t believe in marriage, why not stay single and free to sleep with who ever”
Yep. They want the benefits of married life without sacrificing their desire for strange. They aren’t really anti-monogamy. In fact, they love knowing that *their spouse* is monogamous. They just don’t feel they have to reciprocate, because after all, they are sooper dooper speshul.
Totally OHFFS. I’ve come to the conclusion that my ex husband was really lucky – he had me doing all the stuff he didn’t want to do such as parenting and adulting while he got to live out his sexual fantasies on the side. For years. My needs, wants and /or fantasies never factored in. He never wanted a monogamous relationship to begin with, he wanted an indentured servant to do all that annoying work so he could fuck around. I only got dumped when I ultimately cramped his style too hard because his lies caught up with him. These assholes get married for receiving servitude and the kudos for having a nice looking family. God forbid they’d just own up to the fact that they would just prefer to fuck who they want, when they want. I wish my husband would have fessed up to that before I slogged on as service wife for 25 years.
But he was the vanilla, family man, boy-scout……false advertising, like many Fuckwitts excel at.
If ‘philander’ is problematic— a “judgement heavy” term… huh? — then let’s just call infidelity what it is: abuse.
He actually sympathizes with the cheater. It’s madness
How to say she’s a cheater without saying she’s a cheater.
“A man can love his wife and still philander”
Yes, yes you are.
The author falsely suggests that there is a separation between someone’s professional life and their personal life; a fallacy exposed in stark relief when you are boinking a person from your workplace. Fundamentally, the manner in which someone conducts their private life impacts directly on their fitness to hold a leadership position or hold public office ….. which Cheaters appear to hate, but that is their way when it comes to consequences.
“The author falsely suggests that there is a separation between someone’s professional life and their personal life; a fallacy exposed in stark relief when you are boinking a person from your workplace.”
Yes, it seems she’s a big fan of compartmentalization. According to her, you can lead a double life and still be a loving husband, too.
This person seems deeply disordered.
The compartmentalisation I was expecting was the old “you can be a Cheater – and merrily abuse your partner as a result – but still be a great parent” trope …… which I hate with the passion of a thousand blazing suns!
It’s remarkable how many people believe that to be true, LFTT. Even some of the chumps on here have expressed the view that their cheaters are great parents.
My FW was not. I was overcompensating for him, so from the outside it looked like he was doing his job. I suspect this is the case in all relationships with cheaters. The chump is always making up for the cheater being lacking and the cheater is being credited and taking bows for it.
I also overcompensated to make it look like my ex-FW was doing his job. But I discovered after divorcing him that many of those outsiders hadn’t been fooled . . . they were aware all along that I had been doing everything and the only one being fooled was me. My load truly got lighter after I cast the FW aside. To those chumps who are afraid that they won’t be able to make it on their own, the truth is you already are.
You hit the nail on the head.
Interestingly, my eldest daughter (who is both empathetic and very perceptive) described her mother’s behaviour towards me (both in terms of her behaviour towards me directly, and in the manner in which she tried – but thankfully failed – to mobilise our children against me) as “sabotaging our family.” Eldest daughter’s view was “If Mum doesn’t want to be part of what we have, she can f*ck off and take her sh*t somewhere else, and leave us to build what we want in peace rather than repeatedly trying to break something that she doesn’t want to be part of.”
“If Mum doesn’t want to be part of what we have, she can f*ck off and take her sh*t somewhere else, and leave us to build what we want in peace rather than repeatedly trying to break something that she doesn’t want to be part of.”
Your daughter is wonderful.
She is a wonderful human being ….. and I’ve made sure that she knows that I think that.
LFTT and OHFFS, absolutely 100% true.
I agree, apologists talk as if cheating is a victimless crime and us dullards should get with the program
Tell that to my young son who has frequent, suicidal thoughts
I agree so strongly with you, LFTT and OHFFS! If you think one can be a cheater and a good parent, then you clearly don’t understand much about what makes a good parent. Just as you can’t love your wife and cheat, you can’t love your kids and cheat, either.
Did a WOMAN write this? I didn’t even notice
Never mind the content, the writing style is atrocious.
Omg! Thou dost protest toooooo much! Tooooooooo muuuuuuch! I am sure this unedited op-Ed was published bc there was a long enough rope for the writer to hang herself. Omg….so many words. Gah!
Thank you for your service, UBT! What a work out.
I am way more cynical than that. The folks upstairs know to get people to buy their paper is to print something like this and wait for the shit to fly.
There is a fine line between cynicism and reality. (Realism? Reallistec-ness?)
Or the political opponent’s camp could be behind this.
“A man who can lie to his wife’s face would never lie to the electorate. We’re special!”
That nasty, shrill Jiminy cricket always bothers me when these stories spill out.
“I’m just okay with creepy power imbalances in the workplace and domestic abuse. It’s not like I break out pompoms.”
Jiminy Cricket is chirping madly.
And who knows FW did not use “company time” and resources for his straying? Or does Rosie not mind if her taxes go into this adventure?
I could not manage to finish Rosie’s OpEd even with the help of dear old UBT. What an idiot. I BET a million bucks she is a cheater too.
While I 100% agree with everything the UBT said, and I absolutely do agree — this entire op ed is a classic cheater distraction example. It has one of my favorite CL-isms, “the problem isn’t what I did, it’s your reaction to it”, written all over it.
I, too, am most mad about the cheating. However, from both the abuse-of-power-in-the-workplace point of view and from the pattern-of-deception-and-lack-of-remorse-sociopath points of view, it is 100% appropriate for this person to lose his job. Had he been utterly single, it would still be 100% appropriate. Adding the heinous nature of the infidelity on top of it all only increases the validity of the loss of job. It turns the volume knob of the asshatness up, but is not the entirety of the asshatness.
Take the Toobin example as a similar case. I don’t care if he wanks until his skin shreds off. People masturbate, NBD. The problem with the Toobin case is that he works in a position of public trust, but he treated it like a position of pubic lust. He was at a work meeting with colleagues inside and outside his organization, operating under an agreement that he was present for professional purposes. He used that time, those professional colleagues’ time, to break that agreement and get jiggy with his piggy. He got caught because he’s a tech bozo. That risk was part of the allure, and he took that risk, and he got caught.
Everyone whined that it was prudish to think a man should be fired for wanking. Classic blameshift. He wasn’t fired for wanking. He was fired for sexually harassing multiple colleagues and customers. For accepting pay to wax his wiener on company time instead of doing his work according to his agreement. For acting in ways that violate the public trust and company policy.
Our priorities are very messed up right now, culturally speaking. We’ve become desensitized to gossipy chaos and mocking-driven bullying to the degree that we don’t view people who act like feral grade school age children as unfit to hold positions of public trust. It is creating a dystopia that rivals those that fill our young adult fiction.
The mayor behaved like a person who can’t be trusted to put his work first while he is at work. It doesn’t matter how it’s true, it matters that it’s true. The op-ed is focused on what’s in everyone’s pants. I’m focused on how they used what’s in their pants to show their shitty character.
If more of us were concerned about how much shitty character impacts quality of leadership, and how well the recipients of our leadership are treated by our governing entities, our world would be a hell of a lot more stable right now.
Just this comment. Perfect. Thank you Amiisfree.
Well said. This op-ed writer needs to go back to 1995 or wherever her brain is stuck that sexual harassment and boinking staffers is okay because it isn’t technically a crime.
Another one of her displays of classic cheater illogical is the suggestion that his cheating isn’t wrong because “some of us” (the enlightened ones, according to her) don’t value monogamy. Well then why agree to it? He’s not stepping down for consensual non-monogamy, he’s stepping down because he pretended he was monogamous. He lied. That’s the issue, not how he feels about monogamy.
I’d be shocked if this woman wasn’t a serial cheater herself. She has every lame defense and rationalization for cheating down pat. This dreadful column is like a peak inside the mind of every fuckwit there ever was.
“Ford was a crack-smoking lout with casually racist tendencies who befouled everything he touched. Tory is a casualty of hackneyed morality.”
You said one can be different things all at once, Rosie. A crack-smoking racist can still love his city, can’t he? He can put his crack and his racism in one box and his job as mayor in another, right? Why the hackneyed moral outrage about Rob Ford?
For the win.
She says right up front she is a cheater: “Glass houses and all that.” You’d think she’d realize that she is neither a disinterested party nor an objective observer. But no: instead she justifies her behavior and ideas via a defense of the mayor.
As a part of the “chattering class” here in Toronto, we absolutely are talking about political spin.
Many of us think Tory sacrificed himself (or was sacrificed) to distract from the provincial premier taking bribes from developers to destroy the greenbelt.
And Tory has always been a fuckwit with no morals. He was behind a political ad mocking a prime minister’s disability. He is taking away warming centres because eff the homeless, I guess. And he’s already putting feelers out to run in the (expensive) election to replace himself.
Miss me with the noble man led astray bullshit. Cheating on his wife is not out of character. It is his character.
The UBT has perfect flair, as usual. I guess Rosie DeMano likes them hot 🥱. Which brings to “Monica Lewinsky has made one hell of a shell-life out of a sex scandal.” I am not sure whether this is a typo or intended, but one needs a thick shell indeed to come out of the pile of drivel Monica Lewinsky endured. Politics ain’t for the faint-hearted
We don’t stone adulterers.
Maybe we should.
He drew close, intimately close, to a woman who was not his wife.
A woman who was not his wife?
Of the thousands of ways to describe the OW her description is laughable.
Stoning adulterers should definitely be brought back!
Another entitled douche. I’d never heard or seen of this POS …. I wish it had stayed that way. Ms. Tory, I feel for you. I hope you leave the bastard and go no-contact. Get an excellent settlement and be free of the abuse. John who?
…..and flying monkeys….
Here are his pro tips for a successful long marriage….
From an interview last Valentine’s Day. They enjoyed a widely-believed “long happy marriage” reputation…..
What’s your secret to a long and happy marriage?
Barbara: “My husband’s long hours at work.”
John: “In my case, as a politician and self-confessed workaholic – marry someone very understandable.”
“don’t shame me!!!!!”
Yeah, how about… don’t shame yourself? My sympathy, it is underwhelming.
I would say that we learned a lot more about the writer of the op-ed than we did about the mayor of Toronto. If I were married to her I’d be doing some pretty serious soul-searching right now.
When John Tory says, “the affair ended by mutual consent”- it beyond irritates and angers me. He is covering his own ass in terms of a lawsuit. But what about his wife and consent??? Guess her opinion doesn’t matter. Ugh
He set the young, blond, pretty mistress up with a cushy job at a large business where he has great connections. I’m sure she was happy – got a career boost out of the affair. The question of consent for the wife is a huge one for me. Isn’t it rape if you have sex with someone in violation of their terms of consent? If his wife’s terms included monogamy…
THIS. He got her another job. Who is gonna say No to the mayor when he says “hire her”? But our op-Ed genius has this to say:
“But thus far there’s no evidence of coercion or preferential treatment for the unidentified woman – raises, bonuses, favouritism.”
It’s patently untrue that there’s been no favoritism.
“ He set the young, blond, pretty mistress up with a cushy job at a large business where he has great connections. I’m sure she was happy – got a career boost out of the affair” Absolutely – she profited on his wife’s back and on her…….
I also hated the part about the months long affair happened during the pandemic, separated from his wife working, hard for the city storyline….🎻🎻🎻 Justification much!
You know, when you fuck at the office instead of springing for a hotel.
Yeah, I think Rosie’s bosses wife should start checking his briefcase for a burner phone.
Politicians with ethics are more scarce than hen’s teeth these days, but if you really want a mayor with a questionable character, he should also have enough smarts not to get caught.
That took some work!!!
“Our Canadian Icarus.”
Pure comedic genius.
Happy Valentines all.
“Tory is a casualty of hackneyed morality.” WTF? A casualty is a victim.
Love this: “Ipso facto Texas wacko.” I think the UBT is in fine form.
This woman’s reporting focus, per her bio, is “Sports, Crime, Court, Justice, Current Affairs, Columnist.” Hard to believe she covers justice when she writes this: “Ethics can be hard to quantify, integrity resistant to facile calibration, character a reductive construct. A person can be two things at once or different things in separate situations. A man can love his wife and still philander, to use another judgment-heavy term.” If she finds this so difficult, maybe someone else should be covering justics.
What, not “life coach” as well?
Maybe ‘Current Affairs’ actually means she writes about newsworthy married people who schlep other people – and defends their entanglements.
What a relativist diatribe of logarithmic (and logorrhea) proportions. UBT needs a week-long beach vacation after that one.
JT’s wife, Barbara Hackett, has Guillain-Barre syndrome, a serious neurological illness that causes body weakness and paralysis, and from which not all patients recover entirely.
another guy who can’t deal with life when it’s difficult, as it often can be.
one day soon Barbara will call her marriage over, and what a blessing it will be–because when the chips are down, narcissists chicken out.
I hope she’s playing Aretha’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T at full volume.
The more I read about the columnist, the worse she looks. Like this:
Augusta Christensen started this petition to Bureau of Accuracy/Public Editor The Toronto Star . Per the site, it got 2,585 supporters.
On April 9th, 2013, Toronto Star columnist Rosie DiManno wrote a column that openly mocked a male victim of sexual assault. Instead of doing any real journalism about the horrible actions of four women who drove a teenager to an abandoned parking lot and assaulted him, DiManno chose to write a crude column laden with jokes about how hilarious it is that the perpetrators were women and the victim was a man.
This is not the first time DiManno has been wholly cavalier in her coverage of sexual assault. In January when reporting on a case in which an unconscious woman awoke from surgery to find the doctor sexually assaulting her, DiManno’s coverage was equally disgusting. The Star chose to go to bat for her, and the result is more of the same. Enough is enough: fire Rosie DiManno. https://www.change.org/p/the-toronto-star-fire-blatantly-crude-columnist-rosie-dimanno
Wait…Rosie DiManno has to be a pseudonym…doesn’t it? I means…..
Lol! It’s Rosy Palm, my FW’s favorite sex partner.
My god. She actually wrote “one man’s sexual assault is another man’s sexual fantasy come true”
This woman should not be allowed to type words.
She would know how horrible affairs can be because at her workplace, a senior reporter allegedly had an affair with a senior editor, then killed herself after she suspected or knew that he was having an affair with another colleague. And the story mentions DiManno was charged with assulat, which appears aunrealted, and those charges were later dropped. Here are excerpts:
“TORONTO — Canada’s largest newspaper has agreed to an independent review of its newsroom culture in the aftermath of the suicide of a prominent reporter…
“…The newspaper had earlier rejected a union call for an outside probe of the circumstances around the suicide of Raveena Aulakh, saying it would have been too bureaucratic.
“In a column last month, Star public editor Kathy English talked of the newsroom turmoil that followed Aulakh’s suicide in May. The column stated that Aulakh, 42, had been in a relationship with a senior editor, Jon Filson. A “clearly heartbroken” Aulakh had sent emails in which she made allegations about a relationship between Filson and managing editor Jane Davenport, English said.
“The announcement of the investigation came shortly before news broke that Rosie DiManno, one of the newspaper’s marquee columnists, is facing assault charges stemming from an incident in Wollaston Township, Ont., east of Toronto.
“Ontario Provincial Police say DiManno, 60, and the alleged victim were visiting Wollaston when an assault occurred. They have released no details about the alleged victim.”
After love affair and suicide, reviewer to look at Toronto Star’s newsroom culture
Colin Perkel The Canadian Press Wednesday, July 13, 2016 https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/after-love-affair-and-suicide-reviewer-to-look-at-toronto-star-s-newsroom-culture-1.2986045#:~:text=The%20announcement%20of,the%20alleged%20victim.
OM actual G.
This is going down the rabbit hole a bit, but Leah McLaren did a whole story on the affair that sparked the Toronto Star (where diManno works) workplace culture investigation.
The woman who killed herself was an AP to an editor. She killed herself after learning the editor (Filson) was having another affair with his boss (Lynn Davenport). Their boss, Cooke, says that editor Filson did nothing wrong and that he wouldn’t have disciplined anyone.
“When I last spoke to Cooke, he told me that, if he had been made aware of the triangle before Aulakh’s death, he wouldn’t have taken any disciplinary action against anyone involved, but he would have separated Filson and Davenport, and changed the reporting structure. “To say that Lynn had a duty to report the affair and that that may have saved Raveena’s life is stupid and wrong in the greater context of things. Don’t forget she had promised Raveena that she wouldn’t speak of the affair. And Filson did nothing wrong in terms of workplace behaviour.””
If that’s the prevailing attitude at the Star, we can see why diManno feels so comfortable in her outrage that Tory is seeing consequences.
Mind you, as Tree suggests, and as we know here, what we know about bad behaviour is almost never the whole story, so perhaps there’s a whole deeper mess about Tory that might have come to light had he not stepped down right away.
assault, not assulat. And sorry for the other typos.
We all make them. 🙂
Sounds like “ass a lot “. Works for me 🤣🤣
If they lie at home, they lie at work
How could you trust an employee like that?
My ex nob was shafting OW on company time. That’s how he managed to be home on the dot every night and I had no clue
The healthcare office was closed from 12:30 to 2:30-3. GYM time. (Workout apparently at the Howorker apartment 🤮) home for dinner too.🤥
Oddly enough, she said almost the exact opposite years ago, although it was about what a police chief said, not about cheating.
DiManno: G20 Youtube video a sorry affair indeed
Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair should at least offer to resign over the sorry “Tapegate” affair, writes Rosie DiManno.
Rosie DiManno By Rosie DiMannoStar Columnist Sun., Dec. 5, 2010
Here’s how she opened:
“Sorry chief — truly I am — but sorry just isn’t good enough.
“A man of integrity, which Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair is, would at least offer to resign.
“And a police services board that has the authority to hire and fire this city’s top cop — no one else can do that — should think seriously about terminating Blair’s renewed contract.
“Some professionals, because of the power they wield and all the moral heft they carry in our society, don’t have the luxury of being so profoundly wrong or misguided.”
Wonder what made her change her mind and become a cheater apologist.
“Many of us no longer take the traditional view of marriage as a lifelong sentence of exclusivity, forsaking all others. Intimacy grows stale, passion replaced by companionable ease.”
I’m not haaaaapppy. Gees, you rubes. Don’t you get my enlightened and intellectual thoughts on monogamy?
Yeah, my answer to that is then don’t get married. Avoid the traditional lifelong sentence and stale companionship. Funny how they don’t do that and enjoy all the perks of their double lives.
So if marriage no longer works for me (for this brief period of time), I’m going to stay married… pull the wool over my wife’s eyes, and get my kicks in. In other words, I’ll let her think our 44-year-old marriage is solid as could be, but I’m going to have my fun.
And people who publish in newspapers will see no problem in this. Integrity/ smegrity, it was twu wov.
I mean true love with the underling more than half my age, not true love with my wife of 44 years /mother of my children /grandmother to our grandchildren. That was ….I don’t know what that was!
Her entire article was an infuriating read. But yeah, that particular quote really got me in the Chump heart today. There are lots of couples out in the world in 2023 that are setting up their own rules re monogamy. Polyamorous folks, open marriages, all sorts of things that stray from a traditional 2 person monogamous marriage because they aren’t into the traditional view. The huge difference that this utter jackass is leaving out is that in those cases, the couple is in AGREEMENT. Presumably, this guy’s wife was NOT on board with his affair. THAT is a really important detail that she is leaving out of the article. You don’t get to take a vow, get married, and do whatever you want BEHIND your spouse’s back.UGH.
My 3 thoughts when the news broke:
1. This is the tip of an iceberg.
2. He’s getting his story and apology out there to keep people from digging deeper.
3. I hope his wife starts divorce proceedings immediately and then finds Chump Lady.
Okay, so this happened in my workplace:
Married CEO started an affair with a direct report. She was promoted to VP, and then to Senior VP. He left his wife and married her. She still reports to him.
This Senior VP schmoopie has wreaked havoc in the company. She does whatever she wants — steals others’ work, takes assignments that are someone else’s without telling them, changes her department’s name to match another team’s (so that people are good and confused), etc. I could go on. No one can say a word because of her relationship to the CEO.
People who say that it makes no difference are entirely overlooking the dysfunction, the unfairness, the favoritism that ensues. The leader of a GOVERNMENT engendered that chaos on his own team. Of course he is unfit to lead.
Thank you Chump Lady and UBT. My heart absolutely goes out to his wife and 4 adult children (who are older than the 31 yr old office tart).
I’ve listened to coverage of this and no one mentions his wife of 44 years.
There are pictures of them celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, and she put her original wedding dress on. Yet she said is irrelevant and not on anyone’s mind.
The humiliation she has had to endure because of this is next level. There are plenty of tweets such as ‘I guess he didn’t have enough to eat at home.’
Oh, the glaring differences between losing your spouse because they died, and losing your spouse because they betrayed you.
No casseroles for this woman. Cheater mayor was also quoted as saying that “respect” is how to have a long and happy marriage.
Zip, I am feeling so sorry for his poor wife. It’s bad enough to get cheated on, but to have the world know before you are ready to tell them? That’s worse. And now she has an entire article written about how this is NO BIG DEAL? I can’t even imagine.
I can’t read all this bloated word salad (where’s the Tylenol?), kudos to you CL & UBT for persevering through it!! Rosie DeMano needs to do a check in on her internalized misogyny, it’s coming through in her words. The power in-balance between a boss & an underling is always a precarious position for an underling to be in
(whether they consented to it or not!) …they are at the mercy of the boss’s whims. And he’s a complete asshole to his wife (the one person he’s supposed to love), so yeah we can judge him on how he treats those around him!
Oh Rosie. Sigh. It’s sad enough you’re ok with cheating. You probably schtup them as well. But your ability to write an idiotic essay readers can barely skim through? That’s grounds for dismissal.
My first thought is that the journalists article is entirely too long. I couldnt read the whole thing. And yes CL is right, he can be blackmailed, use his influence to benefit the AF or her family. What if there is a contract and he awards it to her brother? Is it ok if she gets special treatment and promotions over others? Its not a private company its the government. People need to be held to certain standards in the world, otherwise its the wild wild west!
Shame on that journalist! Maybe they blew their boss to get to cover this story!
Rosie doesn’t know why the star published their findings? I don’t know why any newspaper would publish her opinion piece? She reeks of a condescending selfish narcissist who does what’s thrilling for her at the expense of everyone else.
Oh and her writing style…..yikes! I’m surprised the Universal Bullshit Translator didn’t quit!
I kept wondering WHEN THAT COLUMN WOULD END.
Rosie DiManno’s wikipedia page is…interesting.
That gawker article (about DiManno’s article) was one of the most disturbing things I’ve seen in a while. Warning other chumps not to click if you have sexual assault in your past.
Her op/ed is garbage on so many levels. I can understand why the UBT started to fizzle out. To characterize marriage as a “lifelong sentence of exclusivity” is demeaning to anyone who walked into a marriage voluntarily, with their eyes wide open in the hopes that this one person would be your other, to support in good times and in bad and be supported in return. Your chosen partner in life. If you don’t want a “lifelong sentence” don’t get married. If you’re married and feel like your marriage is now cruel and unusual punishment, get out honestly.
I also work for a large city government. An illicit relationship like this is demoralizing to staff because people know what’s going on. Opportunists jockey for attention and favors. Favorites are a given. To line staff that are the backbone, who come to work, do their jobs, care about what they are doing, and don’t engage in hanky panky, it’s an affront regardless of whether we feel puritanical or not.
People in the constituency start seeing this crap within the mayor’s office and they continue to lose faith in their government. You get the comments about dishonest government and players. Trust in government is already wretchedly shaky. We don’t need to add fuel to the bonfire. Makes my job that much harder to have to deal with dishonesty on any level.
And the mayor is just THAT much older than the woman he was cheating with. I don’t think it’s infantilizing a woman by saying “hey look, this is wrong and he took advantage of her.” He’s in a position of power. She’s young. And when I was that young I thought I knew what was going on. That I was strong and knew my way in the world. Looking back on me thirty years ago, I’ve come a long way. I’ve matured beyond what I was back then. I can say “shame on him” for what he did. To his wife. To the electorate.
Well said, Serenity.
Thanks for the laughs 😂
But seriously, is Rosie boinking her editor?! That piece is loooooong…
I saw this and just had to share. For 5 bucks the zoo in PA will name a cricket for your ex, which is then fed to the animals.
Hey – maybe this is the government which will take all that cheater sympathizing, calculate the financial harm done to chumps and their children, raise taxes and fully fund the gaps left by FWs. No? I didn’t think so ….
Rosie could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch the way she sucks the dick of the patriarchy. Considering the wobbling financial state of the news industry these days, there are so many desperate journalistic Pickmes around these days– female hacks who leap at the chance to ventriloquize and revoice swinging-dick-speak and gymnastically spin it as somehow “feminist.”
It’s no different than sock puppet reporters with supposedly progressive creds being trotted out by media owners to repackage things like, say, water privatization, racial profiling, private prisons, war for oil or the use of blockbuster pesticides as somehow groovy, eco or humanitarian to sway shallow lefties. The tactic is sometimes called “reverse culture-jamming” but I think of it as a paper Möbius strip where an argument appears to begin on the politically progressive “side” and somehow ends up arguing– however improbably– on the reverse side. The way to detect it is to look for the awkward “lump” in the text where the two ends of an absurdly contradictory argument are taped together. The lump in DeMano’s text is here: “And spare me the patronizing mantra of an inherent imbalance of power between the participants. That implies an adult professional female is incapable of making her own decisions. It infantilizes women, in my opinion, even as I acknowledge that cultural standards have changed.”
War is peace. Arbeit macht frei. Humping your doddering boss is the path to emancipation. Monica Lewinsky is the poster child of feminism because the media appointed her so against the protests of actual feminists. Lump, lump, lump, lump.
Whittling down the concept of sexual consent while feigning humanist-y values perfectly reflects the Toronto Star’s new owners’ entryist strategy which is to make vaguely centrist or lefty-sounding public statements to pacify and quell worried progressives while donating the largest sums to radical right neoliberal Canadian politicians like Maxime Bernier (resigned as Foreign Minister in 2008 when secret NATO documents were found in the apartment of mobster moll girlfriend) and Doug Ford (swept staffer’s rampant sexual misconduct under the rug).
To me, it doesn’t matter what side of the political spectrum one is on just like it doesn’t matter whether someone chooses monogamy or hookup culture as long as they walk the walk and are straightforward about agenda. In this sense, political entryism in the media is the same con job as feigning monogamy in a marriage and robbing consent from a chump so no surprise that entryist publications (like Murdoch-controlled Vice Magazine) seem to be lumpily championing anti-monogamy these days.
“Whittling down the concept of sexual consent while feigning humanist-y values perfectly reflects the Toronto Star’s new owners’ entryist strategy which is to make vaguely centrist or lefty-sounding public statements to pacify and quell worried progressives while donating the largest sums to radical right neoliberal Canadian politicians like Maxime Bernier (resigned as Foreign Minister in 2008 when secret NATO documents were found in the apartment of mobster moll girlfriend) and Doug Ford (swept staffer’s rampant sexual misconduct under the rug).”
Exactly. They know their readership is comprised mostly of lefties, so they put on an unconvincing act. What an ignoble end for one of North America’s last great newspapers.
RIP Fourth Estate. We’re in an era of unprecedented propaganda and hypocrisy and it scares me. There’s such a thing as honorable traditional conservatism which, while I don’t necessarily agree with the views, I can at least respect cohesiveness and good intentions. I don’t hate openly conservative publications as long as they’re not radical neoliberals fronting for evil corporate agendas but I genuinely hate faux-liberal rags and faux-liberal politicians. It’s human nature. Entire countries reserve their worst ire and punishments for traitors, moles and turncoats more than for enemy combatants.
Great translation work, UBT. As an aside, I have to say that I find it infuriating that Monica Lewinsky has reinvented herself as a “victim” and some kind of “Me, too” champion. I think she was helped in doing this by a younger generation of people who weren’t around to hear about the whole sordid mess and her active role in it. Monica knew exactly what she was doing and aggressively pursued Clinton (I despise what he did, too). She deserved the public scorn she received, and I really wish she had slunk away in obscurity.
A few days late, but hopefully a fitting chump verse for Barbara Hackett on this Valentine’s Day:
There once was a hack named DeMano
Who published an essay of guano
That caused John Tory’s mate
To set everyone straight
And fight back like Rocky Marciano.
Thanks for that. The way DeMano “speculates” about Tory’s emotional MO for the affair (Maybe it was twu wuv! Maybe dissatisfaction at home!) made me grit my teeth on behalf of Tory’s spouse. DeMano piles on extra humiliation for the victim like she’s groveling for amnesty from the gods of betrayal.
‘ (Maybe it was twu wuv! Maybe dissatisfaction at home!) made me grit my teeth on behalf of Tory’s spouse. DeMano piles on extra humiliation for the victim….’ 👍🏻 Yes!!!!!
We all know how low we were when we found out our spouse purposefully demolished us and our families. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to read a description of betrayal (and blame/ justification) such as this in the newspaper. The lack of empathy for his chumped wife from the so-called ‘writer’ is astonishing.
How’s this for speculation: Rosie DeMano internalized her abuser father’s hatred for her victimized mother.
Ethics here are actually simple.
You don’t have sex with people that you have authority over in a workplace.
They can’t give true consent to sex acts.
What goes on in Tory’s personal life is his problem. But he abused his power and authority at work.
But, but, but that boundary is so kink-shaming of people who get off on abuse of power! (sarcasm)
“He deceived his spouse, not the electorate.”
He only cheated on his wife , the kids are unaffected.
Just because he betrayed his wife doesn’t mean he is untrustworthy in other areas of his life.
You can still be a good person if you lie, deceive and betray a spouse for years on end, it doesn’t bleed over into other regions of your life.
Just because they emotionally, physically and financially damaged the life of the person that trusted and loved them above all others, and took away any safety and security the family had in them and the whole of life, does not make them an unreliable, morally corrupt and uncaring individual.
Just because they cheated on their spouse, does not make them an untrustworthy person.
Their political integrity is fully intact, they just happen to enjoy banging women 30 year younger women because, well, they deserve it for working so hard!
Trust them, they cheat on,deceive and betray their spouses all the time, but truly have the utmost and unquestionable integrity.
None of those statements are true!!!
Like I’ve said in past posts, you can’t save whales during the week and drown babies on the weekend and be a good person.
The measure of a person’s integrity is greatest when they do the right thing when no one else is looking because it matters to their own internal barometer. It has nothing to do with a watching world, approval or rejection. It’s the caliber of the person they are. It’s who they are!!
A FW will never be able to understand that concept. Shitty behavior flows into every avenue of your life, it’s not locked in its own box without effect on any other part of their lives.
I would put major money on the woman writing this article being a cheater also. She’s spending way too much time and too many words trying to defend his innocence, and probably her own as well.
Sorry to our poor UBT, that was way the hell too much debris to get through in one sitting. Stellar job as always though! 😊👍
“you can’t save whales during the week and drown babies on the weekend and be a good person”
Words to live by. I love that.
THANKYOU FOR WRITING THIS!!!!! I’ve been seething for days, wanting to respond to every stupid editorial and talk show. Thank you from all us Canuck chumps
Yes, I can now deal with all the cheating in film/ shows…..but talk shows and editorials are constant triggers. Today on ‘The Social’ one of the cohost ( their resident sex expert) advertised her new podcast in which they will be discussing how sometimes cheating can make your relationship better.
Sure it is. Try that at your own Perel — er, peril! Ask us how we know…
Dude is a pure opportunist. He knows full well that without his wife by his side giving him the ‘family values’ card, he’s not half as appealing to voters. The rest has been said so well by others, that I’m just gonna go have a coffee and slide my feet into ma comfy ‘shoes for bunions’ that I was brainwashed into buying by CL’s popups.
And, Lord above, who let her publish such a overblown, incontinent piece of writing?
And soooooo over the top insensitive to his spouse of 40+ years! I’m still in shock over the ‘it was great for him’ attitude so let’s not be judgemental.
Absolutely HAVE to ask that question.
I have a problem putting the words ethics and morality in the same sentence with any particular “politician.” I cannot get upset with the Canadians or any other nationality when I look at the folks in our own U.S. Congress. Or, for that matter, any local political office. Unfortunately, we like to think people get into politics, religion, education, policing, and many other jobs and positions for moral purposes. But they usually do not. There is something about the disparity of power that brings out the worst in human nature. I really don’t understand why.
I don’t know anything about this particular man, or the situation. His actions deserve consequences. We all deserve consequences for our choices. I am glad I don’t have to publicly decide if one offense is worse than another, although privately I always do decide. I also don’t really believe someone’s sexual choice keeps them from making other good professional choices when they are working. So being homosexual does not prohibit someone from being a good teacher. Being homosexual doesn’t make someone a pedophile either. I never taught a class where I ever discussed that I was a married heterosexual woman. That subject wasn’t even in my syllabus. Maybe this guy can decide how to balance a city budget, or choose which contractor to do a public project without even thinking about his sexual partner du jour. Who knows?
The problem is this very public guy made a bad choice. The choice became public knowledge. He had a public image that did not jive with the facts of his bad personal decision. So, then what needs to happen? In chump nation we take a dim view of cheaters, and we know they cheat in other areas of their private lives, too. But I cannot say my Ex was a bad realtor because he was a cheater. He knew what he needed to do to be successful as a realtor. He did those things. He intellectually knew what he needed to do to be a successful husband and father. He did not do those things. I cannot tell you why his wife and children were not as important to him as his work. I just know we were hurt, but his work appeared to be fine.
Maybe what this reporter should have said was she was sorry the exposure of his infidelity was what drove him to resign, because as far as she could tell he appeared to be a good mayor. If someone is a good accountant, or chemist, or bus driver, but they cheat on their spouse, do they deserve to lose their job? How many of us knew the spouse needed to keep their job in order to pay child support? I certainly wanted my ex to keep working. People have many flaws and most of us admit to having done something really stupid in our lives. So, should I not be allowed to work at a job and support my children because once upon a time as a teenager I smoked a joint or two? Actually, some companies look at people’s social media for this type of information and use it to choose not to hire people. So, if you married someone who cheated on you that would keep them from working in a profession they were trained for, ever again?
I think we should not make the leap that if a person chooses to cheat that that person is bad in every way. I would prefer to hire someone who is competent to do the type of work I need done, and I do not want to know anything else about his or her private life. I actually do not care if someone is married or single, what color they are, what their religion is, or what political party they belong to. I don’t care if they have cheated on their spouse if I don’t personally know them. I do not want to know if the cashier ringing up my groceries is a cheater. I just want an accurate check out. It really does not matter to me if the mayor cheated on his wife with his campaign director, or with the librarian at the public library. After so much political disappointment in my life I reached my saturation point long ago. A politician’s sex life doesn’t really interest me. Whether he or she smoked pot, or considered joining the communist party when they were 12 doesn’t really interest me. I think I believed hitchhikers were cool when I was a teenager. My thinking changed as I aged. Maybe I am a true chump, but I do believe you can learn from your past mistakes, and you can change yourself if you want to. I may not want to marry someone now if I knew they had been a cheater before. But I would consider marrying someone who was an alcoholic and had done the hard work and gone through the steps and had lived a sober life for many years.
I believe people make choices and all choices have consequences. I just don’t want to judge all choices other people make.
You make a good argument. However, I personally don’t want leaders who sell their family man image, while cheating it up with an underling younger than his own kids! How could he think this could possibly turn out ok in this day and age? This shows an impulsivity and complete lack of judgment and empathy. When he took his vows, she wasn’t anywhere near being born!
And of course it will be discovered that he helped her secure her next job with his connections.
His wife is also sick. She gave up a lot while her husband worked all those hrs away from home during the pandemic. And he has the nerve to mention that time away from home as an excuse. This man is in it for himself, a liar, a narcissist, a fake and it makes me feel sick that there are so many who want to paint those sickened by this as old fuddy duddies.
Turn the genders around and few would be as accepting of a woman carrying on like this in this position.
I don’t like the age disparity either. Or that his wife was sick. The gender doesn’t factor for me, because either a man or a woman can cheat, even though I accept your point about the general acceptance for men dating younger and not women. I’m certainly not condoning the cheating. If someone in power secures special favors, or requires them, that is another issue, and of course is bad.
What bothers me is that the cheating seems to overshadow everything else. I admire some accomplishments of politicians and leaders, even though they were cheaters. For instance, Rev.Martin Luther King Jr’s civil rights leadership, or John F. Kennedy’s political agenda. I can respect some of John McCain’s accomplishments for Veterans, and acknowledge his heroism in Viet Nam, even though I didn’t agree with many of his other political views. I believe F.D Roosevelt accomplished a lot, and I didn’t like Lyndon Johnson as a man, but he pushed through civil rights political victories. There are some politicians that actually cause me to have an adverse physical reaction to their presence whenever I see them on television, but their cheating is only responsible for a portion of my revulsion.
Maybe I am trying to express a common religious belief I was raised with: Separate the sinner from the sin. We all sin. In my mind, not all sins are equal, but ultimately, I am not the judge who decides. If this man is actually a good mayor (I have no idea) because of the way he does his job, should he lose his job just because he cheated? Should we require politicians to be any more perfect than the average joe? Would you fire a good plumber, or electrician, or carpenter if you found out they cheated on their spouse? I hate the “spin” that is put out during elections, and sometimes it fails spectacularly (George Santos), but I just don’t believe most of the spin. I have become cynical about politicians because to me they are usually Humpty Dumpty people, when they fall off the wall they go to a thousand pieces and cannot be put together again.
I don’t like cheaters. But I am not sure they should lose their job. In my world you have to work to get paid, and you need that money to eat and pay your bills. If you are proficient at your job, should you lose it because you cheated on your spouse? If the cheating is just the tip of an iceberg, and there are other transgressions that stem from the cheating into the workplace, then the cheater should be forced to leave. I have seen many workplace transgressions that were more harmful to the workers than the boss dalliance with his secretary. Most of the time these bad bosses are never even reprimanded, much less fired. I’ve worked with people who I was pretty sure were cheaters, but they handled the key aspects of their jobs. I didn’t need to like them or be their friend, but I wouldn’t say they needed to lose their job. I’m just not sure the punishment fits the crime in this situation.
So… so much stupid and wrong here.
“I don’t know anything about this particular man, or the situation. ”
And yet, rather than do a bit of research to learn about it, you decided to both stay ignorant on the subject matter AND write a whole essay defending him? Bold choice. Let’s see how that turns out. (spoiler alert: badly)
” So being homosexual does not prohibit someone from being a good teacher.”
I’m sorry, did you just try and compare the emotional, mental and physical abuse of infidelity to being gay? Really? Yeah, this is off to a pretty bad start.
“most of us admit to having done something really stupid in our lives.”
“Stupid” was assuming he wouldn’t get caught. The cheating itself was dishonest, selfish, and cruel. that’s the bit we object to. Although frankly “stupid” isn’t a ringing endorsement for a politician either. Also, this happened during covid. Why are you trying to imply that this was some far off incident in the hazy past?
“I would prefer to hire someone who is competent to do the type of work I need done, and I do not want to know anything else about his or her private life.”
So you believe that someone who would cruelly betray their closest and dearest for a pickle-tickle would not also screw over and betray the respective strangers that are their constituents for power, money, and laziness? Bad assumption.
“So, if you married someone who cheated on you that would keep them from working in a profession they were trained for, ever again?”
False hyperbole. We aren’t talking ANY profession, nor ANY time in the future. We’re talking about right now, about a guy who has just now been found out to have lied about the fundamentals of his qualifications to get his job (basic ethics). This is pretty standard for this sort of work. If you’re caught embezzling or committing perjury, you get disbarred from being a lawyer. Being a shifty untrustworthy shit generally gets your government security clearance revoked. Having a black sabbath orgy gets you defrocked from most church pastor positions. Some professions have specific standards and in this case, he disqualified himself from his.
” So, should I not be allowed to work at a job and support my children because once upon a time as a teenager I smoked a joint or two?”
Aaand the false hyperbole has shifted into either stupid or straight-up dishonest. Firstly, stop acting like this is about some teenage incident of his. It. Happened. During. Covid. Secondly, the man’s the Mayor! Are you under the impression that “Mayor” is a lifelong profession? That once someone stops being Mayor, they have no other occupation? Thirdly, wtf is with this “support my children” crap? The man’s youngest child is in his 30s. Why are you acting like there’s some poor babies that will go hungry because a sleazy politician has to step down? What if he was voted out next election – are all the voters now guilty of letting his poor little nonexistent dependent children starve? Because that’s how politics works? “Vote for me or my poor babies go hungry?” WTAF is this?
” considered joining the communist party when they were 12 ”
I mean… the stupidity of thinking that communism is a good idea vs the knowing and willful decision to cheat aside, this happened, like, last year, and he was in his 60s. We’ve gone from “sometime in your life” to “teenage” to “12.” You are reaching to unknown levels of outer space here.
“I think I believed hitchhikers were cool when I was a teenager. My thinking changed as I aged.”
Yet again you try and falsely conflate ignorance with deliberate malfeasance, and assign teenage behavior to a man with teenage grandchildren. Why?
“But I would consider marrying someone who was an alcoholic and had done the hard work and gone through the steps and had lived a sober life for many years.”
Bully for you. That has fuck all to do with the issue at hand.
“I just don’t want to judge all choices other people make.”
WTAF do you think we do in a election if not judging? Yeah… this is a terminally bad take, homie.
First, I am not your homie.
Second, I was not taking a position on this particular man, because I do not know his circumstances. He is not my mayor. Perhaps he needs to lose his job for other reasons. IMHO, he should not be terminated merely because he cheated. If I thought all cheaters should be terminated from their jobs due to their cheating, I would not have replied. I was not defending this particular man. Your opinion is based on the false premise that I was talking about him. I was talking about taking away anyone’s job simply because they cheated or made some other error at some point in their life. Or denying people who choose other lifestyles than you do their job. So, all of your righteous indignation about my opinion is based on a false premise.
Third, when I was giving examples of situations where people can be judged in the present for things they did in the past, the amount of time is not the issue. I am not saying this particular man made a youthful or ignorant mistake. I am saying all humans tend to do or think or say things at some point in their lifetime which might not be the smartest choice.
Fourth, what I object to is the thought that because someone cheats they are not fit to work. Whatever their age, or whether or not they have children is not the issue. It is taking away their right to earn a living because they cheated on a spouse. I indicated that the cheating could lead to other bad behaviors which would be offenses worthy of termination.
Fifth, I don’t want to research every situation I do not know about because that would consume too much of my precious time. I really do not care about this particular mayor, or this particular op-ed writer. I don’t like her piece, and I don’t think her writing reflects well on the practice of journalism. I don’t want to research her life or the error of her ways either.
Sixth, I believe when Chumplady chooses a subject she does so to make a point about sloppy thinking, or misguided deeds of other people in relation to the act of cheating. This blog is about cheating. I find Chumplady’s snark amusing. I enjoy laughing at UBT translations. I applaud her direct support of people who have been chumped. There have been many times when I did not know the people or the situation she is writing about. But CL always has a point. The comments reflect different takes or opinions about the situation from the members of chump nation. The comments are not here for you to criticize. You are entitled to your own opinion, or to agree, disagree, or ignore anyone’s comment.
Seventh, if you don’t like my take, so what? I feel I took the topic about forcing someone to resign or terminating them for cheating alone was wrong and gave examples of how that punishment may be inappropriate in the workplace. My examples do not have to directly link to this particular situation. If you do not believe self-righteous people abuse power in this way, especially in politics, then I have to assume you are not watching the news, or don’t follow history. There are many examples of politicians whose private life is a mess, and yet they have been able to achieve other goals which were worthy to the population they represented. I worked in the private sector for 50 years. I have had bosses I like, bosses I hate, and I have seen many employment practices which seem unfair to me. However, even though I choose to keep cheaters out of my personal circle of friends, I cannot deny that some of these bosses and companies and colleges have achieved other good things.
Finally, it seems to me you chose to attack me and my values on a personal level. You clearly did not “take the time” to research me. I have been on this blog for a long, long time. People don’t have to agree with my opinion. I don’t agree with some of the opinions expressed by other commentators here. But we all have a right to express our opinion. No one should be attacked for having an opinion as far as I am concerned. Having an open and diverse discussion may lead to a good outcome. Maybe some minds will be changed, one way or the other. If you personally don’t like what I have to say, bully for you. You are entitled to your opinion. I am entitled to disagree with you. That’s what forums are for. You called me stupid, you accused me of deciding to stay ignorant, and you challenged my opinions on the basis of hyperbole. I object to your personal assumptions about me. I am an educated woman, I survived being a chump, and I deserve respect. If you are so offended by my opinion, disagree. But don’t make it a personal attack on me.
Can one separate the character of a person from the effects of their actions?
“A man can love his wife and still philander.” No, he can’t. And he if he has a family, he can’t love them either.
So much BS to wade through in this one. I can’t believe the UBT made it through!
This op-ed is the work of a lunatic.
“But I know, from more than four decades at the Star, that this paper, for all its progressive values – which I generally share – has, historically, a weird puritanical streak.”
Geez, being honest to your spouse is puritanical, and having an affair and lying about it is progressive. No wonder the UBT was getting a little cranky. That’s more heifer-dump than any UBT should be allowed to process.
“Have you seen John Tory’s pandemic hair? Or his 68-year-old white Canadian man dance moves? I’d tap that.” This comment alone made it worth skimming through DiManno’s BS to get to the UBT’s nuggets. Thanks, CL, for all the Valentine’s laughs. Also, is there actually a video of Tory “dancing”? Not that I could stomach it; I can hardly bring myself to look at that photo!
Allowing consenting adults to have sex in the workplace introduces sexual politics to the workplace. Those wanting recognition, a raise, promotion, or even an office with a window soon find they can either put out or find another job. At best, stay stuck and devalued where they are if it turns out their actual work is somewhat valuable to predatorial bosses, supervisors or coworkers.
In case the writer needed to take a moment and think why we cannot allow this in the workplace – especially the government workplace.
Similar issues in colleges, where the professors and their adjuncts are easily tempted to exploit their students for grades/favors.
How can she be so naive?
OMG! This is why I stopped reading the Star almost a decade ago. Angry, self-centered, image managing ,woman -child. Here they are using the soap-box to try to get people to continue to believe that it’s ok to fuck around. I can not believe the “She’s an adult” rout. Like the older a woman is protects them from harassment and pressure. A complete DARVO word salad. I know Ont law when it comes to HR and reporting. It does not work, when it is not enforced. And compeny’s depend on management to rug sweep. Hard. This is BS from the first word to the last. Rosie DeMano is an asshat.
I think I like the UBT when it’s sprockets are clogged!
This is too bad. Rosie DiManno is one of my favourite writers. This is certainly not representative of her work. Follow up article for anyone interested: https://www.thestar.com/opinion/star-columnists/2023/02/14/as-in-the-case-of-john-tory-its-telling-what-people-choose-to-forgive-or-ignore.html
If you want more SUPER SNARK! This article highlights the layers of entitlement cheaters have.
Another head scratching article…..
What sensitivity, moral compass and reasoning ability are cheater apologists missing in their brain? What younger generations may or may not openly, mutually and respectfully decide to do with their future relationships has no bearing on the betrayal (abuse), those in seemingly committed relationships have endured at the hands of cheaters.
I paraphrase ‘A spouse and family thrown under the bus due to cheating, hey don’t judge, some people decide not to get married, what’s the biggy!’
From the article:
‘It’s also interesting that there is much public clutching at pearls over the sanctity of marriage. That’s curious in an age when so many couples are eschewing marriage altogether and “lifers” have almost become oddities in a society awash with divorces.’
We have learned cheating is abuse. What do they equate it with, wearing the wrong outfit?