Judging by my mail, a bunch of chumps are triggered by Alex Murdaugh, sociopath extraordinaire.
To anyone not following this family nut cluster: Alex Murdaugh was convicted last week in South Carolina of murdering his wife Maggie and son Paul Murdaugh. Paul Murdaugh was responsible for a drunken boating accident in 2019, which killed 19-year-old Mallory Beach. And Buster Murdaugh, the surviving son, is thought to be involved in the murder of 19-year-old Steven Smith in 2015. Oh, and just to round out the body count, someone killed the housekeeper, Gloria Satterfield in 2018. Alex pocketed the millions in insurance money meant for her sons. That is, when he wasn’t embezzling over $8 million from the family law firm. Are we caught up?
And you thought you had FOO issues… Families that slay together stay together…
Mr. CL and I finished watching the Netflix documentary “Murdaugh Murders: A Southern Scandal” last night. My first thought was: “This is terrible product placement for Vineyard Vines.” All those pastel plaids on sunburnt Anglo-Saxon skin. Brooks Bubbas. It’s a type of Southern aspirational look that I guess is supposed to convey country club gentility, but all I can think of is slavery and frat houses. I see these people and think, I know these assholes.
Is that fair, Tracy? You might have some very nice readers of your blog who own lavender-striped polos and beer bongs.
No, it’s probably not fair. Some of these people grow up to be Supreme Court Justices who overturn Roe v. Wade. They’re not all murderers.
I’m sorry, I have preppy douchebag issues. Let’s move on.
Alex Murdaugh. Why is he triggering you? Is it the nonstop lying? The creepy stare? His amazing feats of DARVO-do? Like blaming the murders of his wife and son on ACTUAL CRIME VICTIMS? Yes, it’s not enough that you lost your daughter in a drunken crash, or were injured by your douchebag friend, his dad will implicate you in the murders.
Or is it the way everyone is zoning out from accountability and feelings? Alex with his opioid addiction. Buster and Paul with their alcoholism.
Or is it the double life?
Alex Murdaugh is a criminal prosecutor — truth: he’s a criminal. A murderer and an embezzler.
Alex Murdaugh is a family man — truth: he murdered his family.
Alex Murdaugh is wealthy and successful — truth: he’s a total fraud.
What’s creeping you out, CN? The way Maggie was going to leave him and got gunned down first?
For me, it’s wondering how many Alex Murdaughs are out there, and how many of them get away with it.
“For me, it’s wondering how many Alex Murdaughs are out there, and how many of them get away with it.” – oh they are out there, all of the various true crime podcasts prove this fact. I agree with most its a progression of disordered behavior and most likely starts with DARVO against family and close associates at an early age and escalates to Cape Fear and Sleeping with the Enemy levels, then possible full blown Murbaugh (can anyone say Kennedy compound?). What can we do? Walk away, grey rock, gain a life, acquire Meh. Sounds easy, not so much, takes effort and planning and practice, lots and lots of practice. Stay alive everyone.
The more stories I hear about husbands killing off their wives (here: family) to either cover up their lies or because their spouses were obstacles to “their true happiness,” the more grateful I am to know that I got out of my situation with a divorce.
To be fair, my xFW never gave me any cause to fear for my safety. To also be fair, my xFW hid his double life and lied with a scary and comfortable ease, while also letting me know that everything was my fault. Even when I loved him (after the discoveries), my gut told me not to be alone in private spaces with him ever again.
I was physically blocked once by ex with soulless eyes. Only time I was ever afraid of him.
Sandyfeet, What is it with the soulless eyes? I experienced that and was afraid. fw was so bizarre by the time he left that I was worried he might unalive me. He had a secret life for 35 years. Divorced now.
I always thought of the blank shark eye stare as when the radio is tuned between stations, just static. FWs have disrupted reception at that time and don’t know what mask needs to be put on so you just see the basic elements. No music, no life.
That is a great explanation, caught between channel-hopping.
When I’ve seen this happen, I could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. Full of rage and contempt. I wish it felt like static, but to me it’s the eye of the storm
Same. Backed into a corner and then blocked from the door as I was attempting to leave. Shark eyes in that moment. I wouldn’t be alone with him ever again.
My adult children said quit going to the office after my tire was slashed. I went there to tell him I filed a police report as per my attorney in case of escalation. Bad move on my part but it was early in my realization that my life was forever changed. Of course he said Howorker would never arrange for tire slash, to a car in which I transport grandchildren. 🤪
Side pieces and second spouses would never try to reduce the number of heirs to a FW’s money. That’s why the issue of estate planning in the case of remarriage is rarely discussed in legal arenas (sarcasm).
My ex was an addict-sex worker addict and although it is not a DSM3R dx , he had the blank stare of a drug addicted junkie. His beautiful
Blue eyes had turned as black as Syd Barrett (Pink Floyd original). There is something to this phenomenon of which the physical reasons I do not know. Anyway, I never thought my ex was capable of physical harm but I knew enough from those eyes to beware. I made sure there were ppl with me when he dismantled what was left of my property and life. It is haunting to see someone you’ve known and loved for 35 yrs become a monster in your reality as well as your nightmares.
My ex wife tried to run me over with a car 🚗 in front of witnesses when I mentioned she didn’t genuinely apologize for cheating me. Women can be dangerous for men also.
In my small town, there is a female cardiologist whose husband “died suddenly in bed” of “natural causes. I am very suspicious that she murdered him. I suspect this happens more often than any of us imagine.
The theory is there are just as many female murderers as male, women are just better at going undetected.
Female violent crime has been on the increase but Otto Pollak’s 1950 theory of female criminality (i.e. they are better at hiding crime) has been totally debunked.
Gorillagoop: I’ve never heard that theory….because from where I’m standing, men kill way more than women & use violence way more than women!! I watch the news on any given day & women are being knocked off by their partners pretty much everyday!! Only occasionally do I hear a woman doing the same!
WRONG. Men are majority of the criminals. Men, and people who were raised male, make up the vast majority of criminals, particularly violent crimes. Overwhelming so. My god.
Really tired of the internalized misogyny and weird MRA talking points being repeated in this space by otherwise thoughtful commenters.
My ex-wife also ran me over with her car when I tried to stop her from leaving the house after drinking almost a whole bottle of Jameson’s whiskey. I flipped over the roof and splatted on the road. No major damage, but tons of bumps and bruises. She also punched me in the face during an argument about her constant cheating, then called the police on me. Thankfully, when they got there, all the physical evidence (the huge welt on my face, she totally fine) pointed to what really happened. Of course, I elected not to press charges. Plenty of dangerous women out there.
Female instigation might not be as common nor statistically as lethal as male-instigated domestic assault but it certainly exists. I used to work in the narc-filled media industry and had more than one encounter with raging freaks, including several women. I don’t talk about it much because people who aren’t familiar with that world will assume I had these encounters because I lived on the dark side and consorted with sketchy characters when it’s really the whole industry that’s the “dark side” and populated by sketchy characters. It was hard to avoid and hard to stay off the creep radar. Anyway, in retrospect I think it’s interesting that, in all three cases, the rampaging women were the types trying to bonk their way up the career ladder. Two were chronic side pieces. I would guess that female FWs– and cheaters in general– are statistically far more violence-prone than average. There are so many overlaps between violence and cheating– low empathy, entitlement, physical endangerment, blame-shifting and demented rationalizations at victims’ expense, etc.
Normal women are much less prone to violence than normal men, but if a woman is a sociopath, then yeah … chances are she will be as violent as is useful for her. (Less violent than a man, unless she has a car to run someone over with …)
“in all three cases, the rampaging women were the types trying to bonk their way up the career ladder”
Usually, women do not want to bonk their way up the career ladder, it is men who want to force women to do that.
Normal, healthy women feel disgust at the very suggestion that they should prostitute themselves.
Are those women violent narcissists because of childhood sexual abuse that also made them numb to prostitution?
Or were they born as psychopaths and just don’t have normal emotions, and that is the reason why they are both violent and have no problems with prostituting themselves?
Both is possible, I suppose.
Where I worked, in a very small town, there was a woman who tried to run over her boyfriend and his mother. It’s because he questioned whether their baby was biologically his. He had a good reason since she was known as the county bicycle. And he left town with no forwarding address. I had a long talk with his mother because I needed him for something and she said the next time he contacted her she would tell him to contact me, but she was never going to give out where he lived. That’s how dangerous that woman was and that’s only the tip of the iceberg. If I told you it would take up a whole page.
This discussion about dangerous women fills me with hope that one day bunny boiler AP might run over FW.
Just a couple of tyres across the toes though, followed by getting dragged along the street a couple of hundred blocks.
Just something light and fun.
And sorry to actual innocent victims who have had this happen to them
Fourleaf, my words and feelings are exactly the same. I feel lucky (FW would get furious and likes to be mean) and I will never be alone with him again.
That was my experience. He’d moved miles away from home and cultivated the “aww shucks” image. So I trusted him with my life. Once everything came out (affairs, substances, money issues), I never felt safe near him again. He was from the South too. Seems an epidemic, down there. I’m just glad to be free from that now.
I kind of assume my ex is a serial rapist and murderer, whose parents help bury the bodies. I mean, why not? I only know the the tip of the iceberg. They could be capable of anything. I discovered my ex posted a brutal rape/murder fantasy online 6 months after we separated, my ex-father-in- law is a man-of-the-cloth who secretly solicits sex with strange men on Craigslist, my ex-mother-in-law tried to foreclose on our marital home during COVID, and the whole family has bragged to me about their plots to hide their granddaughter from her father and have him killed. Only 4 more years of co-parenting to go for me, then I am moving far away from them.
I’m a bit preoccupied by the fact his business partner spoke on his behalf. At CN, we always point to embezzlement as another reason to leave a cheater. And I’m always amazed at the communities who accept douchebags as pillars.
But, like Chump Lady, I’m horrified by the number of victims who are not protected by society or the law. It does not surprise me that the most tolerant of domestic and gun violence, insert the threat pedophilia in their propaganda. Distract, devalue, discard.
I had to file for divorce because my ex wife committed government fraud. I had to protect myself.
Yup me too. Filed for Innocent Spousal Relief and won. I had to turn in 150 pages of documents to prove my ignorance of his filing false tax claim.
My divorce took 2.5 years due to discovery on his part, I would not budge until business taxes were completed. During this time I filed married filing separately. So glad I did, he was taking from his IRA and not taking taxes out.
I should’ve left when I would log the automatic deposits in the office books and would see all these cash withdrawals and got lame answers as to what they were spent on (pills it turned out). Pair that with large balance on office credit card, overpayment to a contract employee (found out later she give him cash back, stupid on her part).
I see all these 4 and 5 star reviews for ex FW from years of practice and pillar of the community, if they only knew him now, chiropractic practice dried up of course.
CL, thank you for addressing this! It’s sort of a tangent to our Chump stories… and yet it’s not. The more footage I saw of this guy, the more creeped out I got because he reminded me of FW! When they showed him on the stand… the crocodile tears and the SHARK EYES — I saw my own FW in that. Anyone else see those sharks eyes?
Are all FWs sociopaths FFS?? Although in Alex’s case, he may be an all out psychopath. Why wasn’t that brought up in court? Why wasn’t he given a psychological evaluation?
I kept thinking about his wife. What had she been going through with him? He lied to police and everyone — can you imagine what his wife endured? The gaslighting and abuse. He got away with so much for so long, he literally believed he could get away with murdering his wife and son. I can’t imagine what she was going through.
One last stupid question. His name is Alex. Many are referring to him as “Alec” But not everyone is pronouncing it that way. Anyone know this guy’s actual name?
I’m guessing he won’t last long in prison. I don’t believe he’d do anything to himself (I mean… he was in massive financial and legal trouble and chose to murder his wife and son rather than hurt himself)… but I think he won’t last long if he’s put in general population. Not sure why he’d be protected.
Sorry for the stream of consciousness. This whole trial was under my skin and triggering.
Yes! The black eyes! total creeper. And the facility with which he lied, and he cried. And the “Paw Paw.” Just scary.
I listened to a podcast by someone from around there (forget name) and she said it’s technically “Alex” but pronounced ‘Alec’ there. Similarly it’s “Murdaugh” – but pronounced ‘Murdock’ there. I have no idea why.
She said any journalists saying Alex (the normal way) or Murdaugh (the normal way) have not spent enough time interviewing down there.
Thank you, Working on My Picker! That makes sense
I was struck by how the name “Murdaugh,” pronounced with a low country accent, comes out “murder.”
His name is actually Richard. Why not just call him ‘Dick?’ Or you think he’d want to be called, ‘Rich.’
Ritchie 🤑 Rich
His defense lawyer’s name is, not kidding, Duck Harpootlian. Everyone’s been calling him Poot. His a nasty misogynistic piece of work.
He’s also a state Senator.
I see harpoon in there.
Mandy Matney has a podcast called Murdaugh Murders. She explains the pronounciation of the names in the low country & why he’s called “Elec” instead of “Alex”. Its a very thorough podcast covering all 5 murders & the crimes of embezzlement & fraud committed by Murdaugh & his pals.
I was confused too…his real name is Richard Alexander Murdaugh. They seem to go back and forth with Alec and Alex.
“I listened to a podcast by someone from around there (forget name) and she said it’s technically “Alex” but pronounced ‘Alec’ there.”
Mandy Matney was the 1st person I heard say his name the “correct” local way, kinda like “Ellick MurDock.”
Mandy Matney’s The Murdaugh Murders podcast is worth a listen.
Chump Lady, you had me rolling at Vineyard Vines! 😜
Yes, I saw shark eyes and received crocodile tears. I listened to a podcast about this case and apparently “Alec” is the Lowcountry pronunciation. It also makes me sick how he schemed the poor and hollowed out the community – he gobbled up land through lawsuits and drove out a lot of industry because he filed so many BS suits against companies. The New Yorker has a good piece on that aspect of his fuckery.
Oh wow, I hadn’t heard about that evil aspect.
@Chumpawamba- There’s no one better to commit high robbery than a lawyer or judge. The divorce taught me that there’s actually very few lawyers and judges who can truly be arsed about getting justice. It’s usually the successful and obscenely monied of them that aren’t. Despite knowing a handful of good proper ones, I despise that system.
I actually went to law school and despise the system. That’s why I found a way to make a living outside the practice. I have always said that there are too many attorneys but not enough good ones. And I don’t mean good as in skilled but good as in good people who work ethically.
the “Alec” for “Alex” thing is another FW thing- they have to have nicknames or “clever pronunciations” so they look like popular frat boys (reminds me of cults too)- but I’m cracking up at “Alec” being the only damn nickname they could come up with for “Alex”. Soooooo original and mysterious…. oooooh…
My ex liked to use his middle name some places and his first name “with family”. Said it made it easier to leave the job at the office. I think it’s because it’s harder for potential dates to Facebook stalk him and find out he’s married.
“Why wasn’t that brought up in court? Why wasn’t he given a psychological evaluation?”
What good would that do? The prosecution doesn’t want to give him reasons to argue he “couldn’t help” what he did or that he was “mentally ill”. The defense went all-in on what lawyers call SODDI (“Some Other Dude Did It”), so adding that this poor unjustly accused man was by the way a psychopath wouldn’t help their case either.
His wife did not deserve to die but she was not innocent. There are many stories of her being complicit in the boat crash cover up and trying to influence the witnesses and their families. I find it hard to believe she didn’t know what was going on, at least in part. That entire family is scary.
That photo of her in her fur coat with the husband and one of their sons reminds of Episcopalian ladies in my childhood church who showed up once a year for the Christmas Eve service and muscled their way to the front pew.
@LifeIsGood- I’m sure no one would have believed I didn’t know what FW was up to. Especially since everyone else he knew seemed fully informed. I sincerely didn’t. I was effectively isolated and made to feel like any question was an infringement and attack on his credibility. I didn’t realise then that this wasn’t healthy. So I’m not so quick to judge. She was probably trauma bonded as well as stuck in a position where she feared for her continued survival if she left. Lord knows what else. She paid the ultimate price, regrettably.
Wasn’t it rumored that she had something to do with the death of the housekeeper?
Re name, according to a very convoluted Wiki page (the family goes back a long way) his real name is Richard Alexander, Alexander seems to be the family name of his mother, Elizabeth Alexander.
My FW was also from the South. Using your middle name as your first is apparently quite common there. His dad did it, though he didn’t. It’s meant to inspire fake closeness. One thing I learned is that nothing is as it seems with those folks. Twofacedness under the veneer of “polite” is an art there.
The person under the veneer of “polite” is my FW. It’s taken me many years to understand that fact and it’s truth.
Now that I’m living in the south, I totally see how I thought it was nicer but now I know.
South Carolinian here. His full name is Alexander, so lots assuming it’s Alex. It’s not. It’s Alec, which just to confuse everyone more, is pronounced “Elic” in some areas of the state.
South Carolinian here.
Full name is Alexander, that’s why some are writing Alex. They are wrong.
It’s Alex, which in that part of the state, is pronounced “Elic”.
We just like to confuse y’all!
Between shrieking and spitting out my coffee all over the monitor, I really enjoyed your prose today. You have outdone yourself. If I even tried to select a single example, it would be an insult to all the rest.
Alex’s brother gave an interview to the NY Times yesterday, and that’s what pushed me over the edge. Like, he is being forced to question “whether he had ever truly known his brother.” I’m like, yeah, welcome to my world. Oh, he stole your retirement money and got away with it? Yeah, that does start to sound familiar. His brother’s belated admission that he stole, but only because of his addiction to painkillers? “[H]is brother seemed relieved to come clean.” UBT: he admitted to exactly what he’d already been caught at. Wait, where have I heard that before?
To all the many, many people out there who doubted my word, and my stockpile of proof, over the word of a delusional liar, I say this: “I told you so.” Nothing on earth is more insulting that your critics effortless pivot from “You must be delusional” to “How on earth could you not have known?”
It is indeed terrifying how, to whatever degree, these people are capable of living completely split lives or hiding immensely dark proclivities behind the facade of respectable family men, good neighbors, respected businessmen and the like. Anyone could end up like these victims and truly have never seen it coming in the slightest, just as many of us never saw signs of affairs coming or actively occurring. Hence the triggering.
As has oft been said, men worry about being rejected by women, women worry about being killed by men. My ex’s first marriage ended when he was arrested for strangulation which was vehemently denied and claimed to be the 2 of them arguing over whether they were getting divorced before work in the morning with her blocking him from leaving and him trying to put out his hand to get past her (she tried to immediately drop charges). Hours before DDay when I initiated sex as a test because I had finally convinced myself something was wrong, lo and behold, I was choked during it to a degree that probably would have made me pass out if I hadn’t panicked and he realized it (he routinely did this but extremely lightly and he later told me that he just got carried away because he forgot that AP liked that to extreme degrees). He now has an absolutely horrifying profile on fetlife outlining outrageous kink act preferences where he admits to liking inflicting pain and identifies himself as a dom and sadist, and all his hookup profiles feature that same classic creepy stare. All while going to work as an high level insurance exec who is loved by all. Honestly some of us are probably lucky to have only been cheated on, and there’s no telling what more could have come to the surface in desperation.
Strangulation is a risk factor for escalation to murder. You are lucky. Glad you’re out and away.
How many women have been strangled to death and their husbands/boyfriends claim the women were into rough trade ? 🤨 The dead can’t give their version of events.
It’s been successfully used as a defense in murder trials.
Disturbing, isn’t it ?
WBOL – my cheating ex has a Fetlife profile too. I discovered it was auto linked on our family computer, with a password that my kids use for Netflix. Six months after we separated, he posted a graphic fantasy of brutally kidnapping, zip-tying, and raping his ex, then leaving her on a deserted road to die. That one stood out against the other “normal” BDSM fetish fantasies he posted, and the trauma of reading it has affected me deeply. I can’t imagine trusting another man again. I worry about what our kids may have stumbled upon when they are with him.
Holy jeezus…. I would probably contact the police if I saw something like that. The whole site in general turns my stomach despite me being very open and liberal about what consenting adults want to do. It just feels like a haven for predators/sociopaths (but I may be jaded from having extensively followed the murder of Ying Ying Zhang whose killer Brendt Christensen had an account there where he had posted/read about abduction fetish). I found it shocking enough that my ex was willing to put full photos of his face right out there on these profiles. But he is also willing to publicly follow hundreds of thirst trap models and essentially full on porn accounts on Instagram, and realllly bdsm like ones too (heavy bondage, etc) when his young children follow his account. His AP is now moving in with him (I presume getting married) with her 2 seven year old girls after only 6 months “legit” relationship. And yes she is no doubt well aware of these accounts since they are ENM/swingers now. I fear for all these children.
I live in the South and have loved Southern Fiction since I first read a Faulkner novel. I have long believed there is more truth told in fictional accounts than in news releases, because of lawsuits. There is a difference between knowing something to be true, and being able to prove it is true in a court of law. We have an odd combination of old family money, very poor everyday people (usually the working poor) and transplants in our population. When I first started working, I found a surprising number of people in the lower echelons of the middle-class workplace who had trust funds and wealthy family connections. I didn’t understand why they took these jobs, until someone pointed out it is about the prestige of working for a bank, law firm, or business. They also expected to be “promoted” quickly. Their jobs were like internships. There is no level playing field when you are working with entitled people. It is also difficult to find affordable housing and expect reasonable pay increases because there is always some niece, nephew, or cousin graduating from college in need of an internship. The family connections continue to support them with their inherited wealth from trust funds.
I love the area I live in. It is full of natural beauty and temperate. I have some great friends here. The culture is evolving, and the middle class is growing. But every community I have lived in has a wealthy upper class which runs on “old money” and exists in a different reality than the rest of us. This Murdaugh story is a great exhibit of how this works. It was described very well by F. Scott Fitgerald in his short story, The Rich Boy.
“Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we
are. They are different. ”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald
Try living with that entitlement. By the way, it exists all over the world, not just in the South. Southerners get accused of many things, but the majority of our population is not connected to old money or plantation slavery. What I learned from watching excerpts from the trial in the news was that Murdaugh could not believe the criminal justice system would be bothering with his foibles. He actually thought he could talk his way out of the evidence. He believes he is smarter than we are. I believe the jury found his version of alternative reality was not true.
I really appreciate this post, Portia. Many important points to ponder – closes some gaps that have been flowing through my mind.
I recently returned from a trip to Grand Cayman and I found myself thinking several thoughts about things I observed that dance around the edges of these ideas. You hit the center of the target and made things make sense in a new way.
Really good food for thought. Thanks!
When you said Grand Caymen, all I could think of was, “Cue Armie Hammer!” and that whole mess of family money and entitlement… (and cheating, and sadism, cannabilism?)
I’ve learned things from reading that my FOO could never teach me. Both sides of my family were definitely part of the working poor class. Both grandfathers were coal miners and sustenance farmers. They considered themselves lucky to have a job to bring income to the family. My parents were lucky to get an education, and I was lucky to be raised by teachers. We were never rich with financial wealth, but we were rich in opportunity. I spent a lot of time in the public library.
Whenever I have had a problem, I have gone to the library and started researching terms. I suppose it was poor people’s therapy, trying to avoid the pitfalls of self-diagnosis. Between this habit, and my love of literature and plays, I learned many things about human nature. Truly great storytellers get to the heart of an issue in a universal language. Their powers of observation and the ability to translate what they see into a common experience is awesome.
I am glad it helped you gain perspective, but I think this post was the result of an unexpected benefit of my education. I learned to make sense of otherwise strange behaviors. For me, this Murdaugh story reads like a Shakespearian tragedy. He knew the cost of everything, and the value of nothing. He was willing to kill his family, steal from his neighbors, and destroy his career for an imaginary state of power fueled by opioid use. He was born into privilege and managed to throw everything he had away in pursuit of a fevered dream of invincibility. What a waste.
I didn’t watch most of the trial, but I did watch Mardaugh on the stand. What you have to say about entrenched entitlement rings true to what I saw. One of the things I thought, watching him, was “entitlement on opioids.”
I’ve lived all over the country. The same thing exists in New England. Old money trust fund babies that go to legacy schools and get an internship at a NYC law firm, publishing house, financial institution….based on family name. They promote fast, and weekend on Long Island, Fire Island, etc…affordable housing is nonexistent and the rules of common decency are overlooked and then they escalate to level of criminal. Their behavior sinks lower and lower but is overlooked because they’re all connected. Work hard play hard…scum🤮. I lived a low level version of this. Rotten at the core.
So much for theories of family dynasty. Imagine believing you were a descendent of some god or had been ordained by some religion to rule over the masses. Acquiring money and power is all that is important. All other people are not as worthy as you, your ancestors, or your descendants. All Entitlement, and No Empathy, All the Time!
I don’t have to imagine, I *know*. My mother, who is surely some flavor of Cluster B, came from a titled family that is literally like that. (One of the national epics in the Old Country is about them.)They are all kind to animals, but expect deference from other people and view their children as extensions of themselves. One of the reasons I don’t speak to my mother anymore is that she believes it is her daughters’ mission to get enough money by hook or by crook to restore her to the status to which she feels entitled. To a certain extent, this kind of pride helped us resist bullying and discrimination, but there were also negative side effects. Like being encouraged to put too much value in status symbols we couldn’t quite afford, or lying, cheating, and stealing being treated as less wrong than being found wanting.
My mother once got me served with a 48-hour eviction notice by showing up unannounced at my apartment with a cat in tow to stay until she bought a new house that she expected me to live in as her attendant. I’d moved almost a thousand miles from her to avoid exactly that, and the lease stipulated no pets. My mother’s solution was for me to quickly find a place to board the cat and become her apprentice in gaslighting the landlord. It worked, and I did end up in a new place with the cat instead of my mother, but the whole thing felt like an unnecessary scheme to bend me to her will and force me to lie, which I hated. She loathed my ex-husband, a nepo baby who was also entitled and conniving.
I watched the series on Netflix too and I think what stood out for me the most was the night when Mallory died in the boating accident (boat driven by a very drunk Paul Murdaugh), the family showed up at the hospital and went into all the surviving kids’ rooms and tried to isolate them from each other AND pin the accident on Mallory’s boyfriend! Tellingly enough, one of the family members (or maybe it was the local journalist) said “good luck trying to get any justice for anything THAT family has done”!
A friend that lives in area said Paul had given his father a heads up that Maggie had found a bag of Alex’s pills. Why would he do that? Cut from same cloth?…
Big Daddy made all the money and controlled the purse strings. Paul wasn’t going to bite the hand that fed him.
They were trying to pin the accident on a third boy, Connor, who was driving earlier on the evening. Connor is the one who made the 911 call.
Dateline showed additional footage of the response to the boat accident. It starts with Mallory’s BF telling the officer the driver was the one with the big smile on his face. Then the BF confronts Paul about how he thinks the accident & Mallory’s death is funny. BF then tells the officer that Paul is a Murdoch & good luck holding him accountable.
There was a moment, months before DDay#1, when I knew *something* was wrong but not what that something was. I was having major surgery and the nurses brought my husband in to see me before I went into the operating room. I looked into his eyes and saw nothing. He seemed utterly indifferent to whether I survived the surgery or not. It was chilling. I managed to spackle over that moment for years before I got out but I never entirely forgot it either. I wonder how many moments like that poor Maggie spackled over. How many times she glanced into the abyss when looking into his eyes. So many of us are or were married to monsters who know how to hide in plain sight. Some of us are lucky enough to get out and some are not. That’s what I think of when I see Alex Murdaugh.
Maggie’s nickname was “Maggie Murder” as people there seemed to think she “pushed” the housekeeper…so maybe she was more of an accomplice to her husband until she was one of his victims??
I felt the same when I had major surgery. But part of my “evidence” of FW’s cheating is that he took OW to at least two outpatient procedures. Her grown daughters lived with her.
I had a heart procedure just 3 months after D day. My ex offered to take me (with his blank stare). I said “ I cannot trust you with my heart-ever”. Lying in a hospital alone when they ask who is your emergency contact and it is no longer your husband of 35 years was one of the hardest days of my life.
I count my lucky stars that Dr. Asshat did not kill me. There were times when I thought he would.
I was surprised that no cheating came out during the trial. But now I see he was a serial cheater and there are disturbing stories coming out about his being physically abusive. One story where he strangled a woman (apparently a good ‘ole boys weekend of sex, drugs and physical abuse) who was able to struggle free by running away naked. So many times I was restrained and strangled—argh.
Glad the jury saw right through the facade and the Prosecutor didn’t need to bring in the affairs. Maggie didn’t deserve that. All focus was on the monster Murdaugh is.
Imagine what goes on at the Bohemian Grove near San Francisco.
Almost certainly it was kept out by the judge, because it wasn’t directly related to the murders. There wasn’t, as far as I’m aware, any claim that he killed his wife to hide his cheating.
I’ve learned a lot about Alex Murdaugh from Mandy Matney’s Murdaugh Murders podcast, and according to it Alex likely cheated on Maggie (although this apparently happened years ago). I’d heard Maggie was thinking of divorcing Alex, and I have to wonder if part the reason was an inability to live with Alex’s past infidelity.
What’s sad is that Alex asked her specifically to come to Moselle that night and accompany him to visit his parents, both ailing. She didn’t want to, but called her sister who told her to go to be supportive. (That poor sister.) Maggie was living separately elsewhere. She even said at one point, “He’s up to something.”
Alex’s alibi was that he left the house and visited his parents — alone. If he called his wife and specifically asked her to go with him, why didn’t she? Well, because she was dead of course, but he never thought through that logic gap.
Part of the addiction is grandeur. He thought he was the smartest guy in the room. My attorney said same about ex FW without ever meeting him.
I’ll never understand when people see the danger you’re in and still push you towards your abuser. I do sympathise with the immense pain and guilt Maggie’s sister must be feeling. On the flip side, this is why critical thinking is handy sometimes.
Thinking about the Murdaugh conviction and the Kohberger arrest (Idaho college students), isn’t it weird that these psychopaths keep bringing their cell phones to their crime scenes? Psychopaths – they aren’t interesting, they aren’t bright; they’re just so foreign that the rest of us have a hard time actually believing they’re as evil as they are (trusting that they suck) until it’s too late.
Kohberger was also a graduate student in…criminal justice and criminology.
Their hubris was their nemesis.
Power corrupts or corrupt people (those without integrity or empathy) seek power. There are probably tens of thousands of people like this who have murdered and gotten away with it. Forensic Files, Snapped, Dateline, 48 Hours, Unsolved Mysteries….. an entire channel “ID” devoted to these cases…..
Last night I was listening to his testimony on YouTube. I was falling asleep when they got to the question, “Tell us about Maggie.” Listening to him go on about the wife he executed was incredibly chilling, especially considering how much malice aforethought was involved.
The people who separate and dismiss how someone treats their own family, the “what goes on in your personal life” cheater apologists, are ignorant fools IMHO.
How someone treats their so-called nearest and dearest is the litmus test to pay attention to. What people do in ANY and EVERY part of their lives is important and wise to consider.
Finding the GPS tracker on one of my cars last November, over a year after the divorce was final, made me consider Traitor Ex in a whole new light and regard him as dangerous in a way I never had before. His father used to beat the crap out of his mother, and could have easily killed her many times over. I regard Traitor Ex, with his Nice Guy persona and his secret double life of who knows how long, as even more dangerous.
Last night at Panda Express we thought we forgot our apple juice. We went back and they gave us another. Little Hammer found the forgotten apple juice in the bottom of the bag. She texted me first thing this morning from her bedroom asking to go by later and pay for the extra apple juice.
Traitor Ex and his side pieces play for the Murdaugh team. We will not.
…..and let’s not forget the contributions of an army of enablers, over the course of a hundred years, that aided, abetted, looked the other way, stayed silent, while this dysfunctional dynasty did whatever the ef they wanted.
And all the kings’ horses, and all the kings’ men could not put Humpty Dumpty together again!
It’s really a short fall off that wall, even if it seems to play out in slow motion in real life.
Further, considering how many people who kill their own family members are cheaters, it’s my belief that it’s dangerous and ignorant to dismiss cheating as some kind of innocuous behavior that is part of a separate “private life”.
Whether it’s the person in a committed partnership who is cheating or the side piece, to me it signifies that someone is dangerous.
I had a criminology minor and remember learning about the triad of childhood behaviors often found in serial killers – bed wetters, fire setters, and animal torturers. It would be interesting to know if cheaters are more likely to be murderers. It seems obvious to me the answer is yes. Cheating is so devastating and immoral, I feel like anyone capable of that has a greater likelihood of committing all kinds of crimes, murder included.
I’m reading The Gift of Fear (Gavin deBecker) just now and this struck home. Be careful.
I read The Gift of Fear when I was getting divorced. And then I went to his website and did a risk assessment. And then I packed up the kids and went out of town for a few days because I was reasonably afraid of the soon-to-be ex. He had a gun and he had multiple major stressors in his life. I probably couldn’t have watched the Murdaugh trial back then because it hit too close to home. Now, I just feel lucky that I got out safely.
I love that book. Especially since one of his stories about the boy who died under anesthesia is real and the family were my parents neighbors. My youngest sister babysat him. Amazing how intuition talks to us and we don’t hear or interpret it so often.
Heads-up, CL. This post is extremely racist, insulting, and not to mention off-topic. I vote for banning this poster.
Yes, deleted and banned as quickly as I could. Was on a Zoom call.
“I have preppy douche bag issues”
Omg CL me too, this made me laugh – in spite of the terribly sad and creepy topic being discussed. ExFW’s AP belongs to a country club and now exFW does too – and dresses our kids only in clothes from the country club. 🙄 Like others will be impressed or jealous? 😂 🤷🏼♀️
I also have “preppy douchebag issues” and I wish more people DID! This whole case is just triggering as hell.
Chump Lady: Your observation of the southern-preppy-country club-ivy league look/style/attitude: “Brooks Bubba” is hilarious. I even googled “Brooks Bubbas” (and “Brooks Bubba” singular) and nothing popped up. I think that you just coined a meme!
Every time I read or hear about these stories, I still get that twinge of fear. Fuckwit ‘joked’ about harming my pets right after D-Day, and he and primary schmoops had exchanged texts discussing their fantasies about raping and beating women, including me (schmoops even helpfully compiled a list of women that she wanted to harm). My family is free of them but that cruelty is an intrinsic part of their characters and I have little doubt that they will harm other people.
For every one of these individuals who successfully compartmentalized their deviancies behind a nice mask, there are the ones like Murdaugh who essentially operate out in the open but have no meaningful consequences over the years, until they kill or are an accessory to murder. Suddenly the people around them (some who were their enablers and apologists) behave as though this behavior came out of nowhere.
That is so damn creepy
What creeped me out/flashbacked me, was when the prosecuting attorney said in his closing argument, something like “Who is he? No one knows the real Alex Murdaugh.” And I’ve seen other people make the same statement in documentaries. I remember the moment I felt that way about my xFW and I even said to him, “Who are you?” And he replied back with those dead eyes, “I don’t know.” CHILLS! If someone asked who I was, I could easily rattle off who I was.
And then the switch! In one moment we can hear him in the doggy kennel calling to Bubba the dog. He sounds normal/content/not mad. Maggie sounds fine and so does Paul. A few minutes later he switched and brutally murdered his wife and son. How many of us Chumps have seen the switch? I know I have many, many times.
Psychopathic compartmentalization or “cubing” was studied in the case of serial killer Denis Rader to explain how he could quickly shift between his public image as mild-mannered family man and church goer to sadistic serial murderer. I always find it curious how a lot of observations related to serial killing also ring bells in cheating and domestic abuse. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shadow-boxing/202201/the-serial-killer-btk-and-the-concept-cubing
I too remember saying “Who are you?” It was such a shock to realize he was never the good hearted man I believed he was. He was frighteningly talented at portraying himself as someone he was not.
Not surprisingly, Maggie Murdaugh’s sister characterizes Alex Murdaugh as a FW. When I worked in advocacy for domestic violence survivors, I ended up concluding that enforcement of sexual double standards is at the core of domestic violence because virtually every victim of partner abuse I encountered had stories related to infidelity. The Murdaugh case isn’t turning out to be an exception. I haven’t been following the trial but a ten second search turned up testimony by Maggie Murdaugh’s sister that Alex had cheated 15 years earlier: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/crime/alex-murdaugh-affair-maggie-sister-marian-proctor-b2282406.html
“Alex Murdaugh’s past alleged extramarital affair emerged on the seventeenth day of the trial for the murders of his wife Maggie and son Paul.
The prosecution sought to have new testimony from Maggie Murdaugh’s sister Marian Proctor — including details about Mr Murdaugh’s affair more than a decade ago and his opioid use — admitted in court on Tuesday. The murder trial is now in its fourth week at the Colleton County Courthouse in Walterboro, South Carolina.
With the jury out of the room, Ms Proctor claimed that although the affair had happened 15 years ago and they were able to work through it, it was still a sore point in Mr Murdaugh and Maggie’s marriage. Ms Proctor went on to say that her sister had brought up the issue around the time of the murders.
‘She did not think anyone was still going on, it just bothered her,’ Ms Proctor said, also saying that Maggie made her husband leave the house years ago when she first became suspicious.
Mr Murdaugh’s defence attorney Jim Griffin denied the affair and asked the judge to disregard the testimony as inadmissible. Judge Clifton Newman ruled that the state may not question Ms Proctor about the affair, as the allegations took place a long time ago and could confuse jurors who will deliberate whether Mr Murdaugh was the perpetrator in his son and wife’s 2021 murders.”
Another ten second search turned up social media comments by armchair sleuths and anonymous members of Murdaugh’s community about an alleged escort and DC operator named Dawn Boyles who went on Facebook to deny rumors she was having an affair with Alex Murdaugh. It seems the web went nuts with speculation but there’s not much evidence Boyles was involved with Murdaugh (https://www.fitsnews.com/2022/03/01/fitsfeed-3-1-2020/). All the same, it’s interesting that the public has some collective perception that domestic murderers– particularly those who are also financial scammers– must be cheaters.
I mean, it makes plenty of sense. People who can compartmentalise enough to lead a double life and/or steal on that scale are clearly morally deficient. The thrill of getting away with one thing after another is a thrill unlike any other. But like too much of any “good” thing, that rush eventually dulls. So they keep upping the stakes. It’s also no surprise a lot of these people are also addicted to something or other (substance, gambling, sex, etc ad nauseum).
It makes sense to chumps that cheaters are seriously empathy impaired and potentially capable of further skullduggery because we see first hand that the cheating typically comes with other sadistic behaviors, scary rages, neglecting children, financial abuse, etc. But the media doesn’t usually depict it that way which confuses the public. Apparently the public isn’t entirely confused if they’re so quick to assume that Murdaugh was probably banging strange on the side on top of everything else. It’s actually reassuring.
I left my ex when he tried to convince the teen kids I was poisoning him. When I heard that I thought to myself what could he do to me. I left the next day and I never was alone with him again and I have 99% custody. There was something wrong and I was more scared than I had been in my life.
As someone in recovery, I want to point out that very few addicts steal or murder. This was another “pass” he believed he was due. And a lot of his supporters fell right in line.
I agree. In modern domestic violence research, the general wisdom on domestic batterers is that batterers don’t abuse because they drink or use drugs but drink or use drugs in order to abuse.
It’s been argued that many abusers deliberately seek out the disinhibitory properties of substances both to snuff conscience and as an alibi (“Demon whisky made me do it”). In the course of using substances to fuel or rationalize violence, someone might develop an addiction but the compulsion to commit violence is the deeper disorder and substances are merely used as facilitators or to get remanded to recovery programs rather than prison. “Disorder” indicates criminal disorder, not mental illness because, statistically, most batterers aren’t mentally ill. Actually mentally ill people wouldn’t have the capacity to skillfully conceal and cover up their behavior and reverse blame in the way domestic abusers typically do. Someone who develops disordered behavior from brain lesions from years of addiction or someone having an adverse violent reaction to drugs might be generally violent in ways that damage or endanger themselves (say, attacking a boss or armed mall cop), not selectively violent while managing appearances and consequences.
Carrie Nation, the domestic violence victims’ advocate who’s generally blamed for spearheading Prohibition in the US, was only following the abuser-coddling medical wisdom at the time which claimed that alcohol caused men to batter and kill their wives. The campaign did nothing to stop domestic violence and was a disaster in general.
In vino veritas . A person’s true character (or lack thereof) comes out when disinhibited by drugs or alcohol, IMO.
Mostly true though there are street drugs and medications from a bunch of different classes which can cause rapid, radical personality change. Some of these agents don’t “uncover” underlying mental illness or traits but apparently entirely induce them. Or you could argue that, since we all evolved from violent ape ancestors, drugs like this “bring forth” aspects of our primitive minds that would be better left buried. I was reading about one powerful painkiller that’s been banned in most countries because it causes not only “akathisia” (a kind of tormented restlessness) and violent dreams but also something called suspension of REM sleep paralysis where people robotically act out their violent nightmares. People taking the drug by pharmacy mistake or with no history of violence or mental illness have killed themselves and others in gruesome ways so it’s now illegal. It seems the adverse reaction only happens to a minority and there may be a genetic susceptibility component but it’s apparently not related to family risk of mental illness or brain disease, more like a kind of allergy. Very scary. In *vino* veritas may be true but the wonder of modern chemistry is changing the rules in some ways.
No one, and I mean no one in the entire state of SC believed that he actually was an addict. His description of withdrawals sounded like he read them on Wiki. The amount he was closing he took every day was, according to a local doctor, “incompatible with life”.
He may have been a functional addict. As the prosecution pointed out, he was capable enough to manage complex law suits, steal from clients and his law firm, and dupe everyone around him. Far too functional to have an icy problem if the scale he claimed.
Those who watched the documentary and the trial: did you feel like there were too many similarities, personality-wise, between Alex and your ex? There’s definitely some pathology and co-morbidity with him.
On my reading pile. A lot of useful picker-fixing wisdom, applicable to any kind of relationship, romantic or platonic.
I wish I had this before I met Traitor Ex. Post-mortems with new information can be painful. ☹️
How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk: The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind https://a.co/d/eZpRVHj
I’m not triggered at all. I am utterly fascinated. I watched this fuck’s trial like it was a sporting event. I mean there’s so much! I’ve watched every show and read everything I could get my hands on. It’s not every day you get a smörgåsbord of murder, lies, and deception, that’s actually TRUE.
Oh and we’re not done yet. Because super fucks like Murdaugh need a support system to sustain their fuckery. There’s a stinky goo all over that law firm. Watch them start retiring early and scatter about like rats looking for hide y-holes.
The similarities in pathology made it too hard for me to follow this case, but I certainly could have ended up like his wife. My attorney sent me to a local specialist who did a full threat assessment when my ex was voicing threats to his attorney, and it of course the “prognosis” was upsetting. We were debating a protective order and getting a trial date, so it was worthwhile for perspective.
Ultimately, I told my attorney to put all his efforts towards settling it without a trial, and he did. My settlement was slightly better than a judge would award, so good enough. Thankfully, I had no custody issues. My ex lives far away. We never filed the protective order but kept that in mind. Rather than speculating what is true/not true, sometimes it is better to get away, period. My attorney wisely advised me to cut off anyone close to my ex for safety’s sake, and I did.
I know of some very sad cases where people did not take the warning signs seriously. There was one in my hometown where the disturbed ex-husband had “one last dinner” with the ex-wife and murdered her in 2008. Then some years after being released on “good behavior,” he begged and pleaded to have dinner with his sister who testified against him at the trial. It became a murder-suicide in January 2023. When in doubt, move on.
My FW took a personality test at work and told me he scored ZERO on empathy. He also has a need for control. Diagnosed with OCPD and NPD. I’ve been binge watching psychopath videos lately. The one thing that doesn’t make my FW a psychopath is high conscientiousness. True psychopaths they say are very rare. Not all of them commit murder. But cheaters and psychopaths are cut from the Same cloth. You have to feel totally fine lying, putting a spouse health at risk, spending money on hookers, feeling justified and entitled, you must feel a lot of anger at the world to DARVO. How messed up do you have to be to do that to your spouse and kids? You can’t be a normal person.
Not sure how anyone can justify cheating and endorse reconciliation. It’s society looking the other way, just like they did with so many other abuses in the world. I hope that all the social justice issues and advocates for it catch up to cheating eventually and call it out. I do believe it’s only a matter of time. People are much more savy nowadays.
“My FW took a personality test at work and told me he scored ZERO on empathy. ”
After D-day, I found a creepy exchange between FW and his narcissistic jerk best friend about taking a dark triad test. They were joking about their high scores. FW got 77%. I took the same test and scored in the minuses.
“you must feel a lot of anger at the world to DARVO.”
Good point. That’s something that gets overlooked a lot- how angry these people are. They become enraged by anything that threatens the ego they live to serve and challenges their sense of entitlement. Since life tends to provide lots of situations that are humbling, they carry that anger inside them 24/7. When you consider how little it takes to threaten a cluster b’s fragile ego, it’s no wonder they build up such murderous rage.
Wow, all those on this thread who described how their raging abuser’s “eyes went black” or how their abuser switched from one personality to another in a flash, read this. Murdaugh allegedly beat and raped a trafficked sex worker 8 years ago: https://www.foxnews.com/us/alex-murdaugh-allegedly-raped-sex-worker-thought-going-die-report
“On her first appointment in December 2014, the woman told Edwards she would have to service the clients, and when she tried to back out, a bodyguard allegedly ‘loaded up a gun and was ready to put it to her head.’
They allegedly threatened to kill her and her daughter if she refused to have sex with men for money. Edwards earned between $160 to $180 an hour.
She was booked for a guys’ weekend at a beach house at the Isle of Palms in late 2014 or early 2015.
There were several other sex workers at the party, but Murdaugh took a liking to her. “He was very nice and everything like that and very gentlemanly like at first,” she said. ‘When it came time to actually have to service him, my expectations were still pretty high.’
But Murdaugh transformed in the blink of an eye. ‘You could just see his whole entire personality just change, she recalled. ‘His eyes were like black in a way.’
After he allegedly beat, choked and ‘violently penetrated her’ she said she ‘got up and ran out as fast as possible even completely naked.’
A few weeks later, she was escorted to a job in north Charleston at a hotel, and to her horror, she was told when she arrived that Murdaugh was the client.
Again, he allegedly raped and choked her, leaving hand prints on her neck. ‘It was just violent penetration and ripping hair out of my head,’ she said. ‘I had bald spots in the back of my head right at the crown.’
Alex Murdaugh, Morgan Doughty, Paul Murdaugh and Maggie Murdaugh. In a Netflix documentary that aired Wednesday, Doughty alleges that Paul physically abused her.
Alex Murdaugh, Morgan Doughty, Paul Murdaugh and Maggie Murdaugh. In a Netflix documentary that aired Wednesday, Doughty alleges that Paul physically abused her. (Courtesy of Netflix)
Just days later, her madam tried to arrange another tryst with Murdaugh, but Edwards was so terrified that when she arrived at the hotel, she fled in an Uber.
Hours later, her captors found her hiding out at her home and forcibly delivered her to the twisted client.
‘He was even more pissed then,’ she told FitsNews. ‘I got hair pulling and choking. If he wasn’t choking me, I had a wash rag shoved in my mouth, and I was being slapped across my face violently for a good, like, 20 to 30 minutes.’
The mother of four asked her madam why she had allowed Murdaugh to treat her so brutally, and she allegedly replied that the attorney was in her personal phone and got special privileges.
Murdaugh was the only client that her madam allowed to physically abuse her, she said.”
Well that was a disturbing read. And not admitted as evidence of his violent tendencies in the murder case ? Guess all those high powered good ole boys who are also doing nasty 💩 to women didn’t want to be exposed. Jfc
I’m horrified by this nut and all the others who become violent when their wives want out. I keep playing over in my mind how to break it to klootzak that it’s over. I was thinking of buying him nice gifts in the run up to my filing. He has a birthday before then. He gets all sweet when he gets an expensive gift. Then when I tell him a month or so later, it’s like “Hey, you want to be happy. You want all these OW. You should just go. Be free.” As though I’m doing him a favor. Make him think he will rock his single lifestyle. Just to keep him from going psycho. I’m not sure how else to do it.
I honestly thought he was going to leave by now. He had written to one of his OW, “After I get divorced…” and it seemed like he had a solid plan to. But I guess he was stringing the OW along maybe. His career move hasn’t happened. He’s still a barnacle on my ship.
My fear isn’t about his feelings as he hasn’t given a damn about mine for 20 years, but I would feel a lot safer if I could make him think it’s his idea. I can’t even watch the true crime shows. They scare the crap out of me.
Chump Lady, I believe you’re quoting the song “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia.” According to Wikipedia, the song was written by Bobby Russell in 1972, and first recorded by his wife Vicki Lawrence. It was an enormous hit in 1973 and received a lot of radio play. I remember this first version quite well. (I’m old.)
That said, what triggered about this trial was Murdaugh testifying and trying to talk himself out of the conviction. Ugh. I don’t think I’ve got the strength to actually watch it.
Right! I remember that song because it was all over the radio right next to Delta Dawn. I was 6 or 7, listening to it in CKLW.
So, I’ve replied to a couple of things above, but want to add a little.
The overwhelming majority of SC wanted and was very happy to see him convicted.
Many are hoping it’s the beginning of the end for these gold olé boys. Both of his lawyers have definitely seen their reputations tank. They actually tried to convince 12 people from rural SC (aka gun country) that you wouldn’t be able to hear a shotgun in a house from 1/4 mile away. Mandy Mattney said it well -they are both like that first dirty old man boss we all had.
It’s generally known that neither Maggie nor Paul were kind saints. But they are both being viewed with a kinder eye post trial, after Alec showed who he is on the stand. We saw a small clip of what it must have meant to be his wife or son. As the prosecutor said in closing, “she was running to her baby” and that Paul, the “little detective” ended up solving the case is delicious. To quote them, “Thank God for Bubba” ( the dog that grabbed the chicken).
Alec’s testimony should honestly be used in psych and law classes as a master class in obstruction, manipulation, blame shifting, DARVO, and arrogance, and no one but those frightened of him were fooled.
Judge Newmans sentencing speech was wonderful and is a great example of how to talk to a narc. He’s a true treasure.
Statistics in Australia show……If your partner has strangled you in the past, your risk of being killed by them is 10 times higher. I am convinced that I was at risk of being murdered by my ex-husband. The day he grasped me around my neck, with my feet off the floor and my back against the wall I knew he wanted to kill me.
I changed the locks on the door that day. There are many, many men capable of murdering their partners. It is up to us to keep speaking out about the risks and men to stop murdering women 💜
I missed how his wife was leaving him… add that one to another DV statistic.
I watched the Murdaugh trial when it was on MSNBC and thought we were headed to another OJ moment. When the jury came back in less than 4 hours with a verdict of guilty I realized that facts and the truth have been on trial in this country since 2016. While the Murdaugh trial was going another family with a similar name, Murdoch, was also confronted with some uncomfortable facts. As the pleadings and testimony dribble out from a $1.6 billion lawsuit that will test the 1st amendment protections of the news media, it is clear that the entire Fox Network empire was in on a great fraud against the American people aimed squarely at those who watch and the collateral damage that the rest of us have to live with. While Fox Network’s on-air personalities were spewing lies to us while we were raising our families, in bed, in the kitchen cooking, or on the couch watching TV, they were conducting a secret double life amongst themselves on how to maintain their lies so their “family” would not leave them.
The entire Network, from owners on down, were counting on us to never find out the truth about what they were really doing in their separate private lives as they were lying to their viewers right to their faces. This is not the first time for Fox Network either – just 2.5 years ago Fox Network attorneys told a judge during a public hearing that everyone knows Tucker Carlson can’t be believed – and they won the argument in court. (https://www.npr.org/2020/09/29/917747123/you-literally-cant-believe-the-facts-tucker-carlson-tells-you-so-say-fox-s-lawye). Not to mention that the same company and organization were caught lying and cheating in the mid-2000s in the UK. (https://www.reuters.com/article/us-britain-murdoch/uk-lawmakers-rupert-murdoch-unfit-to-run-company-idUSBRE8400IO20120501). So, obviously, Fox Network’s owners are serial cheaters.
Without consequences, and under the protection of the great 1st-amendment-marriage in the US Constitution, the lying machine that is Fox Network “ramped it up” thinking no one would ever call them out again. They were wrong in a big way. The Network has only one purpose, to placate its less than aware viewers so it can continue to make its money and hold itself out to be “news” for the unsuspecting chumps that watch.
The outcome of the Murdaugh trial restored some faith in me that most people, when confronted with the facts, will see through the bullshit, and the truth can win. I’m hoping this current lawsuit against Fox Network will do the same.
Watching the news right now is much like reliving the slow motion disaster I lived through with my lying, cheating, drug addicted ex-wife (who coincidently is an avid Fox watcher). Even when confronted with pictures my ex continued to lie. Just like Murdaugh and Fox Network (and the former president). Watching the news is painful and triggers some bad memories but in the end I divorced her, left her for good; and I’m hoping the same will happen on a larger scale so the nonsense I see when I watch the news will disappear from my view in a no-contact sort of way.
So late to this so this comment will not be as seen but…Chumps, please consider your safety as you are divorcing and working out a marital dissolution agreement. I put all kinds of stipulations in my MDA so as not to make me worth more dead than alive (ie, alimony and pension payments are to continue into my estate should I die prematurely). I never thought my husband would kill me. But I also never knew my husband. If he could do all he did while professing to love me madly, what could he do if he were to hate me?