All Those Times You Didn’t Cheat

If you believe the popular commentators on infidelity, unfaithfulness is an affliction that can happen to anyone anywhere anytime. All of our relationships are under the constant assault of sparkly new acquaintances and old Facebook crushes. And the only bulwark against the novel pussy/dick menace is a $399 “affair-proof” your marriage webinar.

Affairs, we’re told, “just happen.” (Which is weird. Because if cheating is so random and ubiquitous and ecumenical, how come only the RIC can save us?)

Except they don’t…. for the other half of us. Some freaky chumps actually manage to keep it in their pants, and go about their existence without Ashley Madison profiles.

And it’s not like you didn’t get the opportunity, you sexy chumps.

What? Me? Opportunity? I’m here wiping baby vomit out of my hair. What are you talking about? 

You know, that time someone complimented your sweater and you said, “I must have you now. Right now. Upon this Xerox copier.”

Oh, right. That didn’t happen. Because you downloaded the RIC ebook! No? What was it then? You respect your partner? It wasn’t on your radar? Ick?

Today’s Fun Friday challenge is to tell CN about all those missed cheating opportunities. The pussy buffet that got away. The office crush that just sort of withered in your imagination and died. The thoughts you didn’t have.

TGIF!

 

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Workingchump
Workingchump
5 years ago

I quit a job after 3 months after there were vibes between a coworker and I. They were mutual vibes. But I didn’t even want the temptation. I knew I wouldn’t act on it. But I didn’t want him to act on it and I’d be in even deeper. I got my first uti a few months before that job from my cheating husband. I’m glad I have a clean conscience so when I left his ass 11 months later when the cheating was discovered I was able to throw it in his face and how restraint is possible.

LeeLeeC
LeeLeeC
5 years ago
Reply to  Workingchump

I ran into my high school boyfriend in ROME of all places! He and I spent the entire day together. He was my first love (a LOT of firsts). It was too late for him to drive back to Naples (plus we had an awesome day) so he stayed in my hotel room. SAME ROOM. SAME BED. NOTHING HAPPENED. He was married and so was I. Never even crossed our minds. Guess it IS possible that there can be people with integrity, morals, ethics, character. Go figure.

dandoopy
dandoopy
4 years ago
Reply to  LeeLeeC

That’s a beautiful story. Friendship, love and faithfulness

Annette Estes
Annette Estes
5 years ago
Reply to  Workingchump

I had several opportunities to be with other men. One was a millionaire and very interested, he kept trying but because I have values and integrity and we were both married I shut that down immediately. I also turned down coffee invites, dinner invites, and just evenings out. My husband worked out of town a lot and I was often so lonely. After his affair began he disconnected and I blamed myself. If I asked if there was someone else it was met with “how could you think something so horrible of me”, or “of course not, how could you even think that”? For years my body screamed and I just kept stuffing it down and putting myself into my home and children. Now, knowing most of my marriage was a lie I don’t know if I would have changed being honest, not cheating and keeping my morals. I don’t think so. I do feel I wasted years as his wife and wish I had a choice in my own life. I was never told that he wanted sex, tests, sexts, messages and talks with his ex girlfriend/body buddy who was married as well. Of course she loves her husband more than life and if I ever said anything I would ruin her marriage. Dumb bitch, I told her the only person responsible for ruining her marriage was herself and she should google narcissism. She told me time with my husband was just an extension of the relationship they always had an was strictly about sex and I should get over it. What a price she is!

EyesOpened
EyesOpened
5 years ago
Reply to  Annette Estes

It was just about her having sex with your husband, so what’s the problem?

I think she already knew she was a sociopath.

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
5 years ago
Reply to  Workingchump

I’m not wired that way. Found lot’s of people attractive, had little crushes but nothing even remotely acted on. I thought I had a pretty awesome guy and was lucky…not so much. Even when I knew what he was doing… you don’t cheat…you divorce.

Luckychump
Luckychump
5 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

You’re right Spoon,
Cheating is never justified! If your vows are already broken by a fuckwit, you breaking them will NOT have the same impact as they had on you. Also, if you’re just using someone else for revenge sex, what does that make you?
Good Call!

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago

One thought I didn’t have was that sparkledick’s bad mood was because he was cheating.

Another thought I dos not have was that my supervisors’ “interest” in me was to help my career.

Oh well, no more bad moods and no more “generous interest”, just respect.

Georgie
Georgie
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Yes the bad moods! Chumpy me gave him the excuse that he might be depressed and sent him off to the doctor and therapy while saying I would support him through it, even his lack of sex drive!!!!!
After 4 years of this he left, then I found out about the 4 year affair.

Clumpiest chump of all
Clumpiest chump of all
5 years ago
Reply to  Georgie

I was that same Chump. Depression, anxiety, crying, low sex drive. I supported him emotionally and financially. 3 days after our 14th wedding Anniversary I saw a picture on social media he posted with an unknown rug under his feet. I asked him about who’s house he was visiting, thinking it was a friend. He blew up at me and I suggested we separate since he seemed unhappy. He moved in with a “friend” from work. Which I discovered was a 19 year old, morbidly obese, frizzy haired, snaggle tooth, g.f. (He’s 42 and has a daughter from a previous marriage that is the same age). I Chumpily took him back after 3 months, blaming it all on the depression. Meanwhile, he signed up for Tinder and continued to see her. I caught him over her house and asked him to leave. Again, trying to remain friends. He was coming over , kissing me, telling me he loves me, then when I found out he proposed to her, I dumped a bunch of his crap in her parents front lawn…did I mention he lives with her and her parents who are 10 years older than him because they feel sorry for him because he told them I beat him ????. I get random emails saying he will come over to talk and give me closure, he is sorry for everything and paying penance and yet it’s been 2 months and I haven’t heard a peep. So I filled for adultery, which he doesn’t want.

NenaB
NenaB
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

I just wish I’d worked out some of his random walking in the door rages were most likely things not going well on the schmoopie front. What a Chump. Also wish I’d realised the reason he turned into such a god awful too much liquid lip drying (for me) kisser about 2 years before I dumped him was because that’s how kisses worked with #cattleclass OW (trolly dolly who got fired cos she’s very very overweight). Heard about the change in kissing style as a red flag for a cheat just recently on the radio and it all fell into place!

Boy I’m glad she gets to enjoy those dry lips (and the halitosis that came with all that toxic cheating drool). He kept her on the side for nearly a year after we split up having lined up a better main supply before we split up (although that one didn’t know we were still together for the first 6 months of it). She’s only become main supply (and soliciting “bicurious” guys with my ex on swingers sites – I still had the password because that’s what he got me to do whenever I caught him cheating) when the other one contacted me to connect some dots that weren’t connecting (like how much I was expecting my toxic porn and meth addicted ex to have the kids ie all the time. I was staunchly 50/50 custody no breaking that boundary except for all the times I had them on his shift, happily).

Life’s so much better without those triangles, rages, halitosis, toxic saliva and dry lips I tell ya.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  NenaB

Oh yeah; changing sex style. My ex came home from TDY and had a totally different position when in the Missionary Position. I’d been trying for months to convince him to take his weight on his elbows, and all of a sudden–Taa Dah! Weight now on his elbows.

I told him to thank his girlfriend for finally getting him to do that and he vehemently denied having a girlfriend. Oh, right…

CC
CC
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

I missed this too. As well as his dislike for certain coworkers spouses because he was really into his coworker.

susan devlin
susan devlin
5 years ago

I could have gone out with a “rich” man, his family rented out 12 houses, even his mum said he was rich, but I put my kids first. He’s one of those types that are too close to his mum. His mum hated me, she didn’t like”white” people, unless their rich. She thought my ex was wonderful, I bet that was for a reason! 12 houses- 3 million, once saw her throwing wine bottles in their shop. her husband got done by the tax dept, not paying that. If she was my mother in law, I couldn’t cope with her.

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
5 years ago

I do markets stalls (graphic designer, have own product). Thousands of business cards have gone into the world with my email and phone number on them. In my stall, I have to be nicey nicey to all comers. Occasionally I have had follow throughs who would “like to have a coffee”. Very complimentary. (Much more so than husband/cheater of over two decades ever was!)

But I was married. Never even HALF a thought. Committed. Loyal. Dumb chump stuff like that.

One of them, v persistent, flirty by email … but interesting. A single father. I was actually flattered but also bemused – which I played as amused. Shared with them husband, son half overheard and asked what I was laughing about. Exhole explained: “Mum met a man who wants her to be his girlfriend so she will look after his kids”.

Makes sense now. That’s what a wife appliance does, right? She’s not actually interesting or attractive herself. Belittle, belittle, belittle.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
5 years ago

An ex reached out to me in October 2016 asking “What happened to us?” after I’d unfriended him ages before and had blocked another friend request. He was married to a perfectly lovely woman at the time and had a little daughter, and I had been seeing Ben for six months at that point, so I just ignored the message, but didn’t think of any ill intent, just that people drift apart and have different lives when they leave each other.

I found out a few months ago from the Facebook Memories tool that Navy Boy is now married to a different girl and has a second daughter. I guess he was fishing around when he was checking in on me and got a bite from someone else!

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

“I guess he was fishing around when he was checking in on me and got a bite from someone else!”

Yes, I’ve also used the term “fishing” to describe my XH’s predatory behavior. Five times I saw/caught my X’s written dialog on Facebook and email to five different prey/”friends”. I saw the, “I miss you so much!” to a former female co-worker. I saw, “I was thinking about you at work today. There! I said it!” to a former ELEMENTARY SCHOOL female friend that he hadn’t see in over 30 years. I read the flirtatious commentary about another elementary school friends appearance. I read the flirtatious back and forth emails to the whore I finally caught him out on a date with. After D-day I said something like, “I can only imagine how many more women there are out there you’ve been messaging and seeing behind my back!” He said all the messages I found “were the only one’s” Hahahahahaha! How stupid does he think I am?

Fishing is exactly right! He put out the bait to see who would take a bite. He keeps track of womens birthdays and sends out innocent Happy Birthday emails to all the women he’s interested in. It took me awhile post D-day to figure that out. How could someone think they were being preyed on with an innocent birthday wish? But he was. And some took the bait and went out for coffee or lunch with him. He is always on the prowl for a new side dish(es). As far as I know, only one of the five of the correspondences that I read took the bait and that is his current whore dujour. All the other four women didn’t respond to his fishing comments in the messenger/email comments.

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

In the aftermath of DDay, I discovered that my ex had attempted to fish an old girlfriend on FB as well. They were messaging each other about innocent subjects; they dated briefly in college, and she dumped him. When I got together with him, I never got the vibe from her that she was still interested. So, I read their messages, and he kept attempting to draw her out– saying that he “missed her” and the same sort of message you saw: “Do you ever wonder what might have been?”

Amazingly, she also found the strength not to cheat! It can be done! She didn’t respond to a single one of his fishing comments. She’d reply to the innocent subjects and never acknowledge his attempts to get something romantic restarted. That happened not too long before he found his fellow cheater on Ashley Madison, so he must have been trying to do whatever he could to have an affair since he wasn’t having any luck up until he met the OW.

MehBeSoon
MehBeSoon
5 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

My EX denies it even to this day, but he did lots of fishing on Facebook, reconnecting with old classmates, work colleagues, etc. I have no idea how many because he kept it all hidden from me, but several years before the official DDay, I caught him messaging someone and lying to me about it. I viewed it as an emotional affair and a betrayal (why cover up an “innocent” friendship?). The incident happened when one of our children was having a crisis. Now I realize that the timing of these two events was NOT a coincidence. His child NEEDED him and he couldn’t handle the pressure, so he went looking for kibbles elsewhere instead of supporting his family. I do not think I will EVER forgive him for this…..and of course this betrayal (even if it was “just” an emotional affair which is probably yet another lie) just set in my motion more and more betrayal, gas lighting, lying, abuse, etc.

I wish I had left then, but I was so stressed and worn out by my child’s struggle and worked so hard to preserve an “intact” family that was already being devalued & discarded.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

This isn’t quite an answer to the question posed – but I didn’t really have to resist temptation because I was just SO WORN DOWN by him that I wasn’t even looking. Man? What’s a man, kinda thing! I found my ex repugnant after so many years of physical, mental and financial abuse. Had asked for a divorce many times but he always said no and wore me down constantly by not allowing me to sleep and using threats and physical violence too, so I stayed, for lack of the energy to get out. In the meantime, he was accusing me of having an affair and “meeting my lover every Saturday” because I took too long to the do the grocery shopping! Say what! So at first I started to hurry up but then just thought “fuck him”, so I took my time to do my running around. Next time he accused me of having an affair I told him it was with the fishmonger – that way he wouldn’t notice the smell! It got me a beating but it was so worth it! I eventually got my divorce when he met the fat-ankled cow and ran off into Schmoopie heaven – or not, as it eventually turned out!

Island Chump
Island Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie-

I am sorry you ever had to go through this. I can empathize with the feeling of complete emotional exhaustion. I can also relate to losing all interest in going out independently, even for things like grocery shopping as cheater would undoubtedly accuse me of meeting up with someone. Even at work, (server at fine dining vegan restaurant/wine bar) he’d demand that I text or call him to check in at some point during my shift. Which was never more than four hours long. If I didn’t call him before I left work, he would leave the porch light off so I’d have to stumble my way to the front door.
Yeah. Once this is all behind me, I won’t he dating anytime soon.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Island Chump

Ooohhh, your saying about leaving the porch light off reminds me of how the Twat would get home before me and my son and if he was in “one of those moods”, he would leave his key in the door so I couldn’t get in. And when I took all the keys to a door at the back of the house so he couldn’t “accidentally leave his key in that door”, he took a different key – not to that specific door – and jammed it in the lock any way. They are sick bastards. Good luck to you Island Chump, you can do this and you’ll see how great life is without their constant, toxic presence!

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

I don’t know how you even survived all that. You are mighty as hell!
I’m sure Fat Ankle Schmoops didn’t realize at first what a favour she was doing you by taking him off your hands, but I bet she found out.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

I don’t know how I survived it either Chumperella but it’s all way behind me now and life is seriously great. Oddly enough, latest Schmoopie is posting some very “cryptic” stuff on FB about “having the strength to fly with your own wings” (to her 266 FB friends and 7 mutual friends – yeah, I know, I’m a stalker – but it tickles me) and the Twat posted a “change of status” only visible to certain people – both done on the same day. Might be something up in Schmoopieville. As for me, I live alone and love it but my lovely Dutchman is still in my life, although not as a partner, and I am so, so happy with my dick-free life!

NotAfraid
NotAfraid
5 years ago

So, I had a tiny crush on a guy in a professional certification class I took for a few months when Fuckup and I had been together for about 9 years. I think the guy had a tiny crush on me too. Nothing inappropriate (looks, words, actions) ever happened, but we tended to work together on “pair” projects, and we always had a great time–and also pushed each other to do better work with good natured competition.

At the end of the course, the whole class went out for dinner and drinks. When time came to say goodbye, I gave the guy a hug and said something like “This was great! I learned so much from you and I’m glad we got to work together!” He hugged me back, maybe a tick longer than socially necessary, and said something like, “Same for me. You gave me so many good ideas. Couldn’t you tell that my presentations got so much better because of you?”

Then we smiled at each other, left the restaurant (separately), and went on with our lives.

Sweetener
Sweetener
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAfraid

You shine in so many ways! I’m sure he picked up on that = )

NotAfraid
NotAfraid
5 years ago
Reply to  Sweetener

That’s such a sweet thing to say, Sweetener! Thank you <3 😀

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  NotAfraid

1)
The work guy who asked me to lunch one day and was a known flirt. I asked “Do you mean a work lunch or, you know (air quotes with fingers) lunch?” He said (air quotes with fingers) “Lunch, of course.” I said “I’m married.” He said “So? I am too. So what?”

2)
The guy who approached me during my wreckonciliation with the cowardly liar and said “You and I should have a good time now that you’re available.” I said “Dude, I’m not available, I’m still married.” He said “Hey, he got his on the side, why not you?”

3)
The lady who said it doesn’t count as cheating on your husband if you’re with another woman.

…and countless other similar BS things along this line people have said to me over the years.

And yet somehow I’ve easily managed to refrain from ever cheating on a partner. Fancy that.

(This may nest under one of y’all’s comments unintentionally — this site is acting weird today. Apologies in advance if it does.)

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

(Yep, it did.)

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago

During the last year of my Dad’s life, we talked about an awful lot of personal things (on both sides). During the 10-month Hell that was co-habitation with my cheater while the court process played out, we were having a beer together and I put it to him: “Did you ever cheat on Mum?”

He reply: “Never. I just could never do something like that to your mother.”

Beautiful in its simplicity, and exactly in line with my own mindset regarding my own marriage. I never cheated because I just could never do something like that to the person I committed to.

I like to think he was pleased that his example was followed.

J
J
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I once had a dream that I cheated. This was so long ago but I still remember it. The dream felt so real and I felt so bad and guilty for doing it and I remember waking up and just being so grateful that it was only a dream.

I always quickly shut down flirtations or inappropriate interactions with other men. Not just because I am a loyal person, but because I respected my husband and never wanted him to look inferior to another person. Like have another guy think he was superior because I was flirting with him despite having a husband.

I actually paid tons of money from a therapist through one of the reconciliation sites. She told me that for spouses having an affair it eventually becomes like coming off of a drug or down from a high and they feel immense guilt and remorse once they come down. I told her if I knew it was an affair I would never forgive or get back with him.

I never found out about an affair or other woman. Only later discovered financial infidelity, a hidden alcohol addiction, and I’m pretty sure a pain killer addiction (700 a week arm withdrawals from bad neighborhoods – in addition to 100 dollar withdrawals per day). But I relate to chump lady more then any other site. Because of the deflection and gaslighting that went with all the lies. And maybe he’s just a better hider of an affair and I’m a poorer sleuth then all of you out there.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  J

I’ve had that dream too. Same reaction when I woke up. There’s that moment when you are only half awake and you wonder if it was real and then you are fully awake and relieved it was just a dream. It was similar to the someone you care about died and then you wake up dreams. I never had urges to cheat when I was actually awake.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  J

Years before D-day I had a dream I was making out with a former high school boyfriend. I woke up with guilt and was happy it was a dream too.

It amazes me to this day that my XH has never felt any guilt at all for all the cheating (EA’s and PA’s) he did behind my back. That’s why I believe he doesn’t have a conscience. That kind of crap would eat me up if I ever even had an EA!

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  J

Having lived the nightmare of thousand dollars cash withdrawal, I have one word for you: prostitutes. Even drugs aren’t that expensive! You don’t need to find the incriminating text, believe me it exists/existed. Your dream was a projection because deep, deep, down in your soul you felt it.

thingsthatmakemegrumpy
thingsthatmakemegrumpy
5 years ago
Reply to  J

J, I had a dream where a woman I know was about to kiss me, and I stopped her and reminded her I was married. I felt a little guilty when I woke up.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

This. I just could not imagine causing that type of pain to my spouse. I didn’t want to be the source of that pain in their lives. I also thought that if I felt that way about someone else that I owed my partner the honesty of telling th em that I was letting go.
Unfortunately it was not a reciprocal feeling. My stbx admitted that he never even thought of me while he was chasing his high…. ????

Ella
Ella
5 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Mandie

Same with mine…. he said that he never felt bad, he never even thought about me…. when I started suspecting something ( porn- naive newlywed wife) and we were having discussions regarding cheating etc and how would that effect me…. well, somehow he still didn’t care…

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

They don’t think of us. I read once that it’s not a lack of respect for us. It’s like we don’t exist to them. They can’t respect what they don’t acknowledge. That really resonated with me. I can’t imagine compartmentalizing my life such that my spouse “didn’t exist” under certain circumstances. If I were an emergency responder, I could see putting aside my personal life to get my job done, but acting like my spouse doesn’t exist so that I can sleep with someone else? That’s messed up.

myachump
myachump
4 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

My X called the OW “wifey” just 2 months after they got together. When he already had a wife for the past 10 years. You’re right – we don’t exist to them. They’re broken people and there’s nothing that anyone or anything can do about it.

Current Chump
Current Chump
5 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

They don’t think of us. I read once that it’s not a lack of respect for us. It’s like we don’t exist to them. They can’t respect what they don’t acknowledge.

THIS IS EXACTLY IT!
You just summed up my whole marriage with ex-cheater Mr. iPorn/Hooker man.

Sweetener
Sweetener
5 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

You’re right.

My then husband got very drunk after dday and despite having been very weepy, sad sausagey and verbally remorseful up until that point…the booze helped the truth come out. He said, “I don’t owe you anything”.

They are in it for themselves. We’re all just pawns.

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

AND …

Long before I ever met the Kunty Kibbler, the same rationale applied when a full court press was put on me to be the OM (and when I say the effort was brazen, I mean it was BRAZEN.)

Even as an overcharged 20-something who would bed pretty much anyone who expressed interest, I just could not do something like that when marriage is involved.

WaitingforTuesday
WaitingforTuesday
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I think because I felt this unspoken pressure from XH (he once told me that he would never be able to forgive cheating…) I literally would avoid talking to men in my office (a large law firm, full of them) unless it was just quick small talk, so as to never even put myself in a situation where something could even be suggested.

Doingme
Doingme
5 years ago

Waiting, after he cheated he stated that he couldn’t imagine what he’d do if the shoe was on the other foot so to speak.

And I so agree, it’s nit how I’m wired.

Opportunities did present themselves to me at conferences. Hey, nothing to lose for a married guy; it’s gross and I was shocked.

For the Limited I believe the pickings were the last drunk ho sitting at the bar at closing.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago

Well, I absolutely did NOT have any attraction to a sweet young man I used to work with. He most certainly wasn’t reputed to have a huge crush on me and didn’t look at me like an adoring puppy dog, taking the slightest opportunity to talk to me. We never, despite living in the same neighborhood and using the same gym, had a single opportunity to see each other outside work.
I mean, that must all be true because otherwise, how on earth did I resist the “happening” of extramarital sex? I did wonder why I was seemingly impervious to the famed Get-It-On Tractor Beam that pulls two helpless people’s genitals together in these situations. Maybe I have super powers- a pussy that is stronger than the pulling power of Get-It-On, which is said to have a 22 hopower engine.
Just call me Super Puss!

Deee
Deee
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Love it Super Puss!!

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
5 years ago

I have a man- friend who is very nice and sweet and who now has a fiancé who he adores, but at the time, he was single and lonely and while I thought very highly of him, he’s not my type. I was talking about what a lousy wife I was and that my husband was such a good man (after he’d been fucking around, unbeknownst to me) and this man told me he thought I was awesome and that he’d marry me if he could.

So what do I do? I tell my husband and then kept my distance from my friend.

A couple of years later, about a month before he told me he was having an affair, I confessed to him that during our small town’s annual wingding, at a street dance, I grabbed/ caressed another man’s ass. I was tipsy and having a good time, but that’s no excuse. (I still haven’t had the nerve to apologize for sexually assaulting him. He’s always with his wife when I see him and I’m just unsure how to go about it discreetly. I don’t know if he told her and I don’t want to make it worse than it already is. Ugh. I just stay away from him. It was three years ago) a couple days afterward, I told my husband. I said I didn’t know what came over me and that I was sorry and that I would do whatever he wanted me to do.

He just shrugged and said, “Whatever.” That was all. I was confused that he didn’t seem to care at all.

Langele
Langele
5 years ago
Reply to  Kintsugi

Interesting.
When I was about 26 years old I went to a drinking work party and the boss’ much younger nephew came on to me and I kissed him. Only.
I was filled with great remorse and guilt and I confided in STBXH who acted so outraged and upset. Over the top.
Later Much Later I found out he was on like number four hobag back then fucking around since we had been married.
He was acting that’s all.

EstellaO
EstellaO
5 years ago

Mutual vibes with a married male coworker stifled by spending lunch talking about my upcoming marriage to the cheater, whom I will now officially name “The Omnivore” — I am sure you guys can figure that one out.

I apparently have a particularly screwed up picker–crushed on a guy at one place that was gay and I sorta thought so, though he did weirdly flirt with me, too.

I did not sneak off with the woman who hit on me at a wedding I was at with the Omnivore, which was not that hard, because I am not a lesbian (although I am always flattered to be hit on by anyone).

Apparently there’s an androgyny theme here, but I’ve always been cis-gendered straight and described as a nurturing mom-type by my guy friends. So I think I just attract people who didn’t get love from their parents for some reason, and that includes a LOT of gay people. (Sadly)

But really, I did not have that many opportunities to even notice guys who might be interested in me because I was busy actually taking care of our kid, spending time on family and friends, and working my butt off in my job! I totally do not even get this world of hookups–who has time for multiple partners and what are these mysterious sexytime bat signals that seem to be bouncing about?

EstellaO
EstellaO
5 years ago
Reply to  EstellaO

Oh hey have kept his creepy uncles at arms length–though they’ve given me a lot of salacious looks in the past. Bonus of casting off the Omnivore? Kicking a lot of his creepy male relatives to the curb.

Bloomingwithouthim
Bloomingwithouthim
5 years ago

About six weeks out from D-Day I spoke with a friend. I was such an emotional wreck that I really just blubbered, but it was the first time that I told the whole truth about my decades long pick-me dance. She started me down the road to healing.
She encouraged me to talk with another friend who offered to arrange for her husband (with a Master’s in family theraphy and lifetime of working with behavior disordered individuals) to talk with me.
I went to my pastor who had already sided with my ex. Said pastor believed the ex was just wounded because he was married to a strong woman (me) and diagnosed him with a simple mid-life crisis. He had given me a RIC book to read and made me promise not to see a lawyer or make any decisions about the relationship for a year. Fuck that stupid pastor.
I mentioned through my tears and snot that I’d be speaking with the man who had actual skills to help me. The pastor didn’t like it. At that moment he said perhaps the most stupid words ever spoken to a doormat with a life-time of pick-me dance experience.
“It’s my job to warn you,” he started.
“Women like you are prone to weakness during this time.”
“You are more likely to have an affair.”
Then he told me not to enter the friend’s house unless the friend was with me the entire time her husband listened to me and helped me. That’s right. We all know that rejected, overweight, middle-aged, crying, snot-machine chumps just can’t wait to jump the bones of a good friend’s husband.
OMG, I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to punch the pastor in the face after his stupid comments over the past few years. I have controlled myself, though I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have.

I’ve never cheated. Never even got comfortable around another man until after the divorce. 24 years of life dedicated to the cheater, because I’m decent and faithful and stupidly loyal.

RIC, in all its insidious manifestations, sucks. So do the self-righteous assholes standing in the pulpits looking down their noses at the broken.

I used to be a pastor’s wife. Now I figure the church is about the least safe place to be a woman (or child).

thelongrun
thelongrun
4 years ago

Bloomingwithouthim,

I disagree w/one thing you said. You weren’t stupidly loyal. You were just loyal. This culture (world?) puts being loyal down, as being stupid and chumpy. It’s not. It’s a strength, and you should be proud of that. The fact that it’s not appreciated by our fuckwit partners and frequently the greater world doesn’t affect that in the least. I honestly think it’s the lack of loyalty in this world that has got us into such a fucking mess. Among other things.

So, don’t put yourself down for being loyal. That is all to your credit. Believe in yourself, bloomingwithouthim. Don’t doubt it, you’re of great character. Same for you CN; believe in yourselves.

[Side note: It’s also good to hear in all of this discussion that I wasn’t the only one who consciously took themselves out of situations to have less exposure to temptation. When I confronted the XW on DDay, I asked her if she ever realized that one of the reasons I preferred to frequently stay home w/her and the kids was that as a side benefit I wasn’t likely to expose myself to any situations where I could even possibly be tempted? That I loved and cared about her so much that it just seemed to be a no-brainer to me (not to mention I actually ENJOYED my time w/her and the kids).]

pulmafool
pulmafool
5 years ago

I am so revolted for you.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago

You got that right. Unfortunately, misogynists like that pastor do tend to use religion as a cover for their hatred and evil.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago

Our counsellor said during wreckonciliation “You could just as easily have had an affair”. Like so many times with stbx, I was just flabbergasted and didn’t reply. In fact, I did have a man I met during discard at a seed swap messaging me and wanting to meet for coffee – he said he was really keen to see me – but if I had done it would just have been to prove to myself I was still interesting. In fact I found out he was married, so no thanks.
During the discard, still married, we had builders in and the stbx saw one of them looking at my legs (which are long and slim ????). He drew that to my attention and told me that a good roll in the hay would do me good. Ewwww.

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
5 years ago

How can a counsellor say ‘Oh well you could have had an affair’ like that is some kind of excuse??? Lazy counselling or what, I might have a try. As for that roll in the hay comment. who do they think they are? Not quite as lewd but means the same sort of stupid thing, my ex said to me, ‘It would be a shame if you can’t open your heart to love’. Makes my blood pressure go up still just thinking about that one but also roll my eyes in equal measure. Dimwits.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago

I think the roll in the hay comment really got to me as divorce was not on the table at that point, and stbx seemed to be suggesting I could plummet to his level, where he was pursuing his dream girl (he called it exploring the relationship) while living apart but still married. It took me a long time even to take off my wedding ring, marriage is a sacred bond to me. This kind of thing was the stuff that showed me he really wasn’t the man I thought he was.
As for the counsellor’s comment, thinking about it, I was unable to say I wouldn’t have had an affair because I was afraid of being self assertive and looking holier-than-thou. Even though, in the first few years of our marriage, stbx spent many nights away with his band and also about 8-10 months in total completely absent abroad with the band. And I never had an affair! He really must have thought I was a superb wife appliance…

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

During discard ex was telling me that Schmoopie was still living at home with her then husband who had also turned up with a girlfriend since his DDay. Meanwhile she was on a dating site going on dates with other men while peripherally involved with him and considering getting back with her husband. He then turned to me and said “you should go on a dating site”. I was horrified and responded with “no thanks, somebody in all of this has to maintain some sense of dignity”. honestly I think he was pick me dancing with her and thought he might like me better if he had to pick me dance for me too. Maybe it was his oblique way to “working on our marriage” but it didn’t work for me.

A few years before I used to pass by some homeless men on the way to work and I would sometimes give them sandwiches. One was a bit of a narcissist and often made the news when they did stories on the homeless (local homeless celebrity). anyway, one day ex suggested that I offer to kiss him if he would remain sober for a week. I was horrified that my husband would say such a thing to me at the time. Actually at one point the guy did start flirting with me so I changed my route to work. I guess that could have been another opportunity to cheat with ex’s blessing but yeah, no thanks (and not because the guy was homeless but because he was actually a bit of a jerk).

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago

Re; that Gordian Knot of your marriage: you’re so lucky you didn’t get an STD! I’m so glad you got out of that situation!!!!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

PS. I’d like to punch that pastor for you too.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago

“A good roll in the hay would do you good.” Yes, it would be the first good roll I’ve ever had…..thanks for leading me into the right the right direction. (eye roll)

Sweetener
Sweetener
5 years ago

AFKAC – I cannot believe that “counselor” said that to you!

Rubbish, and an obvious lie these people peddle around to make cheaters feel good and ‘safe’. Quit trying to normalize this shit!

Bloomingwithouthim
Bloomingwithouthim
5 years ago

Every once in a while during our marriage a man would compliment me or tell the ex that he thought my voice was nice or liked my hair or whatever. It was always followed by greater isolation. Mr. sparkles didn’t trust me or any of his male friends to know me or be with me.
I never worked outside the home and only volunteered at church. But even if I had been given the most tender attention, I was a fearful doormat and wouldn’t have responded.

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
5 years ago

Wow. You tell ‘em, Blooming. Sheesh!

brit
brit
5 years ago

There were a couple times ex’s co workers were overly friendly when ex was out of sight.
First one at a wedding when ex went to use the restroom, his coworker started with how beautiful I am, he could tell ex was boring.., it was obvious where the conversation was going. Rather than giving the co worker my phone number I stood up and sat at another table.
Another time was an overly friendly married co worker of ex’s who I suspected was interested in me but shrugged it off as just my imagination until one day I was walking upstairs and he walked up behind me and grabbed my behind and laughed, when I turned around coworker had a big smile on his face. I could have turned around, giggled, while grabbing his crotch…
Instead I was humiliated, wondering what would make him that would be appropriate. I later told ex about the incident, his reply? oh, Randy was just playing around, that’s just how he is…,
I should have been alarmed at his response and left him then.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Oh darn,Throat Punch Thursday was yesterday ! A throat punch to any man who comes up behind me and grabs my butt.

IrishChump
IrishChump
5 years ago

A coworker at the time was very vocal about his feelings toward me. He went so far as to say he was in love with a married woman as he continued to pursue me. I told him then you should go tell you wife how much you love her because I’m assuming that’s who you’re talking about. He also texted me while I was at home with my family and asked me if I thought we would have gotten together if we knew each other in college. I told him I would not disrespect my husband by answering that. I told my husband about these incidents.

Fast forward and now I’m divorcing the husband who I didn’t want to disrespect because he’s a serial cheater.

pulmafool
pulmafool
5 years ago
Reply to  IrishChump

You respected your vows because you respect yourself. Be proud.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  IrishChump

Just make sure creepy coworker doesn’t ever find out. Even if he is a long way off he might track you down.

pm1412
pm1412
5 years ago

I like the topic – quite liberating to remember I am not just a discarded doll.
Well, here we go – I managed an organization of about 200 sometime mid-marriage, 7 years or so in. We had an offsite for team-building, including physical activities like sky-diving (this was a pretty young team). Very intense, a lot of fun. And I was the boss. We had two small kids at home at the time, not a lot of action in the marriage but that was ok, it was part of it all. At the end of a long evening at the resort bar with the team, when everyone retired, this beautiful HR lady, Northern European, tall, blonde, followed me to my room, and struck up a conversation right in front of my hotel room door, touching my shoulder in the process. Now this was either an agent provocateur from HR, or the real thing. I think the latter. Anyway, I politely extricated myself (“so tired, see you in the morning …”), and that was that.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago

When I was a newlywed 20something, my Cheaterhusband was on deployment in Japan and I went out with a work friend whose husband put up fencing for a living. He brought his coworker who was also a 20something guy who put up fences and he looked like a Norse god. He was BEAUTIFUL..tall, blond, tanned, ripped. He was also flirting with me and (being the dutiful wife I was) I literally FLED the bar…I ran from temptation never to see the Norse god again.

I had no idea then that fleeing temptation was a rare superpower.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
5 years ago

I was told by my very wise therapist, thirty years ago, that it’s normal to feel attraction to other people, but do NOT act on it. Instead, run the other way, withdraw attention, and voila! The feelings will die from starvation and you will be glad you didn’t engage.

That was my experience in my 27 years with the cheater, who was in the same therapy session and who evidently didn’t follow the advice.

FEELINGS FOLLOW ACTIONS. He CREATED the extramarital relationship (s) with his actions, and conversely killed our marriage with his inattention, neglect, sabotage, and treachery.

So after leaving me and my daughter in his scorched earth wake, he set up to play house with his Sole Mate (his spelling). My daughter then caught him on Tinder and he is still going to the massage parlors. He is spectacularly unqualified for committed relationships. He really needs to be committed to a rehab for total assh***s.

Relationships are a SKILL. They are LEARNED BEHAVIOR. Relationships fail because one or both of the people in them do not have, or are unwilling to learn, the skills for success.

If there ever is a next time for me, I want a study partner who is honor student instead of a cheater.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago

Great points. That’s exactly what my cheater did. He created fake “twu wuv” feelings by pursuing a woman and created contempt and hostility towards me by treating me like I was worthless.

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
5 years ago

Velvet, I’m a musician. If there is one thing I know, it is that you become skilled at what you practice. Good or bad. I now know that IF I ever am looking again, my radar will be looking for somebody who practices integrity and honesty every day, every hour, every minute of their life.

I love your imagery of a study partner. 🙂

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
5 years ago

Velvet, this should be in some DSM type dictionary as part of cheater definition:
“killed our marriage with his inattention, neglect, sabotage, and treachery”

Definitely always irrigating that grass in The Other Side.

Still A Chump
Still A Chump
5 years ago

I definitely had an enormous crush on a co-worker years ago when my kids were 2 and 4. It was definitely reciprocated. But nothing ever happened because my mantra was that I could never do anything to hurt my husband and kids, or his wife and kids. And I didn’t even waived when he walked into my office a year later to tell me he and his wife were divorcing.

And I definitely threw it in Cheater”s face when his affair was exposed.

Betrayed and Confused
Betrayed and Confused
5 years ago

Great question. Before marriage (or that entire relationship) ever so often a woman would make a serious pass at me. (That’s actually how I met X) But it all stopped??? Post divorce, poof the magic is back, woman I’ve met have told me I am a very handsome man. I now theorize it’s because I wasn’t putting out the vibe. X always put out the vibe (like her scumbag dad). So one day I was at
a conference and there was a cocktail hour afterwards. I was talking to a woman. As the conversation progressed I learned; she was married without kids, she was from out of state, she had a room in the hotel, she got another drink. Maybe I over reacted but I got the hell out of there and didn’t find out what the inside of her room looked like. Lol.

logo65
logo65
5 years ago

I was a young blond female in engineering. Not uncommon to be the only girl in a class of 50. Hung out between classes with male friends. We would do homework, or play pool or drink a beer in the pub (on campus) Then I’d commute an hour back home to my husband. These were smart, nice looking mostly single guys that I enjoyed having as friends. Didn’t cheat with any of them. Not even a little.
Not cheating is not hard. Not if you honor your commitment.

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
5 years ago
Reply to  logo65

I used to hang out with work friends, some female and just as many male and I would happily go back and talk to my ex about it. He brought this up (had to think of something) as me being out with ‘god knows who’. Well actually you do know who and you had met them briefly, they were my work colleagues and we’d often grab drinks after work, yeah sometimes we’d get quite drunk and you know, HAVE FUN. Did anything else happen? Never did and never would. So if its true he did feel insecure (not that anything was said at the time of course, heaven forfend) then we know why, he wouldn’t trust himself in that situation so why trust me. Projection or what.

Rae44
Rae44
5 years ago

My ex husband used to turn down nights out with his work friends, I would ask why he would say something like “there will be predatory females there, I don’t ever put myself in that position” – red flag much?? I interpreted that as him being loyal and respecting me, I was actually smug about it. What it really means (now I KNOW him) is that he couldn’t trust himself with other women. What a chump i am!
I had a few situations during my 23 years with ex, one I was Particularly flattered by but when I realised the guy had less than good intentions I just said “I would never do that to my husband” and never spoke to him again.
Another guy I knew who was out wetting his newborn babies head said “your husband is a very lucky man he must be very pleased with himself landing you”, I just replied “yes we are both very lucky to have one another” basically shutting down any further conversation about how attractive he found me. It would be ridiculous to say it isn’t flattering after many years of being out of the dating game, but it’s so easy to steer yourself away from those situations/conversations. Why do cheaters just believe that if they can get away with it they can just do it anyway?? It’s revolting and totally soul destroying that they were never like you to begin with.

Emily Tanner
Emily Tanner
5 years ago

I had taken a hiatus from my career and was waitressing to bring in some cash. The chef was quite the looker and a charmer. We flirted a lot at work. After work we’d all out go out drinking. I always felt so tempted to let it go further. One night, it almost did – we were the last two at the bar, he offered me a ride, I got into into his car, and as he pulled up to my house (with my fiance sleeping inside) I almost kissed him. I wanted him to take me somewhere else and have his way with me. But, I didn’t. Instead, I quit the next day.

I understood that one can be attracted to another person but still have the respect for one’s partner. And that sexual chemistry between you and someone who is not your partner DOES NOT MEAN that your partnership is flawed. It simply means you have normal sexual desire. I also knew that I wasn’t willing to throw away years of partnership for some drunken lay.

Affairs are a choice. Fidelity is a choice.

Betrayed and Confused
Betrayed and Confused
5 years ago
Reply to  Emily Tanner

Very well put

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
5 years ago

I think cheater-men sometimes forget how easy it is for women to get laid. As in, *whenever* we want to. We can walk into a bar and go home with someone *every* time (of course we don’t do this, but we could, if we were just looking for easy dick, similar to how cheater-men look for easy pussy).

So, yeah, cheating opportunities for us chumpy women are everywhere, everyday. If only these cheater-men knew.

chump-pin
chump-pin
5 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

This so true. When I left the house, I took the poor advice of “to forget a woman, you have to get on top of another.” And I tried, as I was in full screw it (and anything mode), and I’m a decent looking guy. But, sure enough her numbers were always more–she had no problem throwing her myriad conquests in my face.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  chump-pin

One of my acquaintances is a senior nurse who travels quite a bit to train other nurses. She had extricated herself from an abusive marriage and needed some lovin’ so she joined Xmatch. Lots of sex with strange men in hotel rooms. And this was BEFORE her gastric bypass surgery.

I’ve put her in the acquaintance category because I’m sure she was hooking up with some married men and didn’t seem to care. She had one scary incident where she had to cancel a “date” and the man sent threatening messages. One of her male friends with a deep baritone voice called the guy, claimed to be a police officer and told Stalker he better back off.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

The tricky bit is just getting laid by somebody you would actually want to lay.

Ex Pilot’s Wife
Ex Pilot’s Wife
5 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Truth. I’m 63 and STILL get hit on every time I go into a bar. I think the only criteria are being female and not in the company of men. Come on let’s get honest here. I’m a senior citizen. They’ll try to send me a drink via the bartender (who thinks it’s “cute”). I went to a jazz concert recently and some guy followed me out saying I was “hot” and could he get my number. No and no!!

Laughing Gator
Laughing Gator
5 years ago

On Dday, I did throw it into my cheater Ex’s face how MANY chances I had had to cheat over the past 16 years and never did — she was actually stunned.
I traveled constantly for work and was the engineering lead for a team (mostly guys) on projects. The project managers were almost all female and we were all 1000+ miles from home weeks at a time all staying in the same hotel. At the hotel bar every night, it was often me and the project manager all alone and I can’t count the times that I could have cheated and even was asked to go up to her room for a “nightcap”.
Yet, I never did because I believe that your marriage vows are sacred and adultery is a vile thing and a mortal sin (I was Catholic as was my cheater Ex). Cheating is a moral and character failing and there is NO excuse for doing it.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago

A couple years into our marriage (We were married 20), I remember going to church by myself. I sat next to a really cute guy about my age. I could tell that he kept glancing at me and I was doing the same. At the end of mass, he tried to strike up a conversation with me. He told me his name and asked for mine. At that point, I held up my left hand and he said “Ahh”. We both left and I never saw him again.

Bottom line, even if I was interested, there were boundaries. Things that are acceptable. Things that aren’t. It is called a moral compass. Infidelity doesn’t just happen. It is countless choices to cross over that boundary. And most of those choices are made well before sex is even on the table.

Sweetener
Sweetener
5 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Your second paragraph is gospel!

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago

Thanks for posting this. I agree that society/the media portrays people as weak and unable to stop the “force” that is cheating. It’s fate! We can’t escape it! Hogwash.

As far back as eighth grade, I was able to resist cheating. I was hanging out with a boy that I sort of had a crush on, and at the time, he was “dating” (inasmuch as one can really be in a relationship in eighth grade) someone else. He told me that he wanted to kiss me, and I said, “No. You’re dating [other gal].” No kisses were exchanged that night or ever. No emotional cheating took place; I put him in the friend zone and got over my little crush. If he ever went on to cheat, it wasn’t with me. My little eighth grade self had the strength not to cheat. I must be Wonder Woman! 😀

There was also Extremely Hot Guy in grad school. I won’t lie– I see it as a missed opportunity knowing what I know now. I was working my student job in a medical building on campus, and he worked in one of the labs. I was engaged to Future Cheater at the time, and we were in a long-distance relationship while I was in school. I noticed EHG in my travels around the building, and we had only ever exchanged a friendly hello. Well, he asked a co-worker about me; I don’t think she knew I was engaged. She basically gave him the green light, but at least she had the courtesy to let me know before I ran into him. Because I’m not a cheater, I was flattered but felt panicked. He was going to ask me out? I’m engaged!!!

Long story short, EHG asked me out, I told him I was engaged, he was extremely apologetic, and that was that. I stayed with Future Cheater and continued to avoid any/all minor flirtations in the ensuing years. The sad irony now is that I’m single, and I’d love to date again. Of course now that I’m in my 40s, I’m invisible. Boo hiss to all cheaters who stay with us while we’re “useful” (aka in our prime dating years) and then turn our lives upside-down when we’re significantly older and viewed as undateable.

Actually, boo hiss to them no matter what the circumstances. Happy Friday, folks.

Survivor
Survivor
5 years ago
Reply to  MovingOn

MovingOn, being in your 40s does not make you “undateable.” It makes you selective and unwilling to settle or sell yourself short. Live your best life, and if someone meets your high standards, you will know it.

Some mature men are actually more interested in women in their age group than 20-somethings. I met the current Mr. Survivor in my 40’s, married him at 50, and am now closing in on 60.

MovingOn
MovingOn
5 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Thanks, Survivor. Most days, I am pretty happy and don’t think that being single is bad at all. I know that I’d much rather be single than be with the cheater. I do want someone who meets my standards, and I’d rather be single than settle. That line from Pearl Jam’s “Better Man” goes through my head when I think about dating: “She lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a better man.” Yeah, I don’t want that!

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago

Cheating ex had many friends in sports, motorcycle club, work etc. Few of the “friends” used to come onto me jokingly. But deep down I knew he was serious .
It would’ve been easy to take him up on it but I loved & respected my then husband. Ha!
Even after my divorce the friend continued to approach me for sex. He also was a cheating husband married many times. I’m still respectful to myself. That will never change.

pasdedeux_chump
pasdedeux_chump
5 years ago

I think it’s clear women get hit on a lot more than men….

So, 23 years married or cohabiting with two women…zip, zero nada even in my imagination.

Put me down for….ick. Lol

A few months before I met STBX2, I was single, 31, hadn’t even dated anyone in a while, and this lovely young women in my research group took a shine to me. I was senior to her (she was 23 I think) but not her mentor. I still thought the whole power dynamic was too squicky for me so decided I would never persue it, and kept it friendly.

The problem as usual was my guy friends who would see us interacting and say OMFG what is wrong with you? She wants you and she is gorgeous!

LOL. No regrets.

Ex Pilot’s Wife
Ex Pilot’s Wife
5 years ago

Oh my gosh, after a lifetime in healthcare and corporate America I could write a book about married men who will cheat if given the opportunity. Especially when traveling together for work. I cannot even remember all the married guys who hit on me over the years. It always made me uncomfortable and frankly, it was sickening. Often I even knew their wives. Don’t you worry that I might feel compelled to tell her you disgusting idiot? Then there are the creeps that contact me on LinkedIn saying things like “I don’t normally do this but you’re so pretty I was hoping we could go to lunch.” Right!! I thought this was a PROFESSIONAL networking site, not a potential hook up app. And the doctor who left me a note saying I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. I later learned that he knocked up a co-worker and refused to claim the child until she had their son DNA tested. And apparently cheater STBX used most of the tactics I experienced on his harem. Some guys just use the shotgun approach—blast off a shot and hopefully one or two of the pellets will hit a target. Doesn’t really matter who. Just get a hit.

I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of people in the world: Those with integrity and morals and those who are shallow, selfish, and a useless waste of space. Unfortunately the latter often masquerade as the former and it takes awhile for the mask to slip.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
5 years ago

Early in my career I travel a lot for work. I was completely astounded by the number of married people who would get it on while on the road. Made me sick. Little did I know my ex was doing the same while I was gone.

Captain Chumpy Chumperton
Captain Chumpy Chumperton
5 years ago

“…the latter often masquerade as the former and it takes awhile for the mask to slip.”
Truth! It took me 17 years to figure out my (now) ex-wife wasn’t who I thought she was.

DavidB
DavidB
5 years ago

First few years of marriage, I think I got hit on once or twice. Would tuck tail run hone tell her what happened. Around year 10, I took a new job. Two kids and a sexless marriage, I guess I let my guard down. Women between ages of 20-50 were hitting on me. I did find myself staring to flirt and start creeping towards that point of no return. Started thinking about my wife and kids and the damage it would cause. Went hone told her about how the job was not a healthy environment and resigned immu. Next ten years went by with couple minor hits I always told her about. Then during the 4 years of hell when I was 99 percent sure she was cheating, I had several for sure opportunities. Still just said no! So the premise that anyone will cheat is bogus. Anyone who actually loves their spouse will default to I will not do something that we all know will cause extreme pain.

Mandie101
Mandie101
5 years ago
Reply to  DavidB

Bingo!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago

Bald, ugly, poor, overweight……doesn’t matter. Everyone has had the opportunity to cheat. I don’t buy into the “improve yourself so they won’t stray horseshit.”

weddingbelle
weddingbelle
5 years ago

Yeah, they won’t stray, but only if you continue to be the marriage police and pick me dance for the rest of your lives!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago

I am an engineer who spent a career in heavy industry. The ratio was that I was one female to 30 males at any given moment. I never cheated.

I was ignored by my X Asshat for 28 years of marriage. When some nice guy at work paid attention to me or made overt statements or inquiries I felt like I was valuable and, indeed, the feelings I got from that attention were just great. It happened constantly so I always made sure to mention the hubby and family when getting to know co-workers and I always made it clear I was blissfully in love. I never cheated.

I was devalued and treated like trash by my X Asshat, especially in the final 10 years from OW#1 up until his final brutal discard and callous abandonment for OW#2. He hated me for my success at my job. I made more money than him in the last few years we were married and I could never speak of my bonuses or promotions. He was a childish, petulant, selfish dick who couldn’t stand to be with a true partner and instead wanted to be with a chick half our age and half his salary so he could feel far superior. But I never cheated.

I easily could have run off into the sunset ANY other guy at work who acted like he gave a shit about me, I was so starved for basic support and attention.

I NEVER CHEATED.

NenaB
NenaB
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

THIS!

“I was devalued and treated like trash by my X Asshat, especially in the final 10 years from OW#1 up until his final brutal discard and callous abandonment for OW#2. He hated me for my success at my job. I made more money than him in the last few years we were married and I could never speak of my bonuses or promotions. He was a childish, petulant, selfish dick who couldn’t stand to be with a true partner and instead wanted to be with a chick half our age and half his salary so he could feel far superior. But I never cheated.“

I could have written this. He hated my earnings and my potential and my drive. He punished me for it by blowing thousands upon thousands on his double lives! Only difference is he doesn’t go for younger ones, long term single and desperate is his type (I was when I met him for sure).

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

That constant refrain of “you can’t help who you fall in love with” is bullshit.

Water the grass at home.

Hilarious
Hilarious
5 years ago

A few years before I discovered my stbx’s affair I renewed a friendship online with a male friend from high school — our conversations got very intense and personal and I was thinking way too much about them, possibly because my husband hadn’t shown interest in me for a long long time … I was freaked out and not sure how to handle it so I TOLD MY HUSBAND of 19 years, who responded, “I’d better step up my game.” I stopped contact with the friend but husband did NOT step up his game and I later found he was already going online to sex chatrooms (and who knows what else) at that point. Husband later said he had been unhappy for years, but never mentioned it … wouldn’t that have been a golden opportunity to talk about problems when I turned to him? Nope.
Yesterday’s column made me think, isn’t it interesting how we justify, “he had a terrible childhood, he is damaged and sad, that’s why he couldn’t tell me his feelings and talk about how unhappy he was with me”
Yet he was not too damaged and sad to have an online affair and plan for FOUR MONTHS to meet her, not too damaged and sad to tell a woman he’d never met that he loved her, not too damaged and sad to buy plane tickets and make hotel and restaurant reservations, to change plane tickets and make up a story about missing his plane, to lie and lie and lie … funny how only certain capacities are affected

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
5 years ago
Reply to  Hilarious

This is what I say about the big famous powerful men who cheat – they are top of their game in sports politics and industry and suddenly weak and confused and powerless when cheating comes to light. How selective their capacities are, indeed.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
5 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

That’s because they’re thinking with their Little Heads. And their Little Heads always want to screw around.

Happily Free
Happily Free
5 years ago
Reply to  Hilarious

My XH constantly told me he couldn’t talk to me about many things: his work day, his favorite color, his past… just too stressful.
But there we are at dinner with friends, or friends over our house (because he always needed life to be a party) and someone ELSE asks him those questions, off he goes into long discussions.
And after years of telling me he never had a favorite color, some girl asks him, and he quickly responded Red.
Selective Short circuit indeed

Happily Free
Happily Free
5 years ago

I worked in a clean room manufacturing medical equipment. I couldn’t wear my wedding ring because it might have tainted the products. (Tubing, adhesive, catheters, stuff like that).
So it was understandable that someone didn’t know I was married and asked me out. It wasn’t hard for me to simply say “no, I’m married.”

Over the years and constant emotional abuse there were many many times I wished I had married someone else or imagined what my life would be like with someone else, but even then, I had no desire to cheat on him. I took what I thought would be better about another relationship and did my best to apply that thought to the marriage I was already in.

There’s NEVER a good reason to cheat.
If you’re not happy in your marriage either fix it or end it.

NenaB
NenaB
5 years ago
Reply to  Happily Free

Gave my XH so many ultimatums to leave. He still managed to talk me into working on us. “Special” etcetera ad finitum. All while carrying on with his double lives (plural, all at same time). Why do that? Why try so hard to stay when you’re doing everything behind my back as if you’ve left? It still baffles me, then I remember how disordered he is, truly disordered, top of the spectrum disordered, and I calmly stop trying to untangle the skein. It really is fruitless. Glad I stopped believing his lies and promises. I just can’t imagine wanting to live so many lies. So much energy put into deceptions. Just bizarre.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago
Reply to  NenaB

NenaB, I told the stbx several times during discard that if he wanted to leave, he should. I felt pathetic saying it as I thought I was asking for reassurance that he wanted to stay. He would always tell me he wanted to stay. But when I finally told him it was me or her, he left. Now I realise my gut was telling me the truth, but he was scared of leaving. He told me that he had a ‘mother wound’ and that he saw me as his mother and his comfort blanket.
Heh – just typing that brings it home how much of an object I was for him!!

NoRainNoFlowers
NoRainNoFlowers
5 years ago

My ex told me no one would ever be interested in me while we were married and after. He even told me that he’d “used up my youth” as though I was a dried up piece of fruit. What’s interesting though is that I’ve always had many, many opportunities- from lawn guys who stripped off their shirts to golf pros eager to give me free help with my swing. I get lots of attention and I think it’s because I’m friendly which must read as “flirty” to other people but I also take my commitments seriously and while I was married I never even entertained the idea of cheating. Why? Because it goes against my principles and because I thought I was happy in my relationship.
But it does still really piss me off that my ex thought no one would ever be interested in me He even told me that at my age (50+) Id be lucky to find an elderly man. I guess it cane as a shock to him that I’ve fallen in love with a fellow chump my age who let him know that the cheating ways and abandonment of both our exs was the best thing that ever happened to either of us. There are lots of fish in the sea and not all of them are poisonous blowfish.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago

No Rain No Flowers,

I’m glad things are looking up for you and your new partner.

I remember in what I thought was a tender, intimate moment with my last boyfriend, who is a few years younger than me, ‘You’re pretty good for a 50-year-old woman.’ At first I thought that that was a compliment, but now I am more inclined to think that’s it was one of him many back-handed compliments of me. Now he’s married to the very successful work subordinate who is almost young enough to be my daughter, but I am dateless (going on two years). Maybe it is too late for me to find someone attractive overall and feels the same about me.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
5 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

My favorites (heavy sarcasm) I’ve heard from other women said to them by men
“You’re a really good lay”
“I really like f*cking you”
I’m so glad they got away from these types.

Sweetener
Sweetener
5 years ago

“Used up your youth”? What a dick!

It’s not enough that he cheated on you – he has to attempt cheap, obvious ‘no one will ever love you’ shots? Was that to scare you into staying with him? lol

Pathetic

Jennifer
Jennifer
5 years ago

I just moved from a small town in the Upper Peninsula to Georgia. About a month and a half ago, a guy who happens to be a mutual friend of my husband’s on FB started messaging me asking how I was. I thought it was a little odd to be getting this message out of the blue. I mentioned that my HUSBAND and I were living the dream and that we both had good jobs. Then I got the sad emoji saying he didn’t know we left, that’s too bad, he was hoping to get to know me better. I didn’t like where that was going. I showed my husband immediately. My husband, bless his heart, initially didn’t see a problem. He’s kind of naive. I told him that this isn’t the kind of text message that married people should be sending to people they’re not married to and even though it wasn’t really suggestive and cheaty YET, it was WAAAY to close. The more the gave it some thought, he realized I had a point.

Eleanor
Eleanor
5 years ago

I had such a fabulous opportunity. The moon was right I was a thousand miles from home and this guy was not just fun we had a lot in common. He was very complimentary of me and he just rocked.
But I had made a commitment to my significant other, and even though that relationship wasn’t satisfying me I could not get that commitment out of my mind. So I did not take that opportunity. Because I have myself to live with and I don’t do things like that to people I care about, or myself.

violet
violet
5 years ago

I work in a extremely male-dominant profession and my particular specialty makes it more so. My work has required frequent travel, and the need to be comfortable interacting with strangers quickly. Cheating is considered by many in my field to be “no big deal.” (Disgusting but still true today). Over the years, I had numerous opportunities to be unfaithful and X would never have known.

The thought never even entered my head. I believed I had a rock solid marriage, so it was important to me to honor that marriage. Silly me. You can imagine my anger when I learned X had specifically arranged for me to be working out of town on his birthday so her could be with the Church Lady.

I will never understand how cheaters so casually betray their wedding vows. What is the point of being married in the first place?

Emily
Emily
5 years ago

I could have cheated so hard with a former coworker of mine. He was married but flirted mercilessly with me all the time. I admit that I flirted back, although I always managed to keep everything on my end at a level that I felt was harmless and wouldn’t make me mad if my ex-husband had been saying the same things to someone. This coworker and I went out to lunch and texted a lot because we were friends also. I told my ex about it whenever the coworker and I had lunch, and my ex knew that he was flirty. Having someone feed my ego like that really benefited my ex, because I’d feel all hot and sexy and go home to my ex and he’d reap the benefits! Eventually the coworker moved away and I cut ties with him, because I felt like that was better for me and my marriage. Cut to D-Day a few years later and I find out that my ex had been sleeping with one of my BFF for at least a year (I think longer) and showed no real remorse. He threw the flirty former coworker in my face and said “Well if you’re going to tell people about my affair, I’ll tell everyone about your flirting with him!” I LAUGHED IN HIS FACE. Because yes, me going to lunch and flirting with a guy is EXACTLY the same as you having sex for at least a year (probably longer) with someone who pretended to be my friend. THE EXACT SAME.

inescapable
inescapable
5 years ago
Reply to  Emily

My x did exactly the same. I had a few male friends at work who I would go out with at times and talked on the phone. Note, I work in a male dominated environment and am in many teams the only woman. We all are friendly and joke with each other. I always told him when I went out and with whom. Mostly it was lunch or early dinner and most often in a small group. It may have happened once a month if not less.
He threw that in my face as being exactly the same (fucking asubordinate, planning a life with her, living a 4 year double life).
He even dared to blame me that I had invited a male coworker over when he was not home. I did. But I had also invited his wife and kids. Because we were the same age and his kids were my kids’ age. I thought it was harmless. He felt it was a betrayal. False equivalencies.

kb
kb
5 years ago

I never felt the temptation to cheat while I was married. Sure, I was around men. But I had eyes only for CheaterX.

Now, before I married CheaterX, the two of us had been in quite a long relationship, a lot of it long distance, as I was in grad school. I was house-sitting for a faculty member, and across the alley lived a very successful, good-looking man who owned his own business. He had a great house and a lovely dog. He also liked to do the same kinds of things I liked: camping, fishing, a lot of outdoor stuff. I knew this because he’d jump in his Jeep after loading it up with various gear. Once he asked me if I’d water his garden while he was off camping for a week. Occasionally, we’d sit in the back of the property, which opened up into the alley (it was a neighborhood with swanky houses, all of which had patios facing the alley so there was quite the alley community), and have a beer.

Then he asked me if I were in an exclusive relationship. I said yes. We still had the occasional beer together, but that was it. When he started dating a woman, we didn’t have beer, but we did say hi across the alley.

You don’t have to cheat. I respected this guy for asking about my relationship and being able to maintain his own boundaries.

inescapable
inescapable
5 years ago

I have a few examples.

1. The married coworker
We went on a business trip and had a few drinks after a successful meeting. He leaned in to kiss me. I told him off and went immediately to my hotel room (alone) to make my point that I was not interested.

2. The charming boss
I had a boss who was incredibly charming and sparkly. Of course married. Now I know to be a lot more distant, but at that time I enjoyed some flirting and there was definitely some tension. I used this pleasant energy to work harder and eventually got a promotion. Nothing else happened.

3. The running partner with questionable intend
I have a running partner who seems to be sometimes overly eager to spend time with me alone. And I typically go for a run and then find a reason why I immediately need to head home and cannot go to lunch/dinner etc. Usually my reasons include the words. Sorry, I have plans.

4. Another coworker
Another coworker had been trying to get me to go out. He was nice and I had no idea if there was any intent for more. I just thought it was weird that he asked me out. So, I said yes, but invited a bunch of other coworkers as well, so it would not be an accidental date. I like being social, but am not stupid.

5. The wife
I have a coworker that I like as a person and as a coworker. His wife was nervous about us traveling together, so he invited me to dinner to meet her. I made sure to make her feel comfortable and treat her husband with the necessary distance. I avoid using inside jokes and avoid talking about work projects in a way that excludes someone on the outside. I ask her questions. I make the conversation mutual and do not hide who I am. She knows I am in a divorce process and why. I made very clear that I have no interest in her husband, but enjoy BOTH their company.

I work in a male dominated field. There are opportunities. It sometimes feels like the social version of dodge ball.

JustaWife
JustaWife
5 years ago

I was at a gas station and the guy working at the counter started talking and asked me out for coffee. I said I was in a relationship (dating X at that time) and the guy said well your BF will never know. I said I would know and how rude and disrespectful that was. I told X and never went back to that gas station. Another time X and I were together and a previous BF called me and I told him I was in a relationship. I told X and then blocked the old BF’s number. I was upset by the gas station guy because I wondered what kind of morals he had and I shared my feelings with X. Looking back X didn’t seem too concerned. Guess I was the only honest one in our relationship.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

I didn’t have a lot of opportunities because I really wasn’t looking for them and generally put out “unavailable” vibes. Personally, I would have found an extra lover a bother rather than a boon. That would have just been two needy people demanding my attention and support instead of just the one (well four if you count the kids). I didn’t have time for that. I recall once getting a fortune cookie just after a big move, acquiring a new job and when I had three children ages 1-7 that said “You will meet a new love interest soon” and I turned to the coworkers I was with and said “oh God I hope not, that’s the last thing I need right now”. I believe that my ex found affair partners because he wanted to. Initially he may have just wanted to see if other women would show interest because he was afraid that maybe I was the only one who found him attractive. When he discovered that yes, other women find him attractive, he liked the kibbles and responded positively and provocatively instead of shutting it down, although he didn’t cross the sex line for a number of years. Eventually, I started to look pretty worn out, unloving and unattractive compared to all of those shiny new kibbles and he went for it because he felt entitled. Then he fell for one of them because he’s an idiot.

I do work in a male dominated field (HVAC engineering) so most of my coworkers over the years have been men. I have to say that since getting into engineering most of my male coworkers have been very professional in their interactions with me. They were too busy looking after their families and being truly busy with their jobs to have time for such stupidity and I respect them all for that. Occasionally, however, there were one or two who tried to flirt. I would just play dumb and act like I hadn’t noticed or hadn’t interpreted it that way. This worked well as it made it clear I had no interest and allowed them to save face.

There were other incidents with non colleagues. For the most part, however they were men I would never have had an interest in anyway and ex was a useful prop for fending them off. Just flash the ring a few times and talk about what a wonderful husband I have. Some were harder to get rid of than others but being married helped.

The one time I might have had an opportunity to cheat with someone I found interesting if I had followed it through was when I was in graduate school. I was in school in the middle of nowhere and ex was unable to find employment there so he ended up working in a city eight hours away. There were two fellow students who showed an interest in me. One I have no doubt would have asked me out if I had been single but he had met ex and liked him too and respected our marriage and kept it at the friendship level. The other was someone I found very interesting who also found me interesting. It never rose to the level of a crush on my part but certainly a “if I were single I would be interested in this guy”. Anyway we were assigned to work on a project together. He invited himself to my apartment to work on it. It did feel off (really, now I know I should have just insisted we meet in a public place but I didn’t know any better then). I figured I was being paranoid and that clearly he just wanted to work on the assignment as he knew I was married. While we were working on the assignment at one point he paused, got a funny look on his face and then looked under the table and said “oh it was the cat, I thought you were playing footsie with me”. I said “cat, you are going to get me in trouble”. Then I spent the rest of the evening going on about how great my husband was. He never invited himself to my apartment again.

Sweetener
Sweetener
5 years ago

I LOVE this!!

I went into a restaurant one day and walked next door to a convenience store while waiting for my order. This hottie from behind the counter followed me over to the store and started making conversation with me. I saw him a few more times. The compliments, asking for my number (which I never gave)…I LOVED it. But…I realized that I was enjoying the attention a bit too much and actually went out of my way to avoid the establishment. I totally could have had him though lol.

Also, I was struggling at a new job. A more senior, very successful, employee took me under his wing and we started having lunch together regularly. He never let me pay. Then he started informally supervising me as he knew I was on the verge of quitting. The creature who was actively going down on hookers (unbeknownst to me at the time) told me he was uncomfortable with how friendly the two of us were getting. I completely understood, as I was starting to think he had feelings for me. I cut off contact.

…neither of these was difficult for me!

Sweetener
Sweetener
5 years ago

Your stories give me hope! There are people out there who value commitment and don’t cheat!

Looking back – I told my then husband that the only thing I missed about being single were the butterflies of anticipation that you get from meeting someone new. The rush of not knowing what’s going to happen that disappears when you fall into the patterns of normalcy. Little did I know he was meeting someone new on a weekly basis. He was getting those butterflies – he hadn’t given up anything.

I honestly look at my whole marriage as a waste of time. I like men, I like sex and I like meeting people. I was happy to give up all of that.

thrive
thrive
5 years ago

so i had lots of opportunity to cheat cuz i travelled extensively and worked in an industry dominated by men. i have been propositoned a few times and i placed myself in compromising situations by drinking too much a few times. i never crossed the line for 30 yrs. it never even occurred to me that it was an option for me. it was a gut thing – not even an option. i cant even imagine how to do that. that is not to say i didnt have good friends who were male but there was never a spark. i knew of a few people who did have affairs and none of them ended well. hugs chumps. heres to a better life without a cheater.

u2604ab
u2604ab
5 years ago

Several women made passes at me while I was married. Generally, I didn’t know how to handle it directly, so I would just freeze up — turning into ‘a deer in the headlights.’ The ones I’m thinking of were women whom I did find quite attractive and honestly thought, “If I wasn’t married, I’d totally run with this.”

Now that I’m divorced? Three of those who had made passes while I was married found me and tried again (e.g., facebook messenger, “I’m all alone in a hotel room in your city tonight, you should come by.”)

The funny thing? While I was married I always thought, “if I get divorced, I’d totally follow this up.” And now that I AM divorced, women who it on me while I was married give me a deep gut feeling of being profoundly unappealing. Noped right out of that.

madkatie
madkatie
5 years ago

There were numerous opportunities. Not as many as my ex fuckwit had, because I turned down a lot of work travel to take care of the family. But I worked in a male dominated field and scientific conferences were ripe with opportunities. Most notably, a colleague that I collaborated with was hot in a Bruce Willis (I’m over 50) kind of way, athletic and outdoorsy and there was chemistry between us. We would spar verbally -a science nerd take on flirtation but that’s it. He was also married and not one of those types to cheat. He never made a move. I never made a move. We lived in different states but saw each other at meetings, had dinner (with other colleagues), published papers together and were in relatively frequent contact-meaning a flurry of emails every few months with sexy exchanges like “Can you send me that Prism file with the data from the C391 experiment?”. Once he went so far as to send me a picture of a desert turtle he saw mountain biking because he knew I liked to mountain bike and I love nature. I actually thought my husband was jealous because he asked why this colleague had sent me a picture of a turtle when he happened to see that email. Teasing each other about our sports teams and some inside jokes about mutual nemeses in the field were about has close as we got to anything intimate. I had acknowledged to myself that, had I met him in a different time, had the cards fallen in a different pattern, I might have ended up with him. But we both loved our spouses. His spouse is better than mine though. Not only is she also fit and outdoorsy, while my ex only gets his heart rate up for porn and side-pussy, but she is very warm and loving. Some of us can actually meet the one that got away and still remain committed AND happy with the one that we are with. And as I say that, I just got chilled by a memory of the song “love the one you’re with” playing and ex fuckwit saying how much he hated that song and what a stupid lyric it was. And I just assumed he didn’t mean us.

CC
CC
5 years ago

My ex showed me ZERO affection after the birth of our child. ZERO. No hugs, kisses and no sex. The first time after the birth I tried to hug and kiss him, he pushed me away and said “Oh NOW you like me? You need to treat me better if you want that.” I am still confused by that statement. I have no idea what I did to offend him so badly that he lost complete sexual interest in me. It was degrading and hurtful. I made excuses to myself saying that witnessing the birth messed him up.

I stayed in that marriage for 7 years before he cheated and left. Never once, though I was starving for love and affection, did I ever think about cheating on him.

Happily Free
Happily Free
5 years ago
Reply to  CC

My XH did the same thing after my fourth. It was a difficult pregnancy with complications. For the last month, I was on bed rest, then he was born s month early. He was allergic to everything, so I had to alter my diet and nurse him only. If he wasn’t nursing, he was screaming. It was a very difficult first year, but I wasn’t intentionally ignoring my husband. I made every effort to be with him that I could. But yes, it is torture for them when they’re not the center of attention, and he just couldn’t handle it.
Eventually, he just didn’t bother with being home at all unless he had friends over to socialize and eat with. I’d have to go upstairs because I couldn’t take care of the baby in front of people. I was very isolated.
Flip side though, I never blamed the baby. I’m sure if he could’ve, he would have chosen a different stomach. I poured nothing but love into that child even as he screamed and screamed. That child loves me. After school, he plows into me and hugs me like he hasn’t seen me for days. He snuggles up to me every chance he gets. I work at his school, and when he sees me, he asks his teacher if he can run and give me s hug really quick.
He’s such a blessing and a balm for everything his Dad puts me through.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Happily Free

That brought tears to my eyes. What a good mom you are.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago
Reply to  CC

I was chatting about this on Facebook the other day: pregnancy and childbirth messes with the disordered in a particular way. They’re not the centre of attention, and they hate it. Babies are a bundle of needs, and their mothers absolutely must focus on them, and man-babies can’t bear it – it’s like torture.

I know a divorced couple where a similar thing happened to you, but the husband was an ‘ex gay’. Witnessing the birth really did something to him, and there was no more sex. And eventually no more marriage.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  CC

He was probably already cheating then.

The Original Melissa
The Original Melissa
5 years ago

I heard about this after the fact…but apparently several years ago, there was a after work gathering amongst the guys in the office. Too many drinks were had. Some inappropriate conversation happened…who’s hot who’s not, in the office.
Voted into the “hot” list, and also special mention for “best boobs ”

Yeah they’re real. And they are fabulous.