And the Bitch Cookie Goes to…!
In case you missed it, one of our intrepid chumps shared the term “bitch cookie” with Chump Nation and it took off. What’s a bitch cookie? It’s a tasty little reward you get for doing something you should do anyway, without reward.
Cheaters ask for bitch cookies all the time.
“Hey, okay I cheated — but I didn’t beat you.”
Bitch cookie.
“You should appreciate all the good things I DO do — I was faithful for, like, entire MONTHS.”
Bitch cookie.
And this one from my ex — “Hey, the affair(s) didn’t take that much TIME.” Like my biggest problem with his infidelities was time management.
Bitch cookie.
So chumps, what stupid shit did your cheater say that merits a bitch cookie? You only had three D-days, not four? They didn’t have sex with you on the same day they had sex with the affair partner? They kept cheating, but hey, they were NEVER going to divorce you!
Let’s award some bitch cookies.
After I kicked him out of the house – “you aren’t grateful of all I do to help you since I moved out. I unpacked the dishwasher”. This is when he was spending time at my home with his kids shortly after separation. 2 years on – the kids go to his house and my home is my fortress!!!
If unpacking the dishwasher was meant to prove to me that he was a committed husband I should give a second chance to – I didn’t even notice.
Mine, too! What is it with the dishwasher?
And when I tried to show gratitude to him for getting up to go to a job he didn’t love, and pointed this out to the kids–you know, give him an actual bitch cookie? He snarled at me and said that I only saw him as a paycheck.
Whatevs, bro.
I gave up the dishwasher years ago as STBX was vertically obsessed about how to load it. Really?! I gladly handed him the keys to the dishwasher loading castle
Yes mine thought hanging out a load of washing made him husband of the year.
That is about all he did and would boast about it to all who would listen.
But he won’t want A cookie, he will want the whole freaking box. Narc
We did the whole MC thing just after BD.
The therapist was grasping at straws and he said to my stbx ” say one nice thing about your wife”.
Well, you could hear the crickets chirp for what seemed like eternity .
He finally said ” she’s really good at keeping up with the laundry “!?!?!
After 14 years of marriage that is the best he could do.
Well this wife appliance stopped working 2 years ago.
Glad I was good for something! Yup – have a Bitch Cookie 🙂
Lisah, a counselor gave us a similar assignment!
We were given “homework”. Had a week to make a list of the top three things we loved about each other. He managed to come up with: 1) I always supported his fitness efforts/marathons/sports participation; 2) I was always very happy to see him when he walked in the door; 3) I’ve created a beautiful home.
When it was time to discuss each other’s biggest flaws, his criticism of me was that I was not great at being on time.
A decade together, and all I was to him was an Occasionally Tardy Cordial Hostess.
Wife Appliance!
LOVE it! That’s how they saw us!
“yeah, I gave her money but I gave YOU all the rest.”
“but I always came home at some point.”
Minimizer: “she’s a poor woman with kids who’s husband (!) is a drug addict, I had to help her.”
“I don’t know what you are so upset about. I stayed with you longer than with any of the others!”
You are obviously soooo ungrateful. I hope you force fed him a bitch cookie.
Mine actually said the affair partner “saved our marriage”, seriously! Extra large bitch cookie!
Mine said “I truly believe I was a better husband because I cheated.”
and
“All men cheat.”
“I always came home.”
“I never stopped loving you.”
“It was JUST 4.”
“I would just do my thing and come home.”
“It was just sex.”
“You are making a big deal about this.”
The list goes on……
Yeah MFIM, mine said OW “is actually your best friend.” Why? I asked. “Because she told me to tell you about us [him and her].”
Yeah, because everyone needs a friend like that!!! WTF?
This is a comment I’m sure a lot of chumps have been told, ” I was keeping the affair secret because I didn’t want to hurt you.” Because, of course, as long as I didn’t find out about his 3 year affair his actions were perfectly ok!
And many of us ate that cookie and had some milk with it. Oh gees I didn’t want to hurt your feelings by letting you know I want to and am fucking someone else and but for you finding out I would have never hurt your feelings. It may not have been the best cookie but apparently the cookie tasted good enough as many of us have stuck around to taste the next batch. I guess you didn’t mean to hurt me and gosh if I had not found out you would have continued to fuck other people behind my back, but at least I could have remained a chump, as I jump roped down the yellow brick road and over the rainbow. So yes, the you cheating on me must have been okay as we have eaten the cookie and we are still here to taste the next batch. As seasoned chumps, and my only request is that the next batch of cookies have sprinkles and unicorns.
Followed up in any order by:
1. It didn’t mean anything;
2. It was only lust;
3. I was afraid to break it off;
4. Family interjection: other aps in the wings- must have been getting bored with current AP.
Seconds please.
Al those porno pics I whacked off to meant nothing to me, you are the one I love. You are all I need, I just can’t stop I’m addicted to masturbating to teen porn!! I never meant to hurt you, I LOOOOVVVVE you. Really.
Oh and, what do you expect me to do?????? He’s my DAD…… After finally SEEING his pervert father run his hand over my breasts as he leaned down to hug me on FUCKING MOTHERS DAY!!!!
Now’s that for a nice shit covered bitch cookie?????
🙂
Yes, my XH told me the same thing. But then later when I accused him of being deceitful by hiding the affair from me, he said that he was honest with me about the affair, because he didn’t try to delete the history of Internet web pages he visited, which included sites for romantic getaways and restaurants, and knew that I would find this Internet history (and realize those getaways and restaurants weren’t for me), so he wasn’t trying to hide the affair.
Wow, Blues Clues, how considerate he was of you. And you don’t appreciate that gesture?
Mine said all the same. It really is like there is some play book they all use.
It’s not because they didn’t want to hurt us. They are weak wimps (chicken shit pussies). PERIOD>
Mine told me about the affair but at first wouldn’t tell me who it was with, because “I don’t want to destroy you.” She’d had no issue with my seeing him on a regular basis while she was having the affair.
I got something similar when I asked XH, who walked to work, why OW was driving him home and dropping him off on the side street the next house over.
“Because I knew you would make you mad if you knew she was driving me home.”
Not “I should stop because it would make you mad,” but “I should hide because it would make you mad.” Idiot!
Yep. Bitch cookies all round for not wanting to hurt us.
As long as we do not know it is all OK.
I did not realize ingnorance was a gift?
Mine said exactly the same phrase and also added another bitch cookie : “we didn’ t talk about you out of respect”!!!!
OMG. I don’t have words.
Chump-Sans-Frontiere – they must have a school, because my ex said the same thing.
Ha ha! I heard a version of this too!
Him: “Whenever she (his ow) would ask about you or say something bad about you, I always told her not to talk about you.”
ugh, take your Bitch Cookie and please stfu.
Hahaha. ME TOO.
Do they go to school for this?
I didn’t acknowledge her child as mine. Son is still my first born…. Blergh!
FYI I didn’t know he had cheated let alone had a child till the child was 6!!!! My kids are younger.
Bitch Cookie for not wanting your love child!
Oh he’ll Respo….
Your Cheater gets to lick the mixing bowl and spoon too.
Yup.
From STBX – before D’day in MC – I love you and what our marriage to work.
three weeks later on D’day – Only the first one was an affair the rest were just oral sex.
Or – when I told STBX or marriage was over – No its not, I have my issues to work through and you have your issues to work through. If our marriage is over that is on you. WTF
Or
From my ex minister – your husbands actions were just physical not intimate. Gee thanks
“just physical and not intimate”?!?! WTF???!
LIKE!
If a minister is earning bitch cookies, I’m glad he’s your ex-minister. That’s f***ed up.
What – want
“I didn’t plan for this to happen.”
Really? You didn’t coldly formulate a series of action items and then create an accompanying business plan including risk mitigation strategies before you fucked the cute guy from the gym?
That makes me feel so much better. Thanks.
I know now that you really are a good person. And so passionate! Please accept this bitch cookie.
Mine didn’t want it to happen either.
Mine didn’t plan for it to happen, either! All of those daily hour and a half phone calls, the emails, the text messages for nine months leading up to their first passionate meeting? You know, the dedicated mission to woo and enchant her with all of his best sparkly efforts? EVERY day for hours for nine months?
Quite unintentional! How did that happen? No one was more surprised than he!
HA! My ex told me he didn’t mean for this to happen. then again, he forgot to mention the many other affairs I eventually found out about. I imagine he didn’t mean those to happen? Nope, but they didn’t mean anything.
Yes! I got: “I didnt see it coming.”. Right—that fake “Nick Jones” Facebook account just appeared on your computer screen when you turned it on one morning.
Yep! mine has a fake FB also and he called himself Tom Garcia! He must have thought
very highly of himself. He is not even Hispanic! LOL The bitch even knew his FB was fake
(she left a message on the phone about it). OOPS!!!
LOL!c Mine X’s fake FB page was Will Poe ! Cause he’s an amazing poet ya’ know.
far as I know his face book is still up and thriving. he keeps saying he wants to reconcile,
but I think he just wants to get his ass back in the house. selfish sob. aren’t they all??
crap. spell check. * My X *
I like your username, freeatlast! I don’t think i will be feel free til i’m out of the marital home, and in one of my own.
I am not sure if this qualifies but whilst we were still married my now ex said “it is something that just happened. I know I can’t replace you but us being together is no longer an option. You are my soul mate and we can still be F buddies though”. This is from a male I have known for 45 years and gave my life to. The best part is I have replaced him with freedom and peace of mind.
Mine said he thought that him doing the ‘man chores’ around the house should have been good enough for me. WTF?
I WISH mine had done any man chores.
The Man chores?
This is the first time I ever cheated!
Same here, only “this is the only time this ever happened!” and now, 1 yr post DDay I’ve stumbled onto proof of multiple serial cheating including never having actually broken up with prior GF, during the first 8 years that cheater and I lived together in house we own together; GF from 2007-09 and who knows how many other phone sex, hookups, etc.
How about this Rumblekitty? “She was my first time (cheating). I can’t believe that you don’t BELIEVE ME!!”
How about: “I can’t believe you think I don’t love you!” Me: You bought her strawberries and chocolate for breakfast, you never did that for me. Him: “HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT????” Me: “you left the receipt in your recycling bin.” Him: bursts hysterically into sobbing tears, “WHAT I DID WAS WRONG AND YOU DIDN’T DESERVE IT.” (yes, tears on command.)
Have a chocolate covered, strawberry flavored, cream filled, flaming turd BITCH COOKIE YOU LYING NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE.
THIS. Made me laugh do damn hard!
He said to me in a sad, sad voice “I tried to end it many, many times but AP was so happy…I just couldn’t hurt her that way!” But it was perfectly acceptable to him to completely devastate his wife and family. Big fat bitch cookie! Damn asshat : (
Two weeks after dday, my xh said it wasn’t fair to the OW if we stayed married. And he had only been with the other women for 3 or so weeks.
womAn, singular.
Ex told me that he had gotten up early and went to their workplace to break it off with her because he didn’t want what had happened to him, my (our) adult kids told him off, to happen to her. Damn KISA rides again…. KISA bitch cookie for him. I apparently was supposed to be proud of him cause he was being a “good” person. WTF
Oh that poor AP. Her happiness is in jeopardy… Wow….(insert face punch from giant, hiding mechanical fist here)
ha ha mine said to me “it wouldn’t be fair to all parties” for him to have sex with me after DDay (I was doing the pick me dance insanely and begged him for it) – yes, that’s right, it wouldn’t be “fair” to all parties meaning the OW !!! though it apparently was fair to me to fuck her for months secretly. Oh yeah also, when I kicked him out on DDay, upon being asked where he was now living, he said “Because it is a concession to me, that information is private.” Her house, in other words.
“wouldn’t be fair” and “private.” Fuck him. There has got to be a handbook for these guys. How do they come up with this shit? Ugh.
Mine said he withheld sex that last week before walking out the door because he needed to “stay true to the process”, whatever that meant. When I found a very very large amount of cash he’d left behind in an unfamiliar bank envelope (turns out he’d withdrawn so much that week he lost track of all the hidden bundles and forgot one… Big oops) my doc told me I was being tested for every STD known to man…. While I waited for the second round of tests (yeah…) I accidentally discovered he’ d been taking Valacyclovir for quite some time… Note to cheaters: try to keep track of where you hide your diverted funds so it doesn’t bite you in court later, and change from the pharmacy that you’ve always had your wife pick up your prescriptions from so the clerks don’t just assume like “business as usual” she is there to get the whole family’s meds and bring out your HSV2 anti- viral too…. Hope Mr True To The Process is enjoying a bitch cookie for the STD’s he DIDN’T pick up!
My husband said he felt bad for OW too. I flew off the handle when he said that.
Same sort of comment from my cheating wife when I asked her to remove him from her life forever. Her response. “I can’t be the mean” Are you fucking kidding me???? You destroyed our 18 yr marriage, Completely devastated our family (3 school age kids) and you are trying to tell me you can’t be that mean????
the bloody pompousness of him!
how did you not smother him in the night with a pillow? or just whomp him with a frying pan?
even bitch cookies are too good for this guy.
I kicked him out that night and he never slept anywhere near one of my pillows ever again LOL, andstillirise! Yes, pompous ass certainly describes him, the guy who “wished he could split himself in too so one of” him could be with me “and one with her” (tears in his wittle eyes, how sad! so sad!
Its nice to see how lopsided relationships how chumps living off of starvation rations is oh so common.
My fucktard wife wanted, after 8 years of being together in total (pre and post marriage) of TWO, count em, two whole good things she did for me. This was in response to me listing all the things I did for her, like cooking all her meals, fixing her car, fixing everything else, etc.
Two whole things over 8 years. Wow! Want a cookie, bitch?
After she was busted ofr cheating and I left the house, she would show me how she was finally going to start picking up some cooking duties.
Wow! Do you want a cookie?
She also informed me that the dead bedroom would be totally over and we would have sex on a regular basis.
Holy shit, let me bake you a cookie, fucktard!
Get the hell out of my life. There’s plenty of women out there who arent lying about $170,000 in student debt, who don’t complain when their husbands cook them breakfast in bed, who are turned on when their car breaks down, and their husband says “don’t worry, I got this, go back inside and watch some TV.”
Chumpster, if I knew you in real life, I can think of some lovely, eligible ladies to fix you up with. You sound like a #winner!!!
You had me at “don’t worry, I got this.” I don’t care what’s on the other end of that sentence. God knows I’ve said it enough myself.
Yeah, I wouldn’t know what to do if some guy said, “Don’t worry, I got this.” Probably look over my shoulder to see who he was talking to…
“don’t worry, I got this.” What I wouldn’t have done to hear those words. “I don’t care what’s on the other end of that sentence.” The congregation replied, “AMEN!”
“I wouldn’t know what to do if some guy said, “Don’t worry, I got this.” Probably look over my shoulder to see who he was talking to…”
LOLOLOLOL!!!! For Real!! LIKE!!!!
Just wow. Hang in there Chumpster – there are women who appreciate the good guys.
Complain when you made her Breakfast in bed. Are you kidding? I wish.
Mine complained when I kissed her when she got home and asked how her day was. Then she’d launch into a critique of the dinner I made.
OMG ANR! STBX went off one evening when I got home from work one evening and asked him how his day was. He was so angry about it! Apparently the fact that we asked each other how our days were when we saw each other in the evening was a perfect example of how boring and unsatisfying our lives were!
Chump that I was, I spent the next few months driving home from work being anxious and wondering whether I should piss him off by asking how his day was, or piss him off by not asking how his day was. Instead of wondering what the hell I was doing with a man who was affronted by the most basic common courtesy and interest two married people show each other when they reunite at the end of the day. CHUMP!
Rosie,
I finally figured out why they flip out when u ask how their day is. My pos
has had troubles at every job he has been in during the “cheating times”
He has lost 3 jobs so far, and on probation for the one he currently has.
I think they are soooo obsessed with instant messaging, facebook, skype,
that co-workers and bosses notice. think about it- we all say on here how
checked out the are around us, makes sense they would do the same at
work, especially in a place when we are not around.
Shortly before dday, my ex said something about how the how-was-your-day talking was boring… I didn’t get it, but now I guess it was just an indicator he was bored in general in his life, including me.
No, NorthernLight – it was an indicator he was getting fake sparkles from elsewhere and making the mistake of thinking it was real diamonds.
She did. On the weekends, when I would cook myself a more elaborate breakfast, she would sleep in and I would cook her some and give it to her in bed.
First I changed what i cooked because her desires changed from fruit and pancakes, omelettes, and then to these little breakfast sandwiches. Apparently, I was also pissing her off with this.
Fuck you, cookie monster. My new girlfriend loves it.
Geez. Please. If it doesn’t work out with your girlfriend, please keep me in mind. BUT SINCE I HAVE BOUNDARIES, I wish you love and happiness in your relationship in which I respect!
Assband is sad he never cooked for his whore. He promised her he would but I had to go spoil all of that with my TIMETABLES AND UNREALISTIC DEMANDS OF MONOGAMY. And he is still sooooo very sad he used her for sex and never gave anything back to her. Other than his penis.
Cookie Monster!!
Perfect!!
If you can work well with others in a kitchen, you are very highly desirable!
I work great on a kitchen team, but STBX has no cooking skills. When he “helps,” he doesn’t want instruction, which means that he never gets better and constantly stays in the way.
One of the top things on my list for any future partner is for the two of us to be able to work on a project as partners. STBX either takes over or leaves, and we have to do things his way or no way.
MY exH the non-cheater was like that. It’s exhausting. And you feel cancelled inside.
Omg I hope there are is a guy like you in my life some day.
Mothers day last year I was seriously ill, while Stbx was making his morning coffee the machine broke. He comes in from the garage with our camp coffee pot declaring it was OK old faithful to the resque. He then leaving the pot on the stove left for church taking our kids with him.
Your x sounds like a selfish bitch.
I agree on all fronts. Pray to God there are other guys like Chumpster out there! And I think your STBX is a selfish bitch, too.
The passion is gone from our marriage, but I still love you.
I know this is hurtful, but that was not my intention.
I know there is no one out there as good as you (but, hey, it’s sure fun to be out there sampling the wares).
I’m flying to a resort to meet with the AP, but I’m using frequent flyer miles, and I’m staying with him so at least I’m not running up the credit card.
I think these kinda qualify.
OMG!!!! I swear they all say the same thing!!
“….at least I’m not running up the credit card.” A dozen bitch cookies, boxed for airline travel.
…boxed for airline travel!
Oh, and “The guys I’m interested in and seeing are in their 30’s, 40’s and early 50’s. At least I’m not out there looking for a 60 year old guy” (like you).
Oh my. If only you were in your 30s, 40s or 50s, we’d be good. Sha!!!
Ha. I’m 44. The OM my wife is screwing is 60.
Funny…the things that give a bit of satisfaction. My ex mofo left pictures, on his computer, of his bullshit. The gal he was seeing was a decade younger. But, she looked a decade older and she was a foot shorter. Ha ha.. he did say she wasn’t good looking. Like I should have felt better. Thanks MOFO! That sure helps with the cheating!
He deserves sooooo many Bitch Cookies.
I got: “the AP is my age, so at least not some young thing” he was so proud to have avoided at least one cliche, practically sitting up high and wagging his tail.
Mine was very pleased that his final OW was very, very young. Unfortunately she looks like a teenaged boy. Which is kind of weird, when I think about it.
LOLOL.
Nord, that is what my ex wants now also, girls who look like Asian teenage boys. Maybe he did all along. Instead he got me .. Miss Perfect!! 🙂 His loss.
OW in my case is 9 years older. 54, double mastectomy cancer survivor whose husband was 65 when she divorced him, and she traded down 20 years. First husband was a decade older, my husband was a decade younger. Her daddy was also 8 years younger than mommy (yes, I’m guilty of unraveling the skein.) No hips, no breasts, and anorexic. Her body type goes well with the craigslist circle jerks he also happened to like. Beard, anyone? I’m waiting for my Tuesday, the one that I suddenly get to MEH. This is all SUCH A WASTE OF MY FUCKING TIME.
She sounds like a whore. She’d be a good match for my ex.
I needed that chuckle!
Oh, dearest Chumpguy!
My jaw is on the floor……
Big hugs to you!!! And love of the ‘Nation’ flowing out to you!
ForgeOn, Chumpguy…..
Yeah, me too. And no grown-up 50-60 year-old woman wants a guy in his 30s (and I should know, at 62. And I paid off all my student debt myself.)
Truthfully, have to chuckle at it all. I guess I’m supposed to feel better because it infers I’m a good provider, loving Dad, solid, dependable, overall good guy. Even decent looking and in pretty good shape. She just wants someone younger and hotter, not because I’m that bad; its just that she’s special and gorgeous, and hot, and because she can.
She has said, “My sister is 46 and acts and looks as old as I am. I’m 58 and I look her age or younger, and I act like I’m 35.” What, me grow up?
Such are the bitch cookies. All part of the diet that will help get us to Meh.
The Jackass’s MOW is one of those mid-forties women who act like they’re 25. It’s sad it didn’t work out for those two. Pitiful people.
These idiots are amazing…they even blame us for aging..as if they were petrified in time!
After going to couples counseling about 6 times (and a bunch of personal sessions over 3months) and me realizing that I deserved better and had to end this craziness, I told him I could never trust him again and I wanted a divorce…he still says I didn’t give our marriage a chance-that it could be better now that he had an affair! AYFKM? He honestly believes I am responsible for the divorce, having to sell the house, his major depression, him living with his mistress!!!
My other favorite went something like this…you don’t need to get texted for STD’s-we only had sex a couple of times after I started fucking her…that’s why I had an affair, you didn’t want to have sex with me (and that I had gained 20#, and that I didn’t shower him with enough attention, etc.).
OMG. I got a version of that too. I asked whether he had used condoms and he looked shocked. “Of course not — she’s a nice girl!”
I got that, too. “There’s really no need for that. There is NO way she was with anyone else but me. She isn’t like that.” I said, Yeah? But YOU are. She lives a few thousand miles away from you and you see her once or twice a month. You told me that you were “gently pushing her away” (so as not to traumatize her too much. He’s a compassionate fellow. I should be proud of his sensitivity.) And you were “encouraging her to go out and find someone new.” That was your story. So….you think she didn’t fuck somebody else when you weren’t around? I guess that “pushing her away” nonsense was a lie?
About nine months before D Day I ended up in the ER with a RAGING UTI. After spending the day on IV, the doctor asked me if I was in a monogamous relationship. I assured him that I absolutely was. He tried to tell me that that particular kind of UTI was one they ordinarily considered an STD. I again assured him that, while I was sure he saw a whole lot of that, in MY situation, it was simply out of the question.
How humiliating. And I didn’t even give it another thought. I actually had that kind of faith in the man. Puke.
My cheating ExWife (then wife) had a UTI, and she told me that the nurses asked her whether or not her husband (me!) could be having an affair to cause it, since it was the STD variety……she actually TOLD me that, and waited for an answer, even though I KNEW she cheated on me already, and we were in false re-con…..!
Bitch cookie for the……you get the point..!
How stupid we are sometimes………..
“Of course not, she’s a married woman, never did anything like this before”
Yeah… duh! Got tested. One more humiliation.
me: you had an affair.
asshat: but I ended it before you found out. And it wasn’t physical.
me: but you had a girlfriend while you were married and I didn’t know and I made decisions about my life that were based on lies. I would have chosen differently, asshat.
asshat: but I broke up with her a few months ago to be with you. And it wasn’t physical.
me: broken record here, but you had a married girlfriend while you were married…
seriously – he wanted to be rewarded for having ended it before I found out. Noble, indeed.
Mine harped on too that the ‘affair’ was 8 years ago and only lasted a couple of weeks but he down played the multiple one off’s he had between the affair and D’day.
When going over his laundry list of non paid fuckbuddies:
“Co-worker N: we did Everything but not sex”. (A couple of times)
Bitch cookie
Like his fingers, mouth, tongue, elbow or whatthefuckever in her non-vaginal orifices doesn’t count as sex because his penis didn’t enter into her vagina, just her mouth and maybe her rectum too.
Should just be orifices. He stuck lots of things in her holes. Somehow NOT putting his penis into her vagina, in his mind, means they did not have sex. And NO, I am not married to Bill Clinton.
Oh, I think that bitch cookie is the basis for Jackass’s vehement contention that he didn’t “step out” on me. (That’s his term. I prefer “Lie, cheat and keep secrets.”) He was never in a hurry to get to the actual intercourse part of a relationship; he liked texting, flirting, talking on the phone, meeting up for this or that. And the MOW posted something after D-Day about her not having any sex life (really classy for a married woman). So I have no problem believing it is possible that he didn’t have intercourse. But he did everything up to that point, I am sure. And he’s a big liar and so is she.
Ex told my daughter that he didn’t have an affair until after we had moved out of the house. I wonder what they were doing, Oh I know maybe they broke out their glitter pens and were writing “I heart skank” on each others notebooks. Bitch cookie for him holding back (not)!!
My ex told his daughters that as well.
I think he’s almost convinced himself that’s how it went down.
He had to convince himself of that otherwise he’d realize what a monster he is.
“Yeah, but guys hit on me ALL THE TIME…”
XW wanted a bitch cookie for not boning every dude that paid attention to her.
Wow, good job. This is a pass/fail test, sweetheart. Scoring a B+ in fidelity doesn’t quite cut it.
Asshole.
Ooh, I forgot about this one. The H and I were having a discussion after I accused him of an affair with a colleague, and he told me how is is ALWAYS hit on and propositioned when traveling, at work ,etc. Claimed he never acted on it, even though given napkins with numbers, etc.
Bitch cookie.
Me, I think it you get hit on seriously enough to notice, you are sending out a vibe. I was never propositioned in 23 yrs.
Exactly this. Someone else said it today: Don’t. Act. Available.
Next to impossible for these people – every cheater is an attention whore of some ilk.
YES to the attention whore. Yes, yes, yes.
OMG, when we first got married mine always use to talk about how he had to put a copie of our marriage certificate on the wall near his desk to stop others from trying to pick him up.
Don’t act avaliable, palm to forehead
That’s it exactly! DON’T ACT AVAILABLE! I managed doing just that during our 17 years together and never had a problem. Stbxh gets one complement from TwatWaffle and the next thing you know two marriages have been destroyed! Stbxh said to me “Don’t you know there are women out there who are just looking for a man to f**k them…whether the man is married or not!” Ummm…any woman of quality is NOT DOING THAT!! LOL…now stbxh is stuck with this sterling example morally bankrupt trash : (
You know, Lovehonorcherish,
That DON’T.ACT. AVAILABLE. works both ways!! when f tard tries to text and
drown in his sorrows ( cause we know its always all about them) I DON’T.ACT.AVAILABLE!! Guess he can’t get ahold of one of his side bitches
to play pity party, so I refuse to play. Then he goes into a text bombing rage
about how I never cared. and I just giggle 🙂 “oh you’re losing your job?
crickets..:oh you can’t catch a break, and in a downward spiral? crickets..
sucks to be you asshole,
I personally think it’s great when they get stuck with the piece of white trash that they thought was so wonderful! Just think, it won’t be long before she just can’t resist the next guy who drools her way! I’d give anything to see his face when he realizes he is being cheated on! I hope it hurts him deeply! Pay back is a b***h!
Oh, that just earned a snort, I am sorry for the crap you have faced Scotty but B± that’s funny.
My STBX also wanted to be rewarded for all the ones he didn,t fck! He resisted them because he still loved me..as if the abscence of cheating deserved brownie points
So in Cheater World, the absence of green puke or orange-colored fecal matter is the equivalent of good health. WTF! It’s not what’s there, but what’s missing that makes all the difference? Do these Bozos even think about the crap that dribbles from their lips masquerading as coherent speech?
Someone needs to create “Disordered Island” and ship all these cretins there. Quick! Da planes! Da planes!
Like
My ex-wife was of the opinion that she should get credit for admitting up-front to having an affair, and that this isolated act of honesty trumped any complaints that might be made against her for, you know, having an affair.
Mine too. If I ever hear the phrase “But I told YOU about it” again, I will die from hysterical vomiting.
Ugh. This.
“Guys do things because they feel guilty.” (“Things” referred to keeping an affair going so as not to upset the OW…apparently I was supposed to be sympathetic to this rationale).
“If I keep choosing you, coming home to you, having sex with you, what’s the problem?”
He wants credit for keeping an affair going so as to not upset the OW…huh.
WTF is with that? Yes. You have to keep putting your dick in her so she doesn’t cry. But you also admire her for HER INDEPENDENCE.
Dear Asshole. Her neediness is NOT YOUR ASSET.
Yes, because he may have told her he was going to divorce me to marry her, but he “obviously didn’t mean it!” He also wanted credit for downgrading his relationship with his affair partners to “just friends”. Uh huh, because THAT’S less hurtful for a chump to deal with (and never actually true). Bitch cookie.
Forgot THIS one:
Me: I have an appointment for STD testing because you fuck strangers without using condoms.
Him: I don’t think you need to worry about LT MOW. She’s ” clean”.
Me: WTF? You just told me your decade long , married fuckbuddy has not only had multiple affairs on her husband BUT she and her spouse engaged in”swinging”. Which means I have probably fucked half of LA county via three fucktards who cheat, screw for sport and most likely none of you assholes think about disease or protection!
Me: Holy fuck! Based upon your timeline, I was also nursing our twins while you were fucking her and then fucking me…..
Him: (crickets)
I got pregnant shortly after the affair stopped (I think).
Never got testers for STDs because I foolishly believed it was not an affair (yup, I am a Chump).
When I finally found out 12 yrs later, words cannot express the horror I felt that my child might have been born with birth defects because I might have had an STD.
omg, i was nursing my daughter while he was screwing around…..
i just realized it reading your comment.
I had to stop nursing my son when I caught my CH with one of his earlier whores.
“Yeah but I go to work everyday!”
He said this little nugget during one of our “why he is a cheating, lying asshole” conversations.
As if him holding down a regular job was so awe inspiring that I should drop to my knees and praise Jesus for bringing me such a good man.
Nevermind that he regularly skimmed money from his paycheck, and ran up huge tax debts from secretly dipping into his 401K from his job. Nah…don’t think about that, just give him a cookie for working like an adult.
God bless the 401K and 403B plans that require a spousal signature. Mine does. My exH’s (not the cheater) does not. I had the same tax problems with him. Drinkers are as hard on finances as cheaters, sorry to say.
Ugh. It’s typical cheater speak that they should somehow be rewarded for doing what any average, everyday adult does. Just blech.
When I first found out about the sexual affairs, I said to him “Why couldn’t have you just watched porn? That would have been a lot better than cheating on me!” His response? Sounding like a 5 year old whiny little boy not getting his way, he said “But I already tried that!”
When asked how he could kiss, lick, fuck someone else and come home acting totally normal, then kiss me on the lips, kiss our children, and have sex with me later . ??? His response to defend was, “I washed really good in between”.
Bitch cookies X 2 shoved way up his arse.
OMG!!! I had kissed my wife after she gave asshole OM a BJ!!! OMFG!!!!
what my ex did was worse ChumpDad…
sorry to hear that.
At least your cheater bathed in between…
Yeah,
mine also claimed that he never “crossed the streams” by having sex with both of us without showering first… WTF?
Unfortunately most of these middle aged cheaters would like that way too much.
What is it with middle aged men and anal sex?
A friend of mine is a nurse and she has a very long list of things guys have put up there. Bicycle chain. ‘nuf said
Not long after I found out about his current gf I found out about a previous affair partner. When I confronted him about this woman, he stated that they only slept together a few times and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. “This kind of thing happens all the time.” Bitch cookie.
In his life, maybe! Wow, and you are just being dramatic over minor shit like that.
Oh yeah and this one:
Him: I told LT MOW that as soon as our affair hurt my family, I was going to end it.
Me: (crickets this time. when does having an affair while committed to someone else EVER not hurt a family? The key word for asshat is family, which denotes the kids only and doesn’t include me, the wife.)
Or this:
Him: We often discussed ( asshat and LT MOW) how our affair was making it possible for me to be a better father to my kids.
Wait, he was going to wait UNTIL his affair hurt his family to end it? How about ending it BEFORE then? How about not starting it in the first place? Isn’t it amazing how they convince themselves and each other how admirably they’re behaving? It’s the weirdest.
Ugh. I think I was married to the Bitch Cookie Jar.
“All the women at work want me; none of them can figure out why I married you. I always defend you, and tell them that you’re really smart, a great mom, and you love me.”
“When people talk about how fat you are, I tell them that you’re a good person.”
“I’ve never punched you in the face.”
“You wanted kids – I let you have two…” (This from the guy who claimed to LOVE children and want a whole house-full.)
“I bring home my check.” (yeah, but you pocket pay from a secret side job; lie about it; and set up one of your girlfriends in a posh condo with a car…while bitching all the time about how broke we are…and that was all my fault)
“I pay child support when I can…” (This from the guy who’s made 6 partial payments in over six years – has paid about $2,000 and owes almost $100,000…all after taking me to court to be declared “indigent” – and then driving a new $80,000 car and buying a $400,000 house. What a giver.
It’s no wonder I’m fat – I’ve been eating lots of cookies 🙂
Assailed will almost always pull the overweight card
“I’VE NEVER PUNCHED YOU IN THE FACE”? What on earth?
Ugh, wish we could tag team punch the asshole. I don’t care how dated the term, you are phat (and phabulous) for divorcing him! Good riddance!
And there’s nothing like getting rid of 200+ pounds of Cheating Jackass to jump start a diet.
Oh, another good one…
“I don’t lie about the important stuff…”
(like having multiple girlfriends the whole time we were married…but that’s not important…?)
Mine said, “I only lied a couple of times.”
Coming out of lurkdom…
“I can’t help it women are attracted to me.”
Stop. Acting. Available.
omgomgomg…..”I am a target for women”……can’t believe someone would say that…
A fine first contribution. Bitch cookie!
Give him a baseball bat.
Pepper spray
Good one, ML!
OMG – I got that too – all the time.
Like he was some Magic Magnet to women, and none of them could help themselves. And he should be rewarded for fighting off MOST of them. Ugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PO-yk1fqEVQ
“I’m a great husband. I don’t beat you.”
Well, yay for him. Bitch mother-effing-cookie. He’s a cop, so I guess he was comparing himself to all the low-lifes he arrests.
Oh, I got that one, too, Ducks.
I was also informed that he cheated because I didn’t give him enough respect.
Never mind bitch cookies, there is a bitch bakery on its way.
Yeah, the respect thing — I am STILL getting it. He did apologize in a letter for leaving the way he did — he said his head was messed up — “BUT, I wasn’t respected…..”
We’ve got different definitions of respect apparently. His seems to mean that I should take every sneer and condescending wisecrack without complaint.
Pleading you felt disrespected doesn’t cut it if you’re not acting respectable.
Bazinga, Chumpalicious, just indicates how disordered disordered can be.
When I pointed out respect is a two way thing, he hung up on me, LOL. Except it is not funny, because that is what abusers say.
But, hey, at least he didn’t hit me, right?!
Bitch cookies, a baker’s dozen on their way via Karma Bus!
I know what ‘respect’ actually means to him now — as in getting respect from the OW:
Being awestruck by whatever bullcrap comes out of his mouth as if it were high philosophical wisdom. (She’s 20 years younger and stupid — she’s probably not faking it like I would have to)
Being available for hot sex at a moments notice, in positions and venues I wouldn’t cotton to.
The world is being run by chauvinistic creeps like my ex. No wonder it’s such a mess.
“she’s probably not faking it like I would have to”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Bitch cookies are easy to choke on.
Mr Fab gets the sort of respect he thinks he deserves, and is welcome to it, kibbles and all.
I have self-respect now. Way better for you, and tastier!
hugs!
It’s all relative, isn’t it? The ow appeared in my h’s life when he was associating with low lifes in the business world – nothing illegal, rather scuzzy people who promised him the world. He got fucked over financially by his “best friend” right after dday. All of the sudden, my obsession w the timeline of events of my screwing-over made all kinds of sense as he retraced his business relationship. Both of us head in hands saying “how did i let this happen?!?! How was i so stupid and blind?!?” Lucky for him, no contact was as easy as a text and send.
All this to say, when you run with dogs, you get fleas. But when all the dogs have them, you don’t feel gross and itchy, you feel like a part of the gang. His was a mangy gang indeed.
I was so hoping you would do this!
Wife said ” I got that Brazilian Wax for you too”
How about a pube bitch cookie with sparkles on it babe.
Wow, so you get to share a Brazilian Wax with OM? That’s a very big bitch cookie.
Yeah, my cheating ex-wife believed it was an altruistic Brazilian Wax….lol..
Well. I kicked her and her shaven vagina to the curb.
My two favorites:
“Having sex with the other woman makes me want you more.”
and
“But I always came home to you!”
My husband actually called the OW one morning to thank her for the great sex he’d had the night before with me. Asshole.
After I found out, I was stupid enough to take his continuous lies ad believe his sincerity until I found his secret phone and him professing she was his everything, how he loved her, his early morning text “Good morning lover”, “Good morning princess”… this is how he used to reference me, he refers to as mommy. The best ones he said directly to me were I didn’t mean for it to go this far, I waited as long as I could and I just couldn’t walk away. I saved the best for last.. the room light up when she walks in..our daughter said its because she looks like a transvestite!
OMG. Kudos to your daughter! LOL.
“She doesn’t hold a candle to you” (OK so why is she is your bed instead of your wife)
“Why can’t I have a friend? I’m a sociable guy! I can’t help that she fell in love with me. Telling her no would disappoint her”
“She asked to see the house so I thought it best to show her while you were out”
“She liked the dress you were,wearing in that photo and wanted to try it on”
“She was engaged to an abusive guy but didn’t want to marry him. I was just comforting her and we fell in love”
Mine brought OW to our house while I was at work too. I only knew this because he cruelly volunteered this information to me on DDay. Later, he claimed it was appropriate because “dozens of times, Muse, whenever we argued you always threatened to move out!” (Never happened. Ever.) Bitch cookie!
OMG, I never thought about the possibility that the OW was in my closet… I may have to purge everything and start a new wardrobe.
Suz, when I horrifiedly asked him was she in our bedroom? he said yes, he gave her a tour of the whole house, and I asked “what did you talk about while you were standing in OUR bedroom??!!” he said, “Not much. She just said, ‘where are all the girlie things?'” — seemingly implying I am not very feminine?? or something. Funny, I’ve seen her picture and she looks like a moose, with an adams apple.
That comment always makes me want to fight–whether she said it or he made it up. I’d like to smack both of them upside their stupid heads.
The OW wanted to try on your clothes??!!!!!
I swear cheaters are space aliens that wear human suits. Who the hell does shit like that!?
“She asked to see the house so I thought it best to show her while you were out!”….seriously?????!!!!! What a freakin brain thrust!!!!!! TRY YOUR DRESS ON??? Omg! Honestly, how did you not plunge a knife into his chest?
Kimmy,
Actually, as I have described here previously, it was HE who actually attacked me with a knife, held it to my throat while screaming obscenities…because he was caught red handed…cheating. I was only saved by the swift response of a neighbour who called the police.
Beware. Cheaters not only have sex on the side. Sometimes they have far more evil intent. This is why everyone should run like hell when they show you wha they are capable of.
He attacked you b’cause he was caught red-handed. They hate to be found out, don’t they? Not a regular hate, but an all-out rage. My stbx made an audio recording online teaching women how to make their breast larger by massage, so they could be “smokin hot.” When I heard it I thought I was going to be sick. OMFG, who was he?
Oh, back to the point, when I asked him what was going on (I was crying) he threatened to “take me out.” Take me out. Not out to dinner, but “out” in the way the mafia does it. God.
“Beware. Cheaters not only have sex on the side. Sometimes they have far more evil intent. This is why everyone should run like hell when they show you wha they are capable of.”
I so agree with this. I really think the cheating is a symptom of deeper fuckupedness. How else can they sleep with AP, then come home sleep with their spouse and not skip a beat? We call it lying, but it’s much more than that.
I’m glad you were able to get away safely.
On the night my ex coped to not only the man I suspected but also doing sexual things with MEN from bars, she followed that with “But that’s not why I am divorcing you.”
Yeah, this one sounds familiar. “Why do you keep insisting that my affair has anything to do with our divorce? Just because I said I was leaving you at the same time I told you I was having an affair does not mean they are related.”
Oh, WOW!!! The ‘Nation’ needs its own cookie company! Some seriously sick freaks out there! Too bad we were married to them!
Here’s my (very mild) contribution to this thread:
“At least I was home at night!”
Isn’t that sorta what saying “I do” implies?! That you be home with your spouse?!
He carried on with last MOW during the day because during the day, her kids (his great-niece & nephew, by the way—-yeah, he was banging his nephew’s wife!) were at daycare. So, daytime was the easiest / safest time to carry on at her place. Once evening came, kids were home…….
“It was only one time!”
—-referring to flying her out-of-state to meet him while he was working out-of–state. Stupid! It should have been ‘none time’! (—see reason above—-)
Cookies all around!!!!!
Forge on, Nation!!!!
“I only took her out to dinner once!”……..bitch cookie!
“Your breasts are WAY better than hers!”……….bitch cookie!
I love how my vocabulary expands after reading this site!
The closest I have to a bitch cookie is “I tried but it was very hard.” I think this means that he made great efforts to make the marriage work and it was impossible because I was too difficult. Oh, I just spotted a yellow-bellied bullshitter!
Mine bragged that he would never hit a woman and that if someone ever attacked me, he would kill them with his bare hands. Throwing breakable items across the room and screaming at me? Not breaking the rules, apparently. It was as if he learned relationship skills from nature documentaries,
LilyBart, this made me literally LOL! “relationship skills from nature documentaries” Ha!
After discovering his 17-year affair with the neighbor, which was imploded when she found out he had been cheating on her with the TwatWaffle from the church choir for the past two years:
“But at least neither of them got pregnant!”
Buddy, the Girl Scouts don’t have enough Bitch Cookies for you!
“But at least neither of them got pregnant.”–Case of Thin Mints for this prince of a guy.
Wow – so it only came to light when he cheated on OW? It’s okay to cheat on YOU but not on HER? These people are all idiots!
Yup. Reading the bitchy emails flying back and forth between the two OWs was hysterical in retrospect, although at the time I wanted to vomit. First OW justified her behavior by claiming she “respected” me – idiot!
On the plus side, it made it a no-brainer to toss his ass out without a backwards glance. No attempt at reconciliation possible.
“I regret nothing about the affair besides having hurt you”
“I just needed some time with each of you to consider my choices”
“She is more needy than you. You will be fine going it alone”
From the OW:
“You were mean to talk him into stopping smoking”
“you were a beotch to throw him out just because he cheated”
“I enjoyed sleeping in your bed. It’s really comfy. Lucky you travel on business”
“You looked so prim and proper in your photo. How dare you swear at me!”
“I enjoyed sleeping in your bed. It’s really comfy. Lucky you travel on business”
Please tell me you punched her in her cheating face when you said that!
Yeah…….I heard…..”I just needed to get IT out of my system”! Yeaaaa…not sure that could really ever happen!!!!!
“IT” is the selfishness you were born with fuckwad!
LOL Marci, “I just needed some time with each of you to consider my choices” Mine said: “Don’t you BELIEVE that I still love you??!!! I did tell you that I wished there were two of me, so one could be with you and one with her!!”
Have a big, double, cookie.
“She is more needy than you. You will be fine going it alone”
I’ve gotten that one. UGH.
Three memorable comments from the cheating ex-husband:
1. Our marriage seems to have gone flat.
2. I never planned to have an affair – one thing just led to another .
3. The OW is a lovely lady – she never meant to hurt you.
Yes, they love to describe the OW in glowing terms. My OW was described as a fashionista until I actually laid eyes on the whale. Then I had the biggest laugh ever. She is massive…and the sick fuck pimps her out on adult work dot com.
He wouldn’t help me did a hole for a tree with his children because his time was “worth more than that.” He eventually did it alone but made sure we knew how degrading it was. Here, honey, the kids baked you a cookie.
After I told him I wanted a divorce, he very half-heartedly kept telling me that all he really wanted was me. Um…here all the time and you’re still with someone else. Here’s your cookie.
When in counseling and finding out about the affairs, money, prostitutes, etc., I dumped out a bottle of his high dollar shampoo while in the shower. The shampoo made me mad because it was one of the many items he had purchased to help him pick up women. It was cathartic. It was the topic of an entire counseling session because I was petty and mean and out to get him. I had “destroyed a present given to him by his parents.” It was the act of a violent and angry woman. He didn’t know how he would forgive me. Would this cookie help?
I had just found out about the prostitutes and was devastated. I was taking the children to my sisters for Spring Break. I asked him not to come with us. He agreed. Then he bought himself a whole box bitch cookies in the form of a first class trip to Norway.
During conversation above about vacation, I told him my sister knew everything and would probably kick him in the balls if she saw him right now. Later, he claimed that my sister had “threatened him with physical violence.” She’s 5’1″, has never hit anyone, never treated him with anything but love and kindness, and looked up to him like a big brother. You poor thing! Have a cookie.
During divorce turned on the sad eyes, and said, “Are you sure you want to do this? I’m really a good guy. Everyone else thinks so.” Does that include the woman you are sleeping with now? Yeah, you’re great, but you’d better duck, ’cause here comes a cookie.
Sent me an email recently about how miserable he is, how he regrets the mistakes he made, and said he is “exiled” to country where he works, for his transgressions. They wait on him hand and foot in this place of exile. He even has a driver. I was a good wife and he should have appreciated me while he “had” me. I guess whoever does him laundry is not really keeping up with it to his liking. Not once in this email did he reference the pain he had caused me and the children or wonder how we were doing. Sending you a box of cookies.
I could go on and on…
That’s supposed to be “dig” a hole, not “did.”
Done Now…You should have peed in his expensive shampoo. You would have been doing him a favor, diluting it and all, making it lasting longer, thereby him having more of it, to pick up women. Bitch shampoo.