Andrew Huberman and His Double Life
Stanford scientist and popular podcaster, Andrew Huberman, was recently outed by New York magazine for his prodigious double life, duping multiple women into thinking he was their boyfriend. Is Huberman some kind of Wylie Coyote super genius, or just an average fuckwit at Chump Nation?
When you consider that 4.5 percent of the human population are estimated to be psychopaths is it surprising that some of them are podcaster bros? Or even brain scientists? In this case, Huberman seems to have been studying psychology and neuroplasticity to understand his own sociopathy and better manipulate his victims. And, of course, an adoring public.
Who Andrew Huberman appears to be
Huberman is 48-year-old associate professor of neurology and ophthalmology at the Stanford University School of Medicine, and creator of the Huberman Lab podcast, which claims to be the #1 health and science podcast in the world.
In one episode, Andrew Huberman shows a keen interest in the double life and how to maintain it. Check out “Mating Deception and Violence” with Dr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term.
Who Andrew Huberman actually is
A dead ringer for Jon Hamm’s cult leader character in the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.
Uncanny, isn’t it?
The square jaw, the casual misogyny, the coercive control…
Here we have a broad-minded professor puppyishly enamored with the wonders of biological function, generous to interviewees (“I love to be wrong”), engaged in endearing attempts to sound like a normal person (“Now, we all have to eat, and it’s nice to eat foods that we enjoy. I certainly do that. I love food, in fact”).
And then they go on to reveal how not normal Andrew Huberman is.
Huberman sells a dream of control down to the cellular level. But something has gone wrong. In the midst of immense fame, a chasm has opened between the podcaster preaching dopaminergic restraint and a man, with newfound wealth, with access to a world unseen by most professors. The problem with a man always working on himself is that he may also be working on you.
Enter the chumps
Sarah (not her real name) is a single mother of two and Huberman’s public girlfriend. The one he occasionally mentions on his podcast. The one he eventually moves in with. And the one he tries to have children with.
In July, in her garden, Sarah says she asked to clarify the depth of their relationship. They decided, she says, to be exclusive.
Both had devoted their lives to healthy living: exercise, good food, good information. They cared immoderately about what went into their bodies. Andrew could command a room and clearly took pleasure in doing so. He was busy and handsome, healthy and extremely ambitious. He gave the impression of working on himself; throughout their relationship, he would talk about “repair” and “healthy merging.” He was devoted to his bullmastiff, Costello, whom he worried over constantly: Was Costello comfortable? Sleeping properly? Andrew liked to dote on the dog, she says, and he liked to be doted on by Sarah. “I was never sitting around him,” she says. She cooked for him and felt glad when he relished what she had made. Sarah was willing to have unprotected sex because she believed they were monogamous.
(Narrator: He was not monogamous.)
In a scenario that every chump can relate to, Andrew Huberman goes missing a lot because (unbeknownst to his chump) he’s juggling a double life. Hey, he’s a genius. He’s flakey. Overcommitted. Working late! He stands up his friends. He stands up his girlfriend. And no one dumps him because he’s, well, Dr. Andrew Huberman, ubermensch.
He’s shitty to his friends too.
In a HOLY METAPHOR Batman! moment, he promises a friend they’ll go swim with sharks.
That year, Carney agreed to Huberman’s invitation to swim with sharks on an island off Mexico. First, Carney would have to spend a month of his summer getting certified in Denver. He did, at considerable expense. Huberman then canceled the trip a day before they were set to leave. “I think Andrew likes building up people’s expectations,” says Carney, “and then he actually enjoys the opportunity to pull the rug out from under you.”
(Emphasis mine.) Everyone who’s ever tangled with a sociopath knows the pleasure these freaks derive from crushing you at your most vulnerable and expectant. Sitting for the bar exam? Significant birthday? Newly wed?
Sarah’s D-Day
In August 2021, Sarah discovers he’s been cheating. At the same time they’re trying to get pregnant via IVF. The shit sandwiches keep coming.
In 2021, she tested positive for a high-risk form of HPV, one of the variants linked to cervical cancer. “I had never tested positive,” she says, “and had been tested regularly for ten years.” (A spokesperson for Huberman says he has never tested positive for HPV. According to the CDC, there is currently no approved test for HPV in men.) When she brought it up, she says, he told her you could contract HPV from many things.
Like a duplicitous scumbag boyfriend, you mean?
And then, because Sarah doesn’t read this blog, she reconciles with Huberman. Because hey, that HPV probably came from a toilet seat. And you can trust a guy with a #1 podcast. They move in together.
According to Sarah, Andrew’s rage intensified with cohabitation. He fixated on her decision to have children with another man. She says he told her that being with her was like “bobbing for apples in feces.” “The pattern of your
11 years, while rooted in subconscious drives,” he told her in December 2021, “creates a nearly impossible set of hurdles for us … You have to change.”Sarah was, in fact, changing. She felt herself getting smaller, constantly appeasing. She apologized, again and again and again. “I have been selfish, childish, and confused,” she said. “As a result, I need your protection.” A spokesperson for Huberman denies Sarah’s accounts of their fights, denies that his rage intensified with cohabitation, denies that he fixated on Sarah’s decision to have children with another man, and denies that he said being with her was like bobbing for apples in feces. A spokesperson said, “Dr. Huberman is very much in control of his emotions.”
Because he has none. What he’s in control of are his rotating options on the pussy buffet.
DARVO? What DARVO?
When Sarah gets suspicious, Huberman says these other women are “stalkers” obsessed with him. She eventually checks his cellphone and discovers Eve. They compare notes, and discover Mary. And so on.
But every time Andrew Huberman is busted for his double life, he promises to be a unicorn and do better for that woman, while continuing to deceive her.
Caught having an affair, Andrew was apologetic. “The landscape has been incredibly hard,” he said. “I let the stress get to me … I defaulted to self safety … I’ve also sat with the hardest of feelings.” “I hear your insights,” he said, “and honestly I appreciate them.”
Sarah noticed how courteous he was with Eve. “So many offers,” she pointed out, “to process and work through things.”
I swear FWs love the high wire act of a chump’s continued hope. Raising those expectations, only to crush them. The duper’s delight at getting away with it. And the extra hit of kibbles, as they make this about their hurt. This is hard on them too, harder really. Andrew had a difficult childhood. He’s so stressed.
The universal sisterhood
“There’s so much pain,” says Sarah, her voice breaking. “Feeling we had made mistakes. We hadn’t been enough. We hadn’t been communicating. By making these other women into the other, I hadn’t really given space for their hurt. And let it sink in with me that it was so similar to my own hurt.”
Three of the women on the group text met up in New York in February, and the group has only grown closer. On any given day, one of the five can go into an appointment and come back to 100 texts. Someone shared a Reddit thread in which a commenter claimed Huberman had a “stable full a hoes,” and another responded, “I hope he thinks of us more like Care Bears,” at which point they assigned themselves Care Bear names.
Andrew Huberman is not original. He’s a misogynistic mindfuck as old as time. Kudos to Sarah and all the other Care Bears and Kerry Howley at New York Magazine for outing him.
You can read the whole story at New York Magazine.
What a relief. I would try to listen to his podcasts when I was falling asleep and found his two-hour lectures scary in their intensity.
So, did the Care Bears fire his ass? How about Stanford?
LOL – me too. I never made it past ten minutes. Andrew Humerman – insomnia cure
According to the article in the Intelligencer, he has tenure. So Stanford can’t fire him, at least not easily.
Huberman sounds just like a Red Piller using the infamous “dread” approach of coercive control which is a means of deliberately wearing women down to jittery, insomniac nubs through operant conditioning, intimated terror tactics and brinksmanship (constantly hinting they’re on the brink of abandoning, cheating on or smearing partners).
‘How Can I Love You if You Don’t Let Me Do this?’ Evaluating the Effects of the Red Pill Seduction Community Experienced by Intimate Partnershttps://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/10926771.2023.2186302
ABSTRACTThe Red Pill (TRP) is an online antifeminist seduction community, which encourages its members to employ their beliefs and manipulation strategies in offline relationships. Though previous studies have evaluated online TRP communities and their discourse, this study represents the first investigation of the impacts of TRP practices on intimate partners engaged in physical, offline relationships with TRP men. Six in-depth, semi-structured interviews were conducted with women who had formerly been romantic partners with TRP men. Analysis revealed four primary themes: (1) technology use, (2) maltreatment, (3) social beliefs, and (4) long-term effects, each with multiple subcategories. TRP was used by male partners both as a basis for controlling many elements of participants’ lives, as well as a basis for their own beliefs about gender, sexuality, and politics. Despite differences in ages, lengths of relationships, and geographic locations of participants, commonalities were found in their experiences of various forms of maltreatment. As a result, participants expressed high levels of ongoing mistrust toward dating and other men. Findings suggest that TRP exists as a form of intimate partner violence spreading via the internet while masking as a seduction or self-help system, and that its risks are not limited to online spaces. Results may inform future research in order to generate greater awareness and potential prevention strategies for TRP-affected populations.
Male Role Belief System repackaged with a fancy new name and voila!, thanks to the internet, a new vehicle to disperse and propagate….
I started my DV education with a partner who was in the ManAlive program back in 1989. We broke up when he dropped out. Sadly I thought I had broken the pattern and chosen someone healthy. I think Traitor Ex is worse because he likes to hide in plain sight with his Nice Guy disguise…
https://www.no2violence.com/what-we-do
In that program they teach that affairs are abuse/controlling behavior, so I was able to get my mind in agreement with my MIRAGE (not marriage) ending way sooner than i might have otherwise……
Interesting group, thank you for sharing. I wonder if this group will at any point include coercive control prevention in its program.
I’m glad someone else knows about this and brought it up (although, I suppose I should have known you would!) because it’s genuinely terrifying how there’s guides to abusing your partners. Unsurprising, but terrifying.
This is a terrifying article. As man reading it, this is absolutely nauseating. The TRP community seems to be the more proactive version of an incel. I recently read an analysis of language used in posts on incel websites (it was unpublished from a linguistics student I know well, or I would add the link). Turns out incels are racist, misogynistic, and surprisingly hate other incels. The saddest part is there was almost no language relating to self improvement, or accountability anywhere.
Another academic paper that links Proud Boys with Red Pillers. https://gjia.georgetown.edu/2020/09/07/take-the-redpill-understanding-the-allure-of-conspiratorial-thinking-among-proud-boys/
A friend developed a bit of a humorous fascination in all things “Incel” because she lives in a Latin country where the concept is still a bit novel and gets slightly muddled in translation, especially following global reports that some of these radical men’s rights groups had some involvement in the Jan. 6th capital riots. Due to that association, the term “Incel” started to be generalized in her country as a sarcastic way of referring to anything or anyone “neofascist”– with the added implication of “small dick energy.” When her country recently elected yet another neofascist leader (seems to happen every other election) and this guy, of course, had the requisite creepy sexual history, political discussions online and elsewhere merrily exploded with the term Incel, especially after this regime began proposing “laxification” of policies regarding rape and lowering the age of sexual consent. Oh and naturally this guy was proposing horrible policies that would set back, among other humanist progressive movements, indigenous rights (using racist language in these screeds) and threatened violent military repression of the latter if they got in the way of foreign fracking investors. So, in sum, the popular association was “Incel = rapey racist violent authoritarian.”
Like a lot of people, my friend was having a sort of gallows humor freakout about it so we started sharing relevant articles and began noticing that, at root of in the incel/MGTOW/Red Pill/PUA was minimization of rape and, by that token, negation of the concept of sexual consent. That set off light bulbs so we shared social research papers back and forth that had in common something called “rape myth acceptance.”
All kinds of things are apparently statistically and psychologically associated with “rape myth acceptance” almost like a correlative wheel in which RMA is the hub. One “spoke” of that wheel emanating from RMA is– tada– “tolerance of infidelity.” Another is racism and another is “support for authoritarianism.”
I thought it was interesting that the muddled, lost-in-translation generalization of the Incel concept actually cut straight to the heart of it.
I remember reading about this the first time. It was an essay written by an incel, and it made me nauseous. These freaks are not safe to live in a society full of actual people.
Dang… Reading this made me realize my cheating ex (who I just dumped but am wavering on no contact with) was absolutely using the dread method on me. Another reason why he sucks and no contact is better. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I’m so sorry. Mine used it too, whether he learned about it on the Internet or it was just natural for him as he is a psychopath. It’s absolutely abuse and very damaging.
I think the researchers accurately refer to this as a form of domestic violence for more than one reason.
In my experience, people who initiate dread games– i.e., weaponized brinksmanship– are usually doing something behind the scenes that they suspect their partner (or any sane person) would likely leave them for if they knew about it. It makes sense because, if you think about it, cheating itself can be a form of weaponized brinksmanship. Both the game (the threat to discard and replace the partner) and cheating (following through on the threat but in secret, like a trial run of abandonment just to prove one can do it) are arguably ways disordered, abusive people might manage their own pathological, internally generated, self-fulfilling abandonment fears (“You can’t replace me because I can easily replace you! You can’t fire me, I can quit!”).
If you read any of the icky Red Pill screeds, the “game” is supposed to increase the illusion that the game-player has higher “mate value” than their partner. This is apparently often done by employing the old bandwagon fallacy– inserting supposedly positive third party opinions of the game-player into conversations or inserting supposedly negative third party opinions of the partner. The latter also hints at smear campaigning: by demonstrating that the game player is talking about or overhearing dirt on the partner, it’s a way to flex the game player’s ability to reputationally destroy the partner.
As a side note, I’ve started think of that latter form of coercive control as “social abuse”– a form of domestic terrorism. In a society with fewer and fewer reliable social safety nets, reputational attacks can be an extremely potent or even dangerous threat (losing one’s job and being plunged into poverty, being deprived of necessary health supports, losing social support in a dangerous neighborhood or risky profession, losing custody of children, etc.).
Anyway, all the above is what makes me suspect that dread games relate to a particularly demented psychological dynamic reportedly displayed by a lot of domestic batterers, something called “masked dependency” that I rambled on about yesterday. Both cheating and brinksmanship/dread games are arguably ways to “mask” the abuser’s own demented, internally driven terror of being left — by “displacing” that fear of abandonment onto the partner, making the partner feel the pain of it, thus momentarily relieving the abuser of their own self-generated fear.
Maybe read yesterday’s comment if you’re interested in a sort of unifying theory about why some employ those “games.” I remember my mind being completely blown when I first read about it. In other words, to the extent the game is a pretty telltale behavioral expression of a particular quirk in the psychology of batterers, the game itself may be a red flag for violent potential.
You laid it out really well. That’s exactly what my ex did to me. He “overheard” people saying things about me or he’d come to me “concerned” about what someone said about me and he thought I should know.
And yeah, I would have 100% left him if I knew about his secret life and he knew it. I was horrified.
What you’re describing is a grade of coercive control. Even if the criminalization of CC is slow to spread, I find it sort of comforting to know that brand of abuse is punishable by up to 14 years in prison in Scotland.
Regarding coercive relational tactics, I’m mulling on a theory of social abuse as a specific form of CC. Like I mentioned, I think the bandwagon fallacy is one of the go-tos for a lot of abusers. Granted, the tactic can be hit or miss. If the target of it is pretty secure financially and professionally, doesn’t have children in common with the abuser, isn’t an immigrant who’s worried about deportation, has solid family and social support, etc., the tactic might rattle a bit but fall a bit flat. But think about (in our crisis level economic times) the vast numbers of people who don’t enjoy that level of security. Because of this, I’m starting to find the typical bystander advice of “Tsk, don’t let them (jerks) live in your head rent free!” in response to a smearing ex to reflect a pretty sheltered, almost privileged attitude. When you have good reason to believe a smear can destroy (or end) your life or rob your children from you, it tends to “live in your head” until the danger passes.
I discovered that understanding the power of a smear is common ground among friends who didn’t grow up sheltered (like most of the world isn’t when compared to the US that hasn’t had a war on its own soil since the Civil war) because they grappled with any number of challenges– economic hardship, racial strife of political violence in their countries of origin. After reading Prof.Jennifer Freyd’s (coiner of the DARVO acronym) Blindness to Betrayal in which she lists a lot of specific, very pragmatic factors that make people especially and tactically vulnerable to being entrapped in destructive relationships (in other words, their vulnerability has fuck-all to do with their base-level “self esteem” or supposed psychological “weakness”), I started thinking there should be a kind of mathematical algorithm to gauge the “entrapping power” of various coercive control tactics in relationships, the workplace, etc.
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The people who say trite like “don’t let them live in your head rent free” and versions thereof are straight up victim denying, deflecting or mimimizing harm. It’s dismissive and it’s wrong. That’s a flying monkey tell right there, or potentially a “Swiss” frenemy. Everyone understands the reputational damage of a smear campaign. This is a known narc tactic. FWs have usually started it months if not years before. I’d say it starts as soon as they line up their next mark. It is absolutely social abuse. I wrote as much in an email to my parents in law. I hadn’t found CL in those days.
Bet that letter was a douzie. I’m sure it was therapeutic to write it.
Yes, I think you’re right the concept of social abuse/smears is more regularly discussed in narcissistic abuse survivor communities but not often enough in coercive control advocacy or the related legislative movement. I think this is because the legislative movement understandably relies on existing, peer reviewed social research to campaign for laws and policies. But the crux is that social science hasn’t really delved into the entrapping power of reputational attacks within the arena of domestic abuse, the costs to victims and their children, etc.
I think it would be next level anti-victim blaming if that issue were tackled because it would explain captor bonding/Stockholm syndrome that much more. That could lead to protective policies and better resources. I think that’s exactly what Jennifer Freyd is tackling in her book on betrayal blindness. And it struck me as a bit shocking that what she– a published researcher, not just a pop guru with a degree– was doing by itemizing individual liabilities is actually cutting edge. How odd. The concept of and potential lethal costs of “Dickensian social ruin” go back to, well, Dickens and Thomas Hardy, Shakespeare, etc. So I think part of the reason — beyond the typical patriarchal bent of social science– this issue is not sufficiently, solidly researched within DV probably relates to the myth of human progress. People in developed countries kid ourselves that our modern societies have progressed since Dickens and now have solid social safety nets which frankly is less and less true for more and more people. I think that research blind spot alone represents one of the bars on the cage entrapping victims in cycles of abuse.
No one knows that social nets can be illusory more than victims who’ve lost everything to a smear. The case I always remember most when thinking about this particular coercion strategy is actually from CN; the woman who’s ex falsely told police she was a prostitute so that police didn’t heed her pleas that her ex was dangerous, enabling him to kidnap and kill their young son in a murder/suicide. In that case the ex had never been violent until he was (like about 60% of domestic murder cases, the only preface had been coercive control). I could never shake that tragic story off and it really shouldn’t be shaken off. I think that, when people are dealing with FWs, that story represents among the worst of the worst of what everyone’s unconscious lizard brain fears an empathy-impaired power and control freak might be capable of.
It’s that ganglia-level fear that gives entrapping, paralyzing power to things like “bandwagon fallacies” that abusers like to float as a way to demo to the victim what they’ll be saying about victims to anyone who will listen if the victim doesn’t do what they’re told. And in each of us, there’s a kind of risk-management faculty that functions like a humorless little inner accountant who ceaselessly runs the numbers on every potential threat in the environment as well as running the numbers on the person’s relative liabilities, risks, strengths or resources and then fires off messages to the nervous system and unconscious mind in the form of inklings, impulses, dreams, gut feelings, instincts and fears that will drive either a fight/flee response or freeze/fawn. If an individual has too many liabilities and not enough resources, the response will tilt to the latter. That inner accountant has no clue and doesn’t care if we’re not still living in the time of Dickens or swinging from trees. It just factors the risks inherent to humans’ ape-rooted intraspecies aggression and the common limits to intraspecies altruism.
In other words, if someone senses that their abuser’s demo’ed potential smear might have the power to snowball and cause unbearable loss, they will freeze. Then blamey bystanders will ask, “Well why didn’t s/he leave sooner?” This is because bystanders assume the victim’s fears of fallout and perceptions of risk were likely neurotic and pathological, not realistic and pragmatic. Even if they manage to escape, people who sense they have a lot of liabilities may be extra haunted by the abuser’s power to influence others. I’d love to see the day when it’s more widely and officially understood why this happens.
I HATE the redpill, or any of those pill communities.
I was just reading an article about how the Red Pill approach leads to not only abuse but also a lot of depressed men who can’t figure out why the method fails and they end up alone or in miserable relationships. On top of that, there seem to be some spooky wider political ramifications in there, huh? https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1097184X18816118
I thought Greta Thunberg’s “small dick energy” response to Red Pill icon Andrew Tates’ trolling was very clever and funny but it also gave me a real dystopian chill. The thing about the cult’s foundational evolutionary argument is that it should, by rights, scare people– maybe especially men– off the concept. For instance, consider the ramifications for environment and climate change alone. If we’re seeking to “return to nature”– i.e., emulate our closest ape cousins, the regular chimpanzee– never mind the rigid gender inequality, rapey sexuality, cannibalism, infanticide and continual inter-troop warfare that claims about 60% of males– regular chimps are quite “naturally” environmentally suicidal. They wreck every habitat they occupy.
Maybe our inner apes should remain nicely repressed and buried under tens of thousands of years of more civil and conscious evolution? If that’s what Red Pillers mean by taking the “blue pill,” I’m all for it.
Yes, it’s hurt men further hurting men. Cherry-picked evolutionary psychology and washed-up seduction techniques, with a smattering of “science”. If you have to manipulate someone to have a “relationship”, you’re not in one.
Well put.
I really dislike all the broscience stuff, and it’s heavy in the jujitsu community. I don’t know how many times I have been asked if I should do TRT, ice baths, etc. All this self-help stuff is dressed with a patina of science.
What’s sad is how therapy and therapy-speak has become weaponized by many people to get away with poor behavior.
I mean don’t see anything wrong with ice baths, I know people who swear by them. But I do a cold water rinse at the end of my showers and it’s been great for my skin. It’s made enough of a difference I’ve thought about ice baths but it’s just not practical in my home.
Oh, I don’t disagree that there aren’t benefits to much of the things discussed such as ice baths, but not to the extent that is put out there.
Shriek– in between her dead-eyed anti-feminist, weaponized-therapy-speak rants, I was really cringing over Red Pill-fluffer Teal Swan’s pseudo-sciency promotion of ice baths and “grounding.”
There are some days I wish the internet would disappear, but then we wouldn’t have chumplady.
I would recommend not reading the comments to various articles or reddits unless you’re being paid or are on a research grant to study how professional trolls or Cluster B types (technically lumped together as “sick fucks”) tend to brigade and create the entirely false impression of majority opinion.
For more than ten years, I worked as an editor and social media monitor for an environmental publication that squared off with the biggest “troll employers” in history– companies like Monsanto, Bayer, etc. My 13 fellow editors and I played a game of blocking every troll we saw on in the comments sections of social media or news articles. We boiled down our block lists to, give or take, about 6,000 freaks and trolls. Once they were all blocked, it’s as if the comments sections of major news publications or social media posts relevant to topic became polite wastelands. Seriously, tumbleweeds. The few comments that remained were just normal human thoughtful inquiries, a bit of polite added information, etc. It turned out that very few normal, regular people (i.e., the majority of humanity) comment on hot-button topics like toxic dumping and climate change. The rest are either paid trolls or individuals who, for personal or professional reasons, are basically driven by guilt and cognitive dissonance.
In other words, the worldwide interwebs don’t always reflect actual humanity.
Yeah my ex who is strikingly similar with Huberman went far into any health craze du jour. He did TRT, of course, ice baths, and dozens more supposedly therapeutic diets and wellness strategies. I think it was all a grandiosely narcissistic way to resist aging and “cheat death”.
To quote Margaret Atwood, “An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.” I really hate how the manosphere has glommed onto keto because the association creeps me out, plus they just over-woo even legitimate health strategies. One of my kids and I are on keto for actual medical reasons. For my son, it’s about reducing seizure risks (the original purpose of the diet from over a century ago) and, for me, it’s the only thing that reduces osteoarthritis from a lot of sports injuries.
It’s true that the idea has kind of caught fire all around us (kids’ piano teacher, his mother, his older brother, even our accountant). We make “cult” jokes but the people around us are all especially thoughtful and studious about everything they do and the reasoning is sound. For example, the accountant and the teacher’s mom successfully addressed pre-diabetes. The kids’ teacher’s brother and the latter’s fiance, both geologists stationed on a high peak, found the diet attenuated mountain sickness and related neurological symptoms. The kids’ teacher found it reduced allergic asthma symptoms. A few didn’t mind the bonus slimming effect though my son actually bulked up on it and grew six inches.
Still, I’m aware that not everyone who’s into the diet is generally progressive or conscientious. I remind myself that it’s a bit like being vegan under Hitler lol. It’s not veganism’s fault that Hitler was a veg, right?
TRT can increase moodiness and anger, I wonder if that affected him…
Huh, I never thought of that. I bet it did because when he started it his treatment of me was worse. Thanks for mentioning it!
Thanks for chiming in. My own boys have discussed things like ice baths. I’ll have to do a check-in on where they’re getting it from.
Yeah, I was on guard against my sons being influenced by the “manosphere” for a long time. According to the level of Epstein island jokes over dinner, I think they’re probably completely immune at this point and we’re probably out of the weeds. I admit my kids were feminist “pink diaper babies”: reared from birth to be resistant to the “manosphere.” It was far more out of love for them then a need to keep my kids aligned with my personal political views. The majority of Red Pill/MGTOW/Incel dudes– at least the millions who aren’t raking it in from podcasts and as social influencers– seem to end up completely miserable.
I mean, there are benefits to a lot of what is discussed, but not to the extent that people think.
The similarities between this sicko and my ex are striking and eerie. Smart as heck PhD scientist, “immoderately” caring about what went into his body, exercising, being snobbish about what media to consume. All of my ex’s immoderation regarding food and fitness was foisted onto me and our kids, of course. Mr. Podcaster FW even shares a lot of physical resemblance with my ex, who is also quite misogynistic. Blech!
What chilled me to the bone is reading what Sarah reported he said to her: “The pattern of your 11 years, while rooted in subconscious drives,” he told her in December 2021, “creates a nearly impossible set of hurdles for us … You have to change.”
Using different words, this is exactly the message my ex gave me multiple times, starting in earnest about 15 or so years into our marriage and then after we separated and were foolishly in reconciliation limbo land. Eventually I came to realize he would never not see ME as being the problem, that I’m mostly the one making a healthy relationship with his wonderfulness impossible. Considering all I gave up for him, losing myself in the process, these statements were infuriating – still are.
I’m so glad this subjugating predator is not my husband anymore!
Never heard of him. But I’m willing to bet the guy secretly believes he’s a prophet, people are his disciples and women are his “vehicle” to spread his teachings. Just another fakey fake cult leader but uses science instead of religion. Thanks for helping out another one!!
Right. Supposedly I got my high risk HPV from taking a shower at the gym, thus sayeth the Fuckwit turd. The virus just jumped off the floor and into my coochie snorcher. I sure wish I was omniscient.
I’m sorry for your pain, but “coochie snorcher” has me belly laughing so hard that the cat is protesting the noise disturbance.
Never heard of this guy, but his behavior is straight out of the cheater’s playbook. Sickening. I hope Sarah considers suing him- there are several possible claims including fraud, misrepresentation, assault, intentional infliction of emotional distress…. CA has some very progressive laws and a jury would have a field day roasting him.
Truer words….
And also, so painful. But it makes for another opportunity to cite one of my life rules: never tell a FW what’s important to you.
And its corollary: Never pursue/trust/accept a promise or verbal commitment from a FW about desired future behavior. (If a court’s not making it binding, then it’s just another rug waiting to be pulled.)
Agreed about not saying what’s important to you. No need to add fuel to their drama dumpster fires.
However, I’d say even if a court does make it binding don’t trust that they’ll do as instructed. So many of us have issues with the Cheating Exs not showing up or following through with custody/visitation orders. Getting them to pay child support is sometimes laughable.
I used to think his podcast was great. But the longer I listened, the worse he got. More pedantic. More show-offy. More of what felt like Huberman trying to prove to everyone how smart he is. I stopped listening because I just couldn’t take him anymore. It’s a relief to learn that my intuition about him is right.
It definitely was pedantic and not very approachable to the laymen; it was so granular at times.
We can never really know someone. Be careful all!
The predictable “what they do in their personal/private life isn’t anyone’s business/does not matter/blah blah blah” defenders are out, of course.
I’m glad I’m not one of them.
Conduct in one’s personal/private life is is the most important data to consider when assessing character and whether a person is dangerous.
And IMHO, physical fitness + brain fitness + character rot adds up to LOSER.
Ugh he sounds pleasant, whoever he is.
The dead eyes give him away and scream potential nutter and woman hater .
Living proof that one can hold a doctorate and still be an idiot.
May they all band together and serve him his just desserts.
Months ago we had the discussion of which profession produced more narcissist FWs, professors or doctors. I recall that doctors won. This guy is both, so that’s fun.
I read this article yesterday. So glad CL did this today. As I read it, he was such a cliche. Doing typical cheater shit. The best is saying he wants to have a harem, and those women all be monogamous with him. Most women won’t agree to that, so he resorts to duping.
The other thing that stood out, is that he says he has done therapy for years to work on himself and he loves it. What he loves is the fact that he learned therapy speak to use on his victims. He gained a whole language to better manipulate women and sound like a normal emotional human.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he has OCPD. He wants control over everything in his life.
He does not seem to have an actual functioning lab doing research, like he claims. Smoke and mirrors.
Sarah is his front for image management. He picked what seemed like amazing women in typical narc fashion. Now they are all banded together.
Again he is such a cliche. It slays me that he is so successful with the podcast. I’ve listened to him before, thought he was good. Not going to now.
Im sure if he advertised himself as a man who doesn’t want to get married and wants to play around women would line up for it. Why dupe? Look at Leonardo Di Caprio. He dates 20 yr olds when they turn 25 he cuts them loose. They all know it and they line up for it. There will always be women willing to do that. Why dupe?
He enjoys the duping even more than the sex.
I can’t say I’m surprised by this at all.
I like self help books, I like routine, I like being more efficient, staying healthy, etc. So I’ve heard about this guy, listened to some of his routines and was very confused by his morning routine. He wakes up at 5 or 6 am every morning and spends at least the first 15 minutes of his day in the sun.
Those of you who get up early like me, do you notice the glaring problem with that statement? I start work at 7 am and for months of the year, it is fucking dark at that time. But there’s no concession for the winter months. I’ve seen his followers swear they are doing it starting in January and I had to check to see “do they live in fucking Australia? Is it summer there? How?! There’s no fucking sun at that time!”
If he was really doing it, he’d tell you how he gets that morning “sun” in the winter months. Maybe he uses a tanning light or something. But he never even thinks of it, because it’s a lie.
It’s a silly little lie that doesn’t hurt anyone and means nothing, and if you point it out to most people they’d scoff and say “Oh who cares? that’s not a big deal!” That’s the biggest tell of a psychopath. My psycho ex taught me that.
This guy is terrifying. I’ve never heard of him before right now, and I’m instantly trying to back away through the wall from just reading this.
I was so hoping you would talk about this.
I just listened to the audio file of the NY magazine article. A few things stand out regarding glaring red flags on Huberman.
AH (Asshat) claimed the women or exes were “crazy” or “stalkers” or “made up a dead baby” (crazy) — classic FW tellHe elaborately future fakes women — flies them interstate then makes them wait while he has deep emotional relationship discussions in a cafe with another unsuspecting woman, injects them and encourages them to the point of IVF whilst simultaneously texting another, keeps them rotating in a “situationship’ for years and retrospectively through a third party “spokesperson” (LOL) denies they were in agreement about being monogamousCalls his personal dopamine affliction “love addiction” which isn’t even a thing. It’s just a Carnesian construct. What the AH is really addicted to is deception and control of women but what’s super scary is he weaponizes credible sounding science eg neural pathways and dopamine brain science, to bring in non-science.He holds elaborate discussions in emotional therapy-speak with all or most of these women (loves the sound of his own lies and voice)Adopts therapy word salad to probe the women’s internal motivations (extreme FW blameshifting and DARVO)Seems to know he is Dark Triad and uses his podcast as a form of high level academic sponsored / peer-reviewed therapy form to unpack concepts around narcissism, machiavellianism and psychopathy — all of which he pretends not to know apply to him or talks about as if they do NOT apply to himThe 5 or 6 women in the AH fucktangle were all described as being high achieving, smart, and successful. In other words, he defers to what Hell of a Chump calls the “big game trophy hunter” type of FW, who deliberately targets women with pre-abuse high self esteem (actors, successful, academics etc) only to leave them damaged and low self esteem in the wake of the AH.Promotes unregulated “health supplements” and products for personal profit
Yeah, he is a classic FW manipulator with a mercurial silver tongue who just plain old loves subjugating women. A story as old as time.
Apologies for the weird punctuation that seemed to delete itself when I edited one typo!
I’m late to this post and comment (having my house rewired).
It’s actually quite reassuring to see that Huberman and his secret life have been outed. My ex maintained a secret life, and I can’t tell you how many times I have encountered a version of “you must have known (even if at some level).”
I’ve been saying for years that Huberman talks in classic word salad.
His notoriously long podcasts could be 30 minutes, but instead he’ll spend an hour or two endlessly circling a subject instead without ever directly addressing it.
He claims to be simplifying complicated scientific subjects, when at worst he is plain getting these concepts wrong, and at best he is using his verbosity to make his listeners think “hm… I don’t understand what he is talking about but he is smarter than me so he’s probably right.”
I am glad his hidden-in-plain-sight bullshittery is finally being seen for what it is!
Wow, thanks for covering this.
🎶Another one bites the dust! 🎶
I just unsubscribed from Andrew’s podcast. He’s long winded, very perfect appearing and proper,all knowing academic. I just thought that was the professor, MD, scientist image he’s used to portraying in his ordinary life and let that slide some and concentrated on what I could glean from the content. I still need work recognizing these players. I see it in his eyes now after being gratefully enlightened he is yet another abuser poser. Shame, some of his content has merit I believe, but hard now to take advice from a misogynist cheater.
I also came across some YT videos by this Melanie Hamlett while reading up on AH. She has an hour long video discussing the article written about AH.
Melanie is humorous in her delivery, using silly toy instruments to emphasis red flag key trinkets throughout the video, which is pretty funny to watch and lightens the heaviness of the content. Kind of like CL’s snark that we love.
But she is herself a seasoned chump helping other chumps recognize the abuse. Lots of wisdom in her flippant delivery style, I enjoyed it, very amusing and dead on accurate. Glad so many people are making time to call these deceitful liars out, gives renewed hope for humanity.
💯 I came here to share Melanie Hamlett’s amazing YouTube takedown of AH. So good!!
Ugh I’m going through the exact same situation right now except my situation is a bit worse. I’ve been married to the psychopath for 3 years but he’s from a different country and he just got his green card last September. He’s been here for 6 months and as soon as he set foot here, he turned into his true narcissistic psychopath lying self. I’ve found at least 4 women who’ve been in relationships with him since we met (one of which he was living with even when we got married in his country and he proposed marriage to when he was already married to me). I’m in the process of extracting this amoeba from my life but it’s not easy. I am responsible for him financially unless I can prove fraud (in the process). He’s also living in my house so I’m sleeping with one eye open. The worst part is his whole family knew what he was doing and even came to our wedding. This isn’t my first time being a victim of a cheater but this guy takes it to a whole new psychotic level. After reading this post I asked myself “do these guys take courses in this behavior because it seems like they all follow the same pattern.”