Dear Chump Lady, I guess you can say I’m a chump-variant in that I had a runaway cheater. Married over 24 years to someone I thought was my best friend of over 26 years, D-day came the day after Christmas 2009. He moved out within the next month and was gone from my life forever. […]
Standing on Lies
Thank you Dr. Anna Fels! I urge every chump to read the opinion piece in the New York Times “Great Betrayals” by Dr. Fels. It’s the rare article on infidelity that recognizes the traumatic injury of deception — especially the sort we encounter here at Chump Lady — making sense of the double life. Fels […]
Did He Cheat Because He’s Depressed?
Dear Chump Lady, Please help me sort through this mess. Help me get angry! My husband and I were together for 6 years and married for 6 months when he fell into a deep depression and left me to stay with a friend in November. During this time (over an 11-week time span) he pushed […]
Does Social Media Encourage Cheating?
Dear Chump Lady, First and foremost, thank you for writing Leave A Cheater, Gain a Life! It was immensely helpful, but I still can’t seem to shake the pain of what I’ve recently gone through. Although my ex and I were never married, I am a Chump who recently got dumped! Looking back, I feel […]
UBT: I Can’t Remember
Probably no other statement gets sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator more than “I can’t remember.” What is it about cheating that fogs the mind? (Did all that boinking lead to traumatic brain injury?) Here are some possible UBTs and manipulations around “I can’t remember.” I can’t remember. I totally remember, but I’ll be goddamned […]
The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender
There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for 9-hour Pilates classes, weird showering habits, furtive texting, requires cavity search to reveal cell phone… But here’s the real clue you’re dealing with a cheater, and it’s not lipstick on […]
But He’s Such a Nice Guy!
Dear Chump Lady, My husband of 25 years is a really good father/uncle/church member, who is friendly to everyone and is generally a very nice guy. He is also a well-meaning though largely clueless husband who doesn’t really understand what emotional partnership means, though he has an inflated sense of romance, loves chick flicks and […]
UBT: Married Trader with a Sugar Baby
New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their sex-lives — “with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results.” The other week, a 42-year-old corporate trader shared his hijinks with a much younger Sugar Baby. (Which could be a post […]
Confrontation Flops?
On yesterday’s post, I advised “Jenn” to not, for the love of all that is holy, confront her husband about his Craigslist “adventures” ads. With chump hindsight (which is most of this site — regret served up as warning, with a side dollop of snark) you can see the utter futility of confrontation. May as […]
Close Encounters of the Fake Tears Kind
I don’t know about you, but one of the most shocking discoveries I had being chumped was that my ex could cry on demand. I mean, sob. Big snotty, operatic tears. Quivering lip. Hiccups for breath. When he was busted. When I was leaving. When I was imposing a consequence. The self-pity channel was EPIC. […]
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