Probably no other statement gets sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator more than “I can’t remember.” What is it about cheating that fogs the mind? (Did all that boinking lead to traumatic brain injury?) Here are some possible UBTs and manipulations around “I can’t remember.” I can’t remember. I totally remember, but I’ll be goddamned […]
The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender
There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for 9-hour Pilates classes, weird showering habits, furtive texting, requires cavity search to reveal cell phone… But here’s the real clue you’re dealing with a cheater, and it’s not lipstick on […]
But He’s Such a Nice Guy!
Dear Chump Lady, My husband of 25 years is a really good father/uncle/church member, who is friendly to everyone and is generally a very nice guy. He is also a well-meaning though largely clueless husband who doesn’t really understand what emotional partnership means, though he has an inflated sense of romance, loves chick flicks and […]
UBT: Married Trader with a Sugar Baby
New York magazine runs a feature called “Sex Diaries,” sort of like Penthouse forum but without the improving articles. Readers anonymously send in details of their sex-lives — “with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results.” The other week, a 42-year-old corporate trader shared his hijinks with a much younger Sugar Baby. (Which could be a post […]
Confrontation Flops?
On yesterday’s post, I advised “Jenn” to not, for the love of all that is holy, confront her husband about his Craigslist “adventures” ads. With chump hindsight (which is most of this site — regret served up as warning, with a side dollop of snark) you can see the utter futility of confrontation. May as […]
Close Encounters of the Fake Tears Kind
I don’t know about you, but one of the most shocking discoveries I had being chumped was that my ex could cry on demand. I mean, sob. Big snotty, operatic tears. Quivering lip. Hiccups for breath. When he was busted. When I was leaving. When I was imposing a consequence. The self-pity channel was EPIC. […]
Most Ridiculous Excuse After Being Busted?
Dear Chump Lady, I found several ads my husband posted on Craigslist, of all disgusting places, for group sex and friends with benefits. When I confronted him with evidence of his posts and others responses, he told me: “They weren’t real ads! I was doing a psychology research project to see what types of people […]
UBT: I Was Too Much Into My Own Lies
Hey Chump Lady, I finally heard from my ex-wife after almost a year. Quick recap — she admitted to having affairs in our marriage and then ran away with another guy. I was wondering if I could submit this letter to the Universal Bullshit Translator: “I know that I did some fucked up shit and […]
He Told Me He Loved Me
Dear Chump Lady, My boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me for 6 months with another “woman”. She claimed she didn’t know about me, and that he told her we had broken up, moved out of our home etc. I’ve been fed so many lies now, I don’t even know what’s true or […]
Biggest Whopper You Bought?
Every now and then as a Friday Challenge, CN tries to out-do each other with Most Outlandish Lie we were fed. Which is bad enough. What’s worse is that — trusting, foolish chumps we once were — we bought it. Like the cheater who refused to wear his wedding ring “out of consideration” for his […]
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