There’s an article over at HuffPo on how a cheater should tell their spouse they’ve been having an affair. There’s some discussion on tell versus don’t tell. (I’m not going there — duh, TELL. Yes. Of course.) But what interested me about the interview with Dr. Scott Haltzmann is his peculiar warning that cheaters might […]
UBT: “I can’t remember”
Probably no other statement gets sent to the Universal Bullshit Translator more than “I can’t remember.” What is it about cheating that fogs the mind? (Did all that boinking lead to traumatic brain injury?) Here are some possible UBTs and manipulations around “I can’t remember.” I can’t remember. I totally remember, but I’ll be goddamned […]
Strange Bedfellows
Today’s not-so-fun Friday challenge is to share the unseen ways in which your cheater rubbed their affair in your face. The secret frissons of duper’s delight your cheater got wearing the heart necklace the Other Man gave her, or how his “art” hung on wall. Perhaps you did the affair partner’s taxes or gave free […]
Paltering — Another Kind of Mindfuckery
A guest post today by UXworld on those lovely little lies of omission… Enjoy! — Tracy A lie by any other name is still a lie (as Chump Lady so frequently reminds us), but a new variant of the dishonest bullshit we’ve all been subjected to has been given some new attention recently. According to […]
What’s the Dumbest Lie You Ever Fell For?
We’ve all been chumped in some pretty outlandish ways. Today your “fun” Friday challenge (is this fun or mortifying?) is to tell Chump Nation what’s the dumbest lie you fell for? Other than “forsaking all others til death do us part.” I’m not even saying you had to swallow it whole — you may have […]
Nice versus Kind
There was an interesting side discussion the other day on Chump Lady about the difference between niceness and kindness. Many people noted that their cheaters appeared to much of the world as “nice people,” but in point of fact, lacked kindness. (Sure, it’s an understatement to say that cheating is unkind.) Now, I don’t want […]
Lies Are Exhausting
Another primer in mindfuckery today, and that is exhaustion as manipulation tactic. If you’re a cheater and you want your chump to back off? Keep ’em running in circles, chasing unicorn (tails) tales. How is this accomplished? With a constant barrage of bullshit, half-truths, outright lies, indignation, and the ol’ I Fail to Understand Your […]
Dear Chump Lady, Why are cheaters so brazen?
Dear Chump Lady, Why are cheaters so brazen? Lori Dear Lori, Because we are such chumps. Really, can you imagine anyone cheating on Vladimir Putin? Couldn’t happen. He’d have every room bugged, every phone wire tapped, and the Other Man would be trailed by the KGB and slowly poisoned by radioactive isotopes during his next […]
Being the Marriage Police
If you didn’t leave right after D-Day, you’ve probably spent some time in chump Police Academy. You know, those dark days of “trust but verify” spent trying to hack into email accounts, cell phone SIM cards, velcro-ing voice activated recorders under carseats… Just how far did you go? (Anyone have a shoe phone?) Today’s column […]
UBT: “I lied to you because you can’t accept the truth”
This bit of mindfuckery was recently submitted to the Universal Bullshit Translator — “I lied to you because you can’t accept the truth.” This chestnut gets submitted to the UBT quite often. It must be the go-to default blameshifting nugget o’ stupid. The problem is not (the cheating, devaluing, health risking, financial shiftiness, batshit crazy […]
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