Best Sad Sausage Performances

sadzA pernicious and predictable bit of mindfuckery after D-Day is the Sad Sausage performance.

Did you find evidence on a cell phone? This is absolutely heartbreaking! For them. How COULD you!

Need some questions answered? This is not a good time right now. They’re in a shame spiral and need some space (from you, consequences, probing time-lines…)

Does it hurt them too? More, really. This is hard on Schmoopie too, you know. A GOOD person. And if you could get past the judgment (they suffer unjustly from your judgment) you would see that no one intended any harm. Also, they said they were sorry, OKAY?

This is all very difficult.

Your Friday Challenge — Best Sad Sausage Performance.

TGIF!

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SoManyTuesdays
SoManyTuesdays
2 years ago

He said “I was waiting for you to love me”.
Obviously I didn’t show him I loved him enough after all those years.

SheChump
SheChump
2 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTuesdays

I feel trapped in a little cage.

Brit
Brit
2 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Ex looked at me one morning as I was drinking coffee, and said “you’re never happy,” I didn’t understand why he’d say I wasn’t happy when I felt happy. He said I didn’t look at him with a smile on my face.., being a good chump I worked on smiling at him more.

A couple months later ex tells me I’m never happy, and he can’t make me happy, hr’s tried everything and I’m not happy…again I didn’t know why he’d say I wasn’t happy.. and he could never make me happy? I had no idea what he was talking about. I was confused and did my best to make it known I was happy, smiling, and not voicing any concerns or complaints. Wouldn’t want ex to think I wasn’t happy. Then he left, one of his many excuses or reasons from a long list of my shortcomings was “I’m never happy and he could never make me happy” he claimed to have tried everything to make me happy and it was impossible.

Translation: he wasn’t happy, and there was nothing I could do to make him happy. It was a waste of time, I wasn’t AP.
I made the effort into making ex happy, being happy, proving I was happy and working on our marriage, ex sat around being miserable. It never occurred to me that it wasn’t me.
Classic projection. If only I had known them what I know now.

Chumperella
Chumperella
2 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTuesdays

“I wasn’t feeling love from you and the kids”. Meanwhile we were all performing a perfectly choreographed “family “ pick me dance that was more strenuous/exhausting than the Rockettes Christmas show…….and that is why the kids and I are enjoying over 3 years of NC.

Brit
Brit
2 years ago
Reply to  SoManyTuesdays

Similar -“You never loved me”. ='(

“I go to the gym for *you*, and you never compliment me on my biceps.” ='(

okupin
okupin
2 years ago
Reply to  Brit

Yet another Workout Widow here. If I dared complain about him keeping me waiting for dinner until 9 pm b/c he was working out after work, it was “I have to stay fit so you will stay attracted to me.” I fell into the trap of arguing, of course: I’ll never not be attracted to you; I don’t care about superficial stuff like that; I love you for who you are…. Once I learned about narcissism and projection, I learned what he was really saying was, “You don’t work out enough, and so I’m losing my attraction to you.” He left me for a woman he’d met at the gym, and on the way out, it was all sad sausage: “You don’t train for these races with me” (Um, 32 mile running races? No, no I don’t…. We did plenty of other things together BTW, like multiple-day bike tours, climbing, hiking, etc. People were SHOCKED when he said he was leaving me b/c we didn’t have similar interests anymore. They were like: You guys do more together than any couple we know.) I also got, “I’m tired of feeling alone in my own house.” “I just need to be happy again,” etc. Just a complete lack of adult awareness that there might be other people in the world with needs, too.

Oh, and my favorite was during the divorce: he had to move his stuff out of my house per our decree, and of course he kept refusing to cooperate, making it work on his schedule, etc. Finally, I put my foot down when he tried to cancel plans one more time, and I got a self-righteous text about how “this was a difficult time for both of us” and I needed to be cooperative. If I could have punched him in the face through the phone, I would have. Yeah, buddy, a difficult time 1000% of your own manufacture. But no, in his little five-year-old brain, he was the poor sad sausage and I was the mean, nasty witchy wife.

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  okupin

I packed up my ex’s shit to get him out of the house faster. He was doing nothing like he was going to wait until the last minute and then make excuses about not having enough time. He would sit in his game room playing video games and talking to his adult baby girlfriend loudly on speaker phone every night after work. He had lots of time, he was just being a dick. A now ex friend told me I shouldn’t be doing that and I was liked I want him out! I want to start healing! And then she told me I shouldn’t be touching his things. Fuck that. I wasn’t leaving his shit in my bedroom to look at every day because he was playing mind games by not doing it himself. Also, I was good enough to clean and organize all his crap for 20 years, I’ll touch it while getting it the hell out of my home all I want.

Okupin
Okupin
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Oh, trust: I had already packed all his shit in boxes and put it either in the attic or the garage b/c same story as yours. Plus, I knew he was going to treat me like his personal Goodwill if I didn’t make him deal with his own shit. And even then it was pulling teeth to get him to just load the boxes in the fucking car and drive away. I was like, You were the one who was in such a hurry to discard me, and now you’re dragging your feet about moving out? But it was all about control, of course. He didn’t like me calling the shots—on anything.

Sunrise
Sunrise
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Good for you KatieP! I did the same. Every Wednesday and alternating Fridays when he came to pick up the kids I had tubs and boxes of his things labeled with his name sitting on the porch. Everything was arranged nicely – clothes folded, fragile stuff in bubble wrap, reasonable weight to the box. He threatened to report me to his attorney (he’d moved into his mother’s condo and didn’t have much space) but I knew the court wouldn’t care since I’d treated his things with respect. And it felt so damn good to rid my house and garage of 18 years of his crap.

Brit
Brit
2 years ago
Reply to  okupin

okupin, I heard the same thing “I work out so I can look good for you.”
Translation-“you don’t work out enough, I’m losing my attraction to you.”

We were active, we’d go hiking, take long walks, until he suddenly decided that 5 mile hikes and walks weren’t enough for him. He needed something more challenging, like all day, 26 mile steep uphill hikes in rough terrain “alone.”

People we knew were also shocked when ex said one of the reasons for our divorce was we had nothing in common. He told me wanted to find someone he had more in common with. “Something different” he forgot to mention he had already found something different, coincidently “something” liked to hike, 26 miles in steep, rugged, mountain terrain. She happened to be a triathlete.. Guess who became a triathlete??

I also fell into the trap of arguing that he didn’t need to spend that much time at the gym I loved him the way he was. He’d say, “you’d tell me I looked good if I became a fat slob.” Translation: “don’t expect me to do the same.”

There was a period of time when he was unemployed for three years, and gained a considerable amount of weight. I never considered leaving a depressed, unemployed chubby husband. I actually like him better. Hugging him want like hugging a mannequin.
He wasn’t as intense, not stopping to look at himself in every mirror or window reflection and our conversations weren’t revolved around his workout.

QueenChump
QueenChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Brit

Yep. I didn’t praise his appearance enough and howorker did. So obviously she loves him more. (25 years of being a devoted military wife count for nothing). What he didn’t understand was that I didn’t mention his appearance often because it didn’t matter to me. I loved him. I had loved him since I was 18. I loved him regardless of what he wore, how he looked, what he weighed . I loved HIM, not just his appearance. That’s REAL love. The kind of love that sticks with you through better or worse for the rest of your life. But he threw it in the trash for the hero worship of a younger coworker.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  QueenChump

One of the red flags chumps are supposed to look for is FWs’ suddenly “improved appearance.” He did go to the gym a lot more during the fuckfest, but after all the endless booze and bistro grub consumed by him and “Beefy the Danger Pig” (the name my tween daughter coined for the AP after finding APs texts), FW’s hair radically grayed and thinned, his formerly flat gut cantilevered over his belt, his once firm jawline got squashy and he began to pose for every photo with his chin lifted up to hide his extra flaps.

It threw me off the scent at first. I didn’t compliment his appearance during that time because I was seriously worried about his health. We’d been crunchy health nuts for 19 years, then he seemed to be suddenly aging faster than his parents.

Meanwhile, as I learned after D-Day during the “full disclosure” portion of otherwise waste-of-time/money RIC therapy, Beefy basted him with flattery with one hand and picked his pockets with the other. The only slight kick I got when the dissipated marital assets were fully tallied was that the AP looked like a bleary-eyed beluga whale by the end of the affair. You could say they both choked on their embezzled spoils.

StillShocked!
StillShocked!
1 year ago

???? I’m still in a lot of pain at the moment but yup – AP is about 3 times the size of me and bloody rough. I’m slim and I think fairly classy. So many people have been shocked by the girl he chose to do the dirty on me with. Chubby, ugly and not one jot of style. He also put on a shit tonne of weight. Stuffing their little piggy faces together whilst working I suppose. He always seemed to adore me I’m in utter shock! I was 8 months pregnant when he started this.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
2 years ago

Love “Beefy the Danger Pig”! ????????

And “bleary eyed beluga whale” ????????

A thing that strikes me is that *very* few of these skanks are anything special to look at, (fuckwit’s whore looks like a rat with specs ????????) it’s all about the kibbles and duper’s delight. And some of them (like my ex fuckwit) get off on the idea they’re a special, superior person *elevating* the whore.

“rat faced whore has had nothing all her life! I’m just trying to show her how the other side lives!” Excuse me for being soft!

What a nasty person I was not to appreciate his magnanimity. ????????

Workout Widow
Workout Widow
2 years ago
Reply to  Brit

OMG!! Yes, same! He went directly from work to workout every night, keeping notes of his workout AND names/descriptions of girls from the gym. Never got home until 8pm leaving me to do everything with 2 kids and I didn’t compliment his muscles enough! I told him I didn’t like his muscles or leaving us alone all the time!

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Workout Widow

I found emails from my thirty something ex to the college intern: “I’m doing pull-ups for you. I’m shaving for you.” Ridiculous. A guy who needs kibbles for his (puny) muscles and smooth face – from a very young woman who is not his long term partner – while working in the woods in the middle of nowhere… not my type! I had no idea he was like this, and I never would have known if I hadn’t found all of the cringy, incriminating emails and texts from over the years.

Chumps worry about being desirable and loved, when it really should be the cheaters. My ex is a joke, and he was a big, drunk baby who was terrible in bed. He had no idea how to treat a woman. My high school relationships were more fulfilling, and I’m not saying that out of “bitterness.” With him, I believed there was something wrong with me… but now I scratch my head and think, what about the relationships that came before? They were fine. Intimacy was never, ever good with that clown. He can jerk off to porn or feel like a big man when he has flirty young women hanging off him. This does not make him attractive or interesting to me.

Hurt1
Hurt1
2 years ago
Reply to  Workout Widow

Oh those notes…found symbols on ex’s calendar with the legend below. Triangles = dinner, circles = phone calls outside of work as Owhore was a subordinate & stars = kisses. When confronted ex said he hadn’t slept with her yet but wanted to. Even though my heart was breaking at that moment & my brain was in a disoriented state, I knew he was lying big time.

ChumpNoMore
ChumpNoMore
2 years ago
Reply to  Workout Widow

The FW was always a gym rat, very muscular. I work out and run, so our lifestyles meshed. We participated in races together, trained together, motivated each other. BUT – at one point he was under the illusion that he should have someone “better” and he thought that Instagram fitness models were his caliber. Totally laughable.

Who was schmoopie? In her 50s like me, never ever worked out at all.

Who is he with now? She’s almost 60, skinny, with zero muscle tone. Not into fitness.

And my bf doesn’t work out, but he’s perfectly supportive of my running etc. and that’s all I need. I don’t care about muscles, I care about decency and respect.

DontFeelLikeDancin
DontFeelLikeDancin
2 years ago
Reply to  Workout Widow

Workout Widow SAME.

He was away all week with a military job (they expect you will need time to work out) while I was home with the kids & a desk job.

When I asked him, why? Why her? …She complimented his physique. (Firstly what sort of douche even says ‘physique?’) Oh if only I had complimented his physique more! ????

And then he had the nerve to say that he was disappointed in my post-baby body! I weighed less than when we met… but I had a diastasis. Which looked unattractive ????

But he also had the sadz because wanted a third child. From my appalling disfigured body. ????

Sometimes you want to just record the random victim acts and then play it all back to them, juxtaposed. They can’t possibly be listening to themselves. He really isn’t that stupid of a person.

Gramchump
Gramchump
2 years ago

I knew something was wrong when my stbx couch potato started working out in the basement with music blaring to Iron man by Ozzy Osbourne.

DontFeelLikeDancin
DontFeelLikeDancin
2 years ago

I missed a pronoun: HE wanted a third child. But complained about how I looked due to childbearing. ????????

Onandonandon
Onandonandon
2 years ago

HE was the third child.

DontFeelLikeDancin
DontFeelLikeDancin
2 years ago
Reply to  Onandonandon

????

Chumpy Chumpersons
Chumpy Chumpersons
2 years ago
Reply to  Onandonandon

Exactly!

marissachump
marissachump
2 years ago
Reply to  Workout Widow

Uhg! Those muscles are super gross, especially when they come from abandonment.

Sarah
Sarah
2 years ago
Reply to  Brit

Yep, 27 years, six kids, “I didn’t think you would care.” Also the ho-worker told a group of of friends, in front of her husband during their divorce (the one who told me), “I couldn’t help it I just fell in love with him.” Yes GROWN ADULTS we are talking about.

Brit
Brit
2 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

Ex and I had been married 20 years, with a teenage son. We had our daily routines, garbage day, check mail, pay bills, band practice, school fundraisers, band competitions, recitals. Fairly normal routine of a long term married couple with a teenage son in high school marching band.

We were walking through the mall one day when ex says in his sad sausage voice, ” I don’t feel butterflies in my stomach anymore when you walk into the room” not knowing what to say, I said nothing and chalked it up to ex is being weird

Butterflies in his stomach when I enter a room?? I don’t recall ex ever mentioning butterflies until then. We were a long term married couple in our 40’s, not adolescents.
Infatuation, excitement of a new relationship will give you butterflies in your stomach.
Band Mom’s are predictable and boring.

If only I had been more exciting.

It all made sense when later I discovered ex had found someone in a hotel gym who had been giving him more than butterflies when she entered a room.

TheDivineMissChump
TheDivineMissChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Sarah

Oh yes, this falls under the manipulative ignorance category, doesn’t it? When cheating bastard ex was arrested for solicitation of prostitution 23 years ago, I got the “I didn’t realize infidelity was a deal breaker.” Geez, really?
We separated for three years after that, but I let his “new and improved after counseling” ass move back in. He just built a bigger and better secret basement.

Now I Know What Hell Looks Like
Now I Know What Hell Looks Like
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Watched and it’s an instant classic!! ????????

MehnopolizeLife
MehnopolizeLife
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Did you change the Netflix password?

Brawhahaha!

Gorillapoop
Gorillapoop
2 years ago

I changed the Netflix password to fuckyouxxx, with xxx being the cheater ex’s name. It made me giggle every time.

RVA
RVA
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

This is hysterical!!! Did you change the netflix password? take me off the costco card? change the amazon prime password? did you drop me from your car insurance? can you help me and my kids get health insurance through obamacare again after the divorce is final? are we still going to Tampa?

Light Heart
Light Heart
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Sooooo fun! I love it love it love it…

Silver Anniversary
Silver Anniversary
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

This was the best thing I’ve seen in awhile

Thrive
Thrive
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

????????????awesome

FYI
FYI
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Toward the end, after she reads, “I’m sorry, okay,” she tries not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

I kinda wondered if this text could be real, but after what I’ve seen from CN, I know it is.

chumpedchange
chumpedchange
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

so great! This also reminds me of an artist, Sophie Calle, who did a fantastic three-floor installation about her break up with her boyfriend. https://www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-artwork-changed-life-sophie-calles-exquisite-pain review of

gravyboat
gravyboat
2 years ago
Reply to  chumpedchange

Hah, did you see the very end of that article?

‘I sat in my room, typing, thinking, “I will stop being obsessed with my own pain, as it surrounds him, on Tuesday at 11.” It didn’t work, mostly. Until one day, it did.’

Maybe Tuesday is a universal truth.

Stig
Stig
2 years ago
Reply to  gravyboat

Yesss came here to say.

Candie
Candie
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Hilarious! Thank you!

Logo65
Logo65
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I was thinking – wow on that violinist- then I figured out it was Lindsay sterling- doh! I really should read more – ha

Gettingthereslowly
Gettingthereslowly
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

OMG love this! Netflix password…..????

UXworld
UXworld
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

“… also, did you change the Netflix password?”

This is fan-fucking-tastic.

Extra credit for the Minnesota Vikings sweatshirt.

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I know, exactly…pure gold…and the Vikings sweatshirt – love. My new husband is a huge man who loves the Vikings and dresses in gold and purple (including 2x purple zebra striped zoomba pants) just to watch games on TV.

Hcard
Hcard
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Omg, just watched it. LMAO. Those two women, so young and soo smart. I’m proud! I lost it with the Netflix at the end

Tlc
Tlc
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

That video is gold. Wow!

BetterThanAWhoreChump
BetterThanAWhoreChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

“I love you so much more than Emily……..”. Bahahaha. I got that, “I love you not them. I never stopped loving you”. Wtf!!

Emma C
Emma C
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Such a good TikTok. The final Netflix is so common as well. The version I got was “Did you change the locks on the apartment? ”
Because asswipe, you raid my fridge and make long distance calls on my phone while I’m out.

Hope Springs
Hope Springs
2 years ago
Reply to  Emma C

Yep…..the dick texted me one night early on because he was locked out of his music library on his phone(apple, Amazon idk) yep, I changed all the passwords when to told me you weren’t coming home……you were the one who knew what you were doing all those years, you should have expected that. Explain that one to your band mates. New phone who dis.

Navigator
Navigator
2 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Awesome! Luv how she mocked the FW “I haz a sad” story instead of falling for it!!!

Navigator
Navigator
2 years ago

I was standing in his way of true happiness & how could I not want that for him?

Gettingthereslowly
Gettingthereslowly
2 years ago
Reply to  Navigator

OMG love this! Netflix password…..????

Hurt1
Hurt1
2 years ago
Reply to  Navigator

Yes, as I was bawling on the floor, ex yelled, “Why can’t you see that I deserve to be happy?” This from a man who never raised his voice to me ever in over 26 yrs together. I became instant afraid of him & it tramatizes me to this day.

KC
KC
2 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

Omg, that is word FOR WORD what my soon to be ex said! 20 years of marriage and no regard for my hurt. They are all the same sad sack of shit, aren’t they?

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

Mine said my tears were abusive. I was abusing him by crying when he insulted me and threatened me. They are such a joke.

ChumpOnIt
ChumpOnIt
2 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

Mine just looked dead in the eyes. Truly seeing how he felt (i.e. didn’t feel) about my pain said it all.

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago
Reply to  Hurt1

Me too. My tears just upset him.

Strongwoman
Strongwoman
2 years ago

Love that Tiktok. I dated a moocher! I broke up with him when I realized he was a mama’s boy narc. I changed my Netflix/prime acct pws and kicked him off my account. I got the nastiest text from him about how I took the “Ozarks” away from him! Bahaha..then I blocked him forever.

Strongwoman
Strongwoman
2 years ago

My ex said “he didn’t get to date enough before he met me”. He was 29 when we married and we dated three years before marriage. Unbeknownst to me, he was on a sex chat line before we met and “never” left it. 20 years and two kids later…who knows how many “dates” he went on. He felt justified. What a sick fuck! And I don’t have a problem saying that he can burn in hell for the hell he put me through.

gramchump
gramchump
2 years ago
Reply to  Strongwoman

Mine too said the same thing!!!. That he felt he missed out because he didn’t date enough nor had many sexual experiences and he felt he missed. He was 26 when we married. I told him at that age he should have known what he wanted and before then if he couldn’t get dates maybe it was because he was a loser and had no game. I went out with him in the first place because initially I felt sorry for him.

Advice here don’t get involved with a man you feel sorry for or feel you need to help.

Turns out at I learned when he was 18yrs old he hired his first prostitute. Right before I met him he was cheating on his friend with the guys fiance. So his sadz story was a big lie.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Strongwoman

Oh so familiar. My ex cried about how he was a fat kid in high school. And he’d never had a girlfriend.

Brit
Brit
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

Bread&roses. Lol! ex cried and felt sorry for himself because he was so skinny in high school, didn’t wear name brand jeans, or shoes (so sad) he also never had a girlfriend.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  Brit

Oh yeah, I got to hear about the clothes, too. He wore sweatpants in middle school. And a popular senior made fun of his dickies and Hawaiian shirt freshman year, which he’d gone to school feeling so proud in. Are these really things that well-adjusted adults hold onto? Let alone use as excuses for leading double lives?

The weirdest thing about the girlfriend comment is that FW did have a couple of girlfriends before we started dating in our 20’s. Nevermind that his insensitive comment also implied I wasn’t a girlfriend. Such bagged salad!

FW became much fitter and more health conscious when he met me, because my lifestyle rubbed off on him. It was also the start of him becoming “cooler” – eye roll – through the friends and work connections he made through me. I have avoided cliques my entire life, and I thought he was the same. I fell for him precisely because of his originality and authenticity, and the fact that he didn’t seem to care about appearances, He seemed real, and he seemed kind. He’s unrecognizable now that he feels like a big shot. He really gets off on being part of the local in-crowd and being a small-time internet celebrity, but it never impressed me. I always supported him because it’s what he seemed to love, but his achievements and growing popularity didn’t make me love him more – or see him differently. Now he’s surrounded by people who share his values, which are not mine. I was so disappointed when I first realized how different we had become. It made me sad, and it took awhile
for me to stop projecting.

Pattie
Pattie
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

And my cheating ex wasn’t even given a second look by the slutty high school girls.
So at 46 cheater was going to give those sluts another chance. FOMO

The office slut ( 3 pregnancies by age 20 by 3 different men no husband in sight ) made
cheater her mission for a meal ticket. Police restraining order needed.

Slut #2 from the rowing club is now his live-in appliance. Her version of dressing up is
putting on a clean hoodie.
How’s your happiness now, lover boy?
“ Made your bed, now lie in it “. Cheater hoovers but no success here.
Life is so much more peaceful without a man-baby, my so called third child.

Andrea
Andrea
2 years ago
Reply to  Strongwoman

Mine said the same 3 years ago! He was 29 when we got together. Is he dating, though?! No, he’s an almost 43 year old who works until 5, then sits and plays video games while smoking pot. I guess that greener grass and lost youth isn’t as fulfilling as he thought it would be. I guess howorker gets to wonder why he doesn’t ever want to go anywhere or be intimate more than once every week or so. I would say they are both sad sausages right about now.

Zip
Zip
2 years ago
Reply to  Andrea

Warning, my first XH said the exact same thing… We got married at 30… then 16 yrs later with kids he discarded me …. ‘we shouldn’t have gotten married; he was too young’ blah blah blah. He had a big and well hidden (until the end) porn habit.
After being devalued by H#1, -H#2 came along years later -I was prime target for love bombing. Then, H#2 discarded me for younger office whore (who was married with kids) and fuckwit H#2 blamed it on his former wife!!! He cried and said he shouldn’t have stayed with his ex-wife so long because she was a miserable controlling woman (he had left her after two decades of marriage).
Both these men are well educated high-level business professionals.
This sounds like a very bad soap opera. My warning is to watch out for love bombing if you were devalued previously. I was treated exceedingly well for several years and then poof, it was a one day to the next total devastating upheaval.

Brit
Brit
2 years ago
Reply to  Zip

One afternoon ex and I were waiting outside the high school to pick up our son. School had just began and it was our son’s freshman year.
As our son was walking towards us attractive girls ran up to him, then gave him hugs.
My first thought was how sweet.., I looked over at ex and he looked almost angry, ex grumbled.., “girls that looked like that never said hi to me in high school.”

Weird, instead of being happy for his son having friends in high school ex was actually jealous. Ex resented the attention my son was getting.
He’d also occasionally refer to the “cool” kids in high school, that he wanted to go to a reunion to show them he was successful. Who cares? and why?
Who even thinks of high school and having to prove yourself to anyone.
Funny story, I was getting phone calls to go to my high school reunion. I wasn’t going to go. They were persistent so I finally agreed to be there.
Ex wondered why his high school never called to invite him to a reunion. He researched and called his reunion committee asking when the next reunion would be, they din’t have a date but said they’d let him know. In the meantime ex wrote a letter to the reunion committee detailing his accomplishments.
Time went on and he never received an invitation so again he contacted the reunion committee. They apologized, they had the reunion and forgot to invite him..

Aurora Cruz
Aurora Cruz
2 years ago
Reply to  Strongwoman

Wait. Mine said the SAME EXACT WORDS. “he didn’t get to date enough…” He was 29 when we met and we dated for 3 years before getting married. After 25 yrs of marriage, he can now date all he wants. What kind of subhuman discards his family like this?

DameChump
DameChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Aurora Cruz

Aurora Cruz HA. Yes, the young ladies on internet dating sites are desperate to date 57-year olds schlubs who need Viagra to get it up! Fer sure! One of my pleasures in dating (there aren’t many) is listening to the whining of the many, many men my age who say “I didn’t think it would be this hard” (to find someone nice to date) – to which I always add mentally in my head, “You mean, when you left your wife?” and that’s usually what they do mean. They were last dating in their 30s in the 1990s, when women were fed a load of crap about being more likely to be killed by a terrorist than get married at their advanced age, and were desperate to have babies before their fertility ran out (this back in the day when it was much less socially acceptable to have babies by yourself – now, who cares?). So they were dealing with a desperate pool of women, who would put up with a ton more nonsense than women in their 50s today are willing to accept. One man my age was honest enough to tell me that yes, he did get approached by younger women – who then made clear that he was supposed to pay for their education, their kids, their ride, their stuff – i.e., it’s a business transaction. I guess this is the SADZ of the middle-aged chump: “It’s so hard to find quality women these days!” 🙂

Duped for years
Duped for years
2 years ago
Reply to  DameChump

Yes, my ex is paying for his (daughter-aged) wife’s third degree at med school in Texas. I’m sure he thinks she loves him for his mind and personality (he lacks everything in looks). But, I’m pretty darn sure she sees a meal ticket when she looks at him and nothing else. I suspect, after a few years, and when she’s actually doctoring (if that happens – history shows she doesn’t stay with any one job very long), she will find a handsome doctor closer to her age, who doesn’t need viagra for a stiffy, and she’ll walk away from the old man after he invests thousands in her. All of that is very appropriate since he walked away from me with thousands after I supported his career for 30 years.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago

Toot toot ! Here comes the karma ???? ????

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  DameChump

????????????????????????????????????????????????☝????Yup

I Count
I Count
2 years ago
Reply to  DameChump

YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Chump no more
Chump no more
2 years ago
Reply to  Strongwoman

STBX was 39!!! When we married
Red flag in its self but said after got caught he hadn’t dated enough, married 27 years, why is it only now after d day I see all those many, many red flags ????????‍♀️

I Count
I Count
2 years ago
Reply to  Strongwoman

OMG mine said the same thing when he wanted to be polyamourus!! I thought to myself then WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. Mine was also 29 when we met and he only had 5 girlfriends.

Almost Monday
Almost Monday
2 years ago

I’d have to go back to the journals I kept during gaslighting/discard phase for the details.

He became increasing preoccupied about his health and concerned with his adult daughter’s well-
being and life decisions. That could have been to cover his absences and private phone calls.

The weirdest sad sausage monologue was when he asked me to come back over to “our” home to talk. That was the only time in 30 years he initiated a conversation about our marriage. He said he was feeling depressed, separate from daily life. That he often felt more (psychically?) connected to his friends who had died in the previous few years.

Turns out he was fucking a nurse – his best friend widow.

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago

He had a one night stand after the birth of our second baby. He started sleeping with a secret girlfriend. He have me an STD. He left me and the kids for GF#1 and then I took him back later.

But he was super sad that I had trust issues, guys. Super sad! He was super sad that I still wanted to tall about it. He said he was sorry! Why wasn’t I just forgetting about everything?! He was especially sad that I wanted to know more about “she’s just a friend” (revealed to be GF#3/later Wifetress)! He’s really the victim here, everyone.

Okay, I typed all that out with admittedly snarky fingers but it was also all true. He did a lot of horrible things, would look me in the eyes, and, with tears, he would wonder why I “just didn’t trust him?” I can almost see him with his head on his AP’s lap, lamenting that his wife is driving him away because she’s doesn’t trust him, and her, agreeing and assuring him that he’s noble, wonderful, and deserves better. And neither one understanding the irony.

That’s why I throughly believe it’s important to detach from the FW and FW supporters. It least, that’s how it went down for me. FW honestly believed the sad sausage tales; that he was a poor fool of fate and a victim. The more I would try to talk to him and get him to see that he had hurt me horribly, the angrier he would get with me because his perspective was binary: there was only one victim in his story and it wasn’t me; it was him–the sad sausage who always deserved better.

It’s untangling the skein a bit and I’d better stop soon, but it fits many of the talks I had with him before I protected myself with NC. He didn’t want to hear about how I was hurting. He disagreed with it. He’d rather, instead, talk about how he was hurting because I asked him if he was having another affair. (Which he was.)

The sad sausage state of mind is an easy target to make fun of, I agree. But the more I look back at my FW’s sad sausage diatribes, the more scared I get of them.

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

Gee, I wonder why we shouldn’t trust them? And believe them? Cater to them?
ExAsshat was put off our relationship because I stopped trusting him after many many many lies, etc. Jesus Christos, they really ARE freaking morons. At least we eventually kicked their sorry, saggy, stinky butts to the curb. Eww.

Giraffy
Giraffy
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

LOL your snarky fingers have given me a good laugh ^^ (second paragraph though, as all the rest is pretty sad..)

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago
Reply to  Giraffy

Hey, if we couldn’t laugh we’d cry, right?

Giraffy
Giraffy
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

Absolutely!

MightyWarrior
MightyWarrior
2 years ago

‘I want to talk to you. You won’t talk to me. You blocked me!’ ????

And ‘I’m profoundly saddened’.

I can laugh about it 2 years out.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyWarrior

THANK YOU for posting this. Residual effects of gaslighting still lead me to question myself. Blocking an FW was the healthy choice. Unblocking him was the problem.

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyWarrior

Mine too: “She refuses to talk to me or see me. How awful, right everyone?”

Informal
Informal
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

I got that comment twice in court.
“ nobody will speak to me.” To the judge
The second was this year when the last question his attorney asked was when was the last time I spoke with the ex? I was puzzled because it had nothing to do with why he brought me there, or so I thought, and answered. It was a light bulb moment. Really he was bored, thought I’d inherited money and wanted interaction. It cost me a thousands I don’t have to spare because he’s sad i guess?
My therapist said I should have said-why would I need to speak to him. He’s abusive to me.

I Count
I Count
2 years ago

Letting this speak for itself. After 28 years this is what I got. He didn’t love me he loved what I did. No mention of me finding his profiles on the dating sites. Just a small oversight. He s.ent this to me the day after I moved out. When I left I left with zero warning…. I just moved out to a hotel for 2 days then to my apt.

“As I sit in an empty house, alone and in shock, I started to think about things and I am starting to clearly see my part in this. I was never an emotionally available guy, but I think that got worse as we got older. Also, aside from the stuff you did financially, I think I was unhappy in ways, but also happy in other ways. I never gave you credit for all the shit you did, and it is sinking in as I now have to actually think about those things starting right away. So like I told you on the phone, I am sorry for taking all of that for granted. Its usually not until this kind of thing happens, that we don’t see it.

Its hard to hear that the kids are happier living somewhere else and I have to really think about that. I must take my piece of the blame, I know I have plenty of it. I am also really hurt and sad. I cant sleep and I think that has been the case for the last couple few months. I am going to ask for help with that and maybe I can have more patients ( not that I have ever had any to begin with). I want to be there for the kids and try my best to help where I can, I love them dearly. I dont know what else to say, other then I am wrecked and feeling shitty about myself.”

Onandonandon
Onandonandon
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

Me me me me me

Onandonandon
Onandonandon
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

HE was the third child.

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

“I am starting to clearly see my part in this”

But I have to squint because it’s so small. Really, this is your fault.

“I must take my piece of the blame”

But it’s such a small piece. Yours is bigger.

“I am also really hurt and sad”

How could you do this to me? Why are you so mean?

(Oh my gosh, this is such a sad sausage letter.)

Spinach@35
Spinach@35
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

Ok, well that’s pretty much what I heard, Fourleaf.

Also:

“I’m sad every day.”

“You have to own your part in this.”

“I just fell in love.”

“We bonded over taking care of sick patients.”

“You’re so vindictive.”

“Why can’t you look me in the eyes?”

“Do you think I’m white trash?”

“I lost everything.”

“You turned the kids against me.”

“You’re sitting pretty. You got everything.”

“Years from now, you’ll thank me.”

DARVO. Projection. Justification. He seems stuck on those channels. Must be fun times for the wifetress.

I Count
I Count
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

I know. I have saved it for that reason. He LOVED to be the sad sausage. Thank you for this comment and using your own Universal Bullshit sniffer so to speak. So validating.

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

Wow. We were married to the same guy.

I am a financial villain too. According to the guy who was hiding money from me all 20 years of marriage, lying, and cheating.

For just one month, at just one of the hotels he was booking up at, out of 27 years together, the bill was 1750.00.
The Quality Inn.

“Quality” Inn! Hahahahahahhaha!

????

BetterThanAWhoreChump
BetterThanAWhoreChump
2 years ago

Like the old phrase-Quality not quantity right? Lol

I Count
I Count
2 years ago

WOW… glad to know I am not the only financial villian.

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

Ah sorry not I Count m, this one is also a cheater playbook special.

Despite never saying anything except once and the fact I handled all the household finances which sometimes did my head in as I also work full time/young child etc) I should have known something was up when he starting saying he was worried about money. Like an ADULT we sat down and had a conversation. I pointed to his lack of involvement, the fact that is well aware all our monthly outgoings are documented o a spreadsheet and the point of our joint account is that we use that for expenses. Anyway basically there has been nothing hidden on my part. Next week I am away with work and go to get money out of the account and he hasn’t paid anything into the joint account and I couldn’t even buy a sandwich. He reneged the minute I said what the actual fuck is going on. All the things we planned because of his money worries he never stuck to, such as us putting EQUAL shares of our salary towards the bill instead of me paying. Of course, as that wasn’t in his favour and he could hardly put through the receipts I later found for drinks and flowers etc with you know who…

And when we were splitting I was told ‘The magic money tree is drying up’ and he was soooo pleased with himself.

Despicable human being.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago

The magic money tree comment says it all. That is so, so worthless.

Attie
Attie
2 years ago

Mine was HORRIFIED when I stopped his access to my bank account. Oh he earned decent money but I earned money but how the hell was he going to continue buying rounds of drinks at the ho bar if he didn’t have access to both our salaries?

Madge
Madge
2 years ago

“You snooped and found out what I was really doing! You discovered I was lying to you! How could you! This is such a betrayal!”

When I realized I didn’t know the truth about my own life, I went and found it. But somehow my learning the truth was worse than all his lies. All the pain was his, not mine. The RIC therapist agreed my snooping was worse than his depravity.

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  Madge

Our mutual friends agreed it was so terrible for me to snoop on him.

I found his public profiles on sex and dating sites. That was snooping and such an invasion of privacy to them.

NurseMeh
NurseMeh
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Oh yes the sex dating sites – his dick pics went on a World Tour!

Claire
Claire
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Yeah those mutual ‘friends’ are his and total dicksss.

I hope you flipped them the bird

????

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
2 years ago
Reply to  Madge

I could probably spend all night writing these tbh, and sure I am not alone with that but the one that was just Academy Award winning was the emotional proclamation, ‘do you know what it’s like not to be seen?’

Followed by data of him doing his hair in every mirror and standing next to me in the kitchen with my daughter there saying things like, ‘don’t worrry love no more Mr Daddy Grumpy Toad, I am on my recovery’

Wish I had stabbed him with the bread knife there and then looking back.

I am not sure at that point I even knew about his affair…. But that didn’t take long to suss.

Oh there is another classic. He was telling alll the awful things and me/us our past etc and I was over it and say ‘Boy, that’s some list of resentments you have been building up there’. His response? ‘I feel the highs very high and the lows very low. MY life is VERY experiental’ Less sad sausage the latter one than delusions of grandeur but too funny not to mention!

Stig
Stig
2 years ago

That second one, was he dating a therapist, new age fb quote master or a life coach?

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
2 years ago
Reply to  Stig

He been attending therapy you know. Didn’t tell me of course because he’s a private person and if I knew him he’d know that was the kind of thing he’d want to do. A ‘friend’ recommended a therapist (cough cough). This was told to me after the usual gaslighting of ‘Do you think you need therapy?’

Note, not a counsellor like I was seeing for the extreme trauma of nursing my dying father and watching him die and then one week later my family be split up, no he didn’t see a counsellor. He saw a PROPER person where you look deep inside yourself and get to really understand yourself. Not the sort of counselling that us mere mortals might require.

Mrs OW liked an inspirational quote on insta it would seem, wrote a few choice ones the day he moved out.

May they both disappear up their own backsides, they seem quite close already to my mind,

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago

He found somebody to hold his hand while he gazes at his navel

I Count
I Count
2 years ago
Reply to  Madge

When I found my exhusbands dating profiles I didn’t confront him I made a ton of fake profiles and he tried to pick up every single one. When he found out he was SCREAMING at me you BETRAYING BITCH. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH ok…. cheater. Of course this was in front of our kids. Of course..

FuckWitFree
FuckWitFree
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

what.a.piece.of phony.lying.shit.

Dracaena
Dracaena
2 years ago

She had “postpartum depression.” She did not give birth to the baby, get up in the night with him, or care for him during the day (that was for lesser mortals, like me) but somehow she had postpartum depression anyway.

She bursts into tears every time the subject of alimony comes up in mediation because she’s “so, so broke.” She earns six figures. Actually got a substantial raise and promotion lately and didn’t tell me. She just bought a new couch and TV.

She’s hurt by “my behavior” since finding out about the affair. I’m angry with her for cheating on me. So meaaaaan!

She felt SO BETRAYED when I mentioned in mediation that I have my own lawyer. The fuck?? Our mediator told us to get our own counsel. How is this a surprise??

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago
Reply to  Dracaena

This sounds like klootzak. He also got a significant raise and didn’t say a word. He forbid me to add funds to my IRA but just plunked $20k into an investment account for himself. He also never got up in the night even once to change a diaper or anything. But it flips as they are preparing to discard you. Now klootzak acts like he is the Father of the Year. He puts on a show of being Doting Dad when others are around. Image management. Fuckwits are all alike.

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Dracaena

She sounds like my stbx. He was “so tried” after I had each baby. He would sleep like a baby while I did all the night feedings, sick kids stuff for all 3. I vividly remember after baby # 1 him whining to his enabler parents how exhausted he was from caring for our child. I was totally dumbfounded, he’d snored all night (every night) and played golf regularly… seemed pretty easy to me. Out of all he’s done sometimes it’s the heavy burden of work, which has felt like slavery, that really gets to me. Meanwhile he pranced around like king of the castle, only mortals do housework and help with children.. he’s far too special for that.

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago
Reply to  Dracaena

Help me understand…she adopted a baby in some manner that she did not care for but claimed Postpartum Depression ? That is one of the craziest excuses I have ever heard. Caring for a newborn is a big job but when someone else does the birthing and caring, she had a pretty big head-start.

Dracaena
Dracaena
2 years ago
Reply to  Unicornomore

Yeah, we’re both women, used a donor, I was the birth parent. She took one look at the baby and was like “I’m going to the club, don’t wait up,” then began a two year devalue/dump process that ended in me finding out about the affair.

She found it especially unfair that she bore the “mental load” of working a 9-5 while I was 24-hour baby duty. During the pandemic, when she worked from home, this job basically entailed playing Animal Crossing and occasionally checking email.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
2 years ago
Reply to  Dracaena

How can anyone who hasn’t *actually carried and birthed a baby* claim to be suffering from post partum depression??!!

What a fucking fuckwit. ((hugs)) ????

Unicornomore
Unicornomore
2 years ago
Reply to  Dracaena

Dracaena,

Gah that is awful….and so often people who do this are all about the lead-up to the baby…act like they will be a great parent and then regress to some late-teen/early-20s stage of development.

Sometimes us hetero women mistakenly think that being with another woman would prevent the problems we have with men, but its not a man/woman thing, it’s a fuckwit thing.

Dracaena
Dracaena
2 years ago
Reply to  Unicornomore

Yeah, men don’t have a monopoly on fuckwittery! Things are only equal in female same sex relationships when both women want to make it equal.

It’s funny, too— before the baby was born, she was very smug about what a great parent she’d be. I showed her an essay by a father who struggled to do night feedings while his infant daughter went through a bottle strike, and she was like “men are stupid, I would have figured it out immediately.”

Imagine my surprise! I often said that I felt like the mother of two children— a baby and a fourteen year old girl.

Trumaine Kinsey
Trumaine Kinsey
2 years ago
Reply to  Dracaena

omg. I know how this feels. my wife and I were together 17 years. I helped her raise her 2 children. overnight she became a teenager. it was terrible.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago

That teenager thing is so weird.

I went through my year of discard pre CL and internet. But, I remember thinking in the last three months we were together he was acting like a hormone crazed teenager. Getting mad, screaming at me for stupid shit, being out all hours of the night. Just so weird.

I have wondered why some folks do this and others don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I have always tried to look nice, and have some fun. But I don’t believe I ever acted like a teenager once I passed the teenage years.

Do they start feeling like teenagers, then start doing stupid shit, or do they start doing stupid shit then the teenager kicks in. Chicken or egg.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Dracaena

I worked 100 hour weeks to launch my own business even before finishing school. Caring for newborns and toddlers full time was way, way harder.

Navigator
Navigator
2 years ago

When he writes ” for all the shit you did” it means all the “shit he’d never do”. You were treated as a spousal appliance as all of us here were. And the rest of what he wrote is all sad me me me. Nothing about you or the pain he caused you.
Good riddance to the selfish & entitled!

Onandonandon
Onandonandon
2 years ago
Reply to  Navigator

Yes, because he thinks of work in the home all as ‘shit’. Meaningful work is not ‘worthless shit’ but I completely understand how unending work without help or appreciation can feel like slavery. FW meant it like that too. Menial chores are beneath most Narcs and an unequal division of labor is a huge red flag. Let them try hiring out those jobs! Maids are about $75 an hour and babysitting is around $15–(see the Price of Motherhood, a great book).

The part I still struggle with now is doing house and yard work for ME because—- I like things clean, tidy, pretty and a certain way. Before The divorce to some extent I had given up because the only help I got was when I fussed at FW and the kids and as soon be as I turned my back they would go back to entertaining themselves. It was exhausting keeping after them and also working 10-11 hour days on the weekends to keep up with the chores. There was just too much work for one person, working full time with three kids and I literally wore every hat trying to do it all: recreation director/chauffeur, personal assistant to exFW, FT housekeeper, FT Mom-nanny, FT outside job, accountant/bookkeeper/bill payer, cook, home and car repairs/maintenance/improvements. I swear the exFW would literally mow the lawn and call it a day because he was so ‘exhausted’ he had to watch ESPN. I’m pretty sure FW never planned anything ever.

So somewhere along the way I lost myself. I never did anything I wanted to, I did what I HAD to to survive. I had no choice. I went so long that I had no idea what I even wanted or liked anymore. I am slowly rediscovering these things. I am trying to reprogram my brain that work at home is not martyrdom and punishment, but something I do lovingly for myself —and for others —to enjoy my peaceful and beautiful new home. Its an uphill fight but I’m making progress, climbing steadily to meh to arrive some Tuesday hence.

Longtime Chump
Longtime Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  Onandonandon

You summarize it all so well. Our lives sound very similar. Over functioning in order to survive, to the point there is no time to even consider what I enjoy doing. I absolutely lost myself in it all as well. It’s sad to look back and see how hard I fought for myself, asking for help, breaks and being shot down every time. I look forward to the rediscovery.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago
Reply to  Onandonandon

I used to do everything AND the lawn and he complained about how I did the lawn. He wanted it weed free and cross cut like it looks in baseball stadiums. I didn’t want my child playing on a lawn covered in RoundUp. So he retired the military and has an easy 6 hour per day job that pays well into 6 figures and took over the lawn care. ????

After so many years being told how Mr. Special wants everything in the house, it is indeed hard to keep it neat and tidy for me. I actually like cleaning up and having things nice when I have time to do it. But there are times I feel this crazy resentment like I am being forced to slave away when I am not. Having the right mental attitude about it might always be a struggle. I have found some freedom in doing things my own way that he would never have approved. It’s hard to let go of the resentment around housework.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
2 years ago

“I actually like cleaning up and having things nice when I have time to do it. But there are times I feel this crazy resentment like I am being forced to slave away when I am not. Having the right mental attitude about it might always be a struggle. I have found some freedom in doing things my own way that he would never have approved. It’s hard to let go of the resentment around housework”.

I totally understand this! One of ex fuckwit’s favourite ways to dig at me was to accuse me of being lazy, sloppy, not caring about housework, yadda, yadda. I still sometimes remember his wagging finger and screeching face, “you’re a lazy slag! You just don’t care!”

Even though he actually admitted it wasn’t true, and he did it “because I know it winds you up”.

And still those memories come back sometimes, even in my own dear little house, where the only person that matters is me.

These evil fuckers really did a number on us.

MightyWarrior
MightyWarrior
2 years ago

I well remember coming home from work one Friday evening in 2012. I was CEO of a high-profile organisation. FW was an in house lawyer at a fairly junior level i.e. not General Counsel. He was supposed to be mowing the lawns. Pretty much all he did except grocery shopping on Sunday morning. He insisted on doing that in person on his own (he would have been communicating with exgfOW which is why it took him so long). I walk in, to find him watching the Olympics with the usual large glass of red wine in his hand. I expressed mild surprise that the lawns had not been cut. He responded ‘there’s a chicken in the garden’. OK, but why wait for me to come home to sort out the chicken, was it a particularly vicious chicken? A giant chicken? A scary chicken? No, just a normal brown chicken. I calmly got the number of the farmer from our neighbour, called the number, and arranged collection. The farmer’s teenage son with the box clearly had the ex’s measure. He asked ex if he wanted to stroke the chicken before he took it away. Ex looked horrified and said ‘no’. I fell about laughing at that point. The ex was a total waste of space. Completely useless. His exgfOW life coach really deserves him. Laughing now, just thinking about it.

Stig
Stig
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyWarrior

I love that bitchy teenager!

I Count
I Count
2 years ago
Reply to  Onandonandon

Yes!!! I did everything except mow the lawn too. All the kids stuff (many dr and therapist appts I had a kid with 6 life threatening food allergies and another with autism) the house, wash, cooking, shopping, cleaning all of it. When everything was a mess he blamed me and would belittle my job and what I did for the kids abs for him. Why do they pick the lawn. Probably because they don’t want the neighbors to think they are a scumbag.

Gorillapoop
Gorillapoop
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

I ended up paying for lawn service because he wouldn’t do that either. I distinctly recall telling my dad at the time “it’s cheaper than a divorce.”

Turns out a divorce would have saved me a lot more.

Susie Lee
Susie Lee
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

I even mowed the lawn. I did it one year as a birthday gift to him, and he never mowed the lawn again.

I was just an average house keeper, not a spit shiner. But, I kept it cleared out, kitchen and (one bathroom) clean. Did all the laundry, cooking and childcare. I don’t remember him ever thanking me for anything. Though I was careful to brag on him and his accomplishments.

Oh and I also worked part time in a school until my son started 12th grade, then I went full time. That was always the plan. I still had to do everything else. And add to that I did lots of volunteer work for his Lions club jr. baseball league, and the last couple years lots of time politicking side by side with him.

I really think their plan was for him to drop kick me when our son graduated from HS, but by that time he was involved with getting his choice for mayor elected and he needed me for that. We succeeded, and then he had a shot at a good promotion so he had to keep me thinking we were in a solid marriage.

Within a couple weeks after he was promoted (about 11 ish months after the new mayor took office) he started the year of discard. Of course I didn’t know it then, but in hindsight I saw the timing.

He had extracted all the value he could from me, on to the whore and his new and improved life.

Can’t believe how long she kept it quiet. But to be fair she was getting lots of financial support from him in gifts and dinners. I am pretty certain he was handing over cash to her as much as he could.

Patti
Patti
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

I asked many times for ex cheater to make some of the meals for our family of 5.
Oh No! He cuts the lawn, 30 minute job, every two weeks.

In 14 days, family of 5, 3 meals per day equals…….drum roll please…210 meals.
No small feat, for darn sure. Throw in laundry, homework, housework etc etc etc

Way below his pay grade. Little people do those kinds of jobs.
Well sucker, I now use your spousal support cheque to pay a gardening service.
No lunch, no coffee provided and no complaints either.

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago
Reply to  Navigator

“I can’t believe you’d leave me to do my own dishes and laundry now when I never did anything to hurt you.”

I Count
I Count
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

Navigator and Fourleaf YES! Look at my the Wife appliance. I was TOTALLY this. He brought nothing to the marriage after the kids were born. I should have left in 2008 when he cheated the first time. As I moved out he called me and asked if I would pick up the drycleaning and I said NO WAY.

This was all 2 years ago….. I am free and I have 90% custody of my kids.

Chumpnomore6
Chumpnomore6
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

“As I moved out he called me and asked if I would pick up the drycleaning”

The sense of entitlement is beyond belief, isn’t it!

Fuckwit asked me if I’d collect his mail and send it to the flat he was sharing with the rat faced whore. No. ????????

BetterThanAWhoreChump
BetterThanAWhoreChump
2 years ago

????. I recently got the, “I’m sorry I have such a hard time with these shitty conversations and it takes days to recover.” Meaning he mopes around looking at the floor, throwing up, and saying he has headaches. I explained that it isn’t that he feels so bad about the effects on me-I’ve become really kick-ass at calmly reciting everything back to him. Teehee-it’s more that he doesn’t like hearing what he’s done. He lead a second life for 10 years and like women block out labor pain, he has been able to just put everything in the back of his mind and forget about it. He’s a grown man that I have to explain to that he’s choosing to dwell in his “guilt” alone instead of being a man and repairing. I’m talking-that’s it-he used whores to share intimacy that should have been mine alone with him, yet he’s the one that’s struggling. In the heat of an argument one day I did scream, “well you know what? My dick is bigger that yours mofo!”

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 years ago

There are almost too many:

– Shortly after she left the kids and I to be with her AP, now-Ex-Mrs LFTT complained to our youngest that “Daddy won’t make any kind of small-talk with me when we meet up at handovers …. he’s just being rude, as all he’ll only talk about the logistics of co-parenting. It’s as if he’s no longer willing to be friends with me.” Plot spoiler: I wasn’t prepared to be friends with her.
– Shortly after the divorce was finalised she had to go into hospital for an operation that resulted in complications and a longer than expected recovery period. She complained to anyone who would listen about “what an assh*le I was” because at no stage had I asked her if she needed any help or if there was anything I could do for her. Plot spoiler: when word of this finally reached me (she was and is too passive aggressive to confront me directly) I told people that she had someone else (her AP) to wipe her ar*e (literally) and that it wasn’t my problem.
– Also just after the divorce was finalised, she demanded to come over to the house where the kids and I lived so that she could “discuss how we divided up the contents of the house.” When I pointed out that this was unnecessary as she’d already signed over all of the contents as part of the divorce agreement, she was “sad sausage” for a nano-second or two before going nuclear and threatening to take me to court. Plot spoiler: she didn’t, because her laywers explained that she would lose and she would end up on the hook for costs. She still (4 years on) plays the “it’s not fair” card, even though she never actually told me what it was that she wanted.

LFTT

Stig
Stig
2 years ago

Woah that post op stuff is very telling. She’s realised AP is okay for Shia and giggles but when it comes to the hard graft she’s obviously feeling the lack, both of quality care and triangulation opportunities. Sucks to be you, lady.

Thrive
Thrive
2 years ago

Point 3: got an email with list of things FW wanted 18 months after break-up and a year after divorce. I gave him stuff our sons and his family gave him. That was it. Anything I had bought he had left, I gave away or sold. He still complains to our sons. Oh well!

Whitecoatburnout
Whitecoatburnout
2 years ago

You don’t make small talk with the cheater? Well, if you are like me, the ex makes your skin crawl and you cannot wait to leave their presence.

Sunrise
Sunrise
2 years ago

^^^THIS^^ Meanwhile, Asshat keeps telling the kids that one day Mom won’t be so bitter and we’ll spend holidays together. Like TV families.

Patti
Patti
2 years ago
Reply to  Sunrise

Does Asshat tell the kids in which Universe these get togethers will occur?
Tell him to hold his breath while he waits for it.

My cheater ex Assumed he would be invited over to the family home ( where I live )
for all the holiday celebration and birthday meals. First Christmas without Ex, adult
child #2 leaves front drapes open “ just in case dad drives past and he sees a party
going on with lots of action without him “.

If Ex were on fire on my front porch, no glass of water would be wasted on him.
If Ex were starving on my front porch, not one bite of food would be wasted on him.

Sunrise
Sunrise
2 years ago
Reply to  Patti

Lol Patti!!! Mine would be burning in the street since he’s not allowed on my property. Someone else can call 911.

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 years ago

WCBO,

I wasted 26 years with Ex-Mrs LFTT and I’m not wasting another second on her if I have a say in the matter. Since she does not spark joy (actually she sparks my gag reflex), she can f*ck off and take her small talk with her.

LFTT

Bruno
Bruno
2 years ago

XW repeatedly told our teen sons that I took advantage of her in court and “forced her out of the house”. In CA it was pretty cut and dry, 50/50 property split. I ended up with the house because I qualified. (She tried to force sale so neither one got it) I told our sons that we both had competant attorneys so she is just wrong. That seemed to end it.

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
2 years ago
Reply to  Bruno

Bruno,

I get the same message played back to me through my children. Sadly, the only person who scr*wed Ex-Mrs LFTT in Court was her. Funny old thing, she lied to the Judge and she had her AP accompany her even while denying that she was in a relationship with him … what the f*ck did she expect would happen?

I told our children that the Judge had described her settlement as “generous” (because he did), that no-one forced her to sign the divorce agreement (she signed after the Judge said that if she dragged things out further that it was unlikely to go well for her) and that – typically – she only started complaining after she had cashed the settlement cheque and realised that nearly a 1/3 of it went on covering the legal and other costs that she’d run up on the incorrect assumption that she was going to get everything that she was demanding.

LFTT

Dr Chumphead
Dr Chumphead
2 years ago

When I asked him to explain himself, after I realised he was lying and trickle truthing me, he came out with: “My behaviour? My actions? I wasn’t happy. You showed me fuck all affection for years. Every time I came home I was presented with negative emotions.”

This “presenting him with negative emotions” was standard bitching about my job. He seems to think we were both supposed to be living in Disneyland 24/7.

He also said, after ditching me for his ward junior with big tits, that this was “hard on me too”.

Now he’s making accusations of aggressive and threatening behaviour through his solicitors as justification for locking me out of my house, that’s how sad he is about it all.

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
2 years ago
Reply to  Dr Chumphead

Oh the pity parties they have for themselves. It’s ever so hard on THEM.

I’ll never forget the sob story on my first D day. I was a new mom with baby that had been sick with high fevers and ear infections for months. It was such a stressful time.

He tells me late one night SOBBING about how he propositioned a friend of his and she turned him down *gasp* and kicked him out of her house. Because NO ONE LOVES him you see – *sob* not the wife he lies to – not the friend he hit on while he was married *boo hoo* NO ONE!

I remember just sitting there watching him cry for his poor lonely dick and not knowing what to say.

If only chump lady and been around in those days!

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  NotAnymore

Mine told me once that he made out with the wife of a guy he worked with and she made fun of him for being a bad kisser and laughed at him. I was just sitting there like WTF? WTF? WTF? and he’s angry with me because I never told him he was bad at kissing and it was my fault he was humiliated.

Unfortunately this was while I was being treated for my misdiagnosis of schizophrenia and on medication so it was easy for him to say later that it never happened and I was crazy. But I’m healthy now and I can remember that conversation clearly.

chumped48
chumped48
2 years ago

When I FINALLY got him out of the house (3 months after I filed for divorce- moved to his Dad’s) he complained that his father’s house was “too small and there was a large table in his bedroom”. I tried to get him to take some furniture, but “no room”. I wondered why he never wanted to have his kids overnight- “no room”. His father lives in a MANSION with TWO intact suites (not including the master suite) and a total of SEVEN beds on a 2-acre plot in an affluent neighborhood. But poor pitiful him had a BIG TABLE in his suite and it was SO CRAMPED.

Emma C
Emma C
2 years ago
Reply to  chumped48

Such a good example of how anything at all can turn them into sad sausages.

ChumpedForANewerModel
ChumpedForANewerModel
2 years ago

It is real hard to say because these cheaters have so many sad sausage moments. After DDay#1, the poor sad sausage felt that he had no rights to privacy meaning that he wanted secrecy to conduct his activities. The worst part was when he accused our 25 y/o son of spying on him when the Ed sausage still had all his pics and so on going through a shared family account. DS saw the nudes and what not and just asked WTF? The RIC of course agreed with him and that he had a right to privacy. That combined with all the victim blaming in the RIC made me drop out, get my ducks in a row and file to get rid of a FW.
Poor sad sausage continues to tell tales of how he was not trusted and how he tried for so many years to make everything work as well as how cruel my son and I were to him (son is no contact, hates lying cheaters). Blames me for everything and accuses me of all types of horrible things. Those who believe him are totally blocked now and the ones left are people I trust. I can’t wait for the moment when I no longer have to deal with him over anything. He is trying to prolong the divorce but yet always tells his attorney that he is ready to move on. Yep, everything goes through attorneys because I need some healing time.

SupineChump
SupineChump
2 years ago

Sitting in our first counseling session after d-day, he jacked up from pumping iron the previous 12 months, I in a most vulnerable post-party state, newborn at my breast:
“Sometimes she gets really angry, and she tenses up and clenches her teeth, and I just don’t know what she’s going to do when she gets like that!” ……..lol…

NotAnymore
NotAnymore
2 years ago
Reply to  SupineChump

Sounds like you really fly off the handle – by not moving and barely reacting at all. ????

How could he possibly cope with your silent barely detectable rage fits? Who knows what basically motionless and subtle thing you might do next – furrow your brow? The tyranny!

SupineChump
SupineChump
2 years ago
Reply to  NotAnymore

hahaha, exactly! Yes, the therapist was great. He turned to me and said, “Is it true that you get angry sometimes?” with almost a smirk on his face. I said, “Well, sure, yes, I have certainly felt angry about all this.” …..again–lol…

Schrodinger’s Chump
Schrodinger’s Chump
2 years ago
Reply to  SupineChump

OMG, I really hope the therapist saw the ridiculousness of that statement.

no-way
no-way
2 years ago

I could write a novel!
After 21 years together and him juggling 2 other ladies whilst we’d just had a new baby and him managing to go abroad with each of them (to the same destination I may add that we’d just been to as a family the year before I got pregnant) by telling us he was working, he somehow managed to juggle all that and make decisions but when I discovered all the betrayals and lies going back years and the lies he told friends too, and the pretence, he somehow had a ‘breakdown’ and couldn’t speak without stammering and had involuntary muscle twitches and spasms and was to go for a psychology evaluation and neurology tests and mri etc etc… I didn’t believe a word! I now knew what he was capable of and the lies he could weave.

As he told me before: he’d just lie to a psychiatrist, and his family have a history of playing up ailments to get pity and get out of doing things. Then he vanished and moved away to live with OW#2 leaving me, the kids and OW#1 in shock and thousands of pounds of debt. He was my best friend! I knew nothing of the real hidden him.

Then I get messages from OW#2 saying how dare I “empty his bank account” and he “has no money”. He just fleeced me for £18k to set up a cafe with OW#1 who thought it was his dead dad’s inheritance money. It was mine! And our downstairs neighbour invested too! Coz “what could go wrong with a small tiny coffee shop”. OW#1 thought it was “their cafe” (she was also our tenant in our old family home btw, just to add to the mix) and I thought it was our “family cafe”.

His father isn’t dead! Well, he might be but it turned out ex had never met him or even asked his mother about him. Yet for 21 years he often told me he was going to meet his father when “he was up visiting from London “. I kept schtum coz his “mum didn’t know he was in touch with him and he didn’t want to upset her”.

Whatever tale he told he was the victim. Over 30 jobs in 20 years coz they were nasty to him or somebody wanted him to work for them or he didn’t like how they done things… Always the victim.

To fool doctors is in his repertoire I believe now. I’d never seen such a pathetic portrayal of a breakdown yet I knew he was still going out to the pub with her…. Funny how his symptoms vanished after he moved in with her and her parents in a caravan in their back garden. Now poor him is cold during a highland winter….

He’d played all his cards and I knew not to believe a word so we’ve not seen him for 5 years and he has abandoned his own children. Yet that will be down to me being a “controlling bitch” and stopping him.

Yeh Yeh… Whatever… You reap what you sow mate!

nomar
nomar
2 years ago

During (false) reconciliation she tearfully told me, “You have to know I would never have another affair because it is so very painful to give him up.”

Yeah, I comforted her through that shit. Even though, as it turned out, she kept seeing him throughout. I’m sure she was in kibble heaven.

MightyKJ
MightyKJ
2 years ago

In an email from FW after D-Day…

“I can’t eat or sleep. Things have been really hard. I lost my best friend too.”

No m’fkr, you killed your best friend.

Whitecoatburnout
Whitecoatburnout
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

Oh my goodness! My FW said to me “You are the only friend I have! Except your dad!”…and I’m thinking, “Oh good. You are f***ing these women but you aren’t friendly with them.”

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago

Opposite for me. One of the last conversations I had with FW before I realized I needed to go NC or I was going to die of grief was when he told me that he never considered me a beat friend and, in fact, on his list of friends, I was pretty far down on the totem pole. It was one of the last times he broke my heart; I was hoping that he would, at least, consider me one of his best friends.

Adelante
Adelante
2 years ago

My ex’s version of “you’re my best friend” (and additional example of sad sausage):

“..the one person I think really understands how much
it hurts to disentangle a 40-year relationship is the one person I can’t
talk to about it, namely you.”

Stig
Stig
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

I love that he’s blaming the amorphous force that’s thrust you both into this situation against your will.

I Count
I Count
2 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

I got this too! Last year I was his best friend…. yeah that’s why you were looking to date!

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
2 years ago
Reply to  I Count

Mine said, “she’s my best friend” when found out
Then 6 months later, “no, you are my best friend.”
Ugh, go away
Never waster your life on a FW!!!!!!!!!!

IamTheCavalry
IamTheCavalry
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

Oh my. This kills me. Mine said “But you’re my best friend!”. I responded “Wow, if this is how you treat your best friend, I’d hate to see how you treat your enemies!”. Stupid f*$k could not understand why I wouldn’t “give him another chance”…after I’d already given him 4-5 chances.

What an absolute entitled ASS..He died before we could get divorced but I told him it would be ugly. His brother actually thinks he didn’t really want to live thru the last surgery because all of his infidelities would become public. And I didn’t know HALF of it at that point, more came out AFTER he died.

D
D
2 years ago
Reply to  MightyKJ

Exactly! Why can’t they take any responsibility for their actions. My x feels he is the victim because most mutual friends supported me and my family thinks he’s horrible. This guy was under the delusion that he could steal time and money from me and expose me to STI’s and we could just keep going once I found out (because I had forgiven a supposed one night lapse in judgment years before and didn’t understand the dynamics of infidelity).

As far as I am concerned you fall into one of 2 camps on your views of infidelity. Either meh it happens or it’s abuse. I can’t really be super close to anyone in the first camp as it means our values are not the same.

TheDivineMissChump
TheDivineMissChump
2 years ago

Gold medal winner on my dday: “Some of them were disgusting!” Translated — Feel sorry for me that I had to resort to sex with disgusting women because I don’t know what love is…

Silver medal goes to: “I have no intention of seeing my (97) mother ever again” translated– it is all her fault I am the way I am.
And for the bronze, “I seriously gave a lot of thought to an unbridled titilation scenario, but the more I went down that path, the less attractive it felt. It actually began to make me a bit nauseous after awhile.” Translated: when you left, I went on a sex fueled bender and now my tummy hurts.

I won’t even get started with the participation awards….

BetterThanAWhoreChump
BetterThanAWhoreChump
2 years ago

Wow! There’s a playbook isn’t there.
The “they weren’t even that attractive”-yet he easily got hard every time and kept going back
The “I was just so drunk I didn’t know what was happening”-yet hundreds were taken out days before the trips
The “is was so awkward every time”-yet kept going back
The “many of them didn’t even look like their what I like to call WHORE-DASH photo”-yet he was able to perform for them and kept going back
Seriously, where do they get this shit from?

I Count
I Count
2 years ago

I have heard all of these!! WOW.

TheDivineMissChump
TheDivineMissChump
2 years ago

No kidding, right? The day after I left I looked up one of his elitemate hookups… the one he texted “I feel so good when I’m inside you”. That was when I was debating over whether to file under adultery and include some of his gals as co-defendants. I took one look at a picture of this very sick woman and closed my laptop. She could have been my sister, the resemblance was eerie. What a sicko…

Whitecoatburnout
Whitecoatburnout
2 years ago

It could have been worse. One of my FW’s schmoopies is a dead ringer for HIS sister.

TheDivineMissChump
TheDivineMissChump
2 years ago

Yuck!

Jason
Jason
2 years ago

Tracy, thank you for the book and the website they truly have been helpful.

Chump d-day anniversary one coming up this Thanksgiving weekend. Married 27 years — together 30 years — 2 adult children. There has been no disclosure. I asked her to leave in spring 2021. Found a love letter (how could i), found texts (how could i), asked about phone calls (i was imagining things, no wait she called him to end it she did not get him and it must have gone to voice mail for a half hour), …. all of us chumps have been here.

My contribution to sad sausage might also go into stupid shit cheaters say. It was just this past Wednesday when she explained to me with tears in her eyes that “the situation was less disruptive to me because i am in our home”. She went on — having to find a place to live that is not hers and to not have her clothes and space the way she wants it is hard on her.

That visit kept on giving though. She wanted to know what we were doing for Thanksgiving and i said that i needed to be alone (d-day anniversary and all). This had been communicated to her before — but for some reason she did not recall it. The mantra at this point was “why can’t i say that i dont want to be with her”.

Sad sausage indeed. I am feeling like it applies to both of us though.

Thrive
Thrive
2 years ago
Reply to  Jason

The Monday after thanksgiving is the anniversary of my divorce. That was a fun turkey day…not!

damnitfeelsbadtobeachumpster
damnitfeelsbadtobeachumpster
2 years ago
Reply to  Jason

yes, the old “the situation was less disruptive to me because i am in our home” line. i got that one recently but he used inconvenienced–to which i responded “you’re the one that wanted out of the marriage so you left.”

he’s moaning about living in a shitty rental while i live in the marital home, keep in mind i will prep it for sale on my own, etc. etc. he’s long gone, nor do i wish him to return

other lines included:
1. i’ve been living on auto-pilot for years and just want to live
2. i love you but i’m not in love with you (standard)
3. i’ve never loved you
4. you don’t love me, you give me nothing
5. men need to be adored and you don’t adore me anymore

he has no clue what love is.

today is the 1-year anniversary of D-day, when i discovered him “dining out” with his co-worker, whatever that means. we are in the midst of negotiating a separation agreement and it’s close but not quite. he’s shown a distinct lack of judgment during this process and it’s taken him a long time to accept that, in no-fault divorces, the law applies a spousal support ratio of 50/50.

i feel quite well, actually. therapy helps.

MrWonderful’sEx
MrWonderful’sEx
2 years ago

Klootzak said on the last D-day that I don’t love him, I am only with him because it’s convenient.

I assured him that being married to him has been anything but convenient. A rare occasion when my brain immediately spit out the correct response in the moment instead of hours later.

NotTodayFuckwit
NotTodayFuckwit
2 years ago
Reply to  Jason

I’m so sorry you have had your Thanksgiving holiday ruined by a FW – Turkey day is also the anniversary of my D-Day #2, which was in 2018. Unfortunately, I stuck around and let another D-Day happen 11 months later before I wised up. The first anniversary was hard, but they do get better – I’ve been working on slowly reclaiming the holidays for me and my son. I hope you can find some moments of peace this week.

Mitz
Mitz
2 years ago
Reply to  Jason

They feel their own pain acutely. Your pain is of little to consideration to them.

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

“They feel their own pain acutely. Your pain is of little to consideration to them”

Yup.

Phoenix
Phoenix
2 years ago

I was told that she was a good person, and he was hoping she and I could be friends?? Never mind in the past that she had:

Affairs with 5 other married men
Was a prostitute for at least a year
Had no friends or family because she alienated everyone in her life with her awful behavior
Met randos off Craigslist for sex threesomes with her husband

But she’s “changed” now.
Give me a break.

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago
Reply to  Phoenix

Me too. FW had a long talk with me excitedly telling me how much I was going to love GF#1 and how excited he was for us all to be the best of friends. He just knew it would all work out because “she’s so amazing!” He said this to me as I was crying, shortly after D-Day #1.

That’s when I started to think that the man was insane.

Aurora Cruz
Aurora Cruz
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

SAME exact conversation only mine went one bit further. He wanted to visit her (she lived across the country) and bring her back home with him. Started talking about polyamory and renegotiated marriage contracts. I filed for divorce asap.The whole “we can all be friends” and “you’d like her, she’s a good person” didn’t work with me.

HippieChump
HippieChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Phoenix

My FW also pushed me to be friends with the OW (I didn’t know he was having sex with) and I remember me talking to him about it like: her story just doesn’t make sense, she just doesn’t have good morals, I don’t want to be around someone who treats people the way she treats them, etc.
And then it would all be happening with another woman.

Since we’re on sad sausage stories, one schmoopie got fired (from the job where her subordinate was my FW who she’d spent a year of lunch breaks fucking—- I didn’t know this at the time)
She’s so sad about getting fired for totally different reasons that she calls me one day to cry, for like a long time. Like even closer friends don’t usually cry on the phone for an hour.

Now I know she was also crying because she lost her access to my husband. How messed up!

KatiePig
KatiePig
2 years ago
Reply to  HippieChump

Mine loved tricking me into becoming friends with the OW. So many of them. Usually I would get a bad feeling about the woman immediately but he’d tell me I was being judgmental and should give her a chance. They were wives of his work buddies (some he screws and the husband watches, maybe the husband joins in too, who knows?) Some were very old friends from childhood.

One of them ended up having a baby and a couple years later it was revealed it was not her husband’s child and he lost all rights. He fought for that child because he had been raising him. He lost. I went on a rant one night in our home about how not only was she a piece of shit wife, she was a piece of shit mother for doing that to her child. Giving him a father and then ripping that father away from him. The only father he’d ever known. The next day she had unfriended me on facebook. I confronted my husband and he said, “She unfriended me too! She probably unfriended a bunch of their mutual friends!”

They are still friends on facebook. I know because I deleted my account and made a new one. He hid her on facebook from me.

My son asked me, “Could that kid be dad’s?” I said I don’t know but probably not, he had a vasectomy years before that child was born. Recently my son asked about another friend’s daughter. One of our closest mutual friends. I started to say no way but then stopped. The timing actually lined up as we were traveling to his hometown a lot at that time (to help his mom and brothers) and he hadn’t had his vasectomy yet then. I just said “Oh fuck, that would be really messed up.” Because my ex and “friend” used to joke about him being her real dad since her dad was not in the picture. My son just said “Jesus fucking Christ…” and I said well, one day maybe you can do one of those DNA kits and see if you find some siblings.

It’s so fucked up. He could have at least had the decency to just keep them away from me rather than make them such a huge part of my life that it would be even more soul crushing when it all came out. But he enjoyed abusing me in that way. I think cheating was much more fun for him when he could rub my nose in it and they could laugh about how stupid I was behind my back.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
2 years ago
Reply to  KatiePig

Your ex is a depraved ????!
I’m so glad you eventually got the proper diagnosis and medical care and AWAY from him KP

chchchchchump
chchchchchump
2 years ago
Reply to  HippieChump

I wrote an email (yeah, I know, newbie mistake) to OWhore Schoopie after DDay, after FW ended it with her. I rated at her and asked how could she DO this?! A nd she wrote back with Sad Sausage GOLD:

“…I can hear my screams, my wailing, I can feel me hyperventilating with my own pain until I passed out and woke up later in clothes as soiled as my soul. I can hear me repeating these wails as I live here, alone, without the man I love…”

Yes, ladies and gents, she turned it into a PAIN CONTEST, and she was DETERMINED to WIN!

The good news is that both in this email and in THOUSANDS of pages I extracted from Fuckwit’s email account, she provided hours and hours of mockable gold. Like, Bulwer-Lytton Contest submission material.

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
2 years ago
Reply to  chchchchchump

Glad you’ve got that, some comedy gold coming out of the madness is always cathartic. And hilarious in equal measure.

I’ve got some scribblings including a poem I found – it’s dire. But hilarious to me.

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago

It does help. For the comedy and as a reminder that you weren’t the problem. Also reinforces the major differences between your and the cheaters’s values and desires. He likes… that??? Painful as it was at the time, this is why I’m thankful I saw evidence. It was also helpful – after all that gaslighting – to have solid proof that my ex was a shameless filthy liar – and to everyone, not just to me.

Dracaena
Dracaena
2 years ago
Reply to  chchchchchump

When I contacted the other woman, she sobbed about how MEAN I was to my cheating wife.

I was very restrained, too. I said that she that someday she was going to learn who fuckwit really is when fuckwit wasn’t trying to impress her, and that she’d find the experience rather disappointing. I didn’t call her a bitch or hope she’d be miserable or anything like that.

MEAAAAAN.

Adelante
Adelante
2 years ago
Reply to  chchchchchump

“clothes as soiled as my soul”!!! Definitely Bulwer-Lytton level. Maybe she should have worn a diaper…

NurseChump
NurseChump
2 years ago

I was a labor and delivery nurse, so when I found out he was cheating I asked him if he at least had the forethought to use protection. Of course not. When I explained how this put me at risk and also embarrassed me at my job because I had to admit to my colleagues that I married an a$$hole so I could get tested for STD’s, he said he was SO sorry! He never thought about his actions affecting all of those aspects of my life! He was ashamed that he let himself get so caught up in the moment. What he was worried about was me quitting my job because I was so embarrassed and sad and he would have to pay a crap ton more child support.

Mitz
Mitz
2 years ago

Cheaters sad sausage lament about being finacially destitute…… then a friend saw him driving around town in his new expensive sports car (which was later revealed he paid cash for).

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
2 years ago

“I’ve been so depressed thinking about our marriage that I almost drove my truck off the bridge a couple weeks ago.” (This after D-day 292)

Hands down Oscar-worthy performance.

My only regret, not calling 911 and having him admitted for a psych eval and call his bluff.

Rock on Chump Nation – you’ve got this!

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago

Mine too told me, after DDay #1 and shortly before our reconciliation, that he was so sad about “what happened” that he parked on a bridge and thought about throwing himself off.

I felt so sad for him. I forgave him for everything. I was just so glad he was alive. Etc etc.

Dday #2 and GF#3/Wifetress came later. And it wasn’t until years later that I found myself thinking “…I bet that ‘I almost ended it all’ story was also hot air.” Good lord, I was so gullible.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

Neither of us was gullible, we were/are empathetically human… our fuckwits are the monsters. <3

Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
Velvet Hammer ????????❤️
2 years ago

The other day, a couple of people were wondering why a chump would still keep coming here. I feel so much better after just a few minutes reading the eerie similarities between us all that I cannot imagine depriving myself of the free emotional pain medicine this site provides me with.

THANK YOU to each and every person here and an especially big thank you to dear dear Tracy. If I was whipping’ and jingling alone with this shit I am sure I would be in the state hospital in a straight jacket instead of on the road the Meh.

Our daughter recently agreed to meet him in a session with Dr. Kickass Co-Parent to talk to him. The agenda was for her to talk and for him to listen. She has not spoken to him in almost two years (though she goes to his place for a few hours three days a week). She is now almost 15. He burned down our bird nest when she was almost 11.

She came in the house after the Zoom session, exasperated and angry. His only feedback was about how he was hurt too…how his “life had changed”…how Dr. Kickass Co-Parent had to keep reminding him that HIS behavior was the problem, that he was not the victim….that he is oblivious….etc.

It is sad and strange and super messed up that our own daughter’s experience with him has been validating for me and been a total reality check to help me keep my sanity.

The relationship with your child is the easiest relationship you will ever have with another human being, and anyone who can’t do that one is definitely out of their depth in any kind of romantic partnership.

IMHO

Elsie
Elsie
2 years ago

Yes, when my ex decided to make the separation long-distance, I somehow had the piece of mind to decide that I wasn’t going to get in the middle with our college kids. I was a mess in other ways, but I nailed that. They didn’t want to discuss him, and I told them that they were going to have to define that relationship, not me. They had their own phones, emails, friends, work, and school. The reality was that we were all busy, and we just enjoyed being together when we could. I didn’t defend him when he barely contacted them in the first year and missed recognizing the birthdays/holidays/graduations.

He actually hasn’t seen or talked to them in years now, and yet he wants them to visit as if nothing happened, I assume over the holidays. Not my call at all, of course. They don’t want to.

The fact that he messed that up with them says volumes about where he remains. I don’t know if he is in a romantic relationship or not at this point, but perhaps he told “the one” that he’d get his kids there to meet her. Well, they’re not coming, their choice, not mine.

damnitfeelsbadtobeachumpster
damnitfeelsbadtobeachumpster
2 years ago

this site shows me how disordered my X’s thoughts/actions are, as they mimic others. it’s all so stereotypical and that helps normalize the nonsense, you know?

this site keeps me on the straight and narrow from an emotional perspective, as difficult as it is to read most days. i don’t wish to delve into pain but here we all are, vulnerable and hurting. humour helps.

Velvet “Velveeta” Hammer ????????????
Velvet “Velveeta” Hammer ????????????
2 years ago

I have had a similar experience or heard, almost word for word, the EXACT SAME THING from Traitor X, that is in EVERY SINGLE POST here so far. Spooky and creepy and eerie and LIFESAVING. JFC.

(Does anyone here remember Speed Racer and his older brother, Racer X?)

UpAndOut
UpAndOut
2 years ago

Loved it! And Chimchim & Spritle. My brother & I named my dolls after them.
Traitor X – good one!
Best performance from the X in my life: expecting me to feel sorry for him when he described stuff coming out of his wick and he asked me what to do. He expected me to be interested! And caring! He had already moved ahead out of town for a new job & left me at home with little kids. My shining moment “You got this on your own, you can find a public health clinic on your own!” Unfortunately I moved to the new location & spackled for years.

IamTheCavalry
IamTheCavalry
2 years ago

Yes, I grew up in LA and watched Speed Racer!

Mitz
Mitz
2 years ago

To a point VH

My ex told and tells our adult children many lies about me, and for some reason ($$$?) they choose to believe many of these ridiculous lies.

Brit
Brit
2 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Mitz, ex is on a continuous smear campaign, bad mouthing me at every opportunity, with blatant lies, made up stories. Ex is also good at portraying himself in these stories as the victim/hero while demonizing me.

My only son (who knows better) chooses to stand by and believe ex ($$$).
Sadly my son has become a clone of his father.

Blenderhead
Blenderhead
2 years ago

My poor sad sausage was sad and angry because I no longer trusted him after D-Day (caught him trying to video chat women on our anniversary vacation.) In a toddlerish tantrum he yelled out, I feel attacked! You don’t understand! I’m not used to people not trusting me!

HippieChump
HippieChump
2 years ago
Reply to  Blenderhead

Yeah I got that too.

And “come on, it’s Me, you’ve know me for years, you know I would never do _____”

No, I just learned that who you are is a total lie, now you want me to think there’s some things you would never do? Uh-uh

bread&roses
bread&roses
2 years ago
Reply to  HippieChump

I’ve noticed this, too. Makes me wonder if anyone who so readily and nastily employs DARVO is a cheater at heart, even if they haven’t yet acted on it.

My ex would get so furious when caught. At me. It was ludicrous and he never made any sense. He’d actually take words he’d used, put them in my mouth, and then scream at me for accusing him of it. “You think I’m a monster?!” “How can you accuse me of not being compassionate?” This was spat out at me the day after i found troves of incredibly hurtful emails where he shared intimate, and largely untrue, details about me and our personal life in the meanest ways imaginable. So, I’d just found out I’d been living for years with a guy who was saying and doing these horrible things behind my back, gaslighting me when I sensed his hatred. I was shaking and hadn’t eaten or slept, I was ashamed and afraid to tell anyone else, I tried to talk to him because I needed to talk to someone – so crazy – and he sat there glowering, arms crossed. I just stood up and said, “I am not doing this. This isn’t what I need. You’re not showing me any compassion.” I calmly walked over to the sink and started to do the dishes, because I didn’t know what else to do. Then he said that. I calmly walked back over to him and then screamed in his face, at the top of my lungs, “FUCK. YOU!” I really tried to keep my shit together and not engage, but that just pushed me over the edge. So of course, his story became that I was emotionally abusive.

How many stories like this do we collectively carry? It’s overwhelming. I can’t possibly count or remember, and I “only” had fifteen years stolen.

ChumpMeGentlyWithAChainsaw
ChumpMeGentlyWithAChainsaw
2 years ago
Reply to  bread&roses

So many of your posts punch me in the gut because I feel like I could’ve written them myself.

Hugs to all of us here for the unbelievable shit we’ve all been through.

Fourleaf
Fourleaf
2 years ago
Reply to  HippieChump

Yup. Mine was furious with me for not trusting him despite all the evidence he was giving me to, y’know, not trust him.

Onandonandon
Onandonandon
2 years ago
Reply to  Fourleaf

So true. Regardless of cheater status, additionally I find that people of poor character caught out doing something wrong get raging mad at the person exposing them. It’s a kind of a DARVO and ‘it’s not what I did but your reaction to it’ mosh-up moment. What a mindfuck though: I’m super extra mad at you because you’re mad at me —about something bad I did. How dare you be upset with and judge me!? I will throw a major fit so that you will have to worry about THAT immediately and not be able to address what it is that I did!

MightyWarrior
MightyWarrior
2 years ago
Reply to  Onandonandon

I discovered the affair about 2 years ago, 6 weeks after the ex had left me. He never admitted the affair which was ongoing and had been underway, long distance, for at least 10 years. She was also married, with children. He had a number of toxic enablers helping him out. He lied to his friends about it. He lied to his family. He lied to me. When challenged with its existence, he would defiantly stonewall, resist, like a teenager. Must have been so frustrating for exgfOW who was desperate to ‘tell the world about our love and not give a f*** who knows’. And clearly he didn’t love her that much because he hadn’t got the guts to admit this one great true love with his soulmate. His image mattered more to him than their love. At the conclusion of a horrendous Zoom mediation session enforced on me by the English courts, during lockdown which I did completely alone, I said directly to him, ‘do you understand why I don’t trust you?’. He stared back through the webcam with the shark eyes. It was the only time I cried during the session, which ended on that note. The last time, please God, that I will ever see that inhuman, cowardly POS. It brought home to me what I had lived with for 26 years. For all his sad sausage routine, a feature of our lives throughout the relationship, the angry, spiteful, vindictive characteristics were always there, waiting to be revealed. The sad sausage sayings are intended consciously to manipulate, to get what they want. No matter how funny the sayings are they are red flags waving. I choose not to swim on those beaches any more.

What I have noticed, with the help of a lot of therapy, is that I blamed myself so much for the way he behaved that I never said to myself ‘it’s him, not you’. It never occurred to me that I did not have to fix myself, the relationship, to keep him happy. That I could stop, reflect, and choose whether I needed to make a change in my response to him. I was so in to the ‘I’ve got to put this right, immediately’ mode that I was exhausted. A husk. And he used