View this post on Instagram A post shared by Brené Brown (@brenebrown) The UBT can’t even. Esther Perel is now a VERB? Many alert members of Chump Nation sent me this Instagram nugget of crazy in which Vulnerability Influencer Brene Brown teams up with gal pal, cheater apologist Esther Perel to discuss… I’m not clear. Brene’s […]
The ‘Dual Accountability’ Therapy Fallacy
Hi Chump Lady, I thought you would line to see the “official point of view” of the majority of therapists that treat infidelity: “Infidelity occurs in a dyadic system, and any approaches that place all blame, responsibility and accountability on a single member seems contraindicated.” I replied to this: Yes, Fred,that’s that problem, the dyadic […]
Debunking “Affairs Are About Opportunity”
One tenet of the Reconciliation Industrial Complex is that “Affairs are about opportunity.” (Also known as the Chris Rock line, “You’re only as faithful as your options.”) Why on earth is this the accepted “wisdom”? Yeah, affairs are about opportunity, the way bank robberies are about Thursdays. If affairs are about opportunity, (and not lousy […]
Cheating on a Marine? Don’t Ask Ms. Vicki
An alert chump in the U.S. military sent me this link to the columnist “Ms. Vicki” whose advice runs in military publications and on military.com. The question posed was whether or not to tell an OW’s husband, a Marine, that he was being chumped. I’ll let you judge the caliber of this advice for yourself. […]
Therapist Says Not to Tell Anyone Her Husband Cheated
Dear Chump Lady, Do you think chumps should tell their family and friends that the reason they are separated from their spouse is because he/she cheated? My marriage counselor (MC)’s advice was that the reason for the separation was not anyone else’s business and said that by telling the truth (i.e. their spouse cheated) the betrayed […]
Her Menopause Made Him Cheat?
I’ve read some blameshifting quackery in my day, but Guardian advice columnist Mariella Frostup takes the blood-soaked tampon. A woman writes in to say her partner cheated, and she wants to contact the Other Woman. And Frostup tells her the real problem is her menopause. The poor chump’s letter: The dilemma It’s the usual. He was […]
UBT: Monogamy Is a Gift
You know you’re wading in deep bullshit when you see the title “The Unsparing Genius of Esther Perel.” Oh please do spare us such genius. Sorry. “Leading Mindful Living Expert” and “Certified Yoga Therapist” Ira Israel broadcasts to The Good Men Project and Huffington Post that Esther Perel is nothing short of GENIUS. (Like picnics are a few […]
Debunking Marriage Builders, Inc.
One piece of advice the Reconciliation Industrial Complex likes to give after D-Day is telling chumps it is their responsibility to make the marriage “a good place to be” after an affair. That way your cake-eating spouse will see what they’re missing. Often this advice is combined with the contradictory advice to be all 180 […]
Ex Wants Chump to Go to Therapy with Her
Dear Chump Lady, My ex-wife (20-year marriage) went to my therapist. (Chump that I am, I recommended that the cheating ex-wife use my therapist to save money because she knew the story.) Now she wants me to go to a meeting with her this coming Monday the 14th! Therapist called, told me it was about finding […]
Esther Perel’s Myth of the Good Cheater
So, Esther Perel follows me on Twitter. Which is big of her considering I told her to bite me. On the other hand, there might be something in it for her as she’s writing a book on infidelity, according to the New York Times, and is only taking on new clients “who have experienced infidelity.” Perhaps she’s studying […]
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