Cheater Deflection Tactics
Cheaters often employ deflection tactics to throw you off their trail. Hey, pay no attention to that affair! Squirrel!
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I’m probably tilting at the censor bots today, but the recent revelations about Kristi Noem’s marriage seem awfully calculated. I have a cynical Chump Lady brain, but I also know cheater deflection tactics when I see them.
Oh, am I busted? LOOK OVER THERE! A BARN IS ON FIRE! SHEEP ARE EXPLODING! RUN FOR COVER!
Did this happen to you?
You confront a cheater but suddenly a crisis presents itself.
This is a VERY BAD TIME to talk about their perfidy. His mother is dying! She won’t pass the Bar exam if you insist on these questions! Stuff your feelings. The lawn mower is malfunctioning and we need spark plugs IMMEDIATELY!
Now the heat is off the cheater and we’ve redirected our attention to another flaming mess (that they probably created themselves.)
Bonus points! They can elicit pity.
What? Are you HEARTLESS? His mother is dying. Have you no humanity? We’ll go over those hotel receipts you found another time (most likely never). These spark plugs need attending to AT ONCE. It’s not as if you know how to change spark plugs. No, that always falls to them. And do you appreciate them? No you do not.
Now let’s do Kristi Noem.
Who is Kristi Noem, Tracy? I don’t live in the U.S. and I stopped tuning into your dumpster fire news cycle years ago.
She’s our disgraced former Homeland Security director, known for her puppy killing and botched plastic surgery. But also her (alleged) affair with her subordinate Corey Lewandowski (who she got a job for, of course. Although he was recently sh*t-canned).
Congress started asking about how she spent $220 million on an ad campaign that seems to enrich her boyfriend. And if she was, in fact, having an affair. (She answered with another classic cheater deflection tactic — HOW DARE YOU ASK ME THAT!) Congress also began to wonder about her fancy tax-payer jet with the private bedroom and all the junkets she was taking.
So, do you know what the news cycle did next?
DARVO!
Kristi is the Real Victim here. That chump husband of hers is the true freak. All of a sudden someone’s leaked photos of him cross dressing and the conversation is off misappropriation of public funds and pivots instead to the much more titillating topic of Bimbofication fetishes.
I have so many questions.
Like, if you have a bimbofication fetish, isn’t Kristi Noem enough silicon for you?
Secret double life of Kristi Noem's crossdressing husband Bryon: The pouting 'busty bimbo' photos and trove of explicit messages https://t.co/4GvCcfPK9j
— Daily Mail (@DailyMail) March 31, 2026
And does Bryon really have a double life if you had a double life first?
Guess who’s here to explain the entire f*cktangle to us? Amy and TJ!
Former DHS Secretary Kristi Noem has said she is “devastated” and “blindsided” by reports that her husband is a cross dresser who has a “bimbofication” fetish. Noem has been married to her husband Bryon for 34 years, the two are high school sweethearts and share 3 children together.
How nice of two cheaters to provide a platform for a cheater to describe how she’s the real victim here. Devastated and blindsided!
Let’s all go down a rabbit hole on bimbokink. Pay no attention to that tax-payer funded corruption. Kristi has a sadz.
That had not occurred to me, and I think you are correct!
Yep this all seems like a calculated move. Given she had a high profile position, it would have been probably easy for any enemy state to expose photos long ago. But now that she lost her job and unlimited tax payer funded travel (I’m wildly guessing her newly created “special envoy” gig has a fraction of her former DHS pay), heated Congressional testimony, that the divorce attorneys are getting rounded up, so it was time for a convenient leak to the ever deep diving, storied journalism powerhouse – the Daily Mail. #TeamByron
Me neither.
Years ago I thought “well at least I didn’t have a Betty Broderick reaction” to my ex’s cheating. Yesterday I thought “well at least I didn’t have a bimbo kink reaction” to my ex’s cheating. 😂
CL, you are right. Also, isn’t the Daily Mail the equivalent of our U.S. “newspaper” the National Enquirer? I’ve heard it called the ‘Daily Fail’ by friends in the know.
Holy false equivalencies Batman! Does cross-dressing somehow justify cheating?
You would think not, but a friend of mine actually said to me, “This explains why she might have an affair, doesn’t it?”
Haha, it sure DOESN’T! But any excuse will do, right? My EXFW#2 told me once that I should have kept his behavior in check? WTF? I wasn’t aware that I was your mommy!
The day the suspicious bank statement arrived in the mail, he came home that evening ashen and upset. He, a doctor, had been told he was being sued for malpractice, he said. He told me all the details of the case.
It was all a lie.
Oh and more recently, he alluded to suicide to one of our adult children, to get her to contact him. It’s not his behavior that’s the problem, you see, but the kids’ reaction to it, which was to go no contact. She called the police instead, for a wellness check.
And I wonder why I’m tired all the time.
I just listened to the TJ & Amy link. I know who they are but never saw them on tv, never listened to them before. TJ’s ‘soothing’ voice and the way he calls her “Robes” . . . I need some disinfectant for my ears.
They are waaaaay overcompensating for Kristi’s pain and shame. There seems to be a lot of defend-the-cheater-at-all-costs going on. Too bad that Oprah got the Jumbotron cheater.
There was some deflection, mixed in with minimization and half truths. The half truths were the biggie. I think FW’s mind confused and conflated telling a half truth and my apparent lack of a reaction to it as a confession and consent for more. Ive taken all those half truths over the years and filled in the blanks with the most likely rest of the story.
But yes, when really feeling the heat and half truths and minimizatiom failed, deflection to how FW was in such a bad way and I was a Big Meanie were definitely a thing.
The shady doth protest too much, methinks!
My former fake husband’s professional moniker is Darvo the Great. Never has he ever, one single time that I can recall, copped to anything. Literally nothing is ever his fault.
I, on the other hand, can be found on YouTube having a conversation with a rock star, he onstage and me standing up in the audience, explaining how I was responsible for missing the email with the Meet and Greet instructions, for which my friends and I paid extra on top of our concert tickets. We missed out on the Meet and Greet because I didn’t see the email. The concert and the Meet and Greet had been rescheduled due to COVID. Before the concert, the artist had a table set up in the lobby where concertgoers could submit questions in writing. I took the opportunity to explain what had happened. He read my submission at the question break in the As result, the audience got a good laugh, and we all had a way more fun and memorable Meet and Greet.
Poor cheaters. They’re just shooting themselves in the foot, tying their own hands behind their backs, cutting their own noses off, and missing out with their lives of lies and deception.
As Mel Robbins says, let them!
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Bryon (whatever happened to just Brian?) is not very good at the cross-dressing thing, I am sorry to say. Definite tit-screpancy in that photo.
Anyway, probably the biggest deflection of all time is to start a war to distract from the crime of rape.
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Just tryng to catch up here… Is the implication that Bryan Noem threatened to sue for divorce in response to allegations that his wife cheated with (and embezzled with) Lewandowski so that the sudden public disclosures about Bryan’s double life are basically Kristi’s DARVO maneuver (with the help of Trump)? Or is framing Bryan as a kinkster a preemptive measures so evangelicals don’t pillory Kristi for dumping her hubs for Lewandowski?
I’m not sure I get why Trump would be helping to shield Kristi Noem from consequences unless she has some explosive things against Trump. Bracing for more weirdness but, before I jump on the Team Bryan bandwagon, I’m going to hold out for the possibility that anyone who remained married to Kristi may have a lot worse buried in their history but, because Trump or others are guilty of the same crimes, the administration is playing a tablecloth trick of only highlighting the one impeachable thing (balloon boobs) that Trump doesn’t do.
My guess is that Bryon (with an O!) was fixin’ to divorce KKKristi so he would not be on the financial hook for her $220 million embezzlement. (Trump will not be protecting her from those charges; note how Republicans went after her in that hearing. That was with his blessing, or they wouldn’t have don it. She pissed off the wrong person somewhere.)
So Bryon started his escape plan, and she — underhanded as she is — went nuclear by exposing his secret.
Bryon with an O, lol. As in OMFG or “Oh what a tangled web.”
Immediately following a horrific D day, learning about a coworker that had had sex with my then’ husband at work ..he told me she had jumped him like all woman jump men at work
..I.then heard that cheater was under HR review and the vote was coming on what to do with these 2 employees. HE MIGHT LOSE HIS JOB!!! Don’t I understand this???
The vote came in by phone but after hearing my now-X defending his horrific actions, I grabbed the phone away so i could ask questions
.The boss told me both individuals were under ONE DAY SUSPENSION.. both employees had to not be in touch on the work premises. But the WOMAN involved was told she would lose her job if she if SHE were caught again. My now Ex- husband kept his job, no worries.
This event sparked the end for me. Would my cheater jump on someone else?? Blame shift his way out again? I had a low life but believed I had a gem.
All tactics work and these cheaters get to a professional level. It is progressive. I wish I had left at least 15 years earlier..but you don’t leave someone with a mental illness do you???
Throughout our marriage my ex used this sad sausage deflection technique, culminating in this stunner when I was trying to get some clarity after disclosure day: “It’s been a sh-t summer on top of a sh-t spring, and I’m not really in a position to talk/think about this.”
By the way, my ex was (is) a fetish cross dresser who after immersion in BDSM fetish groups and online lady-boy porn decided he was really “a woman in a man’s body.” He then hooked up with a former student of ours who “helped” him “experiment” with his “gender identity.” (hope this doesn’t trigger the censors) He wasn’t involved in the bimbofication fetish “community,” but his version of woman was bimbofication adjacent, in that it consisted of defining women as passive f–k holes, asking to be “put in his place” and punished, and wanting me to employ on him the techniques of “forced feminization” circulating online.
I suspect Bryon Noem had a similar journey toward bimbofication, although I must say Kristi herself looks like she’s had more than a brush with bimbofication herself. At least Bryon wasn’t separating children from their parents and locking them up, or defending the ICE agents who killed Renee Good and Alex Pretti and defaming their victims.