Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown!

It’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown! To the newbies, every year we try to best each other with our cheater freak stories. In the past, the winners got their submissions cartooned in the new year. This year, the winner gets a copy of my new audio book! (I know, I know, it’s not cartoons… but I have a full-time job now outside of CL and my Mac desktop is 13 years old and groans at me like a surly teenager.) Okay, maybe a cartoon or two too…

The stories told are legend here — GladItsOver’s dancing Sasquatch, the cheater who jumped around in a sleeping bag, the squirrel assassin, PF’s pillow muncher… (Read the archives for the insanity particulars.)

This is how the game is played — you tell Chump Nation the freaky, WTF particulars. Examples include, the cheating plumber who referred to his clients as his “fans”, the cheater who threatened his chump with a pagan scythe, the OW who made nail-clipping art. (YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!)

The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak submissions, but each submission needs to be a three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

I will announce a winner at New Year’s. So Chump Nation, BRING IT!

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UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago

1. When I caught her spending New Years Eve in our daughters room sexting a Marine stationed overseas, she said she had a panic attack while ordering groceries online.

2. And of course, the waist harness and vibrating purple dildo she kept in her “magic bag” at the bottom of our closet, which she uses on RPD.

Skinwalker
Skinwalker
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXworld, I am still scouring YouTube for a conceited dumbass RPD singing into a carrot. So far I’ve only found one doing this but the video is from Asia and there is no indication in the video that the sap also rides purple dildos. Haha!

pulmafool
pulmafool
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I filed for divorce when I discovered the cheater’s AP was 8 months pregnant. He was angry because he had not decided what he wanted yet.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I tried to chase down my wife’s fuckbuddy, but his car outran my truck.

The reason: I was the one who rebuilt the transmission in his car and no one can build a transmission quite like Yours Truly.

jme
jme
6 years ago

OW.aka fuckbuddy called my home. i thought it was strange that her name & # were showing up on the i.d. she ain’t the 1st. btw. so i asked my serial cheater spouse, why is she calling here? i haven’t had anything to do w/ her .ever. SCP says idk. & with in min(s) a lieutenent(not military) is @ my door & ?if my SCP can go & take a look @ his OW car. im like hell No! didn’t know that she was a part of our life, we have enough problems to deal w/. found out 6 yrs later that he had been fucking her @ the hotel that she’s apparently a manager for, (she is a cum dumpster) in the mean X , OW snags a foreigner, & apparently marries him & he becomes a U.S. citizen. later i have found out that she follows my SPC’s alias on FB, all because i found out about another cum dumpster. she has removed herself from his alias FB account,wonder if it was my scathing commentary on the above mentioned SCP account. Bitch has been following my daughter 2 & still is(FB page)didn’t find out about this crazy CD(cum dumpster) until 1 of the latest DD’s, apparently she’s former Air force. & my SCP is friends w/ her X on FB. she has been able to find employment as a flagger. (road maintenance) & is now an employee @ a rope factory. the SCP tell’s them all the same thing. such as.” I haven’t stopped stopped thinking about you all day”.” i miss you”. VOMIT!

Carol
Carol
6 years ago

I love it a tranny guy!????

Awake
Awake
6 years ago

Oh the irony! Ugh!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Not once at my high school graduation did the guest speaker say:

“……and you’re going to encounter some really fucked up people out in the world, too.”

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago

That should be mandatory advice

Carol
Carol
6 years ago

LOL, yup they never do

Ali
Ali
6 years ago

hahaha love this!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
6 years ago

And if you’re real lucky, you’ll be married to one of them!

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

You can do anything you can dream!

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

LOL, I love it!????????????????????????

Creativerational
Creativerational
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Especially if you don’t have a pop up blocker… it practically starts itself

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Isn’t that one of the function keys at the top of the keyboard? F69: go to sexting

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDiva

????????

Chump Daddy
Chump Daddy
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDiva

Only if you have the touch bar.

Morse
Morse
6 years ago
Reply to  Chump Daddy

????

geekmom
geekmom
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDiva

It’s comments like these that make me wish we had FB-style “like,” etc buttons! ????

jme
jme
6 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

🙂

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDiva

YES!!!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

You are, indeed, The Man. We need to meet for coffee sometime.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I may regret asking..

but RPD?

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

KK’s OM (they hooked up a mere 10 days after I said “enough!”) is a writer and college instructor who, come to find out, is bisexual, has visited transsexual escorts, and likes getting ‘pegged.’ So, with apologies to Zane Grey, “Rider of the Purple Dildo.”

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXWorld… my X, Mr. Sparkles, had many online personas… one of which was as a BiMWM. A different one, as a SWM but seeking couples, groups. And, his Craigslist searches always included more T4M than W4M.

Thanks to you, I think I finally have some additional clarity into what a FREAK I was married. I strongly suspect he’d be an RPD too.

Need to go take a shower with a wire scrub brush now 🙂

Carol
Carol
6 years ago

LOL!????????????????????

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Like Chump Lady always says, “You can’t make this stuff up”

The part that gets me is not the dildo, but the fact she kept it in her marital closet.

Shameless

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

Unreal these tramps

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

The part that gets me is how online grocery orders bring about panic attacks that spill over to sexting. I feel UX deserves first place.

livefortoday2
livefortoday2
6 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

I believe that would be “Rider of the Purple Dildo”?

theDOCTORs1stWife&Kids
theDOCTORs1stWife&Kids
6 years ago
Reply to  livefortoday2

as an Army veteran (yes I joined the ARMY for the DOCTOR)

I submit RPD is for Rapid Personnel Deployment. Like when you have to deploy a division or attack or invade

or climax, really quickly…

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
6 years ago
Reply to  livefortoday2

Ooooo. A new Fun Friday Sub Challenge! I’ll play…

Really Pretty Dumb?

Righteous Penis Deployment?

Randy Potential Date?

Random Personal Device?

Lovey dovey
Lovey dovey
6 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

Righteous penis deployment is my happy guess

Maybeso
Maybeso
6 years ago

1. He was having his first herpes flare up from the person he had cheated on me with while we were attending a friend’s child’s 1st birthday. I had no clue at the time.
2. When I was in my sleuthing phase I found folders and folders of porn, including pictures of mutual friends girlfriends. His Twitter and instagram mostly followed porn and instagram models and he was going to forums asking for advice on the OW as she was the love of his life but she would openly flirt and leave with other men in front of him.
3. When we were “working on it” he told me he couldn’t say no to the OW when she asked him to watch her dog. He was appalled with me that I didn’t understand that she had no one else to help her out and he wasn’t going to compromise his being a nice guy because that’s what a decent person would do.

Like everyone here I’m sure that’s barely the tip of the iceberg for my story. I wasn’t married thankfully but that’s 6 years with someone who was a MAJOR lesson for me that I thankfully came out of with my finances intact and no STD’s.

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  Maybeso

Omg I know mine told me he never uses protection I was done!

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Mine told me he used a condom but the video tape shows otherwise. And his whore has herpes. Isn’t that so nice of him?

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Maybeso

JAMF shipped my dog off to OW5’s house. Essentially allowed her to dognap coochie.

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

*poochie. Stupid auto correct

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

Coochie is what he was looking for when he dropped off poochie.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
6 years ago

????

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago

love it love it love it!

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago

????

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

But a funny one!!!

Awake
Awake
6 years ago
Reply to  Maybeso

The Instagram models and porn stars. Yes. Mine had those too. Mine didn’t watch her dog but did talk to me about how mean I was being to her and wanted me to stop. He asked me to stop because shecwas so upset.

Janet
Janet
6 years ago
Reply to  Awake

MINE ALSO WATCHED HER DOG!

No originality whatsoever.

Northern Chump
Northern Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Janet

Mine had my dd (16 at the time) dog sit for ow while she was away for Christmas. Meanwhile, the skank is 6 months pregnant with his cousin’s baby (one night stand – of course) and my loving spouse is screwing her on the side, unbeknownst to me at the time.

Must have been a sick thrill to have my daughter spending the night in the bed where they f’d each other. I truly hope they changed the sheets. What a betrayal. So surprised dd wants to even talk to him.

PS the house smelled like urine – not sure if it was from the dogs or her.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
6 years ago
Reply to  Janet

Speaking of dogs:

The whore dog asked me to adopt his whore’s dog.

I declined.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
6 years ago
Reply to  Janet

Ex’s “soulmate” OW was involved in a breed-specific dog rescue. A month or two before Dday, when I still had absolutely no idea they were having an affair, ex decided it would be really nice for the two of us to accompany the OW to the dog rescue to do some volunteering. So we did. I can only imagine the laughing, contempt and smirking at me that must have been going on in ex’s and the OW’s heads. I was so incredibly gullible back then.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Glad it’s over,
I know exactly what you mean with your comment about how they must have been laughing at you, while you went along with your head in the “cloud of gullibility.” I was the unknowing “third wheel” FOR YEARS!!

Selling Girl Scout cookies in front of grocery store– she suddenly discovers her keys are locked in her car. Since her husband’s not at home, we call my husband who comes to drive her home so she can get her spare set, while I stay behind at the cookie stand with her kids and mine, so they can apparently go fuck.

Trip to the circus– they decide we’re all going to squeeze into my minivan, so she doesn’t have to take her car, too. Only problem is: we’re one seat short. So instead of insisting otherwise, I’m the idiot who sits on the floor of the 2nd row, while she sits up front next to my husband. (I have no idea where her husband was during this, but he didn’t come.)

Santa pictures– she still has photos on her FB page of all of us taking the kids to get pics with Santa. Her husband, again, was not there.

Birthday Party for our youngest kids who have birthdays 6 weeks apart– we decided we’d split the cost of hiring a pony. And even though I deleted all the photos with her physical image, mentally, she’s still there.

Well, I think I’m getting carried away…there are a bunch more I could list, too.

So don’t feel bad about your gullibility, because you are definitely not alone. THIRD-WHEEL CHUMPS UNITED!!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
6 years ago
Reply to  GoWithYourGut

“Since her husband’s not at home, we call my husband who comes to drive her home so she can get her spare set, while I stay behind at the cookie stand with her kids and mine, so they can apparently go fuck.”

OMG, yes. One time, the OW, my ex, and I got together to play tennis with another woman who later turned out to be the fuck-buddy OW. At some point, the OW needed to use the bathroom, so ex took her back to our nearby home. How convenient, huh? Another instance where it shames me to think about how they must have been laughing at me.

Regina
Regina
6 years ago
Reply to  Janet

Maybe it is the same woman and dog?? I wonder where she was going that she had to secure him there watching her pet? Maybe answering an out of town ad complete with bag including purple vibrating dildo with waist cinch and other exciting toys that make the Chump look so boring and unimaginative?
What they don’t realize is that they are the same old sh_t to us too, we just don’t expect life to be endlessly entertaining and ego reinforcing. We just wanted someone true to spend all of life with.

Born Free
Born Free
6 years ago
Reply to  Regina

I wonder is schmoopie even had a dog.

Magneto
Magneto
6 years ago
Reply to  Janet

Mine shitbag cheater, took my pet parrot to “Dear Friends” house for birdie sitting, because “this Dear, dear friend” ALWAYS wanted a pet bird and wanted to see what it was like.
… … … This is how the my tattle tale Tango wound being at the AP’s love shack.

“ooo000OOOO00000 – – -000 oo ooo OOOhhhh!!!!, Who000000000000ooo00000 LiV-es in a pineAPplE under the sEA?!!?!?!”

Janet
Janet
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Magneto,

That makes me sooo angry! That poor bird.

I have a little parrot too and love him to bits. He’d never bitten anyone before, but would lunge at cheating ex. Like, just VICIOUSLY, no warning. At first I didn’t even believe ex when he told me. I guess little parrot knew more than I did.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Ohhhhhh, the OW pet sitting Magneto’s pet parrot!
They don’t come any kinder or funnier than this.
If I had not found CL, I would never have had such a laugh regarding such a supreme act of kindness on behalf of an OW!
Magneto for the win!
????????????????????????????
And a zillion parrots’ shit to the ow!

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Best.CN.story.ever. Tango rocks.

Out West
Out West
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Magneto

I love that story. And I find it amusing that Tango swears “hooooly shit”

David2016
David2016
6 years ago

While on a trip to Chicago to interview for an important new job that would “help our family,” XW sent erotic pics to OM from her hotel room.

She did not get the job because she was late for the interview and was dressed inappropriately.

She brought me back a slice of deep-dish pizza.

IUsedToUseMyHands
IUsedToUseMyHands
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

My favourite so far!

Regina
Regina
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

I like this one! I guess the job wasn’t so important anyway-and neither was the family!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Hope the pizza was at least from Lou Malnati’s!!!

David2016
David2016
6 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Not even! It was from Gino’s East Side! Pfft. I was betrayed even in the pizza department!

Unsinkable Molly X in Alabama
Unsinkable Molly X in Alabama
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Oh that’s just wrrrrong!!!!
The levels these cheaters sink to!!
Pizza foul.

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

LOL, ????????????????????????

Freeholder
Freeholder
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Now that is just sad.

AlohaFreedom
AlohaFreedom
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

But the pizza!

So selfless!

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

LOL!

AlohaFreedom
AlohaFreedom
6 years ago

1. He bought married OW a $4k+ ring on a jewelry store credit card (in his name only). He never paid the bill. Collection notice came to my address. He said, “but you never cared before (about his affairs).”

2. He lied to another OW, saying that the baby I miscarried and the child I was pregnant with at that time were children from fictitious affairs. So it “didn’t matter” if the baby had died.

3. He sat in the delivery room after our youngest child was born texting OW as I hemorrhaged after birth. Didn’t leave the chair across the room until the midwife told him to come hold my hand as I could likely bleed to death.

J Roantree
J Roantree
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

That has got to be the lowest of the low

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

THAT is not freaky cartoon-funny, it is EVIL.

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Omg that is disgusting!

dumbutt
dumbutt
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Psycho freak. Hoping he is far in your rear mirror.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

AlohaFreedom, what a horrible man! My ex did just about the same thing when I was in labor (I’m now 100% convinced he was having an affair over 17 years ago when I was pregnant with our second child). He sat in a chair which was against the wall and didn’t come over and support me. I can still picture him in my head sitting in that chair and there’s a clock over his head. He just sat there. He didn’t even come to “help” until the doctor showed up. And then after she was born, he went back to not caring and even yelled at me when I was back in my room. And of course stayed and forgave and spackled over everything. Gosh, I wish Chump Lady was around years ago. I had no clue what I was dealing with.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

My STBX was an amazing help during our first born’s birth, but I have vivid memories of him just sitting in the chair, even napping, while I was in labor with our 2nd born. Can’t even remember our 3rd daughter’s birth, which went really fast.

But after I went home from the hospital after our first daughter was born (without her, as she had to stay in NICU for a couple more days–nothing serious), he made me do the dishes that he hadn’t done while I was in the hospital. Seriously. I was shocked.

Aloha Freedom, I can’t even imagine. What a dick and so glad he’s no longer yours to deal with.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  GoWithYourGut

Pregnancy/child birth brings the worse out in cheaters/moral degenerates. I caught Dancing Dick (then a 35 year old man) jerking off at my teen age neighbor (voyeuring her)- when I was 7 months pregnant with our second child.

Not to mention the hundreds of dollars in dial-a-porn bills he was racking up. I couldn’t afford to buy the new baby anything because of his sneaking around with dial-a-porn whores (the internet had not yet arrived).

My beautiful baby girl’s birth was destroyed. I cried and cried on the day she was born.

Rabbit007
Rabbit007
6 years ago

What a sick animal, don’t need him around.

AlohaFreedom
AlohaFreedom
6 years ago
Reply to  GoWithYourGut

GWYG-
You just reminded me that after our 2nd child was born, he invited the first OW to our home to hold our 4 day old baby. She was just a friend who showed up to my house without my prior knowledge.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Aloha,
Memories of moments like that are THE WORST!! Retrospective knowledge (is that even grammatically correct?) is my nightmare. I try hard to push those tainted memories aside, but sometimes, they just pop into my brain, you know?

sweetChumpgirl
sweetChumpgirl
6 years ago
Reply to  GoWithYourGut

Definitely can identify with this. As much as I try to push these thoughts out of my mind they pop up like little weeds. Tis the season to remember all the fucked up freaky shit they planned on so you can look back at these moments like “aha” he is a dick. #1. My ex told me our song was Faithfully by Journey for 22 yrs. #2. My middle son heard everything he said to me on dday and yet (middle son) “understands now” why this happened to our family (ex’s conversation during a recent trip with his OW in Colorado on Thanksgiving) #3. I filed contempt charges on his ass when my lawyer discovered he took out 30k from his 401k even though he supposedly didn’t turn in any financials for the divorce yet.

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

I had a real beaut of an expectant father, too. Continued to eat his sub sandwich loaded with onions even after I asked him to not because I was sickened by the smell. I puked on the floor and he looked down with disgust, then polished off the sub.

It was a real, “You’re gross, and you’re not the boss of me” moment. Right before I gave birth.

Idle hands
Idle hands
6 years ago

I’m sorry

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Wow.

Flashback for me just now.

Man…

Lyn
Lyn
6 years ago
Reply to  AlohaFreedom

Wow, Aloha. That’s pretty freaky! So glad you are away from that ass.

David2016
David2016
6 years ago

She insisted that the semen I found in her underwear was “vaginal discharge.”

I’ll accept my prize now.

Unsinkable Molly X in Alabama
Unsinkable Molly X in Alabama
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

I got nothing to beat that. I fold.

Satan
Satan
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Did you taste it to make sure?

TKO
TKO
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

CL…I sometimes go to an indoor shooting range (hope that doesn’t freak anyone out). Each time I have to purchase a paper target, usually something 2’ x 3’ with a human silhouette. Think of the hundreds of such ranges out there. There could be real good money in a line of “cheater silhouette” targets. I picture one of your cartoon figures saying “it’s just vaginal discharge” or “we were just shopping for cup towels”. My aim would likely improve and you could probably sell tens of thousands for a couple bucks a piece. Even more for custom verbiage. Just add a disclaimer that you’re not condoning violence etc. And imagine the therapeutic impact of leaving one of these, already shot up, laying around the house for the cheater to see. Priceless. Not the PR the movement is looking for? Damn.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Don’t!!!

Don’t even joke about it!!!

(Pretend) Shooting people is not at all funny.

It’s not even therapeutic. Violence, even if only images and not “real” damages the brain, and does not heal or soothe the emotions.

Caroline Bowman
Caroline Bowman
6 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

It’s a personal, completely legal thing that this person is doing, and evidently – not that they need permission – a therapist is also there for psychological advice when it’s needed.

The notion that they are damaging their brain is simply not fact.

CCListhebestthingforme
CCListhebestthingforme
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

The range is my favorite form of therapy. Yes I have a therapist and she advocates controlled “pressure valve release”.
And yes… I draw pics on my targets.

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Nothing against an indoor range we used to all the time here in Canada it’s very safe!????????????

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

I took items left at my house by Narkles the Clown to an outdoor range and let er rip. Folks started asking what I was doing to the glass paper weights, nick-nacks and ornaments and I told them. They asked if they could help. It turned out to be a wonderfully supportive situation.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
6 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

I took pruning shears to the dampers of the baby grand that I had bought him (and made him remove as a part of the divorce). When someone was surprised that I had done this I commented that “I could have used the pruning shears on something else”!

TxDude
TxDude
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Uh that’s beyond gross.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

I’ll raise you sperm in underwear with sperm in tissues. I found a strangely folded tissue under his den desk and it was glued shut. Didn’t say anything to him about it. About two months later I found an exactly folded as the first tissue in his desk drawer. Mind you I wasn’t snooping. I just went in there to find a red pin to update our family travel map. He came downstairs and I said, “What is this? Are you looking at porn?” He grabbed the tissue from my hand and proceeded to pretend to blow his nose with it. He also said, “No porn” twice and in exactly the same way he said “No touching” when I asked him if he touched the strippers that he got 100% naked lap dances from. He’s a cheater freak!

Northern Chump
Northern Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

So stbx’s briefcase was an interesting find. It’s been sitting in plain view by the door in the office since he left a year and a half ago. I finally got around to stuffing his things into garbage bags for him to pick up. I opened the briefcase to see if there was anything of interest in there (the lock was his parents’ box number, really original, not hard to crack!).

Yeah. A big old crusty rag and dvds full of porn. And not good porn. Cheezy, 1980 style porn. But the rag. Ew. So I took out the porn, left the rag, locked it up and sent it off to him. Guess he has to rebuild the collection, or ask me for the dvds!

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Omg GROSSE and wiped his nose with it!????

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  Carol

I know! And even IF it was nose snot, why would you even go through the motions of wiping your nose with it again? Ugh. Gross, gross, gross for the disordered freak cheater.

cashmere
cashmere
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Mine also had the nasty habit of leaving his, um, porn clean up detritus about. Folded paper towels by every computer. Yuppers. Quite a guy. Missed not at all.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Yuck! I was just sooooo naive and trusting when he told me “no porn.” But after the discard and I moved out, I was watching “Orange is the New Black” and one of the main male characters gets out a bottle of lotion and box of tissue to get ready to pleasure himself. And then the light bulb went on and I realized the cheater was lying about that too.

dumbutt
dumbutt
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Too lazy to take out his own trash on top of being a jerk!

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
6 years ago
Reply to  dumbutt

He was a ‘jerk’ in more ways that one, apparently 🙂

David2016
David2016
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

“I’ll raise you sperm in underwear with sperm in tissues.” I’m cracking up. I’m sorry.

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

I’ll raise you finding, in his work car that I had to clean, a crumpled up work tank top (“wife beater”) complete with bright red lipstick marks down the front and dried semen on the bottom.

He was always claiming that work “jipped” him on his paycheck at least one day a week. Work tends to not pay you when you go to your OW house instead of the job site.

I have no idea why I stayed so long… *face/desk*

Out West
Out West
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

At my lawyers office, in a brown paper bag is a wad of semen soaked tissues, pubs and her ‘long black hair’. The deed was done at his mothers house (the mother was out of town) in his dead father’s bed (his parents kept seperate rooms). Evidence was collected with gloves and transported to lawyer….

50 Chump
50 Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Sorry, but I won’t be attending that poker game lol

StaryEye
StaryEye
6 years ago
Reply to  50 Chump

Good one! I don’t want to go to that poker game either. ????

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Holy Crap.

For the win.

Sorry. 🙁

Untold
Untold
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

WINNER!!!!!!

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

He tried to screw my sister while I was selfishly out of town attending my favorite aunt’s funeral..he had a 3 way with my (ex) best friend and her husband because I was spending to much time helping my dying mother and he felt the marriage was going in the wrong direction. He treated me like shit for 10 years while I quit work to raise his kids cause I stopped contributing financially to his retirement dream. WTF is wrong with me?!

Dandoopy
Dandoopy
6 years ago
Reply to  Nobody2U

Can’t do anything right…and not much goes right when your with the wrong person. He sounds like a swinger, highly driven in the zipper department. My X was a bit like that. Too much headache, life is much better now, without him.

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  Nobody2U

OMG you definitely win a prize his retirement dream and a sick mother!????

learning
learning
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

wow !

LuckyChump
LuckyChump
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

After that David, I have nothing. You win!

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  LuckyChump

Agreed!????

SheChump
SheChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Wow, you checked her panties for semen goo?
Not judging, but, if I had to do that, I figure it’s probably true she was f*ing around and not an image I need to see (or smell!) to prove what’s happening.
Just ewwww

SheChump
SheChump
6 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

I’m a little slow, but trying to imagine how semen gets onto panties….but, I’m working on it. 😉

Helpful
Helpful
6 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Really? In my mind it happens all the time (especially if you have sex in the morning) that even if you have a shower after sex, some of the semen will still start to leak out later, sometimes like an hour later, when you are already walking around and doing your own thing. That’s how it gets onto panties.

AlohaFreedom
AlohaFreedom
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

It is going to be hard to compete with that.

Pret
Pret
6 years ago

1) Attended masquerade ball Christmas party with mistress, fucked her in a motel, gave her a Christmas bracelet and told my parents and I all about the “party” the next morning.

2) Wore said masquerade jacket to his family Christmas party…had everyone gush over jacket (the same one mistress) took off of him night before) also had everyone rub up against him while taking photos….no remorse or guilt.

TKO
TKO
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Indeed no remorse. In fact far from it. The jacket was a sort of trophy, a tangible link to the grand celebration of his awesomeness that was the night before. They absolutely love the sense of power it brings them to have such hidden truths these trophies represent placed literally right in front of you and your family and yet entirely beyond your reach or understanding. God-like to be so far above you simple ignorant creatures. As you go about the normal happy family interactions utterly unaware, they superficially engage. But all the while they are actually entirely involved in a very private internal party. One where they are the all-powerful puppet master relishing their mastery over your foolery while reliving the deluded grandiosity of the night before.

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Exactly my ex husband!

Magneto
Magneto
6 years ago
Reply to  TKO

Yikes. Concepts of trophy.

Just like a big game hunter..
or a serial killer….

dumbutt
dumbutt
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Perfect, serial killer. Cold and calculating.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  dumbutt

Yep! My ex could easily pull-off being a serial killer. He’s that cold and calculating. He’s like Ted Bundy. I wouldn’t say he’s as handsome as Ted, but I thought he was handsome when we were married (once the mask dropped he was ugly to me). Everyone thought Ted was such a nice guy! Smart, articulate and had what seemed like a normal life.

We had a serial rapist turned killer roaming the streets for years where I live. He was the Bike Path Rapist. The last time he killed someone was not too far from my house. Guess what? Everyone was in shock when they finally caught him. He was such a nice guy who was well-liked at work and in the community. Monsters roam around us and lots of times they are the “nice” people.

What my ex pulled off for 24 years, followed by his epic smear campaign against me (all lies) , rewriting history and followed by tons of more lies and he even got away with it with our church — he’s capable of anything. He scares me and makes my skin crawl now.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Mine could also pull off being a serial killer. Charming, articulate, funny, knows just what to say at the right time.
X carefully planned his exit, a year before he walked out he began confiding in friends his concern for my mental health, that he had trie everything but I refused to get help. He didn’t know how much longer he could put up with me. He had prepared them for his exit while maintaining his good guy image.
X manipulated the judge playing up his great guy image carefully choosing his words playing the victim. His lies were so convincing I began to question my own version of reality.
His image to outsiders is much different than who he is behind closed doors.
Now that there has been some time and distance between us I recall the devastation he caused along with the slanderous lies he told about me I’m taken back that I lived with someone so evil for over 20 years.

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Martha, mine became physically unattractive to me, too, when the mask came off. He looked a whole lot better to me when I believed he was a good, decent person.

Unknown
Unknown
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

My ex actually looks like Ted Bundy, and especially the eyes.

strong woman
strong woman
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Same here – I have his number as Ted Bundy in my phone. I only have his number because I have teens who stay with him sometimes. He’s also very cold and awkward. I put up with that for 23 years. When I saw the mask fall I spackled until I couldn’t ingore it anymore. I was at the court house today trying to move the divorce along — I do everything without seeing him. He still scares me too – that’s why I’m totally no contact unless it’s something about a kid– then it’s a text. The smear campaign against me still goes on – he has managed to turn my son against me and I’m sure he’s gonna start on my other teen. These monsters are ruthless. They use their flying monkeys to try and get to us when they can’t manipulate us any longer. Can’t wait for the divorce to be over. Ive moved on with my life but once the divorce is final – I’ll be able to breath better and not look over my shoulder so much. I’ll be so thankful when I don’t have to deal with him ever again.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  strong woman

I’m with you, Strong Woman. The coldness and awkwardness. Not acting “normal” at times when his emotions wouldn’t line up with how normal people would act. The last time I saw him was about six months ago (I had to for the sake of our son). Even right now thinking about it, I can feel chills and goosebumps between my shoulder blades. I watched him in action and see him now for who he truly is and can see how fake and manipulative he is. He’s just so weird and creepy. I sometimes saw it when we were married, but I spackled or ignored. My life goal is to see this man as little as possible for the rest of my life. Sadly I’m going to have to deal with him at our kids weddings and such, but the goal is stay as far away as possible. I lived with evil for over 20 years and have no desire to have that back in my life again. I look at everything differently now. I can’t unsee what I’ve seen, experienced and know. Evil walks among us and most people are blind to it. All it takes is getting entangled with one of these disordered one’s and the blinders fall off.

Pret
Pret
6 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

I “tried” to get him to get rid of the jacket by explaining what it signified to me (chumpy)…he totally refused to- RED FLAG!! The next time he wears it, I hope he gets food poisoning, along with severe diarrhea. Enough to make him suffer but not die yet- he can die after he finishes paying child support….

J Roantree
J Roantree
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Stitch something smelly into the ‘lining

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

I followed my Minister and wife from “Christi’s Toy Box” to his house. When I pulled up and tried to beat his ass, the neighbors called the cops. I never knew preachers could run so fast.

She told the police I was crazy. They were only out shopping for cup towels.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago

Super!!! (DuperChump) You rock!!!

Wow! Follow the minister and your wife and then pull up and try to beat his ass!!? You are so badass.

What a dream come true that must have been, for dealing with a cheater and a Jesus cheater!!!

And then to see him run, like a coward. Not like a man at all. Nice. I bet (deep down) your wife thought he was a total piece of shit.

Well? What did the police say? They know. They can see what was happening.

Divine Doorknobs
Divine Doorknobs
6 years ago

Preachers run fast when you don’t have OPP or a tithe check in your hand……

Carol
Carol
6 years ago

LOL, yup

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
6 years ago

Cup towels? Don’t you mean “cum” towels??? ????????????????

I think you are awesome for (trying to) resorting to violence!

Ex-Chump
Ex-Chump
6 years ago

I could go on and on and on but here are three of the best :

1. Ex and OW transferred a direct debit he no longer wished to pay into my bank account by OW impersonating me. Fraud.

2. OW declared my autistic son “not autistic” and me “attention seeking and wanting to claim benefits”. Upon formal diagnosis, she started collecting Lego for an autism support group.

3. Ex cancelled my car insurance very late at night despite knowing our son had a hospital appointment in another town. He told me my “Facebook friends” could help me.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Ex-Chump

I do not know how someone can justify abandoning their child, especially a high needs one. How do they sleep at night?

Ex-Chump
Ex-Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

He sleeps just fine I think! Because none of it ever happened and it’s in my attention seeking imagination. Obviously. I hate him for that. OW only changed her tune when formal diagnosis happened yet they fail to understand even the basics. Fortunately there is currently no contact.

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago
Reply to  Ex-Chump

Ugh, Both of my siblings are autistic (my brother now severely brain injured after a physician’s error). My parents used to receive “armchair” diagnoses from idiots of all stripes for years. Did you know that “Autism doesn’t exist” and that “they are just brats.” Yeah, I’m sure my brother wasn’t talking at the age of eight just to spite people….

I swear it’s a basic way to weed morons out of your life.

Ex-Chump
Ex-Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

It does make me sick. They have zero understanding. My ex left just as son was referred for diagnosis and doesn’t have a clue. I remember the night he withheld son’s ear defenders and I was up half the night wrapping towels round son’s head to help him. Ex told me to go to DIY shop and buy some adult ones if I was that desperate. What a utter bastard.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Ex-Chump

Oh! My ex justified his relationship with the OW because I had “Facebook Relationships.”

What?

Ex-Chump
Ex-Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

Of course! Because having a Facebook account totally justifies being a cheating arsehole doesn’t it? Urgh…

Still I Rise
Still I Rise
6 years ago

1. Cheater and OW had sex in our bed the same day we posed for our annual family holiday photo wearing matching “Ugly Christmas Sweaters” which were selected by cheater!

2. Cheater’s initial divorce paperwork contains OW’s handwriting. My name is misspelled and my house number is incorrect.

3. Until I blocked her number, OW would incessantly drunk dial me and leave voicemail messages, including one on Valentine’s Day.

4. STILL MARRIED TO ME cheater and OW post lovey dovey photos on social media. Cheater is frequently wearing his wedding ring in these pics which has generated comments about how beautiful his “WIFE” is and neither of the two correct anyone, yet instead “like” the compliments they receive for their adorable coupledom! (They also both “like” all of their own posts).

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
6 years ago
Reply to  Still I Rise

Number Two is definitely in the running. She helped him fill out the divorce paperwork. How romantic. Guessing they considered that foreplay.

Sorry you had to go through that, Still I Rise. 🙁

OneDaySomeDay
OneDaySomeDay
6 years ago
Reply to  Still I Rise

I’m sorry but couldn’t resist posting this, when I read about your number 4:

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
6 years ago
Reply to  OneDaySomeDay

POP would liken the lion’s majestic balls to his own…..but he would also remark that the lion needed to shave his, too.

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
6 years ago

1. On DDay, 3 days before he was to move to a new city for a job, he told me he would have let me know about the affair after I moved with our sons. Of course that story changed later to how he would have told me sooner. Impression management much?

2. He insisted the “secret” email, which he told me he had, was just to keep memories of the OW. He was shocked and very angry this was an issue. And of course admitted months later that, yes, as I had been saying all along, he was emailing her. But she never responded, so it wasn’t all that bad.

3. Apparently the 1 night stand he had 6 years previous to D-day didn’t count because she didn’t see him naked. And, he didn’t fall for the old leaving the coat in the hotel room trick she played, so hey – it was truly only one night, not two.

4. After 8 months of wreckonciliation, when I finally decided to throw in the towel, I was apparently a coward that he could never respect for giving up on our family. It worked, I haven’t left yet.

5. He “fell in love” with an OW he (and she) vows he never met, only formed an online attachment to…She was his soulmate. She made him “feel things”. . .

6. Oh but he tried! For a whole six months of this 2 year ordeal since DDay. I mean, six whole months in a row. And since my effort has been less than stellar, well, apparently that’s grounds to stop trying on his part. Less than stellar? I’ve lived alone with our boys, working full time and being there for our kids. I can’t plan date nights when he visits? Or have the house all sparkly when he gets here? Shame on me.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

My first D-Day involved finding out my “best friend” from high school and my STBXH had 2 one-night stands, on different trips to visit me. (Oops…I mean, visit US.) But he doesn’t count those as cheating since they weren’t an actual relationship, as was his DDays #2 and #3, which happened with same whore.

So wonder how many other “it’s not cheating, just a one night stand” moments he has under his belt?

Pret
Pret
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

My ex also went through the trouble of creating a new email account so he could then create a “fake” FB name so they could continue to cheat behind my back. I could just imagine the conversations about how witty they both were to yet again get one over on me….but of course it was all justifiable because “I took my love away from him….so he had to punish me”

J Roantree
J Roantree
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

M8ne has a false facebook account. I wish someone would shut it down. I tried reporting it as fake; but it doesnt go against their community standards. And thought about closing it saying he was deceased.. but as its a fake account in a FEMALE name. I cant prove hes my relative ( my husband) be ause there are no ties there. It stinks as this is the way he chats up and hooks up with other women

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Mine created a secret email with the name of his late brother. Who was an enlisted soldier. And died from leukemia. Honorable, right?

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

What a sack of you-know-what !

Pret
Pret
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

What a douchebag.

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

I’m quite sure she made him feel things…

Susannah
Susannah
6 years ago

After my Dad started spending a lot of time with his mistress, he told me he had, “Astral projected himself into the living room,” like a failed ghost. He took this as a sign that she was “leading him to better things,” and continued with his relationship with her, and his resolve to devastate my mother. I told my Mom what he said. Her response: “Too bad he found his way back.”

Annie Get Your Guns
Annie Get Your Guns
6 years ago
Reply to  Susannah

I absolutely Love your mom’s response.

During my separation then divorce I prayed he stayed “in love” with her. Divorce granted, everything including retirement and deed in my name, and I’m totally no contact. He had to email my work to get in touch with me to tell me he needed me to get the mortgage out of his name by filing an assumption of mortgage. He wanted to buy a new house with his new wife and realized that although he signed over the house, those inconsiderate banks are still holding him financially responsible if I don’t make payments. He didn’t understand that a deed and mortgage are two different things. Yep, he’s an idiot.

On a side note, he and his new wife of one month attended my oldest son’s wedding. I reread all of Chump Lady posts on attending weddings and graduations and prepared as best as I could be setting by boundaries ( pictures, seating, etc) and had a fabulous time. He emailed my son the day after the wedding and told him that now that his weekend was over, he wanted to tell him how disappointed he was that his new wife wasn’t included in anything. They didn’t understand how hard it was for her to be there with me also attending. Yep, it’s all about them, even when it’s not.

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
6 years ago
Reply to  Susannah

omg this. They claim to be such deep thinkers but are so pathetic.

Wishing my exN would astral project himself into oblivion.

GratefullyDivorcedDad
GratefullyDivorcedDad
6 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

True that. Among other things, ex-wife labeled me “unsophisticated” and “puritanical” for not understanding what she saw as her European-like lifestyle. Perhaps she’s right because all she is to me is a common skank.

Lucky
Lucky
6 years ago

Euro-Trash is more like it!!!

Wanna-be Eurotrash is even more pathetic ????

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago

Yes, I was deemed “bourgeouis” for expecting monogamy because “affairs just happen.”

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My Mom was “judgmental” for being shocked that my father was going to attend church with his mistress. I guess that’s a special part of Catholic doctrine I missed at Sunday school growing up.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

My STBXH had started coming to church with me. And then so did his whore (my “best friend” at the time). So there we were…the three of us sitting happily together at church!!

Where were the lighting bolts!?!

Nyra
Nyra
6 years ago
Reply to  GoWithYourGut

Do they expect to look like cars when they sit in a garage?

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  Susannah

…FIIIIVVE Astral projections……

NOMORECOUCHSLUG
NOMORECOUCHSLUG
6 years ago

1. STBXH frequently brought OW to house while I was there under pretense that they were working on special project together. This special project was a more “secure” replacement for the Ashley Madison site.
2. STBXH had to join any and all dating websites with OW for “research”
3. used OW’s profile picture (pitiful cleavage shot) from said sites as wallpaper on computer screens
4. then attempted to convince me that had to go on business training trip to New Orleans over the weekend with OW….it was required, and they weren’t going to have any fun (receipts, say neither was true)
5. OW, who was all of 25 years old had at one time gave me “great” career advice…..how I should leave my “shitty” job that she thought did not pay me well in a field she did not like, and how I should go back to school and finish my degree. (I finished my degree 19 years ago, have been at my current job 18 years, I do well there, and I love it). I guess she was trying to give me hint that I was about to be on my own…..oh well! STBXH won’t have as much $ available for her as soon as divorce is final!

Chickynot
Chickynot
6 years ago

Their ADMITTED contribution to humanity was to come up with a more secure replacement for Ashley Madison??? That in itself must merit a sleazebag of the year award!! ????????

Singed
Singed
6 years ago

1. OW donated to his Go Fund Me which helped to raise money to make a music video. Her prize? The band (aka my ex) would cover a song of their choice. When I suggested he not do it (since his studio was in our basement and I would hear him recoding a song for her) he said “but I’m a musician, it’s my job.” I’ve finally stopped cringing when I hear “Learning to Fly” buy Tom Petty.

2. Soap tasting penis. All of you chumped by dudes know what I’m talking about. They get home from a “long day on the road/at work/etc” and magically their dick is fresh as a bar of Irish Spring soap? Yeah… took me a couple times before I realized he was using the ol’ wash the vag/condom/whatever off the D before getting home routine. Gross.

repulsedandbreathless
repulsedandbreathless
6 years ago
Reply to  Singed

at least he washed ,my cheaterTurd always stunk like skanky vag , all over his face and his breath, and of course could not wait to kiss me (so i would know) what he was doing , i would say MY GOD you smell like a dirty ole pu**y , of course his NARC response “i don’t know what your talking about” , “your crazy” , i have been blab blab blab lie lie lie . secretly taking delight in my anguish .

J Roantree
J Roantree
6 years ago

Ew yes Ive had that and got the same response ????

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago

What a disgusting ass.

Sunflower36
Sunflower36
6 years ago
Reply to  Sunflower36

And OMG….another discovery…..

Fuck…

NoKibble4U
NoKibble4U
6 years ago
Reply to  Singed

Mine came home smelling like soap once. What was worse was when he was fucked or sucked by whore during the “work” day and came home, went for a run and picked me up at physical therapy. His crotch smelled so bad we had to drive with the windows open. He laughed saying that he had high “Uric Acid”. I will never forget that stench. He ran full marathons and never smelled like that. D-day was a few short weeks later.

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
6 years ago
Reply to  Singed

Soap Tasting Penis. WE HAVE A WEINER! Ooops, I mean, winner.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Wow! Hi class – he washed?!!! Mine didn’t even bother.

And I have to say I’m really sorry that Tom Petty song is ruined for you. It’s a favorite. RIP

NewLife2017
NewLife2017
6 years ago

1. After discovering 1000’s of cell phone minutes to her over two months, he said she was easy to talk to and she has divorce in her family so he could talk to her about how things will be fine ( she is 26 so she has been alive the same amount of time we have been together, so much life experience in 26 years)

2. He checked his HR policy to ensure he won’t get in trouble since it’s concensual, he is a Partner she is a junior associate (in this worlds climate, let’s see how that goes if she flippsnthebscript)

3. The kids will be fine, they now get to see what a healthy marriage looks like (translation; hopefully Kids will forget the cheating and betrayal and the realtionship is based on lies and selfishness)

4. He asked me to define what ‘empathy’ means when I asked him if he had any fornthe Kids andn I. He seriously didn’t know what the word meant.

5. Told me I must be so upset because I am embarrassed, realized what a terrible wife I was and I was the one left and now know that he was a great husband and will always regret that I lost him.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
6 years ago
Reply to  NewLife2017

NewLife,

I feel for you. Both my husband and post-separation boyfriend abandoned me for women they worked with. My boyfriend, executive at his company, after me asking him if there was somebody else, left me for ‘Nobody,’ who turned out to be his subordinate. His company, oddly, supports this type of behavior in its executives (half have done this!) He continued to fabricate stories about being alone potentially forever celibate even weeks later when we met to exchange some things (although at that time, I still didn’t realize that he was lying and seeing woman from work). I now know that the lies went on for weeks, months, probably years. So much for Mr. Honest Nice Guy. For decades, I regarded him as The One Who Would Never Lie Nor Mistreat Anyone. Now I know better. Sadly, tonight, my kids are gone (slumber party), ex-husband is with his latest of many partners, ex-boyfriend is with my replacement, and I’m alone. Must try to get used to life away from boyfriend who never thinks about me any more and refuses to communicate with me and embrace solitary life. Maybe it’s just as well–I need to work tomorrow.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

I thought I married Mr. Honest, Nice Guy Would Never Cheat or Lie. Unfortunately I found out he was just the opposite.
I believed in him so much that when what he was saying and doing weren’t adding up I questioned my perception of reality. I made excuses for him ignoring blatant red flags because I couldn’t imagine that my Mr. Nice Guy would betray me.
I couldn’t imagine anyone being as manipulative and cruel as he turned out to be.
Hard lesson. I was naive and he took advantage of my trust. I don’t know how these monsters can live with themselves.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

RockStarWife —

Hi — I can relate to you.

I really believe that everything is going to turn out so great for you. (Sorry if I’m a little tone deaf here.) Please let Chump Nation know how your future unfolds.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
6 years ago
Reply to  NewLife2017

Eww, that means while you were exchanging vows at the church with your adult mate, she was in utero. Gross that he would tap that. OW in my case is 31 years younger so I feel you. This huge age difference feels predatory to me

Annie Get Your Guns
Annie Get Your Guns
6 years ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJEAGd1bQuc

SNL, “Meet your second wife.”

LongingforMeh-ca
LongingforMeh-ca
6 years ago

That is HILARIOUS!!
Thanks for the laughs!

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago

Hysterical!!

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago

This is golden!

LuckyChump
LuckyChump
6 years ago
Reply to  NewLife2017

You can’t make this sh-t up Newlife.

I don’t know who said, “truth is stranger than fiction” but, this site proves it every day!

You and your kids have a great Christmas!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
6 years ago
Reply to  LuckyChump

Oh yeah, I’ll just bet you will wake up one day and regret that the narcissistic loser is out of your life! NOT!! Let the 26 year old twatwaffle have him. Sounds like they deserve one another!!

twiceachump
twiceachump
6 years ago
Reply to  NewLife2017

What a tool!! Jerk. Narcissist. Asswipe. Fucktard.

So glad you are free of that self centered, entitled. cheating bag of dog shit.

chumptastic
chumptastic
6 years ago

1. Cheating husband is flying first class to Asia. From his fabulous 1st class pod he sends me a text about how his area would be perfect for the mile high club.
2. Cheater sends the OW an email(1 minute later) stating how his pod would be perfect for them to join the mile high club.
3. I left cheater. I couldn’t stay with someone so freaking unoriginal!!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
6 years ago
Reply to  chumptastic

He sent his wife and the OW the exact same text? Blech

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago

My cheater bought the same sex toys, used thte same sex talk and did the same “activities” with me and the AP. Why not? Don’t have to be original. It’s not like we were comparing notes. Until I caught them. Then she sang like a fucking canary.

TRUST THAT THEY SUCK!

LongingforMeh-ca
LongingforMeh-ca
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

Mine, too! (and, it does qualify as #metoo, for many other incidents) – Boss Hogg bought Daisy Duke the same Jackrabbit vibrator that he gave me a few years back. She, brilliant skank that she is, told him “it has made me a better person” and, since she had never had one before “…isn’t that so dad” ” I mean sad”
No, she had it right the first time. Daddy issues, much, 20 years junior married other woman? Who dresses like a teenager, pierces her chin, shaves half her head, dyes the ends pink and posts flowery instagram photos with her 64-year-old underwear (& vibratos) sugar daddy.
Yeah.I’ll take a pass on that pick me dance…you can keep picking HER. Really, I’m good.

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

Same with my cheater. And disgustingly, after we’d have sex and I’d go to bed, he’d go downstairs where she’d sneak in and they’d have sex in our living room. (She lived a couple doors down from us.)

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago
Reply to  GoWithYourGut

OMG. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. What an asshole.

J Roantree
J Roantree
6 years ago
Reply to  GoWithYourGut

What ! ! !

Jane
Jane
6 years ago

On the Christmas before DD in the March, before I knew about OW he bought her a pair of gold earrings and a gold necklace. I got a nunty silver bracelet that was too big and a 3″ high pottery dog. I found out later that he had bought them in the same store with our joint credit card !

GoWithYourGut
GoWithYourGut
6 years ago
Reply to  Jane

One year, I got a new cell phone. It was the same (but a different color) as my “best friend’s.” I’m pretty sure she helped him pick it out. Makes me wonder how many other gifts for me and our children that she helped him pick out?

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Jane

That pottery dog would have been great for cracking him over the head …

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
6 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Lol

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

I deserve the “Trophy of Shame.”

For my cheating ex-wife’s birthday 20 years ago….I sat through a Michael Bolton concert.

rickb89
rickb89
6 years ago

I honestly can’t think of anything worse

LongingforMeh-ca
LongingforMeh-ca
6 years ago
Reply to  rickb89

Monster truck rally – indoors…death by diesel exhaust! But, truth be told, I went to see my son enjoy it.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago

For my cheater ex husband’s birthday I endured a Las Vegas NASCAR race on a 100 degree day. A couple of years later I found a picture of him and OW at a NASCAR race in Phoenix. Seems like he could always talk a woman into going to one of those.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago

At least it wasn’t Kenny G.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

Or that goofball Rick Astley.

I’m still pissed at Canada for subjecting me to Bryan Adams.

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
6 years ago

Omg!!!!!! ????????????????????????????

Someone please post a gif from Office Space!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago

Mind reader 🙂

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
6 years ago

At least it wasn’t Barry Manilow!!! “Oooooh Maaaandeeee ….”

Nobody2U
Nobody2U
6 years ago

Superduperchump, now that you have that off your chest I would never speak of it again… Michael Bolton?! I think you deserve to repress that trauma and you are absolved off any prior or past sins in this life time or any others for you have truly paid the ultimate price..3 uninterrupted hours of Michael Bolton..you are my new hero!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Nobody2U

Thank you!! Weekly therapy does wonders. “Hi, I’m SPD…. and I have Boltonitis.”

My girlfriend likes Chick Flicks. Lots of Chick Flicks….and admires me because I sit through them. I survived “27 Dresses” without choking on my own vomit.

But….she finally broke me with one. She picked one that she thought I would like. “Lawless”

I must be getting weak and need to turn in my Man Card. I felt a tear when Tom Hardy found out she was the one who drove him to the hospital.

BeenThereandWasAChump
BeenThereandWasAChump
6 years ago

I LOVE Lawless!! One of my favorites. Love me some Tom Hardy!

LuckyChump
LuckyChump
6 years ago

You are indeed SuperDuper.

Merry Christmas

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
6 years ago

Not usually one to comment, but just had to throw these ones in the mix:

A few months before being pregnant with our third child, Mr Wanktastic, currently with OW number 2,523 (rough estimate) found a faint white stain on my pillow and asked me who I’d been ‘at it with’. It was toothpaste! I brush my teeth well before bed and occasionally dribble if I sleep heavily 😀

During pregnancy with third child (a miracle considering I was ‘frigid’), Mr Wanktastic, upon being congratulated by people on the pregnancy, replied, well, let’s wait and see what colour it is when its born, it’s not mine, ha ha!

After birth of third child (which was the correct colour, sort of toothpaste white) Mr Wanktastic brought home a stuffed toy from a work ‘friend’ who had bought it for her own baby, but she had had a miscarriage. She turned out to be OW number 2,524 (rough estimate plus one).

After finding out about OW number 2,525 (you get the idea…) and that they went on a weekend away together, he told me he didn’t enjoy himself as he got food poisoning, and it was really embarrassing having diarrhea in a hotel room with someone who wasn’t me. He actually wanted sympathy for his ruined weekend.

She washes his skid marks now… I love a happy ending.