Cyberstalking, Bullies, and Censorship

Hi chumps,

I’ve had a bit of a problem here lately with cyberbullies. I’m not talking about trolls, although of course, they’re delightful too. I’m talking about your wing nut exes who cyberstalk you, know your screen names, or have some nefarious way of finding out what you’re up to online.

So, a word of caution — don’t use your full name here ever, use a clever screen name.

And a word of courage — don’t stop speaking your truth.

There are some assholes who are very threatened by your narrative. Fuck them. It’s your story. Tell it. Part of taking your power back is refusing  to be cowed by mindfuckery. Drag what happened into the sunlight. Share your story. Allow yourself the comfort that comes from a community of people who get it because they lived it too. Don’t let the wing nuts win.

I hate bullies and I hate censorship. (I’m sure you’ve all noticed my potty mouth.) 

When I was a young person living in South Africa for a year during apartheid, I read the frequently banned newspaper The Weekly Mail. There was censorship then and it was always interesting to see how the Weekly Mail dealt with it. Do they just shut the paper down? Publish the fluffy, inoffensive stuff? Or do they… publish the entire newspaper with the bad stuff blacked out, so we can see exactly how much is being censored? Yep, they published the blacked out newspaper stories, which I thought was a brilliant fuck you.

So taking my inspiration from that, I’ll tell you what prompted today’s post, removing any telling details that might get me sued (although really? I’m married to a brilliant trial lawyer), i.e, the outlines of a story with the telling bits blacked out. A friend messaged me to say:

Heads up: I’m not sure how but [Fuckwit] found your blog and knows that I have left comments there. Based on his email to me about the “loads of crap” there, I just wanted to make sure you were on the lookout for trolls. He does tend to take out his massive anger with a barrage of foul verbiage at me so I am sure he might do that elsewhere as well.

I’m sure this is all part of a larger intimidation campaign to show her who’s boss. I Know What You Say About Me! I’m watching you and you’re in trouble and oooh aren’t you scared?

God, I hate these idiots. I’ve been cyberstalked by my ex. (Both of them.) Had my anonymous postings on an infidelity board read out loud to me in a custody trial. Didn’t win any favor with the judge, btw, he had his ass handed to him as usual. But I got the intention — to humiliate me. Let me know I didn’t have a safe place. I was being watched.

So another person wrote to say her ex filed a motion because of something she wrote here. Wanted to have her thrown in jail before a hearing, demanded she take it down, lest someone find out it was her, connect it to him, and know that hey, he’s a cheating fuckwit. She has a lawyer, is handling it all just fine, and asked very kindly that I change her name. So I did.

That wasn’t enough. He wanted the entire comment taken down, not just her name. (As the comments that get posted here go, I have to say it was pretty mild. There are over 50,000 comments on this site, 49,999 of them more incendiary than this one.) But okay, I took it down. For her. So this asshole will quit bothering her.

But I have a little message for all you tinpot dictators out there — and you know who you are — we’re not going to shut up

You may get your chump to take their comments down, you might cyberstalk them, intimidate them, run up their legal bills, but your karma follows you, asshole.

It’s the tree that falls on your house. It’s the judge who sees through your shit. It’s the cheaterville profile some spurned affair partner posted.  It’s the nagging feeling that follows you every day that your mask is slipping. That people are on to you. The sparkle isn’t working anymore and the smear campaign is backfiring.

The sugar frosting has slipped off your turd, dear.

Oh, I know it’s making you twitchy and paranoid. And being such a narcissist, you think every post here is about YOU. You don’t realize what every chump here knows — that you’re all of a type. You’re all so pathetically banal and common. You think your porn habit/other man/other woman/Craigslist hookups/soul mate/fuckfest/double life is edgy and unique. That you’re a special snowflake deserving of special considerations with a special story. Christ, I can’t tell any of you apart and neither can anyone else. So chill the fuck out. 

You lost. You don’t control your chump any more. You don’t control the narrative.

I know you’re going to have a fit about that, rage and then go into spasms of self pity to bring your chump back into line. (How could you DO this to me! Consider the children!) It’s not our jobs to protect your image. You need to let it go. We know what you are and what you did, and we’re going to tell anyone we care to.

Here’s a little turnabout for you — You’re not the boss of us.

Oh and me? I‘m drawing pictures of you. This is you:

cheaters_as_dog_poo

And this is you:

Xmas1

 

And this is you:

cheater_out

And this is you:

I'm not defined

And this is you:

Serial cheater

And this is you:

mrNiceGuy

And this:

suprise_cheater

And this too:

Xmas4

And people send me material EVERY SINGLE DAY! There’s a whole chorus of chumps out there singing, pointing, and making fun of your dick. So get used to it, Fuckwits. Should’ve thought of that before you cheated. If it’s not so bad to do, it’s not so bad for me to draw a cartoon about it.

Chump Nation is rising. Watch your back.

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255 Comments
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jusduckie
jusduckie
10 years ago

Love you Chump Lady! You help keep us strong!

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  jusduckie

Ditto what jusduckie said. And, I’d love this post if for no other reason than that you used the word “incendiary.” Go go go, CL!!!

Maree
Maree
10 years ago
Reply to  jusduckie

So true jusduckie. CL I could not help myself because there are occasions when I am a stirrer. We Aussies love to take the pee our of each other big time. I sent 3 of the above pictures to my ex. I sent the shark, Mr Nice guy and the penis with the ribbons on it. He won’t respond naturally but he will know what I am alluding to, the sleaze.

GreenGirl
GreenGirl
10 years ago

How many countries are we from? What are the chances that I’ll be interviewing Mr. Smith for a job and somehow connect him to a story on this blog? If I do know the woman involved well enough to recognize her husband is writing about her, then chances are I know them in real life and he can tell me to my face.

These people are paranoid. Probably because they spend so much time sneaking around they are sure everyone else is hiding someone and/or are self-centered enough to think all the chump is doing is talking/thinking/writing about him or her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-4I3W_GZy4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=j-4I3W_GZy4

Rosie Boa
Rosie Boa
10 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

Mine said “I wish you wouldn’t keep telling everyone, it makes me look bad”.

Um noooooooo….doing it makes you look bad.

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Rosie Boa

THIS!

Janet
Janet
10 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

there are so many of them they are kind of interchangable wouldn’t recognize one from the other

Janet
Janet
10 years ago
Reply to  Janet

also the are so narsistic they think it must be about them

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

GreenGirl I absolutely think that because these folks live by lies and cheating they think everyone lives that way. It never seems to occur to them that no, lies and cheating are not the way we live and while I’m not a saint and may have lied here and there in my life it was never to cover up something horrible I was doing, mainly because I am not the type of person who does really horrible stuff. In fact, I do my best to avoid doing horrible stuff. And it’s not even that hard for me. It’s kind of easy.

KarenE
KarenE
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

Nord, I think many narcs do believe ‘everybody else’ is lying and cheating too, but for others, it’s just the contrary. They count on everybody else being honest, keeping their word, taking care of the responsibilities they signed up for, so they can keep doing whatever the hell they want, and the world will still keep spinning as it should.

Oh, I think I just figured out how it works! ‘Cause my narc ex actually did both; claimed cheating and lying and cowardice were normal and very common, when he wanted to make himself look not so bad. And counted on other people being honest and responsible, when he needed them to do that, so his entitlement would work! AHA! Why didn’t I think of that right away? They believe whatever serves them best at that moment!

I’m still slow on the uptake on this stuff, my head just doesn’t work that way.

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Actually, Karen, you’re right. My ex was furious (and still is) that I was open about what happened. And played it down with the ‘everyone cheats’ crap. But then he still expects (and knows) that I will be honest and responsible and deal with things – just as I always did when we were together. And I will continue to be that way because it’s who I am and my kids need to know that at least one of their parents is a steady force.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
10 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Perhaps they tend to DO whatever serves them best in the moment too…

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
10 years ago
Reply to  NorthernLight

…Or DO WHOMEVER serves them best in the moment….idiots.

SeeTheLight
SeeTheLight
10 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I was slack-jawed through most of my marriage with the ongoing pathological lying of my cheater with big things and small. Of course when I called him on it, I was too-sensitive, ridiculous, nagging, polly-anna, yada, yada, yada….
Having revealed myself as an honest, conscientious type over the years of our marriage, I served as an appealing home-base to my cheater during his cake-eating. Yes, we all know they use and manipulate our trust and trustworthiness against us during their affairs. But, down the road after 24/7 exposure to the emotionally needy, skanky OW, or when down on their luck-boo-hoo, sometimes the paranoid narc-cheater realizes they no longer have an honest person who truly has their back, and wholehearted loves them, in their lives. Few narc-cheaters will admit to that light-bulb moment, but sometimes you catch a stray comment. Still in all, we really have no value to them other than as replaceable functionaries. My cheater was in it for the thrills in his fabulous fifties, so his appreciation of me tended to be short-lived.

Sick of HER Chump
Sick of HER Chump
10 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

My ex was so paranoid he wouldn’t admit to me that he was sleeping with the OW because he was afraid I would “tell everyone you know 20 minutes after I leave”. I swore that would never happen and said that he “owed me the truth”. Asshole admitted it. I told everyone that would listen TEN minutes after he left 🙂 I’ll be damned if he stops me from speaking my truth!

current chump
current chump
10 years ago

HA!! Awesome….too bad you couldn’t speed dial while he was confessing!! 🙂

My Knight in Shining Dysfunction
My Knight in Shining Dysfunction
10 years ago

^^ Mine attempted such pre-emptive image management too. But once I had the smoking gun emails, I didn’t confront him first. I told my family and his… Then confronted him.

So when he only agreed to admit it if I kept it a secret, I happily shared that everyone already knew and had the same evidence in hand that I did. Winning!

Alyosha
Alyosha
10 years ago

These freaks are all about image management. The devote enormous amounts of time and energy to it (at least my ex-cheating slag did).

Fuck ’em. Her shame is no longer mine to bear and no one on this planet is going to keep me from telling the truth.

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Alyosha

THIS! The image management as you so eloquently put it is because they are NARCS. They need everyone to think they are sparkly & great when is it is all just smoke & mirrors to disguise the disordered fuckwits that they really are.

with brave wings
with brave wings
10 years ago
Reply to  Alyosha

Mine could not believe that I told people what he did. OMG, the injustice. There are NOT two sides to a story when one person cheats. They like to spew that nonsense.

SweetSunny
SweetSunny
10 years ago

“There are two sides to every story but in this one, you are douche canoe on both sides!”
😉

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago

Well done!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
10 years ago

Like!!!

Brinn
Brinn
10 years ago

*in the choir as well, pointing, and getting out her microscope so she too can make fun of the teeny weenies*

kb
kb
10 years ago
Reply to  Brinn

I don’t want to overgeneralize, but I know that a significant number of both the male and female chumps here have mentioned that their sex lives were not nearly as fulfilling as they ought to have been. I would certainly agree that if you’re married to someone whose moods swing unpredictably, someone who withholds or otherwise uses sex as a weapon, someone who neither listens to what you say nor communicates what s/he wants, etc.–well, sex is going to be less than super. That said, I know that other chumps have had great sex lives and wonder wtf is wrong.

Anyway, with respect to the teeny weeny, my STBX was never ready for sex when I was. It had to be on his terms or no sex. I never connected it with maybe he had an issue with his sex drive until after Dday, when I found a bottle of prostate health vitamins in his gym bag. Guess if you’re having an affair, you better be careful that you’re always “up” for it!

Hawk
Hawk
10 years ago

It’s true! Narcissistic scum can’t keep us down. You tell them, Chump Lady!

Chris
Chris
10 years ago

“So another person wrote to say her ex filed a motion because of something she wrote here. Wanted to have her thrown in jail before a hearing, demanded she take it down, lest someone find out it was her, connect it to him, and know that hey, he’s a cheating fuckwit.”

WOW! I’m sure there’s more than a few cheaters who found themselves here, inadvertently reading about themselves in either the Dear Chump Lady letters or the comments, but I figured they were so disordered that they’d actually GET OFF reading about their own twisted exploits.

But I get it. Message management. Even in an anonymous blog such as this (and seriously everybody here IS practically anonymous—I have yet to see any last names or Social Security Numbers posted), cheaters STILL hate accountability.

Minimization too. It’s one thing to for an ex-wife to write: “He cheated.” Quite another to write that EPIC fucking sleeping bag story (as brilliantly captured by CL in the cartoon above). I need to go back and find that story cause it was a BLISTERING tour-de-force in cheater mindfuckery. OF COURSE cheaters don’t want the details getting out.

Details = Accountability
Details = It’s not the Chump’s fault after all
Details = You’re a cheating asshole

Another Rebecca
Another Rebecca
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

The sleeping bag story was AWESOME!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

That sleeping bag story is one of the most hilarious things I’ve read here.

Patsy
Patsy
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

He got up and HOPPED away! Unbelievable.

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Patsy

It’s my favorite story so far…..,

BarristerBelle
BarristerBelle
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

*beauty-pageant wave of the hand* Hello! Yes, that was me. Haven’t posted on here for a little while, but I am still checking in to read each new post every day.

Oh, and my XH threatened me with this shit, too. He could not STAND it when I told people that I was divorcing him because he’d cheated on me with his dingbat-paralegal. He actually asked me to stop talking to his family (when they would call me to wish me well, see how I was doing during the separation/divorce) because it was causing him “difficulties.” Translation: he had to deal with everyone’s DISAPPROVAL of his actions and this was “very difficult” for him. He could no longer control the narrative of his image. His parents stopped helping him financially, his sister forbade him from bringing dingbat-OW as his date to her wedding, his long-time friends in his hometown cut him off socially,etc… he burned some major bridges back home, and like the cowards these Narcs are, they just re-create themselves elsewhere.

So he’s very busy trying to maintain his image and persona in another city (not his hometown & not where we’d lived), with OW and her friends – and talking about what a victim he was, says his precious privacy had been invaded (the horror!), he could have pressed criminal charges for invasion of privacy but he’s suuuch a nice guy and still tries to maintain a civil friendship with mean-ol’ me (I ignore his texts & emails; he says he just can’t understand why we can’t be friends).

It’s too much work to rebuild trust and own up to his actions with the people he’s disappointed, who have known him (and me) for years — so it doesn’t surprise me at all that Narcs like him find a new place, new social circle, and they are SCARED AS HELL for the truth to come find them and put cracks in their freshly-painted facade. They will threaten, scream about the injustice that’s been thrust upon them, claim they will press charges — all in the hopes that they can keep the truth at bay for a little while longer. Do not let that shit intimidate you – that’s like the equivalent of them wailing about your criminal conduct for jaywalking, while they’ve just committed a triple homicide.

liningupducks
liningupducks
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Epic, and a gem!! That story has given me many moments of laughter ever since. My own narc-ex has behaved just as immaturely, however, he didn’t have the comical visual to go with it. I insert this one whenever I need to lighten up. Works like a charm.

Michelle
Michelle
10 years ago

LMFAO!!! Chumplady, you’re awesome!! What a bunch a pussies these narcs are!! “Wahhh!! don’t talk about me! So what I fucked you over! You can’t talk about it!!” . Grow up, you narcissistic losers!!! You play, you pay in some way!!!

I Am A Rock Star*
I Am A Rock Star*
10 years ago
Reply to  Michelle

Nothing says “my ow making me feel good is worth hurting anyone”, like having your 15 yr old son scream, “you’re a fucking pussy!” for having an affair. Not the family bonding moment I ever envisioned when I cradled that newborn. While his cursing shocked me (even tho I’m a complete potty mouth too, CL), no one in the room, including sausage daddy, could disagree with the claim.

In light of this topic, is anyone aware of an affair where there were no repercussions, collateral damage or drunken weepy 24/7 typing-Tourette’s (guilty as charged) on blog comments? Ever, in the history of the world? Or is that what every new cheating couple thinks they’ve invented? Is that the opposite of a unicorn? I’d think I could find a herd of real true reconciliation unicorns before I found one of those. It needs a name! And a cartoon.

friendbetrayed
friendbetrayed
10 years ago

What a statement from your 15 yr old! love it!

It reminds me of my then 16 yr sold said to his father – that “she just wanted to be with him because of his dental plan” my 12yr old daughter and I couldn’t keep a straight face and just started laughing uncontrollably, STBXH was soooo pissed!!!

Yeah I could care less what he thought, I told everyone.. not my secret. His family loves me and has not abandoned me. His sister actually told him, after he moved out, “to NEVER bring that WHORE into his house” oh he took it sooo personally! Too bad fucker!

I Am A Rock Star*
I Am A Rock Star*
10 years ago
Reply to  friendbetrayed

Hah! Dental plan – thats hilarious!! I love snarky fresh teenagers who go right for the jugular. My sil was supportive of me, my mil not. The ow is a co worker of the whole fucking family, shes a serial cheater. They think theyre the Kennedy’s (in fidelity, yes) but much closer to duck dynasty (minus all the cash) in attire, vocab and class. The patriarch of the family died last week and my teenagers told h they weren’t going to the funeral since ow was at the last one. For the first time, h stepped up and wrote a very terse note telling her she was not welcome there. The kids then attended, I still did not. I look like a bitch for not putting all this behind me for the funeral, whatevs. The whole wake was cheaters and exes, not my scene, dig? But that any of this is necessary…absurd. I swear the background music of my 2013/14 is dueling banjos for all the hillbillies who are now the chorus in the tragic musical theater extravaganza of my life. I’m not precious or unique, I realize, but it’s so hard to not take it super personally when someone I don’t even know is affecting my kids. Treat everyone how you want to be treated, people, it’s more predictable. Stupid sausage husband sitting in the corner with his head in his hands….

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago

Awww, I was looking forward to the cartoon of the cheater on the can messaging his OW!

Chump lady–you RAWK!

Chump Nation–what’s a few trolls? Use our creative swearing powers? Or “Meh” them to infinity and beyond?

ChumpedTwice
ChumpedTwice
10 years ago

Yep, that’s how I caught my cheater. It was 3am and he was in the hallway bathroom – not in our master bathroom – on the can, texting his whore. Not sure if he was taking a shit or masturbating.

echo
echo
10 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedTwice

It’s called ‘poopsterbating’! I saw that on urban dictionary. Kinda funny and extra weird too!

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  echo

My stbx has this down to an olympic sport! Even while our 4 yr old son is out in the hallway by the door…….
Fuckin’ loser

echo
echo
10 years ago
Reply to  echo

Ummm…correction…I didn’t see it; I read it…

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  echo

I know! I learned a new swearword on CL during that thread! I’m so proud of me.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedTwice

We had a gaggle of that on a thread way back when–naked or not, spending limitless time on the john, being a john…

GreenGirl
GreenGirl
10 years ago

Depends on the troll. The ones who just want attention, ignore. The idiots who think they have the answers and silence is agreement, show they’re wrong.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

(Mr. Burns’s voice) Excellent.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  GreenGirl

Lol!

(Antonio Banderas as Puss In Boots) I can see our minds are beginning to work as one….

I forgot our other lethal Chump power: mockery. Make sure you’ve packed that, Green Girl!

Of course, we could always forgive them…

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago

“forgive” should have been in quotes–like “apologize”…

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
10 years ago

The first thing the jackass said, after minimizing his OW by saying “she’s just [my buddy’s] little sister” was: “You better think before you go public with this.”

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

When I confronted him about the cheating, hookers, etc & told him we were over-stbx had the nerve to tell me that I would be destroying our 4 year old’s life by divorcing him. WTF?!

He cannot accept that he single-handedly (no pun intended) destroyed our marriage, family, and lives all by himself.

ANC
ANC
10 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

A good friend said her father ALWAYS said this, “if you never do wrong things, you will never be caught.”

Sounds hokey but makes sense. What makes cheaters mad is that they were caught.

Nord
Nord
10 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

They’re always pissed that people know and act like you’ve done them a disservice but opening your mouth. Fuck that. I’ll tell anyone I want about my life and ex can kiss my sweet ass if he doesn’t like it.

Akko
Akko
10 years ago
Reply to  Nord

I know, right?! If you didn’t want people finding out about your affair(s), you should not have done them in the first place! It’s like saying “Well, yeah, I murdered someone, but I never thought I’d be caught and my face would be all over the news!”

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Akko

Yes, Akko, it’s like: “It wasn’t me cheating and lying and stealing, I didn’t hurt anyone. No, YOU hurt the children by TELLING…. Hey waits minute, that sounds good in my pea-sized cheater brain, so yeah that’s it! I will tell everyone that I didn’t hurt the children by cheating on their mother, stealing their college finds, squandering marital assets, making their entire lives a lie, and blowing up their family!! YOU betrayed spouse have hurt them by telling the truth of what I did.”

Glad we got that cleared up.

Freeatlast
Freeatlast
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

Yes this! This is exactly how my STBXH thinks. It’s not what he did that is horrible, it’s if I tell that is the real crime, since it’s no one’s business, LOL! Especially if I tell the kids, I know he’ll try and go after me for parental alienation. These crazy douches never fail to amaze me with their indignation at the people they have wronged.

Akko
Akko
10 years ago
Reply to  Freeatlast

Yes! Their hypocrisy also makes my jaw drop!

Apparently my ex-fiancee was complaining to his family and our mutual friends about how I’m so “overbearing” because I get upset when he cancels date night last minute by text to go drinking with the guys (which I found out later was sleeping with the OW in a sleazy motel near work). Or how I always try to get him to eat more vegetables instead of always eating fast food. HOW DARE I! *eyeroll* So it’s OK for him to badmouth me behind my back, but it’s not OK for me to tell people he cheated on me. Hm… OK… (Though the good thing is apparently his mom told him “SUCK IT UP” because she’s a tough love type of mama <3 I'm going to miss some of his family a lot…)

Louise
Louise
10 years ago

Because it’s all about image for these assholes. You don’t have to be a good person as long as people believe you are one. Anyone who challenges their bullshit is a threat, who must be destroyed. Then there is the “poor me” cheater, who is the perpetual victim. This mess that is their life can’t be their fault, can it? Got to have someone to blame for their fuckedupedness.

Another Rebecca
Another Rebecca
10 years ago
Reply to  Louise

So true!

Akko
Akko
10 years ago
Reply to  Louise

This hits things right on the nail! Especially the “poor me” cheater! My ex (even before I found out about his affairs) had a “poor me” attitude towards everything! He grew up in a nice house with a loving family where his dad was a doctor and his mom was a housewife and he always did the “poor me.”

“Poor me” I’m not in the will because I keep dropping out of college because I don’t apply myself. Really it’s because my parents hate me.
“Poor me” my parents never get me anything for Christmas even though I never buy other people gifts and never tell people what I want for birthdays/Christmas/other gifting holidays. Oh, and I’m 30, but I still believe that gift-giving is a one-way street.
“Poor me” I can’t find a job because I lie on my resume about having graduated college and having a steady job for the past 3 years and employers frown on that.
(The list goes on, as I’m sure it does for everyone else!)

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Louise

THIS!

Image= kibbles. Screw image=screw their kibble potential.

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
10 years ago

CL you rock! I wish you were around truth telling years ago when I was first chumped.

And I have to say cheaters and holemates who have the NERVE to complain about what a BS SAYS about them set my hair on fire. Seriously? They dare pucker their assholes about words, TRUTHFUL words after all that they have DONE!?

Oh, the BS is soooo terrible writing truth on Facebook, but the cheater who spends the family money on the holemate’s new tits? That’s okay. The BS who tells their story on a support forum is sooo bitter and vengeful. But the whore who fucked a married man in his wife’s house, without a condom? Why, it just happened! Move on!

Where is it written that cheaters and their schmoopies can do anything they want for as long as they like, but the BS must not complain or expose, less there is hell to pay?

I just loved how one of my WXH OW’s threatened me after I posted stuff about her online. I emailed her from my very traceable personal email to go right ahead, get a RO. I would be more than happy to appear in court with my evidence and tell everyone exactly what I did and WHY. Never heard from her again. She shut down her Facebook, changed her email and went dark online.

Cheaters are bullies and are afraid of the light that truth brings. If you can afford to do so, stand up, call their bluff. Let them know that you are willing to fight for your rights in public, because unlike them, you have done nothing wrong and won’t be shamed or bullied.

Akko
Akko
10 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

“Cheaters are bullies and are afraid of the light that truth brings. If you can afford to do so, stand up, call their bluff. Let them know that you are willing to fight for your rights in public, because unlike them, you have done nothing wrong and won’t be shamed or bullied.”

Hear hear! This makes me so happy to read. Too often does the chump feel ashamed for their partner’s transgressions, but we really do have to reaffirm that WE did nothing wrong! Stand strong, chump nation! 🙂

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Akko

“Cheaters are bullies and are afraid of the light that truth brings.”

Mental visual of cheater zombie melting as bright lights labelled “The Truth” shining down on them….

Hawk
Hawk
10 years ago

Love this!

liningupducks
liningupducks
10 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

Yes, bullies. My ex just a few months ago threatened to tell my parents all of my little secrets (nothing big, but still, stuff would bother them), just to hurt them and me. Wow, right?! What a piece of shit.

Ten minutes after he said it, he re-canted and said he “of course would never do that”….but I know he said it just to intimidate me and scare me. All it did was show me how much of a turd he is.

Still a Chump
Still a Chump
10 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

Similar thing happened to me! OW threatened me with legal action and pointed out her daddy is a cop if i wasn’t quiet and I said, hey, it’s not illegal to tell people the truth about you. Somehow the logic of that penetrated her tiny tiny brain and it shut her right up.

NAWSbrat
NAWSbrat
10 years ago
Reply to  ThatGirl

“Cheaters are bullies and are afraid of the light that truth brings.”

Yes, that is it in so many ways. All the lies and distortions and twists and turns are to avoid the truth because the truth is going to ruin their false image that they’ve so carefully cultivated. That house of cards is going to come crashing down.

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago

First of all, truth is the ultimate defense to a claim of defamation.

And second, it is actually quite disappointing. I really thought that between these POS cheaters AP’s, porn habits and obsession which *ahem “self-gratification”, hookers, Ashley Madison “affairs”, massage parlors, and other assorted daily perversions, they would have neither the time nor the energy to troll on here trying to piece together comments to figure out who their exes are and what they are saying. Makes me think their awesome new lives are not quite so awesome.

You did it, you live with it, you should hold your heads high Mr/Ms Cheaterpants, You made a decision over and over for days, weeks, months, and years, to lie, and to betray and harm your families. Now is not the time to whine like the pathetic losers you are. We know who and what you are, and you know that we do. You have just confirmed how powerful we really are. So hey I’m your ex wife, try to come get me…. And FUCK YOU.

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

AMEN Sister! THIS! My stbx has been full of threats & when I called the cops on him for threatening to take our son & told him that I would spill all his dirty little secrets (which of course I will later) it took him a few minutes but he backed off.

smart ass texan
smart ass texan
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

It is not defamation if it is True !!!!
It’s also your own opinion which will not hold up in court.

Akko
Akko
10 years ago

My counselor told me the same thing! “It’s not defamation if it’s true!”

I was talking to her about how my ex was threatening me with legal action and calling the cops on me for “running my big mouth”, and she told me a lot about law and that the cops can’t just arrest me without evidence. That and something about how it’s not a violent crime.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago

Ah, but “truth” is malleable when everyone has their “own reality”.

A chump summed it up well when they said cheaters want chumps to keep their reality out of their fantasy.

smart ass texan
smart ass texan
10 years ago

Sorry don’t know why it printed below….
See my post below.
NO FANTASY… JUST FACT !

smart ass texan
smart ass texan
10 years ago

Hopefully you have copies of all texts, emails & phone call logs.
If not you can file a subpoena “pro se” pay 15.00 to have it served by the sheriff to your carrier(Sprint, AT& T etc) and get all of the texts & call logs for the past 18 months. It comes on a disc, for your viewing pleasure.
It can be very true when you just recite what they themselves have written or the calls they have made. You have proof !

Alyosha
Alyosha
10 years ago

My ex-slag always called the truth about her exploits “your version of the truth.” Funny thing is that when I asked her what her version was, she would/could never answer. She never even tried.

They are 100% about managing the narrative and maintaining their images as literally any cost (to others, of course. Never them). One of my ex’s favorite aphorisms was: “It’s all in the presentation.” That should have been a HUGE red flag (among many others I missed).

Hawk
Hawk
10 years ago
Reply to  Alyosha

“It’s all in the presentation.” Yeah, that’s twisted.

I Am A Rock Star*
I Am A Rock Star*
10 years ago
Reply to  Hawk

I always get “everything is so black and white with you! Life isn’t like that.”. Life is murky, but marriage vows are pretty black and white, so if you step out into the funky grey area with a funkedy funk funk skank, don’t bitch when people – who stood up with you and witnessed when you made those vows – find out/are told. Sheesh.

My h doesn’t know who knows and who doesn’t. So he walks into every social situation very awkwardly since he doesn’t know if he’s going to get verbally slapped or not. It’s a simple joy for me.

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago

4 ribboned dick. That really happened? omg the levels of crazy.

ANC
ANC
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Hey! There’s a song about that!

Wastedheart
Wastedheart
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Now CL, you are exaggerating. It wasn’t in a box. Cheater snuck off whilst our toddler and I attended to Christmas morning toy management and snapped a special selfie of his flaccid nub, festooned in a holiday ribbon (that I purchased, of course). He proceeded to send it to two different OW, and stayed glued to his mobile phone throughout Christmas din waiting for the sentiment to be likewise returned. In fact, it was so hilarious and creative, he repeated the theatrics the following year. Aren’t these characters who peddle their filth ON CHRISTMAS DAY so naughty and incorrigible? Bet everyone had a good laugh knowing what dreamboat was doing under his stupid wife’s nose (til they found out about the multiple recipients. Wah wah wah).

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
10 years ago
Reply to  Wastedheart

Seriously, he sent a picture of his LIMP dick with a ribbon? He couldn’t at least have gotten it hard first? These cheaters are so messed up.

I know of at least one instance when my ex sent a picture of his dick to some woman he worked with. No idea if it was hard or not, or be-ribboned. But back in the days of film cameras, remember how you would send your film off to be developed at the film lab? Well, very often, when I would pick up our pictures, I would find that ex had taken a picture of his dick and there it was, smack in the middle of the other photos. Must have been a real treat for the photo lab employees. Some were just close-up shots of his dick, but others were fancy. Like one where his dick was posed on an apple, or another where he had feathers laying around it.

Another time he meant to send me a text pic of his nipple, God only knows why, but he sent it to our son by accident. Stupid freak.

Wastedheart
Wastedheart
10 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Limp? Erect? Unfortunately know way to tell. Perhaps that’s why the wire-rimmed, satin ribbon. Maybe some hand-crafted splinting for Mr. Softie?

Wastedheart
Wastedheart
10 years ago
Reply to  Wastedheart

Sorry — that was in response to Glad’s comment …

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
10 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

OMg, Glad. Posed on an apple?! I’d be washing every food with soap and water before eating, in that house. You never know what edible was used for a photo-op.

Another Rebecca
Another Rebecca
10 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

I know it must have been excruciating to endure those photos, GladIt’sOver, but oh my g-d your description is hysterical! Seriously, why would he ever take photos like that knowing you’d pick them up from the developer? Who does that? Not to mention the treat your poor son received! Just wow.

Chumpectomy
Chumpectomy
10 years ago
Reply to  Wastedheart

I have not had this good of a laugh in years, yes YEARS. My stomach hurts. Oh Wastedheart, your cheater was such a stupid barfbag.

Regina
Regina
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I didn’t realize that the dick with the bows REALLY HAPPENED and was wondering why there weren’t any sprinkles on it…..and that maybe the box could hold the fallen sprinkles & other glittery sugary treats. The thing about cheaters is they want someone different.
I remember this really hurt me when I first found out…if there is anything I can never be it is someone else! And neither can the new OW/OM (tee hee!) By next Christmas they won’t be interested in each otherss skanky privates with hundreds wrapped around them!

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Wastedheart

What was he hoping to get back from them–a gift-wrapped box?

Wastedheart
Wastedheart
10 years ago

Ha! He actually confessed that the morbidly-obese other woman sent him a topless pick with two Christmas bows stuck to her nipples. I consider this a merciful gesture. I once found an emailed pic of her unadorned areolae and could only assume she was auditioning for a pornographic spoof of “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?”.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Wastedheart

*hack* *hork* [spew]

This Chump medicated for your protection
This Chump medicated for your protection
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Oh hell !

Was it a fast food box ?

or a fancy box from the Jewelry Store ?

Makes a difference in the story you know.

I Am A Rock Star*
I Am A Rock Star*
10 years ago

Kibble n bits box.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago

Would’ve been more apt if it had been a recycling bin…

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Just so we all know, cheater narcs can’t even be original when they’re being gross.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/1402#i4,p0,d0

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Ewwww. Guess now I’m grateful for getting a robe every Christmas instead!
At least they were useful, ha!
A dick in a box. With ribbons. Wow.

Champ, not Chump!
Champ, not Chump!
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Something very Freudian about that, with a heaping dose of narcissism. “I’ve got the dick women’s wet dreams are made of!”

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
10 years ago

I wonder if that’s where the inspiration for Justin Timberlake’s SNL skit “Dick in the box” came from…naw probably the cheater saw the skit first, didn’t realize it was actually a joke and did it seriously.

Just wow!!

jazzvox
jazzvox
10 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

And that Justin Timberlake bit was a take-off on a video by the hilarious duo – The Flight of the Conchords.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

No, it’s “creative lovemaking”…..

Rose
Rose
10 years ago

I am experiencing the happy surprise that the judge sees through him as well. He used all kinds of stuff in our initial filing…letters we’d written during the course of the relationship, statements about my 20 lbs of baby weight…even notes I’d written him and packed in his lovingly-handmade lunch. Tons of personal stuff that both reflected well and badly on me. Lots of stuff about my weight. (I went from a size 8 to a size 14 with the baby. sue me) I was more hurt by this than anything else, because it just seemed so CRUEL. I learned not to text or say or type anything that couldn’t be read in court. But the weird thing is, it didn’t help him at all. AT ALL. It did nothing for him. It’s a tactic lawyers use to try and make you feel helpless, so you’ll settle out of court. When you reach the courtroom, all it does is annoy the judge.

Rose
Rose
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

It was!!! There was so, so much about my babyweight and me breastfeeding. Pages and pages of his “declaration”. It stunned me. It was all this stuff about how he “couldn’t” have sex with me for two years because I was fat and breastfeeding and how I “alienated him”. The result of that court session was she ordered an investigation on him by Child Protection Services. It did nothing but hurt him. I can see, how if I was like 500 pounds and had to ride around in a Walmart scooter, that would have a bearing. But most women are a 10-12 so me being a 14 is not unbelievable amounts of fat. Honestly though, I was so horrified by this public discussion of my weight I started walking every day and now I’m down to a 12 and counting…but it was so humiliating. At the same time, it was the first time I really said to myself that I could do better. He started making it easier to get over him, from that point on.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Rose

Rose, words fail me.

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Chump Lady – I’m 5’10’ too and also wear a 14….

My ex’s reference to my weight were more indirect – “After they saw you, the other mom’s were talking, and none of them could figure out why I married YOU.” Or, “It’s not my fault you don’t care about how you look…” Keep in mind I was the same size when he married me, and am very healthy and well groomed. Oh, and he gained over 60 pounds during our marriage (and I lost weight).

My sister summed it up best, when she said, “Look at Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Tiger Woods’ wife Elin – they’re all super thin and perfectly beautiful, and their husbands cheated. Because the husbands have no character – it doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with you.”

chumpedtwice
chumpedtwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Let me just “weigh” in on the weight issues.

I’ve been fortunate my entire life to be on the thin side. Yes, I’m judicious on what I eat and I regularly exercise. I’m very fit. I’m 5’4″ and the heaviest I’ve been was when I delivered my oldest daughter – I weighed 144 pounds the day I delivered her. With my second child – my son – I weighted 136 pounds. But not being pregnant my weight has been a low of 104 to the most at 118. Did my trim frame stop my stbx from screwing around on me? Nope. I’m not a raving beauty my any stretch of the imagination, but I not not unattractive either.

The point is it doesn’t matter how much you weight…how pretty you may or may not be…these cheaters are going to stray regardless…BECAUSE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! Seriously chumps – you could have been the most perfect person possible…but that wouldn’t matter. Our cheaters cheated because of their defects that had absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

So please, stop with the self-loathing. You are all beautiful human beings. Love yourself because you are so worthy of love!!

Hugs to all!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Rose

Rose, that is disgusting, I am speechless. Even among POS’s he is a POS.

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
10 years ago
Reply to  Rose

Rose – I would have loved it if you walked into the courtroom – him with his “baby weight abuse” claim – to find a “heavy set” female judge of child-bearing years. That would have been fun 🙂

Diana L
Diana L
10 years ago
Reply to  Rose

Talking about your weight can only make him look bad. It shows he doesn’t understand love and sees his wife as an object.

It’s amazing he wouldn’t see that. I suspect it’s part of the whole way our society talks about affairs being acceptable, caused by the other partner, etc. He believed it. It doesn’t play out so well in court, though.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Diana L

You know, we as a society talk about people as having the freedom to choose to be individuals, yet we put some weird arbitrary rule about what people should look like–like how much each of us should weigh. It’s bullshit.

lulu
lulu
10 years ago
Reply to  Rose

Thank you for this post. Good to know–your last two sentences are especially useful to me.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  lulu

Documentable weight gain??? What kind of OCD shit for brains has documentation of weight gain? And in what state would weight gain have ANYTHING to do with a divorce process? Wow, I’m glad he ended up with the quack version of that lawyer who tried that.

And I’m soooo fuckin’ SICK of this shit-blasting mental dickwetting gaslighters who somehow think a person’s weight is a valid way to blameshit their lack of moral compass. You know what? I was 5’11” and 135 pounds when my BF cheated on me. It has nothing to do with weight.

May they roll all of Chump Nation’s baby weight up Sisyphus’s hill in their special circle of hell.

Hawk
Hawk
10 years ago

All their reasons are bullshit. I was 103, a bit thinner than I used to be due to the abuse and constant mindfuckery he was putting me through. So, yeah, total bullshit.

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago

“May they roll all of Chump Nation’s baby weight up Sisyphus’s hill in their special circle of hell.”

Simply awesome, CITS!

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

You know, I seriously told my ex before divorce was final, that if he really wanted to throw it down I would throw it down with him, and it wouldn’t be pretty.

You say I gained weight? Well you were awful at performing sexually, because apparently constantly jerking off to porn and having group sex with your AP’s sort of kills the normal sex drive.

You say I shouldn’t tell what you did and that what I said here is false? Well we can issue interrogatories you have to answer under oath, and we will be deposing you and your affair partners. I literally told my ex that my lawyer said that the cheaters go nuts when they have to testify under oath identifying all the times they cheated, where and with whom, how many were present (my ex liked group sex), whether he used condoms, monies he spent on them, etc. I also told him it’s hard to lie nowadays with the electronic trail left by almost every transaction. Oh and if you lie, it’s perjury. I thought the court would also be fascinated to learn he wanted to marry one of his AP’s with whom he had group sex, and who he brought into our home along with his other group sex AP, when I and our children were present (“family friends”).

He skittered away like the cockroach he is.

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
10 years ago

Chumps need to quit being chumps. We own our own shit too easily; it’s like a reflex or something. Quit making it easy for them. Learn to deny, deny, deny. There’s no crime in that for heaven’s sake, you’re not under oath. They bring the claim you said something anonymously? PROVE IT.

PROVE IT. Where’s the evidence that that was me? Swear out an affidavit that you have me keylogged and provide PROOF. Swear out an affidavit that you are tapping my cellphone and provide recordings. PROOF.

What I say is not a crime. What you DO might very well be.

Oh, you have no proof? You just recognize yourself so explicitly in the posting? Well, OK, prove that you’re the sleezeball mentioned in the post. Confess all your tacky sins in a sworn affidavit so the legal system will take you seriously, because I DENY IT. It wasn’t me that said those things, so that couldn’t have been you. It’s just a coincidence.

And if you manage to get that far, then prove how my detailing those events actually damaged you, you cheater. Can’t get a date anymore? What is this? It’s bullying and harassment, that’s what it is.

Glad is the only person I can think of, with her ex’s videos, that could be in a dicey situation. But even then, those videos should be exhibit A in any action, and I pity the judge that would be called upon to take those seriously. Come on. He posted them himself! How is her spreading the word anything but helping him advertise himself?

Yesterday, I posted details of the ex’s farce of a wedding. I didn’t crash the wedding, and I didn’t break into his house and look at his album. I didn’t post the pictures which were freely available on the web. If he were to discover the post and make an issue of it, he’s going to get my biggest passive/aggressive innocent smile while I deny it. That would drive him crazy. Which is karma.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
10 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

Yeah, that worries me a little, but I actually never posted any links to any of his bizarre videos. Other chumps found them on their own. And my ex WANTS to be really famous, so I think I actually did him a favor, got him traffic!

Diana L
Diana L
10 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

Denying it in court could get you in trouble if it’s true.

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
10 years ago
Reply to  Diana L

Fear of getting into trouble is what gets chumps into trouble. We own our shit, crumble, and make the bloody case for them. Fuck that. You are under no obligation to incriminate yourself. That’s constitutional, I believe.

The person making the claim has the obligation to prove it. As in provide proof. Evidence. Don’t make it easy for them by admitting it. If you can’t think of a denial in terms of non-admission rather than a lie, then practice your best Hillary Clinton: “I don’t see any evidence of that” Everybody knew that $100,000 cattle futures trade wasn’t first timer’s luck, but there was no evidence of her direct involvement and because she was shrewd enough not to buy into any presumption of guilt, she got off.

Louise
Louise
10 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

The Fifth Amendment allows you not to incriminate yourself in a potential criminal prosecution, and I have seen it raised in divorce cases but, unless cyber-stalking has occurred, cannot normally be raised in this context. In my experience, judges do not give a damn about what you write unless it has a bearing on your ability to be a functioning parent. In other words, no threats of physical harm, etc. The biggest no-no is the threat to estrange the children from their other parent. NEVER put that kind of anger in writing . Venting anonymously? Ain’t nobody got time for that, especially overworked judges.

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
10 years ago
Reply to  Louise

Thanks, Louise — I was thinking more along the lines of a harassment type lawsuit than a current divorce action. So I’d like to add: Chumps: If you’ve been posting here, especially anonymously, and your divorce is on going and especially if kids are involved, you should back up and examine your cybersecurity, because if they do have proof of where you go on the internet, that can be used against you. I’m thinking about the woman I read about who lost custody because she played Farmville too much. And even that gal yesterday – ‘nic’, who was contemplating leaving a bad situation before any legal action started – was her husband being solicitous because he cares or staying close to keep her monitored? If you’re paranoid, there might be a reason!

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
10 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

This 1000Xs!!!

We chumps do fall for the bluster too easily. That’s because at our core we’re nice people. We naturally follow the rules, so if someone implies that we have broken rules and that they will sue us for doing so, we back down.

Chumps should stop, take a breath and realize, no, we broke no rules. As long as we tell the truth they can’t hurt us.

Sure they can sue. You can sue a mud puddle for being muddy, but it doesn’t mean you will win. If you can afford the $$, tell them to go for it, sue. Then go on the offense, bury their lying ass in evidence, depositions and such. Make THEM blink first.

I hate whiny ass cheaters with a passion. You lie and cheat? Be a grown up and own it.

Jerseygirl
Jerseygirl
10 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

Heh heh. Good one, Chumpalicious.

Prove it. I love it. Fucking PROVE it, asshole.

Love it.

NAWSbrat
NAWSbrat
10 years ago

Chumplady, I adore your and this community’s truth telling every day. Coming here to read tells me I am *not* crazy, I was dealing with a person who creates crazy. It’s been seven years now, and I still question my sanity at rare low times. This site is like fresh air and sunshine to clear out those remaining cobwebs. You go, go, go!

Lisa in Joisey
Lisa in Joisey
10 years ago

The lengths these assholes will go to manage their impression is astounding! If they spent half that energy being decent people, well they wouldn’t have to worry, would they? My ex wanted to come “see the children” while I was at work, and instead stole and copied my journal to use in court. He never showed up for our divorce, so I was the lucky one. I guess he never found anything in there to use against me.

Yes, stand your ground, indeed!

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  Lisa in Joisey

THIS..YES…
If they spent Even HALF the time trying to be a Decent Person as they Did being an Asshole, There’d be NO Problem to Speak of…
I’ve said that before, Myself…almost Word for Word.

Michael
Michael
10 years ago

I like it,,,,,,,, a swift boot in the ass,,,,, nothing wrong with CL going militant on the doosh bag,,,,,,, its priceless 🙂

Jerseygirl
Jerseygirl
10 years ago

Remember, everyone – it’s always all about them, right? The good, the bad, and the ugly. Narcs coming to this site is like that approach/avoidance conflict – I can’t resist reading about something to do with ME, but…wait, wait…they are trashing me! What?! How dare they! I’ll make them pay!
Pathetic, sad, pitiable losers. They are fucking cartoon characters. Right, ChumpLady?!
Way to bring on the smackdown. Bullies suck, and cowards that they REALLY are? Look ’em in the eye, and say, NO MORE, ASSHOLE. No fucking more.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
10 years ago
Reply to  Jerseygirl

I know! They’d better be glad we don’t:
1) post their affair on FaceBook (as my friend did)
2) Take out a craigslist ad to sell all their stuff while they’re away with their schmoopie (as one BS did, it made the news)
3) Make house “for sale” signs that say how they cheated and now we need a quick sale (as another BS did, it also made the news)
4) Tell your boss
5) Have our lawyer go after any squandered marital funds
the list goes on

Anonymous blog posts? Count your blessings.

ThatGirl
ThatGirl
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

“Anonymous blog posts? Count your blessings.”

Exactly!

They are sooo full of themselves that they think that they can screw around, treat you like shit, gas light, spend all the money and god knows what else – and you should not be bitter and forgive them. You should not part your lips and say not a syllable that is unkind about or to them.

The fact that they don’t immediately grasp that in light of what you listed above, cheaters should be happy that unkind words are the ONLY thing a BS does is, well…a little shocking actually. The NERVE of cheaters…the mind just wobbles.

Drew
Drew
10 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Can I go back and sell my house!?! Number 3 was brilliant. I should have put FOR SALE ex husband no longer wishes to pay the mortgage on his family home as he has run off with his racquetball player whore. Thank You to the family court judge who granted my divorce on the day we married. I like thinking NOW I have an anniversary to CELEBRATE. Yeah my ex is big time trying to control the narrative. He is a bully but nothing pisses someone off more than someone who fucks you over personally and financially. Bring it on!

Michael
Michael
10 years ago
Reply to  Jerseygirl

ITS ALWAYS ABOUT THEM !!!! Yes yes yes oh my fucking God yes !

jinx
jinx
10 years ago

Don’t quit telling the truth. This is a great source in one neat little package, a library of the absurd things cheaters do and say! Cheaters really do suck and it is all about control and image.

thensome
thensome
10 years ago

Hi McCheaterpants,

I wish I could tell you apart from the hundreds and thousands of other cheaters on this site but like CL says, you aren’t all that special, clever or unique. Oh I get that you think you are. I do. Your specialness cannot be defined. And sure, I understand how all this cheating business might look kinda badly on you. Geeze who wants to be thought of as a cheater but you know what? – you are a cheater! Fancy that.

Oh sure, I know, I know…I don’t “REALLY” get it. If I did I’m sure I’d pour you a drink and we’d bitchfest about that nasty ex of yours. We’d talk about how she/he sure did not get you and your specialness. How you felt unappreciated and all that. And yeah, weight gain. I get it. Well, not really but let’s pretend. I know you like the pretend game because you play it very well. You pretend to be a person of integrity and moral outrage all the while cheating. Have I got that pretend game right? I hope so because I’d hate to be threatened by you but then again, you cheaters also like the threat game.

Behave or else!! – that’s the one rule I know about the threat game. Have I got that one correct?

Well, McCheaterpants it’s been a good time writing to you. I hope you call up your lawyer and rant and rave about the injustice of it all, maybe set a court date and all that. Maybe you could stalk all of us who just don’t seem sophisticated enough to get it . That would be swell, cause nothing says I’m a great person than a cyberstalker and a threat to take useless legal action.

But before I go one more thing. How about you leave your ex alone? Why not pay up and exit stage left? Why not do the right thing (for a change) and admit you were weak and pathetic and do something to change your life for the better? A start might be to stop with the unnecessary legal petitions and another might be to jump off a cliff without a parachute.

Have a super special day!

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  thensome

Oh..YES.. THIS !!! 🙂

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
10 years ago

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”–Anne Lamott

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

Yes, but history is written by the victors–and cheaters believe they’ve “won”.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
10 years ago

They don’t all believe they’ve “won”. If they did, they wouldn’t be so adamant about keeping the truth quiet.

Fuck ’em all. I say whatever I want to whomever asks me; I like knowing my X dies a little more inside when the rest of the world looks at him like the turd that he is. 🙂

Psyche
Psyche
10 years ago

Love this, Rumblekitty! CL, it would be a great quote for the book 🙂

namedforvera
namedforvera
10 years ago

This sucks. Thanks for the rallying cry!

Many years ago I worked at at shelter for Battered Women and their Children. It was the only one in Massachusetts that took adolescent mothers and their kids; hence it didn’t take any state money. And it’s still open, amazing.

Part of the procedure for coming in to the shelter involved making sure no one was following you. Never giving out the address (D’oh!) and a whole host of other tactics.

Because, you know there was a documented history of batterers showing up at shelters around the city, and either harassing or murdering the women in hiding. Or kidnapping the kids. Et Cetera.

But even through all that, those women were both terrified, and so damned tough. They were not going to let that violence define their lives, or their kids lives. Period. No more kicks with steel toed boots. No more getting your teeth smashed out while your kids watched. Especially the last part. They knew it was essential to get their kids to a better place.

I’ve often thought back to my time their as I climb out of my slimepit. They inspire me–I know it’s a cliche, but they do.

They might inspire all of us (and I know we have battered women among us).

We have the strength to tell these monsters to fuck the hell off.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

When my mom was in a shelter, it wasn’t just the violence that was a potential problem–it was the fuckers who had shown up with or sent flowers. “Oh baby, I’ll never do that again, I’m sooooo sorry, anything you say baby, I PRAW-mise.”

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
10 years ago

The mindfuckery and promises is no different than what cheaters do, that’s how you end up in false reconciliation. If anyone should understand why it is difficult to get out of an abusive relationship, chumps should. And of course some of us had both types of abuse to deal with. When I saw my ex wanted to kill me I went full Jedi master on his ass. I became relentless in saving myself from him and I have never felt a bit of remorse or guilt over that. If that bastard ever threatened me over a post here I would be the one calling the police and busting him for harassment and stalking.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Out of the Fog had a good visual about the cycle of abuse–http://outofthefog.net/CommonBehaviors/AbusiveCycle.html

It’s called “hoovering”–the perp sucks it all up when the victim declares his/her independence from the perp. It doesn’t last.

liningupducks
liningupducks
10 years ago

This post is great, CL. In true chumpy fashion, I tend to succomb to fear too easily, and “give in” too quickly, to my bullying ex’s mindfuckery tactics. Listening to you lay the smack down really helps. Someday, I want my own inner voice to have more of your courageous tone. The more I hear you and other posters talk this way, the more I learn that it’s possible for me to be strong myself. I’m hoping it’s like a muscle or a habit – the more I do it, the stronger I get.

Doop
Doop
10 years ago

Standing ovation from Doop-ville!
When I think of bullies, I remember this:
http://youtu.be/bSGXe-x-E9g

Doop
Doop
10 years ago
Reply to  Doop

Dammit, not the 40 minute david frost interview, but this classic from Mommie Dearest.

Don’t fuck with me fellas!!! This ain’t my first time at the rodeo.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooSHVPKkY9o

Jamberry
Jamberry
10 years ago

Chump Lady, another fantastic smack down! How interesting that cheaters explain the affairs were “a small wrinkle” to the spouse and then lose their shit when the spouse tells others about the “small wrinkle”. Mindfucking hypocrites.

Mehphista
Mehphista
10 years ago

Cheaters are damned with their own testimony-how many of us found out, rather than being told? Thank you FB…..

So, I might get sued for pointing out that Mr Fab is abusive, eh? Bring it. By his FB convos with the Downgrade, it can easily be deduced that they each downed a bottle of vodka and screwed each ther silly while I was out of town working, and DD was asleep down the hall.

So far, so out of court. Mr Fab’s accusations are just bluster, PR patching, image management. In any case, most of what I have written here is out of concern for DD. And Mr Fab still goes on about not getting enough ‘respect’.

Want respect? Be respectable. Be respectful.

So sorry to call you Mr Fab, and vent a little. That is nothing compared to him giving myself and DD PTSD, instigating her self-harm, insomnia, AIDS test for Mehphista, attempted extortion, blackmail, you name it, he has tried it.

And will always fail.

Chump Nation, you keep me strong!

Red
Red
10 years ago

Because killing the messenger solves everything, right?

How about BEHAVE YOURSELF so there IS no message?

These idiots drive me nuts…

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

Yea, well See.. short of Murdering All of his Children He lied about Being a daddy to by Multiple Women… There’s No Erasing THAT Shit… DENY Em..Sure…Make em Vanish ??? NO. See Certain things He WILL live with for the Rest of his Pathetic Life. He’ll ALWAYS be Running like the Coward he is.

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Red

If cheaters fuck in a forest, and nobody posts it on Facebook, was it really an affair?

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago

LOL…
UMMM..YEA.

This Chump medicated for your protection
This Chump medicated for your protection
10 years ago

Not if it were twu lub !

Just ask them.

Kammie
Kammie
10 years ago

Ha! Mine insists it WAS NOT AN AFFAIR! because it was only online.

Never mind that he called her his real-life girlfriend, “worked” late for hours so he could stay online with her, spent half our life savings on his “private chats” and had all THREE of his ICs plus an MC tell him unequivocally that is was indeed infidelity and the very definition of an affair.

Sick of HER Chump
Sick of HER Chump
10 years ago

LMAO!!! Awesome Chump in the Sand. I’m using that one!

Red
Red
10 years ago

My XH doesn’t have ANY social media accounts, so apparently, nothing happened…

Mehphista
Mehphista
10 years ago

LOL, CITS!!

Nat
Nat
10 years ago

Awesome post, ChumpLady!

And here’s a cyber karate kick to the cheater fuckwit’s faces! Hiyaa!!

ChumpedTwice
ChumpedTwice
10 years ago

Bravo!!!

young
young
10 years ago

what if such postings could harm you custody-wise if a judge thinks that such postings could “harm” the children (because they might be exposed to those postings in the future)?

Louise
Louise
10 years ago
Reply to  young

Judges hear so much bullshit in custody cases that, for the most part, they do not care about some intangible future “threat” of exposure to an anonymous blog. Laws vary from state to state, but generally, something has to be going on to harm the child now; it must be a real, not speculative risk of harm. Remember, day in and day out, judges hear so many legitimate horror stories- physical and sexual abuse, horrendous neglect, drug addiction. Some cheater complaining about his spouse anonymously saying mean things about him on the internet is not a blip on the court’s radar, or if it is raised, is viewed as a vindictive waste of time, and handled accordingly.

Where people get in trouble is making actual threats about physical harm or posting things that lead to a resonable fear of harm. That is cyber-stalking and will get you arrested. And, as I’ve said before, never threaten to interfere with the child’s relationship with the other parent, no matter what a douche bag your ex is; just don’t go there. Unfortunately, this is where alot of people run into problems.

Kara
Kara
10 years ago
Reply to  young

Courts only care about what can pose an immediate threat to the health and safety of the children. This is how cheaters who drag their kids around the AP and all that mindfuckery still get custody. The potential for the kid to see the posting sometime in the future is not an immediate threat, and the result of the child seeing the post is a nebulous, undefineable thing because it’s invoking the unknown. You don’t know how, or at what age, the “child” would or could be when they saw the posts, and as several of us have mentioned, a lot of these stories and a lot of cheaters are very similar so there’s no guarantee that the child would even connect the posts to their own parent.

Aside from that, how would seeing some anonymous internet comment more severely effect a child than the real life ramifications of infidelity?

Internet postings made anonymously are not grounds to revoke custody rights.

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago

Love, love, love the way you write CL.
In homage to your previous job at the Weekly Mail how about a new t shirt showcasing the Weakly Male? (female version awaits your brilliance Chump Nation.)
It could be redacted statements such as,
“I’m a _______ father.”
“I’m a ________ partner”
“I’m a ________lover”
“I’m a ______ provider”
Etc…. just a thought. Speaking the truth sans sparkles.

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

Sorry read, not worked at. My reading skills need some work. Speaking of work, I got the job I wanted! Just got the call. It’s been a tough patch since I moved but am reconnecting with my fierce and finding my fuck you again. The strength found from this site is helping me move to a new and better meh. God bless.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

You rock 4evertrue! congrats!

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Thanks Datdamwuf. Crazy that a different co worker contacted me today. We were friends and used to live a mile from each other and car pooled some.
He now knows the truth. He never liked “that backstabbin’ bitch” much anyway. He doesn’t work there anymore but still talks to a few people. He’s a bit of a gossip.

Sick of HER Chump
Sick of HER Chump
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

Congrats 4evertrue! That’s great news!

Mehphista
Mehphista
10 years ago

Maseltov! Now send me some of that get-a-job magic, wouldja?

Job application 250 and counting.

current chump
current chump
10 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Congrats 4evertrue! I need some of that luck too…Once I get a job it’s so long shitbag & me & the kiddo are moving out. YAY!

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Thanks Sick of her and Mehphista. So looking forward to it! About 250/300 is about right. Good luck and Hang in there!
When I was going thru my outward inflicted drama a cube mate (who was privy to conversations I had with my very considerate work mate) cheated on her husband with a golf buddy of his. She would ask my advice even after I asked her to not discuss this with me. He committed suicide. She absolutely gloated at her getting the house and all with no splitting of assets.
She cried to other co workers when I said I would not attend the poor man’s mass. My boss suggested that I go. I did. Then she put in for a job I was almost guaranteed after the post period because she “needed” it. She boo hooed her way to the top.
I quit when they gave her hockey tix so she could take me to the game and tell me she got the job I never even knew she’d tried for. Then I moved away. Not to sound paranoid but once you have had the unfortunate experience of a narc you see them everywhere.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

Holy shit. What a total whore in all aspects. Gawd. SO GLAD you got yourself away from her toxicity.

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
10 years ago

“The truth will set you free”

Translation – We Chumps – WE will find freedom and peace. You cheaters and lying whores? You will be in chains forever. YOU lied, and the consequences are your own.

Your attempts to control the outcome you created will fail. And you will suffer. The only question is when. So look over your shoulders….it’s coming. And it will suck. And nobody will be left to pity you. It’s called consequences.

BloomingRoseinWinter
BloomingRoseinWinter
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

THIS 🙂

painauxraisins
painauxraisins
10 years ago

Just by precaution I’m going to change my display name just in case… Nat here is now pain aux raisins (my favorite French pastry!).

I hope it worked…

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  painauxraisins

Are you aware that if we click on your name, it goes to your pinterest site? That’s because the link to your pinterest site in on the website field when you comment. If you’re ok with that, that’s fine, but I just wanted to let you know just in case you didn’t realize it.

painauxraisins
painauxraisins
10 years ago

Yes, thanks Chump in the Sand! 🙂

Kay H
Kay H
10 years ago

Great post!

If you don’t want someone to know what you did, then don’t do it. I need that stamped on my forehead when I deal with Asshat.

I got the ‘I’m going to sue you for writing about me’ speech. After I got up off the floor from laughing, I said to go ahead. Everything I wrote was the truth and perhaps we should go to court and I could line up some witnesses. Shockingly he backed down and I haven’t heard a peep about libel.

Hawk
Hawk
10 years ago
Reply to  Kay H

I said the same thing to my cheater about getting witnesses when he told me to stop talking or he would sue. He didn’t mention it again. Keep standing your ground. It isn’t our job to cloak their dirty deeds. I’ll tell whomever I want to tell.

painauxraisins
painauxraisins
10 years ago
Reply to  Kay H

Good for you, Kay!! I love it!

Drew
Drew
10 years ago

When I receive my last “alimony” payment I will be putting my entire story into a letter to address all legislators in the State of California. I will address family court reform. Narc cheating spouses dissipate family assets and in my case my ex was a peace officer working for the State. I think if you make enough money you should not be allowed to walk out on paying a mortgage. I was scared of my ex but I also knew his secrets gave me leverage in getting the marital settlement hammered out. My lawyer sure as hell didn’t know what was going on and Ex’s lawyer had no idea who he was representing. I think it’s important to know exactly how your family imploded and to use that info to further your family’s best interests.

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
10 years ago

Yes, my “prince” tried very hard to control the “spin” post D-day. And I was still too “in love” and blameshifting to say much publicly. Even domestic OW called me (isn’t that special?) after SHE discovered that she was the OTHER other woman (LOL) and advised me NOT to “cover for him, or try to make him look better to the kids”; she actually gave me the whole boo-hoo story about her cheating dad; how her mom had tried to spackle for him – I guess as some freaky excuse for why she (married w/2 kids; ho-worker to exH) had been cheating with my husband for 4 years. Ummm, ok?

It was funny actually; I didn’t say much, but it all caught up in time…IRS agents, re-po guy, and county prosecutor all showed up at his former place of employement looking for him and OW to serve papers (:) – he was VERY respected in his career…snort. Then the foreign OW found pictures of him with me and the kids (wearing his wedding ring) online after he told her we were divorced. Oops. And then my crazy, delusional ex MIL found out he’d been lying to her too – after she found out accidentally that she had TWO grand-children instead of one; he kinda forgot to tell her about that second child…oh, and that we weren’t divorced, we were still married. He dug himself that hole.

So, these crazy, lying cheaters pretty much do their own damage; it takes longer than we’d like (about 4 years in my case); but it does catch up to them. They simply CANNOT hold it together, and be truthful people with integrity. Just this month, he bought a fancy, expensive house, which is now public record for those IRS and child support types to find..so I’ll sit back and enjoy the show. He actually has a four year cycle – it’s creepy nuts – he has moved every four years since he was 18. I’ve figured that’s how long it takes for truth, karma, and the bullshit to catch him. He’s been in the current spot about 2 year now….tick. tock.

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
10 years ago

Oh, and as far as the cheaters thinking any particular post is about them?

We’ve all laughed about how UNoriginal these fools are – I can just see one of them trying to tell a judge, “See this post about baby weight gain and being ignored for a new baby is all about me…” and the judge saying, “So which of the 3,468 posts about the VERY SAME CRAZY CHEATER SHIT is your ex’s? LOLOLOLOLOL…..

Kelly
Kelly
10 years ago
Reply to  ReDefiningMe

Hahahahahaha!

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

This!!!

My Knight in Shining Dysfunction
My Knight in Shining Dysfunction
10 years ago

Best. Post. Ever. Soo thoroughly entertaining, although I am sorry to hear the douchebags are becoming even more of a headache…

Mehphista
Mehphista
10 years ago

I think more harm is done by spackling, young. I wrestled with this for a long time, feeding DD the bromide that “Your Dad loves you.”. Things only got better for DD when I stopped validating his image and started validating her thoughts and feelings. Which are a result of Mr Fab placing his dick higher up the list of life priorities than his daughter, and pretending for years that he was something he was not.

What harm have I done Mr Fab in pointing out his abusiveness here? It is not like I have put him on a ‘name and shame’ site, taken an ad in the New York Times, or taken him to court……

But I take your point-what harm does it do DD if she sees what I write here, or what might that imply for custody.? As to the former-none, hence the snappy pseudonyms. I guess it would be a risk, if she were younger, but there does come a point where kids get to vote with their feet. There is also a distinct difference between parental alienation (now, thankfully widely discredited) which I could be accused of, perhaps tangentially with my posts here as evidence. But on the other side, there is estrangement. At that point, actions matter. I think my venting on a blog with like-minded people who have had all-too-similar experiences is pretty harmless, stacked up against screwing your kid’s aunt, moving in with her within six months of DDay, gaslighting the kid, refusing to acknowledge the pain he caused Dd-we are talking suicidal ideation and self-harm, here. All documented by therapists, emails and lawyers.

If Mr Fab sees himself in this post, and that hurts his feelings enough for him to come after me, well then boo-fuckity-hoo. He will do that anyway. He’s a wingnut. Two years on, and he is saying his cheating was my fault? As Stephen Fry would say, “Arse-gravy .”

To whichever Mighty Member of Chump Nation whose experience prompted this excellent post-know this. Trolling you is the best he can do? That’s playground shit. You have already won, because you have made it to this place.

love to all,

Meh.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Standing ovation, Mephista. That was just freakin brilliant.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

Grrr. No edit function. *Mehphista*

4evertrue
4evertrue
10 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Permission please to borrow the phrase, “boo-fuckity-hoo”.

Mehphista
Mehphista
10 years ago
Reply to  4evertrue

I got it from CL!

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago

Notice we are currently troll-free? Whoohooo!

nomar
nomar
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

“Monsanto makes a product.”

I think it’s called “Troll-ocaust.”

Chump in the Sand
Chump in the Sand
10 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Now if only we could get one for cheaters…

Lee Ann
Lee Ann
10 years ago

My XH obviously doesn’t care since he uses his picture on adult dating sites such as adultfriendfinder and citysex. He uses a different user name than his own name, but it’s his picture and he is paying for the right to be there because he is a gold member so who gives a flying fuck if I am telling “our” story on theses pages? The one thing we could always count on in our relationship was that I was the one who told the truth and he was the one who lied. If he wishes to take me to court for telling the truth, so be it. I have proof of everything that I put out there. And I can’t help it if the OW that he is presently living with is so stupid that she doesn’t follow his whereabouts online since I warned her about these very things because he did the same to me. If these fucktards care so much about what people think about them, STAY AT HOME WHERE YOU BELONG! Oh wait … I forgot … the rules don’t apply to you until you get caught with your britches down.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  Lee Ann

He uses his actual photo on adult dating sites? Of which he is a gold member? And he’s concerned about you tarnishing his public image? Good gravy, Marie.

anotherchump
anotherchump
10 years ago

Beautiful post. Indeed the truth shall set us free. When NPD cheaters get us take part in their spin games, we are totally powerless. When we bring our stories to light and share them with others, they lost their power. Mine completely lost it when I finally started telling the truth and he realized he couldn’t spin it or stop me. And that was the day I was finally really free.

Mehphista
Mehphista
10 years ago

Trolls can’t handle daylight, after all…

Kay Harris
Kay Harris
10 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Ha. That’s a good one.

TwinsDad
TwinsDad
10 years ago

I wouldn’t be surprised at all if my fuckwit STBXW and her BF were looking for posts from me about them online. Before we settled BF came to my divorce support group to try to bully the counselor into giving info about me and whom else was in the group. FW STBXW absolutely HATED that I was getting emotional support and telling my story and making new friends in the process. She also played the “it will get back to our children if you tell” card on many occasions. What a POS.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
10 years ago
Reply to  TwinsDad

I’m sorry to hear this, too, TwinsDad. That takes triangulating to a whole new level of sickness, and so invasive to you as you try to heal! As for her worrying about the effect on the kids, she shoulda thought of that before she chumped you.

God, these stories just make me so fucking mad!