Dating Disaster Stories, Anyone?

baddateBy popular request, today’s Fun Friday challenge is to relate your worst dating story. You can’t “gain a life” without a certain amount of pratfalls, and what’s more awkward than dating?

I do hope this contest, however, does not have the unintended effect of making chumps stay in dreadful relationships, thinking “better the Devil you know.” Look, it’s one bad date. A single day! Unlike being shackled to a cheater for the rest of your life. Keep it in perspective. You have to swipe right on a lot of frogs.

The best bad date story I know belongs to a friend. Her date was a fellow she knew from a think tank. She knew he was nerdy, what she did not know was that he did monthly reports on his life, complete with CHARTS. He told her this over their dinner. He had categories. Social life. Career. Family. Charitable giving. Sex. And every day he would come home and RANK the day, so he could chart his progress.

And that might’ve been just odd, except that, according to my friend, he acted totally shocked that SHE DIDN’T DO IT TOO!

“How do you know if you’re making any PROGRESS?!”

But that wasn’t the crazy thing that stuck with her, and made this story famous in our circle.

She said, “He ranked it all to the second decimal point.”

Thus was born the Decimal Date.

Your turn.

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chumplisa
chumplisa
7 years ago

Oh I like this one! While I did eventually meet an amazing man online I had to go through a lot of bad dates. The worse was this guy I met for lunch. I was waiting outside and across the street I saw someone who resembled him but 30 pounds heavier. I prayed to myself “please don’t let him be my date” and of course he was, especially given that I was less than year D Day and things just were not going my way at this point in life. Oh and he had on a Hawaiian shirt and of course more facial hair than in the profile… gawd I hate facial hair and Hawiaan shirts… so much that I put it in my profile later “No Hawaiian shirts or facial hair” yet I digress. So we go in and he proceeds to tell me about the 6 year long affair he had on his wife! No insight, no remorse. Then he tells me he got fired from his last job for watching internet porn while at work! I guess he had one good quality and that was honesty… or maybe it was just stupidity.

conniered
conniered
7 years ago
Reply to  chumplisa

When I WAS on dating sites, I put on m profile that I was separated/divorced because my husband cheated so no need for cheaters to apply. You will not like me I assure you. It won’t be a good date. I actually had men private message me often about “good for you!” and sadly sharing they were in the same boat.

Schmetterling
Schmetterling
7 years ago
Reply to  conniered

I have not been brave enough to even think about dating again. I’m so mistrusting, thinking that EVERY MAN is always just an inch away from cheating at any unpredictable time. I learned that no matter what I do I have no control over these cheating assholes. If they want to do it they do it. My pick me dance was beyond lame, I like so many here pulled from every register I had and at the end of the day it made no difference. At this point I’m thinking most men will be seeking it out or having an opportunity presented to them will bait, no matter what wife does at home and how good they actually have it. I hope I will be able to revise my thinking about men (not a men hater just very untrusting) and hope so much that there are more decent men out there than I tend to believe at the moment. But if I ever go on a dating website, I will remember what you put in there and it hopefully takes the wind out of their sail for cheaters even to respond. I hated it so much when my STBX would put separated on his Match.com profile, that was when I first started snooping and I had no idea we were separated. We were still very much legally married doing what married people do.
Lying Assholes !!!

Schmetterling
Schmetterling
7 years ago
Reply to  Schmetterling

Not excluding the male population being cheated on. I know women cab be as character disordered as men and definitely have the potential as well to do the damage.

Lothos
Lothos
7 years ago
Reply to  chumplisa

To early in the morning to laugh this hard!

divorcinganarcissistblog
divorcinganarcissistblog
7 years ago
Reply to  chumplisa

hey at least he warned you right up front so you didnt have to uncover that one 5 years later!!!

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago

I know! Most of these dates reveal their crazy very early on. I’d rather know right away. The sooner the better.

sublimefair
sublimefair
7 years ago
Reply to  chumplisa

See? Watch out — so many men use dates for free therapy.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
7 years ago
Reply to  sublimefair

Ha ha free therapy! I went on a date with a psychologist and we both happily talked about our childhoods for the whole meal.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  chumplisa

Woah! No red flags there!

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago
Reply to  chumplisa

no!!!!! he didn’t.

I have not commenced dating yet but am toying with the idea. Challenged with the knowledge that my cheater only ever dated two women and married both of us, I intended to have a good look at what is out there before making any decisions.

but I think todays thread is going to give me a lot to think about.

Please bring your best CN and educate a yet to date chump.

otos
otos
7 years ago

Hi All, I can’t resist sharing my worst date story. In one word, shitty.

I met my date at a local watering hole for a glass of wine one snowy evening. After an hour or so of chatter, I learned that he had never been in a truly full relationship. They had all been with younger troubled and needy women. He did not speak of them in a disparaging way, just some paternalistically.

Suddenly, he turned to me and said, “I want to f*** you up the a**”. Then again, ” I want to f*** you up the a** without a condom”. Then he opened his mouth and kind of waggled his tongue at me. Gross!!! Now, most people I related this story to asked if I abruptly stood up, called him a total jerk and left. But I couldn’t resist asking him why he would say that to me. I got a long explanation about how he could only experience sexual satisfaction when engaging in extremes. His trade for taking care of these women who had been in his life was for them to take care of him. Essentially, this was one pretty depressed guy. Really, I felt sorry for him. One very sad sausage. Needless to say, we never met again.

Danna
Danna
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Omg ! What an asshat ! ONE of my many first date disasters was the time I met a woman for coffee by a Starbucks. First, she was at least 40 lbs heavier than her pictures. Not the slim girl in her pictures. She didn’t want to go to that Starbucks, insisted on walking to one a few blocks away. No problem, says I. We had walked about a half a block and she’s already holding my hand and talking about how much fun we’ll have on our second date! I felt like the cat in the Pepe LePew cartoons. Being polite, I hung in and made polite chit chat for an hour, before I made my escape. Heading home she was texting me, asking when we would be going out again. Confidence and being upfront is good. Extremely needy, not so good.

There was also the transvestite who forgot to tell me he was a transvestite. Or the one told me she was looking for a man that would buy her a BMW. And that was pretty much the only thing she managed to say in intelligible English. There actually is more. Lol.

KeepNarcsAway
KeepNarcsAway
7 years ago
Reply to  Danna

LOL! These stories sound familiar (based on the online date guys I met). Tell us more, Dan!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Otos, that is the difference between chumps and affair partners. They are actually flattered by comments like “I want to f you” and so on. It’s easy to get dates if you are an unpaid prostitute, like they are.

Raging
Raging
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

So true.. a chump (I know from experience) would think, “this person is probably full of disease if they are so sleazy.. no way I want to go near that”.. That also says “I don’t respect you”.. so now I have a diseased person that thinks I’m a sleazebag like them.. not sexy at all. Call me old fashioned. Speaking of which… what ever happened to building up to sex without talking about it or ordering hot dogs and onion rings so you could act out what you plan on doing later over dinner… wtf..

I could be totally off.. perhaps it goes way back to cavemen times when cave guys would scratch a pic of their dick on the wall of the cave to impress the ladies… I’d have to research that, how many cave drawings are dicks.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

Sometimes I’m still a little bit naive. I just read your comment about onion rings and hot dogs and I’m thinking to myself, “Well, no one is having sex with me whose breath smells of onion rings and hot dogs.” I got through a few more comments, before it clicked. I had to go back and read it again to make sure I got it. I can’t stop laughing.

When I finally do start dating, I pity the guy who innocently orders onion rings and hot dogs. That will be a worst date story for him, “This woman began beating me with my hot dog and smashing onion rings in my face while she screamed that I was a sad sausage.”

otos
otos
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

OMG, Everyone, thanks so much for your awesome responses. Really, it’s hard to know what the best response would be in a situation like this. What a great group you all are with different takes on this sad sausage!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Otos, I think you should introduce your date to PhysicsGals date, they have a great deal in common! ASSES, both of them!

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

I SO respect you for having the presence of mind to ask him WTF… I would have been so shocked that my response would have been stupid.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I would have gone beet red from anger, you know the type that comes up from your toes to your head in an instant.
I’m not a violent person but I like to throw bananas on occasion.
In this case, I would have either tipped the table over on him or at least thrown a glass of red wine straight in his face.
And, wtf – I ain’t picking up the bill!
I’d just walk out and let him pay the damages.

This idiot does not sound one bit sad to me, he sounds absolutely dangerous.

Good grief!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

I will never look at a banana the same way, evah again!!! LOL!

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Thanks for the invite Annie! I’ll spot you!

hehe…actually, George Bush knew how to duck a banana or a shoe.
Most folks aren’t that quick.
I give that to George for one thing he knew how to do.

Heck, I AM sorry for throwing anything at all, but I got so frustrated at times, it was the only thing handy to get his attention and I’m not proud of it. He never threw anything at me.

I chalk it up to Chinese-Water torture.
He slowly worked away at me until I hit him in the head with a banana because, from a few meters/yards away, he wasn’t quick enough at his old age to deflect it. Hey – just offering lunch. And, never hit him in the ear or the nose or the eye! More at his chest. When he threw me out of his office, yep, I used my strong legs to take every computer off our duel desks as he had my hands fassened behind my back.
Yeah, asshole, don’t ever do that again!
He must have been afraid of me that my arms might have done more damage than my legs.

Man, those were really awful d-days! Don’t wish them on anybody.

Not that I’ll ever date again, but I would make it clear that if they piss me off…watch out, or I’ll throw fruit and granola at them.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

I can’t stop laughing. If I’m ever sitting in a bar and see a banana go flying across the room, I’ll now know to turn and say, “Hey, Shechump, leave the asshole and join me for a drink.”

Kay
Kay
7 years ago

Ha!! Hilarious!

LuckySeven
LuckySeven
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Awful. This is where I get in trouble, too: I would have laughed and either asked why, like you did, or said something flip like “Not unless we’re married and probably not even then” or “Phbbt: NO. You first”, and gone on to the next topic.

What is that called, when I do that? Because I do it all the time, when guys are inappropriate. Just, a) yes I heard what you just said; b) that was weird but I’m not giving you the pleasure of seeing that you “shocked” me, partly because it was less shocking than lame; and c) I’m going to give you a pass right now and let’s see if you flub it again.

To me, it’s always been info gathering. But after reading CL and comments for the last week or so, I’m getting that probably I need to just get up and leave at first sign of this junk.

On topic (sort of), in HS I had a severe crush on this one guy; one afternoon in class I overheard one of his best friends doing that dicky thing some guy best friends often do. He says to my crush, loudly enough to humiliate, “Hey ____: I want you to bend me over and f*** me in the a** as hard as you can.”

The language (in front of me, a female), and the intent to humiliate (in general), pissed me off. At the time I was an absolute knockout, although shy, but in this case I decided to use it. So I coolly walked over to these two, leaned over to the dicky guy best friend, who I’d never spoken to before, and whispered hotly in his ear, [Hey ____: *I* want *you* to bend *me* over, and f*** ME in the a** as hard as *you* can.]

You know. Mirroring. You like that kind of talk? Cool, let *me* try.

That PoS went flame red and dead silent, and never mouthed off in front of me again.

I thought the dicky best friend was reprehensible. But now I think X was a lot like that guy. And I never did get with the crush. Sometimes I think maybe I should look him up.

Raging
Raging
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Damn, I’ll have to stop using the “I want to ** you up the ** line”.. noted.

I do enjoy some of the potential hindsight responses.. I’d go with “right now??, can I finish my wine first?”.

or.. “Great, I’d like to poke you in the eye with a fork afterward..”

or.. “Ah, now all your dating issues and relationship problems are making sense.. you’re super creepy!”

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

ROFLMAO!!! Raging

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

LOL!

conniered
conniered
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

OMG!!! I would have been like “you know you just said that outloud right??”!!!! WTH!!!!

otos
otos
7 years ago
Reply to  conniered

I know, sick, sick, sick. It was pretty shocking. But I couldn’t resist asking him WTF. So very, very sad that one. Let me say to those of you just embarking on dating that I met a lovely man online, and we’ve been together almost five years.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

This is hilarious! and shocking! I can’t stop laughing. Oh my, I’ve just started dating, nothing wild yet, but I guess I better expect it!

JK
JK
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Just, wow! I can’t believe you kept your composure. I would have said, “check please.” I’m glad you didn’t end up alone with him. Kind of scary if you ask me.

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

This is funny, but I know if it had been me I think I would have had a heart attack or I would have stood up and gone bat shit crazy on this loon! I’m sure my facial expression would have said it all no matter what! No poker face here!

Chatty
Chatty
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

And I believe the reply to that one is, “Dude, seriously, get some therapy.”

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Did you date my ex? ?

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Sad sausage? I think I might use some other adjectives. “sick” pops to mind.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

LOL! Ewwww but LOL!

Lyn
Lyn
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

I can’t stop laughing. That’s hilarious but horrible!

Digbert
Digbert
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

Just spent 30 mins typing my story- and then it disappeared, will try again in the morning 🙁 evening here in Oz……

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

// , You can use this to securely re-enter forms.

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/lazarus-form-recovery/

KeepNarcsAway
KeepNarcsAway
7 years ago

Thanks for the suggesting the FF add-on, AC. I’ll test it out. Usually, I copy and paste to Word when I’m composing a longer message, in case the website loses my entry (webmail is notorious for losing parts of the email).

mom3085
mom3085
7 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

maybe the date was so bad it needed to be filtered

divorcinganarcissistblog
divorcinganarcissistblog
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

i would have just asked if he was suffering from Tourette’s…

Current Chump
Current Chump
7 years ago

OMG-I just had a flashback of Amy Poelher as the Tourette’s girl in the Duece Bigalow movie!!!!!!
I don’t know how you didn’t just burst out laughing at that ridiculousness when he said those things to you……..

What a loon he was!

Digbert
Digbert
7 years ago
Reply to  otos

🙂 that is hilarious………

PhysicsGal
PhysicsGal
7 years ago

My date showed up to the pub with a grocery bag filled with pop cans for recycling. He had just had his car taken away for his third DUI,

My other worst bad date, the guy went to the till to pay the bill upon returning he said, “so did you check out my ass?” I replied,” uh, no.” He stormed out before I finished my drink because he wore the pants esp for me because they showcased his ass,

willm999
willm999
7 years ago
Reply to  PhysicsGal

Was he wearing chaps

freescientist71
freescientist71
7 years ago
Reply to  PhysicsGal

Were they assless chaps? If so, I can see why he’d be insulted.

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
7 years ago
Reply to  PhysicsGal

HaHa! Actually, I think that’s a great line if done with a sense of humor by a normal guy. Clearly this guy was serious though!

Supreme Chump
Supreme Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  PhysicsGal

Showcased his ass! I’m dying here laughing so hard!

divorcinganarcissistblog
divorcinganarcissistblog
7 years ago
Reply to  PhysicsGal

oh dear God. sounds a bit Narcissistic to me. the ass pants. you can’t make this shit up

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago

Ass pants!! Hahahaaa! Soon to appear in Vogue magazine!

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago

This was BEFORE I met Mr. Sparkles… which may explain why I thought he was “so perfect”. I met a man through Match and over coffee he proceeded to tell me how his first wife had passed away… and that he was investigated for her murder.

Yup. Can’t make this stuff up.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
7 years ago

No, that was Cheater #1, my first husband. That wasn’t his wife, that was his long term girlfriend. Woke up next to her dead one morning. Had a, ahem, lively chat with the local sheriff. I’m so glad he told you that upfront so, unlike me, you didn’t waste twenty years on his useless ass.

Raging
Raging
7 years ago

“Hey, I”m suspected of murdering my spouse.. how about you?”

Narc small talk.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

Yep, I was a suspect in my wife’s murder, could you pass the salt?

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago

now that is a confidence builder,
please tell me he didn’t lead with that?

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago

Lol, this is outrageous.

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago

Met this guy for coffee. Set up by my friend because she knew him casually and he seemed nice. We were finishing up our coffee and he leans over and says “OK, let’s go to a motel.” I said ” Huh, I don’t even know you! ” He replied in a breezy way, ” Well, you gotta think of it in this way. You’re a big girl, if you want a man in your life you have to put out, you don’t have a choice.”

By then I was pissed. I looked him straight in the eye and told him, “Oh, yes I do, and I’m voting with my feet!” I picked up my purse and walked out. Called up my friend and told her to never, ever, EVER set me up on another date.

Joe Romeo (@Joe_From_Denver)
Joe Romeo (@Joe_From_Denver)
7 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

That makes me completely ashamed of my gender.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
7 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Oooh I had a similar experience. A male friend who thought I was a good catch but was living far away and didn’t want me to go to waste (haha), set me on a date with a tall Algerian professor. I did not suspect the plot, I thought I was sharing a meal with a well educated foreigner who merely wanted company, and we had a friend in common. So I was shocked when the man behaved suddenly as if I was openly looking for a husband and he agreed to organize our wedding next month. I was absolutely mad, left the scene, and he sent me many many emails with self pity and rage.

Just me
Just me
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Did you tell your friend he would need to send your date his goats back? Wonder how he survived the shame of having to return a dowry. WTH?

Raging
Raging
7 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Variations on this theme.. (love the afterthought comebacks)

“You’re a big girl, if you want a man in your life you have to put out, you don’t have a choice”

“I’m going to go look for a man right now..” and walk away.

or

“Why, is there a man in that hotel room? What does he look like, is he hot?” Look perplexed.

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

LOL guys!!!

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago

My friend went on a date with this guy. It was date 3 or 4, he picked her up, as they had dinner reservations at a restaurant. Halfway there, he pulls the car over, and pulls out a brown paper bag and says: “I made some sandwiches. Let’s fill up on these, so we don’t eat too much at dinner.”. My friend weighs 80lbs at most and is tiny. How much food could she have eaten at the restaurant?

SabineSavoy
SabineSavoy
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

Kellia,

RE: Sandwich guy

To me…that is more off off putting than the “up the ass” player above.

Being tight, miserly., preoccupied with every dime spent….this is on the level of bad hygiene, or a criminal history.

I don’t care if your friend was Sumo sized, he can pay for her dinner.

That is one of the “types” I was thinking about when RSW said her in post that perhaps..we may not find someone, and to peddle that starry eyed hope could be misleading.

I have found that some men over a certain age who are single are true misers. Like the lawyer I know (who is single) and has loads of cash, but stops by Sheetz (this is a GAS STATION) and scarfs down two hot dogs there at night for supper, or dinner to SAVE MONEY.

He complains about the cost of all items and he allows his obsession to save a few dollars to ruin almost every experience.

This is something HORRIBLE I am going to write, and I wish it were not true. However, I have observed it too often to not put it out there.

I have observed that as women get older who are on the dating scene, and they are dating men that are available (that sad little pool) that the men are available believe the women should be so happy they are even dating …..that they should be “bargains.”

I hope it is just a nauseating subset of men that both me and my friends have encountered, like a Southern Ebola virus, but I am not sure. If you look on dating sites, most men in their 40s and 50s are searching for 20 and 30 year olds. These “men” are not hot, not remotely so…but have a sense of entitlement that they should be with someone much younger. When they are not with their young fantasy, I think they believe (in their small reptilian brains) that they are settling somehow, when they are with someone their own age, and that they should not have to lavishly “court” the woman, i.e. spend money.

It is my fervent hope that this is NOT the dominant trend, but it is out there.

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  SabineSavoy

Sabina – Lol at being Sumo sized!! Men who don’t have their shit together will usually go for younger women, since they are a bit easier to manipulate. Steve Harvey talks about it in one of his books. There have been much older men who have hit on me, and clearly I’m not interested, but usually the guy is in some sort of a mess, like his finances are a disaster, his personal life is in shambles, something, but their lives are in total disarray. I get very suspicious when much older men hit on younger women. I think it’s been the case throughout history.

LuckySeven
LuckySeven
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

Younger = more fun, more and longer-lasting “eye candy” or “arm candy” potential, and yes, easier to manipulate.

Bonus if they are wealthy, or somewhat favored and from wealthy family, or have aging or sick parents and stand to inherit, *and haven’t any children or mortgage of their own yet to allocate that wealth to*. That’s X’s MO. He is looking for a supplementary trust fund.

I had a flash sense a few months ago, around tax time, after having been NC/LC for almost half a year. By that time I had been apprised that he is living with someone now, who he loves. What I sensed/heard was his sense of sudden excellent fortune:

“I married a full second income.”

Did you? Well. Good for you.

Ah, cheaters.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  LuckySeven

This scares me to death and a reason I have no desire to date.
I know they would only be interested in my assets.
That’s just plain scary in itself, but I earned those assets the hard way.
Just because I’m a single woman with assets, does NOT mean you will ever take advantage of me.
So glad I am now so much wiser, thanks to the Lies Of Conceit, X!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

Not always–my X is very good looking, highly intelligent, and very financially successful. He likes em young, and is apparently sparkling enough to get them (two main APs were each 34 years younger than him).

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  SabineSavoy

And most of those men hungering for 20-30 year olds will die wanking off to Hustler magazines, having lived the remaining years of their life alone and dissatisfied. Many wealthier ones will get their trophy wives and die without a real partner who mourns their passing.

The men with integrity will find high-quality women. The lower-quality men who “settle” for women their own age and think we should be lucky to have them? Vote with your feet.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest,

I wasn’t going to respond to this, but it got the better of me. About a month ago I was interviewing a man who is 60 and very good looking. It turned out that he was being harassed by the husband of the woman he had sex with. She is 30. She is carrying his child. I couldn’t say anything since I was on the job but I so wanted to scream at him, “You fucking idiot! You would not be harassed if you didn’t sleep with other men’s wives, and you could not get them pregnant if you slept with women your own age.”

Jeanm
Jeanm
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I think my 53 yr old grandfather new daddy went for the very 30 yr younger daddy issued, naive, low self esteem, homely, uneducated, part time, ho worker, no car, no family attachment little skank is dumb.
My thought is anyone of my age group would see right through his wicked lies.

LuckySeven
LuckySeven
7 years ago
Reply to  Jeanm

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THIIIIIIIIIIS!!!

Jeanm, I think you nailed it!!

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

Wow, just wow!?

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

That’s even tackier than a friend of mine whose first date took her to Ikea cafeteria. Swedish meatballs, anyone?

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Please dont think me a snob, but on my VERY FIRST DATE this century, I was all dressed up for a conference presentation close to the city and driving my Mercedes and the fellow (ostensibly a professional) I was supposed to have a meet up with got flustered at the last minute running out of ideas and suggested Dunkin’ Donuts…now Im not saying its impossible to meet ones soul mate in a donut shop, but I was just not gonna do that. We found a Starbux which had slightly more charm than dunkin donuts and he let me buy my own coffee. At the end of the date, he called me by some odd pet name he just invented. blech.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I might have preferred IKEA to my date with the broke ass bartender. We went to his place of employment for dinner and sat by the kitchen door. Not ideal for conversation but not a deal breaker. We never ordered. Drinks and food just kind of arrived over the course of an hour or so. Eventually I figure out that he has his friends bringing out stuff from the kitchen for us that they are not ringing up or putting into the system. Yeah, the appetizer table two ordered never arrived because….I unknowingly ate it.

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

that is so wrong.

Deedee
Deedee
7 years ago

Guy plonks three phones on table at dinner.I ask,of course,why three phones, but already seeing a giant red flag waving.
He says,without batting an eyelid,one was for his friends and family,one for his business and one for his sex life.He also revealed he’d had a seven year long affair with a married woman.
I left skid marks in the car park.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

It beats skid marks in your underwear after that remark! LOL! How did you not laugh in his face?

just another chump
just another chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

OMG, you just escaped a meeting with my x!
He used to make a great deal out of the fact he had to use 4 phones. 1 cell and landline for his business, 1 cell and landline for personal stuff. Mad a big show of whipping the 2 cells out during a meeting with our lawyers just in case his soon to be next chump or one of his other boinks called.)
Oooh…so sexy wearing those phones on his belt in their special holders, made him look like he was wearing his batbelt with his special batphone and his batphone backup.
Christ on a cracker, I nearly lost it trying not to laugh.

KeepNarcsAway
KeepNarcsAway
7 years ago

You guys are so funny! Although the joke is on the wackos we dated. This discussion reminds me of a first-and-only date who brought ALL of his electronic gadgets from his sports car to the restaurant and had them splayed out on the table next to his place setting. Since he wouldn’t stop playing with them, I made him put them back in his car. For a change, this guy had no edge but he was a child who lacked social sense.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

I called my ex’s phone the Whore Phone. I’m not too original.

SabineSavoy
SabineSavoy
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

BUT….

Meth Maggot would triangulate me with his cell phone. In one of my less attractive moments, on Christmas Day, I smashed his phone on the concrete when a 24 year old called during our Christmas Brunch to wish him a MERRY CHRISTMAS at 10AM.

His cell phone was a way to make me insane. It was almost a fetish object to him. That is because he LOVED having drama, secrets and other women calling him at all times. The horrors it revealed to me can make my stomach clench right now, as I type this.

Those cell phone fixations…red flags.

If you are with someone and focused on them..date, marriage, even lunch, and there is no business or medical emergency pending, who gives a damn who is calling?

Raging
Raging
7 years ago
Reply to  Deedee

Wow, three phones.. only thing cooler than that? Four phones. AND he can get a married woman.. what a keeper. Three phones and married chicks dig him. I wonder if they are all on the same phone plan or if he has three plans… You should have drilled him for five hours just about the phones. Any time he tries to change the subject.. be like “So if you lose your sex phone, can you call it from your friend phone to find it? Do charges apply?”

Confused124
Confused124
7 years ago

Where to begin. So many distaste stories. I went on a date with a vegan very health conscious guy once who proceed to tell me through out the date the multiple ways he stayed health and watched what he ate and drank. Then all of a sudden he mentions ‘but I do partake in Coke. It my one bad thing.’ My reply was ‘ That’s ok a Coca Cola once in a while was fine especially since he was living so cleanly.
At that point he stares at me and say, “no, Coca Cola is toxic for your body. I was referring to Cocaine. I occasionally snort it for fun”. My jaw dropped. He seemed so cool about like it was totally normal.
I got out of there as fast as I could and never looked back. I guess cocaine is vegan so it was fine to put in his body in his head. Did I mention he also had two boys under the age of 8?

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Confused124

But was it organic coke?

Raging
Raging
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

OMG @ organic coke.. :p

SDK
SDK
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

HA HA !!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

Free-range.

just another chump
just another chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

and gluten free!!!!

KeepNarcsAway
KeepNarcsAway
7 years ago

Laughing so hard ..!

SabineSavoy
SabineSavoy
7 years ago
Reply to  KeepNarcsAway

This will sound terrible, but if he did occasionally snort it, it would not be that big of a deal, as in terms of affecting his personality. IF HE SMOKED IT…that is a huge deal.

Getting caught with it…big deal…in any form. Felony.

If he just snorted coke (the old booger sugar!) from time to time, it would be like having gallons of strong coffee in one blast. The effects would last from 5-10 minutes at most. It is very expensive and snorting it is not as habit forming, by a country mile, as smoking it. (That is usually crack…and crack is WHACK!).

Remember what Robin Williams said? Coke is God’s way of telling you that you have too much money.

KarenE
KarenE
7 years ago
Reply to  SabineSavoy

He also said ‘cocaïne, it makes you paranoid and impotent! That’s the drug for me!’ 😉

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

LOL! 🙂

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

LMAO, @ian & @tempest, you guys are the best!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago

Hahahahahahaaha! Gives new meaning to “brown bagging it!”

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

lol@at brownbagging it!!

Raging
Raging
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

These are great.. “hey, I got some cocaine and sandwiches for before dinner, then we can *** you up the *** later after we eat.. did I mention I have three cell phones?”

FMT
FMT
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

Raging for the win! 🙂

KeepNarcsAway
KeepNarcsAway
7 years ago
Reply to  FMT

+1!

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

BWAH HAH AHA HHHAAAA! Raging, that is hilarious!

HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
HeLovesMeHeLovesMeNot
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

LOLOLOLLL!!

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago

I went on Date 1 with a guy who followed me in the girl’s bathroom. He supposedly wanted to make out in one of the bathroom stalls. How juvenile. I bolted so quickly out of there, to never see him again!

Raging
Raging
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

One thing if it’s like a “meet in the bathroom” (did it in junior high), but to just show up there…. that’s like asking if someone can ** you in the **… super creepy… I’m amazed reading this at how many creeps you poor women have to put up with on dates. As a man, I’m embarrassed.

Special snowflake ha!
Special snowflake ha!
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

Which is why some of us have NO desire to date.

KeepNarcsAway
KeepNarcsAway
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

It was illuminating to hear about what men experience when they date online. On a first date, I usually ask the guy how he’s faring on the singles sites. Guys also run across fake personal descriptions and old photos, married women, gals just looking for a meal at a nice restaurant and the occasional stalker. The biggest complaint for the men is being hit by spam emails from prostitutes or commercial sex sites.

I note that it’s equal opportunity for both genders when it comes to financial scamming or trolling for the green card. Hmmm, maybe I’ll avoid the usual online dating sites after all!

Chatty
Chatty
7 years ago
Reply to  KeepNarcsAway

There’s a blog called Hell Is OKCupid that will either put you off internet dating for life, or if you’re brave enough to proceed, gladly accept screenshots of the messages you get that are just too bizarre not to share.

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  Raging

Yes, it was super creepy. He was crazy, I’m sure of it. And thanks for your support, we’re bound to meet a few cookoos when dating.

Ali
Ali
7 years ago

So many stories I could tell, but I’ll share a mildly weird one — one date said to me after dinner, “Let’s see, you ate about a third of the food, so give me one third of the bill.”

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Ali

I would have said, “tell you what, loser, I’ll give you 100% of my middle finger!”

Casey Kuntz
Casey Kuntz
7 years ago

There are 2 disasters with the same guy for me, I’ll start with the “lesser of the 2 Evils”

I was going to finally celebrate my birthday with a S/O, who was also my fiance and I was in SO MUCH LOVE and it was to be a day/night of fun and a party and so much happiness. I was going to be spoiled!!! Well we walked out of the front door to start with birthday breakfast and he saw a small puddle by the porch steps. It looked to be a clogged line that was small and could’ve been handled when we got back.

Unfortunately he decided that a call to Roto-Rooter had to be made right then and there, and it ended up being the focus of my day. We never went out, no party, no friends, no card, no presents, and definitley no happiness. I ended up eating a slab of specially made marshmallow that he had ordered for my cake, with my Pug.

His birthday celebration (18 days after mine) went off without a hitch, with a party, BBQ, family, friends, presents, the whole deal.

THEN….a month later I was watching my Pug and noticed he was very listless and unhappy. He had stopped eating and stopped drinking, which I realized as I saw him go up to his bowls and sniff but then turn away. That was not like him at all, especially for a Pug!! So I picked him up and started petting him and adjusted his collar thinking it may have gotten tighter with him gaining weight from all the snacks.

As I adjusted his collar, I felt a hard line under it and tooka closer look…..turned out he had a black hair rubber-band AROUND his throat! I screamed and started crying and took it off his neck. I immeadiately confronted my fiance and at first denied it and then almost gleefully told me he did it because he was jealous of how much I loved my dog. He wanted him to die so all my attention would be soley on him.

I got my dog out of there and i moved out a few days later. Needless to say it didn’t last much longer and we never got married. He left me for a much older woman he met at his current job, one that i got him by filling out the application, creating his resume, and making all appointments for him to get his new class DL, Dr. Appts for the physical, and actually getting him a doctor in the first place.

Casey Kuntz
Casey Kuntz
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

I am grateful that we had no kids together, he blamed me for the first 2 years for not being able to get pregnant, then he found out he was 100% sterile and took it out on me, he got into the truck and said, “well you should leave me now, I can’t give you a baby”. It was like watching a child throw a huge fit, but that child is 6’3 and weighed about 350+.

He had a lot of issues that contributed to his anger, his brother, cousin, and uncle all were diagnosed with cancer within 2 weeks of one another and he saw his cousin go first and then his brother in 2009, the uncle just passed away a couple months ago, the only reason I know is because my old friend from HS has a cousin that is still in communication with some members of my Ex’s family.

It was crazy how close a circle we made and I realized I had probably hung out with them a couple times back in the mid-’90’s and just don’t remember him there. He actually took it s a sign that we were meant to be together and he wanted to marry me. What made it weirder in retrospect, was that my Jr. High friend actually dated his sister in HS and then we found out that he was related to my other HS friend who’s sister I was best friends with

*ChumptyDumpty, I don’t mean to make light of his personal inadequacies, and I never judged him for it the whole time we were in each others lives, and I loved him truly, but honestly, there would be no way to wrap a finger around his Johnson, let alone an rubberband! *MICRO*

Also the Ambien would have maybe killed him, he was suffering from severe sleep apnea and if he hadn’t met me, he may not have lived many more years. He would stop breathing for up to 2 minutes at a time, all night. I made him go to a sleep clinic and get a CPAP machine. I was terrified that I was going to lose him if I didn’t pay attention.

He did get physical with me one time and one time only, and I think he did it to see if he was capable and I think it scared the shit out of him. We weren’t even arguing and were standing in line at Safeway and I was in front of him putting the groceries on the belt and all of a sudden he rammed the shopping cart into the back of my ankle/calf. I let out a yell that garnered the attention of about 10 people and they all watched as I laid the verbal smackdown on him, in a respectful manner, and used all the big words he hated. I took pictures of the huge bruise and showed/told everyone in his family what he did. His dad was beyond pissed.

He was an odd duck, 26 year-old virgin (I was 30) who had never had a girlfriend and had never kissed one, his own dad thanked me for dating him because they all (Immed. Family) thought he was gay. They had never seen him with a girl and when he called his sister to tell her about me, she actually yelled to her room-mates that her brother had his first girlfriend ever and wasn’t gay.

Crazy times. I had a ton of good times with him, it just sucks that when he fucked up, he did it big.

I hope all of us can find the peace and well-being we ALL deserve!!

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

I think that takes the ‘Cake’, Miss Casey K! ALL critters are precious & need to be loved…..

Your EX is a really ‘special’ kind of SICKO! to do that to a trusting & helpless critter; to be ‘jealous’ of an animal….Wow

In my case, cheaterpants was also jealous of my pup…..even though he was the one who chose to adopt them in the first place!!. I believe his jealousy led to him pushing my precious pup to an early grave & painful last 2 years of her life. He takes pretty good care of HIS critters, though……Sickos, all…..

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

OMG! I’d have slipped him an ambien & gradruple-wrapped that rubber band around his johnson. NOBODY messes with my dogs!

ChumptyDumpty
ChumptyDumpty
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumptyDumpty

*quadruple. 🙂

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

OMG Casey, what a nightmare! I’ve got a Pug, too and I’d cripple anyone who tried to hurt him.

JK
JK
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

Glad you avoided marrying this one. Seriously screwed up. You can’t help but wonder what he might have done to you if he became unhappy. I’m glad for you, and your pooch.

chumplisa
chumplisa
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

Hmmmm I see a potential Lifetime movie script with that one!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

Jealous of a dog. Special place in hell for that bastard. Thank the stars the pug was ok.

Renewed
Renewed
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

That’s a sick bastard?! A Ted Bundy I n the making.

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  Renewed

I was thinking the same thing – Ted Bundy. Sadistic asshole.

SabineSavoy
SabineSavoy
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

He would have no more worries about finding love. Because, if anyone, mark it down, put a black rubber band around one of my dog’s necks….I would butcher him slowly and feed him alive to hogs.

He would have to RUN for his life or go into Witness Protection, because if I got my hands on him, I would go medieval on his ass.. Blow torch and pliers medieval. Proper and legal matters would be in order and if I got caught and sent to prison, I would be at peace with it.

phantommirage
phantommirage
7 years ago
Reply to  SabineSavoy

That TURD is still walking this earth?? He should’ve been put down 7 feet under immediately – but he’s allowed to thrive & live??! That other chick better sleep w/ 1 eye open!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

And not just kill the dog, but slowly torture the both of you. He’s lucky all you did was leave.

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

Thank God you didn’t marry that rotten bastard!

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

this is certainly not the type of guy you would want to have kids with if he was willing to do that to an innocent animal.

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

Casey Kuntz You are lucky to get away from that dog murdering psycho!

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  Casey Kuntz

Psychopath right there. Wants to kill your dog, and proceeds to put a rubber band around his neck to suffocate the poor thing, and doesn’t care about you. Wow, just wow, evil to the core.

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago

Mine wasn’t a date, but a singles meet up group with my divorced BFF. I was hopeful that there was someone to talk too, but found quickly that the men, (who were all older and I am 50!), were either already with someone in the group, were mentally disabled, or physically disabled. I talked to one guy that only told me all about his knee surgery and recovery.

One fairly decent looking man talked to me, but I found out from my friend later he has a habit of touching women’s private parts, this after he used a lame excuse to brush my boobs with his hand. Ugh!

Not only that, my friend and another woman spent the entire evening talking about all their bad experiences with online dating sites. How the men were usually scammers, and to find a decent intelligent men with Christian values was nearly impossible.

This was my first time out after my divorce. Discouraging to say the least. Luckily, a guy at work asked me out and I have been seeing him since. So far, so good, he reads books, goes to church with me, and has a great butt. I think I hit the jackpot! Ha!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago

How rude touching lady parts willy nilly! Shudder! Im no prude but if a guy plays grab ass with me i swing and ask questions later. He would be on the floor picking his teeth out of the rug. The only thing in this world i really own is me and i say what goes. Touching lady parts indeed. The pig.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

See, folks, not everybody with a great butt has to wear ass showcasing pants. 😉

LilyBart
LilyBart
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Counterpoint: individuals with good butts should be REQUIRED to wear showcase pants.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  LilyBart

The original bum-provoker guy sounds like a jerk.

But y’all know as well as I do if you have a butt and you’ve been around me, I looked at it.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Ian Dubito

And we know you’re looking 😉 . It goes from flattery to creepy when, well, the posts above said it so well.

I’ve had men who have said, “Nice ass,” when I’ve walked by. I stop, look at them square in the eye and sweetly reply, “Were you referring to my body part or your personality?”

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  LilyBart

Hey, all y’all……cheaterpants has a GREAT butt.. Told him so quite often!….Too bad he did not keep it in our marital bed!

(Lesson: Great Lookin’ Butts mean nada! Too bad some of those sicko dates are ‘butt-centric!’ After all, what exits from a butt, hmmmm?!?! Yup…..) 😉

Forge on, Great Nation! Love all y’all

Fifi
Fifi
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Hahahaaaa! “I like nice butts and I cannot lie, Those other women can’t deny, When a guy walks in with a shit-eating grin and ass pants in your face you get SPRUNG!”

Current Chump
Current Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

OMG Fifi-
Coffee spray all over my monitor at the office…….
That is hysterical!!

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
7 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

Fifi,

I almost choked I was trying so hard to hold him my laughter!!!! (at work). That was absolutely the best!!!!

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

Uh, correction – “hold IN”

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Fifi

Fifi for the win!

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
7 years ago

I haven’t actually dated since my divorce but I did go to speed dating just for the experience and to see how I felt around men. One guy told me that he drank so much one night that he missed the exit for his house and drove past it for 45 minutes before he realized it. Uh no. Another one spent the whole 5 minutes telling me how he traveled the world and always brought his now ex wife jewelry from the countries he visited. He made sure to say that he doesn’t travel like that anymore. A third guy told me how he was only there because a friend talked him to going then went into detail about why gas prices are so high (he wasn’t in that line of business though. Never asked about me. It was an interesting experience that helped me realize I wasn’t ready to date yet.

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
7 years ago
Reply to  ByeByeCheater

Apparently, neither were some of these guys!

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

OMG these stories !!!

The first person who I invited to dinner (he was an “interested texter” I met on Catholic Match) turned me down flat. I bravely trudged forward and kept trying.

My first date admitted to me that he was still single because he spent years “whoremongering” (Uh, dude, youdidnt just hang with them, you were one).

I started dating a really cute fellow I met online and he seemed a gentleman. A few dates into this, we were kissing becoming friendly and he asked me how big my dead husbands penis was. He said “I bet he was hung like a bear!”…I tried to ignore it but he asked again. Nothing fuels passion like questions about your dead husband’s penis.

Fortunately I only had 5 first dates before I was reacquainted with H2.0

LuckySeven
LuckySeven
7 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

WHAT IS IT with that line of questioning?

I can’t even put my experience with that into words yet. But WTF IS IT when they want to know THAT!

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago
Reply to  LuckySeven

Nothing says “Im secure in myself” more than asking about a dead guys penis :::Shutter:::

MMargaret
MMargaret
7 years ago

I was on date 2 with a guy a day before I went on a long weekend to Paris with friends. He knew about the trip and we could have date 3 after! When I returned home, I happily emailed about the trip and said I looked forward to seeing him again. Then I checked my voicemail. It was filled with increasingly perturbed and finally nasty messages about me not answering while I was in Paris. Needless to say, I immediately blocked him everywhere and was so glad he didn’t live in my city.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
7 years ago

A dating story? I’ll be 59 in a week and I am still rebuilding my life after my abandonment 2.5 years ago. There is no one on earth who would ask me for a date and probably never will.

For some of us, “dating” and new romance is not in the cards.

Generally I’m okay with that but today this article fucks me off. Sorry all.

SabineSavoy
SabineSavoy
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Happy Sunday Moving Liquid,

A lot of men are very simple minded and have been programmed to find exaggerated sexual charactistics as what they do a “double take” for…i.e. women with huge breasts, lips, very thin, young or the new Kardashian look of huge bottoms, etc.

Do not take “not getting a second look” personally. It is a simple formula. If I get a spray tan (tanning is a no no), wear my hair down which is long, and get fresh high lights, put on make up, high heels and skimpy clothes, I get male attention.

If I wad my hair up in a bun, no make up,look pale, slop around in my Birkenstocks and Johnny Cash T shirt….not so much.

Men, especially American men, are herd creatures. They go with what their buddies think is “hot.” They are not taking the time to notice how exquisitely blue our eyes are, or how kind our gaze…they are looking at us as MEAT to be POUNDED. (Yes, there are exceptions…I know this).

Overall, they want that meat to be young, big tits, thin and highly sexualized. Is this the sickness of Western media or porn, or mean “red in tooth and claw” brutal biology? Maybe both.

And you are right..it is depressing. I think reading all the dating train wrecks could have the effect of making us want to go back to the devil we know. But that is globalizing. As CL said, It’s just one date.

America is immature, and values youth over all. Look at all the actresses in their 40s and 50s who have made themselves into Madame Toussant’s wax creatures to stay “in the game.” Even in Great Britain, they have TV shows where there are actresses who have wrinkles, love handles or just look like NORMAL aging women…some of the most popular shows there. But not here (Just the Golden Girls, and their aging was viewed as comedy).

So, maybe the long, predatory stare (that is what it is) of lust will not happen in the Walgreens anymore. That’s okay.

I do not think being paired up is the magic factor of being happy. I wish I could take a pill and never want or crave male companionship again. But humans crave contact.

Meeting someone now might involve more thoughtful planning…a club, a meet up, an introduction from a reasonable friend.

And if you don’t want to meet someone….there are so many great books to read, recipes to try, places to go, dogs and cats that need homes. (horses too!) ….that is okay as well.

However, the hard truth is that as we get older, the pickings are more slim, and the fantasies we had may have to change.

I think that is why this is so hard to move past. I think that is why this site hit 10 million views.

We are all letting go of a dream that involved someone we believed loved us, and all that entails: lust, desire, belonging, home, youth, fulfillment, plans for the future, sexual energy and excitement. All lost.

There is only one guarantee: change. It was not the change we wanted. But it came knocking like the Gestapo at the door all the same.

Do we roll with the punches and *perhaps* find someone or something better? Or, do we learn from the poignant but cheese ball county song-

Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter.

That is what I am fighting.

Wishing you warm thoughts for this day.

flutterby
flutterby
7 years ago
Reply to  SabineSavoy

SabineSavoy, that was a really good post to MovingLiquid!

SabineSavoy
SabineSavoy
7 years ago
Reply to  flutterby

Hi Flutterby,

Thank you! That means so much to me. I am moving in molasses and white knuckling in a “crisis” today. Day 30 NC.

I went and hid my phone in my bird feeder for the birds I feed. That is how bad it is…this insane urge to call. Like CL’s post on no contact and her Shephard and the mail man…Go away! Come back! Don’t go! I hate you! I love you! Please call! I hate you.

I can’t get past that he does not care. I could be dead. It is like I tangled with an alien. Was it all fake?

These feelings…I don’t have to act on them. Calling him would be a major setback.

Oh boy…this is a one more miserable experience.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  SabineSavoy

SabineS–sending you strength!! You can do this! Keep the phone in the birdfeeder (perhaps in a plastic bag? I have birds, and they do sometimes s*** where they eat). Stay busy, go for a brisk walk or swim, look up comedies on Netflix, borrow a friend’s dog to walk (if you don’t have one). Busy, busy, busy–the mind needs to be occupied.

Anything you feel you still need to say to him, write down & then burn. We’re here for you (post in the forums if you need an extra boost from the old timers, or tips on NC).

LuckySeven
LuckySeven
7 years ago
Reply to  SabineSavoy

Totally appreciate this post — and I did see your response to me on a different topic, but haven’t been able to find it again to respond. I did see and I thank you!!

For this one, I love what you’ve said about the programming — both male visual and UK television. X was all for huge tits (D cup not even close to what he favored), although I suspect whoever he is with now probably doesn’t have what he wants, either, just money, and time to fawn over him. But I’m not bitter.

Myself, I am hoping someday for a big strong Christian-hearted bison rancher who doesn’t have a smartphone or bother with the Internet. And I don’t care if he is a man of few words, as long as he holds my hand and folds me into his big arms and breathes into my hair at night.

I get second looks still at 48, no matter how I’m presenting. Ideally I’d like to be almost cloistered (voluntarily), or loved by a good man who is physically formidable enough that any other man thinks a second thought before looking twice at me.

I’m not sure what that says about me as a person, or about my picker or ideals, but there you go. The alternative seems to be what I am already doing: push forward and just continue to ignore the looking. Some people suggest it all stops as we age. If it stops here, fine. If I find that hurts my feelings, or sucks for me, I’ll consider moving to France, where a woman can be 80 years old and still sexy as hell.

What I always told my X, who had body image issues:

IT WAS NEVER ABOUT LOOKS ANYWAY.

It just never was. For those of you who are hurting from our natural processes of physical aging, I hope you can know deep in your heart that it *isn’t* about looks. Facing our aging mirrors is hard, and sometimes sad, but look at you:

You’re beautiful. You’ve lived a lot of life. This is all amazing. You’re beautiful. You just ARE.

When you see your own reflection, SMILE AT IT. Do that every time you see you. Because you deserve it:

You’re *beautiful*. NEVER forget that. You just ARE.

SabineSavoy
SabineSavoy
7 years ago
Reply to  LuckySeven

Here! Here! I like Alpha men, too. I like that idea about the rancher. Strong, and disconnected from all this social media which is really a circle jerk!
I almost wrote that: Absent moving to France….
I love it that you knew that.

Yes, I was worried about you when I read you thought you had made a mistake. I am on Day 30 of NC, and I reading my own words over and over. If someone cheated….what would you or me talk about with them?
Her pussy? His dick in her pussy? Their orgasms? Lucky…it rips me apart.

It is NOT about looks. I wrote when I saw who Meth Man was with (both of them) I was relieved and repulsed. But, I was not jealous (THANK GOD) of their “looks”.

But, everyone has their own look and I do not believe in the “limited pie” theory.

There are unlimited amounts of pie….we can all be beautiful in our own way. No catty limited pie thoughts…just stay away from men who are engaged or married. Why is this so hard for these women?

I am getting deeper into exercise, and I believe this is helping me not call. I am sorry if this post is a big scattered.

I am just bone deep sad today. It is Day 30. I had hoped for a long apology email (I got one short one three weeks ago) or a something to show…that he misses me, that he cared, that I mattered, that he sees the loss.

I guess I have a long way to go to MEH.

Thank you for writing.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Yeah, I can’t really offer up any stories either. I married late in life at 32. We dated for 4 years and lived together for one year so I’ve essentially been off the market for almost 18 years. I’m 45 and after a couple of miserable dating app account attempts I decided that dating today is too off-putting to me.

I watched an interview with Jennifer Garner as she talked about her cheater (Ben) and she described herself as a dinosaur who preferred receiving flowers to text messages and snap chats. Yeah, I’m with you Jen. Technology may have improved our lives in some ways but dating isn’t one of them. After only two days on one well-known dating app I became so disturbed by the responses I quickly deactivated the account.

I have a pretty fulfilling life working a full-time job, raising a young child and pursuing my MBA degree. While it would be nice to have some Prince Charming sweep me off my feet one day, I’m not optimistic that that day will ever come. People don’t seem to want to have to earn anything like love and respect anymore. It’s all about instant gratification.

I decided that I can make a good life for myself and don’t necessarily need a relationship to feel fulfilled. My ex is the complete opposite and bounces from one empty relationship to another. Text messages and Tinder profiles do not a relationship make. At least for me. I’m a chump and a dinosaur and I’m okay with that.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Done4Good,
Your history sounds a lot like mine, although I didn’t marry until I was nearly 40. You sound really well-adjusted!

Dianne
Dianne
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

I, too, don’t get the texting thing. I ran into an old friend at a local deli who I had been interested in before the MFPOS. He started texting. And texting. And texting. Lots of suggestions, no follow through. So I TEXTED and said, I don’t get the texting thing, we seem to be on different planets here, so I am just going to stop. Three seconds later the phone rang and we had a great conversation. Later, another TEXT. And another. And another. Obviously he did not hear me. So I just stopped answering them. I figured this was a red flag. Along with all the “lets do this, lets do that”s that went nowhere.

What was that???? By the way, we are early 60’s, not 30.

Favorite pre-marriage dating story: I was asked out by a doctor, a friend of a friend. When he called, he asked me what I would like to do, and not being shy, I suggested a nice restaurant, not fancy but popular. He said he hated that place, suggest something else. So I did. He declined. So I told him to pick, and he did. Eye roll.

When we got to the restaurant, I ordered a glass of wine. He said, “I don’t drink”, to which I replied, “that is fine with me”. He repeated it. This is all with the waitress standing there, looking at us like we were a tennis match, back and forth. Confused, I repeated, “that is fine, whatever”. It then became plain that I was not supposed to drink, either…but I ordered it anyway. Began to think, “let me out of here”.

He then asked me what movie I wanted to see, and he…objected. Get the picture?

I smiled, got up and walked to another table, where I saw a friend sitting. I sat down, told him I was on the date from hell, and would he take me home? We were sitting there drinking wine when doctor stormed out.

A month later, doctor happened by while I was in my front yard. (Lived in neighborhood). He looked at me and said “If you had been nicer, I would have married you!” I just rolled my eyes and laughed. We actually became good friends and howled over this story. He died recently and I miss him.

LuckySeven
LuckySeven
7 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

Loved your response to the doctor’s objections. Sounds like he could have made a career as a lawyer, too. It’s really cool that he did turn out to be a friend for you, and I’m sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))

Re: texting, after X, the one guy I liked enough to date asked for my email address. Because of the electronic hell I went through with X, I told the guy I don’t do email or texting. He accepted that but on a later occasion tried to offer me his email address written (ahead of time) on paper. I thanked him but refused it with both hands: “I wouldn’t use it; I don’t do electronic with men.” I told him at this point in my life, contact is phone or in person, and that’s it.

So he calls me and we see each other in person every so often, as friends. I’m grateful for his respect and his easy willingness to observe my boundaries.

Texting will NEVER be part of my dating arena again. It’s been almost a year since I blocked X, and the part of my brain that was scorched by his electronic assaults still panics every time my phone screen shows a text notification, even if it’s just from Amazon. I’m from the era of turntables and rotary dial phones, and if you want to date me but can’t find a means to reach me in full physical voice or person, it’s just not going to happen.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  LuckySeven

Agree. I text my kids and friends. Also get calls from them. When ex started texting me alot It irritated me what am i chopped liver. I didnt mind texting with him but not all the time. He trained everyone texts only no calls including the kids. He texted me merry christmas and became enraged when i didnt respond. He said i texted 80 people merry xmas i wasted an hour doing that they all responded but you! Im not 80 people im your kids mom you sincerely want to wish me merry xmas call you twit. And those 80 people who are not your friends are scared you wont be their friend anymore cause the great asswipe texted if they dont text back! I told him i dont care fuck you im not your friend anymore and i really dont give a shit! Cant be bothered answering the phone so now he is pissed family friends and kids only text or facebook happy birthday and fathers day. I heard im their fucking father and they cant call me the ungrateful bastards! They call and text me all the time they rarely even text him. Why they resent their dad for cutting off their how ya doing phone calls. He resents they all call me and text me all the time. Why me and not him. Told him you stupid fuckup be careful what you wish for dumbass. They are under the impression you really dont care that much when your own daughter wittnessed you answering six times in one day your whores daughters and chatting at great length to them and barely pay attention to her. I know she came home and cried on my shoulder that he only loves her cause he has to and the whores daughters are more important to him than she is. Mom he spent half the day talking to them on the phone and the whore and totally ignored me left me in a sea of strangers who also ignored me i havent seen him in two years and im only home for a week. I spent tons of time with her fun great dear old dad only spent time alone with her in the car on the drive to his house i see it my daughter sees it noone else see this. The whores daughters and whore tried to completely take him over and make him forget he had a life before them. I told him i love my kids i pay attention to them and enjoy them. Hes an asshole without a clue of the damage hes done on his own nothing to do with me. I encouraged all to keep trying but theyve pretty much given up. Not my fault his. I didnt cheat he did he not only abandoned me he abandoned them. He let them down. Fucker. Let him suffer the consequences of his actions. He and the whore may or may not get back together broken up four times but shes says they belong together. Haha! Hes just pissed family didnt jump on his side and embrace the bitch. I could have dealt with this better and so could the kids if he had been honest and upfront and we moved to end the marriage before he commited to some bitch and they might have respected said bitch more if she had told asswipe end your marriage and come to me with a clean slate. She didnt she just doesnt care and neither does he. The kids figured out who he is really is on their own with his actions. When i told my kids my husband died for me that day the smoke cleared and someone different stood before me looked like him sounded like him but not the him i knew they didnt quite understand now two years later looking back my daughter told me recently she reminded me of what i said she said her father died that day too and how hes treated and ignored her tried to make her embrace a whole new family by pushing her and take sides against me she didnt quite believe till she witnessed it for herself now she says fuck him im not playing his stupid teenybopper games and i will see him when i feel like it. She pushes him back and tells him to fuck off when he tries to order her around. Thats my girl!

Confused123
Confused123
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

100% Agreed and I am in the same mind set as you. 42 years old, young child, full time job, lots of friends. I really don’t need the aggravation of dating.

Just me
Just me
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I remember a lovely blog post about a very nice man you met in a rummage/second hand shop where you kicked yourself a bit for not asking his name and giving him your number. That wasn’t so long ago. You’re not dead. You’re overworked and a bit sad right now, but you’re a wonderful person and have been through a lot and you need to heal a bit- and I think once you’re in your own space (not sharing with your family) you will be able to have some sunshine and pure joy in your life and remember how much fun you are. And someone will notice. Try finding a local church who does their service outside every once in awhile- you still get your God fix and maybe meet some other God loving folks. You’re far too hard on yourself. Your husband was an absolute ogre and he basically ate your soul alive. But you have been so mighty since that point and you will find happiness. Much love.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
7 years ago
Reply to  Just me

How kind of you, Just Me. Thank you for remembering all that. I was just thinking that there’s a man who comes to my work about once a month. I like what I know about him, which isn’t a lot. I don’t know if he’s married so I will find that out before going into crush mode. But the other day we were talking about the changing weather and I mentioned tomatoes and he asked if I grew any tomatoes. I felt like I was 16 again! I was so shy I just nodded at him! Hysterical. But after we parted I realized how lovely it is to feel that way. Who knows, I might feel it again someday.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

MovingLiquid-

Don’t throw in the towel. One of my dear friends is 62 and her husband cheated, left and married the OW when she was in her 50’s. She’s on Match and she dates pretty regularly. She is having a good time and so can you!

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

All I can say is that the people I know who are out there dating, are actually doing something about it. Meaning they have a profile on online dating sites, and are actively looking to go on dates. They have nice photos online and a cute description. And they are not passive about it. Chances are, if you aren’t serious about dating, it won’t happen. Unless you’re in your 20s in a college environment, where there are tons of single people, after that period, getting asked out won’t be a common occurrence. If you want to date, you really need to put yourself out there, either going to singles events, getting online, or doing something about it, rather than just sitting back and doing nothing, hoping to get asked out. Just my 2 cents.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

I agree. I was in a new city after my divorce, living with my father, and just going along working and being pretty bored. I looked into the local volunteer opportunities, so I could at least help someone else out! I ended up joining a Rebuild Together group, to fix up houses for the disabled or low income population. It turned out to be fun, and a lot of cool people, and the guy who I saw fixing the bathroom floor there, and who I sat next to at lunch, well, he asked me out for wine afterwards, and now we’ve been dating for two years!

Athene
Athene
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

ML, I understand your hurt, but I must say that 2.5 years really isn’t that long. Don’t give up. I haven’t even though I work in a government research area in the middle of nowhere and I haven’t had a date in FIVE YEARS! I love my job and It’s in a beautiful rugged and wild part of the country, but also very redneck and conservative, and that means that I never meet anyone who I have a single thing in common with. I have a lot of smart, sharp, well-educated, very attractive male colleagues – all from somewhere else and all married. The ex who cheated on me (the memory of which brought me to this site years later) was an unmarried co-worker, and I felt so incredibly blessed to find him here. I thought we had everything in common – except, of course, as I found out later, integrity and character. It was a humiliating, horrendous experience and the disappointment almost killed me. I knew I would be alone after that for a long long time – and I was right.

That relationship only lasted three intense months. Before that, I hadn’t had a date in SIX YEARS, since my divorce, which is why finding this guy here seemed like such a miracle. So, yeah, 11 years with practically nothing. But I haven’t given up yet! So you can’t either.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
7 years ago
Reply to  Athene

Yes, Athene, I’ve changed a lot in the last 2.5 years. I have been married four times and I have ALWAYS been with a man until now. During this time I have truly gotten to know myself and it’d be hard to change for someone again. I don’t want to! I’ve done it all my life. I finally have a take or leave me outlook. And even though I sound a bit bitter because I do get lonely and do wish I had someone to share my life with, I also have a very exciting job and feel pretty happy with my life. At this point I do not want to feel there is anything “wrong” with me just because I haven’t dated and don’t have plans to. The ultimate in healing from this nightmare of being cheated on and abandoned isn’t to find someone knew, but to find contentment.

xox

Blown Away
Blown Away
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I love that ML…That is the place I hope to get to too…contentment. I’m guessing it is a special spot in the land of MEH. I’ll find you there ML. Xx

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I am 55 and no one has been looking at me during the past 15 years I spent with Ex. It doesn’t mean anything !
As soon as I started wanting to find someone, putting myself in situations to meet new people, there were nice looking guys who were interested. A good conversation and enthusiasm do attract prospects. And also, men from the past started showing up, as if they had sensed something, how strange…
Do not judge your potential on the number of guys who look at you. It’s not the same behavior as when we were 20.

NoMoreEggShells
NoMoreEggShells
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I have to say once I “put out energy” to being available, that’s when guys started to look. I kept telling myself when I have a relationship again this is what I want, XYZ. And guess what a friend I wasn’t real close with but knew of my situation sent me a text asking if I was dating yet. Turns out to be one of the best text ever received, he is a chump as well. Going on 6 months and taking our time. I’m excited for what the future holds. It wasn’t easy though, I thought everything he did/didn’t do was a red flag, once I just relaxed and took it all day by day it was better. I was on match and POF and most men were looking for hook ups, or wanted you to talk to them every day…It was exhausting

StrawberryJellyfish
StrawberryJellyfish
7 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I was with my ex for 12 years from age 18-30 and I never seemed to encounter interested men who would flirt with me during that time. But most likely I wasn’t looking for it/open to it and gave off that impression that I was no available for dating.

I started dating through the divorce and I couldn’t believe how popular I was, I had to beat them off with a stick. I had no problem finding men to want to meet up for a drink or a meal or a walk, and these were for the most part educated, employed, respectful, high quality men. I have much more luck online than in public but I’ve met and dated men the old fashioned way as well.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago

StrawberryJellyFish,
So you were 30 years old when you had to beat men off with a stick? In my twenties, while I was a (female) military officer, lots of men banged on my door. At 50, my love life is sadly vastly different (i.e., non-existent), although I am just as fit (very fit) as I was back then.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Moving, why do you say “no one on earth who would ask me for a date and probably never will?”

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

You have no idea what’s in the cards for you. Three years ago, if you told me I’d be living 1000 miles away, divorced because of my X’s cheating, I would have said you were crazy.

Nobody knows what’s going to happen. But don’t assume what will happen is going to be awful.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
7 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

2.5 years of no one even looking at me? I can take a hint!

NfV
NfV
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

ML…I totally agree. I’m a well-upholstered 57 : smart, funny, yadda (I think). But I am now officially invisible. Sales folk are often rude to me (I call it out super politely).

Yeah, dating Not gonna happen….in this world I’m barely human, let alone female. Feminine? hahahahah. To quote Amy Schumer & pals, my last fuckable day was a looonnnggg time ago.

Folks here talk like being in your 40s is a thing…guess what, It is NOT a thing. A little wobble: NOT a thing.

Being just another genuine honest to god middle aged woman, or older, who doesn’t spend her life doing pilates & plastic surgery…yeah, totally a thing.

I’m not realistically datable. or fuckable, or often, even friend-zone-able, and it’s been made so very clear to me.

Leave a cheater–awesome!! Gain a life–great! keep trying (try age discrimination in employment: these things are not a matter of willpower, but real social dynamics.)

Date again, or even have somebody look at you without mild distaste? not gonna happen. Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but that the way it works in our world.

Tessie
Tessie
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

ML, I get it. At 63 I definitely feel that ship has sailed for me too. There is a real thing with being an older woman. We become invisible. At least that has been my experience.

It’s probably a good thing that I am not remotely interested in dating at this time. I have too much going on in my life to even make time. Plus I was never very good at it. I tend to be pretty straightforward. Just folks type of person, that’s me. I’m just fine with doing life on my own.

I figure if I’m supposed to find someone, I’ll run into him somewhere along the line. I just ask Spirit to make it really obvious because I can be a little dense with this stuff.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tessie

Tessie – I am trying very hard to be invisible and, for the most part it is working.
I WANT to send a message that I am not available.
I dress frumpy with oversized clothing so I don’t attract any body.
I actually work very hard on my physique with exercise but nobody is going to see what’s underneath these clothes.

I can be a real flirt if I want as I am an extrovert, but it’s not what I want at all.

I gave my best to my past relationship for most of my life and it didn’t work.
I want nothing to do with another relationship ever again as I can never survive that kind of pain again.
It’s not that I’m letting the X take away anything from me but, I just will never give my power over to anybody who will abuse my trust.

So, I’d like to stay an enigma as much as possible.
Yeah, it would be nice to have a good old fashioned fuck on occasion, but hell, not sure it’s worth it.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

MovingLiquid

I was thinking about how no one has been interested in me either.
The truth is that I am the one who never looks.

The two times I made the effort I went out. The first I left without saying anything. And the second was too self absorbed and boring.

GettingOverIt
GettingOverIt
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Almost 2 yrs. out for me. I’m slim, I take care of myself, I have many intetests. People seem to think I’m a nice person. My friends can’t believe I haven’t had one. single. date. I’ve decided I have to be OK with what is. At least I don’t have to live with Stimpy’s cheating and his emotional abuse. If someone comes along, that would be wonderful, but I don’t look for it to happen.

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I’m 44, also 2 1/2 years out from D,day and no one has asked me for a date while my very flamboyant closeted ex moved on to another woman and married her.

but I am sure as hell not about to throw in the towel and neither should you. look at the 2.5 years as a time to take stock and fix your picker.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

My friend in college didn’t get asked out almost the whole time and she was beautiful!! And 20.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  Kay

MovingLiquid. I am glad, very glad I don’t get a 2nd look in a grocery store.
I’m old – almost 60 and I’ve accepted that.
But, I also have a shield around me that says, don’t bother me and don’t bother looking at me.
If they do, I look them head to toe, and walk on.
Most men my age in the dating pool have big belly’s and far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)
I am much more attracted to bald, for that matter, if it comes down to that.
I do like to flirt occasionally while waiting for medicine at the pharmacy – that’s fun.

My body probably exudes rejection, even tho I like to go around wearing lower cut tops for summer.
Just DON’T you dare look at me.

These dating horror stories just confirm it for me!

OMG!

GrumpyChump
GrumpyChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

I should probably clarify that I don’t mean to suggest that painted toenails = cheater, just that in the case of my ex she started doing it for the OM, and even though I know that was just her, the sight of anyone’s painted toenails gives me the heebie-jeebies.

GrumpyChump
GrumpyChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

Shechump,

Gotcha. There’s nothing like associating something with a cheater to give you a strong aversion to it. My cheating ex never painted her toenails until she started cheating, and ever since I noticed the connection I’ve been repelled by painted toenails.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

lol GrumpyChump. That’s one thing I don’t do! Paint my toenails 😉

GrumpyChump
GrumpyChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

No apologies necessary! I just wondered, because I’ve heard that since I was a kid, but I’ve never gotten an answer when I asked what they were supposed to be hiding.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

GrumpyChump – after analyzing this, I think what I meant was, my X was always hiding a big smirk under his facial hair, which he grew during his affair.
This is probably what I meant about people hiding their faces under the hair.
In his case, he began growing his facial and head hair and he started looking like Doc Brown on Back to the Future.
Very unkempt – unlike most guys having an affair.
Quit brushing his teeth! Showering, etc.
Oh, he had all the new blue underwear and new clothing that he never wore around me, because he started to look like a real pig after awhile. He quit shaving and rarely got out of his housecoat around the house (he worked from home). I’m sure he was trying to turn me off.
Either that or, he wasn’t handling the double life so well.
But, in mind my mind – he damn sure couldn’t get away with the smirk, no matter how much hair he had.

GrumpyChump
GrumpyChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

Shechump,
Question about this: “…far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)”

I’ve heard that from various people throughout my life, and I’ve always wondered why anyone would think that someone is hiding something with facial hair. You’re not hiding anything with the hair on your scalp, and what on earth could you hide with facial hair, anyway? A scar? A chin tattoo? a very, very small unborn twin?

I get that women will have personal preferences for or against facial hair, but where does the idea that it’s an attempt to hide something come from? Facial hair goes in and out of fashion. Some men follow fashion, some don’t.

Personally, I think most men look better with facial hair, particularly Caucasian men who are old enough for their beard to have turned white, because if they’re clean shaven the white whiskers mean they have no five o’clock shadow, and they look like old women.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago
Reply to  GrumpyChump

Grumpy Chump – quoting me, ‘Question about this: “…far too much facial hair. (what are they hiding)”

Gee, I must have read that a dozen times and I have NO idea what I was talking about!
Sorry. It makes no sense whatsoever to me.
I do like facial hair on the right person, not everybody can wear the look.
I just must have been having a very very strange day! lol. No excuse for such a weird comment!

My apologizes to any men with facial hair!

Jumper
Jumper
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

I am with you Shechump, I am not interested. I am even older (almost 67), and I cherish being alone, or with friends and family, and not spending my time and energy on someone who does not appreciate it. My life is now peaceful and fulfilled, without a relationship. And these stories just reinforce my feelings.

Ian Dubito
Ian Dubito
7 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

Brava to you, SheChump. It’s hard to pull-off for some women apparently, but the silent head-to-toe dressing-down is a killer move.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
7 years ago

Not interested in dating. Sorry, that’s not a good story. But I could tell you about how I met a woman at the pet store who could not stop talking to me, and she said her ex had stalked her, and I expressed some sympathy, and then she told me that he had broken both of her arms, and she was going through trials.

At this point, I am thinking, “TMI”. Then she proceeds to tell me how her and her friends love to go to the casinos and gamble and get soused on the free drinks while they gamble, and then she asked me if I’d like to come along some time, and I declined saying, “No, drinking, gambling. Not my thing. I gotta go”.

She then became enraged and said I was an asshole and followed me hurling insults as I left the store without buying what I intended to buy.

Not interested in dating.

SDK
SDK
7 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Not interested in dating

Same here. I’m enjoying the single life !

Lothos
Lothos
7 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Wow, talk about crazy!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Some people have no boundaries, so they get pissed when you do. Immature.

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

thats not a date that is public harassment by a nutter

MMargaret
MMargaret
7 years ago

A large part of the idea I was too old and unloveable must have come from the way XH treated me. I’m 61, feel much better than when I was with him. Having a life must have made me attractive because I have lovely boyfriend now. I cringe when I think how unworthy I used to feel and still struggle with it sometimes. The XH knew exactly how to bring me down and have me for dinner. He sucked, not me. It breaks my heart to hear how anyone feels unloveable after being treated horridly. CL’s Leave a Cheater Gain a Life is hard work, and it can take time to smile again and feel attraction again, but it’s a worthy goal.

conniered
conniered
7 years ago
Reply to  MMargaret

100% agree. I felt that way after DDay. My self-esteem was disseminated and I felt unloved and unattractive. And desperate. Being alone was terrifying. Things didn’t get GOOD for me until I intentionally NOT dated and took some time to just be. I found my worth again. And my smile. I liked my own company. I think it’s a necessary step.

Marci
Marci
7 years ago
Reply to  conniered

I only finally met Mr Right when I gave up dating, and started dating myself. I tried as hard as possible to not engage with him when we did meet, but I think he understood my attitude, being a fellow chump. It took him a momth to contact me after we initially met and exchanged phone numbers, but along the way, I couldn’t have given a toss if he called.

Thank goodness there are still normal men around. I advise sticking to one’s own age group. The normal guy chumps out there are just as downtrodden as us…if they’ve run the gamut of the cheater wife.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
7 years ago
Reply to  Marci

Marci,

Glad you found Mr. Right.

I would love to stick to my ‘own’ age group, meaning to me + or – 5 years my age, or a bit younger even (maybe 10 years younger), but it seems as though most of the men I meet, at least online, want someone who is 10 to 25 years younger than them, especially for a long-term relationship! So that means that the men looking for women in my age group are 70+ years old! I don’t want to date someone more than a few years older than me as my (hypothetical) partner would probably not be able to do virtually any of the things that most interest me (e.g., weightlifting, triathlon) (and some of these men online have said so) and would likely die many years before I do, leaving me right back where I am now–single and celibate!

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
7 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

Before I started dating I thought a lot about what I was looking for. My age parameters were 10 years +/-. I ended up dating a man that is 12 years older than myself and doesn’t fit any of my physical parameters! He’s shorter, smaller, older and not especially distinguished looking, but he’s a complete gentleman, loves me dearly, makes me smile, treats me like a goddess, has the patience of Job, loves animals, works hard etc, etc. Dating an older man, at my age, is not what I had planned, but it’s better than I had ever imagined it could be.

Also, I’m finding that dating an older man makes me feel young again, which is quite an ego boost after realizing I wasted my youth chasing a unicorn. If I were to date younger, I might always feel like I’m struggling to keep up. I’m loving it, and going with it. Just something to think about.

Marci
Marci
7 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

RSW,
Keep at it. You are going to find a good man. You are in great shape, you have experience…maybe a fellow triathlete? Just get out there. You don’t need these dating sites, the odds are terrible. I honestly haven’t met anyone on a dating site that was a keeper, except guys too old for me. Let them live their “younger woman” fantasies until they figure out all they are wanted for by that crowd is their money.

Never have figured out why guys want younger models. Must be their own fears of mortality.

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
7 years ago
Reply to  MMargaret

Margaret, I’m 61 too. My X did exactly as you’re describing, always mocking me, calling me Fatso (because I had an extra 10 lbs on), and generally leaving me sitting home alone while he went out. It makes me feel like shit just to write that, years later. He really sucks. I need so much positive reinforcment now, that I hope my BF and family are able to keep giving it! They do it because they love me, and they are good folks. I wish there was a self-esteem pill, LOL. Baby steps, and practicing self-love, and it gets slowly better, but I was put down by a pro for 35 years!

liveandlearn