My cheater started disintegrating when he started cheating, so it was obvious something was going on.
Of course, I thought it was a brain tumor.
He worked from home in a beautiful home-built office looking at the Pacific Ocean.
Life was grand as hell.
He let his ample hair grow and it went up and sideways.
He quit working out.
He was grumpy and mean.
He was getting fatter.
He was drinking more.
He was spending nights in another bedroom and, appeared to be staying up 1/2 the night, based on his light on.
He would hit his trading desk in the morning and be so tired he’d collapse at the end of the day at 2pm.
He wouldn’t get out of his housecoat and didn’t brush his teeth….like all day.
Neighbors said….He’s not aging well.
Haven’t seen this phenomena mentioned in your column yet, so, how in the hell was she attracted to him during this time!
Well, I don’t think these people bring out their best selves for one other. (Reason #3,247 not to pick me dance). But it’s an interesting point you’re making. The general trope is that cheaters start gussying themselves up as they cheat. Brazilian waxes, new aftershave, sexy underwear. But what the chump sees is a very disagreeable person who cannot be happy.
(A show of hands for how many people thought their partners had brain tumors…)
I think both phenomena can be true — the affair partner is getting some Better Fuckwit and you’re getting Mr./Ms. Snarly Von Surlypants. How can you expect them to be tripping the light fandango when you’re oppressing them with the shackles of monogamy, chumps?
SheChump, your letter is today’s Friday Challenge. CN — how did your cheater let themselves go while they were cheating? Was this an observable thing in your case? Or were they shiny and bright and suddenly better groomed? Or both?
Also, an announcement on the podcasts — a new one was just released on Patreon last night. We interviewed Christina Pavlina of Jane Does Well who started a nonprofit to help women navigate divorce after her divorce. (Don’t Get Mad, Build an Organization.) We’ve been on a bit of an irregular schedule because Sarah is in the middle of a house move and I’ve been traveling, but we’ll be back to a normal weekly schedule again starting next week.
Please do me a solid and follow the podcast, review it (if you enjoyed it), and if you’re feeling extra generous, consider supporting Patreon, where you can get it early and ad-free. Thanks!