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The Mindfuckery of Reverse Victim Offender

January 14, 2021 by Chump Lady

gaslighting

There must be a bazillion “How To Tell If He/She’s Cheating” articles on the interwebs. You know, the usual — new cologne, sudden penchant for 9-hour Pilates classes, weird showering habits, furtive texting, requires cavity search to reveal cell phone… But here’s the real clue you’re dealing with a cheater, and it’s not lipstick on […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cheaters Decoded, Deception, Gaslighting Tagged With: DARVO, Gaslighting, manipulation

Your Best Word Salad, Please

July 31, 2020 by Chump Lady

I created this site not just to offer an alternative to the Reconciliation Industrial Complex, but to lampoon the pomposity of cheaters. And there is nothing sillier, no deeper vein of humor, than someone trying to defend the indefensible. That’s why bad actors have to torture their syntax, speak in high-falutin’ vagaries, smother their verbs, […]

Filed Under: Cheaters Decoded, universal bullshit translator Tagged With: Universal Bullshit Translator, Word Salad

Why Cheaters Think You Could Be Friends with Their Affair Partner

June 9, 2020 by Chump Lady

Stay friends

One submission that I get over and over again for “Stupid Shit Cheaters Say” is the cheater insists — you know, you’d really like the affair partner! You’re a lot alike! You could be friends! The chump is absolutely gobsmacked by this (clearly, or they wouldn’t submit such nonsense to this blog). Which got me […]

Filed Under: Cheaters Decoded, Narcissism, Other Man, Other Women, Pick me dance Tagged With: cake eating, Ego Kibbles, Pick Me Dance

Do Cheaters All Work from the Same Script?

June 3, 2020 by Chump Lady

  Dear Chump Lady, After faithfully reading this blog and thinking about all that we have been through I still have questions. 1.) How did all of these cheaters from all over the world basically learn the same script? I read everyone’s posts and I keep hearing the same dialogue that I had with my […]

Filed Under: Cheaters Decoded Tagged With: manipulation

So Why the Hell Isn’t She Happy Now?

March 12, 2020 by Chump Lady

mindfuck

Hi Chump Lady, So my wife had an affair and after being found out asked for a trial separation. She said she had been “struggling with her feelings for me”, that whilst I was a great dad and someone she admired, she had changed and we had “drifted apart”. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I told her […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cheaters Decoded, Trust that they suck Tagged With: Blameshifting, Happiness

‘I Haven’t Been Happy for a Long Time’

June 20, 2019 by Chump Lady

crush with happiness

The other week someone asked me to decode, “I haven’t been happy for a long time.” (Also sometimes expressed as “WE haven’t been happy for a long time.”) It’s trotted out when the chump is looking for an explanation as to why their family life just blew up. Well DUH. “I haven’t been happy for […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cake Eating, Cheaters Decoded Tagged With: Cake, Happiness, Trust That They Suck

Beware the Timid Forest Creatures

March 19, 2019 by Chump Lady

After you’ve been cheated on, you’d think it’s a pretty simple decision tree — reconcile or divorce. Choose divorce, it doesn’t matter if your cheater is sorry or not sorry, the infidelity is a deal breaker. If you choose reconciliation, however, the matter of How Sorry Are They comes to the forefront of the decision. […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cheaters Decoded, Gaslighting, Quacks, Reconciliation Tagged With: deciding to divorce, reconciliation, toxic shame

“Do Cheaters All Work from the Same Script?”

January 15, 2019 by Chump Lady

cheater overlap

Dear Chump Lady, After faithfully reading this blog and thinking about all that we have been through I still have questions. 1. How did all of these cheaters from all over the world basically learn the same script? I read everyone’s posts and I keep hearing the same dialogue that I had with my ex. […]

Filed Under: Cheaters Decoded, Untangling the skein of fuckupedness Tagged With: Untangling the Skein

Join the International Academy for the Advancement of Chump Studies

December 27, 2018 by Chump Lady

This one goes out to the pseudo-therapist-sexologist quacks everywhere and the diploma mills who love them. I’m rerunning my piece on Chump Credentials. Join IAACS now! It’s about time I fluffed up my resumé. I mean, what’s keeping me from a TED talk and international corporate stardom? Goddamn it, I need an Institute! There, let me […]

Filed Under: Cheaters Decoded, Chump Lady, Chumps Decoded, Quacks

UBT: ‘Our Marriage Was Already Over’

September 10, 2018 by Chump Lady

Here’s some one-size-fits-all cheater bullshit for you — “Our marriage was already over.” Cheaters say it to affair partners, “We’re all but divorced!” “We’re separated!” “Just roommates!” And cheaters say it to their spouses when they’re discovered cheating. Our marriage was already over. Well, yes, yes it was when you fucked that other person. But […]

Filed Under: Blameshifting, Cake Eating, Cheaters Decoded, What Not to Do

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