Dreams, Signs, and Cosmic Portents You’re a Chump

After the discussion the other day of weird dreams chumps had while being hoodwinked, I thought it was time again to run Cosmic Signs You’re a Chump.

Was the Universe trying to tell you something?

Did you sense anything, only later, to look at the situation and think OMG, a SIGN FROM GOD I WAS BEING A CHUMP!

For me it was a truckload of cow shit. My 40th birthday was 2 months before my first D-Day and I just ordered myself a truckload of manure to spread on my new garden in the new house I’d just bought with the new (cheating) husband. I literally shoveled shit on my 40th birthday. Ankle deep in cow poop on my birthday I thought… hmmm, this is a metaphor for something.

And then my “metaphor” called me 6 weeks later — the OW informing me of her existence.

I’ve shared the cow flop story here many times — here’s one I haven’t. In my first marriage? THE CHURCH CAUGHT ON FIRE. Swear to GOD. We showed up to the rehearsal to find fire trucks. They were tarring the roof, when it had burst into flames. Fortunately (unfortunately?) the damage was in the hall, and they cleared the smoke out of the sanctuary in time for the wedding.

(Yeah God, I’m a bit slow on the uptake. Next time send Jesus personally. I might better take the hint…)

For my husband, it was searing eye pain. He used to wake up in the middle of the night with excruciating pain in his eyes, and feared he was going blind. After D-Day, it went away. Now he says it was like God saying “OPEN YOUR EYES!” Weird, huh?

My cousin once told me and Mr. Chump Lady how her ex-husband had a penchant for buying clunkers (that he couldn’t afford) at car auctions. Having decimated their finances, the car she drove was one of his crappy, unreliable purchases.

So she’s driving long-distance in this “new” clunker and she realizes all the check engine lights are on. Her husband assures her it’s fine. So she drives the thing — 40,000 miles! — but the lights keep flashing. So she gets some plumber’s tape and covers up the dashboard so she doesn’t see the light.

At that point Mr. Chump Lady exclaimed: “THAT’S A CHUMP METAPHOR!”

So today’s question is — what’s your chump metaphor? What was your chumpy sign from God you didn’t read quite right? A burning bush? A load of shit? Inexplicable blindness?

Tell CN.

TGIF!

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Sketchyokgirl
Sketchyokgirl
6 years ago

I’ll never forget when I was rounding the corner to go into my sewing room, I audibly heard a voice in my head that said “he’s cheating on you.” I laughed out loud because I thought that was so impossible. I wasn’t laughing days later when I saw the emails. Happy Friday chumps!

rickb89
rickb89
6 years ago
Reply to  Sketchyokgirl

I had a very similar inner voice situation.

We were at a friends wedding and I looked across the wedding hall at my wife who was sitting at the table by herself. I felt this enormous and inexplicable feeling that I loved her and something was horribly wrong.

When we drove home I decided that I would speak to her about my feelings, and this clearly audible internal voice shouted at me that if I say anything, she’ll leave me.

When we got home I decided to ask her if something was up. What I got back was the beginning of DDay.

I have learned to love and appreciate my inner voice because it’s always 100 percent right.

Connie
Connie
6 years ago
Reply to  Sketchyokgirl

We went to counselling and on the drive home we looked up at a train driving on a bridge overhead and in spray paint it had my husbands name (Brad). It said “Brad Sucks”. ????. What are the chances of that?

Fiona van Dahl
Fiona van Dahl
5 years ago
Reply to  Connie

Sorry for the late reply but Brad Sucks was (is?) a band. My favorite song is ‘Dirtbag’ which should be on Youtube.

LongingforMeh-ca
LongingforMeh-ca
6 years ago
Reply to  Connie

wow – just wow! Love that!

Hope49
Hope49
6 years ago

For the WIN!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  Connie

You gotta love that direct message!

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  Connie

That is just funny!!!!!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Sketchyokgirl

I was in an airport in another state when a group of women from a certain church approached and asked to discuss my Faith. I was polite and said that I didn’t have the time, so they asked if they could leave a pamphlet with me. I left it in the waiting area, but noticed on the cover: “Beware of False Prophets.”

Four days later…..I discovered that my wife was having an affair with our minister.

Artemis
Artemis
6 years ago

I used to have repeated dreams about tornados tearing my house down, running from them, etc…I still have weird dreams and ex shows up in way too many, but not one tornado dream, since. Makes total sense now.

Buddy
Buddy
6 years ago
Reply to  Artemis

I always had these hitchcock vibe dreams of the cheater at a motel. It is at the ocean, and I am there too, but I can’t find her. I search for her, but am always a minute late, and I feel alone, and I can’t ever catch up with her.

All I ever really wanted was just her. I just wanted to truly be together with her. No one will ever really know that I was there, present, engaged and just wanting us. My kids won’t know; my family won’t know, my friends won’t know. But I know. Now we are just another story of a failed marriage, two selfish souls looking for something else (but I wasn’t.)

Of course later I saw the texts and emails of them meeting up at a motel.

Langele
Langele
5 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

I would have loved to have a husband who loved me.

Star Tingover
Star Tingover
6 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

@buddy

“…just another story of a failed marriage.”

I feel ya’ 🙁

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
6 years ago
Reply to  Artemis

Tornado dreams, here, too!! I would wake up in the middle of the night, terrified, out of breath, dreaming of a big tornado that leveled our entire house.

Patsy
Patsy
6 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

I am BRITISH and I had a tornado dream! We were having a picnic, a whirlwind went through and I was left with the debris wondering ‘what happened to my life?’

England doesn’t have tornados.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
6 years ago
Reply to  Artemis

I’ve had tornado dreams all my life, always when I’m not taking care of business. The dream is always about getting pets and people int a shelter. And I always know in the dream how many cats and I have and which ones they are (so I’m not rescuing cats who are on the other side…).

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  Artemis

Yes, tornadoes for me too! Everything being ripped apart, serial-cheating jackass nowhere to be found (though I was frantically searching while trying to protect the kids).

Side-note: Love the user name! 🙂

Artemis
Artemis
6 years ago

During discard, I also had a bad case of plantar fasciitis. Pills, cortisone shots, nothing helped. A month after divorce, poof, cured. It really does make me think about the mind-body connection.

Twitching
Twitching
6 years ago
Reply to  Artemis

Yes. I had forgotten about the painful bursitis in my shoulder until you said that. Once I was free, I relaxed enough that I was fine.

LongingforMeh-ca
LongingforMeh-ca
6 years ago
Reply to  Twitching

I also developed bursitis whilst affair # 2 was happening under my nose. I read something in louise Hay – what I took away was I wanted to punch someone…lol!

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago

7 months before Dd JAMF started accusing me of messing around with a mutual friend of ours, who I’d know for 10+ years. If it was going to happen, it would have earlier. Found it incredibly odd at the time. Reassured him. Immediately started having a recurring dream that I was lost in a hostile environment at nite. Like the Bronx at 3 am in the 70s. Wouldn’t have a phone, money, i.d., keys or even be dressed properly. T shirt & shorts in 15* weather. I’d start on the 20 mile walk home and every time, someone or something would intervene and help me home. On time it was a church group coming back from an outing. Had some version of that dream numerous times a week up until the nite before Dd. After Dd, never had it again. In retrospect, I was lost and as hard and scary as it was, eventually I found my way home.

New chumps, you too will find your way back home again.

Over and Out
Over and Out
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

Waffles – My cheating ex did The Exact Thing… Accused me of what he was doing. For YEARS he told me that he had bad dreams about me leaving him for someone else. He would then give me the cold shoulder and be cranky with me the whole next day…. I’d have to reassure him (a grown man) that it was just a dream!!! Never made sense to me.

I, on the other hand, had nightmares where my life was in danger – strangers trying to kill me or rob me – and no one could hear my screams. I also had those terrifying dreams where I couldn’t find my children. I would wake up sobbing and filled with an overwhelming sense of despair.

Hindsight – His were projection. Mine were my mind trying to sort through the mixed messages I received from Mr Narc. Those dreams stopped after my divorce.

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

Wow — your ex’s projection just triggered a memory for me.

When living together (just before getting married) — the serial-cheating asshole sat bolt upright in bed one night, jarring me awake. He was freaked out. I asked what was wrong — he said that he saw the Devil … even able to describe full face features, etc.

Given that neither of us are religious, I figured he had a horror-movie-like nightmare. In hindsight, he was definitely projecting WHO he is inside.

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

Wow! When we were first married, mine would sit up, freaked out, and speak in some foreign weird language!! Throughout the years, he would still sit up all freaked out, and I would gently try to settle him down, it got to be a system for me and I learned the best way to calm him. He doesn’t live with his Skank and I just had the thought, what happens now when he wakes up like that alone? Damn, a part of me still feels sorry for him.

theotherwhitemansburden
theotherwhitemansburden
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

Very similar recurring dreams, except the ex was there — lost in a house that wasn’t ours, at night, sometimes finding a baby that I had miscarried years before, always in the attic, and then coming down to tell ex that I found the baby and we need to take him to a doctor for a checkup. Unsurprisingly now, in my dream the ex would always be too sleepy to act and would tell me that if the baby could wait that long, he could wait some more until daybreak. I had this dream at least once a year for several years. Told a shrink I was seeing, she did not make the connection to my ex’s indifference and casual emotional abuse. Neither did I — until D-day, that is, when it hit me like a ton of bricks that my subconscious was screaming out to me. I still describe it as hearing a phone ringing through deep sleep, distantly.

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago

Callous jerk off. I’m so sorry, that’s a pain that sticks with you. It’s been 2.5 years and it still hurts. It’s a little easier when the father is there being supportive. Hopefully you are free of him, or soon to be. (((TOWMB)))

Ozziechumped
Ozziechumped
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

I had a dream 8 months before that my husband of nearly 30 years had an affair which resulted in a pregnancy. It was so vivid I rang my sister and told her. And then it was discovered. He had spent 12 months grooming his much younger vulnerable married stay at home married mum. At the age of 60; he blew apart of business of 36 years for 38 year old woman; whose youngest child is 5! His children are 21; 25 & 27. He totally abandoned all of us; of course most of all me! Until settlement (which is long and complex) I still have to go to our business every week and face both of them. They use our marital assets for their social life, she runs her miserable business on my land and I have no rights except to walk away. I have protected myself but it will take time to play out. I have protected my heart and my soul but I am still burned. My greatest advice to other newbies. – believe in yourself m. Sometimes life gifts you an opportunity to realise a dream that has lain sleeping! Go shine your light! In this fragile brief life; make it count! The foot note is: we are waiting for the pregnancy which will deliver karma and seal his fate. Imagine being 85 when your youngest child leaves home!

Buddy
Buddy
6 years ago
Reply to  Ozziechumped

If Ozzie is Australia, sounds like Australia is in need of divorce reform.

I apologize if I have no idea what I’m talking about 🙂

Carolyn Scott
Carolyn Scott
6 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

Australia has no fault divorce!

LongingforMeh-ca
LongingforMeh-ca
6 years ago
Reply to  Ozziechumped

Ozziechumped,
You are SO mighty! Your attitude in the face of that monstrosity is so uplifting! I would struggle with having to be in proximity to such a scumbag. You are miraculous, indeed.
Waffles – you cracked me up!! LOL!

Carolyn Scott
Carolyn Scott
6 years ago

You have to rise above this monstrosity or it claims you! You want to live like that? No way! We are all better!

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Carolyn Scott

They don’t accept responsibility for cheating, or breaking up their families or robbing their children of a stable foundation. The life events we treasure such as, birth of our children, first home, graduations, our children’s milestones mean nothing to them.
They’re never wrong, we were boring. They found new love who isn’t distracted with kids, laughs at all their jokes, meticulously groomed, and has nothing else to do but fuck. Perfect! They’re in love with the infatuation of the new relationship. As with all relationships, we settle into daily routines, cheaters mask will eventually slip, nothings changed. They find things to complain about blame their new love for their unhappiness. It’s inevitable, they never learned from their mistakes in their first marriage or relationship, because they’re perfect and we were the problem, In their minds they had nothing to learn. They’re the same sack of shit they’ve always been and the cycle will repeat itself.

Carolyn Scott
Carolyn Scott
6 years ago

I do struggle enormously! He claims this is about his happiness! My glorious daughters & I just laugh. Happiness comes from gratitude and he has none of that! I simply did not understand how stupid he was!

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Ozziechumped

On the plus, OW will get to change 2 sets of diapers. ????

Carolyn Scott
Carolyn Scott
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

Thank you! That makes me laugh!

GracieD
GracieD
6 years ago

I was desperate for years for a third child after a miscarriage, but although ‘saying’ he was supportive and encouraging me to go to doctors for tests, and to contact adoption agencies, I now realise now that we never seemed to have sex at the right time. One night I dreamt that he had had an affair and put the resulting baby girl in an orphanage I had volunteered at as a teenager. When I woke up I found myself punching him, not because of the affair but because he had hidden the baby I so desperately wanted.

I should have guessed then!

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

WOW! The body & subconscious know. And your dreams…..so vivid

I had similar dreams, but did not include anyone helping me. When I was having those dreams, I was ‘wreakconciling’ and they all ended with me being stabbed or shot. Yeppers….Something in me or ‘someone out there’ knew how that would end!

Now divorced and cheater free! No more of those nasty dreams

Love all ya all!

Luziana
Luziana
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

That is lovely and brave. Thank you.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
6 years ago

I had my first migraine on Mothers Day before D-day. What set me off was that he invited “she’s just a friend who has no family” to his family Mother’s Day meal.

I scratched through the medicine cabinet and found some medication and I made it through the meal but I was very doped up to control the pain.

It was literally my “smack on the back of the head”!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago

Approximately 3 weeks or so before Dday the diamond in my engagement ring fell out due to a broken prong BOOM!

Anvil
Anvil
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

OMG. It’s been two years and I’m still a chump, I guess. The fall before the nuclear D-Day, while I was still spackling, I lost my tiny wedding set somewhere in the house or yard — maybe playing frisbee with the dogs? I even rented a metal detector and searched the entire 3 acre property on a bitterly cold, snowy day. He didn’t give a damn. It never occurred to me that he might have simply pawned the rings for beer money.

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Mine “lost” his ring at the time I think it got hot and heavy with Skank. I kept asking him to either replace it, or let me get him another. It never happened, yet we were “wreckonciling”? Was I a sucker.

Traveling the World
Traveling the World
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

I have 2 of them.
A few months before D-day, Sluterella lost her engagement ring. Two weeks before D-day, we went on a 2nd honeymoon to Vegas. I had planned on surprising her with a replacement at a wedding chapel there, but every time I tried to go buy the ring, I had to deal with something pressing (family emergency, etc.) that took precedence. I finally ran out of time. As I said, D-day was a week after we got back.

Here’s the other one. While we were on that trip to Las Vegas, I bought myself a pair of nice sunglasses. I liked them super well, but a month after we got back, they started disintegrating. Though I took good care of them and kept them cool, over the course of several weeks, the paint started coming off, and then the plastic parts partially melted. I kid you not! When the paint first started to peel, I was so upset I went and bought another pair of the exact same glasses, but a different color. Why on earth I thought it was smart to buy a SECOND pair of expensive sunglasses that I knew to be faulty, I have no idea. (Maybe it was the stress and overwhelming anxiety post-D-Day). As the first pair continued to turn into a misshapen piece of plastic, the new one, bought after the ex had left, remained perfectly fine. I still wear that pair all the time.
I guess technically the second one wasn’t a sign pre-D-Day, but it was still a perfect symbol of life before and after.

Cancer Chump
Cancer Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

A diamond was missing from my engagement ring before he even gave it to me. A sign that something was missing from the very beginning.

That Is Not A Thing
That Is Not A Thing
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

I was pulling laundry out of the dryer and snagged my ring on the door. Crawled around the garage until I found the diamond. Ring languished on my dresser. After a couple months, I sold my mother’s wedding band and had the diamond reset into a stronger setting. By myself. In a fight later, spouse called me out for not wearing a wedding ring. Because… it was… broken?

Doop
Doop
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Diamonds started falling out of my “eternity” wedding band.

24andcounting
24andcounting
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

I lost my wedding ring 2 years before my ex told me he was involved with someone else. I was so upset and beat myself up over losing my ring. We didn’t have the finances to buy another at that time so I (not my husband) bought myself a fake one to wear until we could get another on. I felt that it was important to have that symbol. Then during our “wreckconciliation” I found out although he couldn’t buy me a ring he had bought the OW a ring but he said it didn’t mean anything! WHAT!?!? Divorce final 6-2017. My 50 Birthday is this year I am buying myself a nice diamond BECAUSE I AM MIGHTY AND DESERVE IT.

KeepItMoving
KeepItMoving
6 years ago
Reply to  24andcounting

Are you 100% certain you lost the ring? I wonder if he could have taken your ring to sell it in order to buy the OW her ring?

lyndaloo
lyndaloo
6 years ago
Reply to  24andcounting

Good for you I bought myself a lovely white diamond and blue diamond ring in October I call it my divorce ring! It’s beautiful!

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  24andcounting

I bought the fake one in the meantime too!

Meanwhile, fuckwit had lost his wedding ring in the marsh while duck hunting early on in marriage and said he could go back and find it with a metal detector. Guess what- he never did. So I bought him a replacement and told him it was important to me that he wear a ring. He wore it for awhile and then surprise, he was welding and accidentally got a weld on it and stopped wearing it. I gave up but what the hell was he doing welding without gloves ?

In contrast, he was always so quick to notice women’s rings and make comments like: did you see her rock? I would never notice. Gosh, I am more of a CHUMP than I ever knew. (sigh, forehead to hand)

Stephanie
Stephanie
6 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Why does a cheater, who refuses to buy his wife a wedding ring, make comments to his wife about other women’s rings? I don’t get it.

One Step at a Time
One Step at a Time
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

A few months before Dday a diamond fell out of my wedding ring. Holy cow!!

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago

A diamond was suddenly missing from my band during reconciliation. My therapist said she’s 100% sure Satan did it on purpose. He punishes spitefully. She knew he told me the year prior after DDay if I didn’t give him my rings back he’d hunt me down forever until I did. So I went to have it checked. Jeweler said there’s no way that diamond came out. Prongs are thick and not bent or broken. He said it would have had to have been chipped out. Oh awesome.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago

A friend took her engagement ring to sell for money to pay her divorce attorney and discovered it was a cubic zirconia. Her “loving” husband had taken it to the jeweler’s a couple of years beforehand to have the loose setting checked. Guess who had switched out the stone ?

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago

Holy shit. I cant believe these people exist.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago

Oh wow. 12 years ago I had my grandmother’s wedding ring and my ex’s grandmother’s wedding ring on the dresser. They mysteriously vanished. I could never figure it out….. I bet he sold them….. I searched high and low, tore apart the vacuum…… He sold them…..

AC
AC
6 years ago

In my case the wedding ring wasn’t compromised, but a valuable diamond ring my father gave me as a graduation gift disappeared. Looking back, I think he pawned it shortly after we got married when he lost his job.

Next to my wedding band I was so proud of that graduation gift ring. I thought it got misplaced when we moved and had to store our stuff for a while, but I never found it when we unpacked. He kept up the fiction by listing the graduation ring on our insurance policy. “I’m sure you just misplaced it. It’ll turn up.” But he never once tried to help me find it.

Some years later when he lost another job I caught him pawning things of mine, or selling them on Amazon, whole I was working extra hours to pay the bills. He didn’t ask me before selling any of it. He just pocketed the money for himself.

When I realized things of mine were missing he said he didn’t know anything about it (despite evidence to the contrary). He said they must have been taken by our kids’ boyfriends or girlfriends. That’s when I finally put 2+2 together.

Just goes to show how little regard he had for me from Day One.

Tessie
Tessie
6 years ago
Reply to  AC

Cheater ex did the same thing. Stole a pair of gold earrings my parents gave me and sold them. Arrogant asshole.

feelingit
feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

My prong bent and the diamond also fell out about 12 years ago. I was so upset, looking for it everywhere. Never found it. Fuckwit couldn’t understand why I was so upset. (go figure- Ha!). He bought me another one for my birthday about 5 months later. Around a year later, I took it in just to have the prongs checked and the jeweler told me the diamond had a crack. I never told fuckwit, because I didn’t want him to feel bad. Now, I think he probably got it cheap just to please me because he didn’t care.

Renee
Renee
6 years ago
Reply to  feelingit

I had my ring appraised post divorce thinking I would try to sell it. Found out the ‘perfect cut’ diamond (insert small) he’d bragged about was cracked. I didn’t even know that could happen. I think it’s a perfect metaphor.

LongingforMeh-ca
LongingforMeh-ca
6 years ago
Reply to  Renee

My diamond is cracked, too – just like the cheater who gave it to me!

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

The Limiteds wedding band came apart. He took it as a sign. After I threw him out he asked for it back. What wedding ring?

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

You know, now that I think about it, the microwave that was given to us as a wedding gift, all of a sudden quit working. No warning.

This was about 6 months prior to DDay.

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

Heh, it’s usually my boyfriends that quit working, right after they move in with me. Codependent care-taker mommy-maid, checking in for duty!

JamLady
JamLady
6 years ago

I woke up in tears on my wedding day. That should have been the first clue. During the vows, when it came to the part “for richer or poor“ I started to laugh. The guests thought I was getting all choked up.

26 years later I was indeed richer and poor. Richer in the sense that I was finally free from the fuckwit, and poor because he was a financial mess. Always has been and always will be.

I’m now a big believer in signs and ask for them and look for them always.

lyndaloo
lyndaloo
6 years ago
Reply to  JamLady

On my wedding day my sister was helping me get dressed when the zipper on my dress came apart the dressmaker who altered it had melted some of the teeth. My sister sewed me into the dress so the wedding proceeded. Guess it was a sign of things to come!

Sharylk
Sharylk
6 years ago

I had 3-4 dreams that my stbx was cheating on me. He would be with another woman in different normal places such as at work, standing in a random line, etc and I would be there watching him knowing that he was cheating on me. The final dream, just days before DDay, was the same except I started screaming at him that I was so sick of his shit! … over and over until I woke up. But I didn’t believe the dreams until DDay.

Wishisawthesigns
Wishisawthesigns
6 years ago
Reply to  Sharylk

same. thing with me. I remember I would wake up all upset and then I told him why and he told me how “stupid” I was. Then I found out he is cheating on me.

2 others. A couple months before D day, a diamond in my wedding band fell out, so I gave it to my mom to have her take it to her jeweler to get it fixed (my ex had bought it from her jeweler). My mom never loses anything but she lost my wedding band. I didn’t blame her but we both thought it was strange that she would lose something because she never does anything like that. Then D Day came and now I’m divorced.

I hate to admit it but I had major doubts about my ex and his mother (entering into that family who turned out to be narcissistic assholes who deny their son is an alcoholic cheater). I remember my sister asking me if I was sure I wanted to get married. I laughed it off and said “of course”. But inside, I did but I was just so stressed and didn’t want to cancel. I hadn’t had too many signs prior to. marriage (other than 1 other) but wish at that time, I had not gone through with it.

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Sharylk

Oh the reccurring dream/nightmare-
When I was able to sleep-mine were that the ex kept showing me multiple photos of topless girls that were on his phone which he guarded like Ft. Knox. And during the time I was with ex, I had terrible insomnia, IBS, psoriasis, etc.

Now that he’s gone-I’m able to sleep, no more nightmares or IBS & the psoriasis is more manageable.
Win-win-win!

Who knew all that time that my mind & body were screaming out against him……..
And now there is peace.

50 Chump
50 Chump
6 years ago

Like you Artemis I also had planter fasciitis. My doctor said I was just getting old. When I finally filed last November, no more pain! Wondering if my hair will grow back after the D is final lol

Mjo
Mjo
6 years ago
Reply to  50 Chump

I had (have ) a foot problem too that was followed by a hip problem. All this during the long divorce. Still not divorced after more than 2 years. Feet pain symbolizes the inability to move forward (that’s me!) and hips are where we hold all our emotions.

My health got a big hit on all this. And oh yeah, my hair has really really thinned out. That’s the saddest part for me as it is my security blank.

MightyChris
MightyChris
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

I’m not supersitious about these things; my chronic shoulder and neck pain went away after I kicked her out. I attributed it to just not having to share a bed, rather than her being a pain in the neck. 😀

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  MightyChris

Haha…i always joked that i got rid of a literal pain in the neck after KFC (king fxxg cxxt….a friend dubbed him that) decided he wanted to have his midlife crisis and kick us all to curb. It was a horrible infection that i couldnt get to the bottom of for years leading up to his sudden exit so when he did in fact leave the pain in the neck went with him. Body totally screaming at me something was up through constant nightmares involving his toxic family and i also had the diamond falling out of its setting a couple of years before. The signs were everywhere !!

chumpluscious
chumpluscious
6 years ago
Reply to  MightyChris

The last year of my marriage (2016), I had multiple strange health problems. I had an infection in my gums that led to 3 oral surgeries, I had a form of pink eye caused by an allergic reaction, and a horrible rash on my face thought to be bacterial, but ended up being an allergic reaction (never figured out what caused either). I have never had health problems like this before. My body was reacting to the discard (Dec 2016). My nightmares also stopped when he left for good in April 2017. The body knows…

no-way
no-way
6 years ago
Reply to  chumpluscious

I had near continual overactive thyroid problems for past 11 years. Kicked him out and during the most stressful period of my life, this past year, I have had the best bloods results in a long time and told to stop my medication!

feelingit
feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

I developed a patch of eczema on my left hand in 1999 when I was pregnant with my third child. Over the years it would be better at times and at other times it would cause the most intense itching imaginable but it never went away despite all the cortisone, lotions, diet changes I would try. I filed for divorce in March of 2017 and the patch completely disappeared. I knock on wood every day that it doesn’t return!

I have a patch of eczema on the front of each ankle that started not long before dday and nothing is working on those. Maybe it is your foot theory and the inability to move forward. I hope maybe once the divorce is final these will heal too.

Chumpiness
Chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  feelingit

My exFIL married the OW shortly after running out on his wife. A few years later she developed an eczema patch on her arm that wouldn’t respond to treatment. I always thought it was caused by stress from exFIL! Unfortunately my sweet MIL developed an auto immune disease that has remained even though she is rid of him.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  feelingit

I find this eczema topic fascinating. The child that I was pregnant with when my ex was having an affair way back in 2000; she had eczema the first year or so of her life. She also was born not liking her dad (she does now) and would cry whenever he came near her or wanted to hold her.

A few years ago her eczema came back (and this coincides with all my bad dreams I was having) and nothing we did help it go away. I moved out of the marital home with my kids and her eczema went completely away! I thought there must have been something in our home that she was allergic too. But now I’m realizing she had eczema even in our old house. We’ve now lived in two different places since moving out and her skin is still perfect. I know it sounds far-fetched, but I wonder if her skin shows her that something is wrong with her dad? My first counselor said that babies in the womb know when their mom is upset (I cried almost every single day of my pregnancy). I think I will file this one away for the future and if her eczema ever returns, I will see what’s going on in her life and see if it’s trying to warn her about something.

Meg
Meg
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

My son and daughter are both sensitive to nickel, usually found in jewelry etc. My son got hives on his stomach from the snap in his jeans! My daughter had pierced ear rashes due to earrings. I read that 17% of women and 3% men are nickel sensitive. Some birth control devices made of nickel have harmed women! Taking off our rings helps the area heal.

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  feelingit

Do you live anywhere near the ocean? Sea water helps my bf when his eczema flares up.

Hopefully the D is quick & you heal up stat!

Eilonwy
Eilonwy
6 years ago
Reply to  feelingit

I developed eczema on my left hand that made wearing my engagement ring and wedding band painful. My EX complained when I took them off (despite the small, oozing blisters that even he could see). He was even more infuriated if I wore rings on my right hand (which did not have eczema). Ironically, he seemed to think not always wearing my rings was a sign that I wasn’t committed to the marriage, while his decision to have a “soul mate” who wasn’t me was apparently not a problem.

The eczema cleared up after my marriage ended. I had assumed it was because I wasn’t continually putting rings back on that half-healed hand. Now, I think it might have had as much to do with mental health as the physical issue!

nomar
nomar
6 years ago

Lots of tornado dreams here, too, which I’ve read are about chaos. Also often dreamed that I accidentally discovered our family home had a whole wing I didn’t know about. I passed through a hidden door and wandered through room after room. They were all dark and empty. I was amazed I could’ve missed something so consequential that was so close to me for so many years.

Yeah, wonder what that could’ve been about.

LongingforMeh-ca
LongingforMeh-ca
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

My first “extra room” dream happened on March 31, 1991 when I dreamt that my cheating husband (unconfirmed to me at that time) came home (he worked on the road at that time) and entered our master bedroom. I told him to go to his “other wife” and he left the room and went down the hallway to a “second master bedroom” was (there isn’t one there) where another woman was waiting for him. My dreaming self pictured her quite like myself physically and waiting in bed for him, welcoming him back. He had been treating me like shit for months and I knew something was up. I asked myself when I woke up, “Well, what does that mean? and what should I do about it?” I heard: “check his phone bill.” I had been suspecting that he was having an affair, but he kept denying it and telling me I was crazy.
Before this I had received all his bills & sent them to him unopened for him to pay them. But I opened the phone bill and there were calls every night – right after our calls, to another woman on the other side of the country. This was how I learned of affair #1, while the physical affair (#2) was right there with him, working with him every day.
We “wreckonciled” after a separation & my filing for divorce. That was in 1991. There was no accountability or disclosure or admission to any wrongdoing on his part…just vague vagaries and a promise that it would never happen again.
Dday#3 was in June 2017. No dreams tipped me off this time, though there were little red flags that I had overlooked in the busy-ness of raising teen & young adult children, working my ass off 45-50 hours a week to keep his sick ass insured, and trying to trust that 30 years together and my love meant something. But I couldn’t ignore the mountain of information that came out (gifts of perfume, lingerie, a vibrator, sexting, etc. with a skanky MOW 20 years younger than he, who also worked with him).
I missed that my subconscious had been so keen to warn me like it did the first times. I haven’t dreamt in years and rarely sleep long enough to dream. That alone is a key that something is WAY off for me. Better, deeper sleep is a new goal of mine…now that I am 80% cheater-free! Divorce is in process and I rarely see him or even text him, unless it is for our 16 y.o. Amen & thanks to CL & all of you in CN who have helped me walk away from the wreckage of that marriage!

Buddy
Buddy
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Looking back, it just boggles my mind that these personality disordered freaks marry us.

Why the fuck did you marry me if you were just going to avoid connecting with me, and pretend to be married when you were really elsewhere, and search for “more” outside the marriage? That makes no fucking sense!!!

(well it can make sense: CAKE – I made money, I gave her a family and raised her kids, I repaired things — I gave her work, money, and time.)

AuntieMame
AuntieMame
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Wow. I too have had the extra room dreams reoccurring for most of my adult life.

ChChChChump
ChChChChump
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

While he was, unbeknownst to me, in the process of dumping OWhore#2, I woke sobbing from a dream of being in a strange apartment with him, while our DD was in one of the bedrooms. In the dream I kept asking him why we were there and where was my stuff. He just sighed and said, “when are you going to accept that we aren’t married anymore?”

When I woke and he asked me why I was crying and I told him about the dream, he was strangely un-comforting and (in hindsight) guilty.

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  ChChChChump

Wow. That had to get to him— oh, he’s a cheater, never mind.

Over and Out
Over and Out
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Count me in on the house dreams… Mine would be of me in houses that were the same layout/floorplan of my marital home but the house would be in different locations with different furnishings…

mary
mary
6 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

I had lots of house dreams – often about moving to a great house that turned out to have a fatal flaw. A sheer drop on to black rocks just outside or parts of the walls/ceiling missing or leaking. The most recent had a huge garden with a lake – then it turned into a playing field that was open to the public – how literal.

Lady B
Lady B
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Same for me dreams about our house being weird with extra rooms. Many of these.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
6 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

Me too. Always had dreams about houses with hidden rooms. My therapist said the house represents a person (window and doors = eyes and mouth). The hidden rooms represent the person lying to me. Have not had that dream for two years now.

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I’ve had the extra unknown rooms in house dream since leaving. That I took to mean as you have hidden reserves of strength you didn’t know of until you needed them. That dream still comes sporadically. I find it very peaceful, 5 years post D.

Mom Of Two Good Guys
Mom Of Two Good Guys
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

I love the extra room dreams, which I’ve had throughout my life. I like your interpretation, too!

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

I have that dream too but in mine the hidden rooms are always filled with furniture and pictures from past generations of my family and I’m always sad when I wake up and it’s all gone.

Mjo
Mjo
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

I like dreaming that too.

WisedUp
WisedUp
6 years ago

About a month before D-day, one night I was lying next to sleeping Cheater in bed, and I woke up suddenly with a horrific nightmare that seemed so real that to this day, I don’t know where it came from and when I woke up, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I sat straight up, gasping — in my “dream” a gigantic hand reached down from above me and scooped my heart out of my chest. The hand was as big as me. It was so scary and it felt like real physical pain.

Cheater kept sleeping and I didn’t wake him as his back was turned to me.
It never happened again and in the weeks after D-day when I was getting my STD panel, I asked the dr to check out my heart, nothing was wrong with me physically. I’m not a very religious or spiritual person but I will always believe this indeed was a sign and a message, from somewhere, telling me I was about to have my heart ripped out by this snake sleeping next to me.

Telephone records later confirmed his many texts and phone calls to OW all during this period of time. And that was also how I busted him, by looking at my verizon account that his phone was on our family plan with, feeling so guilty all the while for spying on him. Duh. Listen to the signs…

TheFooledTwiceDad
TheFooledTwiceDad
6 years ago
Reply to  WisedUp

These stories about texting always hit home with me. After DD#2, I decided to do some digging. I’m not sure why since I already had my proof; maybe I was looking for more proof and to reveal more lies. I went through my phone bill since my wife is on my plan. A month after DD#1, we went away as a family to reconnect. During a 6-week period, WHICH INCLUDED THAT FAMILY VACATION, my wife exchanged just under 2200 text messages with AP#2 (this was 3-4 months before DD#2). Think about that; that’s an average of over 50 messages per day! I stopped looking through the phone bills after that. No more guilty feeling for spying.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  WisedUp

I decided to check the phone bills. Four months of around 200 calls a month to OW. Except when they were together, there were no phone calls. I asked our daughter – guess how many times my phone number is on the bill? She said about 15? I said, yeah, about that. Lol She refuses to see him now. He cries about how she has thrown him away. Oh brother.

WTH
WTH
6 years ago
Reply to  WisedUp

Wised up, so funny. That’s EXACTLY how I found out about my cheater. He was on my Verizon bill. Saw the number and googled it. funny. He was texting her 50 times a day. Meanwhile he would often ignore my 1 text a day (letting him know about the gourmet dinner I had made him that was waiting for him at home) saying he was just “so busy” at work to respond. Then seeing all the texts to her hurt my heart so much.

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
6 years ago
Reply to  WTH

WTH – mine did exactly the same! I texted him on my birthday – day before DDay – and told him I missed him. He never replied to that one. Later I learned he was texting skank all day & arranging to meet her at our house – on MY birthday – told me he “didn’t get” my texts. What a POS.
Trust that they suck. Mentality of 13 year old boys. We are SO much better off without them!

Mehtaphysics
Mehtaphysics
6 years ago
Reply to  WTH

Drsadz texted the OW thousands and thousands of texts. It was so easy to spot once I checked the phone records.

Mehtaphysics
Mehtaphysics
6 years ago

A month before dd1 I had a dream. In the dream God said something like, “You’ve been released from your wedding vows. You are free to pick another husband.” So in the dream I picked a other, much nicer man I had known for years. Of course I ignored it and we reconciled. Until I found out about the next woman. Oi.

Side note: why why why why why do we try reconciling? Looking back I just facepalm. Oh well. Onward and upward.

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtaphysics

I won’t regret or judge myself for reconciling – it just proves my trusting, loving heart, which I wouldn’t trade in for a cheater model ever! I can honestly say “I tried” and move forward in confidence and peace knowing HE sucks and I did my BEST.
The vacuum left by cheater-man is being filled with lovely me-time and dreams of a freer tomorrow and the opportunity for a better, honest relationship someday, once I look at what in me chose to stay with such a disordered human for so long. Leaving is the most sane decision I have made in decades. Because i stayed so long, there is no doubt remaining that I am doing what is right for me. And mighty.

lyndaloo
lyndaloo
6 years ago
Reply to  Mehtaphysics

Becaause you’re a good forgiving women who tried to save your marriage! Glad you moved on!

Oneonefourone
Oneonefourone
6 years ago

Last photo taken of us was on a walk with x’s family. His dad had his thumb on the lens, blocking X out.

And a mere seven months later, x takes ow on the same walk and she makes a selfie from that spot her profile pick. (Don’t worry, no more pain shopping is a resolution).

I think ow had a sign involving shit. Day after she makes herself at home in my home while I was away and started the affair, she had massive bags of dirt stolen from her allotment that upset her. I haven’t had much karmic satisfaction but I like to think she got a teeny tiny bit of the universe saying ‘yeah that was a dick move’ to her.

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago

My dreams were about being in a dark rectangular room with no doors or windows. There was no way out.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

I would often have dreams where X was berating me and when I would open my mouth to defend myself, nothing would come out. It induced profound feelings of helplessness.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I would have dreams of X berating me or doing something cruel to hurt me.
Trying to speak with all my strength without a making a sound, the feeling of helplessness would be frightening.

Chumpiness
Chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I had dreams like that too. I would wake myself up trying to scream and then a thin little sound would come out. The most telling dreams for me were the overflowing toilet dreams. I would be somewhere and need the restroom. When I walked in all the toilets were overflowing with sh!t and there were no privacy walls. I had this dream frequently up until the divorce.

Hopeful Cynic
Hopeful Cynic
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumpiness

I have those dreams too! I can’t find a bathroom when I need one, or it’s filthy, or there are no doors on the stalls, or the walls are half-height, etc.

Usually, I wake up and realize I need to pee and get right back to sleep afterwards.

Or, it could be symbolic of nobody caring about my basic needs!

Digbert
Digbert
6 years ago

I woke up one morning after having the weirdest dream that my XH was going somewhere in the universe but he wouldn’t tell me – very odd and I told him so and laughed it off………he left for good the next day.

Another bad omen was on my wedding day – my mother missed the wedding (she was ironing my lazy brother’s shirt – very long story). At the time it was shocking but funny (she came rushing in as we were leaving the chapel asking “how do I look?”) and it was the most memorable part of the day – upon reflection.

One night I was walking past my study and I noticed something on my desk – I have lots of toys, collectibles etc. There was my XH’s Chucky doll (present from someone) sat staring at me and there was a note in front of him which read “ I hate you Digbert” I laughed it off but it unnerved me that he (XH), would write it, it was obviously true but he thought he was funny – even that dolls hair started falling out, just like mine when I lived with him!

I have loads more but better stop now …….I should have listened to my gut.

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
6 years ago
Reply to  Digbert

That is so creepy about the Chucky doll and the horrible note, Digbert!!

Sugar Plum
Sugar Plum
6 years ago

I actually had dreams of him and Shrek. I had moved to a different state ahead of him and the family, something HE wanted. His argument was that if we were going to buy a house there, one of us should already have a job. Turns out he just wanted a few months to try Shrek out for size with me out of the way.
I dreamed about him cheating on me. I knew what color she was, somewhat how she looked, even her hair color and the fact that she died her hair. It was so real that I called him and asked him if he was cheating on me with a fake bleached blond. When he paused before answering, I though it was because he was so shocked. Silly me.

Jo
Jo
6 years ago
Reply to  Sugar Plum

Wow!!! You have an incredibly powerful and mighty mind—- and an intuition you can absolutely bank on. That’s awesome.

SarSen
SarSen
6 years ago

I joke that my wedding dress tried to kill me. I was feeling weak and shakey at the wedding reception for no apparent reason. I kept thinking I was going to pass out. I sucked it up as nerves and muscled through the festivities. Well, afterwards, when we got back to the hotel, I took off my dress & undergarments (no easy feat) and I then realized that one of the thick metal bars lining the inside of the corset had come loose and worked it’s way out of the fabric. The sharp metal was literally stabbing me in the side all day, every time I moved. I was bleeding pretty badly, but the dress was pulled so tight and the fabric was so thick that the blood simply soaked an 8″ circle on the inside fabric–it didn’t quite get through the corset. The blood stain was so bad that I had to throw away the dress.

I should’ve run far and fast when I learned that my wedding dress harpoooned me. Even my dress knew I was making a colossal mistake! 🙂

MyIntuitionWasRight
MyIntuitionWasRight
6 years ago

When I moved out to my new apartment I took my houseplants with me. They are thriving! One of the big ones used to always lean and never grow. Now? Seriously, double their size and growing straight up. The plants knew.

Lady B
Lady B
6 years ago

My garden looks amazing in the last year, it’s thriving on the peaceful vibes????????

sweetChumpgirl
sweetChumpgirl
6 years ago

I had a dream on the morning of dday that the ex and I were in a hotel and the tub we were taking a shower in was surrounded by people watching us. All I wanted was to alone with him so we could have sex but people kept interupting us. Just before we got out of the shower a man was lying naked on the bed dying and had an adult diaper on. In the adult diaper was feces and bugs crawling out of it. The man had stab wounds on his body and was extremely skinny except his enormous stomach. I woke up at exactly 5:55am. 4 days after this dream I kicked him out and filed for divorce. For a year previous I kept seeing 1111, 333 and 555. Come to find out they are angel numbers guiding me to the new journey in my life. Telling me I will be ok. As for the dream, I believe the man with the adult diaper is the true self of my ex that I didn’t want to see. I still see double and triple numbers to this day.

Over and Out
Over and Out
6 years ago
Reply to  sweetChumpgirl

That’s interesting about the numbers. I catch lots of repeating 1s…

sweetChumpgirl
sweetChumpgirl
6 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

1’s are my main numbers too. I looked up a lot of info about it before and after. Ironically the ex’s phone number had 1111 in it and I never noticed it until recently because I always just pressed his name to call.

IntegrityIntact
IntegrityIntact
6 years ago
Reply to  sweetChumpgirl

333 is my number!! I didn’t start seeing/noticing it until after Dday!!! And one of my very close friends who went through the same thing? 555 is hers…xoxo

sweetChumpgirl
sweetChumpgirl
6 years ago

Xoxo back. We all deserve so much more now after the hell we went through.

lemon_fresh
lemon_fresh
6 years ago

Not as metaphor as everyone else, but at the end, I had many a dream where I caught her cheating and she laughed in my face as I confronted her. I would tell her about these when I woke up, and she would reassure me that it was just ask dream.

Well… I am here, so we all know how that turned out.

I guess my subconscious knew, but my brain was ignoring it all.

RealMonkeyLove
RealMonkeyLove
6 years ago

I left work early one day and came home unexpectedly. A little voice in my head said “You’re going to find her with another man”. This was 8 months before DDay and about a week after she’d suddenly laid into me over dinner in a restaurant about how unhappy she was. She wasn’t there on that occasion but in retrospect it turns out she was already 6 months into the cheating when she launched into her “I’m not happy” rant which was the first I’d been told of it. Must have been planning her escape by then.

The next 8 months were hellish with weird, unpredictable moods and distancing. I got very anxious and often had trouble sleeping. My gut knew what was up but I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it. I think the 8 months of abuse and hell ensured that it didn’t take long for me to see sense after DDay about what an utter shit she was and how I should divorce ASAP. Slept like a baby ever since I decided to divorce, no anxiety, no bad dreams.

SheChump
SheChump
6 years ago
Reply to  RealMonkeyLove

Real Monkey…thanks for sharing.
I absolutely do not understand how somebody can suddenly just UP and shit on an invested marriage!
How and why?
It makes no sense to me, especially if you have kids.
Usually, they don’t even know the other person! And, think they are in deep enough love to throw everything in their life away. Extended family, immediate family and many deep friendships.

Somebody, please, explain to me how that can possibly happen by meeting somebody online for a month, and often not even meeting them before they leave their entire lives behind. Like a cult. Makes no sense.

And, what in the hell are 3000+ text messages in a month talking about???

Jo
Jo
6 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

This makes no sense to you because you are a good person who is projecting your own rational values on to the disordered person’s set of unbelievably crappy life skills. They don’t even know themselves, so therefore they cannot know anyone else the way the rest of us do. One month of online interactions and 3k text messages worth of new kibbles seems like a deep relationship to someone is an unhealthy, disordered person. They are just different than we are. They cannot form real and true bonds with anyone, not even their own babies.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Jo

Thanks Jo, I occasionally need the reminder of what they are. Like Shehump I’ll never understand how anyone can leave a long term marriage, 25 years of memories, throw your spouse away like a piece of garbage, abandon your children all without a conscious.
I couldn’t treat a stranger the way I’ve been treated by my X.
You’re right they don’t form real bonds or feel love for anyone other than themselves.
It’s scary to know that I married an imposter, and I my life for over 20 years was a lie.
I assumed I was married to someone I trusted with my live and who I thought loved me and our family as much as I did.
No one knows how completely devastating it is unless you lived through it.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit – Yep. They throw you and your kids away without blinking an eye. Then punish you for not being ok with it.

People cannot understand unless they live it. You can try to explain it and people will not get it. I tried to explain to a friend. She always looked so perplexed – she could not understand it no matter how I explained.

They do not care about anyone but themselves. Outlived your usefulness? Out you go. I’m so sorry you had to experience this.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

My picker is broken. My first husband and now my stbx – they are in love with love. They love the infatuation – the kibbles. They can only do surface stuff. They had both been in rehab at one point and I got to read both of their journals.

They cannot really love people. They love the chase. The excitement. The adrenaline. People are objects to be used to make them ‘happy.’ (which they can never really be!) It’s all about them. It must be their way and manipulation is key to getting their way. So you have the 3 channels. They can’t come from a position of empathy and true caring. So they can only use manipulation.

When I stopped reacting to my first husband I watched him switch from the charm, to pity to rage thing within like a minute trying to get me to react. It was the weirdest thing. He got so flustered that I went gray rock he left the house in a tizzy. They must control you. Control and power trips. If you do not comply you will probably get the bullying and intimidation to get their way. They only know love bombing and abuse to get their way. It’s their way or the highway.

The thing that disgusts me the most is that they do the most heinous cruel things to people. When you stand up for yourself then they pull this pathetic victim role and cry how ‘mean’ you are while they go full spite and revenge on you. They are big cowards.

NotUrSupplySatan
NotUrSupplySatan
6 years ago

My Cosmic Sign happened on Jan 22,2000. The day I was married in the beautiful show covered mountains of Tennessee. We stayed in a chalet at the very top of the biggest mountain that TN offered in Gatlinburg. The morning of our chapel wedding we went down mountain for a pancake breakfast with my narcs mother and his step dad; my dad and his gf at the time. We had a wonderful time….. until we needed to head back up that mountain to gather all our wedding items for the ceremony.
COSMIC CLUE #1: While we enjoyed our breakfast an unexpected SNOW STORM hit the area closing off all access to our chalet!!!!!! My narc and his step dad went up that mountain on foot and managed to bring it all down in a TRASH CAN LID.

Fast forward Feb 2011
COSMIC CLUE #2:
We spent our 2 hour anniversary dinner in complete SILENCE. He wouldn’t even look at me and his body was positioned like he was ready to dolt out the door any second.
He told me he cheated on me with our bookkeeper 2 weeks later.

Fast forward Christmas 2016:
COSMIC CLUE #3
While bringing down tree ornaments one of the boxes I was carrying fell over the upstairs cat walk crashing to the floor below. When I investigated there were about 20 GLASS bulbs in this box and the ONLY ONE TO BREAK into a thousand pieces?? Our anniversary ornament we bought the year we were married, which had the date and our names hand painted on it.

COSMIC CLUE #4
Three weeks later…… the chapel we were married in burned to the ground in the forest fire that took all of Siever County TN in 2016.

Yup. Yup. Yup. I can’t make this shit up people. ????????‍♀️

YdontUStay
YdontUStay
6 years ago

That same forest fire burned our cabin to nothing but ashes and a charred water heater the day after my DDay.

During 7 months of wreckonciliation my back was killing me. Within days of her moving out that pain was gone.

Fighting Chumpiness
Fighting Chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  YdontUStay

I had back pain during wreckonciliation too! The morning he told me he had indeed been unfaithful to me again during wreckonciliation, the moment he told me, the pain went out of my back.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago

Wow. The universe was abundant with clues to you.

Nejla
Nejla
6 years ago

I used to have a dream that I was sleeping outside, alone and a little furry but mean (like a cross between a badger and opossum) animal would be nipping at me the whole night. I would be so stressed because I felt like I just had to stay and fall asleep (instead of getting up and walking inside!!!) and not pay attention and it would stop but it never would. I would always wake up when the fear of being bit would get to be too much.
Now my biggest hurdle is to get over having not left all the abusive behavior earlier instead of wasting 10 years hoping he would change but knowing deep down he wouldn’t.

HappilySingle
HappilySingle
6 years ago

For me it was unexpected illness. I was driving to a sales appointment one November morning when I had to pull over to the side of the road because I thought I was going to throw up. I found out three months later that the evening before was the first time he’d had sex with the OW.

A month later, I was away at a sales conference. All the way home, my colleagues (we’d car shared) had to stop to let me throw up. I found later that, whilst I’d been away, he’d had the OW at our house and they’d had sex in our bed.

Lady B
Lady B
6 years ago
Reply to  HappilySingle

Wow that’s very interesting. Mine was a bit similar but the days he was having sex with her I was having massive anxiety about my job I was having issues with at the time. It was so bad I resigned at short notice. I realise my emotional reaction was to do with his cheating that I knew nothing about not the people I had issue with at my work.

bouncing back
bouncing back
6 years ago
Reply to  HappilySingle

Oh god. You are so fine tuned to the universe, and I’m sorry you had to experience that

Ali
Ali
6 years ago
Reply to  HappilySingle

Wow, HappilySingle — you are fined tuned to the universe! Something to be grateful for!

Luziana
Luziana
6 years ago

Months before Cold Slab O’Meat started his affair, he started ignoring me, rejecting affection and verbal put downs. My adult son was visiting and expressing some upset over my ex’s hoarding.

For a moment of clarity, my sense of priorities returned and I said, ‘If CS keeps being a jerk, I’m going to ask him to move. You should move back in.’

‘No mom, you’re TOO Neat. It’s the opposite. I’m messy and you hate it.’

Also I just stopped doing everything for Cold Slab and SD. They never appreciated what I cooked and cleaned and paid for anyway. Stopped buying their junk food with my money. Stopped doing their laundry. Stopped being the only responsible adult making sure SD had school supplies, lunch money and vacation bags packed properly. That poor kid, two adult narcissist parents happy to let a stepparent do all the dirty work.

There were some m unfortunate scenes when I stopped fixing their lives for them. The funnies part was nobody yelled at me. They all were busy yelling at each other and not even aware I’d stopped supporting them. Anything that wasn’t part of the household at large, I’s stopped paying and doing they didn’t notice.

The affair was devastating but the verbal and financial abuse started months before. I kept asking Cold Slab O’Meat what was going on and was told I was crazy and making things up.

Well, crazy doesn’t pay your bills, make you 4 star meals and wash your knickers.

The last meal I made that I ever allowed him to eat was a pot of Green Chicken Chile that I made in the crock pot while he sat on the couch texting the Sluterus and I fixed a hole in our bathroom floor he had caused by ‘not knowing’ the sink on his side had a leak. He had the fucking nerve to eat my food while he sat on a couch I bought not helping with damage he did to the home he’d lived in free of charge for two years. Texting a whore he’d already impregnated.

That…so encapsulates his character that I don’t need to tell you he thought he was super generous to compliment my Chili while he was destroying my life. And he was shocked when I chirped, ‘Of course it’s delicious. Everything I make is. Remember that. Now instead of talking to that whore while I fix your mess, go pack some boxes so you can get the fuck out. Get off my couch and go spread your ass on hers. Hope she has Chili, it’s that last meal you’ll ever have here.’

Merrychump
Merrychump
6 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Bravo Luziana, another cheater was served his Khama. ????????

Chumpedincanada
Chumpedincanada
6 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Like! Like! Like!

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
6 years ago

I should have listened on my wedding day. Married on a dock overlooking the water. I kept having this uncontrollable urge to run down the dock to safety and keep running.

I didn’t listen. When the Minister was reading the wedding vows I started crying uncontrollably. The wedding guests thought it was sweet ~ I didn’t know at the time why I was crying.

I do now.

It was a definite sign that I spackled over.

Chumpinessp
Chumpinessp
6 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

I woke up the morning after my wedding and thought what the heck have I done!? 30+ years later, I have my answer.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago

My two-year-old toddler threw away and lost my wedding ring. I shit ye not.

For whatever reason, my boy liked trying on my wedding & engagement rings. He threw my wedding ring across my bedroom and it amazingly not only travelled into the en-suite bathroom, but, as I later found out after many futile hours of fruitless searching, somehow disappeared down the most minute of possible gaps in the bathroom floor. This gap, it turned out, led into the internal wall cavity, all the way into the foundations of the house.

This gap was so small, I’d never noticed it before. But how a two-year-old was able to fling an object from one room into another, which not only landed right by this gap, but somehow actually managed to fall into it? To me, that’s beyond bizarre.

When I told the husband, he snapped at me that I wasn’t going to get another one. He actually seemed angry that he’d still have to wear his and I wouldn’t – he angrily told me to have his, instead!

A year later, in advance of our wedding anniversary, the committed fool I was organised and paid a joiner to rip up the floor boards in my bathroom to search for the ring. When he couldn’t find it, he ripped out the skirting boards in the hallway below. After sticking his hands in the dark rubble, he eventually found the blasted thing.

Looking back, that moment was like something out of Lord of The Rings. I think I should have left that symbol of a godforsaken marriage there, in the dark and the dirt and the dust. It probably would have lain there, in the foundations of the house for a century or two, undisturbed and undiscovered. The symbol of a domestic kind of evil best left buried…

Plus, the joiner had to make a right mess to search for it. Like I made a mess of my own life (albeit, temporarily) trying to pick-me-dance with a man utterly checked out and full of contempt.

Jo
Jo
6 years ago

@Off the crazy train, And the award for best written comment goes to…. YOU! What a gift you have for the written word.

“It probably would have lain there, in the foundations of the house for a century or two, undisturbed and undiscovered. The symbol of a domestic kind of evil best left buried…” Genius turns of phrase.

That Is Not A Thing
That Is Not A Thing
6 years ago

Amazing metaphor for your commitment to your family. Mighty. Willing to tear everything down to find what was lost.

TKO
TKO
6 years ago

What a great story. Love the Lord of the Rings reference. I hope once you recovered it you had it melted down.

REAL EYES
REAL EYES
6 years ago

Months before DDay an explanation of benefits came to our home from the insurance co that included a prescription for viagra. Shock and a kick to my stomach would be the only description I can render of the physiological response in my body. Spackle me pretty…NEVER would my husband step out on me…NEVER! I decided to watch him for a period of about 6 weeks with a new set of eyes…Was he having an affair? When? He’s always working or here at home. I could see something was off with him, he was withdrawn, not present. Finally worked up the nerve to ask him if he was having an affair? NO! Never! I would never do that! Why then, I asked do you have a prescription for Viagra that I, your wife am unaware of?? Bear in mind this was the one and ONLY time a drug prescription ever showed up on an explanation of benefits EVER. Mr. Smartypants got the script at the hospital pharmacy when he went for his prostate check up. I did believe him then. He said “it was just for 2 pills to try in out and it didn’t work” Righto dude! After D Day I found he’d been getting Viagra for months and cheating for at least 6 months. At least there’s plenty of money for him to be required to share! So So much happier without that oppressive man!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
6 years ago
Reply to  REAL EYES

My fuckwit brought home a dozen dick pills after working in the Middle East since they sell them over the counter there (of course they do). I was aware of him using 2 of them for “us.” Strangely, all of them disappeared and when I asked him about it he said he used them. Um, with whom? No one.

This was a classic “You Might Be a Chump If” moment.

JenChump
JenChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Oh my god. My husband worked in the Middle East a few years ago and also got a prescription for Viagra. He’s NEVER had an issue (healthy, early 40s) and he had some pithy cover story. I found out later he had been “inappropriately” texting other women while over there and hit the bars frequently but “only to flirt” because it was the ME and “nothing too untoward” could happen over there anyway (Dubai).
I’ve never ever felt this rang true. His opportunities to stray are severely limited these days but I still wonder. And I lurk on this site, so…

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
6 years ago
Reply to  JenChump

I am sorry you are in this situation. I always believed I had unrealistic worries and that nothing could happen while he was there. He was in Saudi so it is not the Las Vegas of the ME like Dubai is, but he developed constant “mico affairs” with women at work and I would not be surprised if they became something more than just emotional amusement parks for him. The poor sausage constantly was looking for “something else, something more” whether is was more exciting work in dangerous locations or some other woman to turn on the charm with instead of the tired old wife appliance.

I always felt like I was doing my part by being a great wife and holding down the home fort and dealing with everything there while he was on the other side of the planet. I easily could have been a cheater considering how he completely ignored me and spent so many years doing whatever the hell he pleased when it came to work travel.

Alas, I was informed that I was the problem in our marriage during the brutal discard from the initial poof abandonment and then the return for 2 days of screaming at me that I am a terrible person and was the one who destroyed the marriage. All the while he had a Schmoopie half his age cooking on the side.

He was always on the look out for some new and fresh little Miss Perfect Schmoopie and treated me like complete crap but he feels totally justified in declaring that I am 100% to blame. He will treat the next ones like that too though after the love bombing, and he won’t have kids with them to force any thread of connection. He can freely bounce from one to the next and keep them all wondering how he feels about them, and ultimately he can die alone. He deserves it.

I do trust that the sucks and he will find out just how much I put up with when the next ones simply will not. He just ain’t that great of a catch.

Chumpiness
Chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Mine also had a prescription not used with me ( I would no longer have regular sex with him) and the counts were dropping. I thought he was using them for the marathon whacking off sessions in the bathroom with his private collection of sex toys? Am I being a chump to think he wasn’t cheating then? He had an exit affair and I believed that was the first…

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumpiness

Raising hand here. I found a sample pack of six Viagra with two missing in Cheater X husband’s bathroom drawer. (Never in the years we were married did he need them) When confronted, he said that he had used them with me. Bwahaha You think I would have remembered THAT wood !

WTH
WTH
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

I would find the back door of our master bedroom door unlocked (there was nothing to go to in that part of our backyard and another main door that we would use to go into the backdoor). Often, there would be leaves on the rug by that master bedroom door and I would ask, why it was always unlocked. he would shrug it off and say I was giving him the third degree. I also would notice that my medicine cabinet door was always left open after I came back into town from working in another city 1 or 2 X a week (on his insistence). In there was the lube we kept. I thought it was strange as there was nothing else that he kept in there that was his that would warrant that door to be open all the time. Come to find out after D Day that ugly horse looking tranny looking whore girl was coming over after my son went to bed to our house, they were smoking and drinking outside in the backyard and then he was bringing her through that backdoor (which was the one that I asked him about) to have sex with her on our bed while our son slept next door. My wedding photo hung in our master bedroom (as did his).

Wynnie
Wynnie
6 years ago
Reply to  WTH

While anger at the OW is justifiable, taking it out on the trans community with hateful slurs is not. Not cool.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
6 years ago
Reply to  REAL EYES

My ex also got Viagra at the beginning of his affair (really, the only way an affair would be remotely possible). When I noticed that some were “missing”, he told me that he sold them to the guys at the gas station. Then, he changed to Cialis and never mentioned the change to me. Refilled that prescription EVERY month… and during the divorce, I had to keep him on MY insurance!

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  NotMyFault

I swear these cheaters & their dick pills seem to go hand & hand!
And of course there is always a reason that they are missing or used-and not with us.
Ex would get dick pills from the Dr. & then say that they gave him a headache & didn’t make him feel good but yet the pills were disappearing and not being used with me? He would tell me that he gave them to his friends or co-workers, etc. After ex passed away last year, his work sent his office belongings to my house & lo and behold the boxes contained MULTIPLE bottles of EMPTY Viagra prescriptions dated during the time we were together and they sure in the hell weren’t being used with me.

In hindsight, I think that was the universe showing me that I was right about him all along

Mjo
Mjo
6 years ago

Early morning on DDay I had a dream of a man sitting on a stool looking at me. There was nothing and nobody else in the room. And he stared. Suddenly I felt love like no other love I ever felt before coming from him. It wasn’t a romantic love. No words were spoken. It was just a feeling. It’s really hard to explain the experience actually. Then I woke up and muttered “who was that?”. 10 hours later I got the “email” from my stbx.

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

That is so weird but I had a similar dream about the warming feeling of love recently & didn’t understand it. It was a man who came to me & took my hand in his so lovingly but I couldn’t see his face and I didn’t recognize his voice. He told me not to worry, that everything was going to be alright and he was stroking my hand and arm very gently. I felt love, strength, peace and safe-all at once. Things I never felt with ex.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

I believe that “Love” feeling is known as “Agape” (pronounced as “Ah-Gah-pay”) which is an all-embracing, not sexual, love. It’s a wonderful thing to have in your life. Congratulations to all whom have felt it.

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
6 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Thanks SoldieringOn 🙂

Agape the Greek concept?

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

I had a dream like that about 3 months after abandonment. It made me realize I never once had that feeling from Fuckwit. That non-sexual, completely warming feeling of love from some faceless man, perhaps like the complete love we feel toward our new infants. It was another step forward and away from the asshole for me.

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

MJO, I have experienced that pure love feeling in the past: it seems to come prior to an event that is devastating in some way, almost to protect and shore me up from damage.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Mjo

My mother used to compare Dancing Dick to a snake. I thought she was being a little dramatic. She was right.

Laughing Gator
Laughing Gator
6 years ago

The year before Dday I would have these horrible nightmares of this huge snake attacking me and biting me over and over as I screamed.
They would always wake me right up with my heart racing. Little did I know that the snake was sleeping next to me. After the divorce I never had the nightmare again.

Goodmazal
Goodmazal
6 years ago
Reply to  Laughing Gator

I too had dreams with snake imagry when I was married to the horror.

I was down a flight of stairs in a place unknown to me. I knew ex was upstairs in a room with a closed door with another woman, but had not seen him with my own eyes. I tried to climb the stairs to open the door to see for certain, but tripped and fell on a pack of snakes lying and writhing up and down the steps, and could not get up the stairs.

I confronted ex many times about an affair and he gaslighted me, he is a criminal defense lawyer. I felt I had to see before I trusted what I knew. I still struggle with my strong intuitions and feelings and knowing what to do when my control is limited.

I know he is not emotionally healthy to be around, and my son should not be in his care, but he acts like father of the year and has gained 40% custody. This hurts all the time.

There was more to the dream and there were so many signs. I wish that I, and all of us, have the strength to listen and act on what we feel in our beings is true.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
6 years ago

Driving home from a “counseling” session with some lay couples counselors, my (now ex) wife and I discussed what might justify divorce biblically. She remarked that I had far more grounds to divorce her than she did I. Eight months later, I discover a man with whom she was cheating. My guess is that he wasn’t the first.

Thankful
Thankful
6 years ago

I should have listened to my instincts the first time I laid eyes on him. Instantly thought he was gay.

I should have listened when a mutual friend advised me not to get involved with him, her comment and I quote “you don’t want to mess about in that gene pool there all crazy”

I should have listened when the weirdest shit would happen and he would just act like it was just all normal.

I should have listened when our wedding day became all about him, he chose the music for the service including what I walked down the ile to and what we danced to at the reception. We had 110 guests and not one of them was biologically related to me and only 4 where longterm friends of mine.

I should have listened when he just up and moved an hour from our home six months before the wedding to a new job and tiny house claiming it would save us money, only to up and move again 8 months after we married claiming he couldn’t cope at his job because the locals would not accept him and guys kept trying to pick him up even though he had supposedly pined a copy of our marriage certificate to his work station.

The endless dodgy cars, the constant change of jobs, the random getting injured too or from work generating great concern and then needing to have time off and claim compensation.

The signs where numerous, so much so I could play this game all day……………I had a big bucket of spackle and could trowel like a champ

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Mine buggered off before the end of our wedding reception. Left me, without even telling me, to say goodbye to all our guests. Found myself alone with one or two friends, on my wedding night. Had to search the entire venue for him. Found him in one of the bedrooms, drinking with his mates. On our wedding night. What a charmer.

WTH
WTH
6 years ago

Yup. Mine got completely hammered on our wedding night. We didn’t even have sex.
Should have been a sign that he was a closet alcoholic but I just overlooked it. Now I realize I should have seen that (along w/ a bunch of other signs)

Wanting to be on the Other Side
Wanting to be on the Other Side
6 years ago

So glad you are Off the Crazy Train!

Your post rings so true with me. At my wedding (11 years ago now) the POS was drunk for the ceremony. he spent the majority of the reception drinking and smoking with his friends. he showed up to dance with me once.

After nearly all the guests had left, he pressured me into going to some bar with him and his friends (he needed a designated driver). At the bar, by the time only us and another couple were left, I was so strung out from his deteriorating drunken state and the fact that he was working really hard trying to get cigarettes out of a faulty machine for the wife of that couple rather than leave to be with me on our wedding night, I burst into tears.

he blew up at me and verbally abused me all the way back to the room at his parents’ country club. Then he passed out on the bed. I did not sleep that night.

I should have known then!!

Mjo
Mjo
6 years ago

I got a big mental image of your story. I am so sorry for you. He neglected you in a big way. I can’t imagine the anxiety you had about your future. He sounds really immature.

feelingit
feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

My first impression of fuckwit when we were introduced was that he was a snob. He barely acknowledged me and seemed aloof. An hour later, he sat down next to me and offered to buy me a drink. He was a completely different person. I thought I had misjudged him. Much later when we discussed our meeting and told him of my impression, he replied : Oh, I just wasn’t expecting you to be there and I hadn’t seen these guys (other friends of his that were there) for awhile. Now I realize, he needed to adjust his mask before he talked to me. Surprise shouldn’t preclude good manners.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

I also had “signs.” Being the kind, non judgmental chump I was when I first met Dancing Dick- I blew them off.

He once told me that he had urges to rape a woman on a beach when he was younger. He complimented himself for restraining himself. I wasn’t sure what to think. It troubled me. I blew it off as “youthful folly.” Or…………..that was then….this is now (Dancing Dick was in AA “helping himself”- he was no longer that “bad person”).

I should have ran….right there….right then!

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago

Urge to rape?? Wow. That’s really awful. I mean, sexual attraction is wonderful, and we all get sexual urges. But an urge to rape someone, that’s pretty sinister.

This is nowhere near as bad, but when we first got together, my ex would tell me he’d search for and watch videos of people being hung. He’d also seen a man being stabbed in the neck at the next table or two away from him… the man later died. While I was imagining how traumatised this would have made him, giving him lots of sympathy and understanding for what he’d witnessed, he just shrugged his shoulders… As if what he’d seen was nothing more than a building being dismantled. Of course, I spackled over his indifference, and the fact that he’d actively searched for, and chosen to watch those videos… So cold.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago

I don’t know JessMom, that sounds as bad as the ‘urge to rape’ to me. Enjoying watching people getting killed. Yikes !!!

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

Oops…that comment was meant for Off The Crazy Train.

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago

My serial-cheating asshole did all of this — but hid it from me exceptionally well. During my investigative days of trying to figure out who in the heck this person I was married to for two decades really is, I discovered lots of computer searches for “Nazi Porn” … and the images … OMG … so horrible. So really, really horrible. Still turns my stomach. I cried when I saw them (for the poor women).

Between the rape porn and Nazi porn, etc. — It quickly became very clear who the serial-cheating asshole is … he’s a monster.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

Finding the genres of Dancing Dick’s porn tastes- was my turning point. Barely legal, and porn depicting violence toward women= I’m out of here! Now way can I “unsee” those horrible things.

feelingit
feelingit
6 years ago

Once after sex (had to be at least 3 years into marriage) fuckwit said, I don’t see how guys can rape girls, it would be so hard to get it up like that. WTF, I have never forgotten that, just weird to even go there.

Thankful
Thankful
6 years ago

Oh. the things we spackle over, That is horrendous, give the man a bitch cookie he restrained himself.

Reading your comment reminded me of something cheater did before just after we got engaged that I never spoke to him about joking it off as a bit of humor, But he actually approached my best friend at the time saying that if things don’t work out between he and I, that maybe the two of them should give it a go. She was not impressed as she was engaged at the time, and Cheater would never miss the opportunity to point out to people how big a loser her partner was or even publically humiliate him. Cheater loved to get a laugh at the expense of others

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

Before d-day, I used to have dreams that I was being abandoned in the woods. After d-day, I used to have nightmares about a prostitute half my age moving into my house. I was invisible to Dancing Dick (ex perv/cheater)- so he could not hear me when I protested the whore’s presence in my home.

Before d-day, Dancing Dick used to wake up from his sleep- gasping for air….sweating. Now I know why.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

The whore in my house dream qualifies me as Ms. Cleo’s protege! I did not yet discover a secret online affair with a web cam hoe. When I did find out about it (after I started having the dream)……..there was Dancing Dick promising the web cam hoe MY house! For real!

Thankful
Thankful
6 years ago

oh, when the cheater has insomnia and blames it on you claiming it was something you did that woke them and because they could not get back to sleep they had to go hang out on the computer…..Its all a win-win for them. They get away with their double life while you feel guilty they can’t sleep.

Attie
Attie
6 years ago

Oh my God, of all the CN discussions this one is really hitting home to me when I see how many of you had the same dreams as I did. I had many, many repeated nightmares about being trapped in a maze, or a warehouse without windows or in the wilds and struggling to find my way out. The worst of those was picture, if you will, the Andes, but not all green and lush – covered in slippery, slimey mud – and I was trying to climb my way out of there but every where I turned it was another dead end. One young man on the path just ahead of me could take it no more so raising his arms in the sign of the cross just jumped – but I kept going. And I would always be running into monsters or even hordes of children who would just keep jabbing at me. Often I would be struggling to carry a small child with me who I knew was one of my sons, but I never gave up. Those dreams stopped when I got rid of the ex.

Another frequent one even know is trying to wash. I might be at a camp site and every time I try to get into one of the showers someone dashes in front of me. Or at the swimming pool trying to change into my clothes and someone always “stole” the changing cubicle as I got there. Or there was a shower but no water. My therapist said that even now I am trying to “wash” the past away – wash the filth off if you like. Haven’t succeeded so far but they are getting further apart.

And forgive me for banging on a bit, but the most wonderful dream occurred just before the divorce. My dad (in the dream) was a baby and I was taking care of him. I knew it was in England and I was never able to take care of him as he was dying because I live in France. But every time I put baby dad to bed he pooped all over himself. So I would wash and change him and start again but over and over he would mess all over himself. Finally I put baby dad down and said “dad, I can’t do this any more”. Then suddenly baby dad became a handsome young man who leaned over and whispered in my ear “if only you would realize how close I am to you right now you would know you will be ok”. Then I woke up sobbing and my ex and my sons came running into the bedroom to see what was the matter. Turns out it was July 17 – the anniversary of my dad’s death – and you now what, dad was right! Thanks dad.

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Thanks for sharing that.

Over and Out
Over and Out
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie, What a beautiful last dream!

Over and Out
Over and Out
6 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

This just occurred to me – When I had gotten engaged @ 21 years old, my dad tried to talk me out of marrying. He saw something in my fiancé that he did not like, yet I was too blinded by “love” to listen… Dad was very loving and supportive throughout my marriage. Sadly, he passed away when I was 29. Toward the end of my marriage, I had numerous dreams where he was present. I would be exploring rooms in unfamiliar places filled with vividly-colored sheer curtains and find him there sleeping peacefully. I wonder what symbolization lies there?

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

You dad symbolized peace and real love… appearing in unknown rooms that your ex had never been in. Rooms that weren’t tainted with pain or lies. Guidance in your dreams to show you the difference.
Thats my opinion.
????

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

????thank you for sharing that last dream

PathOfTotality
PathOfTotality
6 years ago

I had health issues and weird dreams, too, but my clearest sign came the day after I found out he was cheating. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve looked to cloud formations as “signs” and on this day, I looked up to see a very clear, strong vertebrate spinal column. The universe was telling me to get a spine.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago

I had fairly regular dreams of trying to save someone, and never getting help. Often, the ex would be in the dream, watching from the sidelines, sometimes smirking. I remember in one dream I was trying to save our child who had fallen into a deep swimming pool. I was struggling to get her up and out of the pool. Ex was just standing and watching, and yawned. I should have noted how these dreams occurred many, many times over the years.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

On the flip side, I had a dream last night that I was enjoying the most delicious, passionate kiss with a handsome younger man. Maybe we can enjoy sharing our lovely dreams we’ve had since becoming cheater free? Idea for tomorrow’s post? I’ve also had dreams about finding treasure and valuable antiques I didn’t know were in my house.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago
Reply to  FindingBliss

Yes, FindingBliss, I have had many dreams these past years of being in love and kissing passionately with handsome strangers. I hate it when that alarm clock goes off….lol

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago

I have another one.

On my wedding day, I was waiting for the wedding car to return to take me and my dad to church. Everyone else had already left. As we were waiting by the front door, I was distracted by something underneath my wedding shoe. I bent down to have a look at what it was. It was a picture of a frog. Somehow, the pop-out frog from a copy of Rod Campbell’s ‘Dear Zoo’ book had become detached from the book, and had attached itself to my wedding shoe.

Of course, as I was stood there in my wedding dress, veil etc, waiting to get married, I took this as a sign that, when I kissed my cheater-husband-to-be at the alter, he would transform into my Prince Charming. Oh, how lovely! A fairy tale symbol on my wedding day!

But, no. Nope, it turned out my symbolic interpretation was right off. It turned out the frog was a frog, after all.

It was probably a warning.

Just out of interest, the text that accompanies the frog page on Dear Zoo is:

“So they sent me a frog. He was too jumpy! I sent him back.”

Damn right.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago

I LOVE that, especially the text accompanying the picture! Thanks for sharing. <3

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

My friends and family did not like Dancing Dick while I was dating him. They weren’t caught up in the throes of narcissistic hooking- so they were able to see right through him. No one was happy for me on my wedding day. My friends and family attended my wedding out of decency/obligation. I thought they were just all assholes. What was I thinking?

Thankful
Thankful
6 years ago

On my wedding day, most of the bridal party looked and acted like they had front row seats at a wake.
In the lead up to the wedding and on the day the best man looked like someone had pissed in his porridge –
realization since d’day, he had a thing for my Husband and to him, I was the OW.
My now ex BIL whom I have a good relationship with because of d’day, on my wedding day could not crack a smile and since d’day I have discovered he had no desire to be at the wedding of his brother let alone be part of the wedding party and had a hip flask full of scotch in his pocket he had been sipping from at every given opportunity. OMG, I am laughing reading this back to myself. You cannot make this shit up.

Attie
Attie
6 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

I was actually married in Switzerland before my family had ever met him (circumstances – not me trying to leave anyone out). So all my family were excited to be meeting this US marine. It was in the days before the internet so no photos. When he got off the plane and walked towards them there was a pregnant pause and they all just went “Oh”! I laugh now because they were right!

conniered
conniered
6 years ago

My hair stopped curling. It just went…flat. Straight. I have naturally wavy/curly hair. Dday was in the month of August, in the South. If you live or have ever visited the South during our humid summer months you know wavy hair gets wavyer. Mine just wouldn’t. I even changed how I wore my hair! It was also how I felt inside. I was bone tired. Ibwas tired and mt hair was tired. 3 years out, divorced, I can stand outside on a humid day (even in October) for an hour and wavy hair appears!! I thinks it wavyer now than ever before! Funny how that works…

Mehtamorphosis
Mehtamorphosis
6 years ago

Each semester we would have a party for his grad student TAs. Back in 2011, a female international student brought me a gift from home — a very beautiful ethnic dress. I thought it lavish and odd because she and I were only acquaintances. She was married with two kids and outwardly observant of her conservative religion, so I bought my husband’s interpretation that she was showing her gratitude to him in a socially acceptable way, through honoring his wife. He also claimed that she admired me greatly but was too shy and intimidated to befriend me.

You can guess what’s coming. It was a sign!

Last spring during the marriage policing I discovered that that this grad student and he were having an affair. His first one. That I know of. Shoulda coulda known that wasn’t just a gilt dress. It was a guilt dress!

Martha
Martha
6 years ago

“(Yeah God, I’m a bit slow on the uptake. Next time send Jesus personally. I might better take the hint…)”, Yeah, me too, Chump Lady.

From now I will always take recurring dreams seriously.

I’ll say for about four years I had a recurring dream. Had it at least once a week. I’d wake up around 1:15 am in a cold sweat and my heart pounding out of my chest. My dream always had to do with being alone in the world. The dreams were so awful that I could never fall back to sleep.

Well, October 2014, God woke me up again in the same way around midnight. Only this time my gut told me something was wrong as my husband still hadn’t come home from a “work dinner.” My first thought was that they took the NY bankers to the strip clubs (not that his coworkers ever did that before, but it was my first thought). Well, guess who walks in the door around 1:20am? The lying cheater who was out on a date with a newly divorced whore.

I have not had that dream once since that night.

I also had chronic neck pain most of our marriage. My neck no longer hurts as I got rid of the cheating, lying Pain in My Neck!

Wonder No More
Wonder No More
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Ughh, I had so many awful wake-ups of dread, peaking down to the couch just in case, realizing he still wasn’t home. I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep after. I even would go for walks sometimes near the end. Just awful, I am so glad that is over for ever.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

He was a literal pain in the neck. Hahahahahaha. That’s a perfect sign.

JC
JC
6 years ago

Rain on our wedding day…for our outdoor wedding. At a place in the Catskills where guests were invited to spend the weekend, go hiking, visit Woodstock, etc.

It rained ALL weekend. Two-thirds if the entire country were soaked that weekend.

Two years later, the remains of a hurricane blasted through the area, streams swelled and washed away bridges, and the venue was literally cut off from the outside world for a few days (during someone else’s wedding).

XW regularly lamented the rainy weekend; she said we should have chosen a different date.

But you know what happened the prior weekend? It snowed. Several inches. Stripped the fall foliage from most of the trees.

Yeah, it was a sign, all right.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

Yeah, it rained on my outdoor wedding ceremony day. Nice weather all the days leading up to it and the day after, nice weather again. The rain stopped so we could still have the ceremony, but it was gloomy and the grass was all spongy. They even had to put a rug of sorts in front of the gazebo so we wouldn’t step in the mud. Within an hour of the ceremony ending, it rained hard the rest of the night and our dream of our guests being able to be outside to stroll around the gardens didn’t pan out.

Also, now that I know my ex is a narc and narc’s like to keep their old supply (girlfriends) around after they break-up with them. I should have seen him inviting his ex-girlfriend to our wedding and reception as a really bad sign! Even my girlfriend freaked out when she saw his ex there. I was so conditioned by my ex that having your exes around after a break-up is totally normal. I’m sure he got lots of narc fuel on our wedding day with his ex who wanted to marry him at his wedding. Lying, cheating jerk!

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Martha

That is a level of fucked up so spectacular it’s leaving me speechless. For him to invite xg is totally thoughtless; for xg to accept & actually attend YOUR wedding is beyond bad taste.

Martha
Martha
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

Tell me about it, but I didn’t know that this too was another big red flag!! He dated her for maybe three years and I know for sure they talked marriage, because when I was still “friends” with him, she mentioned something about how much “they’d be worth” once they got married. He broke up with her to be with me. And then after I moved 650 miles away from my family to live closer to him, he called me up and said he was going to go out with his ex for dinner. I was so upset, but he said, “Everyone does this in college.” I now realize he was triangulating me with her like he did with all the other “friends” over the years. She was an ex-girlfriend that still wanted to be “friends” with him after their break-up and he conditioned me to believe this was all normal, so when she was invited to the wedding, I didn’t think anything of it. I wrongly felt secure about secure about the man I was marrying all the while GIGANTIC red flags were waving all around! And for years she sent us a Christmas card with the (ugh) Christmas letter about how wonderful her life was, yada yada. I never sent one back. It was like, why is she sending this? Now I know she was just more kibbles to my sparkly narc turd. I’ve often thought about writing her and telling her she dodged a bullet with the lying cheater, but by now he’s told everyone I’m “crazy”, so that would just make me look crazy if he’s been in contact with her. Lesson learned. Don’t have any contact with anyone associated with the narc, because they are so sneaky that they are always two steps ahead of you scheming up something else.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago

For years I would dream that a bear or a lion was in my house. I would hide and could see the animals searching for me slowly. The slow, calm hunting of me made it even more terrifying. I would look out the window and see my parents and have to keep them quiet and get them in the house to hide. Basically what I was doing in real life… keeping my family safe and quiet so I could remain married to a rage filled predator that wanted to destroy me.
Another one was I’d dream that my body was decomposing. I would look down and see a huge wound and my skin breaking apart. I told my therapist. She told me my body knew that he was killing me from the inside out.
On my wedding day (although it was a perfect and awesome wedding) my husband’s family tried to ruin my wedding by bringing items from his ex gf to the reception. They planned it ahead of time together to try to upset me. They were horrible prior, during, and after so no surprise. My bridesmaids stepped in and stopped it from happening. No one would ever tell me what was in the jacket pocket that they were trying to give him. Basically was an omen to the triangulation I spackling over and the triangulation with other women to come.
During his cheating he talked in his sleep and said “i am playing with fire. Don’t worry she doesn’t know anything”. I think that happened so i would start looking. And that’s what I did. And a few weeks later was DDay. And sometimes I wonder… did he actually say that in his sleep or was he playing with me like a cat taps around a mouse. After DDay I told him he said it and he stared at me expressionless but intense. In his face was something and I think it still bothers me because what I saw was amusement.