Eat, Pray, Kibble

npdElizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love, just wrote a piece in the New York Times admitting that she’s been a serial cheater. Only instead of “serial cheater” she calls it “Confessions of a Seduction Addict.”

She kind of glossed over that “cheated on my husband” bit in Eat, Pray, Love. I admit I read the book. From what I recall she had this perfect life with a perfect job and a husband who wanted children (the horror) and she bolted. Actually, she had a couple boyfriends.

In my mid-20s, I married, but not even matrimony slowed me down. Predictably, I grew restless and lonely. Soon enough I seduced someone new; the marriage collapsed. But it was worse than just that. Before my divorce agreement was even signed, I was already breaking up with the guy I had broken up my marriage for. You know you’ve got intimacy issues when, in the space of a few short months, you find yourself visiting two completely different couples’ counselors, with two completely different men on your arm, in order to talk about two completely different emotional firestorms. Trying to keep all my various story lines straight (Whom am I angry at, again? Who is angry at me now? Whose office is this?) made my hands shake and my mind splinter.

“Intimacy issues” is kind. How about fraud issues? Really, you dragged multiple men to couple’s therapy? The “two completely different emotional firestorms” had just one arsonist, Elizabeth — you.

But hey, reading public, she’s sorry.

For the first time, I forced myself to admit that I had a problem — indeed, that I was a problem. Tinkering with other people’s most vulnerable emotions didn’t make me a romantic; it just made me a swindler. Lying and cheating didn’t make me brazen; it just made me a needy coward. Stealing other women’s boyfriends didn’t make me a revolutionary feminist; it just made me a menace. I hated that it took me almost 20 years to realize this. There are 16-year-old kids who know better than to behave this way. It felt shameful. But once I got it, I really got it: There is no way to stop a destructive behavior, except to stop.

Okay, well she never says she was sorry. But I do appreciate that she disavows cheating as a revolutionary feminist act.

Elizabeth, I give you points for calling yourself a swindling, needy, coward. It takes some guts to admit something ugly about yourself in a New York Times op-ed piece. However, I am a bit queasy about your sincerity.  I read hundreds of pages such self-deprecation in Eat, Pray, Love — your chubby thighs, your inability to meditate, your romantic troubles. It made you accessible, sympathetic, and funny.

But isn’t it a form of what the kids call the “humblebrag”? You got your chubby thighs eating artisan pasta in Naples, Italy. You can’t meditate in a remote ashram in India. Your romantic troubles culminate with a relationship to a sexy, older gem merchant. You’re Everywoman, if Everywoman was an indulged child with a publisher’s fat travel budget.

Similarly, in this mea culpa, I get the distinct whiff of narcissism. Men want me! They can’t stop thinking about me! Everyone I meet is utterly enchanted by me!

I can’t say that I was always looking for a better man. I often traded good men for bad ones; character didn’t much matter to me. I wasn’t exactly seeking love, either, regardless of what I might have claimed. I can’t even say it was the sex. Sex was just the gateway drug for me, a portal to the much higher high I was really after, which was seduction.

Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you, of orchestrating somebody else’s longings to suit your own hungry agenda. Seduction was never a casual sport for me; it was more like a heist, adrenalizing and urgent. I would plan the heist for months, scouting out the target, looking for unguarded entries. Then I would break into his deepest vault, steal all his emotional currency and spend it on myself.

If the man was already involved in a committed relationship, I knew that I didn’t need to be prettier or better than his existing girlfriend; I just needed to be different. (The novel doesn’t always win out over the familiar, mind you, but it often does.) The trick was to study the other woman and to become her opposite, thereby positioning myself to this man as a sparkling alternative to his regular life.

Soon enough, and sure enough, I might begin to see that man’s gaze toward me change from indifference, to friendship, to open desire. That’s what I was after: the telekinesis-like sensation of steadily dragging somebody’s fullest attention toward me and only me. My guilt about the other woman was no match for the intoxicating knowledge that — somewhere on the other side of town — somebody couldn’t sleep that night because he was thinking about me. If he needed to sneak out of his house after midnight in order to call, better still. That was power, but it was also affirmation. I was someone’s irresistible treasure. I loved that sensation, and I needed it, not sometimes, not even often, but always.

Yeah, you’re not a “seduction addict,” you’re a kibble addict.

It’s all still about you. How do I know? Well, for starters you feel zero guilt for the chump (“other woman” hah). She’s an obstacle to kibbles. You say your seduction addiction is “destructive” but for whom? You? Did you ever think about the pain you inflicted on innocents?

I was never exactly monogamous. Relationships overlapped, and those overlaps were always marked by exhausting theatricality: sobbing arguments, shaming confrontations, broken hearts. Still, I kept doing it. I couldn’t not do it.

Relationships overlapped! Passive voice. Owning it would be writing “I cheated.”

Exhausting “theatricality”? It wasn’t theater to the people you hurt. The sobbing, broken hearted weren’t parts delivered by two-bit actors in your personal soap opera. They were real.

Until you can tell the difference between props and people, I doubt you’re sorry. Sorry.

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Bliss Menagerie
Bliss Menagerie
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Hmm it now makes perfect sense that Julia Roberts enabled this character come to life on screen- she’s a talented actor, and she’s no stranger to enabling the ‘theatricality’ and ‘relationship overlapping’.

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I never got a good feeling from that book and was not drawn toward the movie. I had some internal suspicions that it was infidelity that broke up her first marriage plus it was so self-indulgent and “look at me, look at my struggles, look how I meditate, look how I eat, look, look, look…” reeked of narcissism. I guess my intuition was correct. What a sham!

ChumpAdvocate - Vickie
ChumpAdvocate - Vickie
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I called it “Eat, Pray, Yawn’ because it droned on and on about her. She somehow skipped the pesky cheating part.

I love this article b/c it’s one of the best 1st person descriptions of NPD I’ve ever read. I always wondered what exactly went through their minds.

All that’s missing is the name of the Malibu rehab she’s going to attend to re-invent herself in 28 days before she becomes a motivational speaker.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago

“All that’s missing is the name of the Malibu rehab she’s going to attend to re-invent herself in 28 days before she becomes a motivational speaker.”

This is fucking hysterical. Thanks Chump Advocate for a good laugh.

Renee62
Renee62
8 years ago

Elizabeth Gilbert IS a motivational speaker. I heard her speak at Oprah’s the Life You Want Weekend. I never did like or finish her book which came highly recommended to me. Now I know why. I can’t identify with a cheater! I didn’t see any remorse in her statements either. What made her ‘come out’ & admit her narcissistic personality?

Renee62
Renee62
8 years ago
Reply to  Renee62

And I thought the same thing Lea that she’s profiting from the pain she caused her first husband. What a bitch! How was he able to stay silent while watching her BS everyone?

Lea
Lea
8 years ago

Reading this made me livid that I gave money to this woman for her book or that she even dared to have the guts to write about spirituality and growth, especially while claiming to experience both in ancient cultures that are defined by sacred ideas (not being a shitty human and being truthful). The worst part is that in her book, she states several times that she will not reveal the reasons for divorcing her husband out of respect to him and that both people are responsible for the marriage falling apart. I can’t even imagine what it was like for that man to watch this fraud make millions off of the pain she caused him by self-labeling it as “growth”. Fuck narcissists always being the first to grab the mic and sell their side of the story, leaving the chump with a second serving of a shit sandwich.

As always, thanks for this post CL.

Eileen
Eileen
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

OMG!!! I never read the book because it was during the books popularity that my hubby was having his affair. I can’t stomach Julia Roberts, & when the movie came out, hubby wanted me to read & see the movie so badly.
I found out later, that the book was “he & the ow book.” Ugh… Had a known…

VeniVidiVerily
VeniVidiVerily
8 years ago

Just another entitled, selfish, lying, cake-eating gravy-sucking home-wrecking ego-stroke junkie, no matter how eloquent her justifications are. How lovely for you, Lizzy ***slow clap***
/s

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago
Reply to  VeniVidiVerily

lol VVV. I second that slow clap.

Irene
Irene
8 years ago

Elizabeth, got low self esteem much? Hurting innocents to make your self “feel good.” Shame on you! You earned your fame and fortune at the expense of others.

fully trust that he sucks
fully trust that he sucks
8 years ago

I couldn’t get through the first twenty pages of her book. I had friends who raved but it seemed so narcissistic. This admission gives me hope that my gut instincts are better than I thought. Yup. She sucks.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
8 years ago

I read EPL too, believe it or not, because my cheating ex recommended it.

I found it shallow and pretentious and mildly unsettling. It’s a good read if you want to familiarize yourself with the false narratives narcissistic people weave to make themselves seem more fabulous even while they calculatedly reveal some flaws.

A long time ago, I read “120 Days of Sodom” by the Marquis de Sade, a sociopathic sadist (where the word sadism even comes from). That was worse by far in terms of delivering queasy feelings while you suppressed the urge to stop reading and throw the thing in the trash.

But the feeling I got reading EPL was similar even if it was less intense.

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

At least deSade was honest about being a sadistic pervert.

And a MUCH better writer…..

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

LOL. My thoughts exactly!

Regina
Regina
8 years ago

ftths: I sure agree! My SIL suggested this book (who is a narc by the way) when she found out I was cheated on. I can’t remember how far I got in the thing, but it wasn’t far. I just couldn’t relate to this person who wrote it at all. I thought it may help “free” me, but no one can be free from their conscience. And no card carrying Chump can do brazen things without considering the impact on others. I think the book fulfilled her fantasy of traveling the world leaving ruins in her wake.

ANC
ANC
8 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Someone gave me the book to read. I couldn’t get past the first chapter. Didn’t like the writing style. This was before I even knew asshat was a serial cheater himself.

Ironically, their book (asshat and willing rectum) was 50 shades of crap.

Lea
Lea
8 years ago
Reply to  ANC

LOL at willing rectum, ANC.

And Donna, I completely agree with you about the twisted aspect. How anyone wouldn’t be able to see that studying people in order to take something important from them is sick is beyond me. If someone did this with another’s child (studied the mom to figure out how to lure the child), they would most likely be institutionalized.

I will say that I am always proud to be part of this group after reading the comments. It’s nice to know that those of us who believe in being considerate are not alone.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Brazen disregard stalking innocents and causing pain. Very twisted.

byebyecheater
byebyecheater
8 years ago

What are all the kids saying these days? Oh, yeah…”sorry. Not sorry” that’s what I got out of her “piece”. Honestly, the preying, planning, and molding yourself to be different to make a man look at you…that’s a sick warped mind. Gross.

Gypsy57
Gypsy57
8 years ago
Reply to  byebyecheater

Lizzy, you sure did Eat your PREY, love!

Renee62
Renee62
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

Love that one Gypsy57! Lol!

Sara
Sara
8 years ago

I always hated Eat, Pray, Love. I hated the book and I hated the movie, and I could never describe why when all of my friends were perfectly enamored. From the very beginning, It Was All About Her. Her feelings, her needs, what she wanted, with no genuine consideration of anyone else. Oh, she didn’t want to hurt her wonderful husband…! Yet she did. If only life we’re that simple, with no moral code to follow but our own happiness at any given moment. She is an asshole. A shark in a people suit, as Chump Lady would say. She is the representation of the shallow, disgustingly selfish, eager-to-betray person many of us unknowingly married–the kind of person who would’ve left her kid as well as her husband if she’d had one. If only there were some sort of psychological test to separate these empty, selfish asshole shit bags from the people who actually have a conscience and will choose to do what’s right instead of what makes them happy at the moment.

jobin
jobin
8 years ago
Reply to  Sara

Amen, Sara, Amen…

Reading the serial cheaters words, my first thought was, no kidding “my God, she’s a monster.”

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  Sara

I never read it, after finding out that she is a cheater…. I never had the desire to. Still don’t.

I am SO sick and tired of hearing “I deserve to be happy”. The disordered don’t do “happy” they do what “feels good” in the moment, they are never happy because they are never satisfied for long. The don’t get that you don’t pursue “happy” by destroying others, especially your children. They REFUSE to face their shittyness!! Unhappy people do not CHEAT…. they either seek to repair what is broken in their relationships and themselves…. OR…. decide that it can’t be fixed and find an admirable & amicable way to exit the relationship while minimizing the damage to their children and family. Disordered pieces of shit cheat and destroy the lives and emotional well being of the very people they are supposed to love and protect.

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Very very true NC.

ChumpyDude
ChumpyDude
8 years ago
Reply to  Sara

Well said, Sara. It’s disgusting how this clown makes her living peddling her brand of shitty, entitled narcissism to an eager and delusional reading public. There is absolutely nothing heroic or inspirational about her lies, betrayals and half-assed, fake-as-fuck remorse. EPL smelled rotten the first time I caught a whiff. My suspicions were confirmed when I read it and saw the flick. Like CL I have to very reluctantly give the smallest amount of credit humanly possible to this asshat for writing her book since it may help to shine more light on these cockroaches and their parasitic ilk. I’m disappointed that the NY Times is helping to promote this back-stabbing leech’s new book.

Wren
Wren
8 years ago
Reply to  Sara

Thank you Sara for expressing my feelings exactly. I am so glad to hear that others hated this book. I thought I was the only woman on the planet who didn’t swoon over her narcissistic “awakening, finding herself” crap. A person I greatly admired said “you’ve got to read this, it’s so honest and inspiring…” so I gave it a try, a really honest try. I managed to get almost all the way through it and thought at the time “This is the most self-absorbed, self-indulgent bilge I have ever read.

Doesn’t surprise me therefore that she is in the handwringing, feel-so-bad-for-being-a-cheater camp.

KT
KT
8 years ago
Reply to  Wren

You’re far from the only woman who hated this book. I tried to read this in my early 20’s because everyone thought it was amazing. It made me very uncomfortable and I couldn’t really pin down why. It was a feeling of complete aversion. Keep in mind, I’m a free spirit in my own way. I’ll take that impromptu trip or try a new experience any day of the week. Just don’t ask me to hurt someone else in the process.

skatergirl
skatergirl
8 years ago
Reply to  KT

This book was recommended to me by a one who knew how much I adore humorous intelligent travel writing, Peter Mayle’s “A Year in Provence” and Bill Bryson’s “Neither here Nor There”, for example.

I hated ELP. It was humorless, self absorbed, self pitying and self congratulatory. While Mayle and Bryson can draw you into their lives, entertaining with colorful characters portrayed with true warmth and joie de vivre, ELP left me with a negative and empty feeling. I was dumfounded when the movie was made.

And the hours that I invested reading ELP? Well, that’s time I’ll never get back.

bxg
bxg
10 months ago
Reply to  skatergirl

Yes. I love travel writing too. Same.

Wren
Wren
8 years ago
Reply to  skatergirl

If you want to read a quality book about travel and spiritual self-discovery, try the wonderful “The Snow Leopard” by Peter Matthiesson. A classic – sad, wise, luminous, messy and deeply personal without being nauseatingly self-absorbed.

tony
tony
8 years ago
Reply to  skatergirl

As an aside, I love Neither Here nor There.

So many times I read that book I would life out loud. I love the description of taking his crass friend to the Louvre, and his friend, after only a few minutes walking around, gave up saying “There’s only pictures and shit in there!”

Blackbird
Blackbird
8 years ago

“Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you, of orchestrating somebody else’s longings to suit your own hungry agenda. Seduction was never a casual sport for me; it was more like a heist, adrenalizing and urgent. I would plan the heist for months, scouting out the target, looking for unguarded entries. Then I would break into his deepest vault, steal all his emotional currency and spend it on myself.”

No need for these three florid sentences. One word will do, and I believe the correct word is predator.

Buddy
Buddy
8 years ago
Reply to  Blackbird

Often, the target of the predator is just another predator – two predators or paradise dancing the night away.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Blackbird

Bingo.

Chumpster
Chumpster
8 years ago

Well, that helps explain my deep revulsion to Eat Pray Love.

TheLadyisaChump
TheLadyisaChump
8 years ago

Is this a pre-emptive “mea culpa” because someone else (oh maybe one of her kibble dispensers) threatened to out her? And make some dollahs in the process? Cheaters luv them some money!

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
8 years ago

Her husband talked about writing his own book when EPL was optioned for the film, and Gilbert accused him of trying to cash in on her success, and her fans were pretty danged viscious in their response, and for whatever reason, her ex husband decided not to go ahead with the project.

WhereisMia
WhereisMia
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

She probably threatened him with defamation… That’s what my asshole did.

Racquel Harmanson
Racquel Harmanson
8 years ago

Cheating at its worse imo. Not only playing with my body but also using my heart as a toy? She put the effort into studying the woman so she could be her opposite? That’s premeditated! Why go to counseling? Isn’t the point trying to save the relationship? You were trying to save both relationships? I am all kind of confused right now. This woman is sick!

JC
JC
8 years ago

When my wife and I went to counseling, she lied through her teeth the entire time. She claimed the affair was over, and I was therefore charged with making our marriage more exciting (or else you know what!).

It was an act. A production. A ruse.

The purpose of my wife going to marriage counseling was to trick me, and others, into believing that the affair had stopped and she was committed to the marriage. Also, having me join her allowed the “blame” to be spread around. We were *both* working on it.

Fail, JC. Fail hard.

Don’t, EVER, go to MC if you spouse is cheating on you. It’s equivalent to your spouse driving drunk, destroying your family car, and then you and your spouse taking your car to the mechanic to “fix the problem.”

You’re stating that:

(1) the car somehow caused the reckless behavior, and/or
(2) a fixed car will prevent your spouse from driving drunk again.

JAK
JAK
1 year ago
Reply to  JC

I’m sorry you went through that JC. My ex-wife cheated on me with her boss — a man >20 years older, with a wife and children of his own. Also the same man who convinced us to move states and leave my career behind so that she could be promoted. She said she wanted us to resolve our issues and go to couples therapy and I agreed; I didn’t want to lose my best friend of over a decade. A year later, after only a few therapy sessions, she literally decided to go EPL: get rid of me, get rid of our dogs, our house, her job, leave the country and travel around the world. This came after repeated promises that we would work through things together, that she “wouldn’t give up on us” and was my “forever wife”, and that we would figure it out together. She never gave me an explanation for this sudden 180. So much emotional manipulation from her throughout this process that I truly believed was us healing together and learning to communicate again after going through a very difficult period.

My biggest regret is giving her that second chance after she admitted to an affair. What a naive fool I was. Nobody automatically deserves a second chance after such breaches of trust.

I struggled with severe trust issues for many years after and anxiety attacks in my next serious relationship; I nearly left my current wife just out of sheer terror that this would happen again due to the serious anxiety that my exes’ betrayal and infidelity caused. I know some people may claim that this is proof that everyone who is damaged can be prone to making bad relationship decisions but there is one big difference here. Even as I was struggling in the aftermath of my divorce, I was never going to cheat on my wife or lie the way my ex-wife did to me. We all have our problems. Gilbert and Strayed obviously are no exceptions. But nothing excuses people from basic honesty, integrity and trust. No personal trauma can ever excuse the kinds of deceptive acts of betrayal that Gilbert, Strayed, and my ex-wife committed.

I look at books like EPL and Wild and just see narcissistic or sociopathic con-artists who manage to convince the masses that their destructive behaviors are somehow a form of “self-love” or “personal discovery”.

Meg
Meg
8 years ago
Reply to  JC

I spent time in MC when I had no idea there was an affair just that the ex was “unhappy”. After the affair was discovered The Ex went to IC because of course he was so confused and wanted the pick me dancing to start up. Years and years of this were a waste. My goal is to become a marriage counselor who will tell the betrayed spouse to run run run. Years and years of this were a waste. My goal is to become a marriage counselor who will tell the betrayed spouse to run run run

Donna
Donna
8 years ago

I thought she was playing along? Maybe praying for an answer. Like all sociopaths you can’t believe a thing she puts in her mouth. Lol

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
8 years ago

The point of counseling is to preserve kibbles. The relationship isn’t of any particular significance.

Nancy
Nancy
8 years ago

This article absolutely smacks of “controlling the narrative”. And of course it is done in the most attention getting way… NY Times Op Ed. I wonder if Oprah threatened to call her out and shame her on her memoir like she did to James Frey of A Million Little Pieces. My stomach churned when she said she studied the girlfriends she incredibly called “the other woman” and tried to pry their partners attention.

She is trying to normalize sociopathic behavior. I hope other “other women” realize she takes her eye off her prize (her husband) and a similarly wired nutcase seduces her husband.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

Sociopathic indeed! I’m floored that she even attempts to normalize her despicable and calculating attempts to lure a married man into an affair. She actually admits that she targeted and studied married men so she could exploit their weaknesses??? WTF?! It’s all a miserable game for her. She’s no better than any other lying, narcissistic cheater thats been written about in these posts, but I’m sure she thinks she’s in a different category.

I didn’t read the book. I bought it, and then threw it away after I read CL’s first post about it. I had mistakenly assumed that because the book was so popular, and had been made into a movie it must be good. I’m glad I tossed it. I don’t have time for the garbage she’s selling. She needs a public roasting!

OutWest
OutWest
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I wonder if at some point the conversation is going to swing, pendulum style, to a deeper analysis of how our culture is so very superficial and that the packaging of “Eat, Prey, Love”, “Mistresses” etc. are leading us culturally down a very dangerous moral path? I have a hard time articulating, but my sense is that the glorification of Patriarchy in movies and HBO series such as “Mad Men” is a not so subtle push back on the feminist movement? Clearly we are giving mixed messages on what intimacy and love are. It’s so very sad as I look at my daughter who I want to have strength to be unapologetically who she is and not repeat my chumpiness and equally humbling how I pray that my son will never lose his sense of fairness and genuine compassion. All the while cheerfully sending them off to visit their father who embodies all I dislike about modern Patriarchy.

Gone
Gone
8 years ago
Reply to  OutWest

I get that too. It just seems that everything revolves around this narrative. “I just want to thank all the little people I stepped on on my way to the top.”

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I worked in an addiction treatment center for a while years ago. Gilbert’s post sounds like Addict Bragging–where someone is trying to get clean but still speaking about addictive behaviors in glorifying terms. It is usually a sign the person is nowhere near recovery.

ChumpAdvocate
ChumpAdvocate
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yep – that’s what i thought. All that’s missing is the name of the Malibu rehab she’s going to attend for 28 days before she begins her tour as a cautionary tale/motivational speaker.

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Good point. It only took her 20 years to realize she was ‘sorry, not sorry’. I like how you separate the sin from the person… because I honestly would have a hard time approaching this woman on a stretcher due to all her mind splinters (I am a queasy nurse when it comes to this type of sick).

TwinsDad
TwinsDad
8 years ago

I want to hear about the guys who said, “no thank you” to her advances. There must have been at least one for God’s sake! She doesn’t want to admit to that happening.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Oh yes novelty. Playing with people’s vulnerabilities. The book will be full of justification with a big I’m sorry on the last page.

TwinsDad
TwinsDad
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

So right CL! No one could possibly reject HER! What a true sociopath.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago

Wow, thanks for this post and UBT translation. I admit I did read EPL and enjoyed what I thought was a candid and self-reflexive voice. However, I was always troubled by that opening part where she’s describing the break-up of her marriage, and she’s on the bathroom floor in agony. She never really got clear about what the dealio was. Seeing this now makes me sick. Literally sick. I totally agree with what you describe as her ‘humblebrag.’ The whole thing feels really slick to me, or maybe facile is a better way to say it. She’s supposedly owning up to what she did, but there’s no emotional heft behind it. I finished reading the piece and I feel absolutely nothing. GINR for sure. And, boy, it’s really interesting to go to the original link and read the comments. People are praising her to the skies for having the guts to own her shit. Too bad she didn’t really “own” anything.

pucksmuse
pucksmuse
8 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

That’s the same problem I had with the book, FoolMeTwice. She wasn’t “owning” what she did. She was stating her behavior, but in a cutesy, “Aren’t I adorable in my quirky, emotional clumsiness?” She didn’t reflect. She didn’t explore her motivations or how she could stop behaving like an asshole. It was all about accepting herself as she was, which was FABULOUS.

TwinsDad
TwinsDad
8 years ago
Reply to  FoolMeTwice

“Wow! Pretending like I’m owning my shit gives even more kibble! Yay me!” Wish all she was getting was the disgust she deserves.

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

Drama queen. My guess is this confession is nothing more than a fabrication. She must be releasing another book…. ‘ Eat your Prey’

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

Reminds me of the old joke: What’s the difference between Elizabeth Gilbert and a bowling ball?…( You could eat a bowling ball, if you really had to.)

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

You made my day, TheClip! 🙂

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

Yeah, she’s a regular Preying Mantis.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.
Thanks for the laugh The Clip.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

LOL Clip 🙂

SDchump
SDchump
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

“Eat your Prey”

Ha!My coffee was really hot when it came out of nose!

TwinsDad
TwinsDad
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

Coffee came out of my nose!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

Somehow, reading this, I can see my husband’s Owhore’s face. I can see her viewing things this way. It’s all about MMEEEEEEEEE. Did any of these men she seduced have children? Forget the chumpy wife, what about the innocent kids?

What a piece of trash. I am tempted to send this article to my STBX, but it wouldn’t matter. It would go right over his head. He thinks the Owhore is “exciting” and “passionate”. He wouldn’t know authenticity if it hit him in the face. And that’s even after living with me, his loyal partner, for 20 years!!!

I hope this whore gets what she deserves.. and I am glad I never read her trashy book.

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

“He wouldn’t know authenticity if it hit him in the face.” –so true for Loki too…

Almost Single Guy
Almost Single Guy
8 years ago
Reply to  LittleLady

In couples therapy my STBX cheater said “I hate that word, ‘authentic’.” I should have called it right there.

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago

Yes to everything everyone said above…I will simply add

she is a sick fuck

I was already postaffair with my nowdeadhusband when that stupid movie came out.

I was mortified that her seemingly glamorous flavor of self absorption was so awkwardly connected with the word “pray” as in “if you pray then do something mean, selfish, or predatory then its not so bad because the Creator of the Universe (in your moment of communing with the Divine) told you it was because OK”…that idea made me want to vomit since it had “Jesus Cheater” all over it and that requires no explanation here

Her methods are so sociopathic that one might almost feel sorry for the stupid men who took the bait…but it is the oldest damn trick in the book…there are 4000 year old passages in the Old Testament that warn against the lure of the Adultress…they meant her.

ick

Carol
Carol
8 years ago

My Cheater Meter was going off a few pages into EPL. I couldn’t continue reading it. She makes me feel ill. She’s blown through lives like a tornado, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
8 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Yes, I started watch that one night post-d-day to try to distract myself, and I felt sickened in the first few minutes and turned it off. The reasons and way she was leaving her marriage set off red flags and I just couldn’t watch it.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago

Additional thought; She (Ms. Gilbert) probably wrote this piece because the attention from the book is waning and she needs a “fix.” Maybe her next book will be “Eat, Pray, Repent?”

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
8 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Or ‘‘Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear’? Which the fine print below the article says “will be published by Riverhead Books in September.”

ToBlogorNottoBlog
ToBlogorNottoBlog
8 years ago

I think Gilbert has given an excellent description of how a kibble-seeker thinks. This is useful to people dealing with cheaters.

From the article, she went to therapy and stopped the destructive behavior. That’s enough for me, even if she doesn’t fully realize what she did to other people.

violet
violet
8 years ago

I found her article was on point about how cheaters think. The OW could have written this article, especially the part about how she went about systematically seducing her prey. While I think what she did was reprehensible, it did provide an honest look into how cheaters think, kind of like articles written by rapists explaining how to avoid beiing victimized. While I have no use for her as a human being, I think her article accurately depicts the mind of a cheater.

Gypsy57
Gypsy57
8 years ago

I agree, TBNB. Not only is it useful for people dealing with cheaters, but also for people who want to AVOID dealing with possible would-be cheaters in the future.

We probably won’t be able to determine ABSOLUTELY who will cheat/who will remain faithful. And even if someone is as narcissistic and egotistical as Elizabeth Gilbert, it doesn’t mean that they will DEFINITELY cheat.

But we DO know that the cheater is VERY narcissistic. And I know for my own peace of mind, if I am ‘screening’ a potential suitor, I will be paying attention to how much ego they seem to have. If it’s too much, I’m OUTTA THERE.

A big ego has no place in relationships anyway (Thank you John Gottman)

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

not to mention her ‘lesson assimilation time’ … 20 years… she seems like a nightmare spouse. I was beat with Mr. Thick-skull after 10 years.

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago

You are right, I do think there is a benefit in her giving us a window into her mind during the “seductions”

My Hs worst OW (I thought his only but learned otherwise later) was a woman who had been cheated on and I think she lured him in to slave her feelings of rejection…I think he was a toy to her, but he FELL for her and put our whole family on the chopping block. They eventually broke up and we wreckonciled but severe damage was dome by the narc-duo that will never be undone

unicornomore
unicornomore
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I meant “stave” her feelings of rejection, not slave. Our wreckoncilliation lasted 7 years until he died …I found OWs cell phone number and sent a very casual text that he had died. I hope she decided that he was the love of her life

Pauline
Pauline
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I love your term ‘wreckonciled’! I guess that is what I am involved in right now, with my cheater…a wreckoncilliation. Yeah, he’s repentant, we’re still together…but ‘we’ or what I thought we were, are wrecked.

syringa
syringa
8 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

You go UNM! Your story inspires me. You are mighty!

Bliss Menagerie
Bliss Menagerie
8 years ago

Funny- my stbx’s AP Ho-worker’s name is Lizzy. And she LOVES this book- and her ‘passion’ is food and travel. She’s also a food blogger and travels to lovely places, to cook and photograph lovely scenery, whilst texting my husband with drippy descriptions of what she’s eating and how her” ass is growing larger by the minute but she doesn’t care….” she once told me that she’s “all Eat Pray Love” . Calls herself a Tasty mess- a tasty mess indeed. Gag.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

GAGGGGGGG. LOL

amjive
amjive
8 years ago

Never read her book nor did I see the movie.
I had a feeling she was a piece of shit!

kar marie
kar marie
8 years ago

Amjive I haven’t read or seen either. Total piece of shit. No remorse, no I’m sorry for the damage shes caused. Fuck her. And all the cheaters and people just like her.

kb
kb
8 years ago

I didn’t even bother following the NYT link. I figured that the more hits these assholes get, the more they write. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of a “view.”

My own take is that her so-called orchestrating seduction isn’t all that difficult. All you need to do is to indicate that you’re interested in sex. Maybe Person A will not take you up on it. Okay,you try harder, be a bit more obvious. Maybe you invade that person’s personal space (the brush against the thigh or other body parts). By the way, that kind of behavior–if it’s unwanted–constitutes sexual violence.

Person A will tell you that s/he’s not interested or start to run in the opposite direction.

However, Person B will go for the sex because, hey! You offered it!

It’s not seduction; it’s commodity advertising!

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

I have noticed that most ‘very desirable men’ are actually married. Did anyone consider that this is due (in part) to ALL the hard work of the wife? Seriously, decent wives make ‘husband crafting’ an art. It is work, sacrifice, tears and frustration. Ten years of it aged me about 70 years…

ANC
ANC
8 years ago
Reply to  LittleLady

Good point. Cheaterpants long term MOW loved how well put together he look (thank you, very much). This was her ticket to a new life filled with travel and assets with a degreed person! Yeah! So much better than her 60 yo plumber in Corona CA.

The CIO of Walgreens made it a fucking point to tell asshat that behind EVERY married person’s success is the spouse who made it possible.

Chump Advocate
Chump Advocate
8 years ago
Reply to  ANC

One of the worst experience I had post divorce was seeing my x and the new girl in Macy’s shopping They didn’t see me

What made me sad? He was carrying her huge purse over his shoulder while she shopped hands free. It took me years to groom him to tote My purse for me so I could shop

All I could think was OMG someone is getting the benefit of all of my hard work. Nothing else stuck about that day – just that sight

tony
tony
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Advocate

I voiced a similar concern when about my ex-wife garnering knowledge that would better her regarding men and her next relationship. Then my friend reminded me: “Guys are pretty easy to figure out. She probably would have done it anyway.”

SheChump
SheChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Advocate

There are men out there who hold their wives’ purses while they shop?
OK, I see the world opening up here..

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

How unmanly! Manly men will not be groomed.

syringa
syringa
8 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

Absofuckinglutely Arnold!

Chump Advocate
Chump Advocate
8 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Lol. YES!

ChumpB
ChumpB
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Advocate

Oh Chump Advocate, loved that story and the irony is rich, right? It’s hard not to continually shake my head in amazement.

syringa
syringa
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Advocate

Omg She Chump you just cracked me up! The hell you say! Men carrying our large purses while we shop hands free?

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  LittleLady

Yes, I turned mine into a politer, more tactful version of his early, arrogant self. All the better to seduce those young students…..

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

That reminds me of a movie with Demi Moore, where she was chasing a married guy, possibly Michael Douglas, and she finally trapped him with a blow job. She sure felt special. And for younger folks, this is before they were both disgusting.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

She sounds like my ex-wife taken to an extreme. Yes, sociopath does come to mind reading her drivel. Think of all the people her nasty, wicked behavior hurt! She calls that “theatricality.” The pain she CAUSED them is merely an inconvenience to her on her way to more power (i.e. seduction) and ego-feeding. Very sick.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago

Right… she “I couldn’t not do it” … The poor dear. How hard this all was on HER. The poor sausagette.. what a vile, vile, vile facsimile of a human she is. I agree narcissist isn’t strong enough; she is a true sociopath.

Wren
Wren
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

What disturbed me even more than the cheating was the cold and calculated way she studied other women and set out deliberately to steal their boyfriends. Apparently with not an ounce of empathy, regret or guilt at the time. That’s an act of pure evil selfishness and puts her definitely in the realm of being a sociopath. I have done a lot of things in my life I am not proud of but have NEVER done anything like that, nor would such an idea even enter my head.

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  Wren

I bet she is terrible in the sack.

findingmyself
findingmyself
8 years ago

Did anyone in Chump Nation like that book when it came out? The book existed before I even knew what the exact issues in my marriage were, and like many of you, I disliked it so much I couldn’t read it.

liningupducks
liningupducks
8 years ago
Reply to  findingmyself

Findingmyself: That was my experience exactly! Couldn’t even read the thing, or watch the movie. unable to stomach it, and wasn’t sure why, but now I feel validated.

Amy
Amy
8 years ago

I recall there was something irritating about the story that really embedded in me and didn’t allow me to proceed with a compassionate heart for her. I related too much to her abandoned husband rather than to her selfish ways. I have come to find that in a marriage where there is betrayal, one of the partners is a narcissistic being who is searching for “greener pastures” to fulfill their feelings of entitlement. Look at the marriages that have erupted because of betrayal…isn’t it easy to identify the narcissistic personality? It is a difficult lesson to navigate for those of us who aren’t driven by narcissistic entitlement and who are, instead, propelled by commitment. In the long run, the authenticity we find along the way makes our lives much richer and better, and honestly, worth it. We have our moment in time in this physical realm of existence…how tragic to live a complete lie. Here’s to authenticity of self, fellow Chump Friends, and to those we now choose to surround ourselves with…

kar marie
kar marie
8 years ago
Reply to  Amy

Greener pastures what a sad excuse. Exactly what my ex told me he didn’t replace me just went for greener pastures ha! Shit pastures is what he has now. Fool!

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  kar marie

Haha, greener pastures. What idiots. I’m stuck on how utterly foolish everything they communicate is cheater speak for I’m just an arrogant selfish asshole.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

X repeatedly was looking for greener pastures. Unfortunately they were full of sleazy whores. They can never look back and have what they lost. And the only remorse they will ever have is WISHING they could get the feeling of normalcy back in their lives. For them normalcy =supply. Sweet green pastures of karma !

Portia
Portia
8 years ago

There is a benefit here — by telling us exactly what she was thinking and how she did what she did and what she was feeling when she did these things, she is giving us a glimpse into the dark side. Most people do not think this way, and they cannot protect themselves from things that they cannot even conceive will happen.

For me to understand this phenomenon, I had to observe it. I had no idea how evil people thought. I was first introduced to how this type of person would behave when I was a child and started a new school. I had to start as the new kid in a lot of schools. It was never a pleasant experience. I met far to many “mean girls” who were not interested in being a welcoming committee. I would cry to my mother and ask her why these girls would be so mean, when they didn’t even know me or have any idea what kind of a friend I could be. My mother just told me this was the way of the world, and I better toughen up and get used to it. She also told me it was my fate to be a better friend than I would ever have. I certainly did not want to believe that, but unfortunately her advice proved true many, many times throughout my life.

When you pay attention to true crime stories on the news, and read books like The Sociopath Next Door, you start to realize that there really are a lot of people in the world who act this way. Not only are they only interested in achieving their selfish goals, they also revel in watching the damage they inflict on others. They never really achieve true happiness, because once they achieve their goal of the moment, they are bored and have to move on to the next goal. They are so “magnificent” in their quest to be a “conqueror” that they have no time to waste for the “collateral damage” they leave in their wake. Chumps are part of the collateral damage. We spackle and refuse to believe someone would do something so despicable, so we are easy targets. We are the “support cast” for the great actor. We handle “the details” that the great ones consider beneath them. They are then free to move on to the next target. It is not always the seduction of a person, sometimes it is a new business venture, or invading another company or country. It is an insatiable thirst for power and glory, and they never are satisfied. Of course they are not always so successful in their conquests, and they have different goals. They set their own standards, so many are content with relatively small battles, like seducing an affair partner or stealing from someone else. They are happy with mere sexual dominance or perhaps with never having to work for a living.

Once you accept that these people exist, it is easier to protect yourself. Once I understood that my father and my spouse were disordered and that they would never change their behavior, it was easier for me to deal with them. It was not an “illness” I could help them thru, it was a way of thinking and living and it would always be a part of them. I was merely another “useful” person, and if I stopped being useful they stopped having any interest in me. I was only interesting to the extent that they were setting me up to steal something from me — my love, my time, my money, my labor, whatever.

Some people think that this way of thinking makes me cynical. I see myself as a Survivor. I am now more watchful, and I will defend myself to the best of my abilities. I no longer waste time believing that this type of person does not exist, or that anyone I know would not be this evil. They do exist, and you probably know several of them. I meet them at work, all the time. Dating situations? We have such a bad invasion of evil people who pretend to be seeking a “lifelong mate” in dating situations, I think of the whole thing like a plague carrying bed bug invasion of the whole dating mattress. Maybe I am a cynic, but I haven’t been “bitten” for quite awhile. I’ll take that as a small victory for the “collateral damaged” of the world.

Blackbird
Blackbird
8 years ago
Reply to  Portia

Thanks Portia – your posts are always insightful. I have a copy of the sociopath next door but have not been able to finish it yet as it makes me queasy. The Gilbert article is an excellent insight into the sociopath mind and a primer in what to watch out for.

TheBetterJamie
TheBetterJamie
8 years ago

Aw dammit, I loved this book AND this author when I read it 8 years ago. It came at the right time for me and changed the way I view life, which I guess I can’t discount. BUT you’re right, CL. My over 30 mind now tells me she was humblebragging…she was positioning herself as the everywoman to seduce even us readers to let her in to our hearts, consider her a friend and root for her success.

Something from this post came full circle to me, though. It NEVER made sense to me that she was scared shitless in her marriage. I never understood her need to bolt but it was addressed so early in the book and, like you said, glazed over that what amazing adventures followed distracted me from that unsettled feeling it gave me. It makes sense now, learning this about her, because I’m not a commitment-a-phobe, I appreciate and value the bond that marriage brings and I don’t think like an escape artist. I should’ve guessed that it was infidelity that was at the root of that uncomfortable scene in the bathroom where she’s panicking about a life that didn’t seem at all bad to me.

Go figure….cheaters…

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

Yes, I watched the movie once, back sometime after it came out, a good long while before dday. I remember worrying about her husband and not understanding why she felt she had to leave her marriage. And the movie was not that great, but iI found it was sorta uplifting (in its very self-focused way). So after dday I watched it seeking a distraction and something positive in the wake of all my pain, and my revulsion right at the beginning showed me I must have learned something from my experience. Before I guess I just didn’t question why she left her marriage and figured that I must not understand and that she must have had a good reason to leave her marriage. I guess I gave her the benefit of the doubt?

Post d-day? No way. I could not watch it because her reasons for leaving the marriage made no sense and seemed to completely brush aside the spouse. Thank goodness I can see some red flags now.

pucksmuse
pucksmuse
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

I know, I felt the same way when I saw Julie and Julia and read the novelization. I was charmed by the writer’s self-depracation. And the fact that she used writing to life herself out of being depressed and directionless – something that I strongly identify with. I wanted to like her, but I definitely saw the selfishness and self-centeredness, even while I was reading her blog/journal entries. And then, I picked up her next book, which detailed the affair she had after the first book/movie came out and spent hundreds of pages justifying her behavior because she was SO unhappy and SO unfulfilled. I was repulsed. And I dropped the book off at my nearest second hand shop.

KenderJ
KenderJ
8 years ago
Reply to  pucksmuse

Well, that just sucks. I really enjoyed the movie, Julie and Julia, though granted, I found Julie to be quite the whiner and really self-centered. I hate when I find out things I enjoy are from or about cheaters. Of course, I’d rather know and be disappointed than not know and be snowed. I never did read the blog or book. It is possible that the main reason I enjoyed the movie so much was the Julia parts of it.
@pucksmuse, thank you for the recommendation for “My Life in France”. I’m looking for it now.

pucksmuse
pucksmuse
8 years ago
Reply to  KenderJ

Yay! It’s so good and her stories about her husband, Paul, are so charming. They seemed to have a very loving marriage/partnership.

pucksmuse
pucksmuse
8 years ago
Reply to  pucksmuse

PS, skip Julie and Julia, and instead read Julia Child’s, “My Life in France.” SO enjoyable.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
8 years ago

“Seduction Addict” sounds so much better than Manipulative Freak.

Also sort of makes her like a victim, right? I mean, addicts are kind of seen as victims even when they go around doing terrible things to others.

Faux honesty like EPL was faux enlightenment. This woman’s narcissism is something to behold.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Yes, what’s the line from the “seduction addict” in Dangerous Liasons? “It’s beyond my control.”

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Also note how fond she is about talking about herself. It’s her schtick more or less: an impression-management version of herself, anyway.

StrongerEveryday
StrongerEveryday
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I’m so happy. Despite everything I’ve been through and all I’ve seen, deep in my heart I still believe in love, family, and commitment. Hooray for more love.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago

Me too StongerEveryDay, I keep waiting to be bitter but I’m not. I still believe in love, just not with narcissistic cheater assholes. 🙂

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yes, but not Scalia who said something to effect of “Jiggery-pokery, back-flippin’, applesauce! Hickory-dickory-dockery flip-flappin’ Jujubes!”.

StrongerEveryday
StrongerEveryday
8 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

TH–that’s too funny. The dissenting opinion really does read like that. The anecdote is reading the final paragraph of the majority opinion. Highly recommend.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Ha! I also actually vocalized “Suck it up Scalia!” when I heard this today.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Wow. Awesome!!

Donna
Donna
8 years ago

“Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you”

This is a perfect example of how an aging narcissist attempts to put a spin on their inadequacies. Not only is she a sociopath, she is calculating and proud to be one. She studies the victims wife? That is a crock of shit. What bothers me the most about this is it feeds into the idea that our cheating spouses were no match for the OW. They were seduced. Just sitting there an along came a spider. No. She’s giving herself way to much credit. Not very intelligent at that.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Cheaters typically don’t have very high standards. An easy f*ck usually suffices.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yep. Flatter a cheater, and (s)he’ll eat out of your hand.

They’re shit-for-brains COWARDS with empty souls.

Lucky 35
Lucky 35
8 years ago

This reminds me of the Cheryl Steig movie that came out last winter, in which viewers were subjected to a fuzzy narrative featuring Steig’s “seduction addiction” on her first husband/boyfriend that launched her need to “find herself” on the Appalachian trail for 3 months. I remember reading an article about the first husband/partner when the movie came out, and he had been living happily and successfully for years managing a coffee house/music venue with his second, (quite lovely) wife.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Lucky 35

I think you may be talking about Cheryl Strayed’s book/movie “Wild,” but she hiked the Pacific Trail so I’m not sure. It did remind of of EPL.I didn’t read the book but was not impressed by her character in the movie. She portrays herself as sad and broken over her mother’s death. Yet, she puts her devoted husband into harms way with her illicit drug use and multiple, random sex partners. She did not seem to have much remorse about it but she seemed to realize that she lost a very good man. It’s sad our society reveres these stories so much when there is no repentance and remorse in sight.

Heather
Heather
8 years ago

I am completely sickened by her narcissitic reasons and responses. If she’s looking for understanding she won’t get it here. Not should she! What a jerk.

Chumpguy
Chumpguy
8 years ago

“If only there were some sort of psychological test to separate these empty, selfish asshole shit bags from the people who actually have a conscience and will choose to do what’s right instead of what makes them happy at the moment.”

The light of my life, my son, makes it all worthwhile. Nothing in the world would make me trade or give up that experience and my being privileged to be his Dad. BUT, if you took him out of the equation (which you cannot, I know), and I had the results of that test for my wife 30+ years ago, I would never have entered into the marriage. True, there were many happy years and moments, but never, no way.

I’m a pretty avid reader and I never read EPL, nor saw the movie. That was before any of the crap hit the fan in my own marriage, but even then, when things seemed fine, I had no interest in a celebration of someone walking away from a normal life and wrecking a marriage just because they felt somehow “unfulfilled”, and because they could.

I do remember thinking that I could not imagine how that could be romanticized and kind of mentally shaking my head. And also thinking how lucky I was to be in a great marriage where that would never happen to me.

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpguy

Chumpguy, same sentiments here. If I could have my son without the the need for cheater ex, no way I would have married him. Like you, there were good memories but the unkindness and cruelty the ex knowingly inflicted on me by having affairs to pursue “happiness” clouds all the good stuff.

Chumpguy
Chumpguy
8 years ago
Reply to  Uniquelyme

Uniquely, that’s part of what is sad. It does cloud all the good stuff. For 30+ years I thought we were soulmates, but I can’t even remember the good times and all the times we had each other’s backs without it being, as you say, clouded. Maybe that cloud goes away over lots of time, but I think the good things just kind of disappear in the mirage and you just kind of forget about them.

Such a shame.

SheChump
SheChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpguy

I totally hear you Chumpguy. We had 36 yrs of rather quite blissful times. Well, let’s call it 33 yrs since his affair latest the last 3 yrs and destroyed the M. He left every single picture behind. So, I told him I burned ALL the photo albums. I didn’t but I don’t want to look at them for a long time. All our family is there in most of them but I feel it was all a lie. I don’t have a clue what to believe because when he took his mask off, he didn’t match the guy in the photos with the family. He didn’t have a problem that I ‘burned them’. He didn’t want a trace of our marriage. Not even a photo of the dogs. Don’t have a clue if I’ll ever open one of them again and I’m sure he’ll never ask to see a photo. He’s moved on . .

violet
violet
8 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

I think they “move on” to avoid having to examine their actions. Changing the narrative allows them to continue on their path of deception. An unexamined life is a life not worth living…

Uniquelyme
Uniquelyme
8 years ago

Getting your happiness at the expense of others’ unhappiness = raging sociopath. Wish we could indict her with inflicting pain on the innocent and throw her in jail. That’s the only way she would stop. But she’ll probably find a way to still inflict pain on others. She doesn’t have issues; she’s plain cruel.

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago
Reply to  Uniquelyme

I agree. I am sick by these almost ‘fully ripe’ shitheads. It makes the world seem creepy. My therapist said that some people never develop empathy, but after 20 years in prison, they decide to rethink their destructive path. I just worry that the prisons would be full. I think Loki could singlehandedly destroy the country. I saw him do it on a microscale. He needs to be locked up. I am sad that I helped raise this monster. I am sad that he has children in his care & I am sad that no one (except me) has ever alphamaled him. He needs hardcore punishment.

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago

Wow, definitely a fraud. Did not see the movie or read the book. I can imagine how it’s slanted. I never knew it was so hard to get men to screw you and receive a blow job, lol. Seduction, my ass.

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago
Reply to  not Juliet

lol

Cindy
Cindy
8 years ago

Ah, yes, the predatory other woman. It’s like I told my XH, do you really think it’s a mentally stable woman that gets involved with someone else’s husband?! Out of everyone in the world, only MY husband is the key to her happiness?! Turns out Schmoopie liked trolling the cubi-farm for married men (per their co-workers). Like this whore, Schmoops wasn’t looking for the strongest, just the weak ones. Her XH cheated on her, so she needed some affirmation of her beauty and worth (I’m choking as I type this). My XH’s whore played a similar games as this wing nut. “Your wife doesn’t run with you?!” “I LOOOOOVVVEEE to run!!!!” God only knows what else he told her – everything I’m sure. Apparently, the only thing I ever did was cook well. Wait! I guess she didn’t know how to cook like me – so he photocopied my recipes when he ran away from home! Now Schmoops is “Every Woman” – turn up the Shaka Khan!

They just got married. I don’t see her running the races he runs anymore. My guess is that she isn’t trying that hard at the pick me dance (since she won!) or she’s knocked up. Either way, someone isn’t going to be getting the kibbles he thinks he deserves!

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
8 years ago
Reply to  Cindy

I am pretty worked up that he photographed your recipes before leaving….

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Cindy

Ha Ha. You might have gone through hell Cindy.. but their hell is around the corner. I am sure you are at “meh” and don’t care, but the shows are usually quite entertaining when they self destruct.. from afar. WAY afar.

My H’s whore also “loves to work out and do fitness”.. she has no children and ENDLESS time to do whatever she wants. My fitness is going up the stairs about 100x each night trying to put a four year old to bed.. while my H retreats to the basement to fulfill his “fitness requirements” probably talking to schmoopie down there. While I do that work upstairs. Funny I am not overweight, in fact, I’ve lost 20lbs due to the stress of all this.. but STBX still laments about my lack of desire to “workout”. He also hates that I don’t wear high heel shoes or short enough skirts. Guess who does? You GOT It.

Pffft. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Cindy
Cindy
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Hi Newchumpatl,

Not quite to meh, but I can see it from here! Spot on about the bad rubbish. I have gone through Hell – XH, the weak coward that he is, handed me over to Schmoopie, so that she can torture me. I knew when I was served with divorce papers the day before my birthday that it wreaked of whore. He lacks initiative and any sort of creativity and of course, he really had no reason to be mean to me – he was the one that was cheating – not me…

Oh well, I survived and am starting to thrive. On to happier places with better people.

Cindy
Cindy
8 years ago
Reply to  Cindy

Oh and in regards to the whore in your situation, Newchumpatl, I’ve read where the cheater thinks that the “attributes” they find in their whore complete them – but really only while the betrayed is in the picture. Essentially, once the betrayed is unavailable for comparison, the whore actually offers much, much less. The short skirts and heels don’t really fulfill them when they don’t have dinner and a clean house to come home to. They also start to crave security and a trusting relationship – which Schmoop, being the skanks that they are – will never offer.

austine92
austine92
8 years ago

I hated Eat, Pray, Love and haven’t ready any of her other books. Narcissism to the max…. not interested at all.

Meg
Meg
8 years ago

It’s helpful to read the OW Playbook. After the seduction is over and they’ve got their fly/victim, then what? On to the next… Most of our ex’s wouldn’t want to think they had been prey or manipulated, they liked the feeling of power and entitlement. The “Eat Pray Love Test” would be asking a prospective partner what they thought of the book/movie and then listening carefully to their response!! If they loved it, I’m crossing them off my list. This is a subtle test for narcissism.

liningupducks
liningupducks
8 years ago
Reply to  Meg

I would love to have a Narc Test.
10+ for liking EPL.
5+ for liking celebrity cheaters (Angelina Jolie, etc.)
20+ for blabber about “following their passions”

I think ChumpNation could come up with a pretty good assessment.

Meg
Meg
8 years ago
Reply to  liningupducks

Ok Tracy, let’s put together the ultimate “Is he/she a Narcissist?” Test. Save us all a lot of time, money, and tears…

tony
tony
8 years ago
Reply to  Meg

This from an Amazon reviewer, with which I concur:

23 of 27 people found the following review helpful

1
Every man should have this book.
ByAmazon Customeron January 31, 2011

Format: Paperback

Because the author and publishers viewed this book as primarily for women, they have neglected a major marketing possibility for men. As a service to male readers (and as a suggestion to the publishers) allow me post the male instruction kit:

Step 1. Give this book to any woman you know or want to know.
Step 2. Have her read it.
Step 3. Ask her to tell you what she thought of it.
Step 4. Decision and Evaluation Phase: If she says she learned something about herself/about marriage/about relationships/about spirituality or about anything other than the narcissism of the author and of our culture, then you should dump her immediately; or keep her until a more attractive prospect comes along (it won’t take long) and then dump her.
Step 5. Rinse, lather and repeat as needed.

Of course, this algorithm does not guarantee finding a good woman, but it instantly eliminates the worst of your choices. It really is that valuable a tool for men. Stay far, far away from any woman who liked this book.

This book could also be useful to women although not in the manner the author intended. For women, any man who says he liked this book is either too pathetic to rise to the lowly level of a “beta-male” or he is lying to you to get you into bed. Those really are the only two options.

By the way, the reason that I have read this book is that somebody gave it to my wife. Perhaps you are wondering what my wife thought of it? She recognized it for the corrosive effluent that it is.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  tony

Many years before Dday I was a fan of Bridges of Madison County. Now… not so much. I viewed it very superficially. I think the same would be true of Eat, Pray, Love (if I had read it). Now that I’ve got a front row seat to the part of these stories that is mostly ignored, I find them disappointing and offensive. Can anybody name a book or movie that really digs into infidelity from a chumps perspective? All that comes to mind is Fatal Attraction, but it’s the perspective of a cheater, not a chump.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

And Hope Floats.

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

Under the Tuscan Sun and The Rebound.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

“An Unmarried Woman starring” (1978) starring Jill Clayburg from a chump’s perspective and
“My Old Lady” (2014) starring Kevin Kline from the perspective of the children of two cheaters.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

The best film depiction is Carmella’s reaction to Tony’s infidelity with his Russian mistress in The Sopranos. She becomes emotionally unhinged– grief, despair, horror, disbelief all spill out of her in one of the most accurate performances of all time about what it feels like to undergo D-day.

SheChump
SheChump
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9oY7zpan18

Here’s the Sopranos article.

Yeah – Goodfella’s too. Talk about cheating.

Cindy
Cindy
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Or Lorraine Braco in “Good Fellas”. My now XH loved that scene. I think I channeled Karen Hill and Carmella when he had me served not 2 minutes after I gave him the Waiver of Service. I was screaming in my street that he should “Go back to your whore!!!!” I grew up in NJ, so definitely had the East coast attitude.

Cindy
Cindy
8 years ago
Reply to  Cindy

I should say that Goodfellas is in reference to her screaming that “Janice Rossi is a whore”. NOT the scene with the gun! LOL!

Lea
Lea
8 years ago
Reply to  Cindy

Take This Waltz with Michelle Williams and Seth Rogen. One of the few movies where the chump doesn’t take the cheater back and, turns out, isn’t so bad after the exhilaration of the AP wears off. Michelle Williams plays the cheater.

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago

I see that Gilbert has another book called “Committed” which is her apparently her advice/observations on love and marriage. Bleh.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  not Juliet

LMAO. Who is going to take marriage advice from this woman? Seriously.

Reminds me of my cheater X after I had filed for divorce–he had a friend, a serial cheater who had tanked 3 marriages, and this friend was X’s main source of support. The friend wanted to caution me about dumping X as it was “unusual for someone who had been together for 2 decades to talk as well of me as X talked about me.” Lol; the friend wanted to give ME marriage advice. I declined.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My ex was briefly billed as a “relationship expert” on a tiny local weekly radio show (he was probably sleeping with the host, is my guess.) He was giving advice on how to have a good relationship/marriage, how to be a good parent, and even more unbelievable, financial stuff.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Jesus wept.

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Bravo on dumping him! You have guts (a great constitution).

StrongerEveryday
StrongerEveryday
8 years ago

The part about how she pursued new men made my stomach turn. I imagine this is how my ex operates. I could never figure out how his unremarkable self could get so many women to follow his drum. It’s revolting to think about it all as a calculated, predatory exercise.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

Gilbert is nothing more than a social piranha.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I feel the same way about this author, Tempest!

nodancing
nodancing
8 years ago

I read that book and came away from it feeling oogey. This was before the troubles with STBX started so I was unaware of the impact. It really blows how causally infidelity is written and portrayed, with no regard for the people left in the dust of these sparkly people.

Sad in Seattle
Sad in Seattle
8 years ago

What an amazing peek into the narcissistic brain. Only issue is she wants us to see only what she wants us to see. But it’s enough to really creep me out!

Susan
Susan
8 years ago

Never understood all the fuss about the book and movie. I looked it over in a bookstore and discarded it.

Now that I know this backstory, I’m shaking my head. Here I’m still trying to figure out how to flirt again. Seduction is really out of my range!

liningupducks
liningupducks
8 years ago

I have had an indescribable aversion to the book and movie, and now I feel validated. Thank you. It was presented as some sort of woman-empowerment thing, but to me it seemed so self-centered and fake; vomit-worthy.

Makes me sick to think of all the benefits she’s gotten from publicly being a sociopath, and now, sort-of owning up to yet and still showing no emotion for her victims. Sick.

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago

Well, the karma is that there aren’t many things more unattractive than an aging, sociopathic whore. Then she will really get to practice her Seduction Addiction, lol.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago

Although it’s certainly not 100%, life experience has shown me that a very sizable percentage of people who are into “finding themselves,” “fulfilling their dreams,” “following their passion,” or any of the other similar sentiments so popular these days are nothing more than narcissists. Any of those phrases should set off red flags. That these people and their self-absorbed drivel are so applauded and celebrated by most of society simply shows me further that we are living in incredibly narcissistic times, and I’ve become somewhat cynical.

Meg
Meg
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Amen. You are absolutely correct. I heard all of these from the EX. His favorite phrase was “Just Do It.” And if you ever get a chance to read their online profiles, look out for “I” in every sentence.

LittleLady
LittleLady
8 years ago

Elizabeth Gilbert seems very good at dangling that carrot out in front of people to make them jump. I fell for that trick with Loki.
It is a sick way to hurt someone when you have no intention of ever rewarding their good behavior. I sorta want the reward up front next time I agree to any long-term commitment. How? I guess by learning my value. Maybe I am worth more than I ask for… how much is an American worth if she really can spin straw into gold?

Michael
Michael
8 years ago

LOL! “Relationships Overlapped” What a jackass!