Ex-Husband Grabs Her Butt at College Drop Off
She’s trying to be a civil coparent with her creepy ex-husband. He grabs her butt at college move-in day and wants a bootie call.
***
Dear Chump Lady,
As we were dropping our oldest son off at college, my ex-husband grabs my ass and says:
“I wish we could relish and mourn our little loved one leaving the nest together.”
fuckwit
It is my weekend two years deep into a 50/50 custody arrangement that I never wanted. I never wanted to be a day without them. He left me for his principal. He is a teacher and she was married. This was after he lost a job because he was caught making out in a book room with a teacher’s assistant, only after a naked picture of her was found on his desk, begging for their next interaction, in his kindergarten classroom. Our son was in that kindergarden classroom.
He begged for forgiveness.
Then he asked me to defend his job so our children didn’t have to feel the financial strain of his mistakes. He resigned from his position, but was able to score a recommendation from the District, because they wanted to avoid bad press!
I got a job 40 minutes outside of our remote town. Then Covid hit. We taught from home. It was the best time in my life. He was forced to be home. Never had he spent this kind of time with his family.
After Covid ended, he returned to school and found a new lover within days. He asked for a divorce after he completely obliterated me with such abuse. His last statement to me was that I am “such an embarrassment.” Because I once tried to enjoy a Christmas party with his staff. I didn’t want to go, he coerced me to go. I danced and laughed and kissed him in public. He said I embarrassed him. I kinda knew who he wanted to impress and I tried harder. A week later he asked for a divorce, on Christmas day.
The rest is history. I hired a lawyer and made the divorce harder, according to him. Got 50/50 of it all. I was devastated because I could not imagine living weeks at a time without my kids. He was devastated because 50/50 on a teaching salary has made him “broke.” A 47-year-old broke baby.
Two years later, I’ve worked hard to parent my boys 50/50.
I do much more because my ex-husband has little interest in following through as a coparent. Our oldest graduated and is off to college. (State school was not his first choice, which according to my ex is my fault cause I didn’t do enough to encourage him to apply for scholarships and once mentioned there are other choices.) Ex will pay nothing towards the amazing deal the state school has provided.
Anyway day of drop off has come and after almost a year of very limited shared time in shared places, we tried drop off together. I was civil, not nice, we had a few shared adventures like move in, a soccer game and a good night dinner.
As we said goodbye on the last night, he grabbed my ass and told me he didn’t want to discuss anything, but wanted something physical.
Jen
***
Dear Jen,
Your ex-husband is not a coparent, he’s a creep. How’s that civility working out for you? I hope you slapped his hand away and told him if that it ever touches you again, he’ll pull away with a bloody stump.
This is why you cannot coparent with fuckwits.
Because further contact will only upset you, send you into apoplexies of regret, and make you write internet advice columnists. Commit to gray rock — the most minimal of contact. Do only what the court requires, no more, no less. Attending college move-in day together IS NOT REQUIRED. Nor is dining out or soccer games. You’re inflicting that shit on yourself. STOP IT.
I can smell the hopium fumes over here.
What are you talking about, Tracy? (Stubs blunt out, waves smoke away…)
The hope that your civility — and presence — will compel him to care about his children. Or pay his fair share. Or regret all that he lost.
You do not have superpowers.
And grief is hard work. I know you’re sad at the injustice that you lost time with your kids and that you invested so much of your life in a FW. But you only control your side of the street. So be the sane parent. You do you, he does him.
But, but! He’ll fuck up!
Yes, chances are he won’t go to the soccer game, or pay for dinner, or do any number of responsible, loving adult things. You fronting for your kid, LOOK JUNIOR! TWO INVESTED PARENTS WHO LOVE YOU! is bullshit. You are propping up a fuckwit. Doing his impression management game for him. And what’s your reward? Getting your ass groped.
He will weaponize your grief.
He knows a mentally healthy person wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole. But you’re still hoping you can appeal to his better angels. You still care way too much about his stupid narrative. You’re still heartsick.
What’s in this for him? a FW asks himself. Sex! Centrality!
He doesn’t deserve the privilege of you in his life. Your kids’ relationship with him is their business. Don’t manage it, back away and evict him from your head.
Stop doing for him.
Then he asked me to defend his job so our children didn’t have to feel the financial strain of his mistakes.
Did you? How long have you been cleaning up his messes? Please turn in your chaos janitor mop.
His last statement to me was that I am “such an embarrassment.”
Forced resignation Dude, say wha? You’re the embarrassment? Why do you care what he thinks about you? The pick me dance is over. His opinion on your worth or how you dance at a party doesn’t matter. Fuck him.
Ex will pay nothing towards the amazing deal the state school has provided.
He doesn’t pay for his children. Yeah. That tells me everything I need to know about this person. He’s beneath contempt. He should be shunned. Why are you doing ANYTHING at this college with a MAN WHO WON’T PAY FOR HIS KID?
State school was not his first choice, which according to my ex is my fault cause I didn’t do enough to encourage him to apply for scholarships and once mentioned there are other choices.
Oh right. He’s the principled deadbeat who won’t pay because (whatever, rummages through junk drawer for an excuse…)
First off, you SHOULD NOT HAVE CONVERSATIONS with this freak. NO CONTACT. Blaming you for your son’s choice of college is NOT IN THE COURT ORDER. He doesn’t get to make utterances. At the first syllable, it’s blockety-block-block.
Hey, limpdick — is your Google finger broke? Can you not find scholarships? I’m sorry,
PEOPLE WHO DON’T PAY FOR THEIR CHILDREN DON’T GET OPINIONS ON MY PARENTING.
But you’re not going to say that, because no contact. However, you are permitted to think it.
I wish we could relish and mourn our little loved one leaving the nest together.
He can mourn alone. Far, far away from you.
Boy I needed this post. I am so sorry this happened to Jen, sounds awful but it made me so grateful for my neglectful fuckwit who took the kids 5% of the time leaving me with 95% of the parenting and letting me help him find a school, navigate scholarships, and move to college. (from a distance he bought him the fridge and a computer) But as much as I hated to do ALL of this alone for both my kids, I got to be the safe, sane parent and help them make the right decision for them without the input of the fuckwit who liked to tell me when I did see him at the graduation that it was a big mistake. Jen hang in there no contact it gets better.
Jen, please hear me on this — FW is a straight up sexual predator. Just the things you shared… I can’t even imagine what you aren’t aware of. He is no longer entitled to touch you in any way. Please please listen to CL’s advice and go full on no contact. You are the sane parent. It will all work out. Keep away from that creep. Also, if you’re not already getting therapy, this would be worth sharing with a therapist and getting some solid perspective.
Great feedback. Just a side note that, as we all know, not all therapists are created equal. There are a lot of victim-blaming hacks out there who will simply double down on the abusive gaslighting and minimization survivors have already experienced at the hands of abusers and can add to an abuse survivor’s trauma (i.e., the “second injury” of domestic abuse caused by helping professionals). Because of this risk, any prospective therapist should be quizzed about their knowledge, experience and attitudes regarding domestic abuse, post-traumatic stress and sexual assault.
It took some time after D-day to find an excellent therapist who was versed in domestic abuse and coercive control but, until then, my experience was like Goldilocks and the Half Dozen Douchebags. One male therapist angrily told me during a first meeting that I seemed “emotionally flat” so he didn’t really believe what I was telling him. I almost laughed at his spectacular incompetence but didn’t because his disproportionate hostility creeped me out. Then I interviewed another douchebag who also disproportionately responded when I said FW was going through a “midlife crisis.”
In truth I don’t really care for the expression “midlife crisis” or even believe it’s a thing but simply used it to segue into discussing domestic abuse and to see how this therapist would react. He certainly did react– as if personally attacked. His chin jutted out like a petulant child and, apropos of nothing, he defensively told me his own age (the same as FW’s) as if I should have considered his feelings before I said “midlife.” I suddenly realized the reason this forty-something guy was conducting therapy in his dinky one bedroom apartment was because he was probably recently divorced and, from his brittle little ego and hyper-groomed vanity, I could guess why. Total FW. Then. also apropos of nothing I’d said, he gave me this weirdly angry spiel about not treating suicidal patients. I stared at him quizzically and asked “So a lot of your patients end up suicidal?” (not to mention his ex wife).
Then there was the screamy RIC geezer who shouted at me because I spoke negatively about how the AP bilked my kids’ college funds, called me names and wished me dead. Then there was whisper lady who couldn’t handle the faintest display of emotion and would counter by whispering so inaudibly that I had to cup my hand behind my ear to make out what she was saying. Apparently I’m Schrodinger’s chump– both too flat and too emotional at the same time!
Then there were the two marmish therapists in a row who giggled and flirted over FW like Miss Prissy from the old Foghorn Leghorn cartoon and finally the 40-something Ivy League CSAT therapist who showed up in a green satin mini cocktail dress and immediately asked– again, apropos of nothing I’d said– if I had an “attachment disorder.”
Yikes, NEXT. Physician heal thyself.
Thank you for putting this so succinctly, I tend to ramble. But that’s exactly what this guy is…a sexual predator. He’s gonna handle some woman someday and he’s gonna get his clock cleaned or end up in a major court case. I wonder how long he’s been doing this stuff and getting away with it.
Seconding therapy and no contact.
Jen, you’re still grieving and traumatized from his abuse. You won’t find comfort or closure from him. He’s poison and will only make you sicker.
Please file a police report so at the very least you get it on record in case he escalates – and I wouldn’t be surprised if he did.
Calling him a creep is minimizing what he did. He’s a predator.
This is an INSULT. He threw away your marriage and now wants to downgrade you to a side fuck. This is INSULTING. Where is your outrage?
I agree. I wouldn’t allow my FW to talk this way to me. Any time he tried to talk down to me or criticize me I aimed both barrels of my mouth at him. Called him pervert, aHole, MF, you name it I called it, and he sheepishly ate it. But I had leverage so he really didn’t have much choice. Still, we are not punching bags for these FWs and should not take it.
A few years ago, I was at a restaurant with 20 other people and some asshole – a casual acquaintance of the family – started showing stolen nudes on his phone of a famous actress young enough to be his daughter. When I expressed discomfort, this guy gets up from his seat and approaches me to try to force me to look at his phone. The audacity.
I stood up and started yelling at the top of my voice, calling him a pervert and a disgusting old man. “Why are you showing us nude photos of a girl young enough to be your daughter? What makes you think this is appropriate to show at the dinner table? What the fuck is wrong with you?” I don’t even remember everything I said now, I just went off.
It got the full attention of the entire restaurant, and he scurried back to his seat mortified. No regrets.
Jen: I am “such an embarrassment.”
My Cheater tried this is SO many ways. One of the worst was him faking good-dad by going with me to but 2nd grader on the bus. We had just bought her a new stuffed animal that I was holding as she got on the bus. When she looked through the bus window at us, I raised the little bear up and moved its fuzzy paw like it was waving good bye. Cheater raged at me “How could you humiliate our child like that? How dare you wave the bears arm like that at her?!?” commence garage of insults about my parenting.
Turns out, the bear buying shopping trip was mainly an errand to get OW a birthday gift. The letter that accompanied it was later the smoking gun of his adultery.
CL: if that it ever touches you again, he’ll pull away with a bloody stump.
One of the regrets I have over being a widow rather than a divorcee is that I never got to tell him “Don’t ever touch me again or I will have you arrested for battery”. I have a great butt and he liked it even when he hated the rest of me. I would have liked him to know that I would never ever ever again consent to being touched by him.
Jen, congrats on your accomplishments as a sane parent. You have done an amazing job with your son. Sorry he doesn’t pay for your son. It’s so frustrating. It’s just classic that he thinks he has the right to harass you in public. My ex once said to me at a lunch early on in front of my son, “I could just come over tonight and have you.” I said no you can’t! I think in their minds it’s not possible that we don’t want them anymore.
I’m not going to prescribe a recommendation one way or the other, because there are so many variations and complexities in the ways people co-parent with an ex. All I want to do is show some grace to the letter writer, because co-parenting very often is not a choice – it’s often one of the biggest court-ordered shit sandwiches you will ever have to eat. No-contact is often literally impossible, and sometimes the only thing a Chump can manage is grey-rocking or yellow-rocking. I don’t want the LW to feel like she should feel guilty for failing to eliminate her ex from her kid’s life or her own, or that she was somehow asking for her butt to be grabbed by allowing herself to attend college drop-off with him.
Many FWs have an amazing way of doing just enough to make you feel uncomfortable, but not enough to get them in serious trouble. They also will equally love it if you comply with their advances or get upset and have a big reaction. They are bullies! Whatever LW decides to do to navigate this shit sandwich – ranging from filing assault charges to gritting your teeth and ignoring it – I just wanted her to know how that there are people out there who understand how f**king galling and enraging it is to have to cooperate in co-parenting with a FW and to have the weight of the world’s judgment on you, no matter what you do.
Once kids are 18, legally your coparent obligation is done. Whatever you choose to do after is your choice. But FW cant take you to court about childcare agreements, vacations, holidays, weekend visits anymore. Adult kids have to learn to navigate their relationship with their parents. And sometimes need to hear its ok if they dont want a relationship. No kid should feel obligated to have a relationship with a parent, especially if the parent was a bad one or abusive. I was that obedient obligated young adult going out of my way to accommodate my parents. Once I got married, had kids career ect, I was busy and didn’t put them first. I took them awhile to get over that.
Before d-day he grabbed my ass all the time, from behind so I did not see that coming. He knew that I did not like it, as I had repeatedly told him to please not do that because it makes me feel bad. He did it anyway, as often as he could. After d-day and we were legally separated, we were both present in the home (he was there temporarily, getting his stuff) and he approached me pretending to be sweet, kind and caring. (This was during his attempt at getting me to reconcile.) He was going in for a hug and I put up my hand with my arm stretched out, he stopped his tracks and I said very loudly and firmly, “Do not ever touch me.” He stopped and looked so hurt and shocked that I would be so unreasonably mean.
Good for you!!!! How dare these guys treat their spouses like dirt and then think they’re entitled to any actual PHYSICAL affection? That stuns me. It’s so insulting and dismissive, like women are all just interchangeable parts.
Women ARE all interchangeable parts to them. Just appliances to supply whatever.
The unconsented ass-grabbing is considered criminal sexual battery in most states. In some states there are more surgical definitions of sexual battery but, even so, that ass-grab would be battery and also subject to civil tort. Where this is criminalized, it’s usually a misdemeanor for so-called “first time offenders” (usually because they weren’t previously reported).
I agree with others that a police report should be filed– both to have a paper trail and as a deterrent because of the clear risk of escalation.
I love this. My only concern is the police won’t care. But if you are up for it, do it. You need all the help and proof moving forward. Everything you say above means he’s going to continue to abuse you. My ex does all he can to hurt me and I’ve been no contact for 9 years and I think he’s with someone else. married even. It’s all financial and trying to contact me and abusing the kids. Do all you can do to protect yourself. As Tracy says, he’s showing his true self now.
Police will almost always try to “wet blanket” abuse reports. They say things to put the complainant off and see how they react. If you don’t lose your temper or get hysterical and keep calmly stating that you’re worried about escalation with a gently “knit brow pursuit of truth” attitude, a lot of cops will start imagining how appealing you’re going to seem on the six o’clock news as you tell viewers how police didn’t protect you before it all got out of hand. Some might even change their tune, get off their duffs and become helpful.
Hopium is all over the place..reminds me of me, before D day. Reciting all the HORRORS of this abusive relationship, I mean horrors of 24/ 7 groping, becoming a married sex worker to him, listening to his EA stories and telling him what he is doing wrong like a mommy to.a 4 year old..wallpapering over his black mold. I can’t believe I was such a wimp and super glued to crazy. The ONLY HELP for you is as NO CONTACT as possible. With your creepy X like my creepy X compulsively grabbing at anything that I’d warm, he could end up in Prison asking YOU to bail him out. He is too free with you and knows your weak spots. Break free and live or stay connected and let your true self keep dying. Listen to TRACY and read us here. It is a pattern these sickos love. Us i
Skewered on a spicket Roasting over the open coals. Go NO CONTACT
If he didnt help your son navigate the application process and is not helping to pay he is a person non grata. I would call him out on it if you do speak, such as saying He made a decision not to graduate with alot of debt since you are not contributing financially to his education, and since you didnt help him apply or navigate the application process. If its important to you, you can discuss with him transferring in the future. You can Help him do it, help him apply for scholarships and help him pay so he has minimal debt.
I myself feel no obligation to invite someone who isnt helping my adult child, they can arrange spending time visiting etc without me and not on my dime. They want to pay for a meal or buy something for the dorm room have at it. He doesnt deserve any consideration here. And I know I would be telling anyone who listens that the dad not only didnt help him get in any way or pay but had the gaul to grab my ass at dropoff. Kids appreciate truth telling. They know whats going on, who the sane show up parent is. My kids dont like it when I lie or pretend. They are well adjusted, nice, realists and so much more savvy than I because I didnt shelter them. They have alot of grit.
This CL comment is just heartbreaking to me, because hope is like the innocent child within us, earnestly trying to “be good” so things will feel safe; All that earnest trying is rewarded only intermittently, yet is always, ultimately, betrayed. And it has nothing at all to do with our efforts.
LW, every time you tell yourself some version of “surely we can play nice for the sake of [whatever milestone in your child’s life],” please cue up Elvis crooning “Devil in Disguise.” It’s not just that a FW gives you nothing to work with, it’s that this is a person intent on toying with you. I’m not a religious person, but I think the metaphor fits: understand that FW’s as demented and dangerous to your spirit as the devil. And distance accordingly.
Over and above the fact that Jen’s FW is a creep, his behaviour on occasions that should be all about their son suggests that he thinks that the occasion is all about him and nothing but an opportunity to try and make his Ex-wife as uncomfortable as possible.
Unless, of course, he actually believes that she’s going to take him up on his suggestion of “something physical” ….. in which case he’s a stupid creep.
LFTT
Sounds soooo familiar. An easy technique I have used for years in situations where x and I end up together for our son’s music and theatre performances etc is NO EYE CONTACT. You can be civil or make basic small talk without looking at them. I focus on my kid. My attention loving x hates it.
10 years later fuckwit is still a loser who has lost his job 4X since our divorce, (not to mention three separate 6 months+ stints of unemployment during our marriage). He can’t pay for our son’s phone or medical insurance, but leaves town for weeks at a time whenever he has a free place to stay.
My sweet teenage son and I are close and I relish being the sane parent he can depend on with a good/interesting job, a fat emergency fund and the pleasure of splurging on fun stuff here and there—debt free!
Life gets better in so many ways when you walk away from the bullshit of these people. It hurts so deeply when it happens. Grieve and rage as long as you need.
Read ChumpLady every day — This blog absolutely saved my sanity in the early years. Keep slowly walking forward towards the things you care about. You won’t regret it.
Love and healing to all!
Thank you Tracy🩷🩷🩷
I have quite the Irish temper and this one got me. THAT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT. It LITERALLY is. If some anonymous man did this to you on the street or in a store or in the subway, you would be justified in protecting yourself and calling the cops. I don’t see this as any different – it might even be worse that this piece of garbage thinks he can treat you the way he has, treat his kids the way he has, and then use you like some kind of fucking piece of meat. I would have hit him so hard he’d be a permanent satellite of Earth. Jen….you’re a nice person. STOP BEING A NICE PERSON AND SHUT THIS SHIT DOWN. Make it clear there will be no fucking booty calls from now until Gabriel starts blowing his trumpet and don’t EVER do that again, you fucking piece of crap!
Jen, that is truly one of the most insulting things I’ve read in quite a while, on a sheer gut level, that he could run around so openly, actually LOSE JOBS because he’s running around with assorted sluts at work, break up your family, cause hardship for your kids, and not having them around you and an intact family, AND THEN HE THINKS HE GETS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU????? FUCK THAT!!!! Get angry Jen and don’t ever let this POS get away with that again. I agree with CL – NO CONTACT or as much as you can manage with the kids and GREY ROCK. Don’t give him any openings to do shit like this – if you have to go to an event with him, keep it as cool as possible, stay IN public with him, don’t be alone with him. I would also tell him in writing that his behavior was not acceptable nor welcome and you don’t want a repeat – ever.
I’m gonna be blunt here, Jen…..are you still hoping on some level for getting back together with him? You have to be honest with yourself, Jen, because if there is any kind of opening there with you, he will pick up on it and use it against you. You may not even want this for yourself, but maybe for your kids’ sake. I think your husband is a really bad person who has done terrible things to you and your kids and he’s gonna keep screwing up his own life because he won’t keep it in his pants. We could debate endlessly why, but that’s it in a nutshell. When he self destructs….don’t be there for him. Be there for your kids only.
Yeah that reminds me. FW slept with a female colleague after looking back mustve been an ongoing emotional affair. There was an end of project celebration and launch of an event. They both got drunk and f@@@ed.
He was always super paranoid of loosing his job. Always has been, part of his OCPD and workaholism. Looking back it makes me more pissed because she could have said she was raped since drunk and he could have not only lost his job but license and not be able to practice anymore, arrested, jail time, permanent record not be able to get a decent job. At the time I was terrified she would do this when he told me. For someone so worried about loosing his job you would think he would avoid s@@@ing where he works. If she were vindictive about it ending she could have. He told me she didnt want a relationship with him. But who knows when what he says are lies to minimize and manipulate. I am sure he manipulated her as well. But them fing around and risking their livelihood is a big FU to his family. And times are changing. There are alot more women in the workforce and professional schools. The younger generation hardly dates has sex, or marries. Why should they? Women have more power and financial stability. They have 1 or 2 run ins with these entitled narc men and then they dont want to date men anymore. They ruin it for the normal men. And the narcs are the ones active on dating sites because they get off on dating and duping. Or the women want to date men equal or more successful than them, hard to do when men dont go to college as much. Then you have a large pool of educated successful women vying for a small pool of men. So more mate poaching if women are so inclined to mate poach. While there may be a great guy who is a carpenter and will not only treat you like gold but will fix all your stuff and be competent and take care of stuff for you and spend time with you. Instead of just making money, working long hours letting the house fall apart, expecting you to take care of everything or having to hire someone to fix everything. Then getting upset you spent money on fixing things. Lol sorry for the rant!
This is very apt. It’s a broad socioeconomic climate change coupled with accelerating moral decay and nihilism. It’s ruining young people and as always good women being the biological child bearers and family nurturers are bearing the brunt of it. Good men are less forward and so they lose too. We need to teach our kids how to be really good judges of character. How to recognize narcs and predators very early in the interaction, and how to protect themselves from emotional manipulation.
Oh, please….rant on, LOLOL!!! I am a champion ranter. Lot to rant about. I also hated the workplace affairs – you’re right, it’s usually a male superior, but it can be the reverse, but whichever it is can absolutely face disciplinary action and lose a job and possibly ruin a career. I’ve seen it happen. It can be viewed as harassment, which I’ve experienced, or as you say, with a drunken encounter, possibly as rape if the woman actually sees it that way or wants to use it later as a club or bargaining point. Of course, for a situation like your ex, I’m sure they were flirting and fooling around at some level, the drunkenness is just the excuse for taking it to the physical level. Oh, we were “drunk”….yeah, well, what about all the shit you were doing and saying before it got to this level – you don’t just grab an anonymous secretary and throw her on a desk. There ARE preliminaries. The, oh it was a one time thing because we were drunk is usually bullshit too because there was a lot of shit maybe for weeks or months before that led up to that. The other thing I’ve always hated is the woman who gets ahead sleeping her way up the ladder. I’ve seen this with a guy too but it’s usually women. I hate that shit, it’s an insult to the rest of us who actually DO THE WORK. There’s a lot of this in politics now and it always repels me. People need to keep sex OUT of the workplace and just do the fucking work…..the old saying don’t shit where you eat is so true. Where you eat, where you live, where you work. It’s not just morally wrong, but it’s actually stupid. Jen’s husband is a stupid, stupid man and he’s already risked a lot for nonsense. It’s never worth it.
Yes I agree. You need to lay the groundwork for physical aspect. You dont just say open sesame and women spread their legs. They were obviously friendly, flirty. I am sure it went on for years. They were equals at work. I remember years earlier, I saw a text from her of a picture of a beach, saying something about her vacation. I said to him why is she texting you a picture from her vacation. That seems inappropriate. He minimized it, was like well we are friendly we work together its not a big deal. I let it go as a trusting spouse. He never mentioned her. So I never gave it any thought. I wasnt a marriage police. The next work AP was 19 yrs younger he wad her mentor. Again you can get fired for that power dynamic. So again risking his job. But they cant help themselves. And schmoopies fall for their antics. Think they are great upstanding guys and they are special because he would not normally have an affair. The live that is bigger than them!
that’s sexual assault.
one of the things that makes me so mad is how much pleasure these FW’s take in being cruel. of making chumps feel bad. it’s the worst. fuckers.
it’s monday. burn something in the back yard.
This incident needs a police report. I doubt much more than a brief call or a talk with an officer will occur with him, but it sends a strong message to keep his goddam hands off.
This guy is “on the move” and looking for whatever he can get. I wouldn’t make any effort to involve him in your kids’ lives other than what is required legally. If the oldest is over 18 or nearly there, make sure you understand what that means.
I would call the non-emergency line of the police about the “grab.” My local force has a domestic violence resource specialist that I’ve called before with questions like this because I do volunteer work related to women and the piece-of-trash men that bug them (and more).
Mine were both in college when my ex left to live in another state, but the youngest was just a handful of months under 18. I consulted a local attorney about visitation, but she recommended not bringing it up and assured me that she could stall until it was a non-issue. At first I felt responsible for updating their father on their doings, and then I stopped. It was his responsibility to keep in touch. He didn’t. He passive-aggressively sent cards with checks for a while. That ended as well.
So Dad didn’t attend any of the graduations and award ceremonies because they didn’t want him there, and I considered that to be their decision, not mine. He (of course) 100% blames me and said I alienated them. Except he estranged himself by moving away and not keeping in touch.
I made some poor decisions during separation, but choosing NOT to manage Dad’s relationship with the kids was key. No regrets there.
Not, do I know what this guy is all about.
My creep ex once patted me on the ass while we were in an in house separation. I was too shocked to say or do anything at first, but my daughter said if he tried it again she would kick him in the balls. He had done it right in front of her! He never tried it again.
So funny how this got me thinking of the recent Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner college road show with their daughter. How Garner keeps propping Affleck up as a good dad & not a moody, avoidant alcoholic. Your X sounds like a deadbeat & a perv & you likely propped him up with your good character attributes…or else you would’ve figured that eons ago. Time to let your X fly & go splat! Surround yourself with people that aren’t him & let your kids figure out their own relationship with their dad. You can be their sane, stable mom that they can talk to when they start asking what’s wrong with Dad?
Did I read it right that this asshole is a KINDERGARTEN TEACHER? What the fucking fuck? And the school district just allowed him to switch schools? Not only is he a predator, but the school district is utterly negligent. This individual with shit morals, who screws paraprofessionals in a book room at the school, is still allowed to be responsible for a class full of elementary school students?
This reminds me of an incident back in my high school when one of the history teachers and one of the gym teachers were caught in her office. People talked about it for years. If your ex is at a school district in a rural town, everyone knows. Calling you an embarrassment is projection. You aren’t the one banging the teacher’s aid and having naked pictures out on a desk in a classroom full of 6 year olds.
Grabbing you is assault. File a restraining order at the least.
testing…