Well, this week has seen an unusually high number of triggers. Although it was many years ago, I still have days where I’m consumed by the events of the past. My therapist believes that because I never got the answers I needed I have a bit of an obsession and can’t put it to rest.
Admittedly, I have to agree with her. I feel very badly for some of the members of CN who, in my opinion from reading their stories, had it way worse.
I often get these “trigger” days and recently started compiling a list of some of them. Then I wondered: What triggers others?
So as a Friday challenge suggestion I’d like to share triggers with the group. It might be therapeutic; it might open a wound or two.
New York Nutbag
Dear New York Nutbag,
None of us get the answers. And we don’t need them. Really, you’ll make yourself completely bonkers if you predicate your healing on a liar telling you the whole sordid truth. This gives FWs a lot of power. Ooh, no, please I need to know do you have one love child or 14? Did you do it on a box? With a fox? Eating green eggs and ham? Don’t give them the centrality. The goal is meh (indifference) which is achieved through no contact over time.
can’t put it to rest
Yes you can.
Look, I totally understand being gaslit out of your wits and going on a impassioned hunt for the truth — but in the early days, you need the truth (or as much of it as you can gather or stomach) to take informed ACTION. Like calling a divorce lawyer. Or divvying up assets. And, okay, to truly comprehend the depths of the betrayal. (See also “Trust That They Suck.”)
But once you’ve hit a tipping point, and have chosen your course of action — leaving — why continue to kick yourself in the teeth? Trust that they suck. Lean into the suck. Lay your burden down. TRUST it. Yep, nothing to work with. Unacceptable. Can’t go back. SUCK.
You make it sound so easy, Tracy.
No, it’s a bitch. Takes forever. It’s trauma. But as you wanted to talk about triggers, I just wanted to tease apart triggers — odd things still make you flinchy — versus Needing All the Answers, Must Replay This Shit. You don’t need answers from a FW and triggers fade. They really do! I am completely unmoved by Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Exist! See if I care!
Bully for you, Tracy. Some of us are the walked wounded over here.
The pain is finite. But I’m happy to discuss triggers as a Friday Challenge, even if the word “triggered” is triggering. It seems to have been appropriated by right-wing trolls. Which is a whole other discussion. What is it about pointing out an injustice, or source of emotional upset — that freaks cannot handle? Does vulnerability trigger them? Anyway…
Triggers. What raises your blood pressure, CN? And what do you do for it? EMDR? Kick boxing? A good walk around the block?
Lay it on me. And TGIF!