I’m 5 years into this shitshow now and mostly am fairly chilled about everything, albeit with the occasional trigger that sets me off for a while. Usually something to do with the injustice of how these cheating dirtbags seemingly have no consequences, but I digress.
I was talking to my eldest daughter tonight who is now 17. She is wise beyond her years. Anyway, she stayed with my ex-husband on Saturday night (my youngest refuses to go and no longer speaks to her father). Apparently he brought up in conversation how amazing the OW is for doing a marathon and in the next breath mentioned how I wasn’t as fit as her and he thought I had put on weight.
My daughter gave him a dressing down on how it doesn’t matter, etc., etc. I am currently on a diet, but I’m not exactly out of shape. I’m nearly 6ft and a size 10-12. The OW is nothing like me.
His jibes don’t bother me but I wondered why someone who is supposedly so happy, feels the need to look over his shoulder and run me down — to our daughter no less? I don’t really notice what he’s doing. He constantly asks her about my business, our lives, etc. I don’t think he wants me back and doesn’t appear to regret it. After a 20 year marriage he doesn’t speak to me, and I haven’t uttered one word to the tramp ever. We don’t interfere in their lives. So why run me down?
It seems to be a common theme. Is he trying to convince himself or everyone else that she’s worth it? (She’s not).Or is it just untangling the skein??
Dear Vaguely Curious,
Well, we aren’t inside his putrid little noggin, but my guess is he misses the pick-me dance, so he triangulates with your daughter instead of you. He goads her with the hope you’ll hear about it. Same with the questions about your life.
Of course, it’s unnerving and keeps everyone off balance: you, your daughter, and probably the Other Woman. Why are you so interested in what your ex-wife is doing?
At the center of all this comparing and contrasting? Lord Dick.
he brought up in conversation how amazing the OW is for doing a marathon and in the next breath mentioned how I wasn’t as fit as her and he thought I had put on weight.
MORE LAPS SCHMOOPIE!
I wonder if OW’s interest in marathon running isn’t some effort to contort her body into pleasing shapes for your ex. (And be found wanting. Drop and give me 5, Schmoops.)
After all, she’s with a man who left two children and a 20-year marriage to brag about her muscle tone. So what happens if she ages or becomes injured? Off to the scrap heap?
And who is Lord Dick having this charming conversation with? Your daughter. You know what happens if you put on weight? You’ll be LEFT. And you’ll deserve it for not being as fit as you could be.
He’s modeling misogyny. Lord Dick is the judge, jury and executioner. Be worthy!
I am currently on a diet,
No defense of your weight and height is necessary. Don’t even go there. The point isn’t OW’s body fat ratio or yours, it’s Lord Dick being judge, jury, and executioner.
The goal posts are always moving with FWs. There’s no good enough when you’re dealing with a creep on a power trip. And that’s what he misses — the power trip.
He’s not relevant to your life any longer. No one gives a shit what he thinks about thigh gaps, or the state of the judiciary. He’s no one to you. You’re an autonomous individual who sets her own worth. He can flap his gums about the OW’s charity 5K or Qanon one world conspiracies or the ham sandwich he ate for lunch. Doesn’t matter. He’s far, far away from your life, so don’t let him into your brain.
Let him stay irrelevant. Untangling his skein keeps him relevant.
Meanwhile, have a talk with your daughter about triangulation, and set a boundary — you don’t want to know what dad says about you. She gets to manage that relationship with him for herself. She too can determine his irrelevance.
I’m sure he won’t like that. Good thing he has Marathon Marge to comfort him.
Ever been to a marathon? There’s a lot of puking at the finish line. It’s super attractive. Hope your ex is there.