Is Marrying His Mistress His ‘Karmic Destiny’?
A friend told OP that her ex marrying his mistress is his “karmic destiny”. Don’t interfere and let the Universe deliver justice. The Friday Challenge is married Schmoopies. Did karmic destiny ever show up?
***
Dear Chump Lady,
After complaining off and on to our kids for the last few years about Schmoopie, we’ve been expecting them to break up any day now.
Cheater instead surprised everyone by marrying Schmoopie at a Justice of the Peace two weeks ago.
Only one kid out of three attended the “most amazing reception celebrating love” (as Schmoopie gushed). And that kid left early because he was fairly upset at having that sprung on him upon arriving at his dad’s house. The younger two were with me doing activities and were puzzled (and annoyed) at their Dad pressuring them to come visit him at his house instead. Guess we know why now.
So now my kids are depressed and angry at their dad for marrying “Phony” (their nickname for her). Plus, I was experiencing my own flare ups of pain and anger for obvious reasons.
I asked my good friends and family why my ex would marry Schmoopie. (She’s been married three times before and each time she does better financially…. like, hello, red flag!). One answer from a friend was golden:
“This is karma beckoning your ex-husband down that road. He can’t resist it because it’s his destiny. Don’t hate or be jealous of Schmoopie because she’s the one who is going to help deliver the karma your ex deserves. He screwed you over and now she will screw him over. Don’t interfere or respond in any way and instead let karma and the universe unfold as it should. Smile knowingly at them any time you see them like you possess a great secret because you do”.
friend
Out of all the empathetic and compassionate responses I received from others, this one reset my head and heart straight.
Because yeah, it did hurt a lot hearing about the marriage.
Now, I view this marriage way differently and I’m honestly onboard with it, haha. Now it’s just my kids I have to help navigate through this. But maybe seeing their mom go “meh” and shrug shoulders might reassure them that this is not a big deal or that it impacts their lives that much. They are late teens/young adults.
I can also tell them that their dad is on the path to his destiny (without commenting on the other stuff) and listen to them with open ears about their concerns because it no longer pains me what they share about the “soul-mates”.
I hope my little story helps others reframe any pain or shock when the Cheater & Schmoops marry each other. Karma, baby.
In solidarity,
Orlando
***
Dear Orlando,
Hey, whatever helps you feel better. I’m not so sure I believe in karmic destiny, but I do believe in natural consequences. Maybe karma is just your friend’s way of saying they don’t get character transplants. If he was a crappy partner for you and cheated, he takes all that unethical immaturity with him. If she’s monkey-branched through three husbands already, it’s doubtful she’ll be satisfied with a fourth.
Wherever you go, there you are.
But as I preach here a lot — your healing has nothing to do with whether or not the Schmoopies go splat. He’s not a prize. You rightfully decided that his behavior toward you wasn’t acceptable and you ended it. So, look forward.
Tracy, this is very unsatisfying. Tell us instead about the giant tree of karma that squashed your ex’s BMW. I NEED JUSTICE!
Okay, I’ll open it to a Friday Challenge instead. As far as I know, my ex never married his affair partner (the long-suffering one). The most schadenfreude I ever felt was once driving past my old house right after the divorce and seeing that an enormous tree fell over in a storm and crushed his BMW. And part of the roof. Thumbs up, God! Then I remembered that the universe is random and chaotic and trees are just as likely to fall on my roof.
Yet, this memory still makes me smile.
So, your turn — did your ex marry their affair partner? Didn’t anything befall (or fall on) them? Got any karmic destiny to report?
Attributed to Napoleon:
“Never interfere when your enemy is making a mistake.”
Cheaters and side pieces prove with their behavior that they lack healthy relationship skills. Just because people get married and stay married a long time in and of itself means nothing. As we all know here all too well.
Dr Frank Pittman says, “Wonderful people don’t screw around with married people, and wonderful married people don’t screw around:”.
Omg! Luv this VHammer! “Never interfere when your enemy is making a mistake.” And we do know how meaningless marriage is to them. Thank you for your reply ❤️
Traitor Ex and the primary side piece opened their very own illicit Asian massage parlor. How impressive. Last year he told our daughter he had decided to get married again….and that it was a big decision! We don’t know if he has followed through, but we both know how meaningless marriage is to them, that they are not monogamous people, and that they both suffer from a complete lack of healthy relationship skills.
Best of luck to them, and I could not be more grateful to be divorced from him.
And haven’t you said in previous posts that law enforcement is looking into his business? And that your daughter wants nothing to do with him?
Our daughter stopped speaking to him at the end of 2019 and stopped going over to his place almost two years ago. I got daughter her own therapist in the beginning of 2019 and have been very careful to let her work the situation out as she wishes with her therapist. Note that former husband did not find her a therapist. I did. He’s done nothing to repair the damage he’s done, continues to make decisions that digs his grave deeper, continues to lie to her, and he blames everyone he can think of for their estrangement but himself.
I am cooperating with several law enforcement agencies and a few NGO’s. Their massage parlor advertising online uses images of females who have underage childlike faces superimposed on women’s bodies. There are online review sites for Asian massage parlors (AMP is prostitution slang for Asian massage parlors.) I’ve identified his reviews and it’s sickening. If I’d known what his belief system was I would never have even dated him.
There was a big bust here a couple of weeks ago…their place hasn’t been hit yet but I understand it takes a long time to build a case and the investigation is active.
Velvet, Your ex has a massage parlor, but you get the happy ending. 🙂
Lol he’ll be stripped of any assets soon enough.
Agree. My friend’s brother married & divorced an Asian lady. They don’t fuck around, she went right for his jugular. She also got him into illicit business things. Yes, he did go along with it. As for the divorce, he’s lucky he got out with his life!
Come now, no need for a swipe at an entire group of people by ethnicity. How would you like it if I characterized all white women by the deeds of Ghislaine Maxwell and Karla Homolka?
I actually admire that all the Asians I know take care of themselves. It wasn’t intended as a slur at all! Just this particular person.
Traits such as intelligence and pragmatism are inheritable.
I was going to go with the Napoleon quote about not interrupting your enemy when they are making a mistake, but VH was quicker out of the blocks that I was today …. so, instead, I’ll go with my perennial favourite that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.
I really don’t care if/when karma comes knocking for Ex-Mrs PFTT and her AP/now partner; I am truly indifferent to what happens to them. I’ve never met him (our now adult kids cannot stand him, and avoid him like the plague) and I have as little to do with her as I can possibly can.
What I do know is that they are both execrable people and that – to me – is punishment enough; every day they will wake up and find themselves to be the same POSs that they were the day before.
LFTT
It’s crazy how you both thought of that quote & I’ve never heard of it! My mum has a more sardonic take on the marriage: “you mean now someone else is married to that boring asshole?” Tell us how you really feel, mum lol It’s true though, they are the same crud no matter where they go or who they’re with! Thanks for your reply! ❤️
I like your mom’s take!
Haha!!!
Good on your mum. 😆😆
They will always suck major balls, no matter how soft glow the photos or how fake the wedding day smiles.
Thank you 💕
Not this year but last year (when ex came over to visit the grandkids) he thought he was “letting me down gently” by telling me that he had removed me as a beneficiary for his pension in the event of his death and put 50% to Schmoopie and 25% each to the kids. I laughed and told him none of them would get anything (and reminded him that my job had been handling the pension fund and the medical insurance). Told him they would have had to be married BEFORE he retired (a clause which was designed to prevent a 92 year old man marrying his 20 year old gf days before he died) and therefore she would get nothing. In any case, there would not be any residual payments either because they calculate how much you paid into the pension fund and how much you had taken out at time of death and in his case it was already negative. The only person that could potentially get anything out of it would be me – if he died within 15 months of our divorce. Not wishing it on him but I would like to see Schmoopie’s face if that happened. I told him it might be better not to ever mention this to her – well not if he ever wanted to get laid again. Tee hee!
I can completely hear my ex spouting this type of reasoning.
Except he was retired when we split, already receiving a pension. We fought for the proper marital split for me and also survivor benefits as a percentage of his whole pension. It was a long-term marriage, dude. There was a court order, and I’ve been receiving my fraction for a while now.
So anything his paramour might get would be a fraction of his remaining fraction, not the whole pension.
My ex also thought that my pension would somehow be a gold mine for him. Nope. I changed jobs some months after we married and didn’t get a pension from the next employer. So it was largely premarital. My former employer calculated the post-marital part as a lump sum, which I paid my ex, and that was that. I also agreed to survivor benefits for him to be matchy-matchy, but they aren’t that great.
Then my ex was just SO SURE I was cheating him of his survivor benefits when I was getting ready to take my pension that he caused all kinds of problems and was ultimately blacklisted on the 800-line. My attorney and an attorney with my former employer had to get involved in a long mess. The VP of human resources actually called me to let me know it was finally over and asked, “What in hell is his PROBLEM?” Sigh.
Oh dear Lord, I still can’t believe how delusional they are!
This all makes me, a newbie chump in the process of divorcing, feel better. I’m hoping my FW is delusional. He lies to his own attorney. Mine says she thinks he is being a nightmare client. But I realize I never really knew my FW even after 30+ years. What I don’t know now, is am I sitting across the table from someone playing three-dimensional chess with me (he was such an audacious and skilled liar on the daily for years) or am I across from a chimpanzee? And if a chimpanzee, is he a sweet, befuddled one, like he pretends to be, or is he going to tear my face off? Fingers crossed that he’s an ineffectual idiot.
I can’t remember the exact quote but it’s something like “playing chess with a pigeon, it struts around the chess board knocking pieces over then puffing up its chest like it’s all that and a bag of chips”! Hope you got the pigeon – it sure sounds like it!
Then it shits on the board.
Similar situation here. Klootzak hasn’t remarried but he had pressured me years ago at the time of his military retirement to waive my right to the Survivors Benefit Plan which would have allowed me to keep 55% of his pension should he predecease me. Well, I gave it up and he has gloated that now if he gets married he will make sure his new wife gets it. Except he doesn’t realize that if it was waived at the time of retirement that waiver of spousal benefit also prevents any future spouse from being able to get it. However, if he dies in the next 7.5 years, our child will receive it until he graduates from college. Since I am raising our child, I would receive it to care for him until he is no longer a minor.
I almost hope he does get married and finds out he shot himself in the foot by demanding that I give up the benefit, threatening to divorce me if I didn’t. Had I known he was cheating I never would have waived it. (I did buy a life insurance policy on him instead, so it covers my share of his pensions until we are in our 70s.)
Haha good thinking!
They can be so smug can’t they – and the shock on their faces when they realise they shot themselves in the foot is sooooo worth it!
that should read “if he died within 15 YEARS of our divorce”!
Haha of course, he wouldn’t tell Schmoops! He’s luring her with fake future money it sounds like. It also sounds like you’re at meh with the advice you gave him haha! Thanks for your reply! ❤️
I must admit I felt pretty smug!
😂
I have no idea if Lizard went back to ex/AP. He would have never been truthful if I asked him about it, anyways. But given his recent hoovering attempts, I’m gonna say that he’s feeling lonely nowadays, whatever the case may be.
Unfortunately, I don’t care.
It would have absolutely been karma had they ended up together, though. Two deeply unhappy people with very little in common, screaming at each other. I had sort of been hoping he got back with her after I left him. Let the two constantly play victim with each other, let them be miserable. It’s the ending they both deserve.
“It’s the ending they both deserve”. 👏
I wasn’t against my ex remarrying, I would’ve rather he married someone nice & kind, but he didn’t ask me so 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for your reply ❤️
That’s the thing though… would you really wish these creeps on nice and kind partners? I suppose for the sake of kids in common it would seem better if FWs were “tempered” by someone responsible. But no one sane and responsible would stay with FWs for very long and, if kids formed any kind of attachment to these passing ships, it would simply represent more loss.
I always said I was glad they found each other so no decent human has to suffer either of them.
This is how I view it. I understand where Orlando is coming from, though. In a perfect world, Lizard would learn from his mistakes, grow into a better person, and not be an abusive asshole in the future. Then, maybe, he finds someone nice that he treats well.
And that’s genuinely what I want for the FW. Existentially, I care about his well-being the way I care about the well-being of every person on Earth. And it’s much better to have another decent person than to have an abusive asshole.
It’s just not likely to ever happen. And even if it does, I don’t want to participate in it. It can happen far away from me.
You’re a better human being than I am.
Not at all, I think it has to do with how I hit Tuesday. I don’t have the best way of handling bad relationships, or rather, I didn’t – I basically gave and gave and gave until I burned out, and even after I burned out, I still stayed and forced myself to give more out of guilt (because somehow it was my fault for no longer being invested in a relationship with an abuser). Lizard also took advantage of my low self-esteem, and I had somehow bought into the idea that I deserved the treatment and no one else would respect me for accepting the abuse anyways. After I got some kickass self esteem and some cool friends, I finally left Lizard. This means, though, that I went through a lot of the grieving process while in the relationship. All those what-ifs and all that? I had stopped having those thoughts months before I left. I had long accepted that there was nothing I could do to make him faithful and it wasn’t me. He had cheated on me the two years I lived with him and put me through some of the nastiest emotional (bordering on physical) abuse for those entire two years, while isolating me from others. I joke that I reached meh before I ever left him, and I think that “speedrunning” of the grieving process means that I can mostly just view him as another person who didn’t treat me well. I also think of it as, “I’d rather there be another nice person in the world than an abuser.”
I’m sure the comparatively short time I was with him, compared to other chumps here, also helps. It’s just that the abuse was very intense and cruel during that time.
You’re a wonderful person. I think everyone’s meh looks a little different, anyways. Don’t worry about comparing mehs!
(Note, also, I’m not a saint – I’ll be the first to insult him when talking about him or make a joke at his expense. Just, genuinely, I hope he becomes a better person and lives a better life. It probably won’t happen, but I hope it does.)
True true, HOAC. No good & kind person deserves an asshole, myself included.
Yourself especially.
💕
Back when we were negotiating with lawyers, while FW was living with AP, I asked if FW (through lawyers) would be willing to stay legally married to me for 2 more years (till I graduated) so I could stay on his very inexpensive health insurance. He refused, but offered an extra $20,000 in our settlement which I happily agreed to. I assumed this meant that FW and schmoopie would be getting married right away. It’s been 2 years since the divorce was final and almost 3 since he refused to stay married (thank goodness) and i haven’t heard any wedding bells. It’s possible they did it and I’m not aware, but he still doesn’t attend family outings with her (he picks up the kids and travels to the relatives house with no schmoopie) I’ve never met or seen schmoopie at any school events. I do hope they never get married only because FW’s wealthy father will likely leave him with an inheritance very soon, and marriage would make schmoopie in line for something (I doubt FW would go through the trouble of properly making sure there was a trust for his kids- also FW will probably blow through the whole thing in a couple years). Otherwise I hope they stay together- because she lives in the next state over and it’s lovely not living in the same state as FW!!
My karma story is that FW bought an “affair car” before I filed for divorce (he just went out and bought a brand new car for himself with our money) and it was totaled while parked in front of our house by a drunk driver (FW is a life long drunk driver). He got a full replacement through insurance and took my son out for a “driving lesson” one snowy night (I had no idea or I would have stopped it) and my son got into a “small accident” (he was fine) that also totaled the car. He ended up getting a truck or something after that. When that drunk driver hit his car it was around 2 AM and the neighbors and us all went outside to see the damage/police activity and I could NOT hide my smile.
I think that was karma.
“When that drunk driver hit his car it was around 2 AM and the neighbors and us all went outside to see the damage/police activity and I could NOT hide my smile.”
That is so perfect that it belongs in a movie.
exFW also bought a new vehicle anytime we had trouble in our marriage also without running it by me!! I rammed into his 2nd new car one night when I saw it in the driveway…I was so pisssed!! I wish karma would’ve delivered a drunk driver instead into his car (without hurting anyone else on the road). Thank you for your reply! ❤️
Ooohh, that’s another chump story that has always stuck with me! What is with these FW men specifically and their obsession with cars when they start cheating? I dated a car dude (not FW, although he may have cheated on me as well… but our relationship was all but dead, so I’m not as bitter or hurt, and I’ll never know for sure) but he just… liked cars. He was an engineer, and he knew all about the mechanics of them. He could describe the inside of a car’s engine just by seeing one on the road 60ft away.
FWs with affairs don’t seem to genuinely be interested in cars, but always seem to be weird about them. Is it an “impressing Schmoopie” thing?
I think it is. I don’t care what a man drives, but I’ll note whether or not the car is reasonably clean, and if the interior is tidy, and if it’s running well. That tells you a lot about a person’s ability to adult.
Wow, as a new chump (April), every time I read on here, I see something totally bonkers that my FW has just done isnd it turns out it’s something they ALL do. We are divorcing and he just bought himself a fancy car.
It truly is eye-opening how many of not just the big things they do alike, but random little ones too.
Mine didn’t buy te fancy car during the affair, but once we got divorced, the next car he got was pretty fancy. The payment on it is TWICE what he had ever paid in the decades we were together. And it’s not like he drove junkers then, they were newer, good cars, they just werem’t “impressive”in any way.
And of course, this was after him fighting for every dime possible during the divorce process, The man makes 2x what I do.
And I mean, whatever? I don’t care that he has a fancy car. But it is weird how often that is the case.
Mine did not buy a car, actually – we were broke, so there was no chance to – but he was really weird about car rides and cars themselves. And I know some of the cheating took place in a car. Does that count for anything?
And hey, welcome to the Chump Club! We may not have t-shirts (yet), but we have each other for support, and that’s priceless.
In high school the boys called some girls “tire biters”. It’s why they got laid by same girls.
Tire biters? That’s a new one to me. I learn all kinds of new things here!
😂 I heard another term for it awhile back but can’t remember it.
Mine went out and insisted on suddenly buying a status car when cheating ramped up with literal madam hooker.
That’s just strange to me. SHE’S A SEX WORKER, SIR. THIS IS HER JOB. PRETENDING TO BE INTERESTED IN YOU IS HER 9-5. SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR CAR, JUST PAY HER THE AGREED AMOUNT.
Mine thinks his sex workers are in love with him. It has nothing to do with the thousands he pays them. 🤷♀️
Wow, the delusion is strong in him.
Can I assume he alao believes that the friendly cashier is into him? Or the waitress is making sure that he’s being taken care of because he’s special to her, and not because it’s… you know… her JOB?
I’m not saying your job can’t come with very personal feelings. I work with kids, and I would die protecting any of them. I love and care about them both as a worker and as a human being. But… even if I didn’t, I would still act like I did, because loving children is a part of providing good emotional care. It’s part of the job.
I don’t get what they don’t understand about it. The call girl doesn’t love you. You’re paying her to pretend she loves you. You’re simply receiving the experience you purchased.
Ho ho ho was into status symbols and expensive cars herself. Paid for by screwing and blowing cheating men.
Ahhh. Okay.
I’m fine with people liking nice, fancy things – I have some fancy things I like, myself, and as Mr. Rogers once sang, everyone is fancy – but I don’t understand getting them just to impress other people. It’s better to just get what YOU like, you know?
And there are plenty of clientele for sex work that aren’t cheaters. Why target specifically cheating men? I guess it could make for blackmail material. Get more money that way. But that sounds even more exhausting than having to just pretend you’re attracted to someone to get paid.
Lots of good karma/consequences…one of my faves was when he got one of his painful UTIs. Apparently things went poorly at the doctor’s office,and he left there with a Foley catheter that was very painful. So, a few hours or so later, it became unbearable to him I guess, and he drove himself to the ER. They gave him a new Foley and meds, and whatever else they did, and it was all humiliatng and painful for him (I guess-not sure–I certainly did not go to the Doc’s office or ER). It was just karma/consequences–one of many– of a wandering dick. Many health problems over the years as a result of exposure to infections/diseases. That was karma enough for me. Or consequences. Good riddance.
I bet he learned nothing from it though.
Looks like the Universe was trying to make his dick fall off! 😂 or at least be unworkable! Yikes, he must of did some horrible stuff for karma to go that far! Thank you for your reply! ❤️
The woman he left me for, well that blew up over one summer. But the next candidate was different. He announced at my sons engagement party, as loudly as was humanly possible, that he had found the “love of his life” (they had known each other two weeks) and they were moving in together (it was even news to her). Fast forward 5 years, after moving in together the house was up for sale recently, the story goes “she doesn’t respect me”…….the last time we saw each other was at my granddaughters birthday party, they were arguing and when they left the new other woman gave me a knowing glance as if to say “I get it now”. That was all I needed to see.
What an ass. I’m sure his surprise “love of his life” announcement at his son’s engagement party endeared him to his son, son’s fiancee, her family, anyone who paid for the engagement party he co-opted with his news, and any bystander who had to figure out how to respond, i.e. if and how to console the people he tried to upstage.
However, he did you and your family a favor by showing everyone what a tasteless, narcissistic ass he is. The granddaughter’s birthday party looks like another event where he wanted the spotlight on himself, instead of the person being celebrated.
My ex found aa whole series of loves of his life, life partners and more after he fell for a catfish scam online. I think he was desperate to find a real partner so he didn’t look like an idiot who had been scammed. I suspect the same was true for tor your ex after things with his AP blew up. He couldn’t bear to be single and abandoned, thus his announcement that surprised even his new two-week fling.
Oh yes, it’s sooo lovely the surprise engagement or wedding announcement sprung on the unsuspecting family but taking the spotlight away from another’s happy time? next level narcissism! Glad you got to witness the solidarity that it wasn’t you but FW! Thank you for your reply ❤️
Yes he was relaying the news to his sister, who of course is on my side. You can’t make this stuff up.
It was my attorney who commented that, given the history, whoever my STBX ended up with would likely be a downgrade. He said it was a consistent pattern in his four decades of family law. This type either ends up with someone who is themselves a big manipulator, or someone who is willing to accept more control. In other words, a very imbalanced relationship.
At that point, I had limited information, but no, they weren’t exactly on par with me. He had an old girlfriend who had been a shadow over our marriage and who lived in the same place where he ran off to. She had been married multiple times and was a bit of a predator when it came to men. He also seemed to have a thing for down-and-out waitresses.
I’m not sure if they’re still together, but as far as I know, his long-term relationship was indeed a downgrade. They had been dating for a while when they showed up at a family wedding, and I was told a few things that confirmed what my attorney said. At least he finally left off pinging me here and there post-divorce, so if she’s the reason, all good here.
You were lucky you had a wise lawyer….mine just cared about racking up her billing hours!
I’ve heard so very many bad divorce lawyer stories since. Not mine. I always felt like his billing was more than fair, and he was so very responsive and easy to work with. He retired the day after the judge signed off. I certainly would have recommended him far and wide.
His associate did my closeout and was very, very good too, but didn’t have the deep experience and engagement of my original attorney. At times he had to speak to one of the partners at his new firm and do research while my original attorney just plain knew it all. And I didn’t get the little quips and sayings.
I love this because this person knows! He has seen it over and over again! I think mine did some some line “breeding” (can’t think off a better way to say it, even though not sure they bred), and is with a woman who cares about money, status, winning, and climbing the ladder of society. 2 heartless empty pools of life, united. That was my take when he finally found someone who would take him and that was what he was looking for.
Yes, he was a very unusual character that talked with me like a therapist at times. He said that he liked to give his clients more than the law without running up their bills. So it was little comments like that in between that made it for me.
I’m embarrassed to say that I want this- I want to know of some misfortune, but I went so no contact and “we don’t talk about him” with my kids, that I have no idea. I know he found a “better’ person- he wanted someone younger, richer and some other thing, boobs- and he got that. Then I blocked him and all of our Switzerland friends, and stated the rule – We don’t talk about him. I do not miss him at all- he was very abusive- but I am not meh.I still want bad news. This is the one battle I need to get over with myself. Who cares? Sadly, I do. Someday, I won’t. For now, thank you for all these stories. They help me. They give me hope. I am not actively seeking out any “revenge” but it would be so nice if he were miserable. I do agree and know from being on the planet for a long time, that people as said by Tracy and others, take themselves wherever they go.And he is nasty, conniving actor of life. So there he goes, and I am free of that.
I don’t think you should be embarrassed by that at all. It’s such a natural feeling.
You may never see that karmic “pay off”, even if it happens, you may not be privy, so it is good to work towards “meh”. And I think you *will* get there, it can take time and I definitely get frustrated sometimes at how slowly progress is made, but it is steady.
My ex was abusive in many ways, I spent many years very anxious and then once the affair/discard/divorce was happening, it was like I lived in a nearly constant state of high anxiety. Now? I am not anxious 98% of the time. I am very low contact. BUT when he does reach out, or if *I* have to reach out to him, I get anxious. If I see a text from him, my heart races and my stomach starts flipping before I even open it. Most of the time, the texts these days, after a year of not engaging in his BS and staying low contact, are very mundane/valid questions about the kids (previously I would get those but more often than not he’d jsut pick a day to lash out at me so I was used to being bombarded with hateful texts. It could go on for a solid day, a one sided rage fit) I was telling a friend how frustrated I am that I still get anxious when I hear from him, and how it’s particuarly silly because generally these more recent texts are nothing to BE scared of. And she pointed out how just a year ago, I was in panic mode almost daily. And how now, I get stressed over a text occasionally, and get past it in minutes once I see the contents. That is a LOT of progress.
But it takes time. You’ll get there to meh soon enough.
I had the same very feelings until my friend discussed karma & destiny (in the post)….now poof…I don’t care that Schmoops & FW are married. I think anyone -at a basic level- who harms & walks away from their family are generally shit people who never know the true meaning of happiness or true purpose of being alive. So that’s their basic karma. Of course, we want next level haha….but if nothing else just know he’s getting karma on a basic level. He may just be too stupid to know that. Thank you for your reply ❤️
Misfortune has already overtaken him: he lost you.
Even young children have an innate sense of fairness so it’s natural to feel the injustice.
100%!!!
surprisingly the X has yet to remarry, but is still with his AP, and i wish them the best they can get from each other. they live in separate homes and apparently won’t marry until her kids graduate high school, which seems suspect to me.
karmically, the X has:
TBH i wish i knew less about the X, but my kids occasionally drop a bit of information, and there you go.
Almost sounds like the Coldplay stadium cheaters!! Luv your take on it “i wish them the best they can get from each other”. I wish mine the same. Thank you for your reply ❤️
I wish they would get married. I want her to waste 20 years of her life too since it was so funny that it happened to me. I used to feel more neutral towards her until I found out she was a pdf file too. She told my son they shouldn’t have arrested my ex for trying to have sex with children because he should get to do whatever he wants. I would cheer if she got mowed down by a semi.
That’s a FW & Schmoops on an entirely different level! They should be married to each other while in jail. Sounds like they met in a pedo ring!!!
They should be in jail. What a vile waste of oxygen!
I believe her ex is; I believe KatiePig posted about that. And I believe he’s in Texas. On a related note, some state prisons in Texas don’t have air conditioning in the cell blocks.
My ex married Schmoopie last week, actually. His mother (who lives with me) happened to run into him when he arrived to drop off the kids, and asked him how the wedding went. According to her, his response was, “It went ok I guess”.
Sounds like twu wuv!
Please tell us more. His mother lives with you, and apparently didn’t go to the wedding herself. Many of us lose all contact with ex’s family post divorce.
His father pulled something similar. I think my MIL saw herself in our two girls, and wanted to stick around to support them.
Also FW is massively abusive with anyone who didn’t immediately and whole-heartedly join the cult of AP-is-wonderful, so he’s like… not very nice to his mother.
I’m not saying she’s totally innocent and hasn’t endeavored to provoke him on numerous occasions, but… yeah. Their relationship is pretty toxic and I think she enjoys being around my less-insane energy.
Sounds like another FW who “goes along” instead of marrying someone he truly loves & cares for. But maybe they’re simply incapable of that!! Thanks for your reply❤️
I think we’re all just NPCs in his fantasy land, where he is the main character. I spite-f*cked him for a few weeks after he went “legit” with his new “soul-mate”. This was mostly out of a petty want to get revenge on her, and a less-petty desire to affirm that she’s not special — just another source of supply.
My cheaters fate was so bad that I dont tell it (in full) with relish as doing so would be bad form. The only good thing I can say is that his children still love him.
I went to Mass nearly every day for 7 years praying for our family and his soul and soon after the 7 year mark, he (who had been difficult and miserable throughout our wreckonsillyation) seemed to be headed back to darkness and planning to leave us all and I told God in prayer that I release him to go wherever God thought he might be happy. He died about 2 weeks later.
I never wanted to be rich in money, I wanted to be rich in love and relationship. Both my father and my Cheater frittered their lives away seeking riches they never got and ruining their relationships in the process.
Cheater was smart and hardworking but his business ideas faltered. 3 of his military buddies (not connected with each other) who started businesses after him didnt just succeed, they succeeded HUGE to the tune of many millions and millions. I will admit to you that Im relieved Cheater didnt live to see all that come to fruition. His own failure juxtaposed to his friends’ success would have destroyed him many times over. I do believe the Biblical comment that the LOVE of money is the root of evil.
As for me, I reconnected with a man I knew long ago who had been dumped by a wife who thought that there was greener grass. He is a good man and we have a lovely life together which includes financial stability that I never had at earlier stages of my life. We retired, have no debt and travel as we please.
Recently I went through some old photos and (except for one photo of us when I was literally a teen) in every single photo of me and Cheater, he made a stupid, mocking face “joking” like he was trying to get away from me. In the few photos of him with his arm around me, his hand is in a fist – as if touching my shoulder with his whole hand was repugnant. What an incredibly sad thing. My now-husband and I have photos of us being genuinely loving to each other in many of the world’s great cities and its normally him who says “lets get a picture”.
Im on good terms with all my kids …you could say that now, I really am rich in love and I treasure it.
Please know that Ive now grown to a place of compassion for Cheater. I am Catholic and believe in Purgatory where we are held accountable for our choices – where God deals with each of us with the proper balance of compassion and accountability. I imagine him doing a life-review (with God) seeing himself treating his then-wife (who loved him so) with contempt and treachery and what he left behind (to be remembered) were cruel words and deeds. What a sad and cautionary tale.
“I told God in prayer that I release him to go wherever God thought he might be happy. He died about 2 weeks later.”
It took me a long time to fully understand and accept that the FW wasn’t unhappy becuse of ME. His AP wasn’t going to magically solve the deep internal misery that he held onto. He is miserable, and new conquests help dull the pain temporarily, until it rears it’s ugly head again.
But that one bit of your post is so poeticly expressing that. You asked God to send him wherever he might be happy, and God took him off this world.
This comment brings me back to when ex-FW and I were dating. I was far from my family, so they never met him until our actual wedding day. Anyway, the second or third month of dating we were at an amusement park where there was a photo booth. I thought “Great – we can take pictures together and I’ll send them home to my family.” (Early 1980s, no cellphone cameras.)
So we got in the booth and sat for the photos. When they developed and popped out of the machine there we were: 4 photos of me smiling and feeling proud, FW sitting behind me with his tongue stuck out in one photo, his eyes crossed in another, and so on for all 4 photos. I remember feeling ashamed for some reason and never sent the photos. I cannot figure out why I was ashamed…. or maybe I can but it’s embarrassing.
With regard to the silly picture faces, I wasn’t ashamed at the time, I was too busy spackling “Oh you know how he is, so silly”
Now I look back and I am ashamed that I accepted so much disrespect and ashamed that I didnt see what was right in front of me.
Cheater was a clever, funny guy with quite a wit, but he used it as a weapon against me…he said whatever the F he wanted to and if it was too much and I challenged him, he would say that he was kidding an dI had no sense of humor – so he got the bonus of insulting me AND insulting me again if I confronted him…what a bonus.
One of his long term friends married a gal who people thought was “trashy” and she cheated on him. He divorced her and married a beautiful heiress (she is a huge B but that is another story). Cheater used to “joke” that considering the degree of improvement between his friend’s first and second wives, if he traded me in, he would be in for some really awesome woman. That joke was funny at first because I couldn’t imagine being traded in. After Dday, he made the mistake of repeating that “joke” which seemed to have not really been a joke.
As an aside, it was during cross country travel to his friends marriage to the heiress that Cheater abandoned me in the airport with 2 toddlers, 2 carseats and all our carry on luggage to get to the gate myself as “punishment” for not doing precisely as I was told to do with regard to a carseat. I had travelled with kids before and he had not, so I was better equipped to make the carseat decision but it didnt suit him so being a father and a husband in that moment was optional for him. In my mind, I can still see his jet black head of hair disappearing into the crowd as he walked away. I should have divorced him after that episode
“Cheater abandoned me in the airport with 2 toddlers, 2 carseats and all our carry on luggage to get to the gate myself as “punishment” for not doing precisely as I was told to do”
Wow. Uneffing believable. Aren’t you glad you’re out of that situation?
I’m glad life is so much better for you now.
I think cheater abandoned you and your toddlers in that airport because he couldn’t adult and didn’t want your or anyone else see him struggle. The other options were to tell you he’d handle the joint baggage and carseats while you took care of the two toddlers, or to tell you he’d handle the toddlers, too.
Instead, he was your third toddler who threw a tantrum and stomped off to sulk.
I’m glad you have happy, stress free travels with your new husband.
Pictures do tell a lot. I’m in very few of ours because he always wanted me to take family pictures on his phone/camera. Sadly, all that family history of the kids vanished with him.
Reminds me of the Christmas he gave me a new camera. I told him I didn’t want it, I preferred my own. Turned out he had borrowed it without asking, because he knew I wouldn’t consent due to his history of losing things. Yup, he’d lost my camera, so his Christmas “gift” was simply replacing what he’d stolen.
“Cheater, he made a stupid, mocking face “joking” like he was trying to get away from me. In the few photos of him with his arm around me, his hand is in a fist – as if touching my shoulder with his whole hand was repugnant”. I had the very same ill treatment. And I agree, it’s a very sad tale. Karma, God, consequences, the Universe….actions create reactions. Thank you for your heartfelt reply ❤️
Yep, he sure did, I think about 18 months after our divorce was final? I don’t know exactly b/c I’ve been no-contact since the divorce (in 2019). But friends who knew this suddenly started texting me heart emojis in the spring of 2021 and “just thinking about you” messages; finally, an oblivious friend up and blurted out the news that Best Regards had married the AP. I wasn’t shocked, having guessed that no one was texting me heart emojis just because BR had gotten a new puppy…, but it still hurt like a b*tch. Particularly b/c BR had in part justified divorcing me by saying he just didn’t want to be married anymore, and b/c he had never wanted kids with me—meanwhile, the AP had 2 kids. So marrying her so soon kinda took all that rejection and bottled it up and fortified it, and it was a bitter dose, for sure.
Pretty quickly, though, I developed a caring problem about the whole thing. I wasn’t wishing for them to be miserable together because I already knew they were miserable human beings on their own. I wasn’t wishing for them to break up b/c now there were two little girls involved who just needed some stability after their parents’ divorce. If I think about them at all now, it’s to genuinely hope they’re doing well—just as I would with any random couple on their street I didn’t know and had no investment in. In other words, it’s always Tuesday up in this joint.
If anybody’s reading this who’s not yet at Tuesday, I’ll just offer 2 bits of reassurance/advice: 1. It just takes time to develop a good case of not-giving-a-sh*tness over a remarried cheater, and there’s no shortcut. 2. I lied: good therapy is a shortcut because it makes you realize *your* life is the only one you get to live and helps you focus on making it awesome.
Thank you for your advice! It’s also very true: time & therapy (professional & amateur). Thank you for replying ❤️
I limit my contact with my ex (cheated for 10 years with a litany of sex workers, spent tens of thousands on them but never got a present for my birthday, I wound up needing treatment for an STI… all of the familiar things). However, my kids (9 and 13) will drop information bombs about their dad’s life occasionally so I wind up knowing things like the fact that one of his ‘girlfriends’ stole his credit card and bought a bunch of jewelry… that one still makes me smile. 😁
Looks like FW gets the downgrades that Elsie’s lawyer talked about.
My FW didn’t get any big karmic payback from the crap he pulled, but the entire first year we were separated he had a ton of small, super annoying and ridiculous things happen. We spilt on Mother’s Day (because what better time to blow up your family than that?) and he got a puppy in June. She was sick and cost almost $800 to get well. That puppy managed to transmit her cooties to my dog, and I made him pay that $1000 as well. Then one of the panes from a double pane window literally melted out of the window and fell out. Then, the window cooler died and he couldn’t figure out how to replace the pump. Then the roof cooler died. Then the AC started acting up and cost him nearly $400 a month to run in addition to the solar panel payments he had to make. And he kept messing those payments up. So he got double charged for those like five times the first year (he was learning how to pay bills, poor sausage). He ran his car into a curb and jacked up the frame. The motor on the garage door crapped out. It turned out he is horrible at dog training (no surprise, I’m always the one that handled the pets) and his dog still uses the house as her restroom two years later. He got the kids a male cat. That pees everywhere. FW is a neat freak and was shampooing all of the carpet in his house weekly. His shampooer died and he had to buy a new one. The cat got locked in one of the kid’s room and tore up the carpet trying to get out. His dog tore up another section of carpet. The dog has absolutely destroyed the leather couches. He forgot to pay the car insurance and it got cancelled. He was completely outraged that they didn’t send him a letter warning him. I opened his email because I still had the password and found EIGHT emails they had sent letting him know his payment didn’t go through because his card was declined (he had lost his wallet and gotten a new card. I believe in autopay so that had been set up accordingly, but he didn’t bother to update the payment info with the new card). The house insurance was through the same company as the car insurance, but that didn’t get cancelled because it wasn’t due. He signed up for new car insurance plus home insurance thinking it had been canceled. Mortgage company paid both insurances for the year, realized what they had done, and upped the house payment over $300 per month to put the escrow account right. He realized his schmoopie was such a horrible human that even he couldn’t date her. There were so many other stupid things and it just gave me a petty laugh every stinking time. Because KARMA. And I 100% own that every time I heard about one of these things, I told my sisters and we all had a great laugh.
I knew a guy (a PhD) who was disorganized like that even while married. His wife, also a PhD (with a higher paying career than his!) more or less gave up her work in order to handle all those things for him, almost as if he was a toddler. I often wondered whether she came to regret that decision later on in life.
I bet she did. That’s a whole other level of weaponized incompetance right there. A PhD and still can’t handle Adulting 101? Holy crap. I can’t even with these guys!
Does this guy even cross the street without holding mommy’s hand? What a walking disaster!!!
Thank you for the laugh….you must feel so peaceful now being away from that hot mess!!!
Wow this guy is a mess! His karma is being himself, haha.
🤣
It really is! So, so glad I’m away from that.
Lana, this is the absolute best!
Thank you! I know it highlights my petty and vindictive nature. When I moved out I left him 10 lbs of beans and the crappiest pot to cook them in – because why not? I embraced that energy. It helped keep me sane and counterbalance the absolute rage I felt that first year (being mad is so much better than being sad). Being civil for the kids was soooo hard I wanted to wash my mouth out with soap every time I said something polite to him. Being able to laugh my butt off about his misfortune helped a lot. KattheBat is right, it’s not really Karma. But, it was hilarious to watch from afar. 🙂
As someone whose grandparents were Shinto Buddhists, I have spent a lot of time (and tuition money) studying Buddhism. And the biggest problem I see with westerners and Karma is confusing it with divine punishment and poetic justice.
Poetic justice is the FW marrying schmoopie who is more than likely going to screw him over too. Poetic justice is when schmoopie gets cheated on by FW when they thought they were special. Poetic justice is when a FW leaves their family only to then be dumped by schmoopie.
Often when chumps say “haha KARMA!” They mean poetic justice. Or if they say “I want them to get hit by the karma train for what they did to me!” They mean they want divine punishment. Punishment for hurtful deeds.
None of that is karma though. Karma is not something the FW will see in this lifetime. Or yours. If you believe in karma, you have to believe in reincarnation because karma is the lessons you must learn in your next life in order to get closer to nirvana. It isn’t punishment, it’s lessons. And you’ll be reincarnated as many times as is needed to learn them. The Buddha was reborn 5,000 times before achieving Mahaparinirvana (final enlightenment.)
So if you’re waiting for karma to show up, don’t. You won’t see it. Not in this lifetime. And in the next, you will only be experiencing your own karma, not anyone else’s.
Honestly I wouldn’t wait around for poetic justice to drop on your ex FWs either. You could be waiting around for a while and you definitely should not hinge your happiness on whether or not your ex suffers. Sitting around waiting for an apology that will likely not come (and if it does it’s probably hoovering) and spending mental energy hoping something horrible happens will just waste your time and drain your life when you can be spending that energy rebuilding yourself.
I think poetic justice can also relate to “consequences” the word that Tracy uses.
This is true! Westerners use it as slang for justice, but in proper religious usage, it’s not the same at all.
I wish you the best of luck with your religious studies! I’m sure you’ll do fantastic.
Thank you for explaining the differences. I’m going to copy your post & keep it for reference ❤️
My partner of nearly 35 years, a professor who claimed that nothing was more important than Integrity, chose for his affair partner one of his students. She was 30 years his junior and married, but encouraged his attention and convinced him that the root of his unhappiness was the suppression of his sexual needs and she could give him more than he could begin to imagine. Cue the full drama of an 18-month secret affair followed by years of post-Dday and divorce rage and gaslighting and loss of respect by pretty much everyone who knows him.
Within weeks of AP moving in with him, FW discovered that he was not her only boyfriend – “being polyamorous is who I am, and if you want to be with me you have to accept that”. So he ate the shit-sandwich of being the boyfriend she came home to after spending the evening, or the night, or the weekend with another lover. He basically paid for everything and complained to friends that he dreaded going home because she was waiting there to jump on him for not being a better boyfriend – defined apparently as doing everything possible to make her happy without needing to be told what that was. But he also said, several times to several people: “I’m afraid if I lose her, I will die alone.”
Finally, after nearly 3 years of this, it came to a head – she was crazy in limerence with a new guy (talking about him constantly at home) and trying to impress him with her ‘style’, buying new clothes, cool new haircut, etc. She decided she needed her own car (FW had purchased one for her to drive, but it is in his name) – and not just any car, a fancy sports car. Having little income and poor credit, she expected FW to co-sign the loan for this fancy car. He refused. They argued about it constantly for a full week, culminating in FW finding his cojones and telling her they were finished; after two more weeks of her begging him to reconsider (some serious pick-me dancing) she did move out of their apartment and to another state near the New Guy (who was married and didn’t want her living there where wifey would be likely to find out).
So now, guess what? He is completely alone. No partner. Very few friends, none of them close. Colleagues who no longer trust and respect him. Daughter who understands that his love for her is transactional. Nothing to do but stew in his rage at the world for dealing him such a terrible and unfair hand. Not dead yet, but when he goes he will be alone.
Sweet, sweet schadenfreude.
I love this so much. Thank you for sharing.
I swear some of these people get dumber as they get older, instead of wiser! My stepdad was also one of those chasing an unattainable woman who used him for $$ Thank you for your reply! ❤️
I suspect that some of the women my cheater alcoholic father was involved with were at least semi pros, if you know what I mean. I mean, what would a 30 years younger woman see in an obese alcoholic? Only answer I could come up with was $$$.
I feel like most of the good quotes were already used, so I will use a couple more:
“Buy the ticket, take the ride.” -Hunter S. Thompson
“I’m not going to kill you…but I’m not going to save you.” -Batman Begins
It is the fuck around of times, it’s the find out of times as well. Dude has what’s coming to him. I feel bad for your kids and having to navigate “more of dad’s dumb shit”. Reality is THAT will implode too. It did you with. It will happen before. I mean, sounds like they eloped after all of his bitching about her? Fun times!
Your children will eventually conclude that their father is a cheater and a moron.
While we’re quoting things here, some Patton Oswalt for you: “I got pregnant in high school. Now, the father didn’t leave his wife BUT HE DID STOP BEING MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, so my transcripts didn’t get set off to college.”
I have discussed this recently-It was brought to my attention not too long ago that my personal fuckwit and the idiot that she left me for also blew up. As often happens in these things, when we aren’t there to prop them up all of the sudden that falls on Schmoopie and people seem to be less fun and sexy when they’re too busy paying their paramour’s bills.
I’m No Contact with mine. I gave her everything she wanted except an open relationship and I pulled her out of poverty. I gave her every tool and opportunity that she never had to succeed. It’s her life to ruin now. Given the stack of Last Notices I’ve gotten in the mail for her it would seem her “spirited act of defiance” is going to including things that cannot be discharged in bankruptcy if the return addresses are to be believed. I get a quantum of solace based on “not my problem anymore.”
Have a Fuckwit Free Friday!
You’re so right. Many of these consequence stories can indeed be classified as “F*ck around (literally) and find out.”
Ya more of dad’s dumb shit is accurate….one of my neighbours & her siblings had to go to court to get their dad’s (and late mom’s)house & money because dad married a Schmoopie 2 years before. They got some but Schmoopie made off like a bandit. It’s really sad how these FWs literally do no estate planning (or thinking) of their offspring. I like the quotes!! FW bought it, he gets the ride!!
Well see, since they’re special, they’re going to live forever. No need to do any estate planning. 😉
I never saw a picture, never followed them, know nothing about their lives, except I know they got married. I’m way smarter than to pain shop.
I live in a town full of old auto executives. Every dinner out was a bunch of grey hair and a 30-40 year olds. The second wives club.
Once I exclaimed to my then husband “OMG. I HOPE that is his daughter and grandchild!” As a man in his late 60s was pushing a newborn in a pram. It was ridiculous.
“Who are we to judge love?” AH whistfully said. I should have seen the signs.
Reminds me of that old fool the NFL coach, can’t recall his name, nor do I care too. What a ridiculous spectacle! And AH thinking that was love?! 😂
I spent a couple of years hoping for the karma bus but now i think its not coming. My ex is going to marry his stupid affair partner and they are both disgusting….and it kind of seems like the same dileman of waiting for them to realize they did you wrong. They are never going to realize it… they cannot perceive how they did you wrong and their brains are wired differently with different values, goals etc…so a marriage you think would be awful might be exactly what they want. The only karma bus coming is reality. They get to be and live with themselves as the horrible people they are.
I’m sure my cheater alcoholic father never realized that the worst mistake of his life was p*ssing of my mom so that she left.
FW already gets karma or poetic justice by having decimated his family whether he gets it or not. I get it, my kids get it. I guess he will have to be reincarnated over & over and relive it until he does, as per Katthebat.
I am sad to report that Karma did not happen as I had hoped in the form of serial cheater/”sex addict”/abuser staying with the longest term shmoopie. Instead shmoopie walked away because it was no longer fun unless she was destroying lives. I guess their karma is having to be themselves in the world?
Absolutely 100%!!
Both my Ex married their APs and I’m not looking at their outcomes because I DO. NOT CARE. I know Tracy does a Karma Friday so here we are. I don’t believe in Karma on this earth. Too many Natzis took U boats to Brazil and lived happily ever after. Too many planes loaded with Crack cocaine Land without a hitch. Too much happens with no paybacks that I see. I like Tracy’s MEH and I mind my own business as much as is possible. Carl Jung has some beautiful Youtubes ( minus the music and creepy pictures of weird dreams) where he teaches how important it is for chumps( empaths) to awaken and move on, leaving cheaters( narcissists)behind. We must learn the lessons the cheater taught us and let them go on to learn whatever lessons they need to learn but without my precious self standing in the way as a scapegoat. Getting out of their harm and chaos and building my own separate identity has been my greatest joy.. I also, believe in a God of justice that will figure it all out in the end. Sometimes there is justice here and now, but from my experience, cheaters Learn absolutely nothing even if the” Karma bus”lands smack right on top of them. They are anesthetized and feel nothing, learn nothing..and go on to the next one.
Skipping all the way.
Hovering you is a lie, saying they are sorry is a lie, saying they only truly loved you is a lie..it’s not even possible except in rare individuals who decide to take their own inventory for soul recovery to happen. Let them live their life and I am living mine. I am so filled with joy to be left by 2 men who never grew up and could not love me. I’m the one learning and growing from their teaching me what I never want in my life ever again. Please cheaters, go get married and leave me alone.
I will point out that those Nazis lived the rest of their lives with the fear of the tap on the shoulder or the knock on the door. But yes, too many of them got away scot free. I can’t argue with the rest of your post.
Daughterofachump..Simon Wiesenthal spent his life, as a few other did, trying to find justice here and now and at great cost. A few other did too. But only a minority were found, tried and punished. As in us a chumps, doing everything in our power, to set our lives back on course, whether we get justice or are left destitute. I contend that Karma is not enough for me. I want intelligent interventions and my hope is built on that. I’ve read parts of your story and to have you here gives me hope too. My daughter and I have struggled as she saw me stay with our abuser too long and at great cost to her ss well. I need mercy and justice also. I do hope you are healing also.
I am completely no contact with my FW ex-husband so I have zero idea if karma has visited him. I don’t believe in karma anyway.
I did, however, experience a wee bit of schadenfreude on his move out day from our shared home. He was moving to Quebec City and I was moving the following day an hour west of the city where we lived.
Naturally, I had to plan, coordinate, and pay for our moves because my FW was simply too busy to attend to such mundane matters. I had a busy career – but hey – my purpose was to make him happy (until I could no longer do so). We still had not signed the Separation Agreement so I played along in order to placate him.
The plan was that he would pick up a rental car just down the street and drive to Quebec City with his essential items and a few fragile things before the movers arrived in Quebec City a week later with the rest of his belongings. FW was supposed to quickly pick up the car and then return home so he could supervise the movers loading up his stuff.
FW made a great point of rubbing my nose into the fact the he was picking up a luxurious Jaguar SUV to drive to Quebec City. This was all being arranged for him – free of charge – by one of his boyfriends. FW extolled the boyfriend’s virtues and physical prowess and impressed upon me that the bf was an important executive with the car rental company. Whatever.
FW went to pick up his Jaguar SUV just as his movers arrived. Naturally, I was expected to supervise the movers until FW returned. Which would be just a minute. Minutes turned into hours and the movers were just about ready to close up the truck and leave. No FW. I reluctantly called FW to find out what was going on and to let him know that I had his movers load everything up into the moving truck except for the items I had colour coded the week before. We agreed that these colour coded items would be held aside and then loaded into his SUV for his drive to Quebec City.
FW told me he got delayed because he had crashed the brand new Jaguar SUV into a concrete column in the car rental company’s parking garage. The SUV was severely damaged and FW had to have his high powered executive boyfriend arrange another SUV for the trip.
I have no idea if this boyfriend lasted much beyond this little fender bender. But I could hardly suppress my smile when I saw FW ride off in his humble Ford Escape SUV. FW had a tear in his eye when he left. Not sure why…but pretty sure it had nothing to do with me.
The memory of that moment still gladdens my heart all these years later.
Haha that scene would make heart gladden too. Happy that you got that memory of FW!!
It would gladden my heart as well – that’s hysterical!
I am a firm believer that being a FW and living inside their vacant heads is ample punishment, so I don’t need to see them fail. As far as I’m concerned they are failures at life to begin with.
My FW thought schmoopie screwed him over because when he told her he was caught she didn’t suggest they both leave their spouses. She had been clear to FW that she liked her lifestyle with her husband (he was more well to do) and had no intention of leaving, yet still he thought when push came to shove they would skip off into the sunset holding hands. So needless to say, they did not marry and AFAIK never saw each other again. Poor FW actually felt betrayed by her. 😆
Now he apparently has somebody he’s cocklodgering with. Whatever. If they did get married it would be worth a few laughs.
Cocklodgering!!! 😆😆😆
Gold!
Yes, my ex FW is fairly vacant so yeah karma his whole life just by being hollow! Felt betrayed by her? Cocklodgering? What a moron!! No wonder you would laugh!! 😂
Let’s see now….
Ball bag McGee married ‘the love of his life’ in a full on sap fest of cringe – they even invited me so I could take the inconvenient children away and wait in a hotel room with them while they all partied on.
I graciously declined that generous offer.
Years later, the kids report of his cheating- surprise!
He even used our youngest as a beard for his skanky meet up with an American woman he met online when he flew from NZ to see her.
He and the ‘love of his life’ even slow danced at my sons wedding just to prove they were still sooo much in love 😆😆
At least I had the self respect to leave in the end – I knew the Karma bus would pull up sooner or later.
As for Dickhead McCluggage and his whoremat- both people of bad character-
Since he’s unemployed and having to live at her house since he burned ours down, it’s just a matter of time.
Tick tock.
Aww you have such affectionate nicknames for FW!! 🤣 he sounds like another FW hot mess!!
Oh yes, they’re winners and fine examples of men😆😆
Go get ‘em ladies.
His house burned down? That’s some good cheater karma if I’ve ever heard it.
Especially since he deliberately did it- the fire report even says the scene was tampered with.
Dickhead McCluggage used to be a volunteer firefighter and knows all the tricks .
He didn’t count on being ratted out by one of my good friends though and me being able to receive my share of the insurance payout.
Serves him right .
And he’s a stupid criminal, too! BINGO!
This prompt could not have come at a better time for me! I finally have a cheater karma story.
I was with my cheater for four years. I came out to my family and moved across an ocean for her – whoops! She had an “exit affair” with a coworker/mutual friend. These two geniuses got together, moved to MY hometown, got a dog, bought a house there, and then got married. (All things that my ex was legitimately disgusted by when I mentioned them – y’all know how it is.)
Four years of this. Every time I go home I can’t relax because I’m afraid I’m going to run into them, since the lesbian community is small. The continued existence of their relationship twists the knife. I also can’t help feeling like I’m “behind” my ex, because she has hit these life milestones that feel impossible for me (pet, house, wife).
I “gain a life” by moving to a lovely town out west, becoming an attorney, having a relationship with a non-disordered person, getting in decent shape, and adopting a really sweet kitty.
This summer I hear through the lesbian grapevine that cheater & mistress’ house is up for sale. I go to the listing and it’s the most joyless, god-awful gray flip. There’s no evidence of the dog, which I confirm through the grapevine they abandoned. The best part? It’s listed for what they bought it for, and the realtor added a note that it was price reduced, they were “motivated sellers,” and offers must be in by a certain day – most likely a court-ordered sale.
I then see some photos of my ex not wearing her wedding ring, and her brother posts a photo of her with no ring moving into an apartment alone in their shitty, ultra-conservative hometown. Cheater and the mistress are clearly getting divorced. Huh, guess their super-special relationship wasn’t worth blowing up both our lives for.
It gave me some perspective – anybody can marry the wrong person, abandon a dog, and get hosed on an ugly house. These two aren’t special, they clearly aren’t particularly savvy, and they certainly aren’t “ahead” of me in life. I have my own rich life. I think cheaters rush life milestones prematurely to prove a point.
It also helped that I was on a really lovely trip to Manhattan when I heard the news of their divorce. It brought a smile to my face.
I feel sorry for the dog, but maybe it will get a happy ending by being out of the FWs’ lives and in a good home.
For sure. My ex had a cat that I did 99% of the work for. She adopted the cat a year before we met, and I was the one who had to get him fixed! She wasn’t ever planning on doing it (a combination of laziness and ignorance). So I can’t imagine she was any better with a dog.
@unluckyseven: I feel your pain. One other thing to remember: if your pet does not like FW, PAY THE EFF ATTENTION!!11!!! My red husky hated his guts and now, looking back, I realize that he neglected both our dogs while I was working to support his lazy ass.
There is a special circle of Hell for those who mistreat not only their pets, but more importantly, their very own children and spouses.
My dog likes everybody. So if I ever meet anybody he doesn’t like, major red flag!
Karma isn’t real. I was left to raise a small child alone with no support network, and she got to enjoy a glorious childfree existence with regular raises, lavish parties, and no shortage of sympathetic friends who believed that she was the true victim.
My life got objectively worse after my cheating ex screwed me over. I am poorer, sadder, more neurotic, less trusting. The tree feel on MY house, not hers.
Doesn’t matter. I’d rather be free and living in carboard box than trapped in a penthouse with a psychopath.
Thank you so much for all the responses, advice & encouragement!! Thank you to Chump Lady for posting my letter ❤️ I have to hit the road for a family weekend event. I will check in again on this post when I can. Have a lovely weekend 🥰
Good on you, Orlando- I’ve missed your posts and you yourself have given out such great advice and encouragement in the past.
Enjoy your family event.
You won- never forget it.
Thank you for the kind words, they mean a lot to me!!! <3
When I was in the thick of it (my husband had walked out on me, our 9 year old son and our home… and moved right in with co-worker AP and her 2 sons), I was so scared that FW and AP would last. Like it was somehow a reflection on me if they stayed together.
It was my mom who said “Are you kidding? I HOPE they get married! Then she will be stuck with him and get her finances screwed up too.”
It took some time, but I eventually agreed with mom. And now it’s 10+ years later and they are still together… but it seems they never married. Literally 2 months after FW left, he was bragging that they were planning to marry that year. I said “that’s interesting… you’re not divorced yet.” We were divorced quickly — a year after FW left. But it seems they still haven’t tied the knot lol
I don’t know if my ex will or is married to who we call “the gimp”. Now that I’m 5.5 years out and mostly at meh, the idea of anyone marrying him makes me laugh. Like you can have him, his sexual kinks, his misogyny that he pretends is feminism, his inability to function, his paranoia, his self centred way of doing everything, etc. I just re-read Liars by Sarah Manguso. That helps me get over my marriage envy real fast!
My FW and his Schmoopie have been together almost 12 years (since D-Day anyway, they were probably together a year or more before that. They tell people 10 years to make it sound more legit when my 12 year old is standing next to them.)
I have a prediction that they’re going to get married when 12 year old turns 18 and doesn’t require child support anymore. I think they’re truly dumb enough to think that they’d be compelled to pay based on their joint worth instead of just his income.
Surely they haven’t held out 12 years just because they’re self-aware enough to know that they’re a couple of homewreckers who see no value in the institution of marriage.
Hmm. Well, I don’t think things went very well for my cheater alcoholic father after my mom left him and they divorced. My mom had been supporting them, so he had to give up his dream of building his own business and get a job. And he lost at least one job because of his addiction. And two more marriages and a live in partner. And ultimately, me (his only child.) We were estranged the last 20 years of his life.
He ended up living in a manufactured house in an unincorporated area in rural Texas. All he had for retirement was his Social Security, so he had to get a reverse mortgage on his house and property to live. He had a small inheritance from my grandmother that he could have invested for retirement, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t.
And he drank himself to death, of course. Smoking like a chimney was probably a factor too.
In contrast, my mother bought a small house on a small lot and paid it off. She saved money in a 401K and also got stock options from her last employer. She kept the options and bought stock with them instead of cashing them out and held onto the stock. The employer had a defined benefit pension plan that she was vested in, so she lived quite comfortably on that and her Social Security. She lived happily by herself, doing what she wanted to do and enjoying retirement, until she was 80.
CL cartoon looks just like my #2 Ex. How did she know?????
The interloper was in my forty plus year old marriage physically for sixteen years, that I know of. Emotionally for thirty two. I would like to see their fantasy idea of love become requited. Karma might be found in reality setting in that wherever they go, whomever they’re with, so goes their host of disorders.
It’s been 15 years and Fuckwit only recently started working a regular job. He’s nearing sixty with a job title most people hold in their 20s, with little retirement plan to speak of.
A few years ago, he lost everything he owned to black mold. Earlier this year, he moved into a new place and within the week a tornado dropped a tree through the roof.
He and his wife continue to alienate people and burn bridges left and right. He’s on his last legs in the local community and has already been fired from volunteer jobs after people heard how he abused me.
This man is his own karma. It’s a testament to his narcissism that NOTHING in his life has gone right in over a decade, and he still hasn’t figured out he’s the problem.
That’s amazing! I love it when abusers get their just desserts.
Mr. Wonderful recently build a huge house on the lake lot that was meant for our retirement home. (That’s a whole other story). His girlfriend and 3 kids have moved in.
He has very little tolerance for children. Wonder how that is working out for him?
Heard that he had prostate surgery a few weeks ago followed by a stroke 2 days later! He’s home, so I suspect it may have just been a mild stroke. Anyway, now she gets to take care of an old man with health issues!
I’ve been at meh regarding my ex-husband for many years, though it took a couple of decades for me to get there. So I don’t get a big charge out of the karma bus arriving for him, but it certainly did. He married twice more after we were divorced, and both marriages failed. I don’t know why, and aside from idle curiosity, I don’t really care. He was forced to retire in his mid-60s (a few years before he really wanted to) because he had a brain tumor (successfully cured with surgery). But his marriage was in trouble at that point (with two young kids in the picture) and after they moved to another city for her job, she dumped him and did her best to screw him over financially. I think he’s financially doing okay now (after inheriting some money from his late parents), but lives alone, has a new set of health problems, and at least one of his kids is in fragile mental health.
On the other hand, the first serious relationship I had after my divorce was to someone I came to despise. He wasn’t a cheater, but he was super-controlling and lazy AF. He was really cruel when I broke up with him (as kindly as I could), he pretended to be friends with me afterwards just long enough so that HE could break up with me, and he voiced a not-so-veiled threat that he had a friend in the CIA who had offered to “take care of” me. (To this day, I wish I had told him I was going to the police with that threat so that if anything happened to me, they’d know who to investigate. That would have scared the shit out of him.) When a few months later he came sniffing around to try to rekindle a relationship, I turned him down flat, and soon after he started dating the woman he married. She supported him through law school and he started what I assume was a mediocre solo law practice (I assume mediocre because he was lazy AF). So when the karma bus came for him (he died at age 52, less than a year after his wife died at age 45), it made me happy. And whenever I think of him, I take great satisfaction that he’s no longer with the living. Not something I’m proud of, but I think he earned my eternal hostility.
As our revered leader Chump Lady says, FWs don’t get character transplants. No doubt that’s why his subsequent marriages failed.
On D Day 2, I immediately left FW. He immediately told Schmoopie that he was free and she dumped him the following day. Couldn’t make it up. His next GF was emotionally all over the place and that lasted 6 months. He then took up with a mutual friend. On paper, and on social media, this was twu luv. They bought a place together, he quit both his amazing part time jobs (that I had worked really hard to help him achieve his qualifications – you know the score) to start a business with her. I was jealous as all hell. Turns out it was a total mirage and she was a controlling dark triad bitch from hell and he lost everything. Zero sympathy.