The OW Were Not Amused

amusedI don’t write for Other Women (the knowing ones, anyway. Those of you who were chumped, carry on). And yet, for some reason I often find they link to me on their forums.

Why? Well, I think some of them find the cheater manipulation tactics described here useful. Perhaps little lightbulbs go off in their heads. No, you mean he was lying to me TOO?! And others I guess read here for the frissons of superiority they must feel when comparing themselves to chumps.

No surprise that yesterday’s column was not a hit. Someone posted it on LoveShack.

Most took offense that I called OW sluts.

I am a lot of things, but a slut is not one of them. I do not dress provocatively, do not parade myself around promiscuously, and the amount of people I have been intimate with is far below average for a woman of my age. Was I a one-time other woman? Yes. Does it make me selfish, slightly narcissistic, emotionally messed up, and dishonest? Yes. Am I currently working on these issues? You bet.

But does that make me a slut? Absolutely not.

The article was actually about “slut shame,” but hey, if the thong fits…

I don’t actually like the term myself. My point was not to shame OW for their sexuality, but for their utter lack of remorse about hurting chumps — which, yeah, is shameful. You don’t get to willingly fuck innocents over, feel zero guilt about it, and then play the victim.

I really have no idea if most OW are promiscuous or not. For all I know you’re like the main OW in my story, pining her way through THREE marriages waiting for the idiot. (At once point buying wedding rings for him to propose with, but I digress.) I don’t know how many other men she fucked. Maybe not a single one. Maybe she was the Lady of Charlotte awaiting his return. I have no clue.

But she did leave her thong in bed for me to find. I did see the creepy little emails they shared. “I’ve got hot flashes for you!” The English language only has so many words — “slutty” is one of them.

Another OW complained that Hers Was a Great Love That Conquers All Obstacles.

Hilarious? Fine, if stringing a bunch of cliches together gives you the giggles. Personally I found it unoriginal, hackneyed and also inaccurate.

I’ve been an OW. Was I ever ashamed, or shamed? Nope. No one who has ever heard “our story” — and because we’re an international couple, people do usually ask — has responded with anything other than approbation, support, and admiration of a “love that conquers all obstacles”. Sure, I’m betting that’s not how his xBW sees it — and I’m sure she would coo and cluck around a bunch of “slut shamers” if she was given the chance – but normal, ordinary people? Nope.

Oh, I’m sorry! You’re an international couple? My God that makes all the difference. So dazzled by such an exotic pageant of multiculturalism, people must approach you all the time to ask about your Special Relationship!

Are you Bulgarian? Sudanese? No, no. Let me guess — Finnish!

(Brushing her sleeve with false modesty) No, I’m actually from Pittsburgh. The better part of Pittsburgh, of course. But my partner is Puerto Rican.

OMG. I’ve never met a Puerto Rican! Say something Puerto Rican!

Yes, the Love That Conquers All Obstacles. Obstacles like wives and children. Obstacles like alimony and child support. Obstacles like integrity.

Kudos, OW.

Eh. The article sounded like someone who was burned and who was lashing out.

Truth is people aren’t so easily categorized. There are many reasons a woman will become involved in an affair. Including a man lying about being married or getting divorced until the woman has feelings for him.

The word slut is ridiculous anyway. Most “sluts” aren’t sluts at all. A true slut – a woman who has sex indiscriminately with as many people as possible – is pretty rare. And even those women are either proud of their sexually free attitude, or are very damaged and are looking for something to make them happy. Either way, they don’t need to be “shamed”.

So why do we need to label people as “sluts” anyway. It’s just another word used by insecure people to make them feel superior to others.

OW, you have a point. When you knowingly fuck a married man, you aren’t having sex “indiscriminately.” You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re discriminating for the married ones. You are actually CHOOSING the “pick me dance.”

Yep, you choose a competition in which your opponent has no idea she’s competing with you. That certainly makes things skew in your favor, don’t you think? (Really, the married man is playing you for cake, but you won’t hear that.) You discriminate for unfair situations and swan about with your True Love. Doesn’t that make you feel superior to the unknowing chump? Winning that pick me dance? He’ll get that divorce! Really! And then we can be together FOREVER! 

They don’t need to be “shamed”.

Tell me about it. Bounces off you people like rubber.

Subscribe
Notify of

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

327 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Ex UK Chump
Ex UK Chump
8 years ago

You the funny thing is, I have noticed, how other women ( and other men ) are so full of defending cheater behaviour when they do it, except when they in turn become cheated on ( inevitably this will happen if you are in a relationship with a cheater) then it’s the worse thing in the world.

Magnet 4 Deranged
Magnet 4 Deranged
8 years ago
Reply to  Ex UK Chump

ExUK,
Exactly!
I FINALLY found out my ex, who I call Dexter, had cheated because he left a FaceBook Message for the OW’s best friend after they apparently had a fight one night.

The message?:

“I don’t know how much you know about me and Jan, but she’s a player and hurt me real bad”

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!!!
Turns out that about halfway into their 8 month affair Jan had decided to see someone else.
(She ended up marrying that poor sucker)

Jan was bad enough with her FB post that read “I do whatever I want, whenever I want” (narcissistic much?), but Dexter had some real balls!

I know for sure that he didnt even see the irony in his statement, which actually made it that much worse.

As an aside…
Is it even cheating if you’re cheating on a cheater? 😉

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago

It is ironic how people who so coldly disregarded your feelings can be badly hurt when their affair ends. My cheater wasn’t moved a bit by the pain he was causing, he could leave in the middle of the night to sext on his phone, but when OW dumped him for a richer man who had no attachment, he was soooo distraught. Weird.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago

Sounds like she was quoting South Park.

Magnet 4 Deranged
Magnet 4 Deranged
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Jen, South Park was probably right up her alley 😉

Gypsy57
Gypsy57
8 years ago
Reply to  Ex UK Chump

Yes, EXUK. It’s as if they’re missing the “Golden Rule Gene” or…something!

It’s a shame that I’m seeing more and more of a trend of people in general who just don’t give a flying you-know-what about others…

…but they sure want others to give a flying you-know-what about THEM!

Their arrogance is too much for me. The people who think like this are the reason WHY the world is as messed up as it is.

KRKing911
KRKing911
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

Following

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Gypsy57

This is all so depressing. OW knew about me but would not stop calling him, planning work out dates with him, playing online games, etc. She knew I was upset over their “friendship” (sent me a consolation prize of candy) but she wouldn’t enforce boundaries. She was obviously getting ego kibbles. Even if their A hadn’t blown up our marriage what she did was so selfish and evil.

That being said, he disrespected me by continuing a “friendship” he knew bothered me and by telling her private things to do with our marriage and taking it to another level. He always was easily lead and she really played him. The tragedy is that I don’t think she even really wanted “him”. She wanted kibbles. I guess it’s pretty much the same with all these stories. Such a damn tragic sorry waste. And in the end for what? As my attorney said, “In two years he’ll be getting another divorce.”

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Lina, I filed and waitng on final order to be filed. Yesterday, a close friend said, “you better not take him back”. My therapist also predicted he would come knocking on my door. My daughter thinks the whore controls him and his decisions. I warned her not to become his caretaker and fixer because HE has never had consequences for his behavior. Cheaters are about self preservation at others expense in my opinion. I am sticking to my role as the chump that moved on!! This requires the strength to have no contact to rid yourself from the toxic asshole. As time passes that compassion we chumps have in abundance has to be replaced with boundaries. He can’t pick up his adult children or granddaughter in my driveway. He drops off my granddaughter at my daughters work. I have come to realize he can no longer fuck with my emotions. The two times I did HAVE to see him (at court and a funeral) he had his mask on and it no longer mattered. The person I loved never existed. THAT was the most torturous pain. As difficult this was to accept I know it’s the truth. Sometimes I think about what I would say if he did want to come back. Nope. I just cleansed. We deserve more.

Mikky
Mikky
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Hi Lina- I had much the same dynamic going on with XH and OW. I think it was the continuing disrespect post DDay, by both of them, that I found so staggering. She just wouldn’t keep away from him and he just loved the whole drama. Although now divorced ( thanks CL) I’m eighteen months on from DDay and the whole nastiness of it all still turns my stomach.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Mikky

So sorry to hear that Mikky. Two years + for me and I still struggle with the horror of it all.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Mikky, in all do respect, I kind of had a chuckle over you saying 18 months. I had to count on my fingers and I’m at 17 months. (Dday to divorce) It’s like we’re thinking of a child growing up. I guess we need to start saying 1.5 yrs. But, yes, the nastiness I read daily on CL reminds me of what I lived with through those 17 bloody months.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

I also meant to say that if I had a male friend who’s wife was upset over our spending time alone together I wouldn’t send her candy, I’d stay the fuck AWAY from him and that situation. Someone who isn’t up to no good would extricate themselves from a situation like that immediately.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

I wouldn’t spend time alone with a married man in the first place though.

Caroline
Caroline
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

When I was young and very silly, I reconnected with an old friend from university days, a chap who was a mutual friend of a girl he later went on to impregnate and marry in a serious hurry. Obviously things were difficult for them, being young and broke and with a small child, trying to finish their respective degrees, and they were new to my area. Anyway, one evening they’d had a huge fight and he came round and I invited him to tag along to a large casual gathering at another friend’s house *with zero romantic intentions at the time or at any other time under any circumstances*, he came along and it was a pleasant evening, he met new people, it was fun. His wife found out and went absolutely ballistic. So I cut off all contact with them both, because in that short experience I realised something very important; a married person does not get to go and do stuff that makes their spouse unhappy and uncomfortable, certainly not without clearly explaining where they are going / with whom first. In this case, the chap concerned genuinely had no plans to cheat and as far as I know, never has (they are still married 20 years later!), but the point of my ramble is that when you REALISE you are stepping on toes, EVEN IF your intentions are only friendly and in no way poaching, you back off, and leave it alone. You DO NOT send sweets, or patronise or anything like that. You respect that you have no place. Being young and stupid is a fair excuse right up until someone tells you to back off. Then it’s not anymore. I look back and cringe at how she must have felt and at my thoughtless behaviour. Am happy to say that is the closest I have ever come to a clandestine encounter with a married man!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Lina, your attorney is probably right. My attorneys sat and took bets on when he would be back at my door! I thought they were crazy, but they said they have seen this time and time again! Oh and their advice to me was to send him away again if he returns! Does that tell you something?

seebare
seebare
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Seems to be a stream of lawyers involved in affairs, married or not it is unethical and of course wrong.
Hurt divorced,vulnerable,low self esteem
Ripe plucking time.

Seebare.49

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Yes, my attorney is in his eighties and I’m sure has seen it all.

I can definitely see another divorce but never him trying to come back. That would mean admitting he was wrong and he’s NEVER wrong.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Lina I’m so sorry you were forced to endure those fucktards. You deserve SO much love and respect; these asswipes aren’t worthy of anything other than the bottom-feeding, lying, scheming cheaters they got in one another, just like in my case. Like I said in yesterday’s comments on slut-shaming, we’re talking about immature girls and boys who are fucking WHORES, and who are really no more mentally or morally disciplined than a less-than-average zoo monkey. (And again, no offense to the intelligent zoo monkeys, likely more sexually disciplined than these cheating human whore spouses and ex-spouses.) Hugs to you, Lina.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago

Thank you KibbleFree X

Scott
Scott
8 years ago

Part of the problem we have in our rapidly collapsing society is the response “people aren’t so easily categorized.” We’re so scared of calling people what they are because in todays world the judgment is worse than the crime, as if excusing and allowing bad behavior is somehow admirable. What a crock. People get defensive when you call them on their bullshit. Too bad for them. Time we gave integrity a try instead of excuses.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

Bingo Scott.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

Hey, I have no problem categorizing some people: Cheater. Liar. Thief. Narcissist. Verbal Abuser. Asshole.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Nain, I agree cheating is about abuse. For my x it was always about sex. He dates multiple women and admittedly stated it was always about the chase and finding someone willing.

Nain
Nain
8 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Thank you! My brother and sister in law tried to explain that no child wants to hear about their parents’ sex life.

Ewwwww, not that I’d discuss that aspect anyway! Cheating isn’t about sex any more than rape is. IMHO cheating is abuse. It’s an abuse of power through lying and deceit. It’s about control and secrecy. It’s about hurting and blaming a spouse without the spouse’s knowledge. Anybody that would do those things has dreadfully poor character and a mean spirit. Of course then, I wonder why ANYONE would choose to associate with a liar let alone the family to which the cheater lied.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Nain

Love everything you say her Nain. So true.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

I agree too Scott. What started out as being politically correct, has now taken a tragic turn into let anyone do anything they want. Dr. George Simon says if we continue down the path we are on with allowing the character disordered to take over, the future will be frightening. I believe anyone who is ok with cheating is just as bad as the actual cheaters.

Nain
Nain
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Thank you for this reflection. Last nite, My brother and sister in law told me I’m too morally obsessed with my ex’s lyin’ theivin’ deceivin’ after 36 years. I’m not “fun” and nobody really cares on the grand scheme what happened. And the adult kids probably like him better cause they can kick back with him – ya know – have a few beers. Adultery is just not the problem for everybody else that I think it is. Get this, he was cheated on, as was my mom. But he never had children. Tiny, sweet creatures that wind and entwine hearts with you – but then invite the slut to holidays and vacation spots. Cause it’s in everyone’s best interest to just move on. Empathy? Compassion? Character? Not so much…

Scott
Scott
8 years ago
Reply to  Nain

Oh it stinks, but I too have learned that most people might be sympathetic for a little while, then they just want to not talk about it. After a while, I got tired of discussing it too. But then again, it’s been 2 1/2 years ago from dday and the marriage was 16 years, the last year was divorcing. So during that 2 1/2 years I’ve come to a lot of realizations, one of them is, I judge, I find what I can and can’t live with, and the things I can’t live with from someone else, I move off to the side and walk away from them. One of my boundaries is, if you accept cheating, find it okay, or in any way side with someone who cheats, I walk away. There’s no middle ground. The world may go to hell, but I don’t have to go with it.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

Scott, I’ve occasionally toyed with the idea of joining a dating site. I keep wondering how “no cheaters need reply” would go over? I seriously don’t want anything else to do with someone who thinks it’s okay to cheat.

NCStevie, I have one son who had a real hard time with what his dad did. Saw it as absolutely wrong. He was actually chomped by a long-term girlfriend in college.

The other son was “understanding” of his dad. I believe his dad gave him the “we just grew apart” speech and my youngest son believes that was a justification for cheating. This son actually cheated on a long-term girlfriend in college, so I guess he thinks he sees things from the other point of view. He ended up marrying the girl he cheated with, and so far their relationship seems good. There were problems with the previous relationship, but I hated the way he ended it with her. It did seem to turn out best for both of them. The old girlfriend went on to marry someone who treats her well.

Anyway, I just try to focus on making MY relationship with my sons as pleasant as possible. There are some things people just don’t understand until it happens to them.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Lyn; unfortunately, many would love to have someone who does not cheat, but lie to you about their end of the bargain. In fact, who wants someone who cheats? Nobody!! I think you put yourself out there as a Chump if you say that or at best find another Chump who would like to reduce their chances of getting another Cheater.

Cheaters love having the advantage of someone who won’t cheat! I remember mine was trying to get me to go cheat so I could see how meaningless it is! I said no I don’t need to, I already know it is meaningless!! I am sure it would be so he could call me a whore or somehow put us in the same category. Nice try! I (duh?) already know I don’t need some stranger banging away on me YUCK! LOL!

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

I understand his defective “receptors” when it comes to spouting truth to X, he has an “aversion” to what he calls “negativity” and I call “reality”, but you can only put up with SO much before you just get SICK of the irresponsibility and selfishness!! He just doesn’t get (or refuses to acknowledge) that his decisions don’t just affect him…. it affects all of us. The sad thing is that, besides the affair & what he has destroyed between us and how badly he has hurt his youngest son…. he is truly financially destroying himself. ZERO accountability, it’s that damn entitlement they all have…. even spills over into his legal affairs and inevitably it is going to reach out and bit him in his ass…..

onthehill
onthehill
8 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

“I understand his defective ‘receptors’ when it comes to spouting truth to X, he has an “aversion” to what he calls ‘negativity’ and I call ‘reality’, but you can only put up with SO much before you just get SICK of the irresponsibility and selfishness!! He just doesn’t get (or refuses to acknowledge) that his decisions don’t just affect him…. it affects all of us.”

My X was/is *EXACTLY* like this.

The aversion to “negativity”? A couple of times during our marriage, when I dared to say that I wasn’t being “negative”, just “real” – boy did I have that shoved up you know where.

My X was (and probably still is) so financially irresponsible. One good example was one time I overdrew the checking account because he had ATM’d some money out without looking to see if checks were outstanding. We had a fight over it. He told me (quite loudly), that he would “take over” all the bill paying. Well guess what. For the next four months, I literally watched him grow a neat little pile of unopened bills up on his desk. Maybe it was stupid of me, but, I just wanted to see how far he’d take it, thinking, “He HAS to do this at SOME point, doesn’t he???”. One day, I mentioned the growing pile and I got reamed for “Nagging”. Into the fourth month, I finally went in and grabbed them all and started paying them. He never made a peep about 1) not paying them … 2) the pile missing …. 3) the fact that *I* then took over the bill paying.

This was just one example of how fucked up he was.

Drew
Drew
8 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Glad he is financially destroying himself and not you, NCStevie.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

Remember, cheaters lie.

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

I mean “chumped” by a long term girl friend. Stupid auto-correct!

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

The sad truth is that most people just don’t give a crap because ultimately it doesn’t hurt or affect “them”. My X’s oldest son (26) told me “I don’t know what he is doing and i don’t want to know…. and I don’t want to know the details of what he did because it will alter my opinion of my father.”

This is the biggest problem in the situation…. I am the ONLY one that will call X out on his bullshit so I am always the bad guy….. everyone else is always “unaffected”. Wtf?

Tflan386
Tflan386
8 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Calling people out on their bullshit is not an exercise for the faint of heart -the person on the receiving end, if a narcissist, looks at you like you have three heads, claims you are mentally defective and too emotional and then promptly mounts a smear campaign against you. If you can withstand the theatrics, you’re gold. It’s hard to be the bad guy all the time – wears you out. But there is something very psychologically satisying about passing the shit sandwich back to where it belongs.

Annabella
Annabella
8 years ago
Reply to  Tflan386

Tflan386….
you are spot on. My ex and his ho started a smear campaign against me once I called them out. The slut even had the nerve to blog about me stating that “she’s not a slut no matter how I wished it to be ” and they both claim that ” I’m batshit crazy” bc i call them as I see it. I should post it on here so everyone can see how delusional she is. she revised her story 4x to make herself look like she did nothing wrong and the lies she wrote is astounding.

moxie
moxie
8 years ago
Reply to  Tflan386

preach!

Nain
Nain
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

That’s exactly right Scott. Toxic is as toxic does. And if it disappoints us or we can’t tolerate the windshield wiper ambievelence, then we show who we are by standing up for ourselves. Adultery and its trappings. Are. Wrong.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

YES. In today’s world, nothing can be considered abnormal, wrong, immoral, crazy, selfish or bad in any way. Everything has to be accepted, because all that matters is “following your bliss,” and “creating your own reality.” Our society has become a cesspool of narcissism because complete self-absorption is encouraged, and refusal to accept responsibility for one’s own actions, along with a severe sense of entitlement, is now the norm.

As for the OW who don’t like being called sluts….. who cares? They are defined by their actions, doesn’t really matter what you call these selfish, entitled, narcissistic hags.

KK
KK
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

100% agree with you, Scott.

JJ
JJ
8 years ago

I’ve been hit on yesterday by a married man. I know his wife, we were discussing the textiles industry, regarding a business venture he is pursuing and advertising on a site I manage, and all of a sudden he’s telling me about his nagging wife. When I realized that I know her, and she is fucking awesome, I realized what a pathetic piece of shit he was. Poor woman. He actually told me he is only staying in his marriage for the children and he hasn’t felt love in years (their kids are 4 and 1). They’re also an international couple (so was I by the way). If you’re stupid enough to believe the bullshit that these kinds of guys are spouting, then yes, you’re stupid enough for me to call you slut. Would you prefer stupid or fuckwit instead? Works for me.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  JJ

JJ did the exact opposite of what a slut would do, so anybody who’s been offended by being labeled a slut should read her story over and over until it’s burned into their forehead. To begin with, a man disclosing this much personal info is looking for something. If a man tells you he “is married… hasn’t felt love in years… has 2 young kids… a nagging wife,” he’s clearly looking for somebody to screw. A decent person would look at the total picture (just like JJ), but a slut would spread her legs for him. Don’t be a slut.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

Over sharing. It’s weird that people don’t even realize they are doing it. They honestly think everyone would side with them, or even care.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
8 years ago
Reply to  JJ

JJ, or how about stupid fuckwit? It has a nice ring to it.

If being an American and living in poverty with my Iranian/British husband in London makes me part of an “international couple” then put me down as well!

JJ
JJ
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Yeh, I tend to go for fucktard, shitwit and dickwit most of the time. I should note, I told him in no uncertain terms that I felt he was being an entitled moron and that he should worship his wife as she is awesome. I also said that maybe if you gave her love, you might get some right back at you. What a turd he was. Modern day entitlement is such a fucking disease. Nobody seems grateful for what they have anymore. Idiots.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Count me in, too! (I just wish I could have sent mine back to his home country.)

ReDefiningMe
ReDefiningMe
8 years ago
Reply to  JJ

JJ,

I was part of an “international couple” too…how laughable. Maybe we can provide the sluts with lists of words for “family-wrecking, child destroying, evil, soul-less, warped, pathetic whores” in about five different languages…since we’re all international and everything…that would make it special. just. like. them.

Traci
Traci
8 years ago

If the thing fits…ah ha ha! Classic.

Traci
Traci
8 years ago

*thong…must’ve been laughing too hard.

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
8 years ago

“Personally I found it unoriginal, hackneyed and also inaccurate. ”

Funny. That’s precisely what I think of affairs and the people who engage in them.

Scott
Scott
8 years ago

I cringed at that too, funny how people want to blast the writing, but I don’t see any facts behind unoriginal and hackneyed, just the accusation that it is unoriginal and hackneyed. And I’m not seeing where the inaccuracies are either. People just can’t accept criticism for their bad behaviors. Good response Doc…

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

Hard to believe anyone would criticize Cl
s writng. It is quite good, even if they do not agree with the substance.

Char
Char
8 years ago

Bravo, Dr. ICBIAC! You perfectly turned it on it’s head!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

I Can’t Believe I’m A Chump, well put! Love it!

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

Awe… Did we strike a nerve. Dont call me those horrible names… Youuuuuu dont understand meeeee!!!!!!
I am a simple woman who uses simple language. SLUT… Pretty simple four letters. Rhymes with stuff. Works for me. Perhaps we are not speaking their language… We need to flower that puppy up… Like…. Mistress…yes that sounds much more acceptable. Or Lover? Oh… Betcha they like that one. Kittens , puppies and little floaty hearts… How sweet.
Yes hide behind the language…its just so much more acceptable when we call it something different.

itsAJourney
itsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

One of my husband’s sluts referred to herself as “love buddy.” She was a business professional, and I guess “fuck buddy” was too vulgar.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  itsAJourney

That’s my issue with the word “polyamory” too, it implies it’s all about “loving” lots of people, but let’s face it they are usually talking about fucking lots of people. Same with “paramour” which means “for love,” but it’s NOT about love. Love requires respect, which cheaters lack, even for themselves.

Hopeful Cynic
Hopeful Cynic
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

My ex’s other woman called herself his ‘concubine.’ Barf!

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

How about “consort?” So cosmopolitan and European sounding! Back when I used to practice law in family court the popular word was “paramour” though now that I’m a chump I doubt there was any “amour” involved in cheating it’s all kibbles and fucks, kibbles and fucks.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

I hate the word paramour so much.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

My bil called the wench a Harlot. I laughed. He’s still probably calling her that.

working it out
working it out
8 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

harlot is what they are called in the bible

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  working it out

I like it, harlot. My favorite is still Whore, though. Simple, straightforward, and Biblical.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  not Juliet

I think whore is apt because I have read several times about the theory of the Madonna/Whore in a narcissist’s cheating behavior. We are the Madonna who comes to be untouched by our man while he goes out to seek the whore. I am sorry I am not explaining this well but it’s easily googleable. It made a ton of sense to me when I read about it because my ex BF was a text book, card carrying somatic narcissist to the Nth degree.

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Makes perfect sense to me. I’ll check it out.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  not Juliet

I just did a google and the only site that I looked at (a narc blog) had posters saying THEY become the whore to him and others saying they became the Madonna.. However we look at it and interpret our own situations, it all just so f’d up.

Current Chump
Current Chump
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

it’s all kibbles and fucks, kibbles and fucks…….OMG THIS!!! (It should be the Ashley Madison jingle/slogan)

I laughed so hard I snorted here at work!!!

Thanks Muse-I needed that today

Current Chump
Current Chump
8 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

I’m going to have a license plate frame made for stbx-
“Kibbles & Fucks-For a few Buck$”

‘Cuz he likes to pay for the strange-hookers, massage parlors, etc!!!!

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

LOL!!

pookyand3
pookyand3
8 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

gotta get me some kibbles and fucks! perfect commercial LOL

This Chump medicated for your protection
This Chump medicated for your protection
8 years ago
Reply to  pookyand3

Yes,
Tune it to the music from the old commercial ad jingle for Kibbles and Bits !
Lol

onthehill
onthehill
8 years ago

Kibbles …and fucks..and fucks …….AND FUCKS!!!

Yummy!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

Hahahahahahahaha!

pookyand3
pookyand3
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

slut actually rhymes with mutt

ringinonmyownbell
ringinonmyownbell
8 years ago
Reply to  pookyand3

LOL when I found out about CFMily, my X was telling me what a good old fashion girl she was. I said is a good old fashion word for a girl old fashion girl like her… IT.IS.SLUT! He was truly taken aback that I could think that such love would have that name. Lord help me.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago
Reply to  pookyand3

Mutts are great! Much more loyal than people! Also rhymes with nut.
SLUT stands for Subhuman Liar/Loser from the Underbelly of Trash!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

It seems these “people?” Don’t want to be called what they consider derogatory names. Well then, will somebody please offer up a one word definition for a woman or man who climbs in a bed with a married man and the notoriously carries on in spite of destroying others? I get the feeling that they just don’t get that if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and acts like a duck well then, I guess it’s a frigging duck! Don’t like being called what you act, walk and talk like? Well guess what? Then DON’T Fuck married men and get all delusional that your sex act with him makes you “special” ! You are a slut stupid!!

JustAroundtheBend
JustAroundtheBend
8 years ago

ivillage.com and ivillage.co.uk each had a message (support) board for women involved with married men. Neither of those boards exist anymore. what happened to them?

Friend
Friend
8 years ago

“It’s just another word used by insecure people to make them feel superior to others.”

Dear OW,
Where to start?
You took advantage, made secret combination, disrespected the bed I bought on my honeymoon, commandeered my children, flaunted your freedom and pretended to be my friend.
You may not be insecure right now. But you will be.
I suppose you prefer the term, “Beloved Equal”.
Nope.
Slut.
Sincerely,
Queen Mama

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

“I am a lot of things, but a slut is not one of them. I do not dress provocatively…”

Brene Brown talks about shame and how we have unwanted identities that reveal our shame points. It is clear from this person’s response that “slut” is an unwanted identity for her. And it sounds like she IS struggling from shame issues to me.

Personally, I consider such discussions as distractions. It is more wasted energy on the OW. Instead, they ought to be focusing on the bad thing done, how it hurt others (e.g. the spouse and kids), and correcting that behavior. Since they lack the character to do this, they fall back into navel-gazing wondering if they are rightly being labeled “slut” or not.

Sad.

Let go
Let go
8 years ago

DM, if you spend a day on blogs written by OW you would understand why these Chumps hate them. The narcissism that oozes across the pages is sickening. Their cheaters are still stringing them along year after year and their selective vision(delusional thinking) keeps them hanging on by their fingernails. If the piece of shit was going to leave his wife he would have done so. If he did leave his wife and marry the OW then you have two pieces of shit in the same space. The aroma must be overwhelming.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Like Oscar Wilde said, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” Yes, I suspect the “don’t judge me” columns are a version of kibbles.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

They are idiots, CL’s whole point was that it is not slut shaming, it’s ” you have no ethics you asshole” shaming. Damn.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Fair enough. I suppose my point is about how the OW are better served developing empathy and learning from their behavior than spending their time wondering if they are or aren’t a slut. That’s a side issue to what we do know: They did something majorly wrong by sleeping with a married man! That needs correction and attention. Kibbles, yes.

PF
PF
8 years ago

A couple of years ago I took a look at loveshack.org, it really should be called Nutshack. The site has an other woman section and the majority of these other women are nutcases.

I also noticed that the Moderator by the name of WIlliam used the avatar image of a young Ted Bundy, someone from loveshack.org had sent me a private message that the moderator was also a poster by the name of Carhill who claimed to be an other man. This guy moderates like a wing nut and bans anyone who disagrees with him.

Loveshack.org is a weird place and I left it long ago.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  PF

Interesting…my nickname for my ex is “bundy” – equal parts Ted and Al.

kim
kim
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Hilarious, X cheaterpants loved “married with children”. I loathed it. I think he got some sadistic pleasure from laughing out loud at the stupid shit, in front of me, the chump,
But, yeah, slut is not pc in slut circles, but this is not a slut circle. so, yeah, I think calling a spade a spade, or…,ahem…a slut a slut, is perfectly acceptable Just sayin’.

KK
KK
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Lol! Love it!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

The remarks made by the OW attempting to defend their horrible behavior is proof enough to me that they absolutely know that they are inferior! Let’s face it, they know that they are playing second fiddle to the legal wife and it pisses them off! No problem HO, you can have first chair and his useless ass, but I get all the rest! Have fun Little Miss second choice!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Or Third, or Fourth…. Well, you get it! It used to piss my ex husband off when I would tell him, ” I had pizza last night, does the HO want my leftovers from that too!” That would make him so angry!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Ohmigosh, Roberta – you just helped me reframe a bit of what I think about the two whores (x & his ho-worker) who blew up my family. They are both whores for seconds/leftovers, seeing as how they were BOTH “married.” Sloppy seconds. Leftovers! Haha!! I love this!! Thank you for this today. I needed it.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

Kibble Free, yep! They take sloppy seconds from some old fart who feeds them some line! I married mine when he was young, virile and his ego hadn’t taken over every available space in our life! He was healthy and played with our children! She is getting a selfish, bloviating, sick old guy who thinks just his presence is awesome! He is so over-educated that he thinks he is above physical activity (except fucking, then you do all the work anyways). He is a bore, plain and simple! Glad I don’t have to sit with him and simply show my adoration anymore! But Schmoopie gets that job!

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta, yes she is getting the aging asshole! I take comfort knowing she got the whole aching package. A 57 year old balding, hearing impared, bed wetter that sleeps with a heating pad sexy.

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

Yup, ex’s new wife-to-be (not the OW -hmm, wonder what happened to her?) will be getting a cheater, a 52 yro who was taking Viagra in his early 40s and a relapsed alcoholic. Bet she knows nothing of these fine attributes.

hurt1
hurt1
8 years ago
Reply to  hurt1

Forgot to mention that he is also a transmitter of STDs

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta!!! That is FANTASTIC!!! Fabulous & funny!!!

Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
Dr. I Can't Believe I'm a Chump
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

This made me giggle.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Thumbs up, Roberta!!

Moxie
Moxie
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

@roberta…thank you, I literally spit my coffee out with laughter with your comment. hilarious

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

“It’s just another word used by insecure people to make them feel superior to others.”

Actually, I’m quite secure. And yes, OW, I do feel morally superior to you.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I am by no means a perfect human being, but I know one thing 100%… I AM morally superior to any OW who knowingly fucked a married man.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Sluts who sleep with married men are just for sex. They are not superior, just disordered women who take pride in destroying lives. They are so insecure to believe they fulfill any real need other than sex. The put out for a payday that usually never comes. They are competitive and think it is a game. Men who cheat especially serial cheating narcs like my x also think it’s a game. Sluts believe the cheater is safe because he lies and says he never has sex and sluts that they are have unprotected sex. While they think they are SPECIAL they are just another whore he found while simultaneously picking up women on craigs list and prostitutes. Sluts think all the good guys are taken and hook up with married men who are looking for a reciprocal relationship based on sex. The real difference between the sluts and the chump is that chumps have class and high standards; sluts are trashy with no moral compass. While cheaters seek out sleazy low life piggys as my x did, believe that he knows the difference. Knowing that he lost everything that was good in his life will come back to haunt the slut. Cheaters live to blame and there’s no one left in his life but the sleaze. After the infatuation wears off and they get tired of the fuck me whore the cycle repeats. Whore is at the bar looking and the cheater is talking shit about the home wrecker. That shit is normal for cheaters and whores. Chumps live better.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

But I knew a woman who gets labeled “slut” at work because she sleeps with all the male employees who will have her. Some of them are married. She doesn’t claim to care about any of them, and they do not treat her any better for doing it.

She is nice to the women, and I don’t think she would sleep with any of the male employees who are attached to someone at work. I think she has a real problem. We (the girls) tried to sit her down and tell her to stop it. We said things like, we are afraid you are going to get hurt (and we didn’t mean emotionally) and make a (single) man take you to dinner a few times before you sleep with him.

That’s the problem with the word “slut”. Men use it to connotate someone they can fuck without consequences or feelings. Other women are much worse than sluts. Sluts have a problem respecting themselves. Other women think they deserve “the rose” and they will knock you down to get it. Other women are people without a conscience.

missdeltagirl
missdeltagirl
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Yes!!!!!!!

Scott
Scott
8 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

100% Gladit’sOver. You nailed it!!!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Scott

Haha – “nailed it.” Ok, I’ll grow up now. And yes! I 100% agree with you GIO, and I’m not ashamed, nor do I feel self-righteous when I claim moral superiority over WHORES like the X and his whore-worker who was also “married.” We all make our choices, huh? They just like that they’ve removed all doubt of their less-than status. F-tards.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago

Oops – they DON’T like that they’ve removed all doubt of who and what they really are.

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Morally superior… Yup. I didnt have to shop lift a mate.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

TheClip–of course, some OW/OM just put the cheater on lay-away…..

kim
kim
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

HAhaha. Tempest.

LivingMyLife
LivingMyLife
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

I really like that, shop lift a mate

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  LivingMyLife

I think most other women have some sort of Daddy issues. Ignored, abandoned, not Daddy’s girl, or abused into thinking sex is their only special quality. Basically they think they have something to prove. Someone to knock down. Think every woman that ever competed on “the bachelor.”

My sister had no problem sleeping with her boss who had a girlfriend he had no intention of leaving. She ended up aborting a child from that escapade. Years later she became almost suicidal when her husband of two years started seeing a waitress and discarded her. She was so distraught. I never said “I told you so.”

But as the years go by, I realize she is jealous of me and would love to see me fall on my face. I was Daddy’s favorite. Not my fault. I even felt bad about it. She was Mommy’s favorite and the golden child. She got the better end of that because my dad was mostly blind and disabled by the time I finished elementary school. He had no power after that.

I have no idea why my family decided to make the dynamic that of a “survivor” alliance. I know we didn’t choose that, our parents did. I just don’t know why she can’t see that. But the fact that she doesn’t makes her OW material.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

Slut calls x cheater daddy. Yuck

Mind logic
Mind logic
8 years ago

It’s funny ( and cliched) how they lose the substance of what was being said… The bottom line which was ofcourse DONT FUCK MARRIED PEOPLE and this is the most important piece of the message KNOWINGLY.

Instead they focus on that word SLUT and just spew a whole bunch of bullshit around that word … As if the point being discussed is women being called SLUTS without a reason.

No wonder the cheaters n these SLUTS gravitate toward each other…in their special international galaxies….

Whatever!!!

kim
kim
8 years ago
Reply to  Mind logic

Cheater told me, “it was JUST an attraction”, I replied,”I know it was just an attraction, like flies to shit. All I need to know is who’s the fly and who’s the shit”…..Now I know it doesn’t really matter. They were both, both.

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago
Reply to  Mind logic

It cheater speak… If i say its something else… Maybe nobody will notice!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

Tempest, you’re right about that! I had a female dog that has more discernment in mating than some of these assholes! Am I superior? Maybe, maybe not, but I DO have morals! That’s the difference!

Jordan
Jordan
8 years ago

Guilty as charged. I’m the one who posted in on LS because I really wanted to hear what excuses and justifications the OW would come up with. I was not surprised that they were offended. One of the things I say a lot on that site is if you don’t want to be judged, then don’t do the action.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Jordan

OW baiting! Clever.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  Jordan

ooOOoooo Jordan did it!

KK
KK
8 years ago

Their responses (the OW) only proves what has already been said about them.

Defensiveness: “I’m not a slut. I have issues that I’m working on.” Too bad a marriage and family was torn apart (in part) because of your issues. We all have issues. But we don’t use that as an excuse to wreak havoc on someone else’s life. Sorry… You’re still a slut.

The next one says, normal ordinary people don’t judge her. I hate to tell her but she’s in fantasy land. If people (normal, ordinary people) know you’re a lying, cheating half wit, they judge you. Maybe not to your face, but they have no respect for you. Men wouldn’t want you hanging out with their wives because you’re immoral. Women don’t want you around their husbands because… Well, pretty obvious. Parents don’t want you around their children because you’re a bad example of what a human being should be.

And then we have an OW saying that only those who have been burned, would lash out at OW calling them sluts. When it happens to her, maybe she will see things differently. She says chumps are insecure for calling OW sluts. Really? I can’t think of anyone more insecure than an OW. You don’t have the self respect to have boundaries, to say no to something that is not only hurtful to everyone involved but also to you. Guess you lack the insight to see that.

Not one acknowledges and owns her bad behavior. Not one is sorry for the hurt and damage she participated in causing. This just proves these are bad people, with no moral compass or sense of right and wrong. Pretty pitiful.

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  KK

i know the oompa loompa is not sorry for her part in destroying my marriage or hurting my children. she honestly believes “our marriage was over” before she hooked her claws into boyman. and even if i can see how she would think that (after all that is what he told her and he was staying out all weekend probably with her) i still dont understand why she acted the way she did AFTER the divorce. disrespectful to me. telling my sons lies about me to make her and boyman look better. interferring with his time with his kids, to the point of throwing herself bodily on him and in between his kids. talking shit about me.

so how am i suppaose to hink she is a good person? how can i NOT blame her when she is guilty of all this other shit. my ASS she is innocent. she knew what she was doing. she was so desperate for a man, she blow up my kids and i to get one.

they dont care and they dont feel bad. and most of all neither her or him think of all the pain they caused. they dont think of you at all. they are living happily along without any consquences while you struggle to pick up the pieces. they have no conscious to feel guilty and if they break up with your X, they just shurge off the shoulders and find someone else to open their legs for. if you wonder if they care, they dont even remeber you. you were just someone they ran over to get what they wanted.

pick yourself up and move on cuz most like your Ex and his/her fuck are not thinking of you.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
8 years ago
Reply to  KK

No empathy.

nomar
nomar
8 years ago

“The slut doth protest too much, methinks.”

Annabella
Annabella
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

This sounds like it was written by my ex’s whore-wife (he actually married her and thinks that I don’t know that they’re married. He didn’t even invite our son to his wedding. ..which was fine with me). She actually had the nerve to tell me that she didn’t think that I was a slut when I was dating while I was separated…but still legally married. She also blamed me for the demise of our marriage. I told her I didn’t know about her existence unit I caught them. She accused me of slut shaming. .but the fact of the matter is that she is a bona-fide slut. She admitted that she loved being the other woman. Any woman who thrives on being the other woman not only has mental issues but is truly a slut. None of her friends or most of her family know that she broke up a marriage. Her mother. .who in my opinion is a slut as well knew about her affair with my husband and actually helped them cover it up. She has major daddy issues since her daddy died when she was in her 20’s. If some women don’t want to be labeled as a slut, whore, homewrecker, etc…then stop acting like a slut, whore, homewrecker. It’s only a matter of time since they start cheating on each other since they are both major narcissists. Karma always comes around and I’ll be on the sidelines with my popcorn…enjoying the show.

awareb4
awareb4
8 years ago
Reply to  Annabella

Annabella you are so right! Let’s get a Popcorn machine because, I can tell you now it will be such a good show! How do I know? I have seen the exact same thing happen.
My ex left with OW (friend & employee) blah blah after 19 yrs etc….I have watched that ship go down like the Titanic 😉 She has major mental issues & he is a raging alcoholic & Karma is a Chameleon!

I have never wished ill will on them as, I knew what they were both going to get as, two selfish narc’s will always destroy each other!

Kudos to you Annabella & big hugs 🙂

kim
kim
8 years ago
Reply to  awareb4

You know, even if the OW and cheaterpants go their seperate ways, and even if the cheaterpants stays with his wife and family, I like to believe the karma bus is on it’s way. Someday the shmoopie will marry somebody, and even if she’s lucky enough to get a really good guy, she’ll never trust him, and she’ll ruin a good thing because of what she lived and believes to be true. It’s called projection, and like karma, it’s a bitch..

violet
violet
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Reminds me of an e-mail I once received from OW, which began,”I am not a whore…” I got a real chuckle from that one!

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  violet

i got a text from her saying “i aint no hood rat”

lol really? are u sure? u aint no huh. i just laughed. i dont think she would have got even if i explained it to her. (in small slow elementary words)

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Ha!

Hopeful Cynic
Hopeful Cynic
8 years ago

I didn’t bother speaking up yesterday, but I do have to agree that the word ‘slut’ is the wrong one to use. How does that saying go? “A slut is a woman who approaches sexuality like a man.” There’s nothing shameful about being a slut by the usual definition – have fun with as many available partners as you can find, if that’s what you enjoy! The key is ‘available’ partners. A married person isn’t available – no matter what they try to convince you.

An affair partner, male or female, is someone who is morally corrupt, lacks integrity, prioritizes their sexual gratification over the well-being of innocent people including children, practices dishonesty and encourages others to do the same and above all, deceives themselves about the damage they are doing and their responsibility for it.

Someone who actively encourages an alcoholic to drink is just as responsible for their relapse as the alcoholic.

Someone who helps another person to commit murder is also considered just as guilty of murder. The criminal justice system doesn’t let them off any easier because they were not the one who did the deed.

Just because the affair partner was not the one who made the marriage vow that is being broken does not absolve them of participating in the harm done. It’s all the unspoken contracts that hold society together, and one of the biggest is ‘don’t wreck marriages.’

What used to astound me the most about cheating, was how an affair partner will believe the lies from the married person. Here is someone you are actively encouraging to lie to their spouse, but you believe everything they say to you is true? Over time, and with much research, I came to understand that cheaters and affair partners lie to themselves first, about what they are doing being okay. Once that lie is well-established, little else matters to them.

But to get back on topic, ‘slut’ is just the wrong word to use. The affair partner may or may not also be a slut. We really need a new, gender-neutral insult. If we use ‘slut’ to try to shame an affair partner, they’ll be able to deflect that because it doesn’t fit the circumstances properly.

The best I can suggest is enabler right now. It just doesn’t have the right ring to it though. Accessory? Parasite?

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

Hopeful Cynic, that was an eloquent post and well said. Thank you.

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

i agree with everything you said except the slut part. i was raised to believe a slut is someone who has sex with anyone who wants to. no screening, no questions, any and every man who could get it up and keep it up was welcome. and yes it is VERY shameful to be a slut.

it is ok to have sex as long as you do it with class. and not act like a slut. i have had fuck buddies where it was mutual between he and i that we were not geetting together but liked to satisfy our cravings. i knew he was clean as was i. and it was brodcasted eithr since he and i both were looking for parnters. if a parnter was found fucking was out. (at least for me) i lost track of him after i got married to the boyman.

but there is a vast difference between a slut and someone who likes sex. at least that is my opinion. OW are nothing but dirty sluts. which is why they open their legs to a married man.

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

How about calling the AP a ‘hump’?

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Like that!

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

I am waiting tables at the moment. We have “closers” that check side work at the end of the night. I told a busy closer what I did so he could sign me off. He said, “you’re not lying to me are you?” as he was too busy to physically check. I told him no, I’m not capable of it. He said, “everybody’s capable of it, not everyone is comfortable with it, Whether you lie to yourself, or lie to someone else.” So I had to agree, I’m not comfortable with lying to others, but I have lied to myself on occasion.

Cheaters and affair partners are comfortable with both. They lie to us and they lie to themselves. Narcissistic rage hits when the data conflicts with the lies.

outoftheblue
outoftheblue
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

I call them officially the adulterer and his adulteress, or partner in adultery. Although they don’t like it they cannot accuse me of being rude. Not to their faces anyway.

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

Cynic – There have been so many gems on this sight that I will cut and past into my Divorce folder, but yours today has absolutely been one of the best comments that I have read on this sight to date. Thank you a million times.

Marked711
Marked711
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

I’ll go with “whore” for the female and “pig” for the male. Though I’m sure it’s an insult to actual pigs everywhere.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

I’ve called them both pig whores, and her brats are her piglets. Yeah, yeah, leave the kids out of it. Not sorry – they carry her pig whore DNA, and I care about MY kids and destryoed family much, much more.

Yes. Pig whores. All cheaters.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
8 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

Man Whore: what a Man-Child graduates to when he betrays a woman he’s vowed to respect, protect, and love.

sephage
sephage
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

“An affair partner, male or female, is someone who is morally corrupt, lacks integrity, prioritizes their sexual gratification over the well-being of innocent people including children, practices dishonesty and encourages others to do the same and above all, deceives themselves about the damage they are doing and their responsibility for it.

Someone who actively encourages an alcoholic to drink is just as responsible for their relapse as the alcoholic.

Someone who helps another person to commit murder is also considered just as guilty of murder. The criminal justice system doesn’t let them off any easier because they were not the one who did the deed.

Just because the affair partner was not the one who made the marriage vow that is being broken does not absolve them of participating in the harm done. It’s all the unspoken contracts that hold society together, and one of the biggest is ‘don’t wreck marriages.’”

THIS!

AWESOME!

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
8 years ago
Reply to  sephage

i cried when I read what Cynic wrote. she nailed it.

violet
violet
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

How about soul-sucking demon from hell?

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  violet

A person who knowingly sleeps with married men- needy slut

A person who knowingly sleeps with married men with children-needy narc whore with a twist

A person who knowingly sleeps with a married person with children and verbally abuses the chump- character disordered needy narcissistic loser slutty whore scumbag.

Ow

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

And a person who will commit sexual acts for drugs is a crack whore. They all have a common thread. Willing to do something vile to get something they want.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  violet

My x called her a “crack whore.” But when I did too he got offended. He also said she had a 75 year old boyfriend and called her Anna Nicole Smith.

I guess the reason these terms are offensive is there isn’t an equivalent word for men.

Vivianne
Vivianne
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

I think the archaic term of co-respondent would be good. From Wikipedia, “a person charged with misconduct with the petitioner’s spouse.”

GCJ
GCJ
8 years ago

In all of this breast beating and angst between what seems to be a continuous contest between OW and BW, guess who gets off the hook because of all the hoopla. the fucking asswipe cheaters. why are we still talking about OW (as if there are no OM that exist) as if they are the only ones dserving of shameing?

I think it’s only fair that if an OW/OM gets to be publicly shamed, the cheater is to be held to the same standard. I think publicizing cheaters’ names and what they did on blogs and those “shaming” sites is only appropriate. they were part of the tango (probably the initiator, right) that lead to the affair.

How about that idea BSs? Because i know when I think of going around telling everyone the details, making sure everyone knows, putting it out there for the world to consume I cringe. Because I am embarrassed that I married (and believed) a fucking asshole like my husband. I don’t want to go around publicizing it.

There’s a downside to that whole idea of going around publicly shaming OW/OM—it reflects on us as well. i say go and put the spouse’s name and picture and all that on every cheating website, identifying him (or her) to the world at large. i’m interested in seeing if there’s any pushback on that because again, this is getting directed at OW/OM and not at the people mostly responsible for letting that OM/OW into the marriage.

i think we’re giving them just what they want, a continuation of the “pick me dance” only it’s not for the fucktard, it’s for public opinion. i want my whole trashy episode to go away and be completely behind me, move on and let whatever happens to OW happen to her. let karma do their work. i don’t need to lower myself to their level, i won’t compete with her about who was right and who was wrong and whatever. my husband cheated. if it wasn’t with that idiot, it would be with some other idiot. the problem is him, not her. the names and public shaming should be directed at him, as it’s appropriate.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  GCJ

IMHO –

All the ass-wipe sees is two women fighting over him, calling each other names. Talk about kibbles for the narc.

I have seen sick fucked up men do this to women more times than I care to count while they just sit there grinning. And, I have seen sick fucked up women do it to men.

We have to be mindful of who the true rat is and never forget it’s the one with the tale. Yes, I used the right word.

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  GCJ

oh yes. the CHEATER shot the gun at your marriage but the OW loaded it.

danette
danette
8 years ago
Reply to  GCJ

GCJ – I agree completely. If you google my exwipes name it comes up on “Bad Boy Report” (he’s too paranoid to have a social media presence to counteract the key word effect). The hilarious thing is I didn’t put him there – I put him on “Cheaterville” and someone else he messed with must have realized what he was and “updated” my info by adding theirs! I confess that I google his name regularly to make sure he stays prominent (smile). As far as the new wife is concerned – either she didn’t look, or she believed his victim story. I tried to warn womanhood – that’s all I can do.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  danette

GCJ, I am all for publicizing “it” meaning my X picking up a whore while he was with me. I am not embarrassed. He owns that shit. The OW. Exposed.! Sent copies of her history of arrests to ALL family members. This is the truth, phone records, hotel receipts, poems , and vacations for ho. Everyone we did business with for years know the truth. He can add THAT to his list of complaints! No one respects him!! I made him look good. Consequently,(lol) I am thriving! Leave a cheater gain a life!

This Chump medicated for your protection
This Chump medicated for your protection
8 years ago
Reply to  danette

To hell with verbal nonsense!
Tar & Feather the OW!
Public Ass Whopping for OM!

Donna
Donna
8 years ago

Let’s do it!

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago

If anyone is slut shaming, it’s the OW in the first quote you provided.

There is nothing inherently wrong with having casual sex and dressing provactively… provided you are single and only having sex with other people who are single.

It doesn’t matter if that OW dresses like a pilgrim and was a virgin before she fucked a married man… she committed an act worthy of shaming. She doesn’t get to pass judgment on people whose behavior victimizes no one.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Now see I don’t think casual sex and all that is ok. I think it is a catalyst into anything goes. I believe people with strong character don’t have casual sex- meaning multiple partners without much of a relationship. I’m sure that seems old fashioned but maybe we if we had more old fashioned morals there wouldn’t be so many disordered people out there.

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

well said.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Lulu, exactly! great post

namedforvera
namedforvera
8 years ago

Hey!! I was in an *International* couple [we need italics here…]. Crapweasel was born in Singapore, raised in Indonesia…even lived in the same neighborhood as Barack Obama for a while. Woo woo.

Dr.Hoe first met him there (her father was an oil field worker or some such. Bless her soul.)

So when Crapweasel and Dr. Hoe hooked up at their, ahem, *International School* high school reunion, was that ever the height of sophistication or what???

Skyrockets is flight, indeed.

Except, despite their thirst for glamor, they were both at heart a couple of middle aged losers–she, a chronic breaker-up of marriages, with hideous taste in clothing, 3 kids at home, and no morals at all. He, a perennial wanna-be, with buckets of potential, all of it unused and beginning to moulder.

Tant pis.

kb
kb
8 years ago

Having sex with other people’s spouses is shameful. It’s lying, cheating, and deceitful behavior. By being the OW/OM, you not only accede to the Cheater’s need to cheat his/her spouse, but you also participate in that deception.

This is why, when I saw the OW’s texts to STBX accusing him of being deceptive, I nearly laughed out loud. Of course he’s deceptive! He was having an affair! For two years she was okay with him lying to me, taking money from our marital assets to pay her bills–hello! Sweetie, the moment you knowingly fucked a married man, you knew that he was deceitful. He showed you who he is at that moment, and you were okay with it because you thought that his deceit didn’t affect you. You participated in that deception. You don’t get to play victim now that the tables are turning.

The women who are so concerned with people judging their sexual behavior need to clue in that it’s not the sex that’s the problem; it’s who they’re having sex with and the layers of dishonesty that this kind of sex thrives on.

And that’s what I judge them on.

kimmy
kimmy
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

My ex husbands AP called me once and left me a message saying that my ex husband had become a very good liar. He had left me for 9 months and then came home “to make our marriage work” and continued on with her and she thought he was still on his own. She was SOOOOO mad and seemed shocked that he was lying to her. I called her back and left her a message and I basically told her that she was right about him but that she also needs to take a good long hard look at herself as well.

So hilarious that they think they are somehow better or above being lied to. AMAZING!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
8 years ago
Reply to  kimmy

Aren’t cheaters such a treasure trove of inconsistencies (and sexually transmitted diseases too)?! The ex’s OW, when confronted by her then husband about why she suddenly didn’t love him anymore asked her if “there was someone else” and she lied <——-insert shocked face here.

Imagine my surprise at the ex's surprise and anger that she would do such a thing? You see, he told me that if I asked him outright, he would've told me the truth. What a stand up guy huh?

Is it wrong that I giggle every day when I think of both of those losers spending eternity lying to each other and not being on the market for any more unsuspecting chumps?

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
8 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Cheaterssuck, I was on the phone with the AP,literally in front of my ex husband, and he was still denying the affair while she was telling me that she was in love with him and they were having an affair.

Your ex was lying when he told you he wouldn’t have lied to you, lol! As though in the moment you could bust him, he would magically find some character. LOSER for sure.

With Brave Wings
With Brave Wings
8 years ago
Reply to  kimmy

AP told someone “I was DEVASTATED when he went back to Brave!” Praise Jesus he only came back for 2 weeks (bogus reconciliation) and then went right back to the doormat. He was lying to her the whole affair but she really believes she is so special and that he wasn’t. I know he told her we weren’t having sex too….well, then how was it that I got PREGNANT during their affair? I’m very pleased that that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage…sorry if that triggers anyone, but it’s the truth.

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

But I also want to reiterate that I don’t target the OW in my story. Sure, she’s a woman of negotiable virtue, what with her two prior failed marriages, her string of affairs with married men, and her tendency to sleep through the management team at whatever workplace she’s at–BUT she did not make STBX cheat. He chose that. Yes, she may have made it easy for him to choose, but it was his choice.

And now it’s a choice he finds easier to make.

MrsVain
MrsVain
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

i like that. she made it easy for him to cheat.

but she made it easy because she has no morals. no values. no intregity. and she made sure he didnt feel bad for his decisions so no accountibity and no responsiblity…..what do u call those types of people besides easy?

nomar
nomar
8 years ago
Reply to  kb

“Negotiable virtue?” LOL. You’re being generous. The virtue of most cheaters is “negotiable” the way prices at a yard sale at sunset are “negotiable.” As in, “pay what you want or I have to haul it to the dumpster.”

In many cases, these cheaters PAY OTHERS to take their virtue away.

namedforvera
namedforvera
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Cue that wonderful line from Winston Churchill, about how, “we’ve established WHAT you are, how we’re just haggling over price.” Brilliant.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

No at, you crack me up!!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

I meant Nomar!

TheBetterJamie
TheBetterJamie
8 years ago

“Oh, I’m sorry! You’re an international couple? My God that makes all the difference. So dazzled by such an exotic pageant of multiculturalism, people must approach you all the time to ask about your Special Relationship!”

This^^^ LMAO!!!!
That’s exactly where my mind went! Well, shit….I had no idea you were an elitist cheater, that surely makes your affair more valid than the other peasant cheaters out there….proceed.

Get the hell outta here…

What OW Side-piece-now-main-dish fails to realize is that most people DON’T GIVE A FUCK. Does she, as (assuming) an adult, not know that many people just humor you or agree with you to your face because they don’t give enough shits about you to tell you how they truly feel? Is she so delusional that she’s convinced herself that “normal people” with morality would immediately abandon all their beliefs and jump on her Narc fairytale because it’s a SPECIAL kind of infidelity?

Sorry, but please bent & lose your AP/Husband the same way you obtained him.

TheBetterJamie
TheBetterJamie
8 years ago
Reply to  TheBetterJamie

*get bent^^^….ugh

Caryl
Caryl
8 years ago

Methinks the Slutsies doth protest too much. Love you, ChumpLady. Give ’em hell.

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago

Well…. I don’t really use the term “slut” anyway, I prefer rutting pig or nasty piece of ass 🙂 wonder if they’d like that any better?? As if we are supposed to give a fat shit about anything they condone or approve of?? Seriously…. get over yourself.

atmeh
atmeh
8 years ago

Chump lady, you are tough. I could barely stand to read the things they were saying about you on that site, so messed up.
For me it is still something that gets on my nerves once in a while, the self righteousness of the OW. The brazenness just flabbergasted me from the beginning. At least with my x we had a few tiny moments of reality interspersed with the craziness of what he was doing and decided to do, leave when I found out. It was like he turned into another person but I caught him unawares a time or two and saw a bit of angst and realization of his douchery before he went behind a cold mask again. I guess I just have to also just trust that she sucks too and not waste any thought on wishing I could see her downfall. I do blame both. It’s not black or white to me in that he is the only one that did something by letting her in. He did and that was wrong. She interfered knowingly in a marriage and that is also wrong. She does not get off scot free just because I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me. And I think she thought she knew enough about me from whatever he would tell her that she felt she could enter into this “competition” to get him. Pathetic.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  atmeh

About two times I saw the face where he realized he was hurting me/her? It disappeared quickly

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

got my vote.

Lucky 35
Lucky 35
8 years ago

Oh we’re not supposed to judge the OWs but they’re allowed to make pithy attempts to publicly humiliate us? Pass judgment based on all the schmucky things out exes said about us, such as we “weren’t ever in the mood for sex” (lie), “never wanted to do anything exciting” (lie), “don’t have any career ambition” (lie). I’m sorry OW, you judged the most intimate aspects of my life without my consent or input so now I will judge you, quite accurately, on the actions you committed.

In fact, I’ll judge the OW from my past as much as I like: she’s a desperate, insecure woman with poor writing skills and little education who believes in cultural appropriation and indulges in age-inappropriate behavior such as planning an elf themed, new age wedding. She can take her love of dystopian costume fashion, elven fantasies, and my ex and shove it up her behind.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Lucky 35

I especially loved the “I’m sure she would coo and cluck around a bunch of “slut shamers” if she was given the chance.”

Hey, we chumps are chickens!! Persnickety little hens! Borrow a cup of sugar and don’t return it? cluck cluck. Didn’t treat your lawn with weed killer? cluck cluck. Fucked my husband repeatedly? cluck cluck.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
8 years ago
Reply to  Lucky 35

Lucky35, your description of the OW in your life fits the OW in mine exactly: “She’s a desperate, insecure woman with poor writing skills and little education who believes in cultural appropriation and indulges in age-inappropriate behavior.” MOW is the queen of highly adorned fingernails, eye makeup more suited to nightclubs that cater to 20-somethings, tiny cut-off shorts with the pockets hanging out, and sparkly bras meant to be seen under clothes. She of course can wear none of this stuff but still loves it all anyway. Like Jackass, still an adolescent in her own mind.

StrongerEveryday
StrongerEveryday
8 years ago

Oh, you had me at “frissons of superiority.” Excellent turn of phrase.

Leolion
Leolion
8 years ago

I am so sorry that they don’t like “slut” or “home wrecker”. The OW always have excuses for their behavior. I think many people can comment on this stuff and make assumptions BUT until you actually LIVE it…fuck off!!

I fell into a pit that was on fire and couldn’t get out. I was literally burning alive. It was the worst imaginable pain. I have NEVER been in pain like I was until D-Day. I hope that I never have to feel that way again. Imagine the excuse that I got from one of the OW was that she was going through her own divorce and needed to feel loved. WTF?!??

You my friend are deceptive slutty home wrecker and I don’t give a damn who knows and how YOU feel. I hope you fall into the pit of fire and see how it feels!!

not Juliet
not Juliet
8 years ago

The things that gets me with these OW, especially single ones, is that they have no sense of remorse or wrongdoing. I really got an education when my cheater’s whoring was revealed.

I was at work, and I suddenly realized that the Mutual Acquaintance (ow friend, also my friend) i had asked about my husbsnd and the whore had actively lied to me, and that she had probably covered for the whores as well.

Everyone was gone to lunch but me and another co worker. I told her how mad I was and why. She was a very religious, go to church all the time person. Also a single never married mother of a young child. She said ” you don’t need to be mad at the OW. SHE DIDNt DO ANYTHING WRONG. “. I said, Excuse me, what ??? She said, she’s single, she can date anyone she wants. I said, Married men? And she said, she is single, she can date ANYONe she wants, and it’s not wrong.

I just walked away at that point. But I have noticed it is the new prevailing attitude of single women. That is the one my husband’s unmarried whore had. Incredible.

Hopeful Cynic
Hopeful Cynic
8 years ago
Reply to  not Juliet

It’s not a crime. But it’s oh so wrong.

Gypsy57
Gypsy57
8 years ago
Reply to  Hopeful Cynic

Actually, it IS a crime in some states. The affair partner can be charged with a CRIME.

syringa
syringa
8 years ago

To the Ow…Slut Slut Slut. Wanna make something of it? See you in the parking lot on my lunch hour. Would love to smash your ugly face in.
I have a ‘friend’ from high school still waiting for her married lover from high school (been waiting ten years) to leave his wife …bwahahaha…as she gets fatter from the wine and more wrinkly from the Marlboro’s by the day. Oh, and older by the minute. Talk about an absolute waste of her life. One day she was yakking to me about him and their soon to be life together and I said super exasperated ‘HE’S FUCKING MARRIED!!!’ I can’t even stand to talk to her. It’s so beyond stupid.

Oh, and BTW. Guess what I saw on Craigslist yesterday? Slut Woman’s perverted ex-husband’s ad who she was married to for TWENTY FIVE years…advertising that he was BI Sexual and looking for a BI sexual woman. He’s on EVERY dating site in the world plus Craigslist being an absolute predator pig. Yesterday was the first time I saw he was looking for a guy to suck him off. Eeewwww. Nice, huh? That means that whilst my husband was fucking Slut Woman who was fucking Bi Sexual Perv Man and then coming home to the Marital Bed WITH ME….of course unbeknownst to me. Could have been giving me AIDS.
THIS.IS.WHY.AFFAIRS.ARE.SO.WRONG.ON.EVERY.LEVEL.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  syringa

Syringa, that was the deal breaker for me when I opened a healthcare receipt in the mail showing HIV testing and 4 follow up visits for treatment within three weeks of his announcement. This is the reason I will never forgive him and continue to inform people. My results were negative thankfully. It literally made me sick for a month. To play with their own lives is one thing, another to expose innocent trusting spouse. Such sick sick assholes. Sorry you had to deal with that. We can rightfully call them anything we choose.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  syringa

Carrie Fisher in When Harry Met Sally: “He’s never going to leave her.”
Meg Ryan as Sally: “Of course he isn’t, no one thinks he’s going to.”

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

“You’re right, you’re right; I know you’re right.” 🙂

syringa
syringa
8 years ago

One more thing…..I have NOTHING against gay people. Some of my best friends are gay. If you’re gay be gay. This cruising Craigslist to find ANYONE to suck you off or screw is disgusting. This predator pig XH of hers is on Match posing as a ‘normal’ guy then has super icky ads on CL with all of his kinks listed. Be careful out there people.

ANC
ANC
8 years ago

No, you assholes. You are whores. That’s it. Fini.

There are only two kinds of whores who I may be able to rationalize their behavior: paid sex workers and really stupid people who were duped into fucking a married person.

Your prancing and hiding behind whatever it is you pontificate about does not disguise what you ARE, whores. Including my serial cheating spouse.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago
Reply to  ANC

I also want to give a pass to sex workers. Not that I know any, but it seems less predatory than an other woman.

k
k
8 years ago

Syringa,
Exactly ! They DO NOT give a shit !
Had the pleasure of talking to my then husbands whore that he knew from high school. He traveled to Tucson, Az on business and stopped by to see her after she had communicated on FB for a couple of months and had invited him over to fuck her. The arrogance that just pored out of her was astonishing! She was married herself with a daughter about my daughters age and I could tell she just could have cared less that she passed along her STDs to me. I guess what I deserved for being such a “bitch of a wife ” So , I said ” Carrie, you don’t seem to be the least bit sorry . She said she only should ask GOD and Jones ( her husband )for forgiveness. She owed me nothing. A SLUT is a SLUT is a SLUT all day long.

Friend
Friend
8 years ago
Reply to  k

I will let you know when I conquer the concerned tone in Slut’s voice when she said with a glisten, “It is so sad to see marriages fall apart.” (in reference to mine);
… sluts really really care…

And yes, she bragged about getting Ex drunk. And about his most intimate quirks.

syringa
syringa
8 years ago
Reply to  Friend

Oh yeah slut’s care soOOooo much. I had a mammogram come back wanky and Slut Face in an email to MY husband at the time told him she sure hoped I was ‘okay.’ WTF? I mean how freaking phoney can you possibly be? Slut face all concerned about my health? Can you imagine?? I’m pretty much at Meh these days because I think XH realizes that the grass wasn’t really greener. Especially when he looks at me and then looks at her. Seriously, Karma is good kids. OW gets uglier and uglier. That’s what happens to these black ass hearted SLUTS!!

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  syringa

I can’t imagine her getting any uglier. She is SO ugly already inside and out. That is why it has to be about sex. She talks like a crack whore. I am embarrassed FOR him.

hanecita
hanecita
8 years ago

Another person interfering with a marriage has been going on forever…As evidence that there is nothing new under the sun the mindset of Other Woman has been with us for the ages, a quote: “This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, “I have done no wrong.” Proverbs 30:20

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  hanecita

After Dday, my ex would leave his bible sitting on the kitchen table open to the bible sections that talk about adultery. Not sure why he did that, but after I flipped the pages to the verse that talks about a good wife being worth more than rubies, he stopped doing it.

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  hanecita

Love that hanecita, I haven’t studied scripture much but I have been reading Proverbs…. this might be my new favorite!! X and OW are Jesus cheaters…. once he split they started doing “bible study” every night together over the phone (she lives 4 hours away), she was skipping out on Sunday services with her hubby & 3 boys to stay home and hang on the phone with X. I literally laughed my ass off!! These two idiots think they get a free pass now because they have brought the Lord into it? W.T.F.E. They are SO delusional.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Bless the fucking wicked?

TodoVa
TodoVa
8 years ago

Oh goodness…the website’s name says it all: LoveShack.org…WTH?!?

I’m having quite a laugh with these people justifying themselves…stupid,stupid, stupid people. Like with anything else, if you have to explain or justify anything to anyone, you look exactly what you’re being called out to be!!! Enough said!

Jenn
Jenn
8 years ago

One of the reasons I chose my ex was because his first wife made him a chump. This was important to me because my mother was chumped by my father and I lived with her pain.
Funny how for so many years he criticized this behavior, hated his brother in law for cheating on HIS sister. Then he turns around and does it to me, his wife of 25 years! Has it all justified because he had been unhappy for a long time. God forbid we tell his wife of this unhappiness.
Yall are going to love this.. He never wanted his children to know of first marriage because ours was the only one that mattered. Well when he started justifying his behavior to our adult children I told them of his history. On a call with our daughter when he was telling her how this happens to good people. Our daughter asked him if he felt that his first wife was a good person too? He had no idea that she knew. He blew up at her saying how her mother had no business telling her about such a private matter! Lmfao always blaming me never addressing his bad behavior!

kimmy
kimmy
8 years ago
Reply to  Jenn

Several months after I asked for a divorce, after reality and finances finally hit my now ex husband in the head, he told mutual friends of our that he had been unhappy for YEARS!!!! Yeah……I would be unhappy too if I was living a lie every day for over five years. Coming home from work every night living a lie to my spouse and children. It doesn’t make you feel good I imagine. He apparently wanted something else but he couldn’t have it because he was stuck with me! And our kids! You know, it wouldn’t look right if he just walked out on us for no reason at all.

Outside of that, I think he should have been dancing in the streets with delight. He had two women wanting him!! He was having sex with two women. He had this secret exciting life! If he could just get past the guilt!!! lol

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  kimmy

So Kimmy, how is he doing nowadays? Is his life all he thought it would be? Hope he got just what he thought he so richly deserved!

kimmy
kimmy
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

He is living with his AP now and they just bought a house. She is all he has left. And he is all she has left. I imagine they will stay together. Will they be happy? Will they last forever? Will they get married? Not sure. I suspect they probably will get married one day and maybe it will last forever. I’m not sure they even know what they are doing. But I am 100% certain they will both question their relationship, their love and the real reasons they are together. They won’t trust one another forever. They will fight and they will wonder if the other is mad enough to cheat. I suspect it will always be in the back of their minds somewhere. THAT is their cross to bare. That is the price they will pay for their affair.

I am blissfully happy that I am no longer living a life wondering if I am second best. Let them live that way!!!!

Chumpette
Chumpette
8 years ago
Reply to  Jenn

“had been unhappy for a long time..”

I hope Chump Lady tackles this universal lie in a future column.

It deserves its own single blog post and is in need of MAJOR deconstruction!!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpette

Chumpette, they all use that “I’ve been unhappy for a long time” line! Funny, you never told me anything. As a matter of fact, you told me how great our life was, how much you loved me and all the other lies that apparently were part of the script! Or did you just realize how “unhappy” you were after screwing the HO cause she told you that you were unhappy! These guys can’t even think for themselves. I really don’t need any man who is so weak minded that he can be led around by his….. Nose!!!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

And just a side note: he doesn’t look all that happy now! I guess when you lose everything you worked for all your life to your faithful wife then reality slips in! Sucks to be him!

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
8 years ago
Reply to  Chumpette

God yes. For 20 years, my ex always told me I was his best friend, he was happy, he would never want a divorce, he loved me. That lasted right up until Dday, when it suddenly changed to he was miserable practically since our wedding day, he never should have married me, we had nothing in common, he didn’t love me, etc.

I spent a lot of time wondering which was the truth: had he ever loved me or not? Now I know that it really doesn’t matter — he cheated throughout our entire marriage, he lied all the time and he turned out to be a terrible person who mainly married me because I was useful. What difference does it make if he once loved me or not? The only thing that matters is that it’s over now and I am better off without him.