RIC Tag Lines?

The Unicorn of ReconciliationI got a Twitter response to yesterday’s column taking me to task for encouraging “irresponsible” behavior (lawyering up and leaving a cheating husband) within two months.

I’m not here to savage that response, it’s a typical RIC tenet of faith — don’t make any decisions for at least 6 months! — obviously this person is in their own limbo hell.

But at first I thought the account was an RIC parody because of the tagline — “No expectations, no disappointments.”

Christ, how sad is THAT?

The whole point of Chump Nation is to YES, HAVE EXPECTATIONS! Like really crazy, radical expectations that people treat you with kindness and respect. Not risk your health or humiliate you. Or lie to your face.

No expectations, no disappointments? What sort of dystopian vision is that?

A Friday Challenge was born — tag lines for the Reconciliation Industrial Complex.

The tag line at CN is “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.” (Which is also the name of my book.)

So, what’s the branding message for the RIC?

“Reconciliation — Because protecting yourself sounds rash.”

“Pray the Betray Away!”

“Hopium — When lucidity isn’t working.”

Your turn!

TGIF!

 

 

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brit
brit
5 years ago

He’s a man of integrity and a great guy! just ask him…

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
4 years ago
Reply to  brit

Reconciliation- stay together in 20 sessions, because my boat isn’t paying for itself!

Tishalicious
Tishalicious
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

*snort* We really need a ‘Like’ button.

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Just thinking about “I’m not here to savage that response, it’s a typical RIC tenet of faith — don’t make any decisions for at least 6 months! “ I heard one year and now thinking about that:

RC: The fuckwit cheater has been cheating and planning for years (at least in my case) and has a huge head start on cheating me out of everything without my knowledge. Now, you expect me to wait 6 months to give him more time to lie, cheat and abuse me. You are out of your minds!!!

Carol
Carol
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Agreed, lol

elvis manilow
elvis manilow
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Especially when the cheater knows you know, then its a mad race by them to ruin you and take everything………

CC
CC
5 years ago
Reply to  Feelingit

Within 6 months my cheater already had another woman pregnant.

Not to mention that I’m pretty sure that he had been cheating for our entire 8 year marriage.

The Ric can GTFO.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago

Reconciliation: well because anyone can make a year of “mistakes”
Ugh

Atg
Atg
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

My soon to be ex wife didn’t call it mistakes.
“ poor life choices “

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

Reconciliation! Because when you find out who someone truly is, the one thing you can be sure of is that they’ll change for the better!

The fuck did I just read? She’s traumatized so don’t do anything drastic? Because when you find a new mole, and the doctor tells you it’s cancerous, you’ll be very traumatized, so don’t make any medical decisions for six months. If you find your brother’s stealing from your elderly father to fund a gambling habit, you’ll be traumatized – so don’t revoke his guardianship over your Dad’s assets for six months. Leak in your water boiler? Leave it spraying water on the floor for six months! Wouldn’t want to do anything rash!

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

Like

Kristen
Kristen
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

Or 15 years. Or 30.But it was a mistake!

kelly best
kelly best
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

LOVE THAT ONE!

MrsVain
MrsVain
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

along the same lines as he did not “intend to” ___(fill in the blank)____ #cheat #lie #betray #hurt me #steal time and money from us #break up our marriage #fuck up our kids #abandon our kids

whatever works for him. poor little baby. i just got a text message from him how he never intended ANY of this. .. . what did he expect to happen when he was sticking his dick in the neighborhood meth head troll? so i asked him what DID he intend and he sorrowfully said he wanted his children and family.. .. *eyes roll* ya, i totally can see how badly he wanted his children and family when he wasnt coming home for days at a time and currently only sees his kids once a year.. ..

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

RIC tag line about intentions;

“Intentions are whatever you want them to be. Results are irrelevant.”

I’d bet that about 85% of cheaters use the “intentions” excuse. The other 15% just don’t bother with any excuse.

Jax
Jax
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

‘ The road to hell is paved with good intentions’! EVERY rationalization by a cheater is a based on lies. They’re whole pysche becomes a lie. And then thier lies have babies! My cheater thinks if she has a really good reason to lie then it’s not really a lie!

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
5 years ago
Reply to  Jax

Oh, absolutely. The pretzel they twist themselves into so that they can keep thinking they are a good person. There is the blame-shifting twist. The knot of really-it-was-good-for-our-marriage-since-she-did-anal-and-you-didn’t. And look at all the weight you lost (via the infidelity diet)!

Instead of telling cheaters to quit being lying sacks of shit, they tell them they need to “live more authentic lives”. Barf.

Ain’tNoChump
Ain’tNoChump
5 years ago
Reply to  ivyleaguechump

Oh Ivy Leaguer. You made me LOL. Thank you for the Pretzel Twist. ????

mike
mike
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

This one is fantastic!

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
5 years ago

Reconciliation cigarettes! So round, so firm – so full of shit!

Antoine Saint Chumpery
Antoine Saint Chumpery
5 years ago

“Reconciliation — Because it’s not her sleeping with other men to advance her career, it’s your reaction to it.”

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago

He didn’t mean to hurt me … he really DOES love me. He said so.

MrsVain
MrsVain
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

awww.. .. . poor baby. did he trip and his penis just ‘magically’ fall into her vagina.. .. you know those things CAN happen apparently. he didnt MEAN for you to find out because it took time, money, effort, multiple phone calls and texts, planning and scheming behind your back. .. .. .. . but he didnt MEAN to hurt you. he just wanted to fuck some strange. why you mad. .. .. he really does love you, just not your vagina. he wants new vagina. but he LUVS you … .. haha fucking idiots.

*i heard the same things repeatedly because apparently i am a little thick headed and slow to catch on

Chumped Too!
Chumped Too!
5 years ago

“Narcissist is the new ‘misunderstood’”

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumped Too!

(Remember the old SNL bit called “Lowered Expectations”? That is my contribution to this day. Ha!)

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

(Don’t know why this comment nested under yours, but hi!) ????

Margo
Margo
5 years ago

Let’s not make rush decisions, we can start with C’s books about communicating better and talk to each other in soft voices/ filed with love

( while he screws hookers, lies to therapist , and blames the wife for all his “ mistakes”- yes, they were not choices but mistakes ????)

karen
karen
5 years ago
Reply to  Margo

Seriously, what’s with the hookers!? My hooker lover is “changed” but has a new gf within months and is celebrating her bday today. She probably isn’t getting hooker revelations for it like I did.

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
4 years ago
Reply to  karen

Karen,
Oh, she’ll get her hooker revelations. Maybe not for her birthday, but perhaps Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Arbor Day. They always go back to the hookers.
It’s a transaction.

susan devlin
susan devlin
5 years ago

Quotes from ex
“all men do it” no they don’t
“I wasn’t going to leave you” thanks
“she’s fun” drug addicts, alcoholics aren’t fun
“will you share me” no
“it was cystitis”. don’t think so, antibiotic specific for sti
Ow asked me to feel sorry for her, no, you choose your lifestyle,
Ex hates leaving by himself, poor him.
You made your choices.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  susan devlin

Geez, what a douche. Those classic cheater lines are so cringe-worthy. I got “60% of people cheat” instead of “all men cheat”. He had found statistics to justify that he was “normal”.

I also got the “fun” line about the times he had with a pathetically disordered drunk who puked all over a cab, made him pay for the clean-up, and couldn’t even walk her dog without a drink in her hand. Yeah, that sounds like a barrel of laughs.

I also got “I wasn’t going to leave you” which turned out to be a disgusting lie. He had planned to leave me for years, but just never got the chance.
Dumbass didn’t think to erase his google activity history showing searches about divorce. He was then forced to confess, but tried fo “soften the blow” by telling me he had changed his mind because OW would never leave her husband, so he had “no future” with her. Lucky me, he was willing to settle for plan B, which was stay with me (aka Brand X) and keep cheating. What a generous guy. He actually, I kid you not, thought hearing that would make it better and that I would be grateful. He even ran after me when I ran away from him because he had said that yet again, yelling it over and over while chasing me up a steep hill. He then fell on his ass trying to descend and slid all the way down as I looked on and smirked. ???? Then, in heels, I walked back down without mishap and left him sitting there looking stupid.

EyesOpened
EyesOpened
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Tsk tsk. So lost.

“Since I heard that song “Can’t find a better Man”, it inspired me to do that with My woman instead. See? It’s all okay. I can’t quite leave you yet! Certainly, not how I’d rather, anyway.”

“So, sometimes and temporarily, here I am… uh… Sweetie!”

People like that are disgusting.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  EyesOpened

All true, but that is a great song. If it ever inspired a cheater, he or she is really dumb because the song is a lament, not celebratory. My ex and schmoopie had “their” song, which was about a dystopian future in a materialistic, superficial, narcissistic culture. They stupidly thought it was a rallying call to be the narc assholes they are.

Beans
Beans
5 years ago
Reply to  susan devlin

Wait….I bet you too have heard “but she pursued me first!!!” ????????

EyesOpened
EyesOpened
5 years ago
Reply to  Beans

Good one! They WISH we’d all buy that.

“But, I didn’t go around Looking for it!”

My C wife always talks as if it matters whether she went looking for men or if she stayed still, accepting their advances and participating in sexual talk and more as they offered it.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  EyesOpened

Well of course her vagina has a mind of its own. What was she supposed to do? It was her vagina’s decision to say yes to those men and her vagina’s mind is much more powerful than the one in her head.
IOW, she’s one mudfuckingly stupid bitch.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Beans

I got that excuse. I think it was actually true that she made the first move, but he had no trouble with the second, third, fourth etc. and actively pursued a relationship with her after what he says was meant to be a ONS. The drunk-ass, married schmoopie has a track record of chasing and manipulating men, and he was dead easy to catch. “I felt sooooo guilty after that night! It was because I was drunk! I had no intention of taking it further! I don’t know how it happened!” lied the cheater, over and over. Then I found out through google maps history and credit card charges that they were having lunch and work breaks together every day immediately after their first fuck and evening dates within a little over a month. Gee, I’m sure he has no idea how it “happened” and was compelled to see her at least three times a day by mind control. He must be the Manchurian Infidel. I even found a flirty, ass-kissing email to her that pre-dated that initial night of drunken, inept humping, which he still stupidly claims doesn’t mean he was actively pursuing her. SOB was frantically chasing her, trying to get a heartless narc bitch to love him, from the start. This for five and a half years, with no end in sight, though he claimed he INTENDED to end it at some point, which even he admits would not have been for at least two years. Here, have a bitch cookie for INTENDING to end it at some unspecified point in time and only because she hadn’t spead her legs for 4 of those 5.5 years, Manchurian Infidel. To hear him tell it, he didn’t INTEND to betray me, humiliate me and ruin my life. Oh no. The Manchurian Infidel didn’t mean any harm, he just had no control over himself. Because FOO issues. Because booze. Because porn. Because I was “controlling” and “authoritarian”(claims he has never backed up). To call him a lying, hypocritical sack of cow plop would be an insult to all types of feces.

Rant concluded. Sorry about that.

Cloud
Cloud
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

I love a good rant!

They’re all the same, I swear!

“I didn’t intend to…” Yeah, so 10 years, two schmoopies and I don’t know how many gang bangs and exhibitionist sex at sex clubs just accidentally happened?! Like how you accidentally dropped a dinner plate? Like how you accidentally forgot the cat food? Like how you accidentally spilled that glass of water? Like that, right!? Broken dinner plate and ten years of fucking other women. No big deal. I mean, accidents happen, right!?

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Cloud

Serial cheating, sex clubs and gang bangs? Yikes! I’m so glad you are away from that disgusting sexual deviant. He could have given you HIV or Hep C. What an utter waste of DNA that guy is. I don’t believe in God, but if I did, I’d include “Lord, please don’t screw up again and create another one like him.” in my prayers.

Margo
Margo
5 years ago
Reply to  Cloud

Mine was making mistakes for 15 years… you know… it just happens ( minus porn, looking /posting adds, hours of chatting, dining and fucking around… ) yep… he loved me and all… it was just a mistake ( yes, at the end it was nicely packaged into one singular mistake)

MrsVain
MrsVain
5 years ago
Reply to  Beans

and you know how hard it for him to say NO.. .. he is just a nice guy, he loves doing things for people (except his wife and kids) because it makes HIM feel better about himself.

*VOMITS*

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
5 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

MrsVain, this opened a festering boil. Idiot scumbag ex built a large retaining wall for a friend but wouldn’t scrub the bathtub that weekend when I asked him. I had surgery on my leg for malignant melanoma, numerous stitches and couldn’t bend over to do it myself. But, noooooo, because no one would be able to see the clean tub and do an ohhhhh and ahhhhhh! That pig!

Margot
Margot
5 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Oh my….
– garden
-washing the car
-cleaning the garage
-etc

Talking to his wife, play with kids( unless pics are fb friendly to show his amazing parenting bonding times) nah… not fun.

Kara
Kara
5 years ago

Oh my goodness, I LOVE this one! =)

MrsVain
MrsVain
5 years ago
Reply to  Kara

ME TOO!!! i found my people.. .. because all of you understand what i went thru. validation by proxy

Plus a good laugh too

DivineComedy
DivineComedy
5 years ago

“Reconciliation: because cheaters need someone to adult for them”

Quetzal
Quetzal
5 years ago
Reply to  DivineComedy

Yes, but not always. My ex is above average when it comes to all the practical parts (earning, paying, cleaning, cooking, etc). That’s what fooled me in the first place: look how responsible and mature he is! While I still had to start my own life after a trashed childhood, when I met him.

The difference is he is stunted in his emotional/moral growth. But he can trick anyone into looking past that because “what is more important, philosophy or money?”.

SwissChump
SwissChump
5 years ago
Reply to  DivineComedy

This is the most accurate description ever.

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
5 years ago
Reply to  DivineComedy

Yasss DivineComedy, bang on the nail there!

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago

This!!! The chump is ALWAYS the adult in the relationship.

Sausalito
Sausalito
5 years ago
Reply to  DivineComedy

*Including, but not limited to: cooking, cleaning, laundry, raising children, grocery shopping, running errands, paying bills, filing taxes, doing yard work, making mechanical repairs, escorting children to extracurricular activities, working to support the household, and other duties as assigned.

Beans
Beans
5 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

*terms and conditions may apply.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

OMG Sausalito, yes!! The only thing Dickhead did was run trash to the curb once a week and he couldn’t even remember to done that.

Rebecca
Rebecca
5 years ago

Not witty enough for the challenge but can comment.
“No expectations, no disappointments.”
My mind is swirling after reading that! Should that be the proposal line along with “will you marry me?” Or written into a pre-nip? Can you just imagine being at a wedding where the officiant makes both parties prominent to have “No expectations, no disappointments.”?
THAT is an even worse way to go through life than being a chump.
No one will ever take my expectations away from me for every single person I allow in my life!
Ugh. I have to get that awful line out of my head.

AllChumpedUp
AllChumpedUp
5 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Because divorce shouldn’t be an option. Because the other woman helps spice up the relationship.

HM
HM
5 years ago

Reconciliation…because you don’t want to be alone…besides, you probably deserved it!

Lindie Pretorius
Lindie Pretorius
5 years ago

Stay, there is no other way
6 months in limbo
Keep lending your husband to a bimbo
Before you know it you’re old and gray
Still he will stray….
F*!! that,
Dump the rat
Do it now, come on and take a bow.

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
5 years ago

“Just consider what he did a blip on the radar….a deviation from the norm. ” Yea right. A deviation to the tune of 100,000 I was swindled out of in divorce court…smh

Jammy
Jammy
5 years ago
Reply to  nutmegpixy

Omg…this reminds me of the “marriage as a white sheet of paper” – where the cheating is just a black dot on it. “Yes…but look at all the white!”
Funny now how it also brings to mind the “cookies with just a little dog crap in them” analogy. SMH!

ChumpyMcGill
ChumpyMcGill
5 years ago
Reply to  Jammy

A tablespoon of dog shit in a gallon of ice cream improves the taste of neither.

Gentlechump
Gentlechump
5 years ago

Redefining the marriage vows since they weren’t strong enough in the first place to stay unbroken.

UXworld
UXworld
5 years ago

“What’s in YOUR wallet?”

GMSB
GMSB
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Mind if I riff off of this?

“RIC book: $19. Three-pack of coaching sessions: $999. Vicarious retraumatization: priceless.”

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  GMSB

Great!!

Feelingit
Feelingit
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

So true, followed up with Your pain is our gain!

Geode
Geode
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

“Sex Addiction” RIC: $150/hr skank fuck for him, $150/hour mindfuck for you.

Geode
Geode
5 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Give your sex addict the chance for a new life while he gives you the chance for a new STD.

Geode
Geode
5 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Sex Addicts Anonymous: Twelve Steps for scoring the next hookup.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Geode

LOLing hard at all of these. Absolutely brilliant.

Geode
Geode
5 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Because retired police polygraphers need to earn a living too.

NJSC
NJSC
5 years ago
Reply to  Geode

Hahahha!!

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Awesome.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago
Reply to  Kintsugi

LOLOLOL!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

????????????????????

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago

For just 3 easy installments of $129, we’ll teach you how to improve yourself so they aren’t forced to go wayward.

Be the first 10 callers and we’ll throw in an added bonus: “Why You’re Dog Wants To Run Away Because You’re Such A Pathetic Loser”

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
5 years ago

You didn’t love him “enough” when you respected and trusted him. Let us teach you to love him enough now that you see him as a selfish idiot.

50 Chump
50 Chump
5 years ago

Reconciliation: Because burner phones are to call your siblings.

#yourcrazy

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago

Faithfulness is Dull: Own Your Role in the Demise of the Marriage

Make Yourself Microscopic: A Spouse Who Can’t See You Can’t Abuse You

It’s Not About You: Let Go of Irrational Jealousy and Free Your Partner to Explore Strange

How to be a Stepford Ex in Six Easy Steps: 1) Be Slender and Smiling, 2) Sprinkle Chipper Emojis Over Every Text, 3) Share Special Recipes with the Stepparent, 4) Be Your Ex’s Faithful Cheerleader, 5) Drink Early and Often, 6) Score a Valium Prescription.

Faithful
Faithful
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

LOL!

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

???? Comedy gold. So much great stuff today. CN is the funniest group of people I’ve ever encountered.

SkyFullofStars
SkyFullofStars
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Nailed it, Cashmere. <3

ChumpetyChumpChump
ChumpetyChumpChump
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

You’re good!

Aeronaut
Aeronaut
5 years ago

Cashmere is great, awesome, brilliant. Don’t stop at good.

kara
kara
5 years ago

I don’t have a witty tag line, yet. But, I have to say, during my own wreckonciliation period that included stalking the OW’s pinterest account and trying to figure her out (I’ve given up on those days, THANK GOODNESS), I found these exact sentiments posted to her account. Yes, it’s sad to think that she has no expectations. Oh wait, not for her. She deserves all that comes her way for participation in the destruction of not one, but two families. Because really, she’s signing up for a short future with a person who can’t meet any expectations of commitment and respect.

chump for 30yrs
chump for 30yrs
5 years ago

“Take Them Back…Because they love you; they’re just not IN LOVE with you!”

Captain Chumpy Chumperton
Captain Chumpy Chumperton
5 years ago

Ha! Perfect!!

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
5 years ago

Haha I like this one ????????

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
5 years ago

“True love is unconditional.”

Madge
Madge
5 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

True love is unconditional FROM YOU. Love from the cheater, if any, has more conditions than the Merck Manual.

Quetzal
Quetzal
5 years ago
Reply to  Madge

this is glorious!!!!

Calgal1
Calgal1
5 years ago
Reply to  Madge

Madge for the win! You nailed it!!

QuantumChump
QuantumChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

^^^ This! I got “If you truly loved me, you would have forgiven the infidelity!” (Face palm)

Persephone
Persephone
5 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

If you were truly desperate you would have forgiven the infidelity.

Amy813
Amy813
5 years ago
Reply to  Persephone

Yes, forgiving them for cheating is showing how desperate a woman is. Staying with a cheater shows they can’t find someone better.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Persephone

Reconciliation; because desperation is proof of twu wuv.

Don’t divorce. Just dance, motherfucker! Dance!

Healthy families are built on forgiving abuse. Learn how to heal your heart and save your marriage by learning your place, all in ten easy payments of $1200.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
5 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

Well, I (stupidly) tried to forgive the infidelity. It was a series of infidelities with a 12-year long term remote married AP whom he had randez-vous with during business trips and fill-in short term ho’s here and there. After busting him again during wreckonciliation the “unconditional love” tagline was conveniently switched to “I love variety while you (chump) don’t, so let’s have an open marriage.”

You never win the game. The best strategy is to exit it.

ChumpyMcGill
ChumpyMcGill
5 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Are you married to my STBXW?

Captain Chumpy Chumperton
Captain Chumpy Chumperton
5 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

My XW made the “open marriage” pitch as well. I said “no thanks”, and she left.

Khris
Khris
5 years ago

My ex made the same pitch and I too said No Thanks. Truth was I already had one, just didn’t know it.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
5 years ago
Reply to  QuantumChump

Quantum, I can cite my stbx’ s million different justifications – all will be great RIC taglines. As are of all cheaters, including yours.

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
5 years ago

It wasn’t his fault, blame the dopamine!
(an actual quote from ex after seeing a reconciliation therapist)

Trudy
Trudy
5 years ago

In honor of Earth Day: recycle and reuse your appliances!

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Trudy

Ahahahaaaa! Trudy for the win.

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago

How to Do Constant Contact Like a Boss: The Importance of Continuing to Absorb Abuse So Everyone (Else) Can Be Happy

Be a Glitter Bomb: How to Sparkle Hard Through Every Crisis (So Nobody Ever Learns the Truth About Your Sad and Empty Life)

ozchic
ozchic
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Testify!!!!

Over It
Over It
5 years ago

Never meaning to hurt you…or (you) find out.

Investing in your health through C-PTSD and annual STI testing.
(See? This makes you a stronger person by now investing in therapy and additional health screenings!)

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
5 years ago

I must confess to my deep regret, how much I posted on the leading RIC site. I was a major contributor there, and it shames and shocks me now. WTF was I thinking? I was ALL IN the RIC…

So, here are some of my more (now mortifying) common memes with my CL translations .

1) RIC talk: Lose the anger.

(CL TRANSLATION – You’re not fun to be around when you aren’t horny for and admiring me).

2) Do not push the mid life crisis person (= cheating narcissists)

into the arms of AP…

(+ if you have the gall to speak of what he DID, your -mere – words will justify ALL of his actions, past and present and future.) AKA it’s your fault.

3) While in the fog, back way off the MLCer (= mid life crisis person)

(= Be discreet in your pick me dance. Also, the cheater is not at fault. They are lost and wounded and SHAMED so do not do or say anything that might “make” the cheater feel guilt or remorse.

The only thing I said in the RIC days that I say and LIVE more now, is to GET A LIFE!

Back then I said it because I wanted to be such an interesting vivacious partner that the DOCTOR would choose me and our family and marriage of THIRTY FIVE years…

Now I say it because I want MY life to be as good as I can make it. And it’s getting there.

PS Btw, when I asked the DOCTOR how he could make these choices that were so blatantly selfish, he shut down. Shaming did not work. Ever.

I’m not sure there is a “thing that works” but shaming consistently morphed into blaming ME. The blame shifting and gaslighting are things I do not have in my life now.

Thank God.

Fern
Fern
5 years ago

DOCTOR’s1stWife&Kids don’t feel bad about your choices early on. Trying to keep a marriage and family intact is nothing to be ashamed of. I didn’t post on RIC boards (they weren’t around then) but spent years following the same hopeless philosophy. Only through my CL education did I come to see this behavior – which I had come to view as pathetic as he left me anyway – as something that is universal to people who love with their whole heart. Back then, I could not imagine some of this disordered behavior because I could only process it through my non-disordered lens.
Maya Angelou has given us this quote “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
Between Maya and CL I’ve come to view my overly-tolerate, RIC advised behavior with much more self-compassion. I also tend to use it as experience to draw on when I’m tempted to be overly tolerate of bad behavior now.
I’ve found I’ve made much more practical progress toward meh when I am easier on myself.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
5 years ago
Reply to  Fern

Thanks FERN, b/c I am having a hard time “reconciling” what I know now and the shit I put up with

while somehow, incredibly, convincing myself I was loving fully. Yeah, I was fully loving, a narcissist and NOT loving me.

Oh man…

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago

Reconciliation: because Sparkles was “confused”.

But now he understands the consequences. (No more kibbles).

jen
jen
5 years ago

In May of last year, my husband of almost 20 years told me (out of the blue), “you have made my life miserable, i have wasted the best years of my life on you….blah blah blah”. I got a therapist (for us, which he agreed to)….3 weeks after he told me that, I found out he had been cheating our entire marriage. I got an attorney before I confronted him. By July we were legally separated and he was out of the house. In 2 weeks I will be legally divorced from him, starting a new life for myself and my children. So all of this in less then 10 months. Fuck the reconciliation assholes. If they want to be with a man with no morals, no ethics, no compassion or empathy and who is so superbly good at hiding it all because of course he is a master at leading a double life, the the RIC can have him. Of course, the RIC will have to fight his girlfriend for him but hey, not my circus, not my monkeys (anymore). I’m moving on in life. I don’t have a husband any more but I have something more important, my pride, my dignity, my honor and I can sleep at night.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago
Reply to  jen

Jen, all that in 9 months????? You are a BOSS!!!! Way to go????????????

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  jen

Jen, and besides having your dignity back, you probably don’t worry anymore about paying your bills.

catharsis2017
catharsis2017
5 years ago

Betrayal – a great opportunity to strengthen your marriage!

Me
Me
5 years ago
Reply to  catharsis2017

I was told that! This “affair” will
Make your marriage stronger.
Not, Next!

JWH
JWH
5 years ago
Reply to  catharsis2017

Love it!

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
5 years ago
Reply to  catharsis2017

???????? Good Tagline ????

BeTruetoYourself
BeTruetoYourself
5 years ago

RIC = Rest in Chumpdom

Mac1234
Mac1234
5 years ago

Great!

livefortoday2
livefortoday2
5 years ago

RIC – he is in a “brain fog” – give him time to come out of that.

Seriously, like he is pooping in the bathroom and I am waiting for him to get it done and come out.

Nothing about what happened to me – STD tests, rages, lying, manipulations…

Spoonriver
Spoonriver
5 years ago
Reply to  livefortoday2

RIC – He needs to mourn his affair partner. Don’t show anger it will drive him further away.

Slowlyleavingchumpville
Slowlyleavingchumpville
5 years ago
Reply to  Spoonriver

This is Amazing! My X after the 1st affair he came back and told me how much he missed his OW aka the whore and I sat on the couch and consoled him, and let him put his head in my lap and I stroked his head and told him it would be alright and I would forgive him. What a Chump I was. Same thing 3 years later…but I was finally smarter! 90 days from affair #2 (that I knew about) to divorce 3 months out got a new car and today (9 months out) just qualified for my own mortgage.

I will be strong despite how chumpy I was for sooooo long!

cashmere
cashmere
5 years ago

Love a Cheater and Lose Your Life (Because You Just Aren’t That Important)

Yes is a Complete Sentence: Agreeing With Your Partner’s Every Whim and Criticism is the Secret of Marital Longevity

Romance By Gaslight: When He Loves You Enough to Lie

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Omg Cashmere! I’m dying ????????????

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Be the chump…..you know it makes sense

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
5 years ago
Reply to  cashmere

Love a Cheater Lose a Life ???????? (The ultimate anti-CL Tagline)

Langele
Langele
5 years ago

RIC
Wasting 34 years – the hard way.

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago

“I don’t love you… I’m not there for you. ..She’s just a friend.. our marriage (34 years) ran it course”.
Never had a chance at RIC…he didn’t want it. ???? evil narc

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

“Ran it’s course”? I used you up, now you n to new supply.

Vultures, vultures, everyone of them.

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago

Fear
Yes. “ ran it’s course”. & “if you didn’t nag I wouldn’t have fall out of love with you”.
I though fevers usually run it’s course?
His Owhore died year ago so Karma hit him..he moved into another woman’s house soon after.
Very sad ????

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I didn’t either. When he told me was done, he was done and that includes having the patience or respect to talk with me.

Looking back, it was like everything in our marriage. He pretty much controlled the direction and then pointed his fingers at me when it went wrong.

karenb6702
karenb6702
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Yeah i think that’s what is getting me the complete lack of respect .The way he just abandoned me like i’m shit on his shoe. Just left me sitting there

If he said ILYBNILWY blah blah but he never said any of that .

I got his lawyers letter yesterday it said there was an irretrievable break down in the marriage and no prospect of reconciliation.

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

I’m sorry Karenb6702, all of us at CN understand and are here for you
Please read Chump Lady’s book if you haven’t already…

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
5 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

I’m so very sorry. The book Runaway Husband and a YouTube meditation on abandonment (the one with red background and ring of flames) really helped when X abandoned after 26 years together. That was VERY trauma-inducing.

karenb6702
karenb6702
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Me either Kathleen
Got told to my face he was in love with ho worker and he was going to be with her . Within an hour he had packed and gone

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

Karen
I’m sorry you went through that terrible abandonment. How long was your marriage?

karenb6702
karenb6702
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

15 years together 19 years – Tomorrow will be 6 weeks

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
5 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

Wow! Today is 2 months since mine moved out, and 3 months since DDay. These “anniversaries”. Are the new norm .

Oh here’s a great tag line!

Happy anniversary baby! Of your DDay.

inescapable
inescapable
5 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

Just like my experience. No chance of reconciliation. He did not even have the decency to tell me there was someone else… I found that out two weeks later.

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  inescapable

Same here, ex blamed me, he no longer felt butterflies, had built up resentments, towards me, Brit, remember in 1990 when you didn’t want to vacation with my parents for the second time that year?
I asked if there was someone else, he denied that there was and I foolishly believed him. Ex never let me know he was leaving he just never care home. He said he didn’t want to hear my drama.

It’s unbelievable to me that anyone could be so cruel and callous. 25 years together meant nothing to him. He moved on like I never existed.

Drew
Drew
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

“He moved on like I never existed.” Truth is, He never did. IMHO People who can walk away from loving families like this have no souls. RIC, there is nothing to work with after infidelity, ie don’t prop up a dead person and wait for the marriage to come back to life.

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago
Reply to  inescapable

I don’t understand how these men can destroy our marriages like it was nothing!!
It’s all about them… bastards. Hopefully they’ll get back the pain they gave us ????

Mac1234
Mac1234
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Cheater reconciliation lies, omissions, justifications, excuses, get over its, projection, hypocrisy, false equivalencies, triggers etc might be worse than abandonment. I don’t know. My marriage of 6yrs is much shorter than most chumps here but it might be a grass is greener situation for chumps in terms of abandonment versus wreckonciliation. I want cheater out of my life but I want to keep my daughter, income, and assets. No good options for chumps damnit. This shit should be a crime again.

Periwinkle
Periwinkle
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Same here. A woman chump.

Dumped in a continent that is not that of my origin.
Going back home after 14 years, to the place where once I had job security.
In the marriage, I worked for years, then rug was pulled as soon as I completed my full-time degree (of which he was totally supportive, “do it at your pace; enjoy it”). Without husband it is not financially viable to stay, also owing to family obligations. And at this point I want to be with them. I want to be with my loved ones. I have no one else.

He used me as a stepping stone for his career (facade wife).
Reached a high point in said career, which had to be matched by some young sparkly something. Oh, the apotheosis of the man!
Wife humiliated and reduced to smithereens.
“Now you’ll see how reading Cicero and Sophocles will serve you”.

The wound collector type from the start.

CasperTheFriendlyChump
CasperTheFriendlyChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I’ll second this! My XW Abandoned without giving two shits. Her “dream” didn’t workout as she wanted it and now I’m forced into her “I was mentally ill game” of sad sausagery (just made that word up).

Men are chumps too!!!!! ????

Involuntary Georgian
Involuntary Georgian
5 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Hey! We’re a minority here, but there are plenty of men who were treated just as badly. It’s not about gender, it’s about character.

My XW bailed on the marriage a backward glance (well, not totally true – she agreed to ONE counseling session at which I literally went down on one knee and begged her to try to save the marriage; she told me stone cold “no” with the counselor there as witness. Her AP was going the same thing to his wife the very same week, though I didn’t find out about it until a year later). Shitty people do shitty things, whether they’re male or female.

Sunrise
Sunrise
5 years ago
Reply to  inescapable

I’m 10 years out from the same experience. Divorced 8.5 years. He’ll NEVER have decency.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
5 years ago
Reply to  inescapable

Decency? Is that a WORD?

CaliGal
CaliGal
5 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

RIC: because your truth doesn’t matter.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago

Reconciliation therapy for $300/hour. With free spackle for any spouse with an STD

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
5 years ago

No woman, no cry

renee62
renee62
5 years ago

????
2nd line:What’s there to cry about?
3rd line: He only blew up you life…
(with reggae music playing in the background)

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
5 years ago
Reply to  renee62

Heartbreak and misogyny are much better tolerated to the sound of a steel drum.

Shewarrior
Shewarrior
5 years ago

Reconciliation, because why would you want to break up our family.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
5 years ago

Ok, so I was looking for inspiration for my tag line and I found this amazing (mind boggling long stupid) paragraph:

Teach yourself to do something when you begin to imagine his affair; do 10 jumping jacks, bake some cookies, meditate, call a friend, play with a child or do whatever distracts you.

Jumping jacks – really??!?! If this was 3 years ago, I’d be doing jumping jacks all over the place, supermarket, school run, everywhere.

So my tag line based on this advice is “when rage comes your way – grab the nearest child and play”

Smiles and flowers to all of CN

TooSmartforthisShit
TooSmartforthisShit
5 years ago

Expectations are just premeditated resentment

SorryNotPoly
SorryNotPoly
5 years ago

Best answer.

Gentlechump
Gentlechump
5 years ago

YES! ????

Sausalito
Sausalito
5 years ago

Reconciliation: Do It For The Children! Because your children deserve continued exposure to a lying cheater with anger issues!

Tall One
Tall One
5 years ago

From Avis car rental:
“… try harder”

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
5 years ago
Reply to  Tall One

????

JWH
JWH
5 years ago

“The Lamentations of Wo/Men and Children make ME Happy!”

“Why Can’t You be Happy for ME?”

“Side Dish makes ME Happy!”

“You’re Dragging me Down, Lesser Mortal(s)!”

“MeMeMeMeMe!”

ChumpetyChumpChump
ChumpetyChumpChump
5 years ago

Wedlock: Orange is the New Black!

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago

Reconciliation: Because true love really, really hurts.

(For years, in fact.)

Reconciliation: Because without marriage, you are cabbage.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Or how about, ‘If It Doesn’t Hurt, You’re Not Doing It Right’?

JWH
JWH
5 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Bang on.

JWH
JWH
5 years ago

Oh whoops – I was distracted.

“RIC: Because Divorce is Too Much Trouble and I’m Too Wonderful to Give Up”

“RIC: How could YOU do this to the Family?”

“RIC: It’s not what I did, it’s YOUR response to it!”

“RIC: Because STDs don’t spread by themselves (unlike Side Dish)”

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago

RIC: Come see our unicorns for the low low price of $1,999 or our easy monthly installments of $10. Cheaters aren’t bad people – just misunderstood lost souls.

inescapable
inescapable
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

RIC — Mistakes were made, please fix them.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
5 years ago

“Eat shit – Stay fit!”

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
5 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

“Be the marriage police – have perpetual bliss!”

ChooseTheRedPill
ChooseTheRedPill
5 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

????????

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago

Do the 180. Manipulate the manipulator.
Make no decisions for 6 months: Because nothing is as attractive as a door mat.
Disclaimer: Possible side effects of RIC advice include ruined credit, kids in therapy, and herpes.

Diane J. Strickland
Diane J. Strickland
5 years ago

“because chumps are so convenient”