Snappy “I’d Rather” Cheater Comebacks

correctToday’s Fun Friday challenge, by popular demand, is to come up with some snappy comebacks about what you’d rather be than what the cheater accuses you of.

“I’d rather be “unforgiving” than be without remorse.”

“I’d rather divorce than cheat.”

“I’d rather be me than some bloated, limp-dicked, man-child with all the moral sense God gave dryer lint.”

Let’s put it in perspective here, chumps. And TGIF!

 

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Gang
Gang
7 years ago

I’d rather be a single mom than to stay married to a Fucktard.

The Chump struggle is real
The Chump struggle is real
7 years ago
Reply to  Gang

Bahaha!! ????

Josie
Josie
7 years ago

awesome

nomar
nomar
7 years ago

I’d rather be divorced than deceived.

I’d rather have my dignity than your ring.

I’d rather eat a year’s worth of ramen noodles from Costco than one more shit sandwich from you.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Awesome Nomar!!

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar loved every one of yours!

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

“I’d rather eat a year’s worth of ramen noodles from Costco than one more shit sandwich from you.” Classic!

nutmegpixy
nutmegpixy
7 years ago

This^^^^^^^^^^ Lmfaoooo!!!!

Little Mighty Me
Little Mighty Me
7 years ago

I’d rather have love than limerence.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago

Nice!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago

I’d rather live paycheck to paycheck than in a posh pit of lies.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

+1

Peaceful chump1111
Peaceful chump1111
7 years ago

I’d rather be single than be cheated on or lied to by you ever again!

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago

I’d rather be ‘unable to let it go’ than be a family-abandoning douche-canoe.

I’d rather bust my ass as a single mom than be with a lazy, Call Of Duty-addicted man-child with a penchant for deleting browser history.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago

“douche-canoe” — never heard it, never seen it, and it is now part of my official vocabulary

Effie
Effie
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

ClaireS, I first heard the term on the website, https://thebloggess.com/. She’s hilarious and authentic and touches my heart. Recommended, like ChumpLady.com. ;o)

WhatJustHappened
WhatJustHappened
7 years ago

I think we were married to the same person!

Chumpbunny
Chumpbunny
7 years ago

Me too!

FT
FT
7 years ago

I’d rather be a (40 something year old) child who never grew up than a passive aggressive, emotionally abusive pathological liar with a skateboard fetish.

Kimhopes
Kimhopes
7 years ago

I’d rather be alone than lonely in a lie of a relationship.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
7 years ago
Reply to  Kimhopes

this!

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago

As Whitney Houston said: ” I’d rather be alone than unhappy.”

Brightness
Brightness
7 years ago

I’d rather be a chump than a cheater

Carolyn
Carolyn
7 years ago
Reply to  Brightness

So much yes

Ready2go
Ready2go
7 years ago
Reply to  Carolyn

I rather be celibate than have gross, unattached sex!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Brightness

Amen!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

+1

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

big +2

(This wins as far as i’m concerned)

Chumpfor21
Chumpfor21
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Indeed!

CD Clocks
CD Clocks
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpfor21

+1

Stayin Strong
Stayin Strong
7 years ago

I’d rather be alone on my own, then alone in a marriage.

LilyBart
LilyBart
7 years ago
Reply to  Stayin Strong

This is so true. Whoever wrote that “1 is the loneliest number” song had his/her math wrong.

Notadoormat
Notadoormat
7 years ago
Reply to  Stayin Strong

Yes, this.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Stayin Strong

^^^^^ THIS^^^^^

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

I’d rather work on myself alone than live with a monster

I’d rather wake up listening to my granddaughter singing than wake up to an illusion

I’d rather live with options and possibilities than a man without conscience.

I’d rather live alone than live with a lie.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Oooh, I just got the sweetest image of you listening to your granddaughter singing. Wonderful!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

Every single day and night. I have my very own angel.

paigeup
paigeup
7 years ago

I’d rather chew my own foot off at the ankle than be with you.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  paigeup

Thanks Paige for the imagery and the morning guffaw!

Beth
Beth
7 years ago
Reply to  paigeup

This!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

I’d rather be me than either you or the whore.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago

I would rather stick my hand in a wood chipper than meet with you to go over “what went wrong.”

Effie
Effie
7 years ago

Yep! but if he had any appendages dangling near that wood chipper, they might go in first!

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
7 years ago

God, yes. Apparently it’s my fault he’s depressed and cheating because I never agreed to move to the Midwest, leaving my family and support structure, even though I knew there was something missing from our relationship. So glad we got that cleared up.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
7 years ago

THIS!!!!!! Before I went NC I must have listened to his versions of “what went wrong” a million times. It was always me! The two biggest whoppers: “I never accepted him” yeah right! In truth, we were happy enough for 25 years, 4 gorgeous kids, we were best friends (I thought!), never fought, and had fun and laughed all the time — I loved you, douche! I never cheated and abandoned you! I accepted you even after DDay #1, 2, 3….. I let you stay! I went to MC and let you blame me!!!!!
Guess what? YOU didn’t accept ME!
And
“You told me I didn’t earn enough money.” Ugh, nooooooo, I suggested you see a headhunter when you were making 80% less than market and hadn’t had a raise in 8 years! You followed my suggestion and had a job making 100% more within a month!
FUCKER!!!!!

NC is the only path to truth and peace.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago

You didn’t “accept him”? What, exactly, then, were you doing for 25 years? Secretly twiddling your thumbs and sending out telepathic rejection messages? Or, as you pointed out, what does he think you were doing after 3 affairs? Whopper is right! Worse, it’s navel-gazing selfishness and heartlessness couched in jargon designed to invite you to feel like shit and to make a therapist believe he has self-esteem issues. And poor thing, your wife believes you’re worth more than you’re getting professionally, honestly says so, you ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE her belief in you by taking action, and then you’re making double in 30 days? If you felt so rejected in that instance, why the hell didn’t you say something? Answer: ex post facto scrambling for anything to blame shift. What a mindfuck. I’m so sorry. I hope he chokes on his vile-cloaked-as-rational spew.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

Whoops, close in time posts, kbchump. I was responding to MotherChumper99, obviously. That said, kbchump, I’d scratch my head too, even at the very base level of, “Really? You aren’t smart enough to hear how stupid you sound?”

kbchump
kbchump
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

Yeah no shit!

kbchump
kbchump
7 years ago
Reply to  kbchump

Our daughter (who lives with me as she left both of us) was like WHAT? when I told her that bullshit..she’s an adult and knows who the sane parent is…NC Is sooooo the way to go with these narcissistic nut jobs

kbchump
kbchump
7 years ago

She actually accused me of not being over a girlfriend I had before we met…25 Years Ago!! You cannot reason with a cheater who clearly wants out. ..i still scratch my head over that one

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
7 years ago
Reply to  kbchump

“You can’t reason with a cheater who wants out” AMEN! So much truth in this simple statement.

Anne
Anne
7 years ago
Reply to  kbchump

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhfdmZ4Csb0

Oh she can just go and fuck herself while she’s grasping at straws

Lovedandlost
Lovedandlost
7 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Yep my new theme song… Except when the kids r here

kbchump
kbchump
7 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Great link thanks for posting 🙂

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
7 years ago

The wood chipper would be less painful. Amazing how “what went wrong” is nothing but a vicious assault of YOUR character as far as a cheater is concerned.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Yeah, it is an unnecessary conversation considering the cheater only needs to consult the Ten Commandments to figure out “what went wrong.” Talk about anything else is merely blame-shifting and trying to justify the unjustifiable.

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago

This. This. A thousand times this!!I will definitely repeat that if he EVER brings it up again..not that I have much contact with him anyway…

nodancing
nodancing
7 years ago

What went wrong talks are always always about how we made the cheater cheat.

Jinx
Jinx
7 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

My ex said it was my fault that he sexed ugly women. Yep that’s right he blamed me for his bevy of trolls.

Notadoormat
Notadoormat
7 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

Me, too. I was accused of “not being able to stand him” because I wasn’t sure we could afford the new car that he sprung on me (he was projecting on that one). Of being the reason he didn’t talk to his fucked up family anymore and that he was all alone. Of flying off the handle at the slightest remark (again projection). Of being the reason he couldn’t talk to me anymore and had to find someone to have an “emotional” affair with.

kbchump
kbchump
7 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

No shit…I made that mistake soon after she left..that just opened the floodgates of all my faults as I listened chumpily, assuring myself it could all be fixed.

divorcinganarcissistblog
divorcinganarcissistblog
7 years ago

Yes!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

+1

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

This should be our next Fridays challenge! What went wrong? It’s laughable.

jumper
jumper
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

What went wrong was I married a liar.

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
7 years ago
Reply to  jumper

Yes!!!!

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Seconded.

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago

I rather live in a box under a bridge then one more day with a lying, cheating, nut job.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago

Or “in a van down by the river” with a nod to that wonderful SNL skit.

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Ha! that is even better! I would rather live with Matt Foley “eating a steady diet of government cheese, thrice divorced, and living in a van down by the river!”

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Ha! +1 “I’d rather live in a van… down by the river!” Too funny!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

I’d rather you ride off into the sunset with the bunny boiler than spend one more second listening to how it was me that pushed you into the arms of said bunny boiler.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Can I get an Amen? A full one-third of my profound anger at my X is due to him trying to blame my own victimhood on me. Fucker.

jumper
jumper
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Amen, and what he said, when blame shifting, still makes me SMH. What an ass.

Anne
Anne
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Amen sister!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Amen! Yes! This is the most harmful part of what he did IMHO.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago

+1.

ForgeOn!
ForgeOn!
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

AMEN from me, Tempest!
Seems to be a standard ‘lesson’ in the cheater ‘How-To’ book. Plus, the other people who know you as a couple and join in with the blame-game. (worse if some of those said ‘people’ are your ‘counselors’!)

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  ForgeOn!

I think it’s on p. 35 of the cheater handbook, “Blameshift your affair onto your unwitting partner.”

I’d rather validate a chump’s pain than say “What did YOU contribute to the demise of the marriage?”

And fuck blame-game counselors.

Effie
Effie
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

That blameshifting is so true. My husband blamed me for being clinically depressed and said he was just with the other woman “until you got better.” Gee, thanks, fuckwit.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Actually it starts on p. 34 with how to shock & awe with the new and secret organizational flow chart. This leads to the semantics diagram that ends at the fault-tree analysis.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago

AnnieGetYourGun, *gasp* good hell that is funny. (I admit I had to read it twice because it’s so sophisticated, but it just keeps getting funnier and funnier.) Wickedly brilliant!

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

Annie’s comments are awesome!

Anne
Anne
7 years ago
Reply to  ClaireS

Thanks. I got the idea from Beth posting on her cheater’s “Excel spread sheet for porn star stats” I’m still giggling at the double entendre.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

I think he skipped right to page 69 for Tips and Tricks for the double life serial cheating porn addicts who have nothing to offer emotionally and financially with shrinkage issues.

Chumpfree
Chumpfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Mine too! Better days!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Amen Tempest.

In the end you will outlive him.
He’s older.
He’s divorced,
He’s in denial of aging.

His assets will go to his children.

I say we have a chump sending off party in the Mansion when he croaks.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

I’ll host that party, with a champagne waterfall!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

You guys are awesome–headed to youtube to practice Flamenco dancing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdDD9JX-Tyg

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I know some fire dancers.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’ll hire river and flamenco instructors Tempest, so we can all practice our routines before we head to his grave…

Maree
Maree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Pink champagne for me please Tempest or I will bring my own !! 🙂

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

OOOOHHHHH I can just see those fancy pants and designer T on this professorial literary cheater. Foam spewing from his mouth………

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Table for me please!

Maree
Maree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest I was blamed for everything under the sun by my ex and 2 kids and people who weren’t in our family circle and I would rather be alone than to be cruelly blamed for my ex’s choices. It wasn’t what he did do but my reaction to what he did.

Confused123
Confused123
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

So true.
I rather spend eternity alone than spend one second in the shoes of your red headed whore.

samk
samk
7 years ago

“I’d rather have a colony of fire ants take up residence on my junk than do pretty much anything that has to do with you.”

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  samk

Ouch LOL.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

I’d rather be a housewife than a whore.

I don’t know where I read that but it cracks me up.

Frances
Frances
7 years ago

Even if I die a lonely old lady, eating tuna fish and watching lifetime television all by myself…I’d still be better off than being with you.

Mandie101
Mandie101
7 years ago
Reply to  Frances

Tuna is not so bad. Nor is lifetime TV.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Frances

Haha Frances

The whore is worried I will die a frigid cunt.

I’d rather die a frigid cunt that have a palate for picking up married men and calling them DADDY any day.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago

I would rather be a real human with feelings than an empty fake pod.

Tania Rochelle
Tania Rochelle
7 years ago

I’d rather sew it up with a rusty needle than ever have sex with you again.
I’d rather juice my dog’s anal glands than help our daughter get you a Father’s Day gift.
I’d rather give Donald Trump a pedicure than spend one minute with you.

Effie
Effie
7 years ago
Reply to  Tania Rochelle

LOL at the “juice my dog’s anal glands” comment!

Roaring
Roaring
7 years ago
Reply to  Tania Rochelle

Tania, hahahaha: “I’d rather juice my dog’s anal glands than help our daughter get you a Father’s Day gift”

This is hilarious.

Sunrise
Sunrise
7 years ago
Reply to  Roaring

I’d rather gouge out my eyeballs than read another book referencing Patrick Carnes, the most pathological “sex addict” of them all.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
7 years ago
Reply to  Sunrise

In Carnes’ defence, The Betrayal Bond is actually a very good read for people like me who have been in a serious of trauma-bond relationships. It helped me to identify a pattern and also to explain why I fell for the Sinister Minister’s particular pathology.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago

I’d rather live alone with two cats than live with someone who cannot be trusted.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

I’d rather live with a semi-feral dog with aggression issues who marks his territory inside the house and shits on the carpet, than live a single day with a pathologically lying cheater.

kb
kb
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Because you can train the dog, but you can’t train the cheater!

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  kb

You can also neuter a dog. Hey!

I’d rather see you neutered than……nope, that’s it.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

lmao–thanks for my new revenge fantasy, Annie! (add “with a dull butter knife”).

Anne
Anne
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I was actually thinking of using toenail clippers to take those balls off one little snip at a time. I’d have to find them first. Probably hiding behind his wee little dick.

(Sorry to all the male chumps, I know you cringed a little)

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Now you have more than one gun. 🙂 Can you shoot with both hands? If so, maayyybe you could aim at both knees … or at another pair about a thigh’s length upward and closer together.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Anne

I dunno–can’t be too much for a single bullet.

Annie Get Your Guns
Annie Get Your Guns
7 years ago
Reply to  Anne

Sorry about the posting as Anne. I didn’t realize it until much later. I had to go back and get my guns. Can’t be coming here without being fully loaded. Even if he’s not worth the cost of a single bullet.

Special snowflake ha!
Special snowflake ha!
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I used to tell fuckwit that if he ever cheated….I’d cut it off with a dull, rusty butter knife. But come d’day, what was the point? He’d started weekly testosterone shots, had ED, diabetes and high cholesterol…..she has to work extra, extra hard just to get his up. Let him keep it…it never did anything FOR me anyways! Lol!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

Hell to the yeah on that one, special snowflake ha!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  kb

So true!

Sylvia is Sad
Sylvia is Sad
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

+1
A pack of them.

Springy
Springy
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

I’m allergic to cats (and hamsters and rabbits), but not dogs! So, I’ll be the crazy dog lady! 😀

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

A family member once joked that I was on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady because I had three cats and wasn’t married yet. Well I married late in life thinking I had waited for the “right one.” Now, I’ll take crazy cat lady over marriage police any day.

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

+1000 DoneForGood!!!!!!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

OK, for Done4Good: I’d rather be a crazy cat lady than the marriage police.

divorcinganarcissistblog
divorcinganarcissistblog
7 years ago

I’d rather be happy with all of my own imperfections than kill myself trying to be perfect enough to “deserve” you.

Lulu
Lulu
7 years ago
mavis
mavis
7 years ago

Yep ??

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

Been there, done that!

NOW-I-KNOW-WHAT-HELL-LOOKS-LIKE
NOW-I-KNOW-WHAT-HELL-LOOKS-LIKE
7 years ago

I would rather have to watch non stop WWE Wrestling than hear 1 more if your lying liar hole lies.

Kellia
Kellia
7 years ago

I’d rather drink an entire bottle of acid, get shot by a round of bullets, and then run over by a speeding train, yet all this would still more pleasant than being with a cheater. 🙂

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

Kellia, I’m laughing for two reasons: because those three are some seriously painful deaths, and I’d LOVE to see you deliver that line to a cheater … and because I can see a cheater do the Detail Diversion Dance, earnestly noting that you might never make it to the tracks in your imagined order. At which point, gathering from your posts here, you’d not skip a beat and reply coolly, “Easy enough –I’ll stand on the tracks, get shot and felled by said round of bullets, drink poison while prone, and get run over by train. Yep, all better than being with YOU!”

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Kellia

LOL!

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
7 years ago

I’d rather be “too loyal” than a fakebook attention whore.

(Yes, fellow chumps, when my ex announced to me rather out of the blue he was leaving, I was upset. He complained to me I was TOO LOYAL. Didn’t understand at the time because I had not found out yet about Schmoopie.)

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
7 years ago

+1 The sick attention I seeking narcissistic piece of shit couldn’t stay the f-ck off Fakebook. That was more important than his loyal real live wife sitting right next to him!!!

Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
Get Out Yo Seat and Chump Around
7 years ago

Thanks, D4G!!

Tempest, they play that “I wouldn’t have cared” game but that’s so convenient since we didn’t. I guarantee if we had they would’ve gone insane.

They already are insane, but still.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

Your ex and my ex must have gone to the same cheater school because mine told me I was too old-fashioned as in, not lying and cheating on my spouse. Okay then……

BTW, your user name is hilarious!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Done4Good

Mine said I was too “bourgeouis” and he wouldn’t have cared if I’d cheated.

Anne
Anne
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

What a pretentious ass.

Cookie
Cookie
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, before DD I was also told that he wouldn’t have cared if I’d cheated, as it wouldn’t change who I was as a person. I was flabbergasted at the time. Now I think, “Yes, it would. It would make me like you!”

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

“Wouldn’t have cared if you cheated” He’s not even low class. He hasn’t an ounce of class.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Projecting his sorry ass onto you, Tempest. Fucking loser.

oaktree
oaktree
7 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

I second that – what a fucking loser. Sorry, Tempest.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago
Reply to  oaktree

How ironically “bourgeoisie” to call someone bourgeoisie. For crying out loud.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Kay

Kay, you read my mind! Think he understands enough to know that the New Left holdovers have banished parasites who live in mansions?

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

I would rather pull the knife out of my back than the one who forced it in there.

unicornomore
unicornomore
7 years ago

Word

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago

I’d rather be a sensitive, over-analytical, wacko, paranoid person (his words), than a lying, Peter Pan, POS A-hole cheater and… I hope your d*ck falls off!!!

divorcinganarcissistblog
divorcinganarcissistblog
7 years ago
Reply to  Peakyblinders

hahaha yes!

gypsy
gypsy
7 years ago

I’d rather be able to look at myself straight in the eye in the mirror knowing that ive tried to live my life with integrity, than be you who is hollow because deep down under the flash facade you know you’re unworthy

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  gypsy

+1 Ditto!!!

Drew
Drew
7 years ago
Reply to  gypsy

This!

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

I would rather accept divorce than accept betrayal.

geekmom
geekmom
7 years ago

Perfect.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  geekmom

True.

BridgetJones
BridgetJones
7 years ago

This has so much truth I can’t even.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago

High five to that!

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
7 years ago

absolutely

Christine
Christine
7 years ago

Yes.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago

Love this!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago

I’d rather be your history than your cruel joke.

I’d rather live in reality than in your ridiculous, dysfunctional fantasy world.

I’d rather live in my own home than your secret whorehouse.

I’d rather spend my whole life empowered and single than spend one more second getting screwed over by your juvenile ass.

I’d rather be a stereotype than a statistic.

I’d rather have a good life than have anything at all that has you in it.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

“I’d rather be your history than your cruel joke.”

LOVE THIS!

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

I love these very much!

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amiisfree, YES.. Especially the first one… Very cruel…

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

I’d rather have safe, satisfying sex with myself than dangerous, boring sex with you.

And…

I’d rather have a healthy partner or a dog living in my home than a narcissistic sociopathic teenager with no self control.

Anita
Anita
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

What is it with the cheaters being so sorry in bed?? And I mean from the get go, not just when they are cheating.

When ex told me whore was “in love ” with him, my first thought was “She can’t possibly have had sex with you”. I mean, I was with him cause I thought he was a decent person. But she knew he wasn’t so it would have to be something outward like sex, looks, money, etc. and he sure would not have been my choice based on those things. Lol, bite that, mofo.

Effie
Effie
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

LOL! One of the things I told the other woman was, “You’re welcome to him. He’s at least 300 points, can’t get it up and is dead broke. Good luck with that.” (We stayed together, but it’s not feeling so “together” lately.)

Effie
Effie
7 years ago
Reply to  Effie

POUNDS, not points. Sheesh.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

It’s because narcissists don’t give two craps if you are enjoying yourself or not. It used to be good, but then it wasn’t. He really believed he was better than he was. What’s a girl to do. You can’t tell the man you love that he really isn’t that good. I asked if he liked this or that or what he wanted me to do and he’d say “whatever.” I’d express my needs explicitly, and he just look at me like I was strange. And just for the record, it wasn’t strange, weird, or unusual stuff, I was just trying to give him a damn owners manual and he tossed it aside and thought he would work it on his own. Not!

But, I accepted the whole package so I worked with what I had. It’s interesting that before I new about the OW I often thought to myself after sex, “This is it?” I mean, it wasn’t like we had small kids anymore and had to rush through because our time was limited or we were tired, or whatever. I desperately wanted more, but with him. I did not consider looking for it elsewhere.

Anne
Anne
7 years ago

I’ve had much better lovers when I was single, but they weren’t “the one.” Well, I did all I could except create a damned Power Point presentation complete with diagrams.

Then one day, out of the blue, he does something different. I should have fucking known where he learned that from. Emotional affair only my ass.

conniered
conniered
7 years ago

All this talk about bad sex hits a nerve with me. The cheater ex would not engage in oral sex. EVER. One time I tried to go down on him, he pulls me back up and says to me, “Don’t do that, it’s dirty.”. What???? What man denies himself that pleasure???? Needless to say oral sex on a female is even dirtier. That never happened. EVER. I too wondered what he and the homewrecker did. They both like boring sex? And the nerve of him to tell me to my face that “the sex was just going through the motions”. That was on YOU buddy!! Asshole! I’ve been sex starved for years and stayed in my marriage because I said vows and meant them. He would actually laugh at me when we finished having sex (1 min) and say to him, “I didn’t get mine”. He didn’t care then and had the nerve to try and blame ME for it.

Sylvia is Sad
Sylvia is Sad
7 years ago
Reply to  conniered

Conniered,
Perhaps he was gay? It’s true..most men will take a BJ if they are on their death bed. Or, was he just being an asshole jerk.

Talking about sex hits a nerve with me as well, but for the other side of the coin. My X was fantastic in bed. He was kinky but he truly cared about pleasing me.Or was it just to fool me? 🙁

Either way, having sex with him was one of the greatest joys of my adult life. We had the intense eye contact, lots of kissing, l love yous during the act….it breaks my heart. I am shattered.

I hope and pray that someone will be as attentive and skillful as him. I now realize he was a male slut, hence the mad skills. He really knows how to make a woman feel good physically. A tool in his arsenal.

Mentally….no. His cruelty was astounding, scary, scar inducing.

This is an odd twist, however. The longer we were together, and he saw how much I loved sex with him, he would play games with it.

I have such a vivid memory of us driving into town, and we were holding hands, and I said, Can we have sex tonight?

And he said,

If you are a good girl.

Was that sex talk, foreplay? No. I think it was control, domination, humiliation.

I don’t know. I know I hate Friday nights. I see it as a night for lovers. But, I am watching Scrubs DVDS, because they are silly and light, with my pack of dogs and my fat face goofball cat Ernie, have a baked ziti in the oven, and turned down a date with a man, because I am just too sad, low energy to pretend on a date right now.

I am still in active grief, and I miss the sex and him ….it makes me want to howl…but I will NEVER settle for a cheater.

He could not believe that I ended it. I think so many other women have accepted his appalling behavior. I will be alone before I am his chump.

We can find better lovers. We can find real love. Don’t let this upset you….there are men out there that want to have sex and will stand on their head to please you. I had a date with one last week, and he was highly interested in sex. I did not have sex with him yet (free milk thinking dies hard) but it is nice, knowing there is the option and that he wants to please me.

When you ready, get on the dating sites and you will have so many to choose from. Some will be absolute horrors but there are some that are okay, especially to help get over this trauma we have experienced.

*I would rather spend Friday night alone with my baked ziti than spend a decade of Friday nights with a man who had more than six whores texting him and he called all of them Darlin’

Lying mother fucker.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Sylvia is Sad

Oh, and my Friday nights are spent doing homework as I complete my MBA or on the nights I have my daughter, we have movie night at home on the couch (usually Disney) so date nights are a far off possibility for me right now LOL.

Done4Good
Done4Good
7 years ago
Reply to  Sylvia is Sad

Sylvia,

I can relate to the good sex. Sex was good with the STBX for many years. He took good care of me in bed and vice versa. Then one day, it just became like a chore to him and I had to practically beg for it. He became mean about it. Withholding sex. Like a power trip. I missed it and him like crazy. I don’t even think there was another woman in the picture at that point. I think he just liked being mean to me for whatever reason. At first I was depressed, then I became angry and resentful which he then used against me. I mean, who wants to have sex with someone who’s hate-filled and angry, right?

He later told me in MC that I had become too unattractive to him for sex. I said well I can’t stay 20 forever. Jerk!

kb
kb
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

I know that many of us have been married to people who either beg off sex or are insensitive to their spouse’s desires for types of bedroom activities. Heck, I was married to a man who, when I told him that something felt good, actually stopped!!! But I also know that other chumps were completely dumbfounded when they discovered their cheaters’ affairs, as they’d always felt their great sex lives somehow guarded against the affair.

My cheater? Not so much. I laugh when I remember that he had kidney stones about a dozen years ago. When we went to the urologist, one of them commented that sex a couple of times per week was good for the old tubes. At that time, CheaterX had a hard time with once per week. It was sex when he wanted it or no sex at all.

He had great sex with Schmoopie because they could only hook up once a month or so. He could spend his time fantasizing about it. Now he’s married, and she’ll expect him to perform.

Yep, she’s a high sex-drive kind of gal with very expensive tastes.

I do not foresee the marriage lasting long. I suspect that his inability to address the sex and money issues will drive her into the arms of someone who can better address her basic needs.

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  kb

KB, absolutely! These cheaters are done with each other once the honeymoon phase is over or the old boy gets ED! I feel you on the less than glowing sex life. My ex had the balls to claim in his petition for divorce that we never had sex and we didn’t communicate anymore! That was news to me. Wonder who was actually in bed with me? His twin? And it’s even harder once you realize they are getting thier rocks off with Schmoopie at the local hotel and as far as communication is concerned, he has his attention on his computer on Facebook messaging with Schmoopie all the time! He barely noticed me and I would be sitting directly in front of him! Doesn’t matter for him now anyways. He is alone and sick and broke and she, no doubt, is zeroing in on a new Facebook love affair! Shallow as a puddle these idiots are!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta

I laughed when his whore texted me he was the best lover she ever had.

The previous AP said,”you call THAT sex after I told her we were still married.

They are needy pigs who are not interested in intamacy. It’s the pig meets the illusionist con man.

He had to live the lie when I filed. He’s stuck in a disgusting shitty apartment with her working part time from home. She is ugly, bitchy, and controlling. He’s sneaking out once a week to hook up with another other. Isn’t that special.

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Doingme, they deserve all the misery they get! God knows they heaped a ton on us! All this crap about blaming us for thier poor sex lives is utter bullshit! His ED problems got worse once he was with Schmoopie, but he could NEVER be honest enough to admit that HE was the one who really didn’t quite measure up in the sack! It just had to be my fault! I hope he looks at his dead dick today (that nobody wants) and realizes what a delusional ass wipe he was and is! I happen to know he got a prescription for Viagra while with the whore cause he was having some difficulties and even THAT didn’t work!!!

Smart is Hard
Smart is Hard
7 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Anita, LOL, yes!!!!! To infinity!

Roberta
Roberta
7 years ago
Reply to  Smart is Hard

For sure Anita! Schmoopie had ulterior motives, but so did he! It was in this order, sex, money and the thrill of triangulation! Then his dick stopped working and his meager money ran out. She HAD money till he started living off of her. And of course the triangulation ended with the divorce. Then the “reality of life” set in for these two idiots! Love affair ended in four short months after nearly two years of torturing me!

Dragonlady
Dragonlady
7 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Funny that for Xdouchebag and one of the whores he told her he was leaving me and it was the triangulation, her massages and attention, and lastly sex. Whore face was thinking (based on what he told her) money, triangulation (she was still married and her X was dancing very hard, wish he told me I was still in the dark) and prestige (Xdouchebag was bragging about his association with our Prime Minister and other wealthy connections because that’s what matters).

Well the sex went (he couldn’t keep it up), she found out he lied and there wasn’t any money and then the bragging was embellishments. Oh no Prince Charming wasn’t so bad. She then realised she’d made a big mistake by throwing over her X husband and he had stopped dancing seeing her for what she was a nasty, lying Cumdumpster who cared only for herself. Her girls and he ran very far from her.
For Xdouchebag it went bad as the sex did and he realised massages weren’t the be all to end all and finally it all blew up when a friends ex-boyfriend busted them and being the stand up guy told me straight up that my husband was a Dickwad!!!

I’d rather be “Boring” then a lying, whoring Dickwad Douchebag like my X!!!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  Dragonlady

Draginlady

All the embellishment and lies are the hook. Are they really this dumb to think they can continue the performance once the show is over?

The truth has to surface at some point. I wonder how he’s explaining her need to carry him five months a year after saying he had to support ME. It unravels. She thought he was her ticket to splitting the bills. Brainless cows.

ClaireS
ClaireS
7 years ago
Reply to  Dragonlady

This Dickwad Douchebag is the boring one. Sounds like he spouted a lot of *yawn* drivel.

Disillusioned
Disillusioned
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Yes Amiisfree!

Lulu
Lulu
7 years ago

I would rather miss the relationship we once had than stay in the one we have now.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
7 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Great one Lulu!

mavis
mavis
7 years ago

I would rather eat spiders than have to lay eyes on your hairy-backed, shrivel-dicked, tiny-footed, knuckle dragging body or hear the nonsensical drivel that spews from your stupid, thin-lipped, entitled pie hole.

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
7 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Mavis, it’s hard to believe I can relate with specificity, but ditto.

And, I’d add that I’d rather run my lips through a pasta maker than ever have them brush against his dangling moobs (man boobs) again during sex. It’s HomeWrecker’s turn to reach out in the darkness and question what gender she’s married to. I’m all set.

Anne
Anne
7 years ago

Ewww. That’s too funny.

hesatthecurb
hesatthecurb
7 years ago
Reply to  Anne

The specter of dangling man boobs ever brushing against my lips….

I.Just.Can’t.

Now THAT is gag inducing but funny as hell!

JBaby
JBaby
7 years ago

lololol, this one’s my fav!!!

sadlady15
sadlady15
7 years ago
Reply to  JBaby

Moobs!! Bwah haha!

kbchump
kbchump
7 years ago

Hahaha!!

kbchump
kbchump
7 years ago
Reply to  mavis

???????

Special snowflake ha!
Special snowflake ha!
7 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Mavis- yours could be mine’s twin. Would talk non- stop about NOTHING!

Supreme Chump
Supreme Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Mavis, best one !!?

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago
Reply to  mavis

Mavis i just spit ma coffee! Hahahahaha! Good one!

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  Kar marie

I just LOL’d in the office

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago

I’d rather have too much ambition than be a stinky Doritos munching bobble-head planted to a recliner watching TV wastrel.

I’d rather be a “strong” woman than be a weak spineless bastard.

I’d rather be too honest than someone who couldn’t speak the truth if he had it on flash cards.

I’d rather be an emotionless bitch who uses logic, reason, and persuasion than a ranting lunatic who can’t confront anything but is passive aggressive until the explosion.

I’d rather be besties with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump (gag) than have any kind of friendship with you.

I’d rather have sex with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump (double gag) than have to even see you naked again.

I’d rather be me than the OW.

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago

Yes yes yes!!!

Smart is Hard
Smart is Hard
7 years ago

I concur : )

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

I’d rather go on a singles cruise than sit at at a dive bar having a whore pay for my 1/2 priced buffalo wings.

Disillusioned
Disillusioned
7 years ago

I’d rather be single, lonely, poor and sexless than live in constant fear of STD’s, deceit, cheating, intimidation and abuse. Nothing is worth that kind of life.

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

I’d rather of turned to stone and broken in a million pieces after discovering my wife’s infidelity than…..having to live a life with beautiful tresses – that are really snakes – awaiting a sharpened sickle to have my head sliced off at ANY.GIVEN.TIME.

Annie Get Your Gun
Annie Get Your Gun
7 years ago

The Medusa Reaper?

SureChumpedAlot
SureChumpedAlot
7 years ago

Yes Annie, “The Medusa Reaper” aka Karma – comes in all shapes and sizes and is a real bitch when it corners you in your life or your after-life.

It cuts first then asks questions second.God then sorts out the cheaters.

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

I’d rather pass the torch to the mentally ill whore than EVER waste another moment thinking I wasn’t good enough. #hemusthavecateracts #hecantgetintelligenceorbeauty
#yourstuckwithithahahaevillaugh

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

LOL at the hashtags, Doingme!

divorcinganarcissistblog
divorcinganarcissistblog
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Yes!!

Kar marie
Kar marie
7 years ago

I have the pleasure of sharing my life with three beautiful canines who love me and i love them. Never ask for money, never bitch or complain, are a constant source of amusement and laughter, are way better company than asswipe ever was, dont care how i look, dont care how much money i have, i come home to butt wiggles and kisses and they are not bitching they are bored, plop on the couch like a beach whale watching endless tv. They dont tell me what kind of life they could have had if they had different family, i understand their wants and needs, they are open about it. They play snarl, if they have a spat the older one puts a stop to it and the puppies kiss and make up. They are hinest, open, loving, caring entertaining and cant love me enough and i them. Cheaters pods have none of these qualities and i would rather be a crazy old dog lady than spend another second wasted on asswipe.

Divinelife
Divinelife
7 years ago

I would rather feel this deep well of pain and betrayal vs. being more shallow as a puddle

Divinelife
Divinelife
7 years ago
Reply to  Divinelife

*than a

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago

I would rather raise my son to be truthful and respect women versus having him think it is ok to lie and cheat on your wife.

conniered
conniered
7 years ago

Amen to that!!!! I walked away with my character and integrity intact. My son will seek out a woman like me…and he’ll avoid a woman like the OW.

lldodd60
lldodd60
7 years ago

+10000000000

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago

I’ll take a frozen margarita over Mr. Sparkles frozen heart any day.

mavis
mavis
7 years ago

I would rather throw a fabulous party for my chump lady compadres than spend one more second of our precious lives on any of these waste of skin fucktards ?

Divinelife
Divinelife
7 years ago

I would rather be blindsided by your deceit than charmed with your false words

Brightness
Brightness
7 years ago
Reply to  Divinelife

+1

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago

I’d rather be have a frontal lobotomy than have one more moment where X takes up my mental space.

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
7 years ago

I’d rather be accused of vindictiveness than rescind the protective order
I’d rather have a sexless single life than a sexless married life
I’d rather go to your funeral than ever see you again, stop driving by my house asshole

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
7 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

My feelings EXACTLY, Dat! Thank you!

Getoveritchump
Getoveritchump
7 years ago

As REM said, “I’d sooner chew my leg off, than be trapped in this”

Eve
Eve
7 years ago

I would rather lie awake every night worrying about our three children then discard them to “move on to a family that loves me.”

Divinelife
Divinelife
7 years ago