Stupid Things Schmoopies Say

stupid things schmoopies say

Your fun Friday Challenge is to share the stupid things Schmoopies say with Chump Nation.

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of discovering your partner’s secret correspondence to a fuckbuddy, you know how ridiculous kibble-speak can be. Devastating? Sure. But also hilarious in a gallows humor kind of way. What’s more absurd than the breathy adolescent sweet talk of two cheaters in limerence?

Need some inspiration? For the dissonance of eroticism-meets-gravel-truck, enjoy Gilbert Gottfried reading 50 Shades of Grey.

TGIF!

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VulcanChump
VulcanChump
6 years ago

Paraphrase: “Didn’t you say she doesn’t love you? I wouldn’t say that-in fact I’ve loved you for months.”

Kelli
Kelli
6 years ago

I would step in front of a bus to save your pinky toe.

Excuse me while I go throw up now…

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  Kelli

“I would fend off crocodiles for a single touch of your hand.”

“I would climb Mount Everest to eat one of your dingleberries.”

“Anything, just don’t ask for honesty and integrity — that’s just stupid and unreasonable.”

Kelli
Kelli
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UX,

OK…. Just…. Ewww. And, furthermore, only like 60% or something of the fake statistical people I used to make this argument even survive the climb up Everest. So in her weakened state–assuming she survives–the first thing she wants to do is ingest human excrement?! Risking sepsis, E.coli, and all manner of other intestinal badness.

Plus, I mean, c’mon, it’s poop! Gross. Just gross.

I hope she doesn’t kiss your children with that mouth. I recommend copious amounts of Listerine. Kills 99% of the germs.

Still. Ewww….

On what planet is that sexy? Does she even know where dingleberries come from? “Yes, I’d like to take over where your toilet paper and grooming has failed…..”

No. Just no.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

“Eat one of your dingleberries” A disgusting sh*t eater…
Remember Prince Chucklehead (Charles) telling Rottweiler (Camilla) how he wanted to be a Kotex between her legs ?!

SheChump
SheChump
6 years ago

ewwwwww….Sucker Saffa – That was one of the worst visuals – ever!

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Blue bloods and white trash gettin’ their freak on…Whatever happened to poetry to woo a woman ?

Copped On
Copped On
2 years ago

Yes indeed! Aristocracy and royalty are just as rough as any ASBOs on a council estate really. They’re descended from robber barons and war lords i.e. gangsters, thugs and psychopaths after all. They’re really just scummers with posh accents and lots of money! Rough as bear’s holes, lol!

Regina
Regina
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UX World; Would love to see whomever Cheater called out and have to prove either of those!! What a fool. Pathetic.

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UX LMAO !!!!!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago

I don’t have much knowledge about what schmoopie said as I never really knew anything about her, i.e. where exactly she worked ( other than “over” him and “under him), never even knew her name, ( my name for her is “Perfect Lollipop”)!
Cheater did say, on DDay, that she felt bad about taking him away from our tiny daughter. My mouth hung open at this, my heart stopped.
I knew then that she had no knowledge of the baby in utero.

Jane
Jane
6 years ago

“I won’t lie to you” I may flirt. Written by folks who found each other on Ashley Madison – nope no liars there- nope- no way!

Anita
Anita
6 years ago

In my case, it wasn’t the whore’s first rodeo, so she was very careful about what she put down in print. I had to get the jewels of wisdom she spouted out from the other whore’s mouth. Crap like “she likes me being married to you” –yes, so she can lead you around by the dick with no commitment. She thinks “you’re GOOD for me “–not sure why a jealous, old, crazy, fat, lazy insecure hag would be good for a husband. These lunatics make no sense.

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
6 years ago

ow to x after my son outed them – I know how hurt you are that your own son would betray you, he totally invaded our privacy.

I am Chump hear me roar
I am Chump hear me roar
5 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

I sent an email to the leeches wife after I found out she knew about my now x wife cheating with him for a year, or 6 months, or 2 (story changed every time I asked), & he asked my now x wife to tell me to please not contact his wife. I appropriately guffawed at the irony.
I wish I had discovered this site 18 months ago but it is so pleased to read the similar stories (so much crazy to share!), the “I don’t remember”, the “I havn’t been happy for awhile”, it’s like these people follow the same script!
We were married 13 years, have a daughter, and I was utterly sideswiped and devastated. But I didn’t fail, she did, and I didn’t waste those years, she did, so fuck her (That’s what I love about this site, anger is ok, coz I’m so pissed off, the lies, the conning, the unfairness of it all).
My child and I left her, my child goes to her mums at weekends and before school, so I still see the x nearly every day. It’s been so hard, but I’m doing fine withwith a lot of friends support and a wonderful therapist, and after reading a lot of these stories I got off pretty lightly. Thanks for sharing everyone, appreciated so much. I am a chump, but I’d rather be a chump than a miserable deceitful sneaky shallow cheat.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

That is…almost perfectly narcissistic. An OW for the ages.

Onward_chump
Onward_chump
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

O.M.F.G. Fuck those two. Your son is freakin awesome! Good man!

Free Vix
Free Vix
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

Aww, betrayal is a bitch, isn’t it? The poor dears…

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

Are you F-ing kidding me? How do these people not see their own hypocrisy?

Ex actually said to me when I ranted about the betrayal of our children “I didn’t betray them, I betrayed you.” As if their non adult status makes them immune to the consequences of his actions. #cheatersarenuts

Tuesdays calling
Tuesdays calling
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Me too ‘I didn’t do this to the kids, I did this to you’ along with the OW telling everyone she didn’t do anything wrong as she wasn’t the one that was married, it warms my heart that these two may live together forever.

conniered
conniered
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

ahhhh yes. The “I’m not leaving our son, I’m leaving YOU!” This was yelled at me during child custody mediation. I laughed at him. Really, asshole? You think you are just leaving ME? You are demented. Anything to justify his actions. Ask your son if you left just me. Freak.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  conniered

conniered…..A freak he is! A dumb ass one too!

OhHellNo
OhHellNo
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Yep. My kids hear that all the time. “I was unfair to your mom but I never did anything to you.” Ummm…. except break our family apart and totally blow apart their world. They don’t buy it but it doesn’t stop him from saying it CONSTANTLY.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Omfg — the kids and I heard this excuse 24/7 — selfish PIG

I spy a cheater
I spy a cheater
6 years ago
Reply to  OhHellNo

Ex said the same to me when I told him that he had made it impossible for our son to grow up with 2 parents together. Ex said, “get over it! Everyone is divorced! This will make him normal! My parents were divorced and I turned out fine.”
This said from a man that met his OW on Craig’s Lust while I was 6 months pregnant.
He also said that he was leaving me not our son and if I handled things the right way our son would be fine, but if I screwed up the divorce then it would be bad for our son.WTH does that mean???
He’s seen our 4 times in 6 years and hasn’t spoken to him in over a year!

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago

It is horrible that these jackasses abandon their own children. I really do wonder, though, whether it’s better for the child’s development in the long run not to have a fuckwit influence in their lives. Weighing the pain of your parent discarding you against the continued pain of having them in your life as a toxic force….hmm…jury’s out (though I myself think I’d have fared better with just my sane mother in my life and narc father far away).

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Same here. My parents were physically violent to each other, divorced, but back-and-forth together-not-together for years when I was a kid. My dad was around, sure, but not as much as I would have liked. Then again, when me and my sisters went to visit, within 20-30 minutes, we were ready to go back home. Our dad would pitch a fit on us, call us every name in the book, threaten us for committing the smallest infraction…yet, I don’t and never treated my kids like that.

Long after they divorced, my mom was actually my dad’s OW when he remarried and had my half-sister. I’ve seen it all. Yet, not once did I cheat in either marriage.

I think that if I had to analyze it all, in my case, I decided that I would be better than my parents. In short, I deserved better parents, and would be better for my self, my children, and husband(s).

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago

He’s an ass. I’m sure son sees thru his garbage. (And I love your avatar!)

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

The OW/whore….needs to understand that our kids have ONE mother……and only ONE mother. Loyalty to your mother……does not make you a momma’s boy. It makes you a normal human being.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
6 years ago

The OW in my situation said “It would be an honor to be their stepmom” and “I love your boys “. Ok…if you truly loved them, you would not have chased after their “dad” when you KNEW he was married with two kids.

Whore has absolutely no boundaries.

Nyra
Nyra
6 years ago
Reply to  Gonegirl

These people have NO idea what love is.
“Love is patient; love is kind, and envies no one. Love is not boastful or proud or rude; never selfish. It does not demand it’s own way…. it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out!”
*Actions of adulterers fall into the “love is not/never” category!

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago
Reply to  Nyra

Nyra, so true. Beautiful saying
But I was never loved in 34 years. Almost makes me cry but at least I loved, I was real. Sorry I wasted my youth on a cruel, selfish narc with no soul.
My son is the only good thing I have from being betrayed so long & discarded for a Whore.
Hopefully I’ll find some happiness in all this.

Kathleen Whitfield
Kathleen Whitfield
6 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

You will.

JJ
JJ
6 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Kathleen, same here, we were in love for 10 years until the kids and the debt etc came along. I tried my best but he stopped loving me some time ago, but was too comfortable/scared to say anything. You’ve never betrayed, you have been and are awesome, and Chump Nation loves you! <3

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago
Reply to  JJ

JJ, thank you for the kind words. I’m sorry you had to go thru that too. But I believe that eventually these disgusting, cheating narcs (& the Whore too) will pay for the devastation they caused.
Bless you & everyone here who experienced betrayal
Hugs to you!

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

I like the sound of your son, what a guy!

newdaydawning
newdaydawning
6 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

My son is awesome! x on the other hand told me my son was a mamas boy who should have handled the situation like a man by taking the bribe x offered him to keep quite. Thank God my son is a REAL man.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

?
Holy shit!!! Tried to bribe him?!?!? Ugh!!!

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

You’re raising a terrific and courageous young man. Way to go! (And kudos to him!)

Mally
Mally
6 years ago

My son pretty much the same. My STBXH has been relentlessly cheating for over half our marriage (only found out 6 months ago) and when i said I felt that our family was a lie my son quipped ” no mum, you, me and sister are a family and dad is the lie”. Such wise words from my 21 year old ? so glad I’ve raised intelligent, honest kids with respect and integrity.

WonderNoMore
WonderNoMore
6 years ago
Reply to  Mally

Oh, that is so sweet. Your son is awesome.

RunningViolet
RunningViolet
6 years ago
Reply to  Mally

“No Mum, you, me, and sister are a family and dad is the lie”

TOTAL parenting win! You are mighty, Ms. Mally!

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  newdaydawning

Win for you, newday. Great job on raising your child to have integrity and honesty!

JC
JC
6 years ago

“I’m sorry you’re having troubles in your marriage” (that I’m helping to cause).

I read that one on my EW’s phone, from the OM during my brief spying phase.

Loz
Loz
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

The OW would tell my now ex husband that she was so sorry I was so mean to him. Meanwhile he was raging at me I am a terrible horrible person.
Also OW was going to help him save our son from me.

He gets less than standard visitation…

MRSVAIN
MRSVAIN
6 years ago
Reply to  Loz

completely .. … the married hood rat troll demon convinced my wasband that i “wasnt treating HIM right” even thou he was the one who was staying out all night, not coming home, not answering my calls or texts, not spending time with us, not helping to pay bills or do anything for us.. .. he was the one cheating, drinking and started using meth.. .. but right it was ME who wasnt treating him right.. .. then his stupid ass tried to rage at me (because she told him to tell me.. .. yep he is a weak, spineless, weasel) and i broke him down with the truth

she also loved HIS sons so much (even thou she only met them once behind my back) and she was “NOT GONNA LET ME CONTROL HIM WITH THE KIDS” and help him “GET AWAY FROM MY CONTROLLING WAYS” (as she controls his every move, doesnt allow him to spend any time alone with his own kids, has to go everywhere he does, doesnt let anyone talk to him without call her first and explaining to her why they need to talk to him, telling anyone who calls him that he is not home, has him isolated and high all the time and doesnt let him speak or think for himself).. .

wasband hasnt seen the boys since jan 30, 2017.. .. and even then it was only since nov 2016 because he ghosted us for 2.5 years before that.. ..

Loz
Loz
6 years ago
Reply to  MRSVAIN

My husband had to call her everytime he came to my house and left and especially if he had our son. Can trust a cheater. She had my husband locked down haha.

Meanwhile who was watching her son. Oh wait he was in the room with them and by room I mean her sugar daddies living room where they all lived with the bedbugs…gross

Cheaters keeping it classy.

MRSVAIN
MRSVAIN
6 years ago
Reply to  Loz

ha. i can totally one up that..

she drives by my house when he is visiting and actually stops at the curb to talk to him (and my boys…GAG) but of course she trusts him so much… because “HE LOVES HER NOW”…

Recently, she convinced him to move out of town again (because he was starting to spend to much time visiting his sons at my house and it is the only place he can get away from her watchful and demanding eyes).. .. so they just pack their shit and run off in the middle of the night, went to live with HER HUSBAND!!!! i just can not comprehend how nerve wrecking that would be.. .. seriously!! i mean i know she and her husband have been separated for like 10 years. he has his girlfriend and wasband is her 6th true love.. .. but there is no way in hell i would bring my current flavor and sleep in the spare room or couch of my ex flavor or husband or whatever.. . and her 4 kids all live at home tooo.. ..

one big dysfunctional messed up happy family..

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  MRSVAIN

That’s so far past crazy, I can’t even finish this sentence …. ?

honeyandthehomewrecker
honeyandthehomewrecker
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

Honey recently asked me to reduce the child support wage garnishment he’s experiencing so he could ‘afford to come see the kids’ but I said no because he’s $40K in arrears and left us with $0 for this last year with no explanation. It was only once that first garnishment FINALLY kicked in that he stooped to talk to me and cared about seeing the kids. Ass.

So now that I’ve said no, I’m somehow single-handedly responsible for why he can’t come see his kids. He moved 2,300 miles away from them for HomeWrecker, and has seen them once in three years. But every prior decision to spend money on other things, such as buying H Dubs a $4,000 ring and clothing and feeding her 2 children from prior men aren’t considered. It’s all me and my unbridled greed at wanting him to pay what the court ordered him to. Can’t make this shit up.

So get this. H Dubs sent me an email right after I said no and remarked that her 2 kids dads support ‘doesn’t even come clothes to the amount Honey has to pay you. It wouldn’t cost him so much if you didn’t live in California.’ And no, that’s not a typo. She wrote CLOTHES.

Tell you what, crazy pants. Next time you get betrayed and suddenly abandoned with 2 babies in diapers and have to run heartbroken to your hometown where there’s family that can help you, I’ll get to tell you where you should have moved because it would’ve been better for me in some way. That way, we can both have a turn being insensitive assholes.

Loz
Loz
6 years ago
Reply to  MRSVAIN

Lol I swear his mask made him appear to not be so jerry springer like. Lol today he wants to come parent and I should forget his past of a pathological liar..

Mehphista
Mehphista
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

I got that one, too. Downgrade was an ex in-law, and close friend, in whom I confided. “He would never do that to you.” Um, Bitch, please…he’s doing YOU.

As to the drivel I found on FB messenger- it would break the UBT. She and Mr Fab are blocked, but I get the odd comment of hers in the ‘see your memories’ thing. So far, I am resisting the temptation to comment years later with stuff like “Thanks for liking the picture of Kiddo’s recital. Really appreciated, since I know you gave her dad a bj in the car while we were in line for ice cream…”

Whatever, Schmoopies gonna Schmoop.

Free Vix
Free Vix
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

Any time he leads with “I’m sorry that…”, you can be assured that he is not sorry. I got

“I’m sorry that you feel that way.”

“I’m sorry that you got hurt.”

“I’m sorry that you’re so negative all the time.”

Replace “I’m sorry that” with “I get kibbles because”, and you’ll have the correct translation.

“I get kibbles because you’re having troubles in your marriage.”

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
6 years ago
Reply to  Free Vix

“I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
This is the only “apology” I ever received from my ex during our entire 20-year marriage. No matter what he had done wrong, those were his words. Delivered in a cold, monotone voice with no facial expression. God, I heard that line so many times.

mavis
mavis
6 years ago
Reply to  GladIt'sOver

Same ^^^

No soul whatsoever

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  Free Vix

And you quote his/her passive-voice, or outright blaming us, perfectly!

I admit, she once did write she was sorry for “the way I treated you last year.” But this was mid-divorce, while she was still with him, blowing up your life while “trying” to get me back.

So, I conclude this wasn’t a genuine apology.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

Ditto …. I got exactly the same from X. I divorced him – went completely NC. Working really hard at building my new life.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

After the last visit with the marriage counselor when STBX told him that he was done with reconciliation and planned to move out she sent him a text saying “how are you feeling”. I only know this because he told me in a way that showed he was touched by her concern for his feelings. Pissed the hell out of me. My feelings didn’t matter much to either of them.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

Chumpinrecovery……so sorry. What a freakin pair of reptiles! They deserve each other.

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago

Chumpinrecovery, there are so many wrongs in the infidelity realm that have to be righted. One of the many wrongs are dumb-ass marriage counselors who apparently know nothing about the cheating psyche. One of our marriage counselors wanted to flirt with James Bond. Wow.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  QueenMother

In case it wasn’t clear, it was Schmoopie who sent the text not the marriage counselor.

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

I got a letter from OW that began (exactly) like this, “I am not a whore”. She then proceeded to tell me what a great Christian she was. My kids and I rolled on the floor over that one. It reminded me of Nixon’s “I am not a crook!”

FedupChump
FedupChump
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

“I am not a whore”. No, bitch. You’re just a slut. At least whores get paid.

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  FedupChump

“I am not a whore”. No, bitch. You’re just a slut. At least whores get paid.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I just snorted my coffee on that one!

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  Current Chump

I guess OW was a whore then, because she was being paid by X to be a “consultant.” Haha.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
6 years ago
Reply to  FedupChump

^^^ This^^^

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  FedupChump

“I’m not a whore” along with “I’m not a homewrecker”. I’m just sleeping with a MM and demanding he divorce you. ?Another fave was “I feel really bad” (just not bad enough to stop fucking him in my bed). Well, times are a changin’, current Mrs. Cheater. Now you get to live my old life. ???

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

I call that kind of skank ….a “slunt.” slut + the “C” word (rhymes with hunt).

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

Yep, 2 years now for The Evil One & Mrs. DumbAss have been together…I have no doubt that she is living my 13-year debacle. I have never spoken two words to her, but I habe doubt shes miserable- hahahahahaaaa

That makes me happy and I enjoy my freedom.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Waffles

And that is their just reward–our old life!!! Have at it, honey! Meanwhile, let me just skip away happily…..

Sweetsunny
Sweetsunny
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

A Grinch like smile crosses my face as I think of the misery he and his wifestress are in. She announced she is pregnant. I feel bad for the baby to be, luckily it’ll have at least my five to watch out for it.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

Ughhhhhhhhhh! I hate when whores, bimbos, skanks and other sordid cheaters…….invoke the Bible and hide in the church. Maybe that’s why the church in the USA is in decline?

ANC
ANC
6 years ago

Yes. For a while immediately after DDAY, I fantasized about having the LT MOW served or outed in her bible study group.

Something along the lines of her emails of hardcore porn links with requests for re enactments and then her follow up scripture email. Both visual and auditory to include all kinds of learning modes.

The hypocrisy kills me. Huge trigger for me.

PF
PF
6 years ago

Yup….I had the sexting texts. With the proof I showed her, my ex went nuts and attempted to eat our very nice throw pillows as she flailed from couch to couch in our living room.

One sext text from her schmoopie loser that stood out was him saying
“Even if you have sex on the same day with me and your husband my sperm will dominate and win the race if you weren’t on the pill.”

That loser bailed out her when I called him and told him his superior sperm wins and I had ordered my cheater wife a taxi to take her to his place. He cried and begged me to not tell his wife. Too late for that Mr. Sperm I told him, Mrs. Sperm has been notified with proof.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

God, just the word “sperm” is a huge turnoff as far as I’m concerned. It’s unbelievable what these cheaters consider to be romantic or sexy talk. Absolute freaks.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Hahahaha?

QueenMother
QueenMother
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Whoaaa! Dude! You rock!!!!!

PF that scene should be in a movie. (Can we start a new movie genre — cheater action/drama?)

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

That’s awesome, PF!!!

PucksMuse
PucksMuse
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

I know it’s wrong, but the pillow eating story is one of my favorites. Right up there with the sleeping bag inch-worm.

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Simply Awesome PF!

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Tough day at the track, indeed …..

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

I think this one wins the prize for best comeback from a few weeks ago.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Oh, PF, I love that you called the loser and told him his sperm won! And that a taxi was bringing him his prize and he cried! Proof that they are lazy cowards living in a delusion. Thanks for sharing.

RobinLee
RobinLee
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

A SPERM RACE????? And, you actually saw this text? And, you confronted her?

No wonder she wanted to eat throw pillows.

Finally, I understand.

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

This HAS to be the winner!

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Ewww dominate spermatozoa! That’s about as romantic as having someone stab you in the eye with a spoon! EWWWWWW

Tundra Woman
Tundra Woman
6 years ago

Can we name em-like goldfish?
“Wrong Way Dave” vs. “Pussy-La Tour?” “Pemature Jack” vs. “Porno Pete?”

Blooming
Blooming
6 years ago
Reply to  Tundra Woman

Hahaha! How about,

“Seamen Biscuit”
“Spermateriat”
“Sperm o’ War”

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Blooming

Well-done, Blooming!

And of course all these competitors run at the Freakness.

Tundra Woman
Tundra Woman
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

And if he “hires” two women concurrently he can enter the Trifection.
The winners are referred to as Triple Clowns and retired to Dud Service where they gaze on fresh porn and spend their time pulling on that thing like it’s a one armed bandit-into artificial donation cups.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Tundra Woman

Tundra Woman!!!! LOL!

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Tundra Woman

Cialis Slew

Secretary ‘n Us

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Seabullocks*

Genuinely Risky*

Winning Cummers*

Seattle Slut* (that’s for UNM)

Ruffian**

Unbridled**

*moderations made to winning horses’ names
** actually winning horses names, but they fit

PalmTrees
PalmTrees
6 years ago
Reply to  Tundra Woman

This is hilarious! I a dying here.

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

My Hero!

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Now on gofundme: Ultimate Sperm Fighting

We’ll make a FORTUNE!

Pearshaped
Pearshaped
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

From things I’ve seen and read, they actually do that.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXworld…LOL! The Ultimate Sperm Fight now playing at theaters near you!

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

I always giggle at this event re telling #notenoughthrowpillowsatpieronetoeat

Sad too, though.

FMT
FMT
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Me, too. The throw pillow story is one of the true gems of the chump stories on this blog. Hadn’t heard the sperm race story before, but PF’s response was perfect.

PF, you really do rock!

Jessica
Jessica
6 years ago
Reply to  FMT

wait, this woman actually tried to….eat…pillows?
wha..? how..? WHY? lol

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Mr. Sperm! LOL! For the win! You are mighty!

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

#dominatingsperm

Love it.

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

Ew gross, how is that attractive?

Jessica
Jessica
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

The ultimate pick-me dance: “The battle of the semen” version.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

That line would be a total turn-off for me. No sperm races at my place.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago

I’m okay with sperm races as long as they’re treated more humanely than greyhounds.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

^^^????!!!

I dunno. Sounds a bit inhumane to me, Tempest. Poor sperm. Bags not starting the Sperm Rescue charity though …

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
6 years ago
Reply to  PF

You rock PF! (And you sperm does too!)*

*Can’t believe i just typed that! 🙂

MightyAgain
MightyAgain
6 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Hahaha!

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Hahaha! ???

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
6 years ago

The schmoopie to my ex who expressed that he was distraught ( uhhh….okay) that our adult children have gone no contact with him.
“I’m sorry that your children don’t understand why we had to do what we needed to do in ending our marriages and families. Until they get on board and respect our relationship, this is just how it will have to be.”
As he babysits her two young kids while she goes to “massage school” at night, but hasn’t spoken to his kids in 2 years.
Yep, that happened. You cant make this shit up.

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Yep, same here, Paintwidow. The Evil One has little to nothing to do except every other weekend with my DD, and has argued and fought with me the last two years about keeping her for his Christmas to New Year’s Day week.

Meanwhile, he berates the staff at DDs “special school” (DD is Autistic), harrasses the teachers with emails regarding them “violating his parental rights”. Of course, he is a full-time daddy to Schmoopies 2 young kids. He showed up a whopping 2 of her 10 adaptive baseball games. The first one he brought Schmoopie, and her 2 kids all dressed up like they were the ideal family, and then within minutes ofmthe game starting, they were all in the truck watching from the parking lot.

Regina
Regina
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwidow; Can only hope that “Massage School” is taking payment for giving other guys a Happy Ending while he is babysitting her kids!

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwidow….so sorry for your kids. Two pieces of shit……gloating on their pathetic union. In the end….the only thing that really matters is our kids. He will come crawling back to them…..with some half baked excuse about why he needed new pussy.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
6 years ago

Peacekeeper and Leavingthecrapbehind,
Thank you.
Not very meh, but I just hate her.
Not because she’s with my ex, but because she’s a transparent, shallow, shitty person.

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Oh Paintwidow, his loss of your beautiful children.
You are so right, we can’t make this shit up!
They produce it and we get to shovel it!

Shadowfire
Shadowfire
6 years ago

Comments describing their hook-ups in the school library (ho-workers) made me sick at the time. It’s been five years so thankfully don’t remember them verbatim. However, it recently struck me that ex’s texts to both ow that I found out about resemble our now 14 year old son’s texts to his girlfriend. No wonder ex treated me as the evil parent figure lol

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Shadowfire

Shadowfire….often these disordered freaks are teenagers emotionally/sexually.

Mine was web caming with a woman from Ghana- here’s part of the transcript he wrote:

I think you are hot
I love your large breasts
Let’s web cam
Let me show you my large dick
You are hot

LOL! These are the words of a 60 year old man!

Aletheia
Aletheia
6 years ago

I imagine that in robot voice with bunnies talking.

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
6 years ago
Reply to  Aletheia

I just threw up a little.
When I saw the text messages on my ex’s phone after he asked me for a divorce it was not romantic at all….just kind of gross.
All I could think is “ewwww….”even in my most furious pick me dance I couldn’t bring myself to text some of the stuff she did.

Aletheia
Aletheia
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

I have seen some shockingly tone deaf messages. Someday, when I am divorced, I’ll share the twu-wuv letter. It looks like it was crafted for me to find, calling out meetup dates and places.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago

Ewwww. They really don’t get how pathetic they look to the rest of the world or that the woman he sent that text too is probably laughing her head off.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

The hoe from Ghana cleaned him out to the tune of $5000……before he found out it was a scam……..run by men!

violet
violet
6 years ago

Beep,beep! The karma bus has arrived.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago

My retinas! Glad you are free from this creep.

I am the Chump.
I am the Chump.
6 years ago

The OW in my case gave X a Father`s Day card which I found after he left. Kind of perfect since he is 16 years older than her. They were having an affair at the time she did this. She was still married and DD had not happened.

She signed the card to him from all of her many pets as well as from our family’s pets. She even took the time to make a little paw print under each name.

FMT
FMT
6 years ago

That’s just . . .

Nejla
Nejla
6 years ago

My 7 year old just did that for our dog for Mothe’s Day!!! Lol!

mutterchump
mutterchump
6 years ago

My STBX husband’s line, with me and many, many women over the years, is:

“With a gorgeous/ambitious/brilliant/driven woman like you by my side, I could be governor.”

It was sweet when he said it to me when we were 22.

It’s pathetic when he says it to an also-married OW when he’s 42 and has never made an effort to get involved in politics.

It’s hilarious when he says it to a semi-literate 23-year-old stripper with multiple arrests and convictions for domestic violence.

But now that I’ve got all these messages and more, he’s definitely never gonna be governor now.

JC
JC
6 years ago
Reply to  mutterchump

Governor Spitzer? Schwarzenegger? Bentley?

Which cheating governor does he aspire to be?

Nora
Nora
6 years ago
Reply to  mutterchump

Is he friends with the Bentley, the ex-governor of Alabama?

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  mutterchump

Actually, he would fit right in. Think Newt. Didn’t he nominate OWife#2 or #3 to head an ETHICS committee recently?

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

2, 3, 4 or 5, whatthefuckever!
He is butt ugly! That voice! Yuk!
I am feeling pissy this fun Friday, not my usual peacekeeper self!
Thank you chumps for all the smiles that you often manage to weave in with the heartache.
YOU ALL are mighty.

A sense of humour often saves us.
Have you noticed cheaters rarely have a sense of humour, really!

Roberta
Roberta
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Yeah, I heard that and my jaw dropped! Seriously, Newts third wife…… ethics????? What’s wrong with that sentence?????? Disgusting!

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

The current admin nominates these people…to Trump, a “3rd, Catholic wife: make perfect sense. Oy.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

The. Ethical Vatican Ambassador,

muttercourage
muttercourage
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Newt’s OWife3 is allegedly going to be nominated to be Ambassador to the Vatican. Because she and Newt are such devout Catholics and all. 😀

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  muttercourage

That was it! Ridiculous! Has she not even read the freaking story of Moses? The Ten Commandments?

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  mutterchump

Ha ha ha! Semi- literate stripper with a rap sheet! That will get him to the governor’s mansion for sure!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago

Why stop there. Might as well go all the way to the Whitehouse.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago

CIR,. we have one in the Whitehouse already!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Sometimes it almost seems like a prerequisite to going into politics. Say what you will about Bush Jr. and Obama. At least they weren’t known cheaters. At least we didn’t have that circus in the white house for 16 years (others maybe but not that). It is possible that they were just better at covering it up, but at least it wasn’t blatant and condoned by their followers.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

???

Luziana
Luziana
6 years ago
Reply to  mutterchump

Never ???gonna be governor now! Yes!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  mutterchump

For the win!

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago

After KK texted the Carrot Singer a selfie highlighted the black eye she got from BDSM Guy (but said that I gave to her):

“(UXworld) just better fucking pray he never comes face to face with me. He’ll be sorry he was ever born.”

One month later, he saw KK and me in our driveway waiting for his arrival, he sped on down to the end of our deadend street and sat in someone’s driveway until we started walking toward him. (When he found out he was lied to about the black eye, he suddenly turned into Super Sad Sausage: “You lied to me? I thought we had something special.” Right in front of me.)

marriagedetective
marriagedetective
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Carrot Singer!!! Dr. Pepper is now all over my screen! Ha ha!

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Haha. Yeah, actions not words. Big lying coward. They all are. He probably shat in his pants when he saw you walking towards him.

FMT
FMT
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

This made me spit out my coffee.

Big protective he-man scuttling away to cower at the end of the street. hahaha

Regina
Regina
6 years ago
Reply to  FMT

Wait a minute; Is this not the one with Super Sperm? Would more likely be holding onto the side of her Fallopian tube screaming for mercy, afraid of the big bad egg.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago

Rectum of Wonder, MaryKay Ho of Corona Ca, Former Hog Queen of Md (no joke. Proof you CAN put lipstick on a pig and guess what? It’s still a pig) – the one LT MOW that wormed its way out and led me to wake up from decades of abuse would post middle school Instagram tripe such as “Though we are apart, we are under the same stars..missing you..”. That’s paraphrased. Imagine something like that dumbed-down.

Ninja Chump
Ninja Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

One of the ex’s fuck nuggets was always sending him deep and meaningful emails during her campaign to help him find his “Bravery” to leave me. One in particular I can remember off hand was “A ship in harbour is safe, but is that what ships are made for?” Another one “Taking a risk is scary what if it isn’t worth it? Ah, but what if it is?”

PMSL

Lady b
Lady b
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Like year 8 poetry.

AuntieMame
AuntieMame
6 years ago

I had the pleasure of hearing it, instead of reading it. Only his side, but apparently she turned him on ‘like no one ever has before’. Funny. He said the same thing to me. I guarantee he was saying it to OW2 as well.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
6 years ago
Reply to  AuntieMame

(Then 42 year-old) OW, breathlessly to (then 47 year-old) ex, “I’ve never come so fast with anyone else!” High praise indeed … when you run down the mile-long list of candidates. #superiorspermgetfucked!

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

^^^^ Ouchies. ? Your assessment is hi- fucking-larious.

Mom9193
Mom9193
6 years ago

When X told me he wanted a divorce there was no mention of Schmoopie nor did I realize there was one. I stupidly thought he was just going through a mid-life crisis and it would all work out.

He decided that Thanksgiving that he would go visit his family alone and I agreed to let him. On Friday of TG weekend, my FIL called to tell me about his conversation with X and how he couldn’t make him change his mind. Then FIL mentioned there was someone else and proceeded to tell me that Schmoopie was the old (age 58) college GF and FIL was very sorry about it. W.O.W. Never saw that coming. Devastated and angry at the scope of the betrayal, I got on the phone with family all the while keeping it hush from our daughters who were home from college. But I kept hearing the ping of text messages and couldn’t figure out where it was coming from as he had his phone. Then I realized, they were coming from his iPad. I logged in and saw the messages between X&S. Apparently, they were getting together that Friday and going off for the remainder of the weekend. She was driving to meet him and his text wanted to know if she was “wearing any underwear?” “Did you bring your negligee?” To which she responded that she had her “Lanz” (flannel) nightgown. This was so comical, that I chimed in that it was now me texting and their conversation made me want to puke. Between rage and tears, it was just so idiotic that it still makes me laugh at the absurdity! She can have him….

Lady b
Lady b
6 years ago
Reply to  Mom9193

Oh how damn funny, good for you.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

My STBX pervert’s Scmoopies are web cam hoes…..anonymous internet hook ups and his chubby incest aunt (she banging him when he was a teenager- right under his family’s “upper middle class noses”)

After I threw him out……filed for divorce he hooked up with his plump incest aunt on FB. He is planning “family get togethers” with my kids and the obese incest aunt.

Oh no……no no no! My kids are adults….and they know what incest is…..they know how damaging it is. Pervy Pants and his plump incest aunt….will have to picnic alone- without my kids.

13 Years a Chump
13 Years a Chump
6 years ago

Geez, that’s gross. I thought mine was bad when I found out he was trying to hook up with his step-sister!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago

Family fuckers are down there with Jesus Cheaters and pregnancy and post partum cheaters.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
6 years ago

I pity the teenager who was abused, but I agree that you are not obligated to have a relationship with these people.

conniered
conniered
6 years ago

OMG. What the hell is wrong with these people!!??

Newlady15
Newlady15
6 years ago

Ewww! What a sicko

Nejla
Nejla
6 years ago

Oh man! My XH left 11 months ago to find his happiness and a few weeks after I looked at the cell phone bill (his only responsibility was his very expensive lease and the mortgage which he had stopped paying for 7 months before he left) Of the 79 pages of the bill I read online, 54 were from his pretty much constant communication with the affair partner that he didn’t bother mentioning. I filed divorce and went no contact before having the pleasure of reading all the texts.
All I have to say is I have been terrifying my bus buddy this morning in my way to work with the laughing at the Gilbert Gottfried reading! That is good stuff!!
Happy Friday!

middlefingersup
middlefingersup
6 years ago

My stbxh told his GF, while we were married, that I (his wife) should just get together with her husband. It would solve all their problems! She responded with a giggle text.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago

I don’t know what stupid things Schmoopie has said, but at one point STBX said “If the four of us (meaning us plus Schmoopie and her then husband) went to marriage counseling together we could save some money.”

He also said that I shouldn’t date her husband because he was a lying cheating jerk. pfft

middlefingersup
middlefingersup
6 years ago

The best part is, I am pretty sure they are still together, but the idiot charged his online dating account to where I can see the transactions. Good luck to her!

Beth
Beth
6 years ago

After DDay #1 I creeped on OW’s facebook page. She had this meme of Jesus standing at a door and her post was something like “I will answer when Jesus comes knocking at my door, will you?”. I wanted so badly to post “I hope he doesn’t show up while you’re fucking my husband. That’d be embarrassing.” but I didn’t.

The only thing I heard directly from a Schmoopie was from the stripper/fluffer gf who lives with my ex. She called me a couple of times until I blocked her number and in the course of a conversation took me to task for not encouraging my adult children to reconcile with their dad. I told her when she got custody of her own daughters she could give me parenting advice but until then, STFU.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth…..tell her to “fuck off.” Jesus won’t mind.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Good grief, Beth, the mindset of these cheaters. It would indeed have been hilarious if you had posted that, but as is typical of loving, considerate chumps, you didn’t. You are definitely one of my chump heroes. The Jesus cheaters are the worst, IMHO.

Kay
Kay
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

The other woman has preached twice at her church. I watched online. She is so spiritual and so deceived. She lives five minutes down the road from me. I passed her one day driving my husbands very nice vehicle which I know she saw. We were going very slow in a school zone and I’m pretty sure I was smirking while passing her. Looked on her page a few days later. It was Christmas time and she said she had been looking for Christmas music and ran across this gem. She literally wrote….” Oh the memories! How fun! Haha!!”…. So, I went off her page and looked it up. Well yes, because every good Christian Woman puts up a song about sex in the summer that even covered positions! Yes it really did! She is a married woman also. Her sermons sounded like she was trying to convince herself of something!!….. I am so glad I can sleep peacefully at night. Disordered doesn’t even do them justice!!

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Kay

I would rather hang out with the Pagans…..than a half assed phony Christian like that!

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

What is it with these folks who claim to be Christians and then proceed to violate one of the most basic tenants of the faith? OW loudly and publicly continues to tell everyone that she “isn’t perfect, just forgiven.” A friend recently sent me a video that OW’s most recent church put on its site (encouraging members to attend). Interestingly, she talked about the new minister in a very creepy, groupie kind of way. Wonder if the preacher’s wife knows of OW’s history of cheating? She might reconsider letting OW proclaim the virtues of her husband…

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Self control is hard. It also shows our ability for rational thought and impluse control. Great job on the parenting comment with the idiot!

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Oh my gosh, that would have been freaking hilarious ?! Too bad for good self control and standards! I also love how publicly “Godly” cheaters are… after all, isn’t Facebook proclamation of Christianity the true meaning of Christian (barf ?)

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

How in God’s name do these fuckers find the nerve to show their faces in a church?

Sorrynotsorry
Sorrynotsorry
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

I was told that “maybe God brought her to me to make me happy”, OW claims to be a very devout Christian and she thinks she will be my STBX’s savior. My STBX is not a believer so for him to say this to my face made me ?

Sugar Plum
Sugar Plum
6 years ago
Reply to  Sorrynotsorry

Wow. My cheater X also gave me the cheater babble. “She’s a devout Catholic who goes to church more often than you (me)!’, and ‘This is what God wants me to do (adultery, abandonment, and divorce).” To which I responded, “Not only does God not want you to do any of this, he specifically stated it in the Commandments, not to do it, and not to think about doing it. But I suppose that out of 6 BILLION people, he gave you a free pass than the rest of us!”. Not my finest moment, but in my defense, I’d just discovered how ugly she was, morbidly obese, and (shit you not) that she was a high-functioning intellectually disabled 22 year old (yeah you read that right, we used to call them retarded, but we’ve made it more socially acceptable to say). I couldn’t even be mad at HER because she was handicapped intellectually. And, is course, she posted on FB stupid crap like , “When one door closes, God opens another door! God will bring you someone if you wait long enough (apparently being the long distance side chick for 3 years was finally waiting long enough)”, and other such dribble in memes. I saw a meme and it took everything I had not to post that memes going around saying something to the effect of, “No, (or was it newsflash) God will never bring you someone else’s husband!”.
I couldn’t resist posting it on MY FB wall and keeping it open to “public” knowing she was stalking my FB. Again not my finest moment. But I did block her and her crazy family within 6 months and I’ve never looked again at her crap in over 3.5 years!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Sugar Plum

Actually I think those were fine moments for you. You told the truth. You were not being mean or vulgar.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago

To the 21 year old stripper named “Barbie” (my what an original stage name)… “I’m not a liar. I’m sorry I hurt you and drug you into my marriage problems. I have to try and make my marriage work, I owe that to my children. My wife is tracking my every move right now, and if she doesn’t change, it will be a sad day for my children when I leave. You are so smart and you deserve the best in life. You have taught me the kind of person I want to be, and for that I will be forever grateful. I will not lie to anyone anymore, I know who I am and what I want out of life, I owe that all to you”

Lol, typing it out now it seems rediculous. A 42 year old man thanking a 21 year old stripper for showing him the kind of person he wants to be. Apparently a roll in the hay with a stripper can transform you and put your life goals into perspective ?.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

Got-a-brain, the Jesus cheater in my story above was named Barbie too LOL. Her email was “angelbarbie”. Bleh. The stripper/fluffer gf is named Brandy. I’ve always been disappointed that she didn’t spell it with an “i” to make it the perfect stripper name. Ironically, my ex always called me “B”. I’ve always wondered if he gravitated to women with names that start with B so he didn’t have to worry about calling out the wrong name. Maybe he just called all of us “B”. Sick Fucker.

geekmom
geekmom
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Maybe “B” as in Plan?

MRSVAIN
MRSVAIN
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

that is so crazy.. .. wasband seems to gravitated to women with names tha start with M.. .. my real name also starts with M.. .. DDay#1 with a hood rat named Melissa and DDay#2 hood rat named Michelle.. ..

Free Vix
Free Vix
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

I also like that he says he’s not a liar and then goes on to say that he’s a liar. Cheater gold.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago
Reply to  Free Vix

Exactly! He is the master of self-contradicting.

Another example: he told my ex sister-in-law, “I will not talk bad about her, but …. I will say if it wasn’t for me she would have aborted our first child” (not true)

Notice he won’t talk bad about me, but then talks bad about me. No wonder I walked into a therapists office 2 weeks before D-day 1 and told her “I think I might be crazy.” Living with that for 18 years will turn your mind to mush!

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  Got-a-brain

It’s very magical. And from the transcript, all.your.fault-bad mommy-wife!

I hope you are not with this asshole any longer.

He did reveal exactly what he is beyond an entitled idiot. His enlightenment ” taught him the kind of person he wants to be” which is a liar cheater and thief demanding you, the spouse, make that fucking cake, dance that spackling dance and eat your shit sandwich.

Got-a-brain
Got-a-brain
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

That was after D-day 1, back in 2011. I’m a slow learning Chump, and stayed 4 more years in wait for the revelation of d-days 2,3, and 4 (in 1 fell swoop), he upgraded to escorts (or downgraded, I’m not entirely sure, I’m no sex worker aficionado ?‍♀️). I phoned my attorney on d-day 2 (2015) and told her to reinstate the previous divorce papers that I withdrew, because sadly, back then I had believed in unicorns ?. #unicornsarenotreal

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago

Gosh I wish I could have intercepted their correspondence but no luck. STBX is too careful for that (or I am just not aggressive enough). I really wish I could see that correspondence because I would really like to know which one is being the manipulative one.

According to him she “thinks the world of me”. She has a funny way of showing it. I did meet her a couple of times before DDay when she was pretending to make friends with me while shagging my husband behind my back. I never really liked her because she seemed pretty self-absorbed and condescending towards me. At one point she went on about how proud she was of being tall and how short I am. I generally consider myself of average height but STBX is tall so this conversation had me feeling pretty insecure despite my not really being able to put my finger on why. Then she went on to say “no offense but…” and said something I couldn’t really hear because we were in a noisy venue and she was talking over my head because she is so tall and all. She ended again with “no offense”. I don’t’ know what she said but it must have been offensive. Later on in marriage counseling STBX said something about my lack of social skills. Huh? At least I don’t directly insult the people I am talking to when I am trying to make friends or pretend to make friends but, oh yeah, I am not pretending when I make friends. I guess that doesn’t really count as stupid just offensive.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

Chumpinrecovery…….Scmoopie brings the “C” word to mind (rhymes with hunt). What passive aggressive “C” word! No offense! She would have got my fist down her throat!

nodancing
nodancing
6 years ago

OW is my case also put on a very long elaborate how of making friends with me. She too is unusually tall and very haughty. She specializes in insults with a smile, and it’s not just me who notices it. Everyone who knows her find her arrogant and insulting. I almost think it must be the same person, lol!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  nodancing

It could be. Her then husband implied that STBX was not her first affair although STBX says he is prone to exaggeration.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago

The “sorry, not sorry” passive aggressive put down.

Just sayin’ … (that’s the other passive aggressive gem that follows in conversations with assholes.)

Vastra
Vastra
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Ugh they are all awful. “No offence, but…” is always followed by something offensive.

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
6 years ago

I was never privy to their conversations because my X typically had a death grip on his phone right before I busted him with his shmoopie. But I did see a Facebook post of hers, shortly after she filed for divorce from her husband, and my husband filed on me, that she had “finally found my fairy tale dream man. Little girl dreams do come true!” This from a 45 year old women. A grown ass women who was married to someone else a month prior.

Later, she was publicly pissed off that so many people were talking shit about her and my X. They couldn’t understand why other people thought them tacky and instead, stuck to posting memes on how other people are “haters”.

Nora
Nora
6 years ago
Reply to  Rumblekitty

So, her little girl dream was to marry a middle-aged cheater?

Rumblekitty
Rumblekitty
6 years ago
Reply to  Nora

My past is her future. She better buckle up. 😉

PalmTrees
PalmTrees
6 years ago
Reply to  Nora

Bahahha. Love it Nora.

MightyE
MightyE
6 years ago

After he left, realized he regretted it, and started trying to get me to take him back, she was “so worried that you’re cheating on me with her!”

The “her” there being me. His wife. She was worried that her married boyfriend might be having sex with his actual wife behind her back. Actually, he was going to AA meetings at the church down the street, and then coming and mowing my lawn, washing my dishes, and cleaning my bathroom, and I was letting him, because hey, free maid service, and he needed to do that “making amends” thing for the months he spent not doing that shit because he was too busy sneaking off with Schmoopie while I earned most of our income.

Only my fellow chump SIL understood why I found that so damn hilarious.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  MightyE

STBX told me last fall that she was “hurt” because she believed he would end up coming back to me in the end. If she really believed that it was pretty ironic but I think she was just saying it to make sure it wouldn’t happen.

David2016
David2016
6 years ago

Text exchange (perfect for the Soulmate Shmoopie videos):

“I’m so lucky.”
“No, I’m the lucky one.”
“We are both lucky.”

I confronted XW with this. She claimed, wide-eyed, that they were referring to work-related issues, specifically medical equipment that had come in as ordered. At least I had the presence of mind to retort, “Do I have a stamp on my forehead that says Stupid?”

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

So much fucking luck in those 3 sentences!

David2016
David2016
6 years ago
Reply to  Peacekeeper

Hah. Five years later they are still together but fuck out of luck: they are miserable together, she occasionally hoovers me to come back, I decline (he has no idea) and they cling to each other in their fallen lucky palace. (Sounds like a bad Chinese restaurant.)

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Ha ha ha!!!! What about sum yung beef?

Ugh no...
Ugh no...
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Hahahaha! The Fallen Lucky Palace. I wonder if they serve whore drop soup and bang bang chicken?

Chumpy dad
Chumpy dad
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

David2016- I found a text on my x wife’s work phone that said “I might be drunk texting you tonight”. And I shit you not, I was told it was work related too. How dumb they must think we are is amazing!

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  David2016

Deep fried won tons!

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago

I never intercepted any emails from her, so I got very little on this front. Apparently they were bad enought to get her fired though..he was a government purchaser and she was the sales rep…nothing looks quite as good as the young single rep fucking the military purchaser. Semper Fidelis.

He did tell me a few things like she told him “I am here to teach you how to love UNM”, when she saw the scrapbooks of his career I had on display at his retirement, she supposedly commented how much I must love him to have made them (but she was still ok fucking him).

The day after Dday I made the age-old error of calling her and asking her to leave my husband alone…he spoke to her after the call to make sure she was OK but she said she didnt understand everything I said since I used such big words. Her first language is Chinese but she apparently spoke english well enough to graduate from the University of Washington (state) so not sure which of my words were too big to grasp.

She was engaged to a high end jeweler and wore a 39,000 diamond while they fucked. He once told me that she explained diamonds to him. Picturing him sitting like a lovesick puppy listening to her explained this shit to him made me sick (he started planning how he would buy her a $40,000 diamond to replace the one she would have to give back when she told her fiance they were done…never mind our 3 kids had no college funds…but their plan never got that far). She told him that round diamonds were the best. Years later I would remarry and I insisted that I NOT have a round diamond.

conniered
conniered
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I hear you!! IF I ever get married again, no diamonds. They mean jackshit to me.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  conniered

I hear you. I think the diamond was more for him than me. He wanted everybody to know how lucky I was to have him.

Justbe
Justbe
6 years ago

While watching our son compete in Las Vegas I discovered a text from my soon to be ex to her fuckbuddy. “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! If you could fly out here I would meet you at the airport wearing a trench coat with nothing on underneath 🙂 “. I sooo wish this would have happened. I would have enjoyed seeing her go through security!

EyesOpenNow
EyesOpenNow
6 years ago

In the one text exchange I had with the final schmoopie just after DDay – who was a “friend” of mine – I asked her how she could do this to me, after everything I had done to help her with her “abusive husband” issues. She said my ex pursued her, and they’d been together for 2 years and she never thought he would hurt her like this (supposedly broke up with her when I found out). WTF?? Bitch, try 23 years and 2 kids and then tell me about hurt!! I knew right then that communicating with her was just a path to more pain and never contacted her again. They are just soulless monsters, all of them.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  EyesOpenNow

I never got this directly from STBXs Schmoopies but he himself seemed so concerned and upset over the pain he had caused and/or was causing them. My pain, no big deal.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago

Got that too. In a direct conversation with asshole.

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago

Nowdeadcheater told me that I should have compassion for Schmoopie, she had been CHEATED ON !! and no, he did not get the irony

Aowlee
Aowlee
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

My sad sausage cheater had an affair with a ho-worker that he’d dated before we got together and told me (before I found out they were having an affair) that he would have never dated her seriously because she’d cheated on her husband (who dumped her sorry ass). Soooo, she’s not good enough to date seriously because she’s not the faithful type, but she’s good enough to cheat with because he wasn’t the faithful type? Moron…

KarenE
KarenE
6 years ago
Reply to  Aowlee

My ex actually liked that the OW was a cheater, too. Apparently she was single when they met, because she had cheated on her husband and he had kicked her out. So that meant she wouldn’t JUDGE him like mean ol’ me! (And his previous long-term girlfriend, too. We’re just so JUDGMENTAL! And self-righteous!) OW understood how these things … happen, sometimes, in people’s lives ….

Water really does seek it’s own level.

And of course, in the end, she dumped him for another man. Twice. That did give me a good laugh (and it was HIS mother who informed me of that! He’d been lying to me (hoovering) and to the kids about when and why they’d broken up).

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
6 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

I got that too from cheater. His high profile bitch is involved in investigating mass graves in a latin american country. He told me she was in constant danger, might get killed and he would run for her rescue if something happened. Since their souls were divinely connected he would get an alarm ding from her part. This is when we were supposedly wreconciling and ” he cut all contacts.” I told him after DDay 3 that I hope she would end up cut into pieces and rotting in those mass graves herself. He was appaled that I could wish such cruelty on a mother of a young daughter. And I still do.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
6 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Idiot cheater wasn’t very impressed when I told him I thought whoremat deserved to be out down like a rabid animal. And I’d be happy to do the honors.

“But she’s SO. NICE. She cares abou