The Benevolent OW

OW_walkAn alert chump sent me this letter from an OW (Aria) to a chump girlfriend (Candy).

I think these names have to be made up. Aria? Seriously? You’re an operatic solo full of passion and meaning and the chump is some frivolous little confection? A Mars bar? A jellybean?

Anyway, I digress. The letter is another example of this peculiar phenomenon of OW feigning benevolence to the chump.

When they blow the whistle on the affair, and want you to join their pick me line dance, it’s always for the stated purpose of helping you know the Real Truth.

Of course, they were fine with you not knowing the truth while they were fucking your boyfriend, but now that their legs are tiring of the pick me dance, and the boyfriend remains content with the cake situation, they find their newfound zeal for unvarnished honesty and the welfare of the chump.

Yeah, whatevers.

Look, I’m all for OW telling the chump. Don’t get me wrong. But they need to check their cloak of self righteousness at the door. A simple “I’ve been fucking your partner and I’m sorry” will suffice. The very last thing a chump needs on her D-Day is an shovel full of how great thou art from the OW. OW — you’re not morally superior, okay? And we’re not all in this together as fellow chumps. You CHOSE this shit.

Men — I don’t know any cases of OM who do this crap. It seems to be some gender division on this. Theorize amongst yourselves. (Men are precious kibble resources! We must compete for them!) OM seem to be more straightforward sleaze bags. They just fuck your wives and don’t think too deeply about it. Thank God for small mercies.

Anyway back to Aria. Her letter begins with “I’m deeply sorry” and then goes on to turn that sentiment on its ear.

“I am writing this because I am feeling guilty and maybe a little bit spiteful.”

Aria, a little primer on apologies — saying “you’re sorry” isn’t done out of spite. It’s done out of recognizing that you’ve been shitty.  You only got one sentence in before you made this All About You.

“I’ve plead with him to tell you the truth.”

Of course you have. You’re sick to death of the pick me dance. PICK ME! you motherfucker! ME!!!! Eliminate the competition for once and for all.

“I’m livid at the way he’s handling things.”

Naturally. He’s still eating cake. Is it just beginning to dawn on you how this works?

“These past few months I’ve seen a side of him I never knew existed. If I could only tell you the constant number of ways I’ve bent over backwards to try and keep our friendship afloat when you were with him and how I’ve tried pleasing him more recently when we’ve been an item.”

Aria, you knew this side of him existed the minute you learned he had another girlfriend. What you didn’t know was that the pick me dance is rigged. You’re not going to win it because it’s not winnable. Cake must be maintained.

I’m sure the chump really appreciates All You Did for her boyfriend. Seriously, OW — WTF?

“We’re too good for him.”

I love it when OW speak in the royal We. Oh, NOW it’s the universal sisterhood! Now we’re in this together! Now it’s you and me against him!

It’s not that you’re wrong about that — the gum on your shoe is too good for that guy. But you don’t get to speak for the chump and feign sisterhood with her, bitch. You fucked her boyfriend.

I can’t stop thinking about the line in the Great Gatsby when Daisy Buchanan claims she wants her daughter to be a “beautiful little fool.” Well, I hope one day you learn the truth. I would hate for you to be a beautiful little fool.

And the inevitable literary reference. (My OW used to sign her letters as Samuel Clemens. Way to ruin Mark Twain for me.) I’m sure the chump is just frightfully intimidated that you’ve read F. Scott Fitzgerald. God, how could a girl named “Candy” ever compete with such erudition?

Aria — the only fool here is you. Chumps are beautiful souls who got played. You told her your “truth,” now fuck off.

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TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago

Men — I don’t know any cases of OM who do this crap. It seems to be some gender division on this

Because it’s a good way to get your ass kicked or worse, though, it probably does happen sometimes (there are a lot of messed up people, so however unlikely it is, I bet it does happen)?

Chumpguy
Chumpguy
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

I concur. As far as OM, what and who I don’t know can’t hurt you. But for me to find out who you are and what you’ve been doing might come back to kick you in the ass in a most painful way depending on the circumstances.

I’m not being hypocritical either. IF (and I never have been) the OM, I would figure pretty much anything that happened to me was something I’d pretty much asked for and bought into.

GladIt'sOver
GladIt'sOver
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

“Men — I don’t know any cases of OM who do this crap. It seems to be some gender division on this ”

During bogus reconciliation, I told ex that as far as I was concerned, the OW would never be forgiven by God or anyone else, because she had never asked for MY forgiveness. The next day, ex told me that he took that to heart, and promptly called the OW’s husband, but got voicemail and hung up without leaving a message. I don’t know what ex planned on saying, but I have absolutely no doubt it would have been an “apology” wrapped in a gloating, I’m-better-than-you, I-fucked-your-wife glittering layer of turd carefully phrased to hurt the husband as much as possible while seeming heartfelt on the surface.

I never heard from the OW, and I’m thankful for that now, but I used to fantasize about it quite a bit back at the time.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Also, the OW is often trying to steal the married man she’s fucking, while the OM is usually trying to avoid any commitment to the married woman he’s fucking.

Patsy
Patsy
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Love that, nomar!!!

nic
nic
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

My h said she was a married 50 yr old woman blowing her boss, which he viewed as kinda pathetic, but he still went there. She dressed poorly, she was unrefined, but she was dirty. She wanted a suit and what that represented, he wanted a bj with no strings. As soon as there is more than one asshole lying, the whole thing is going to go to hell. And it did.

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

This! It had passed the date he swore to the OW he would move out of our house {marriage}…so she started in with the “I thought you should know…” like she was doing me a favor.

Now, once I moved out of the false reconciliation fog, I DID use the info she passed along to pad my case. I also used her to get him away from my house when he would randomly stop by to “talk” or “get his stuff”. Aka: stalk me after he got tossed out.

Last time I ever talked to her she’s still on with the “I needed to learn some lessons and i needed my child”(the one she had with him before he cheated on her too and they divorced) type of cosmic learning crap.

Oh, so you NEEDED to help shatter my world to learn the lessons you were “supposed” to learn? Please….

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
9 years ago
Reply to  FeralBlue

FeralBlue, oh yeah! OW – my “friend” – was happy to fuck all over my property, my love (well, he WAS, for twenty-one years at that stage) but as soon as he told her that he had fucked up BIG time, and needed their “thing” to end, her response, “she needs to know.” Cue the weak bastard carrying on with her for about another six months (but he couldn’t quite make it to all their hookups, apparently trying to piss the demanding bitch off – such a champ he was, letting her down gently and slowly, basically being an entitled arsehole for a bit longer – note he still fucked her a few more times, lovely getting-out-of-this behaviour, huh?) in order to stop her from telling me, Guess what? When he finally meant it, and she finally got the message, she texted me with all the gory details – I had no idea. She was sooooo helpful, I needed to know, despite the fact that we had made some really positive changes and were doing so well since he had ended it and recommitted to me (do I sound suitably grateful for “winning” the pickme dance I didn’t know I was dancing???) The weak shit didn’t tell me himself, she told me. With all the best of intentions, of course, as he had told her that if she told me, they would DEFINITELY not have a future (oh, so she was back up plan if the re-commitment – gag – to me didn’t work out, fucking brilliant.)

Don’t get me wrong, I am glad my life is not a lie, and I know what an utter fucktard he is, but there was no fucking way that she was telling me for my own good, she was enacting a Scorched Earth Policy, no question. If she couldn’t have him, I sure wasn’t going to have that glittering prize.

AussieChump2
AussieChump2
9 years ago
Reply to  horsesrcumin

Dear horsesrcumin, You can’t leave us in suspense like that! So what happened? What is the rest of your story?

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Weirdly enough that is what I was told by my cheater. I was good enough to exploit and useful to his image and goals. The MOW, when she pushed for exclusivity of their true love, was not.

My Cheater told me that. She was/is a willing freaky fuck. An enabler of “fun” and bar hopping. What a fucker. Yes, I am still being used at this moment because I’m not divorced. He is cut off from me providing him an image though. No more casual get togethers with CEO’s and their wives at dinners, functions, etc.. No more corporate outings with people he and I have both worked with. No more neighborly image management of the perfect dad and husband. I guess this couldn’t be matched with selling Mary Kay cosmetics in Corona CA, swinging and being a general pig.

Really
Really
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

“…I guess this couldn’t be matched with selling Mary Kay cosmetics in Corona CA, swinging and being a general pig…”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I know whereof you speak.

Current Chump
Current Chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Really

ANC-sounds like you are close to my neck of the woods. Should I be looking out for a Miss Piggy driving a pink Mary Kay car?

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  Really

Yes. Google it. She’s on their community business board too. If her community even KNEW what a huge skank she is, I don’t think she’d be considered such a model citizen there AND in her church. She’s a Jesus cheater too. Her spouse is the guy with whom she cheated when he was married to someone else in Maryland. She told him she was leaving him for my asshole. He begged her to stay = karma cheating bus chumpola.

TryingHard
TryingHard
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar
Boy you said it!! And the poor woman is just lapping up all his bullshit lines unbeknownst to her he’s saying what she wants to hear so he can keep getting his cake until the wife finds out and napalm is dumped on that cake! I do believe affairs are different for men and women.

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Exactly right.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Good points! Pretty much sums up “Gimme Three Steps” by Lynyrd Skynyrd: possible violence and not wanting a commitment.

Cletus
Cletus
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Let us not forget the Allman Brothers “One Way Out” – Cause there’s a man out there may be your husband I don’t know!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrL0VZRTTl4

Cletus
Cletus
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Here you go, a version for you CL…Thanks for schooling me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-G8QaFeVNc

This Chump medicated for your protection
This Chump medicated for your protection
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

Yep…
When they are done with your Wife they have to tell someone, it’s not a conquest if they don’t.

HM
HM
9 years ago

This. What fun is a conquest if it remains your little secret forever? Especially since as we have discussed infidelity is an act of aggression. The purpose is to hurt you or get back at you or at least to make themselves feel better but putting it over on someone.

My ex did this. He snuck around for months with another woman. He eventually felt compelled to tell me. Although it didn’t really matter anymore since we weren’t together at this time. What purpose did it serve other than to hurt me? None. Just the same as the affair in the first place. Still hurt just the same though. Yay for me. Blerg.

Btw, he broke up with her within weeks of telling me. Chumped !!

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

PS. A response to the Fitzgerald reference:

I can’t stop thinking of Virginia Wolf after reading your fake apology and ham fisted Fitzgerald reference.

“Half the time she did things not simply, not for themselves; but to make people think this or that; perfect idiocy she knew for no one was ever for a second taken in.” – Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

Enjoy being an idiot.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

That’s a great response. And how do you get italic print here? Inquiring mind wants to know….

Most people who claim to “love” “Gatsby” or “Romeo and Juliet” have never read them…they just do Google quotations. Neither of those texts has a happy ending–Romeo and Juliet being fourteen and carrying their family and civic dysfunction on their shoulders while Daisy and her husband are full-blown narcissists.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

For italics, use this at the beginning of the text: (except remove the first space I put between the bracket and the i. Then close the italics with this at the end of the text:

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

Well, crap. That didn’t work, did it.

Try this: Use this at the beginning of the text (Remove the asterisk.)
Then end the text with this except remove the asterisk.

You’re tagging the text with these symbols. The forward slash has come to be a symbol for “end” in popular culture, in reference to code writing. I usually see this as “/sarcasm” which is short-hand for “end sarcasm.” That means, everything I said up to this point is sarcasm.

I’m going to try this with bolding: BOLD!? Where I just used the same tags but with a “b” for bold instead of an “i” for italics.

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

😉

Hilarious!

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  Miss Sunshine

LOL, that’s why I didn’t respond to that: been down the path you just went down 😉

KenderJ
KenderJ
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Are you sure? I though Romeo was 14 and Juliet was 12.

KenderJ
KenderJ
9 years ago
Reply to  KenderJ

I should have finished the thought on that one. Because Romeo and Juliet were children of course they were all passionate and angsty and all consumed with their “love” not caring who (including themselves) would be hurt by it. They weren’t mature enough to see “the big picture”. In my opinion, no very romantic just really sad (their poor parents). Also, not exactly role models for adult relationships. Using them as role models is the same as me, as a parent, thinking I should eat mud because my two year old seemed to like the taste.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

while Daisy and her husband are full-blown narcissists.

Gatsby–somewhat autobiographical–was a self-absorbed alcoholic (Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald) in real life I think.

Daisy (Zelda Fitzgerald) wound up institutionalized for schizophrenia, I think.

The man and his life were a mess. He referred to his life/wife/their relationship as his “material”, I believe.

Nord
Nord
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

He also nicked a lot of material out of her diaries. I read a very interesting book about Zelda. She wasn’t the flakey drunk she’s been made out to be.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
9 years ago
Reply to  Nord

I had read that about him stealing her work and just because I love you Nord, I will give Zelda a slight benefit of the doubt. But just slight. 😉

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

I was never able to muster much positive feeling for F. Scott Fitzgerald or for the long suffering Zelda, though I had some compassion for her since she was mentally “fragile.” They seemed thoroughly selfish, self-absorbed, superficial and shallow. The characters that Fitzgerald created in the Great Gatsby never appeared to me as much romantic as pathetic and empty, attempting to fill the emptiness by consuming things and people. Fairytales and Hollywood have made people believe that “love” is something overwhelming, irresistable, fated and must contain an element or elements of tragedy to be “real.” That’s adolescent drama, not love. People would be better served if they figured out the difference.

Chumpguy
Chumpguy
9 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

I felt pretty much the same way about Gatsby, Daisy, and Tom Buchanan. Never could figure out why Nick thought Gatsby was “better than the whole lot of them”. He seemed to be just another coyote with a different color pastel suit on.

hoodwinked
hoodwinked
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpguy

sorry, just keep thinking about this…Gatsby as ultimate Chump? He did it all for her, the money, the parties as huge pick me dance, taking the blame at the end for the accident, all this for a narcissist who in the end took the easy way out and betrayed him.

hoodwinked
hoodwinked
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpguy

I took it as Nick making that comment because even though Gatsby was delusional (what with wanting what he wanted, insisting that Daisy loved him) that Nick saw something in him that was this kind of pure, naive person that thought he could just go for what he wanted, could be the hero, even though his means were sometimes deceptive (not really attending Oxford, being involved in illegal activity). I think Nick as observer thought Gatsby was not a selfish person like the others, but a misguided one.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpguy

I have a student who has issues about Nick for that very reason–she says he is an unreliable narrator.

lissa
lissa
9 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

Amen to that, Chump Princess!

Ashley
Ashley
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

“You told her the truth, now fuck off!!”
-Brilliant Tracy, fucking brilliant!

Supreme Chump
Supreme Chump
9 years ago

So, that’s an apology? She’s just tired of him going home to her. At least this whorebag tried unsuccessfully to cloak her real motive for informing the chump. My stbx’s slut called me and told me I was stupid for being a SAHM. These slutpigs are all the same. Useless pieces of shit all of them. They’re the same as our cheaters.

HM
HM
9 years ago
Reply to  Supreme Chump

I like the term ‘slutpig’. I think I might borrow that (with credit of course).

jusduckie
jusduckie
9 years ago

After finding the OW (21 year old) I send her a message to back off so my husband of 32 years and I could deal with what to do about our marriage. This was the reply:

I am very glad you reached out to me. I have dreamt of this many a time. I cannot say what is to come of all of this but I’m a firm believer that everything is always exactly as it should be.
For me to even speak to you about your family is difficult for what can I truly say? This is not my place. I think you and (Asshole’s) relationship is crucial and as the matriarch you’ve done an incredible job of staying strong and keeping the family together.
In time things will be better but (Asshole’s) relationship with the family, especially kids, is a top priority. I know that my age and the situation may impede a healthy interaction and cause much discomfort among everyone and for that I am truly sorry.
However, I was saying to him recently that he has realized how much he loves you, how powerful the bond is between you two. That’s a blessing!
I am, again, very grateful you reached out.

Ok…stop gagging. Of course he is no longer with her…guess she tired of the old man. Well divorce happened and that’s good. No more a Chump…living life and damn happy without the SOB.

Waiting for Karma
Waiting for Karma
9 years ago
Reply to  jusduckie

“I know that my age and the situation may impede a healthy interaction and cause much discomfort among everyone and for that I am truly sorry.”

I’m assuming that “the situation” is whorespeak for vagina. Little girl trying to play grown up. Blech.

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago

my translation of this is

“i know i am younger and better looking then you. i am super hot and you are not. Of course I fucked your husband knowing that he was married and with children and that has caused problems in your marriage and has hurt you tremendously. and for that i truly do not care because all i care about is my own enjoyment. but i am sorry that you found out and have even had the balls to question me. i could care less about you, your children and your life/feelings. how dare you tell me what to do. it is not MY fault your husband cheated on you with me.

Luziana
Luziana
9 years ago

WORD SALAD!!

Here is the Altavagina Translation

That I dangle my firm young twat at your husband while we violate the Commandments of God and basic decency has rightfully pissed everyone off. I know exactly what I’m doing, but I hope to pop off a couple rosaries and Our Fathers and skip on my merry twat way.

PS. The street she lives on is Merry Twat Way.

jusduckie
jusduckie
9 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

perfect “translation”

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  jusduckie

“many a time”? “For what can I truly say”?

What century did this happen in again? Man, talk about weirdness.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

[snort!] Yeah, surprised her reply email didn’t begin, “MILADY, I am very glad you reached out to me.”

ANR
ANR
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

More anon. But I must fly, to put milord’s small cock into my young and not unwilling mouth.

Ms. Shepp
Ms. Shepp
9 years ago
Reply to  ANR

Hilarious!

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  ANR

The wench is surely “a crusty spur-galled bitch-wolf!!”

Shakespearean insult generator here: http://www.literarygenius.info/a2-shakespeare-insult-generator.htm

Jane
Jane
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

LOL…I am getting some good chuckles here on my day off from teaching

DoneNow
DoneNow
9 years ago
Reply to  Jane

Too funny! Thanks for the laughs.

jusduckie
jusduckie
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

I know! He even started to write like her. So weird.

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  jusduckie

LOL. Sorry you had to witness this.

Verily, I say unto thee, tis not quite Middle-English Shakespearian prose. Rather, I feel desperately and deeply compelled to call it the Highest Victorian Drama! lol 😉

Drama queens! Pitiful stuff.

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
9 years ago
Reply to  TimeHeals

LOL, TH!!!

danette
danette
9 years ago

One of my ex’s ho-workers was a Jesus cheater. She wrote me a poison e-mail telling me that as a “mighty woman of God”, we were “sisters is spirit”, and that she never intended to steal my husband from me, they just had needs that weren’t getting met at home. (Her husband is a deacon in their church). She went on to gush about how I was a strong and beautiful woman and she was sure, in other circumstances, we’d be great friends. When I told her we had nothing in common, because I was a faithful wife and she was a marriage wrecking whore, the mask came off and she showed her ugliness in detail. She dared me to tell her husband (who would never cheat on her the way mine had done) so I did. I printed the 8 pages of sexting and mandatory genital photo exchanges along with her scathing self-incrimination, and delivered it to her husband in an envelope marked “prayer” request” with a letter to him telling him how sorry I was that we were both being deceived. These scum bags, both the ex’s and the ow’s, love to smear lipstick all over their piggy snouts – and there’s nothing more disgusting than doing it in the name of spiritual enlightenment. I confess that a dark and bleeding place in my heart hoped that her husband would beat the devil out of her…

hdygirl
hdygirl
9 years ago
Reply to  danette

OMG, that is perfect, wish I had thought of that with my fake church lady…you are my hero!

moving forward
moving forward
9 years ago
Reply to  hdygirl

You are my hero! Love that you labeled it ‘Prayer Request’!

Patsy
Patsy
9 years ago
Reply to  moving forward

Danette! You rock.

I am a faithful wife and you are a marriage wrecking whore…

BAM!

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
9 years ago
Reply to  danette

Just.awesome. “Prayer request.” Hahahaha!

TryingHard
TryingHard
9 years ago
Reply to  danette

Awesome Danette!!!! Way.to.go.

DeltaGirl65
DeltaGirl65
9 years ago
Reply to  danette

LMAO. Great way to respond to her dare.

jusduckie
jusduckie
9 years ago
Reply to  danette

Wow…you rock! That was such a perfect way to handle that.

kimmy
kimmy
9 years ago

My ex’s OW called to tell me that my ‘husband’ had become a damn good liar, as he had been lying to her as well! No????? Really??? You don’t say!!!!!!

I promptly agreed with her and told her she also was guilty of the same crime (she was married with three children). Anyone who is cheating is lying. Told her to lose my number! Not interested in listening to anything she had to say as I was quite sure she would be lying to me as well. Got NO TIME for THAT!!!!!

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  kimmy

Yep, I got this faux sisterhood too, all of a sudden (after he dumped her) the OW started telling people about what a narcissist the ex was, crappy absent dad, etc….before he dumped her he was just the best, I didn’t let him see our son, blah blah blah. I have blocked her every way possible, I have no interest in “friends” like that. Also, I know she’d jump back into bed with my ex the first chance he gave her, and god knows what she’d be willing to say about me for that chance. Gross.

kimmy
kimmy
9 years ago
Reply to  lale

The stupid OW is now living with my exH. She knew he was lying to her too (as she declared to me) and yet……she is living with him and wearing a ring he got her too. AND….she is still married!!!!

Crazy shit!

lale
lale
9 years ago
Reply to  kimmy

Oh and I’m sure she thinks the sun shines out of that ring, lol. What an idiot. Just get your popcorn ready, it may be a month, it may be 5 years but this will be a hilarious shitshow for you kimmy 🙂

When my ex dumped OW she started (continued I should say) stalking him, would show up places and start screaming at him, follow him to and get in his car – when he started dating the next sap she started harassing that poor girl…then she got a DUI and started fb posting the harassment. Nonstop entertainment, this one.

nic
nic
9 years ago

The ow in my case lives a benevolent life of caring for damaged people as a social worker. Professionally, she’s “good”. Privately, she sucks. (Literally. I mean literally sucks other men). So her h and 4 kids? No concern. Boundaries at work? Fuck em, they apply to others who aren’t special like I am. I tell men what their wives don’t, I’m desirable. Her first husband? Screwed his brother then married him (and created vacancies). Screwed my h’s stepfather, then my h. (Look on h’s face when this fact came out was a keeper). My fucked up h went in knowingly and idiotically. She acts notoriously inappropriately with personal injury lawyers handling her cases. Sent me a note saying she was willing to get me and h together with her and her h for a sit down, because her powers of controlling and fixing damaged things are so awesome. She could explain, twist, sparkle. Uh, no. I let fly in an email to her h about her reputation as the blow job queen of the city. He begged me not to trash her publicly since their income was now crap due to her firing. even though I’ve not signed a non disclosure about her dismissal, it’s safe revenge to have her think I’m a bitch with balls about to destroy her. She’s a damaged npd hillbilly who at over 45 has played her role well and successfully for a long time, organizing charity events in her field and tweeting away about them as she screws over her family. I needed a white board and excel spreadsheet to explain all this in ic. As much as I want to drive the karma bus to her ruin, I have stepped back and watched it happen without me. I hold my h 100% responsible for what he chose to do to me and our kids, ow didn’t commit to me, but her role as benevolent do-gooder was relevant to today’s post. Until her true colours came out to h after the a ended, she was “a good person, Nic, she only helps people”. Ew ew ew. She’s a dirty pillowcase shitting on a large family that relied at least 75% on her now gone salary. So good.

chumpette
chumpette
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

I think our OWs may be related…mine was brilliant and delivered “the letter” by proxy. read on for why and how …

While still married and ending an affair with “Joe” to start with my X, OW told Joe re: her long-suffering wait for my X to leave me. So who finally told me about the affair? And all the horrible, degrading lies my X said to OW to justify their affair? Yep, Joe!! At a friend’s Christmas party!!

Our family was demolished when Dday bomb exploded. But, get this, before OW won the PM dance, she sent a text to my X, when my college daughter was withdrawing from school because this shattered her world:
“Everyone only sees the destruction now but once they see our love everything will be OK.”

Love and destruction are not great relationship starters in my chumpy heart and mind.

OW’s shit continues. She met X’s family recently and said she fully expects to have a great relationship with my daughters. What is THAT??

Whatever it is, I don’t want any.

Chump Nation reminds me I am sane. Thank you fellow chumps. Bless you.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  chumpette

“OW’s shit continues. She met X’s family recently and said she fully expects to have a great relationship with my daughters. What is THAT??”
—> ENTITLEMENT

Chumpette
Chumpette
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Yes there’s that…mixed in with DELUSION and spoked with evil.

I actually like the fact that i still cannot understand the mind of adulterers. AND that i am learning how to say Meh more often for myself. But when they try to feed shit sandwiches to my daughters. No meh there. No chump either. I am momma bear grrrrrrrr.

Chumpette
Chumpette
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpette

Haha meant *spiked* with evil. But ‘spoke’ is close to spooky, (which she is) and it is also getting close to Halloween…

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Wow, Nic. What slime she is.

nic
nic
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Yup. There’s no accounting for taste. Her life is falling apart, maybe this karma isn’t for her involvement in my pain, but for other past transgressions. It’s quite an industry of professionals who need to surround themselves with brain damaged people in order to ignore their own personal messes. She is very damaged and disordered, but compared to the tragedies she “helps”, she’s a saviour in cargo pants, who waves her credentials around and makes herself feel invincible by doling out oral sex to city men in suits. I pray I never need a social worker because I’ll always question his/her motives for choosing that career, as well as his/her actual abilities to do anything. No offence to the good ones out there. She left a toxic slime in my life.

Regina
Regina
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

LOL! “Savior in cargo pants”
And “Needed a white board & excel spread sheet to explain all this in ic.” Both visuals too funny!

lissa
lissa
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

nic, I hear you on this one. I have nothing against social workers and am sure that many are quite wonderful, caring people. But the tramp is a social worker at an agency serving disabled youth which is hypocrisy to the nth degree. I have been told that I would like her “under different circumstances” by Captain Douchebag and that she is a caring, compassionate person. So caring and compassionate, apparently, that she endorses my STBXH’s virtual abandonment of our disabled child. The tramp (or slutpig as I think I will now refer to her) dotes on a man who walked away from one child and puts slutpig’s convenience and need for his continual attention over that of his ‘normal’ child. If that’s the kind of caring, compassionate person who chooses to work with vulnerable populations, well, that’s kind of sickening. She remains a toxic slime our lives.

Good luck with detox!

nic
nic
9 years ago
Reply to  lissa

I hate that they’re responsible for the mental health of others, I really am.

Bliss Menagerie
Bliss Menagerie
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

WTF?!? And these are the people that others rely on?! the hypocrisy alone is enough to make one sick! It frightens me to know that there are so many deranged people out there-I am so sorry you and yours had to endure this.

Kira
Kira
9 years ago

Ah, but Chump Lady! Purportedly my X did exactly that (that’s what he told me, but we all know how reliable that source is.) His much younger AP was also married, and he went to her husband with her (!) to apologize for the affair – and to pack all of her shit so they could move in together. God only knows what the reality of the situation was, maybe he was really packing her shit while her husband was screaming for them to GTFO.

I find the OW in that letter quoting The Great Gatsby to be very appropriate, I all of those characters are Narc Asshole Cheaters. Of course she relates to them!

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  Kira

Or, you know, who knows? Maybe her husband was THRILLED to be rid of this whore he’d mistakenly married. Maybe he was helping her pack! “No returns, no refunds!!” he gleefully shrieked.

It could happen.

Daisy
Daisy
9 years ago

They were the closest of friends for nine months and yet she was taken completely by surprise that he had a girlfriend? Uh huh… But then again what can you expect from someone whose “about me” line lists wine and JCrew (really??) before spending time with HER family and friends (and anyone else’s she can steal). Pathetic.

Bliss Menagerie
Bliss Menagerie
9 years ago
Reply to  Daisy

…parasites…. Feed off the host and give nothing back-simply because they can. My STBX left our home because he became pretty close to being physically abusive to me. He moved in with his friend, (Ken) and Ken’s GF. (GF is 22 years younger than h and h’s friend. She thinks she has a good thing-doesnt work, drives nice vehicles, and goes out with her friends every night. Tells me that she “takes good care of Ken, every night”) GF took a liking to my husband, and I know he perved on her. After a night of the 3 of them drinking, she decided she should leave her boyfriend, Ken (my husbands benevolent friend who took him in) in their bed, and travel to my husband’s room….where they showed one another how much they liked each other…Parasites….

Bliss Menagerie
Bliss Menagerie
9 years ago

Wow…there are no bounds to the toxic stew these creatures emerge from…yuk. My STBX’s most recent OW, (who also happens to be his best friend’s GF) sent me text messages about their encounter. She was all too happy to tell me how I was not good enough for him, and how much he enjoyed their time together. Evil-At least Candy got some cheap plastic benevolence. My colloquy with most recent OW was heavy, sticky-still trying to scrub it off my soul-ugh. Are there any chumps in South East Houston-Fort Bend County (TX)? I am wondering if I should create a MeetUp group, or something (meetup.com) CL…what do you think about this? Is this ok? What would I call it, so not to attract angry STBX’s and bitter AP’s? The people (chump nation) here are the most amazing and mighty-I draw courage from y’all every day. Y’all have helped me ‘examine what I tolerate’, and have given me a renewed sense of trust-when nothing looked like it was suppose to, and I didn’t know who to believe-when my own narrative was a ‘lie’-I knew I was not alone and that it was possible to change. I am still so amazed that there are so many of us out there-we should meet, and go through this together.

AussieChump2
AussieChump2
9 years ago

Interesting how well Tracy’s site works and the camaraderie it engenders. Although being involved for only a relatively short time, I feel that I belong.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago

Bliss Menagerie, I’ve started a “Leave a Cheater — Gain a Life” Meetup in Eugene, Oregon. It was slow to gain members, but we’re up to five now (Two men, three women). We meet every other week and so far I’m liking it very much. Not sure how it will evolve but it is nice to talk about these things in person. (I made sure to promote Tracy’s website and book and to clearly state that we were not affiliated with her book or website, but use them for tools for healing.) I say go for it.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago

Not surprised a superficial and vapid OW would allude to Fitzgerald, author of the most overrated novel in the English language. The book Joshua Rothman accurately described in the *The New Yorker* as “lurid, shallow, glamorous, trashy, tasteless, seductive, sentimental, aloof, and artificial.” Fits an OW about right, don’t you think?

At least the OW that CL had to deal with picked a great author in Clemens. Though the I think idiots like these OW might prompt Twain to repeat his aphorism, “The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools in the world, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.”

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Wait.. is this a “thing” with the OW always quoting literature? My exH’s OW LOVED/S e.e.cummings. So much that exh got the prevalent word in one of his poems tattooed over his junk. (False reconciliation was full of surprises…..gag)

Which makes me wonder how he explained the word “Yes” over his junk to Owife #3…. LOL

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Ah, perhaps it wasn’t an e.e.Cummings poem then. I never looked into it. I just assumed it was since she was obsessed with it at the time.

But yes, lovely thing to have tattooed over your junk. Even better *bleh* to find during false rec.

Kira
Kira
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

“and I thought well as well him as another”

That’s romance right there.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Kira

OK – Joyce is hard, hard work – you really need to hear it spoken by someone who knows how to speak it, but it ‘wrecked my head’ when I tried to read Ullysses 😀

However, I just love this piece of quoted prose. Kate Bush did her own version of it when the Joyce estate wouldn’t allow her to use it for ‘Sensual World’. Her version is very close to the original, and beautiful. I’m torn between which version I prefer now! 🙂

danette
danette
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

I was thinking of Kate Bush as I read the words! I think “The Sensual World” is an epic work too!

TryingHard
TryingHard
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar
LOL thank you for saying that about Gatsby! I hated Gatsby when I had to read it in high school. I hate the Gatsby movie with Robert Redford in the 70’s. I tried to watch the most recent one with Leonardo to see if maybe my taste had finally evolved to appreciate it. Freaking hated it!!! That book and movie is narcissism exemplified. Heck I was smart enough in high school to see that. Thanks for validating that I’m not some ignorant, no taste hillbilly:)

FoolMeTwice
FoolMeTwice
9 years ago
Reply to  TryingHard

Hey, I love that book! Gets my vote for some of the best opening and closing lines in American literature. And as a character study of disordered people, I’ve certainly found it very resonant post-D-day. But, to each his/her own. 🙂

Scott
Scott
9 years ago
Reply to  TryingHard

Hate gatsby, fitzgerald is overrated. And i have a degree in literature…

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Scott

me too, on all points

TimeHeals
TimeHeals
9 years ago
Reply to  Scott

I never could get into Fitzgerald either.

His stuff–the stuff I have read anyway– just had a vacant, depressing weird fakeness feel about it all the time. And don’t get me started on that self-absorbed, faked intimacy (without actually really telling you anything about what was really going on in his own life) collection of essays, “The Crack Up”.

Tried to like it. Didn’t.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  TryingHard

I think in lots of ways it’s a takedown of narcissism and cheating, but most people read too literally to see that–the enthusiasts love the costumes and the “romance,” which is strange to me, since Gatsby is a hologram and Tom and Daisy are highly destructive narcissists. And the book is not right for high school or even early college. It’s not one of my favorites, but the view of how people create false selves or live like emotional vampires, creating drama and debris wherever they go, is not all that far removed from what chumps experience.

hoodwinked
hoodwinked
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

I agree. Was surprised once hearing it talked about as a love story. The way the recent movie portrayed it was off since it seemed to glorify and romanticize Gatsby when the book is a commentary on how messed up the characters and the world they live in are (except the narrator).

Bliss Menagerie
Bliss Menagerie
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

emotional vampires….love it

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
9 years ago

My Cheater’s whore told me, “You have your daughter to think of!” Not sure why, she certainly wasn’t concerned about breaking up a family by dating a married man. and neither was he. Sluts, both of them.

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
9 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

I forgot to say DELUSIONAL sluts.

nomar
nomar
9 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

“My Cheater’s whore told me, ‘You have your daughter to think of!'”

Of course, the proper response would have been, “And you have your diseased and haggard public fuck hole to think of!”

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
9 years ago
Reply to  nomar

So true, nomar, lol. Too bad I didn’t know at that time that she used to be a prostitute. Oh, I’m sorry, Call Girl. Cheaters know how to pick em , don’t they??

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
9 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

I’m not sure why Cheater offered the prostitutes tidbit of information, but I’m sure glad he did. She confessed to her pilot fiancee who promptly dumped her. She told my husband, then reconsidered, cause she said later she didn’t say it or lied or something. Her BIG secret, and he tells me. This chick cracks me up, like a real life episode of Jerry Springer, only stupider, lol.

zyx321
zyx321
9 years ago

This past summer the OWife told my daughter that she wished she could talk to me, to “explain” things.
Really? Not much to explain…. You were married, he was married. You’re both lying cheaters.

OW did actually attempt to contact me during false reconciliation. I ignored the video chat request as I did not recognize the email address. I told exH about it later, after I tracked her down as someone in his office…bet he was sweating bullets. I remained clueless. We were in marriage counseling (no confession of OWomen)… Could not fathom that he would lie.

Also, this past summer, xH told daughter (in a roundabout way) how I am being judgmental/unreasonable by refusing to meet OWife.
I do not know her, since I have never met her.
Uh-huh. Again: she was married, he was married; I actually know a lot about her.

chumpette
chumpette
9 years ago
Reply to  zyx321

zxy321…what did/do you say to your daughter when your xH says these things to her? how old is she?

this is the next part of this i am trying to find my way through. thanks.

zyx321
zyx321
9 years ago
Reply to  chumpette

Daughter is 13; was 11 almost 12 when the kids learned we were divorcing. Kids did not find there was cheating for another year.
I keep it quiet, and regret that.

This most recent time, daughter apparently just listened and “took it.”
She was very angry when she returned (had spent 5 weeks away this summer). After exH sent a letter reiterating many of the points, she has gone No Contact with her father. Said she was tired hearing the same old things without any responsibility.

She is in rough shape emotionally, and we are looking for a new therapist.

namedforvera
namedforvera
9 years ago

OK, so when I found out my Ex was seeing (yet) another MOW during our divorce (and claiming he’d never find another partner because I was “bleeding him dry” wahh wahh)… well. I decided I would write to her and let her know he was a cheating Narc (mistake!!).

Mind you this particular MOW was a former college GF… poor guy has very little imagination!

She wrote back … and said, no kidding, I was damaging my daughter (used daughter’s name, WTF??,) and I should chill out. When she got her terrible disease she got all zen with it, and gee you know cheating is *just the same*. NOT.

Bonus points, this woman was (a) married–still is, while my Ex lives with/mooches off of her (good for them 🙂 ) and (b) she’s never been a parent, or mothered a child. How the fuck would she know the first thing about mothering?? I just suggested a clue: that lying and cheating were a sure fire way to alienate, humiliate and anger grown children.

Then I blocked and cut off all contact. Idiots.

My take away–contact with these fools is never a good idea. Just Don’t Do It. Kind of like the old “don’t wrestle with a pig, you just get dirty, and the pig likes it,” sort of thing…

Miss Sunshine
Miss Sunshine
9 years ago
Reply to  namedforvera

Yes–
It only reinforces in the OP’s tiny little weeeeny, tiny reptilian brain that they are important to you. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

Ohhh, my….

I never did contact the OW (to my knowledge, who knows what sort of sick games he and she played when I was in the dark). But I wish I’d known then what I know now, and that is that she did me a huge favor by lifting that flop off my hands and out of my life. I’ll never thank nor forgive either of them for hobbling my children, nor for shattering my heart and soul into a thousand pieces. But in truth, they deserve each other. And I wish I’d have just realized I’d personally won the lottery when he dropped that bomb. I wish I’d have brushed my hands and said, “Well, off you go, then.” No, “Have a nice life,” no, “It was nice knowing you and having three kids and two mortgages and friends and memories with you,” but just, “Ok–buh-bye.” And then a huge sigh of relief that one door slammed shut as another door opened, letting in the light.

Portia
Portia
9 years ago

I understand the anger against the OW, but sooner or later maintaining the anger will burn you out. Unfortunately, some women become OW because they were lied to from the very beginning — and then they think they are “Special” and “Soul mates” and all that crappy stuff, because the Schmoopie has “told them” that his marriage/relationship has been over for a long time and he is so glad he found her, and blah, blah, blah. The truly unfortunate thing is that ANY of us believe them when they tell us that stuff.
Sometimes I can write off some behaviors because the OW is young and truly stupid. Sometimes I think some must have led truly sheltered lives. I know that as a grown woman and a long time wife, I had no idea about some of the idiocy that is available on the internet dating and porn sites, and when I discovered them I was actually shocked. I felt very naive for never even imagining some of the stuff that goes on! I thought because I was a grown woman with a decent education and a slightly liberal bent I had at least been exposed to a wide variety of concepts — but I have to say that much of what appears on the news still shocks me. I don’t understand how people have time for so much nonsense when they are supposed to be working for a living and taking care of children, and maintaining their homes and health? There are not enough hours in my day, and my children are grown!
At any rate, for these personality disordered cheating, lying SOB’s, there is never any happily ever after. The OW may delude herself that you are somehow unworthy of Schmoopie and she in her wonderfulness will keep him eternally happy and they will live out that fairy tale ending — but soon he will tire of her, too. If they are both cheaters and liars, it will be a race to the finish line, because she probably has many nasty personality problems that she is sweeping under the rug until the “deal” is consummated, too. These types will NEVER be happy or content, we only make ourselves miserable when we compare them to ourselves, and prolong our agony. If you work thru the anger, and use it to motivate you toward change, it can be a good thing. Sooner or later you have to let it go, and get to meh, or you will harm yourself.
One more thing — the karma thing does eventually get the particularly nasty ones. My OW believed Schmoopie when he told her he wasn’t having his “needs” met, that I was cold and had a low sex drive. Of course this was ridiculous, but he used this to get her all worked up to do a truly slutty version of the pick me dance which included photos and movies. He used these to post on porn sites, and someone actually recognized her — copied the pictures and sent them to her ex-husband and daughters. She was also an active church going woman — I am sure her daughters shared some of the pictures with members of the church and community. It caused a rift in her relationship with her daughters and a great deal of embarrassment for her. She expected me to feel sorry for her! I told her she should never have allowed the pictures and films in the first place, and wondered how she could be truly surprised, when she knew how much porn he viewed daily? He had hidden all this from me, but when he brought up his kinks I turned him down. I saw no need for pictures, etc. She ACCEPTED all this, and thought she was a real sexy and understanding woman. Somehow her daughters and others who saw the pictures did not share her view of her poses that same way she and Schmoopie did. I could not summon any empathy for her on this issue, even though I did actually learn to feel sorry for her about some other treatment she endured.

Any information you learn from the OW will certainly give you something to think about! It may not be what you would like to know, but ultimately it will give you information about Schmoopie that should help you to get over any misconceptions you had about him and how “special” your love was. It could possibly help you heal. It made me realize that I lived in a world that was far more deranged and dangerous than I had ever imagined.
Take care of yourself. Remember — if you ever believed anything just because Schmoopie said so, you have been fooled, too. The OW may not be so different from any other woman — there but for the grace of God sort of thing. She is not your problem — getting Schmoopie out of your life and reducing the needless drama in your life is your problem. Even if the OW were to suddenly change her wicked ways and go away, Schmoopie has done and said some things that should change the way you look at him forever. That is what you need to focus on.

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  Portia

Great, great advice.

Einstein
Einstein
9 years ago
Reply to  Portia

Great post!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Portia

Gah. On the issue of home movies. My husband talked me into one and I never wanted to see it, of course. I’ve asked him to destroy it now and he says he has. Hah! I’m not that naive anymore. And I sure wish I hadn’t done that.

Moving on
Moving on
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

You aren’t alone. I made my video and pics the night b4 I found out about the love child – 1 month before I found out about the plethora of others. Ergh. Fun convo with my mum not to open video attachments after we broke up. After 15 years I actually trusted him. I’m a dumb ass.

TryingHard
TryingHard
9 years ago

Oh how I only WISH the OW would have the balls or nerve to send me a letter. She sent one email after the affair ended with “WTF” in the subject line and nothing else . I got to respond, heh heh heh. Scared the shit right out of her and never heard from her again. She figured out she was no match for me on any level. Tucked that tail right between her legs and ran off like a good little cockroach 🙂

I blame him 100% but he wasn’t masturbating!! She played her role well. I’d love to have a chance to really give it to her! No way I’d have let that one go.

Scott
Scott
9 years ago

Right cl, not too many OM do this, however in my case and i know some others, cheatzilla introduced me to a few of the OM, at the time didnt realize what was happening of course, and thats even a different level of mindfuck looking back on it. Its not bad enough she was a sick twisted pervert fucking around but to try to force me to either be buddies with these assholes or to go off and fight them like a high schooler is just sick beyond sick. Rotting in hell might not be enough for her.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
9 years ago
Reply to  Scott

X’s bimbo showed up at my in-laws wakes and funerals. She lurked in the background, and chump that I was, I went over to her to say thanks for coming. I had no idea she was already picking out new furniture for my house.

She (and X helped) wrote a letter to me asking me to stop the pain of the divorce “for the children,” telling me she’s “no stranger to the pains of divorce.”

I realize now she’s a just big, desperate dumbass who made a deal with the devil. Fuck her and the loser she took off my hands. I AM FREE! 🙂

Cletus
Cletus
9 years ago
Reply to  Scott

Oh man I got this, she was fucking our neighbor (of course I did not know) but anytime we had a party or friends over he was their. I think they got off on the power more than anything…So here I am living in the same house after kicking her out, forced to see him on occasion mowing the lawn or something, but he can’t even look at me and turns his head and walks inside anytime I am out with my kids…He doesn’t want to confront me at all.

Cletus
Cletus
9 years ago
Reply to  Cletus

I am so embarrassed…he was THERE not THEIR although they did have THEIR fun at my expense while he was THERE>

ANC
ANC
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

ONE of mine was a co worker that I knew. I was always encouraged to be buddies with her at functions. I could never understand why she would never look me in the eye. Jeez.

nic
nic
9 years ago
Reply to  ANC

The ow came to a family funeral and other in-law family events where me and my children were. I was introduced to the ugly little weasel and she had hate in her eyes as she said hello. It’s gross, I feel like I was paraded around like a show horse – 3 well dressed, mannered kids, and of course I had been buffed and shined – get your hair done Nic, pamper yourself. He knew we would be there looking perfect, and it’s like he wanted her to see his perfect family since she insisted on attending. Very strange moment for me, but I didn’t know why at the time. I remember thinking she was a sloppy mouth breathing dishrag. She stared at me nonstop. I will never attend another in law function as a result, so win for me.

thensome
thensome
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Mine took me to the restaurant where she worked for our 22 wedding anniversary no less.

Lovely.

ExpatChump
ExpatChump
9 years ago
Reply to  thensome

I’m hurt for you on that count. That’s lumped in there with (x)spouses taking APs to destinations/hotels/restaurants that they went to with us, which I am beginning to see is another f*** you from them to faithful spouses.

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago

Jesus cheater OW gave my youngest son a prayer journal last week while he was with his dad. She sweetly included a note saying she was praying for his “walk with the Lord” and she hoped he would use the journal to “write down his thoughts about Jesus” and that “your dad and I are praying for you.” I threw the note away when younger son was out of the room – but what do I do with the journal? Trash? Ritual burning? Exorcism? I am just disgusted by this and thankful that my personal faith is still intact after two years of dealing with this kind of crap from two people who think that the 10 commandments only apply to other Christians – they are too special for those kinds of limitations on their “faith.”

Chumpanzee
Chumpanzee
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

I’m guessing if your son is like most teenage boys, he’s not much into journaling, faith-based or otherwise. It’s probably going to sit around unused, anyway. Let visiting kids use it as a doodle notebook, or tear out the pages, use as shopping lists, to-do lists, etc.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

Put the seventh commandment on page one.

ChutesandLadders
ChutesandLadders
9 years ago

Then mail it back.

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago

Oh how I would love to do that, but it would just make them feel even more special. My ex is convinced that I spend my days pining away for him while he reaches a state of spiritual enlightenment with his OW as they spend their weekends going to church retreats and sitting front and center in the pew together. Our teen boys are irritated by his insistence on cramming his relationship with her down their throats despite their request that she not be there every minute of their (limited) time together (I have full custody of younger son – older son is 18 – ex did not request or want custody or visitation…another feather in his “christian dad of the year” cap). It’s just so frustrating, but I am learning to let it go.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

“…while he reaches a state of spiritual enlightenment with his OW as they spend their weekends going to church retreats and sitting front and center in the pew together.”

Hypocrite, thy name is Nicole’s Cheater and his rancid OW. Do any of these Jesus Cheaters even have a passing relationship with what’s in the bible? You’re two CHEATERS for Jimminy Cricket’s sake!! Does it ever register that the bible and Jesus Christ himself said that ADULTERY is a sin?

My mind boggles at the distortion going on in their heads that it takes to do this. Unfrickingbelievable. I’m surprised that the pew has not spontaneously combusted.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

Ah Yes! The supercilious, self-righteous, God wanted me to have your husband (or wife) Jesus cheater. Somehow, for some reason (perhaps because I just didn’t appreciate the gift of him enough) the minister OW in my case has professed that “their love” was ordered by the Most High. She always wanted my STBX but God knew she needed to wait until the right time for her to have him (when my kids were grown and they wouldn’t be burdened with the children or child support – otherwise, she would have had him lo’ those many years ago when she came sniffing and vamping around). Her much improved and current monied lifestyle has nothing to do with her appeal, I’m sure.

She has not so much tried to confront me (although she has been looking for an opportunity to have me see them together to do the na-na-ne-na-na dance) as she has attempted to undermine and replace and erase me – not just with him, but with his family and my children. How very humble, noble and Christian-like.

I don’t know who is more disordered – him or her and, really, what difference does it make. They’re both selfish, self-absorbed, navel-gazing with no self-awareness POS’s. Nobody needs that shit in their life – most of all this Chump.

Chumpalicious
Chumpalicious
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

Jesus has a PR problem with these people.

I guess Church is for sinners the same way hospitals are for terminal TB cases. Not somewhere healthy people go.

My son got some of this proselytizing too. I just let it be, knowing that nothing inflames a youth more than that level of personal hypocrisy. He’s 19 now and mostly just rolls his eyes at the programmed bullshit that come out of their mouths.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Chumpalicious

I’ve never heard that quote from Gandhi before – love it! Thanks Chumpalicious 🙂

Nicole
Nicole
9 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yes…so very special. Thankfully I have reached a level of “meh” where I can chuckle about it, but I wish their hypocritical crap was directed at me rather than my 13 year old. Nothing messes with a young teens head like spiritual advice from the woman who was instrumental in destroying your family.

Drew
Drew
9 years ago

Just the fact that you are a willing participant in fucking a married person means you will always be persona non grata to me. My ex’s OW (now Owife) gave him the ultimatum to disclose to me their affair –either way he knew our marriage was over :)–or else she would. Yeah, that’s how much he loved her. She can have her third married “man” what losers they both are! A guy who’d sooner fuck over his whole family and life is someone I absolutely don’t want in mine. Good riddance!

mrsvain
mrsvain
9 years ago
Reply to  Drew

Good point!! i dont care if she is “good” person. Their definition of good is a lot different then my definition of good. i believe a good person does NOT fuck a man who is married. it doesnt matter if he “thinks” his marriage is over or is just complaining that his marriage is not going well. if he is married then he is OFF LIMITS!! a good person does NOT fuck another woman while he is married either. he does NOT just forget his responsiblities. he does NOT walk away from his children and stop paying child support. he does NOT gaslight, blame, lie, stone wall , project to his loving spouse who is just trying to do the right thing and make the marriage work.

but hell….. as long as they are happy. right.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago

The MOW in my former situation didn’t send me a letter or email; she just pinned stuff about her true love for Jackass on her Pinterest board. Then when things went south after I caught them, the pins took a sad turn for months. Now she is dealing with her sibling’s death last year and evidently perhaps another family member is seriously sick and she is posting stuff about how you aren’t being punished for your sins…I would almost feel sorry for her if I didn’t think about how she was complicit in devastating me, and how she chumped her husband, who seems to love her. In her case, I think it’s just easy to avoid suffering over the losses in life by falling in love with a Schmoopie. For a long time, I wanted her to suffer like I suffered, to realize what she did and what a total tasteless, selfish skank she is. Now I realize it is punishment enough to have her life. How does she look at her husband and know that she was ready to toss him like a used kleenex? How does someone who uses people to manage uncomfortable emotions every have a genuine life? Once great thing we learn as chumps is that we have to walk through the fire and experience our pains and losses in order to get that awesome, resilient, strong life.

And of course, if she were in a pick-me dance, she would say, “Pick meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,” given her fondness for extra letters….

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

“How does someone who uses people to manage uncomfortable emotions every have a genuine life? Once great thing we learn as chumps is that we have to walk through the fire and experience our pains and losses in order to get that awesome, resilient, strong life.”

I have a few gems from my x’s ow. But this is what it all comes down to in my mind. He’s not who I thought he was. She is someone who is just a cheap reflection of his current issues. So even though I was incredibly shocked and played, I still came out on top. I’m doing the work toward a more genuine life. He’s on to dating the same level of women as he was years ago, and his first ow (the first dday for x and me) is long gone.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago

Long story short: I started to become suspicious something ‘inappropriate’ was going on when OW gave ‘The Great I Am’ a CD for his birthday. I confronted shithead but was never convinced by his glib, ‘we’re just friends’, ‘it’s just office banter’. I’m not the jealous type at all, but there was something just not sitting right with what he was saying to me. Still, I believed the worst case scenario was that they were flirting (ha, what a ruddy fool I was). Anyway, at one point ‘The Great I Am’ said OW wanted to meet me to ‘set my mind to rest’ (OMG), so I said, ‘Sure, I’d love to meet her and I’ll tell her how totally inappropriate it is to give another woman’s husband gifts’. Funnily enough, that meeting never did materialise!

BTW, on D Day, I rang OW (yeah, yeah uncool – I know) and called her a whore. She sent text message to ‘The Great I Am’ telling him to stop me bothering her or she was going to send her boyfriend around to sort me out!!! ‘The Great I Am’ replied ‘I don’t think Jayne will contact you again, but if she does, call the police’!
OMG!

If I’d have ever shown him a side to me that warranted police intervention, fair enough but, I was ever super-understanding, compassionful, kind to everyone in thought and deed, never so much as got a speeding ticket!

Finally realized
Finally realized
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Just to add to my shock, on DDay when I was wandering around the house trying to understand whose unrecognizable life I was standing in, having been wakened early for sex, followed by a medical emergency he had, involving calling the ambulance, and the local police who accompany them automatically, rushing off to hospital, freaking out because I think I’m losing him (irony), spending hours praying and fussing over him, searching for warm blankets, nurses, etc, and waiting while my heart pounds to find out what is wrong…..no coffee or breakfast or lunch….not enough sleep….I search his phone for his son’s number, which I had lost with my new phone….I was shocked to find the sordid, sexy texts that went back months between him and OW.
I cry in the bathroom while my reality explodes, and then suck it up and spend the next four hours waiting for him to be released to go home, still, you know, finding the warmed blankets and the nurses and all that….as if in a very, very, very bad dream.
Oh, and BTW, I had never looked in his phone for any reason. My finger was shaking so hard because of my stress that I hit the wrong icon on the screen. Instead of Contacts I got Texts….and he had always claimed he didn’t really ever use that feature. So there they were, hundreds of them.

Anyway, after we got home and I gently (!) confronted him, he went ballistic. At one point, I was drinking a plastic cup of water, and I went to toss it in the sink, but misjudged, partly because of my trauma and partly because I have bad depth perception under the best of circumstances.

He took that to be a signal that I was about to rampage and damage his house. Me! The gentle woman who tries to understand absolutely everyone, and who always spackled the Hell out of his bullshit angry episodes (I bet his blood sugar is high…he’s so stressed over whatever….something must be bothering him because this incident is way out of proportion.)
I don’t break things – I mend them. I don’t destroy – I heal. He had never seen me rampage for any reason.

And so I found myself standing below him on the stairs, as he held his phone and told me he was calling the cops on me! WHAT?
He wasn’t going to let me tear his house up….And he stood there for the next I don’t know, it felt like eternity, threatening to call back the very same fellows who had been in that room hours before, responding to our emergency, trying to reassure me that he was going to be fine.

SHAME ON THESE ASSHOLES!

Lania
Lania
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

This is where you say ‘Bring it fucking on, you whore.’
Like Moving Liquid beneath said – its not against the law to call someone a whore, especially given its the truth in this skank’s case.

Kira
Kira
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Jayne,
Your first paragraph was way too familiar. It never ceases to amaze me how similar all cheaters playbooks are.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Kira

Gawd – have you been through that too Kira? Nightmare! ‘The Great I Am’ didn’t tell me at first it was from OW and he just brought it into the house along with a birthday card from her, and proudly displayed the card up with the rest of them! It was a very complicated way – (too convoluted to go into here) that got me eyeing both CD and card suspiciously, but right up to the moment of suspicion I was under the total delusion that we were the happiest couple on the planet, in the happiest marriage -ever – in the history of happy marriages!

So sorry you went through this crap too.

Kira
Kira
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

OMG, yes on the proud display too! And me too with the delusion of us being perfectly happy up until the moment of suspicion. Sorry you went through all of that too! They are both completely disgusting people.

Oh, and when I found out who it was from and asked why he thought it was appropriate for a married co-worker to give him gifts, he said that I wouldn’t have a problem with it if it was a man.

First of all, no, it still isn’t appropriate and now we all know why! And yes, if he had gotten a card/gift from a male coworker that he proudly displayed/talked about, I would have been upset – he threw a royal shit fit every time I tried to buy him a present/take him to dinner/make him a cake because he “didn’t like birthdays.”

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Kira

OMG Kira – I’m freaked out! We were married to the same man, I’m sure! He was always really hard to buy gifts for, never liked anything I gave him (bar a watch, which he lost) and I was constantly trying to find something he’d be happy with. The CD from OW was one I had planned to get him until he announced to me that ‘the girls from work are getting me it’ turns out the ‘girls from work’ just gave him the money, that’s what started me being suspicious. He also ‘didn’t like birthdays’ and ACCUSED me of being some sort of freak for liking them! (This was only after he’d ruined birthday number 3 for me by being a complete nasty bastard to me). Gawd Kira your nightmare shithead wasn’t called Pete was he?

Dutch-chump
Dutch-chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Mine definitely isn’t called Pete… But he got a large braided ficus plant ‘from the guys at the office’, that we as a family got a nice pot for, even though the nineties called to ask their hideous twisted stems back.

Due to serious trickle truth, we were months into false reconciliation before I identified the plant as coming from OW.

I should have kicked him out at the moment he said he couldn’t just throw the thing out, that would hurt her feelings… There were so many red flags I ignored, could have held a Maoist parade.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Dutch-chump

@Dutch-Chump

‘Ficuscide’ – LoL 🙂

Dutch-chump
Dutch-chump
9 years ago
Reply to  Dutch-chump

@Jayne, thanks, you get it! I plotted many ficuscide plans, but in my chumpdom took the high road and let him have the wretched thing.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Dutch-chump

Oh Dutch-Chump, that’s just horrible. Why must they do this sort of thing? And add to it that extra knife-twist where he cites her feelings! That he’d invaded YOUR space with her love token, dreadful enough, but then to blatantly dismiss your feelings over hers! I really hope you smashed that bloody pot into a million pieces. I broke up the CD and threw it out with the rubbish. No way was I having that in my home.

Haven’t heard from you for a while, so hoping you are keeping well now and shithead is now long gone into Narc hell somewhere else.

Hugs

Jayne x

DoneNow
DoneNow
9 years ago
Reply to  Kira

Mine read a card to the kids and I at the breakfast table and then stuck it, and her photo up on the fridge. “She’s just a friend, isn’t she sweet?” So sick.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

OK, that is so f***ed up, so totally inappropriate and abusive that I am speechless.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

DoneNow – that’s just fucking evil. Hope he rots in hell.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

woah.

DoneNow
DoneNow
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

That’s infuriating, isn’t it? According to everyone else, I’m a nice person, but sometimes a bit of a doormat. But point their misdeeds out or dare to express an angry feeling (or call someone a whore!) about it all, and suddenly the police are needed because you are so difficult and unhinged. The world must always and forever revolved around their perfection and happiness.

MightyMite
MightyMite
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

Done Now, it is infuriating. I spent 20 years being the super-sweet doormat and lie-believer. Then found out my husband was cheating. Didn’t keep being super-sweet to him but decided to take the high road and go no contact as much as possible. There was one thing, however, that pushed me over the edge…the whore drove my husband home from an evening out when we were still having to live in the same house. High road be damned…there was no reason for that whore to ever come to my home where my kids and I live to rub our faces on it. I went outside and told her exactly what I thought of her and told her to never come back. My stbx had NEVER seen me angry nor heard my voice that loud ever before because I was always trying to keep the peace with this sick POS! But the next day when I could access their text messages to each other, he told her how crazy I was and that he feared for his life…thought I’d beat him to death with a baseball bat in his sleep!! WTF??? I (finally, after years of abuse) get angry and stand up for myself and now I’m psycho? And yes, the threat of calling the police on me and having me arrested, or committed or something…just crazy!

beentheredonethat
beentheredonethat
9 years ago
Reply to  MightyMite

My stbx is a cop he told me if I ever called the police on him he had about 10 minutes before they got there and he would use those minutes on me…..lovely isn’t it.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago

Proving once again that this is all about power to these people. Stay safe!

Lania
Lania
9 years ago
Reply to  MightyMite

This is why I’m fortunate I’ve never met the OW’s in my life in the past – just simply because it would probably get to the point where I’d be dragging the bitch by her hair off my property – that words would just be kibbles to the skank.
I can 100% understand why people murder others in rage after this shit happens, though. Thing is, death is too good for them, and ends their suffering that they rightfully deserve for destroying an innocent family/their fuckbuddy’s spouse.

DoneNow
DoneNow
9 years ago
Reply to  MightyMite

I could have posted a very similar story. My mantra was always, “take the high road.” Then they posted something on Facebook while we were still married, and I decided no more high road. I still confronted in the nicest possible way when I responded to the picture she’d posted. “It doesn’t look like she’s just a friend who’s relationship status is actually about someone else. I think you have been lying, possibly to both of us about what’s going on.” You should have seen how he responded to that. “HOW DARE I..” and so on. I know he’s told people that he’s afraid of me, and once told me and probably others that he could sue me for emotional cruelty. I kid you not!

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

“How dare I” is a statement coming from his entitlement/superiority position, trying to force you back into the inferior, obedient position. Glad you dared. That’s Mighty!

TryingHard
TryingHard
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

Tao Te Ching in The Art of War “better to be feared than loved.” It’s war. I wear the crazy moniker better to be feared, than whore. Scared my ass. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it! You aren’t crazy you’re pissed. He’s too stupid to know the difference. Makes HIM look like the victim then he’s justified in his piss poor behavior. Keep being the feared bad ass I say:)

DoneNow
DoneNow
9 years ago
Reply to  TryingHard

Thanks TC-I got similar advice from my lawyer yesterday about making him comply with our divorce agreements. Go in guns blazing instead of trying to tackle issues one at a time so I don’t piss him off. I think she’s going to scare him to death.

TryingHard
TryingHard
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

You can always back down a little but don’t go in there hat in hand. Guns blazing is the correct attitude. Good Luck to you.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

Infuriating doesn’t come close! It was one more stab-in-the-back, totally unexpected betrayal. He tried to tell me he was ‘protecting me’ as his excuse for telling her to call the police. I’d sneaked a look at his phone to find this text from her (I’d never looked at his phone up until D Day, considering it a gross invasion of privacy, once I discovered the phone records that showed his 18 month daily, continuous contact with her, you bet I didn’t give a shit about invading his privacy – I was much more concerned with uncovering lies – still took me 2 years to get him to finally admit it was a full on affair and not ‘just friends – how dare I accuse him of breaking his vows’). I told him that if her boyfriend turned up at the door I’d show him the telephone records and – get this – ‘The Great I Am’ said ‘how could you do something so cruel to someone else’!!!!!

LovedAJackass, aka The Warrior Princess
LovedAJackass, aka The Warrior Princess
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Think of that phrase–“How dare you accuse me…” because it’s not a denial. It’s a statement that you are inferior and should not dare to question or accuse “The Great I Am” or the Wizard of Oz or the Jackass.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago

LAJ, are you changing your name?

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

No, I was just fooling around with CL’s “not a warrior princess” remark the other day and when I put in my name, that one autofilled. Since the site change, I have to fill in name and email for every post. And autofill can be a deadly enemy–almost put in my full name the other day. 🙂 But thanks for asking. My secret identity as a “warrior princess” goes back some years at my work to days when we were fighting for survival and some heads had to roll–my peeps would tell me I needed to go into Warrior Princess mode.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

It boggles the mind.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Of course, in my mind his reply to her ‘get Jayne off my back’ text, should of been ‘don’t you ever threaten my wife again’.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  DoneNow

And last time I checked it isn’t against the law to call someone a whore. They’re such cowards!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago

I don’t know a thing about my husband’s affair partner(s) and I’m trying really hard to keep it that way. He’s eight years younger than I am and all his friends were about 30 years old, so likely she’s about half my age. My ego can’t take any more.

But I wrote a missive called “To The Woman Who Stole My Husband’s Affections” and gave it to my husband to give to her. Of course he didn’t. He probably didn’t even read it himself! Just one more foolish thing this chump did to try to convey the level of betrayal and hurt I felt.

Now, at about a year since d-day my husband shrugs and says, “These things happen.” As though we were just pals without a real commitment to one another.

There simply isn’t a way to get through to the cheater or their affair partner, period. We must look inward at ourselves and move on from there.

lissa
lissa
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

ML, the tramp is younger than my oldest daughter. It’s gross, so very gross. But it also cut me right to my core that he is with a 30 year old when I am pushing 50. That is an ego blow that I haven’t managed to even really deal with yet.

nic
nic
9 years ago
Reply to  lissa

Lissa, the ow is older than me by 5 yrs. it’s an ego blow no matter what. I work in fashion and music, and frankly Im an attractive, very hip, physically fit, well educated 45 yr old. My teens – male and female – ransack my closet and tell me I’m so cool and can I dress them. Yet my ego is shot to hell by an older woman who is ugly inside and out, and has destroyed her own family. A married 50 yr old woman with 4 kids blowing her boss doesn’t scream sexy at all, it’s like a horror movie. I think we give too much power to the other woman and what we think she represents. But she was just a willing participant and not a reflection on what we lack. They are lacking, not us. My dumbass h is mortified by what/who he has done. I wish I could post her pics here, her Twitter is only sexy open mouth poses of herself that could be from an snl skit. She has no respect for herself. We are above these women regardless of what their birth certificates say, Lissa. I can walk proudly and she knows she’s a laughing stock, now unemployed, due to her disgusting behaviour. My mil was the boss, that’s why my h wasn’t fired, btw. no one considered her behaviour worse than his. Anyway, I have never suffered from low self esteem until that nasty used Kleenex came into my life. I can’t give her that power, she’s too scummy to ruin who I am. We have more beauty and integrity in our pocket lint than those idiots. Don’t forget that, even if it means we need to come here and say it over and over to each other.

TryingHard
TryingHard
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Nic
They all seem to affair down. When the affair came out everyone was flabbergasted that she was the OW. People said it was like he went from driving a Mercedes to a Ford. It doesn’t make a difference whether they affair down or up as far as our egos go but when they do affair down, as you h and mine as well did, we do think “what the fuck”.

It’s imperative for our own well being to know its never about us or our lack of anything or character flaw or even about the marriage. It’s all about the cheaters character or lack thereof.

The ow in my case was an uneducated, foul mouthed gold digger. Once she found out that her gravy train stopped she moved on to her next victim. I’m not saying all ow have the character that this one did but she was a true sociopath. She spotted my h and set her sights on him. Yes I hate her and let me tell you the karma bus has ran her over and continues to. I had fun with turning her into government authorities for fraud, she lost her job, her car, her boyfriend and her sugar daddy. But karma is really taking advantage of that stupid cockroach now she has terminal cancer!!! Yep she’s rotting away as we speak. I should feel bad for a fellow human but I dont. I dont even have to wish or hope for her suffering because she is already. I can’t hope for any more retribution. Fate has taken care of that for me. Now I just look in the weekly obits to see if she’s finally dead!

My h was stupid enough to hire her making it impossible to ever get rid of her. When he finally tired of her and the affair it all came out I was the one that fired her and didn’t give two shits about the legal implications. She could never take the hint to piss off on her own and he was narcissistic enough to think he was in control of the situation. She was a tenacious little cockroach. Was not about the give up on her meal ticket. She truly was a whore in every sense of the word and horribly pathetic. She met her match with me. Lol she’s so scared of me she has me blocked on FB:). No cyber stalking for me!!!

She actually had the nerve to show up at my grandsons first birthday party in my sons home. My h and I talked about it and she said she was invited. My son assured me and said she was most definitely NOT invited and told him she was coming to the party. That’s nerve!

Anyway as much as I think she’s a pathetic blood sucking cockroach it’s truly all about my husbands lack of character during that time and it is immense to wrap your head around when you are trying very hard not to spackle. We are still together and he and life is pretty good and happy except when I think, WHAT THE FUCK???

nic
nic
9 years ago
Reply to  TryingHard

It’s like I walk around all day just mumbling, “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” And you are the Mercedes, she sounds like the town bike. I compared her to the gross snacks you buy at the gas station, I was the exquisite homemade meal at home. Ironically, the joke in our house has always been that Nic only has one dietary rule, and that is: I never eat where I buy gas.

She set her sights on my h too. After the relationship ended (well before I knew), she continued to report to him because she could successfully sue the company. Ironically, she wasn’t sophisticated enough to play that card (I know more than one gorgeous long legged admin who have made “good” money this way, whether the sex happened or not – true sociopaths), she just still wanted him. And her job. And her husband. And her 4 kids. Wtf? Who has time for this shit?

Your ow was rotting from the inside for a long time. She’s getting the full Monty of karma, self made.

TryingHard
TryingHard
9 years ago
Reply to  nic

Nic
LOL someone else compared it to eating at a 5 star restaurant and then eating at fast food too!! Tacky is as tacky does!

You must be my sister from another mother!! I never eat food from gas stations either. My h always teases me asking if I would like a QT coffee??? Um no, never! I too have a great closet and just keeps getting better 🙂 HHMM imagine that?

I heard she was considering a lawsuit after she was fired, oops I mean “laid off”, and was advised in my state you can be let go for any reason so she dropped it. There were plenty of witnesses to shoot down her case had she gone for sexual harassment. However, there were other females who quit working at our business because of the preferential treatment they all saw she was getting and could have easily filed against him. And do you know not one of those chicken shit, rat fink, poor excuses for being a woman ever approached me with their suspicions?? I hate them too!!! Anyway, Mr. I Was In Control, got off very lucky that there was no litigation by anyone at the business. Before he fired her I kept begging him to get legal advise about what to do. Finally there was a straw that broke the camels back and he and I just went in to the office early one morning and told her to leave. That was it done and over with, she was gone, well sort of…

In some way I feel sorry for her. On Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs she was on the bottom rung. She couldn’t support herself, was an alcoholic, gambler, yeah a real loser. HA and he choose her?! Sure made him feel like a real hero. He could really impress her, but that wasn’t setting the bar too high for him. Pathetic is the operative word here.

Now she’s on medicaid and disability with her cancer diagnosis although I hear she may be faking it. UGH, it gets so tedious. And the IRS has levied her assets, as few as they are. It’s and she are pathetic. So thank you very much asshole for bringing this diseased, three legged dog into our lives!!!

WTF is right!

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  lissa

Lissa, now that the case is over I’m starting to feel real rage again towards my husband. I’ve got to figure out what to do with it! Any tips?

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Thinking of emotions as frequencies helps me. When you feel an emotion, take notice of the energy level it stirs up and find the most beneficial matching action and do that. Ex:

feeling sad = looking at art or reading inspirational stuff online or supportive online sites like CL, writing or creating art or music.

feeling empty = doing laundry or cleaning or something that requires little mental interaction but you can still feel productive and are moving around physically.

feeling inspired = well, whatever you want, these days kick ass!

feeling angry = create art, music, write, etc. Go running or something physically challenging, anything that allows you to throw the emotional energy around and then get it out of yourself.

Well, these are what I’ve noticed help sometimes and gets me on to better feeling emotions while letting myself use the emotion while it’s in me. Hopefully someone else can get something out of that too!

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago

The “art / music/ running” stuff is just what I’m in to but use whatever works!

LovedA Jackass
LovedA Jackass
9 years ago

I love how you match what you feel with what you choose to do.

lissa
lissa
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Rage is good! It’s invigorating and energizing – when properly directed, of course. I think one thing that is helping me with that intense anger is just allowing myself to feel it without trying to push it away or deny it or immediately start the I’m-a-good-person-so-I-shouldn’t-want-to-smack-someone-right-now thing.

It also helps to write it all out. I sit in front of the computer and just let the words fly out (I can type faster than I can write so this works for me). I say anything and everything I want to say and edit nothing. Then I either delete it or print it and burn it. Sometimes, if I feel I was particularly witty I will print it for my journal. I do keep a part of my journal reserved for all of the horrible things he’s done and said so I can refer back to it in case I ever start to think he’s human.

I also got this Weight Watchers exercise kit called “Punch” at Costco a while back. Its a boxing workout with lots of punching and kicking – it even has these little gloves you wear so you feel super badass. Talk about visualization! I love it.

I have been known to walk up and down my hallway, cursing and calling him names after some particularly hideous encounters – not when the kids are around. I’m sure I look utterly demented but it makes me feel better.

The only other thing that is helping me is to not deny how angry I am to others. What I mean is that I used to say, “oh, it’s fine,” if someone asked how I was – or I’d go along with something I didn’t want to go along with but felt I shouldn’t make a fuss. I don’t do that much any more. I am not nice so that I can avoid conflict. I am nice because I am a nice person but I am assertive when I don’t like something, need something different, whatever it is. I don’t try to keep the peace at all costs. Very hard to do but incredibly freeing.

You have every right to be incredibly angry, ML. I know you will find your way through it!

NeverAgain
NeverAgain
9 years ago
Reply to  lissa

I was never comfortable with my anger my entire life until I worked it through with my therapist – only took 52 years to get there! She had me embracing my anger and feeling it, and then learning to use it as an ally. The best thing I did was ride my bike as fast as I could down a country road, while yelling “Fuck you, fuck you…” over and over as loud as I could in time with pedalling. Extraordinarily cathartic, and helped me lose weight at the same time. At first it felt ridiculous, and then it was tremendously energizing. Oh, and beating the hell out of a stone wall with a big stick helped a lot too.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

As with any emotion…feel it. Notice it. Comment on it in your mind. And watch it dissipate. When you don’t do that, you start piling up a lot of unprocessed emotional shit. In my case, that turns into weight I carry on my body. For other people, it turns into disease or rage or various forms of PTSD.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

‘Now, at about a year since d-day my husband shrugs and says, “These things happen.” As though we were just pals without a real commitment to one another.

Uh – huh? Oh God, let the Karma bus come rolling right over him and give you the opportunity to say ‘these things happen’.

I once said to ‘The Great I Am’ that he’d never treat one of his friends the way he’d treated me, and in one of his ‘please give me one more chance to prove I’m not the monster you think I am’ phases, he agreed – he’d never treat any of his MALE friends this way, nor would he expect to be treated this way by any of them.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

That’s funny because it’s one of the power thoughts that helped me move through this! I’d never continue any other friendship if the friend lied to or betrayed me the way x had been. I’d never stay friends with someone who was playing their spouse, and then blamed them when the game was discovered. Male OR female! Gah.

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Jayne, yeah, my husband’s karma bus is him. He’s his own worst enemy. He’s so pathetic that even I am confused with pity for him. I need to stop worrying about him, after all he managed his insane life up until he met me, he’ll do so again now that I’m gone. But I’m annoyed with myself for feeling such compassion for him right now. At the same time I’m kinda starting to hate him. It’s all good, I guess. I know I will survive. I’m not so sure about him.

So your husband’s a ‘man’s man’ is he? Gah.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Yes, ML, by all means stop worrying about your abuser. He lied, he cheated, he robbed you, and he disrespected you and all your efforts. Let him sink. Sad but these people can’t live like regular people with actual emotions, actual loyalty, actual kindness. Let it go, honey.

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

I met ex when I was 36. I was either blessed or blind, but I truly believed no one with two brain cells to rub together would be a misogynist, having never (knowingly) met one! Ex prided himself on his intelligent (went to Cambridge Uni) so I thought for a very long time that his misogyny was him posturing in a kind of ‘devil’s advocate’ way. Even before D Day, and everything was looking like paradise between us, I would confront him on his ‘madonna/whore take on all women (the only woman I ever knew him show any respect to was his cheater sister – major Narc herself) but, honestly, I was so naive I thought he chose to be willfully blind to his attitudes in a effort to ‘wind me up’ – not because THAT IS WHO HE IS! Cor, I was an idiot – trouble is – I don’t want to be ‘daughter of Einstein’ when is life gonna let me be stupid and naive – other people get away with it! 🙁 😀

Moving Liquid
Moving Liquid
9 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Awww, Jayne — I’ll let you be stupid and naive if you do the same for me!

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Moving Liquid

Thanks Moving Liquid 🙂

Honest to God – I’m so tired of being consoled with ‘well, now your wiser’! Can’t I just be happy and dumb please – please? I don’t want to be head of class in ‘surviving fucked up relationships’ – I’d much rather do Geography!

Moving Liquid, I’d suggest we bunk off together but I’ve got a feeling this is one of those nasty schools where they lock you in during lunch-break and give you detention for complaining! 😉

Datdamwuf
Datdamwuf
9 years ago

Except for APs who are truly chumps themselves, the only reason they contact a chump is to get the cheater to come to them. Illustrated by the fact that after chumps get a clue and go for divorce, many cheaters do NOT want a divorce, and often refuse to move out or do false R because they are lying to the AP – along the lines of “I can’t leave him/her, she is so distraught” or I love you both.” This goes along with the fact that the cheater knows that in most cases ze cannot maintain the awesomeness they project to the AP if they live together. The greatest gift you can give YOURSELF is to give the OW/OM what they think they want. If you do that, you will never get a letter like this…

MrsVain
MrsVain
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Absolutely TRUE!!! i have played this game before with my now XH. 3 years ago while we were separated for 2 years, i started to rethink being separated and thought he needed to be at home. so being the “Great Chump I am” i started talking to him about coming home. he had been trying (if you call the very minimum effort he put forth as trying) to come home anyways. so we started talking, having sex and making plans, the whole time, unknown to myself he had also started a relationship with the neighborhood crackwhore (they had so much in common, knew all the same people, both grew up in this area, had so much to talk about (because i do not know any crackheads/jailbirds, and try to keep those types of people out of my life) and she understood him and made him feel better). I started to catch on (a little slow) and turned into the marriage police. found out he was with her, fixing to move in with her and what did i do. i begged him back. on my fucking knees. crying. the previous 72 hours were pure hell because she was talking so much sh*t to me. AND HE LET HER!!

fast forward to beginning of this year. we separated… well i kicked him out on new years day because he didnt come home AGAIN. even after that, because i seriously the biggest chump (and fool) in the world. i again was trying to fix our marriage (for the 1 millionth time), talking about marriage counseling and such. on feb 9, i went to take him a box of his stuff, nicely folded and shit. and he brought his new neighborhood hood rat, married meth head with him. i literally was in shock. stood there with my mouth hanging open and tears in my eyes (because when i say i am going to forgive and forget, apparently i really do it) because i honestly did not think he would ever EVER cheat on me!!! and the fucker actually smirked. i will never forget that smirk.

but i regress. so THiS one also thought it would be so much fun to talk shit to me, about me, to me. AND AGAIN HE LET HER. but i knew she was worried. she was scared that he would come back to me. in all actually, i think HE thought that i would beg him again to come home to his family, to his children and the wife that loved him. She thought it was a good idea to call me and tell me that he is HERS, and how he doesnt love me or want to be with me. blah blah blah. i heard all the same shit from the last crackwhore. and when i degraded myself, when i forgot my morals and values and begged my husband to come home…..he turned his back on that crackwhore in a heartbeat. came home and as far as i know (and believe me i was checking everything at first) he never contacted her again. she just faded into the woodwork like a good little cockroach. in fact, i am embarrassed to say, i harassed her more then she was harassing me after my husband came home. i guess i should have took notice how easy it was for him to turn his back on her and erase her from his mind (because that is what he just did to me and the kids after i refused to dance the pick me dance) but of course i THOUGHT I was SPECIAL. after all I WAS HIS WIFE and we had many years together AND I was the MOTHER OF his children……. pst none of that means shit to him, i found that out.

but i truely believe i could have gotten my spineless, selfish, passive aggressive, entitled, lying, thieving, cruel and hateful, weasel of a man, with zero coping skills and no integrity of a husband back if i wanted to. So i know all the phone calls from the other woman to me was his MOW dancing the pick me dance for him (of course he was super impressed how she stood up for him and how she protected him from me). i told her she was nothing, she was a home wrecker. i told her off a few times but after that. i just refused to play anymore. she would start up shit and i would just ignore her. i would text him to see/visit his children and she would bring out the crazy and i would just say fine, then dont see your children. her favorite is telling me “HE IS MINE” and “YOU ARE DIVORCED” like somehow in the past 7 months i forgot that I filed divorce or something. last time she actually told me “YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT HE AND I ARE A COUPLE” my response was “you are just going to have to accept that you are nothing and my children do not need to have any contact with you whatsoever” and then “how funny that you cry i have to accept that you are a couple. you did not respect or accept the fact that he and i were married when you started fucking him. you are nothing be a home wrecker.”

i have been no contact for 2 full months and it has been peaceful.
those OW and MOW KNOW they are not shit. they KNOW they are wrong. so they try to tell the wife that it is the wife’s fault as they convince the husband he should leave his family.

someone said on here the other day and i have been saying it to myself since feb 9. i do not want a man who can turn his back and walk away from his wife and children. i can not live like that but apparently SHE does.

*sorry for the length. i always start out with just a sentence or so and end up writing a fucking novel.

LovedAJackass
LovedAJackass
9 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

It is one hell of a story! You are well rid of him and his parade of skanks.

MrsVain
MrsVain
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

oh and thank you for reading. i know my stories/comments always end up so long. i really try just to say a couple of sentences but i am long winded i guess. lol i always wonder if anyone actually bothers to read what i write since they are always super long. (and boring)

MrsVain
MrsVain
9 years ago
Reply to  LovedAJackass

Thank you. it is one hell of a story and that is just one small little story in the 14 years of hell with that man. i had blinders on or something. i really really loved that man. lately, i have been focusing on all the bad stuff instead of hurting over the good stuff. it helps keep it in focus now that he has completely discarded me and forgot all about me (and the boys)

i gave him 14 years. i stood by his side thru even single fuck up, mistake, misunderstanding and disappointing bad decisions he continues to make over and over. all for the sake of the marriage, for the children to have a good, safe and secure childhood like i did. i forgave his inadequateness’s, his FOO, his inability to talk about emotions and feelings, his conflict avoidance, and his passive aggressiveness. i actually believed in him, believed he was a good person. believed he loved me and the children and that he wanted us to have a good life. i encouraged him, supported him and made sure to boost up his oh so fragile ego. i did everything….bills, children, talking to kids teachers, and sports, cleaning, cooking, laundry (he always had clean underwear and clothes), fixed the house, cars, yard. planned activities and vacations. all he had to do was go to work and come home. and he couldnt even do that.

i am going to be much better off without him. i just hate to be alone and single. i honestly do not want to date or go to bars so i guess i will be forever alone. but being alone is better then being alone and married. i might be laying in bed alone but it is better then having someone lying to me and fucking everyone and just laying in bed next to me with no heart at all.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

And don’t forget….No tag backs!

Jayne
Jayne
9 years ago
Reply to  Datdamwuf

Very wise observations there DAT 🙂

moving forward
moving forward
9 years ago

I believe the ‘letter’ from the OW is the greatest strategic move of all time.

The letter I got from the OW was remarkably similar. She was also ‘so very sorry’ and offered to meet with her to talk ‘about how we had been wronged’ by my now exH. (Among other things, he told her we had an open marriage and weren’t really married anymore. She knew me and had been a guest at my home many times, so she saw and knew we were married.)

So, I did it. I met with her. I still can’t believe she had the balls to sit in my living room and tell me ‘the story’.

Best hour of my life. It made it real.

She was the only one in my life to tell me the truth.

Not one of my ‘friends’ said a word. Not even my very close friends. Nadda. I have no idea how any of them held their tongues for years. What does that tell you?

For her, I believe that her strategy – get rid of me and keep him – backfired.

Fantastic strategy for me. Yep, I got rid of the exH. She got to keep him but her manipulation eventually ended their relationship. Apparently, he was very embarrassed by this move. Plus it was proof of adultery.

I say, forget about the contents. I am so thankful for that freakin’ letter. It lit the firestorm of anger I needed to change my life.

MrsVain
MrsVain
9 years ago
Reply to  moving forward

THis last MOW thought we could be friends for the sake of MY children (BTW she gave up her children when she left her husband but thinks she knows what is in the best interest for MY children, HA) after all i “need to accept that he and her are a couple now”

you are so brave!! i have often wondered what the fuck my husband (now XH) told her. what did they talk about while they sat there drinking. and how did they end up fucking. but honestly, i cant stand that hood rat he ended up with. i figured he was playing the poor me song, and my wife is so mean, blah blah blah and she supported him, agreed with him, and encouraged him to leave his wife and kids. i know she would tell him what to tell me when i was struggling to figure out WTF was happening. he (she) even said that it is not good for the kids that he keeps leaving home and coming back. she has really convinced him that he (and they) are better off with him leaving us.

i dont care to know her. or talk to her. she is crazy. AND she is worthless. if he thinks she will treat him better then i did, so be it. i am not going to compete with some loser meth head hood rat for my husbands love or attention. but i used to think i wanted to know. i can see where it would drive the finally nail in. but it is a game i dont want to play.

i still think you are brave and give you kudos for talking to your OW. it is wonderful when HE finds out she is not so special after all. i am just waiting for Karma to hit my XH.

Not Juliet
Not Juliet
9 years ago

Best hour of my life. Me, too. A short phone conversation followed by about an hour of texting with his girlfriend told me everything I wanted to know about her. What a twit. I had her built up in my mind to be some sort of glamorous wonder woman, but that hour opened my eyes to the real her. Downgrade all the way. I read about other women because they are just yet another flavor of fucked up ness. Not what you see on tv. Aging, slutty, delusional, pathetic.

MrsVain
MrsVain
9 years ago
Reply to  Not Juliet

*raises hand up*

mine was a downgrade also. she is a short, fat (beer belly) ugly, immoral oompa loompa chewbacca looking meth head. she has zero morals and zero values. her outlook on life is “as long as we are happy, nothing else matters”. she has no problem living in her car, or a house that is literally falling apart around her. she has no problems with walking away from her kids, job and responsibilities. she has no problem drinking all night and sleeping all day. she doesnt care if he has a job or if they pay their bills. she is going nowhere in life and will end up with nothing. and due to her meth addiction, she is younger then i by 9 years but looks older then i do. i laughed the first time i saw her and i continue to laugh when i see pictures of her. and i will laugh in the future when she looks like an old dry up hag which will probably happen before i do. haha

but that is what he wanted. she can have him. he is an emotional vampire.

Chumpilated
Chumpilated
9 years ago