The ‘Infidelity Professor’ and His SHICRET

SHICRET

Lothario wannabe Albert Arnaiz, a self-described “Infidelity Professor” has written a how-to guide for cheaters: SHICRET: “How to Be Unfaithful Without Getting Caught.”

Uh, do I really need this, Tracy? Can’t the curious just avail themselves of the adultery subreddit for free?

No! They need Albert Arnaiz’s SHICRET tradecraft!

In his promo he promises:

Having an affair can make you:

  • FEEL MORE ALIVE AND BETTER
  • SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIAGE
  • GET TO KNOW YOURSELF MORE
  • BECOME A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELF.

I will help you be unfaithful without getting caught with my 7-step SHICRET Method, ensuring your success in having an affair. I will explain everything down to the smallest detail, with references and examples. Additionally, I will share 17 short stories about infidelity.

Dude, I have about 1.7 million short stories about infidelity. And they end in therapy bills, STDs, and divorce.

An alert chump sent the charming interview of Arnaiz in The Times by Michael Odell: “The infidelity coach who taught me how to cheat on my wife”

‘Do it,’ he encourages.

“You will learn so much about who you really are — become a better version of yourself. This is the modern world — in the digital age no one settles for one person any more. You only have one life. Live it.”

Arnaiz’s seven-step “method” to cheating is elucidated in his book, SHICRET. It stands for Secrecy, Hearing, Intimating, Cohabiting (how to live alongside the person you are deceiving), Reiterating (cheating over and over again), Evading and Terminating. It’s an extraordinarily saucy manual for the duplicitous shagger. Arnaiz has obviously put a lot of work into it.

“I have had the most incredible sex life,” he informs me. “The adrenaline! The adventure! I don’t recommend it for people who get anxious easily, but for everyone else — eat from the feast!”

Oh Albert, you make Secret Sexual Basements sound so fun. Adrenaline! Adventure! Chlamdyia!

If I only have one life to live shagging randos, why do I need to cheat? Why not remain single and shag with consent? This sadly was not a question Michael Odell asked Arnaiz. #saucy

No sentient woman would shag Albert Arnaiz

Arnaiz gave himself the middle name “XL”, which must be referring to his forehead.

The man looks like a human dildo in a salmon sports jacket.

Albert Arnaiz

But hey, ladies, the Infidelity Professor wants you to know he has standards. He prefers cheater sites and hitting people up in bars.

Keep it classy.

When you find someone to cheat with, Arnaiz is also scornful of what he calls “micro-infidelities”, such as sending a saucy text or photo. Meet them and have sex for real. He gets quite passionate about this. In fact he does that thing that modern politicians do: casting himself as the little guy fighting back against an implacable establishment blob.

Skip the deep investment of sexting and get straight to sex! What woman doesn’t thrill to such an offer. I just want to screw you. Buy your own damn coffee.

So efficient!

“It’s terrible how big tech has made infidelity so virtual. What are they doing to us? We need to stop browsing and cross the boundary to real intimacy or what have we become?” It’s crucial, he argues, to manage your guilt. The “relationship self” and the “unfaithful self” must co-exist. “Guilt will pass,” he says. “But your long-term partner knows you better than anyone, so you must skilfully manage your eye contact, your breathing and even your perspiration. All that is part of the skill — to remain cool and evade capture. And, you know, it’s part of the excitement.”

Albert Arnaiz wants to lecture us on REAL INTIMACY! Which he wouldn’t know if it bit his big, shiny pink forehead. But the important thing, aspiring cheaters, is compartmentalization. Control your perspiration. And isn’t that tip worth the low, low price of $15.99 to be a better sociopath?

For more snark…

Catch today’s podcast where Sarah and I discuss the Infidelity Professor and why he’s never seduced a British woman. So line up, ladies!

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Orlando
Orlando
1 month ago

There will always be douche bags & there will be always be douche bags that will buy this type of book. However, no one is that clever or smooth enough to keep fuckery up like this forever! Something always trips them up. The guy REALLY is a scum-sucking sociopath (sucks to be him!). IMO, he’s nothing but a waste of space in the world when he could’ve chosen to be a better human instead.

FYI_
FYI_
1 month ago
Reply to  Orlando

I mean, wouldn’t his wife be on to him by now if he’s — you know — writing a public book about it ?! Take those royalties, Mrs. “XL” Professor.

Last edited 1 month ago by FYI_
KattheBat
KattheBat
1 month ago
Reply to  FYI_

I can imagine him talking to her:

“Oh no baby, I wouldn’t do that stuff to YOU, you’re special! This book and all these interviews and every single comment I make to every man I meet telling them to cheat is just a joke! You’re different babe, you really GET me, the other women in my past didn’t understand…”

susie lee
susie lee
1 month ago
Reply to  Orlando

Sometimes it takes years, sometimes they get caught in short time; but I am not one who really believes that it goes on undetected in most marriages. I would say the only time that happens is when both sides know about it and for whatever reason the betrayed is ok with it, and it just looks to outsiders like she/he is being fooled.

Ruby Gained A Life
Ruby Gained A Life
1 month ago
Reply to  susie lee

There are some douchebags who get away with it for years — decades, even. The marriage counselor explained it like this: “He’s a pathological liar. When he tells you a lie, he really believes it. That’s how he can fool you. Even I couldn’t detect all of his lies, and I’ve been doing this for 25 years now.” I was so busy working nights, weekends, holidays and all of the overtime I could get to pay his tuition for an accounting degree that would “help build our future” I didn’t have time to delve deeply into who exactly his “study partners” were, and was he really “at work” at his restaurant job while I was busy in the ICU actually saving lives. And, since he had never NOT been cheating, there were no behavior changes to track. It was before cell phones, and answering machines so those weren’t clues, and our sex life continued unabated. I truly missed it all until I came home early from a shift and caught him with the neighbor. It had never actually occurred to me that the man who vowed he’d be faithful “until death parts us” would cheat on me.

Conchobara
Conchobara
1 month ago

I don’t know if I ever would have caught on. I spent so many years being gaslit and manipulated that I just accepted his sh!tty behavior as ‘the new him’. He has confessed to 7 years of cheating but for all I know it was all 21. His behavior didn’t really start shifting until when he says he started cheating so that could be his one honest answer but at this point IDGAF.

I too was working outrageous hours because we were always, somehow, so financially stretched that it was necessary. So I was working a full-time job and then freelancing every night for years, 18+ hours/day. I was exhausted and sick and had gained a lot of weight. He meanwhile worked three days a week as a nurse, refused extra shifts (because his job was so stressful and I couldn’t possibly understand), disappeared for hours every day, and fed me a steady diet of unhealthy fast foods because I HAD to keep working, didn’t have time to walk or cook or even grocery shop.

susie lee
susie lee
1 month ago

I was much like you, I was busy supporting his career, and he was happy to let me do it. I assume he was cheating our entire marriage, though he only stated that he had been cheating for 10 years. We were married 21 years. The last year, was the year of discard.

susie lee
susie lee
1 month ago

Oh I agree many get away with it for years, but at some point it catches up with most. Unfortunately for the betrayed that is years of their life, given to a liar.

I consider myself fortunate I got out at 40 when his house of cards fell around him.

I just disagree with the stats that say most affairs go unnoticed. Does it happen yes, but most of the time they will eventually get caught.

Stepbystep
Stepbystep
1 month ago

Can this guide be found next to “How to Human Traffic” or “How to Shoot Up a School”?

I guess he’d claim Freedom of Speech, but I don’t believe it protects instructions on how to break the law and abuse people.

The scariest part is the consumer.

2xchump
2xchump
1 month ago

Let’s see..a book about how to steal money from your grandmas purse to buy drugs? How to get heroin from the Crack house by the art of lying to liars, how to embezzl funds from the PTA, how to rob a bank using the back entrance,avoiding all cameras, how to cheat at stocks, bonds with insider information. Nothing new here, just a real creep showing other creeps the creepy ropes to get over on woman. Its not an art, it’s a cesspool.And he has children, a disgusting creep. Is there a.way to get this guy a FREE vasectomy?

Chumped in KC
Chumped in KC
1 month ago
Reply to  2xchump

You meant a FREE lobotomy…

Shadow
Shadow
1 month ago
Reply to  2xchump

The NHS does vasectomies, or at least they did when I was a theatre nurse in the early 1980s! He leaves British women alone, lucky us but I bet he takes full adavantage of free-at-the-point-of-delivery British healthcare! He’d need to, because I bet he’s a regular at the Clap Clinic, the dirty animal

Celene
Celene
1 month ago

This book (and that XL middle name) screams overcompensating from an inferiority complex. I can’t even take the title of his book seriously because my mind either reads “shicret” as secret with a lisp or autocorrects it to “Sh!t.”

Dontfeellikedancin
Dontfeellikedancin
1 month ago
Reply to  Celene

Yeah I read it as “shitwreck”
Maybe he’s XL like the Titanic was? 🤷

KattheBat
KattheBat
1 month ago
Reply to  Celene

I’m glad I am not the only one who associated the “shi” in “shicret” as a combination of the words “shit” and “secret.” Apparently Mr. XL as an XS brain. Like did he seriously not notice his poor choice in titles?

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  Celene

Oh absolutely. I know I should be disgusted, and I am, but I also find it amusing. Like when I see “alpha males” and the like. It’s just. Okay, yeah, sure pal. You get all the very high-quality ladies and your wife has no idea and would never do the same to you, absolutely. You’re totally a good husband and the ideal man and everyone else does it anyways. Yes, yes, you’re so very masculine and I’m so impressed with your sexual prowess. Sure.

Shadow
Shadow
1 month ago
Reply to  Celene

I actually thought it was an amalgam word for “Shit Secret” because , well cheating IS a shitty secret, kept by shitty people!

Conchobara
Conchobara
1 month ago
Reply to  Shadow

same!

Helen Reddy
Helen Reddy
1 month ago
Reply to  Conchobara

same.

kat
kat
1 month ago

perhaps my favorite sentence you have ever written: The man looks like a human dildo in a salmon sports jacket.

Cam
Cam
1 month ago
Reply to  kat

Line up, ladies, to the nearest exit!

kat
kat
1 month ago
Reply to  kat

I’m still laughing after reading my own comment!!

Viktoria
Viktoria
1 month ago

Well, I guess my eX read this book. So gross.

Chumpolicious
Chumpolicious
1 month ago

Big WOW. Just goes to show you that Dupers delight is what drives cheaters. Its the thrill of deceit, not just the sex. He mentions intimacy. His “intimacy” is merely an adrenaline filled orgasm. So F**@ed up.

Same as assaulters, its the thrill and adrenaline from attacking women not the sex itself. They say deviants start small and have to ramp it up to get the same thrills eventually.

Something is wrong with the way they are wired. Its their biology. And as a society we are embracing the disordered worldview and normalizing it. But they put society at risk. They say 4.5% of general population have psychopathy and prison population is 10-35%.

I envision a future like clockwork orange where governments screen these people and try and rehabilitate them, or where big brother is monitoring EVERYTHING we do.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago
Reply to  Chumpolicious

Even worse – they’re hiring the psychopaths and putting them in charge. This guy will probably be in charge of Health and Human Services some day.

Shadow
Shadow
1 month ago

Well, it’s helpful to know one’s enemy, and the likes of him are the enemies of eveyone who has any integrity!
And he doesn’t shag British women, does he not? Thanks be to God I was born and reared in England then! How he pulls anyone is a mystery to me but then, some people just have very bad taste! Ugh!

JeffWashington
JeffWashington
1 month ago

You know, the thing I get stuck on is the whole “be a better version of yourself” horse hockey.

Like, maintaining a long term relationship or marriage is its own accomplishment worth being proud of. I don’t think too many of us here got chumped because we were going in at gunpoint and staying in it half hearted-I don’t know about the rest of you but for the most part I was in it to win it. I worked hard to make myself better to keep her(pick me dance, but…yeah…)

Besides, if getting laid is the only thing keeping you from being a better person (or being happy in your marriage)…what is stopping you otherwise?

It’s like the dude that wrote this took a regular old self help book about motivation and made it about ruining your family and waking up alone and miserable with the clap one day.

“Guilt will pass”-so will your opportunity to actually be better, dipshit.

And best point from our fearless leader: just stay the hell single if you want to behave like this.

susie lee
susie lee
1 month ago

The man looks like a human dildo in a salmon sports jacket.

Love that, he remind me of Michael Avenatti, what a scuzzy dick he was.

susie lee
susie lee
1 month ago

Is this guy married, and how does a woman put up with that. I am betting if he has a wife he would go nuclear if she tried this.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  susie lee

Definitely. Most of these types absolutely would. I see it with a lot of manosphere dydes – it’s okay when men cheat, because that’s natural, but not when women cheat. That’s a BAD WIFE. I’ve also seen the reverse online, but normally it’s “women only cheat when there’s a failure on the part of a man, so it’s the man’s fault, but men cheat because they’re TERRIBLE” or some other such excuse. Queer people may have their own versions but the excuses are normally individualized, rather than sweeping hypocrisy. Which is still terrible, because cheating is terrible. Anyone can be terrible, no matter their gender identity. And you don’t get an excuse to be terrible, no matter your gender identity.

Involuntary Georgian
Involuntary Georgian
1 month ago

Listening to the podcast, CL says of the author “He thinks ‘I am a better class of cheater. I’m not a grubby cheater’,,” which reminded me of the early times post-discovery.

I knew that my wife was having an affair. I knew she was leaving me. I knew she categorically refused any counseling, not even for the sake of the kids. (Note that we didn’t have any actual marital problems (fighting, arguing, disrespect etc) that would have been negatively affecting the kids). But despite all this I couldn’t believe that she would be having an affair with a married man. I thought “She wouldn’t do that. She is better than that. She’s not that kind of person.”

I was so, so wrong.

Even we – the cheated-upon – don’t want our cheaters to be the “grubby type” of cheater. And yet they are.

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago

This is very true. Surely, they didn’t talk bad about me, they used protection, they didn’t… they would have…

All of that goes out the window when you cheat. There is no “better class” of cheater.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

Oh, so very, very grubby, dingy and dismal. Like FW’s first (known) extramarital assignation in a glaring blue-lit strip mall parking lot lined by a row of over-crammed fast food trash bins behind the place I used to take the kids bowling that looks like the perfect movie location for a fictional serial killer crime scene.

Chumpcat
Chumpcat
1 month ago

I read it as Sh!t-cret (short for sh!!ty cretin?). I am just wondering how his other books are selling “How to beat your spouse without leaving marks” and “Ponzi schemes for beginners.”

Bluewren
Bluewren
1 month ago

I guess calling that collection of filth ‘How to be a Gutless Coward’ wouldn’t have sold as many copies.
Imagine being that creature who is proud of creating this collection of lies and tips for the terminally spineless.
I’ll bet he doesn’t tell his readers how it all ends when their deeds catch up with them though- and they always do.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

He forgot the “T” in ShiTcret.

LookingForwardsToTuesday
LookingForwardsToTuesday
1 month ago

Does this book have a chapter titled “How to make someone else responsible for dealing with the consequences of your cheating” by any chance? It it doesn’t then it probably should.

LFTT

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

I like to coin new terms out of misread words. Henceforth, every douchy, fugly Don-Juan-a-be like Albert shall be referred to as SHITREC.

Hell of a Chump
Hell of a Chump
1 month ago

btw, Don-Juanabe/DonJuanabe is apparently some Youtube content creator but otherwise it’s underused on the web.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

To me the worst example of How to Succeed in Adultery Without Really Trying is on the R@ddit site. I don’t know if I can post the whole name here, you all know it. They have a whole forum over there devoted to them helping each other cheat. The worst people IN THE WORLD. I actually was banned from that forum for trying to talk to these people rationally. These are real people in real time trying to help each other deceive their mates and families. I always come up with the same question….why bother getting or staying married. But I guess the spouse truly IS an appliance to be used rather than a human being to care about. While I can entertain the idea that anyone can fall from grace and cheat from a moment of weakness, what we’re talking about with so many of these people are organized campaigns of deceit sometimes going back for decades. This is vile, destructive, anti-social behavior, frequently tied to OTHER types of anti-social behavior, and it is something to be preached against and legislated against to whatever extent we can. The destruction of spouses and families should NOT go unpunished. Bring back universal at fault divorce for adultery, alienation of affection suits, complete loss of custody (because NO FW should have any custody unless offended spouse allows it) and NO split of marital assets. We have to start punishing bad behavior again.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

Next volume: How to Make the Really Big Bucks by Bernie Madoff!

KADawn
KADawn
1 month ago

this guy is just disgusting. I try really hard to find something good in everyone, but I just can find a single redeeming thing here. UGH.

Cam
Cam
1 month ago

We really need to bring back public punishments like the stocks if people think they can say this shit with their whole chest and not feel a speck of shame, or at the very least fear losing their job. I highly doubt his book does well enough to pay the mortgage, so I assume he’s got a day job somewhere.

MollyWobbles
MollyWobbles
1 month ago

After Dday, my adult son asked me “What do you feel was the worst thing he did?”. To me, the worst thing FW admitted to was buying books to get better at cheating. He also took an online course in how to pick up women. And that’s what I told my son was the thing that hurt me the most. That he STUDIED how to cheat on me. He didn’t just cheat, he STUDIED how to get better at it. To be more successful. The decades of strippers, the countless lap dances, the ho-worker, and everything else pale in comparison to the fact that he actually sat down with books and studied how to get better at lying and deception. And this author thinks he’s a fucking hero? Disgusting. Truly.

Last edited 1 month ago by MollyWobbles
Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago
Reply to  MollyWobbles

Oh, yours actually read them? Oh no, I’m so, so sorry, Molly. That’s a different level of scum.

There’s books out there for everything, which is both a blessing and a curse. For every LACGAL, some human dildo in a salmon jacket writes something. Focus on finding fans of the former, not the latter!

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago

The real life version of his SHICRET goals;

Secret sexual basement
Hiding the evidence
Intimidating the chump
Cruelty to the chump
Raging at the chump
Evil deeds and evil smirks
Total destruction of the chump

Btw, his photo looks like a serial killer. What a terrifying face. He could only cheat with hookers and the chronically desperate. This is all just his pathetic fantasy.

susie lee
susie lee
1 month ago
Reply to  OHFFS

“evil smirks”

I think that was the worst, in hindsight I mean. I didn’t really think of the smirks until after the fall, then they came rushing back.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago
Reply to  susie lee

Yep. FW used to take me out to dinner and sit there smirking at me. I was so confused. It scared me.

Conchobara
Conchobara
1 month ago
Reply to  OHFFS

Yeah, I didn’t recognize them at the time but I can recall them so clearly. Part of duper’s delight, no doubt.

ChumpDchump
ChumpDchump
1 month ago

Are we reaching a crest in our culture? I hope so. For introverted fans of LACGAL, I would recommend “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.” In the book, the author explains the cultural shift in the United States from the “virtue” culture of the 19th century to the “personality” culture of the 20th century. To really summarize, in the 19th century, people put more value on whether a person adhered to certain classical virtues, whereas in the 20th century, people increasingly placed more value on “likability.” She argues that this shift in culture created our current atmosphere where extroversion is highly favored over introversion. I think everyone on this site can provide examples of how this has trickled into the romantic arena, as “love” becomes a superficial display of performative acts (i.e., elaborate IG proposals and big engagement rings), and not something based on true respect.

Right now, we live in a culture that is at a crossroads, I think. With social media and reality TV, we are seeing objectively foul behavior upvoted and financially encouraged because we value “attention” over anything else right now. We are in an Attention Economy. As bleak as this sounds, I have this feeling that we are reaching a crescendo with this worldview, and I am sensing cracks in it. Call it a hunch.

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago
Reply to  ChumpDchump

It’s not unlike the Roman Empire before the fall.
Thanks for the book recommendation. That sounds like a good one.

Conchobara
Conchobara
1 month ago

I think this cretin would’ve been so disappointed in FW. If the use of big tech for cheating is verboten, how was he supposed to find/fund all his young APs? I mean, if he wasn’t finding them on specialized pay sites, he wouldn’t have been able to find the low-character, low-moral losers he did.

All a Blur
All a Blur
1 month ago

What’s with that name? I mean, really — “shicret?” Is that not a portmanteau of “shit” and “secret?” Do we all talk like Sean Connery now? It’s got all the sexy je ne sais quois of, say, “webinar.”

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago
Reply to  All a Blur

😄

Chump-Domain Cleric
Chump-Domain Cleric
1 month ago

Oh geez, Dark Horse isn’t the only cheater PUA out there! Watch out, we’ve got another one on the scene! I wonder if this one also sells courses?

I am curious – are there sections on gaslighting your chump and others when caught, or is it just “you’re on your own, shitlips!” when you’re found out?

OHFFS
OHFFS
1 month ago

Notice that he uses the adolescent YOLO to justify cheating. That is exactly how OW justified her obsessive serial cheating. Cheaters would be defenseless without their silly rationalizations. Their rationalizations are more important to them than their spouses and children will ever be.

My version of YOLO is that since you only get one shot, you should make sure your life means something. You should do good, be kind, be honest, genuinely connect with others and care about them. Cheaters will have none of that. Sucks to be this dumb dildo. When he’s on his deathbed, visions of a pussy buffet are not going to give him peace. Only the remembrance of a life well lived can do that.

Conchobara
Conchobara
1 month ago
Reply to  OHFFS

FW tried to wax philosophical. He started cheating after his dad died because: mortality. He claimed that when his dad died he realized he needed to live his life to the fullest, to make it more meaningful.

I mean, what better way to bring meaning to the world than banging total strangers and paying for s3x? Certainly meaning couldn’t have come through fidelity, honesty, being a good partner or father, surely??

My argument that ‘living life to the fullest’ is generally reserved for climbing Mt Everest or curing cancer was roundly rejected in favor of his version. Go figure.

Mehitable
Mehitable
1 month ago

I don’t know if this is exactly the right thread for these two observations but I’ll put them here because there are other sites that either try to help people cheat – or try to help marriages “recover” from cheating. These are usually geared to understanding and forgiving the cheaters. I was just looking at a site that supposedly helps marriages recover – one that CL took apart some time ago. What people have to realize about cheating, is from the chump’s perspective cheating reveals at least TWO things:

Your spouse is NOT in love with you. They may be fond of you, they may care aboutyou, they may view you like a relative or friend, they may value you, they may want to continue using you – or some combination of any or all these BUT….they are NOT in love with you romantically because people who are in love with each other….DO NOT CHEAT. Unless you are some kind of psychotic serial cheater who can’t love anyway….if you’re in love with your partner or spouse….you don’t cheat. Remember back to when you first fell in love with your spouse and those first few years at least of your relationship – you probably could never imagine cheating on them. You might feel some attraction as we all do, to someone else, but you would never act on it. It would never even occur to you to go through those motions to make that happen.

IF YOUR SPOUSE CHEATS ON YOU, THEY ARE NOT “IN LOVE” WITH YOU ROMANTICALLY. That may or may not matter to you ultimately.

2. When your spouse cheats, and you discover this, you have discovered something about them you could never ever have imagined or foreseen before. Maybe you might have theoretically, you know humans do this, but you could NEVER have imagined YOUR spouse doing such a thing. Loving up, fucking, meeting up with, gifting, dining with, going on trips with, secretly meeting another person and LYING TO YOU REPEATEDLY ABOUT IT – whether you’ve discovered it or not, they lie before and after. And they PLAN these affairs, they have to. You would NEVER have imagined that your spouse is capable of such a thing. And now you know they are. You know there’s a whole side of them you could never have imagined before. What ELSE could there be, now or in the future, that you don’t know? How can you ever trust them again once you’ve found out what they are capable of? How can you FORGET THIS even if you can forgive it. The answer is: YOU DON’T.

YOU WILL NEVER VIEW THEM THE SAME WAY AGAIN AND YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE SOME LEVEL OF ANXIETY AND DISTRUST.

These two things are the reason that reconciliations, even among people who would LIKE to work it out, generally fail. Because the relationship is not what it was before and it never will be. It’s like a tree that’s been hollowed out – the outside may look okay to outsiders and you may want to talk about how good it is…..but inside, in the ways that really matter…it’s dead, Jim. You will always have doubts, always have concerns, and you will never forget. That’s why divorce is usually the best option – almost always. I understand it’s not always possible for practical reasons….but if it IS….it’s what you should do. You’re not gonna forget this and you’ll never view them the same way again and you will probably never really trust them again. You’ll just limp along trying to make the best of it. If that’s what you want….okay, but every person who is contemplating cheating should be aware of these two things, and if you want to keep your marriage – at all – DON’T DO IT. It’s a line you don’t come back from.

Last edited 1 month ago by Mehitable
HunnyBadger
HunnyBadger
1 month ago

Open Letter to Albert Arnaiz:

Dude! You are clearly a bona fide genius! Utterly refreshing to know that you are the first person ever to really work the process of cheating! And unlike all those ordinary amateur, typical cheaters, you have raised your cheating to the level of professional — at $16.95 is there any doubt you know exactly what you’re doing??

I don’t mean to criticize you, Arnaiz, ol’ buddy, but I think I might have found the singular hiccup in your utterly foolproof plan to cheat and defraud without fear: It’s called “Other Humans.”

You see, your plan relies on the questionable idea that the other slopbucket willing to bump uglies with you is equally versed in “how to cheat and not get caught.” Not that I want to give you self-doubts, (those are so inconvenient when you’re a sociopath, eh?), but what if the drunk chick in the corner of the bar doesn’t have the slightest clue how she’s going to keep it a secret from her husband or boyfriend? Are you going to try for some of that mind-blowing sex, knowing she’s just an amateur? Have you no standards, man??

I suppose you could tell her you really want to hook up, but first she needs to read your book. For $16.95. Otherwise there’s the risk that she’s going to let it slip, or will text her friends group chat to talk about what it’s like to have alley sex with a bald guy who won’t share his name. And then someone else will let it slip. Sooooo….

If she isn’t highly familiar with your brilliant plot, then of course she might get found out. And maybe you will get some big hulking angry man stalking you, ready to cut off your willy for what you did. I mean, not trying to be a wet blanket here, but every single idiot you hook up with poses the risk of a cuckolded male who is willing to destroy you.

So first and foremost, my suggestion to you, Mr. Xtreme-Loser Arnaiz, is that you carry multiple copies of your book wherever you go, and that you either demand exact change or have the ability to take a debit card payment. Don’t let them try to write you a check… you can’t trust those. Then, of course, you’re going to need to give her time to read it, form opinions, and master your technique. As I fully suspect there are very few multisyllabic words in that tome of vast hornball knowledge, she can probably get through it pretty quickly before you lose interest. Maybe you should develop of pop-up version for the ones who can’t actually read?

I wish you luck.

And finally, just a word of warning for your protection: Always check the pockets and purse of the latest hookup. I understand there’s a #1 bestseller going around right now called “How to Pretend those Unsightly Bumps aren’t Venereal Warts When Screwing a Perfect Stranger.”

Just lookin’ out for you, buddy.

— The HunnyBadger

SortofOverIt
SortofOverIt
1 month ago
Reply to  HunnyBadger

” I mean, not trying to be a wet blanket here, but every single idiot you hook up with poses the risk of a cuckolded male who is willing to destroy you.”

I had similar thoughts. D-Day was actually him telling me by choice. It was clear that he had no intentions of ending it. His plan was to leave me for her, but he told me during lockdown and they were long distance so noting was happening right then. He did say something along the lines that the lying was bothering him. So he told me so that HE could feel better. Later I would find out that he told me YEARS in to the affair. So I guess it took years for his conscience to bother him?

Much much later he once let it slip that she had threatened to out him many times.

And that is when it occurred to me. He told me that day in lockdown probably because she gave him an ultimatum, and at least him telling me himself meant he could control what was said.

So yes, this “author” of this shitty book is overlooking a huge flaw in his plan. Not all Schmoops are going to be as good at hiding the truth. They can easily slip up. Or they can decide they WANT to tell his wife for any number of reasons.

HunnyBadger
HunnyBadger
1 month ago
Reply to  HunnyBadger

As an aside…. These AI written books are getting funnier and funnier!

I would love to see an article in the coming weeks on how many times some poor chump says, “Sweetheart, what is this charge to Amazon? Who is Arnaiz and what book did he write??”

KattheBat
KattheBat
1 month ago

Ever since Andrew Tate got arrested I was wondering when the next version of him was going to pop up in the news.

Well here he is.

…And they even look similar.

Conchobara
Conchobara
1 month ago
Reply to  KattheBat

I seriously thought the same! Creepy.