The Other Woman by Lana Del Rey
Has anyone heard The Other Woman sung by Lana Del Rey — or better originally performed by the great Nina Simone. It’s a mistress’s pick me dance lament. Forever the fuckbuddy, never the bride. Special, but somehow not quite special enough.
The other woman has time to manicure her nails
The other woman is perfect where her rival fails
And she’s never seen with pin curls in her hair anywhere
The other woman enchants her clothes with French perfume
The other woman keeps fresh cut flowers in each room
And there are never toys that’s scattered everywhere
And when her old man comes to call
He finds her waiting like a lonesome queen
‘Cause to be by her side
It’s such a change from old routine
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
The other woman will always cry herself to sleep
The other woman will never have his love to keep
And as the years go by, the other woman will spend her life alone
Alone
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Baby, do, do
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah
Oh, oh, oh
Alone
Is this another misogynistic Golden Oldie?
I’ve been thinking recently about the pick me dance messages we get in popular culture, particularly in old standards, like Stand By Your Man. The ultimate “I won a cheating fuckwit” triumphalist torch song.
Tangent: I could write an entire post on the Wandering Dick ballads of the 60s and 70s. Oh, I’m just a rambling man, a vagabond in town for one night, don’t get hooked on me! but you’ll always be gentle on my mind. Yes, Ladies… He left his sleeping bag behind your couch. And had a passing thought about you. Treasure it always.
Tangent over. Back to Lana Del Rey — is The Other Woman some new irony on Schmoopie tragedy? Is this performed with a knowing wink?
Or are we supposed to feel pathos for the side chick?
The other woman has time to manicure her nails
Is not a detail that moves me to compassion. Does the Other Woman have a job? Do messy cuticles drive men to cheat?
The other woman is perfect where her rival fails
Her rival doesn’t know she has a rival. Perhaps she’d buff her nails if she only knew.
And she’s never seen with pin curls in her hair anywhere
The other woman enchants her clothes with French perfume
The other woman keeps fresh cut flowers in each room
You have to hand it to the Other Woman, her pick me dance is on point. This whole locked in an elegant tower thing gives me Lady of Shalott vibes. A woman, waiting, living in half shadows, confined by a curse. She must hide herself away, until she sees a knight — Lancelot! (Spoiler: the Lady of Shalott leaves the tower and subsequently dies in pursuit.)
Anyway, that story could be a 70s song. Hey, Lancelot GAVE YOU HIS SLEEPING BAG. Maybe he’ll return. Meanwhile, just stay home and weave perfect tapestries.
Tracy, your cheese has slipped off the cracker. What are you on about?
Mistress songs.
And there are never toys that’s scattered everywhere
BECAUSE THE OTHER WOMAN IS BARREN. (Actually I don’t know that. But is it implied?) The wife appliance has toys scattered everywhere. A symbol of her chaotic — but full! — uterus family life. Which can then be weaponized and used against her as a reason she failed to enchant. The Other Woman doesn’t have stretch marks. Or baby vomit in her hair.
Sorry Wife Appliance, had you only kept the playroom tidier, the dick would not have roamed.
Yet, side dish life is not all it’s cracked up to be.
And when her old man comes to call
He finds her waiting like a lonesome queen
‘Cause to be by her side
It’s such a change from old routine
I’m sure he’s there for the fresh flowers and not because he considers you Tuesday’s orifice. #oldroutine
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
The other woman will always cry herself to sleep
The other woman will never have his love to keep
And as the years go by, the other woman will spend her life alone
Alone
Oh, oh, oh, oh
I know at this point we’re supposed to be moved by the potential of a lovely smelling woman who wasted her French perfume and perfection on a fuckwit. But I cannot help but thinking THERE ARE OTHER MEN.
She’ll never have his love to keep?
Yes, the first clue was HE’S MARRIED. And you’re Tuesday. And people who actually love you, don’t goad you into humiliating contests. But no, the Other Woman doesn’t clue in! YEARS GO ON!
I mean, what is going on here? Okay, this song was first written in 1955 by Jessie May Robinson and performed by Sarah Vaughan but even by the standards of 1950s American misogyny, this story beggars belief. SHE WILL SPEND HER LIFE ALONE.
Alone!
(An extra chorus of ALONE! Just to underscore the point.)
You know who’s not alone? The narcissist who set this whole fucktangle up. Deciding between his harried wife and their messy children, or his lonesome queen.
Tracy, maybe The Other Woman is really an indictment of the pick me dance?
Maybe, but how come the men just go ride the rails, leaving their shit behind sofas, and the women are banished to eternal loneliness? Waiting on fuckwits who might bless them with a fleeting memory.
The prize isn’t worth having. But, sorry Lana Del Rey, I can’t feel sorry for the nitwit who French perfumed her way into this dysfunction.
Anyone else got a mistress song gripe, CN?
Witney Houston- Saving All My Love.
For some idiot future faking and talking bs about them running away together- sure, Whitney…meanwhile she’s singing mournfully about ‘a few stolen moments’ and looking forward to being his sloppy seconds for the night.
Girl Power or what?
Clive Davis and I have a mutual friend. He is far from being a sergeant of the patriarchy as far as we knew. He loved music and loved Whitney, but her choice of Bobby Brown as a husband and her own addiction tells me she had some serious family of origin programming that even being under Clive’s wings could not help her with. I do not like the message of this song, but the music industry is about hits and making money. (The mutual friend was a girlfriend of Brian Rohan, legendary music industry attorney, and she worked for Clive listening to demo tapes).
cool!
Yes it’s all about what sells, that’s for sure- yes Whitney was around all the sparkly temptations of show biz long before Mr Brown showed up .
What a shame and a waste of amazing talent.
I wonder if Houston’s soul was partly injured by being used as a filter for misogynist dreck. Pop music is such a toxic industry.
I just finished reading “The Woman In Me”. It will dispel any lingering doubt if you read it. What happened to Britney is patriarchal abuse through the courts writ large. Our society is vicious to successful women singers.
I think so- she was handled by some pretty shady characters.
When I tell you I RAN to the comments to talk about “saving all my love for you” it’s so beautiful until you pay attention to what she’s actually singing about and then it’s 🤮
Oh yes- lovely tune but … yeah no. 😑
I just looked up the lyrics. Two men wrote that song. I guess any gender can fantasize about being the center of a pick me dance, build a shrine and never move on song, but geezzzz.
Lyrics so beyond the pale it has to be those certain types of men behind them. Bleh!
More a song about an OW from a man’s perspective than being written from the OW’s viewpoint, but “Run to You” by Bryan Adams bothers me. The lines “Wouldn’t hurt her if she didn’t know” and “She’s got a heart of gold, she’d never let me down, but you’re the one that always turns me on” really capture the Cheater’s entitlement and the fact that the Cheater (in this case a man) knows exactly what he’s doing and the likely consequences of his betrayal should it be discovered.
It’s a great song musically and it’s written really cohesively …. I just
hate the subject matter.
LFTT
Yes… he should have gone with I ain’t Gonna Cry Over You from the same album for the single- that’s more our speed in here😎
That’s the thing so many songs that I remember have such great music, that the words don’t always matter, until they do.
I used to love the song ‘Mr and Mrs Jones’ solely for the tune. Later, I hated it.
Sort of like the theater ban on quoting the “Scottish play” when it’s not being performed, that song seems to curse anyone who sang it after 1984. I though it was really funny that, once Ryan Adams decided to get off his hipster high horse and stop negging 80’s gramps Bryan Adams, the song of Bryan’s that Ryan gamely decided to sing was that one… and the latter promptly gets exposed as a serial domestic abuser.
I’m confused as to why Chump Lady refers to the Other Woman as Tuesday.
I thought we were looking forward to Tuesday? To becoming the other woman? What?
Perhaps it’s a different metaphor, i.e you’re his Tuesday hookup, and there’s a different one for every other day
“She’s got a heart of gold, she’d never let me down, but you’re the one that always turns me on”
For some reason, this line especially makes my blood boil. FWs feel so entitled to a chump’s dedication, yet refuse to be dedicated themselves, and instead betray, gaslight, and abuse.
Ugh. Far too early in the morning for this. That’s a good one, LFTT.
I too was upset by the lyrics. If you watch the original video, though, the “you” he’s singing to and presumably running to is not another woman, it’s his guitar.
At the start of the original video, he is singing directly to his guitar, which is standing propped up a few feet away from him in an outdoor void, and when he sings, “That would change if she ever found out about you an I,” he points directly at the guitar.
The video was created after the song, so there’s no way to tell if he intended the song to be about his guitar and music, or another woman. I’d like to think that if it wasn’t intended to be about the guitar/music, he had second thoughts about the decency of writing a cheater creep song and wanted to undo the damage. Or maybe it’s just image management and plausible deniability.
When he re-recorded it in 2022, the video is of a car driving to and through the mountains.
CDC,
I’m absolutely with you on that. Cheaters feel entitled to take whatever it is they want from the Chump and hey, nudge nudge, it won’t hurt them if they don’t know. What we get in return is a sh*t sandwich of every flavour of abuse that you can think of.
LFTT
Oh dang! Another one ruined… I liked this song, now I’ll have to add it to my red list.
I guess “Careless Whisper” is about the other man.
Stay by Sugarland infuriates me!!
“It’s too much pain to have to bear
To love a man you have to share”
-yet the wife doesn’t even know she’s sharing him!
At the end she tells him to just stay with his wife.
The song “Me and Mrs. Jones,” I never understood why anyone would enjoy listening to “we got a thing going on.”
It was a popular song. I wondered if people were actually listening to the words.
This was when I was naive and thought all married couples took their wedding vows seriously..
I remember when the song came out. It’s styled as a wink, as a deliciously naughty turn-the-tables on the typical cheating song, where the guy is the cheater. Also a flip of the glib expression my husband often used: “What Mama doesn’t know, Mama doesn’t hurt” (Hoosier dialect, I believe.)
By naming names, the song advertises Mrs. Jones’ availability, and also damages her public image. I never watched the movie to see how the plot played out – sometimes a song is sung ironically – but the subject matter then was already too painful for me to bear.
Well, I stood by man man until the day the music died. I’ve pretty much avoided all music ever since, preferring news and commentary, which are far less upsetting.
The first time I heard that song was after D-day and, for some reason, in my head it was Mrs. Jones getting revenge on Mr. Jones for being a cheater. Based on my own experience, men are the cheaters (wrong, I know logically) and so I felt like she must be getting her revenge.
And yet that still made me feel squirmy and icky.
Not going to lie, anytime one of those crappy cheating songs comes on the radio, I flip the station.
Same.
There’s a particularly cringey one on the station my parents listen to called ‘Substitute’ about some side piece begging some guy to let them be their substitute….it’s just nasty – it’s a room clearer sort of song.
Same here, I love oldies; but only the good ones.
Uncle Kracker-Follow me.
Not exactly an Other Woman song but this Davy Jones/Monkees song primed my adolescent brain to do the pick me dance.
I wanna be free,
Like the bluebirds flying by me,
Like the waves out on the blue sea,
If your love has to tie me,
Don’t try me, say good-bye.
I wanna be free,
Don’t say you love me, say you like me
But when I need you beside me,
Stay close enough to guide me,
Confide in me, whoa-oh-oh.
I wanna hold your hand,
Walk along the sand,
Laughing in the sun,
Always having fun.
Doing all those things
Without any strings to tie me down.
I wanna be free,
Like the warm September wind, babe,
Say you’ll always be my friend, babe,
We can make it to the end, babe,
Again, babe, I’ve gotta say…
I wanna be free,
I wanna be free,
I wanna be free.
From the Pick-Me chump perspective, the classic Dolly Patron “Jolene”. The irony is even the wife depicts the Husband as mindless and not that great actually but she still likes him for reasons..
In a previous post here, someone mentioned the 2022 sequel, “You Can Have him, Jolene” by Chapel Hart. So I looked it up; the song’s first appearance on one of the Got Talent shows is my favorite; subsequent versions seem “produced” and “managed.”
The words ring true, and the song is upbeat. However, since “Jolene” came out in 1973, this implies almost 50 years of pick-me dancing! (Which should help some of us feel better about dragging our heels on our way out.)
It’s funny, I was just talking last night about Lana Del Rey, and how much I hate the fans that are super obsessed with her and the coquette aesthetic. Maybe I have no room to talk, as I love lolita (THE JAPANESE STREET FASHION, NOT THE BOOK), but I think that’s just it. Lolita the fashion is completely unrelated to Lolita the book (like… completely unrelated), while coquettes often reference and fetishize Lolita the book.
Anyways, unrelated tangent aside, I have very little tolerance for OW songs. I’ve never had much of a tolerance for them. In fact, I can’t think of an OW song I’ve really listened to that isn’t already listed here. Not to say that makes me somehow superior – I just can’t think of any.
I am listening to a lovely, relaxing video game soundtrack playlist right now, though, and that’s FAR better than any OW anthem.
Oh! I have a cheating-themed song I LOVE, though. Bear with me.
It’s called Adultery by Dog Fashion Disco, from their album of the same name. The song gives a very pulp-y feel, just like the album art. And at first, it seems to be about exactly that, even with strangely violent imagery in the lyrics.
But it’s not.
The whole album is a concept album about a serial killer, and Adultery is from the serial killer’s POV, comparing his crimes to the act of adultery. Obviously, murder is worse, but it’s quite the mental image. I loved it when I first heard it as a teen, and still do today.
CDC–
I’ve always been confused about the claim that Lolita fashion doesn’t relate to the book– or at least what most people think the book is about– when the fashion trend has teens and adults dressing up like toddlers. I mean, then why call it Lolita? I never bought the idea that it “rebels from the male gaze” because it’s infantilizing, though I can see where it may be an attempt to avoid male violence for that very reason.
I worked in fashion for a few years and noticed that, following every particularly gory war, women’s fashions would suddenly radically shift to the equivalent of shapeless pastel christening gowns or poofy toddler dresses as if women were saying to violentized returning warriors, “I’m just a pure and wee baby! Please don’t rape or kill me!” Yet that infantilization itself will become more and more sexualized because rape is never about consent to begin with.
The subject is so complicated and people get so defensive about it that I kind of bit my tongue when my daughter’s nonbinary teen friend made the common claim about Lolita fashion and the book. I just veered into talking about the book instead since the distancing of the fashion from the book seems to be based on the idea that the book is toxic and promotes pedophilia.
Unless credible proof comes out (beyond literary critics’ theories) that Nabokov was a child molester, I’m tentatively on the side of feminists who don’t trash Lolita– at least the novel, though the films made on the book are all pervy garbage. His bout of fuckwittery notwithstanding, I’m a fan of Nabokov’s dystopian political writing and find his work eerily prophetic, especially Bend Sinister. My personal theory is that Lolita, which was published two years after the Cuban revolution began, was partly about the hegemonic duel between the US and the Soviet Union to control Latin America that, on both sides, pretended to be ideological and “protective,” a lot like how child molesters pretend to themselves that they “love” and are “helping” their victims while actually destroying the latter.
No one can really prove any of their little theories about Nabokov’s deeper intent because he was cagey and loved to foil literary analysts by denying political allegory, meaning and motivation. But in his personal and academic life the author had very passionate political opinions. As someone who escaped Soviet Russia by the skin of his teeth, lost a brother to the Nazis and then escaped Europe with a Jewish wife, he had harsh views of both right and left extremism and hypocrisy. I just think he didn’t like to be exposed too directly for his corrective politically critical views because maybe it sinks in better if the medicine is disguised.
… consider the possibility that he had pedophilic tendencies AND was politically passionate and a genius writer. They’re not mutually exclusive.
There’s a lot to break down here, so I’ll do my best. I’ll have to be brief, as I’m on lunch break, so don’t take it as being dismissive. I’m just trying to get through all the points I can think of right now!
I’m not someone who hates Lolita (novel) either, as I’ve always read it from the point of “unreliable narrator.” However, there is a strange subset of… I almost want to call them “pick-mes” who very much fetishize the book, and that’s more what I’m referencing.
And, yes, I do hear that critism of it a lot! But As for why lolita has nothing to do with the book (or dressing like a child):
1. The pastel-like substyle is called “Sweet” and is only one of many. There are others – gothic, classic, country, old-school, military – that are all lolita. In fact, lolita is more influenced by western Victorian and Rococo fashion than children’s fashion.
2. I work in childcare, and even in family holiday photos, no one ever dresses their child that good. (My own mother is a notible exception, and probably the only exception I’ve seen.)
I’ve never seen anyone really come up with a reason as to why it’s called lolita. There are theories that it’s tied to the book, but it started as a street fashion in Japan in the 70’s. While, after the book, people stopped using “Lolita” as a nickname for Dolores here, that wasn’t the case in other countries. The other nickname for Dolores is “Dolly” and that honestly seems like a more likely connection. Either way, no lolita really thinks of the book when wearing the fashion.
As for “not pandering to the make gaze” I would say that it absolutely is rebellious in that nature here in the west (where everything must be flattering and appealing) but more importantly – it is hyperfemininity that will not be toned down to appeal to the masses. It is girly, yes, but it demands that despite being girly, it will not be quiet. It will not be subtle. It will be taken seriously, because fuck you. While I reject the gender binary, I still acknowledge the existence of misogyny, and everything it brings. Femininity is weak, and viewed as childish, and so are the associated aesthetics. Lolita says fuck you, strong adults can embrace it as well.
What you say about fashion trends might be true, but lolita isn’t a popular fashion trend. As I mentioned, it’s a decades-old street fashion, with rather restrictive rules in the current iteration. It might have been a more noticable fad on social media for a couple of years, but in all of my time being in young, nerdy spaces, I’ve only seen two lolitas out in the wild (so outside of convention spaces and meetups). So I don’t think you’re quite right as to why lolitas wear what they wear. In fact, it’s rather common that men especially will ask very unwarranted questions about the purpose of your clothing. I’ve had it happen before, at a family event of my significant other’s. You wear lolita – or any alt fashion – to both express yourself and for self-satisfaction. Most lolitas have interest in other alt fashion. I have goth, emo, scene, and general anachronistic fashion in my closet – some of these much more “exposed” or daring – and all of it is for my own enjoyment. And even more mainstream clothing, because sometimes I just need that, too.
Disclaimer: I absolutely have a dog in this fight. I love lolita, and, in fact, wore a pink sweet coord on Saturday’s art museum trip (what’s more fitting for a St. Valentine’s date?). I still looked like the adult I am, just dressed somewhere between elegant and cute. But you know what? I got stopped repeatedly to be complimented on my outfit by other adults there, and yes, teens too. I think it speaks to something.
Years back, one of the What Not To Wear hosts started publically disowning the show, and dressing like “a fairy princess” at age 70, and it went a little viral. Because I think… people wanted to see that. Constant barages of being told you’re too old, that’s too outdated, you don’t have the body type, it’s genuinely super toxic. The first big breakthrough in tackling my body image issues (at the time, so severe that I would disassociate when looking in the bathroom mirror before I showered, to the point where my father woke me up earlier just to accommodate for the extra time it took for me to get ready in the morning) was to wear things that I thought were cool, at the advice of a therapist. That I had always wanted to wear, but was told it was “too much.” I’m not saying you should go out wearing a bib and onesie, obviously, but there’s no reason why frills and a petticoat shouldn’t be seen as reasonable, or why you shouldn’t wear clothing you like that just so happened to be popular 10 years ago. And it’s not just dressing “feminine.” There are many stereotypical masculine-associated fashions. Some days I want to dress like I’m going to a tea party, other days, I’m channeling my inner sk8r boy. I don’t view it as a nonbinary thing (the nonbinary experience cannot be distilled to expression, after all), but a human thing. Many of us feel better when we wear clothes that we think look fun, clothes we like to see when we look in the mirror, and that can change from day to day, from one extreme to the other.
Even if reminds people of childhood, there’s nothing wrong with that. My mother would buy me very nice dresses for church. Sometimes they even required a petticoat underneath. While I don’t think of my childhood when I wear lolita (unless it looks like a specific dress from my childhood), I don’t think that would be a bad thing, necessarily. There are plenty of people who love a certain make and model of a car because it was the first car they owned. I have family members that like to play certain card games because they remember playing around the family table as children. I love replaying video games from when I was a child.
Lolita (fashion) may not be your thing, and that’s okay. Alt fashion may not be your thing, and that’s okay. Someone may just want to wear sweatpants, or business suits, or cago shorts their whole life, and that’s not inherently better or worse. You should dress in a way that makes you comfortable and happy! But I think… lolita isn’t some sort of “protective measure” against the culture around it. Nor is it dressing like a little kid. It’s an alt fashion, with all the associated feelings and communities around it.
Ack. Started this on my lunch break and have been working on it on and off. I hope I don’t come off as preachy or defensive. I just have a lot of thoughts.
I’ve disliked LDR ever since she said feminism was boring.
Okay, bitch, if you don’t like feminism, then please stop taking advantage of everything feminism got for you. You can start with bank accounts, birth control, driver’s licenses, cars, and computers. I’ll wait.
I’m glad she keeps getting snubbed at the Grammys. YES. Snub her *forever.*
Anyhow, it’s not an “other woman” song, but having hit my teen years in the 90s, I used to really like “If You Could Only See” by Tonic. Now the lyrics strike me as a husband explaining to his wife why he just has to leave for Schmoopie, because she loves him better, don’t you see??
Sayin’ you love but you don’t
You give your love but you won’t
You’re stretching out your arms
To something that’s just not there
Sayin’ you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue
Her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
“Feminism is boring.” WILD. What level of pick-me BS is that? Is that Grimes-level yet? Are we at Grimes-tier?
The only time I’ve heard similar comments are specifically when referring to feminism that isn’t intersectional – feminism that focuses solely on white, cishet woman’s view, to the detriment of other women. After all, how are you going to be prejudiced against others in your sisterhood? But I assume that’s not the context.
I replied with a link, but it has been sent to Purgatory. Hopefully it sees the light of day eventually!
Context: https://www.mtv.com/news/5r6rxd/lana-del-rey-thinks-feminism-is-boring
It’s interesting that you bring up Grimes, because LDR said she’s more interested in SpaceX and Tesla.
Maybe she should go be a tradwife and not worry her pretty little head about man-stuff like SpaceX and Tesla.
But yes, it’s essentially the patriarchy pick-me dance. Let’s ask Lauren Southern how that works out for women.
I mean. I guess feminism can be boring. You know what else isn’t all that interesting?
Wiping your own ass.
Both are still completely necessary.
I don’t expect everyone to be super educated about political or social issues. Not everyone is cut out for it. But you should at least listen when others discuss issues that affect them, and… maybe don’t just dismiss human rights and equality is boring? I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Exactly. She could have just said, “It’s not a focus in my life but I’m grateful to be the beneficiary of all that feminism has accomplished.”
I don’t expect every woman to march in rallies or wear pink kitty hats. But an American woman who isn’t living on an Amish or Mennonite settlement is probably enjoying amenities that were the result of the hard work of first and second wave feminism every day of her life. Show some respect.
Hah, I never cared for the song enough to really analyze the lyrics. But you’re totally right, it’s a classic FW trying to sell his schmoopie’s sparkles to his chump while backfilling the whole relationship as toxic.
Something about the lead singer’s/lyricist’s pasty basset hound face makes the latter interpretation hilarious. Yeah, so many women fighting over your pasty, doughy dick and not simply your dough. In your dreams, dude.
So another reason to dislike a song I already disliked. First I always cringe at songs that mention “blue eyes.” I’m light eyed but this always sounds objectifying when it’s meant to generally convey “beautiful.” Moreover, it reminds me of Toni Morrison’s book and I imagine young people of color experiencing dysmorphia in response. So strike one. Then there’s this kind of righteous, overwrought manbaby whine in the chorus that made me queasy. No wonder.
LOL!
I still like the sound of the song (not the lyrics), but you are spot-on about the Emerson Hart’s looks.
I don’t typically judge appearance. There’s nothing cuter than a homely guy with solid self of place and self worth and stalwart sense of loyalty. But stir in fuckwittery, objectification and entitlement and it turns on the klieg lights. Suddenly every pore, sagging bit of flesh and flaw show in technicolor.
This reminds me of the 1966 hit:
Please release me, let me go
For I don’t love you anymore
To waste our lives would be a sin
Release me and let me love again
I have found a new love, dear
And I will always want her near
Her lips are warm while yours are cold
Release me, darling, let me go
For I don’t love you anymore
(To waste my life would be a sin)
So release me and let me love again
Please release me, can’t you see
You’d be a fool to cling to me
To live our lives would bring us pain
So release me and let me love again
(Let me love, let me go)
I know this is way older than most on here, but I would love to see UX take and ax to this one. I could write a rebuttal to each line, but it wouldn’t be much of a song.
This song as always been a bit of a trigger. My parents marriage was bad and during its worser parts, my mother would play this song just as my dad would walk in from work. All the kids would be tense.
It was a trigger to me too right after Dday for a while. Now it just makes me gag. I changed the lyrics to “just walk on by, wait in the alley”.
My dad raised me on the Oldies, but I wasn’t aware of that one. It does sound the same, thematically.
I’ve turned that into a thank you to the OW.
Sleazy side piece, here you go
I’m giving you this turdly ho
Thanks to you I’m fuckwit free
So take this ugly gift from me.
I have built a good life, skank
And I have your dumb ass to thank
Your stuck with shithead, that must suck
I’m wishing you the best of luck.
He’s got a nasty skin disease
Flatulence that’s sure to please
And shit stripes on his underwear
But you’re in wuv, so you won’t care.
Isn’t it true he hung the moon?
His ass smells like the flowers of June?
Such sparkling wit, such manly grace
So what’s the deal, why the long face?
Sleazy side piece, I am gone.
I gifted you a jerk named John.
Hahaha!!
Nice!
Perfect rhyme scheme. And “So what’s the deal, why the long face?” LOL LOL LOL
😂😂😂😂😂
👍
Very good.
Lana Del Ray said that? FFS, young women still trying to be a pick me girl. I can’t stand these B’s who disparage feminism when they wouldn’t be able to do shit without a man’s permission if it weren’t for feminism that saved their silly asses from having to do so!
It’s the patriarchy pick-me dance. Let’s ask Lauren Southern how that worked out for her.
LDR said she’s more interested in things like SpaceX and Tesla. I think she should go be a tradwife and not worry her pretty little head about guy stuff like that.
If songs weren’t bad enough, there are whole books. The latest, which I happened upon while reading some news:
https://apple.news/A2tdagjxgSNyYZU4wJ2NQhw
Yesterday I got a phone call from a friend.
She and her husband had been friends of Traitor Ex and me. She and her husband had been separated for over a year. She found out he had been going to illicit massage parlors. He completely minimized the transgression and wanted to stay married. She was done. He could not accept how badly he had hurt and damaged her and their daughter. He killed himself on Valentine’s Day.
Yep, this is all just fun and no big deal and everyone does it and it’s normal and monogamy is not normal, just like the songs and the books and the Reddit forums say.
Not.
But on a more serious note, awful cautionary tale about the “fun” of cheating. I’m wondering if the rate of cheater suicide is similar to the high rate of batterer suicide. In both cases it may be a matter of violence and aggression that was once turned against victims turning inward when it runs out of captives. Your friend may have dodged a bigger bullet. That’s small comfort to the daughter who has to live with this dark scar in her youth.
Yes, you just don’t know. They can turn it against themselves, and they can turn it against you. The woman who did my domestic violence assessment was killed by her own husband when I was in closeout. My attorney knew that I had seen her and let me know. So sad!
Agree agree.
Lol. Madeline Gray, author of side piece hagiography Green Dot, looks like that chick from Office Space who’s always saying “Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking. Just a moment!” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4s5yHUpumkY
I’m sorry for your friend. That’s really, really tough, no matter how you slice it.
That could well have been my story as my ex had an attempt during our first separation and continued to hint at that being a possible “solution” through the divorce process and periodically afterward. Both attorneys and my therapist helped me work through that possibility.
As far as I know, he’s still kicking around though.
I’m glad I can be there for her. Cheaters don’t realize they are playing with dynamite or think about how it might feel or what might happen when the truth comes out. It often results in homicide or suicide.
She was aware he was unstable (there were other factors in play) and was concerned that this might happen, despite the infidelity. Thankfully she realizes she did not cause him to end his life.
Classic case of “look what you made me do.” Not all, maybe, but surely most suicides are purely selfish. Still saying “look at me” after all those years.
Abuser suicides are certainly always selfish. Unfortunately victim suicides are too common but at least are finally starting to be counted as part of the overall domestic violence victim body count.
Not a mistress song, but I do give Olivia Rodrigo credit for writing songs that capture the post-discovery mindfuck very well indeed – “get him back” has been playing more on the radio, and it talks about knowing your ex is scummy but still having conflicting feelings, and the bridge in particular always cracks me up.
I wanna key his car…
I wanna make him lunch…
I wanna break his heart…
and be the one to stitch it up
I wanna kiss his face…
with an uppercut…
I wanna meet his mom…
JUST TO TELL HER HER SON SUCKS!
All Time Low by Nine Inch Nails was mine. Hurt, angry, bitter verses that spoke to mr, with a desperate, repulsively reassuring chorus. The background music to the entire relationship, honestly. I do like the sense of humor in yours, though. That bridge is brilliant.
The narrative that is out there in the world re: infidelity is ridiculous when looked at from the perspective of a Chump. Lana’s song here both paints the OW as some ideal, with fresh cut flowers in every room and manicures for days, as well as a sad creature that we should what…have sympathy for as she will be alone?
As Tracy said, there ARE other, non-married men out there to wave her manicure at.
Also, who are these FWs that the OW/OM are pining for? In my case, the affair went kaboom before we separated. And I was pissed that I now had a FW that was angling for reconciliation. My attitude was “you wanted him so damn bad, come and get him. You can deal with his controlling behavior and endless mood swings”. I know chumpdom has many flavors, but cheating is abuse, so it’s not at all surprising that these FWs are frequently abusive in other ways as well. Affairs are still going to hurt a chump, but at some point you realize the FW is no prize.
“Lana’s song here both paints the OW as some ideal, with fresh cut flowers in every room and manicures for days, as well as a sad creature that we should what…have sympathy for as she will be alone?”
I always think if she is/was that great why couldn’t she find a single, successful man.
Ding Ding Ding, we have a winner! I said that so many times during the affair. The OW lived across the country. She was 35, and conventionally pretty. So she must have been some serious kind of damaged if the “best” she could do was a married man with a young child, who lived across the country from her. If she were to walk out her back door and start trekking to our home state on foot, she would trip over thousands of men that were a better fit. Never mind just finding a single man. Which is course, the best case scenario. But even a married man with a kid in her OWN state perhaps? Or a married guy across the country who had no kids? What on earth made her so hard up that she had to settle for that complicated mess.
Of course, if I were to pose that question to her, or him, the answer would be that they were soul mates. Meant to be. In fact their song was called “Past Lives” by Bjoern. How can one argue with that logic? Nevermind the decades of our CURRENT lives that we were together, how could those count when they had entire OTHER lives together centuries ago?
I can’t stand “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder. It’s a rock ballad of two people who broke up, supposedly moved on, but in the lyrics you can see they’re having at least an emotional affair.
I found out from my daughter (then in her late teens) years after the fact, that her dad played this song on repeat while in the throes of his affair with justafriend coworker AP.
After I busted him and ended the marriage, he started playing “Someone Like You” by Adele.
He never did find someone like me.
This made me remember that ex/FW had a song that reminded him of ex/OW. I don’t remember what it was, something with… a boat? Sails? I actually want to find it now…
Ewwww!!
That’s a terrible song!
Was always annoyed by “Saving all my love for you” by Whitney Houston. Because “No other woman is gonna love you more”. Right, whatever you say, OW.
Different topic but personally the OW songs only annoy me. It’s the “I’m a hooker” songs that infuriate me. Cannot stand “Call me” by Blondie, also 867-5309, Roxanne, Bad Girls, She works hard for the money….
I think you’ve misunderstood “She Works Hard for the Money,” which is about blue collar women who work long hours for little pay. Donna Summers’ inspiration for the song supposedly was seeing a restroom attendant at a fancy LA restaurant who had fallen asleep despite the loud TV on in the ladies’ room.
Ok I did not know that.
“Walk on By” released in 1961.
Never thought much about it when I first heard it, I only heard it on the radio as The Beatles and Rolling Stones were not yet a thing.
Now when I listen to the oldie’s I have to mute it when that song comes on. There are a few more of course.
Over all though I have to say that songs back then were more respectful of women than many today. Never heard the words ho’s, bitches and worse. Most of the songs were about unrequited love, or lost love etc.
Poetry Man by Phoebe Snow. Makes me sick.
Me too. I’m like “Send his ass home girl!” And “Don’t you realize all you are is a side piece!” Etc.
I’ll go way back into the “Lost 45s” archives for my contributions:
Torn Between Two Lovers (1976) — Female cake-eating sad sausage personified:
“There’s been another man that I’ve needed, and I’ve loved
But that doesn’t mean I love you less
And he knows he can’t possess me, and he knows he never will
There’s just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill
…
You mustn’t think you failed me just because there’s someone else
You were the first real love I ever had
And all the things I ever said, I swear they still are true
For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you . . .”
How Can I Tell Her (1973) — Male cheater is too much of a coward to come clean with the supposedly perfect partner he already has, so he asks schmoopie to help break the news:
“. . . How can I tell her I don’t miss her
Whenever I am away?
How can I say it’s you I think of
Every single night and day?
But when is it easy
Telling someone we’re through
Oh girl
Help me tell her about you
How can I tell her about you?
Girl, please tell me what to do
Everything seems right whenever I’m with you
So girl, won’t you tell me
How to tell her about you”
F**k Lobo.
The one that sticks out to me right now is Ariana Grande “yes, and?”. It just oozes of smugness after helping to destroy a marriage along with FW to that poor woman.
now i’m so done with caring what you think
no i won’t hide underneath your own projections or change my most authentic life
boy come on put your lipstick on
(no one can tell you nothing)
come on and walk this way through the fire (don’t care what’s on their mind)
and if you find yourself in a dark situation just turn on your light and be like
“yes, and?”
say that sh– with your chest
and be your own f—in’ best
friend say that sh– with your chest
keep moving like “what’s next?”
“yes, and?”
my tongue is sacred
i speak upon what i like
protected, sexy, discerning with my time
your energy is yours and mine is mine
what’s mine is mine
my face is sitting i don’t need no disguise
don’t comment on my body, do not reply
your business is yours and mine is mine
do you care so much whose ! i ride
Blechk! 🤢
I don’t see those lyrics as particularly OW/FW-y? More just telling someone else to stop being so judgemental and mind their own business. Heavens knows I could use more people taking that advice. But I do know Ariana has a history of messy relationships, so maybe it’s referencing something that I just don’t know.
Yes! Ariana Grande is an actual Other Woman (shtupping a married SpongeBob looking dude), and so much of her catalog is bragging about homewrecking.
Vastly different energy than LDR covering an old song, which is more of a :::cautionary tale::: about a side chick wasting her young & beautiful years on a married turd.
“But I can’t help thinking THERE ARE OTHER MEN!” I can’t help thinking there are other men THAT AREN’T MARRIED! Never get involved with married people. They are humiliating and devaluing you right from the start, and they almost never choose the OP (other person) over the spouse/primary partner. When they do, it usually ends badly, because they aren’t good people to begin with. If they can cheat on their spouse with you, they can cheat on you with someone else, you all know the saying! Someone had coined that phrase, because it is almost always 100% true! Once a cheater, always a cheater is another coined phrase, because it too, is almost always 100% (maybe less than 1% grow the fuck up and stop doing that shit, it does happen, but usually not). My FW fits the latter, once a cheater always a cheater, had 2 wives (me one of them) and cheated on both. It is a pattern of behavior most men (and some women) have. I thought he had changed, become a better person (told me I made him a better man, lol) but alas, I was wrong. He proved me wrong by becoming my FW cheating POS. I Never feel sorry for the OP, they suck just as much as the spouses do. You can be lonely and seek companionship, that’s okay, just don’t poach other people’s partners!!! Don’t ruin lives and degrade yourself by being a side piece no one gives a shit about! Go find a single person!
It’s been almost 9 years since I left him. And I still can’t listen to most music. Been surviving on acoustic, classical, and good blues.
As à long time chump ( 4 decades ) I too now find solace in Classical and good Blues… ” You done lost your good thing now”,” Crying won’t help you” by BB King and ” That’s alright” by Jimmy Rogers are still go to blues recordings that get me through the dumps when those low points inevitably arrive.
I love old blues and it’s cousins and descendants, jazz, roots country, alternative and Southern Rock. They cover cheating, love, hate and the scope of human emotions but they don’t shy away from the ugly side of bad behavior. I love opera for the same reason. There’s cheating and abuse and control but there’s usually some form of retribution, whether in this world or the next. It’s the unapologetic cheater anthems that make me sick – I hated Me and Mrs. Jones from the first time I heard it. I loved Jolene though, I didn’t think of Jolene as a mate poacher. The man in question is in love with her but Jolene herself has no stated position one way or the other so it could be unrequited.
The Allman Brothers band covered some great old blues highlighting the downside of cheating, like Elmore James / Marshall E Sehorn / Sonny Boy Williamson’s One Way Out, then Gregg Allman wrote Whipping Post,
One Way Out:
…Ain’t but one way out baby, and Lord I just can’t go out the door
‘Cause there’s a man down there, might be your man I don’t know
Lord you got me trapped woman, upon the second floor
If I get by this time I won’t be trapped no more
So raise your window baby, I can ease out soft and slow
And Lord, your neighbors, no they won’t be
Talking that stuff that they don’t know
Lord, I’m foolish to be here in the first place
I know some man gonna walk in and take my place
Ain’t no way in the world, I’m going out that front door
‘Cause there’s a man down there, might be your man I don’t know…
Whipping Post:
I’ve been run down and I’ve been lied to.
And I don’t know why, I let that mean woman make me a fool.
She took all my money, wrecks my new car.
Now she’s with one of my good time buddies,
They’re drinkin’ in some cross-town bar.
Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I’ve been tied to the whippin’ post.
Tied to the whippin’ post, tied to the whippin’ post.
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin’
My friends tell me, that I’ve been such a fool.
But I had to stand by and take it baby, all for lovin’ you.
Drown myself in sorrow as I look at what you’ve done.
But nothing seemed to change, the bad times stayed the same,
And I can’t run.
Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I’ve been tied to the whippin’ post.
Tied to the whippin’ post, tied to the whippin’ post.
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin’.
Sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel,
Like I’ve been tied to the whippin’ post.
Tied to the whippin’ post, tied to the whippin’ post.
Good Lord, I feel like I’m dyin’
Came here looking for someone to mention Jolene. Great song, even though it’s sad.
I love Dolly Parton’s original song but the White Stripes did a fantastic live cover of it that I still listen to often.
(The HTML function here isn’t letting me embed video, sadly.)
It’s frustrating to me that some songs I very much like musically because of how catchy and fun they are I also cannot like because of the lyrics which normalize infidelity and mate poaching.
Example #1:
“I’m Drunk and I Don’t Want to Go Home” by Elle King and Miranda Lambert
You like my gin n’ tonic kisses
‘Cause you know they taste so sweet
And I know you’ve got your missus
But there ain’t no one like me
Example #2: “Everything She Ain’t” by Hailey Whitters – where the entire song is about a girl trying to get a guy to reject his girlfriend for her instead. An excerpt:
If you’re good with who you’re kissing, c’est la vie
But I can show you what you’re missing, yeah boy, I can be
The whiskey in your soda, the lime to your Corona
Shotgun of your Tacoma, the Audrey to your Hank
She’s got a little style and a Hollywood smile
But believe me, honey, good as money in the bank
I’m everything she is, and everything she ain’t
She sees diamonds, but I’m seeing stars
You should leave her on an island, dance with me in this bar
Honey, there’s plenty of fish in the sea
But if you take a second look, you’ll see there’s only one of me
Both songs reveal how special the protagonists think they are. Barf!
I dunno. I kinda see this Lana del Rey song as more of an example of how dumb it is to waste time being the Other Woman, and more of a “things are not what they seem” kind of song.
Like sure, on the outside the OW always has perfect nails, her house is immaculate, she always has perfect hair and perfume and looks physically great, but for what though? She’s still alone. She’s wasting all her time and money and effort for…who? A guy who keeps making empty promises that he’s “just gotta wok out the divorce,” or “Oh I WOULD leave her for you baby, it’s just…” etc etc.
Don’t be fooled by outward appearances. Don’t be jealous of her looks or her supposed “perfect” house. She might look like she’s Got It All but the reality is it’s surface level. She’s physically “perfect” but she’s sitting at home, alone, waiting for a taken man who is never going to fully commit. So are all those nail appointments and perfume purchases really worth it?
That makes sense – a good perspective. I know Lana does a lot of music about being “damaged” so this seems like a likely take.
Just what I was thinking. Perfectly analyzed and stated.
During “transparency”, I found this lovely oldie saved in my husband’s music: (England Dan and John Ford Coley)
“IT’S SAD TO BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE”
Met you on a springtime day
You were mindin’ your life, and I was mindin’ mine too
Lady, when you looked my way
I had a strange sensation, and darlin’, that’s when I knew
That it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Yes, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Oh, I wake up in the night
And I reach beside me, hoping you would be there
But instead, I find someone
Who believed in me when I said I’d always care
Oh, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Yes, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
So I’ll live my life in a dream world
For the rest of my days
Just you and me, walking hand in hand
In a wishful memory
Oh, I guess it’s all that it would ever be
I wish I had a time machine
I could make myself go back until the day I was born
And I would live my life again
And rearrange it so that I’d be yours from now on
Oh, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Yes, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Oh, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Yes, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Oh, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Yes, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along
Yes, it’s sad to belong to someone else
When the right one comes along.
I guess he was VERY sad to “belong” to someone else when the “right” one came along!
Oh my God…
I absolutely love the Scottish band Del Amitri – I’ve even MET them personally. But they have two songs about cheating that, I’m embarrassed to admit, I thought were SO ROMANTIC, OH SO SWOONY when I was in my 20s. The make me uneasy now, even though they wrote and perform a song about being a cheat-ee, as well (“This Side of The Morning”). And there, it’s more implied.
But the first song is “Always the Last to Know.” It’s actually “Leave a Cheater Gain a Life” in song, because the whole song is about an ex, whose life is amazing now, with wonderful things happening, and he’s always “the last know,” as he only hears about her through mutual friends. The last refrain is different when the truth comes out and the tempo nearly halts with, “And when I cheated on you, and you were the last to know, you were the last to know…” And then the song picks up tempo again with, “Please don’t let me be the last to know.”
The second song, thirty years on, makes me NUTS. It’s called “Be My Downfall,” and the song is all about the banging he’s getting on with the side-piece while the girlfriend/wife is waiting for him. It’s poetic and dreamy, but the words “tonight” and “once again tonight” are repeated over and over, to emphasize that this is fleeting and only for one night, except every time he gets the urge, he’ll be back. But again, just for a night.
Makes me stabby.
Nothing beats country music when it comes to cheating songs. How about this classic where the wife (Reba McIntrye) and the whore.. oops, mistress, (Linda Davis) sing to each other? “DOES HE LOVE YOU?”
I’ve known about you for a while now
When he leaves me he wears a smile now
As soon as he’s away from me
In your arms is where he wants to be
But you’re the one he rushes home to
You’re the one he gave his name to
I never see his face in the early morning light
You have his mornings, his daytimes
And, sometimes, I have his nights
But does he love you, (does he love you)
Like he loves me? (Like he loves me?)
Does he think of you, (does he think of you?)
When he’s holding me?
And does he whisper, (does he whisper?) All his fantasies?
Does he love you, (does he love you?) Like he’s been lovin’ me?
But when he’s with me, he says he needs me
And that he wants me, that he believes in me
And when I’m in his arms, oh, he swears there’s no one else
Is he deceiving me, or am I deceiving myself?
Does he love you, (does he love you)
Like he loves me? (Like he loves me?)
Does he think of you, (does he think of you?)
When he’s holding me?
And does he whisper, (does he whisper?) All his fantasies?
Does he love you, (does he love you?) Like he’s been lovin’ me?
Oh shouldn’t I lose my temper?
And shouldn’t I be ashamed?
‘Cause I have everything to lose.
And I, I have nothing to gain!
Does he love you (does he love you)
Like he loves me (like he loves me)
Does he think of you (does he think of you)
When he’s holding me
And does he whisper (does he whisper) all his fantasies
Does he love you (does he love you) like he’s been lovin’ me?
I think Chris Thile has done some brilliant work, particularly with Goat Rodeo and Yo-Yo Ma. But there’s something icky about his song Stay Away in which he berates and repels a “side piece” for breaking up his marriage. Taken at face value, it sounds like nothing more than a sad sausage cheater blaming the grasping strumpet “devil” who “made” him cheat. But since it’s reputedly based on his on-and-off thing with Dolly Parton that was rumored to start when she was 62 and he was still a teen festival performer, there may be a reason the side piece is depicted as predatory. Except Thile was an adult when the thing with Parton reputedly “rekindled” and broke up his marriage and he’s singing the song in his thirties. The effect is kind of weird and unsettling. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjAXuWIzXjM
You are the devil
Stay away from me
Stay away from me
Stay away
I am in trouble
But you’re not what I need
You’re not what I need
Even if I’m all alone
Cryin’ out for help
Keep yours to yourself
Cause I’m trying to hold on
To her as long as she can stand it
You been prying off my fingers one by one
Prying off my fingers one by one
I’ve been praying against you
But the damage has been done
The damage has been done
And it would take a miracle
For her to break my fall
Cause she don’t care at all anymore
And I don’t know why I still do
Why I’m telling you
Cause you are the devil
And you can stay away from me
Stay away form me
Stay away
To hell with my freedom
If it don’t come for free
And I know it don’t come for free
If I give in
Give me bitter songs to play
And some sweet heart to win
Friends I thought I lost
In towns I’ve never been
Just don’t ever make me fall in love again
Shoulda seen us fly out that church
Devil stay away from me
Stay away from me
Stay away
I got one!! Nobody by Sylvia, 1982. I loved that song, in part I thought it so clever that “nobody” referred to a specific person. Now? Ick.
“Well your nobody called today
She hung up when I asked her name
Well I wonder does she think she’s being clever
You say nobody’s after you
The fact is what you say is true
But I can love you like nobody can, even better”
Yeah….let’s all keep women fighting each other over some piece of shit who uses both of them. That’s the ticket!!!!
Adultery has been portrayed as glamorous in media for decades – in movies, it’s been surreptitiously framed as glamorous since movies began. TV has been like this for a long time now too. I personally believe that much of the disorder we see in present society especially between the sexes and with sexual promiscuity (which is a big road to adultery) has been engineered by our incredibly evil and corrupt Intel community to destroy the family unit, which is their major rival to the hegemony of Government. 1984 is real and it starts by destroying human values like loyalty, commitment, love and primacy of family. I always say….look deeper. Who profits from pushing this shit over and over again.
I do believe that Adultery has been portrayed as glamorous in media for decades. However, it has been portrayed as glamorous for many years prior to TV/radio/magazines, whatever. Since it is a profitable industry, sex has always been (and always will be) with mankind. And so whatever media there is (Petroglyphs,Hieroglyphics, Babylonian rock tablets, Wall art in ancient Pompeii, Literature, Radio, TV, etc), it will continue to be used for making profit. I’d make a guess to say that the family unit has had issues with infidelity prior to TV for centuries and centuries, but certainly, the proliferation of the Internet seems to accelerate the destruction of the family unit at exponential speeds. In the past, say you were a lonely farmer or a lonely farmer’s wife, out in the middle of Ohio, or the middle of China, or the middle of Siberia, or the middle of some vast remote location, then I guess the family unit remained intact. I’m sure there were incest issues that occurred, but there was no immediate media outlet to get your ‘jollies’. The fact is that a lot of human beings are just pretty corrupt and nasty. And the proliferation of different media methods to get access to ugly stuff just accelerates the worst of humanity. I honestly don’t see an end to it. I wish differently for humanity.
How about ‘Torn Between Two Lovers’? If that isn’t total trash, I don’t know what is. The tune is as sickening as the lyrics. It can definitely make the top 10 worst songs if I had such a list. Here’s a nauseating taste:
“There’s been another man that I’ve needed, and I’ve loved
But that doesn’t mean I love you less
And he knows he can’t possess me, and he knows he never will
There’s just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill” TRASH!!!!!!!!!🚽
I’m with CL on this topic, “ THERE ARE OTHER MEN!”
Get out there and find your own single someone to screw, you freakin lazy losers!
“One Of Your Girls” by Troye Sivan is so gross. My exH cheated with a married male coworker, but also hooked up with PickMe guys like the one depicted in these cringey lyrics:
“Give me a call if you ever get lonely
I’ll be like one of your girls or your homies
Say what you want, and I’ll keep it a secret
You get the key to my heart, and I need it” 🙄🙄🙄
I guess I don’t get it, maybe because I don’t know anything about Lana Del Rey. Everything in the lyrics quoted is true. If she’s just making an observation and not an endorsement, what’s the problem?
I mean, this is what APs do: they save their A game for the few hours in a week or few days in a year when they are actually in person, so *of course* they seem wonderful. It is deeply unfair (because they’re not beating us in a fair fight, as it were) but also kind of a relief (because we’re not losing a fair fight). The problem, really, is the cheater who is comparing the perfectly groomed once-in-a-while AP with the messy everyday-reality spouse. The line about toys not being scattered about is spot on and – as I read it – a pretty pithy example of the artificial bubble that the affair exists in.
Maybe reading the word without music / video doesn’t get the flavor across, but I think you could basically take the lyrics and rephrase them slightly as “The OW needs to get her own life. She sits around painting her nails and spritzing her undies with perfume. She cleans the house and buys flowers once a month the day before he comes over. She doesn’t know what reality with kids and toys underfoot is like.” and no one here would disagree with it at all.
I’ve had equivalent thoughts (for a male AP, though, because my situation is gender-reversed) for a long time.
I’ve only been minimally aware of LDR, but she seems to build her music and image around heavily stylized tableaux, like themes or emotions that she likes to invoke, and her aesthetic feeds into the music and vice versa. I can see her dressed up like Jacqui Kennedy in a 50s apartment, very static and being filmed in sweeping push shots while singing and the music swelling, almost like a mannequin being filmed. I think the lyrics sum up the static state that APs must maintain, always looking perfect, maintaining an image and never breaking character for risk or losing the other party’s feelings through disappointment. While the spouse lives an imperfect but authentic life, the OW runs the risk of shattering the illusion. It also speaks to me of the claustrophobic nature of that life, I don’t know if in the 50s a mistress lived entirely off the proceeds of what a man could give her, so really she’s sitting at home, very frugally, spending what little money she’s been given (unless she’s landed a rich one) on perfume, a few negligees and nail polish, waiting and available for when the guy can sneak a few stolen moments. It doesn’t sound at all glamorous in reality. Just imagine being such a prop that is wheeled on and off the stage of a man’s life and the rest of time you’re in the green room waiting to ‘go on’. Bleak.
All these gross Other Woman songs have given me a deeper appreciation for the classic, ultimate, pro-chump anti-pick-me-dancing anthem, “Irreplaceable” by Beyonce.
So I sat down at the computer to kill a few minutes waiting for my lotion to sink in a bit before getting dressed . . . it’s been over an hour and I’m still sitting here, following all the links to the songs people posted about. And then links from those songs to other songs . . . and I’m still sitting here while my coffee got cold and my hair is drying all weird and I’m COLD AF. You guys are a bad influence!
By the way — I finally remembered what was special about February 11. It was the day I went to court for my divorce five years ago. It’s Tuesday, and I must be at “Meh.”
There are too many mistress, cheating, fucked up songs out there but for me this one takes the cake….
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I’m begging of you, please don’t take my man
Please don’t take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, Jolene
He talks about you in his sleep
And there’s nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, Jolene
But I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don’t know what he means to me, Jolene
You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
He’s the only one for me, Jolene
I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do, Jolene
In my mothers era, 1940s and 50s, woman COULD NOT support themselves on the wages and work ethics being frozen against women. There was an entire age , no centuries, working against a woman with children. No birth control really so mistresses had babies too and were not alone. Plenty of family trees out there just coming to light with 23 and me showing in the old days nen had 2 families or more, secrets let out now, one guy or kids from here to eternity. There is Nothing new of woman – wives being of use. First wife and then a harem. Wives sworn to silence due to keeping the family, finances, life style or just the desire to be a couple together. My mom told me she had no choice as she had a bad heart and could not do it alone without my verbally abusive dad. Her own mother could not take care of my mother and chose to leave my abusive grandfather and return to her family in Puerto Rico. The condition was she left her baby, my mother behind. What are the options today? Woman/ men need to be prepared to walk out, support themselves and their children and deal with the hurt and pain of being played with OW. I’m sad to say that men’s stock trades high, all of them. Woman with children, not so much. I am sad to hear these songs but we play the game with our cheaters until they leave us or we have had enough. I’m so thankful to live and be able to support myself, but other times woman had to shut up or lose it all. I have no answers for them even today
Which is why cheaters are so entitled, and arrogant….. because they are.
The one I hate most is that Billy Elish song “Bad Guy” where she brags about how her AP’s girlfriend is scared of her and that she’s wearing FW’s cologne. The whole song is gross, about a control freak abusive guy and how she loves to be his slave, but actually, she claims, she’s “the real bad guy.” I presume that’s more bragging about how badass she is for “stealing” a man. Utter garbage. I hate Billy Elish. She’s the most hypocritical phoney I’ve seen in music in the last 20 years.
LDR also sucks hugely, but at least she doesn’t claim to be a feminist. Billy Elish thinks she is a feminist icon, and sadly, she is, to Gen Y and Z pick-me pseudo feminist types. Every song is about longing for some creepy dude while fronting as tough, which naturally they can relate to, since that’s how they go through life themselves. Barf. This is not what women fought in the streets for, so these idiots can pretend to be badasses while caring about nothing but getting a guy and wearing designer clothes.
Rant concluded. Yes, I am old and cranky. Yes, you could just say “Ok boomer” and that I just don’t understand the “irony.” But I know bullshit when I hear it and I’m not wrong.
All this being said, Smoke From A Distant Fire is a bizarre cheater song, a snappy happy breezy cheerful melody with vocal harmonies and lyrics which tell the tale of being chumped. Huh?
Kind of like watching the Exorcist with a soundtrack consisting of Happy Birthday To You and other cheerful tunes like Raffi songs and Old MacDonald.
#whistlingpastthegraveyard
Tracy’s mention of “wandering dick ballads of the 60s and 70s” struck a chord with me, especially her mention of “Ramblin’ Man.” In the early end of the 70s, there was a 20-something guy, married with a couple of kids, who worked with my ex. That guy loved that song and clearly identified with it.
One day a letter came to our home address, addressed to him. I found out it was sent by the “other woman,” who I had recently met at a group gathering when he brought her instead of his wife. I hit the roof and told my ex in no uncertain terms that I would not be a party to helping “ramblin’ man” cheat on his wife. Thankfully, that was the last time he used us as his personal PO box.
Too Much Love Will Kill You – Brian May. It’s not about Freddie Mercury; it’s about Brian May trying to decide between his wife and his Schmoopie.
It’s been a minute since I left a comment, nice to be back CN, like 2014. my votes are ‘Hello’ by Adele and ‘Stay’ Sugarland and I’m a dude.
No song just wanted to stop by and see what was said of Lana and this song- I haven’t heard it but I always love your wit and humor
For those of you, like me, needing a palate cleanser, The Chicks are my go to group for sanity and calling out the bull-$h!t.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YekLcDzhvb8&list=RDYekLcDzhvb8&start_radio=1&rv=kMjZO28lovg
This post today reminded me of a poem I wrote for FW when I knew he was cheating. I had been asking him forever to take a look at our toilet by our kids rooms that was always running. I am handy and couldn’t get it worked out and he didn’t like me calling a plumber because he could fix it himself. Yeah.
So I got frustrated and wrote him this poem, I don’t even remember his response anymore, but it gave me some satisfaction to express how I was feeling. It’s very romantic, titled “ Toilet Bowls”, lol!
TOILET BOWLS
Oh, how easy it is to love someone whose toilet you never need to fix.
How beautiful, kind, understanding those whose children never make you lose sleep, patience, temper or sanity.
Their loveliness so dramatically enhanced when their garbage disposal always works, their pets are well behaved and their houses conveniently imagined to be perfect, orderly, day in and day out.
The glean in their dazzling, incredibly loving eyes transfixes all else and takes you away to a warm,tranquil, salt breezed beach.
How amazing they become whose cars never need repair and whose daily worries need no support from you or actions of involvement.
Irresistably exotic, responsive, fun and stimulating those whose aging skin is impossible to see above the joy of being together.
Always having something to say you dearly desire to hear, you listen oh so intently as there are not broken objects or spirits crashing in the background to distract you, no need to relinquish your comfortable position to help.
How alive, mysterious, intoxicating, one whose health is never in question, whose body is intact, young, fresh, wonderfully inviting.
The sweetness and joys that permeate the walls of a home have to be felt with the heart. They can very easily be drowned out by teenage tantrums and endless needs, pressures of dying parents, the insidious, creeping slide of aging, and the slipping away of all that is good.
You must have to be very astute in your auditory abilities to pick up the sounds of deep love and caring. Who has hearing that good to decipher such a low, fragile note?! To listen with that much clarity, there would have to be a desire to hear.
The pull of temporary joy, attempting to grasp little trinkets of contentment and bliss is too powerful a magnet for the weakest of humanity.
Those harboring initial doubts early on in their hearts cannot withstand such a tempest force, it will overtake them.
Is the love they had for so very long worth anything at all? Or is it not enough to overcome that quick jolt of pleasure that feels so good they beg for it to sustain them?
Love is but a wispy, fleeting emotion, its mere existence in question.
Life begins to crystalize in my blurry view, I see more clearly how easy it is to love someone whose toilet you never need to fix, or whose life you barely need to touch.
👏👏👏👏👏💔
Lana reference!!! ding ding ding
I believe I am in the minority in this community, but I think the majority of OW are just chumps in the early stages. I fell compassion for most of them. I think the hate for them is manifesting of internalized misogyny. No hate for women! That is carrying water for the cheaters.
Also accusing chumps of misogyny for not respecting a woman who steals from them, and disrespects them is not cool, and makes absolutely no sense.
They have full agency, they know he is a cheater, most are attempting to poach.
No sympathy from me. Unless of course they didn’t know and that really doesn’t happen much anymore, if it ever did. They are responsible for their own actions, just as the cheater is.
Women are just as responsible as men for their actions.
You could make and argument that denigrating women by calling them whores and sluts, for instance, *is* internalized misogyny and perpetuates harmful stereotypes.. Those are patriarchal terms that reduce women’s identities to their sexual value to men. I’m sure many OW are as deluded as the cheated marriage partners about what is going on and are buying a “poor misunderstood me” line from the cheaters.
We can agree to disagree.
My fw and his o-whore were both lying sacks of pig shit; and they both knew exactly what they were doing. They knew, I didn’t.
I totally believe that happened and it’s horrible. I’m sorry. There’s also the sadistic ganging-up scenario, which I’ve seen a few hints of on this site, which is of course sick. I don’t feel empathy for those kinds of sadists, that’s for sure.
but don’t a lot of these women get told lies like, “my wife and I are separating”, “we never sleep together”, etc? “My wife doesn’t understand me, I never loved her, and you and I are soulmates”? And they believe them. I mean, at some point we believed them…!
If some guy came around me and started trying to get me to sleep with him while I was married, it wouldn’t have worked. It’s up to the husbands (or wives) to say no to tempters, isn’t it?
Yes I believed my husband when he took his vows, and when he told me he was “out riding around with the guys”, because vows.
I would not have believed a married man who was smoozing me, because I would know he was lying right out of the gate.
What if the cheater is a married woman and the OM is a single guy, but knows she is married; is he just a chump in waiting, poor defenseless sad little guy just believed her lies? Or is it only single women that are unable to act like a grown ass respectable person. See that to me is misogynic.
Well, I think absolutely the single guy could be a chump, too, sure. And it would be dehumanizing to then reduce his experience by calling him a cuck or whatever. Some people are liars, and some people believe them. I don’t mean to dismiss the pain of the experience.
[ leaves computer and goes off to find her copy of Anna Karenina to re-read]
I don’t think “cuck” means what you think it means.
Oh ha! yes I wasn’t sure about that. Cuckold, then.
I don’t think I want to know what it really means.
It has nothing to do with the om, it defines the husband of an adulterer and the facets of that.