UBT: ‘This Isn’t the Real Me’

Classic stupid sh*t cheaters say is “This isn’t the real me.” They have no idea who cheated on you, but it wasn’t them.

Ben recently submitted this glorious bit of bullshit from his not-terribly-remorseful wife. She’d like to set the record straight that the woman who cheated on him was NOT her. Well, not the core her anyway. (And if it’s just your genitals cheating, and not your core, it doesn’t count, right?)

You’ll all be relieved to know that however difficult, Ben’s wife will Sacrifice Her Happiness for the Good of the Family.

Here’s her bullshit:

Suddenly I was setting up Skype /What’sApp accounts and using a burner phone and lying to my family about my whereabouts. That’s not ME at my core. As much as I found myself, I also lost myself. Now I’ve chosen my family — I can’t hurt my husband and kids for my own happiness. This is my choice, my reasons don’t matter. No more secrets in my marriage. My heart, but not my head, can be in two places at once. I have chosen my kids and the family life I want them to have with the people who have created them, thanks to the will of God. My happiness is no longer at my forefront. My husband and I are in counseling and much has been talked about that I wish he wasn’t aware of. My feelings have changed, and even if my marriage doesn’t work out, the Other Man and I don’t have a future. OM suffers from depression. You should have heard me with my therapist — if he commits suicide I would have to go mourn him. Try explaining that one to my family!

Boy, CN — can’t you feel the sorry? Without further ado, we’ll put it through the Universal Bullshit Translator.

Suddenly I was setting up Skype /What’sApp accounts and using a burner phone and lying to my family about my whereabouts. That’s not ME at my core.

Deep, deep down in my mitochondrial DNA is the Real Me. She’s a tiny invisible presence. Just a whiff of a scintilla of a simulacrum of a soul. The Real Me isn’t dependent on any of my actual behavior, but I can summon this purported Better Self at will. Like, whenever you call me out on my bullshit. Oh look! There she is!

As much as I found myself, I also lost myself.

My personal journey of discovery was worth destroying your world. I lost myself (see also: mistake, wayward, wandered haplessly into a snowdrift), but in the process I found myself! She was lost, that Happy Person — but cheating on you reawakened me! That true self who isn’t the core me.

Now I’ve chosen my family — I can’t hurt my husband and kids for my own happiness.

If I hurt you, it was only so I could be happy. And isn’t my personal happiness worth your suffering? I think it is.

Choosing you is the right, but miserable choice. Little concession prizes, all of you.

You know what would be great? Is if you cared about my happiness. Then you’d let me fuck other people, and not force me to choose you in great sorrow.

This is my choice, my reasons don’t matter.

I got dumped.

 No more secrets in my marriage.

You won’t learn the truth, so don’t even try.

My heart, but not my head, can be in two places at once.

You’ll never own my heart. But you get my head! An expanse so barren it makes Texas look like the fertile crescent. #winning

I have chosen my kids and the family life I want them to have with the people who have created them, thanks to the will of God.

I blame Jesus for this shit.

I will martyr myself for the sake of God and Family. There is nobility in my suffering. Woe!

My happiness is no longer at my forefront. My husband and I are in counseling and much has been talked about that I wish he wasn’t aware of.

If I say much more about fucking around on him, my husband may not care as deeply about my happiness as he should. I wish he wasn’t aware. #nomoresecrets

My feelings have changed, and even if my marriage doesn’t work out, the Other Man and I don’t have a future.

My feelings changed when the OM dumped me. Time to re-examine my marriage! And hedge my bets if it doesn’t work out.

OM suffers from depression. You should have heard me with my therapist — if he commits suicide I would have to go mourn him. Try explaining that one to my family!

I’m sorry I can’t go to your choral recital, Cindy. I’m mourning my fuckbuddy, who put a bullet in his head for his unrequited love of me. The funeral is today, so your little childhood accomplishments will just have to wait. Does this black Armani suit make Mommy’s ass look fat? I know you’re only 6, but look sharp! Mommy’s talking to you! Tell Mommy she looks pretty in her suit. It’s essential that I look good today, Cindy. His wife will probably be at the funeral, all sad, drab and sexless. But brave in her own way, of course. I need a tasteful outfit that says “I fucked your dead husband. Better than you ever could.”

Oh Cindy, quit sniveling. It’s a school assembly of tone-deaf grade schoolers warbling show tunes. It’s not La Scala. Consider Mommy’s happiness, Darling. I have a funeral to go to.

***

Run, Ben, RUN.

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UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago

If I may:

“Suddenly I was setting up Skype /What’sApp accounts and using a burner phone and lying to my family about my whereabouts. That’s not ME at my core.”

That’s EXACTLY who you are at your core. A measure of a person’s character lies in the behavior shown when (s)he thinks no one is looking. When you thought you could get away wit it, you did this. This is who you are at your core.

Not nearly as entertaining as CL’s take, but I hope you’ll take note Ben.

Andrea
Andrea
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Truth!!

Giddy Eagle
Giddy Eagle
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. It helps wrap all the BS I’ve heard into a single sentence. — You are your actions. — I love the brevity of it. Shockingly simple, isn’t it?

Mine actually said to me “I’m not a bad person; I’ve just done a lot of bad things.” No. You lied and deceived me for years, withheld love and affection and stole more than 15 years of my life. You are more than a bad person. You are evil.

Georgie
Georgie
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

This is what I got “I really don’t know who or what I have become. It is a person so foreign to me and I don’t like him.” Sounds like a version of ‘this is not the real me.’ Distancing himself from his behavior (cheating)
Closest I got to an apology ” I’m sorry I surrendered my self-respect in allowing my fear of your reaction to overrule what I needed to do and have hurt you, her and myself.” I got one word in all that BS. The rest was all about him.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Georgie

It seems that BAD is not a word cheaters can accept. Like WRONG or LIAR. Boy, those judgmental sounding words don’t work for them, do they? They want nice, they should act like caring, decent people instead of filthy whore bags.

brandib
brandib
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

I got that same speech…then he went on to say that he’s just not husband material. Fucker.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

“Not a bad person only I do bad things”… Is that like what a serial killer would say?

Morse
Morse
7 years ago
Reply to  Peakyblinders

“I wasn’t lying, I just wasn’t telling the truth…”

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

My X also wrote, “I’m a better person than you think I am.” Um, no. You are a nefarious fucker to prey on women and young students.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Mine said, after I confronted X and asked how he could claim to be a man of integrity,
“My integrity is intact.” I don’t need

What??

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

^^**^^
…, you questioning my integrity” (I accidentally erased part of the sentence)

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

^^**^^
“I don’t need you questioning my integrity” (I accidentally erased part of the sentence)

Aeronaut
Aeronaut
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

No, no, X is a better person than you think he is. He feels bad about all that stuff. Real bad. But not bad enough to not do it, or keep doing it, or apologize, or ….

Peace.
aeronaut

chumpionsahm
chumpionsahm
7 years ago
Reply to  Giddy Eagle

Got that one too, G Eagle. Just “flawed,” not “bad.” Ugh.

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  chumpionsahm

I got that too…satan texted, ‘I am not a bad man, I am just bad at some stuff.’

…uh yeah…meow

chumpionsahm
chumpionsahm
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

“Suddenly” is such a telling word there. I did all of these detailed things that took tons of time, effort, money, and planning, but they happened “suddenly,” like a thunderbolt out of the clear blue sky. She’s the victim, dontcha know, just innocently living her life, when this mysterious thing magically happened, catching her all unawares. So weird. Snort.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  chumpionsahm

Alien abduction.., she was abducted by aliens taken aboard an alien space craft, after hours of probing, they placed her in front of a computer screen, on Skype, and pay-as-you-go phone.
It could happen to anyone..,

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  chumpionsahm

I’m sure that times stands still to do all that planning, and the result feels “sudden!” to the idiot who needs an excuse.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UXWorld – you nailed it: “A measure of a person’s character lies in the behavior shown when (s)he thinks no one is looking.”

Mr. Sparkles had so many online affairs and online profiles, it was stupefying. His own daughter would be doing her homework on his computer late a night and IMs would pop-up looking for “SilverFox”… and would leave his dirty hand towel remenants in the wash pile for me. It was so pathetic and passive aggressive on so many levels. BUT – there was truth in his actions. As UXWorld said, this was Mr. Sparkles SHOWING ME WHO HE IS.

Morse
Morse
7 years ago

Another passive aggressive “Silver Fox.” They think they are so unique and original…

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Morse

Wasn’t Fox what attractive women were called in the 70’s?

Gaby
Gaby
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

The monkey wrote me after I caught his sorry ass cheating (after 20 years of a seemingly really happy and fulfilling marriage): “90% of who you thought I was, I still am.” WTF???
He is one of those who left and never looked back, and he is the master of word salad and image management. I should send his letter to the UBT: “our beautiful marriage was destroyed by deeds of the flesh”, “the devil is dancing of pure joy”, “you are 100% responsible as I am a 100% percent responsible of everything”, “we have a chance to be friends for the sake of the kids so that the devil doesn’t win everything”, “God wants me to be happy”, “I can’t be with you because you are not my friend! And if you were you would be happy that I am staring a new life” etc.
I kicked him out and filled for divorce some months later. I found out he had been cheating with many women for years. Seriously, character is shown by what you do when no one is looking (as someone said above). It has taken me years to recover from the depth of the deceit and blame shifting.

Magneto
Magneto
7 years ago
Reply to  Gaby

Seriously, there is nothing worse than a Jesus cheater. I think cheaters and cheating is messed up, but when they add the multi level brain screw layer of trying to “tap into your Christianity” there is absolutely no untangling that skein.

Makes me absolutely embarrassed to be Christian. Embarrassed and more than a bit sick to my stomach.

Aeronaut
Aeronaut
7 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

It’s not just the Jesus cheaters. Islam explicitly states that Allah loves nothing more than the freeing of slaves, and hates nothing more than divorce. So, given that, what is required for a Moslem man to divorce his wife? He must state, publicly, three times “I divorce you.” That’s it. And a recent ruling states that texts count.

While Islam has many good things in it, it was clearly written by men, for men. A woman marries for life, a man can have up to four wives, provided he can love them all equally. Hey, maybe that explains a lot – many of the cheaters we lament here aren’t narcissists, they are closet Moslems taking on a second wife, misunderstood and oppressed by our monogamous society.

All that said, I’ve known a number of Moslems in my life, and all of them have been wonderful people. The radicals out there, a tiny fraction of a percent of Moslems, give Islam a bad name, but most true Moslems say the radicals aren’t Moslems at all, they have distorted the religion beyond recognition.

Peace. Salaam.
aeronaut

Gaby
Gaby
7 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

I totally agree.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Gaby

Me too! There is something about Jesus cheating that just infuriates me above and beyond all other cheaters! I guess because if you really ARE religious you know the stances on the actions and you should be attempting to live an elevated life in line with the beliefs! And then you do worse than a “regular good person” would be willing to do and then have the nerve to pretend you gave a ? about your beliefs. It’s so, so, SOOOOOOOOOOOOO WRONG! ?

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
7 years ago
Reply to  Gaby

I do think that the Devil dances when shit like this happens.

Gaby
Gaby
7 years ago
Reply to  VulcanChump

I guess he does. But he was dancing since the first choice monkey made years ago to go cheat on me as a way to get even because I didn’t made him feel “extra special” 100% of the time (I eventually found out that was one of the patterns).
And my goodness the way these cheaters try to bend God’s word. It’s sick.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Gaby

Yeah Gaby, my cheater said something similar: “you didn’t marry the wrong guy. You married the right guy who just made some mistakes.”

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Did you look under the table and ask “Where is he?”

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I looked in the medicine cabinet and in his underwear drawer and such and found who he was even before I found the slut students and patients. An anorexic cult leader wannabe. Who was a semi-famous and much published psychologist. Who lost it all, not because of what he did to his wife (who would be me), but how his outbursts maligned the two universities who employed him by showing what a piece of filth he was in public, with copies to everyone he knew professionally. Fired, and fired. Good riddance. Like all of the worst cheaters, he wanted me to come back later to clean up after him. No is the correct answer but a better answer is no answer at all. Let those losers clean up after themselves. They had no problem with making a mess all by themselves. Believe that they are as rotten as they behave, TO THE CORE.

Gaby
Gaby
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

?

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hahahaha!!! I sincerely hope I do not have the opportunity to ask him…. I just want my divorce ASAP to go out and buy my little farm.

happily ever after
happily ever after
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

On the bottom of her shoe where all the crap resides.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

LMAO!

Capricorn
Capricorn
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

???

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Gaby

What’s with cheaters and the percentages? During the time we were supposedly working on our marriage — out of the blue he said, “I don’t think we are going to make it.? And I was like, what?!!! And he said “I’m at 50% that I think we’ll make it.” Well, that was just another lie. He was already at 100%. And then in the divorce letter he said, “I want someone who can trust me 100%.

So now he is dating the women I caught him out with. I wonder if she trusts him 100%?

And yes, submit your letter to the UBT. That’s a whole lot of crap that he said to you!!

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
7 years ago
Reply to  Martha

UBT almost makes me wish I still had the “I choose you” note the exhole gave me right before taking a trip to LA with OW. Pretty sure I burned all of the notes/letters/cards one night tho. Either that or they were in the last box of exhole’s stuff I gave over to the OW..

Would be a hoot to get that angle on it.

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  Gaby

Wow. So reminiscent of KK’s recent letter to me.

Let me get this straight:

Supernatural beings are using your marriage to continue the eternal epic battle between good and evil. He’s a powerless pawn in this, but you have the power to make everything right by being friends with him. And if you cared about your children at all, you’d do so.

That’s pretty impressive.

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Gee I thought only my Ex used the ” I did it because I was inflicted by an unclean spirit” excuse. Yep expected that proclaiming he was delivered would make me change my mind about filing. In one tiny declaration I was to cease being upset, angry, frustrated, and return to being the doormat he had spent years grooming. When this didn’t happen Ex and the pastor from the church set about guilting me for not forgiving him and remaining open to reconciliation. When this didn’t work I was openly shamed and accused of choosing to sin in divorce. In their view my sin was deliberate his was not his fault, so this made him the victim and me the abuser, a justification he still uses three years on for being a total dick.

Thankful
Thankful
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Thanks. I moved to a new church right way. It was not easy and at times now I still struggle but nothing compares to the struggles I had living with my ex.

Gaby
Gaby
7 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Oh dear! Thankful that is awful! I hope you went to another church! Think about it like this, if the adultery had happened in the times of the Old Testament, he would be death before you would have had a chance to divorce him. God is extremely serious about adultery. Please, find another church and write to Divorce Minister. He has great insight!

Nyra
Nyra
7 years ago
Reply to  Gaby

I agree with Gaby!!
There are a lot of great churches (and pastors) out there who will support you through this!
XH adultery was the vow/deal breaker.
You have a God right to divorce XH because of his decision to cheat!

Gaby
Gaby
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Exactly UXworld! I’m impressive!
And when he texted me ordering me what we are to do with our adult children’s mourning from grandfather dying and I answered “no, we are not a team, we are not going to do anything together” he answered “you are incredible.”
See? I’m incredible! And he is an disorder piece of shit.

JABT
JABT
7 years ago
Reply to  Gaby

They are great with that crap aren’t they!!! My ex ran off to be with the blonde howorker after 20 years. I get from him a few months later when I wasn’t bowing to his every wish…. we don’t live separate lives you know. It is not my life with the kids and your life with the kids. It is our life together with the kids… Um… no you asshole. It was that until you ripped it apart.

Gaby
Gaby
7 years ago
Reply to  JABT

JABT, I get it, how some of them want to “function as a family” after destroying it. He goes crazy when I say “my children” and yells back “our children” to which I just say “my children, their father was a mirage”. He hates it and I just turn of the phone.

Current Chump
Current Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

So-let me get this right, the devil is out looking for some extra strange on the side?
And our ex’s just happen to fall for it?

Um ok……whatever……

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

3 for 3 in the low down dirty department! This sentence just sounds ridiculous. People with good character would never make these deliberate and destructive choices.

Lady B
Lady B
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

A measure of a person’s character lies in the behavior shown when (s)he thinks no one is looking.
Wow I have never thought of that, so true, thanks for the insight.

Marked711
Marked711
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

Yes. I’ve always lived by the saying, “character is doing the right thing even if no one will ever know, because you will know”. I couldn’t live with myself doing wrong. Others have no conscience and it’ll never bother them.

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  Marked711

Marked711, I live by the same saying, you know right from wrong, you make choices based on what’s right or wrong, even if no one is watching or would find out, you know and you have to live with yourself. I would be wracked with guilt if I purposely hurt anyone.
X enjoyed giving me long lectures on his integrity, making an issue of other people and their miner infractions, such as not putting their shopping cart in the designated cart area, he always put’s his cart away.., blah, blah. An honest person doesn’t need to constantly tell people they’re honest, Which leads me to the question, who he was trying to convince?

Hopefloatsallthewayup
Hopefloatsallthewayup
7 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

Our counselor told this to my stbx and he looked so stumped, like she just told a kindergartener the difference between truth and a lie…….forehead slap

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Yeah, because setting up online accounts and buying untraceable phones and arranging Skype dates when nobody else will be near you “just happens” while nobody is looking. It happens to me all the time.

I am just sitting there, working away, and a little *pop* sound interrupts my focused silence. I look over and see a brand new burner phone just sitting there on my desk. Where did THAT come from? Then a Skype window pops up on my screen and it is logged into an account I don’t recognize. Some OM is on there, and I am instantly happier than I have ever been. I lose all control of myself and my burdensome family magically ceases to exist.

It’s too bad I’m helpless to stop this from happening and control myself. My lot in life, I guess. Woe is me.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Lol, Amiisfree! Reminds me of that line from Dangerous Liasons, “It is beyond my control.”

MovingOn
MovingOn
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Ha ha! It’s crazy how cheating is this cosmic force that we have no control over! 😀

Carrie
Carrie
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Excellent! Amiisfree!

Buddy
Buddy
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

+1

Onward_chump
Onward_chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

^Excellent^

UXworld
UXworld
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

And note also: “That’s not ME at my core.”

There’s a reason why the word ‘me’ is in all caps, instead of the word ‘not.’ Know who you’re dealing with here, Ben.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

And WHAT is with MY CORE? OM is a personal trainer? I’ll take that bet.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
7 years ago

What is it with cheaters and them spouting off about being honest after/during the most dishonest acts of a human life? No more secrets? Yeah, right.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago

Divorce Minister, my cheater had the gall to say, in front of a court mediator, that I could trust him.

When I asked him how one goes about trusting a cheater, he answered that he was not a cheater.

I then asked him if (OW’s name) was a mirage.

Sniggers in the court room.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago

They’ve been caught and are backed into a corner and they think if they are “honest” it “makes” them a “good person”, whereas good people don’t have to be honest to be good people. They are just honest BECAUSE they don’t have to cover up their secret shitty ways. It’s REALLY not that difficult. If you’re having to lie, what you are doing is not good.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

“If you’re having to lie, what you are doing is not good.”

Yup.

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

+1!!!!

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Apparently the golden rule was just 1 billion percent forgotten?! It was okay for STBX to fuck a whore but when he even IMAGINED me cheating on him he got teary eyed and worked up. Really?! How does that work? Do as I say not as I do? That must be the cheater’s golden rule.
??

chumpionsahm
chumpionsahm
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Yup. Cheater.boy already steamed over the. boyfriend I might someday have who would benefit from “his” money. Does not think it right to “subsidize” this theoretical guy. Never mind my years of subsidizing his actual sluts.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  chumpionsahm

As if I one is allowed to move on even after the cheater has moved on. It’s so infuriating to me (can you tell I spend a lot of time infuriated? ?) the cheater moved on while you’re still married to them. Then they want you hanging on for them to come back. But they don’t even want you. That’s why they cheated and threw you away in the first place. But if you are going to move on it’s “what about me?!!!!!!!” Well, you LEFT(!) the marriage! How exactly is this supposed to work? Can’t we just punch them all? Or send them to the Island of Misfit Fuck Toys? And then just lose the map ?

JeepTess
JeepTess
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Shelby, bless your heart! You just crack me up even when I think I can’t laugh anymore! OMG girl! I wish you had been at my side when satan started his meowing and growling and crazy makin bullshit! While I stood there reeling and trying to comprehend you probably would’ve shut his shit down PRONTO 😀 Took his super secret cellphone and made it a permanent part of his anatomy! 😀 I wish I’d had your spunk! 😀 Woulda made short work of the misery and never EVER allowed him to get to the breakin my bones stage! Cheating lying coward woulda been pickin his ass up off the ground somewhere bout 1/2 a mile from my home! Propelled by shear FEMALE FURY 🙂

Thank you so much Shelby! I wish I could get as mad as you do! I’d emanate a fierce glowing red force field that would attract and ZAP cheaters on contact! 🙂 Freeing the world of needless suffering and strife at the hands of these disordered assholes! YES! Think of it! How many lives would be improved and future chumps and children never TOUCHED! YES! We must create such an aura device! 🙂

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Sad Shelby has it

brit
brit
7 years ago

“I have chosen my kids and the family life I want them to have with the people who have created them, thanks to the will of God.”

Praise the Lord..!
.., it’s God’s will. “I” have chosen my kids and the family. “I” want them to be with the people who “created” them.
Is she and God the same entity?

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

See, when I read that, I read, ‘I got dumped’.

nomar
nomar
7 years ago

Hey, I know that horror show–I used to live there! My ex-wife also spoke in sentence fragments of garbled profundity and self-pity. A kind of proto-twitter-speak. And, of course, wanting to make the best of it, I attributed meaning (depth, empathy, remorse) where there was, as Elvis Costello said, “less than zero.”

There is no Rosetta Stone for this dialect. Chump Lady gives it a good go, but it’s only a rough approximation: “I, I, I.” In the end, this way of thininking cannot be truly understood, but only escaped.

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

When I finally saw the level of disorder I was dealing with with STBX, it was chilling.

And escape, I did.

Cdclocks
Cdclocks
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Lol. “There is no Rosetta Stone for this dialect.” Yep. It dawned on me one day (when I was particularly flabbergasted) that I never would understand some people. …because…you see… I only have ONE face. 😉

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

I deal with this type of crap, too. It is a waste of time trying to untangle the true heart and meaning behind the words. Just trust they suck and move on.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Thanks Nomar.

I needed to read this: “this way of thinking cannot be truly understood, but only escaped”.

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Word salad for sure.

Peacefulchump
Peacefulchump
7 years ago

Chump Lady, you crack me up!

Einstein
Einstein
7 years ago
Reply to  Peacefulchump

She was really on it today….God, I love her wit.

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago

The mourning part..I had to actually deal with this shit with YoYo Knickers!

AP died in a plane crash about 6 months after D-Day, as far as i know it was pilot error…make of that what you will. She said she felt a psychical pain in her chest and likened it to losing one of her own children! All 3 of our children are still alive…WTF!!!

She attended the funeral, along with one of his previous mistresses and his widow (You can’t make this shit up!) Came home and announced she was the most attractive of all of them! His widow looked liked a man apparently!

His widow committed suicide a year later.

All just one big, sad, tragic, Fu*ked up mess.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

The NERVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE of both of the OW showing up at the freaking funeral!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It just blows my mind how anyone could bring themselves to show up. UNREAL

DemHoez
DemHoez
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

I hope her cooter catches fire. What a terrible human.

ChumpedupChik
ChumpedupChik
7 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

Rolflmao! I hope her cooter catches fire also! ?????? dying laughing – and now I also know there’s no Rosetta Stone to decipher their bullshit and yeah, let’s definitely lose that map……and many more gems that caused me to snort royal. All y’all are cracking me up tonight and I sure needed to laugh. It’s been awhile. ??❤️ CN is the best.

My Jesus cheater said he didn’t know the REAL Jesus before!!! Uh, I guess his divine awakening occurred as soon as he got caught and things started to unravel, because he leapt into the baptismal within a week after Dday1, like HIS cooter was afire. Said he needed to be RE-baptized because he didn’t really believe before. Before what? Before pretending he did? Before his first baptism? Before he spoke his marriage vows 26 years ago in front of God and witnesses? Before fucking around with a bunch of howorkers and “kind” non-profit career women? (Yes, he seemed to have a penchant for the sweet candy strippers… I mean candy stripers. ? I stepped waaay back for fear of lightning strike. Not even a hose down a la Meryl fucking Streep in Silkwood was gonna wash the decades of deception or stench of cheating shitbag off him. Trying to claim he didn’t know the real Jesus during all those two plus decades? Telling me I should/needed to forgive him now – bc Jesus washed his sins away and forgave him? I mean he did get re-baptized and all right? So what’s my big problem and what’s with all the bitter bitchiness?

Told him I wasn’t at all familiar with “his” Jesus, and the Jesus I know ain’t buying the shit he’s shoveling and neither was I. Friar Fuckwit made the mistake of choosing that moment to tell me my swearing offended him…..? It. Was. ON. I lit him up and when I ran out of real swear words I just made up new ones. Unfuckingbelievable. He stood there, blankly staring, bizarrely calm and said sniffily, “well, I’m sure you know how you’re talking to me is not very Jesus like.” I lost all my chiclets after that – because that is just straight up crazy as all fuck. At some point nothing will formulate in response to the madness. And that’s what they create – mindfucking madness.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

+1

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

That’s all she was worried about? That she looked better than all the other women?

How pompous and egocentrical can she get!

And stupid! She has no clue how bad this comment makes her look.

Aeronaut
Aeronaut
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

She’s a narcissist. AP’s death is sad because it affects her. AP’s wife’s misery, not on her radar. It’s all about looking better than the other women AP was with. Remember, the universe revolves on an axis through her, and everything else she does makes sense (twisted, sad, AFU sense, but at least sense, of a sort.)

Mickeyblueeyes, I don’t think her comment is surprising. The question I’d ask is why she felt the need to share it with you, to say it to your face. It’s like she’s saying, ‘of all the side action AP got, I was the best’. Is she justifying it to you, her being the best fling for a now dead man? Is she rubbing her good looks in your face? I don’t know exactly, but I do know this – you need to insulate yourself from exposure to that subtle toxicity. My condolences (to you, not to her).

Hugs. Peace.
aeronaut

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Aeronaut

“Best Looking Side Fuck” is hardly an award worth having, but hey, if that’s the only category you are registered in, I guess it’s the best you can do.

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

ROFL!!! ???

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Unbelievable – you have my sympathies!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Tell me you didn’t find all of that out when she tried to come back to you! I hope she stayed away after destroying your marriage.

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago

neverwouldhaveimaginedit…I stayed well away believe me. She came out with the “I was the most attractive” bullshit when I called into collect the kids the day after his funeral. I didn’t find anything out either, she told me to my face!

brit
brit
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

I don’t know if this compares to your X Mickey, different circumstances but similar.
X was constantly comparing himself to other men or husbands in the neighborhood, the other father’s attending our son’s school band performance, any place where there were other men. He’d like to comment that he was better looking, had the best physique, biceps,legs, looked so much younger than the other men.
One day we were at the mall as we walked by an Abercrombie and Fitch, remember they had the big black and white posters of shirtless, young muscular men modeling ? X turned to me and said I look as good as these guys, my body looks like his or better than his…, he never stopped talking about himself.
X wears the sleeveless t-shirts, preferably tight fitted, if while we were out someone complemented him on his biceps. that would be the topic of that day and for at least a week afterwards.

Attie
Attie
7 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit my ex was convinced he was gorgeous. Say what? I never cared how people looked but gorgeous he wasn’t. 112 lb with cystic acne and he had the nerve to wear a muscle man shirt! A few years ago two of my sons’ friends were killed in a car crash. To go to the funeral, my youngest son wore a suit but the oldest wore dress pants and a shirt, so the ex laid into him about how inappropriate he was dressed. I had a really skinny uncle who had died 25 years earlier and his wife gave my ex some of his jackets as he was the only one skinny enough to fit them. So I just turned round and said “hey, 1974 called – they want their jacket back”. The boys got a fit of the giggles but ex was furious, because NOBODY make fun of Mr. Marine Corps!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

brazen and so inappropriate

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

Mickey, my cheater husband told me once of this Italian movie he watched. It was all before DDay and I wish I attributed the right meaning to what he had said. A famous actor died and his whole village got together for the funeral and all of a sudden these women started popping up. Mistress 1. Mistress 2. Mistress 3. The wife. Discoveries and funny Italian style conversations. There was also this long-time friend that was present in this man’s life all throughout various mistresses. At the end of the movie it turned out it was his gay partner. Also fighting for his place in this actor’s life. Wanting recognition for his contributions.

My cheater wanted to be the dead character of that movie. Have all these people fight for him even after his death.

It’s funny that the “pick me dance” can go well beyond the life of a cheater.

My cheater also said all this almost to the t. “I had to go through this experience but I choose family now. I have had enough. I can sacrifice my happiness. I know it’s an elusive state and love and happiness don’t exist. So now I made up my mind to be with you and work on our relatioship.”

— But don’t expect love and happiness, wifey. They only exist when I have cake. If you let me eat cake, I will give you some kibbles which you can attribute to love and happiness. For 2 seconds maybe.

Dixie Chump
Dixie Chump
7 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Hey … I’ve seen that movie. No wait … I’ve LIVED that movie!! Except I am still waiting for the lead character to mercifully die. I can assure you the ex-wife will not be in attendance at the funeral!

unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

I have told friends that I will ask for some of his ashes, drive up to Canada near Niagara Falls and scatter his ashes — in the closest toilet I can get towards the falls, then (after I, uuummm…) flush him down.

Hey, I’m just honoring his wishes and scattering his ashes over Niagara Falls, lolol, he didnt specify how exactly. ..

Go to his funeral? !?!?! Hell no!!!

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago

When the ex died, I did not go to the funeral. I didn’t even know he died for months until the obit was published in a national magazine. By then I was on my way to my wedding to a good guy. I did talk a bit with ex’s sister later, who said they’d tried to find me to tell me and how disturbed she’d been by the way he behaved toward the end. It wasn’t so different, except that he did that around his family. She said no one was going to miss him, and I agreed.

Shechump
Shechump
7 years ago

OMG – I want to do THIS! ^^^

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

LOL! Dixie, I’m with you on not attending the funeral. I can’t believe how many people have asked in advance if I would attend if he passed–absolutely not. I tell them I have no need for closure and no respects to pay. Done, done, done.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
7 years ago
Reply to  Dixie Chump

Me too. Waiting!

Let go
Let go
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

I would imagine going through her husband’s things, like emails and texts, she found out what kind of sleezebag she had been married to. Cheating. The gift that keeps on giving.

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  Let go

I believe there was an inquest into the AP death, times and places of his whereabouts on the day he died would probably confirm that his widow was aware of his affair.

mickeyblueeyes
mickeyblueeyes
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

*I should point out that the AP was the pilot

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  mickeyblueeyes

AP offed himself to get away from your ex and his exes? At least I’d like to believe he was too distracted keeping his various fuckbuddies apart to keep his plane in the air, assuming he was the only one on board. And I doubt he expected a Mistress America pageant at his funeral. True mourning from those who judge themselves as hotter than the other contestants is unlikely. You didn’t lose a thing, Mickey. You got a confirmation that the product was indeed defective and dangerous.

JC
JC
7 years ago

The very first word is bullshit:

“Suddenly…”

There is NOTHING sudden about an affair. It’s a series of thousands of daily decisions to disrespect boundaries, lie by omission, lie outright, manipulate, and finally play damage control when caught.

My wife was in such denial about these thousands of choices that she was surprised when I “suddenly” told her we were getting divorced.

Yes. Seriously. Who could have seen divorce as a result of an affair?!?!

Free Vixen
Free Vixen
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

Yes, ever so suddenly they found themselves at a hotel (AKA, “neutral ground”), naked, with a box of condoms. They just wanted to talk! The sex was so SUDDEN and UNEXPECTED. Who could have predicted it? Who could have guessed? What an unexpected turn of events! The condoms were for balloon animals. You wouldn’t divorce someone for something as innocent as balloon animals, would you?

And my ex did the whole lost myself/found myself bullshit, depending on which version was most convenient in the moment. I also got the “not who I am” song and dance. Turns out that he was willing and able to prove that that’s *exactly* who he is at the core. So is she. I wonder how much time and energy they jointly expend trying to chase their identities?

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

My STBX claims he had NO IDEA it was an affair. So what would YOU call it if I met a man in a bar? Then took his number and started texting him. And then started talking shit about my husband to him. And then we started to “develop feelings for each other”. And then I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM. And then I KISSED HIM. And then I MET HIM AT A HOTEL AND FUCKED HIM. That’s NOT an affair? Where EXACTLY does an affair start then? Because I’m PRETTY SURE when you started going “????❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️???????? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” That MIGHT have been an affair. But maybe when you tell your WIFE “I’m going to go meet my former boss Tom for lunch to talk about work stuff” and then you meet your GIRLFRIEND IN A HOTEL AND FUCK HER, AFTER you’ve already spent all this time talking about feelings and meeting with her to spend the day shopping and holding hands and making out together THAT’S when the affair started?

You’d think these people were toddlers. “It just happened. It was a mistake. It was an accident.” Well I guess I’m REALLY LUCKY no one has ever ACCIDENTALLY met me in a hotel room and fallen into my open vagina. Maybe because I don’t generally skulk around men I’m not married to, then invite them to hotel rooms and open my legs to them. Crazy how they don’t sell affair insurance the way they sell fire or earthquake or car insurance. You know. For things that are caused by ACTUAL ACCIDENTS! ?

MrsVain
MrsVain
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

{*”Well I guess I’m REALLY LUCKY no one has ever ACCIDENTALLY met me in a hotel room and fallen into my open vagina. … … …”*}

hahaha.. .. i guess i am also lucky that i never stayed out all night drinking with people my husband doesnt like and no one accidentally fell into my vagina either. .. ..

i guess my ex was so surprised when all the restricting clothes just magically disappeared and the hood rat troll whore just tripped and landed on his erect penis with her vagina while he was out drinking and just sitting on his cousins couch.. .. .. apparently he was so surprised that he couldnt say a word to her about his wife and kids waiting at home for him. and the only thing he could do is offer her another beer when she managed to work herself off his dick.. ..

apparently this “accident” happens so frequently for him that he was worried about my vagina’s safety and never wanted ME to go out drinking and sitting on peoples couches. .. he did not want to risk me somehow tripping on the rug and ending up sitting on some other man’s penis.. .. luck me got to stay home safe and trip free while he braved the troublesome couch just so he could have a drink.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

You’d think after an “accident” like that he’d know to stay away from that couch AND those beers AND that whore. Maybe it wasn’t so accidental?! ?? (I hate them so much!)

Mehmehdancer
Mehmehdancer
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

The deception only ends when the chump decides to walk away from the crazy … Well said…I decided to file once he started on the ” I am in love with her” so that I would not have t be around to listen to “i found my soulmate “. God forbid !

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

You need to stay in better hotels 🙂

AllaLie
AllaLie
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Sad Shelby:
^^^ Ditto what DemHoez said. I am literally LOL’ing. Love the emoji’s. (Couldn’t read the one at first, and when I figured it out, I laughed even more.).

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  AllaLie

In actuality I’m a 13 yo boy in an “adult” woman’s body because two of my favorite emojis are ??

???
#SorryNotSorry

ChumpedupChik
ChumpedupChik
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Omg my stomach is cramping from laughing so hard I can’t breathe! ????????➡️?☄️?⚡️??

ANC
ANC
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Bwaah! LTMOW was and is the ROW (rectum of wonder). These losers’ are stunted at age 13 or something like that.

DemHoez
DemHoez
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Your emoji sentence had me dying over here.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

What’s with the eggplant emogis?

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

In emoji speak they stand for a dick. The peach is a butt. Very juvenile but it still makes me laugh ?

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
7 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

Same.
Diet Coke out my nose.
I’m saving that one.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

I didn’t actually see THAT text but when he was “trying to fix our marriage” after d-day and I KNEW he wasn’t no contact anymore with the whoremat. I checked his phone and saw enough about “true soulmates never settle” and “I NEVER want to have to text about our feelings again. I can’t wait to lay in your arms” and shit like that. I know that ULTRA sexy emoji seduction would have just knocked my panties right off if only my husband was sending it to me instead of the whoremat. Too bad I’m asexual and frigid and hate sex, maybe all his efforts would have been for nothing since my panties are actually a double pad locked chastity belt of hatred for my husband that was apparently stuck on for the entire length of our miserable marriage. (Just ask him about what a terrible wife I was.)

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Laughing so hard at this, Sad Shelby, only because if you don’t laugh at it you will cry at the insanity of it all. Yep, it was that iron clad husband hating chastity belt!

Thanks for posting today.

violet
violet
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

Exactly. Choosing to cheat is a series of very deliberate decisions, from the first lie forward. My X actually began insisting that I give him my travel schedule (for work) a month in advance so his fuck buddy could make her plans and lie to her husband. There is never, ever one decision, one lie, one pre-planning incident, unless of course, you consider cheating one continuous lie. The deception ends only when the chump decides to walk away from the crazy.

NeverSawitComing
NeverSawitComing
7 years ago
Reply to  JC

JC, I think Manchild perhaps was having an affair with your (I hope EX) wife-

Yes it was all so sudden – several months of phone calls, texting, and planning a dinner date which morphed into room service before it even began – yup planning for 3 weeks to fuck someone who is married to someone else is SO SUDDEN!

Why was I in such a rush to get divorced? he asked. Apparently, I was to stay married to a man who had left me physically and emotionally for his ho-worker. I guess even he was smart enough to know the long term prospects of his new twoo wuuv were not good. So he thought I should stick around as his discarded wife appliance for a year or two until HE was sure he didn’t need me as a plan B.

You can’t make this shit up!

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago

^^^ THIS^^^ Mr. Sparkles asked me – a year after the Discard and D–day #4… and I quote… “Is there a reason to expedite the divorce?” after I told him I wanted to sit down and discuss it.

I replied that I thought it was time given he was about to introduce the OW to our son and start playing Brady Bunch with her and her kids.

His reply after my rant, “OK, I was just wondering if we needed to expedite.”

I filed, without giving him notice, 60 days later.

You can’t make this shit up IS RIGHT!

Anita
Anita
7 years ago

Put this whore out to pasture, where she belongs. She’s not the least bit sorry. You will never trust her again. She will be a cheater again. Nothing for you there.

Joe
Joe
7 years ago

With some reservations , I’ll opt for Plan B, which happns to be my husband and children. But truely they will never get all of my heart. Otherwise, I’m all in with with reconciliation. thing.

Buddy
Buddy
7 years ago
Reply to  Joe

“My heart, but not my head, can be in two places at once.”

Exactly. My UBT for this phrase is “OM didn’t come through with the goods, the escape condo, the divorce from his own wife, the monthly stipend, so for now, I’m stuck with my family. But I am still entitled to do whatever the fuck I want after a bit of lip-service in front of the therapist. I am not remorseful one bit. My heart, my ability to love is special, so special my lame husband, who wants to discuss meaningless topics in therapy like “his pain”, would not understand. I am a wonderful, enlightened, entitled, lying beeyotch, and I’ll continue to monitor OM’s instagram account and secret email accounts even though I won’t have sex with him for 3 to 6 months. And when I do have sex with him again after a 3 to 6 months pause, my heart will again be in its second (or first?) place. Probably in its first place, because my heart is a winner like me! But my happiness doesn’t matter because I will occasionally spout some nonsense about how important my kids are. Yes my wonderful kids. I bet they would really like the OM if they got to know him. Maybe my kids inherited my unique ability to have a dual-location heart! Oh yeah, but after starting up the affair again, I’ll realize OM still hasn’t given my a exit condo, so I’ll choose my husband again for a spell and hope I don’t give him a STD or let him find the EPT in the trash – which I won’t because my dual loving heart is so fine.”

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

The cheater’s heart CAN be in two places at once. Their genitals AND the AP’s genitals too. Cheaters are an anatomical anomaly, they somehow have two hearts (that aren’t functional) while the chump has only one.

NeverSawitComing
NeverSawitComing
7 years ago
Reply to  Joe

Joe, so right!
It just NEVER occurs to the disordered that they could SAY to us – I’m not happy we should go to counseling, or separate, or divorce, or whatever. . . no they accidentally just fuck someone else and it is all so SUDDEN!!!

Chumpty Dumpty
Chumpty Dumpty
7 years ago

“Not my intention” is one of the many excuses I’ve gotten from the XW. “None of this was ever intended.” The poor girl just kept “accidentally” falling on strange dicks (3 to be exact) without any intention. Must have been so exhaustive for her.

They say “Hell is paved with good intentions” which makes me wonder which dark level of hell is reserved for those disordered fucks with “No intentions?”

Rogie
Rogie
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumpty Dumpty

I’m not a monster, I just fell in love and made poor decisions. It was never my intention to cause this pain. ( I actually eyerolled someone for the first time in my life with that one)

Ocean7
Ocean7
7 years ago
Reply to  Chumpty Dumpty
unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago
Reply to  Ocean7

Hahahahaaaaaa, know personally just about every one of these guys and gals in this movie, best laugh ive had all day, thanks for reminding me!!!!!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
7 years ago
Reply to  Ocean7

Hahahahaha! Thank you, Ocean7!

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago

“This is my choice, my reasons don’t matter.”

Don’t ask any questions Ben. You’re given no choice. She’s not even looking for a pickme dance. She picks you and the children over consequences. How very humble. Because after all she’s calling the shots. Run Ben run.

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Doingme

Doingme hit the nail on the head, Ben… “She picks you and the children over consequences”
Cheaters do think about getting caught and consequences every time they make plans to sleep together. Deep down, what it says is that they hope that if they are caught, you will forgive them and that they are willing to take the risk because you are not worth being faithful and respectful to. How thoughtless. RUN BEN. She SUCKS horribly.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
7 years ago

All I see is
Poor me
Blah blah blah
Ooh, look Plan B
Blah blah blah
If OM dies, I must still run to him

Run Ben, file and find the mighty inside yourself.
Don’t make me tell you how great it is on the other side.

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
7 years ago

It wasn’t me! It was my alter-ego, Countess Boochie Flagrante!

ChumpedupChik
ChumpedupChik
7 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

Rotflmao! Again! CN is hilariously on point this day!

UnknownComic
UnknownComic
7 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

LOL!!

neverwouldhaveimagined
neverwouldhaveimagined
7 years ago

I wonder who’s receiving this letter? Is she writing to a girlfriend or an online forum? It honestly shows exactly who she is – an unfaithful, shallow cheater who is NOT excited to return to the marriage and family who no longer serve to make her happy. Nothing to work with.

NoMoreNarcs
NoMoreNarcs
7 years ago

Dear Ben, surely you must know what we think of your wife. What anyone (besides a cheater) would think.

It sounds like she is laying out a fog to trap you using the children. That they be “raised by the people who made them”. If that were really so important to her, she would have never jeprodized this precious thing in the first place.

Her thinking and character are critically flawed. Don’t let her sudden focus on the kids’ happiness redirect you from focusing on her deliberate behavior.

Protect yourself and ultimately your children. Model this for them and they will grow up to be much mightier much sooner in their lives.

Find your anger and USE it. And if you decide to stay, stay only with a legally binding postmup that gives you everything.

In the meantime, keep coming back here and read all you can!

MJB
MJB
7 years ago
Reply to  NoMoreNarcs

Don’t let her use the kids to get to you Ben. Mine left me for twu wuv when mine were 2 and 4 years old. Wasn’t quite as fun as he thought once we sold the house and the kids and I moved into our own home. I spent way too much time trying to untangle. Begged to come home ‘for the kids’. Stupid me let him. Told him he must’ve had a midlife crisis (at 34 y.o.). Side of spackle anyone?

Now a few years later with Dday #2, he has found twu wuv again with our daughter’s twenty something assistant coach. A nice bit of shit sandwich for both kids since he decided to shit where we eat for his own happiness. I didn’t wait around this time hoping he’d come to his senses.

Anyone this self-centered will always rationalize why he deserves his happiness over anyone elses. If I let him, what would be next? Son’s girlfriend one day? Daughter’s best friend? I will never again be put in this position. So long asshat!!

If you let her, you are setting yourself up for more misery down the road.

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
7 years ago

Also: ” I can’t hurt my husband and kids for my own happiness… my happiness is no longer at my forefront.”

Is anyone else getting a whiff of “look how wonderful and self-sacrificing I am, choosing to stay with you miserable slobs instead of indulging my need for side-dick?” It’s like she’s trying to make herself into this noble martyr for deciding to stay with this husband and kids that don’t make her happy and she should get cookies for that.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

Real people in the real world AREN’T HAPPY 100% of the time. It just IS NOT SO! It ISN’T an actual thing! Shit happens! It is life. Sometimes good shit happens. Sometimes bad shit happens. Sometimes you WUV your spouse sometimes you want to hit them in the head with a frying pan or the car. That’s LIFE! It’s not a movie or a romance novel (ACTUAL words from my cheater’s mouth about why marriage is SO DISAPPOINTING ????????? as if he was Ryan Reynolds’ humor and Ryan Gosling’s face on Channing Tatum’s body with Bill Gate’s bank account). You decide if you can stay with the person and they might not fulfill EVERY expectation you’ve EVER had for happiness but you can handle that it’s life and you chose a human being for a partner or you leave and try to “find happiness” somewhere else. It’s like “I’m not 100% happy” is some sort of get out of jail free card. Well guess what! If you asked the chump how 100% happy they were all along I bet 0% of them were 100% happy for the duration of the marriage either. But they all managed to keep their freaking pants on! It’s infuriating. This special snowflake mentality. I get that you want what’s best for yourself. Everyone has one body, one life, one chance at “happiness” but how can that mean “do whatever you want and fuck EVERYONE else!”? I know. They just don’t care.

Mehmehdancer
Mehmehdancer
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Totally agree ! Ex was all “let me find my happiness … “. Like I was whipping him raw everyday while working and raising 2 kids ? Bloody narcissistic scumbag is all I can say .

Mehmehdancer
Mehmehdancer
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

The deception only ends when the chump decides to walk away from the crazy … Well said…I decided to file once he started on the ” I am in love with her” so that I would not have t be around to listen to “i found my soulmate “. God forbid !

Peakyblinders
Peakyblinders
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

I hate the “That’s Life” phrase applied by Cheater! Mine would say that as a phrase of inspiration and wisdom! It means they can just brush off injustice and a long term commitment in one fell swoop as if it meant NOTHING. You have become a chapter in their life and we all have to just move along and keep on truckin!

Keep in mind, we as adults know that that is what we need to do… dust ourselves off and get back on the horse, but that coming out of cheater’s mouth infuriated me for so many reasons. The brush off and then also telling me to get over it. Grrrrrr a-sholes

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Peakyblinders

I’m NOT a “that’s life” person in the sense that the chump should just get over it but I do believe life is not fair, good things happen, bad things happen. BUT the bad things that happen to chumps are CREATED by the cheater. You (and I and everyone else here!) did NOT become a chump because of the circumstances of “that’s life”. “That’s life” is a tornado hitting your house but the neighbor’s is fine. “That’s life” is never smoking then getting lung cancer. “That’s life” is a tree falling on your car. CHOOSING to cheat is not “that’s life” it’s “I’m an asshole and fuck you and your feelings”. I’m sorry “that’s life” was an excuse for all the shitty things your cheater did because that’s NOT life, that’s selfish disregard!

CeliA
CeliA
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

“I do what I want, when I want – Fuck you and your feelings.”

^ Cheater’s core personality in a nutshell.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Yup. You get this.

chumpionsahm
chumpionsahm
7 years ago
Reply to  Sad Shelby

Exactly. That AWOL constant rush of personal happiness–which, of course, they never did have and never can achieve, both because they lack the capacity to experience true joy, and because life involves actual daily challenges–is their excuse for everything. Apparently, I am and have always been the main obstacle between cheater boy and nirvana. Strange, then, isn’t it, that nirvana remains elusive even though I am no longer part of the equation.

Wormfree2017
Wormfree2017
7 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

My thoughts exactly….I imagine she goes around sighing a lot…….
The Worm did the same thing with Pookie. They’d break up, he’d mope, they’d reunite, he’d get all happy and ask me to start shaving his back again…barf, just barf.
So glad I’m off that merry go round…..I am not a consolation prize!

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  Traffic_Spiral

Right? To bad she already hurt her husband and kids for her own self serving needs.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

“Little concession prizes, all of you.”

And that is it, in a nutshell. That’s how cheaters think of us and the kids. And you know concession prizes better JUMP to remain concession prizes instead of being thrown in the trash bin altogether. They don’t have any real depth of feeling for us.

My daughter turned 16 Saturday, and apparently Hannibal Lecher has given up on having a relationship with her (she’s been NC with him for over 2 years). There was no happy birthday text this year. She’s in the trash bin since she no longer serves a useful purpose to him. I can’t imagine what it must be like to toss aside your children, and am grateful that I can’t imagine that.

ChumpedupChik
ChumpedupChik
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

What assholes! I’m so sorry and I can’t imagine how these fuckwits discard or use and torment their own kids in these ways! it hurts my heart for them ?

unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Oh, Tempest, that is awful!!!!!

What a detestable pig, Hannibal is!!!

The Evil One continues to ignore our DD except for every other weekend, replacing Mrs. Dumb-Ass’s kids with his own. DD isnt even allowed to bring along any of her own toys, blanket, etc. of any kind to his house for her visits becaise “it causes too many problems with her kids”. Her being Autistic and needs those things to soothe her anxiety (“Anxiety?!?! What anxiety?!?!?!” TEO asks)…

This last time we pulled up to the gas station to meet him, she looked up at his truck and said, “Oh no, not again!”

?

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

UMolly–your poor daughter! How sad that she dreads going to jackass’s house.

unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I know, Tempest, it truly sucks!!!
Last weekend was the biggest Mardi Gras weekend of the year, TEO had DD, but tried to return her early, heres the exchange:

TEO: I need to bring DD back now (11:30AM)
ME: why?
TEO: out-of-state emergency
ME: I’m already downtown, traffic is horrible

Now, before i could even send a second message to him to meet up so he could drop DD off with me downtown so he could get on with his “emergency”, he sends this:

You know what, fuck you too? See you at 6.

At 6, I had a couple go with me to get DD, and he was just sneering at me, wouldnt speak, thrust DD’s stuff at me and tore out of the parking lot.

So, I call TEO’s aunt— TEO cut ties with her when she stayed in contact with me when TEO left, but aunt still talks to my former in laws. I asked aunt if everything was OK, told what TEO said/did… I guess she called former in laws to check, who then must have called TEO, who then sent this text to me:

You have no right whatsoever to contact any of my family members at all. My business is my business.

UGH, what an asshole.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest,
That sucks for your daughter. But it sucked for your daughter when who he really is all came out. I have to wonder which is worse, having the father just give up and walk away or show up randomly with his manipulating tactics geared toward the children now that we have cut them off?

You always hear that kids fare better still maintaining a relationship with their wayward parent but at what point does that stop being true?

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

GetMeFree–I’m no longer convinced that the standard line–that kids are better maintaining a relationship with the cheater parent–is true. Doing some digging through the research archives this week….

Treading
Treading
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest-hugs to your daughter, for her birthday and for the crappy treatment from her father. Kids don’t deserve any of this. Your daughter sounds like she’s got him figured out. I’d be interested to read what you dig up on effects of maintaining a relationship with cheater parents.

blessingindisguise
blessingindisguise
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

According to Dr. Louise Hart – author of The Bullying Antidote:

“Pro-social tools and skills are based on Positive Parenting Rule #2, Do No Harm. Positive outcomes result from using caring and respect, values and a moral compass. Positive social skills strive for win-win resolutions for everyone’s benefit.

It is the job of parents, caregivers, teachers and adult friends to teach youngsters respect and other pro-social behaviors. Day-to-day positive interactions between parent and child shape a child’s brain positively. It is the responsibility of parents, caregivers, teachers and adult friends to evolve from their own negative patterns of the past and develop and re-create positive habits.”

Cheating (and all of the associated behaviours) do not model pro-social behaviours. In fact, they model anti-social behaviours. Where’s the benefit to children in that?

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago

Ahhh…and ^THIS is the shit sandwich we must continue to eat.

How bad does it suck to try and raise your kids with morals and knowing right from wrong when the other parent (whom you legally have to “encourage” your kids to have a relationship with) has no moral compass?

Sucks every way you look at it.

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

{{{Hugs}}}

If there is karma bus, I hope she is driving it when he needs a nursing home.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

I hope I’m driving it ; ).

Jayne
Jayne
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’m so sorry Tempest 🙁

No doubt there’ll come a time when Hannibal will be blustering and stuttering over this – something along the lines of ‘I didn’t know what to do for the best’ and ‘it was your mum’s fault, anyway’!

This is one of those moments when I ask myself ‘What would Judge Judy say’? – well, I know for sure she’d call him a deadbeat dad and for sure she’d tell him ‘HE is supposed to be the grown up here’. No shitty excuses for emotionally battering sixteen year olds allowed in her court!

I hope you and DD managed to have a lovely birthday – regardless of the heartless, pettiness of the sperm donor.

Love to you both xxx

Jayne
Jayne
7 years ago
Reply to  Jayne

Ahhh … I posted before I read your update – sorry you both didn’t manage to have a good day … I’m sure Hannibal’s neglect was a leading factor. Poor girl. Poor you! Screw him!

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thanks everyone; will pass on the birthday wishes to my daughter. Her response was “Why would I ever want to hear from him again?” but…she then behaved so badly the rest of the day that I am still dealing with the fallout. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that being abandoned by her father, a second (third? fourth? hundredth?) time was correlated with her weekend drama.

I’m sorry for all of you whose children are suffering from the discard (though I agree in many cases it is a blessing). The only good news is that I have been reading a lot on resilience among children, and it is true that it does take just one sane, solid parent in their camp. Will try to compile more details to post by the end of the week. We could all use some buoying up on this issue.

Survivor
Survivor
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

So sorry, Tempest. Most of us here don’t hear the other possibility, which is also bad. When the cheater takes the kid to go to “their new family” and the child abandons the chump parent. I believe we have some examples here.

Manipulating kids sucks loudly, either way it goes.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

“The only good news is that I have been reading a lot on resilience among children, and it is true that it does take just one sane, solid parent in their camp”

I’m counting on this…

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

If theyre not the hero they have to b play the victim. My deranged narc left the day after my DD 16th birthday so every year she will have that shadow of WTF dad left on all her birthdays . Thanks dad . OW was calling and you’ll all get over it already. ….

NWBiblio
NWBiblio
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Condolences, Tempest, to you and your daughter. As if being sixteen isn’t, all by itself, a difficult enough time in a young woman’s life. Trying to figure out the whole boy-girl thing, and here’s her dad, supposedly a role model of proper male behavior, behaving like the self-centered man-child narc that he is. I’m really sorry. 🙁

brandib
brandib
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My X picks up our 16 year old daughter once a week for about an hour for supper. She hates going. She told me that the first dinner date they had after the divorce in December 2016 he tried talking to her about his new girlfriend & how wonderful she was & how they needed to meet, blah the fucking blah…my daughter shot him down. She told him that she didn’t want to meet her & if he ever got the idea that it would be ok to bring his new girlfriend along for dinner, then to just not bother coming. She & I have both gotten word from people about how wonderful his new girlfriend is…apparently she’s the town whore of the little community she lives in & has been incarcerated for embezzlement, or so we’ve been told. To quote my daughter, “He’s digging at the bottom of the barrel, Mom.”

Doingme
Doingme
7 years ago
Reply to  brandib

Brandi

How disgusting and embarrassing it is for your daughter.

As time went on the Limited started to include the whore in plans with my adult children and they figure it’s a few hours a year. I’m not privy to the ‘event’ nor do I care. All I know is that it’s painful for them to see where his actions led him. Pretty much they are disgusted.

Tempest, I’m sorry he chooses to act like a disgruntled manchild towards your daughter. Abandoning children? No way I thought.. Teens aren’t easy. They are critical and call it like they see it.

When my 16 year old granddaughter was in therapy the Limited who abandoned her for two years stated simply, “I miss you. I don’t know what happened.” I guess he was in a coma when he refused to pick her up after school and wanted to fit her into the whore schedule smack in the middle of a Saturday. And afterwards she said, “I could give a fuck about seeing him.” They know the truth.

Happy Bitthday wishes to your daughter.

Chump Princess
Chump Princess
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

(((Hugs))) and Happy Birthday to Your Lovely Daughter Tempest. Sixteen is a milestone birthday and how “mature” and “parental” of Hannibal to not recognize his “responsibility” to parent no matter what else is going on and acknowledge her birthday on some level. He will continue to see himself as the victim in the whole scenario and there’s not much either you or your lovely daughter can do to change that. Most of these freaks are the “come closer so I can slap you” types anyhow. Because most of what they do comes with a self-centered agenda, for every one good thing they do, there’s 3 or 4 “you owe me” or disappointments that follow.

Every child wants to be loved and accepted unconditionally by their parents, but for better or for worse, most of these cheaters are not capable of anything resembling being a real parent or loving caregiver.

A therapist from long ago once told me that I did not have to accept unacceptable behavior from anyone, including family members and that parents end up needing their children more than children end up needing their parents. In most cases, where good parenting occurs, the relationship ends up being reciprocal, as most good relationships do. Down the road, this will all turn out better for your daughter than for Hannibal. You will have provided the stable and unquestioning security of your love and acceptance and she will thrive and grow strong in that soil. Meanwhile, life will probably find Hannibal in a nursing home with attendants who abuse him wondering why no one cares or visits.

Jayne
Jayne
7 years ago
Reply to  Chump Princess

Lovely post Chump Princess….

… err, Tempest – what Chump Princess so eloquently said x

Martha
Martha
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’m sorry, Tempest. That really stinks. Happy birthday to your daughter. 🙂

DemHoez
DemHoez
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

What a jerk. I’m dealing with this as well. My son is six and has non-verbal autism. Ole Poop Boy’s girlfriend doesn’t like my son, so he doesn’t visit with his father. Poop boy is raising two children he’s known for all of 6 months, but he can’t be bothered to raise his own son. He texted me to fight about money because I refused to split the tax return (of 460 measly dollars) after he overdrafted our old joint account. I had intended to close it, but he did that before I could do it. I had to pay 220 dollars to close the account. I told him I wasn’t going to pay for it and I meant it. I work for 9 dollars an hour at wal-mart. No way I was eating that bill.

He’s so willing to fight for a few dollars, but he can’t be bothered to see his kid. He’s straight up trash. ???

unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

Oh my God, DemHoez!!!! Same here!!! The Evil One sees DD every other weekend and wants a medal for it.

((((Hugs)))))

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

Easy to see his priorities. Hard to relate to abandoning one’s child because Schmoopie doesn’t like him/her.

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Happy belated birthday, Tempest’s daughter! I want you to know you have a wonderful Mom. With such strong, supportive and sane Mom you are equipped with tools to spot narcs that will inevitably cross paths with you in various life sectors. They are plenty and they walk around desguised as normal people. You’ve had a bad experience and a tough life lesson to learn a little too early. As did my son and many other children here. But you now have the great tools and insight that many other kids don’t have. Always talk to your Mom. She is great. She helped and still helps so many here. As you navigate your teens into the adulthood I wish you the ability to spot the narcs as early as possible, the vision to “see” through empty sparkles, and strength to discard them from your life and never look back.
Hugs.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I feel your pain Mighty Tempest. I had a similar heartbreak yesterday when Satan’s ugly brother no-showed on our yougest’s big show. He even told her he’d be there but then posted pics of golfing in the desert instead. They really do suck! It wasn’t us as they blamed. Hugs to you and happy “giving birth” day! ?‍❤️‍?‍??‍❤️‍?‍??‍❤️‍?‍?

unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago

What a piece of shit!!!!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I completely agree that his abandonment is horrific.

I also can’t help but feel like, if he doesn’t give a shit anyway, then it’s best that he goes, early and permanently. Painful, yes, but less painful than years of emotional torture. (In your case, Hannibal has dished out years of emotional torture already, of course. I guess I just mean that I could see how it might ultimately be a relief to not have to have to engage that narc anymore, even though I know it will always be a source of grief for his children to lose the dream they must have held of a father who cares.)

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest, I feel for your daughter.
But maybe being ignored by her father is for the best.

I once read a memoir by a man who realized that being ignored by his schizophrenic father was his father’s way of protecting him. Not that your cheater gives a shit about his daughter’s wellbeing, but her being around this guy whom you consistently describe as a pompous, selfish, vain, imoral ass must not be healthy for her!

A a hug for her from this chump.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

ClearWaters–Agree. It is better in the long run for Hannibal to just skedaddle into the sunset with his new GF/AP and her replacement family. He is as toxic a human being as I have ever encountered (and my childhood was no picnic). There are not many happy endings when cheaters remain in the picture with children, I suspect.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Parental narc discard. The ol’, “I’ll show you!” from the disordered.

Well, happy birthday to your sweet 16 daughter. It may not mean much coming from a stranger, but 16 is a pretty big deal.

PhysicsGal
PhysicsGal
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

The only reason my DD hasn’t gone NC is he pays for her cellphone bill. I wish she would get a job and be done with him as it is a toxic arrangement that is all about his need for narrative.

heissobroken
heissobroken
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I will never understand the abandonment of a child. I’m sooo sorry – they are disgusting human beings.

Mehmehdancer
Mehmehdancer
7 years ago
Reply to  heissobroken

Think pathetic excuse of a human being would also be a label …

Chumpy Chumpy Chump Chump UK edition
Chumpy Chumpy Chump Chump UK edition
7 years ago
Reply to  heissobroken

Yep. Chuckles abandoned his son but not before giving him a lecture on his failings as a son mid first year uni exams. And allowing Slaggy-Anne to call the police on us both with made up twaddle. Cracking example of a human being.

It’s who they are inside. Rotten to the core.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago

Ugh, CCCC-UK, it is unfathomable that these cheating jackasses could cast aspersions on anyone else’s character with a straight face. I hope your son is doing better.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Sorry Tempest. That really sucks for your daughter. What a pitiful person your ex is!

had-it
had-it
7 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Tempest, I’m sorry and feel your pain. Fucktard has not had any contact with his sons since dday two years ago. Nothing… birthday, Christmas, 1st baby (his grand child)… nothing until his new daughter was born a few months ago, Then “she” at three weeks old, sent them the same typed note announcing herself and how sorry “our” dad was on how they got hurt.
Even with their kids they only think of themselves and continue their sad sausage act and impression management. What kind of person throws away their child??? Sad, pathetic, selfish excuses for humans.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  had-it

The letter-writing baby was the height of manipulation. And your X has some hubris to call himself a “dad” instead of a sperm donor.

chumpionsahm
chumpionsahm
7 years ago
Reply to  had-it

Yes to “grateful that I can’t imagine that.” Whenever I am freshly stunned by some new depth of cruelty or neglect, this is exactly what I cling to, Tempest. I will never understand any of this, and that is a gift.

Ben
Ben
7 years ago

I think the real her is the emotional child who can even view another man’s death in terms of how it would affect her. After all, if we all loved her as much as she loves herself, we’d gladly be willing to suffer for her whims and attempts at happiness fantasies. We should sacrifice ourselves- after all didn’t she sacrifice by remaining in the marriage?

Tundra Woman
Tundra Woman
7 years ago
Reply to  Ben

All right, here’s “her side:” Stoopid Stepped Up and Hijacled My Hoo-Ha. “Stoopid” is one of my alter egos that rains funfetti allll ovah my ovaries and makes them break out in another exotic vaginal vacation prance instead of home based staycation dance. I lost myself but don’t have the decency to do the Malaysia airliner dive-n-dunk in anything except oceans of foreign fluids. Imma world traveler when it comes to sampling various bodily fluids from ohhh…your father, your best friend, the neighborhood sex offender-you’ll be please to know I’m a very special kind of wife-stitute: No charge! For science! A medical mystery! The research on meeeee and my Fallovereverycock-itis. Now let me serenade you with my high school audition for Maria in “West Side Story:” “Therrrreeessss a plaaaccse for usssss…”

Ben, please. She is not an emotional child: Even children have a conscience. Kids cry real tears when their turtle croaks from sudden turtle death syndrome. C’mon. Professional Wife-stitutes set up their ambushes by ensuring the blast radius faces outward before they connect the battery so when unsuspecting you hits the trip wire, it’s all your fault don’tchasee? And hey, some other guy is Dependent on her for his Very Life(tm) so she’s “got his whole dick in my hands, I got his whole dick in my mouth, I got his whole dick in my cooch, I got his whole life in my hands.”
I don’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth about anything especially her providing stand-by CPR for her AP. She has all the credibility of a career criminal and the greasiness of a deep fryer.

This ho ain’t even sharp enough to turn pointy-head down to weed a garden.

Sorry Ben. If you wanna use the whole “emotional child” thing, ya still got a catch and release.

Sad Shelby
Sad Shelby
7 years ago
Reply to  Tundra Woman

OMG! The whoremat has been afflicted with incurable Fallovereverycockitis ??? When STBX was “so torn” and trying to figure out his happiness the whoremat was making HIM pick me dance too by threatening to sleep with either HER STBX or the two sometimes fuckbuddies that wanted to move into the whore house after they found out she lost my STBX’s bastard love child. Really?! “Great. You just miscarried NOT your husband’s baby with some OTHER fuckbuddy idiot. So now I want to get in there next.” Like her snatch has one of those take a number for service red plastic dispensers attached to it.

Tempest
Tempest
7 years ago
Reply to  Tundra Woman

““Stoopid” is one of my alter egos that rains funfetti allll ovah my ovaries and makes them break out in another exotic vaginal vacation prance instead of home based staycation dance….”

Sheer brilliance, TundraWoman!

ChumpedupChik
ChumpedupChik
7 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I’m going to have a hernia ? by the time I’m done reading these posts….snort n squeak is all that’s coming out now. I dare not take even a sip of water until I make it to the last post

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
7 years ago
Reply to  Ben

Yes Ben that’s exactly what she thinks. She sacrificed for you and the family; she chose you! You and the children should be grateful….ask me how I know?

Later, when you assert your boundaries, e.g. no contact unless it’s about the kids, she will tell you that she’s sorry you hate her for she doesn’t hate you. She, in fact, has forgiven you for not telling her you’re sorry.

They don’t understand boundaries. They don’t understand why you would ever want to deprive yourself of the abject wonderfullness that is them! Hence you must hate her.

Run to an attorney Ben! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.00. They’re all the same.

Sagefemme
Sagefemme
7 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

Yes all the time mine makes sure to hijack text convos about the kids with “you may not believe it but I still care about you” I just translate that to “i still care about manipulating you” and it makes sense.

getting real
getting real
7 years ago

She sucks. Figuratively and literally.

UnknownComic
UnknownComic
7 years ago

Best. Cartoon. Ever. Love you, Chumplady!!

Longtimechump
Longtimechump
7 years ago

Me and cheater (in 3 parts)

Part 1: 10 years ago, 2 years after marriage and no cildren.
Cheater: I am not sure if I made the right choice by marrying. I can see I am not made for a family. I don’t want kids while you do. You are a wonderful person so maybe we should divorce? I am not sure….we don’t understand each other. I feel you want to control me. I like freedom.
Me (crying): I don’t understand. If you say you don’t have OW why can’t we work on our relationship? Let me know how I can improve. I love you. We can make it.

Part 2: 4 years ago. Plus a 5 year old son and lots of gaslighting and gut screaming.
Cheater: I analyzed my relationship with my mom. I realized she always had her own agenda for her own happiness. I did not matter. I now fired her from her role of my mother and I am at peace with that. I then analysed our relationship. There is no love. We are like neighbours. You will make someone a wonderful wife. Let’s divorce? I am not sure myself. No, of course I don’t have anybody. But I had great chemistry with my colleague. Nothing happened of course because she wanted a family and I am not really a family guy. But great chemistry! We never had anything like this with you. I also want you to know that I am looking for love. And I want to be authentic with all my relationships going forward. Mother, you, son, friends, colleagues. Authenticity is my word. So if I find true love or chemistry I will choose that over what we have.
Me (crying, still in denial): please! PLEASE! We have our son. We are a great couple! We always hear comments on what a great match we are. Let’s not hurt each other. If you have an OW I will grant you a divorce. But if you don’t please let’s work it out. Let me know where I can improve.

Then a series of ddays and 4 years later. 12 years of marriage. 9 year old son. Everybody knows everything. Discussing divorce before I file. And most importantly, after I discovered CL!

Part 3 – yesterday.
Cheater: Son told me you said I could come over sometimes and spend time with him? Surely you wouldn’t say this.
Me: I did. I am not standing between you two. You have a unique opportunity to build a relationship with your son without my PR job from which I was fired (thank you CN for this!)
Cheater: I fired you? I never did! You fired yourself!
Me: Yes, you did. First time before I got pregnant 10 years ago. You wanted a divorce. I did not listen to you. Then 4 years ago again. I was stupid and stubborn back then too. Now I am doing exactly as you wanted. You fired me long time ago. I am just dealing with bureacracy and paperwork now.
Cheater: I never wanted a divorce (I wanted cake). All I said was that there were problems (won’t you pick up dancing again?) I said we did not understand each other (and you were so wonderful every time after such conversations taking the responsibility for everything and concentrating on fixing things and walking on eggshells around me and leaving me eat my cake. Why can’t you just continue???!!)
Me: Yes. I agree. There were problems. And we couldn’t understand each other. And still can’t. So say thank you that I yet again take the responsibility for freeing you of this horrible family burden. We’re discussing the separation terms on saturday. Bye.

CL and CN! You rock!!! Thank you!!

unsinkablemollyx
unsinkablemollyx
7 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Awesomeness!!!!!

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
7 years ago
Reply to  Longtimechump

Shit damn, yeah you did!

Amiisfree