UBT: Being The Other Woman Can Work Out
After a long extramarital affair, Caroline Lowe’s boyfriend is finally divorced and she wants the world to know that being the Other Woman can work out! The pick me dance has been won!
Thanks to all who sent me this insipid Daily Mail article “After five years the man I love has left his wife for me. I’m proof being ‘the other woman’ CAN work out… by Caroline Lowe. (Not her real name. I suspect she’s some AI creation of the patriarchy.)
But Caroline wants us to find inspiration from her romance. Perhaps you too can be a disguised name on a cell phone. Or a party in a divorce summons. #Goals!
The Universal Bullshit Translator is a mere machine and cannot digest all 3,000 words of this soppy mess, but we’ll hit some highlights. Suffice it to say her boyfriend has unshackled himself from the cruel, cruel bonds of monogamy. Yet is curiously unwilling to commit to her at present. These things are delicate.
Being the Other Woman can work out!
This month – after five years of our extramarital affair – my boyfriend will finally be divorced. Nathan (let’s call him that) is going to court to dissolve his marriage of over 20 years and we can, at last, start out on our new, happy life together, with our hopes and dreams looking ahead to middle age, and beyond.
I’m writing this article because I want to show that being ‘the other woman’ can work out. Sometimes, married men do leave their wives. I’d like to show that ‘mistresses’ aren’t always scheming harpies, men aren’t always irredeemable b******s, and that nice people can have affairs.
Nice people have double lives! Just ask that Russian defector stuffed in a duffle bag at the bottom of the Thames. My boyfriend will finally be divorced! We can at last start our new happy life together and grow old until I discover his dating profiles.
Being the other woman can work out. If you’re fuzzy on the “work out” particulars.
Caroline isn’t her real name.
Gotta keep it anonymous because you know, people get judgy.
And yes, because there is a lingering stigma around the idea of people getting involved when one of them is married to someone else. But life is complicated – especially when you hit your 50s – and perhaps society should be more open-minded before leaping to judgment.
There’s a lingering stigma about being single in your 50s. COMMIT TO ME! I’VE WAITED FIVE YEARS!
Life is complicated by wives and legal papers. Why can’t everyone ACKNOWLEDGE OUR LEGITIMACY?
NATHAN CALLS ME FROM PLACES OTHER THAN THE BATHROOM NOW!
#KayJewelers #specialanniversary
Nathan and I ‘met’ on a mutual friend’s Facebook page in 2019. We were part of a political discussion and Nathan’s answers were succinct and funny. Realising we were monopolising the chat, we decided to migrate it to our private Messenger channel, where we’d stop annoying everyone else.
I’m too courteous to annoy anyone, but husband fucking is fine.
In just a matter of hours, the messages flew thick and fast, opening out to our favourite books, films and the comedy we both liked. Nathan was in his 40s to my early 50s. He told me he lived in Edinburgh.
After 20 messages or so, he said: ‘I’m going out now, to get fish and chips for my wife and daughter.’
I thought – ah.
In 2019, I was single, my marriage having broken up two years before. My children were at university; I was happy with my independence, and not particularly looking for romance. But there was no doubt my messages with Nathan were becoming cheeky to the point of flirty. It probably wasn’t a good idea to continue down this track.
Narrator: She continued down that track for the next five years.
His wife didn’t understand him.
Our conversation was so free-flowing and so much fun, I wanted it to continue. He was clever. And this was hardly infidelity, was it? Discussing Stoicism, The Fast Show and the best music to listen to while cooking spaghetti? Besides, I was the single one – I was doing nothing wrong.
A few days later, Nathan asked for my number. I hesitated about giving it to him (but not for that long), and he rang me immediately. We started to have daily chats. Nathan’s wife was working away in another town at that time, and he was able to speak freely. Predictably, the discourse started to become more personal.
I told Nathan about my divorce, the couple of car-crash-y dates I had been on and the ‘dick pic’ one of them had sent me. We laughed a lot. Eventually, he started to tell me about his marriage. He’d been with his wife, Maggie*, since university. But over the past 15 years, the intimacy had started to slip from their marriage, and he was feeling increasingly sad about that.
Nathan has a sadz. Discuss more Stoicism.
Nathan wasn’t just talking about sex – though that was part of it. He told me that he and Maggie just didn’t talk – except to discuss their daughter – that there was no emotional closeness. Nor were there any fiery arguments – just a state of comfortable misery. (How many marriages must exist in a state of comfortable misery?)
I guess it was that old ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ cliche. But it really did seem that Nathan’s wife didn’t even want to try and understand him – and, well, I did. There’s no doubt we were starting to fall for one another.
I believe everything Nathan tells me about his wife. Because I am a cliche.
I made Nathan a sandwich, he went upstairs and had a shower. Five minutes after that, Nathan pulled me onto his lap for a kiss. Five minutes after that we were in bed.
My sandwiches are that good.
Over dinner the night before, Nathan had told me he was going to leave his wife. I wanted him to tell her immediately: I’m an open person, I didn’t like sneaking around, and this situation was basically one big lie. From everything Nathan said, his wife sounded like a very nice person. I wanted to do the right thing by her in every way – except for walking away, because I wanted to do the right thing by me more.
Nathan told me he was going to leave his wife. And then spent the next five years not leaving his wife. She’s powerfully nice.
I wanted to do right by her in every way, except actually doing right by her. But I had a passing thought, which deserves credit.
I had finally met my soulmate and wasn’t going to give him up. I didn’t want to ‘meet someone else’. I loved him.
I met a random guy on Facebook, fucked him once after which he immediately promised to leave his wife — and then didn’t for the next five years. I’ll be god-damned if I let this dreamboat go.
The universal sisterhood
My ex denied the affair, ended it at some point, and we carried on in a damaging cohabiting stalemate for five years, until our eventual separation and divorce.
Nine years on, I could honestly say my husband had done me a favour, freeing me up to find love again. But of course I felt bad for Maggie – the situation was hardly ‘sisterly’ and I didn’t want any woman to go through what I’d been through. But I never felt guilty, exactly. Can you feel guilty about someone you’ve never met?
We’re really doing a Maggie a favor. Ultimately stealing five years of her life is freeing her up to find love again. Maybe she’ll get lucky in a chat room. Or live in poverty, alone with cats. Who knows? I’ve never met her! #thoughtsandprayers
Nathan spent the pandemic locked down in Edinburgh with his wife and daughter. It may sound odd, but I wasn’t jealous during those weeks and months. Every day, Nathan told me how this enforced proximity made him even more certain of his decision.
The only thing that rankled was that Nathan and Maggie still shared a bed. Nathan promised me that they hadn’t had sex for years, that his wife slept curled up in a ball at the other side of the bed, her elbows sticking out in a ‘don’t you dare touch me’ kind of a way. He told me it had been that way for ages. Was it true? Who knows. But it suited me to choose to believe him.
Nathan never touches Maggie. They bred once to create their daughter and since then she’s been a human porcupine. Only I, Caroline, can save Nathan from his sexless existence. Travel to Edinburgh to suck your dick? Can do! Let me check the train schedule!
I am a Whitney Houston song.
At times, I felt like Whitney Houston in that song, Saving All My Love For You: ‘a few stolen moments is all that we share/ you’ve got your family, and they need you there’. It was difficult spending Christmas without Nathan, knowing he was opening presents with someone else. Bank holidays were particularly lonely, sitting at home while couples and families were out enjoying the sun.
YOU COULD BE WITH ME INSTEAD OF A PORCUPINE, NATHAN!
There are unsurprisingly few self-help books on how to manage as ‘the other woman’, no support groups.
It’s almost as if people disapprove of cheating.
Most of my confidantes – predictably – were worried for me, concerned that I’d be getting myself into the stereotyped position of the mistress whose man kept her hanging on for years.
Just five years, but who’s counting?
To begin with, the relationship felt asymmetrical – Nathan met my family and friends quite a while before I met his. My closest two friends met Nathan on his second trip to London; he met the wider circle over a few months. When they saw us together, all their misgivings vanished. Everyone agreed I was much happier than I’d been with my ex, that we were so obviously ‘made’ for one another.
Everyone is in perfect harmony about my decision to date a married man. They think we’re made from the same FW mold. (Or from actual mold spores.) The relationship feels asymmetrical because I’m thirsty, introducing Nathan to everyone whereas he lists me on his cellphone as “Bob.” #happier
Unlike me, Nathan didn’t have groups of friends, more like one-on-one relationships. So I met the rest of them one at a time, over the following months and years. There were no issues with ‘loyalty’ as they didn’t actually have a mutual friendship group., including Maggie. She was, and is, very introverted, preferring the company of books and puzzles – so no one even had to take sides.
I don’t have to feel bad about fucking Maggie’s husband. She has puzzles.
Lady in waiting
I was occasionally stretched to the limits of my patience and understanding. Every so often, I would download dating apps, be so horrified by what I saw there, that I decided that if it didn’t work out with Nathan, being single again was fine by me.
Nathan and I rarely argued, though I remember once furiously shouting: ‘Who do you think you are, Henry VIII?’ when I got sick of being an eternal wife-in-waiting.
LOP OFF HER HEAD ALREADY OR GET A DIVORCE!
Yes, being the Other Woman can work out! If you think of it in terms of 16th century misogyny.
Maggie and Nathan remain on good terms, and, when his daughter is back from university, he stays at her house – but sleeps in the spare room, rather than on the sofa these days. I’d be lying if I said this never bothered me – what if they fall into bed for a sentimental last bout of passion?
I won the pick me dance, RIGHT? She’s a porcupine who loves only puzzles, RIGHT?
But he assures me neither of them have ever been tempted, and he would rather save money on a hotel.
…than assuage my fears. Thank goodness, he’s just cheap.
Mostly, I have made peace with this. I’m not going to start laying down the law and being a nag: I trust him.
He only lies to everyone who isn’t me. Because I’m cool. No laws or nagging here. No boundaries either. But you don’t need those when you trust someone!
As for Nathan and I? We are happy. While our relationship has been an open secret for quite a while, the fact of his divorce rubber-stamps it.
We’ve talked about getting married, but there’s no rush, really. We are proof that an affair can blossom into the real thing. Why settle for ‘comfortable misery’ when every day can be full of laughter and joy?
What’s the rush IT’S JUST BEEN FIVE YEARS! Why settle? IT’S BEEN FIVE YEARS! Every day can be full of laughter and joy!
Thank you for giving a different perspective on this. I saw the article and it made me angry but after reading this I have done nothing but laugh!
I’m sickened by it, and by her! Hopefully I’ll see the funny side of it eventually though, because it, and she, are totally absurd!
That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve read in a while- it can’t possibly be true- but I know it is.
It’s the shit pile that replaced many of us here- yes, people are that damned stupid and think the same won’t be done to them- it almost always is.
This is what no self respect looks like.
Pretty, isn’t it?
“I’d be lying if I said this never bothered me”
This sentence encapsulates perfectly my bafflement at affair partners. They already know they don’t trust this person.
It’s also a perfect reflection of the life that awaits you after the hypotenuse is gone.
Argh, why am I getting so triggered 😤 this is exactly what my stbx and his AP did to me and my family! Except I know that I was too busy raising kids (one with special needs), building my successful career and running our lives to fawn over the frigging peacock that I married. And he of course did f-all to try and support me and connect but rather sat there like a poor sausage that he is and spent his energies on a 32 year old big boobied blondy who reports to him and hangs on to his every word! F them all!! If feel anger on behalf of all of us who were honest, decent, loving human beings and got screwed
OMG I’m feeling you right now! The idea of the sexless, prickly wife just grinds gears. What about the honest loving partner who needed some help while their spouse was out looking for sex elsewhere? My ex FW tried very little to connect with me. I asked for date nights and he laughed and said I sounded like someone still in high school. It’s all just a bunch of entitlement and BS.
Ditto. It is always the neglectful, distant spouse story. Always. They are never, ever part of the problem. Sad sausage.
Icky yuck blah.
The self-delusion in this is off the charts.
Don’t they both sound so unappealing.
Nathan particularly – so gormless, so sneaky….so Fuckwit…
There actually really is a pathetic core I think to all FW’s and all APs. Without exception.
It doesn’t matter how big the tinsel fig leaf is that they slap on to their externals – they’re just….ick.
This UBT made me laugh so much too. Thank you CL!
You’d have to be as dumb as a doughnut to think that Nathan is a special treasure worth fighting for.
Tinsel fig leaf – exactly. Love it.
“I met a random guy on Facebook, fucked him once after which he immediately promised to leave his wife — and then didn’t for the next five years. I’ll be god-damned if I let this dreamboat go.”
I especially laughed at this, “dreamboat” indeed. When I actually was able to think straight and had accepted that my ex was exactly who he was showing me, I remember looking at him and thinking “he looks so small and pathetic”. I mean he was never a big guy, aside from being overweight; but he was still taller than I. Honestly, when I think of the two of them now in my memory I see two fat dwarfs covered in flies jumping over to the back seat of a police cruiser.
>with our hopes and dreams looking ahead to middle age
…and then she tells us she was in her early 50s when this started, five years ago?
I don’t know why this particular lump of bolleaux jumps out at me from what might be a Daily Mail clickbait made-y up-y space-filler (the ‘sentimental last bout of passion’ thing also rings vague Mail-trope bells) but God, what a bunch of dreck.
No criticism from me regarding the take-down here – I really enjoyed it. Depressingly, this might even be real, even if it put together from second-hand anecdote by DM columnist Phil Space.
Caroline is a classic “pick-me” Cheater. She does not offer anything by way of either introspection or remorse for the inevitable collateral damage in all of this. I am sure that Maggie and the university-aged daughter’s perspective will not be quite so forgiving and I hope that they both are able to put their lives back together and build something better.
LFTT
Summary of the article: I’m pathetic and so his he, we deserve each other.
My X had a five year affair with his umpteenth affair partner but his “last” time he fooled around and fell in love.He told me he never wanted to divorce but he was in love and like Warren Buffett he was going to have a public girlfriend and a wife and family at home. Hard NO from me and I filed for divorce. He dragged it out for three years.She is still hanging around the hoop for him. 5 years “dating”, 3 year divorce process with him begging me to call it off. He has broken it off with her numerous times only to run back to her when I have said NO to him coming back.She takes him back every time. I know he/she are no longer my problem but I would love an honest conversation with her to ask her what in the world she is thinking.Why are my sloppy seconds so appealing ? She left her husband for my husband years ago.She is 14 years younger than he is and presumably could find “true love” again elsewhere.They are two cheaters who deserve each other , but it is fascinating to watch this all unfold.
“I know he/she are no longer my problem but I would love an honest conversation with her to ask her what in the world she is thinking.”
I would never actually do it but yes, I too sometimes wish I could get answers from the AP. I am so curious as to her motivations and thought processes. They broke up 6 years in, strangely, AS we were separating. So sometimes I wonder if SHE left him once HE became actually available because maybe she liked the competition and once she “won” she was over it? Or if he dumped her because it was only fun for him when he was sneaking around/cheating? In any event she was younger than him and pretty. She absolutely could have found herself someone else, so it seems SO bizarre to me that she held on for years waiting for a cheater to leave his wife and kids. Like I said, they didn’t end up togeher but in the end, his marriage did end, so she could have had the same “prize” as Caroline above.
Not that I think Warren Buffett should be emulated in this, but I suspect your ex is highly unlikely to bring half the “benefits” that old Warren brings to his affairs. These cheaters are so convinced of their own value and importance. Laughable, isn’t it?
“To begin with, the relationship felt asymmetrical – Nathan met my family and friends quite a while before I met his. … Unlike me, Nathan didn’t have groups of friends, more like one-on-one relationships.”
So beyond the standard drivel and self-deception this article displays…. these two statements stood out so glaringly to me. This FW has a compartmentalized life because he’s a FW. He has to keep everyone separate so his secret lives don’t overlap.
These FWs and AP can’t even come up with new bullshit.
As hilarious and acute as your UBTs are Chump Lady, I had to skim the article because it made me SO damn MAD! The delusional, self-serving arses that these people are, not only sneaking around, so not even OWNING their shitty choices honestly, even now he’s divorcees, but also encouraging other people to car crash people’s lives. There’s a special hell for them both, I hope. Further, I hope ‘Nathan’ (no doubt an honourable guy who HAD to lie endlessly to his trusting wife and daughter for FIVE YEARS!) DOES betray your crackpot ‘trust’, because you had a heads-up that’s who he is (unlike his wife) and you were so full of yourself you ignored it. Enjoy the nights of wondering – I hope his wife plays it up and doesn’t attempt to reassure you! Now piss of back to FW world with all your flying monkeys! 🙈 🙉 🙉
same- couldn’t read it.
I can easily imagine exgfOW writing this sort of balderdash about me. I’m 5 years out now. Just about to move into my own lovely little house, having sold the marital home and having recovered the money I had to give to the FW to buy him out. Life is good at 64. I’ve no doubt that Maggie’s* life will be good too, once she’s finally shed the dead weight that is whiny, pathetic Nathan*. The loved-up OW’s life may not be so sunny. I’ve no doubt that Nathan* is already reviewing prospects to fill the vacancy of sidepiece. Watch out when he hits 50 because he’ll be saying to you what the ex said to me ‘men get better looking as they get older’. So enjoy your current happiness, OW. I hope the Mail paid you well for your erudite article (although I doubt they did because women are valuable to the Mail only to the extent that they can be exploited). Maggie is the winner because you’re stuck with Nathan* and she’s free to do whatever she wants to do. The moral compass of a cheater, whether the spouse and/or the OW, lacks a magnetic north and that lack will continue to their last breath.
It does feel AI generated because it’s so banal and stupid. HAHAHA.
“After five years the man I love has left his wife for me. I’m proof being ‘the other woman’ CAN work out…
Uh, where is the proof?
He left his wife, true, but she writes that this month, he is finally going to court for a divorce. She wrote that he told her five years ago that he would get divorced in two years, after his daughter finished her A-levels. So what’s with the additional three years since then? She wrote that they have waiting to be together for two years. The math doesn’t math.
Neither does the location. At the start, she wrote that she lived in Manchester which is in England. (There’s no Manchester in Scotland.) She wrote that he lived in Edinburg, Scotland and they visited each other. Then she wrote that “Nathan is still based (for now) in Manchester.” Very odd wording. Almost like she lied about the locations, or other parts of the story, and meant to write that he was still based Edinburg. She writes about precisely when they switched from emails to phone calls, the five months till their first visit, the five minutes it took for him to go from a sandwich to sex, yet she never mentions either of them moving, or moving in together.
She also wrote, “We’ve talked about getting married, but there’s no rush, really.” She was in a rush before, and wrote, “I got sick of being an eternal wife-in-waiting.
Interesting that she wrote, “We are proof that an affair can blossom into the real thing.” Isn’t that an admission that they weren’t the real thing when the affair started, despite her claims that they were soul-mates, in love, from the start?
While some of her drivel could be poor writing, she states unequivocally, “I was the single one. I was doing nothing wrong.” Yeah, like the driver of the getaway car is not complicit in the bank theft. Like the partner who witnesses child abuse is not guilty of neglect for allowing the abuse to continue.
Although I can’t read the article comments, the first ones look negative. I hope readers call her out.
“Where’s the proof?” I was wondering the same thing. This woman is delusional. FW still hasn’t filed for divorce, is lying about sleeping on his wife’s couch, AP and FW still don’t live together (sounds like they’re not even in the same country) and it looks like marriage is off the table. How exactly did she win? How exactly did this work out for her? I’m not seeing it.
Everyone has heard the preverbal “If they can cheat them with you, they can cheat on you with someone else…” There are several different version of this, but this is the bare naked truth. These people are willing to lie, cheat, steal…all of it, and the idiots that think they are “special” and the cheater won’t do it to them…WRONG. They will find out the hard way these people suck.
My sister had a several years affair for which she said I was not to judge her/them, and she was just the other woman waiting for him to call or give her a scrap of attention. His wife had a terminal illness and I felt like my sister was just waiting in the wings for her to die and then she could just step right in and take her place. My therapist said ” watch and see what happens after the wife dies, I bet you anything he doesn’t come riding up on the white horse with roses, jump down on bended knee and propose to her. She will get nothing of the sort.” And guess what? My therapist was right! The wife died and none of that has happened. Matter of fact, they barely see each other. He does live 2 hours away, but when it’s your soul mate, the love of your life…nothing should keep you apart! One of them should sell their home and move in with each other. Or they could take turns staying at each other’s place, at least on the weekends. But that isn’t happening. It’s been over a year, maybe closer to 2 years! Once, when they were cheating on his wife, my sister said she “thought he was cheating on her”, which my first thought was “yeah, with his wife”, but I think she meant other women, and I would bet her he was, because he had already shown my sister he was capable of that behavior. She was recently in the hospital and was gravely ill, and he didn’t even come to see her or send flowers…nothing! I wonder what excuse he made that she would defend him with? And she would. It makes me sad that she has so little self esteem.
This guy won’t get a character transplant, just like my FW won’t. He will cheat on anyone. People like this don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves!
Huh. I must have missed the part where it all works out, and they’ve been married for 10 years and are still deliriously happy.
Because all I see is that Nathan will continue to delay and string her along, showing less and less interest, until he finally ghosts her to be with another woman. APs suck, but I come about as close as I can to feeling sorry for the pathetic little twat.
“Huh. I must have missed the part where it all works out, and they’ve been married for 10 years and are still deliriously happy.”
I agree with your full comment, but want to add that even IF he did marry her tomorrow, “happy” is a stretch because she is ALREADY the “marriage police”. She is worried he is going to sleep with his wife. (The irony of her taking issue with that!) The wife that he already said is frigid as an iceberg. Now, WE all know he’s full of it. He probably had a wild and fulfilling sex life with his wife up until she found out he was cheating. FWs lie about their spouses to the AP. He likely is too. She will spend the rest of her time with him waiting for him to cheat. She SAYS she trusts him, but she doesn’t. Maybe on the surface she THINKS she does, but it is clear she doesn’t. And why WOULD she???
Ha! Ten bucks says wife found out and kicked him out. Now he is a hobosexual looking for a place to land until he finds something “better”. What a prize he is. She had to write a whole article under a secret name just to make herself feel better. Nothing like winning a turd gift basket. If it is all good, she wouldn’t need a pen name.
Hope she loves her new anxiety-ridden life wondering who he will monkey branch to next. Or if he goes back to his ex. You know he stays there because he wants to fix his marriage. I wouldn’t stay in my ex husband’s place if mine burned down in a fire. No way. She is delusional and her situational ethics will only bring her heartache. Fun!
“Ha! Ten bucks says wife found out and kicked him out. ”
I had the same thought. She is saying “it worked out” and yet my guess is that even after 5 years he STILL didn’t actually decide to leave his wife for her, wife likely found out and SHE started the divorce process.
I’m guessing AP was tired of waiting and sent something outing Nathan to Maggie. FW AP revealed herself to me as do many other APs
My FW admitted to his affair. I was blindsided, I had no idea. If he hadn’t told me, it could have gone on for a decade. It was largely an emotional affair, online, as she lived across the country. He told me about her, and gosh, I remember exactly where I was sitting and where the sun was in the sky but don’t recall the specific details of what was said so much.
He said he was telling me because lying was bothering him, he wanted to be honest. (I would later find out the affair started THREE years before he told me. So much for being honest)
It was during the Covid lockdown and he was particularly diligent. He wasn’t leaving the house. When I say “diligent” I mean he was very strict with safety protocols, beyond what most people were doing and eventually I would see that he held onto those restrictions longer than anyone else we knew. The point of my bringing this up is, she lived across the country. He was NOT getting on a plane. And even if she did and came to him, he wasn’t leaving the house especially not to meet with someone who had just been on a plane. Telling me in that moment seems so unnecessary. We were stuck in the house together. Also, we both worked in industries that were harshly affected by Covid, so we were both worried that we were about to lose our jobs.
Between Covid restrictions and being unsure of my financial future, it wasn’t like I was going to move out with my kids. (I also lacked that particular brand of “mighty” anyway… but regardless, even had I wanted to leave, it was not possible at that moment)
For a long time I figured he told me about AP then because I WAS stuck and he could more easily manipulate my next moves. And it’s true, I basically decided that since nothing could really be done and his AP was stuck on the other side of the continent, I didn’t have to do anything right away. And I didn’t.
But in hindsight, there is another possibility. AP may have threatened to tell me herself. It doesn’t entirely matter. I got told either way. But knowing he said he felt he had to come clean (three entire years in, lol) when in reality, maybe he only did it under her threats? It just adds another layer of grossness to the entire situation. I do know that she had threatened him with that at some point, I just never put two and two together.
And yes, we see lots of stories here of the APs telling the spouse. Then if the spouse leaves the FW, the AP thinks “they left their spouse for me” when actually the chump did the leaving. It is an important distinction in my opinion.
The ironic part is we also see cases where a chump finds out about the affair when their FW announces “I’ve found someone else, I’m leaving you” and it all happens suddenly. Well, I suppose the AP is thrilled in those cases, but even then, great prize ya got there, a person who in 10 years may do the same exact thing to you. Hide their suitcase, just to be on the safe side.
Deep down, she has to know that he might do this again with yet another woman.
During my work years, I saw this multiple times where there would be an office affair that led to divorce and marrying the affair partner. Then years later, another office affair, another divorce, and another marriage.
What a wreck!
One if my neighbors is a dental hygienist. She said it’s so awkward when an employee is seeing the married dentist.
Yes, I don’t know what it was about where I worked after college, but there was always some kind of workplace affair going on with a manager. It was indeed awkward. Even through two job changes, same thing.
Now I work in a different field, and it seems not be a thing there. Go figure.
Might? My money is on he has at least one more, in addition to trying to get his wife back. She is delusional if she thinks this leads to happy ever after. And she is going in knowing what she signed up for.
In case you needed any reminding that it’s not about the details of the marriage (good, bad or – in this case – completely mundane) but rather about the character of the cheater: at one point she says “Can you feel guilty about someone you’ve never met?” As if she is truly uncertain whether we have any moral obligations towards other humans that we haven’t crossed paths with (yet). I’m sure there are people out there who really don’t care how much they harm others as long as they don’t have to witness it in person … but those are bad people. What she is describing is a gigantic moral deficiency but she seems to think that maybe it’s just normal to not care that you’ve just destroyed someone else’s life.
IG,
Yeah, I caught that.”
I was single so I wasn’t doing anything wrong”. Ummm…ok, she wasn’t cheating on anyone. But that man was married with a CHILD. It’s amazing to me just how far the narrative of “the AP isn’t to blame” gets stretched.
So many online groups reinforce this with sayings like “well the OW never made vows to the victim, so she doesn’t owe her anything”. Nah, that is justifying bad behavior. Once you knew he wasn’t available, you are now complicit in the abuse of the spouse.
(music by Whitney Houston, lyrics by “Caroline Lowe”)
Some chatting on Facebook is all I require
Tell me you’re married, my hooch is on fire
Though our bond you’ll eclipse for your wife’s fish and chips
Your aura’s put me in a trance
So I’m gonna win the pick me dance
You mate’s lost her passion, clearly she’s benign
Her sandwiches manage, but they pale next to mine
And though you just said, that you still share a bed
I’ll be thinking of you in my pants
And I’m gonna win the pick me dance
It isn’t easy when friends are all judgemental
Ain’t no support to get behind
The choice is easy, who wouldn’t choose to fuck me
Than sleep with an old porcupine?
I’ll write up our story, sign it “Caroline Lowe”
Give some hope to those fuckwits who aren’t sure who to blow
Now our run has begun – it’s a douchebag I’ve won!
All you haters can just look askance
Cuz I’ve finally won the pick …
Yes, I’ve finally won the pick …
Yes, I’ve finally won the pick me dance
I woke up at 4 am and for some reason I was wondering, “Where’s UXworld been lately?” I’m delighted to see you back, with yet more gems for us. Thanks for writing and sharing these.
UXworld, you had me at “Tell me you’re married, my hooch is on fire”
👏 Genius! It’s been too long since you did one of these.
This is great. The original song always made me uneasy, but after getting chumped, I cannot listen to it at all. Pure glurge.
“Eclipse for your wife’s fish and chips” for the win!!!
Narrator: She continued down that track for the next five years.
I’m dying! X-D
The AP that my XH left myself and 3 young kids for was no more faithful than my X.
She called him her soul mate (In front of our kids, the first time they saw him, 2 months after he left) but a year and a half later she was boofing her XH (when he got out of jail).
My point is that APs are no better an investment in a partner than a cheating spouse and Caroline Nutjob is just as likely to end up screwing around on Nathan as he is on her. They have the same moral compass – it always points to them.
This particular Daily Fail letter has all the hallmarks of fake-for-clickbait. The “OW” is all too aware of her magical thinking and lampshades them for the reader, but is oddly blind to what’s in front of her when that fits the narrative. And it wraps up with a satisfying ending where we, the readers, can see the karma bus rolling toward her while she remains oblivious.
True that it could be click bait, however, it really is the way the affair partners think. We have seen it many times on here from real letters, posts, articles, etc. They live in a fantasy world with the Cheater FW and sooner or later, their magical thinking and shared fantasy will be over, most likely because the FW cheats on them. These people have a certain character you can count on, which is they are crappy, selfish people, and they will betray anyone, including themselves by throwing away a perfectly good marriage, spouse and family. Like you said, the “karma bus” rolling towards them full steam ahead! It will get those people eventually 🙂
I feel for the daughter. Mine was that age (just away at college) when everything blew up. Suddenly she didn’t really have her home & family to come back to. The whole thing really messed her up, I think especially learning that her dad was such a scumbag.
Mine were in college locally when things blew up, and it still derailed them in different ways. I had to deal with alone while he was off at the beach living like a single man. Sometimes they barely tolerated me while they were figuring things out.
People said, “Oh, they’ll work it out because they’re older.” Ah, it was still rough, very rough.
One is still a bit of rebel in some ways but thankfully is doing well in other ways. The other is a straight arrow, thankfully.
Miy 3 adult children all knew AP as an office employee. Oldest daughter is 6 years older than her. 2nd daughter felt we hadn’t done enough to get him to addiction rehab, her therapist said you can’t parent your parent, son sought counseling too, he’s a year older than AP. To top it all FW hasn’t been in touch with kids or grandchildren in nearly 6 years. I’m guessing he’s still an addict. But who knows?
FW knew her mother, who was probably also too young for him, but he told me that the daughter grew up in chaos. That was before I knew about the cheating and the drugs. Second daughter said it grosses me out that I let her hold the baby when I took her by because pediatrician was 2 doors down
Here is my 2 cents. The wife found d out about the affair and is dumping him. Five years he abused her and she had enough. So schmoopie “won” when the wife kicked him out. My ex is with his AP so she “won”, but he begged and pleaded with me to not divorce him. I think this is what happened here. Ir only worked out because his wife was mighty!
Mine literally left the house and wanted to split, but was upset that I wanted to legally divorce. I suppose he liked being unemployed or under employed and living off my hard work. He made me file. Wanted it to look like I just kicked him out for no reason. Funny, he complained about not having enough money to date after our divorce. Moron. Heh.
I doubt either woman has the truth from him, at all.
Can’t wait for the update when she finds out she’s one of half a dozen or more side bonks this guy has been juggling and rotating over the years and then discovers first hand why “Maggie” was always bunched up on one side of the bed with elbows out like a traumatized medieval caltrop.
The most telling statement in the whole thing is “Can you feel guilty for someone you’ve never met?” The answer is yes, yes you can if you are not sociopathic. Her overwhelming lack of empathy and insipid rationalizations are right out of the sidepiece handbook. Can it work out? Only until these abusers find someone even farther down in the bottom of the barrel.
Can you feel guilty for someone you’ve never met?
Ask the drone pilots who end up with PTSD and suicidal after remotely blowing up a bunch of kids and old people from12,000 miles away because some ground commander got bad intel or sent the wrong coordinates.
Rates of traumatic stress and suicidality among drone operators weren’t associated with individual error so appear to have nothing to do with lack of ability. In fact, higher ability usually correlates with more emotional intelligence and susceptibility to this novel thing called a “conscience.” Apparently the US Air Force’s best drone pilot shot himself. It might follow that someone who’s intuitively fabulous in the sack would lack the stomach to screw someone else’s spouse.
“The answer is yes, yes you can if you are not sociopathic.”
GMTA. I said the same. Should have scrolled ahead first.
I chuckled at the hes in his 40’s and shes in her early 50’s. I interpret that as he is 41-42 and she is 54.8. Maybe she has alot of money from her divorce so he sees her as a viable income, but then he would be hot to marry her to get access to that money. My guess is shes a stepping stone and one of many. But Im sure he’s keeping his options open. Shes delusional to think that they will grow old together. He doesnt want to be her nurse maid. Younger women love nursing old men in exchange for money, but I dont see that going the other way. Unless shes super wealthy. At least hes not knocking up a 20-30 yr old. Yet. So many are desperate for a sperm donor and child support from a baby daddy. So hard not to be cynical now. I think thats what they mean when they say older and wiser. Code for you got screwed in life and so dont trust anymore!
Younger women love nursing older men in exchange for money? Lol. Maybe if the younger woman is a paid RN and the older man a retired humanitarian with great stories and perfect manners. But if we’re talking about an old dude who spent his life as a cheating prick and abandoned his family and a nursemaid who was callous and creepy enough to abet this, I doubt the exchange would be the stuff of sonnets. She might love spending the money while banging the pool boy but not so much the bedpan duties or the occasional wheezing wank session.
Yep. He’ll dump her in her 60s so that it doesn’t get to the point where he’s expected to give elder care.
AP’s and the fuckwits they love: WORST PEOPLE EVER. With the exception of people like Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, and the like. The stupidity is deep with this one.🙄
I didn’t get further than Whitney Houston before I could read no more of this offensive dreck.
However, to answer her question;
“But I never felt guilty, exactly. Can you feel guilty about someone you’ve never met?”
Well, *we* can. We’re not sociopaths.
These kind of articles make me want to try to find the end of the earth so I can jump off it.
They used to call these ladies unpaid whores.
A relationship can only be as healthy as the people in it. Healthy relationships are a skill set.
Cheating and being a side piece proves you don’t have the skill set.
Trust and safety are the foundational qualities. You can either be a cheater/side piece or you can be a safe trustworthy person. By definition you can’t be both.
Wonderful people don’t screw around with people in committed relationships, and wonderful people in committed relationships don’t screw around.
You can’t build a Ferrari out of a junkyard parts.
A affair is a dysfunctional relationship. The dysfunction is baked in. You can’t get it out anymore than you can eggs out of cake batter or blood out of a white tablecloth.
Let others be deluded and confused. Don’t you be.
My money is on Nathan’s chump wife found out, and suddenly left his ass!
Desperate for backup supply after being blindsided, Nathan tried it with several different women before temporarily settling on OW Caroline. TWU WUV WINS?! 😵💫
Ah….another floating turd from the Daily Merde! News to Caroline (Code Name: “Bob”):
Nice people don’t have affairs, STUPID people do.
After my initial wave of nausea wore off, I re-read this and what’s obvious is that Caroline does NOT know Nathan. She knows some guy that she talks to about books and movies and music and things that we all talk to new boyfriends about but most of us progress beyond that state. She’s still in the Friends With Benefits stage. A “relationship” is formed when you’ve been through some real shit together….like having some real arguments and fights the neighbors CAN hear – she says they don’t fight, well….maybe she’s AFRAID to fight because Nathan might take his book loving ass home. You can’t fight in the new boyfriend stage because he may not stay and she sounds DESPERATE to be partnered. She will put up with anything including 5 years of side piece. A relationship has sickness in it, sometimes death, aging parents, aging YOU, buying property, long trips together, maybe kids, shared pets. All the things that happen over time called real life that makes a solid foundation for a relationship that last maybe 20 years or so. Like Nathan and his wife had before this POS showed up. Caroline does not have that with Nathan. I don’t think she ever will.
She doesn’t consider because she doesn’t really KNOW Nathan, that maybe he’s been lying about everything for the past 5 years. Maybe he and his wife boink regularly – or did until she found out about the Wait-ress. She doesn’t know Nathan’s family, or friends – maybe he hasn’t got any and there’s a reason for that too, or she just won’t be meeting anyone who can tell her another kind of story about him. He has kept Caroline very separate from his actual life. So she has no way of knowing what he’s really like, what the truth is about him, what the truth is about his relationship with his wife – or other people. If they had a spare room all those years – the one he’s supposedly sleeping in now – why wasn’t he sleeping in that before? And why is his wife allowing him to come back? Does Wife know they’re “divorced”? Does she think they’re in recon? Is she still sleeping with him?
Caroline, like all the other APs, will never fully be able to trust this man because she knows how she got him and she knows what he is capable of. She knows the lies he told his wife, she knows the manouevering he did with her, and on some level, she knows he’s capable of doing this to her and my bet is that he will. Caroline’s getting kind of old for him, she sounds like an exit affair and he probably will be looking for someone else soon. Maybe he already has someone else. How does Caroline know he is staying at that house with his wife when he’s away? Is she outside sitting in the bushes?
Bottom line is Caroline is far too desperate to keep a man, she already lost her OWN husband THE SAME WAY and she’s willing to do it to another woman because…dog eats dog. And some other woman will be willing to do it to her. You can’t want a man so much you will crush other women. You can’t build your happiness on someone else’s misery. Karma is coming for Caroline.
The worst thing of all to me is that….yes, Caroline is screwed up and fooling herself. The Daily Merde ISN’T. They are pushing terrible ideas and suggestions to people that are bad, harmful, and destructive of individuals, marriage, and society. And THAT makes me really angry.
Reading that made me feel nauseated. Literally sick to my stomach. Before D-Day I never realised there were people out there that are so awful. Thanks for the reminder that OW didn’t win a prize.
Blimey! What a nauseating pile of shite that was, it’s a wonder the UBT isn’t permanently banjaxed after dealing with all that load of stinking guff!
The fact she denied she was doing anything wrong whilst encouraging that bloke to deceive his wife, and that she was cheated on herself but hasn’t even given the hint of a toss about the wife’s feelings nor the welfare of the poor daughter makes me sick!
She’s just as disgusting as the FW she’s finally landed and they probably deserve each other, they’re a right pair of dirty , lying, treacherous monsters of selfishness!
What’s really going to be interesting is when the next woman writes THE EXACT SAME THING about this fuckwit and our writer here comes crying about what she “won.” Anybody that would cheat WITH you would cheat ON you.
And of course she wasn’t discouraged by “I’m about to go out with my wife and children.” Go figure.
“It worked out for me!” Of course it did. You had no actual skin in the game. “Have your cake and eat it, too” with that “society needs to be accepting” BS.
Another FW sucker dumb enough to believe character transplants are a thing. Yeah.