UBT: “I Don’t Even Like Him”

dontlikeToday’s Universal Bullshit Translation is “I don’t even like him” sent in by Josh.

Yes, that person you risked our entire relationship for, finances, children’s home life, shared history — You Didn’t Even Like Him.

Cheaters would have us believe that fucking them was a chore. Utterly repellant! They never came.

And it was so distasteful, so awful, and they feel such antipathy for this person, they had to create secret Facebook accounts to message them, and get secret cell phones, and sneak around — all to have time with this person they heartily disdain.

And aren’t attracted to.

And don’t respect.

And they were thinking of you All The Time!

Now, for those of you chumps who had cheaters who did nothing but wax poetic about the affair partner, you might at some level envy the chumps who got the “I don’t even like him” mindfuckery. Don’t. “I don’t even like him” is a play for cake. Maybe, just maybe they like you better! Won’t you do a pretty pick me dance to ensure your place in their affections?

What is a chump to make of this?

You value me SO MUCH that you risked everything we had together for someone you DON’T LIKE? And you went back for seconds and thirds? What, do I disgust you that much?

(Cue the sad sausage, broken, self destructive, coping mechanism excuses.)

Proper chump response?

“I don’t like you either.”

Buh-bye.

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LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
8 years ago

I got a version of that as well. My cheating ex said he loved having sex with her, but then hated himself after every time he did it. Kind of like a bad drug.

Wow. Any ounce of respect went out the window after that Peter Pan moment.

I’m trying to raise our babies and keep the house together (while also working full-time). You just go on ahead with your OW-drug. Be gone!

Buddy
Buddy
8 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

I got a version of this too, something along the lines of … I never loved him .. I always loved you … he was very persistent and pursued me which felt good and he was relentless and wouldn’t take no for an answer … but I never liked him and he isn’t a good person like you and he is a narcissist and so forth.

But the truth is that she fell DEEPLY in love with him, with the fantasy that he represented, and in the end, he did not leave his wife for her, and she is STILL deeply in love with him and still pines for an easier life.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Buddy

Buddy, that’s amusing … “he wouldn’t take no for an answer.” My cheater said something similar: “She was all over me like a train wreck.” The poor timid little forest creatures.. were they raped by their APs?

sara
sara
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Ha! Mine too. “She’s hurting because her husband is mean to her – she needs me”… “No, DON’T call her husband and let him know we are having an affair because he will be mean to her even more now” W. T. F.

sara
sara
8 years ago
Reply to  sara

& No, I don’t love her. She’s kinda crass in a tanned, dyed blonde kinda way but you know, we don’t really get along anymore… (hmmm bcs you are fucking other people)

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Great attitude LiningUpDucks!

FreedomFromCrazy
FreedomFromCrazy
8 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

I got same response from Fuckwit about Troll Hobbit.
FW: “I don’t like her”, “She’s not attractive”, “She’s not interesting”, etc.

Me: Really? Well then, don’t you feel dumb throwing your family away over a bucktoothed midget you don’t even like. I guess you’re a special kind of stupid!

I don’t think disordered fucks like him truly “like” anyone. It’s all about cake & kibbles. When one supply is gone, they find another source. In my experience, each source gets more & more to the bottom of the desperate skank barrel.

SeeTheLight
SeeTheLight
8 years ago

After discovery, Cheater claimed not to be at all enthralled with his dominatrix-switch “friend” who he ” just happened to meet at the Supermarket.” He said she was old and flabby and she was a down on her luck desperado and they never “really” had sex (uh huh). Later when I found her picture on an escort site, I realized his total B.S. I was just so wanting to believe the naugahyde remorse. When I showed him the picture, he was SHOCKED! He had “no idea” she was a prostitute!!! and as far as her va-va-va-voom figure and young age he claimed they must have been old pictures. Through every discovery, it was always the same B.S. spiel plus or minus a few embellishments.
I weep at my own naivete.

Friend
Friend
8 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Peter Pan moment. Love it! Once again the narcs think that the scale of judgment & balance rests with them. Who cares who they like. They wouldn’t know judgment if I threw the rock of Peter at them… just sayin.

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  Friend

Two things: Cheating husband got a hard on, ergo, he liked and was sexually attracted to her.
Seconcd, cheating wife lubricated, therefore, she liked and was sexually aroused by O M.
The physical responses prove this.

Alicia
Alicia
8 years ago

My ex would do this. He would always talk bad about his exes to make himself look and feel better. But I knew it was bullshit. And he would still go back to them when we’d fight because they we’re so “awful”!!! He never liked that I called him on his crap. He even talked bad about me to his “girlfriend” while we were still married. But when she left him he came back to me crying and telling me all the bad things about her. He’s so crazy 🙁

Friend
Friend
8 years ago
Reply to  Alicia

yep. please tell me you changed the locks. This kind of crazy need boundary therapy.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago

If that isn’t a form of gas lightening then what is….geez. These cheaters and the people they “don’t even like” really are just plain stupid.

These cheaters will never ever know how to tell the truth if their lives depended on it. Pure sickos!!!!!

Josh, I hope you kick that person out of your life and don’t look back and go no contact with that fool.

Friend
Friend
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth,
You are sane. I hereby certify it.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Friend

Thank you kb and Friend. Friend can you send that in writing to me? lol;-).

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

“I don’t even like [name]” is the flip side of “I know it was wrong, but I couldn’t help myself!”

Gaslighting, indeed. “It’s not my fault! I don’t even like him/her/them! I just couldn’t help myself! I’m a timid forest creature! I’m lost, and until I find my way back to you, I have to fuck every other piece of strange until I find my way back home.”

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago

“I don’t even like him” is a feeble attempt to comfort the chump. To de-fuse the chump who is about to explode. And it can be true too: the cheater is having an affair because the cheater is bored and likes nobody.
The cheater wants some action: be driven away on weekends, move out and move in somewhere else with someone else, use whatever and whomever is available as long as there is some attraction.
Basically, the cheater is unhappy, a spoilt brat who cannot do any introspection. Reacting like an animal to external circumstances, without guidance, without logic. Also without empathy, because the only person that counts in the eyes of the cheaters are themselves. The rest is the set for the movie that is their life.

Wren
Wren
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I agree there is some truth to the statement that “I don’t even like him.” Cheating is a doomed attempt to fill up an empty, unhappy self that is void of dignity and self-respect. Unless they are completely delusional, I do think some (many?) cheaters have fleeting moments when they are perfectly aware of the evil they are committing and that their enjoyment of the deception, the secrecy, the mind-fuckery and all the rest is a sign that something is really wrong with them. I suspect there is a certain amount of self-loathing mixed in with the narcissism, which makes a really toxic brew. As much as they enjoy the thrill of the illicit relationship, they also loathe the AP as they loathe themselves. They aren’t conscious of this of course, but it is still there. The AP is part of the sick behavior, so it makes perfect sense to me that the cheater “doesn’t like” him or her. Anyone who is willing to get in bed with someone else’s spouse shows lack of character, lack of integrity, lack of self-respect, and lack of quality. I think even cheaters know this.

lorelei
lorelei
8 years ago
Reply to  Wren

I agree with everyone above that it is probably true on a deeper level that the cheater “didn’t even like” the OW/OM. Also agree that by definition, they don’t “like” themselves, deep down past the sparkle level. The third leg of this is that the cheater also “didn’t even like” US. That was the hardest for my prideful chumpy heroic-rescuer girl-scout earnest etc etc self to absorb and accept. He really hated on me in every way that matters. And he knew exactly what he was doing. And he chose to be like that every single day, for years of me diplomatically trying to “help him understand” how he might be more aware of how hurtful XYZ really was to me. And he would just — pretend to be a poor befuddled adult-kid raised by wolves who reaaaalllllly wanted to do better. Has one of the highest IQs in America. Seriously. But he never changed anything at all, except to become more brutal and less sparkly, until the whole naked beast was finally revealed. Decades of his knowing deception. From my best friend, lover, spouse. Who actually hated me. Yes I am so special.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  lorelei

Lorelei

We have a perfect match minus the IQ. X was never too bright, wasn’t motivated by anything but cheating. Guess I saw potential that was never there. Nothing worse than being hated by a dumb serial cheating asshole narcissist. That is other than being the drug addict sleazy whore who settled for the limp dick and has to change the sheets after he wets the bed, and has to drive him to his dr appointments. The timing was finally in my favor. Thinking I got the better deal after all.

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Looking at it that way, the Downgrade has a lot to look forward to, LOL.

It’s a longie, but I have been reading about the gift in the curse. At the end of our long, faithful marriages, once we find our feet, we have actual life skills.

Our cheaters will have syphilis, most likely.

The timing IS in our favor.

x-Meh.

lorelei
lorelei
8 years ago
Reply to  Mehphista

Hahahah Meh! Let’s seeeee sez NPh: which door shall I choose, SKILLS or SYPHILIS?! Dingdingdingding aaaand congratulations it is SYPHILIS for Mr NPh!!!

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  Wren

I think you nailed it Wren!

stuntchump
stuntchump
8 years ago
Reply to  Wren

The thing to remember is that Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection which in turn could not love him back..

It is unrequited self-love.

The problem for chumps is not to let our overweaning empathy try to sheilf them from this pain…they are too busy self-spackling to appreciate our care.

My ex never did this gambit. He is one who “fell in love” because there is just something “ineffable” about OW.

At that point I was still trying to be civil so I didn’t say, “Really? I thought the whole point was that she was eff-able.”

At MC he said “I just feel like I have to see this through.” Meaning his affair…not his marriage and parenthood.

And I did say, “Well, I know this isn’t the last time I will say this, but this is the only bed you made in the 20 years we were together…go lie in it.”

WelcomeToChumpsville
WelcomeToChumpsville
8 years ago
Reply to  stuntchump

“Really? I thought the whole point was that she was eff-able.” – ha brilliant!

So sorry you lost that joke opportunity.

Psyche
Psyche
8 years ago
Reply to  stuntchump

Hahahaha, StuntChump! Love that line (effable, indeed).

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  Wren

Yup, that’s it Wren. There is self loathing.

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

If my XWs loathe themselves, that makes three of us.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  Wren

Well said, Wren. I too feel there are moments – fleeting for sure – where the cheaters see how rotten they are.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Wren

GREAT analysis.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

ChumpFromF

When they give the excuse of being bored it usually translates into we are not meeting their needs. Blame shifting pure and simple. The attraction they seek out has little to do with looks. This has been my experience right up to the final DDay with miss piggy. It’s all about the needs of the disordered who cannot love or be happy with anyone.

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Blameshifting “We are not meeting their needs”: in most cases, I don’t think so, Donna. They don’t think in terms of “meeting needs” and do not know what their needs are. Knowing one’s needs requires introspection, something they never do. It’s much simpler than that IMO: “I am bored, therefore I look for excitement”. And if the other available person is not so good in the looks department, it takes only imagination to find the person attractive.

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I think my ex learned a more sophisticated form of gas-lighting from couple’s therapy and the bit of one infidelity book I made him read, after Affair #1. At first it was just ‘I want to fuck her’ and ‘but I’m not happy, you’re not as nice to me as you used to be (after 7 years of increasing negativity, control and general unpleasantness from him)!’, but he learned about ‘you’re not meeting my neeeeeeeeeeds!’ from the RIC.

Funny how nobody ever asked whether he was making any effort at all to meet my needs, or what pathology made him feels his needs weren’t being met when I, and later the kids too, was bending over backwards and working my ass off to try to help him be happy.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

After D-day, when I sadly said I had never feel cherished by X, he responded, “I’m sorry my being resentful because…[you suck]… led me not to cherish you.” Master Blameshifter, that one.

Kay
Kay
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Ha! Tempest!! That made me laugh. That sounds like mine. A lot of fun. ?

FMT
FMT
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I’d be hard-pressed to find a phrase I hate more than “I’m bored.” Like it’s somebody else’s job to keep you entertained. Since my kids were little, I’ve always told them that boredom is a sign of a lazy mind. Hey, cheaters! Boring people get bored!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

And, on what freakin’ planet do these cheating f-ers think that THEY are somehow Spouse Of The Decade, or that they ever met any of OUR needs?? What all these cheating douchebags forget is that they ARE NOT as wonderful as they think they are, and we have all the spackled-away proof.

They were always too busy scheming against their spouse, their children, their families, and futures to be concered with how any of us boring ‘ol LOYAL spouses could have possibly felt, or what emotional or physical “needs” we may have ever had, or that we were basically alone and unloved for a majority of the time we wasted on them. Pshhhhhtt!! “Who cares?? I’m a cheater, and my needs are the only ones that matter! Waaahh!! I’m so tortured and a victim of my loyal spouse and family!”

With these cheaters, if their mouths were moving, or even when they weren’t, we just have to trust that they suck!! Always have, and always will where our lives are concerned.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

KFMM: “And, on what freakin’ planet do these cheating f-ers think that THEY are somehow Spouse Of The Decade, or that they ever met any of OUR needs??”

You tell it, girl!! Thinking back, did I ever get many acts of affection that weren’t a play for sex? no. Any cards expressing his undying love? No (though he certainly received plenty of those from me, of which I was reminded when I packed up a few of those from me to him when he moved to his sad little apartment). Compliments out of the blue? Few and far between. Random gifts or flowers, just to show he cared? Hahaha.

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

This is why the ift repeated, underanalyzed mantra that the BS is 50% responsible for pre-affair problems is total bullshit.
Look, a BS is deali g with a wife or husband who, by definition, ,zcks i tdgfity, empathy, a sense of fair play, problem solving ability, and communication skill, just to mention a few deficiencies.
Does anyone espousing this 50/50 bullshit ever stop to think about the possibility that someone who cheats and, therefore demonstrates the aforementioned lack of those qualities, just might have been the primary source of all the problems in the marriage?
People love catchy little phrases like the 50% deal and do no real analysis. It just sounds kind of neat and catchy. So, they just blurt it out enough so other idiots accept it blindly. Makes me sick.

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  Arnold

Oft repeated. …integrity. sorry.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yep, Tempest & all others above – we were living the same LAME ASS lives, just with different douchebags thinking these juvenile groping attepts of “affection” were what women of value and mightiness “need” or even “want.” It should have been a massive signal to us, but we just kept going to Lowes & Home Depot for the 5 gallon tubs of spackle.

*Sigh*

Friend
Friend
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest,
I think the 31 million men on AM should just give your Ex a ring… Cause men have A hole too. If I had more free time… I would give him my anal sex talk… you know, the one I was saving for my kids about how to make it hurt less (learned it from a midwife).
(no bitterness today guys… btw…I love CN)

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

EXACTLY. My STBX acts like he was the model spouse.. and I was just mean and cold. But maybe I wasn’t into sex or was so tired all the time because I was doing virtually ALL THE WORK and he wasn’t doing SHIT. Sure wasn’t putting any emotional effort into me. He bought me gifts and in his view, that was “showing love”. He grabbed my ass so that was “showing love”… but he never invested in me as a person.

Yet all the marital issues are my fault. And my anxiety and uneasiness is all to do with my crappy personality and has nothing to do with the spidey sense that something was amiss and I was never sure when the next shoe would drop.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

The assgrabbing and breastpinching! Plus the goddamn tickle-pinching. He actually trotted these out as ways I wasn’t meeting his needs. As in, “you get all jumpy when I try to show affection.”
Yeah, you fuckhead, because you pinched me!
Hated that shit, do not miss that AT ALL.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

Daphne-
Same here. The butt smack/pinch, the boob groping in front of the kids… And yes after the cheating, sex became meaningless. I often cried during and/or afterward because at that point I realized it meant nothing to him anymore. I’m certain he noticed me crying on occassion, but never said/did anything about it. Why? Because he could give a shit how I felt. It was all about him and him getting off.

Daphne
Daphne
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

OMG. Yup mine too. He would always smack my ass all the time. I never realized how objectifying it was. It’s like the only way these cheaters can “connect” to someone is through something sexual. The most difficult concept for me to grasp when it comes to cheating is that to me sex is something I can only do with someone I’m comfortable with and I really thought our sex life was special. An intimate thing that happened between two people who loved and cared for each other. After being cheated on it felt like I was just a body to him. I could have been anyone. I really felt like I was just a sex object for our whole relationship. UGH these people are absolute creeps.

Psyche
Psyche
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

Holy crap, another item to add to the Cheater Handbook. How is it that they all literally do the same thing?! Yes to the random groping/pinching, no matter how much I objected (I’m now thinking *because* I objected). And also ditto on never actually doing the kind of touching that I actually found pleasurable – despite me telling him what that was. I think you’re right: it was all about control. Deliberately touching us in ways we found creepy, and not touching us in ways we wanted.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

Not to mention the crotch grab. UGH

taniarochelle
taniarochelle
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

I got the ‘you’re no fun’ when he’d pretend he was going to drive the car into a ditch or over a guard rail and I didn’t laugh. I’d get the ‘you’re not affectionate’ whenever I didn’t nurse him or change his diaper or scratch his back.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

“You always recoil whenever I touch you!” They really are IDIOTS….

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

OHMIGOSH, newchumpatl – I totally forgot about that!! I forgot that over the years, I was just supposed to know how much he loved me because he’d pinch my butt while I was:
– Washing clothes
– Washing dishes
– Cleaning bathrooms
– Picking up kids’ rooms
– Paying bills
– Juggling money to fund his failed business
– Doing half of the yard work
– ALL while he was cheating on me & my children

Yeah – I felt SOOoooOOO loved. Nothing like a pinch on my butt to suffice all of my emotional and physical needs.

What a jerk I was to not notice or feel how loved I was with my butt being pinched all the time. Dang!

Yeah – right. So glad we’re rid of that crap. (((hugs, girl.)))

chumpita
chumpita
8 years ago

OMG. They are all the same: I got “she´s not even my type” and the butt pinching! I HATED the butt pinching. I told him for many years to change to something I liked, for example, a kiss on the neck. But no, he had to do the butt pinching and would get mad at me when I recoiled. He even threatened me: “when I stop pinching your butt you should start worrying.” And so it was…

donna
donna
8 years ago

It was ALWAYS about his needs. However they justify it in their disordered illogical fucked up brain typically involves blame shifting.

I got the sexless circular assrub from limp dick who made me pay for my Easter dinner while visiting my son at college a month before DDay. He wondered why I wasn’t interested. Golly gee, treat your whore months later for a vacation. I wasn’t worth a fucking 25.00 meal. Yup, that door will never open again.

Sausalito
Sausalito
8 years ago

I was surprised to read this, I thought my cheater was the only one who did this! The gratuitous butt and boob groping or humping my backside, always when I was doing something else, so I couldn’t defend myself. I came to see it as a dominance thing, definitely not sensual, just creepy. Like when I was washing dishes, he would grab my boobs and say “careful, don’t drop that dish, you might break it!” So hilarious, and in front of the kids too. Ugh. I asked him repeatedly to stop, and got the same thing: “you’re no fun!” “I’m a touchy person and you’re so cold!” And that’s one reason he had to cheat: I’m so cold, and dislike physical affection!!

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago

LOL. Mine didn’t pinch, he slapped me on the butt like a horse. No matter how many times I asked him to stop, he wouldn’t. He’d just laugh when I got mad and say I wasn’t any fun.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago

Aah, the gratuitous pinching and grabbing. After Asshat moved out and I was doing the Chumpty Dance in double time, he would come for dinner, sidle over and then smack me on the butt in a CLEARLY winning way. I told him it bothered me that he said he wanted to make time to date yet the best he could do was smack me on the ass! Gah!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

I also got the boob pinches. It was supposed to send me into a sexual frenzy regardless of what other menial task I had on my mind at the time.

I appreciated the affection but what I really needed was help. The irony is, of course, I am still doing all the work.. all the work that counts and he’s out living the life chasing girls on match.com and I suppose trying to woo the first whore.. although I think she may have dumped him. Pathetic. What I really wanted was intimacy.. which of course, is not the same as sex.

Anita
Anita
8 years ago

Kibble free, my ex’s version of the butt pinch war the Breast Grab. Apparently grabbing me like that anytime he wanted was supposed to be a turn on. One gigantic red flag was that he would say “I’mgonna rape you”. Since the gold standard for all human behavior now is Fuckable you are to all other humans, this was supposed to be a good thing, I guess. Like u was so sexy, it just couldn’t be helped. Ughhhh, I’m so dusgusted thinking back on that.

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
8 years ago

Oh, and meanwhile, in-spite of my butt being pinched to death, I was BEGGING for physical attention, affection, intimacy and his T I M E. You know, the one thing we can never get back.

What a dumbass.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

You said: “I don’t even like him” is a feeble attempt to comfort the chump.

Exactly When you’re trying to secure cake, this tactic goes over a lot better than “The sex was aMAzing! She is wayyy better than you in bed!”

Friend
Friend
8 years ago
Reply to  LiningUpDucks

Lol. I think you are on to something here.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago

It did occur to me at several points throughout my marriage, and most certainly after the shock of D-day had died down, that I did NOT actually like my cheater a lot of the time. Hasta la vista, baby.

Susan
Susan
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I too can’t look at my soon to be x. The rose color glasses are off, and I see things sooo differently now.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yes, Tempest. I can certainly relate to this. I used to like him but the older he got, the harder it was to like him because he got meaner and meaner. My kids have mentioned this too- he was a great dad when they were little but they can barely tolerate him now. Sadly, I believe his children and I loved my STBX more than anyone else in his life ever, even his mother. It still wasn’t enough. I feel his decay is tragic and continue to pray for a miracle for him. But I pray for him from afar.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Nicole: And what drives me crazy is the lose-lose situation they put us in. X was getting nastier to me, to the kids, to the dog. I stop responding to him physically and think “Why am I even doing this, I don’t like him.” He then justifies my lack of enthusiasm to bang a graduate student 34 years younger than him. You can’t win with these MFers; just have to escape.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Yes it is a lose, lose situation in my case too. My whole life was built around my husband, my kids and my husband’s family because my family lives 600 miles away. I miss my old life but I don’t miss the verbal and emotional abuse at all. My in-laws have completely shunned me even though I have done nothing to them. There is no winning here. I can’t move back to my family because my stbx said he would not make it easy on the kids if I moved them away. Thank goodness for my kids (very loyal to me), my friends, my church and a wonderful job. They are my new family and community now, but it is not the same but some day I have faith it will be better than what I had before with the nutjob and his nutty family.

Chumptitude
Chumptitude
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Nicole S, Tempest and Beth – WOW, I could have written so many of the same points you shared in this thread, it is scary how similar these characters are.

It is a LOSE-LOSE situation, and written documentation of his actions is the only way to save my sanity.

Thanks to your generosity in sharing your stories and resources, I am convinced that divorcing him (with my head held high) is the best possible long-term outcome for my kid and me.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

Nicole, I can really relate to your comments. I was the same with the ex the older he got he just got so damn hateful and mean. I couldn’t say anything to him for many years without having to deal with one of his rage tantrums. It was very frightening most of the time. I never knew what was going to upset him. I was always walking on eggshells. He was always on the edge of something and I always had to (well in a sense) to calm him down not to jump over this invisible cliff. There were times he would come home and I would pretend to be taking a nap or sneak outside pretending I was doing something in the yard anything not to deal with his hourly mood swings.

Even the dog turned on him and would just start barking at him for no reason. The dog use to love that guy.

Over the years when I would be with him I could see this darkness in him well taking him over. When we started dating he was a very nice and charming person even before D-day I could see him changing and not for the good. Every week (before and after D-day) he would get into an arguments with me for no reason. Then he would just leave the house yelling and screaming in the street. It is hard to explain but it was like the devil himself was taking the ex over.

I have see pictures of him (after many years of not seeing him and many years since the divorce) and his eyes are missing life I guess. I have shown friends of mine that never knew the ex and told them that was the ex and they just look at me and ask me what did I see in him and they also make a comment saying they can tell he isn’t a nice person. Very sad.

I never could in my life understand what happen with our marriage and to him but in the last year or so and I fully know now he has a Cluster B Personality Disorder. Still no excuse what all of the pain he has caused but I know it wasn’t my fault and the best thing I did was to leave and go no contact with him and everyone around him.

I am still healing but I am much better than I was a couple of years ago.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Oh, Beth, so much of this exactly as you wrote it. In the past two years I barely sat down after coming home, dishes, laundry, shower to scrub, anything to keep out of his way and not say something to make him angry.

” I couldn’t say anything to him for many years without having to deal with one of his rage tantrums. It was very frightening most of the time. I never knew what was going to upset him. I was always walking on eggshells. He was always on the edge of something and I always had to (well in a sense) to calm him down not to jump over this invisible cliff. There were times he would come home and I would pretend to be taking a nap or sneak outside pretending I was doing something in the yard anything not to deal with his hourly mood swings.”

Thank goodness it will soon be over!

Kate50
Kate50
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

My soon X just ignored me for the most part, he was on his cell phone all the time, glued to the thing. He was critical to me though always letting me know the way I should have done things, or I bought to much, or not enough, or the wrong things (referring to groceries as an example). I just couldn’t win with him.

Mehphista
Mehphista
8 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Yep, that was me.

(Breathes out)

Tuesday….

Over and Out
Over and Out
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, my ex had a dark side, too – horrible rages. Your comment about your dog reminded me of something. I adopted a shelter dog that became very protective of me… Followed me everywhere. Whenever my then husband would sit next to me on the couch or hug me, the dog would get in between us and try to push H away. He never growled or was aggressive about it, and he was friendly to H in general, but dog clearly did not want him close to me. (Dog didn’t mind if the kids were near me in any way.) Dog also slept every night on the floor on my side of the bed. After H moved out the dog no longer wanted to stay around me and would constantly run off. Perhaps the dog knew I was no longer in any danger. It was so strange…

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Over and Out

Sad when our pets notice their disorder before we do.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I wonder if MightyCat is totally thinking, “I TOLD you so!” The first night Asshat stayed at my house, she leapt up onto the bed, pinned his foot down and chomped down hard on his Achilles tendon. God, I love my cat 😀

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Oh my dear dog (she passed away a few years ago) knew the ex was up to something. She was the most easy going dog out there. I can recall when it started and I thought she just saw something wrong outside but no it was toward the ex. She turned on him fast. I didn’t understand it at first but when the ex and I split up I thought about it and that great light bulb moment. She also would sleep with me and I brought her every where after the ex and I split up. I thought he loved that girl but he never asked about her. Very sad.

I have a cat now and remarried and the cat loves loves loves I mean loves my hubby and he loves her also. They are always together. It is sweet to see that. When my hubby and I are around any animal they always come running to him and just love being around him. Now that is a good sign of a good person if you ask me. Also my hubby is always asking me how is “our baby” doing (meaning the cat). Another good sign of a great person.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

The guinea pig he bought me wouldn’t purr for him, only me. It used to bug him but then guinea pig actually got devalued too. He wouldn’t hold him because he didn’t want fur on his shirt.

Animals usually know.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Hardy-har Beth! I busted out laughing when you said even the dog turned on him he was such a piece of excrement! Too funny.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth- Yes indeed I understand everything you experienced. When we married my stbx was so fun and full of life but I would see glimpses into a dark side of him. He allowed the darkness to gradually take him over. I noticed myself avoiding him whenever possible, hoping that good guy would return. He blamed his darkness on me but now that we’ve been separated and pretty much no contact for over a year, he is worse than ever. I now fully understand his behavior has nothing to do with me. Understanding Cluster B has really helped me and I believe there is a spiritual component to his slide into darkness as well. I too am healing and have come a long way in a year but still have a ways to go. You are further along on this journey and I enjoy reading your experiences.

Nicole S
Nicole S
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole S

*I enjoy reading the wisdom behind your experiences.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Just saw Hanibal with his new younger wife, yesterday picking up my son. He looked like a crated house dog. Drunk on wine to keep him from realizing where he is.

Wow. Payback is a bitch.

I actually felt sorry for the mother fucker.

I looked at her and him then to the heavens and thanked God for my freedom from the disordered.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

CalamityJane

A
Crated
House
Dog
Drunk
On Wine

Great imagery of a true idiot. Picking up his child in that condition is so inappropriate or is she his new designated driver?

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Donna –

My son is an adult. We shared a ride to his father’s house, where he was invited for dinner, because it was on the way to property I own and wanted to check on. I dropped him off then picked him up on my way home.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

Sorry CJ I didn’t realize your son was an adult. I was so used to driving the X because he would have 5 drinks to my one glass of wine. X has a new chauffeur. Their sparkly days are numbered once the newness fades.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

Calamity Jane, ain’t it great? I’m not sure I can even summon up a little pity for my turd! He deserves everything he gets and more! I would only want to remind him how he put me through the grinder to have his new sparkly life!! What an asshole he is!

Arnold
Arnold
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

I thanked the OM. Seriously, my XW was a total asshole, mezner than a rattlesnake. No empathy. Just a mean, selfish woma who looked good and who kept her mask on until enmeshment.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Oh Tempest, I know for a fact I hated the ex and still do to this day. I have no doubt in my mind how I feel about him and his followers. Just the idea of his name makes my skin crawl. The stuff I have learned about him I know why I had so many red flags about him when I meet him many years ago. I haven’t even come near to the many things I have found out about him. It is too mental to even write about and it is to hard for me also.

I can recall when he would kiss me good bye for the day (after D-day) I couldn’t kiss him. I couldn’t touch him. Well let’s say I know I hated him. Just looking at him made me sick to my stomach. The things he did and the stuff I found out over the years is very alarming. Sadly he has gotten away some really nasty stuff.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Identical experience Beth. On one hand, I still have hope that the karma bus will hit him and he hasn’t got away with his despicable behavior, but I also know that would hurt my young son so I’m letting God (the universe) work it all out.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Thank you movin_on. Thankfully I don’t have kids with the ex. It almost happened a few times but I miscarried. For some reason I don’t think God (the universe) doesn’t really care how much damage and pain the ex cause and these other cheaters and the AP and their followers. It’s been years since our split and he got everything he wanted. I just don’t see karma bus will ever hit him and his life. He basically got away with everything. GRRRRR!!!!!! Just pisses me off.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, I’m sorry for the pain I imagine your miscarriages caused. That is devastating.

Mine is also living the life now – new girl, new house, new sports car, etc. But that was who he was when *we* began dating and I’ve seen behind the curtain (he’s overextended financially and cheating on the girl, etc.).

I’m glad you’ve created a great new life for yourself! That’s the best revenge!

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Thank you movin_on. Yes, the miscarriages were very painful. The last d-day wasn’t long after the miscarriage and in fact just got the ok to start trying again from the my doctor and that is what I thought we were trying to do and then the last d-day. When the last miscarriage happen he wasn’t supportive at all. I don’t want to go in details but of course it was my fault and I wasn’t expected to take the time I needed to recover physically and mentally. I can recall a few weeks later he blamed me for not wanting his baby. Mental bat shit crazy asshole!!!!!

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

I must say this I am very happy and lucky in a way also that I didn’t have kids with the ex. Yes, the miscarriages were very hard and painful but if I had kids with the ex I know he would do everything in his power legal and illegal to get the kids and take them away from me and I would never see them again. How I know because that is how his family was also. Also how he fought over a sofa and other things in the divorce I just know how he would be over the custody of kids. The mental thing also that he really didn’t care out things like the sofa when we were together and was not even interested in looking or picking out furniture when we were together. Most of the time I had to beg for him to go shopping with me to pick things out. He got so pissed off with the things I took from the house when I did. Just think how bad it would be with kids.

Now the ow now wife has that issue because they have 2 very young kids now. It will be an evil and frightening fight for those kids if that day ever comes.

Not my circus, not my monkeys!

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, I have a theory. It may be hare-brained, but I have seen it happen too many times to chalked it up to chance. When someone deeply and deliberately hurt a family member, friend or myself, and we were waiting for the karma bus to pull up on the jackass who did the damage, the longer it took for the bus to arrive, the greater the impact when it finally did. Sometimes it took several years, but then, POW! I know your sick sub-human ex was a heinous abomination. I’m sending you lots of hugs – I truly know how incredibly frustrating this is.

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Oh, thank you so much Boudica Reborn!!!! Yes, it is extremely frustrating to see how him and her (ow) in pictures and their perfect life. I cannot explain to you how sick in my stomach it makes me. All the pain both of them have caused is well you know. It’s good to read that I’m not the only one that feels these things also. Thank you again for the support. Your comments have helped me. Hugs right back to you my dear friend! Much love to you also.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Boudica Reborn

Believe me, they aren’t getting away with anything! They have to live in that “shell” of a body with a brain that functions on one current…… Find a piece of ass! It’s just one empty scenario after another for these types of human excrement! Look at it this way, we were spared! The universe in its infinite mercy knew we deserved better! As for myself, I’m going to grab what is left of my life and live it to the fullest! My cheater is all but done and he is very sick and old! Now he is probably realizing that his fantasy whore is just that! He probably lives with worry everyday that she’ll leave him because he’s NOT going to get better! I love karma!

Beth
Beth
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Thank you, Roberta! I have a wonderful life now. It took me many years but I am living a great life. I still would love some karma on his ass and soul mate. I know that they are bat shit crazy. Trust me in writing that. I lived and was married to that asshole for many years and I saw many things that the sick bastard did to me and to others. He is very sneaky and twisted asshole. I count my blessings that I got out and very thankful I didn’t have kids with him. Still would love to see that day or days when the karma freight train hit them both and his lovely followers.

Keep on Thriving
Keep on Thriving
8 years ago

It never made sense to me at all.
“She meant nothing to me.”
Er… So you risked everything for nothing? Noted. But not falling for it.

Susan
Susan
8 years ago

Yup I got that too, she meant nothing to me, “well she meant a lot to me!”

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  Susan

I told him that if ‘they didn’t mean anything to him’, that told ME that I didn’t mean anything to him either.

He didn’t get it.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Mine didn’t get it either and probably never will.
I’ve accepted that.

Chump Change
Chump Change
8 years ago
Reply to  Susan

I got “I really like you both”. Gee, he was having such a hard time choosing between us…

After I discovered their affair had been going on over a year, not 3 weeks, and she had moved from Texas to California, he tried the pity play: “Look at me” he said a 66 year old man writhing and with a contorted face “this is so stressful, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I’ve lost 10 pounds!” Then weakly “We can save it, right?”

Nope. 38 years of memories, a family, a beautiful ranch…. I filed for divorce.

Hope he “likes” his new life and living off his widowed girlfriend. Hope she figues him out sooner than I did… Hope the Karma bus runs them both over, Hope I can move on in a healthy way, HOPE…

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  Chump Change

Ding!
Good job!
You will move on Chump Change and it will be in a healthy way.
We’ve got your back.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  Susan

Lol Susan, That’s EXACTLY what I said!

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago

@Keep on—-I got the same from the XBF (who had been living in my home/driving my vehicles/my doing ALL the heavy lifting with him contributing NOTHING). ‘They meant nothing to me’ and my reaction to that was exactly the same as what you wrote. After him saying that, I could no longer look him in the face. That was the last time he was ever fortunate enough to be in my presence.

To make this an even more of an outer body/alternate universe experience, mid ‘affairs’ I had spoken with the two primary OW players in XBF’s Twilight Zone saga. They both told me that they didn’t even like him, the sex was lousy, he embarrassed them in public, his penchant for wearing fashionable clothes annoyed them, they had nothing in common and other negatives.

YET, they did EVERYTHING they could to encourage him to continue spending time with them.

Go figure. To hear them tell it, no one liked anyone.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Hesstthecurb

The previous time he cheated he lied and told the other woman we were in the process of getting a divorce. At that time he was also calling two other women who wanted nothing to do with him. As dumb as it sounds I called the “chosen” one and told her the truth. When I confronted her about having sex with him she said, “You call that sex”. I should have divorced the asshole then but instead I did the pick me dance. Who the hell was that person? I’ve come a long way with the help of CL and CN. It’s been a life saver.

Anita
Anita
8 years ago

The thing is they aren’t usually risking anything, and they know it. Most people unfortunately try reconciliation, especially if they have children, and this sets in motion a cycle of cake eating that exceeds the cheater’s wildest expectations. Every time something they do gets excused or minimized, the shit sandwich buffet becomes even more appealing to them, cause they got the whore and the spouse, and most tantalizing of all, they all know it. Ughhhh.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Anita

I think you are right, Anita, and I always felt my Cheater was quite certain he would never be caught. He was also stupid not to realize as the payer on our phone account that I could log in and see the numbers he was calling which is how he got caught. So there was, at least in his mind, no risk ever. He counted on me being a chumpy chump forever.

KarenE
KarenE
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

My cheater had the ‘no consequences’ triple play going;

– I am so magnificent that I don’t even have to think about any possible consequences to any of my choices or behaviours.
– I will never get caught.
– if I do get caught, I can do like the first time; enjoy the affair for a while, then Karen will take me back and I can bask in how hard she works to try to make me happier.

Didn’t work out so well for him. But it did work out well for the kids and I! We’re much happier without him around.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

KarenE–yes, our Xs were similar in all 3 respects. When I asked him what he thought would happen after his affair, he admitted (a) he didn’t think he would be caught, (b) IF he was caught, I would only be mad for a week or two.

Cheaters always overplay their hand.

Keep on Thriving
Keep on Thriving
8 years ago
Reply to  Anita

Just seems to reinforce that there are no consequences for them, giving them the freedom to do whatever they want without caring who they destroy in the process. Sad that this will be the future for the next generation, the children.

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago

I would almost envy any attempt at excuses lol. All I’ve ever gotten was “this was all your fault, it’s because of YOUR unhappiness “.

X-hole has never really communicated about anything at all, certainly not any AP’s, he’s too busy denying he has ever cheated.

Cheaters do the unthinkable, to their partners and even their own children and act as though they’ve done no wrong, yet every mistake or disappointment you have inadvertently committed is a direct and horrible violation to their needs or happiness or whatever they can come up with.

Assholes….the lot of them! Buh-bye is right

ChumpFromF
ChumpFromF
8 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Ah, I got the “because of YOUR unhappiness” too. I did not know that I was unhappy. Actually, a week before D-Day, I was telling myself that at last, my life had reached the state of bliss that I had been aiming at, during all these years…. Talk about a let down… 🙁
Maybe he was referring to that time when I came back from hours of gardening, with a frown on my face, because he had been lying in front of the TV set all day, probably thinking about OW, completely detached from his obligations. Or that other time when I dared to say “why didn’t you write to them ?” when he complained again that his first name was spelled incorrectly on the electricity bill. I was genuinely tired of the fact that he let me do all the work without scruple. Yet, I was doing what needed to be done, and after that, I was happy again. His exact words after the betrayal were “I felt there was no way I could make you happy”. Please.

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

I got the SAME line ChumpfromF…. “whatever it takes to make you happy…I don’t have it!!”

Truthfully…he was the unhappy one….never EVER satisfied. He never tried because he truthfully just didn’t give a shit, no matter how much I wanted him to. Always, always everything was about him and it was simply f*cking EXHAUSTING!!!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Yes, I got the “we’ll both be better off”.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpFromF

Another version of “We’ll both be better off.”

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

In the end, only one of us is better off–the chump, because we can go on to live an honest life feeling self-fulfilled, while they can never escape their debauched selves.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Tempest this is the truth. We are so much better off. Today I went to the gyno for my annual check up and I had memories of getting STD testing last year as X was tested for HIV one month after I threw him out. I filed shortly thereafter.

What a difference a year made. To have an honest self-fulfilled life appeared to be unattainable twelve months ago during my paralysis months. It did arrive and I attribute it to chumps like you who were my guiding light.

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Woo hoo, my STD test will be this year. D-day was 9/11/14, annual gyn exam 11 days later, and X swore up and down for quite a while that he had only had one eensy, weensy, affair–sex only 6 times and always used a condom–so I didn’t get tested.

Almost a year later and information continues to pour in–serial cheater, at least a dozen women, probably used condoms but who knows? So I’m getting tested this year. Ugh.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

This is how I came to terms with just how sick he was. X went to numerous Dr visits. He never told me I found out when I got my mail and opened the statement thinking it was mine. When I saw HIV testing with four follow up visits I freaked. The fucker never told me he was getting treated for a STD. I had to find out by accident. Luckily it was not HIV and was treatable. I did confront him when I left the Dr ladt year and he laughed. And I was trying to stop my fantacies of him suffering. This triggered me again. Maybe he will masturbate himself to death. They will find him holding on to his limp dick.
Let’s hope for negative results.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I am waiting for the school year to start to go back for my first round of follow-up tests. As if I needed another reminder of his asshat-iness. I wonder if ‘sometimes’ is more or less than six times? When I blurted out that he just got pissy over things he had invented to justify going to have sex with Florence, he replied, “Sometimes.” Sometimes I dream of freak accidents, too ;O

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Thank you!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Or their rank smells :-O

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Ha!

I didn’t want to go on because I didn’t want to gross anyone out.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Mine never admitted it either, and it was also all my fault. All of the marital issues are my fault. He was just a sad poor sausage that wasn’t loved enough, and never got the right Christmas presents.

NCStevie
NCStevie
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Cheaterspeak….same shit comes out of every one of their mouths. Always the victim. Incapable of ANY self-refelection. ZERO remorse for the soul crushing devastation they inflict. Prejecting, lying, cheating, blame-shifting sparkly disordered assholes!

It baffles me that they actually believe their own lies. Mine has a huge reality deficit. He actually re-writes events that I was present for…and I KNOW what happened and he will absolutely deny or change facts and try to tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. Really? Wtf?

Can’t STAND to even look at X-hole now, didn’t think I’d EVER get there and I’m ever so grateful for this small gift. He is handsome and built like a greek God and I never had eyes for anyone else. I still have no interest in any one else but I no longer have ANY desire for him.

His troll is just as crazy and disordered as he is. Their schmoopie talk and behavior made that apparent, it was disturbing. They deserve each other for sure. Nothing good will ever come of that. Good riddance and swift karma!!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  NCStevie

Mine did the same thing Stevie.. revision of our entire history, refusing to admit things he actually SAID a few months before aka “I never said that, you are crazy”. He may have hurt my confidence and my pride, but he cannot touch my brain. My brain still works and I caught him in so many ridiculous lies, even I couldn’t keep up with them.

He creates his own reality to fit whatever it is he wants most. He’s probably always done this.

One of the things I struggle most with is how did I let this go on for 18 years.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Same here. Sad sausage who was never appreciated while being treated like a king.

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Same here. Apparently I said ‘no’ too many times when he came home from the bar at 11:30 on a weeknight smelling like beer and cigarettes (and not bothering to brush his teeth – or put on a different shirt before coming to bed.) The audacity of me to not WANT to have SEX with that! Apparently “Someone…who is a friend….who is a girl” didn’t mind. Of course she didn’t have to deal with the stench over the fuck phone he was sexting with her on.

Arlo
Arlo
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

Ugh that beer smell, I can still smell it when I think about him. Ugh

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  Arlo

UGH!!! The smell of red wine…..bleeech! I cannot even look at a glass of it on tv and not be repulsed.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Donna, he kept asking me if he smelled and I would be quick to reassure him he didn’t. He did after the gym but that was understandable. Pisses me off now that he was asking because of her.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

Yes, clearly, you were being unreasonable. Good heavens! Asshat wouldn’t sleep in the same bed as me bc he was sure i was judging his snoring and smells. Uh, I generally have better things to do, like sleep, dumbass. I begged him for years to come to bed. When he did, he would smack me on the butt and then expect me to be all tingly and immediately read to go. Apparently, Florence must be easy to seduce ;O

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

What is it with the smells? Mine was obsessed that he smelled too.

In my case I’m sure it was for the benefit of OW. He started demanding I hang his landry outside to dry in the middle of winter so he’d smell fresh. When I told him they wouldn’t dry, just freeze ((not to mention he didn’t care if I froze my ass off) he was like, “Duh, they will?” I think he wanted to accuse me of lying and being lazy again.

Meanwhile I’m dealing with his sweaty stinky gym clothes and other things that are TMI, but let me just say that it was insulting what he would leave for me to clean up after him.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Lina
He wanted to smell fresh? That made me laugh. What sick fucks they are.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

We’re all adults…. Used gym clothes are stinky. If it was extra gross I could hold my breath but the used washcloths? Ugh. And now he doesn’t put them in any sort of receptacle for dirty laundry so if I do venture into his House Elf Den, I spot them on the floor. Little Elf and I use different towels, favourite colour for the little guy and just clean and untouched by Asshat ones for me ;O

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  LadyStrange

LOL Lady Strange.. or pick up his socks or do his laundry. Or deal with any number of his other annoying habits.

My STBX would do this too.. get stinking drunk then want to have sex. It was all about him and his timing.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Sad sausage who had dinner every night, kids taken care of, clean house, clean sheets, wife that worked and contributed to house hold, nice family vacations, fantastic suburban home, two healthy children.. etc etc etc.. but it wasn’t ever enough.

juliet
juliet
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

I agree, it’s never enough for them because no-one can ever fill the void in them. They have a bit missing somewhere, that they can’t fill. Could it be they have no souls?

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  juliet

Juliet I think your on to something. They have no souls.

chris
chris
8 years ago

My ex-wife, a 1st grade teacher played this game with me. 18 chump months later; I put it all together! Divorced 4/8/15 and she still plays these games with the our teenagers:/

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  chris

Ugh! chris
I’m just waiting for finalization so I can date my divorce too.
sor worried about what games he will play with the kids.
People tell me they will get it one day, see it and understand.
I sure as hell hope so.

kb
kb
8 years ago
Reply to  chris

That’s so sad, chris. With luck and over time, your kids will start to see through those games. Teens are big into honesty and other ethical issues. You don’t have to spackle for your XW to your teens. Just let them know that you love them and will always play fair with them.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
8 years ago

I suspect this is part of the lie the cheater told herself. “It was okay to cheat because I didn’t really like him. I didn’t really enjoy it.” Because it is only cheating if they like the person and enjoy it? Crazy cheaters.

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago

My cheater said, “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but she is NOT the kind of person I could ever be in a relationship with!” First of all, I told everyone what he said because I no longer owed him any loyalty. Second of all, when I kicked his ass out of our house the very night of D-Day, he instantly pursued a “relationship” with her (because he needed a new Mommy to support him financially). Surprise, surprise two years later word on the street is they broke up because she dumped him. Too bad, so sad. I guess his statement was true… but because SHE didn’t want to be in a relationship with HIM not because she wasn’t his type or wasn’t good enough. Sheesh these narcs are amazing.

FMT
FMT
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

“Don’t tell anyone I said this, but . . . ”

Can the guy communicate in any possible way without triangulating? Ugh! So glad you are rid of him!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

TheMuse

My therapist said these relationshios don’t last. How can they given what we put up with? And also for what they cannot bring to the table. When I reflect on how little I settled for over the years it’s utterly amazing I tollersted his abuse. Not only didn’t he like any if his whores, he never liked me or our children.

It’s only a matter of time when the X suddenly has an awakening and starts singing the tune, “all I want is what I had”. It’s what they do.

Living with a narcissist is a match made in hell. It’s nice she dumped him (smile).

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

donna, thanks for that smile!! it is nice

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago

Mine never claimed he didn’t like her…. but instead used the famed “we are just friends” bit. Claiming he was not attracted to her at all, she was not attracted to him, they were not in a relationship and “never would be”. Also claimed that our problems, had “nothing to do with her at all” despite admitting to our MC that they were “going through similar emotional things” and she “helped him with his issues”. Yeah, helped him dump his family.

Mindfuckery is what it is.

Yeah, I don’t call/text ANYONE daily.. except STBX… and I don’t go over to some “male friend’s” apartment all day then claim I was with someone else. Then claim all we did was “watch TV”.

I don’t come up with covert ways to contact a non consequential “friend” (texting apps that use wifi, google voice numbers, etc) and I sure as hell wouldn’t risk my marriage, my family, and our shared history for some random person I didn’t care that much about.

All bullshit. Liars lie and cheaters cheat. You can’t trust them.

Mehbound
Mehbound
8 years ago

Yes, so right on!!! I heard it was a love-hate with the mow. So, what’s that to mean….loved the sex but hated the person? Yes, also completely got the pity poor sausage, broken , don’t know what to do, I don’t want to be divorced and I only cheated for our 27 yrs of marriage to medicate response when I filed. Two years out from divorce and meh is on the horizon.

Kate50
Kate50
8 years ago

My cheater said there wasn’t enough whiskey in the world to make him want to touch her when I first confronted him, then I found out the affair went on for 4 years behind my back, then he said he “loved me the entire time” and “I was his soul mate and life partner” and “It’s not what you thing even though it looks bad”. Gag

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Kate50

Kate50

We are strong after all. The strength it takes not beat the narcissist out of them takes Mightiness. It’s in there!!

Kate50
Kate50
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

You got that right donna, I remember hoping his plane went down after finding everything out and that’s not who I am at all to wish something like that on any person ever. I think I’m still bitter over my lost years and that I’m scared I might be alone for the rest of my life because I’m 51 today, met the asshole when I was only 25. I LOVED being married and LOVED MY FAMILY! :(((((

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Kate50

Kate51
Happy birthday!!

I too loved my family. I knew deep within me we never had a future. I was aware of his infidelity. We started dating at 16 and were together a total if 41 years.

Today I thought about how I defined myself through a narcissists lens. Since I know he is a pathological liar i refuse to let him rob me of my future.
At first I had so many fears about being alone and going through the grieving process. Each time I conquered a fear I became stronger. There’s nothing he ever did that was spectacular. It gets easier. Believing in yourself is much more rewarding than all the efforts we put into the chesting assholes. Take care of you.

movin_on
movin_on
8 years ago
Reply to  Kate50

Mine used to say his ho-worker was “a man” and that her shoulders were as broad as his (and he’s a big dude). The ho-neighbor was “screwed up.” I think that, at least in my case, he characterized these sluts as utterly undesirable in order to throw me off the scent. In the meantime, he was sad-sausaging to them about what a witch I was. Le sigh.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  movin_on

Me too! movie_on
And he actually thought I would buy it if he said mean things about her.
If she is all these bad thing why would you pay to fly her all over the nation just to fuck her.
That’s a lot of misplaced hate.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
8 years ago

Chumps can cut through this one like butter and guide tours around its circular route… it’s almost worse. “So let.me.get.this.straight- you risked [insert litany of goodness here]… all that, to fuck around with someone YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE?! What’s the MATTER with you?!”

Cheater: I dunno. I must be stupid.

Chump: Yeah, NO SHIT!

^Mean wife, I guess. Cheater will sulk and tell people that his wife calls him stupid.^

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago

Insistonhonesty, this cheater’s attribution (calling himself stupid but telling people that his wife called him stupid) sounds hauntingly familiar.

ItsAJourney
ItsAJourney
8 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

OMG. Yes. I’ve been amazingly calm and collected dealing with the fallout from Dday. Poor sad sausage thinks I should try to be nicer. He lied, cheated, snuck around, blame shifted and engaged in activities that would make Ashley Madison blush. Now he walks around with a poor-me attitude, telling everybody he was wrong and that he still cares for me (damage control… he beats them to the punch), but if I’m ever bluntly truthful, he’s the first one to tell people exactly what I said (and taken out of context). He reminds me of a kindergarten tattletale.

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  ItsAJourney

Sigh. I, too, have barely raised my voice about any of this. And I am usually sort of a yelling sort of person! Which he always like to point out. Only I haven’t yelled about the affair or Florence. A few times he giddily says this is one of the many things he loves about me. Note he didn’t say a reason he loves me, just that he loves this trait. That I don’t get all dramatic (I suspect Florence is continuing to throw tantrums) and hate acting up. He is like a tattling kindergartener who also forgets what lies he tells on which days.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago

Wow, this definitely happened to me. He had trouble cuming and there were “performance problems.” I guess this was all to either make me feel sorry for him, get me to quit asking questions just assuming it was lousy, or both. I immediately said “why the hell would you stay in something that was not any good, that provided no ego boost or sexual glee?” He said, he was hoping it would get better. The sad part is I believed him even though I knew it had to be better than described, it was part of a ploy to make it OK that they still worked together. And I agree with CL that it was a pick me dance ploy.
Thought the same thing as lining up ducks, thinking you would risk our relationship, (decades long) STD’s, your job, & her job for lousy sex you couldn’t even finish? I have come to my own conclusions about what it was since then, but one of the first things he said was that is wasn’t very good in the bedroom. He has still not come exactly clean about how long it was, but about 4-5 months if what he said was true. Supposedly only Friday nights when they both could because she had two boys she didn’t want to know she was a whore. If the sex was truly humiliating, as in what performance problems would be for a man, he never would have never returned. It is part of the whole poor sausage thing. All part of the story that didn’t add up and drove me crazy.
I have said before the worst crime against myself that I ever committed was trying to believe him instead of my gut. I am looking for to what other Chumps have to say about this behavior in their lives.
I will say that I do believe that some affairs are more emotional attachment, the “they understand me” thing, new company, someone to commiserate with, and the excitement of fucking you over. But, it always involves sexual attraction & sex.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
8 years ago
Reply to  Regina

My cheater said that he couldn’t ‘finish’ when he had sex (which supposedly was paid for by one of his friends, because he would never buy sex) with a prostitute before he met me because he felt guilty about using a person this way. He promised to never buy sex again when he proposed to me. Flash forward a decade, I find out that he has bought himself sex numerous times (and ‘finished’ with these prostitutes) while married to me. Moral of the story: People rarely change.

Kate50
Kate50
8 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

You’re right about never changing RockStarW, mine told me he was a changed man, realized how wrong he was about cheating with ho-worker and one prostitute that I know of, yet during wreckonciliation I caught him in three bold face lies to me, one being that if ho-worker ever made contact with him he’d tell me, but he did’nt and the other two lies were about his drug use, told me he stopped and did’nt have any, caught him twice and he denied it when I saw him doing it and smelled it on him. I left for good this time and divorce is in the works, 3 strikes your out, should have been only one btw, but chumpy me. And FYI, my Mother had told me once, if a person has to say they’ve changed, then they haven’t at all, REAL change is when others say it about you because they see it in you and most people don’t even realize that they even have changed when that happens, they are surprised.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Supposedly only Friday nights when they both could because she had two boys she didn’t want to know she was a whore.

Just unbelievable how fucked up these people are. Agree on the emotional attachment.. and I think it’s because these people are at their core, never happy so it’s the shiny ball syndrome.

“The excitement of fucking you over”.. never thought of that before but I suppose that’s true. That’s why they must demonize us so much.. so that we become worthy of the treatment.. and are “getting what we deserve”.

Meg
Meg
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

I agree. Although we can’t comprehend it, they do get off on fucking us over, thinking that makes them smarter/better than us. Big thrill for them. Sometimes you have to laugh & say – so where did that get you, Smarty Pants?

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  Meg

Meg—–it got *my* Smarty Pants moved out of my seven figure home into the homeless shelter…..

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

Hesatthecurb, LMFAO! So in his case, it was more a Karma Shopping Cart that ran him over ;O

Hesatthecurb
Hesatthecurb
8 years ago
Reply to  ChumpyElf

Elf–the ‘hits’ just keep on a comin’ his way, too. Currently he’s on two yrs’ probation for a DWI of blood alcohol of .15 or higher—whooopsee! His vehicle has been fitted with a device that will not let it start if there is alcohol on his breath (he has been an severe alcoholic for more than half his life). He’s had violations of use of the device>>>back to court to potentially have his probation revoked…and other violations which have threatened his probation. Can’t keep his ass out of trouble, has no regard for the law nor ability to foresee consequences.

Ha ha…..how can Rico Sauve find a woman who wants to ride around in a car where he has to blow the tube before it will start?????

Chick magnet? NOT!!!!

ChumpyElf
ChumpyElf
8 years ago
Reply to  Hesatthecurb

I realize alcoholism is no laughing matter, yet I am laughing like a crazy woman ;O

You are so lucky to be rid of him. I live in a town of drinkers and those in recovery. The concept of the breathalyzer device seems foreign to me but I bet plenty of people here wouldn’t bat an eye. Asshat’s not an alcoholic but has no impulse/self control when it comes to many other things. His dad and stepmom were more or less functioning alcoholics and they once told us a story about a fellow physician getting a DUI after leaving a party. They were convinced someone set the guy up bc how else would the police have known to pull him over?!? Oh, I don’t know, the weaving all over erratically, slow reflexes, running over trash cans?

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Yes, I, too was told “I don’t know where you are getting this idea that the sex with her is great or something! – i’ts JUST SEX OK????” (I hadn’t actually asked about their sex or thought that).

And I said, oh, so you destroyed our entire relationship of 16 years and our family for someone you “don’t trust,” “could never be in a relationship with,” and with whom the sex isn’t even good???” and of course that made him even madder and yell even more angrily how fucked up and crazy I was.

Hope49
Hope49
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

TheMuse, oh… I got that too STBXH said after D-day confession to his affair with his office manager. “I never really trusted her.” Yeah…right:

1) So STBXH admitted hiring her because she was attractive and she made his front office ‘look good.’
2) She was a married woman with kids from her first failed marriage-they were being raised by her then current second husband.
3) STBXH comes onto her and they start an affair.
4) STBXH then increases her office manager salary to match mine. (I am an attorney so he was grossly overpaying her! ) Before D-day confession he used to comment to me that AP was “like a wife to him and did SO much for his business!” So, he rationalized his affair that SHE was a wife because she was helping him in the business meanwhile I found out that he was ALWAYS tearing me down to her and saying the meanest things. He wasn’t impressed at my efforts and energy to raising our baby son at that time at all, oh no.. not at all.
5) She starts coming in late to work, dressing all the time in form fitting clothes, not being available for him at his beck and call.
6) She balks at his request to dress more professionally and show up to work on time. (What? she thought… I have to do my job which means more than coming into work when I want, going out for cigars and drinks with him after work and fucking? Oh… you mean I am no longer your ‘Office Manager’?
7) STBXH proceeds to fire her and his wonderful Married AP office Manager then threatens him with a $10,000 settllment claim or she’ll file a lawsuit for sexual harassment AND files a complaint with the Human Rights Commission.

Wow… and to think that he “never really trusted her.”

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  Hope49

serves him right, wow

TheMuse
TheMuse
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Oh yeah, he also further minimized his affair with the OWhore by saying, “I don’t know what you are so upset about Muse, all I did was take someone up on an offer they made!” Ha ha ha, special offer Kmart shoppers, we’re running a special today on cheap whores in aisle 4.

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Plant the blue light right on their ass!

Tempest
Tempest
8 years ago
Reply to  TheMuse

Lol, TheMuse! Perhaps you should offer him a “bargain” on a bungee jump over a tall bridge, with a frayed cord. If he can’t resist offers….

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

LOL! Do they have Group discounts? And can I use a knife if the cord isn’t frayed enough? LMAO!

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

I’ll be right next to you adding an extra rock for weight…

nomar
nomar
8 years ago

During our short attempt at reconciliation my cheating ex-wife gave me some version of the “I don’t even like him” routine a couple of times. With regard to one AP, she described how fucking him was creepy and weird and ritualized and that she figured out he was just an asshole who wanted her for sex and nothing else. I really felt it was a play for sympathy, as if I was supposed to comfort her for all she’d been through. Thank God I was so traumatized I wasn’t capable of giving comfort to anyone at the time. With the other she told me he was a boor and not very bright because he didn’t read books and what she’d originally taken for even-temperedness turned out to be a disturbing lack of emotional response about everything. At one point she stated emphatically, “I have no idea how I ever could have seen myself having a future with someone like that!”

You see the punchline coming, don’t you? When reconciliation fell apart (yeah, she was still cheating) and I divorced her, she turned to the second of these two oafs within hours, and begged and pleaded until he left his wife and children, moved cross country to be with her, and ultimately (after more begging and pleading from her) married her. They’ve been together about 4 years now. I have reason to think she’s already cheating on him. I love the idea of those two losers/liars/cheaters being married to each other. Karma is sometimes more creative and more brutal than we could imagine.

CalamityJane
CalamityJane
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

“Karma is sometimes more creative and more brutal than we could imagine.”

Truer words were never spoken, Nomar. I have seen it with my own eyes. Way worse than I could have imagined.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  CalamityJane

I really don’t mean to sound ugly here. But, X was diagnosed with prostate cancer the day the divorce was final. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Shechump
Shechump
8 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

Total removal.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Shechump

SheChump, I know exactly what you mean. My Ex was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer less than a month after moving in with his Schmoopie! Karma baby, KARMA!

Drew
Drew
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Nomar, this, “Karma is sometimes more creative and brutal than we could imagine.”

Meg
Meg
8 years ago
Reply to  Drew

This!

TheClip
TheClip
8 years ago

Idiot screamed at me ‘ You will never get over this! I try and tell you how I feel and you make what Tweeny and I had a bad thing. Something that is important to me! You make it bad! ‘
Of all the shit that he has ever said…. This one statement stunned me into silence.
An 18 year old girl.
I am 3 years post discovery and a year divorced and only now can I revisit that statement and realize how fucked up he really is. The words stung at the time…. Changed to revulsion…. Now I see how far gone this guy is. His prey … And 18 year old girl.
Tweeny is now 21 and believes she is his world. Meanwhile he is taking our child to meet his other girlfriend. I didnt think the pattern would repeat itself so soon… But there it is.
They are so empty that they gorge to try and fill the space… Then they purge. A bulimic of sorts. Its not about the cake … They dont even taste it. Its just a filler. But it aint food… Its peoples lives that they woof down and spit out in their attempt to feel whole.

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

TheClip

When they show themselves we get insight into the thought processes of the sociopath. It’s like, “Why don’t you understand”. It’s beyond cake. Yes.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  TheClip

The Clip, THIS! These mongrels just can’t get enough! It’s just a matter of time before their pattern is repeated! Too bad these cheaters buy into believing they are special! Sucks to be them!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

I would get this BS from my Ex when he would come running home again and again! The whole litany of all her “bad” behavior and habits…..then 6 to 9 days later he would run out the door back to this supposedly clingy, needy, awful person and situation! How he was “unable to perform” with her out of his guilt! And the sex was really not good! Yeah… Right! I just could not understand it! I just think he would run home when she would give him an ultimatum and he was not quite ready to make the leap! What kind of fool does that make me? Meanwhile, everyone would buy into his sad sausage routine and I would be humiliated over and over again! I could just kick myself!! I just hope at this point that some of the nasty things he said about her ARE true and he has to live up under her now! But as long as her money holds out then he’ll stay with her, but once he’s blown through her bank account I fear he’ll be back! I don’t really miss him anymore and I just don’t feel sorry for him! She wanted him so badly, she can have him and he thought she was worth giving up everything he had so “Good Luck” you cheaters! They are each other’s problem now!

nomar
nomar
8 years ago

Also, I think “I don’t even like him” is to cheating what “I didn’t inhale” is to illegal drug use: Beside the point and an insult to my intelligence.

FMT
FMT
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Perfect.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  FMT

Yep.

Mine was NEVER getting married again because being married to me was so horrible. I have to admit that one still bothers me.

Lina
Lina
8 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Oh, and once the sad sausage had the nerve to sit there and say “Who’d want me” when I accused him of cheating and was begging him to stay and work things out instead of just walking. I’m telling him I want him so much and had to hear that. Like I was nothing.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Yes, ttrue! Plus the “I didn’t even like them” is also a mindfuck on the self-esteem-level.

The AP was butt-ugly/not interesting? The chump feels like crap because they must have been horrible for the cheater to think that nasty-AP was a preferable option.

The AP was hot/rich/Einstein? The chump feels horrible because they feel like they will never measure up and must be deficient somehow. It’s a no-win….even saying the AP was bad still leaves the chump feeling like pond scum no matter what.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago
Reply to  nomar

Haha, a good analogy!

Michael.
Michael.
8 years ago

My version of this was “I know he doesn’t love me, I know you love me.” And, “I know he’s telling me what I want to hear.” My exes AP was her ex-boyfriend, who was trying hard to get her to come back to him, despite the fact that she was married to me. After she cheated on me, he was full on with his game to get her back. In their emails, he mentioned introducing her to his daughter because she (my ex) was “special”. I guess by that he meant that she was not just a lay. The doofus forgot that my ex and him lived together and introducing the daughter wasn’t really an option. The emails between the two of them had the depth of middle school love and worthy of an Ashley Madison script. Biderman would have been proud.

After I woke up, I decided he can have her. The two of them together is sociopathic perfection. Let them rape each other.

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael.

“depth of middle school love”

ROTFLMAO.. no KIDDING. My STBX said “I need excitement and passion”… I guess the MOWhore gave him that, for a while anyway, until she realized what she was taking on. Then once the D started it wasn’t so fun.. once she realized I would get a big chunk of his paycheck and he’d have kids to attend from time to time.. that’s no FUN!!!

It’s so sad really, these disordered jerks throw away the very people who would have stood by them. I was prepared to honor my vows if he had just been willing to be honest. But alas, it was too much.. too much effort.

While he never admitted to screwing the whore, he did once tell me that conversations were “easy” with her and about stupid things like TV shows and jokes, while talking to me was more difficult.. you know, pesky adult stuff like bills, kids, retirement plans… real BUMMER conversations. I am sure on some level, that was true.. but so very middle school!

They are just grown up children. You are lucky to be rid of her Michael.. there are women out there who do have good character and would value someone like you!!!

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Yep! ChumpAtl, I got the..”it’s hard being with you!” WTF? Hard because I have morals and standards I suppose! What a dumb fuck he is!!!! So go be with Miss Easy Piece. Who the fuck cares?

Michael
Michael
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Are we talking about the same person here despite the male/female difference? Creepy how they all say the same crap despite of gender. In an effort to scrape sympathy from me, my ex said ,”I tried so hard! (to be decent). Well, it’s not easy being sleazy. No wait, it is! 🙂

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Michael

It is really really creepy. Mine had the gall to tell me that “I didn’t try that hard” despite my 8 months of furious pick me dancing and pretzeling. And the 15lb weight loss (I was thin before), and the panic attacks, nightmares, etc. He sat there and watched me suffer and truly didn’t give a crap. Then told me my pretty pick me dancing and other overtures of love (letters, songs, emails, texts, presents, etc) just “weren’t enough for him”.

The whore can have him, seriously (even though I doubt she is still in the picture or even wants him now). Good Luck with all that!

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Miss Easy Piece never stays that way.. that is the sad irony of it, isn’t it?

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

NewChumpAtl, I think she’ll always be Miss Easy Piece, just not with my Ex! GF is still very busy on every social media site you can name! My Ex met Miss wonderful on Facebook! Her favorite hookup medium! She had two other guys she was chatting up until mine took the stinky bait she was dangling! One of the guys was a single friend of ours and even he had to remind her she was married and he had enough sense not to slide between the sheets with the whore! But not my Ex! He dove in head first!

Drew
Drew
8 years ago

Mine said, “She’s NOT even good at racquetball…” At the time I was clueless about the affair and wondered why he was talking about some random chick he played doubles with…. Like, who cares? Looking back ex liked his secret and the thought that he was getting one over on me, his partner of 28 years. POS cheaters can’t deal with life challenges, mine always had to be in the spotlight, and my marriage was crap because he was just never present. Chameleons. Dday was him telling me he wanted a divorce. I knew at that moment there had to be someone else. He’d been disengaged and acting crappy for a while then. Funny thing, he married his whore. The way I look at that is it frees me up to spend my life with good honest people. Ones who are capable of loving me.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago

Nomar, I agree! And I consider myself to be relatively smart and have pretty good common sense, but what makes me angrier than anything is the fact that he under estimated my intelligence and played on my emotions! Obviously my IQ level when it came to my feelings for him were somewhere in the imbecile level! I mean….. What the Hell was I thinking??? It’s just all very humiliating for me to look back on and I am now embarrassed that I did my pick me dance till I needed a new pair of dance shoes!! Where was my brain?? On hiatus? Geesh!

Boudica Reborn
Boudica Reborn
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Hugs to you Roberta! These bottom-feeding POS work hard at their con. It’s what they live for. One could be a Mensa candidate and they would still try to play you or anyone.

Regina
Regina
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta, I am with you! It is hard to come to grips with how many years you spent with someone who probably never loved you the way you wanted to be loved, who could toss it aside without a care of the damage, etc.
It reminds of an alcoholic. One of the hardest parts of quitting alcohol I understand is facing all the wasted years, the carnage and facing that now the better portion of your life is past, and you will have all this to deal with-SOBER!
I think another Chump quality is that we are not quitters. It is hard to quit fighting and know when to go home. It for me was the end of a dream I had to NOT be cheated on, to have a life where I could trust and be trusted, be in a long term relationship that had shared history, to not have to start over in what should be a close into my retirement years. It is hard to give up on those dreams. Also, very hard when you are slapped in the face of it all and figure out just how little you mattered. Multiple things to recover from.

Roberta
Roberta
8 years ago
Reply to  Regina

Thanks everyone for weighing in. I appreciate the comments. I know deep inside that all this garbage he pulled on me rests solely in his hands! And most of the time the common sense side of me doesn’t waste too much time pondering the ramblings of an obviously mentally ill, over the hill cheater! He is and always will be just a common run of the mill POS and he can’t run from himself or what he has done! That is a “stink tattoo” that will follow him forever till the end of his life! I don’t need to carry that shit sack any longer, Schmoopie can carry it! She’s no better than he is!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta

I left the embarrassment on him. When I finally saw him with the OW right after I filed I said, “This is what you left me for”. As I walked away I said, “no wonder you can’t introduce her to our children, you must be embarrassed”. He called her a dream girl. My children did finally meet her in their dumpy apartment and compared her to an after picture of a meth addict. Roberta, leave the embarrassment to them. You get to hold your head high.

Chris
Chris
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

LOL. My girls call my Ex wife beau Dumpster Man. Crazy stuff, I worked so hard to pay bills and make sure she had the time to deal with her mothers death. Asked her all the time how she was etc, etc,,, I guess Dumpster Man was taken care of her.

So much for trying to be a good husband and father:( Slap in the face.

Karma bus where are you…

Scoops
Scoops
8 years ago
Reply to  Chris

It’s coming. Be patient.

ByeByeCheater
ByeByeCheater
8 years ago
Reply to  Roberta

Roberta, I agree completely with you because I feel the same way. I trusted completely and I was fooled and taken advantage by the one I trusted so much. It’s hard to get past that, forgive myself and be open to trust again. I’m struggling from that perspective.

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago

I never got any explanation post D-Day. Ex just turned and abandoned us all (me and kids) and never bothered to try to explain to any of us.

But 13 years pre-D-Day when I suspected ex was possibly having an affair with two co-workers, ex re-assured me that suspected AP#1 was “frumpy” and that suspected AP#2 was “manly,” and that he had no interest in either one whatsoever.

I learned on D-Day that he had been having an affair with both for at least 15 years (as well as group sex). He has now married “frumpy” AP #1, and “manly” AP#2 is still AP#1’s best friend. Ewww……..

newchumpatl
newchumpatl
8 years ago
Reply to  Kelly

GROSS…. sometimes real life is stranger than fiction!!!

donna
donna
8 years ago
Reply to  newchumpatl

Haha, that’s what he gets! Gross. And you gain a life!! Good for you!!!

Kelly
Kelly
8 years ago
Reply to  donna

Yes I am now re-married to a wonderful, non-sparkly man who has real emotions and a real connection with me (I never knew what I was missing all those years in my first marriage until now). Things really can be so much better on the other side!

Thankful