UBT: I’m a Real Silly Bunny

Hello Chump Lady,

I’m hoping you may be able to advise me please?

I feel so guilty for telling his wife as well as betraying his trust.

I spent 18 months falling for the oldest tricks in the book with Mr Cheater, ‘flatmates with the wife’ he said, ‘divorce being sorted’, ‘poor me, the wife is a bitch’, ‘I’ll leave the marital home as soon as the kids understand’, ‘the wife is delaying the divorce’.

We had a great relationship in the beginning, holidays away and I was introduced to his brother (happy to be complicit!) He would stay at my house as his was always ‘a mess’. We both have children so knew each other had other commitments and so it wasn’t a full-on every day type of relationship.

We texted all the time, he told me he loved me and he couldn’t imagine his life without me.

I had fallen deeply in love with him when he started becoming more defensive. He started claiming I was ‘batshit crazy’ because of my demands for more commitment. His vagueness and gas-lighting continued until it felt like I was losing my mind.

On Christmas Day he said he could only text rather than speak on the phone. Well that was the last straw. Two days later I contacted his wife via social media and turns out she was blissfully unaware that they were getting a divorce, let alone that her husband had a girlfriend and a double life. I was so angry that I told her everything and provided photo proof too.

He denied it and told her I was a ‘psycho’. She has now thrown him out of the house and when I contacted him, he told me he hated me for telling her the truth as I had broken his trust, and had ruined their lives and their kids’ lives.

I feel gutted now because I have hurt his wife terribly by revealing their marriage wasn’t what she thought it was. I didn’t need to go into so much detail, but I felt at the time I needed to provide specific proof as he was calling me a liar.

There is no ‘pick me dance’ as he has blocked me and told his wife he wants to reconcile with her. I guess she will forgive him for the sake of their children.

So I am destroyed, I have lost the person I fell in love with and I have broken his trust. He has lied to me, did he ever love me? He will probably never want to speak with me again and I have hurt his wife terribly too. There’s now a huge hole in my life, how can he just abandon me?

I haven’t had contact with either one of them since the New Year. I have started taking anti depressants as I feel so low. My life feels ruined. How could I be so stupid and be the OW and get in this mess?

Please help me see clearly Chump Lady.

Yours,

Silly Bunny

Dear Silly Bunny,

You’re just lobbing a slow one over the plate, aren’t you?

Hell, I don’t even know if this letter is real. If you Other Women are punking me, you’ve got quite a conspiracy going and a ton of time on your hands. Every day I get a letter just like this. Woe! I’m the Other Woman! OMG, can you believe how he screwed me over? Now that I’ve been thrown under the bus, and backed over a few times, I have a newfound, evangelical understanding that I Must Tell His Wife/Pity His Wife/Announce That I Suffer As Unjustly — No MORE Really! — Than His Wife. #iamtherealchumphere

And yet, Silly Bunny, I cannot deny you. Perhaps you are a zit-faced socially maladjusted 9th grader typing this from your mother’s basement. Perhaps you are REALLY this delusional. I mean, it’s a chump blog. There are a lot of words and they can confuse a person. Maybe you were multi-tasking. Maybe you were sexting pictures of your boobs to randos while trying simultaneously to read a 2,000-word long-form blog post, and you lost your focus. Maybe a butterfly floated by and you chased it. Maybe your mother called. Maybe it’s really hard to be a bunny.

I don’t know. You landed here and asked my advice. So, I reached out to the Universal Bullshit Translator to help.

I feel so guilty for telling his wife as well as betraying his trust.

Yeah, because there’s nothing like the sacred bond between two cheaters.

I spent 18 months falling for the oldest tricks in the book with Mr Cheater, ‘flatmates with the wife’ he said, ‘divorce being sorted’, ‘poor me, the wife is a bitch’, ‘I’ll leave the marital home as soon as the kids understand’, ‘the wife is delaying the divorce’.

How exactly were you tricked? You willingly got involved with a married guy. Was it the word “wife” or “kids”? #wordsaretricky

We had a great relationship in the beginning, holidays away and I was introduced to his brother (happy to be complicit!) He would stay at my house as his was always ‘a mess’. We both have children so knew each other had other commitments and so it wasn’t a full-on every day type of relationship.

Shame he couldn’t invite you over, what with the dishes in the sink and the wife and everything. The important thing is — you got a holiday!

We texted all the time, he told me he loved me and he couldn’t imagine his life without me.

Given the urgency of “other commitments” and not a full-on type of relationship… #failureofimagination

I had fallen deeply in love with him when he started becoming more defensive. He started claiming I was ‘batshit crazy’ because of my demands for more commitment. His vagueness and gaslighting continued until it felt like I was losing my mind.

I can’t stand it when people are vague and leave you guessing with nebulous, unreliable statements like “I have a wife and children” with whom I live.

This is not gaslighting. This is like tying you to a chair and forcing you to watch an 18-month-long PowerPoint presentation entitled: “I Am a Cake-Eating Bastard Who Will Never Leave His Wife.”

On Christmas Day he said he could only text rather than speak on the phone. Well, that was the last straw. Two days later I contacted his wife via social media and turns out she was blissfully unaware that they were getting a divorce, let alone that her husband had a girlfriend and a double life. I was so angry that I told her everything and provided photo proof too.

He denied it and told her I was a ‘psycho’. She has now thrown him out of the house and when I contacted him, he told me he hated me for telling her the truth as I had broken his trust, and had ruined their lives and their kids’ lives.

He ruined their lives by being a sociopathic piece of shit. And you were super happy to go along with it. (Travel adventures! Legitimate brother introductions!) Until he insulted you with less-than-total centrality. On Christmas Day. With his children.

I mean, of course his chump wife and kids must pay. They’re just bit players in the Kibble Wars. #callmeUmotherfucker #sillybunnyorbunnyboiler

The good news here is that she dumped the cheater. Sorry about the whole hating you for telling the truth thing. Sometimes it all blows up like a 20-lb frozen turkey in a 4-quart deep fryer. Truth is pesky that way.

I feel gutted now because I have hurt his wife terribly by revealing their marriage wasn’t what she thought it was. I didn’t need to go into so much detail, but I felt at the time I needed to provide specific proof as he was calling me a liar.

Yeah, you’re gutted because you hurt his wife. Pu-lease. The truth didn’t hurt her — your fucking around with her husband did. The truth FREED her. Sorry you were the conduit for her liberation. God works in mysterious ways.

There is no ‘pick me dance’ as he has blocked me and told his wife he wants to reconcile with her. I guess she will forgive him for the sake of their children.

Not your problem.

And dude, you’ve been doing an 18-month-long pick me dance. You lost it. Which is a shame. You really deserve to win the sparkly turd and all the parting gifts.

So I am destroyed, I have lost the person I fell in love with and I have broken his trust.

Yeah, I’m sure he was really relying on you to answer those occasional texts and show up for hook-up sessions. I can’t believe the way you’ve let him down. Work on that.

He has lied to me, did he ever love me? He will probably never want to speak with me again and I have hurt his wife terribly too. There’s now a huge hole in my life, how can he just abandon me?

The same way he abandoned his wife and kids to hook up with you?

You’re just a huge hole to him. And there are other new and novel holes. But the a-hole left you with a hole. Holes for everyone! (Oprah voice)

I haven’t had contact with either one of them since the New Year. I have started taking anti depressants as I feel so low. My life feels ruined. How could I be so stupid and be the OW and get in this mess?

Please help me see clearly Chump Lady.

I’ve done my best Silly Bunny. Now just hop along all cutesy-like and fall into a thresher. Kisses.

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Elsie
Elsie
6 years ago

Hop on, Silly Bunny!

You have been blanked out, and will be a blot.

Lesson 1: Never have cozy holidays with married men.

Lesson 2: Refer Lesson 1.

The only thing I really appreciate is you telling the wife.

Star Tingover
Star Tingover
6 years ago
Reply to  Elsie

Silly Bunny,

You are “batshit crazy.” And… amoral, unscrupulous, unprincipled and unethical.

Should I go on? Hmmm?

MidlifeBlast
MidlifeBlast
6 years ago
Reply to  Elsie

Ah – she’ll be ok if she can actually look at herself for a bit. Not roll into bed with next married man.

Elsie
Elsie
6 years ago
Reply to  MidlifeBlast

…true.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Elsie

I tore the hell out of UBT with my letter from Debbie Douchebag.

But….after this one, I believe it’s time to put the UBT in the shop for a completely, well deserved overhaul including new piston rings and plugs.

JABT
JABT
6 years ago

Yes hop along silly bunny… and maybe next time when someone tells you they are married tell them to fuck off not hop into their pants.. ???????????????? oh and tell his poor wife Chump Nation has her back… run along now

Lucky
Lucky
6 years ago
Reply to  JABT

Reminds me of an on line coffee date I had ( not doing that any more – palm to forehead).

Cute but clueless sitting across from me at a Tim Hortons ( where all such bad coffee dates happen in Canada ), tells me that he is still living at home.

I ask him if he has a legal separation written up and in place yet ( he told me he was almost divorced – my bad ). No – nothing written up yet….

So, you are living at home, no legal separation and you are on POF actively looking for a relationship?!?!

I told him outright that I don’t date married men. He sputtered out a bunch of drivel about how his marriage was ending ( duh – because you are a fucktard ), and I left.

These guys are a dime a dozen and sadly most wives are unaware that they are getting a divorce.
#askmehowI know

LadyStrange
LadyStrange
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

My bf was telling me how his Xwife was on POF while they were married. I asked him – “How would you know she was on a dating site?” (Thinking he was on it too?) Apparently some guys at work told him that they saw his wifes profile on POF. How risky is that? She obviously didn’t give a shit about their marriage and that was probably pretty embarrassing for my bf.
He drew up the divorce papers on Monday and they were divorced on Friday! I wish mine had taken only 5 days rather than 3 years…

Ahartmann
Ahartmann
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

At least you know that these MM didn’t get their order right if they were meeting at Tim Horton’s.

Small consolation I know, but man that place can’t seem to get even the easiest orders right.

moving forward
moving forward
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Yes! I had a coffee date with a man who had zero idea about the legal process. I mean zero. I gave him 1 hour of time and then said bye-bye.

Tbone
Tbone
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

When I started online dating 6 months after divorce, 2.5 years after d-day separation, those poor guys—it’s amazing what you can find on google. But if I couldn’t find a court record of their divorce decree? Buh-bye.

Also, having seen an email to my ex sent a few months before our divorce in which this f*ckbuddy says something about him using his wife as an excuse. Umm…darlin’ we hadn’t lived together for 20 months. I’d kicked out his cheating ass long before. But I’m sure he appreciates the BJs in his office that you mentioned. I guess he dragged his heels on the divorce paperwork so that he could use the “but I’m still married” card when he wanted. So how convenient to have it both ways—“we’re practically divorced—psych!” and she couldn’t say that she didn’t know.

So the moral of this story? Cheaters will say whatever they think will get them laid. Because once that hookup explodes, there’s someone else who will fall for the same lines. Shocking, I know.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  Tbone

My mother was kind enough to gift me with this wisdom:

“A Stiff Prick Has NO Conscience”

Still very true after all these years.

Justbreathe
Justbreathe
6 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Your mother was a wise woman.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Tbone

Apparently they don’t even always have to lie. I asked ex what he had told his schmoopies to make them think it was ok to sleep with him. His response was “nothing. Nobody thought it was ok.” It didn’t stop anyone though. Of course he could be lying to me about not having lied to them.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago

Nah, schmoopies don’t care if people are married or not. My cheater XH’s schmoopie knew full well that he was married and it did not matter ONE bit. In fact she went after several married men where we all worked. Mine was the only one who fell for her ‘charms.’ I can say whatever I want about her ugly ass but the reality of it she has someone to sleep with every night and someone to eat dinner with and someone that shovels her driveway in the winter and mows her lawn in the summer. I don’t have any of that. The Karma bus never showed up at their house that’s for sure and they’ve been together for years. From where I’m standing, their life looks great and that bothers me most of all. It’s like cheaters really do prosper and being a good person really doesn’t make a shit bit of difference.

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

Chumptopia, I want you to know that I recently received a letter from my ex’s OW (whom he married) that said, “He did it to me, too.”
Bear in mind that my marriage to him was short-lived, and nearly 40 years ago. I was able to move to “meh” fairly quickly because I was young, attractive, we didn’t have kids or anything keeping us in contact, and because I was able to recognize that he and the OW had far more in common (including narcissism) than he and I did. Yes, it bugged me from time to time. But, before long, I had a new circle of friends, dates, and my whole single life before me. Still, it looked like they had everything I wanted.
Except, apparently, for a faithful spouse. I received her letter about a month ago, apologizing for the pain she had put me through, now that she understood what it was.
Whatever. I threw it away. “Meh”, indeed.
Current spouse’s schmoopie, however, I despise. I don’t blame her, BUT her using my husband to “get back” at her spouse for cheating boggles my mind. How could anybody who has experienced the innocent side of the pain of infidelity knowingly do that to somebody else?? For that, I hold her accountable. I don’t hold her accountable for the affair…that blame is solely my husband’s. HE is the one who broke his vows to me, not HER.

KH73
KH73
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

I feel what you are saying to my core. I continue to work on accepting that looks can be deceiving and maybe things aren’t as good as they seem on the outside for the exhole. But it IS gut-wrenching to see how little concequences there are for cheaters. I wish society could understand the depth of emotional abuse, the psychological damage, that cheaters cause and held them accountable for their actions. But most people don’t care as long as it didn’t happen to them.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  KH73

Looks are deceiving. They are suffering consequences, don’t worry. Your ex will never be truly happy or content. They don’t have the capacity. But you do. And your ex won’t be a better person for the new person. They don’t change. Two cheaters who found each other – two people with no morals or integrity. They will be suspicious of each other and never really trusting – never really happy.
After my stbx moved with his young coworker, I read texts she sent our daughter – looking for her man. Asking our daughter if she knew where he was because he was not answering her calls/texts.
Well, well. Now he’s all yours. Now you can be in my shoes wondering where he is and why he isn’t responding to your texts.
Because he’ll be cheating on her, too.
My daughter said he was yelling at the girlfriend.
It doesn’t make me happy to hear that. The whole thing is so sad. My daughter has a poor model for a father. He makes lots of money so he doesn’t think he’s a loser. He thinks he is Mr. Big. Things and money make him. People… not so much. They are objects to him.
“People don’t care ……” No, people don’t get it unless it happened to them. They can’t believe it. I kept trying to explain to one person and she was so baffled. We have to be careful who we open up to. ‘hugs”
Gut-wrenching is right.

GraceInMotion
GraceInMotion
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

Chumptopia, you are wrong my dear fellow chump.

I had someone to sleep with every night. I had someone to eat dinner with every night. He mowed the lawn and would have shoveled the snow if we every got any.

I also had someone who slept with his best friend’s fiancé and at least one hooker. I had someone who got a DUI and wrecked MY car with said hooker in it. He beat my son and financially ruined us.

Who wants that kind of man? You may think they are living a great life but they are both cheaters and looks are quite deceiving.

While we may now be alone, we at least have a real life. We have the freedom to bring good honest people into our lives or not. The choice is ours.

I am sorry you are feeling low about all of this today. Just remember that you are worthy of truth and real love. Not that shit your EX and his schmoopie call love, but the good stuff.

*hugs*

Doubtless
Doubtless
6 years ago
Reply to  Tbone

I have seriously (actually for real, for real) contemplated bringing my divorce decree to first dates. One could even scan it and text it to potential mates in exchange for the same. Beats the hell out of those awkward poorly shot and badly-in-need-of-lighting-wardrobe-and-makeup nudes that are de rigueur these days. ????

Oh yeah, baby: show me your papers. Rowwrr.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  Doubtless

The male therapist shared with my group that the woman who became his second wife asked to read his divorce degree, in front of him. A very uncomfortable twenty minutes but he did it.

I suspect that he cheated on his first wife after their baby died a few weeks after being born.He turned out to be a blame shifting narc (Sucker Punched, what do you do to make these men so angry at you ?) and his beer gut and ruddy complexion indicated he may have a little drinking problem. But I respected his sharing of this story.

p.s. I have met men who are technically divorced from wife #1 but forget to mention wife #2

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
6 years ago

OMG, yes. My ex ,mentioned he was divorced, and he was…technically. From ex #1, but not #2. This was in an era before cell-phones, we lived in different cities, I was a grad student, so he always called me so that “it wouldn’t cost me anything for the calls”. How generous! How thoughtful! He even came to see ME so that I wouldn’t miss any classes. What a guy! I sent him letters to a PO Box because of supposed mail theft in his building.
God, I was so stupid.
He told me about ex #2, just left out that they weren’t divorced or even separated. Apparently, they DID eventually separate, but, get this, he wasn’t even divorced from her when we got married…and it was in a church with guests. Later, we got married, again, because I bought his story about wanting to give his newly ordained friend the honor of being the first couple he “married”, even though, you know, we were already married. How sweet of us to go through this ceremony for his friend! I guess narc’s divorce came through. Not that I am bitter. I found out all about this after he knowingly gave me an STD, and his sordid history of lies came spewing out. Talk about shocked.

I was an absolutely unwitting OW.

You can bet that if there are ever any future men in my life, I will require a boatload of documentation, and will be doing a LOT of online research.
Oh, and just so you know, like Tracy, I am a serial chump. I am still living with/married to my current cheater. Still weighing my options. I am so grateful for this group, and hoping that, if I kick him out, I will be able to fix my picker…or I may not ever bother being married again, and will look for a roommate.

Lucky
Lucky
6 years ago
Reply to  Doubtless

And an STD test. Maybe a credit rating ( mine was destroyed by x…but getting there ). Much more sexy than a nude shot or two.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Maybe not the STD test on the first date but before getting into bed with them? Absolutely!! Having been tested multiple times due to my ex’s unfortunate penchant for fucking strippers and God know what else, I would be happy to reciprocate with my own clean test results. Fair is fair.

And yeah, since I’m 55 rapidly going on 56 and only want to date men my age, nude shots are definitely not happening from my side and not. sexy. from his. Honestly, I don’t need rock hard abs – I like a man with a bit of fluffy to him – what I really need is a rock solid consciousness of right and wrong. That’s way more sexy than the hottest body.

Doubtless
Doubtless
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Online only STD tests are common in the Tinder scene to supplement the clinic paperwork that is almost always requested. Frankly though, unless you get somebody tested and then never leave their side between mattress dances you can’t be sure they’re forthcoming with what they’ve got or that they didn’t get something else since last you banged. Best just to wrap it up, be judicious with your juices, and hope for the best.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Doubtless

I think that’s a brilliant idea. Why not? If you’ve got nothing to hide, that is… You wouldn’t even have to bring the entire thing – just the front page with your names, a time stamp from the court and the words “FINAL DECREE” on it would be sufficient. That’s a whole lot sexier than the other version of “you show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.” 😀 Seriously, for the Chumped or former Chumped, there’s nothing wrong with a little trust but verify, or rather, verify then trust.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Haha Beth! The “other version.” You crack me up.

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

I’ll be generous and accept that the marriage is really over and nobody is being chumped. I still don’t care. I have a hard line that my date must be single. Not “separated”, not “waiting for the ink to dry”, not “it’s complicated”, not “living together to share custody”, not “she wrecked my finances and I can’t afford to leave”, or any other flavor. Single – yes or no?

Relationships are hard enough as it is. I recognize that every adult has baggage, but there are fools bets out there, wagers you just can’t (or don’t want to) win. Someone who isn’t fully disengaged from his last relationship, especially with custody issues, is not a good bet. Someone who is in severe financial crisis is frankly not a good bet. Someone who doesn’t see peace and stability as worth the effort of getting disentangled from the “horrible” ex is not a good bet. Someone who walks away from marriage and starts seeking a soul-mate before the divorce is filed is not a good bet. Someone who doesn’t take time to process the loss and reflect on what went wrong before looking for 2.0 is not a good bet. Someone who can’t stand on their own feet, that needs someone to nag them to be adults and file their paperwork (or needs to be in a relationship before leaving the last one) is not a good bet.

Which isn’t to say they are bad people, or might not get their act together someday. I thank those people for their interest and invite them to look me up when they are free. But I am a child of chaos, a codependent mommy-maid fixer of problems and broken people, the sort that has stayed in unhealthy relationships because he might otherwise be homeless, and I just don’t want to do that anymore. I’m tired.

I am content and happy on my own, and if someone similarly content and happy likes what I’m cooking, maybe we can get together. See if it goes somewhere. But volunteering to step into the shit storm of someone else’s divorce and custody disagreements? Are you crazy?

OutOfSparkles
OutOfSparkles
6 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

This should be framed! Not yet ventured out into the world of relationships again but yes, single is not a relative term and it does include being emotionally, physically and financially disconnected and moved on from any previous relationships. I want to make sure that this completely applies to me before trying it out but also very much that this is a basic requirement in any potential relationship for me.
I’d much rather be in my own than get tied up in that crap. Like you, I also have a strong tendency for rescuing which I really need to be aware of avoiding. You have summed it up beautifully

Lost45
Lost45
6 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

I love what you wrote and I’m going to save it to read again and again. It’s what I believe but couldn’t settle my mind long enough to put the words together so thank you for expressing it all so well.

LongingForMeh-ca
LongingForMeh-ca
6 years ago
Reply to  2nd Gen Chump

2ndGen Chump,
That was grown up poetry. So beautifully written. Thank you.
Hell to the yes THAT^^^^^^^^^

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
6 years ago

No more fixer-uppers!

woolwasovermyeyes
woolwasovermyeyes
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

I wonder if it is my ex that you met with? He’s done that! He’s made dating accounts and had a “good friend” cause SHE was the ONLY one he could talk to and SHE would listen… How about talking to your fucking wife… you know the one who works full time, takes care of 3 (not 2) children, the house, the groceries, the bills, the cleaning, the food, the everything, but yet is totally left in the dark, in a place of hatred and resentment and unaware of outside communications or sleeping with other people. Meeting at Tim Horton’s is totally something he would do… I am east of the GTA.

Lucky
Lucky
6 years ago

I am in the most Southern Part of Ontario – so, no – probably his clone or sad sausage second cousin….

woolwasovermyeyes
woolwasovermyeyes
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Lucky – Too bad their relations are so large.. it’d be nice to eliminate their kind from pro-creating and continuing this trend of behaviours.

Ahartmann
Ahartmann
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

But but but…..

He’s “made plans” and “he’s already told her it’s over” and he “googled lawyers.” “But the children /finances/ dogs and cats.”……

She’s “crazy/ neglectful/ awful/ lesbian/ frigid/ not attractive any more/ let herself go / messy.”

Can’t you see that he can’t sort himself out until he gets access to another vagina to re-charge his superpowers so he can sort his life out? His wife is like kryptonite, donchaknow?

EMC
EMC
6 years ago
Reply to  Ahartmann

LMFAO!!!

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  EMC

Coffee through nose. Not this early in the morning!!!

“…fall into the thresher.” OMG.

Current Chump
Current Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Ahartmann

Bwahaha! I snorted my coffee!

Can’t you see that he can’t sort himself out until he gets access to another vagina to re-charge his superpowers so he can sort his life out? His wife is like kryptonite, donchaknow?

FeralBlue
FeralBlue
6 years ago
Reply to  Ahartmann

Add “she’s so sad, cries all the time because our marriage has ended, refuses to hire a lawyer” to the list.
(Meanwhile I had the lawyer, had him served and was waiting on a response… *sigh)

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago
Reply to  JABT

“Now just hop along all cutesy-like and fall into a thresher”. This line had me howling with laughter as well. Nothing like a morning dose of Chump Lady to get your Mighty going, right?

I’ll be laughing about this post all day. You’re the best, CL!

yellowsunshine
yellowsunshine
6 years ago

I struggle to believe how she thought he and his wife were ‘just flat mates’ if she felt the need to drop the bomb so excessively, providing evidence and contacting her Xmas day. She knew the wife didn’t know.

Mandie101
Mandie101
6 years ago
Reply to  yellowsunshine

Exactly! I’m curious as to what was the communication she first sent to the wife. If she really believed his story her first response upon rejection would not have been yo contact his flatmate wife.

yellowsunshine
yellowsunshine
6 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Yup! I had the same with my OW. She messaged me with evidence, and anger all at once, despite the fact she claimed she thought he had ‘broken up with me’ before anything happened between them. Then why would she be so angry and assume I was still with him if we had broken up? Hate these OW. The liars truly deserve each other, to always live in paranoia.

Bye Bye Asshat
Bye Bye Asshat
6 years ago
Reply to  yellowsunshine

Yeah, because being part of a’breakup’ sounds so much better than blowing up a family, doesn’t it? What are we, in high school? The otherwomanchild in my life used the same word. I figured it was because she was 24 years younger than asshat and her frontal lobe to her brain wasn’t fully developed yet.

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  Bye Bye Asshat

“I figured it was because she was 24 years younger than asshat and her frontal lobe to her brain wasn’t fully developed yet.”

Best sentence I have read on here in awhile. So true, so true…

GetMeFree
GetMeFree
6 years ago
Reply to  GetMeFree

Bye Bye Asshat…my comment back to you was meant with similar sarcasm.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  Bye Bye Asshat

I’ve seen the frontal lobe thing used as an excuse for cheaters and affair partners before. I think it is an excuse, and we shouldn’t tolerate it.

Sure, younger people can be more reckless, risk taking, impulsive etc. But that doesn’t mean they don’t know right from wrong. Or have sufficient impulse control to stop a situation before it crosses a boundary.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago

I completely agree. Yes, the frontal lobes take until 21ish to be fully developed, but they are pretty darn well-developed by 15. A lot of the evidence from Larry Steinberg shows that teens are just as good as adults at reasoning, moral judgments, etc., and even that behavioral inhibition can be just as good as that of adults (except when they are with their friends).

I work with 18-22 year olds every day; they are very clearly capable of great discipline and moral behavior. Young OWs (like my X’s gradwhore and assorted other students he seduced) do not get off the hook. None of them are semantically challenged enough not to comprehend the meaning of “married.”

Bye Bye Asshat
Bye Bye Asshat
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

… and BTW, I’ve heard that otherwomanchild and asshat ‘broke-up’. In their case, ‘breakup’ is the appropriate word. He looked like absolute sh!t the last time I saw him. A guy who always took pride in his appearance. He threw away everything that should have been a priority in his life to be with her. Even ran away from his children, one of whom has had nothing to say to him in years. Hindsight, she did me a favor, as I’m certain that she wasn’t the first and I know she wouldn’t have been his last.

To the new readers on this site, WELCOME. You’ll find your sanity here. And I promise you, things will get better!!!

Bye Bye Asshat
Bye Bye Asshat
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

I was being sarcastic…. I probably should have inserted the eye-roll emoji to make that clear. 😉

WarriorPrincess
WarriorPrincess
6 years ago

I hate how cheaters justify their bad behavior with the delusion they are in love. Be damned anyone else in this sick and twisted little game they play. It’s all about them. Then when that bitch gets what’s coming to her she has to completely destroy the innocent person in this whole cruel and deceitful scenario – the wife. I’m sure Silly Bunny felt superior and believed her thoughtless actions would send that piece of shit man back into her cheating arms. I mean why wouldn’t they spend the rest of their cheating lives together once that annoying wife is out of the picture. They “love” each other, right? Jokes on them. Walk away Silly Stupid Little Bunny. Rather, run don’t walk. You’ve done enough damage.

Beans
Beans
6 years ago

Yeah notice how she said “when I contacted him…” AFTER she told his wife.

She obviously not only told his wife out of spite, but in hopes he’d come running straight to her.

OW’s, if you’re reading, maybe 1 in 100 will EVER consider leaving their wives. But of course every OW is speccccialllll so they’ll never listen.

Owlbaby
Owlbaby
6 years ago
Reply to  Beans

Mine was that 1 out of 100. Those statistics make me feel that much worse. ????

chumpintraining
chumpintraining
6 years ago
Reply to  Owlbaby

me 5. they’re married now and my kids now spend 50% time with x and howorker. As far as the two of them are concerned, they deserve each other, but sharing the kids still chaps my ass.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Owlbaby

You are not alone. Mine was also 1 out of the 100. It just means our exes are of the stupid and naive themselves variety believing that the OWs might actually be better for them so another reason to be glad we are not stuck with them anymore. Ex’s Schmoopie was an experienced woman and a good manipulator. She convinced him that he should feel guilty for betraying her by not discarding me fast enough. He must have told her he loved her after all. How dare he lie to her and betray her trust like that. The poor poor woman, not. He left me to prove his love for her. Well, he is still perpetually dissatisfied with life and now she gets to deal with that. 🙂

love and chumpiness
love and chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Owlbaby

Me too. Meh

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago

Me three.

12YearsWasted
12YearsWasted
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

Me 4! Within a matter of weeks our marriage was “I love you’s” and passionate sex to “I want to be alone” and “I want a divorce”… maybe with those odds I should be playing the lottery!

Ahartmann
Ahartmann
6 years ago
Reply to  Beans

Well OW figures he just can’t rip the band-aid off.

“Clearly he doesn’t love her if he’s with me!”

Duh lady. Clearly he’s doesn’t love you either if he’s with her.

AC
AC
6 years ago

Let me see if I’ve got this straight.

She has children (plural) of her own. It’s Christmas. But she’s ssoooo lonely she HAS to get attention from her married OM on Christmas. And that she HAS to get that attention NOW, even though that means dropping a nuclear bomb on his wife AND his kids. On Christmas. On the family day of family days. She has Children. She should understand that much, ya think?

Where were HER children? Let me guess. Not with her. They were probably with her ex. I’m presuming she has an ex of some sort, because the only Virgin Birth on record is the one being celebrated on Christmas. Most other kids have two parents, and if they’re not with HER, on Christmas, even for a few hours, it’s probably because she did something not-so-nice that hurt those kids and her baby-daddy.

So now she’s going to wreck a second marriage. Because if SHE can’t be happy on Christmas, and she can’t enjoy her OWN kids being happy, ain’t nobody else gonna be happy either. Not if she can help it.

By the way. Silly bunnies ARE good for something in the winter. They’re good for becoming the lining for soft, warm winter gloves. I had a pair of bunny-fur gloves for several years when I lived up North. Nicest gloves I ever owned.

Is she volunteering?

Nanny
Nanny
6 years ago
Reply to  AC

People who wear fur are sociopaths.

Are YOU volunteering for my fist to knock your teeth down your throat?

I can dream. You are just as much a subhuman as an OW. Skinning an innocent animal alive for giggles? Lack empathy much?- you fucking asshole.

AC
AC
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanny

@ Nanny: SAY WHAT??? WTF makes you think I said anything about skinning a rabbit alive???? I’m not some sadistic sicko, but maybe that’s just the filter you look through.

I’ll have you know that the bunny fur in my gloves was a by-product of animals humanely raised and then killed to be food.

And, yes, I also eat meat and wear leather shoes. No one seems to have issues with that.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanny

Your response really troubles me. Not just because you’re totally OTT, but because you’re not seeing the bigger picture. Or picture(s). The first of course being what the topic of discussion is.

The second is that, while mass-produced fashion-led fur is clearly wrong, that doesn’t encapsulate every incidence of humans wearing fur. Not everyone who wears fur is doing it for fashion reasons, or the fur has originated from some horrendous factory, where the animals are kept inhumanely, and killed inhumanely.

There are people who need to wear fur. There may also be people who wear fur that has been obtained as a by-product. In other words, they are minimising waste. For hundreds of thousands of years, our species has worn fur to keep warm. They weren’t sociopaths.

I don’t wear fur, and I wouldn’t. But then, I don’t need it, and any fur that I came across would be of the mass-produced, fashion-led inhumane kind. But I do not agree with your comment. To speak to a stranger like that, when they were making an off-hand joke, is really not acceptable. It offended your sensibilities, we understand. But to speak in such terms is not ok.

AC
AC
6 years ago

Thank you.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanny

Wow. I think this kind of violent language is uncalled for. Furthermore, it sounds like a direct threat which is actionable in harassment or a restraining order. And, doesn’t exactly show yourself as the most “humane” of people either.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanny

Leaving this comment up, but (a) you can make your point without referring to another chump as a “f***ing a**hole” or “subhuman” (many people are not aware of how rabbit skin is obtained, and would be sympathetic if told politely. Information is a good way to recruit people to the animal rights cause), and (b) threatening violence to protest violence against animals seems rather hypocritical.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thank you Tempest. I found these comments frightening especially since many Chumps have been abused and made to feel “subhuman.” They don’t need further abuse when they come here. They may choose not to come here. People don’t get to threaten violence because someone has different views than them.

Natalia.B
Natalia.B
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

I’m not into the use of such language either, but to be fair many people have used similar on here when referring to cheaters/AP. The comment about rabbit skin was itself pretty chilling and, I suspect Nanny was reacting in heat of the moment.

Jojobee
Jojobee
6 years ago
Reply to  Natalia.B

I think the difference is that Nanny was not upset at any implied violent thought (which is what that was an implied thought of violence), Nanny was upset about the wearing of fur. And NO it is not okay to directly threaten to “knock someone’s teeth down their throat” because they have a different belief about wearing fur! I don’t think we can justify this. When people have violent fantasies about cheaters and AP’s it is because they have been directly hurt by these people–crushed. Their lives ruined. Their children’s lives ruined. Many chumps have been actually physically abused and to come to a sight where we are supposed to be safe and get directly verbally abused and threatened with physical abuse is not okay. People have different opinions and beliefs about a LOT of things. I hear opinions expressed here all the time which offend some of my beliefs, political, religious, or social, and I do not threaten physical violence or call people horrible names like “sociopath.” That was uncalled for. Period. Chumps need to be able to come here and express themselves about the hurt of the affairs.

Shechump
Shechump
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

This Rabbit comment has no business being on this site. Go to an animal site and rescue a rabbit.
Can you just erase it, Tempest?
It’s distracting from a great convo.

AC
AC
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Thank you

Seeing clearly
Seeing clearly
6 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

Jojobee,
I’m relatively new to this site, however, reading the comment today re fur and knocking out teeth startled me, because based on my short time member viewpoint, I found this to be a safe place to vent, share, ask for advice-the replies I’ve received have all been very caring, supportive, and very helpful. Maybe that was a “heat of the moment “ reaction-comment.

Natalia.B
Natalia.B
6 years ago
Reply to  Nanny

I agree Nanny. I want to cry every time I see anyone wearing fur. Don’t these people realise the agony animals are put through. Totally sickening.

As for today’s OW. I actually would have welcomed some honesty and evidence from any one of my cheater’s 8 sexting and part-time fun buddies (I think he had them all on a rota). Course they all knew about me and covered for him 100% seeming to revel in the additional pain their head games caused me. Thing is they all knew about me but not each other. Once they did and realised he’d been playing them all everything changed. Weird thing is they mostly took their fury out on me, and not him.

ANC
ANC
6 years ago
Reply to  AC

There’s a good line from an oldish movie, “…..I will NOT be ignored!!!!!” Cut to bunny boiling in a pot on the stove of cheater’s house.

This asshat has had her bunny boiling moment. Thank goodness the chump kicked her cheater out =MIGHTY.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  ANC

Bunny, Bunny, Bunny, “you’re concerned that you broke his trust?” why do you care?

“He has lied to me, did he ever love me? He will probably never want to speak with me again and I have hurt his wife terribly too. There’s now a huge hole in my life, how can he just abandon me?”

He lied to you, more importantly he lied to his wife and family.

“He denied it and told her I was a ‘psycho’. She has now thrown him out of the house and when I contacted him, he told me he hated me for telling her the truth as I had broken his trust, and had ruined their lives and their kids’ lives.”

He’s blaming you for ruining his life, because he chose to have an affair, says you’re a psycho and this is the person you consider “the love of your life”?

“I feel gutted now because I have hurt his wife terribly by revealing their marriage wasn’t what she thought it was. I didn’t need to go into so much detail, but I felt at the time I needed to provide
specific proof as he was calling me a liar”.

You knowingly had a relationship with a married man which ended after 1 1/2 years. You’re feeling gutted not over his wife’s hurt feelings but your own.
When you revealed her marriage wasn’t what she thought it was and purposely provided detail so the hurt would be more devastating.

You’re not feeling empathy for his wife, you’re more upset that he’s not speaking to you and your cheater relationship has ended. You knew telling his wife would likely end their marriage and believed this would be the beginning of your happily ever after. Your plan failed miserably.
Sounds better though doesn’t it, especially to a bunch of Chumps to say you feel gutted that you hurt his wife rather than the truth.
You feel gutted because he’s trying to reconcile with his wife and doesn’t give a shit about you.

How could you be so stupid for being the OW, good question.
Speaking of questions..,
A better question to ask yourself is is why you feel your life is ruined without him and not feeling glad that he’s out of your life.

Shechump
Shechump
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Brit – you hit the nail on this comment, thank you.
Not only did I NOT want to hear any details from the stupid cheater since I didn’t care, I certainly wouldn’t have want to hear them from some fuck he had.
What a horrible thing for this women to do to his wife, besides fucking a married man and bragging about all the details to his wife. THAT IS EVIL! The wife has no stop-gap on her vomit. And, that shit sits in your memory for life.

This women doesn’t deserve any more of our comments.
Her voice in her email speaks volumes. Oh – I just happened to spill the beans because I was sad and angry. You said it best, brit. I’m actually spitting a bit of fire on this OW letter…

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  AC

Jeez, even the name ‘SillyBunny’ irritates the hell out of me!

Silly! As in, “ooopsie! Silly old me! I’m not a bad person without integrity, making morally questionable choices, who devastates families. I’m just a silly sausage! Giggle, giggle”

And Bunny, as in “Oooooo, look at me, I’m cute, and fluffy, and harmless. Cuddle me! You know you want to!”

SillyBunny, my arse. My instincts were to be soft with her… But thinking about that stupid name, chosen on purpose…. Jeez, I hope she really is a troll.

UnderConstruction
UnderConstruction
6 years ago

Yes!
Any adult who calls themselves by a cutesy name is immature and needy.

My x’s ow had this ridiculous nickname and would also use it in various ways to make it even MORE cutesy sounding. Ugh. Grow the fuck up already, get your life together, focus on progressing instead of self-absorbed bad decisions that hurt others, ETC ETC ETC.

I have zero patience for adults who act like kids and think it’s cute.

Shechump
Shechump
6 years ago

Ha – I’m a fucking silly clown and I have horrible intentions, you silly-assed rodent.

Mandie101
Mandie101
6 years ago

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/5348592/ukip-leader-henry-bolton-tried-to-cover-up-shamed-mistresss-rants-by-threatening-her-ex-lover/amp/

Speaking of bunnies…this guy heads a political party in the UK. Left his third wife for the crazy.

If you guys have time the news stories on this short saga are instructive. He’s a serial cheater and quite delusional. Speaks BS fluently.

Bee
Bee
6 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

I was going to bring it up at some point.
This story is histerical. Old fool and his 30 years younger girlfriend with a missing brain!! Hahahaha
Karma was on speed dial in this case 😉

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago
Reply to  Bee

I read this story over the weekend and immediately thought he should date women older than his granddaughters and then he may get one with a grown up brain. Ha !

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago

If SillyBunny is old enough to have kids, then she should be old & wise enough to know that being ‘flatmates’ Is a load of bullshit.

Sure, the recession left a lot of couples that had split too poor for either to move out of the home.

But if in doubt, seek proof. Or else, avoid getting involved until the divorce is actually happening. But apparently at the point she got involved, the kids didn’t yet ‘understand’. No matter how gullible or naive this woman was, how can you justify getting involved with a married man, when his kids don’t even know there’s been a split?

I don’t accept that she was that gullible or naive. On some level, she knew exactly what was going on.

If she really wants to become a better person, she needs to be truly honest with herself.

She also needs to develop better boundaries for herself, and respect other people’s boundaries.

Star Tingover
Star Tingover
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Affair partners are not victims. Full stop.

Knowingly engaging in a relationship with a married man or woman is wrong. Full stop.

No Excuses.

Patsy
Patsy
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I thought you were rather kind, direct and to the point!!

The SELFISHNESS and self absorption of OWS putting all common sense out the door, needs to be reamed a new one.

Beans
Beans
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

With all the people in my life making excuses for the cheaters and OW (including my mother, a OW fur most of my childhood) you’re almost the only person I can relate to, Tracy. Thank God for you calling bullshit as bullshit. I feel like everyone in my life has lost their mind. These Facebook apologetics can go suck a dick.

Preferably one attached to a single dude, but probably not since they’re all so eager to make excuses for this OW.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Chumps with FB should go chime in and help Tracy.

I really hate the “everyone is a victim” culture–OW/OM are victims, waa waa; cheaters are victims of horrible marriages (sob)…..No. Sometimes there really is truth to the matter–two people in the triangle were selfish & deceptive and altered the life trajectory of the chump. No matter how unappealing the chump (eats crackers in bed, breeds cockroaches for fun), it does not equal the widespread betrayal being advanced by the cheating spouse & AP.

Sorry, OWs, stupidity and poor impulse control are not enough for us to pity you, no matter how long a face you pull.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

On my way~

woolwasovermyeyes
woolwasovermyeyes
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

My ex’s OW is NOT a victim at all and it maddened me so much when he told me that she was hurt and she was crying… I’m sitting in front of him in our bedroom, in our marital home while our children sleep and I’m supposed to care about her?!? Uh NO, I don’t give a damn about her! She willingly knew that he was going through stuff in his marriage, his own MOTHER let OW come to her home AND MEET MY CHILDREN (3 & 5) and all hid this from me for MONTHS!

I care about what life path I have been forced to choose, selling my home, relocating my children to live with family, pick up a second job that I actually don’t have time for. BUT I am grateful to get out from under a verbally and emotionally abusive partner and his freaking family. I am grateful I can hopefully show my children the right way for relationships to be and to believe that they are enough and their value alone is enough and that they will not tolerate any of the crap I put up with in the name of “love.”

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Wow, that was an incredibly stupid comment on FB. Her only crime was dimness (I’m paraphrasing)? Um, no. She fucked a married man for 18 months, knowing he was married. She got some great holidays (at his family’s expense), she met his asshole brother (he has to be an asshole if he went along with this shit), and ONLY when she didn’t get the attention she felt she deserved at Christmas did she decide to blow up everyone’s lives. That’s not dim, it’s malicious, mean spirited, aggressive and a number of other flavors of fucked up but it isn’t dim. The only thing she was the slightest bit “dim” about was anticipating the consequences TO HER that her actions would have. Well… I guess it was also a bit DIM to come to a chump blog and expect sympathy. Or maybe that’s just arrogance? I’m going to go with arrogance.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Standing ovation, Beth! Spot-on analysis of OW’s behavior, and the “dim” comment on FB.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Thanks Tempest. That comment on FB really rubbed me the wrong way.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Will do!!! I’m in a mood this morning!

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

If you’ve jumped into the fray, NMSB, then fight’s over! TKO

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Hahahahaha!

Newlady15
Newlady15
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I agree CL. My exes AP came to my house, f$cked him in MY bed right beside my personal things on my nightstand and the clothes in my closet ( no doors). And that wasn’t enough, they repeated that at our cottage. Just for good measure he brought her and her kid to our house in Florida ( the neighbours didn’t know and were shocked), and did this the week before my sister and I had to go down there and sell everything and get my Florida dream home ready to sell( because of course he wouldn’t do anything except stick his hand out to collect “his share”). Evil Pieces of Shit, both of them .

Mandie101
Mandie101
6 years ago
Reply to  Newlady15

I had a friend who was an OW. I’ve since dropped her. Not because she was the OW although as time passed I looked at her much differently. I dropped her because she kept making crap decision after crap decision and crying over it and expecting sympathy and basically learning nothing. Ahhh just thinking about it makes me tired. It was she who advised me to commit adultery to get at my husband…cause they all do it. Yes… slowly but surely I cut that cord. We had been friends from high school. She had a pretty shit upbringing but had many good qualities. Then like I said one bad shitty decision after the other. Always after unavailable men. Always some drama. My brain hurts thinking about her .
She ended up having a child for a married man whose wife was pregnant at the same time. He’s still with the wife who has since had another child.
When the wife found out (after my friend pressured the husband to tell) she confronted my friend. Surprisingly she was livid. Imagine that chumps! This wife was livid. My friend called me after all upset…whining ” and would you believe that she is a Christian and she cursed me!”
Stupid chumpy me tried to reason that you be fair the wife had just found out that you have a child with her husband. My friend still didn’t think that it warranted the cuss out.
Go figure. Right around then the crazy was starting to take over.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

I will not, do not or could not associate with anyone who involved with an adulterous affair. That means the OW, OM or the cheater. To me, their behavior says: I am really fucked up and I have no respect for myself or others.

Ahartmann
Ahartmann
6 years ago

I get that and I respect it.

I had a hard time when push came to shove and in light of the mental health disorder she was diagnosed with a few short weeks before I felt uncomfortable picking that moment to say adios.

Ahartmann
Ahartmann
6 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Ugh. I know.

I’m just glad my friend didn’t end up pregnant with her ‘whatever-the-Hell-he-was'” baby.

I just couldn’t imagine that.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yep. If you call something “the oldest trick in the book”, then you are familiar with the book. That doesn’t happen overnight. Ergo, the innocent act (but I didn’t know!!! Waah!!!) Can only be an act.

This bunny needs many years of therapy.

Beans
Beans
6 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

????????. I gotta remember that line!

WorkingOnMeh
WorkingOnMeh
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Absolutely right, CL!! You always tell it like it is. That’s why we love you.

gravlax
gravlax
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

If you meet a man who says he is getting a divorce you are prone to believe him, it is totally plausible, 50% of marriages fail. silly bunny was entangled with a con man who misled her and his wife. He initially hooked silly bunny with the prospect of a future with him, further down the line she must have realized she was being played. I have one thing to say to silly bunny, you should be proud that you let his poor wife know the truth, who cares about “breaking his trust”, he is a liar why are you concerned about what he thinks? I hope you gave her all the evidence she needs to know who she is dealing with. I know you are hurt now, but you need to work on your self worth, you seem fragile. Remember that you are in love with an image of a man that doesn’t exist. It was all a game to him, to feed his ego to engage in a romantic tryst. In your misery you need to acknowledge that you are still lucky to have shed such a toxic individual from your life.

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  gravlax

Fragile? You’ve got to be kidding. She knew he was married and that he devalued the mother of his children. She was needy and selfish. Sure predators do say whatever it takes to snag a piece of ass. There’s NO excuse for her behavior screwing him for 18 months.

She felt entitled for the investment she made and gave him an ultimatum. That’s when it fell apart.

As far as being proud. Yeah, as proud as any cunt can be for jamming it to his wife and children on Christmas. Fuck her she gets no hoorah for playing that card the way she did. It was pure vengeance and a power play.

She could have waited and given the information in a way that wouldn’t have hurt those children.

What a sleazy disgusting entitled pig.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  gravlax

I’ve met guys like that who are “separated, getting divorced soon”. I told them they could call me when the divorce was final. What’s so hard about that, Silly Bunny???

Beans
Beans
6 years ago
Reply to  Soldiering On

Let me guess…you don’t get very many follow up phone calls!

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
6 years ago
Reply to  Beans

I had an old boyfriend find me where I work (said he found my name on a brochure which could be the truth)….I said ‘Aren’t you married?’ He said ‘Kinda.’ I said, ‘Is that like being kinda pregnant?’ Gawd, lose my number.
I’ve seen guys on dating sites state they were ‘currently separated.’ I always wonder WTH that means. Jeebus, get a divorce before you start pulling people into your web. Total turnoff.

Waffles
Waffles
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

Currently separated = my wife is:

A.) at work
B.) mowing the grass
C.) picking kids up from school
D.) out of field of vision/hearing

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

“Currently separated” In my book that means you ain’t available. That means your wife kicked you out, maybe you’re hoping she’ll take you back but in the meantime you’re down to f*ck as many women as you can, single or unhappily married.

Next !

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
6 years ago
Reply to  gravlax

“If you meet a man who says he is getting a divorce you are prone to believe him, it is totally plausible.”

Maybe. But, if she honestly believed that, why the need to keep it secret from his wife? Why did she react to being ignored on Christmas by telling the wife about the affair, if she honestly thought the wife would be ok with it? How was that supposed to go?

“Hi, I’m sleeping with your husband.”

“And this is my problem, why? I don’t have a husband, I have an ex – we’re finalizing a divorce and haven’t been truly “married” in years. Go complain to someone else if he’s a jerk.”

She chose what to believe based on what justified her actions. That’s not the same thing as legitimately believing something.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  gravlax

Let’s even grant Silly Bunny was duped by a convincing story at first. After a month or so of the secrecy, she should have twigged that the guy was still actively married.

And let Silly Bunny be a lesson to everyone else who falls for the “my wife/husband doesn’t understand me,” “we have a marriage in name only,” “I’m just waiting for the kids to turn 18 before I divorce him/her,” lines.

Natalia.B
Natalia.B
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Its amazing just how gullible some people can be. Maybe that’s why cheaters are drawn to them. I’ve commented on here before about a ‘friend’ of mine whose started both physical and phone/online affairs recently after remaining faithful to her husband for 15 years. I know she’s tried hard to work on her passionless marriage but of course that’s no excuse. The reason I mention her is one of the guys who calls/Facetimes her for phone sex has photos of his beautiful, smiling wife all over Facebook. Yet, she completely believes this guy that they aren’t sleeping together. She knows my feelings on whole sorry business yet looked dumbfounded and shocked when I cynically told her this guy is no doubt a lying snake. Reason she knows he’s telling the truth? He’s downstairs on the sofa in the early hours when he calls her. So he must be telling the truth or he would be asleep in bed next to his wife. Duh!

I don’t have the contact details of anyone involved and I’m not even on FB, or I’d be so tempted to spill the beans. That said, I couldn’t bear to cause someone the same kind of gut wrenching heartbreak we’ve all suffered.

NoMoreEvil
NoMoreEvil
6 years ago
Reply to  gravlax

It is definitely good that she told the wife, but it’s not like she told her out of guilt or because she wanted to do the right thing-she only told the wife because she was angry and jealous and hoping to get the man once she blew up the marriage. Sorry, no brownie points for that.

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  gravlax

gravlax – ok, he said he was getting divorced. But he said that he was still living with his wife – albeit as ‘flatmates’. That alone should have been enough to raise suspicions. But the killer was that his children didn’t yet ‘understand’. Together, those two things should have been enough to tell her to back off until he was more ‘available’ – even if she did believe his lies.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago

Knowing what we know due to our own experience makes it obvious to us what she should and should not have known. Honestly, some of these cheaters are real con artists. I do find it plausible that someone without the experience and hind sight that we have who is somewhat insecure and is being loved bombed by a narcissist in full charm/pity me mode might believe things that we know shouldn’t be believed.

That being said, I believe now is the time for her eyes to be opened and for her to fully recognize who the real victims are in this situation. She might be a minor victim, but to some extent she as a willing victim, not examining the situation too closely because she was getting kibbles herself. Now she knows better and she should forget her own pain and feel for the wife and kids alone. that would be the way to show that she doesn’t completely suck as a person and that she may actually learn something from all of this.

Limeydyray
Limeydyray
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I thought it was great! There is no way she didn’t know that she was the OW. She is trying to justify and claim victimhood. She wants others to feel that she is a Chump, that she has been wrong. Nope, not here, Silly Bunny. Move along.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Limeydyray

I’m sure that’s not the first time in 18 months that she pulled up the wife’s social media accounts. I highly doubt she was completely in the dark like she is trying to make us believe. She probably saw happy Christmas photos posted and 18 months of supressed crazed bunny was unleashed.

Seeing clearly
Seeing clearly
6 years ago

That was my first thought, she didn’t just pull up the wife’s FB, etc accounts. I’m all for giving people the benefit of doubt, but not Silly Bunny!! She’s a manipulative, vindictive, woman. The fact that she has children of her own and did this – no empathy or sympathy. She just thought blowing up cheaters family was going to make her the “winner” in her mind, when that didn’t happen, she became the “scorned woman”. What’s the saying – “hell hath no fury than a woman scorned”. IMO, I don’t see a victim with Silly Bunny.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  Seeing clearly

Yes, they think they are the ‘winner.’ I dropped off my daughter to them one evening months ago, and OW came strutting out as they were packing up their new big camper to go camping, like “look at me!” Oh my goodness. She can have him.

My stbx said he liked her because she gets what she wants.

A 22 y.o. who wants a 48 y.o. for his money? She can have you!

And I can have peace now. I got what I want. 🙂

2nd Gen Chump
2nd Gen Chump
6 years ago

Oh! Good point! “Hey, if you’re just flat mates, why are you looking so snuggly in her Facebook photos?”

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  Limeydyray

It is true, that SillyBunny is behaving like a victim, isn’t it! I really hope this woman’s eyes have been opened today.

It is a bit bizarre that she’d write to Chump Lady. Who knows what she was thinking there.

SillyBunny, you have to change your own narrative. Own what you did. Admit to yourself and your friends that you did wrong and that you are not the victim. It will help you to deal with your guilt, and grow as a person.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

Silly bunny does have a ton of guilt on her hands. I’m not buying her “I’m a victim” line. She knew he was married. That means she knew he had a wife. Which meant that he was taken. Which meant that she should have kept her hands and vagina off of him.

Why is that so hard to understand? WTF is wrong with people?

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I do agree with you – on all points.

My comment is a bit soft, because I am a bit soft, still.

There absolutely HAS to be a voice like yours, Tracy. If you don’t say these things, which ultimately, are the truth, then who will?

There has to be balance to the narrative, as we all know. There’s too much in favour of cheaters & affair partners. And there’s an oft repeated narrative out there that the affair partner hasn’t done anything wrong. They didn’t make a vow; they don’t owe the betrayed partner anything. Well, I disagree.

If SillyBunny was my friend, I would absolutely wrap my arms around her and comfort her. But I wouldn’t lie to her. I would make it clear (probably very gently) that she did wrong. But it would be my hope that SillyBunny would learn from this experience, and become a better person. Develop a sense of responsibility to other people – strangers, even – not to hurt them and cause trauma. Because we are all responsible for what we knowingly do to other people – whether they are a stranger or not.

SillyBunny – it’s not about you. Please pick yourself up, realise what this man is, learn from this, move on with your life and try to learn how to be a better person.

CanadianDad
CanadianDad
6 years ago

Absolutely, I can feel bad for her, and recognize that she feels awful, but I would gell her that what she did was horrible. She knowingly got involved with a married man with children. What does thatsay about the both of them. She may very well have fallen in love with him,ok, whatever but then when things don’t go your way you try to blow things up in his family. What kind of person does that? WTF did you think would happen next? Give that head a shake.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago

Silly,

Cheater makes you ‘watch an 18-month-long PowerPoint presentation entitled: “I Am a Cake-Eating Bastard Who Will Never Leave His Wife”’ and you STILL don’t get it?

Either you are a bad student in Life Lessons 101, you skip classes and when you do show up you fiddle around with your smartphone in class posting selfies instead of paying attention to your teachers or …. you are REALLY stupid.

Don’t feel bad for Mrs Chump. You did her a favor. I wish someone had been so “silly” for me. It would have saved me a lot of sorrow and wasted money and time.

Hop on into the sunset.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

And here at Chump Nation were aren’t silly. We are CHUMPS.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
6 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

And here at Chump Nation we aren’t silly. We are CHUMPS. (typo)

Kimhopes
Kimhopes
6 years ago

Well written Chump Lady. Her whole letter was basically “why didn’t he pick me?”

The self righteous indignation due to the wife possibly deciding to give him another chance. The anti-depressants because her nasty plot to destroy the life of the wife didn’t work. Her disbelief that he hates her guts for not playing the part of the bit on the side.

I hope the wronged wife kicks him in the nuts as she boots him out the door. Silly bunny, you are selfish, mean, nasty, lack any remorse or insight, and didn’t give a flying fuck about a wife and children who had time, energy, money and love taken from them while having their mental, physical and emotional health put at risk by a nut job philanderer and his side piece. At least the wife now knows to get STD testing and can make an informed decision about her future. As for the reply being mean, I am giving you as much sympathy as you gave to the innocent victims – jack shit.

Stalked, name changed
Stalked, name changed
6 years ago

This happened to me with a few differences. OW went out of her way to make sure D-Day was Christmas morning, which was also our planned GENDER REVEAL with our unborn child that we were celebrating with our 3 preschool aged children. (It’s a girl ????!)

OW claimed to be “The Victim” exactly like this letter writer. The shocking thing is OW has divorced 3 times so far, is 15 years older than us, and by profession is a Divorce Attorney. She’s got to see this kind of crap at work, yet she’s went out of her way to personally harass me. I’m not exaggerating when I say the dozens and dozens of extremely pornographic messages she sent me are deeply disturbing. She has no boundaries. Absolutely none. She had a divorce attorney for herself in MY divorce (where she named herself as a witness) before I even did.

And my ex abusive husband sucks. But not for him, I never would have been exposed to that lunatic. If I hadn’t lived through the abuse and made it to the other side (with the help of CL and CN), I never would have imagined people actually treat others so poorly. What happened to the golden rule?

Beth
Beth
6 years ago

Stalked, I cringe every time you post about your horrendous divorce attorney OW. I’m a former divorce attorney myself and it is just appalling that creature who infected your life still has a license to practice law (yes I mean “infected” like a flesh eating bacteria, not “affected”). There are so many ethics violations in your story it’s almost too many to count. I am so sorry for all you have been through. I am even more sorry that a member of my profession used their position to do you such harm. I hope someone reports her to her local ethics board and has her investigated. She should not be allowed to continue to practice law.

Stalked, name changed
Stalked, name changed
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Beth, you echo the sentiments of my attorney, who found OW’s behavior “shocking”. My attorney said you see all sorts of horrible behavior and abuse in family law (and OW has been practicing law since I was a middle schooler). To see so many terrible things in Family Law and then behave the way OW had chosen to conduct herself……it’s left everyone speechless.

I know we’ve discussed on this page the possibility of reporting OW to the State Bar, but I just don’t know if it’s worth pursuing. I just finished litigation with a RTSC for ex breaking nearly every aspect of our divorce agreement that was written in a specific way to protect me and the kids from future abuse. So I’m exhausted with Court. Although OW wanted to sway the GAL (unethically) with the custody order, etc and build my ex’s case to be stronger, I don’t think she succeeded. More likely, if anything, she actually really hurt his case.

Lastly, I’m working on moving towards Meh, and I have so many fun things I’m looking forward to. I want to enjoy my 4 children while they are young, be there for them, and create a new happier life together. It doesn’t leave much room in my head for potentially dealing more with this disturbed OW and an ethics committee. Someday perhaps justice will find her….I’d say life with my ex-abuser is quite the pound of flesh.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago

Stalked,

In the years I practiced divorce law, I saw SO much pain. I viewed my job as trying to get my clients through what could be the most devastating event of their life as easily and quickly as I could. I couldn’t prevent their pain but I sure as hell could try to minimize it. I can not imagine purposefully adding to people’s pain by using one’s professional knowledge to cause harm. It is beyond cruel.

When I said that I hoped someone reported that POS to the local ethics commission, I did not mean to imply that I thought YOU should do so. Given what you have been through already, it seems too risky. Your safety and that of your children is primary. And really, your attorney, the GAL or someone else involved in the case who knows what happened should do the reporting. In my state, attorneys have an ethical obligation to report misconduct on the part of other attorneys.

I admire you tremendously for getting through what you’ve been through. You are very, very mighty!

Stalked
Stalked
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Thank you so much, Beth. Your words of strength and encouragement mean so much to me. Xoxo

AC
AC
6 years ago

Stalked, PLEASE report her to the State Bar, or whoever oversees attorney disciplinary matters in your state. You could even ask for damages because you had to pay your attorney to do extra work to deal with her trash.

If they believe your complaint has merit they’ll take over and handle it. You’ll have to give testimony, but you won’t have to prosecute the case. Make sure you mention how much extra her meddling cost you.

Most state bars are quick to jump on cases when an attorney’s unethical and unwanted actions cost the public money.

Seeing clearly
Seeing clearly
6 years ago
Reply to  AC

Stalked,
Your story, gives me chills!! You are one amazing, tough woman!!!
Yes, please report her to the State Bar where you live. This OW attorney should not be allowed to practice law anywhere.

KB22
KB22
6 years ago

She’s a psychopath and your ex is a narc but also a stupid ass. They have no rules or moral compass. Not to go off topic but I unfortunately hired a psychopath back in May. I was aware shortly after her hire, when she exhibited backstabbing, bragging and undermining characteristics. Without going into a lot of detail she is definitely a full fledged psychopath. Scary how normal they look/appear. Oh and here is the rub…….the department she is heading has two toxic, pain in the ass employees that have been a nightmare for many other employees. You know the drill they produce but create havoc under the guise of “just trying to do their jobs”. So she was supposed to “fix” the department and bridge the disconnect between her department & others. So no surprise that has not exactly worked out. However, I was very upset a couple a months ago but now I am having fun with it. Plus the fact it just came to my attention her engaging in blatant wrongdoing with our year end audit.

Stalked
Stalked
6 years ago
Reply to  KB22

Yikes, KB22! That sounds super stressful. I’m glad it sounds like you have a plan on handling it!

KB22
KB22
6 years ago
Reply to  Stalked

I was lucky enough to have employees brave enough to come to me & report her antics. So many want to stay under the radar instead of confronting bad apples. A friend of mine also dropped by one day as we had plans for lunch. I introduced them and my friend who is one of the sharpest people I know said at our lunch, whoa this one is going to be a huge problem. I thought she was a little over the top with that comment but come to find out………….
Anyway we may not even have to fire her as she has one foot out the door since she has realized she can’t run the show.

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago

OMG, StalkedNameChanged: I hate that horrible woman FOR you. And your ex. Both of them can fuck right off.

I totally get what you are saying about the Golden Rule. Such a basic, common sense concept, isn’t it? And yet …. here we are, facing the reality that some people willfully reject it. Bad people exist far more than I ever realized.

On the other hand, there are a ton of really good people here, helping each other, supporting each other, and being open to learning and growing along the way. This is our reminder that as bad as our new reality can seem, there is still plenty of light. 🙂

P.S. Congratulations on the little girl. All three of mine are girls — so I’m a bit partial to daughters. 🙂

Stalked, name changed
Stalked, name changed
6 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

Hi (((JesssMom)))! I have 3 little girls too and a young son. Thank you for your kind words. You’re right, while there are some really disordered people out there, there are also so many kind, loving, and generous people as well.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
6 years ago

That OW is beyond disordered. Positively evil. I’m so glad you got free of them both.

Felix the Cat
Felix the Cat
6 years ago

My ex serial cheater told several OW that I was his “roommate” and they ALL believed it. He was a master manipulator and I never found out at the time he was playing his games. Imagine paying all the rent and bills for an underemployed partner and finding out he was looking for thrills and your ultimate replacement while telling OW you were a “roommate”. It still stings!!

I’m glad Silly Bunny told the wife and was real and graffic as possible. I would have needed that kind of 2/4 to my head and it would have saved me years of expert gaslighting. You know, the “she’s a friend/client/coworker” and I’m “batshit crazy”. Yes he even called me that! Funny, I was never “crazy” before I met the cat.

I know it was 18 mos for Silly Bunny but I can see someone who has a busy life and kids and for example only time to meet twice a month etc not fully grasping that they are being conned. I hope she learned her lesson as painful as it was. He was no prize to “win”.

Ahartmann
Ahartmann
6 years ago
Reply to  Felix the Cat

The only thing she did right was tell the wife.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Felix the Cat

Yep. I tell anyone I meet who is dating an “only on paper” married person that married is married, doesn’t matter what the story you’ve been handed says. Married is, assets and money are mixed, custody is unresolved, and life is blended at a MINIMUM. The likelihood that at least some lies (maybe in the form of omissions) are flowing around that mess is extremely high.

A thing is what it is. It isn’t something else.

Married is married. People who want to move on get divorced, even if it causes big problems. There’s no extenuating circumstance. You’re the other person in an extramarital affair. If you don’t like that, your only option is to end it until the divorce is final. “Almost final” ain’t “final”.

Ahartmann
Ahartmann
6 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

I agree. Completely free and clear or fuck off.

My church has singles events and you can’t participate if your divorce hasn’t been discharged because if your divorce hasn’t been discharged then YOU AREN’T SINGLE!

Feelingit
Feelingit
6 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Amen! reminds me of : just a little pregnant.

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
6 years ago
Reply to  Felix the Cat

I don’t have to imagine this.

I got told by a convenience store clerk that asshole wasn’t a married man. Um… excuse me ~ I sleep next to him every night, we took vows in front of a minister in front of witnesses … then I realized ~ he wasn’t married, I was.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

Doggone it, why isn’t there a “Like” button on this blog!??

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

“he wasn’t married, I was.”

Bingo.

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago

(With apologies to General Mills)

Silly bunny! Tricks are for kibbles!

love and chumpiness
love and chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

More like, silly bunny, you are a trick.

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Haha! That’s fantastic!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

You are a genius.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

The one thing that stands out when I read garbage like this:

When I got divorced 2 years ago….after 21 years of marriage….I discovered an ocean of single people. Everywhere. Available. Looking for a relationship. Longing to give 100% of their attention in return.

Why do these sick fucks choose married people when there is a Singles Buffet in every aspect of daily life?

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

You have look outside of the box.

I am a gun toting, steak eating, boots and jeans, country boy who appreciates the finer things in life like college football and classic car shows.

I am dating an anti-gun, city woman, who is a vegan and enjoys jazz music, the opera, and art museums.

I am a mechanic and she works for a corporate law firm.

You have to look outside of your zone.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago

Wow! I’ll bet you have some interesting dates!

love and chumpiness
love and chumpiness
6 years ago

Hmm I wonder if it holds as true for female chumps. (here’s hoping)

Beth
Beth
6 years ago

Not in my age bracket (50-60), sorry to say.

Beth
Beth
6 years ago

If you ever decide to clone yourself SDC, you let me know. 😀

Patsy
Patsy
6 years ago

Where do you find them?

Twitching
Twitching
6 years ago

Uh…where is this ocean?

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago

Decisions, decisions, should I give him an ultimatum? Yes, the holidays are the perfect time to blow up a family.

This bunny has elephant balls believing she was special. Best case scenario is when they win the turd after the wife boots them.

Remorse ? That’s assbackward. It felt good until the roommate bitch with the messy house was gutted. Even if you end up with him there’s always a next. Hoping he slithers back to you. You deserve each other.

srfrgrl
srfrgrl
6 years ago

No longer a fan but back when I’d watch his show, Dr. Phil once said this to a woman in a similar situation…”You couldn’t be more stupid if I cut your head off.”

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  srfrgrl

He has also said, “If you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.”

Luziana
Luziana
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Also made an impression, “Cheaters think everyone cheats, and liars think everyone lies.”

Natalia.B
Natalia.B
6 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

Luziana I so wish I had woken up to this fact many years ago. I trusted my cheater 100%. I didn’t want to live in a marriage where everything had to be checked up on. Yet Mr Cheater was suspicious of everything I said and did, and everyone around me. Red flag or what? Ms Dumbhead me just thought he was paranoid not reflecting his own deception.

Luziana
Luziana
6 years ago
Reply to  Natalia.B

Indeed. I am thousands of dollars poorer for this wisdom. They also normalize their dysfunction by saying cheating is not a big deal and everyone does it. I’ve never done it.

mila
mila
6 years ago

You can’t make this shit up!

– In a few years from now his wife will send you a thank you note. She lost a cheater and gained a life. As to yourself : WOW you knew he was married, yet you still had an affair with him? Just think about it for a moment.

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago

SillyBunny/OW

You have the nerve to come to this site for help & understanding??
Because of your selfish, disgusting behavior with a Married cheater.. we all are suppose to welcome you with open arms?
In my book you deserve everything you get! Helping to destroy a wife & family? Your nothing but a used up whore.. evil bitch ????

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Standing ovation for Kathleen!

The selfish, childish, fool- grabbed on to a married man. And we are supposed to feel sorry for her?

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

Right on Kathleen! Bravo!

SillyBunny,
It is a good thing that you told the wife, ( you know, the wife/mother, the one with the sink full of his ” DIRTY” dishes). She deserves to know.
But, the fact that you told her for your own selfish reasons, will that part sucks! ( makes you not worthy of this site).
People like you, SillyBunny, are a dime a dozen, hell some cheaters can get you for a nickel!

I don’t believe you were harsh CL. Truthful, you were truthful, a character trait you own and live up to.

Just saying.

SillyBunny
SillyBunny
6 years ago

Yes I have been stupid and naive etc. But he was a very convincing liar and manipulator. I trusted him and loved him so why not believe him? (I’m not a complete idiot, I have been to University, although a while ago!)
Everytime I asked for proof of him seeking a divorce he called me paranoid.
Just to correct, I contacted his wife on 27th Dec not Christmas Day.
I am very sorry and have apologised to his wife. I just couldn’t take anymore and exploded.
Thank you for answering CL. I needed some clarity.

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

If you really believed him you wouldn’t have thought you needed to keep it secret from his wife. You wouldn’t think it was “betraying” him to let her know about it. You chose to “believe” him because you wanted to continue the affair. That’s different.

Working It Out
Working It Out
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

Own your behavior. You allowed yourself to be played. You called his wife and gave explicit details because you wanted him to pick you. You are not a victim, you got what you signed up for.

Patsy
Patsy
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

That is what cheaters do.

THEY LIE in order to cheat.

Kathleen
Kathleen
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

SillyBunny/OWHORE

You really don’t get it! Take your diploma & get the hell off this site!

We don’t want to hear your excuses..He was MARRIED!!!

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

Sweetheart….married means “married.” NOT available. There is no such thing as “half way” married.

Kar marie
Kar marie
6 years ago

Being at university doesnt make you smart bunny if you dont have any common sense to begin with. He was married that should have been a two by four to the skull. Then you come here to this site looking for what….bunny….for what? The ow in my circle of hell knew he was married didnt care and did all she could to break up the marriage sooner to get him. They started cheating on each other…..and….the circle of hell continues. Me im out i escaped his life he didnt. He is a piece of shit pod then now and forever. Go suck an egg bunny before dorothy drops a house on you!

Ahartmann
Ahartmann
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

One of my friends became the OW under similar circumstances and it was like trying to whack logic into her and she still didn’t get it.

I get why.

She felt really strong feelings for the guy and believes that because they were “so in sync” (whatever) that his “in love” narrative trumped everything else. All of the rest of his “circumstances.” And that if she poured enough time / energy / affection whatever into this creature that he would be so in love with her for sticking by him during the “tough times.” You know, like scraping off his kid and girlfriend that he had committed to back home. That his sad sausage self just “couldn’t go through with hurting them.”

Then the gf reached out to her on FB and via text, showing her proof that he was still very active in the relationship and trying to gaslight the fuck out of her, albeit pretty ineffectively, because the guy isn’t very fucking bright.

You know what my friend did? She dumped him for aboit 3.5 minutes. (Ugh.) It caused more of a fucking moral crisis for ME having been her friend during her B.S. then it did for either one of these cheaters!) My friend was even given texts that showed him telling his gf how unattractive he thjnks my friend is! How she was just a hookup and it “didnt mean anything.”

What did my logic-impaired friend do? She told his gf to back off! He was “happy here with her and he was trying to ruin that.”

This is what happens with you OW!

You have every opportunity to not only second-guess yourselves but have 10 million red flags whacking you on the face and YET YOU PERSIST!

No wonder those married idiots end up telling at you “you knew what this was!”

It’s like love is a bad drug for you. You’ll keep going for the high even though you know it’s fake, because you believe that “Your love” is the special “against-all-odds-he’ll-see-how-much-i-love-him-and-be-so-grateful” kind of love. IT.DOESNT.WORK.LIKE.THAT.

At one point he met his wife, made all of the promises he faked to you AND LOOK HOW HE’S TREATING HER NOW! There’s ALL OF THE INFO YOU NEED. He lives with her and his kids and sleeps with you. That’s the top position you could hope for! Him eventually living with you and your kids and sleeping with someone else!

You life and love life isn’t likely to be the “special exception.” You are million to one more likely to end up being the rule! Live accordingly! If a man has beaten up his last wife and hospitalized her, expect him to be likely to do the same to you if get involved with him! Even if he’s “so nice” in the beginning! They ALL are e they wouldn’t have ended up married in the first place!

Look for who the guy IS, not just of you have fuzzy feelings with him or what cutesy things he writes to you. WHO HE IS AND HOW HE ACTS!

He says he’s “in love and can’t love without you.” But yet, he’s LIVING WITH HER! So clearly he is living without you and probably full of shit aboit the other part of that statement too!

He’s not going to lie to his primary partner whom he has invested a bunch into life with and then tell you the truth because you’re extra-special. You have all of the evidence in front of you that HE LIES IN RELATIONSHIPS. Thats the difference between you and chumps. We DIDN’T get the opportinity before committing to these people to see their betrayal gaslighting crap before we married them. You did, and yet you persisted! On the back of another person!

So what happened to my friend after she dumped his gf for him and ran off with the prize? He dumped her. Like a week later. And I’m glad because she was such a dumb shit during that time I could barely stand it. Since then she’s turned away involved guys but man I just could not believe it. He wasn’t just a cheater either. He was such an obvious user and total junkie that I just….I just … can’t. I’m practically spackling it was so stupid.

So now his cheating ass has moved onto a completely naive girl who attends the same religious organization I do where he pretends he’s found morality while sleeping with and doing drugs with someone else I have a passing acquaintance with.

If I knew his new gf at all personally or in any distant circle even I would let her know exactly what she was dealing with because she thinks she’s going to marry him (apparently). And he’s adamant that he will. In fact my friend was willing to join my religion over it and he said he’s rather marry the other girl who doesn’t know any better. Yay for her. What a prize. Oh yeah, he’s also in a hookup group on FB with one of my other FB friends who asked me “isn’t that your friends bf? He keeps messaging me?” Nope. He dumped her a long time ago. He’s with this other girl he’s going to marry. Because that’s who he is.

And that’s how much these guys mess around too. I never even knew the jerk before he met my friend through a dating profile he set up while with the gf he had a kid with. NOW after a year I’ve had his original gf contact me about my friend (I told her everything about the time my husband and I met him with my friend before we knew he had a gf. How he committed to my friend in front of both of us etc.). I’ve come to know another acquaintance that is sleeping with him and my other FB friend showing me that pic of him in the hookup group. I don’t even live in the same part of town as the guy and I’ve met four of his previous and potential sex partners! And I bet you he tried the “you’re so special I loooooove you” line on all of them!

Get it!? If he’s got all of the trappings of a relationship with SOMEONE ELSE and flattering you…… that isn’t extra-special love! That’s playing you because he thinks you’re easy! That’s cake-eating!

You can’t sit back and eat cake with someone for over a year and then bitch that they made you fat!

Mandie101
Mandie101
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

You’d still take him if he came back at you though. Did the part where he said he was married and living with his wife and kids not get you? That you were okay with this says alot. You are naive o life. And clearly a bit too needy.

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

If you’re real … WTF? Seriously. Coming to this site for support makes about as much sense as brushing your teeth with soda.

Regardless, you knew he was married. “Flatmates with the WIFE” is pretty clear he has a wife. Waiting until the kids understand is pretty clear there has NOT been a divorce. So, you definitely knew. Heck, you can’t even claim you thought they were separated.

And you got pissed when he blew you off. While I’m glad you told the wife, your motivation was sick and cruel. I say this more for his CHILDREN than even for his wife. Even if you were ridiculous enough to grasp at straws that he really would leave his wife, he explicitly told you his children didn’t understand. So, what did you do — you decided to expedite the situation for his kids (who “didn’t understand yet”) — not because you honestly thought it would benefit the wife or kids … but because you wanted to get back at HIM. That’s shitty human behavior.

Being lied to sucks (as every one of us!) — but that doesn’t give you some license to be a cruel person to the INNOCENT people already being hurt by what the two of you were doing.

Please seek a therapist who will be willing to work with you on the fact that you are willing to hurt innocent people to make yourself feel better.

Seeing clearly
Seeing clearly
6 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

To JesssMom,
The fact that Silly Bunny didn’t for one moment consider the children involved and then corrected that she didn’t inform his wife on Christmas Day, but waited, until December 27, to make herself appear to have a soul, is BS!! She knew EXACTLY what she was doing !!!
My god, The fact that’s she’s a mother and could willingly hurt innocent kids just because the piece of shit couldn’t talk on the phone, only text her, on Christmas Day, I can’t help but be concerned for her own children.
Silly bunny needs to stay in her cage!

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  JesssMom

*ask every one of us (typo)

Seeing clearly
Seeing clearly
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

Silly Bunny,
First, Let me begin with I think your letter is fake and is BS from a freak, but if your are really the OW,
You came to the wrong site to get sympathy. This is not a site to find OW to help ease your pain for fucking another woman’s husband.

Secondly, a man is either married or not married.
You spent 18 months with him. Sorry bunny, as soon as you discovered he was married, you should have immediately disconnected yourself!!
That’s what people with integrity do.

Lastly, although you did his wife a favor, doing it in the holiday season is malicious and calculating. I don’t give a shit if it was December 25 or 27.
Because you were unhappy your married piece of shit wasn’t with you, you decided to blow up his wife’s world during the holidays, you did that deliberately, the last straw for you was he wouldn’t speak to you on the telephone on Christmas Day, if that’s your rock bottom, silly bunny, you are as evil as the cheater.

I’m sure you will continue on with your anti-depressants until you find another cheater to enable you to “get off” on being the OW.

There’s a word for woman like you – whore.

Go back into your bunny cage.

Seeing clearly

WarriorPrincess
WarriorPrincess
6 years ago
Reply to  Seeing clearly

Yes yes yes. Seeing Clearly – you certainly do.

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago
Reply to  Seeing clearly

Whore….bimbo…..skank…..slut….. tart……adulteress……. home wrecker…….self centered narcissist= the “other woman.”

Leavingthecrapbehind
Leavingthecrapbehind
6 years ago

Skanks like Bunny…..do not even factor the children into the cheating equation. They act as if the kids are objects. Nothing to really think about.

Drew
Drew
6 years ago

That is so true. Kids, what kids?!?! Cheating X was father of the year too. ????

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Seeing clearly

My D-day was 2 days after Thanksgiving. Baylor vs. TCU was on the television. It was sleeting that day.

I remember it well. Although it wasn’t on Thanksgiving Day, it was during the Thanksgiving Holiday.

Glad that Blow Bunny clarified that it wasn’t actually on Christmas Day. Wouldn’t want those innocent kids’ heads to be fucked up for the next few years during the Christmas Holidays.

Chumpy Chumpy Chump Chump (uk edition)
Chumpy Chumpy Chump Chump (uk edition)
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

If the wife does kick him out permanently then you’ll get him back!! Without a doubt he will sniff back round you with more bollox spilling from his mouth. You will believe every last word because you want to. Then you will have won him. He will do it to you too, there will be some other low hanging fruit willing to open their legs on words spoken. Lie? Truth? doesn’t really matter as long as it means you ‘won’. You’ll be paranoid the rest of that relationship but hey you won.

You may or may not be academically intelligent but you lack moral fibre, you lack values, you have an overinflated sense of self-importance. You only put yourself first… cracking role model.

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago

I completely forgot that she has children of her own. FFS … cracking role model, indeed!

How How How can people so easily disregard their own kids–their need for stability, their need for decent, mature, and moral role models? I feel so bad for all of the kids in this situation. 🙁

ChumpinAintEasy
ChumpinAintEasy
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

Silly Bunny Its people like you who make my skin crawl.

Out of all of the single available men that are in the vicinity of (unless you live under a rock) you just HAD to choose to fuck a married man? The first time he told you he was married you should have ran the other way. Its women like you that I HATE. It’s women like you that are the reason we call all the female affair partners around here whores, sluts, bitches, etc. You embody those names with your entitlement and narcissistic personality. Everything is yours for the taking, am I right?
YOU KNEW HE WAS STILL MARRIED yet you chose to cling to a man’s word (first mistake) that he was telling you the truth about the state of his marriage.

You make me sick and I have no sympathy for you.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

I got a college degree with the help of a football scholarship.

Thus, I must be intelligent, too.

My parents never went to college. Actually, they are more intelligent and wiser than I am.

UXworld
UXworld
6 years ago
Reply to  SillyBunny

Um . . . I don’t think you get it yet.

Reread tracy’s response and the comments again. And again. Maybe you’ll catch on.

blee
blee
6 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I’m beginning to think that “Silly Bunny” is trolling CN and trying to get a rise out of the pain associated with being hurt and betrayed by being chumped and dumped.

This isn’t your average OW response:

SillyBunny says

January 16, 2018 at 7:01 am

Yes I have been stupid and naive etc. But he was a very convincing liar and manipulator. I trusted him and loved him so why not believe him? (I’m not a complete idiot, I have been to University, although a while ago!)
Everytime I asked for proof of him seeking a divorce he called me paranoid.
Just to correct, I contacted his wife on 27th Dec not Christmas Day.
I am very sorry and have apologised to his wife. I just couldn’t take anymore and exploded.
Thank you for answering CL. I needed some clarity.

I would have expected defiance and aggression to the “crazy” wife appliance / soon to be ex / if we didn’t have kids I would leave right now bitch that I am stuck with.

Just sayin’

yellowsunshine
yellowsunshine
6 years ago
Reply to  blee

I dont know. My ex’s OW thanked me, said how wonderful I was, how I shouldn’t be involved in this mess, how I have a beautiful soul and she really ‘Needed some clarity’ and I really helped her with that. She wished me the best for the future, after us discussing that he had ‘lied’ to her about finishing things with me, and continuing to sleep with us both. I had no idea she existed. She knew about me.

Then she lied she was pregnant with his baby when she realised he didn’t want her as a prize once I kicked him to the curb.

Some seem to have the gift of the gab to get people on their side!

WisedUp
WisedUp
6 years ago
Reply to  yellowsunshine

“I had no idea she existed. She knew about me.” THIS.
This is the essence of the hypocrisy of these whiny OW’s equating Cheater lying “to them too.”
NO. You *knew* he was married. His *wife* didn’t know he was fucking you for 18 months.
An uneven playing field, ya think?

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  yellowsunshine

The OW that cane to light 12/27/14 — merry fucking nightmare on Christmas kids! Said she needed to “restore karma” because she was “stupid and should have known X was lying” and he own cheater dad “didn’t raise me to act like this”. Blah blah fuckity blah. She asked me what she could do to restore karma. I told her to leave my husband the fuck alone. She promised. I understand the very next day she contacted Alex and said “we need to talk……” From there on out she did everything in her power to get Max to leave me and the children so that she could start spending his seven-figure salary. She won that sparkly turd! I heard that they’ve already cheated on each other many times and that it’s a complete shit show in their lives fighting 24 seven. Me, I’m having a peaceful happy life with my lovely cheater free boyfriend. Fuck them

Seeing clearly
Seeing clearly
6 years ago

To MotherChumper99,
So glad to hear that there is a peaceful existence after DV from Narc. Good for you!! The fact they are together in a hellish shit storm life – karma’s a bitch.

I’m approaching 60, I don’t know if I will ever be able to not be jaded for their rest of my life to even consider dating.

Glad to know there is peace at the end 🙂

Seeing clearly

Doingme
Doingme
6 years ago
Reply to  Seeing clearly

Seeing Clearly

61 here and the freedom is amazing. You will get there!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago

Sorry voice to text errors Alex and Max equal X

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
6 years ago

I guess my empathy button is broken because I don’t feel bad for this silly bunny at all. She wasn’t duped; she isn’t a chump. She’s just an OW who has a case of the sadz because she didn’t win her sparkly turd. Don’t worry though silly little bunny. If the wife sticks to leaving him, your sparkly turd will come back. Then you guys can hop on down the path together and get all the happiness you deserve!

Best wishes for a wonderful life!

JesssMom
JesssMom
6 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

No. Your empathy button is NOT broken. Your “call out the BS” and “character matters” buttons are working fabulously! 🙂

JC
JC
6 years ago

You chose the ScreenName “Silly Bunny”?

This is all SO traumatic that you chose a playful, hoppity-hop, cutesy image?

ChumpinAintEasy
ChumpinAintEasy
6 years ago
Reply to  JC

She should have chosen the name Slut Bunny