UBT: Sad Sausage Poetry
Dear Chump Lady,
I’m seeking feedback on a text my ex sent. We were married over two decades and shared what I thought was a beautiful partnership with our children. He told me that a poem and painting he created were published in a small newsletter. The poem is about how he has forgiven himself and is loving himself for the first time in his painful, trauma-filled life.
Why in the world would he be sending me this? We keep it civil for the kids, but I am not feeling we are friends one bit. The discovery of the affair and his secret, hidden life filled with years of online sex chatting and meet ups with escorts in Vegas kinda killed that vibe for me.
I did not respond to him and not sure if I should. Please see the poem and artwork below along with his explanation. Thoughts?
Sincerely,
The Chumpiest Chump Around
****
Dear Chumpiest Chump Around,
Oh, I have thoughts.
My first thought was: Should I run this? On the off chance that the three people who lined their hamster cage with this recognize him?
But then I thought: He shared this for all the world to see. And to be a published writer is to feel the sting of commentary.
And then I realized my non-self and impermanence and thought WTF. The UBT could use a snack.
However, could we first discuss that illustration? What is it? Buddha in a Bunsen burner? Is it painted on black velvet?
It’s the “ongoing journey of forgiving myself (the lamp) to fully forgiving.”
Keep going, Dude. You need to forgive yourself for bad art.
Onwards to the faux Buddhist sad sausage word vomit…
My journey in this life has been difficult, filled with pain and loss from the consequences of actions I have made or those I couldn’t make.
This sentence construction has been difficult, filled with nameless actions to avoid responsibility.
You should know, this has all been very hard on me. Hardest really.
What I carried within my heart was blame. I blamed the gods, the world and me!
The gods never should’ve booked those Vegas escorts.
Last June I realized the journey to forgiveness is something I have been doing wrong.
I had an epiphany. Forgiveness is not remorse or recompense for those I have harmed. It’s New Age drivel published in a cut-rate newsletter.
I have been doing it wrong. I should Xerox this shit and leave it on car windshields.
I thought if I forgave everyone and the gods, welcomed them back into my life, then I would be forgiven too and feel at peace.
If I forgave the gods, welcomed them into my life, had them over to my hotel room and hired a few hookers…
The truth I have experienced is very much the opposite — when I forgave myself fully and began being kind to myself, I truly began to feel love for my imperfectly perfect soul within.
As a man who’s spent decades siphoning off marital funds to fuck strange, I need to be kinder to myself.
The truth I have experienced is I love my perfect dick.
When I completed this journey of fully forgiving myself
Since June! It’s what, mid-August? Journey complete!
and embracing with warm love who I am,
The UBT asks that you please not discuss your dick and your warm embraces with it. Eww.
#WhoUR
I also forgave everyone around me for their imperfect perfections.
I do not understand what perfection means. Or forgiveness.
#PublishMeAnywayBitch
It has been rewarding to realize that the first one to forgive and love is me.
I am the first one. I come first. I love me.
****
And now the Universal Bullshit Translator shall recite a poem.
***
Standing on this shore, I hear the overwhelming waves of your judgment crash.
My trouser cuffs are wet from your disdain.
Woe! Angry seagulls! Do not eat my imperfectly perfect liver.
My skin is pierced by your hate and I have a tattoo of a phoenix on my back. Inked by salty tears.
My tears. Hooker hearts burst with compassion.
I am frozen. How much? Do you take Venmo?
My wife’s burning sirocco of vengeance. Rococo. Loco. Mocha latte.
I utter “Splendid day for an enema” to the wind. All is earflaps. Waves cuddle.
I FORGIVE ME.
(The UBT has expired. Send Lebkuchen.)
Oh my Lumping Glob that’s actually hilarious…..
As deep as a sewer drain.
I’d call it as deep as a puddle of piss on a concrete slab in July, (or January if you live down under.)
Can I steal “Oh my lumping glob”?
I smell the lotus scent of my essence?? Sorry, dude- What you smell is your unwashed hooker underwear. Just Yuck! This man is pretty sick and does not deserve a response!
I couldn’t tell if the lamp was a metaphor for a burning std or the sparkle of hooker glitter on his crotch
I had no idea that swamp ass smells like a lotus to some.
I suspect a brain tumor may cause this.
What they say: “I smell the lotus scent of my essence.”
What they mean: “Why is nobody doing all my laundry?”
I thought my ex smelled like rancid corn chips. My mistake.
See “sewer drain” above.
Ew. Hence why I hate new age spirituality. I’m sorry but every western heritage man who talks like this is always a disgusting narcissist. Like every time.
New Age poem = Word salad
The filmmaker Akira Kurosawa said something a bit dry about Western practice of Zen. He didn’t understand why Westerners were drawn to a practice developed in an entirely undemocratic, regimented feudal society where most people had no power over their own lives. In other words, “no-mindedness” is the state necessary to bear a life with “no agency.” If you rebelled, you died, possibly along with your whole family or village.
I guess Kurosawa didn’t understand how Zen applied in a modern democratic society where people have a greater degree of choice. I’m not knocking meditation if people find relief in it. It’s a tool and tools can be used for good or ill. Research reports that mindfulness meditation can be used to increase empathy but also to reduce guilt along with the tendency to make reparations for harming others. https://knowledge.insead.edu/leadership-organisations/meditating-away-guilty-conscience
Quelling conscience would have been one of the original applications of meditation since Samurai with masters and other indentured warriors and had no choice over whether to kill or who they killed on any given day. I suppose that’s useful for shady people in modern democracies who prefer to believe they’re not responsible for their own actions nor who gets hurt by them. The path to enlightenment can also be the path to sociopathy.
“The path to enlightenment can also be the path to sociopathy”.
True story: a few summers ago, I worked for a wealthy, middle aged guy in my town who had retired young from the business world to become a gentleman farmer. That summer, he found new age spirituality, experienced an awakening, and sent a letter explaining this — with poetry and an inner child journey — to his family and friends. He asked me to read it, and that’s when I started making different plans. He stopped sleeping, began wandering barefoot all day and driving around all night, and after a couple months had a “violent psychotic break” (whatever that actually means). Tried to kill a girlfriend because god told him to, then attacked a female passenger on a flight and the nurse in the psych ward where they held him after. From there, it just got worse, but fast forward a few weeks, he signed himself out of the exclusive mental institution he’d entered to “recover” (amazing what money does for violent criminals) and went home. The last I heard (I moved away to LACGAL), he managed to maintain a sense of normalcy for awhile before “snapping” again, killing his two magnificent sheep dogs and committing who knows what other crimes.
Writing like this is ridiculous and deserves to be mocked, but it also gives me the creeps when it’s coming from an entitled, grown man with a personality disorder. I don’t think it’s harmless and I hope the Chumpiest Chump will look out for other warning signs and take them seriously. I’ve now seen a couple previously “normal” men turn scary (my ex also flipped a switch, though not quite this bad… but close), and I have a hard time trusting anyone who can be this selfish and this out there.
ps. See Matthew Remski https://matthewremski.com/wordpress/books/wawadia-main/ for yoga and the culture of abuse
so great to read this. So well put! I’ve done a lot of meditation but always hit the wall at the idea of aiming to achieve some kind of non-personhood. A lot of people who undertake meditation, do so to lessen stress and trauma, where they have been already been somewhat “erased” or bulldozed over by conscienceless people. During meditation the mind can go over and over the original trauma. I’ve asked questions regarding these issues to a few gurus and teachers, and their answers have always been a cop out. A lot of Students are traumatized people to begin with, and this is not addressed. We have developed Human Rights in order to recognize “personhood”- there are and have been abuses in every religion, including Buddhism.
The cop-outs– yes. I once went to the fancy ashram of a Hindu meditation sect that FW’s mother had been a devotee of for years. I walked into the entryway, took one look at the four foot portrait of the late founding guru and what flashed in my mind was “Pedophile.” Then for three hours all I could think about while meditating was trafficked children, abused children. It was mental torture. The thing is, I wasn’t sexually abused as a child. The thoughts came out of nowhere.
There were some kind of sub-gurus forming groups among people in attendance after the meditation and collecting questions for the acting guru who had been hand-picked and groomed since childhood to succeed the founder before he died. Rattled, I asked what if all that you could think about during meditation was social evil and corruption. Then the guru took the podium dressed head to toe in silk and designer gear before answering questions from followers. My question was brought up and the answer– uttered in a slightly sneering tone– was, “Don’t be a donkey carrying the world’s dirty laundry on your back.”
A few years later this sect was the subject of a major media investigation and expose. It seems the founding guru had serially raped the children of devotees for years at family retreats where the children were lodged separately. And while the founder was alive and for years after he died, the acting guru had covered it up and intimidated parents of victims. I guess the parents were donkeys too in that scenario. And the victimized children (or maybe the truth itself?)= dirty laundry. A cop-out as well as an attack on victims and whistleblowers.
With the truth coming out, I realized that if I ever found myself in the core of evil again, I’d know it by the fact that I’d find myself going into obsessive, intrusive thoughts about it.
Interesting. When I was at the height of my trauma in the months following DDay, the advice from my psychologist was not to meditate or do anything like mindfulness until I was a bit better. He was right- it was not helping and in fact making it worse. He also said no TV which worked as well.
We can always depend on Hell of a Chump to get to the rational heart of the matter while expanding its context — you should have a blog, too.
Hugs and thanks. I intend to complete another degree in something related when all the kids are packed off to school. Scientific certification matters in many types of advocacy writing since science often forms the basis of laws and social policy these days. If you can’t be as funny as CL and you tend to reference science a lot, certs will be scrutinized! 😉
“The path to enlightenment can also be the path to sociopathy”. This. FW#2 used his bi-polar diagnosis as a handy scapegoat for ALL of his character flaws, therefore he had no need, ever, to feel guilt for whatever he did. He couldn’t help it. #manchild
He also bought into some of the “enlightened” BS that basically said any problems I had with the relationship were MY problems, not his. Therefore…not his fault. No reason for him to feel guilty.
I don’t remember the name of the woman comedian who said that whenever she heard anyone say “Everything happens for a reason,” what she actually hears is, “Anything can happen with a razor.”
I can make fun of Yogazilla-isms all day long. I respect the faculty of faith even if I don’t really have that faculty. I can see how spirituality can be a means to access intuition beyond our limited rational minds. I don’t know if it’s true but it’s said that most advanced physicists believe in some form of higher power. Groovy. But I absolutely hate fatalist, Calvinist-style victim-blaming no matter what religion is being weaponized to that end. It seems like Western interpretations of Eastern religions are chock full of that crap.
Yogazilla! That’s a new word for me! ☠️☠️☠️ But I’m familiar with the type!
Yeah, I’ve had that experience too. It’s like men who feel the need to tell everyone they’re a feminist, they’re usually the most disgusting and predatory misogynists you could imagine.
KatieP, my ex was a card-carrying feminist. He minored in Womens Studies at Uni. He delighted in studying really intense feminist philosophy and their stance on sex (I’m not familiar with who they are). But he loved to wax lyrical (whack off) about the G spot, anal, labiaplasty etc and study the feminist take on all things sexual. In spite of being a woman myself I just didn’t have the time or inclination to deep dive into cogitating the philosophy of my clitoris. This, of course, led him to view me as naive and boring compared to him and his in-depth knowledge on the topic. He trotted all this out at parties and women would hang on his every word like he was a Demi-god and possessed some magical sex powers. Truth is, he was a very selfish and awkward lover. All talk, and of course was one of these double life guys who cheated on me the entire 25 years we were married. I’m now repelled by the sensitive new age guy types. I thought my husband was stimulating intellectually but he was just stimulating his own genitalia.
Don’t you just adore men who mansplain feminism to us?
“ I thought my husband was stimulating intellectually but he was just stimulating his own genitalia.” That’s my quote of the day right there. Right up there with who ever said to never mistake intelligence for character.
I want to know which “gods” he’s referring to. -_- I doubt he could name any specific ones from whatever religious jalopy he’s trying to slap together here with the chunks of Buddhism he decided fit his narcissism.
My ex liked to say “May all being be happy; may all beings be free.” So I freed myself with a divorce.
And that made you happy!
The UBT did a masterful job of processing and not blowing up after being fed this garbage.
As for me, all I could think of re CCA’s ex is, ‘you deplete me’. Glad Mr Zen is out of your life.
“You deplete me” – this is perfect.
His writing and PUBLISHING this tells us all we need to know about this shallow, self-important windbag who wouldn’t know forgiveness if it hit him over the head. But he sent it to his ex?????? Unbelievable. That’s a new low.
Imperfect perfection…huh?!?!
No, actual rather normal for the lows we see here.
My cheater’s sister writes horrible free-form poetry about having sex with strangers and dead bodies.
Why couldn’t he have just said, “Please forgive me ex Chumpiest Chump. I was a fuckwit — and probably still am”? Why? Because he doesn’t believe he owes Chumpiest Chump an apology. It’s still all about him.
Believable. Read here long? I have, like, an entire cottage industry of UBT fodder.
Actually, one of my favorite pastimes is to visit this site and do a search for “UBT”. They are a trip.
Actually, I have been reading all of your entries, a little at at a time. I have enjoyed the comments (and the commentators as they evolve and get stronger).
Your third book could be a compilation of the UBT eating cheaters for breakfast!
Second this. Chump Lady’s next book should be all UBT bullshit!
A possible book title:Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction.
Shittier?
This sounds like an edgy emo 14 year old just learned poems don’t have to rhyme.
“This sounds like an edgy emo 14 year old just learned poems don’t have to rhyme.”
Hahahaha! Love this. It’s perfect. Although I’d put quotation marks around “edgy”. LOL
Well good thing he has forgiven all the people he hurt for not embracing he his atrocious behaviour. That must’ve been really hard for him. After all he is entitled to disregard the rights of others but he is to be revered and adored at all times as the superior, nuanced and interesting human being that he is. Puke. This man has the depth mountain.
Chumped poet here. And yeah, it’s tough and vulnerable and all that crap to publish poems. But really, dude — “the burning sirocco?!??” Your name wouldn’t happen to be Roget, would it?
And really, the most honest line in this poem arrives courtesy of bad punctuation:
“Frozen water, lay like a mirror at my feet”
That comma? Not only is it inexplicable, it allows the proper reading by turning “lay” into a noun. So your “lay” — an escort, an affair partner, whatever assorted sordid choices you’ve made for what to achieve sexual congress with — your “lay” is a mirror. And there we are. Look into that mirror, bro. Source of problem found.
I like this reading of that line. It also suggests that when he commands anything/anyone to lay at his feet, which I’m sure he has done in the name of many a spiritual (ahem) union, that he sees whoever submits to him as reflecting his glory. The person is an object that is just there for him to look at himself.
Chumps spinning gold… Who else could find such depth and wisdom in this shallow puddle of a “poem”? The poem is garbage, and yet we still manage to make something of it. The only meaning is, and ever was, created by us.
Not to mention bad spelling (by the author) and/or slipshod proofing (by the newsletter staff) — “I breath in the burning sirocco of your anger . . .”
And, “…My skin is pierced by your hate (faded loved) for me…”
Yeah buddy, if only.
Breathe/breath….tomato/tomahto….I bless the rains down in Africa…
Perfect take along with perfect grammar. Yes!
He has forgiven himself for the bad commas, Poet.
CL, I am in awe of “All is earflaps.” Spectacular!
That one is pretty amazing.
I’ll see your bathos and raise you one tear-soaked walk along a deserted, misty beach.
Even the “art” is a cliché. I mean, he’s just using the logo for pretty much every yoga studio and calling it “my art,” right?
OMG I knew that looked familiar. The yoga sweatshirt I bought in 2018 has his “art” on the front.
Shouldn’t the beach also be windswept, though? For the trifecta.
There are not enough lebkuchen in the world. Thank you, UBT for taking on this hot mess.
But there’s one bit I think I’d add to:
“I also forgave everyone around me for their imperfect perfections.”
My UBT said “I just had to get in the last word that chump is also a fuck up. But look at me! I’m the better person and I can forgive her for all she does wrong. (You know… like using bagged salad).”
“I also forgave everyone around me for their imperfect perfections.” Isn’t he (mis)cribbing from John Legend’s All Of Me (all your perfect imperfections) there? Imperfect perfections doesn’t even make sense.
Absolutely. And the theme seems to be “I forgive myself because…you a bitch!”
“Splendid day for an enema.” LOL! CL, that is classic! I would wish 1,000 enemas on this dude who is so full of himself (and so full of shit), but he’d probably enjoy it.
In my case Ex said he “forgave himself” like 2 days after DDay. He said “you can’t expect me to walk around feeling guilty. So I forgave myself. “
Of course, he forgave himself for unnamed things. ????
I think forgiving himself is just another line in the cheater handbook. Seems like the poem and art is just trying to make you miss his wonderful self. Don’t respond.
Yup. Goes right along with, “I’m not going to let this define me.” Uhhhhhhhh. Good for you, but your actions leave a stink on the rest of us.
ChupNeedsSunlight, yes, my FW was so intent on not allowing himself to drown in his shame, and the fact that i might be angry now, but eventually I would have to forgive him! I actually laughed at that.
I hadn’t actually decided to divorce yet, but hearing him say he forgives himself shortly after DDay, and that I “had to” do anything, certainly tipped the scales in that direction. So glad he had it all figured out how things should go ????
Yep Reminds me of the letter my fw wrote apologizing for being a dirt bag, didn’t know why he acted like that.
You acted like that because you are a dirt bag, and you did all that shit to my face, but you cowardly apologize in a letter. My only regret is the letter got stolen the same day I got it at my part time job. (wallet stolen). I didn’t get a chance to burn it.
FW also wrote me an apology letter. Left it in our marital bed where he had fucked the howorker (I burned that waste of paper along with the bed – twas a very nice blaze ????).
In the letter he stated that he needed to be happy and he wanted me to be happy too…. ????????♀️????♀️.
I am happy now especially after getting back all the money he stole from me while schmoozing…….. I also got the house, car, pensions and a substantial sum of cash, enough for me to give up working and go travelling.
Hugs to the newbies. You can do this we’re all with you ❤️
Yep, I got one of those emails too.
Since today is my first ‘divorce is final’ anniversary (yeah me!), I had seriously given thought to forwarding that email to CL to be run through the UBT to celebrate. This is 100x’s better … the “Chump Gods” had me in mind today! Thanks for the belly laugh!
Hilarious CL! God he’s full of crap. He needs to be beaten with a stick several times a day just for that drivel. Never mind the other transgressions.
I saw the words impatience, judgement, anger and hate and then stopped reading.
Yeah, those words summed it up for me…he deserves all of those.
What a jerk.
Yeah, I saw those arrows and who they were pointed at too. Forgiveness poem, my butt.
Agreed Rebecca & Four-leaf – if this thinly-veiled venom is how he forgives, I’d hate to see the invectives he writes for the unforgiven!
As in, with friends like this, who needs enemies?!
Bless his heart. But don’t. This is the same B.S. my step-father spews out. He smokes a joint & goes all Bob Marley when the world doesn’t recognize his specialness. Instead of remorse & making amends, as you say, he strokes his inner ego. I stopped responding to his flowy self-gratifying poems & essays & he eventually stopped sending them. So you may get more of them if you respond initially in any way, like I did. Dear stepdad then smeared me on Facebook by declaring that he was cutting his stepdaughter out of his life due to “her cruelty”. Okey dokey then. He complains bitterly about me to anyone who listens but most people (except a few toadies) have him figured out. Probably the people around your ex do as well.
I also know people like these men. They are all the same. They sound and write and act exactly the same. Narcissism. They wouldn’t read a real book for a million dollars, but they fancy themselves educated.
After a while, you can spot them a mile away. I don’t even need to hear the Chump’s side of the story.
Chumpiest – this is sort of terrifying. If this is how FW feels/thinks/acts after the marriage has ended, I can only imagine the word salad after Dday. File it or send it to your attorney if there are any issues with custody or child support. This guy is violating boundaries and printing a “get out of jail free” card.
Sirocco… RED FLAG… the use of pretentious langauge should always put you on alert (regardless of education level, who speaks this way without a goal of manipulation or from a place of narcissism)… what drivel. Do not respond. Delete and keep moving forward like you would if you were passing a dumpster fire (which this is!)
What is the sound
Of one hand
Patting a Cheater
On his own back.
thankyou Nomar! sound of both hands clapping, loudly
I have secondhand embarrassment, except I don’t think FW has the self-awareness to be embarrassed. Yikes.
“My skin is pierced by your hate (faded love) for me.”
Where are the kibbles? He wants more kibbles. He wants a response from you, and he wants you to know that others are listening to him and publishing his deep thoughts and valuing his self-pity– er, enlightenment. It looks like his artwork is a pastiche of free clip art. As for the rest, does he really believe he is enlightened? At least he fed the UBT.
Fraudster told me his online AP was the best writer he ever knew, because of the poems she sent him. It was immediately apparent that the catfisher’s “poems” were a series of single sentences in vastly different and clashing styles. I put them into a search, and found they were chunks of drivel copied from sites like “Fifty ways to say good morning to your lover, ” but copying multiple lines instead of a single greeting as intended. Fraudster didn’t even realize it. They were hilarious, like:
” Let the morning dewdrops that wash away the burdens of yesterday. May god sprinkle much of these on you today!
Good morning!
Enjoy life – now! Good morning
Give your day meaning by setting a goal. Then, work towards achieving that goal. Wishing you a very good morning!
Wishing you a day full of sunny smiles and happy thoughts. Good morning!
This is not just another day. It is yet another chance to make your dreams come true. Get up and get started. Good
morning!
You cannot change yesterday, you cannot predict tomorrow. Today is the only gift you have. That is why we call it the “present”. Have a good day!”
He said he didn’t understand why most of her emails and texts were misspelled, ungrammatical and seemed like she was intellectually impaired, but her “poetry” was brilliant. He also said he was glad she seemed to be mentally slow, because it would be easier to impress her and she’d look up to him instead of argue or disagree. Ugh.
Do you sometimes wonder if FW’s are following some evolutionary drive or intuition to breed and produce offspring with someone intelligent and normal even when their crotches prefer dumb, unhealthy and dysfuctional?
Good. Lord. ????
“ The truth I have experienced is very much the opposite.” I couldn’t let that one go.
Where’s the lamp in the painting? All I could see was a predatory cat waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting bird.
Oh, dear god.
I thought my ex was the master of sad sausage bullshit, but this takes the cake.
I thought, when reading that drivel, of two things, sequentially.
I thought, one, of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, and the requirement that those who sought amnesty accepted responsibility.
I thought of the TRC’s concept of “restorative justice”; where is it here?
I thought, two, of the massive sad sausage that is TS Eliot’s “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,”
of which this poem “I Forgive You” is a but a shallow reflective puddle,
calling on Buddhism rather than Catholicism to excuse his
Does this cheater wear the bottom of his trousers rolled?
Does he dare to eat a peach?
In which room do the women he hires come and go?
He should drown.
I totally missed the Prufrock inference, but by god, you are spot on! “Restless nights in one-night cheap hotels” … bwahahahahaha!
Chumpiest, delete and don’t respond. If you do, you risk getting his new-aged version of “Ode on a Grecian Urn”
“Till hooker voices wake us and we drown.”
OMG ???? too funny
“Does he dare to eat a peach?”
The peaches eat him. For $200 a pop.
Lol @ the Prufrock comparison. It’s perfect.
sorry…”calling on Buddhism rather than Catholicism to excuse himself”
The painting, poetry, and the fact that the topic is all about him seems to indicate that your ex-husband is an artistic narcissist (or artsy narc for short). I would guess the reason he sent this to you is because you haven’t been paying him enough attention recently and this is the tap on the shoulder he feels you need to keep him centralized. If you are still that angry and unforgiving, that means you’re still thinking about him.
Also, “ I touch the imperfect perfection of me“…. TMI. Nobody needs to know how, when, and where he touches himself. #Don’tVisualize
We are almost to the weekend. Hope this was the only low point for you.
I was married to an “artsy narc”. Up until the day he died (actually, several days after he died, since you can program YouTube to drop your video on whatever date you want) he was writing songs about how wronged he was. His last word was a song about how his girlfriend (ex by that time, as she had left him) was an abusive alcoholic. Anything to have people pay attention to him.
When he finally “officially” dumped me (“I think we should date other people” dumped), the one thing he cried about was that he couldn’t imagine having his film premiers without me there. LOL. He was losing kibbles.
Agree. Narcissist as victim. I cannot imagine sending anyone words to say, “I have forgiven myself for my self-inflicted pain.” Just wanted you to know! No wonder Chumpiest Chump is confused. ????
He’s about as artistic as my dog is a champion poker player.
Hahaha! dogs playing poker = art just about as much as Newagedude = an artist.
Yes to every comment here. This is the writing of someone incapable of considering anyone or anything but himself. I am truly sorry that he was ever in your life.
I know several men who blather on this way. They will never be able to grasp the fact that they are not the center of the universe. They don’t understand that their writing is empty drivel.
WOW!!! Sending German Cookies and even a Stollen to the UBT for this one. Yikes, that was a lot FW BS. Nothing unusual though but this FW just expressed his in a saddest of sad sausage way. They forgive themselves so quickly because they believe their cheating is totally justifiable. You know, they deserve to be happy by fucking strange.
Yes, he may see himself as a high priest or whatever but he is just another self centered narc begging for kibble.
CCA, just laugh it off, save it as meaningless cheater dribble (there may be a sad sausage poetry contest somewhere eventually) and be happy that new age Zen Cheater has forgiven himself (you don’t have to forgive him and besides it is much more important in his universe that he forgives himself). Glad that you are away from that nutty FW.
Her FW and mine can be High Priests of the church of MUH DICK! This chauvinistic way of running their lives centered around their dicks is so juvenile/ highschool. Makes my head hurt.
I fixed the poem for him.
I Shall Genorously Attempt to Forgive You, Inferior Creature
-By Whoremaster Von Spoogestain
Banging with this whore
I feel the sizzle of my omnipotence
Banging with this whore
I see my pimply ass in the mirrored ceiling
Banging with this whore
I inhale the odorifery of ten dollar perfume
Banging with this whore
My man bits tingle with my power (oh sweet power!) over you.
Chumps, eyes swollen with tears
Hearts breaking at my betrayal
Send me to the heights
You do worship my almighty unclothed penis
Like the gals over at Rubs For Studs do, right?
Though they call me plankton for some unfathomable reason.
Bla bla bla me me me
Last blithering stanza
My heart soars like a white swallow
You know I love white swallows
So play your cards right
Delectable punching bag
And I’ll forgive you.
Brilliant. Especially the white swallows.
Take a bow ????
Brilliant.
I am peanut butter
But you are not
My jelly.
Buddha in a Bunsen burner ????
Why do they think they are somehow above everything they do? I simply cannot comprehend how a person can believe they are so inherently special and completely compartmentalize their actual life from how they see themselves.
This faux-art is sad-sausage navel-gazing crap unless you consider it as a portrait of a disordered mind. Add the backstory and it’s fascinating, “Self-Portrait of an Empty Elevator Shaft.”
Well, of course!
Cheaters giving themselves that which they do not deserve and should be conferred upon them by others is what cheating is all about!
What quicker faux fix is there than declaring oneself forgiven of one’s crimes? Never mind that it should come from your victims, ideally because of genuine regret, restitution paid and amends made! Why do the time-consuming and difficult footwork of studying for a test when you can just give yourself an A? There is a tangible difference between an earned reward and a stolen one, and cheaters are too insensitive and emotionally anesthetized to detect it.
This reminds me of the tale of Kevin, dear friend’s cheater X who went on a Vision Quest and came back enlightened, bearing the news that he had forgiven…..himself!
Recently, Traitor X asked to spend 10K of corporate cash on a Tony Robbins seminar “for the business”. In our discussion where I vetoed the expense, it became clear he is grasping for another quick fix for himself. It seems that over the past four years he has realized that the Craigslist Casual Encounter “sole mate” as the solution to his “unhappiness” is not working, and he is anxious about being 57 and not yet found a way to be blissed out 24/7/365.
Last fall he was complaining about a lack of forgiveness and compassion from me, even though he has in fact continued to lie and inflict damage.
“Based on what?” was my response. He had no answer. Of course.
His conscience needs an enema. ????
With a firehose.
If there isn’t a cartoon of this there should be.
Okay, so the poem is…. well… something. To call it self serving would be an understatement. My UBT version of it goes like this:
Me good.
You bad.
Me good.
You bad.
Me super good. I forgive me. Cheating not wrong.
You bad. Angry, judgey, and bad. Not forgiving cheating is super wrong.
Me hero on the shore.
You bad.
#publishedpoet
But, snark aside. *This*…. this is a poem and a piece of creative work that came right out of a FW’s soul. *This* is from a FW’s heart. And all it says is “Me good.” There is zero self awareness, critical thinking, or understanding of others’ emotions in this blank verse.
This is an excellent example of why we don’t engage with people who are convinced they can do no wrong. Dig deep and it’s all just “me good.” How can you engage with that? You can’t; it’s a brick wall and you’ll bloody your head trying to get through those bricks made of “me good.” They’re impenetrable but your head and heart aren’t.
That’s why No Contact and estrangement are such blessings. I also have children with a FW made out of “me good/the problem is you” kevlar, so my version of NC is a bit more fluid to allow for that but I am estranged from him as I can get because anytime I tried to get him to understand that he tore apart my life, I just got a magnanimous version of a “me good” poem with complementary “OW good” verses. Absent from that kind of poetry: me and the kids.
So, yeah. No contact all the way. Only business (kid or money) missives–the shorter and professional, the better; anything personal gets ignored and never, ever, *ever* responded to unless you want “Me Good Vol. 2” sent your way.
“…anytime I tried to get him to understand that he tore apart my life, I just got a magnanimous version of a ‘me good’…” Same here, Fourleaf. In the more recent aftermath of my STBX’s affair (now over three years out from d-day), anytime I expressed dismay over the destruction he caused our family (after a two-year affair with a friend of ours), he’s increasingly defended himself with the statement: ‘I’m a good person!'” Yes, he stuck around after everything blew up, has always provided for our kids, went to some therapy, apologized over and over. But the years of lies?! The magnitude of betrayal and heartache, all because of his selfish choices.
I never knew how to respond to his “I’m a good person!” Attempting to argue the definition of “good person” only inflamed him. Estrangement it is then!
My FW insisted that bad actions don’t make somebody a bad person. I asked him if not that, then what does make somebody a bad person. I got crickets in response. He knows. They all do, subconsciously. Under the bluster they know they are shit. Hence the overcompensation with crap like this poem. Hence other forms of nauseating image management.
I wouldn’t want to contribute a single penny to encouraging this narcissistic FW, but would love a copy to put on the bottom of my parrot’s cage. Thinking my parrot’s output would improve both the poem AND the art.
????????even FWs “Enlightenment” is entitled drivel. Glad your free! My FW reportedly from my sons went through a self shame guilt phase. He seems fine now. Whatevs.. I need to empty my garbage.
The description for this artwork’s inevitable acceptance into the Museum of Bad Art (http://museumofbadart.org/):
I FORGIVE ME
Anonymous
Oil and Soot on canvas
2022
“The elephant-eared human form (presumably the artist) meditates within the impervious confines of an unspecified part of female anatomy. Meanwhile, the multi-chromatic symbol of dispensation in the foreground drifts away to an unknown destiny, much like Wilson the Volleyball.”
I LOVE the Museum of Bad Art! Thank you for reminding me to go take a look again!
“Woe! Angry seagulls! Do not eat my imperfectly perfect liver.”
I spit coffee!
Wow, this is IMPRESSIVE. Impressively delusional.
Unfortunately, the best response is no response at all. Sigh.
But if you must, you could always reply as I did a couple of times to my Ex;
Thank you for reminding me that you haven’t changed.
You know what this reminds me of? Frankenstein. The book, not any of the movies that are absolutely nothing like the actual story. I highly recommend reading Frankenstein to chumps but especially to women chumps. When I was going through my divorce I was talking to my best friend and mentioned I had never actually read the book. She said, “Oh, you should really read it. Especially right now.” And I was confused, a book about a monster is going to help with my divorce? But oh, those type of men like my ex husband are nothing new and Mary Shelly totally gets it. She wrote an entire book about a spineless man baby who refuses to take responsibility for anything he does and constantly proclaims himself the victim. And it became a classic.
The good doctor literally gets a young woman executed for a crime she did not commit, could have saved her by opening his mouth, and thinks of himself as the victim. He’s all like Oh, but at least her suffering has ended (because she was killed!), she’s been shown mercy (DEATH!), but what of me?! My suffering still goes on!
That’s the whole book! He’s terrible to the monster just for existing when he’s the one who made him, gets everybody killed, won’t take any responsibility, and is a whiny m*****f***** the whole time. Some might say he tried to redeem himself at the end but no, it’s far too little, far too late. And he’s still whiny and pathetic then too. He’s a FW. They’re all the same and they haven’t changed in hundreds of years.
Far too little, far too late.
PS – Adding Frankenstein to my to-read list. Thx for the rec.
You know what OP, I’d block the MFer if at all possible after this. He shouldn’t get to send you sad sausage crap about what a victim he is anymore. How old are the kids? If they’re old enough, you don’t have to talk to him. You can talk to them about their schedules. If they’re young, maybe it’s time for parenting software and zero other contact. You shouldn’t have to get smacked with his ridiculous poetry about how he’s the real victim and he’s forgiven himself for abusing you.
Best choice: ignore
2nd choice: response
You probably sent this artistic endeavor to me by accident. Maybe forwarded from someone in an introductory creative group? No worries. It’s so badly done it’s comical and only took a few seconds to digest, albeit uncomfortably. Like mild gas with unknown origins.
Amused I am the uninterested and unintended recipient of that drivel. Who thought that was something other people should see? Can you imagine suffering through a 25 person class of that? Teachers aren’t paid enough!Also, a reminder that communication between us is 110% unnecessary! Thanks! Off for an eye rinse!
“Can you imagine suffering through a 25 person class of that? Teachers aren’t paid enough!”
Chortle. Snort.
Bet the *small newsletter* that *published* this douchebaggery was really a listserv of attendees sharing *realizations* after a faux zen retreat.
Yet each fuckwit kills the thing he loves,
by each let this be heard,
Some do it with Vegas hookers,
Some with self serving words
WOW
He paid way too much for that Zen Brush class… and clearly the instructor’s generic words of praise went straight to his …ahem… ego. What an embarrassment.
“Perfectly imperfect”. These narcs really have to contort all mental operations to maintain their egos. Only I can forgive me! And since I am decreeing -and publishing!- myself as FORGIVEN you must accept it too!
“All is earflaps…”
My neighbors think I’m dying. This poem is perfection. ????
Forgiving himself did not purge the narcissism.
He sent it to you expecting kibble treats back because he’s such a good boy.
Chumpiest Chump, you REALLY need to print off Chumplady’s translation and mail it back to him. Laughter is the best medicine for your ex’s affliction.
Submit it through the magazine, anonymously
Agreed. Narcissists hate being made fun of. He will never send CC anything he writes ever again.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
This guy’s pathetic,
His words and art shit.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your poetry sucks
And so do you.
Ah, the classics – simple, yet elegant…
As one who makes their living writing, oh my. And what is expressed, oh my. I can’t speak to the “art” submitted with the poem, but it seems cringy.
My oldest asked me not long ago if I would go to his dad’s funeral if they call us. I’m not sure if we’ll even be notified, frankly. No, I won’t go to his funeral. I know that it would be hard for me not to say something ugly and blunt at a time when some people there would want platitudes and love spoken. I’ll make a final decision if the time comes, but that’s where I am now.
What a dull man he is.
Thank you Chump Lady and fellow Chumps!! Y’all are giving me LIFE with the post and these comments. I have been belly laughing my way through them. Laughter is healing for me and so is your support and understanding.
My thoughts are: I really hope that you posing the question of “how you should respond” is fully rhetorical, and just for our entertainment.
But in case it isn’t: No response (other than saving, and forwarding to your attorney).
I’m glad that you can now see how (only) laughable this is.
Congratulations on putting this colossal FW in your rearview frozen water.