UBT: The Burger-Flipping Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

Universal Bullshit Translator
The Universal Bullshit Translator

I’m sure you’re all shocked to learn that HuffPo has yet another steaming heap of clickbait triumphant OW pick-me-dance winner essay. About happiness and personal growth.

(CN files its nails.)

No, no, it’s different! They get married!

(CN excuses itself to pick lint out of dryer vents.)

And she LEARNED A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT LOVE.

(CN scrapes mold from the tile grout.)

Listen, people! Sometimes love just hits you, across a table of potato peelings. And you must act on it. Right then and leave your partners and abandon small children because Ruby McConnell is just that amazing. And you all must know this.

Clearly, a few bazillion of you know this, because you sent “My Husband And I Left Our Spouses To Be Together. Here’s What I’ve Learned About Love” to the Universal Bullshit Translator. Which I had to wake from a deep poolside slumber, tanning its sprockets.

“I am in no mood for snark,” it grumped.

But she’s a geologist/dancer/adventuress with a blog! And sentences so godawful they could be the parody bastard child of The Onion + Portlandia.

It winked its periscope, intrigued.

“I wonder how many eggs each salmon mother lays, if she will ever know how many children she has. I return to the stream. I eat a stale cookie and think about Christmas.”

“You made that up,” it accused.

No! There are photos of sad birds on frozen branches. And delicious non sequiturs like:

“Rivers spill over their banks. Fields become lakes and lambs stand leg-high in the mud. Inside at the piano I keep time to its gentle waltz.”

“Okay, I see the snark possibilities,” it conceded. “Bring me the bullshit.”

*****

I could only convince the UBT to translate portions of this screed. If you want the full assault on your literary senses, read it in its entirety. Abridged version: Girl meets man-child while working a state fair burger tent. For reasons unexplained, they return to this three-day gig for 16 years, (Do they need the money that badly? Is feeding grease to hippies so compelling?) where finally they fall madly, deeply, spouse-abandoning in love. The legal fallout takes three years. They marry and quit their day jobs. If the kids are adjusting, who cares, #happiness. 

*****

Fair is a place where people go to search for something new in their lives, to find some kind of higher meaning, or to just find something that will shake them out of the complacency of their daily existence ― even if that’s just a good time.

Did I type “fair”? I meant “affair.”

We both stumbled into the experience as teenagers through the vast and complicated local network of underground businesses and social circles that drives the Fair.

Artful dodgers we were, in that vast necropolis of Salem, Oregon. With its subterranean sewer network and complicated social order.

Other teens flip burgers. We stumble into underground experiences.

#Imdeep

#Yourenot

Though working in such close quarters meant we were friendly with each other, with all the stimulation and constant rotation of staff, it was at least three years before we were actually able to remember each other’s names.

Eventually, though, we did.

If I’m going to leave my marriage on a whim, I’ll need a name.

#youlooknice

When we finally fell in love, it was over that potato table — in one look, held so long and so hard that it stopped a teenage boy who was passing through the kitchen in his tracks. To this day, I can’t remember what triggered that look — but I do remember the way Paul staggered, nearly dropping his cup of coffee, and the way I held my hand to my throat, which had blushed so deeply it practically burned to the touch.

When we finally fell in love, it was over root vegetable detritus. In one look, it turned a passing teenager to stone, curdled the milk, and electrocuted a fry cook. To this day, I can’t remember what triggered that look. Ennui. Lust. Borderline personality disorder. But I do remember the way Paul staggered like a wounded wildebeest, before collapsing at my feet. And the way I held my hand to my throat. As if I were a demure Southern lady who blushes at the sight of fresh kill.

One thought from someplace deep inside my heart forced its way into my head: Maybe it’s Paul. Maybe after a life of trying to make it work with other people, the one I was supposed to be with had been there right in front of me for years. Maybe it was Paul.

Paul is his name, right?

We went on about our day ― potatoes and burgers ― but in reality, it was a devastating discovery. By that point in our lives, both of us were partnered, in our mid-30s with real jobs and heavy commitments. Neither of us were happy. Worse than all of that, he had children.

It was a devastating discovery — children. Sticky little creatures who require attention and money. Wives can be dispatched. Heavy commitments Children come with court orders.

Obstacles are devastating. Abandonment, not so much.

#whatIlearnedaboutlove

Later that week, with his wife and kids away on an extended summer vacation to visit family for the rest of summer, he invited me to meet him for lunch in a blueberry field on a rural property near his house.

Paul enjoys a classy date when his wife and kids are out of town — a field.

#willfuckforblueberries

What we found were two ambitious people on the verge of new beginnings — I was about to publish my first book, and he was starting a new business — who were being held back by unsupportive partners, toxic friends and an overwhelming sense of duty to how life “should” be lived.

What we found was adulting is hard. We were held back by the kind of toxicity that expects paychecks and childrearing. How life “should” be lived when you bring actual human beings into existence and discover they don’t live on air.

That same week, the first night we spent together, we fell asleep with our foreheads resting side by side and woke up eight hours later without having moved at all. Hours passed by as we sat in silence, watching a blue moon cross the sky. This was not a thing we could ignore.

I mean, a MOON, people! As if anyone else has ever experienced a moon. This was not a thing we could ignore. His wife on vacation, yes. His children, of course.

(The UBT would like to pause for a moment — are you fucking him in his wife’s bed? Or erm, chastely sleeping 8 hours? Did this guy get a hotel room? Seems unlikely that the same person who takes his date to a nearby field and flips burgers is the sort to spring for hotel expenses. All to say — Ruby and Paul: you suck.)

Over the next four weeks, as we tried to figure how to do what we were going to do, my psyche and conscience screamed at me. Married men never leave their wives,

Actually, if you had a conscience, it would scream: DON’T FUCK MARRIED PEOPLE.

But then, a few days later, walking out was exactly what I did. I packed my stuff with the help of friends while my prone-to-anger partner was out of town with “the bros.”

I fuck my fellow burger flipper. My husband left town with friends. I’m prone to betraying people I purport to love and he is prone to inexplicable anger. #mysteries

We passed like ships in the night.

Ahoy, cliche!

Oregon would like its money back for that writing fellowship.

#mykingdom4aneditor

He never spoke to me directly again, and his near-total refusal to engage serving was all the proof I needed to know that leaving was the right thing to do.

I cheated on him and he never spoke to me again! And then he expected ME to initiate the divorce!

His failure to pick-me dance for my awesomeness was all the proof I needed to know that I had to line up a new sucker quick.

He had broken the news about us the moment his wife had arrived home from vacation.

A cheater told me this and I believed it.

#welcomehome

#donotunpack

After he talked with them and she still wouldn’t accept that it was over, he took a hard line, telling her directly that this was no affair or fling ― he intended to be with me for the rest of his life. Fifteen hours later, he packed everything from his life into his work truck, kissed his kids and promised to come back for them, and drove away from the life he had known up until that moment.

She threw his ass out.

#hardline

We were dealing with Paul’s hellish legal battle with his ex, the logistics of starting a new life together, and the total lack of time and focus we desperately wanted to give to his kids.

I can’t imagine why she’s not taking this abandonment and voluntary impoverishment in the proper spirit. We just want what’s Best For The Kids! My happiness.

We worked one more year of Fair after that before giving it up for good…

Thou shalt have no other potato peelers before me.

This is the first year together that we are free from legal battles and back on our feet financially — issues that caused some early tension and arguments between us.

I can’t imagine why I’d feel the need to publicly broadcast my exhilarating blueberry field romp, family abandoning Love For The Ages given the utter security I feel about Paul. I’M THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, RIGHT, PAUL?

Our marriage is a happy one. We both changed careers shortly after marrying, and the shift to self-employment made it easier to craft our new life together.

Pro tip: Can’t garnish those under-the-table wages!

in the evenings we read a book aloud (we’re working on Laura Ingalls Wilder now).

Little Homewrecker on the Prairie

The Long Winter… of Christmas in Two Homes

On the Banks of Suicidal Ideation

It’s a quiet kind of contentment that arises from a relationship in which both partners are at peace with one another. And because of that, it’s sustainable and expansive, big enough to wrap around the kids who, to their credit, were able to see their parents’ unhappiness together and their father’s happiness with me and take things largely in stride.

It’s a quiet kind of contentment that requires a flabbergastingly narcissistic essay in the Huffington Post. To the kid’s credit, they take me publicly vilifying their mother largely in stride. And the whole part about secretly fucking their dad while he was married to their mom, and they were all on vacation, and came home, and he abandoned them? #peace #expansivewrapofdysfunction #psychoburrito

Years later, Paul and I hold steady to each other and our faith in knowing who we are as individuals and as a couple. We did the right thing, and I know I can always be brave and he will always be there.

We did the right thing, cheating on our partners, fucking in their marital bed, concealing our affair before suddenly abandoning everyone, and then quitting our jobs.

I speak for Paul when I say I know he’ll always be there. The way he was there for his kids. And his first wife. And the hungry hippies. For three days, each year, maybe, unless he’s busy with an appointment in a blueberry field. While I’m on vacation.

Ruby McConnell is a writer, geologist and environmental advocate whose work centers on the intersection of the landscape with human experience.

The UBT wishes Ruby McConnell nothing but a long intersection with a landscape. Preferably face down. After a hard rain. And a defecating moose.

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Stig
Stig
4 years ago

‘What we found were two ambitious people on the verge of new beginnings — I was about to publish my first book, and he was starting a new business — who were being held back by unsupportive partners, toxic friends and an overwhelming sense of duty to how life “should” be lived.’ Oh my god, my eyes have rolled so hard they have fallen out of my head and are lost under the armoire. I hate, hate HATE this narrative particularly held back by unsupportive partners, as though their natural magnificence is being hampered by buzz-kills who expect stuff like being responsible and realistic. They obviously needed to level up to a new partner who matched and recognised their splendidness now that they were doing such fancy, impressive things. Real life is such a drag.

Ironbutterfly
Ironbutterfly
4 years ago
Reply to  Stig

Yes I heard that unsupportive crap too. No I do not support a business that lost us over 25k and had him working 7 days a week. Then I found out he was hiding money to buy a business with his tru wuv from work (which he sold a year later). Of course I did not find that out until later. He s reasons for leaving were he wanted to be alone and do what he wanted. Now he lives in the house she built with her mother. You just can’t make this shit up ????????

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
4 years ago
Reply to  Stig

Well I did support my ex in his expensive and unrealistic dreams. I let him buy the airplane that cost at least $10,000 per year to house and maintain even if you don’t fly it. Then I let him quit his high paying job that actually made it almost affordable so he could follow his dream of becoming a flight instructor. It wasn’t easy but I supported him and let him keep the airplane to facilitate his dream despite the drain on our savings. He did finally become a flight instructor with a lot of support from me. What did I get? Lots of complaints that I didn’t make enough money to support him in the style to which he had grown accustomed when he worked in investment banking and two affairs and abandonment for a selfish slut who was in the right place at the right time and willing to fuck somebody else’s husband while married herself (with 5 children). Well, it turns out flight instruction wasn’t all that so now he works for the airlines. He is out of town a lot. Now Schmopie gets to deal with his long absences and I get to invite New Guy over to keep me company. Ha!

UnknowingChump
UnknowingChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Stig

Nothing about either of these people says “ambitious” to me. It’s just two people living out their adolescent fantasies and avoiding any kind of adult responsibility.

My fuckwit ex is just like these two. Pushing 50 and now he’s decided to be a comedian (the comedy writing didn’t pay off. Clearly his delivery was what was missing). Fortunately some other Chump is financing this endeavor.

These two deserve each other. Who meets while while flipping burgers at festivals. 16 year olds, that’s who. I’m sure both their Chumps are well shot of these two underachieving fantasists.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  UnknowingChump

Love ‘underachieving fantasists’. Yes, I think that pays a large role in these things: Sue and Bob have never made it as big as they thought they would, but really it’s their spouses fault for holding them back. Now unencumbered, lets see them head for the stars! Not.

Nicole
Nicole
4 years ago
Reply to  Stig

LOL!
Now that she’s gotten shit for this outrageously tone deaf piece, I imagine she’ll find a way to accuse Paul’s ex for shooting down her literary star.

h-chump
h-chump
4 years ago
Reply to  UnknowingChump

Did you see she has “authored” a book… FOR GIRLS??? How is this immoral sl-t fit to be writing a how-to for children???? Oh but don’t worry – some proceeds are going to women’s charities. What an effing hypocrite.

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
4 years ago
Reply to  h-chump

H-chump, my ex ALSO wrote a book for kids on “how to do life” or something like that. A Bi-polar cheater who has a bankruptcy (thankfully AFTER we were divorced), has kids who can’t stand him, can’t hold down a job for more than 18 months, and lives in a crappy apartment in a bad part of town.

Geez. What is it with these people that think they have so much “wisdom” to impart???

If I want marriage advice, I’m going to be looking for a couple married over 40 years who still clearly do it for each other. If I want financial advice, I look for somebody who has stewarded a small nest-egg into a comfortable retirement.

Oh, yeah. Buy her book. Tell your girls it is OK to be a cheater! Ruby approves!

Struggling no more
Struggling no more
4 years ago
Reply to  Stig

“I can always be brave” as if her staggering selfishness makes her some kind of hero.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
4 years ago

Struggling No More,

Yeah, the “I can always be brave” MY OWN UBT +

I CAN ALWAYS GRAB WHAT I WANT, FUCK THE CONSEQUENCES!!

(But by consequences, I mean other people’s…not mine).

She’s ruining the word “brave” the same way someone steals valor by wearing a Bronze star they did not earn.

PS

Her writing SUCKS. It’s as sophomoric as “50 Shades of Gray” but without a scintilla of eroticism.

#MeNotHorny

Chumpabella
Chumpabella
4 years ago

Yeah. Brave.

The usage of the word made me puke. It’s a mockery of the women in the world who are on the receiving end – specifically the ones left with kids to pick up all the pieces of the family that was broken despite being broken herself. The ones that fight the battle alone 24/7. But what do I know about being brave? I never slept with a married man, I never cheated on anyone, I never destroyed a family, I never promoted my well-being over a child’s and ran off smoking pot while ‘glamping’
Reminds me when my ex ran off with his OW and became #myperson on her Instagram the following day.

Chumperella
Chumperella
4 years ago

NPD on steroids certainly is an unattractive sight.

Kez
Kez
4 years ago
Reply to  Stig

Absolutely!

nancy
nancy
4 years ago
Reply to  Kez

This UBT, CL, is one for the ages. So fucking hilarious – and also, of course, astute. It may even surpass the one in which you wrote, in a sentence I doubt has been replicated, “Those colostomy bags aren’t going to change themselves.”
You’re a goddamn goddess. I bow down, smirking.

ClearView
ClearView
4 years ago
Reply to  nancy

Yes, Nancy, and Goddess-known-as-CL, one for the ages. A new high. A new low. Speechless.

chumpittychumpchump
chumpittychumpchump
4 years ago
Reply to  ClearView

WOW, just fucking wow. I love you Tracy, WAY TOO MUCH.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  Stig

Also, Ruby is a downriver trash kind of person.

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
4 years ago
Reply to  Stig

I’m just thankful that, at this time of the month, my intersection with Nature isn’t with that Unsupportive Moon that turns me into a prone-to-anger SheWolf. Though am having trouble keeping the snarl at the back of my throat.

Wait until the “tension and arguments” can’t be blamed on the Ex with her nasty legal battles (bc she’s gone and GOT A LIFE). I give them another year or two. Then it’s back to sift through the potato peels for another batch of sustainable and expansive Love Ever After.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

All this, MamaMeh. Particularly the second paragraph, that’s half of the excitment in these forbidden loves, making it work ‘against the odds’ aka against all the hurt people who have to detail with the fallout from their selfishness. I am almost tempted to keep a list of these twats that we can ‘where are they now?’ in five years. Paul will have run off with the nanny, or Ruby may have fallen for the UPS man that delivers her packages on the regular.

DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
DOCTOR's1stWife&Kids
4 years ago

CL

God knows I appreciate the snark, and you did make me laugh. But then I read more of this tripe. I cringed, I wanted to scream and so…

I can’t even finish this…not on a Monday morning.

And no, I won’t be clicking that link to encourage more of this crap. UGH

Struggling
Struggling
4 years ago

I couldn’t read the entire thing either. So sickeningly selfish. Blatant unapologetic narcissism. Who gives a shit if someone got hurt. What matters is I’m happy.

FireyChump
FireyChump
4 years ago

Wow the stories she tells themselves to justify their actions!! bravo ????

Nah mate he totes won’t do it again!!

MrsVain
MrsVain
4 years ago
Reply to  FireyChump

which is why they dont work the Fair anymore. She is going to make sure he never makes eye contact over potato pealings with another person ever again.

#itstruelove

Survivor
Survivor
4 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

I have a different take on that. I think they went back to the Burger Booth the following year, thinking it would be business as usual with lots of hippie love and universal acceptance, but the rest of the crew treated them like a couple of assholean jerks who had abandoned their spouses/children on a lark after cheating on them. Nothing like a good shunning to convince narcs to move on to greener kibble pastures.

But that is just me.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

I think you’ve nailed it.

renee62
renee62
4 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

This scenario seems plausible. Otherwise why give up the place where their twu luw began?
Didn’t they enjoy working the “fair” or was it working the “affair”?

Langele
Langele
4 years ago
Reply to  renee62

Or, one or both liked a “fair”ing every year. And one or both saw this twu luv as an escape hatch from the lives they no longer wanted.

deedee
deedee
4 years ago
Reply to  Langele

That’s how I read it, too. Sounds like they were both unhappy in their respective marriages, and were looking for an excuse (like an exit affair) to leave their spouses.
I mean, they’d known each other for 16 years and suddenly, after all that time, over the potato peelings, they randomly fell in impossible-to-ignore rapturous love? That’s a bit odd.

seachump
seachump
4 years ago
Reply to  deedee

Actually, my money says they’d probably been cheating for years. This drivel is just the gross cover story.

Survivor
Survivor
4 years ago
Reply to  deedee

How many people run off with someone they have hardly known for years? See for three days a year in an artificial environment? Very few. But, but but there was a Searing Look!

Off the crazy train
Off the crazy train
4 years ago

Oh this is just brilliant! I’m hungover, feeling delicate, but this made me chuckle.

SallyGee
SallyGee
4 years ago

Fuck me, this makes me want to vomit. I seriously just threw up a bit in my mouth. What the actual fuck. Can’t believe that Paul’s ex wife was so difficult and selfish and tried to get in the way of True Love ????

UnknowingChump
UnknowingChump
4 years ago
Reply to  SallyGee

She probably expected him to get an actual job and contribute to the family too. Bitch. No wonder he fucked someone over burger trimmings.

Fran
Fran
4 years ago

Barf! Boo hoo, sorry something so profound such as precious children and intact families kept them from each other for a time…but the sexual tension of idolatry under the guise of “happiness” and “peace” makes for a sorry 15 minutes of literary fame.

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago

Oh Chump Lady, when I saw this story shared I said to the fellow group members “has anyone shared this with Chump Lady yet”. Silly me, your messages had probably already been pinging for hours LOL.

Someone needs to get in touch with Paul’s ex and invite her to CN.

Steph
Steph
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

Just did…
A friend of hers…

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago
Reply to  Steph

Yes!!! ????

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

Hurray! I hope both the exes feel supported. Particularly his ex-wife.

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

Seeing the UBT of her douche-canoe ex is the shot in the arm she needs.

Gentle reader
Gentle reader
4 years ago

Yes Racheal Keyte. I wish the ex- could come here and write her story.
You all should see the Huffpo FB page comments on this story. What is shocking is the number of posters who were ok with what they did. Many posted on there of how they diD the same. Amazing! Did you all get how they quit their jobs right after? You know what that was about! Cheater bitch failed to mention how the wife was probably left devestated besides emotional but no money to feed her kids!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
4 years ago
Reply to  Gentle reader

I am hoping the ex’s are now at a point where they can laugh themselves silly over this tripe. If the ex wife was screwed financially, however, that might be difficult.

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago
Reply to  Gentle reader

I did read that she spent a lot of time deleting negative comments and blocking their authors, which could account for the high proportion of supporters. Still sickening though, isn’t it, that anyone at all was supportive 🙁

why
why
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

I read this yesterday, and she must have gone on a deleting spree since then. I can tell you that the majority of the comments I read were not supportive.

Jennifer Ball
Jennifer Ball
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

She’s blocked everyone on Twitter, made her insta private and turned off commenting on her blog. Now licking her wounds while Paul reads to her. ????????

Oh Ruby. I almost feel sorry for her.

Wait. No I don’t. Not even a little bit.

Nicole
Nicole
4 years ago
Reply to  Jennifer Ball

Meanwhile, speaking of proud OWs who disappear to lick their wounds when the public doesn’t eat up their narrative… the woman outed as the affair partner in the projared situation (a few UBTs ago) has reactivated her social media accounts. She’s posted a series of smear campaign stuff on Twitter attacking his ex-wife, insisting that the affair was her way of helping him out of an abusive marriage. Complete with screenshots of private text conversations between projared and his chump. Seems like fruitful material to torture the UBT with.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

What a bitch. Jared deserves Holly, but Heidi doesn’t deserve to have her name sullied by Holly or Jared!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Yep. I saw this on Happy Hausfrau’s page. I read through the comments, they were not kind.
My comment was deleted and I was hence blocked too.
She’s an asshole.
I hope Paul’s ex comes here and shares her story.

Martha
Martha
4 years ago

I also read Happy Hausfrau’s Facebook post a few days ago and clicked through to the whore’s Instagram page. Her page was 100% open for all to see. Both Instagram and Twitter are now open for people who support the adulterers.

marge
marge
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I’m ymmmom. She blocked me too! Lol
That’s so awesome

renee62
renee62
4 years ago
Reply to  marge

I’m blocked from her Twitter too. I guess she didn’t like my comment either.
Rejection is hard.
But I’d rather be on my side of that rejection fence.
She can’t handle the truth. I sure as heck can. Cheaters suck & she is a cheater.

Chumperella
Chumperella
4 years ago
Reply to  renee62

Badge on honor when a cowardly asshole blocks you for speaking the truth.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I feel so depressed right now. I was too focused on grooming the pig I showed at the county fair in the 6th grade. No idea my soulmate was gazing at me from the broiler chicken area.

UnknowingChump
UnknowingChump
4 years ago

This was a fair where you go to find yourself and stare at hippies. You were at the wrong kind of fair.

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

So true. She obviously forgot she needed to be standing over the potato peelings to be charming…

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

No truth… I mean negativity. It doesn’t fit Ruby’s narrative of being an awesome person. In fact I’m pretty sure that her story is quite a bit of self serving fiction too.
I wonder if the cheating potato ever went back for the kids like he promised (according to Ruby). Who am I kidding! Of course not.
Every cheater is delusional. Every cheater is a liar. They lie to others and to themselves and they believe these lies wholeheartedly. Every cheater is selfish. They are dangerous people.

Justine
Justine
4 years ago

There’s a couple of lovely comments on her blog, there’s a few people not happy with her and Paul!
Apart from her affair essay (which is boring and so typical of cheaters thinking they’re original and magnificent), her writing is as boring as watching paint dry. It’s full of the “I think I’m so sophisticated” word salad BS that makes you gag.

Jennifer Ball
Jennifer Ball
4 years ago
Reply to  Justine

Oh Tracy. Standing ovation. Cackling over my coffee. There is so much to love in this post, and so much to vomit about in hers.

You and the UBT did not disappoint. I just wish she hadn’t blocked me so this could be shared with her ????????????

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Jennifer Ball

I’ve just linked to the UBT on her blog…. I’m sure she’s committed to free speech!

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
4 years ago

BRAVO!!!

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago

????????????

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago
Reply to  Justine

This!

I think she spent a lot of time on Instagram yesterday deleting negative comments and blocking the authors LOL

Jennifer Balll
Jennifer Balll
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

Rachel that’s the one site I haven’t been blocked on. Yet. ????

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago
Reply to  Jennifer Balll

Shall we start a countdown? ????

brit
brit
4 years ago

Yes, let’s see how much in love they are a couple years from now.

Nicole
Nicole
4 years ago
Reply to  brit

I think a lot of couples in this situation stay together longer than they otherwise would because breaking up would mean admitting that their twu wuv wasn’t actually anything special or worth it.

Rebecca
Rebecca
4 years ago
Reply to  brit

Sadly, they may be together for years.
My Paul-equivalent is still with “her” and it’s been many years.
Are they happy? Who knows. But definitely still together.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

As my narcissistic mother used to say, “Water seeks its own level.” They know what they are. No need for the mask.

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

My ex is still with his OW after 14 years. A number of people have expressed surprise at how a relationship that started with breaking up two marriages could last. I think that they gave up so much to be together (they had to leave our church, they lost lots of friends, my ex eventually lost his children) that they kind of had to stay together whether they were happy or not.

KB22
KB22
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

More than likely they are together because they are stuck or no one (potential affair partner) else has given them the time of day. Most cheaters hate being by themselves so they will stay in a marriage where they are unhappy and just bide their time till an opportunity presents itself.

I know of two cheater/affair based marriages in the past 3 years that blew up after many years together. One pair was married for 14 years actually. The wife (ex mistress) hung on for dear life for years but was still dumped for another OW. What a way to live…..worried constantly about being dumped at any moment and constantly trying to please all to no avail. No thanks.

DemHoez
DemHoez
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

Can’t let everyone know you screwed up.

BEtterdaysahead
BEtterdaysahead
4 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

@DemHoez. Agree. I’ve been told the relationship/marriage will last 3-10 years, but I believe that when cheaters leave their partners and marry the OW/OM…their pride won’t let them end the relationship because it will be an admission that they made a bad choice

newme
newme
4 years ago

I agree. they “fought” so hard and destroyed so many lives that they can’t admit they made a mistake! The ego would never allow it!

Shechump
Shechump
4 years ago
Reply to  newme

This is So funny to me (now) but, when I think of the X marrying a woman with not only kids, but grandkids, when he never wanted a child for all the cocaine in Columbia! (bad analogy but, yanno) She is 10 yrs younger, ripe with sexual desires no doubt, he is now 65 with a removed prostate, unable to take blue pills and not much skill with anything else in that dept. When it finally dawns on him that ALL her kids are her first priority, I see the crumbled sand hill that it is..

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
4 years ago
Reply to  newme

Well, those Laura Ingalls Wilder books aren’t going to read themselves!

Guessing they read aloud because child support saps the cable money right out of the budget.

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago
Reply to  DemHoez

It’s time-consuming to find new supply as narcs age. The pickings are slim.
They stay until they think they have found better. If their financial situation is not good its even harder to find better prey. The other party would have to end it but they too also feel trapped.
I don’t see many that last but those that do are often toxic. Aló of energy is often put into image management.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Someone I know is the OWife to her much older husband.
She is now stuck with an 80-year-old man with major health issues and she is no spring chicken herself, but she’s damn sure trying to stay youthful.
She brings him to functions and bitches at him and makes him feel like shit.
She’s a bitch and we all just ignore her.
Karma

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
4 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

I agree. Sometimes they see the available alternatives as even worse than what they have. I am guessing ex will stick with Schmoopie indefinitely. He is getting too old and worn out for another go around. Same for her as she is the same age (not younger in this case). Now they are the ones with sunk costs.

Survivor
Survivor
4 years ago

I know one of these. She and her (now ex) husband both left their spouses and ran off into the sunset. They were together for over 20 years until her inheritance ran dry. Then (surprise!) he ran off with someone else (she recons AP#5) .

Moral of the story: he was a better opportunist than she was.

#ifhecheatswithyouhellcheatonyou

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
4 years ago
Reply to  Rachel Keyte

I know a lot a cheaters who end up staying partner whether they are happy or not

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

The stbx left us for a footloose nature-worshipping drama-loving self-employed girl too. Must be a Type. I hate the way all these articles are normalising betrayal. If only these sites would publish a Chump narrative….

Unrequited Loyalty
Unrequited Loyalty
4 years ago

The type is manic pixie dream girl, I think. The one in my life came equipped with a plethora of what my son called “fortune cookie bullshiat.” The kid’s got a way with words.

karenb6702
karenb6702
4 years ago

What a lot of Turd that is !

Both of us in unhappy marriages – Yet neither one of you spoke up ! Both of you quiet happy getting all the cake at home while you were flipping burgers at a fair .

Who the hell reads books aloud to each other in the evenings ? Well unless of course its LACGAL then that’s allowed .

Our love was bigger than the both of us while we blow up 2 families lives , devastate extended family’s and children , but hay look i like to have sex in a field with strange so i’m happy .

Yuk the further these people are away from us the better , they absolutely deserve each other

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
4 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

Actually I think it would be nice to read out loud with a romantic partner if we like the same books. I wouldn’t want to do it with an asshole, however.

kellyp
kellyp
4 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

People who can’t afford cable or to go out, that’s who.

Pearlychump
Pearlychump
4 years ago
Reply to  kellyp

Lol this^^^

Eventually she’ll grow to resent his lack of income and move on to someone she can screw in a watermelon patch.

MehBeSoon
MehBeSoon
4 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

Yes, imagine that, their spouses were “unsupportive” of their cheating, lying, and narcissism!

How curious that these fools (my ex included) only suddenly realize they have been “unhappy” for years only AFTER they begin their affairs…….

ivyleaguechump
ivyleaguechump
4 years ago
Reply to  MehBeSoon

Oh, yes. Spouse-appliance doesn’t give my heart the little moths it gets when I see the OW. So unhappy. I deserve moths beating their dust-laden wings!!

Funny that I used to get those flutters when I saw my spouse-appliance, before we were married, before we had a child. Clearly it is something SHE did, not me.

It couldn’t possibly be anything I did (or didn’t do).

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
4 years ago
Reply to  MehBeSoon

So true. They are so unoriginal and I’ve often said this. They (married cheaters) are usually content until someone (cheating partner) tells them they’re not. It’s like a lightbulb goes off on top of their heads because it never occurred to them before. Then they scramble for all the reasons you “made them cheat” all the while devaluing the faithful spouse and treating them like shit. I was in one hell of a bad mood, snapping all the time, the year before my dday. I didn’t realize until I left that I was responding to the awful treatment I was getting on a fairly regular basis.

BetterOff1Day
BetterOff1Day
4 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

“Then they scramble for all the reasons you “made them cheat” all the while devaluing the faithful spouse and treating them like shit. I was in one hell of a bad mood, snapping all the time, the year before my dday. I didn’t realize until I left that I was responding to the awful treatment I was getting on a fairly regular basis.” This so describes me. He was so belittling to me. Of course I defended myself. I told everyone how mean I was and how fun she is. He left out the part where he started fights to go be with her. Third and final DD January 2018. Divorce final June 2018. Moved her tow miles up the road from me two weeks after our divorce. Placed her kid in the same school as my two sons. Shit sandwiches dealt on a daily. Still hurts.

Survivor
Survivor
4 years ago
Reply to  cheaterssuck

I think most cheaters are content until their cheating is suspected or discovered. It’s the prospect of consequences that makes them unhappy.

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
4 years ago

Ugh, the treacle and banality of it all never changes does it…

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

The worst thing is, like in my experience, it was all veiled by ‘I need to be authentic’ and ‘at last we are being honest’ (UBT: now there might be an alternative, I can vent how Unhappy I am). As if it was all a principled thing, and the banal betrayal is so obscured by the heroically being true to Twu Wuv

Fearful&loathing
Fearful&loathing
4 years ago

Artist, I too received that line of cheater now needing to be his “authentic self” and how honest he is…now.

DivineComedy
DivineComedy
4 years ago

Thanks CL! I was wondering if you would feature this article soon! I read it on Jenny’s group and was completely mortified at the actions of these two. I’m glad to see the public speaking up for the mom and the kids who were abandoned by the reckless behavior. Just like my stbx who got so bent out of shape because marriage and family wasn’t always fun and exciting.

Langele
Langele
4 years ago

The writing – godawful. And she won a prize for this?

The peeling psychedelic painted Karma bus is no doubt heading for a bus stop near them.

OutFromTheShadows
OutFromTheShadows
4 years ago

Ladies and Gentlemen of CN, we have a winner!

That might well be the best (a.k.a. worst) piece of utter BS infidelity-justifying tripe I’ve ever read in CN. You really didn’t need to UBT it. It was so deliriously awful I was snorting out loud. But I think I’ll pass on the full ‘article’ 😉

Elizabeth Gilbert et al have so much to answer for

…oh and anyone who uses the word ‘advocate’ and ‘work’ in the same sentence………hmm

OutFromTheShadows
OutFromTheShadows
4 years ago

Maybe we should start a sweepstake on how long these two Twu Wuv Birds will last before the sparkly shiny stuff disappears

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
4 years ago

Its a tough call. ASshat’s shmoopie still has no idea what a narcissistic liar ASshat really is because of course, ” he would never lie to her” so they are still together after 7 years ( 2 of which were in fun-filled secrecy). She is still useful to him as she pays for a lot of his bills so if she does ever find out he may have to hit the road but until then, it’s Karma bus wasteland.

OutFromTheShadows
OutFromTheShadows
4 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

You just gave the main reason your ex is still with his Schmoopie — she pays the bills so she’s useful to him

Langele
Langele
4 years ago

staggering like a wounded wildebeest

hilarious

CC
CC
4 years ago

Wholly crap, I couldn’t even make it through that. Sometimes you can tell just by how a person talks (or writes) that they are just narcissistic garbage. This is one of those times.

I would go on but people like her are not worth my time.

So Done
So Done
4 years ago

“Little Homewrecker on the Prairie” — that is awesome. ????????????????????

Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day
4 years ago
Reply to  So Done

I was going to comment the same! Love it!

Persephone
Persephone
4 years ago

CL, you didn’t notice – it was a blue moon! BLUE MOON!

SeeYaPeterPan
SeeYaPeterPan
4 years ago

Some people have lots of class. All lower, but lots of it.

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago

????????????

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago

“When we finally fell in love, it was over root vegetable detritus. In one look, it turned a passing teenager to stone, curdled the milk, and electrocuted a fry cook.”

This almost makes me wish I hadn’t just retired so I could take the original and this gem of a re-write to my creative writing class! Too funny all the way through.

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
4 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

I have to admit I paused in reading to laugh out loud and re-read that phrase. Perfect, Tracy, absolutely perfection.

Struggling no more
Struggling no more
4 years ago

Tracy you left out one of my favorite parts:

“It’s a kind of happiness that isn’t the hard work that people claim relationships are supposed to be”

Yeah let me know how that’s going after a few more years. Asshole

MissBailey
MissBailey
4 years ago

Even the best marriages hit rough patches. A former coworker who had a really good marriage built on trust, friendship, the desire to be with each other (they were still role-playing in their late 50s), once told me she hated her husband at the the time their boys were small. She was home and frustrated every day. Now she really didn’t hate him but those feelings happens – even in good marriages.

OutFromTheShadows
OutFromTheShadows
4 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

If you read interviews with elderly couples, ones who’ve been married 50, 60 years or more, they all say the same thing. That a long marriage has ups & downs, but you have to stick at it and work at it.

Our cheaters on the other hand, just want everything easy — the ‘happiness’ statement above is a classic example of a love addict who’ll soon get bored once the day-to-day dreariness takes over

MrsVain
MrsVain
4 years ago

that was one of the last things wasband told me as he ran off with the FUN neighborhood crackhead.. .. he said “you got boring”.. .. . it messed me up for a long time. but it says a lot about wasband. Day to day life was Boring for him, taking care of bills and children were boring. he wanted to party, and drink like he did in high school. he wanted no responsibilities and i was failing at my job of doing everything. So he thought the married methhead was more fun and could take care of him better then i had for the past 15 years.. .. HA! they lasted 4.5 almost 5 years.

of course when i reminded him that i was boring, he says he cant remember he said to me when we were splitting up and divorcing. of course he dont remember, he was too busy getting it on with her, jumping from one party to the next and trying to find a place to stay for free.

Janey
Janey
4 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

Oh my, I think we had the same ex!

Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day
4 years ago

I read this “article” this weekend and just felt sick. I questioned whether I was being too dramatic since they didn’t drag out the affair. But then I realized this was their justification that they were, in fact, “good people.” Love CL for waking me up out of the fog!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago
Reply to  Groundhog Day

No, they dragged out the divorce no doubt because the CheaterDad didn’t want to pay child support. He quit his job, after all. So it was a blindside discard for the wife and kids + financial abandonment.

Tempest
Tempest
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Exactly. For fulfillment of twu wuv, discarded mom had to go to the food pantry to feed her children. #dadisaColossalAsshole

MissBailey
MissBailey
4 years ago

“Actually, if you had a conscience, it would scream: DON’T FUCK MARRIED PEOPLE”

Priceless!! Fuckwits at their finest.

BetterAlone
BetterAlone
4 years ago

They cheated, started new lives and are suddenly blissful?
Oh wait….she is an “author” and trying to sell more books.
I would love for the spouses to write a rebuttal.

Blue Bayou
Blue Bayou
4 years ago

The Huff puff piece is a pantload. A veritable smorgasbord of soppy Hallmark channel images merged with the cheater’s forehead (and foreskin) Vulcan mind-meld.

GrandeDameChump
GrandeDameChump
4 years ago

Wow, I read the original and it is way too much BS for Monday morning. So glad she found “late life” love ( in her 30’s), and that it’s so simple and uncomplicated ( for her…). I would absolutely love to hear from their spouses. Hers did the right thing, acknowledge it then no contact. Imagine, he wouldn’t do the “pick me dance”! The VERY NERVE! How utterly ungrateful he was when she had gone to all that trouble to try to make him a chump and he wouldn’t play his part! At least ( for her ) his wife provided the drama she needed to feel like she was superior. Whew!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago

I know—“late life” love was totally ridiculous.

MrsVain
MrsVain
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

apparently wasband knew the troll he left me for in his 20’s and then ran into her again when he was drinking at his cousins house at age 39. AND he believed it was a sign that they were “MEANT TO BE”.. .. conveniently forgetting the women he met and married when he was 24 and had taken care of, supported and loved him for the past 15 years. he and i apparently were not “meant to be”. i am not sure what i was to him but it wasnt meant to be. 15 years together and never was meant to be. i was the only person who was there consistently every day for 15 consecutive years. not even his own mother was there for 15 consecutive years .. .. but he did not believe we were “meant to be”.. .. nope his MEANT TO BE was with a married meth head who bailed on her husband, abandoned her 4 children, and cheats on her husband. she had no house, no car, no job, sponging off the kindness of others and asking for handouts. BUT hey she could drink as much as him, knew how to roll a joint and pack a meth pipe. .. .

YEP, THAT was his SOUL mate.. .. …
#waterfindsitsownlevel
#birdsofafeather

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
4 years ago

Does HuffPost pay for this boring BS? Does this sell newspapers?

Periwinkle
Periwinkle
4 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Will stuff like this come to represent the prevailing morality of our time?

I mean, if negative comments are deleted, and only support is shown, then it is made to appear that the world agrees.

Is THE GREAT BRAINWASHING happening right under our eyes?

Abandoned children. Abandoned spouses. Imporished. Is this made to become the accepted norm?

cdclocks
cdclocks
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Hey, for what it’s worth (and I for one am glad and grateful that writing for HuffPo was worth your effort), I’m pretty sure it was one of your HuffPo articles that first gave me even the tiniest glimpse of hope while desperately searching online those first couple of days after D-Day. …which led me to the blog…and the book…and help from a truly amazing therapist (to whom I gifted your book and she now frequently recommends to others). Via HuffPo, ya reached me. Regardless of the source, that first article helped me more than you could ever know. …and by reaching me, and by means of my very eager willingness to recommend your blog and book ever chance I get, you’re also reaching many more folks who desperately need your perfect combo of UBT, snark, reality checks, and nudges in the right direction…toward Tuesday.
Writing for HuffPo? SOOOOOOO #WorthIt #ThankYou

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago

Oh, she’s not only a “writer”, she’s a dancer. Of course she is.

Ruby is a writer, dancer, and choreographer living and working in the Pacific Northwest

Also, Paul Kenneth Hampshire III’s business is in processing cannabis. Which I don’t have a problem with but if I had been his wife, with small children, I would also have been INCREDIBLY leery of jumping straight into that business for so many reasons.

Paul and Ruby are cliches of the worst kind.

He balked at paying $2300/month to his wife for spousal and child support after filing in Sept 2015. After dumping the family for the broad in the berry patch.

Holy shit! Siobhan Roberta McConnell SUED HIS EX-WIFE. Yes, same woman. I guess she isn’t as proud of her heritage as she says she is in her blurbs.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago

Thank????you???? for digging this up.
Entitled fuckwits like these piss me off.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Court filings in Oregon. Paul also was ordered to pay off the credit card debt he rang up during their marriage and a decent chunk of change towards the mortgage. I wonder if he used their marital home as collateral for his business, or a HELOC and his XW didn’t appreciate it.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
4 years ago

Water finds its own level. The ex-Mrs Paul has dodged a bullet.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Damn straight!

Snicklefritz
Snicklefritz
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Just stumbled onto your blog after reading the article in Huffcompost, Roberta’s twitter account posted an article from some feminist empowerment website detailing her struggle against the sexist townfolk protesting her Cannabis farm and photo graphs of said Cannabis extraction Laboratory.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
4 years ago
Reply to  Snicklefritz

https://www.liisbeth.com/2019/05/31/taking-the-high-road-to-success/

Not much time for hot monkey love with HUSBAND (count the number of times she uses that word) in between taking on the forces of sweet-smelling darkness.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

Funny that she mentions Paul being a licensed contractor (present tense).

He isn’t. Not anymore. Expiration Date: 9/22/2018

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

NSC I am in awe of your research skills!! Long may you uncover the truth and smack pretentious tosh like this in the face 😀

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago

It’s funny how my professional and personal life intersect sometimes.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago
Reply to  Lola Granola

“We scraped together financing for the extractor and bare necessities with small personal loans, savings, and credit cards.”

Hahahaha! Paul rang up over $13,300 worth of credit card debt and tried to stick it to his ex-wife. The judge saw through that load of shit and told him it was his debt to pay off.

I bet that pissed off the “free spirit”/”dancer”. It’s great being a free spirit when someone else foots the bill.

Lola Granola
Lola Granola
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Surely you can’t be serious … And stop calling me Shirley 😀

It’s sad, because I recognize the desperation to Make It Work At All Costs. She’s staked everything on Paul, and it simply must all work out happily ever after, otherwise it will look like she did the wrong thing and also made a terrible choice of new husband.

So yeah, it has to be them against the world. The mean, uncomprehending world where she is not special, and things aren’t fair, and courts order her husband to pay his credit card bill from his first marriage.

Whereas in a really loving partnership, you have nothing to prove to anyone, least of all an imaginary audience of nay-sayers. You just get on with it, take the rough with the smooth, and keep trying.

If your relationship requires you to constantly play to the gallery – and wreckonciliation is this, par excellence – that’s a pretty good sign all is not well.

DemHoez
DemHoez
4 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Probably court filings. If you Google the name, it comes up.

DemHoez
DemHoez
4 years ago

What a pompous load of shit.

Langele
Langele
4 years ago

She has a website.

With more “writings.”

There’s a comment section on her website also. Some unpretty things were written.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago

Ah, “Fair”. Land of commitment-averse intoxicated sex, rampant infidelity, socially accepted hebephilia, “theuniversewantsmeto”isms, and all around dysfunctional times.

If she’s a “Fair” person, her social group most definitely supports this behavior and, in a Paltrow-esque flight of fancy, believes the rest of us to be beneath them, o spiritually unsophisticated souls that we are, unable to see how they should not have consequences, because, universe.

She wrote this because she likes attention and she’s getting attention. It’s a disgusting slap in the face to their exes, and even more so to the children who call the emotionally helpless Paul their father, to slather this story all over the internet.

Toxic Narcissist.

Golfgrrl
Golfgrrl
4 years ago

“My parents and extended family have adopted Paul and the kids with open arms while I remain a bimbo and a harlot to his. We didn’t win all our battles.”

My favorite part of this entire essay. Gag.

Janice Andrew
Janice Andrew
4 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

‘harlot’.

So much nicer than skank! ????

Shadowman
Shadowman
4 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

That irritates me too. His family likely had very reasonable concerns about their relationship and it’s effect on his kids, but as far as she’s concerned she just dismisses it all as slut-shaming. She really is quite adept at making herself the hero in her own story. And avoiding introspection at all costs beyond “what can I do to make myself happy right now”

Langele
Langele
4 years ago
Reply to  Golfgrrl

Parents must know the dude.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago

The detail that shows how much damage these two selfish jackasses did? She writes: “My parents and extended family have adopted Paul and the kids with open arms while I remain a bimbo and a harlot to his. We didn’t win all our battles.” The UBT doesn’t even have to translate this one: the grandparents to these kids, CheaterDad’s parents, see their son’s NewWife as “a bimbo and a harlot.”

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Yeah of course her parents have welcomed him, because they will have received the most sanitised version of the truth ever know to man let’s face it.

Had my (lovely) mother in law on the phone at the weekend for a chat. She had news but I knew already. They twue wuv pair are engaged one year after he moved out. I had found a pic of a bridesmaids dress on my daughters iPad. Said oh is Daddy getting married. No, she said it’s just a dress I like. I didn’t believe her but not fair to question her. So I could say to MIL don’t worry about imparting the news I already know but thank-you for considering letting me know. And guess what, it was posted on social media, he didn’t even ring and tell him mum and dad.

And my response to this, nothing says true love like stealing £10K from your ex in order to buy a diamond ring for your new fiancee.

Thank you for this steaming pile of drivel today because it’s just so bad it’s funny and I am sure exactly the kind of justification that my EX and OW come up with.

And then to cap it all this morning, monthly payment late (again) and it comes named from both of them, not just him. Couldn’t. Make. It. Up.

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago

These people are nasty. Why do we put up with it? Where is the collective correction?
Honestly, we tell children to be good, we chastise those who are naughty but it’s the selfish shitty bullies for adults who run the real world. Not nice people.
It’s upsetting.

Bev
Bev
4 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

I’ve often said to my 8 year old child ‘don’t tell lies’

However when the cheater says it to him, it certainly shows him in such a narcissist light!

Stig
Stig
4 years ago

Ugh, I’m so sorry. But those kinds of petty point-scores just remind you of who you’re dealing with. She must be sooo insecure.

Mitz
Mitz
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Glad to hear it. At least someone in the family can call them out. Not to mention how awkward and painful this must be for the kids. They have to live with this ugliness in their family now.

She calls it a battle! As if it is a noble cause. She is a creeeeeeep.

Ugh no...
Ugh no...
4 years ago

I need a well being update on the teenager that was mentally and physically stunned by the sonic boom of their shared love look of destiny. Did he ever recover? Has he spoken of the terrible day he was rendered unable to speak or move after being caught in the powerful tractor beam that eventually tore a hole in the space time continuum?

Shadowman
Shadowman
4 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

He probably just was waiting too long for his damn French fries. Hey maybe you guys could stop standing there staring at each other and finish our order!? We’ve been waiting here!

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

One thing’s for sure – if it stopped a teenager “in his tracks”, whatever the adults exchanged in that moment was surely way more than a look.

This whole thing smacks of a narrative-controlling historical rewrite.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago
Reply to  Ugh no...

And how would she know about this stunned teenager if her eyes were locked with her Schmoopie’s?

#centrality #INeedaWitness

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Those kind of narcissists are all about the effect they have on other people. They’ll never get lost in a moment, only tell you how everyone else did while they watched and jizzed on the attention.

Let go
Let go
4 years ago

Well, as usual I say follow the money. She has books to sell and he has pot for sale. What better way to get their names in the public than to write this ridiculously silly article. Starcrossed lovers. When I think of a place like the fair I think of Porta Pottys. Are there horses and cattle around? Then I think of manure, or horse shit. I think of kids throwing up from too much candy and lots of people with sunburn, and falling in love over hotdogs. It’s almost as angst filled as Romeo and Juliet. Also, I would imagine their exes need to get on this site and write exactly what hell they went through. What amazingly immature people this society manages to produce.

cheaterssuck
cheaterssuck
4 years ago

Great UBT but I think I’ll skip the word, salad, enlightened fuckwit full article on HuffPo. The UBT deserves some TLC after processing that drivel!

UXworld
UXworld
4 years ago

(music by Paul Simon, lyrics by Maybeitz Paul)

Are you going to Oregon Fair?
Music, hippies, burgers and fries
Oh please leave town, and take the kids with you
Then you’ll get a stunning surprise

Tell her to make me an elephant ear
Music, hippies, burgers and fries
She clutched my throat and I spilled my coffee
All before a teenager’s eyes

Tell her to wait in a blueberry field
Music, hippies, burgers and fries
The moon will tell us what we must do
Just before my daddy sauce dries

Ambitious people held back by adults
Music, hippies, burgers and fries
We’d steal away, but (fuck!) I have children
Married men just don’t leave their wives

Pity the masses who don’t understand
Music, hippies, burgers and fries
We’ll brave the judgement and the derision
And we’ll win the treachery prize

AwakeningDreamer
AwakeningDreamer
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

The moon will tell us what to do
Just before my daddy sauce dries???

????????????????

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

I am imagining this sung by Simon and Garfunkle – perhaps on the Muppet Show for extra effect, with Piggy and Kermi acting it out. Bravo!

MovingOn
MovingOn
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

That’s pure gold.

Chumptastic Voyage
Chumptastic Voyage
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

UX for President 2020
#WhoreboroughFair

LifeIsTooShort
LifeIsTooShort
4 years ago

#hashtagforthewin

why
why
4 years ago

this hashtag is a genius addition

DuddersGetsChumped
DuddersGetsChumped
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

V. v. amusing xxx

davek
davek
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Bravo UXworld!!!

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

????????????
That’s brilliant, UXWorld!!!

Rachel Keyte
Rachel Keyte
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

????????????

madkatie
madkatie
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Please record this song UBXworld. Grab your guitar and record it. I will be the first to download it on iTunes. I’m sure Paul (Simon) wouldn’t mind.

OutFromTheShadows
OutFromTheShadows
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Genius 🙂

would be the perfect riposte on HuffPo et al

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

*golf clap*

truly, a touching love story!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Oh, UX. You are a genius, dude.

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Not gonna lie UX, you come across as a good guy. Not up your own ass and generally good natured… And very funny. Loved this contribution. Sums it up clearly

UXworld
UXworld
4 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Thank you Mandie — “not up my own ass” has always been the standard I’ve set for myself. 😉

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

Indeed… Cause asses smell.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
4 years ago
Reply to  UXworld

????????????

Mitz
Mitz
4 years ago

Amazing how some people believe their lives are a melodrama romance tale. Self delusion is the best delusion.

The spouse must be demonized for this scenario to work. It’s very sad how we are collateral damage to some selfish idiot’s self absorption.

I think that some of these relationships ‘work’ because the fools involved are determined to show off to the world. But a cheater has a 3 fold chance of cheating again. So you never know.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
4 years ago

Hey, Betrayed Spouses of these 2 nitwits, if you are reading this, Chump Nation welcomes you. This is your place.

Rag Doll
Rag Doll
4 years ago

“while my prone-to-anger partner was out of town with “the bros.””

Translation: I married the wrong guy but didn’t bother to do anything about it until somebody else gave me an easy out. If I had acted on a conscious-based timeline and left before I started screwing around, I’d have had to support myself or something for awhile in between men.

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago
Reply to  Rag Doll

Yes. Blame-shifting via adjectival phrase. (“prone-to-anger”)

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago
Reply to  Rag Doll

Oh, the first husband was just fine until she met the pot guy. Bet husband #1 had a job but was “holding her back” by expecting her to do her share.

Trumaine Kinsey
Trumaine Kinsey
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

It’s funny how when you give these cheaters what they say they want they still don’t do anything. After d day # 1 i let my wife buy a house to fix up with our money because she was bored and not fullfilling her dreams. 4 years later its a tax and code violation nightmare. And ahe of course takes no responsibility for it.

OverIt
OverIt
4 years ago

Shit, yes! After being married 20+yrs to an asshole who cheated the entire time, this dude is dragging it out. I mean, he was all set to run off with his true love until I discovered the dual life. Now I am giving the creep what he wants, and he is literally doing nothing in this process. Wtf.

Chumpity-doo-da
Chumpity-doo-da
4 years ago
Reply to  Rag Doll

Anyone else appreciate how she distances herself from marital commitments by calling him her partner instead of her HUSBAND? What a fucking piece of shit.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago
Reply to  Rag Doll

Right?!? If the guy was so bad, why was she still with him? Mooching until someone she liked better showed up?

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
4 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

“anger prone”. I can’t imagine why.

MrsVain
MrsVain
4 years ago

probably because Paul wasnt her first hook up. she doesnt say whether or not she cheated on her husband before Paul but how much you want to bet she was.

i find it funny how her going off to flip burgers every year for 3 days for the Hippie FAIR was perfectly fine but her husband “going off with his boys” is neglecting her. he goes hunting and finds she took everything and left when he gets back. and she is upset that he did not fight for her. all he says to her is “so thats it”.. . .. sounds to me there is a lot more to that story that she is leaving out. sounds to me that he was already aware that she planned on leaving him or wanted to leave him since he wasnt to surprised to find her gone when he got home.

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

Anger prone. I read that to be she did a alot of shit that drove him nuts but expected no reaction from him. Instead he was to put up with it.
Sorry, the only thing I believe is that they cheated. Everything else smells of bs.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

I’ve got your back on this one. That’s her version of the ‘hellish spouse’ story.

Tempest
Tempest
4 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Right? By the end of my marriage, I was pretty anger prone, too.

Janey
Janey
4 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

+1

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago
Reply to  Mandie101

Yep. The problem isn’t her deceptive and manipulative behavior, it’s his reaction to it.

LiningUpDucks
LiningUpDucks
4 years ago

“defecating moose”!! Ha ha!! Thank you for that.

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
4 years ago

#narcissist Here is her twitter ….@RubyGoneWild

This is a quote from the article I found telling.. “She forced him to tell their kids after less than a day in hopes that the guilt would be too much for him and he would change his mind.” He was forced to have consequences and a conscious, but he did not!! He still left his wife and kids!! What a great strong man!!

They are soooo cultured. They are reading Laura Ingalls Wilder. I read that in 3rd grade!! Seriously!!

Langele
Langele
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

The childrens mother outted the cheater liar. Good for her.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
4 years ago
Reply to  Langele

Hey, even in this ridiculous self-serving drivel article, the first wife comes across as a hero, her first husband comes across as a man who respects himself, and PotPaul’s parents come across as reasonably sane.

Struggling
Struggling
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

agreed, lovedajackass. And may I add, the “judgmental friends” comes across as friends who cared enough to be honest with her. They are the ones who deserve the title of “brave” in this shit show

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
4 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

AGREED!!

Kathleen
Kathleen
4 years ago

I almost thought for a moment this was a fake post.
Wanted to almost vomit as I was reading this self serving low class slut.
May Karma hit both of these 2 losers because the ex wife & kids won by getting rid of their disgusting piece of crap!

NotANiceChump
NotANiceChump
4 years ago

This woman just wrote a wilderness book for young girls and is on a bookstore tour for it. There’s no way I’d let my daughter near this woman’s writing after that vapid, narcissistic HuffPo article. I wonder how the bookstores and her publisher would react? Personal values matter.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
4 years ago

I feel so bad for Paul’s X in ever marrying someone like him and for his innocent children.

This so-called woman, “Ruby” is an ugly sociopath who cannot write worth a shit.

I refuse to click any of her sites and give her any of my attention….just as I do not stop to examine the feces my cat leaves in the litter box. Look away and throw away.

????????????????

Magneto
Magneto
4 years ago

A. How much money, like, in actual dollars, did the Cheater XH pay to his wife for child support after he abandoned them all and “started his new career”? Let me guess – noting or next to nothing.

B. Could this be why his divorce was so acrimonious? Chump just didn’t bow down to OW/Cheaters request for them to all just go away for them?

C. Time to change the narrative. Time to change the narrative.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

At one point it was over $1500/month for the kids.

He also was told to pay off the credit card ($12,000+) and about $6700 towards the mortgage.

Blueberry Hill eventually sued his ex-wife, mother of his kids, twice. Thank you Oregon case search.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago

What fucking bullies. I bet Ruby was his bulldog if not the person who encouraged him to do this.