What Weird Thing Did They Ask for in the Divorce?
I saw this question come up on Facebook the other day, about crazy stuff cheaters ask for in divorce settlements. I’m convinced “Do you have my gold-plated grill brush?” is a pretext to break no contact. Aka hoovering.
So, please refer such nonsense to your attorney. But for the purposes of a Friday Challenge? Let’s enjoy the vein of dark humor over the kinds of items FWs prioritize over, say, their children.
Did anyone else’s FW fight for ridiculous stuff in the divorce? Mine is fighting for the digital video accounts….
Didn’t fight child support, house, parenting time etc. but is sure fighting for vudu account
Hey, Dumb & Dumber isn’t going to stream itself, Chump.
This FW is going to pay his attorney God knows how much an hour to fight over a $19.98 a month service he could buy himself?
I’m sure to the FW, it’s the principle of the thing. Vudu is the hill they will die on. Because every time you turn on your screen, you’ll see their little avatar, reminding you of your union.
The actual shared DNA of children you made together doesn’t count.
I remember a friend whose cheating ex-husband demanded a box of old floor tiles in her basement. Tiles for a home he no longer lived in. He couldn’t exist without them. She was disposable, but that box of moldering floor tiles? Twu wuv. Never leave me, cardboard box!
Mine asked me for: A book on West Virginia coal mining. (WTF?) A fountain pen. And a grill brush.
He was a patent attorney. I was a single mother working for a farm newspaper. There was literally a volley of lawyerly exchanges over this shit. I had to be held to account for…
My high crimes and misdemeanors of what exactly? Trusting his sociopathic, financially defrauding, double life, Schmoopie fucking self?
YOU TOOK MY GRILL BRUSH. THIS WILL NOT STAND.
So, CN: What ridiculous thing did they ask for in the divorce? I’m talking tangible items (not retirement accounts).
Stupidest item wins the (hypothetical) Golden Grill Brush Award of Idiocy.
TGIF!
Mine cried “You took everything” when I moved out. I said is there something you want me to give back? He later explained he thought I would just take a few things, come to my senses, and come back. He just kept saying You took everything. He said You even took the rock. I asked what rock. He said the big rock out front. It was hard not to laugh. It’s a large landscaping rock, about 40 pounds, that I got from my grandma when she died, I had it in front of my house when FW and I met, brought with me to the marriage. I said of course I took the rock. That was my rock. That’s what people do when they move out, they take their things with them.
At one point FW demanded that I come get all my things out of the house because it wasn’t “emotionally healthy” for him to have them around (i.e., AP was getting uncomfortable with seeing all my personal possessions there). So I did. Including the BED.
Did I want that bed? Absolutely not. I knew he and AP had been having sex in it for years. Thing was, that was MY bed. I had it before we got married. So I took it. Leaving him without a bed for however many months it was before he moved. I took it and had the movers take it straight to the dump.
Pretty much the only petty thing I did in the divorce. I regret nothing.
I love this. A rare exception to the “if it feels good, don’t do it” rule.
I had the reverse problem. XW left a couple of linear feet of clothes hanging in our walk-in closet, despite multiple opportunities (including an entire day with movers and a truck) to take whatever she wanted. After several months I finally told her that her clothes needed to go. She categorically forbad me from touching them. Instead of obeying her, I folded her clothes neatly into a couple of boxes which I carried to her car the next time she was picking up the kids. XW screamed at me “how dare you touch my things! I am calling my lawyer” over and over; the kids, who were sitting the back seat of her car listening to this, were sobbing and asking if I would go to jail.
Because, you know, nothing says “asshole ex-husband who needs a lawyer to keep him in check” like neatly boxing up her things and carrying them out to her car for her. And nothing says “courageous mother putting the kids’ needs first” like ranting at the top of your lungs until your children start to cry.
She’s a special one…LOL
After several months? Wow, this is pretty wild.
Hey, you only did what he asked you to do! (snicker)
Agree with SortofOverIt, ISTL was not petty. It was your bed, fuck the FW.
The bed was also mine prior to marriage, a big fancy king size princess bed. AP was never in it, but a bunch of lies were. I sold it.
Ya know, I saw the Light, Mr CL says “if it feels good, don’t do it” and I have followed this motto and it’s served me well. But there is a LIMIT to what we chumps can take.
Your FW “demanded” that you come get your stuff, and you knew it was about the AP being uncomfortable seeing your items in what had been YOUR HOME.
So I would argue that what you did was not petty at all. Had he not insisted you come get your stuff, you would not have taken the bed. Ok, fine,
you probably enjoyed leaving them bedless, but I don’t think that makes the action of taking it unreasonable.
A second motto could be “just because it feels great doesn’t mean it’s petty’.
My FW is currently living with some consequences, he’s not loving seeing less of his children (we are 50/50) , nor his living situation. Very nice place, but he doesn’t love renting. But one thing that is very interesting to me is that all sorts of little annoyances are happening to him. Brand new expensive shirt, seams split. Ordered dishes, they arrive broken. Pebble on highway cracks windshield of his brand new sports car. Nothing earthshattering, but it’s truly a never ending barrage of these little things. I wish that I could enjoy it! But the truth is, he’s a ticking time bomb and I would rather he be happy, because if he is unhappy, it could go badly for me or the kids. Divorce is nowhere near final and at any moment he could decide to go for the throat.
Our WEDDING ALBUM.
I mentioned that I wanted it (not because it was our WEDDING album per say, but because I designed the wedding, and it was beautiful, and I looked pretty and I wanted those photos). And his reply was “we’ll talk about it”.
Mind you, this was while we were dividing up our possessions because he was MOVING IN WITH OW. Why, why??? would he want our wedding album in the house he was sharing with AP. Because I did? As a way to torment/control AP? Who knows.
It was just weird. We never talked about it again, and he died a few months later, so I guess I’ll never get an answer on that one.
He died!?! Wow… I do not know how I’d feel about that if that were to happen to my FW.
I took all the wedding photos of me, my family and friends and left the ones of his. Also took one of us together.
My ex wanted the wedding album too. When I told his I didn’t think he would want it co side ring how he blew up the marriage, he said “I regret how it ended, but I don’t regret the journey.”
I kept the album. He can sue me for it as far as I’m concerned.
And the steak knives. The $10 Ikea steak knives were SUPER important.
Those are really crappy knives, too. I donated those and kept the Zwilling set we got as a wedding gift… once I rounded the latter up from the basement where FW had scattered them after using them as tools to fix the circuit breaker, cut insulation, etc. They were still perfectly sharp– perfect for cutting ties lol.
Not so much a weird thing but weird timing.
Ex-Mrs LFTT though that it would be a smart move to leave demanding half of the contents of our house until after she had signed over the contents of the house to me in the divorce settlement. She had a complete meltdown when I suggested that she get her solicitors to explain the settlement to her …. and she then threatened to take me to court.
I never did work out what it was that she actually wanted, but I have always suspected that this was about stirring up drama rather than any material possession. She did, however, insist that I ensured that the christening gown made out of her wedding dress and our wedding photos were kept safely; she didn’t want them, she just wanted me to know that she held me responsible for their safekeeping.
The christening gown is safely stored in my wardrobe, while the wedding photos are safely stored ……. at the local municipal tip.
LFTT
Good one!
LFTT,
Our divorce isn’t close to final, so who knows what lies ahead for me.
Currently, I have all of those kinds of things. Anything sentimental that would be passed to our children, I have. There are a few items that are from his side, and I have them. I think that either he hasn’t thought of them at all, or he trusts me to be the custodian. I would never do anything shady with these things. (They aren’t worth much anyway, they are more sentimental)
It’s also interesting, as far as my wedding dress goes. I don’t feel like I want to dispose of it, but it certainly doesn’t have any real meaning to me now. Rather meh on the dress. I can’t see my children or their possible future bride wanting it. The younger generation seems less into that kind of sentimentality. Or at least I see that with other material things. Previous generations passed down china and collectibles and all manner of knick knacks, and my generation and those younger seem less interested in keeping all that “stuff”.
The wedding photos I will keep tucked away, my kids may want to see them someday. And they are full of people, living and dead, that I still love. Plus I was young and looked pretty and when I am at “meh” I may enjoy looking at those photos. But I can fully understand if some chumps want to have a bonfire party with theirs.
I kept the wedding album but nothing else from dating, engagement, and the wedding. My college daughter admitted that a 90’s wedding dress wasn’t exactly her style at all. So out it went.
He had talked of wanting half of anything I sold, but all we split were bigger items from the family home consigned/sold at auction and, of course, the proceeds from the house sale. He nitpicked that process so much that I didn’t mention the rest that could have been sold. Between multiple minimum-wage jobs, I didn’t exactly have time to involve him in pricing and selling a crochet set while he was retired and walking on the beach. That was prior to the lawyers getting involved anyway.
After we sold the house, I went in spurts to donate and sell things. I sold most of the china and such for Christmas money one year. All of the big things were gone when we moved again, but there are still boxes in my basement from the first move that I haven’t opened.
My attorney put in a “other than what is mentioned explicitly, everything they have is theirs” clause so that I wouldn’t be responsible for any arguments about stuff post-divorce.
I love my wedding dress, so if I can ever stomach looking at it again, I plan to have it dyed and re-styled as a cocktail dress.
So if you aren’t disposing of yours, that might be an option.
My Gen X daughter tried on my High 80’s wedding dress with the sequins, puff sleeves, dropped asymmetrical waist, big bow on the butt, etc., and we laughed ourselves silly. Then we ceremoniously escorted that relic to the curbside trash bin and stuffed it down to the bottom.
That memory still makes me smile.
I threw mine into the local rubbish dump. It floated away like petals on a breeze. Just like any respect or love I had for fw
Wish that classic moment was on film. Maybe you can reenact the scene for “Chump Lady: The Documentary.”
I had a graduated custody agreement with my ex. He started with 30% and could work his way up to 50% after a certain amount of time. He stopped when he got to 40% (because that qualifies as shared custody, which meant he got child support).
He never triggered the 50% provision. Provisions he insisted we include and insisted I abide by (aka provisions more important to him that getting his kids half the time):
> He got to use my Netflix account and I had to give him 90 days notice if I got rid of it
> 90 days notice if I changed internet providers so he wouldn’t have to change his email address
> He got the rhubarb plant
The rhubarb plant is a big thing with FW’s. He would only let me take half. He told me he was planning to bake with the rest. He’s never baked a thing in his life.
I hope the damn plant died!
Why does the Netflix account one piss ME off so much? He’s not my FW, and my FW isn’t using my Netflix account, but that one really grates on my nerves.
That rhubarb plant is so important!
Sweater defuzzer. Seriously
I think we have a contender!
If we’re voting, I vote for this!
These are currently $9.96 on Amazon. What a tool your FW is to even bring it up. Pricier things? Sure. Sentimental things? sure. Things that are not easily replaced? Absolutely. Something that costs less than $10 and is readily available? Give me a break.
That’s the whole point. If it’s valuable or sentimental there could be legitimate reasons for the FW to want it. If it’s something stupid and trivial, then everyone knows it’s just about power.
The Limited wanted nothing directly. Once the divorce was finalized he asked adult son for a large bucket of shrapnel metal left behind the garage. I caught him loading it into his car. I had son scrap it and we split the money.
YEARS later X asked daughter for pictures. What an afterthought, right?
My ex FW was telling me I can only take my clothes and personal belongings with me when I move out. He was also very adamant that he keeps all our photo albums, which we made every year for our anniversary to mark our love for each other (ha ha), each year one of us made a photo album of our photos from the past year. And also he wanted to keep our wedding album. He also basically stole my wedding ring and my engagement ring. Because I threw them at him on D-day in a fit of shock and anger, he then kept saying I didn’t want them and they were his to keep. I never got them back.
I think it’s a better idea to throw them in the nearest lake.
Attorney passed me a note during deposition of an AP saying my then-husband wanted the marital bed.
I nearly disrupted the entire proceedings cracking up.
That bed was more than 20 years old, and the corners periodically fell down dramatically. I don’t even know who he slept with in it (lots of people, for sure). Or whether they were of age.
I said he had to take the mattress and box spring too.
Ooooh. Your attorney got to depose an AP? I hope that worked out well. I’m looking forward to that happening in my case. I live in a jurisdiction where I can file on infidelity grounds. I’m much looking forward to lining up the APs for depositions.
My attorney loved depositions like that. My thoughts were spinning when he described what could be gained there, but we ended up settling.
We also started serious MSA negotiations when my lawyer told his, AP would be deposed. We should’ve done it earlier. COVID times delayed many hearings as did the FW lack of cooperation.
Mr Wonderful’s Ex, I’m so excited for you. Please share what happens so we can live vicariously through your mightiness!
My FW settled the minute I put AP’s husband down as a witness. Then had his lawyer send me a letter claiming harassment. It saved a bunch of money, but I’m still kinda sad that his cowardice is not documented in the public record.
I’ll be happy to report klootzak’s reaction when he finds out a PI followed him and got photos of him trotting into an OW’s apartment with his suitcase to stay with her all week and them holding hands walking out the next morning. She is the first one I will depose. The other OW was married and could have plead the 5th (infidelity is on the books as a crime in Virginia) but not THIS ONE! She is single. I can’t wait to see her enthusiasm to hire an attorney to sit with her through hours of questioning. I can’t wait to see FW squirm, too. muwahahahaha
I was SO looking forward to deposing AP. My lawyer was all over that. But FW died before we got to trial, so I never had the pleasure.
We’d planned to invite AP’s ex husband to the trial, so he could hear what she did too (the affair started well before their divorce).
It’s my wedding anniversary today and this is a timely challenge! The ex used occasions when he knew I was away from the house, often finding this out by devious means, to carry out raids. I would return to find yet more empty spaces where pictures should have been, or a stereo, or a bean bag seat. Most of this stuff consisted of presents I had bought him (not sure how exgfOW felt about that but, shrug). The last part of the financial process (which was all done within 9 months of proceedings being started by me) was communication from his lawyer about the collection of his very important possessions. He wanted to come to the house to collect them. As I was buying him out of the house at vast expense to me, the answer was ‘no, not happening’. I agreed that he could provide a list of items. My intention was that every single remaining piece of him, no matter how trivial, was being delivered to him at his expense by removal men for storage in his minute London luxury flat. But I was also curious to see his list! His possessions included over a thousand books, magazines, homemade tapes, records, one saucepan, one jug, and so on. Of course he did not want most of it – the list was about 10 items long. I was supposed to deal with the thousands of remaining items, or rather look at them and weep until the end of time over the loss of such a precious soulmate. One item, a football club dartboard that I had given to him as a birthday gift, had long since gone to the tip. I made no comment on the list. On moving day, the lovely removal men packed his stuff, casually, and filled the very large van. They trundled off to his flat, knowing the full story, and I would have loved to have seen the ex’s expression when he saw how much stuff he had to squeeze in to a tiny space. And then Covid struck! Lockdown with the contents of a large house in a minuscule flat. What fun! There was no communication from him, although I am sure that he told lots of people that I was an evil, manipulative whatever. My lawyer had already passed on my message that I never wanted to see his face again under any circumstances. And we have both stuck to that, although there have been some attempts via WhatsApp to suck me in. Which I ignore. I was determined not to end up clearing up yet more of his wreckage and all of his possessions were going back to him one way or another. Happy Anniversary FW!
Mighty Warrior,
That’s heroic. And inspiring, The absolute audacity of them leaving thousands of items and expecting you to deal with it all.
Thank you, SOOI. I didn’t feel very heroic at the time. I was swept forwards on a tide of outrage. My friend calls him the Grand Bambino, and he is so right!
I had an October anniversary, too. Here’s to better chapters ahead! I can’t imagine having a ghostly ex who runs off with things here and there.
My ex ran off to another state and rented a place that had been a seasonal month-to-month, so he had all of the basics. As we were preparing to sell the family house, I found out what he wanted, packed some of it up for him, and took almost everything else to a rental house. It was a small house, but I had folks stack the stuff we didn’t need right away in the garage so I could gradually go through it. So when he arrived with “great” fanfare, the house was largely empty with most of his stuff already packed. I didn’t touch his precious tools though. He had to pack those so he’d know that I hadn’t taken any of them.
He was so awful to me (of course), but that limited the interactions and meant that he couldn’t nitpick on what I had taken.
Elsie, the unexpected empty space scenario was disconcerting. On the last raid, the lengths he went to to get me out of the way were ridiculous. My neighbour, an older and wiser fellow chump, had advised me to lock important papers away, just in case. House in joint names so I couldn’t change the locks at that point. I took her advice and kept anything crucial either on me or with her. The neighbours saw him arriving in our small close. They stared at him while he loaded up our car (which he had also taken). No one spoke to him, they just stared a Paddington hard stare. He was apparently walking backwards and forwards with boxes for a few hours. No one helped him. I was at a friend’s 60th overseas. Unsurprisingly I received an angry text while he was at the house which all my (previously mutual) friends saw. It finished him for them. We all have our moments of immaturity. The ex (and his two brothers) were fine examples of permanently arrested development.
Turned round in the kitchen one day and there was only one plate rack instead of two, and 3 of the mugs I had bought in France had disappeared.
For 4 years every time he really annoyed me a map would go into the recycling or I would go up into the attic and take a random box of slides from his bachelor days and throw it in the dustbin.
It took the best part of 5 years to get a divorce and the house sold because it was bottom of his list of priorities. The last of his stuff went about 2 days before the house sale completed. He used a house clearance company – far too important to take old paint tins to the tip himself.
Reading Lass, it’s a very strange feeling when stuff goes like that. The ex had been given a snood by the UK fashion house for which he worked. I think it was a birthday gift. It was a lovely, cashmere thing. He said he didn’t like ‘stuff round his neck’ (I think he meant me 😂). I said ‘ooh, I could wear it’. Silence. It was nowhere to be found. When mentioned, the subject was changed immediately. With hindsight it had probably found its way to exgfOW as a love token (as the ex was a hoarder and would not have moved it on otherwise). Weirdly he bought me a scarf in the same check (using staff discount). Must get that on Vinted (most of his gifts are generating much needed cash). Which is nice!
Nothing to report here other than seeing FW turn into Smeagol over crypto assets.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iz-8CSa9xj8
I didn’t even know the assets existed or that I was married to a fanatical crypto bro until after D-Day when I mentioned consulting my lawyer’s forensic accountant. Then OMG, the endless, hand-wringing emailed screeds with Voodoo market predictions in crypto-cult-gibberish and instructions on what to do or not do with my share written in silly attempts at legaleze as if legal-y terms would scare me into compliance.
The subtext was obviously that, um, er, the reason FW was “forced” to hide assets while cheating was because I was clearly too stupid and wasteful with money to be given access to something requiring such exalted intellectual processing. This was hilarious because the hard numbers of our financial records showed that, for years, I only spent for kids’ necessities, never on myself, never on luxuries. I hadn’t been to a salon in 10 years, was still wearing 11 year old pregnancy underwear and never complained because I thought we were all sacrificing for the kids’ futures. Meanwhile, credit card bills showed FW had secretly been blowing thousands a week on hotels, booze and bar tabs, overpriced bistro grub, day spas, endless clothes shopping, etc., all while sending me nagging texts over the cost of family basics. My lawyer was chuckling over the optics and the fact it was all documented.
My experience doesn’t fit today’s challenge but I’m getting out my popcorn to hear about other chumps’ FW/Smeagol encounters over old cans of Lysol and Cracker Jack toy collections.
I did buy things for myself but for the most part, everything went to bills or our daughter’s savings. After DDay, came to find out he had been raiding our accounts for YEARS to sustain his second life. He constantly told me how financially tight we were, I was working freelance work at nights and on weekends in addition to my FT job to try to ease things (he didn’t pick up any extra shifts, of course). I then discovered he was spending OUR money on shopping sprees for the child mistress, her monthly stipend, putting her (and other APs) up in hotels for 3-4 days/week EVERY week, $300 dinners, trips to wine country, $100+ bottles of wine, a storage locker filled with s*x… equipment and a second (younger-looking) wardrobe. Oh, and since the separation he’s managed to obliterate all the shared accounts, including our daughter’s.
Believe me, I’m not knocking self care. I always dressed to the teeth when I worked. It’s necessary armor in a lot of careers. But then I stopped working outside the house when my middle child developed LD and a chronic illness as a toddler and I went on to homeschool out of necessity after two schools in a row mistreated my son. This made things tight so I was conscious of staying on a budget. On top of it, FW would nag about every penny spent and nag if I dressed up or wore lipstick, claiming I didn’t need it and he preferred me natural, etc. I couldn’t really argue because what’s the point of salon hair and fancy duds if you’re just going to get barfed on or covered in craft paint?
I was practically cackling with divine vengeance after D-Day when I discovered the mass of hidden assets and the fact the AP habitually wore heavy pancake makeup and spent a fortune on fast fashion mall crap– spending that was clearly made possible because FW was funding her lifestyle on our family dime. Natural? Lol. She was the cakey synth CFM-platform queen, would probably ignite if placed next to a gas stove and must have single-handedly sustained slave labor in the garment industry.
So I went and spent a bit on myself over the next few months but all sustainable preowned designer gear with labor/source certs. I found a natural salon to avoid setting off kids’ allergies (haha, more expensive than average). It was all justifiable because my lawyer, though optimistic about settlement, warned I might have to get back on the job market. I also wanted to look like the bomb in divorce proceedings. Wee, every war requires battle gear. Then I spent double on the kids, getting all the things they’d needed but had been told to “hold off on” forever.
“silly attempts at legaleze as if legal-y terms would scare me into compliance”
This was a very cathartic part of the divorce process – him proving that I was losing nothing by divorcing a pompous douche who couldn’t be bothered to Google the terms he was misusing.
The description of your ex reminds me of a very funny scene in the 2018 series “The Good Fight” where the lawyer played by Christine Baranski bamboozles a very dumb, arrogant young judge by making up nonsense legaleze in her arguments, thereby prompting the judge to nod along and agree simply to avoid admitting his own ignorance.
HOAC I remember that episode!! Perfect description.
Champagne glasses that were given to us as a wedding present. I complied although my therapist though that an errant elbow might have been put to good use when setting those aside for him.
A wooden cutting board. I took it and told him that he could get a new one for $70. He was SO upset about the damn cutting board. This from the man who’d never used it. My guess is that schmoopie probably expressed an interest in it.
Later he would tell me that “[AP] doesn’t want anything of yours.” And he seemed to think she was a saint for sayin this.
I couldn’t resist responding with, “Just my husband. She wants my husband.”
*thought
Yet another typo! 🤪
But *I’m* the typo queen! Do not dare to steal my crown! Lol
*saying
We had already sold the house and divided things before the attorneys got involved so that part wasn’t bad
In the agreement, I had to generate written statements about certain belongings in my possession and have them signed and sent to my STBX as part of the agreement. They weren’t even notarized. His attorney came up with that to keep negotiations going, but they were completely bogus. Elsewhere in the agreement, it said basically that anything in each spouse’s possession was theirs to deal with, and my attorney said broader laws of possession would also apply. My ex had no say over the future disposition of anything I had, but whatever.
I also had to divide several decades of pictures with him. I carefully packed them in boxes and also made a flash drive with the electronic ones. I saved all the tracking numbers. My ex put the boxes in his garage in a warm, humid part of the country. Yup. Unless he came to his senses, all those pictures are toast. I wonder if he really wanted them, or if that was all a show, like he really cared about me and the kids.
Could be your X has the same kind of weird selfish reality bubble mindset as mine. My X (who has a horder mentality) seems to think everything exists in stasis if he’s not paying attention to it/using it. He’d tell me that he had to keep X because it was valuable or irreplaceable. Then he’d leave the pile/box of stuff where it would get destroyed and seem surprised/pissed when it was found later. He’d say, “don’t eat that piece of pie, I’ll eat it later.” Two week’s later I throw away the moldy pie and he’d throw a fit.
Omg, I know two people that are exactly like that! My stepmother, a wealthy and VERY high level attorney, and my ex, a very wealthy and successful software engineer. It is so bizarre. Coincidentally, and ironically, they both went into rage attacks at me when I went to dispose of an 8 oz container of yogurt from the back of each of their refrigerators that was, I kid you not, over three years past the expiration date!
Both of my attorneys said something similar. The older one commented that it was a bit sick to want all the pictures when “the boy” had basically thrown us aside like we didn’t mean anything, but whatever it took to get the agreement signed. My older attorney retired the day after the judge signed off.
The younger one took my closeout, and we had a weekly phone call for several months. That way I was always on his calendar. So I told him about the boxes going to the garage. His comment, “Even I know that. My wife would KILL me if I even thought of putting photographs in the garage.”
Oh, and $30, which is half of $60, which is the amount I got for a trumpet I sold on FaceBook marketplace after waiting one hour at night in a Starbucks parking for a buyer who got lost.
My then-STBX demanded his share.
It was so petty. I wanted to take a commission for selling the damn thing but thought it better not to sink to his level of pettiness. Btw, I handled the sale of most items (surprise, surprise) and was always good about leaving him half. This $30 had truly slipped my mind.
He could be such a jerk in so many ways. During this divorce process, he revealed himself and/or I finally dropped the spackling knife.
Oh yeah! I have several things that he asked for which included dish towels (not anything special but he had to have them. He wanted one place setting of our wedding china, a set of silverware (a wedding gift so these were 28 years old). I think the most petty thing was he wanted the shower curtain from the guest bathroom!
Guess FWs gonna be FWs!
My contribution to the challenge of the day is rather backwards. My FW barely wanted anything. He insisted on buying everything new. He took his personal items, like clothing and we split up some kitchenware, but otherwise, he left me everything. There are many items that I told him he could take, things he used that I probably won’t, that he refused.
As far as angry chumps go, my anger didn’t spread to material things. I very much wanted to be fair and split items. I honestly can’t think of much that I would have refused to let him take if he expressed interest.
And then when he made his new purchases, most items were upgrades. Everything he bought was not just new, but a much more elevated version than what we had. Mr Sloppy also became incredibly picky with interior decorating, every detail had to be just right. Ordered and returned 3 separate sets of curtains because they weren’t “right”. (I understand liking a pretty home, I do as well, but he had never cared at all about this stuff n 20 years of marriage. I had picked everything out with very limited input from him. It was weird to see this side of him)
It later occurred to me that he was setting up his “swinging bachelor pad” and the pickiness was about wanting to be able to impress the women he’d be meeting now that he was free.
I think it was also a bit of martyr syndrome. He was moving out because of choices he made. But the DARVO was strong and he very much wanted to feel like he was an innocent being kicked out. My generous offer of trying to send him off with half of everything didn’t fit that narrative.
When we married, I already owned some hand-carved teak furniture I’d either been gifted or had gotten cheap and refinished. FW– being a rigid modernist– hated the stuff but he came with nothing and we were both starving students so he deigned to accept it. When we had kids, the teak stuff was great because it’s unbreakable and only looked better with a bit of “rampaging toddler” patina. Even when our income improved, FW was loathe to spend on the pricey MCM stuff we both agreed on. I would nix shitty MDF modular junk FW wanted to buy because the kids have allergies and cheap knockoffs tend to outgas all kinds of chemicals. Consequently, the house remained a ruggedly colorful “kid house” which– sniff, moan– “never reflected” FW’s “elevated modern tastes.”
Well he got his big chance at self expression when his AP followed the Cosmo “how to get a man to pay for shit” guide by having FW come along on shopping sprees to help choose all her new condo furnishings (FW forgot to delete all the plying emails). Except– D’OH– FW is a future faking maestro and he (we) never paid for any of it (according to forensic accounting).
In any case, by the time FW was done with his interior “advising,” the AP was stuck with the depressing results of his vision: dank gray walls and dank gray synthetic modular furniture with slashy “abstract” blood red accents and all emitting a toxic cloud of flame retardants and CH2O. She published photos of this on social media during the affair and got one thumbs up. Then the affair imploded so now the AP will have to live with dank 1980s-Newark-Airport style for a long time unless she finds a new sugar daddy or goes back to school for a better paying job. From the photos she put up on Instagram, I thought her paint-by-numbers Easter bunny artwork really tied the place together.
That’s AMAZING, Hell of a Chump.
I think the moral of the story is that pickme dancing doesn’t pay. In any case, I’m so glad I didn’t pickme dance over interior design. Let it be FW’s “bagged salad” complaint about the marriage– that I didn’t cave to his crappy taste. Plus the price of carved teak now rivals mid-century modern at this point. 😀
This is my situation exactly!! FW has only taken his clothes and a few kitchen items (the old coffee maker, a french press neither of us ever used, a set of espresso cups he never used that his mom gave him before we met). In the beginning I kept asking if that was it but he seemed to be fine with it.We haven’t bought any new furniture in over a decade, some closer to 20 years. But he’s decided to leave everything for me to deal with and bought himself a brand new king sized bed and giant flat screen TV (according to my daughter). Only the best for him and his harem of 20-something roommates and child mistress, I guess.
We were still supposedly working on things, but my ex spent $20,000 getting his partially furnished place set up and wanted me to pay half. The rooms of his rental had furniture, the kitchen had the basics, and the proper appliances/TV were in place. My mind went a-racing over the meaning of that. His former employer paid for moving his stuff from here to his new place, many states away. I was beginning to see how every move on his part was intended to assert entitlement.
I refused to pay half. I did not have easy access to that kind of money after moving into a rental myself and paying for half of the fixes on the family house. I had to hire a mover for the weighty stuff, and friends did the rest. The rental house had no curtains, so I budgeted $20/window. I also bought floor mats. I sold everything I didn’t truly want and need. That was it for the three years we lived there.
That kind of thing sounds more about wasting money so you wouldn’t have it, to me.
Wait, *you* were supposed to pay for half of his place?
Oh, man, my head hurts just reading this!
Exactly: “I decided to blow up a perfectly loyal, loving marriage because *mah dick* and now I want my betrayed and embezzled spouse to pay relocation costs when they throw my syphilitic ass out.”
No.
I still snicker at “mah dick” and think of it every time klootzak says anything. lol
Lol. Nothing can really sanitize FWitticisms but inserting muh-whatever is sort of like spraying dispersant on an oil spill– just breaks the bs into smaller droplets so they sink.
That was how I took it. I was a slow learner, but that was a major hit.
The rest of the house stuff with him utterly killed it for me. He was being downright cruel. Settlement got delayed for various reasons, and I went one day and cried in the realtor’s office. She encouraged me to keep it together until the house settled and then to begin investigating my divorce options without telling my husband.
Weeks after it settled, I decided I was done.
So many weird things but two stand out:
1. “You have to give back my last name because you are not worthy of it!”
Did not and chose not to, for the children’s sake.
2. “You have to give back your wedding ring because you are not worthy of it!”
Ha ha ha, not in Texas, bud. Did trade it for the kitchen table, though.
My FW said both those things.
But no. It’s MY name now, so I kept it.
And according to my lawyer, the engagement ring was a gift, so also belongs to me free and clear. I still haven’t sold it, but I’m planning to.
I sold mine. Got £17 for it and treated my girls and I to coffee out 😂😂😂
Oooh, I nearly forgot about my (crappy) engagement ring. The diamond had a huge flaw in it, just like my marriage. Sold it and at least got enough money to put a nice stereo system in my car.
During the divorce, I discovered he hid six figures in cash from me over twenty years of marriage. The only thing he ever fought me over was paying me half of it. Of course, that’s just what I know of and explains why he left with his truck and the clothes on his back and took nothing else.
Five years after he left, he called to ask me for a three dollar bicycle tool from the workbench.
He also felt entitled to come on to the property when I was out of the house and take things from the yard and garden shed, until the police informed him that was a no-no.
How did he know I was out of the house? My mechanic found a GPS tracking device on my car fourteen months AFTER the divorce was finalized. Who knows how long that was going on.
I know this hurts like a mofo, but please trust that ultimately the trash (side piece) took the garbage (you’re so-called parter) out.
The GPS tracking thing– shudder. I get the feeling a lot of FWs are sort of Walter Mitty versions of psycho axe murderers– like they ruminate about it a lot but only a percentage follow through. Thankfully yours did not but finding that tracker must have chilled your soul all the same.
Agree! That’s psycho/scary stuff. Glad you’re mechanic found it.
“I know this hurts like a mofo, but please trust that ultimately the trash (side piece) took the garbage (you’re so-called parter) out.”
SO, so true!
Mine didn’t ask me for anything weird, but she did try to sell me our large outdoor Christmas decorations after the divorce.
I was court-ordered to give X two of our large photo portraits of the children. Wretched but compliant, I did. He offered to sell them back to me a year later when he married Wife Number Two. I didn’t even respond.
What a douche.
Selling pictures of his own children back to YOU? The mind boggles at this kind of thinking. I hope you share this with the kids if/when they’re old enough.
All nicely documented in Our Family Wizard, too.
And, they’re old enough and they know. In another example of X’s awfulness, he re-opened our divorce case when our youngest son turned 18 and sued me for custody of the family dog, as “Undivided Property Upon Divorce.”
There’s really no way to spin that. All three adult children have been no contact for years, now.
Please tell me you were able to keep the dog.
Well, this isn’t going to have the happy ending that you want 🙁
X proposed a doggie custody agreement where he would keep Dog during the year and Son could come over and get Dog when he was home at holidays. Son, strictly No Contact since the glorious day of his 18th birthday, declined.
X said see you in court. I told Son I would fight for Dog and I would have but Son said but since he was going off to college, I was selling the suburban McMansion to move to a very small city apartment and X had remarried to Ms. Gullible and moved into her large property, that the best decision for both him and Dog was to let Dog go and cut all ties with X.
To the end, I thought X wouldn’t go through with it but he did, in fact, take our kid’s dog away. Son said, he’s paying me back for rejecting him, Mom.
It’s been six years and Son is now in grad school with a bright future but he has never, not once, spoken Dog’s name since we left him that day at the kennel.
That’s a disgusting thing to do, even for a FW. I’m sorry your son went through that, but wow, he showed some real insight and maturity in how he decided to handle it.
Your ex strikes me as one of those dipshits who wonders why his kids don’t visit him in the nursing home.
So X has the dog? What a POS. No wonder the kids don’t talk to him.
Two taxidermy deer heads. OMG, did he worry himself to death over those while he waited for the divorce to finalize during COVID shutdowns. They were first on his list at his attorney’s office. I was tempted to place them carefully in the front yard and text they were ready for pick up. Or maybe forget to press send on that text to give my huge yard dog a chance to drag them off…..but I did not. I was still heaving in fetal position on the floor most of that year.
I really hope schmoopie is enjoying two buck deer heads prominently displayed on her living room wall. Because I am thrilled to no longer have to look at them. Even one of the young granddaughters bopped into my house, stopped in her tracks and said, “Grandma, what happened to the deer heads?” I started to explain that remember, Grandma and Grandpa…etc. She butted in right away and said, “It looks so much better.”
Hahaha!!! Yes, the entire home looks and feels so much better! No more dead animals taking up space.
Yes, no offense to those who have happily re-paired, but this is one reason among many that I’m not interested in dating. Friends who remarried later in life have discussed the turmoil of dealing with precious deer heads and bins of old car parts.
Thanks, I’ll pass.
I found pulling a few sneaky, snarky but relatively harmless pranks pretty effective at alleviating fetal position heaving. At least the heaving would be disrupted with fits of snickering every once in a while. Like learning FW had snuck off for another bonk with the AP even after his D-Day vows to break it off… only to be mystified by how his generic Viagra– which he kept in a vitamin bottle so the AP wouldn’t know he had alcoholism-induced ED– suddenly wasn’t working and he couldn’t perform. But, oops, somehow his clinical magnesium deficiency was greatly improved that day.
Hilarious!
I still crack up over that memory. When the fact that FW snuck back to the AP for a last bonk came out and he tried to offer the fact that he “couldn’t get it up” as a concession, I was dying.
Laughter is really a great PTSD remedy. Now I always recommend planting a few snarky, “no animals were harmed” pranks in the middle of horribly traumatic events. That way, at least any future acid flashbacks to those events give a few kicks rather than just cringing horror.
I had it relatively easy, the only thing we really had to have a negotiation about was how to divide up the photo albums and videos, and even that went pretty smoothly. But for some reason, she made a big deal about going back to her prior name. Her attorney brought it up in the pre-hearing conference, and she wanted it written in to the formal agreement that I wouldn’t object. And I’m like: “Fuck YEAH, go back to your old name. You’ve already disgraced mine, I don’t want you associated with it anymore.”
She didn’t want your name but decided to stay in the house for 10 months. Poor abused kibbler who wouldn’t leave. 🙄
Yes, that weird “princess in the tower beset by ogres” thing where FWs engineer situations to make it look like they’re being madly pursued by possessive exes in response to exes cutting contact. It’s so very Cluster B. Right out of college I worked under a mean but kind of pathetic manager who was constantly getting dumped and ghosted by men but would then change her phone number every time as though these men were stalking her and she had to beat them off with a stick. I wondered about her safety in the case she ever really was stalked. No one would have believed her. She also did no service to the rest of the women in that company by making herself the poster child of false allegations.
A photo album of…….. Wait for it…….
His car 🤷🏻♂️
If i was video format, there would be thumping porn soundtrack as the camera lovingly lingers on the camshafts…
😂😂😂😂😂
My ex traded the entire contents of the kitchen for a fancy bottle opener.
A pastry cutter, that allows you to cut butter into flour when making certain pastry doughs. He does not bake. But it was the one thing he couldn’t leave behind that had been left to us by his parents. Everything else I gladly packed for him, bc I wanted nothing that had been there’s to stay.
He also demanded one of the two cats, but has never collected her. It has been 22 months since he moved out, and one year and four months since the divorce was finalized.
FW said he was taking 2 of the four cats. They are still here with me, as I assume they will stay until the end (they are older). I’m happy to have them, honestly. I’ve had them since they were wee kittens, but to say unequivocally that he was taking them and then… just… not is weird.
He wanted this framed photo of our three kids–tiny, passport-sized professionally taken black and white photos in a silver, hinged triple frame.
I took the original photos out and inserted copies for him.
A bit petty but it felt good. He’ll never know.
p.s. He’d earlier said he wanted no photos: “No one looks at them,” But then he demanded photos.
Sooo, I sat myself down with one box of photos (there were many but I limited myself to one) and sorted out the ones that with him in them. It was a triggering exercise, but I muscled through.
I then sealed the box and mailed it to my lawyer so that he could document that I’d complied with that request. Involving the lawyers ratcheted up the cost of the exercise but doing so was worth it. I didn’t want the lying liar to tell me that he’d never received any photos.
My FW also wanted photos of the children (all adults at time of divorce). He’d discarded one of my daughters and she refused to allow him any photos of her or her children. So he got only a very small handful (35 years worth of albums). He’d been instructed to pay me a monthly amount for a year and each time he sent the money he’d also send a shitty note asking for the photos. It gave me great pleasure to ignore the requests 😊
Mine actually wanted nothing, not even photos of the kids. I take that as him wanting no reminders of his old life. He doesn’t even care to see the dog we raised from a pup, a dog he seemed to be crazy about. In reality, FW is attached to nobody and nothing, and he never really was.
Not sure if I already posted this. Here’s a really beautiful but also ugly and accurate song for your FW from Yo-yo Ma and Chris Thile: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unknkdq_DVE
Where is your love?
Who are you not above?
Your babies aren’t born
Their mother won’t return
The torch you’re trying to carry burns
For no one but you
Play us a song
Show us where we belong
Our lovers nod their heads
They’ll never tell our kids
They wish they’d had the life you’ve lived
For no one but you
‘Cause when it’s time to go
You’ll have so many things to show
To no one but you
Thank you so much, HOAC.That is indeed beautiful and appropriate. You are such a lovely person.
OHFFS: Here’s a beautiful, ugly and accurate song for you from Yoyo Ma and Chris Thile: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unknkdq_DVE
Where is your love
Who are you not above
Your babies aren’t born
Their mother won’t return
The torch you’re trying to carry burns
For no one but you
Play us a song
Show us where we belong
Our lovers nod their heads
They’ll never tell our kids
They wish they’d had the life you’ve lived
For no one but you
‘Cause when it’s time to go
You’ll have so many things to show
To no one but you
Two years after the divorce he emailed me to ask what I did with the wooden statue that had been on the ledge in our shared beach house. It was probably a $10 wooden sculpture of a fairly obese woman on her belly in an old fashioned 19th century bathing suit, like she was floating on a tube in the water. We bought it together one time because it sooo reminded us of his mom, who loved to float in the water and was a very large woman. ( she had passed away by then)
I took it off the ledge because it was a trigger for me found out during one of his many affairs that he told his mother about, when my kids were toddlers. She said to him “ don’t tell chumpasaurus”. )
That one hit me so hard, because I loved that woman and I treated her wonderfully her entire life and it felt like a back stab. I put the statue on top of a china cabinet wrapped in a towel so I didn’t have to see it.
Very interesting to me that he would care about that when he’s shown little care or feeling for me or any of his kids and just moved on with Schmoopie in his alternate reality.
I told him where it was, but I looked a year later and see he never took it anyway. 🤷♀️
I had items bequeathed to me by his grandparents and parents after they’d passed. I gave them back to him as they were triggers for me. One of our daughters wanted some antique glassware and FW got all sad sausage bleating on about how they were HIS family heirlooms.
1 month after taking them his howorker was selling them on Facebook market place.
Yeah couldn’t make it up could ya!
What is it about FWs wanting things back ONLY so the chump cannot have them? And then selling it? There’s a degree of sadism.
Before I knew about the affair(?s?), I caught FW selling my and our possessions. When caught red-handed with the silver candlestick bases and champagne bucket, his response was, “Well, it’s not like you’re using them.” I found he had taken books/games that meant a lot to me and my kids, electronics, boating equipment, sporting goods, motorcycle accessories, and more (none procured by him or in fact “his”) and sold them for cash on FB and elsewhere. The day he sold two motor vehicles titled in MY name, for 30% of bluebook, was the final straw! Tell me a guy is a narcissist without saying the word…
I could write pages about stuff we argued over, including that FW was smart enough to include in our settlement that he could come back for things AFTER the divorce because we jointly owned the marital home afterwards.
But the biggest thing was he tried to get a little ceramic cracked swan. My grandmother was dying of cancer when I was ten and took me to an antique store and asked me to pick something out. It was $10, a lot at the time. I had it always, wherever I lived. When FW and I got together he had an unchecked ceramic swan his grandmother or great aunt or something left him when he was a young adult. I always displayed them together thinking it was a sign (!) that we both had these.
After separation he tried to insist they were both his!! Was sure about it. Just nope no way. Just a total twisted FW thing to do. He stole me agency and tried to steal my memories too. No no no.
FinallyFree, That is grotesque. It’s also the kind of thing that makes me question why more Chumps aren’t in jail for murder. My divorce has barely started, so I have no idea how easy or tough it will get. He’s moved out and the splitting of items at that point was rather easy. But he frequently brings up the dogs. We have 2. They were adopted at separate times, but we were together for both. I am the one that tales care of them. The only time they have been walked by him if if I was away, which was rare. And I would be beyond devastated if he took them. He brings up that he misses them when he gets the chance. Perhaps to frighten me, or maybe he truly is thinking about making a play. When he mentions it, I remind myself that I can’t go to jail and leave my children to be raised solely by this FW.
I agree with Mehitable. Just say no, in a way that brooks no argument. You raised them, so he has no claim on them. They are your dogs.
Just refuse to give him the dogs. Refuse. Say No. I’m surprised more people here just didn’t say NO to all of these crazier or nasty requests. Things like the easy chair, etc. I would literally have burned that shit rather than give it to someone who treated me like garbage. I do think Chumps in generally need to learn to play much nastier. Just keep giving them a giant wall of no and fuck the lawyers. They’re not putting you in jail over a CD etc.
To be fair, so far I HAVE just said no. In that I have made it clear that they are my dogs. And will continue to do so.It doesn’t make me any less nervous about him trying to take them. I have what are probably irrational fears that he could break in and steal them. Or use them as a bargaining tool in the divorce. But for sure, this is something that I will continue to put my foot down on.
Because we were afraid of him. Because he used the court system to terrorize us. Because we knew the Protective Order was only a piece of paper. Because he turned our entire social support system against us.
I realize that this is specific to my personal situation but I had to balance Just Say No with X’s court-ordered access to our teenage son. Son’s 18th birthday was our Independence Day and he gave up his dog rather than have any further contact with X. I don’t write on here very much because I feel like an outlier (not that Debbie Downer again!) but abusers don’t stop being abusive just because a divorce decree has been signed.
Eve, I hear you. There are so many things the FWs all have in common, and hence, all of CN has so much in common. But our individual stories do differ. There is a lot of fear in my situation too that makes things tougher to navigate. It’s funny because all of CL’s advice still suits my situation perfectly, I could go fully no contact and let the lawyers handle all of it. But my FOO issues keep me from fully embracing that method. Knowing he won’t like it and I can’t turn back once I flip that switch. I’ll get there, and I am just stupidly treading water in the meantime, and IKNOW it. But FOO issues run deep.
Chump Lady, you were punished because you had the gall to grow a spine and get up on your hind legs and GET A DIVORCE!
Bad wife appliance! Bad, bad, wife appliance!
Yes, it’s always angering when those appliances malfunction.
Then we give off electric shocks in the rain like beautiful Edwardian doorbells.
What is demanding all these silly things – sweater defuzzer????? – REALLY about?
My attorney received letter from his attorney asking for the meat thermometer and his Journey CD from 1987.
CD? might have been a cassette.
The biggest knock-down argument was about the KitchenAid mixer. (It was given to us as a gift by our neighbors who were moving to Germany and wanted to get another one that was compatible with the outlets over there.) I bake as a hobby and used it nearly every week; he never set foot in the kitchen except to get his wine out of the refrigerator. But all of a sudden it was absolutely imperative that he have the mixer and he would. not. shut. up. about it. He actually had a screaming temper tantrum (with tears/snot, the works) in front of the judge about it. She just rolled her eyes and told him to simmer down. I still have the mixer and I smile every time I use it.
Klootzak’s uncle bought the KitchenAid mixer for us when we got married. I am the only one who has ever used it. In fact, I use it to make batches of cookies from my FIL’s and uncle-in-law’s mother’s recipe and ship to them every year at Christmas. My FIL and uncle-in-law are appalled at klootzak’s behavior. Uncle-in-law said he bought the mixer for me to use and that’s that. If klootzak takes it from me, uncle will cut him out of his will. It makes me laugh wondering if klootzak will lose a half million dollars over a mixer.
Hah! My KitchenAid mixer story is right below.
He didn’t ask for anything too weird but he did thank me for raising him LMAO
It sounds weird, but actually isn’t: XW asked for the KitchenAid stand mixer. It was literally the only object she asked for by name in the settlement.
I know exactly why: after XW left she kept asking for access to the marital home (for birthday dinners, to do laundry, to borrow tools, etc) and I said yes every time … until I finally said “no” to her request to borrow the stand mixer. This was probably the first time I had ever point-blanked refused her in 20 years and she absolutely flipped out. Demanding the mixer was her way to emphasize that, one way or another, I wasn’t going to get away with saying “no”. (Note that I did all the cooking and bought everything in/for the kitchen – plus she was the one who decamped from the marital home, leaving it behind – so it’s not like she was attached to this mixer)
There’s a happy ending, though. I was agonizing over several petty things like this in the settlement. I called my sister wondering what to do; on the one hand it was stupid to refuse to sign over something so small, but on the other hand if I signed I was caving in to XW’s transparent power play. My sister said “Give her the fucking mixer. Go on Amazon and pick out the Cadillac of mixers and I will pay for it and ship it to you”. So now I have a better, newer mixer and I think of my sister every time I use it. I’m sure XW thinks she won but she actually just proved to everyone what a petty, spiteful person she is.
(XW’s all-time most spiteful demand was that I agree, in writing in the settlement, that I would pick up the kids from her house and take them to school any morning that she requested it. She wouldn’t let me register my youngest for kindergarten if I didn’t agree to this. When discussing it with my lawyer, I referred to it as the “beck-and-call clause”. XW never actually *used* ithis clause- she just wanted me to know that she *could* pick up the phone and force me whenever she wanted to. My lawyer tried to insert the phrase “unless IG is physically unavailable” but XW struck out the change – just to emphasize that she would have all the power and I would have none. The school in question was less than 10 minutes from her house, so it’s not like getting the kids there herself was an undue burden)
I was surprised that my ex didn’t want his Kitchenaid. When we married, we both had them, so I sent mine to friends who had always admired mine and called it done. Of course, as the years went by, I realized that he only rarely used it himself. I used it frequently, as did one of our kids who got into baking. He always made a big deal about that mixer.
As I related in another thread, before he showed up to get the last of his stuff, the kids and I actually moved out and took everything other than what he had explicitly said he wanted. He had said I could have everything in the kitchen, so off it went. Having most of the stuff gone made it easier to deal with him and show realtors around.
My youngest plans to move out soon to an apartment, and she will take that mixer. My elderly aunt gave me hers when she moved to a nursing home, so all is well. Both were made in the 1980’s, so they have many more years of life in them.
When I finally had enough and told him I was going through with the divorce, he wanted everything.
It’s why I only told 2 people my move out plans. The moving van pulled up while he was at work and I was moved in / unboxing when he got home and found me gone.
The stupidest thing he had a fit over was the 23 year old dresser I took. My parents bought almost all the furniture that was in the marital house. When FW got his own place in 2021 he bought a bunch of new furniture but left it in storage during “wreckinciliation” because he’s a FW. He didn’t need or ever use this dresser until I said I wanted it when I moved out. The day I left, I found he’d put most of his clothes in this dresser. I unceremoniously dumped them on the bed, but took pictures so he could say I “stole” anything.
He’s another FW who got upset over something like a dresser, but didn’t give a shit that I took all the photo albums and baby books
The following:
A dented metal handwarmer
A pack of used plastic bags
A bucket of rusty screws
Old half empty cans of paint
Tent pegs ( but not the tent?)
Half opened bottle of Balsamic vineagar
Broken golf umbrella
………………..
He wanted to know where “his” Bible was. He claimed to be sleeping with it every night since I left.
Says the man who slept with hundreds of women and stole thousands of dollars to pay for escorts.
I love these comments, you guys have made my day! My FW insisted on the automatic litter box, but I had the cats and he was renting a place that didn’t allow pets!! To this day, I have no idea what that was about. I gave him the litter box, but I accidentally forgot to clean it out first. Oops!
FW had to have all of his baseball cards right away. Those were the most important thing to him. Baseball cards. So I took the opportunity to give him all the boxes of basbeall cards (tempted to harm them, but I didn’t) AND all of his leatherbound books. In several moves together, we had to move upwards of 40 heavy book boxes filled with his ridiculous collection of leather “classics.” I had bookshelves custom built into 2 different homes for those stupid books that would sit and collect dust. So when FW showed up to get the baseball cards, I made sure he knew he needed a UHaul. He was ANGRY but couldn’t complain about it if he wanted his baseball cards. And then FW had to drive the UHaul to his parent’s house 10-12 hours away to get them to store them since AP didn’t want them in her house LOL! He was 50 at the time.
FW also decided he needed only SOME of his clothes, so I let him know if he wanted any, he had to take it ALL. So I packed them in multitudes of boxes. Funny though, all of his button down shirts were missing a button. All of the pants had holes in the crotch. At least they did when he got them back.
The thing FW fought most over in mediation: “I want my Scotch collection.” I told the mediator — what Scotch collection? We drank most of what was there before he left. The mediator (a former judge) laughed out loud and told FW’s lawyer — oh well. I actualy didn’t have it anymore… I had donated the Scotch to my synagogue.
And last… he wanted the weed wacker. He kept emailing about it. I finally replied “don’t have it anymore.” (Then I gave it as a gift to my neighbor.)
I thought of something else he took that I made him return. I had bilateral mastectomies in 2009 with reconstruction the following year. Had this amazing man, Vinny Myers, from Baltimore that was just the coolest guy as my nipple tattoo artist. He did
the most incredible job, I was shock how good it was. Some serious art! ( gave up regular tattooing to only do reconstruction nipples as his career, it was more of a vocation than a job for him)
In his shop he had the most beautiful litho grams for sale that he made, so outstanding. I was buying one for $75 after I had my tattoos done of this cool tuna underwater by a buoy. I just loved it! He came over while I was ringing out and told them to make it $40 instead of $75. That was too sweet, he was the kindest man, I won’t ever forget how comfortable he made me feel during that.
So my ex took that lithogram about a year after the divorce from the beach house we still jointly owned. When I asked him about it, he said he remembered it to be his.
BS!! He knew exactly the story of that and was just trying to hurt me a little deeper as he knew what it meant to me. It was a spark of goodness from a long tough road of breast cancer.
I did get it back from him, the low life.
I think that’s what some of the random things they want is all about. They know you get pleasure from them and they want to take as much from you as they possibly can. They already feel like we got overpaid in the divorce, at least my ex FW did.
There is always room for more pain and drama. They just can never hurt you enough it seems.
That is vile and I’m sorry he did that. Yes, even after the ultimate betrayal, they can never hurt us enough. I guess it sucks for them to let go of their in-house punching bag.
Our nightmare divorce came down to this: my XW refused to sign unless she got my Lazy-Boy chair. That is correct.
I was appalled. This was a Father’s Day gift from her and our children (5 and 9) and it was known as “Daddy’s Chair.” No way could I tolerate AP siting in that chair.
My attorney prevailed upon me (from an infuriatingly logical perspective) and I gave in. Whatever. Take the chair. It’s just a chair. Just sign the paperwork.
A few weeks later what had she put on the sidewalk as trash? Yup, my chair.
I should note that after I agreed to her cruel demand, with screwdriver and wrench I carefully removed every nut and bolt so it would be unusable. Immature, I suppose, but necessary. I do not know if she realized prior to throwing it out (or possibly she threw it out because of this) that should her AP ever attempt to sit in it, it would collapse—as her relationship with AP has over the past ten years.
He wants the password to sign in on my Calm app. The app that I bought that he made me pay for myself because he said it was overpriced crap. It helps our son sleep and I use it to meditate, relax, etc. The funny thing is, he paid to gift the very same app to one of the OW. Long story short, he wants to use MY app for himself to do meditations with one of his OW! That’s what he wants me to pay for! I told him to fuck off. The nerve!!!
That is weird af. He’s either the biggest cheapskate in the world or he has a screw loose.
Actually, it’s both. I have been subject to his financial abuse for years. He is only free with money when he is love bombing. (He just bought schmoopie a diamond necklace for her birthday.) And he is totally fucked in the head.
He wanted a big ol’ ugly fake WWF championship belt “collectible” and his Simpsons tapes.
Left his wife, his kids, the dogs…but life would never be complete without that ugly fake wrestling belt. And the dumbass actually had it negotiated! Had his lawyer request it in writing.
I wonder if, when he’s alone, he puts it on and struts around in tights and that ugly belt pretending to be a pro wrestler?
Yep, that’s it! I’m pretty sure that like any adult with stunted maturity and an old penchant for watching pro-wrestling, (Bleccch!), my FW friends imagines himself being that…cool? 😂
That is perfection!
Yes! Yes, that’s it. 😂
After 40 years together, FW asked for just 7 items: a broken mirror, a used wastebasket, a 20-year-old throw rug, jars and jars of nuts and bolts, a magazine organizer, some Pyrex bowls, and his 1973 high school yearbook. Yet not a single picture of any of our children… He hired a moving company to come to my house and pick it up (he’s not allowed here), and I took that opportunity to include a veritable Mount Everest of crap I didn’t want.
A 2/3 size learners violin. She never played it. I didn’t even know where it was but told her if she could tell me I would retrieve it for her. No response.
A push broom.
He didn’t just call and ask me for it. He typed it in a list in a proposed separation agreement that his lawyer sent my lawyer. It was more of a spreadsheet than a list. There was a separate line item for the stainless steel dust pan.
My lawyer had a good laugh, but of course I had to pay her to read that shit so joke’s on me.
My friends said I should agree to everything on the list except the dust pan. They named it Dusty, and offered to help me take pictures with it on excursions around the city, to help justify my bid for full custody. I love my friends.
I figured out why the broom and some other dumb stuff had made the list. He hadn’t been in the house more than a few weeks out of the past two years. (Not totally by choice, it was COVID and he lived overseas. He “really wanted” to see the kids more, but also he didn’t have to move overseas, more on that some other blog post). However in the small amount of time he had with his children, he had gone around the house and made a list of every readily visible item that he had gone to the store and selected and brought home, as if that made it his. In all, it was actually a pathetically short list. He was just never home for long enough to buy much.
Anyway the whole thing got dropped, probably because he realized nothing on the list was worth it after his retainer ran out.
‘Dusty’. 🤣😂🤣 That’s *hilarious*! You have smashing friends!
I love your friends too. So did you take the photos? Those would be great as part of art project about divorce.
A few years ago we made a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Africa and during a safari I found some feathers from the “marriage bird”. The guide told me that when the locals wanted to propose, they took the feathers of this bird and put them on the pillow of their intended. All very romantic.
When we got home, we always kept those feathers in a jar on the bedside table and every once in a while he would lay one on my pillow as a surprise.
FW absolutely HAD to have those feathers. Whatthefuckever….I sure didn’t want them. But, what a weird thing to want after he blew up everything.
After three weeks of preparing the house for sale & making it look amazing with the help of four friends day in & day out, we asked him to mow the front lawn for us & he said no need the house will sell either way. Thanks for that FW.
Thankfully I avoided all this bullshit by packing up every single thing he could have the remotest claim to in boxes in the spare room, and through my solicitor, gave him a dead line for collecting them (he thought he’d just come over when it suited him, and take things 🙄🤣). Didn’t stop him from whelping about his fishing box I’d left out in the rain, or that I’d stuffed his clothes into bin bags, *without folding them*!!! Tracy’s right, it’s just an excuse to hoover, or keep you on the hook. He had some documents of mine, which I finally got back through my solicitor; first he wanted to bring them over personally. No. Then he wanted to bring them to the camp office and leave them there(no doubt he’d ‘just happen’ to be there when I collected them) No. Eventually he was forced to post them to me. I’d already legally changed my name back to my maiden name, which he knew, but he too the opportunity to address the envelope in my *married* name. Moron. But fuckwits will fuckwit, right?🤣😈
Eeek! How did my email become my user name?! Anyone know how I go back to just chumpnomore6? I doubt fuckwit knows about this site, or would bother, it’s 6 years now, but you never know. 👿💩
Go back into your registration and make sure your email didn’t drop into your “screen name”.
Cheers, back to Chumpnomore6😄
Testing
His only request was during the separation. He wanted me to move out of our tiny rental property back into the modest marital home. He would get his own place and pay me to “store” his project cars, etc. And I was to find a new tenant and we would continue to co-own the rental. And he would continue to see the OW while keeping his options open.
I guess he thought I’d buy him out of the marital home. That’s not what happened. I should have received more of my share of equity in larger house, but his lawyer would have advised him that my retirement fund was marital property. NOTE TO NEW CHUMPS – do not delay your settlement hoping FW is coming back.
The most baffling thing FW wanted was the flowery “good / formal” dishes we registered for when we were married. The only reason we had these dishes is his mother (a beautiful lady overall) wanted us to have items for her friends to purchase for us. So, okay, sure I guess. Fancy dishes aren’t my thing. There were about 8 place settings plus various serving pieces, and they were used about 3 times in 15 years. He showed zero interest in using them and he didn’t like entertaining, so they just took up space. Then he really, really wanted them. Did he expect the OW to want to use them — our “wedding pattern?” So sure, whatever. One less white elephant I had to deal with as I sure didn’t want them.