What’s the Dumbest Lie You Ever Fell For?
We’ve all been chumped in some pretty outlandish ways. Today your “fun” Friday challenge (is this fun or mortifying?) is to tell Chump Nation what’s the dumbest lie you fell for? Other than “forsaking all others til death do us part.”
I’m not even saying you had to swallow it whole — you may have paused before pulling out the vat of spackle. I mean the sort of lie you didn’t immediately walk out over, because it was so preposterous.
I wear the chump crown here, so I’ll begin.
A week before D-Day, I woke up to find another woman’s thong in our bed (at his cabin, where he’d been “hunting.”) His excuse? “Well, I used to own this cabin with my ex, and I was cleaning out some drawers and doing laundry and it must’ve been there in with the sheets.”
I didn’t buy it. But then again, I didn’t divorce him immediately either. (I did, however, begin snooping.)
A couple months after that, around D-Day #2, he went on a “ski trip” — yeah, alone with promises to be oh so transparent, and checking in. It was in the 40s, raining in New England that weekend. Not great “ski” weather. He never answered his cell phone. He told me, oh the signal was bad in Vermont. Everywhere. He also told me he SLEPT IN HIS CAR. For two nights. In JANUARY. Because I wanted the name and number of the hotel he was at.
Okay, I was lawyered up by that point and threw him out shortly thereafter, but it still boggles the mind he thought I was THAT stupid. (In fairness, I was that stupid — spackle is an amazing thing.)
So, see if you can top me. Dumbest, most transparent lie ever laid on you?
My ex bought his girlfriend a $200.00 bee hive. (yes a real bee hive) Had it shipped to her house with a note to the seller that it was a surprise. I found the receipt, confronted him, and he claims it was payment for work she had done for his company. He could not produce one e-mail or text that was work related, she had done it for free. He felt he should personally pay her back.. He could not show me what she had done. But he bought her a BEE HIVE!!!!!!. I just hope she got stung!
Mine told me, after shaking like a leaf and being unable to perform in bed with me, that he was having trouble having sex. That even when he would masturbate he wasn’t able to complete things. Said he was sincerely worried about his health. His dad, who’s a jackass cheating mother fucker too, has prostate cancer so I felt terrible thinking he was worried about that. What. A. Dumbass. Chump. One of the first things I asked him 6 months later when I found out the truth was, “Are you really worried about your health?” NOPE, he said. Ok, then I will make you worry about your financial stability, bu-bye!!
My ex wife said “I would never prevent you seeing your kids. We can do this amicably. I will be totally fair in the divorce. You can keep the family home. I only want half”. She then proceeded to wage a four year war doing the exact opposite. In fact, I still don’t get to speak with my children when they are with her. Happy fucking mother’s day. Yet another day I have to relinquish to her. The mother who least deserves it.
What the..! the exact same thing is happening to me right now, do they all do this?. ‘I would never fight you for the kids or the house’ it was only when I tried to get her to sign a legal agreement for 50/50 that she reconsidered and now its heading to court with her 60 page affidavit describing how she should have the kids full time and 70% of all our assets.
My ex went back to college to be a nurse. I was pregnant with our Secunderabad child and had a 3 year old. When I tried to get ahold of him a few different times and couldn’t .. he said he was studying… in a dorm with a group of nursing students … hmmm a 34 year old man studying in dorm rooms and not answering his phone.
Fuck off dickhead … later he got fired for sexual harassment at the hospital where he worked and at his next job he was written up for sexual harassment. He was quite vague about the circumstances surrounding that incident.
Piece.of.shit.
Second child was supposed to say
How about …” I can’t get a hard on anymore! It must be because I’m turning 40! I’ll have to start looking at some supplements!”
Maybe it’s because you were fucking a 25 year old?
Yeah, that’s what mine says…he isn’t trying to do anything with me because he “has no desire for sex” anymore and “it doesn’t work” but I find the used tissue he cleans up with all over….so if getting old made his desire for sex go away and it doesn’t work, why does he need the tissues to clean up? He tries to deny it still even when I have physical evidence he’s full of shit…I’ve given up at this point.
Ha. I have quite a few.
Now exhubs had suddenly insisted on following up to get his vasectomy checked to make sure the procedure was successful. Mind you, he was a couple months overdue and previously had said he was sure it was successful and no big deal. Come to find out later he thought he had gotten a chick pregnant and that it could be his baby.
Fortunately the vasectomy was successful… too bad our reconciliation and his commitment to “never cheat again, it was simply a low point in life” were all extremely unsuccessful.
Ha! X told me the same thing when he was in his early 40’s! I was naive and believed him. The reason he couldn’t perform is because he was old…,
Whenever I mentioned it to X, he would abruptly tell me to stop, to please not talk about it because it made him uncomfortable. Funny, he had no problem talking about this same subject in his 30’s.
Now I know why…,
^^^this
Wow, Secunderabad child! That might win the auto-correct Olympics this year.
^^^*^^^
Funny!
My wife said that she was just texting a guy for attention but never saw him in person. Then I snooped and found a text where she told him she was pregnant with his child and he was responding in a way that was obvious he thought it could be true.
When confronted with this my wife said, ok well I have seen him in person but I didn’t have sex with him.
Me: So, OK, he doesn’t know how baby’s are made?
Footnote: He is a medical professional.
That is horrible, Looking up!!!
I shouldn’t be do shocked, but I am. Good grief! They are so delusional.
“I’m on my way home- be there in a few minutes.” Said as he was at OW’s having beer and pizza with absolutely no intention of heading home until many more hours had passed. And later the next day “so and so called me for help and I had to go – what kind of friend do you think I am?”. SMH
This exactly! I can’t say how many times my “soon to be ex” would say he was “on his way home.” And then an hour or so later, I’d double check the time, and call to either get his VM, or him saying, “Oh, I forgot I had to stop of Home Depot,” or wherever. The lesson I’ve learned from this (and one I hope my daughters learn) is ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT INSTINCT. It doesn’t lie!
I started snooping when I got a text from my ex at 3pm on a Friday afternoon saying he had a meeting in a town about 3 hours away he had completely forgotten about and was already about halfway there.
That Friday happened to be our youngest daughter’s second birthday and we were supposed to be having a small birthday party for her with my parents at 5pm.
Why a small party? Well, she had chickenpox at the time, of course.
Turns out? My ex was going to a concert with a ho-worker.
Approximately nine months later, she gave birth to his bouncing baby boy.
::Drops the mic::
Talk about a mindfuck! My Mr Spoiler was sent for Chinese food after the homebirth of our first daughter. Gone quite a while, he brought home the food and a pregnant hooker from a local strip club ‘he saw hitchhiking’ with her young son. She wanted to see our new baby ‘being pregnant and all’
Sorry Kelli. My ex and howorker are having a baby boy soon, too.
I was hoping he’d have the decency to wait until we were divorced.
Hoping they have decency in anything is an exercise in futility.
My ex had a baby with young drug addict…we are not divorced yet
@Kelli,
Usually I would just call someone a dick (among other things). But your Ex? Yeah, he’s a bag of dicks.
So sorry for that grimy and grainy piece of shit called a human that was your husband. Sorry for your baby who didn’t have a father who could put her before a piece of ass.
Double freak of an asshole: missing daughter’s party and “forgetting” a meeting…
Damn.
Kelli- that is horrible! I’m so sorry!! These assholes have no soul. My ex is also expecting with the OW. Except she sperm jacked him and he found out after he had already dumped her and moved on to the next whore. My ex would never admit they had sex, would lie about it and say they just kissed. I bet he broke the news to his extremely religious family by telling them she got pregnant through kissing and is expecting through immaculate conception. Would love to hear that conversation. Unfortunately they are such dysfunctional fucktards they would probably believe it. ?
Did she sperm-jack him though? Or is that what he bawled to everyone when she tried to hold him accountable for his fuckaboutery?
Yes! Although the OW (who used to be an old friend of mine) had a kid she proclaimed was born after her and her then-very-new guy decided to breed and he changed his mind after she was pregnant. Truth? She was fucking an out of town client (probably married) and stole semen out of used condoms. All class.
Yeaaaahhh I don’t believe “sperm-jacking” is actually a thing the way men who can’t be bothered to use a condom properly or at all say it is. It’s just another excuse for why they’re not responsible for the consequences of not keeping their dicks in their pants. I believe she was probably fucking a couple of guys at once all right. Just, if your shitbag cheater is bleeding from the mouth about being sperm-jacked, why would you believe him? Because he’s got such a great track record when it comes to telling the truth?
Agreed, Kettle. But in this case she actually admitted to the spermjack. Causing the sperm ‘donor’ a shit load of hassle as he was not so keen on paying child support when – in this isolated case, I grant you! – he had actually always used condoms.
Good teaching moment for my son. Always securely dispose of the goods yourself!
Shame my X did not ever fucking bother with the rubbber! Fucktard.
+1
Yeah, it’s like every time he opens his mouth, out flies another ho’s (shoplifted from the Dollar Store) thong.
Another one who drinks Milk of Amnesia.
Oh my gosh…that’s terrible. Ugh, I hate cheaters. Hope Karma has gotten the better of both of them by now…
Oh, the karma bus got him good. To my knowledge, he only saw the kid once or twice. He is almost 3 now. He was born in December. Our divorce was final the following August.
Just like with my children, he is a complete and utter deadbeat for that kid too. For more info, see last week’s Fun Friday discussion about Uncle Dad.
He is a malignant narcissist. Not just with women, but in life. He had a promising career in the medical field, but threw it all away because he thought he could do the job better than his boss. He got fired for screwing employees and generally fucking off. So, he took confidential company files to a competitor trying to close his previous employer down and open a new office with him as the new boss with the competitors. He got sued by the former employer and had to surrender all of his licenses. He can’t work in the medical field again.
Now he sells very used cars on a street corner used car lot, which used to be a gas station, for his mom’s boyfriend because the boyfriend was the only person who would hire him after the lawsuit.
He has 4 kids with 3 women. He goes through live in girlfriends every few months because he is a lying, cheating drunk.
My girls are only 5 and want nothing to do with him. He has no toys for them. He takes them for 6 hours of visitation and makes them lay in bed for a 4 hour nap. He poured a glass of water over my daughter’s head when she didn’t say yes sir to him in front of some buddies of his. She said yes daddy. Not yes sir. So I do not make them go to his visits anymore.
Luckily, he owes me over $10k in back child support and he owes his attorney over twice that, so him filing for contempt is a pipe dream.
I’m happy he is gone from our lives and I have the power to keep him away from my children for good.
So horrible! What a horrible person….
Poured a glass of water on her head? This made my blood boil.
Maybe we should pour a steaming hot vat of pig manure on his face….water boarding with a twist.
Monster.
I’m glad you can keep your precious daughters away from him. May he ever stay away from you.
Wow what a spectacular fall. Amazing how life implodes when you start doing the wrong thing.
I hate him for you and your girls. What a mind-numbingly horrific excuse of a human.
(((Hugs)))
Wow. Sorry, Kelli,that is awful.
He got crabs from a toilet seat.
He only told me once I got them!
OK, it was 1983 and there was no Google so believing him didn’t seem as stupid.
All the late night traffic on the FDR Drive and flat tires from potholes.
Pre-cellphone days. I remember laying awake terrified that something had happened to him. Something happened to him alright – just not what I thought!
So grateful to have that so far behind me.
Right, back in the day when they had fuzzy dice they also had fuzzy toilet seat covers…. and shaving one’s junk? Really? That’s like a thing guys do?
Why don’t they wax?!
I’ve dated a couple of competitive bodybuilders here since I’ve been divorced and they shave ALL OVER. That said, both my last 2 exes shaved (one left a little trimmed fuzz just above his Johnson). (My first was in the 80s, we didnt do that back then). I shave. I actually don’t know anyone that doesn’t shave down there or at least damn near and leave a little “decoration”
It’s definitely a thing with men who are closeted, though. At least based on the experiences of myself and the women I’ve gotten to know via various support groups.
+1. I called it out on Pinhead once too. Sigh. Gross.
My ex was into other men
It is if your partner of choice is other men.
OMG The toilet seat excuse, but he convinced me he didn’t have them, had no idea what I was talking about. But assured me I had gotten them from a toilet seat. My youngest was only a few months old, I didn’t remember the last time I had used a public toilet. I made myself crazy trying to work it out.
He then began to shave his junk and when I asked why, he said he liked it. When I said I didn’t, he said it wasn’t for you. But denied being with anyone else. Palm to forehead
Oh my gosh! I got “toilet seat crabs” in 1993, too! It was when I was dating, not married, so there were no huge consequences or fallout from his cheating, but it still stung.
Thing was, I had trusted this man absolutely, and I’m not naturally a trusting person. I was so flummoxed when I began to itch “down there” and, to my horror, discovered the reason. I had a good guy friend at work with whom I could discuss important things, so I went to him for advice. He told me that it was technically possible to contract crabs from sources other than sexual contact, but what was left unspoken was that it’s so statistically rare that it almost never happens.
I racked my brain for any possibility which precluded his cheating on me. I can’t believe I trusted so fully! Around that time, I’d written in my journal that my boyfriend could be in a room with a dozen “nineteen year old ovulating supermodels ” and still not cheat, so yeah…misplaced trust.
Then there was a guy a few years prior who gaslighted me for 3 months and gave me chlamydia. I’ve been cheated on a lot.
Annddd last thing, to Rebecca… crabs from the toilet seat… that was what my mom told herself in 1996 when she and my dad had a crab infestation in their bed. Then 3 years ago it was, it was just one prostitute, he had a mid-life crisis, and he promised not to do it anymore. 2 months ago it was, he and his friend like to smoke weed together, it relaxes him, and also he goes to the gym for 3 hours. My parents are still together with no desire to take their heads out of their asses. The lies are so much easier for the cheater when we are telling lies to ourselves.
I know how you feel Rebecca. I feel so good now knowing that I am no longer being fooled.
He went on a three hour dog walk. He left the house at 9:00pm and returned at midnight. by 11:00pm or so I was really starting to worry so I called him. No answer. By the time he came home I was in the car about the search the neighborhood. He said it was just a really nice night and he was enjoying the walk and had the phone on vibrate and didn’t notice my calls. Then he gave me a hard time for calling him so many times so that when he finally noticed my calls he was worried that something awful had happened to one of the kids and how irresponsible of me to worry him like that.
Chumpinrecovery
Mine did this type of thing ALL the time. He would claim he didn’t hear the phone ring or feel it vibrate (even though he kept it in his front pocket). Then he would complain about my calling him multiple times and then turning it around on me to make me feel guilty. It’s called gaslighting and they suck.
Yes, it’s disgusting how they turn it around to make you feel guilty. Mine was supposedly going to dinner and a movie with a male friend (we were “couple friends” with this guy and his wife for almost 20 years). This kept happening over and over. Dinner and a movie with —-… I used to even joke with him that he was having a “man date” with —-, but he would get really mad when I said that and tell me to stop saying that!! then one night his dinner and a movie with —- man friend, lasted about six hours. Around 11:30 that night, in bed already, I called his cell phone. No answer. But when he came home and we woke up the next morning, screamed at me at the top of his lungs, “don’t you EVER interrupt me while I’m in a movie like that EVER again!!!!!!!” wtf seriously. “You interrupted me while I was watching the movie with [man friend]! you terrible person, Muse!!!” Really, so dinner lasted five hours then you went to the late movie?
Fucking asshole.
Well, he can rest easy now cause you aren’t worrying about him now, lol.
Ugh. The dog thing. Mine used to regularly go for 2 hours “runs” with the dog, “all round the city.” I always told him how impressed I was that he took his running so seriously, how it was good for him and the dog, and nice for him to get out and clear his head, especially since we had a 6 month old daughter. One Saturday morning, when we had marriage counseling at 11am (because we were having mysterious “problems” aka ILYBNILWY), he left before our baby and I woke up and “took the dog to the dog park” for 3 hours. He texted me saying we looked so peaceful that he wanted to let us sleep, assured me he would be home in time for counseling, he loved me, and then sent a picture of our pup playing with the OW’s dog (I just thought it was a random dog, and found out later it was hers). I got such a weird feeling about it while he was gone, that he was with another woman, but brushed it off because… that’s crazy right?!? I asked him when he got back if he went alone, and he said “Oh… actually I ran into a girl I know from work while I was running and we ran for a little together.” I BOUGHT IT. And it took 3 more months to figure out he’d been screwing that girl from work for 2 years.
And another one recently that I have yet to prove is untrue because I don’t care enough to untangle, but I definitely bugs me enough to post about it. I found out about the cheating last May and moved out to my parents’ immediately, but I tried to work it out until August. He kept telling me that he saw no future with this woman, and also told everyone who knew about the affair (I told his family, my family) that he did not want to be with the OW – you know, he just also didn’t know if he saw a future with me. The last straw in August was finding out that he had actually had the OW over to the house where we lived together for 5 years to hang out with him and the baby. I “just didn’t understand,” he was “so lonely” since I left, and no one but her “understood the pain” he was going through. Gross. I went NC the next day. I told my therapist about their time spent playing house and she mentioned that I was completely within my rights to tell him that if he was not serious about this woman then he could not have her around our daughter. I explained that to him via email in a very reasonable manner, as in, look, I won’t expose her to my casual relationships, you don’t expose her to yours. It’s confusing and detrimental. So if you’re serious about your relationship with OW, then it’s ok, but if you aren’t sure you want to build the next part of your life with her, keep her away from my daughter. I was assured up and down he’s not serious and will keep her away.
Here’s the lie: Fast forward to last month and he shows up to pick up baby in her car. When I ask him about it I get a tirade of “poor me”, he can’t afford a car now that I walked off with my big paycheck and OW doesn’t need one during the week so she is letting him borrow. No, she doesn’t live with him, no, she doesn’t see the baby, no, they aren’t serious, just friends helping out friends. Oh, and he “wants to end it” with her. Oh, and he “wants to have a better relationship” with me now. FUCK. OFF.
Oooh yeah! I remember my ex pulling the ‘my car had a flat battery and my phone did too’ line, walking in at midnight, having finished his shift at nine. I had cooked him dinner, his phone was off, and I was pacing the living room thinking the worst had happened to him.. when actually, looking back, the worst was actually happening to me. I’m looking forward to the day I can laugh at this, but at the moment I just feel sad for the old me. Xx
Talk about a mindfuck! My Mr Spoiler was sent for Chinese food after the homebirth of our first daughter. Gone quite a while, he brought home the food and a pregnant hooker from a local strip club ‘he saw hitchhiking’ with her young son. She wanted to see our new baby ‘being pregnant and all’
” I was pacing the living room thinking the worst had happened to him.. when actually, looking back, the worst was actually happening to me.” Yellowsunshine, this is spot on! The number of times I had been been frantic trying to reach him and then bought his stupid excuse of his phone not working.. sigh.
Had something similar here. New phone didn’t work right. She went to store that morning to have it fixed. I tried calling her for hours and no answer. I called the store and it had been fixed hours earlier. Still no answer. Call her mom. Nothing. Call hospitals and nothing. Her excuse was I went hiking in the woods and didn’t want to be disturbed. I knew shit was up but spackled like mad! They are really low life shit and am so glad I know get to choose who gets my love and attention.
Hiking the Appalachian Trial…..
perhaps next Friday’s challenge should be euphemisms for doing the nasty with the OW/OM–“hiking the Appalachian trail” is at the top of the list.
Volunteering at the animal shelter socializing and walking put bulls.
Yes he was socializing with dogs all right.
Skankboy’s favorite, “helping a friend.”
I couldn’t sleep so went into the office (pick one:) early, to get caught up, wrap up an important project, prepare for meeting with boss, get ahead, write an article…
All could have been done from home.
Sad thing is I believed him.
LOL! Let’s not forget “running at the beach.” Months and months of that…
Well the XPOS…….he said she did ‘spread’ sheets for him!!
What an asshole
for mine it was “talking philosophy” after department parties.
Hang in there. I promise you will get to the point when you can remember those nights and feel nothing. And that feels so good!
^^^THIS^^^ You WILL get there, and oh yes it does feel good 🙂
“I slept at a girl friends house”
The first night she didn’t come home. She was really sleeping with her ex boyfriend.
So many of these. I was proud of her for not drinking and driving… So dumb.
My stbx went to Christmas party first time without me in 10 years. Came home next day saying he got drunk so got a room – and I shouldn’t worry – he’s ok…..
Oh I am so relieved he got a room with his howorker and didn’t drive home drunk. He just drove to the hotel drunk and didn’t let me know until the next day so I got to be up all night with the nasty knot in my stomach.
They are such idiots.
It never dawned on him to wonder if his wife and kid were ok all those nights he didn’t come home.
So many. 1.She was really after me. 2. I’m glad you found out. It was really weighing me down. 3. I never slept with her. 4. I went to the dark side. 4. She means nothing to me (only texted her 18 hours a day). 5. We never talked about you. 6. I’m not contacting her anymore.
X was in a bar in Anchorage Alaska drinking with his first officer and other male pilots. This evening there was a girl who had too much to drink and out of everyone at the bar she zero’d in on X and wouldn’t leave him alone. He wanted to let me know that in case word got around he was messing around with her.
It wasn’t him, it was her and he wanted to let me know he didn’t do anything.
Common sense tells me that if X refused to interact with this girl she would have moved on to one of the other 15 men at the bar. Something tells me she was getting attention from X otherwise she wouldn’t have been all over him.
I got all 6 too!! Seems like they can’t come up with anything original
It’s creepy.
@ Awake – did you steal my ex’s script? LMAO
Lol. I didn’t really believe him on any of the lies. I just sat back and watched and then yelled
“My second wife cheated on me. I know what it feels like so I would NEVER cheat on you.” (Cue violin music and sad puppy eyes.)
Well she wasn’t his second wife, she was his fourth. And he cheated on her with an old girlfriend, work colleagues, neighborhood hookups, prostitutes and porn. Just like he did to me.
Thank god for iCloud syncing!
I got “went to the dark side” too. Are they EVER original?
The Coward said, back when I was still begging for details, “It’s really dark, actually.” Apparently this was in reference to the fact that she was a little psycho and an alcoholic. Borderline?
I got “I want to embrace my Darkness.”
WTF!!!!!
Therapist he was seeing got all Jungian and encouraged him to read about his “shadow self.”
Yep. That’s a “Fifty Shades of Graves” creeper for sure.
Ohhhhh……I got that too.
I was talking to her for two years but we didn’t sleep together till after I left you.
We were just friends.
I can’t even type it with a straight face.
me too, reading these posts today are making my stomach turn as I recall all the lies I fell for because I trusted X. I spackeled like a mad woman because he was a man of integrity and
he loved me and our family too much to do anything like that. Even when other people questioned his behavior I spackeled, they just didn’t know him like I did.
Ugh.., I feel nauseated thinking about all the spackling I’ve done over the years.
Got the i’m glad you found out after a skype discovery! A total and complete SLUNT!
Well, there were so many as I look back – but here is one that recently happened. We’ve been divorced almost a year. He came by my house to get something. Took me aside- told me he made a mistake, still loved me.. the usual BS. He said he hadn’t been seeing other women, life sucked without me, he was lost.. ok – fast forward 2 hours. He was supposed to pick up our son for bowling. He never called. My son called him.. nothing. So another hour goes by. FINALLY calls – said he “fell asleep” (go to excuse) and I almost bought it – except that I can read his emails since he still has me on his accounts (idiot) and I saw where all afternoon he was on dating sites hooking up with a bunch of women. or at least trying..
I called him out on it.. He said he hadn’t been on sites in months…. How he could look me in the face and lie so easily – makes me question EVERYTHING I suspected for years and he denied.
NO-contact and all the BS goes away with it! People at work are stunned by my totally cutting off communication with her. We even have older teenagers. Luckily, at their ages the only communication needs to be a real, true emergency. Cut him off completely from your life and use a scheduling program for any communication. If it starts to get personal, you hit delete. It is the only way to prevent and recover from the mind fucking they resort to.
Loving the no contact .., throughout the divorce process he would text me and ask how I was doing, saying he lives with such guilt and has such sadness … the whole time he was back with the OW.. I didn’t know it … once I found out she movies in with him and is pregnant I instituted no contact unless it’s kid related … good luck to both of them … they are both pieces of shit
I showed him the email that he’d been exchanging with the OW, it was very long, full of soul mate and sweet dreams and talked about flowers he sent her that matched her decor perfectly… The next day he said I imagined it, and that he’d sent flowers to his mother….
I pulled up the email and he had deleted everything in it except the innocuous first bit of text saying hello. No, I didn’t believe I’d hallucinated the email. It was the sheer audacity that he thought he could convince me I had; not.that.stupid. I’ve got so many crazy lies, that was just the first completely insane thing.
That’s why you save EVERYTHING somewhere safe. Mine sat in therapy and denied he wrote this, that, the other to the OW. He sounded so convincing and I sounded so raving, they both looked at me like I’d gone mad. I printed up my own personal copies and showed them to the therapist. That’s when she said I was wasting my time with therapy, at least, the marriage counseling kind.
Wow! Narcissis 101. Try to make you feel crazy.
Datdamwuf, I got first class email gas-lighting attempt too! A month before D-day he had told me he was unhappy and he was leaving me because I wasn’t “his friend.” After 20 years of what seemed a very fulfilling marriage I was shocked and went into complete denial thinking he must had a brain tumor or something! we were the perfect couple! This could not be happening, I wouldn’t let it happen!!!
On D-day at 11 pm I found the emails with plans with schmoopie to go to Cancun (including plane ticket for her) and other very clear cheating conversations. I sent the emails to myself, decided not to kill him or I would end up in jail, took my purse and drove to my friend’s house. He was sleeping and had a plane to Mexico very early next morning. I stayed at my friend’s, couldn’t sleep all night of course, and assumed he was going to reach out since I didn’t sleep in our bed and I wasn’t home. Well, he didn’t. At 9 am I turned on my phone and I wrote to him an email saying “I know everything, you better tell the truth and tell the kids you have been having an affair or I will” (I wasn’t planing on telling my older teens then but I was so angry and hurt). Then I wanted to read the cheating emails again and guess what? Since he knew all my passwords he had gone into my account and deleted them!!!!
Then I got an email he wrote to the marriage counselor and copied to me which said “Do something! she went into my phone and misunderstood some business emails and she is going to destroy the family!!!! She is out of control and crazy!!!!”
Darn! and now I didn’t have the emails to prove his lies and I was the crazy one! Well I called the email server company and prayed to God that someone would help me. A young man from customer service answered and I told him “this is a weird request I am going to ask but this is what happened…” and told him about the deleted emails. He answered “ma’am, the same thing happened to my mom, I will be happy to get your emails back” and he did!!!
Ironic thing is I never was able to use them. The Monkey stopped trying to deny his adultery, he put all effort in minimizing it. Eventually I found out he had been cheating with many women through the years. Anyway, reality is worse than fiction sometimes.
As for worst lie I believed? Maybe into 15 years of marriage he tells me one day “Honey I don’t know why but my left hand hurts so I won’t use my wedding ring or my watch anymore, it doesn’t hurt if I don’t wear them.” I found the excuse so weird but since we loved each other soooo much I didn’t give it a second thought. Now he didn’t have to worry about having a ring mark on finger while hitting on other women. My goodness. Spackle is an amazing thing, as CL says.
His ring got “damaged” while loading up band equipment. Being damaged, he couldn’t wear it on stage.
The damage matched up perfectly to marks from a set of needlenose pliers that had been left out that day. *spackle*
First, I’m going to admit that I didn’t wear my wedding ring much for years. I have arthritis in my fingers and they swell. However, my EX lost his first wedding ring on our 5-year anniversary. He lost at least 2, probably three, that I bought him over the remainder of our 33 years together. He then started buying his own which were always ugly, too big, and lost shortly. I really don’t know if he was cheating all of that time or not but I have wondered.
When we got married he bought me a wedding ring. Instead of buying one for himself too, he bought himself an expensive watch.
His excuse?
Men don’t have to wear wedding rings. It’s optional. He would rather have a watch instead.
I had a number of similar experiences with customer service reps during my divorce–I reached the point where I figured, what the hell, I’m just going to tell them what happened. In my case X was intercepting bills and I ended up with late charges on a couple of them. I was pleasantly surprised by how responsive folks were, almost to the degree where it seemed they didn’t want to be a party to an abusive situation that could have been much worse than intercepting bills.
Somebody help me, my Chump is waking up! Poor cheater. He is more flavors of sick and awful than I want to count.
Mine had his wedding ring “stolen out of his suitcase” while on a business trip to Las Vegas. We live in the state and he did do business there, but when I asked why he wasn’t wearing it he mumbled something about forgetting. It didn’t feel right to me but I trusted my husband and chumpy me went out and bought him a new ring. Turns out that’s right about the time he started his affair. Asshole.
The ring doesn’t even stop them. I can’t wear jewelry at work (industrial safety thing) so we got tattoos. Mine is just a heart, dumbass went with an infinity symbol. I hope the homewrecking piece of garbage hates it, and that it bothers her every time she looks at his hand.
I thought about having mine removed, but I decided to just change the meaning instead. I have a pretty red heart on my ring finger to remind myself to love me first.
Mine stopped wearing his ring about 2 years after we married. He said he was afraid that he’d jam his finger while playing basketball and need it cut off. Never jammed his finger. Then when he no longer played hoops (no pro or even league – just friends in a park), he said his ring no longer fit. Offered to get it resized, never happened. Now, he married whore. Wears bitches ring all the time.
My dad never wore a ring, and I don’t think he’s a cheater. He and my mom will have been married 50 very happy years this year.
So I didn’t think anything about it when The Coward didn’t wear his; it was too big.
I just looked at a new pic of him and the Twat on social media. No ring for him.
Exactly the same story here – ex said he was worried about losing his ring as he had to keep taking it off to scrub for surgery, so stopped wearing it just a few years in. Not surprisingly, since marrying OW he now has the biggest ring I have ever seen on a man, no doubt OW would like to superglue it on his hand as if that will protect her from being cheated on too. Big red flag in retrospect!
My serial cheater prize of a stbx never wore a wedding ring because of his job as a mechanic.
My stbxh said he couldn’t wear his because of the eczema on his hands…..Hardly wore it for the 18 years we were married…..Found out only fairly recently he had been a serial cheater…..
How stupid a fool was I?
One of many lies i believed along the way.. .
The other one was ” of course you ARE enough” when i asked about our relationship & a strange feeling i kept having about the two of us & the ” strength” if it…
So many more lies……
Ok so Douchebag started giving a similar spell about his ring cutting into his finger and nearly cutting it off once while climbing during a hike. Of course I was understanding my own father nearly lost his finger due to his wedding band being to thin at work. He was a cray fisherman. But he replaced it with a sturdy sterling silver band.
So Douchebag stops wearing his ring for about a year. Comes home from Adelaide after a cycling trip with the boys and declares he has brought a new sturdier ring as he felt he should be wearing one. Turns out one of the boys noticing him flirting and being hit on by a woman reminded him he was married and maybe he should be wearing a ring to help him “remember”. Fast forward that ring got lost so he brought another and that ring got lost to. He upset one of his OW because he refused to take it off when they went on holiday together (BooHoo) even though he was leaving me for her (Not – typical cake eater). Eventually he brought one that turned like a Tibetan prayer cylinder with the Lord’s Prayer on it. Obviously if he turned it enough he thought his sins would be redeemed cause you know he’s a “Good person”. The mind fuckery is seriously twisted. Who does that to people. And yup he believes his own lies and delusions. So glad he’s in my rear view mirror.
All I ask myself now when I have to see him is “What the fuck attracted me to that piece of shit!!!” He isn’t just physically unattractive to me now like skin crawling don’t touch me unattractive but also marrow deep character, mentally and emotionally unattractive. Good luck I say to the last OW. She’s his problem now Bahahaha.
I love how you put your revulsion in words. Yep. No amount of money or beer could persuade us to find them attractive again.
Celebrate your freedom from that worthless POS.
It might be an interesting post to see how many of our cheaters “lost” their wedding rings or came up with excuses for not wearing them. I know I replaced 3 rings that got “lost.” But then again, he was always breaking or losing things. Part of their disordered personality.
His first ring he threw away the first time we separated for 6 months. When we wreckonciled, we went and got him another one and I noticed the month or so before D-day, he could not stop twisting it around and around, like Dragonlady mentioned above in her post. I should have seen it as a metaphorcal sign that he was itching to take it off and remove the marriage. I also agree with you, FindingBliss, about how destructive the disordered are. XH broke so many valuable and sentimental items that can’t be replaced, not to mention holes in the walls when he was on the rage channel.
mine took his off because he said it got in the way of his drum playing (hand drums)
I feel the same about my ex but I can’t go NC completely because we have two kids together. When they get home from their dad’s I am forced to listen to their many complaints about the OW and her kids. I commiserate with them because their dad has made it clear that his “new family” is more important than his old one. I can’t completely switch off from all the bullshit going on at the ex’s place. It’s a shit situation to be in.
The discard for the “new” family is usually even easier for the cheaters. 1) They’ve done it before. 2) They are even less invested in the co cheater’s children than they are their own biological children. Once they are over having their head up the co cheater’s crotch, there is nothing to tie them to that person’s kids.
I’m sorry you and your children are going thru this with those two turd buckets.
Carmel, the New Family is his focus now. But, everything new becomes old, usually pretty quickly.
LOL My ex “lost” his wedding ring too!! About 3 years into our marriage and when our baby was about 6 months old right around the time his affair (that I know about) started. AND he accused me of misplacing it!! I could’ve sworn I left it on the ring dish – you know the dish we have for holding keys and other knick knacks… but no he claims I was the one who lost it!
Whoa! That’s outstanding even by cheater standards!
That is amazing! What a total asshole!
That is some first-class gas lighting there! Wow.
On my first DDay, I caught my ex husband texting in bed. I looked over to see if I could read what he was texting (he always said he was texting his kids). I read “you need to leave ur wife”. His response back to her said, “no worries”. My whole life just changed! I asked him about it and if I could see the rest of the conversation. He jumped out of bed and deleted everything! He denied anything was happening and said “his texting was inappropriate but nothing sexual ever happened”. Such bullshit and the first of many lies told!
When I found a similar email exchange, he threatened to have me arrested for “hacking” his “private email.”
Not kidding! It’s in my top five WTF moments married to a weirdo! 🙂
I don’t know whether to laugh or be horrified. My STBXH said something along those lines during wreckonciliaton. How dare I invade his privacy after he had been caught so many times with the same woman. Looking back on it now there were so many things I glossed over and spackled about in the 11 years. I now believe he’s been cheating on me since day 1.
^^^This^^^. After reading this whole comment section, I truly believe this.
Mine threatened me with hacking prosecution too! I’d endured his ghosting for over three months with no contact from him (stupid me -giving him space – before I discovered the affairs and Craigslist stuff). I knew his passwords, was the admin for our email account, and just opened the emails! Duh. . . .hacking, right. But he threatened to press charges – after he got caught and after I filed.
I got that too, like for 25 years we had open communication, no problem, he didn’t even know his own password, but as soon as he hooked up the with sociopathic sluntwhore, suddenly I was snooping into his privacy and he was going to have me arrested for hacking. I am not making his up. He sent me a cease and desist order slunt must have helped him write. A low point for me.
After telling me for month he was visiting his family every weekend I saw pics of a woman on his Facebook page I was able to access his messages. I found 3years worth of messages to the married other women. Even though we shared the same password for everything and ex never bothered to change passwords. I managed to copy all of the messages along with pics of the latest OW and ex hubs in bed together. Thought all of this would be useful for court and it was. He painted me as a crazy bitch and that I was lying about him. He told the attorneys the latest OW was his good friend helping him through “all of this” My messages and texts showed otherwise
Excellent Jedi Ninja steps Carrie!
I have to add to this as these lies were so unbelievable… After 3rd DD and I found proof of his sexual encounters all written down in his planner… he told me “It was only oral sex!” And the “I was always drunk!” Great excuses, remember I read his planner so I know exactly what he did with her because he wrote it all down!
He kept notes in a daily planner? That’s really creepy.
That’sounds how I figured out ex was cheating – through his planner. He had little symbols on a lot of days. Below was the explanation: heart = kiss, o = dinner & x = phone conversation on our home phone. There were several calls over Thanksgiving weekend, same weekend that Tiger Woods was kicked out for cheating. I remember telling ex as the news was breaking that Tiger Woods was such a dirty dog. Little did I know at the time that I was sitting next to my own dirty dog.
My dirty dog didn’t even do symbols for the most of his planner entries. He just wrote things like: sex w/kz, bj w/kz, sent dic pic to kz, rub sex w/kz. Pretty much covered their visit! Even wrote down when he had sex with me! So insane. “Just hanging out with my kids!”
This is just … so fucking bizarre, Krazy! Writing it down? Because otherwise he’d forget he’d done it???
I recently discovered He has so many layers of unusual behavior. I have been so crushed by all of this! I thought he adored me! He is a very well liked Dentist in town and I’m not able to talk about it very much! Entitlement? Bipolar? Who knows. The bravest thing I could do is run away from it!
How stupid could he possibly be, putting it all in WRITING and then trying to deny it??? smh
Exactly… it was so unbelievable! He did continue to deny it for awhile, was shocked when I asked for a divorce! Then he threw himself into his addictions and self loathing and expected me to feel sorry for him…. insane!
I got ahold of a years worth of messaging correspondence which clearly indicated there was a relationship with someone I’d never heard of where there were hundreds of warm emotional “I love you’s” plans to meet up and weird catfishy lies about his life which included originally saying I was his sister- not his wife.
That way he could explain the same last name and my non suspicious appearance on all his social media.
He told me that everyone talks like that on Socialmedia and that its crazy to think you wouldn’t be saying “I love you” to Internet strangers. Also- the “sister” deception was to “protect” me- because … The Internet is dangerous.
Thinking he was like me – human, decent, containing empathy.
THIS!
Yup. Exactly.
…I actually don’t have a good example.
My ex certainly lied, and I believed some of them initially (she was “playing games” on her phone late at night, she was at “public outreach meetings” after work, etc).
But none of that is too embarrassing. I believed these lies for a few weeks, and the I wised up.
My ex did tell some whoppers later–particularly during the divorce, claiming she had “talked to lawyers,” and that these supposed lawyers advised her that I owed her all sorts of money.
But I was way out ahead of her by then. I’d already done my research, filed, lined up my legal approach, etc.
Of note, my ex was/is persuasive, but she’s not really a good liar. Yes, she bent the truth to suit her needs, but she didn’t really “have a plan” as to how all the little lies would fit together. I believe any reasonable person would have seen through her bullshit as quickly as I did (or likely sooner).
Like my ex; a bad liar, and STUPID about how he lied, to both me and the kids, especially post-separation. Since he’s actually a very smart guy, I’m assuming this was because of the entitlement. ‘I can say whatever I want, and things will come out as I wish’ kind of stupidity. Sigh. Damned reality, no matter how hard you deny it, it keeps butting in.
KarenE, I totally agree.
My ex was smart and persuasive. But sustaining a double life over the long term requires a twisted sort of discipline, perseverance, patience, and commitment. It actually requires work, planning, coordination, rehearsal, and an astounding amount of memorization.
I think that a lot of cheaters just don’t realize how difficult it is. Yes, some are very very good at it. But so many (including my ex) just simply don’t have the cognitive ability to pull it off. So, like you said, thy start arguing with reality itself, because lying stops being effective.
“Entitlement” and “sustaining a double life over the long term requires a twisted sort of discipline, perseverance, patience, and commitment. It actually requires work, planning, coordination, rehearsal, and an astounding amount of memorization.”
Being able to perfectly balance a double life for 12+ years and being convinced that people will believe everything you say all the time…it requires such a smart, twisted, entitled, sociopathic mind.
‘My wife doesn’t show me physical affection or attention I need to feel loved.” Aw no wait. That’s the whopper he told Tits Springsteen the Sluterus.
Strange my STBX told that same lie to his ho-worker. What I have found amazing is how many people have no respect for marriage.. ex had two long term affairs with women who knew he was married. It’s not that good..how did he get these women and what type of women sleeps with a married man with kids involved. You that desperate ho ?
LOL! Love the name! I’m going to adopt it for my X. Hope you are doing well! I don’t see you post very often anymore but have always enjoyed reading your comments!
Hi, Lost! I guess part of the built in function of Chump Nation is if it’s working, we graduate a little. One day I bet you’ll be foundntx.
I’m living. Every day gets more meh. 🙂 I don’t have any Great Successes or New and Redemptive Loves to report. In fact, I find more and more that being forced to fill the abject emptiness of my family being abruptly slashed to just two members from five, I really did choose better than in the past.
I’m smarter financially and emotionally. I fixed my picker and now apply that concept to everything. I filled the gap physically with things I liked and people I value, and I thought about the nature of owning too many things and being too dependent on some people and too giving to others. I’m owning my shit. And taking no new shipments.
Maybe the Slow Clap Happy Ending comes later? I hope so.
I also don’t harbor much ill will toward the bad actors in Lusty Bonobo Circus across town. It’s more of a STFA from Me With Your Pestilence Thang. My goal is to be as utterly irrelevant to them as I was when I was married to one of them.
But mark my words. If I ever cross paths or the Skankmatron ever contacts me for any reason thinking my opinion of her and women like her has softened, I have pledged to respond with Nicki Minaj fire,
“What’s Good, Sluterus?”
Luz, you are absolutely one of my favorite writers! I love your audacity. I wish I had words to say how much I love your words.
I can only quote:
“I’m owning my shit. And taking no new shipments.”
Oh, DAMN, girl!
Glad you are well, Luz!
“I fixed my picker and now apply that concept to everything.”
Luziana, I too am applying Tracy’s method to everything.
The biggest lie? He was impotent. And he was oh, so destroyed by that. Chump me had to be so understanding and not push him to see the doctors. Oh, he just wanted to ignore it all! So I believed him. Good little wife. Loved him, not just the penis.
Wonder if the OW’s husband believed her headaches?
Side note: porn addicts can usually only get it up to porn and newbies. Anyone that’s already a known quantity, no matter how attractive, gets the downside (literally).
I do think it is important to decentralize intense erections in the whole of a healthy sexual experience. It’s shared pleasure, not a damned stage show, and some people do have legitimate reasons that their physical sexual responses aren’t intense.
Still, it is important to have clarity and honesty and still share intimacy. A person who can’t be fully connected with a partner solely because the person doesn’t have an intense physical response sexually may have more to tell than s/he is admitting, so we have to at least see it as an orange flag.
He wasn’t having problems with MOW. And I didn’t stop loving him for the ten years he withheld intimacy or affection from me. Didn’t want him to feel bad. His affair was for nine years. Shorter cheats on her. I figure he was as cheating on her with those, not me. I only allow one level of cheating.
Yes, that might explain the Craig’s List emails I saw that he received from a guy and sent back of his own obviously erect member. (I remember my first numb thought: why is our quilt in that picture?) Said the excitement made it all possible. No attachments, just pictures. Of course he sent pictures of his bare bod and face using his real email address. Yeah.
But all that aside, it seems to run through the males in his family. Leave wife alone, look elsewhere.
Oh yes, I have personal experience with this as well. I’ve mentioned here before that my ex was so addicted to porn that he kept a huge spread sheet (pun intended) of personal data on porn stars that was THOUSANDS of lines long. He regularly added and subtracted names as he found new ones he liked better. He had their names, birthdays, where they were born, measurements, whether they liked men, women and/or anal, etc. It was horrifying to see such utter objectification of women. It’s like they were baseball cards or something. So creepy. And the hours and hours he must have spent on it… When the ED started to kick in his taste in porn got more and more deviant and I don’t think it was a coincidence that his affairs from that point on were with strippers. Pay them enough and they will do anything, I’m sure.
As to your point about sexual response Amiisfree, I agree there too. A shared intimate experience doesn’t need a hard penis to be satisfying for both people. It helps, sure, but it isn’t a necessity by any means. I wish more men knew that women truly believe that.
Oh yes, the porn habit and the alcohol making him impotent with an actual person, exasshole had that going too. I spent 5 years without sex because I ‘loved’ him. I was a total chump, should have insisted on an open marriage at the least. It didn’t go much better with his OW from what I know, eventually she got him there so I suppose that was a win for her? gag me.
That is disgusting and creepy.
Thank you for that info. I blamed myself for so long when his ED kicked in, before the affair. Now I know he had been doing porn for as long as he had ED, and then started some crazy deviant sexual behavior with slunt and whatever crack she helped open in his psyche. Coupled with dangerously low T levels and markers for prostate cancer, he’s a mess physically and mentally. Whore took advantage of him, but he allowed it.
Mine had ED that I thought was just related to being a spectacular textbook example of an alcoholic. Turns out, there was also Imitation E, who was “always willing to do whatever,” and a vast library of porn.
Shouldn’t the porn fascination wear off at some point? I get it from young men, but I really dread finding a nice mature man, and discovering he’s also got terabytes of smut and thinks I should be as easy as clicking a mouse button.
Yes! You would think a man at 53 would want to “settle into life” and not be so obsessed with how many boners he could achieve in a day!
“how many boners he can achieve in a day.” Hahahahahahaha!!!!
KrazyFool16 – you summed it up quite well! 🙂
If you get to reading about it at all, the literature explains that it is specifically designed to create a brain chemistry cycle that will cause the person to need it more and more and weirder and weirder. It becomes impossible for the person to get aroused without feeling more shock and shame. It is incredibly destructive.
“Shouldn’t the porn fascination wear off at some point? I get it from young men, but I really dread finding a nice mature man, and discovering he’s also got terabytes of smut and thinks I should be as easy as clicking a mouse button.”
I commiserate with this. I had NO clue my asshat was watching porn – let alone to the extent he was watching it. He was watching it daily – at work – for hours at a time. And, he would pretend to fall asleep next to me while waiting for me to fall asleep. He sneaked out of bed to watch it again – for HOURS. He did this throughout our twenty-five year marriage and I never knew. Not even a clue.
He portrayed himself to me as basically inept at computers – asking me to help him search for something (like tools, etc.). He “hated” typing. You name it. This was expert-level gaslighting. So subtle.
One thing asshat didn’t bet on was that keeping all of his old computers (including work computers) would be a treasure trove of data for me. I purged the computers … (looking for evidence of affairs – not expecting to see the oceans-deep level of pornography) — I even printed out screen shots of some of the porn he looked at more than two decades ago. Sucks to be him.
The sheer amount of time expended on pornography and that he even risked his job – and lied so thoroughly to me about it – was bad enough. (My initial thought was “Holy Hell, he’s acting like a teenager!”)
But the types of pornography shook me to my core. Some of it was really gruesome stuff. This was the first indication I ever had that my asshat hates women; gets turned on by hurting innocent people; and feels a need to dominate other humans (regardless of age, gender, race, etc.).
I still feel a need to shower and bleach my brain every time I think about it.
how can someone watch porn so much?? My #2 was the same way–obsessed with it! And i pretty much have zero boundaries in the bedroom so IDK what the deal was. I dont have a problem with porn, but it should be used SPARINGLY
Hi Catdance – what’s the attraction about porn?
If you haven’t seen the TED talk yet, and have a little pre-teen over the age of 11, I believe it is essential fact-based problems in our society, called The Great Porn Experiment. We’re creating a monster with so much information out there. It totally shocked me.
I am so sorry JessMom, I know how you feel with this! My ex would get out of bed to “go check sports scores” and I believe now this is what he was doing! At the time, I blamed it on his ADHD.
Krazy….mine supposedly had ADHD as well; took meds for it and blamed every fucked up thing he did on it. He’d tell me ‘if you really cared enough you’d read up on it’.
He’d stare at women (and men, just not as often) so much that I would get highly uncomfortable and remember always wondering why his mother never taught him not to stare as a child. Anyway, that was the ADHD you know that caused him to do that! What a joker!
As I’m reading down this giant post for today, 3 1/2 years later, I’m realizing the POS probably was a porn addict as well. He took viagra all the time and told me it was bc of the meds he took as to why he had trouble gettin it up. Even with the viagra he couldn’t complete the act and jacked himself off for a long, long time! I’d fall asleep, long time! Sick fuck.
Also, he had a small safe that I never asked about and towards the end when the ball dropped, I did ask. He said it was all his nasty porn movies in there. I think it was that and more!
Last thing, I found a pic he printed out of a woman that was posed so disgustingly that I can’t even repeat it here.
So all the addicted to porn talk is all making sense now. He is a very sick person. HURRY UP KARMA!!
Yep. The amount of porn I found was ridiculous, and similar markers for my idiot.
There are studies showing that porn is no different than drinking and gambling… it gets harder and harder (excuse the pun) to get it up for anything but deviant acts, the more you watch the stuff.
Creates bad situations.
Although it wouldn’t have been a problem, I don’t believe, if he wasn’t already a fucked up narcissist in the first place.
I had a porn addicted ex as well! If you read my earlier post today, you know my ex wrote everything in his planner! I had to ask him what NROP meant? Porn backwards…what a mess he is! I don’t even want to know what he did with that, I had enough with the affairs and lies all while telling me he was with his children (from a previous marriage)> I thought he was being such a good father, bonding with his kids! More lies than truth in this ex marriage!
Oh, Mine had an excel spreadsheet to plan when he was seeing which prostitute. It was so much fun when I found that.
I also found quite a lot of disturbing porn, like ladyboy woman on top man bits on the bottom type porn. I guess it explained his penchant for Thai whores who looked like 10 year old boys…
Also, ‘Those aren’t Text Bubbles! It’s Candy Crush!’
The worst part is, I was happy to see him texting because he had only the most superficial of friendships with two male coworkers and no one else! He could have just said Tony or Ed and I’d have left it at that. Instead I looked at the phone bill. And that is how I learned about Jake From State Farm.
Luz, my ex also hid his first affair behind apparent friendly contacts w/work colleagues. Beers after work, running w/a guy at work on his lunch hour …. I was actually happy for him, and perfectly willing to do all the household/child care stuff for those extra hours, because he really had almost no friends.
And that leads to the stupidest lie that I believed … for a few hours. Ex had confessed Affair #1 as an EA that he wanted to turn into a physical affair. At the time I knew who he was involved with and thought he was already screwing her. I think he expected me to grant him ‘permission’ to screw her, as his previous long-term girlfriend had done – I imagine in a desperate ploy to seem ‘cool’ and keep him (she dumped his ass a few years later, yay for her!) .
So he had admitted he was involved with her, saw how devastated I was, and screwed her anyway. I was reading RIC crap, and pick-me dancing big time. Finally I told him he had to decide, he said he was done with her. A week or so later, he’s supposed to be coming home on a Friday evening, had already called me to say he’d be leaving soon and did I want him to pick anything up on the way home. He calls back to say a few people are going out for an after-work beer, and did I mind if he went too. I was so torn, upset that he wouldn’t want to come right home when our relationship and our family were in such a mess, but also wanting to encourage him to have HEALTHY friendships. So I said ‘go if you want’, of course he did.
Only 5 hours later when he wasn’t home yet did I realize he must be with the AP. I’m such an idiot.
I love your euphemisms, Luz. 🙂
‘These welts that look mysteriously like fingernail scratches down both rib cages? I think I’m allergic to the detergent used on the sheets at the hotel I was staying at..’ . Yup, I went out and bought hypo-allergenic washing liquid to wash his clothes in. I didn’t want him having allergic reactions to his clothes – poor guy!
Mine got fingernail scratches on his back when a mysterious woman showed up at the gym and joined the basketball game that he and some guys were playing. The woman had a really long fingernails, and she scratched his back when she was trying to catch a rebound and he got in the way, or something like that. None of the other guys on the team remember a woman like that hanging around the gym. I guess only he could see her. Oh, and I was 8 1/2 months pregnant.
Ah, the nail marks. My asshat ran for the rather juvenile excuse of “the dog did it!” Yep. Okay. The dog. *facepalm
Well a bitch did scratch him so it’s almost true.
Hahahahaha!
Haha! Excellent point. 🙂
“I use the condoms to masturbate so I won’t have to clean up a mess.”
“She came on to me and it really freaked me out. Now I can’t get her terrible perfume off of me. I feel so violated.”
“I have to stay [at work] because the network went down again.” (Third time this week. This was a common thing for years.)
“I close the screen when you come in so I won’t be distracted while we talk.”
“I bought a [collector’s item] with the money, but I left it at the shop because they are going to [modify it] for me, then I am going to sell it to [a buyer they don’t know about] and walk away with a tidy profit.”
“I would NEVER do something like that with a member of your family. I know I have done bad things, but I would never do that.”
“No, I am not gay or bisexual. I am not sexually interested in men.”
“I don’t want to live there. That house is ugly.” [He moved into that very house when I kicked him out.]
And, best of all…
“I just want to move out so I can have some time think.”
Well, dear, you have a nice time “thinking” every willing person you meet who has an available hole. I am going to refocus on living a life that isn’t polluted with your thinking bullshit, you thinking asshole.
Haha!!! Priceless!
“I feel so violated”?!
Snort!!!
Yeah, he was pretty dramatic. The post-divorce online journal lies he told were as entertaining as they were utterly ridiculous.
Yes! I got the condom excuse, too. A condom went missing after he’d just come back from a conference three months after the marriage. “I don’t know what happened to it. I might have used it to masturbate to see how it felt.”
And on D-day when I discovered the sexual harassment notes and 6 condoms in his computer bag, “Gradwhore & I just did some kissing. I had the condoms in my desk drawer just in case, but never used them. I thought I should take them out of my desk drawer from 8 years ago in case they did a more thorough investigation of the sexual harassment case.”
#3: “I never spoke badly about you,” yet a minimum of TWO APs were utterly convinced that he would leave me for them.
“must have” – Maybe it’s me, but I think I would remember if I had masturbated in some unusual way. But, then, if a person ALWAYS masturbates in some unusual way, maybe it wouldn’t stand out. (Yikes! Strange ER stories, anyone?)
The ex in your case is a first class f’ing asshole. You are completely fabulous and I am glad he is in your history books!
“Oh I couldn’t tell you that I missed the last train last night, and couldn’t make it home, because BOTH of my phones coincidentally ran out of battery. That’s right, even my work BlackBerry.”
Funny that. Missing the last train home yet again and both phones running out of battery like that. Yes, even the BlackBerry, which are known for having great battery life (compared to the iPhone, for example).
Those multiple lies were the worst- and I believed most of them!
My ex was a goddamn hero, couldn’t leave the house w/o telling some tale about how he got sidetracked saving the fucking world, and then I’d feel so guilty for doubting this wonderful man. Cheaterman to the rescue!
Ru nning late because he ran out of gas, phone out of batteries, had to help some homeless guy at the gas station, then he ran into an old friend (with his penis) and she was really drunk and he was worried so he drove her home, charged his phone (penis) at her place, and stopped a few times to rescue kittens after perfume and glitter trucks collided near their nest at the church he stopped in, to pray for my suspicious, untrusting heart.
Hahahahah!!
Hahaha, love this so much! There are always so many kittens to be rescued!
And many prayers for lost kitten souls!
It was always a joke between me and Ex-cheater that he couldn’t lie worth a crap. The first lie that he told me when I confronted him about the newly placed passcode on his cell phone. I had started to have suspicions, so the night before when i got home at midnight, I simply hit the “home” button on his phone charging on the nightstand and I saw it. I think I knew then. Nevertheless, when I asked him why he put a passcode on his phone he said, “Oh well, I got an software update and it asked me to set one up.”. (good one right?) My response? “I have the same phone you have and I didn’t get a software update.” He doubled down. “Remember me telling you about John Doe at work? That crazy weird guy? Well, he took my phone the other day at work so when I got it back, I set up the passcode.” Now he’s screwed. I had noticed that I had stopped seeing his cell phone at all. He hadn’t been putting on the kitchen bar when he came home from work. And I couldn’t remember the last time I saw it. His behavior regarding his cell phone was my first clue.
“I was aonenight stand but she used it as blackmail to make me sleep with her”
Lol!! Poor thing HAD to sleep with her against his will
“I’d never sleep with her, you know I only like skinny girls”
“There’s nothing going on – she has a fiancé”
and the biggest croc of shit of them all…
“I was a GOOD man” this was a super-mindfuck because he was saying that he was good until I did blah blah, didn’t pay him enough attention etc. So I lost my “good man” to some whore and it wasALL MYFAULT ???
Um… nah. “Good man” was the biggest lie and once I got my head round that, things were a lot better
Btw, lie 2 & 3 were never confirmed as lies. Would love to know what anyone else thinks.
Ah, good people. “we are good people. This doesn’t make us bad people. We are good.” If you have to say you is, you ain’t.
I got that too. “I am a good person. I chose a different life path but that doesn’t make it wrong.”
Can anyone spell DELUSIONAL??? Cheating, lying, deceiving, betraying, destroying a family, abandoning a 25 year marriage? But he’s a “good person”? If he’s a good person, what am I?
I got the “I’m the still the best man for you!” This was after Dday 2 … as I started to find more and more out he then downgraded to saying he’s a “good man!” I even found a recording he had re-recorded on his iPad from his phone of the OW calling him to apologize for not being as loving as he had been to her and that he was a great man and father (she’s never met my kids). She apparently wasn’t so happy that he had chosen me when I gave him an ultimatum and he had spent months trying to continue the relationship. I really don’t know how successful he was but she used to let him take her out. These cheaters really are sick people.
I married a “good guy” too, just ask him.., sad part is I believed him.
Same here brit. But hey, if we’really grading on that strong a curve, I guess we’re all gonna be canonized tomorrow! 😀
“We’re all going to be canonized tomorrow.” I hope I have something nice to wear!
True, X would constantly tell me he was a “man of integrity,” X would be scanning where ever we happened to be, pointing out how flawed or discourteous people were. We could be at Costco and he’d make a huge deal out of someone not returning their basket, “he could never do that.”
A neighbor once told us they had made hotel reservations for two but actually would be having four people in the room, omg, he was outraged, how could they? that’s dishonest, he could never do that, he had integrity.
Apparently lying about how many occupants in a hotel room is something to be frowned upon but screwing someone you meet on a business trip is acceptable.
I wonder if he informed the front desk…?
Yes I got I’m a good man. You keep telling yourself that buddy.
My ex said he was “a good man” too. Even bought the book to prove it. “Why Good People Have Affairs”. Crock of shit!
Oh, he will. They’re delusional…
I’m sure they self program, with some assistance from Schmoopie of course, to say this shit. My XH told me, “I was good to you”. This after I got the ILYBINILWY speech, six days after I scattered my mother’s cremains.
It has taken me almost four years to understand that no, he was NOT “good” to me. SO happy he married his whore. Now he can be “good” to her. She deserves his goodness.
Yeah, that’s up there with “Sure I club baby seals for their fur, but it’s just a job. That doesn’t make me a bad person.”
“My mafia boss always sends me to do the executions because I’m so efficient at it, but it’s just business. I’m a softy underneath it all.”
Does Cousin Buckles come to mind?
Godfather…remember how he was such a family man. Devoted husband. Loving father and grandfather. Soft-spoken. Good man!
Tempest,
They all use the same cheater handbook for sure! Gad!
DD: He said, “I’m a good person and I’m at peace with myself. I deserve to have fun and be happy.”
This!!!!
Biggest lie: The entire 36 years together…so many lies, I’d be hard pressed to pick just one.
A few lowlights:
-After I discovered he had been paying prostitutes in sleezy massage parlors for sex, on-line sex, pornography and affairs, he said he didn’t want to be married anymore. He wanted to live alone. Ha!
-I also found out, at great legal expense, He hid and spent over $100k of marital funds on his sex and affairs. So much for being “alone.”
-I also discovered he was having his vasectomy (he had it done 28 years prior, as we didn’t want more children. He’s 54.) reversed to impregnate his married AP 36 years old because she wanted a baby and “that’s what people do when they’re in love.” She was a masseuse that offered him “happy endings” that he had been seeing “after work” for two months. Good foundation for starting a family huh? No worries that you are both married to other people…
So desperate on both their parts.
-Baby f__ing Grandpa Daddy. I sure hope they can’t get pregnant. I’d feel horrible for the child. Our son will be 35 and we have 3 beautiful grandchildren. It’s so f___ed up!
-He hid the charges for the urologist (vasectomy reversal) appointment in his hidden Fidelity (Infidelity) account rather than use our great health insurance to pay for it. He had hidden Account statements mailed to his office so I never saw them.
-He knew I had highly aggressive cancer and didn’t want me to cramp his style. Bye bye wife appliance; you’re useless to me. I have a new shiny appliance that better meets my needs.
He was happy to dodge the “in sickness” and “forsaking all others” part of the marriage vows and would have loved if “til death do we part” came true asap on my part. I’m not sorry I disappointed him.
Good news CN, I’m not only alive but kicking! I’m now 14 months post DD.
-My cancer has been downgraded to low grade. I finished another round of chemo this past Wednesday and and feeling strong. I’m kicking it and can now use the energy I expended fighting him in divorce to hyper focus on self care and saying final goodbyes to cancer.
-I listened to CL and CN; lawyered up good. Divorce finalized and I was awarded 50% of his income until he retires or 65 whichever is later. (With a new baby mama to support it’s likely his retirement has been pushed back; sad sausage).
I was awarded 80% of the assets (mediators, arbitrators and judges don’t like people lying to them and hiding marital funds).
He had to pay 50% of my legal fees. I have to laugh at the legal fee part because he was so contentious he drove his own costs up. Kind of like cutting your nose off to spite your face.
-I have the respect, admiration and support an incredible tribe of beautiful family and friends that surround me and cheer me on.
-He has to wake up every day with himself next to another lying cheater and soon both could be taking care of a colicky newborn. He will likely need to work well into his 70’s. How’s that peace thing going asshole?
Ahhh…I smell meh amongst the Spring hyacinth and daffodils.
Stay strong ? fellow chumps. When you kick a cheater out your life just gets better and better.
What a tale of triumph! I love it!
Freenow… what a horrible long battle through the shitstorm! So glad to hear you have pushed through the worst of it… you are awesome!
You are awesome
X’s last email to me said “I’m a better person than you think I am.”
Hm…serial cheater, including while I was pregnant, took an AP to China with him 3 days after D-day when it was clear the marriage was in trouble, and sexually harassed a student who wouldn’t sleep with him out of her graduate program.
Post-DDay, I started examining all he told me… And it turned out my X is masterful at the art of deceiving half truths… The conferences, the summer schools, the trips to visit colleagues as he got more and more successful in his career… Just enough truth to be believable, just enough vagueness to feel he is so much smarter than anyone else, he should really be considered for an honoris causa in deception.
There is no way I will ever know how much he lied to me, the bigger lie was when he told me he loved me… I failed to understand that his definition of love is very different from mine… His is more along the lines of “you’re so useful to me.”
The second biggest lie I believed was when prior to our wedding we talked about cheating… I told him that was a deal breaker for me, I had been chumped before and told him about how painful that had been. He had empathized with my pain, had confessed that he had cheated in the past when he was very young but that he had learned his lesson… I spackled believing he meant “I learned my lesson and would never do it again” now I know he probably meant “I learned my lesson and will be better at hiding.”
I had been so explicit pre-wedding that as soon as I can across evidence by pure luck… I cut him loose right away, and now he is re-writing history, which is only making look more disgusting as when people ask me about his claims, I produce the full confessions himself and his girltress were too dumb to email me, they were pretty consistent about the shit they did together behind my back.
I have not spoken to my X since Sept 2015, NC all the way since we concluded our divorce negotiation. Our only contacts are over a parenting software, and my kiddo told me the other day that her dad is not happy to that my emails sound like those of a lawyer… Oh he doesn’t like BIFF emails? Meh, not my circus, not my monkeys.
He’s better at harassing women and students than you thought!
Then he has set that bar to an all time low for what a “good” person is.