I am 4 years past D-Day and after the shock, getting past all the manipulation (really I’m a gold digger!? then where is all the gold?), the legal yuck, and then the scary threatening and needling text and letter and gift barrage (20+ threatening and insulting messages per day!), now I thought I’m pretty close to meh. My life with FW was so tiny, like I didn’t exist, and the first day in my new apartment with my kids I remember the feeling : freedom! Feels good to breathe without worrying I might do it wrong and get in trouble.
I love your blog and it helped me so much. When I left I still believed what FW told me, that I was a very bad and probably worthless person and didn’t really have the right to go. I spent a lot of time at night wrestling with this question in my mind and I seem to have come out on top. But my little secret is that I didn’t really leave because of finding out about the cheating, like the strong and brave people on your blog. I think I would have kept spackling over that like everything else. I left because he said I had to shut up or he will kill me, he looked like he really meant it, but then he broke a chair instead of me (phew!).
So my question is this. The daughter of the New Girl saw me, and she asked my daughter, ‘Is that your grandma?’ No foul to her, I do look grandma-age compared to her mother, the New Girl. But it gave me a little ‘ouch’ moment. Maybe I’m not over things? Where is meh?
Thank you for everything you do Chump Lady and thank you to the other Chumps!
With my kind gratitude,
I dunno. Is this an insult? Have you seen the grandmothers of Ukraine? These are some epically badass women. Like the one in this viral video, who confronts a Russian solider:
Now then, in life, do you want to be New Girl Barbie or do want to be “Put these sunflower seeds in your pocket and die,” Babushka Lady?
Would you rather be Schmoopie or a “I Googled how to make Molotov cocktails” granny?
You cannot let the ageism of children rattle you, S. This kid has the great misfortune to have a dimwitted mother with an abusive boyfriend. This doesn’t end well.
You, on the other hand, are a badass who escaped an abusive marriage. Own your awesomeness. Don’t let some fuckwit set the price on your self-worth. (Or the OW’s kid.)
But my little secret is that I didn’t really leave because of finding out about the cheating, like the strong and brave people on your blog. I think I would have kept spackling over that like everything else. I left because he said I had to shut up or he will kill me
Both are abuse. You left because he was abusive. Period. Full-stop. You don’t need to qualify it. It takes a lot of bravery to get out, so stop concluding you’re somehow less than.
You left him, but you also need to leave his mindfuck. That you can’t. That you’re weak. That you don’t matter.
Those voices are an occupying force in your head. Hand them some sunflower seeds and tell them to die.
You got this. (((S)))