Hi, Chump Lady,
How do I get past the idea that somehow he and the affair partner are out there living a happy carefree life? I am hurting so badly. I just want to get to meh, and it constantly eludes me.
Meh-less in PA
Untether yourself from his happiness.
Seriously do not give a shit if he’s happy, unhappy, bored, constipated, or filled with existential dread.
He’s someone you used to know. And his mental state is none of your concern. He lost the privilege of you caring.
I get that he doesn’t DESERVE to be happy. But you’re going to be miserable if you base your well-being on the whims of fuckwits.
Happy, unhappy — if he cheated, he’s not that deep. He probably has zero ability to be content or committed and eventually the shiny will wear off this one, like it did you.
But maybe not! Maybe he’ll be deliriously enraptured with Schmoopie forever. And they’ll live in a gilded palace with monogrammed towels, Mr. & Mrs. FW.
It doesn’t matter! It. Does. Not. MATTER.
He lost the privilege of being in your life. So get on with it. Live YOUR best life. You control that. His wandering dick? Not so much.
How do I get past the idea that somehow he and the affair partner are out there living a happy carefree life?
The only people with carefree lives are sociopaths. Because they don’t care. There’s no adaptive anxiety to react to things they should actually care about. Overdue bills? A trail of destruction and broken hearts? Three months of dirty laundry? Whatevs. The synapses are not firing.
Responsible people have cares. Good people invest. And they tend to stress. Do not envy “care-free” people. If you’re busy with your life, and deeply committed, you’ve got a lot to care about. That’s GOOD.
Schmoopie won a cheater. They aren’t prizes. In time, you will trust the suck. Believe me, the pain fades. If you’re hurting badly, this is probably all still quite raw and new. But Sweetheart, you were rejected by a loser.
All rejection hurts, I get it. But you were not rejected by the Nobel Committee. You were rejected by some dick dribble who couldn’t keep it in his pants. Some unethical creature who didn’t have two brain cells of maturity to end things honestly. A pathetic fuckboy.
Who cares what he thinks? This is not someone to respect, or whose values align with yours.