You Might Be a Chump If..

Time for another rousing round of You Might Be a Chump If… !

In the vein of comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck If “… tell me how you might be a chump. What are the signs?

Ever wonder what quirks are particular to chumps?

You might be a chump (YMBAC) if … instead of a happy marriage you have 80 perfectly tended rose bushes.

YMBAC if… you’ve bought the entire infidelity oeuvre on Amazon and underlined passages for your cheater, only to find them unread.

YMBAC if… you actually sort of believed he was sleeping in his car in Vermont in January.

YMBAC if… you received a tie-dyed license plate cover for Christmas… and that was the best present.

If your cheater has three cars, three motorcycles, four kayaks, and more boxes coming from eBay each day…. and his gift to you is a tie-dyed license plate cover? YMBAC.

If your children don’t really look anything like you… YMBAC.

YMBAC if… you book all your marriage counseling sessions… and pay for them.

Your turn chumps! I’m sure you’ve got material.

Forward without chumpiness! And TGIF!

 

 

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2xchump🚫again
2xchump🚫again
1 year ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

YOU WOULD BE AMAZING CL!!

dandoopy
dandoopy
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Your writing is helping so many people feel strong, and see the light, and to be realistic.

Thank you ChumpLady for DEFINING with actual word definitions, what is happening in cheater relationships.

The WORDS and definitions on Chump Nation are for Chumps as to what Helen Keller was at the well.

Remember that scene, at the end of the movie the Miracle Worker, when Helen Keller was at the well and she finally made the connection of what her teacher was trying to teach her that “there are WORDS for that!”(Waaaah, Waaaah, Waaater)

The WORDS opened up a whole new world of understanding to her, trapped inside blindness and deafness.

Being gaslamped feels alot like being both blind & deaf because it denies a person their instincts, and being in a dishonest marriage, has a ripple effect. It effects ones entire perception of the world. It messes up the internal compass. Which way is North?

Diane J. Strickland
Diane J. Strickland
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

YMBAC if when you finally figure out his secret life and seek support from friends, you discover he’s already been there ahead of you and sold them a story they want to believe more than the truth. Sigh.

Bev McClung
Bev McClung
5 years ago

That’s exactly what’s happened to me, the lying shit has been getting to my friends before me.

brit
brit
5 years ago

Yes, Diane, I suffered through the same humiliation. They’re no longer my friends, I’ve come to the conclusion that if they chose to believe the outrageous lies then they were never my friends to begin with.
They’re more his tribe to begin with, and I’m better off without them. He never had anything to do with these people until he needed them to build his alliance and smear campaign.

Camille Eade
Camille Eade
5 years ago

Yep that happened to me too and they actually let him live at their rental property free after I kicked him out and had to take him to court to pay child support. They were actually my friends for over 20 years and asshole met them through me.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
5 years ago

Oh shit! This! Ditto, Diane ????

Pulmafool
Pulmafool
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

If your husband tells you he is working overnights, but the money is never in his paychecks and you believe payroll is messed up EVERY MONTH.

If you always buy thought gifts and for Christmas he gives you soap “but it was lavender! You like lavender!”

If you handle every single facet of his life, your kids lives, work full-time, and managed an inherited busines and cant find a minute to even get to the doctor after a fall, but he has time for karate classes AND the gym every day+hobbies.

ozchic
ozchic
5 years ago
Reply to  Pulmafool

Nobody likes lavender!!!!

30YRSaCHUMP
30YRSaCHUMP
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

YMBAC if you actually thought the OW husband was a person on your side when he actually reports back to OW every chance he gets.

YMBAC if you think there was only one women until you find all the pictures of different women in his “hidden” file. ????

YMBAC if you lay awake at night waiting for him to fall asleep to get a look at his phone. Now that I’m an effort to “reconcile” he finally gives you the code.
AND TO THAT END….

YMBAC if you are never told passwords to ANY of his stuff.

YMBAC if you think he is different from his mom and dad. Both known cheaters, both married multiple times, both have broken up other families.
I could go on. This was fun! Thanks!

April Rose Dellosa
April Rose Dellosa
5 years ago
Reply to  30YRSaCHUMP

Yes. That belief that you are special and you are the exception to the rule. And there are signs but you keep ignoring them. Or spackling all around them. Haha!

April
April
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

The Marvelous Mrs Maisel is all chump stand up!!!! Best show ever!

30YRSaCHUMP
30YRSaCHUMP
5 years ago
Reply to  April

Love that show. Can’t wait for the next season!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Classic Jeff Foxworthy when he first got started in the early 90’s:

https://youtu.be/ZGj4qnZN8yE

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

I’m a Brit and even I’ll never forget his “if you’ve ever been accused of lying through your tooth —- you just might be a redneck”!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Sorry, that was supposed to come under Chump Lady’s first comment about Jeff Foxworthy!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Foxworthy…..Much like Johnny Carson and Richard Pryor….was so successful because his routine was basically making fun of himself.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

YMBAC if: 3 years after your divorce, you are still paying off 7 credit cards that were used to buy her Soul Mate awesome, expensive gifts…..and you always got JC Penney socks and underwear for Christmas.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Super Duper, YMBAC (like me) if you are already divorced and take out a loan for $40,000 to keep him going for a year. The skank has dumped him and he has no income so can’t pay his rent and so on. So here comes chumpy loan lady (me). When your astounded sisters/friends ask you what the hell you are doing you have to reply that it’s February, we live in the mountains where we get heavy snow, and if the twat gets kicked out of his place where’s he gonna go? He’s gonna come running right back to chumpy me right. The skank and all the bar room “friends” are long since gone of course!

KibbleFree_MightyMe
KibbleFree_MightyMe
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie – NOOOOooooOOOOO!! It should have been a $1,000 one-way ticket to some remote island to let him rot! Then your conscience wouldn’t have been eaten up by the cold weather issue. Cut. Him. Off.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Kibble free, that is all over now. In fact I make the last payment on that loan in March 2019 then I’m done. Now he has an income (a very good pension) and Schmoopie is working because he still couldn’t make it financially – spends like a mad man. No longer my problem though. He’s back in his home country, can’t blame me that he doesn’t speak the language and schmoops and his family can deal with the never ending car crash that is his life!

DancingQueen
DancingQueen
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

YMBAC if… he returns from traveling with an open box of condoms and an open bottle of lube…but you don’t use either and he certainly didn’t have them BEFORE his trip.

YMBAC if …you find text messages from multiple pimps on his phone and believe him when he says he didn’t do anything.

YMBAC if… you believe him when he tells you he cheated because “you were emotionally cold for so long”.

YMBAC if… he tells you the whores he has used have only been for handjobs.

YMBAC if… you are still with him after he had a year long affair with a flight attendant, and then YOU continued the pick me dance…

I’m still dancing.

superchumpsince2014
superchumpsince2014
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

There are some great chump stand up bits on ’the amazing mrs maisel!’. Especially eps1

CleotheFormerChump
CleotheFormerChump
5 years ago

YESSSS!!!!

SheChump
SheChump
5 years ago

YMBAC …… if you immediately jump in to to help a fellow new Chump with great advice. Great posts.

Amanda
Amanda
5 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Today 4 1 /2 years with the cheater,doing the pick me dance & feeling like I was going crazy, he confesses to another whore & another brothel, I have to leave, no matter how much it hurts, desperate to get to Meh! Fml I can’t breathe

Silver Anniversary
Silver Anniversary
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

One of the best pieces of advice I received from my attorney was ‘there is a shelf life on guilt’. Get as much out of the house as you can — including you jewelry. Do not use s safety deposit box — his lawyer can get to it. When you get groceries and use the debit card take out a bit more cash. I have a private office and had it full of things — with money hidden. You will be surprised how much you need.

He is not your friend, he is not to be trusted. Not. At. All. He knows your buttons, he might try to get you to react so he can use it against you.

Someone said it’s a marathon and that’s true. Focus on the long haul not the short term. Get a councilor now. Focus on eating well and getting sleep.

Will be thinking and praying for you.

Elisa

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

DO NOT YET TELL HIM YOU ARE LEAVING. GIVE HIM ZERO INFORMATION. Send him an email and see if you can get him to confess to this illegal activity in writing. If it is legal in your state for one participant to record conversations (in many places it is) try to tape him confessing this info. Get your bank records from WAAAY back. Prostitutes are expensive. The family court system may not care about infidelity (depending where you are), but they do care about dissipated marital funds. Look for large cash withdrawals and internet booking companies. While you are his wife call his employer and get access to all retirement funds etc. See if he is moving/withdrawing retirement funds. Ask them to double check the bank account numbers where his check is being direct deposited. Act like there was a bank mix-up…or the deposit never showed… My asshole ex had his check split only part of it was going to the joint checking, part was going to a separate account. DO NOT think “Oh he’d never do THAT.” YES HE WOULD. Take copies of every piece of important, financial, paper you have and store them off site. Make sure you have taxes, your social security, his social security, birth certificates, marriage licenses, account numbers, access codes, phone records, etc. These dicks will try to hold shit up by not turing over records. Make sure he cannot do that. If your computer is a shared one and you both regularly access it or it/kept in common areas, bought with marital funds/ take it to a computer professional and find out what is on that hard drive. Put some cash away as secretly as you can. If you don’t work or he controls bank accounts, take some cash out every time you get groceries or gas. keep thissomewhere you know he won’t look like a tampon box. If you have kids start keeping a log of all the time you care for him versus all the time he does. If he is out all the time, never takes kids to doctor or practice note all of this. You’d be surprised how many assholes who spend zero time with kids in the marriage try to get 50/50 custody to avoid support. IN SHORT, use whatever you can, do whatever you have to, and do NOT give him information. I am so sorry you are going through this. The whorefuckers area special breed of evil.

Thrive
Thrive
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Hugs to you Amanda. Find a safe place, call a friend, cry for as long as you need to. Be with the pain. We are with you. I found journaling helpful. Writing long angry letters and burning them. Eat to stay healthy. Everything is worse when you are hungry and malnourished. Follow the advice of CN. Freeze assets with separation agreement and freeze credit so he can’t open new accounts. Gather your posse: lawyer, accountant, therapist, friends. Cry, cry while moving forward. Check back in with us as often as you want. We are here!

YourLoss
YourLoss
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Amanda you do need to get out. He’s putting your health in serious jeopardy. I work in health care and the cases of STD’s is astonishing. A friend of mine who’s husband was cheating on her gave her one and she had no idea. She ended up needing a full hysterectomy because of it. THAT is what pushed me to leave my STBX after this last DD (November this year). There had been many, I will be honest, but this one just hit me. He’s NEVER going to stop….ever. This is a mental disorder and there isn’t any cure. It is hard. It will be hard for a long time but I deserve to be safe. You deserve to be safe. He’s not giving you that chance. They are entitled and will play you like a finely tuned violin but we are here. Keep coming to this site, buy CL’s book. It has helped me so much. You aren’t alone and we are all here to help you through this. If the chumpiest of chumps – ME can so can you. Hugs to you my friend.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Meh is a long ways away. Focus on today, focus on taking care of you, focus on trying to look at him and realize what he truly is and what he has done (even if you can only think of one thing).

I wish we were all there with you. This shit fucking sucks, there is no other way to put. The Dickhead visited whores too along with a suspected ho-worker or two. If your man truly loved you, he would not have cheated.

If you have family or friend close by, go visit them. Or call them, if they are not. Let them help you find your way in all this fucked up mess.

JWH
JWH
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Oh yeah – book an appointment with your PCP for a STD panel. Ripping out your heart and stealing marital money may not be his only parting gift to you.

May his dick melt off.

GiveTimeTime
GiveTimeTime
5 years ago
Reply to  JWH

Amanda, you might feel alone when you find out your husband likes prostitutes, but you’re not. Keep coming here, we’ve got the empathy and the understanding to help you through this. sending hugs and mojo.

JWH
JWH
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Gather up every single scrap of paper that has financial information. Utility bills, grocery bills, insurances, credit card statements (his, yours, joint) TAX RETURNS and every single bank statement you can find. Photocopy all of them. Scan them. Email them to your super-secret email account about which he knows nothing.

Got an accountant? Tell that person you fear you may have signed fraudulent tax returns (you may have). Ask for advice. What divorce lawyer does the accountant fear?

Book a consult with that divorce attorney. Ask which divorce attorney THAT attorney fears. Book a consult with that one too!

You need legal and financial advice.

Keep your lips zipped. Tears unshed. Now is the time to get angry, organized and quiet. Boring. So boring. No drama. No comments.

Clean the toilet with his favorite shirt and toothbrush. It’s very cathartic.

Good luck!

littlesigns
littlesigns
5 years ago
Reply to  JWH

I might have shredded some of his childhood photos…. maybe a couple from high school when he thought he was so hot…maybe some from our wedding….. maybe the silicone ring I bought him when he wasn’t wearing a ring anymore because “his hair product gets under it”….the shredder, oh how I love her.

Sharon
Sharon
5 years ago
Reply to  JWH

OMG you made me squeal with laughter. Clean the toilet with his toothbrush…I cant wait to get home

Chickynot
Chickynot
5 years ago
Reply to  JWH

Exactly this. Plus, not only email this stuff to yourself, but put on flash drive and store someplace inaccessible to him (a locked drawer at your office, etc.). DON’T go straight to the accountant if you share one with STBX; I’d recommend doing the divorce lawyer part NOW, and you and the lawyer can later, if necessary, hire a forensic accountant to straighten out and get you clear on the tax stuff. A good lawyer has done this all before. The detective work on your part is what’s important right now, and for that you need to be as inconspicuous as possible. You CAN do this and it WILL get so much better. But right now, you are an undercover agent in a war, and we here at CN have your back.
Hugs and let us hear back from you in the coming months.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Don’t stay
You will betray yourself
Xo

Anna
Anna
5 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

I discover that an extra 20 lb that I’m gaining recently may be due to the fact of betraying myself… other physical symptoms that causes my low work performance… everything screams “ you are working against yourself, focus on YOUR needs”

Liz C.
Liz C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Oh Amanda, you have my prayers and thoughts today. This is the worst pain I ever went through. But I am so much happier without him!! You are mighty, and you can get away from that loser too!

Traffic_Spiral
Traffic_Spiral
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

It’ll get better once you get out.

Susannah
Susannah
5 years ago
Reply to  Amanda

Focus on the next thing – whatever that may be – to get your ducks in a row financially. Pretend you’re running a marathon, just focus on the next step.

Tbone
Tbone
5 years ago

He ask to pay cash at the doctor’s office for an STD test so that the charges won’t show up on your health insurance EOB statements.

BlackSwan
BlackSwan
5 years ago
Reply to  Tbone

My ex asked the kids’ pediatrician to test him when he volunteered for the first time to bring the kids their annual check-up.

Geode
Geode
5 years ago
Reply to  BlackSwan

On the bright side, the pediatrician now knows what a turd he is.

Anna
Anna
5 years ago
Reply to  BlackSwan

????????????????

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
5 years ago

…you have set a boundary/made an agreement and s/he remorselessly violates it without good reason, and you aren’t at least moderately irritated

…you let it go because it was described as “only” a kiss, an online flirtation, or a fantasy, and therefore s/he “didn’t really DO anything”

…your first response to the out-of-character sobbing apology after years of infidelity is “maybe we can still make this work”

…you accepted the idea that he used all those condoms to masturbate because it “contains the mess”

susan devlin
susan devlin
5 years ago

You blame yourself for exs infidelities. He actually asks you to feel sorry for him. Expects you to feel sympathy for mistress, he cons friends that he’s really nice, expects you to forgive infidelity.

Camille Eade
Camille Eade
5 years ago
Reply to  susan devlin

Yep

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
5 years ago

You apologize for brining up the affair because he said it makes him feel bad and he doesn’t want to think about it.

Chumpling
Chumpling
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Me too… she even castigated me for calling it an affair.

NotANiceChump
NotANiceChump
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpling

Oh, that one hits home. “Gawd, you’re never gonna forgive me for that!!!!” Said angry ex after he found me crying alone in our bedroom. Turns out you don’t even have to bring it up to get chastised.

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
4 years ago
Reply to  NotANiceChump

This is something to internalize and remember. Thank you for writing it. They will never forgive YOU for being hurt by their cheating.

I believe it’s just this situation that is keeping my stbx from even wanting to work on our marriage. I believe none of them want to face us being hurt.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
4 years ago

None of them want to face the fact that THEY hurt us and so are not Good People. The ex once said, very upset “I don’t want to be a twat!” UBT: “I don’t want people to think I’m selfish”, not “I’m upset I’ve hurt you”.

Camille Eade
Camille Eade
5 years ago
Reply to  NotANiceChump

Yep

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpling

Mine said, “You make it sound so sordid.” I said, “Sorry, I didn’t know it was the CLASSY kind of fucking whores in the Wal-mart parking lot!” It sound sordid and disgusting because it is you stupid jackass…

It's All My Fault
It's All My Fault
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpling

She said the same thing to me, “it wasn’t an affair”. Well, what do you call it when you fuck and have a relationship with a married man for 2 years when you’re married? Oh, that’s right, it was just a friendship.

Tere
Tere
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumpling

Love your name!! Made me laugh, with you, of course.

EstellaO
EstellaO
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

Ugh, this!!!

NewLife2017
NewLife2017
5 years ago

You almost believe 200 calls to a coworker in one month was work related. Then you see the other months.

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  NewLife2017

You might be a chump if you believe those 200 calls in a month were because “She’s running the office football pool”…Oy vey!

It's All My Fault
It's All My Fault
5 years ago
Reply to  NewLife2017

OMG, me too. 191 text message in one week was all job related.

Adelante
Adelante
5 years ago

You might be a chump if your husband takes a solo vacation to Provincetown and claims afterwards that he didn’t know it was a gay Mecca….and you believe him.
You might be a chump if your husband spends a summer in LA (on an NEH Seminar you pushed him to apply for), during which you have to initiate all the conversations between the two of you, and comes home sporting an earring he’s afraid his father will see and refuses to wear in your presence…and you think he’s just being overly concerned about looking masculine.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago

If Dickhead goes on 11 out-of-state hunts, and the family only gets one vacation in 18 years.

If you let Dickhead win at games just so he won’t pout and throw his cards.

If Dickhead buys you a pair of binoculars that you love (and still do), you act like it’s the best thing that ever happened to you. He uses it as an apology for always being a fucking prick.

If you go out of way to not disturb the sleeping beast because then it yells, rages and pouts when it had to do something around the house.

Iwantmyfairytale
Iwantmyfairytale
4 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

Oh man I got that behavior playing cards and playing dominoes. (He did not throw the cards though thankfully just pout and yell). He taught me to play canasta and then I won all the time. He would rag on me about it and tell his sister. They played when they were young. I guess it bruised his ego that someone who just learned was better than him.

I enjoyed playing dominoes and cards with him in the evening. We would wile away an hour or so. He was always so drunk he could not formulate his next move or understand what was going on. Just yackity yack all the time not paying attention.

I began to let him score at dominoes or hold back my “expertise” and try not to count 3 moves ahead in canasta. Also playing chess. Got to the point you could not play ANY game with him. Whiny baby.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

YMBAC if you excuse all of his poor treatment of you and still think he is a good husband because of that one truly nice and sacrificial thing he did for you that one time early in your marriage. He then later says he regrets that one nice thing because it was such a huge sacrifice and there was nothing in it for him. Double points if you feel guilty about it.

KB22
KB22
5 years ago

OMG! So many chumps have milked the one little decent thing the cheater may have done for their partner. If we really reflect I am sure we would find the one little decent thing benefited the cheater in some way as well.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  KB22

Yes–I was very grateful for my ladt boyfriend bringing me a glass of water. Forget the fact that he lied to, invalidated, criticized me for years until he found the woman he had really wanted. I used to feel so special being taken to his office holiday parties. I think now hat he was just embarrassed to show up at the parties empty-handed (dateless) as he would not look like a not studly executive. I am amazed at how foolish I have been–I’m over fifty, not fifteen. Hope my kids will be way smarter and wiser than me.

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

YMBAC if out of nowhere he tells you no one in their right mind would want to fuck you and you ignored his remark, thinking he didn’t mean it.

YMBAC If later on you ask him why he said you’re revolting, he answers with, can’t you take a joke? and that’s acceptable to you.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Biiiig hug for you Brit xxxx

silverqueen
silverqueen
5 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

Don’t feel foolish, you loved the guy and he was a jerk. I spent 40 years with a man I loved and cared for only to be told he loved someone else out o f the blue. He’d been cheating for 2 years that I know with this one and once before 20 years earlier. I wasted 40 years of my life I’m 73. I kicked his ass out, bought a new home in another town, made some new friends, reconnected with old ones and I’m happier then I was in those whole 40 years. I got a good settlement, I have my own pensionss and now Mr Sparke Dick has died I have his pension too. Double karma. I maybe have 20 years left and I’m going to live every minute of it,just got back from England sist with DD and planning another get away with her in Amsterdam in April. The days I’m lonely I get up gp to my knitting therapy group. I always come back feeling great, they are a terrific group of women my age with all kids go issues they’re dealing. With so we listen to each other and support each then we say enough therapy and laugh and just have fun.
It’s never too late to leave a cheater and you’ll be surprised at how fulfilling you life can be. Hug to everyone!

silverqueen
silverqueen
5 years ago
Reply to  silverqueen

PS I was retired for 16 years and scared out of my wits after I threw him out but here I am living life on my terms and having the best time. Life truly what you make of it. If you have kids its tough but you’ll be the sane parent,
Your children will be your legacy proof of. your caring loving ways, xx

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  silverqueen

Silver Queen,

Thank you for your support and your story of how you lived mightily! Your life sounds like the subject of a movie/book about resilience.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago

Yep, that was me too. That one great thing wiped away a few years’ worth of bad behavior and treating me like an afterthought. We definitely thinking like chumps.

KarenE
KarenE
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

In a similar vein, YMBAC when he changes one bad, immature behaviour, early on, and it helps you spackle for a decade! Cheater Narc initially froze me out for days when he was angry about something. I talked to him, explained, etc. He stopped doing that , and I convinced myself it meant he could have insight, wanted to be a better partner, was capable of change and growth.

Nah, actually he stopped sulking… because it wasn’t working.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  MissBailey

pout and throw his cards??? This behavior for a card game?

Sisu
Sisu
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Mine stopped playing any games with me that I would often win. We only played games where I, most often, would lose.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Oh yah- check out the forum topic I started a few days ago about “you are not the boss of me” and exactly this kind of antics from our asshat cheaters. Their entitlement and crappy life skills are in full bloom on that thread. I will be playing games with any future partner as a red flag test for sure!

kimsoverit
kimsoverit
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

“I will be playing games with any future partner as a red flag test for sure!”

…additionally, how do they act with a slow internet connection? On a scale of mildly irritated to full on rage?

…how do they deal with traveling and inconveniences? This is a critical red flag test too.

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  kimsoverit

Roadrage, not letting anyone pass him on the freeway, blocking people so they’re not able to change lanes.

He’d Neve confront anyone in person regarding anything. If a contractor didn’t finish a job he’d ignore it or have me talk to them.

Writing anonymous notes or letters to neighbors if he didn’t approve of something in their yard. He’d check everyone in the neighborhoods car tags for their registration date, if they were expired he’d anonymously report them to the police department.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Yikes Brit, that is some asshole right there. Talking of road rage, we were once stuck behind a blue light ambulance and the Twat was laying on the horn so bad that the ambulance stopped and the guy got out and gave him an earful! Yeah because you getting home is more important than a blue light ambulance getting to where it needs to go.

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  kimsoverit

This is the Dickhead. He would get so freaking agitated at the stupidest thing like a slow internet. He was also the kind of the driver that liked to drive in the left lane and would force people to pass on the right.

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
5 years ago

…you feel sorry for HIM because “he just cant see himself retiring with you”

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

Ah, so it’s not just me who got that one. Damned if my cheater didn’t use that line on me to excuse wanting a divorce.
Not long after he told that that whopper he forgot his previous lie and said he changed his mind about divorce as he was getting closer to retirement and looking forward to retiring with me.
Translation; “I wanted a divorce to be with my shiny new slutterfly. I changed my mind because she wouldn’t leave her husband. So, you lucky gal, I decided to keep you until something better came along.”
These guys are dumber than dirt and colder than the grave.

Divorce Minister
Divorce Minister
5 years ago

YMCA…

…if you really thought all those nights at the bar were really just with her ‘girlfriends.’

Sisue
Sisue
5 years ago

Mine got to the point where he was late coming home so often, he forgot which lies he told me about where he was and who he was with. He couldn’t remember what he “did” after work a week earlier. I’m sure he remembered WHO he did after work, but he surely wasn’t going to tell me that! So glad that nut job is gone!

KarenE
KarenE
5 years ago

Exactly! YMBAC when the man who has no friends and can’t socialize w/o you is suddenly ‘going out for a beer w/people from work’ every Friday. ‘Til quite late. And ‘running at lunchtime w/a guy from work’.

And you’re happy he’s finally developing a social life, and encourage him!

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

I thought the same the thing, he’s finally socializing! Maybe socializing will make him happier!!

Camille Eade
Camille Eade
5 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

That was definitely me.

FindingBliss
FindingBliss
5 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Oh yeah. This. Facepalm. They really do have a playbook.

David
David
5 years ago

A month before D-day she had been out with the “girls from work”
I can still remember the blank-eyed stare and silence when I innocently
asked what bars had they visited. By that time I was so worn down
and exhausted that I didn’t even question her lack of a valid response.

Sirchumpalot
Sirchumpalot
5 years ago
Reply to  David

Totally get it. My XW would say I am going out for drinks with girlfriends after work. I would ask which bar. She would tell me. Then I would tell her I stopped by that bar and you weren’t there. She would then tell me that they decided to go to a different bar. And I believed her. You might be a redneck…

Tall One
Tall One
5 years ago
Reply to  Sirchumpalot

My XW would travel for some “introspective alone time”.

But YMBAC when you’re never invited with.

lovedandlost
lovedandlost
5 years ago

his parents tell you not to let him ruin your life!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  lovedandlost

Wow!

MaryMary
MaryMary
5 years ago

You might be a chump if you stay around after you find dick pics on his phone sent to other women and he tells you he only did it to “prove you were snooping.”

I'mnotthatstupid
I'mnotthatstupid
5 years ago
Reply to  MaryMary

YMBAC if you find text messages to his friend that say he is hanging out with howorker and you believe him when he says it was just a joke because he friend had a crush on her and you actually apologize to him!! What the hell was I thinking?!?

YourLoss
YourLoss
5 years ago
Reply to  MaryMary

OMG that was a response I got. “I was deliberately texting hookers because you kept finding out stuff about me and I was wondering how so I was testing to see when you would say something”. OR,” I was waiting for you to say something because you keep ignoring me and are always on your phone!!” ( I wasn’t but there was one night I was following a Tweeter that was being very inappropriate regarding a Canadian tragedy and he knew what I was doing and why). Gaslight, gaslight, gaslight. Ya, and to make sure I knew you had to have that Nuru bodyrub too?? You’d think my energy bill would have been a lot lower with the extra free energy I was getting from all his gaslighting.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  MaryMary

Wow!!!! There’s a new one (lie/blame-shifting)!!!!!

Dumbstruck
Dumbstruck
5 years ago
Reply to  MaryMary

omg, you can not make this stuff up !

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago

YMBAC …. if you believe that it’s your fault that a two income family has debts because you never get bank statements.

Actually, it is true that I didn’t get statements. Spackle? Too lazy to fight?

Today my jaw drops when I think about how damn CYNICAL that accusation was: I received MY salary in a joint account; I had no access to his salary account.

YMBAC … if you swallow the lie about a consigned loan taken out on YOUR salary, you innocently ask cheater about it and he tells you it’s the bank’s mistake, you make a big stink at the bank and the manager shows you the tax number of the person who took out the loan…

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Clearwaters, me too. We had a damn good income between the two of us but I was always dashing up to the Credit Union to take out loans because of his spending on his toys. When we divorced his car was worth $60,000 and mine was (generously) valued at $1,000! But I was a chump because I thought all these toys would make him happy enough to stop beating the crap out of me. Apparently not (but I still loved my little car).

FYI
FYI
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie, I say this with love. This is the same guy that you’re lending $40,000 to? You said that upthread — you’re taking out a $40,000 loan to keep him afloat? The guy who beat the crap out of you? I feel confident in saying that that is not healthy.

Please let people help you make better decisions. Let people help you.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  FYI

FYI, no worries. I did take out that loan to keep him going because I was terrified he would try to come back (he did try but I told him to get lost). That was 8 years ago now so he is no longer in my life. Probably beating the shit out of latest schmoopie but I am totally no contact so I can’t be sure. I don’t wish it on her and I think maybe being around family might rein him in but a leopard never changes its spots. In any case, all I care about is that we are 3,000 miles apart. That is bliss!

It's All My Fault
It's All My Fault
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Sorry you had to put up with physical and emotional abuse. Stay strong and God bless.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

And YMBAC if you believe that sparkles lost his wedding band “twirling it” on his desk at work and that the cleaning staff got on their hands and knees and crawled all over his office looking for it.

Jeezz, don’t get me started about thinking what a humongous idiot I was. My day began so well!

Thankful
Thankful
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Mine lost his wedding and engagement bands to a mugger while using a public restroom. ????

Loser magnet
Loser magnet
5 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

I’m laughing in the most loving and heartfelt manner right now. These people are rediculous. Mine just has his sitting with the dinner plates because he can’t wear it to work so never wearing it is easier I guess. Pfffft.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

ClearWaters, my cheater lost his wedding ring trimming the grass near the fence line. I no longer believe that story!

MisterB
MisterB
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

OMG, mine lost hers moving the tortoise pen in the garden. It flew off and no amount of metal detecting ever found it.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  Martha

Martha, for that to have happened, did he lose his ring finger? 😉

Glo
Glo
5 years ago

You might be a Chump when he spends 7 hours to clean his truck, like when he cheated before and Big alarm bells dont clang in your ear. You might be a bigger chump when you and the grown kids notice he is texting and devoid of engaging with his family or you find him in a dark shed and when spotted he jumps so hard his cell phone goes flying !

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago

YMBAC if he loves banter but every time you try he takes it personally and gets offended

Sunrise
Sunrise
5 years ago

Taking every little thing personally, like forgetting to turn the dish washer on. Thank god that’s gone.

Mustard Seed
Mustard Seed
5 years ago

You are sobbing in the floor and he steps over you to go outside and make a phone call.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard Seed

That was XH the substance abuser. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the grout in the kitchen floor, getting ready for the home appraiser who would determine whether we could re-fi or not. I had a horrible case of poison ivy. He came home drunk and stepped over me without saying a word.

Martha
Martha
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard Seed

Mine did that too. I was sobbing on the floor (this happened more than once) and he just walked away. No remorse. No emotions. Just like Chris Watts who killed off his entire family.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Mustard Seed

That’s just sick. They just can’t face the reality of their cruel behavior.

KarenE
KarenE
5 years ago

They can totally face the reality. They know exactly what they’ve done and how you feel.

They just don’t care.

And YMBAC if you kept believing they cared about you, and your kids if you had them, against so much evidence otherwise.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago

YMBAC if your alt and classic rock fan husband develops a sudden taste for the musical stylings of Pink.

YMBAC if he’s an avowed nerd who inexplicably expresses an interest in getting tats and buying a Harley.

YMBAC if he spends every wedding anniversary at an annual music festival, puportedly attending the concerts alone.

YMBAC if your lazy-ass chunky monkey proclaims that he’s now doing intermittent fasting and daily workouts “for the health benefits”.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Oh yes, this. When the #1fan of the band RUSH decides that Lorde and Alanis Morrisette are da bomb…YMBAC.

Camille Eade
Camille Eade
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Hahaha yes mine of 27 years never listened to one country song that I know of ever in that time but is not going with his skank to country concerts. Such losers with zero identities.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
5 years ago
Reply to  Camille Eade

Going to dub concerts when an old school rock fan…

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Yep, the fools convince themselves that everything the OW likes has to be great because she’s so awesome. Did he also start watching the TV shows she liked? Mine started watching the dumbest of popular sitcoms when all he used to watch was HBO and other cable stuff. It didn’t stick, though. Even he had to admit after a while that they sucked. I’m sure he didn’t tell her that.

horsesrcumin
horsesrcumin
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Reality TV! Married at First Sight! Previously very sniffy about such shows, but Trinket watches that crap. Sigh. Sah romantic ????

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

Absolutely, that mirroring is a big deal since he is a child and doesn’t know his own self and preferences. He is not a master manipulator but is just an empty bag that makes zero commitments- as Luziana says here, he is a leaky bucket. Pour anything into him and it just dribbles out all over the floor. He then shoves the mop at you and screams, “Just look at what you did! This is YOUR FAULT!”

With OW#1 he started drinking gin, He hates gin. When that blew up (I confronted her and she disappeared like a cockroach) he stopped drinking gin. Worthless POS.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

…. inexplicably expresses an interest in getting tats and buying a Harley????

Sparkledick started wearing Native American rings and bracelets and was pestering me about getting a Harley. At the age of 64

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

Yeesh! Unless your cheater is actually Native American, I diagnose him as a grade A douche. You know you’re dealing with a phony, self-inflated twat when he tries to appear “spiritual”, “enlightened” or some such shit by appropriating the trappings of another culture. Did you laugh when he told you about wanting the Harley? I sure did. Turns out he wanted it because his trailer trash tootsie said guys on Harleys were hot. She also wanted him to grow long biker hair, aquire a six pack and get tats to match hers in order to become the kind of man she’s attracted to. The guy is 100% nerd and a total wimp and this idiot thought she could change him into a character from Sons of Anarchy. I accepted him the way he was and my reward was to be replaced by a POS who didn’t even find him attractive.
Not only do cheaters and their APs suck, they are downright delusional.

Chumptopia
Chumptopia
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumperella

What’s with the old men and their Harley’s ?! Cheater XH had to have one and when I said ‘no’ (wasn’t about to go into debt) he left and skank women bought him one. She got herself a pink scooter and off they went into the sunset. Bwahahaha

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

A pink scooter? Bwahahaa! The image of the two of them taking to the road as if they were playing a scene from Easy Rider is hilarious.
Yeah, these silly old bastards often have fantasies about being tough guys. They stupidly equate it with masculinity (as do the skanks they cheat with) and are desperate to gain macho status to impress the sort of woman who finds that attractive. Hence the aquisition of a Harley.
I noticed a trend while browsing on dating sites. A lot of middle aged men have profile pics with their motorcycles in them. They obviously don’t realize they are only announcing what pathetic clowns they are. There might be some who have them because they enjoy the feeling of riding, but I suspect the majority are just trying to be macho.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

Mine bought a Cessna instead. He still has it. That is why he is in debt. I’m not anymore (just a few years worth of savings lighter from when we were still married, he had quit his job, and he kept the plane).

Survivor
Survivor
5 years ago

Maybe he can live in the plane.

Survivor
Survivor
5 years ago
Reply to  Chumptopia

It isn’t always a Harley. I saved from my “allowance” for 7 years to buy a new car. Cheater X was jealous, so he raided our life savings to buy himself a Porsche. There was nothing wrong with his existing sports car except that it was suddenly older than my much more practical vehicle. Plus, a Porsche is a chick magnet.

YMBAC if you end up paying for 100% of your car, and 50% of Cheater’s far more expensive car, and the auto insurance for both. Especially when Cheater earns twice as much.

Carrie
Carrie
5 years ago

YMBAC when your husband tells you he is working out of state and also visits his parent nearly every weekend when he is really hooking up with the latest MOW

when your husband tells you MOW is a really good friend helping him through some rough times when really they have been sleeping together for several months

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Carrie

That’s a huge red flag, that some other man or woman is “helping him through some rough times” when that is, even if there isn’t an affair, undermining the marriage. It’s Dr. Phil 101, that in hard times you turn toward your spouse and not away.

chumpittychumpchump
chumpittychumpchump
5 years ago
Reply to  Carrie

YMBAC if you believe (for a while) that your H is “going to the gym:” at 9 at night until 1 in the morning. Just getting that work out in. YMBAC if you literally climb on your H and try to have sex and he physically refuses because he is having “cramps in his calves. YMBAC if you somewhat believe that your H is sleeping on the couch because all of those gym sessions have pulled his back and it is better on his back (he never gained any muscle or lost any weight btw even though he was hittin that gym) YMBAC if you actually believe that it is YOUR FAULT he is acting strange and secretive. YMBAC if you just want him to love you again YMBAC if you beg for just that. I would rather, however, be a chump than be him and his disgusting whore. So roar chumps roar!

So Done
So Done
5 years ago

YMBAC . . . If you sort of believed him when he told you that, regarding the hotel room charge that appeared on his credit card statement, (1) he had rented a hotel room for the OW because she’d had too much to drink and he didn’t want her to drive, and (2) he had never stepped foot in said hotel room. When asked why HE would pay for HER hotel room, my STBX replied that he’d thought that was the “gentlemanly” thing to do.

Ugh. Definitely a Chump.

ClearWaters
ClearWaters
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

So Done, yes, you are a chump. So far you win….

A gentleman….

This is why I love ChumpNation.

Take care!

So Done
So Done
5 years ago
Reply to  ClearWaters

ClearWaters,
Right? And this is just one of many examples that I could have chosen to write about. Ugh.

The good news, however, is that I kicked him out 16 months ago, went no contact, and am now almost divorced.

Still trying to wrap my mind around the extent of his treachery though.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

So glad you are nearly done, So Done!

Amazing how those pricks are so gentlemanly for the OWs and treat us like dogshit. Mind boggling that we don’t immediately do the math on that and see how many shades of fucked up that is. Been there, done that.

So Done
So Done
5 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Now I.C.,
Thanks! It feels amazing to be free of him. My STBX is no gentleman, for sure. I continue to marvel at how long it took me to trust my gut about him instead of trying always to make sense of his endless, nonsensical lies. Better late than never, I guess!

Sisu
Sisu
5 years ago
Reply to  So Done

This, this, and MORE THIS! Dday was 3 months ago, he moved out 2 months ago and I’ve been NC for one month. The things I’m discovering about him continue to disgust me…hookers, affairs, drugs, gambling…and never any money to pay the household bills, so that was on me. And the gas lighting and abuse I put up with, well, I’ll say this, I won’t allow that to happen ever again. I learned my lesson the hard way. My gut was screaming at me for the 8 years I was with him. I’m so glad he’s gone.

The Second Lady
The Second Lady
5 years ago

you see the M4M and other really bizarre interests and responses to Craigslist and in describing to him what you saw, he says ‘I never knew you could be so vulgar’

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago

This made me grin, Lady! He was unable to say the word ‘anus’ to me while talking about yoga positions… And a little while ago while visiting kids an unexpected sex scene was on my favourite TV show, embarrassing our teenagers, and he proclaimed “That’s not my kind of thing.” I had to bite my tongue as his porn habit was a major deal-breaker…

Thankful
Thankful
5 years ago

My ex husband was such a prude, we rarely watched a movie in case it had a sex scene, Big Bang theory was an absolute no no due to its sexual undertones. He would sulk if I watch anything that he didn’t approve of. And if I watched something that was a little on the R rated side he would do his best to make me feel guilty for watching something that was not in character for the wife of an upright Christian husband. If I ever dropped the F bomb I was a deplorable human being. D’Day it came to light he has a serious porn addiction has had one affair by his definition but 20 partners (but I’m the only one he tells this to so everyone thinks my reaction is a little extreme to his one affair) oh and all his partners were male.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  Thankful

Sometimes I think it’s wise not to keep their secrets.

indychump
indychump
5 years ago

AFKAC- wow, I don’t know if I could have let that one go without a “anymore? You’re in rehab? Good for you!” –

Too funny! And awesome gray rock moment for you. ????????

(I still have moments of Monday.)

DavidB
DavidB
5 years ago

YMBAC…. if you believe her need for blind trust is to strengthen the marriage. (Use of secret passwords on phone a
Etc)

Clementyne
Clementyne
5 years ago

YMBAC if you believe him when he says “she’s just a friend”
YMBAC if you believe him when he says he’s “just helping her with a project and they have to meet at a bar because she doesn’t want her parents to know she’s planning the “project”
YMBAC if you believe him when he says his leaving is YOUR fault

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Clementyne

YMBAC if he accuses you of all of the things you have noticed in him doing, you believe it and you feel bad because you didn’t want to make him feel the way he makes you feel every day.

Newlady15
Newlady15
5 years ago

YMBAC if your husband spends the equivalent of your retirement savings trying to save his failing business( and playing with schmoopie), and you STILL co-sign another mortgage on your cottage so he can have even more money to blow. SMDH

SerialChump
SerialChump
5 years ago

YMBAC if during your LDR you see a picture of him and her posing together at an event you didnt know he attended even though he always tells you about events he attends and they have MATCHING African attire and he says it was a coincidence, so for your sanity you pretend to believe it but instead that lie drives you insane for a few more years.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
5 years ago

You Might Be a Chump If…

-you believe that his work Christmas party at a restaurant is for employees only and spouses aren’t allowed to come even if they pay for themselves.

-you walk into your husband’s job and 3 co-workers almost jump you to ask how the kids are and GUSH about how much your husband brags about you. (To block the sight of your husband and his ho-worker canoodling.)

-your husband can’t stop complaining about this one woman, out of the blue, so that when she calls about work, he can storm off to yell at her privately and you’ll let him.

-your husband has a sudden interest in being green and carpooling, after years of calling you an idiot for the same idea.

-that annoying ho-worker of his “felt bad” and sent him home with a Christmas box of little treats and trinkets for the wife and family, for giving him such a hard time. (HA!)

-your husband puts more thought and money into his “secret Santa” gift than he does for his own family’s.

-you check Google Timeline regularly, looking at the Raw Settings, and find it curious… how many dots/timestamps he spends in the parking lot, rather than the sales floor. Especially after work on carpooling days.

-you believe him when he says he leaves you sleeping on the couch after watching TV together – and doesn’t even try to wake you up – because he wants to leave you in peace. (I’d wake up at 3 or 4am, after fitful sleep, and go to our room to find him snuggling his charging phone.)

-you think you can convince his ho-worker that what she’s doing is wrong.

-you think you can love someone out of being an asshole.

-you make excuses to other people for your husband when he simply refuses to go to parties/events with his family because his days off are HIS days off.

-other people start thinking that you’re divorced because your husband hasn’t shown up to any social events in several YEARS.

-your kids think it’s normal that fathers don’t have interest in their children.

-you start convincing your older children, now that they’ve noticed that their friends’ fathers DO take the night off to go to their concerts, that their dad’s boss is really mean and never lets him switch nights. (More like he says he asked but never did.)

-you tell the nurse at the hospital that your fiance is working open to close every day (even though he actually took those days OFF) and that’s why he hasn’t been back since the birth, two days prior, to sign the birth certificate or visit us.

-your mother has to show up at your apartment, pluck your fiance from playing video games on the couch, and bring him to the hospital herself.

-your fiance can basically abandon you and your first child in the hospital for 4 days, go back to work on the day you come home, and you’re actually *touched* that he left you a few nice sentences on a note next to a bathtub of tepid water.

-you come home from the hospital with your newborn and wait until your mother leaves to check his drawers and the closet, to see if his clothes are still there.

-you force your mind to a dull receptacle of beige garbage in order to believe that the sexty emails from his ho-worker are just “fanciful descriptions of her delusional hopes,” and NOT actually a play-by-play of their activities. Because believing it would mean that you’re now a single mother of a newborn, 1, and 2 year olds… and he doesn’t make enough to even make child support worth it.

-you stay with a man you know is a lying, cheating piece of shit because if he was slapped with a support order on that small an income, he’d just LEAVE THE STATE and work some job under the table for the next 20 years.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago

Oh honey, please get out of there for the sake of you and the future of your children. Living in peace is much better than the life you currently have. I am so sorry. You all deserve so much better.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
5 years ago
Reply to  NotMyFault

These are all things from 4-14 years ago. The kids know their father is a cheater and that I’m the sane parent. I’m their home. Thank God.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
5 years ago

You might be a Chump if you email your husband’s boss and CC your husband, to request switching nights off for your children’s school plays. For the day off to go to my sister’s wedding. To change his 2 days off to when I’m getting out of the hospital with a newborn.

You might be a Chump if your spouse uses sick days to “hang out with a work buddy” but actually pretends to go to work… and when he’s actually sick, it’s unpaid because of a “policy change” that eliminated paid sick days. (LOL)

You might be a Chump if you believe that your husband is having a sleepover at his friend’s house (a male co-worker he mocked) to play a new video game.

You might be a Chump if you bundle up your babies and say you’re coming to visit and bring pizza, and the ho-worker is there too, looking smarmy. And then you LEAVE, thinking that seeing what a nice wife and lovely babies he has will deter ANY of them from being sick fucks.

Sausalito
Sausalito
5 years ago

YMBAC if you do ALL of the Christmas shopping for the kids, your family (small) and his family (large) without a second thought.
YMBAC if you agree to him meeting with the MOW “one last time” because she needs “closure.”
YMBAC if you attend your 538th social event alone because he is is busy with… whatever it is he’s busy with.

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Sausalito

“YMBAC if you agree to him meeting with the MOW ‘one last time’ because she needs ‘closure'”

Yup that was me except he had to go see her so that she could break up with him in person after he had already supposedly broken it off with her.

GettingThereSlowly
GettingThereSlowly
5 years ago

You might be a chump if you believe a company is flying him (without pay) to Asia for a 10 day trial job interview.

RaesOfChumpshine
RaesOfChumpshine
5 years ago

… he tells you his attraction to you is waning because you’ve gained weight. You lose 20lbs (15 lbs lighter than when you first got together), and everybody notices, but him.

oldcrone
oldcrone
5 years ago

YMBAC when you are diagnosed with six (6!) STDS over the years and you’re still not SURE that he’s cheating.
YMBAC when you contracted two of the said STDS when you are pregnant/nursing. Giving birth with genital warts is really humiliating.
YMBAC if you had to stop nursing because the antibiotics to treat your STD are so strong that you can’t nurse for almost a week after taking the full course.
YMBAC when you decide not to confront him after the first couple of STDS, because he blames YOU and flies into a rage until you drop the subject.
YMBAC when you don’t question why HE has no questions about how you got the STDS. Cause if he didn’t infect you, wouldn’t he want to know who did?
YMBAC if you had to have surgery to remove scarring caused by the PID after all those STDS.
YMBAC if you still love him after all the evidence that he doesn’t give a shit about you or your little babies.

thingsthatmakemegrumpy
thingsthatmakemegrumpy
5 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

What a horrible man!

Kathleen
Kathleen
5 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

Old Crone
What a disgusting piece of shit! He should rot in hell ????.
Hugs to you ❤️

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

Big hugs, oldcrone, big hugs.

Chumperella
Chumperella
5 years ago
Reply to  oldcrone

Aw, honey. ???? That is beyond awful. What an unspeakably evil man.

pineconeelf
pineconeelf
5 years ago

YMBAC if you believe that he wasn’t able to answer his phone while he was working away because he “left it charging overnight in the car”…

… and YMBAC if you didn’t spot the obvious fact that a car needs to be running to charge a phone and that he NEVER let that phone out of his sight.

YMBAC if you believe that he couldn’t come home on time because a female work colleague who had recently “had a miscarriage, and I feel sorry for her” needed some help to move furniture to her new apartment…

… and YMBAC if you respond to the miscarriage story with “oh, that poor girl, it was so nice of you to help her.”

YMBAC if you believe he has to walk 100 yards up the road from the house to make an “urgent work phone call” because of a “bad phone reception”, even though your own phone works perfectly fine in the same house.

YMBAC if, the day after D-day number two, you fall for a trick like this… STBX receives an email from a workmate asking if he can come to the city where they work that afternoon for a “meet and greet” with a potential new employer. STBX makes sure to show me the email and says it’s an important opportunity. Chumpy me believes him, and off he goes. Turns out he got his friend to help him escape from his awful, sobbing, traumatised wife so he could have a “meet and greet” with the latest OW… or would that be called a “suck and fuck”?

Meh… My divorce gets finalised Monday morning. So long, banana dick.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  pineconeelf

Great news pinecone about the divorce – “so long, banana dick”. I hope to hear some karma stories from you some day!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

And karma for shithead friend of his too.

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago

YMBAC if he tells you that he and Schmoopie “shared rooms” in hotels and never had sex.

YMBAC if he comes home home with a broken kneecap and tells you a story about a dog attacking him on is bike and you believe him. (it seems some manchump got revenge on him though)

Thrive
Thrive
5 years ago
Reply to  unicornomore

That would be so sweet. I was happy with him getting cheated on by his tramp. But aanchump revenge would be awesome!

unicornomore
unicornomore
5 years ago
Reply to  Thrive

Yes, but I am SUCH a chump, I didnt connect the dots until after he died. At the time, I felt so bad for him.

Chumpman
Chumpman
5 years ago

I love the Closure argument. I had that conversation with XW and I asked where my closure conversation or letter was??

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
5 years ago

YMBAC if you trust your spouse.no matter what.

YMBAC if when things devolve to the point where you think that perhaps you can’t trust your spouse you still don’t question anything because you don’t want to offend him/her on the off chance that you are wrong.

YMBAC if you put up with a lot of bad treatment and make excuses for him/her and cover for his/her bad behavior to others and don’t divorce him/her just based on all of that alone.

YMBAC if you think you are lucky because your spouse still loves you and sticks with you in spite of all of your very obvious faults (that he/she is constantly pointing out).

YMBAC if you still think you have a good marriage in spite of all of the above.

Camille Eade
Camille Eade
5 years ago

Yep been there

brit
brit
5 years ago

Sounds like me, I trusted him no matter what, no matter how questionable. Made countless excuses defending him and his behavior or treatment of me. They just don’t know him like I do…,
After all, he would give endless lectures on how much more honest he is than the rest of the world, he’s a man of integrity, how could I doubt him??

Didn’t want to offend him by asking questions when stories didn’t quite add up, then I’d be accuse of being paranoid.
Yes, he constantly pointed out how wonderful he is and how flawed I am, despite all my obvious faults and shortcomings he still loved me.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago

Great summary, ChumpInRecovery!

Unexpectedchumpiness
Unexpectedchumpiness
5 years ago

Ungh. This was me too, I was so “lucky to have him despite how I was less organized than him, Didn’t make as much as him and had gained 15lbs (second kid).” He never full on said these things, I was just made to feel this way by his behavior and what he would imply.”

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago

Unexpected,
Sorry you got treated this way.
My last boyfriend at last discard told me that I didn’t earn enough (he earned four times what I did and had only one (him) not three, people to support) and didn’t have enough vacation (my 14 weeks/year to his 4 weeks/year). A few days later, he denied ever saying these things. This is when I realized his willingness to deceive. Now he’s got his high-earning, childless young partner from work. Guess every day is ‘vacation’ for him now that he gets to see attractive, smart, rich partner at both home and work.

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  RockStarWife

Glad to see you on the board, RockStar.

RockStarWife
RockStarWife
5 years ago
Reply to  LovedaJackass

Thanks, LAJ. Glad to see you, too!

MissBailey
MissBailey
5 years ago

(raising hand), that was totally me.

Gonegirl
Gonegirl
5 years ago

Sounds like my former life Chumpinrecovery. That is why I am in therapy.

David
David
5 years ago

^^^^^all of the above!!

LovedaJackass
LovedaJackass
5 years ago
Reply to  David

Maybe before people get married, they need to write down what they think a “good marriage” is, so there is something to compare with the reality of life with a cheater.

ddame23
ddame23
5 years ago

YMBAC if for your 40th birthday you get a frozen cupcake in a flavor that you hate and an unsigned card in an open envelope and find the “thought that counts” in that scenario.
BTW, for his 40th birthday (3 years post d-day) he sets up a weekend get away to a sea side town for himself.

insistonhonesty
insistonhonesty
5 years ago
Reply to  ddame23

Ahhhh yes, the obvious lack of Giving a Shit.

On the day of my 30th birthday surprise party, Cheater went off to work as usual, in his suit. The house was a mess and I was cleaning. The way they got me to my mother’s house was Cheater’s idea: she’s great at plumbing; say you have a toilet that’s leaking from the base and coming off the floor. Me, thinking I’d be crawling around in fluids in 95-degree heat and getting nasty, wore a shitty sundress I would get down on my knees and weed the garden in… it had holes from crawling around and transplanting things and getting chicken wire stuck in when I mended that. It was a spaghetti-strap and I’m large-chested but I wasn’t going anywhere special… what did I care if I wore my work-bra with wide straps under a sundress? I’d get even nastier, fixing a toilet, probably help Mom weed, and go for a swim in their pool.

I showed up, armed with my tools, a fresh supply line, and wax seals, in a hole-filled, stained sundress with my bra showing, with 3 children in ratty playclothes (because my parents have a farm and the kids always get filthy playing there)… to dozens of people I’d known 12 years prior. All of them dressed to the 9s, including my husband, dressed in his godd@mn suit. I let everyone think that my bursting into tears was gratitude; I was crying because I came to my own party, sweating, filthy from cleaning my own house, with my children and we were all dressed like vagrants.

And not one of my actual friends was there. Mom said she’d asked William and he’d told her that I didn’t have much in the way of friends and volunteered the contact info of exactly NONE. People I’d last seen at my freaking high school graduation party were the attendees. Seeing me look like THIS. A SAHM with three kids, dressed like hobos, with a husband who showed up late and was on his phone the whole time.

A year later, when D-Day came, I looked at Cheater’s google timeline… he’d spent the entire day running around with the ho-worker, who’d taken the day off, and they’d gone to the movies, out to lunch, for a walk in a park in an area no one would know them. It wasn’t often they had a day off together when I wouldn’t be around. That bastard couldn’t even pretend to be sick and stay home, making sure I’d show up in something presentable. That bastard didn’t even go to my parents’ house to HELP… he BARELY showed up in time and RAN to make it across the field and in the house, so I’d think he’d been there all day, helping. That bastard didn’t even remember to grab me a change of clothes, which my mother had apparently urged him to do, so I could look like a decent human being.

The only pictures taken, that day, are of the settings and landscapes and guests. No one took a picture of me. Thank goodness. I wouldn’t have wanted to memorialize how I looked either. That wretched fucker.

Phoenixrising
Phoenixrising
5 years ago

My x also organised a surprise 40th for me at my parents house. Drove me there straight from a spa afternoon my brother and his partner had given me as a birthday present, during which I’d had a head massage with oils – all still in my (long) hair which was now really greasy and sticking up in all directions. X and I had been laughing in the car about what a sight I looked and how it was a good job I didn’t have to go out in public looking like that. He took me from the car straight into my surprise party, looking a complete sight, knowing I had social anxiety anyway. What struck me about the similarity of our parties Insistonhonesty – mine was full of family members, some quite distant, his friends, and some of my old school friends I hadn’t seen for years. When I asked where my current friends were he said they were unable to come, when I asked them about it later none of them knew nothing about the party, including my 2 best friends. Weird. Was never quite able to work out whether it was all just image management on his part or whether he just genuinely had no idea or interest about my life and who was in it!

Attie
Attie
5 years ago

Oh honey that is so sad – buuuuutttt, I hope you can see it as a Brigitte Jones moment! I think that’s quite charming!

Egans
Egans
5 years ago

You might be a chump if..
At 3 mts pregnant you ring him on a night out to tell him he has to come home because you think you’re miscarrying.
Him: would you ever get off my back?!
You miscarry. AND forgive him. SMH.

Jojobee
Jojobee
5 years ago
Reply to  Egans

I have something similar. You might be a chump if you start to actually miscarry and he tells you you have to drive yourself to the hospital because he “isn’t feeling great.” As you leave tell him “Lie down and rest.” He never makes it to the hospital even though you are gone overnight due to blood loss.

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago
Reply to  Jojobee

I got one like this too.

YMBAC if you drive yourself to the hospital in heart failure and call him after they get you hooked up on machines to tell him you might not make it and when he says angrily … well, WTF, do you want me to come there? And you quietly reply, no ~ that’s not necessary with silent tears running down your cheeks.

Susannah
Susannah
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

Similar here – I had to drive myself to the hospital while going into anaphylactic shock from the roach essence rampant in his parents’ house, where we were staying. Why were we there, you ask? Because he lost his high paying job in another city, and we had to move in with them because I had lost my home in a short sale due to his shenanigans.

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  Susannah

They’re all so selfish and so much alike, I’ve got similar stories but I’ll only post this one.
YMBAC, if you

brit
brit
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Sorry, accidentally hit post comment.

YMBAC if you have a complete hysterectomy and he refuses to stay the night with you despite the nurse offering to bring in a cot for him and saying most husbands stay.
That night the person in the room next to me passed away and the male nurse on our floor was shaken up and came into my room sobbing, so I consoled him. Needless to say I had a restless night.
That morning at around 8:00 am I call X to say good morning and tell him about my night, he snaps at me for waking him up, he needs his sleep! then hangs up on me.
While I was recovering at home he would make me wait if I needed something to drink or help walking to the bathroom. It was always, “I’m doing something, after I’m done,” or he had to finish watching a program on television. I tried not to bother him. Later I found out he told people I was too needy…

Susannah
Susannah
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

Oh, Brit! And hysterectomies are so brutal, too. I am sorry you had to go through that, I am glad you are free from him.

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago
Reply to  brit

What a fucking asshole!

I am so sorry you went thru that. I wasn’t a priority when I finally was released from the hospital and came home. He honestly expected me to cook, clean and wash his clothes when I needed to rest and he should have taken care of me.

Yeah, we are too needy. Bullshit.

Dianne
Dianne
5 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

I am so sorry but comforted that the same story happened to me, but I tried to waken him, called the ambulance, they came screaming to the door, carried me out, and he “never woke up” and was furious to find me missing the next morning.

Dianne
Dianne
5 years ago

You are absolutely a chump

When your yard men tell you that your mid 70’s husband is drinking, whoring and buying cocaine from a guy they know when you are out of town. And they feel sorry for you that you stay with this POS.

And you had no clue. None. Zip.

And they are proven truthful….

Ouch

Liz C.
Liz C.
5 years ago

…he owns an airplane, a state of the art workshop and high end tools, expensive mods for said airplane, expensive computer, iphone, ipad….and you drive a 13 year old Hyundai and don’t own a smart phone yet. And got sexy underwear that you didn’t ask for for Christmas every year for 11 years.

Attie
Attie
5 years ago
Reply to  Liz C.

Liz that’s almost my story too (except we didn’t have an airplane – although we probably could have bought one if he didn’t buy himself so many damn cars)! The sexy underwear too – but he didn’t have a damn clue about my size (I’m stacked) so he bought this “sexy” crap with pompoms on (I kid you not) that fitted my boobs like …. oh like trying to stick a watermelon in a thimble! That was such a turn on (not). I took all that crap back and bought myself a table cloth!

Liz C.
Liz C.
5 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Nice! I wish I had returned that stuff for something I actually wanted. The final year before D-Day, I received nothing for Christmas. Not even a belated, I’m-embarrassed-I-forgot gesture. I gave him several things.

I realize now that I treated him like a spoiled child. I placated him with “things” because I thought that made me a “good” wife. I was a freaking fantastic wife that he didn’t deserve, but I should have seen the fact that I wanted him to have the world, and he didn’t care whether I had anything or not.

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
5 years ago
Reply to  Liz C.

…I should have seen the fact that I wanted him to have the world, and he didn’t care whether I had anything or not…

This. All of it. Ouch.

ddame23
ddame23
5 years ago

YMBAC if you find yourself in an Atlanta strip club at noon on a Monday of the three day marriage saving retreat you’ve booked and paid for, so you can prove to your husband that you can be the “fun” person he wants you to be.

Phoenixrising
Phoenixrising
5 years ago
Reply to  ddame23

Ouch ((hug))

Dianne
Dianne
5 years ago
Reply to  ddame23

You win. This is truly chumpdom

Elsa
Elsa
5 years ago
Reply to  Dianne

When you play role of a “ naughty girl” scenario with your h after cleaning and taking care of the 3 kids… not knowing that comments like “ oh it doesn’t work” are there because your h regularly uses prostitutes and he knows exactly how the whooring looks like….

When u suggest stuff to spice up ur boring ( if any) sex life and ur h is not interested because “ that is not his thing” ( as opposed to ts craigslist backpage dating hooking up fucking anyone willing)

When you see your h laying on his back with a hands under his head, suggesting you do stuff to him, and even when that pose is turning you off ( it felt like serving him- not knowing that was exactly his idea) – you go with it.

Kfindingmyway
Kfindingmyway
5 years ago

YMBAC, if you sign away all the family property into a trust, because you are certain you are in a secure marriage.
YMBAC, if 5 years later you learn that STBX has been going to prostitutes for the last 20 years.

The trust goes to the children, so they are taken care of. I simply want a divorce, 2 years into the process and now we’re are headed for court, mediation was a bust. This may take another year, as he just fired his first lawyer., guess he didn’t like what he was being told.

He said in the beginning,”I’ll do anything to give you peace”. I believed him, he lied. Just give me a settlement please.

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago

YMBAC if, after asking for a divorce, then changing his mind, he continues to behave aberrantly. E.g., your husband comes to you and says that someone he has been chatting with through a dating site is likely to out him to the Board of Regents, so he thinks he should alert you.

Although you think, “He is one fucked-up dude,” you allow him to slide because he claims he thought that a dating profile on the site sounded like you, so he thought YOU were cheating on him (not taking the next step to ask, “Why was he looking at a dating site to begin with?”).

Tempest
Tempest
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

P.S. Total bullshit excuse on Hannibal Lecher’s part–I never had a dating profile at any point in any year. And why would I, since I was married?

Chumpedincanada
Chumpedincanada
5 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

Haha. This.

YMBAC if, after 4th reconciliation attempt failed, ex narcopath finds your dating profile online at 6:35 AM! and loses his mind cycling through all 3 channels of rage, pity and sadz in 10 minutes.

He has no reply when you ask how he found it the profile, when he had claimed to have deleted all his profiles because he “LOOOOVED me so much” and wanted to show me how “I was his life….”

Also, 6:35AM? Seriously?

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
5 years ago

YMBAC if…. you believe his explanation for why no bank statements come to the house.

YMBAC if… you believe that he has Wednesday night “management” meetings.

YMBAC if….you believe that your ex is such a nice guy for helping get her nephew a job, “selling” her son older snow blower and “selling” her other son your son’s no longer used bike. (YMBAC if…. you actually believed that he took money from her.)

YMBAC if…you never ask to see the contents of his phone (although it’s always attached to him.)

YMBAC if…you actually believe that the “missing” Viagra were sold to the guys at the gas station.

YMBAC if…you actually get used to all the nights you spend alone.

YMBAC if…spending time alone is ok because you’re exhausted from doing all the adulting.

YMBAC if…you’re removing blond hairs from his fleece jacket that you think came from your son’s golden retriever.

YMBAC if…you continually go to divorce groups and wonder why you have the worst story.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago
Reply to  NotMyFault

“….YMBAC if…you never ask to see the contents of his phone (although it’s always attached to him.)

YMBAC if…you actually get used to all the nights you spend alone.

YMBAC if…spending time alone is ok because you’re exhausted from doing all the adulting….”

^^^^^THESE^^^^^^

I’ll add:

YMBAC if you never confronted him about blocking you from his social media accounts, or ever snooping around online to find his SM accounts that you didn’t know he had — and that he was posting negative things about you that you’re friends and family could see all of them

YMBAC if he *insists* on you not going out unless he was with you, but he has no problem going out without you

YMBAC if when you ask him pointed questions, he responds, “Why? Who have you been talking to?”, and doesn’t believe you when you tell him, “No one, I just have these bad vibes/feelings…”

YMBAC if in all the 13 years you were together, you never got a nice gift for anything that you didn’t have to all but buy/order for yourself, but never complained… Then, when his first Christmas with OWife (that you know of), you hear from a friend that coincidentally ran into him at a store, he’s buying OWife an expensive jacket that you had always wanted for yourself, but never spent the money on yourself

YMBAC if your entire paycheck went to paying the househd bills, every dime of your money he had access to and knew where every dime went, but his paychecks were never held to the same accountability

YMBAC if you actually felt relieved and lighter when he left, because life with Jim in the end felt like a 2-ton Albatross around your neck

YMBAC if your entire gaggle of friends, co-workers, family, hell even strangers saw him as a piece of shit and bad for you, but all you could think of for defending yourself of being with him was back when you first got together, and you were freshly divorced and raw and broken from it, and he came into the picture like a “white knight”…

YMBAC if you know that you know that you know he’s a lying dirtbag, but you’re so worn down you have no desire to fight anymore and you just bide your time, get your ducks in a row and wait until he decides to leave, that way he can’t look like the victim

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
ArtistFormerlyKnownAsChump
5 years ago

Oh yes – YMBAC if during wreckonciliation you send a Face Book request to link your account to his as his wife, he never responds and you never ask why

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
5 years ago