You Picked a Fine Time To Leave Me, Lucille

Anyone remember that Kenny Rogers’ song?

“You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
With four hungry children and a crop in the field
I’ve had some bad times, lived through some sad times
But this time your hurting won’t heal
You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille”

I was reminded of that old country hit the other day as folks were commenting on the uncanny timing of cheaters to cheat at the worst possible times. Your pregnancy. Your father’s death. Your cancer…

It’s hard to know if it’s intentional, or if it’s just part of an overall pattern of selfish obliviousness. But I think some of the crueler ones get off on it. It’s not just that lousy people can’t abide vulnerability, or joy (happy occasions must be spoiled too) — it’s that it’s a power trip.

Did you anticipate something?

Can’t have it.

Did you want something?

No.

Were you expecting something of them?

CAN’T YOU SEE HOW BUSY AND IMPORTANT I AM?

So today’s Friday challenge is to tell CN what lousy Lucille-like timing your cheater had — HOWEVER, instead of this being a depressing recitation of crappy Christmases — next tell me what you’re doing, or plan to do, to take that occasion back.

I’ve never spent another significant birthday shoveling shit while cheated on. How about you?

Kenny will now lead us in song…. TGIF!

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Attie
Attie
6 years ago

Totally off subject but for the longest time I used to sing that as “400 children and a crop in the field”. I wasn’t surprised she left!

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

I was dumped two weeks before Christmas Eve our families favorite celebration. My clothes dumped in
My living room in a heaping pile and my daughter removed a week later to NO CONTACT! He has is a sick son of a bitch! The red flags were everywhere but I ignored them

Chump no more
Chump no more
6 years ago
Reply to  Carol

Had that same happen to me…yet he threw all my clothes into the basement that had flooded

paigeup
paigeup
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

No, it’s 4 hungry children & a CRAP in the field

Beetle
Beetle
6 years ago
Reply to  paigeup

!

FedUpChump
FedUpChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Lol. When I was little, I thought Tiny Dancer was Tony Danza (I’m dating myself, I know).
“Hold me closer Tony Danza”….

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
6 years ago
Reply to  FedUpChump

Yeah, now thanks to Michael Scott, I always sing, “You have won a tiny Dundee..”

Twitching
Twitching
6 years ago
Reply to  FedUpChump

Like a cheese stick, like a cheese stick (G6)

ChumpDiva
ChumpDiva
6 years ago
Reply to  FedUpChump

It was Elton John who sang Tiny Dancer….there’s a damned good chance that’s who he WAS singing to! In the late 1990’s/early 2000s, my son found me laughing my a$$ off reading from KISS THIS GUY website where ppl posted their own Mondegreen moments . . What they THOUGHT they heard and where they were & with whom when they realized they had been wrong all along. Hilarious!
BTW, Jimi Hendrix used to sing “Kiss this guy” sometimes just to mess w people. Loce it! Ahh, CN you make laugh again after I thought i might never again. Love y’all!

paigeup
paigeup
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDiva

Christmas song, “And we’re gonna have some fuckin pie”(aka pumpkin)

eirene
eirene
6 years ago
Reply to  ChumpDiva

“Don’t Wanna Be Your Pizza Burger” by the Rolling Stones

My sister had an argument with a drunk in a bar over this one. He was searching for it on the juke box.

Honeyandthehomewrecker
Honeyandthehomewrecker
6 years ago
Reply to  eirene

Omg. I had a friend who sang that as ‘I’ll never leave your pizza burnin’. Bwaaahaaa!!

eirene
eirene
6 years ago
Reply to  eirene

Oops… “I’ll never be” your beast of burden …

Not Today Mother F*cker
Not Today Mother F*cker
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

My dad took me and my friends prom dress shopping in the early 80’s and the song “Freeze Frame” by the J. Geils Band was playing in the store. Pops walked over to us and said, “Why are they singing about flea spray?”

Honeyandthehomewrecker
Honeyandthehomewrecker
6 years ago

That made me get asthma from laughing so hard!

ozchic
ozchic
6 years ago

Gotta love Dads!!!! Hopefully he told the cemetary joke every time you drove past one and called the dinner “fowl” whenever chicken was served. Modern kids don’t appreciate what us 80s kids had to deal with LOL!!!

PianoMom
PianoMom
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

These are referred to as “mondregreens.” Misheard lyrics. Very funny! Look it up on the internet.
My favorite is Bob Dylan’s “the ants are my friends, they’re blowin’ in the wind.”

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

“Blinded by the light… Revved up like a douche in the middle of the night”

Sandy
Sandy
6 years ago

LOL! Revved up like a douche!

brit
brit
6 years ago

“Blinded by the Light” that’s exactly how I heard it.., “Revved up like a douche in the middle of the night”

FedUpChump
FedUpChump
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Wait… That’s not what they’re saying?

Off the Floor
Off the Floor
6 years ago
Reply to  FedUpChump

What are they saying if it isn’t that ?

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Off the Floor

“blinded by the light… Revved up like a deuce in the middle of the night…”

Done
Done
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Wait! That is not how it goes? Mind blown!

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Done

Blinded by the Light
Manfred Mann, Manfred Mann’s Earth Band
“Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce
Another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce
Another runner in the night
Blinded by the light
Revved up like a deuce
Madman drummers bummers
Indians in the summer
With a teenage diplomat
In the dumps with the mumps
As the adolescent pumps
His way into his hat
With a boulder on my shoulder
Feelin’ kinda older
I tripped the merry-go-round….”

UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
UnsinkableMollyXinAlabama
6 years ago
Reply to  Done

No, it’s “… Revved up like a deuce…”

brit
brit
6 years ago

“Blinded by the Light” that’s exactly how I heard it..,

Sonja Wallenheim
Sonja Wallenheim
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

That’s how I used to hear it when I was a kid, too, back in the mid-1970s,and you just beat me to posting it!

I suspect this thread is going to get longer and longer and longer… 😉

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Derailment, right this way—

My favorites:

Bingo jet had a light on (Steve Miller)

Excuse me while I kiss this guy (Jimmy Hendrix)

I ain’t talking bout the linen (England Dan/John Ford Coley)

StillMad
StillMad
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Forever In Blue Jeans…I used to think this was ‘Reverend Blue Jeans’ 🙂

Twitching
Twitching
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

I thought it was: “The floors are all gone, the sink remains. ”

(The flaws are all gone, the saint remains) – Barry Manilow

Chumperoo How do you do?
Chumperoo How do you do?
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Flashdance: “Take your pants down & make it happen” ( take your passion)

Sandy
Sandy
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Banana Republic, Septic eyes (Boomtown Rats)

Lucky
Lucky
6 years ago
Reply to  Sandy

My son used to sing “One Eyed Girl”…and it was so funny ( he was 4 ) that I never corrected him 🙂

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

How funny, and cute.
From now on instead of ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ I’ll be thinking of your son’s version or singing, “One Eyed Girl.”

Soyouseeit2
Soyouseeit2
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

There’s a Bathroom on the right…..(CCR Bad moon on the rise)

Chickynot
Chickynot
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

I never could keep a straight face through ELO’s “Strange Magic” once my college buddy told me she heard “Strains My Dick.”

Not Today Mother F*cker
Not Today Mother F*cker
6 years ago
Reply to  Chickynot

I think I was 11 or 12 the first time I heard that ELO song and I definitely thought they were saying, “Gotta strain myyyyy dick.”

YouDoYou
YouDoYou
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Bring our soup to the other side (The Doors)

WisedUp
WisedUp
6 years ago
Reply to  YouDoYou

These are called Mondegreens.
It comes from a very very old folk ballad with the line,
“They have slain the Earl of Murray, and laid him on the green.”
Which some people heard as,
“They have slain the Earl of Murray, and Lady Mondegreen.”

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago
Reply to  YouDoYou

“Have you ever seen Lorraine?” CCR

Survivor
Survivor
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

There’s a bathroom on the right. CCR

kimsoverit
kimsoverit
6 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

LOL, my Dad used to sing it this way!! Even once we’d corrected him, he just doubled down on it… Always looking for a bathroom on the right…

DrFormerChump
DrFormerChump
6 years ago
Reply to  kimsoverit

Lyricosis! I love it. “Big ole Jed left the light on,” and I caught someone I knew belt out ” Enema! ” instead of “Panama” (the Van Halen song). Lol!

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Survivor

Elton John’s ‘Bennie and the Jets’ “She’s got electric boobs..,”

Chickynot
Chickynot
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Wait, it’s NOT “electric boobs”?

Janna
Janna
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

Opposite messed up singing of lyrics: Inagodavida was actually supposed to be in the garden of Eden…baby. Rockers seriously cannot enunciate.

Egans
Egans
6 years ago
Reply to  YouDoYou

My friend thought “islands in the stream” was “ Ireland’s industry “!????

DrFormerChump
DrFormerChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Yes! Me too.

Tracy
Tracy
6 years ago
Reply to  DrFormerChump

Me too!!! So funny!!!

Star Tingover
Star Tingover
6 years ago

Thanks to Tracy’s brilliant idea, I am “taking back” back Valentine’s Day, the day I got married. Since the betrayal and divorce, it has been a tough holiday. Next year, I am meeting someone special in Houston and I am going to make it brand new and cheater-memory-free. Can’t wait! ????

Chumperoo How do you do?
Chumperoo How do you do?
6 years ago
Reply to  Star Tingover

I am fresh to chump land – he didn’t come back to hotel one night over the Easter holiday we were on in Thailand, came back covered in lipstick and then gaslighted me that I was crazy for thinking he had cheated when he just slept on the beach.
I hacked his Facebook and saw a friend request accepted and said I was so drunk I can’t remember – did we sleep together or just kiss.
Thai person confirmed sex and then tried to arrange to meet.
I took screenshots and he is still trying to deny.
So Easter is meant to be a time for new beginnings right? Just like Jesus rose from the dead I am taking back my life!!

Have tried going NC but his family keep messaging me about how they are worried he is going to kill himself etc.

I read the article re 3 modes: rage, self-pity and charm and he has been cycling through them so fast sometimes in the space of a minute!

My dad died after having 2 strokes and a long ICU stay and this the first time in our relationship that I wasn’t there to meet his every need and he had a tantrum.

As for timing: this has been the most stressful year – my dad died, my step mum is using his ashes to try to extort money from me, a place I worked for employed a dodgy surgeon and by association my reputation has been damaged and they didn’t pay me thousands owing to me, I have an ex patient who is a neo nazi and in the military who has been stalking me, and I’ve had 3 miscarriages and one was when I got really sick with influenza and needed to be hospitalised while pregnant

But do you want to know something? I feel positive and optimistic and I know I’ll get through this.
I refuse to give in to self pity/ martyrdom and I am going to change my story to one where this is something I look back on and say – my life was once full of toxic drama – but now that seems like another person’s life.

KarenE
KarenE
6 years ago

Oh my gosh Chunperoo, what a terrible year! I hope you have a great therapist and lots of loving support to get you through to your happy cheater free life!

Chumperoo How do you do?
Chumperoo How do you do?
6 years ago
Reply to  KarenE

Thanks KarenE,
It being so fresh I have ups and downs but it’s weird because without telling my friends suddenly I was getting a lot of people reaching out and I ended up telling them and they have helped immensely.
I will find a great therapist as well.

unicornomore
unicornomore
6 years ago

Chumperoo…you mean just this part Easter? Woa….suckfest.

Please dont let him gaslight you into believing he didnt do what you know he did…he is revealing a great deal abut himself by how he is handling this. Many years ago, my nowdeadcheater came home with a severe injury and a tall tale about how he got it and I believed him (hook, line, & sinker –he had a broken kneecap…probs the kind of injury you get when you are caught fucking someones wife). I didint admit to myself for years that it was probs cheating.

Sorry too about your pregnancy losses…that is hard

sweetChumpgirl
sweetChumpgirl
6 years ago
Reply to  Star Tingover

Yes!!!! You take it back and have a wonderful time because you deserve it all xo sweet

violet
violet
6 years ago
Reply to  Star Tingover

Got married on VD and discovered X’s cheating on the same day, 25 years later. What a wonderful silver anniversary. Not. I have never done anything to “take it back.” Thanks, but no thanks. Instead, I have taken back my life every day of the year. I now view VD with great cynicism for obvious reasons.

What is it with cheaters and holidays?

Carol
Carol
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

I understand completely Violet

Star Tingover
Star Tingover
6 years ago
Reply to  violet

I get it, @violet. I really do.

But, now almost 6 years out from DDay and the Divorce, I am done allowing him to have ANY say so whatsoever… I am taking every single moment back and I won’t allow him to interfere with my happiness ever again.

((hug))

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
6 years ago

Hand raised for pregnant at cheating time ????????
I do believe that cheater, being the all important, self serving, narc, would cheat whenever he felt the desire to cheat, as tiny child, pregnant wife weren’t even on his mind, weren’t a part of his world, when his eyes, and his genitals, came into contact with that absolutely perfect OW!
Wow, that was a looooong run on sentence. Matches the loooooong run on piss off!

Hugs and understanding to all CN!

Beetle
Beetle
6 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

I believe the very worst is to raise step-children for 21 years, only to find out that while you were working overtime to buy prom dresses, paying for college tuition, helping with homework, etc…..their Dogshit mother was out screwing around while letting you parent.

It’s a double kick in the balls, though when you have to realize you were doing the job for two piece of shit parents.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago

Yes, but you did the noble thing by those children. You were a stand up guy and can be proud of your behaviour. They can’t.

MARCUS LAZARUS
MARCUS LAZARUS
6 years ago

Speaks to your character though Bro. YOU FUCKING ROCK!

Drew
Drew
6 years ago
Reply to  MARCUS LAZARUS

Yes, this. SDC, Way to be mighty. Those kids were absolutely saved, and your modeling what it’s like to be a good parent will heavily influence their lives down the road, ask me how I know. Anyone who supports higher education is a hero in my book because you have given them a future. Those kids will look at their dysfunctional biological folks and choose what NOT to do. Then they will look to your actions and know that it was your sacrifices that mattered in their lives. Great legacy to leave any child with.

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
6 years ago

SuperDuperChump That just makes you a very special person. Do not feel duped feel proud that you were able to give those poor kids one sane parent in the mess they were given with those two parents.

Special place in heaven for a man who love step children. My son21 told me one time that he wishes I could meet a man that would love me, him and his brother like family. That one got to me.

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Another one here cheated on whole pregnant. Caused me so much shame and anguish. My first child too. It made it so I had trouble bonding with her the first little while. I hadn’t even had the chance of having the illusion of the untainted happy little family either. Not for five minutes. I was so freaked that the stress over the whole thing would do something to the baby, or I might miscarry. (I was 8 months pregnant when I found out PLUS he slept with me after cheating so there’s wondering if I’ve got an STD. He denied anything physical for eight years. But I didn’t believe it fully and it turns out he had screwed a hooker! And then slept with me, pregnant wife!)

He also wrecked EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY for years. Every single one. One time he dumped me on my birthday.

I remember him freaking right out on me at Mother’s Day. Even telling me to stay home because he and our daughter were going to go to the Mother’s Day brunch with my parents but I should stay home. Ha. My Dad is an older cheater too, but my Dad couldn’t stand my husband. (My Dad also wrecked holidays and spent most of them drunk freaking out on people.) I think my Dad would have sent my husband to sit in the car. Probably loudly. Probably in front of everyone.

Wormfree2017
Wormfree2017
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

I used to wonder why holidays were so stressful. What happened to the Worm that every holiday and/vacation would put him in such a foul mood. Now I realize it was the holiday cutting into his “me time”.
As I said before Worm used my son’s rehab to justify his antics.
It doesn’t get much lower than blaming your child’s behavior for cheating on your wife.
I other news, we have reached a settlement agreement, I really will
be Worm free soon!!!!

Chumperoo How do you do?
Chumperoo How do you do?
6 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree2017

That’s disgusting to use your child’s rehab as his excuse. I am so glad you are going to be worm free soon- yay!
I am wishing you so much joy and peace and love.

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
6 years ago
Reply to  Wormfree2017

Hurrah!

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

I forgot this:

What did I do to take it back?

Well when I got surprise pregnant wuth kid 2 I laid down the law in it’s entirety.

I told him point-blank: I am not living like this anymore. Get your arse to treatment and if there’s even a whiff of issues I’m done. Not “I have to catch you in the act” or “a jury of your peers has to figure out if you were on Craigslist trying to get a BJ.”

ANYTHING that makes me suspicious or feel unsafe and you’re toast. Kid one went so garbage and I’m not dragging kid 2 through getting all attached to you only to have Dad act like a magician and disappear after pulling a six-pack out of his hat.

Plus he had to read The Verbally Abusive Relationship. And attend MC with me. We attended weekly for two years.

Now we have the Holiday Tree in the living room. The kids wanted the tree to stay up after Christmas. So we decorate it for every holiday.
There’s been a Valentines Tree, a St. Patrick’s Tree, a Birthday tree and an Easter Tree. I like doing it. It’s cute and fun. It’s also a pretty cheap way to do the holidays.

I still haven’t really “taken back” Christmas. My Dad was his most abusive on Christmas growing up so most years I spent about six weeks listening to Christmas music everywhere feeling triggered as heck. Then my husband cheated on me CHRISTMAS DAY with the hooker. The same day he got his sexsearch account. I doubt it was ever a singular incident. I’m not at meh about Christmas yet.

CheatersKilljoy
CheatersKilljoy
6 years ago
Reply to  peacekeeper

Mine left 2 months after our planned 2nd child. Technically he wanted to stay to “help out” aka impression management. Cause he couldn’t just move in with her. That would be obvious homeerecking. He planned to separate and “start dating” his co worker whom he had already been seeing for 6 months. The scheming and plotting that was involved is disgusting. He admitted to other affairs when he announced separation. He was keeping the current one secret to protect her name. When I found out about current ow through snooping he went ahead and openly moved in with her. ????

Kibbled Again
Kibbled Again
6 years ago

This is going to come off as a very #firstworldproblems post but I think it is indicative of the narcissistic behaviour I had dealt with for years. In the midst of planning renovations on our home (long-awaited since there was always a motorcycle or audio component that he just had to have) and planning a well-deserved Christmas trip away, I had my second round of D-day (at a hockey game with all five of us that I arranged for his birthday where I caught him texting his girlfriend the kissy face emoji – could he be more “middle school”?).

Here I thought we were finally “connecting” (he always told me I was impossible to connect to which was a trigger to dance harder for him), enjoying the fruits of our hard-fought effort to balance full-time work and three active children and making a home that we could all enjoy. Well after a few months of trying to understand why he would be pursing this future with me while at the same time managing his own side piece and dealing with his narcissistic rages any time I asked him to put the OW aside, I finally gave my head a shake and kicked him out.

The irony was (and this is the magical thinking of these a-holes), he still wanted to go forward with the renovation (for the kids) – he urged me to move in with him and his parents as we awaited the four to five month overhaul in the midst of this gong show. It was probably that idea (more than the tens of thousands of dollars it was going to cost as we headed towards divorce) that reinforced that this guy was delusional (and it was likely a ploy to get me back under his control).

CL challenged us to say how we are going to overcome… Well I am going to extricate myself from him financially (he loves to wield that control) and my dad has offered to come out for an extended stay and do all the work himself next winter. This will save me any amount of money, I will be able to re-connect with my dad (which is another story) and all of this will be mine and my kids alone. His taint will be off this house and his toxicity a distant memory for me and the kids.

Caroline
Caroline
6 years ago
Reply to  Kibbled Again

I think that’s a great idea, to re-establish a relationship with a parent who has your back. Obviously I have no idea why the relationship got strained to start with, but assuming he’s a decent guy who wants the best for you, then well done to you for not being too proud and in denial to accept genuinely-meant offers of help. People love to feel they can help and for some of us, the emotional stuff isn’t easy, but we are all over practical assistance… just need directing!

Let this be an entirely new, financially-independent chapter for you x

Kibbled Again
Kibbled Again
6 years ago
Reply to  Caroline

Didn’t have a relationship after my parents’ divorce from the time I was 12 to 30 (there was quite a bit of alienation going on by my mother and he didn’t have the persistence to drive for maintaining our connection – never could understand that once I became a parent myself). To his credit (even if he truly is just a “holiday dad”, he is consistently engaged in the lives of me and my kids. With the dissolution of my marriage, he has truly “shown up” (and he also learned not to tell me that divorce was a 50-50 thing – I didn’t cheat nor act like a jackass to my wife and kids on the way out the door). I am grateful (and I think he might be too) that he can help when the chips are down to effectively make up for the 18 year absence.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago
Reply to  Kibbled Again

Nice to have him in the NOW. Perhaps dad has matured and is seeing the big picture in life now. That can happen with people.

Riley
Riley
6 years ago
Reply to  Kibbled Again

So sorry. But the kissy face emoji! That made me smile. Mine was the same. Sent the kissy face all the time to the OW. Same play book 🙁

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Riley

Cheater’s texts sounded like they were written by a teenage girl, cute little smileys, and at the end of every sentence “K,” other cutesy “codes,” I couldn’t believe they were texts written by an adult let alone written my husband. I was almost embarrassed for him.

Kibbled, I wince too whenever I see “K” fortunately I don’t know anyone who uses “k” in their texts to me. I would have unfriend any male who did. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

Seachump
Seachump
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

The OW always used the term “lover” this and “oh, lover” that. When I heard her voice on a message, despite my horror and sadness, I literally laughed out loud. It was a nasally cross between a flat, Chicago/mid-western accent and a grating, harsh Boston accent (no offense to mid-westerners or New Englander’s — it’s the mash up). Add to that she was snorting and sniffing loudly throughout the entire sexual-innuedno laden message: “Oh, lover, SNIFF SNIFF SNORT GURGLE “I had a yoga class today and I’m sooooooo…” SNIFF, THROAT CLEARING “…..sore! Haha heehee!” SNORT! SNIFF! “I can’t wait for my massage…. hahahaha…” SNORT, SNIFF, GURGLE ” and your soothing tongue skills…..lover!” SNIFF!!!!

Sexy mom of three everyone…..sexy mom of three. You can’t make this stuff up

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

“K”

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

That and MEOW

goaheadandjump
goaheadandjump
6 years ago
Reply to  Riley

Mine would send pictures of each other with their tongues sticking out. What is that? A millennial thing. So embarrassing.

hollowbunny
hollowbunny
6 years ago
Reply to  goaheadandjump

winky faces. I fucking hate them now after having seen so many exchanged between them in “work” correspondence.

Guest
Guest
5 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

The winky-face still brings me to my knees with anxiety and nausea.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

I received two texts that were sopposed to go to his whore, whoops!
I wonder if other chumps got those too.
Good Friday humor!

Honeyandthehomewrecker
Honeyandthehomewrecker
6 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

Omg yes. It was on this horrific day after he’d left me with our babies and just moved away. We were at a child’s birthday party where I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb as a single mom, and after my toddler fell face first down a flight of metal slide stairs. He accidentally texted me ‘I love you, baby!’

The humiliation, rage, despair and trauma that brought me cannot be overstated. I wrote a post about my reply to him. Please feel free to read it if you’d like to hop aboard the S.S. Shitshow that somehow became my life.

https://honeyandthehomewrecker.com/2015/04/20/you-dont-know-the-meaning-of-the-word/

Peacekeeper
Peacekeeper
4 years ago

Honeyandthehomewrecker,
I just read your post and clicked on your sad happening when your daughter injured herself at the birthday party.
Sending you many many hugs.
As a mom of a three year old and in first trimester pregnancy at DDay time I pick me danced, he stayed. I believe he stayed for selfishh reasons, but he was there for the children some time, not in good ways many many times, but I loved him and I wanted him there for the children.
I am so so sorry . I don’t know what else to say, but I want you to know that I truly feel your pain, as there were many many times when eventhough he was there, he really wasn’t there.
Only a mother can understand what I am trying to say.
Your story will remain in my heart forever.
Xxxxxx to you and your precious daughter and son.

KAF
KAF
6 years ago

I just read your blog. They’re all the same. Can I say that I’m jealous that yours actually responded with “I’m sorry”. Mine meant to send the “I love you” text to the 21yr old babysitter he left me for (and who I invited into our house) and I responded with a short “I dont think this meant for me” and he responded with “wrong number”

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  Letitsnow

Letitsnow – Dummy sent texts to our daughter meant for his gf. Dummy and OW had a baby. Dummy texted our daughter, “Our son will ride.” Meaning ride motorcycles.
He had given our daughter his ipad. The photo section was connected to his camera. I picked it up one day and there are all these naked pictures of OW. I’m just glad our daughter didn’t have to see that. They are so stupid.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
6 years ago
Reply to  nomorecamping

He texted “don’t bother making curry anymore, got something else for ya”, during a time when he was withholding affection and sex from me……..I think he was too embarrassed to say anything when it went to me instead of her, haha dumbass!

Honeyandthehomewrecker
Honeyandthehomewrecker
6 years ago
Reply to  hollowbunny

I swear they must have secret meetings to coordinate this insanity. Why are so many cheaters the same?

Mine started using LOL at the end of every sentence in our texts to each other. After D Day it occurred to me that that oddity had been another red flag I’d missed. She did it, so he had started doing it. I playfully pointed out to him (while still blissfully unaware of his bagdouchery) that he was overusing it.

Me: Honey, you can’t possibly be ‘laughing out loud’ because you’re not sure which bagged salad I’d wanted you to get at Trader Joe’s.
Honey: (just stared at me with lifeless shark eyes).

I didn’t realize it at the time but I’d just inadvertently insulted he and HomeWrecker’s special little ‘thing’. Yep. Texting lol to each other after pretty much every sentence like idiots.

I bet they went something like this:
Honey: Told my wife I was out with the guys. She bought it LOL.
H Dubs: I’ll bring the frito casserole you bring the condoms LOL.

Gag.

ozziechump
ozziechump
6 years ago

The MOW in my triangulation is LOL – Legs Open Lucy!

brit
brit
6 years ago

Cheater and his AP dressed in matching athletic outfits, color co-ordinated with matching white caps or visors.
X fell in love with her because she’s a triathlete, guess who decided he needed to be a triathlete/cyclist/ swimmer?
Arrogant and entitled, cheater and AP prancing about, giggling like schoolgirls in their matching spandex. GOL! = Gag out loud..

‘lol’. “k”
Overuse and just weird for a middle aged man to be texting like an adolescent “k”

Texting like a middle school aged girl along with other behavior changes had me wondering if it could be symptoms of “midlife crisis” or experimenting with his feminine side. I had been brainwashed after listening to his endless lectures telling me how much more honest he is than everyone else, reminding me that I was lucky to be married to a man of integrity.
People who are honest and have integrity don’t need to tell people, actions speak louder than words. ‘k’

GracieD
GracieD
6 years ago

Donkey started ‘LOL’ing me too. As in ‘I went to the Post Office, LOL’. Then I found stupid messages he and schmoopie had been exchanging, “Ooooh, lets match out outfits, LOL” etc. I pointed out to him that he’s over 50, not 12, ffs.

Honeyandthehomewrecker
Honeyandthehomewrecker
6 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

Match outfits?! Now THAT’S twu wuv. (Retching quietly in the corner)

Kibbled Again
Kibbled Again
6 years ago
Reply to  Riley

Just gross. I wince every time I see that in a text now from one of my kids (even if they are doing it in the nicest of ways)…

SheChump
SheChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Kibbled Again

The Kissy Faced emoji? Maybe with 2 hearts for eyes too. And, maybe repeated with glass of wine emoji, cheese, etc. Oddly funny and very strange, especially if one is married and difference in ages. Seriously – 7th Grade speak. I mean, I DO admit sending a one lip heart on a smily face to my good married friend who gladly offered to move in my house and….dog sit while I got into hospital. His wife may come too. So, that was a well deserved personal kiss.

Whodoesthat
Whodoesthat
6 years ago
Reply to  SheChump

Mine sent his immature emoji laden creep message mistakenly to our son. Nice one dad

Kibbled Again
Kibbled Again
6 years ago
Reply to  Whodoesthat

I’d use a eye rolling emoji here but I think we would all be triggered at this point. Ugh.

struggling
struggling
6 years ago
Reply to  Kibbled Again

Mine started his affair right when we bought this house. Just another one of those things that seems to be common with these people. They actively BUILD and actively DESTROY at the same damn time. Our chumpy selves think the “building” part means that “deep down” they want to stay with their spouse and families. But what the “building” part really means is that “shallowly down” they want to do whatever makes them feel good for the next five minutes.

So what did I do to reclaim it? I did stay in this house for a couple of years. I redecorated my bedroom and made it my own sanctuary, which was really nice. But ultimately, I’m selling this place and getting the fuck out of here. I have nothing but horrible memories of living here and it’s time for a brand new life, head to toe.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Struggling – Build and destroy, wow – exactly….. We did some remodeling on the house. Bought new furniture. Then he bought an expensive surround sound Christmas two years ago – put in up (the bar is crooked as he had gone back to getting loaded while trying to get me to drink, too) and then went off to spend the night with coworker. Looking back, though, I realize he had been cheating all through our 10 year marriage. But, yeah, renovating the house and then he moved in with his gf. But it worked out good because now that I have the house, all the major stuff has been taken care of, so so far not much to deal with. The electrical panel in the stove went out, so I just got a toaster oven. The burners still work on the stove. I’m expecting the washer and dryer to go out any day as they’re 9 years old…. but there’s always the laundromat.
No, there is no depth there. They are as shallow as they come. He doesn’t really care about the gf – showed her naked pictures to his friends. She’s a ‘trophy.’ A thing. An object to him.

kiwichump
kiwichump
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

“They actively BUILD and actively DESTROY at the same damn time.”
x1000!

ozziechump
ozziechump
6 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

So true! I was in the midst of writing complicated lucrative genetics contracts when he brought his child lover into our work place. At that point I started to unpackage my love my devotion and my direction. 15 months on from DDay; wish I had found CL sooner! I am already better off emotionally; will be okay financially but I am broken in ways I can’t fix. Burned in places that don’t heal. I am 60 – not where I thought I would’ve now; but grateful for some personal determination on the 3rd stage of my life. Thank you Tracy! Good luck to everyone out there. We are all better than the shit sandwich we were handed! All I can say is don’t eat it! There is a dawn beyond the darkness!!

Off the floor
Off the floor
6 years ago
Reply to  ozziechump

Ozzie chump, I hear you loud and clear. Thanks for a way to describe things. The midlife dump leaves us cracked open with that feeling that we will never heal. I can tell you that I’m about 2.5 years out now from the demolition of my life for a 25 year old (and then a 26 year old) and my life is rebuilding and better in all ways but deep down in my heart where there is a burn that will never heal. My life keeps getting better, the raw spot, not so much, but buried deeper. That whole giving up the life you thought you’d have for the one you do and seeing that it’s good!

Kibbled Again
Kibbled Again
6 years ago
Reply to  kiwichump

@struggling and @kiwichump – This sentence stood out for me too: “They actively BUILD and actively DESTROY at the same damn time.” It’s no wonder that I struggled with such cognitive dissonance for so long because surely you wouldn’t send emails encouraging us to connect more, plan a family vacation and sign off on building permits / plans if you didn’t want to devote yourself to me and your family. SMDH.

LongTimeChump
LongTimeChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Kibbled Again

I was also thrown away with such messages. His active “Let’s have a baby, relocate, renovate” while being balls deep in the affair that started 3 years before we met and never really ended as I discovered 10 years after. He was always involved with his married “love of his life” meeting with her in other countries while keeping his menu full with occasional short flings here and there. And me, the trusting wife, in another compartment.

Tempest
Tempest
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Yes, mine had his affair during a major add-on & renovation of the house PLUS getting a puppy.
While I was picking out stainless steel kitchen appliance, he was balls-deep in gradwhore.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
6 years ago
Reply to  Tempest

That is so common, I would add purposefully done. My ex bought expensive puppy to keep me busier while he fucked around. Like I didn’t have enough to do with 2 kids, one was stepson, fulltime job, etc. Loser.

struggling
struggling
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Oh yeah one more thing: He dropped the bomb the day we took our son to college. So yeah completely ruined that for me. His defense? Well, there’s never a good time. Yeah asshole, but you could have picked some random day. Fucking jerk.

Egans
Egans
6 years ago
Reply to  struggling

Well it’s obvious really why they do this. They have no depth. They can easily blank one situation when they are focusing on another. And they use that on us. ie: if chump is focused on graduation/child/Reno/exams I can hide/manipulate/ impression manage easier.

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Kibbled Again

Kibbled Again,
I love stories with a happy ending.
YOU are an inspiration to all.
Please hug your Dad for me.
Thank you for the heart warming smile today!
YOU are Mighty!

Attie
Attie
6 years ago

The Twat could occasionally do nice things – but I quickly learned not to look forward to them as he would inevitably ruin them. He once came home with tickets to see Celine Dion in Nice, so I planned out the route (about 8 hours) and booked a reasonable hotel. He was furious because he wanted to go in our camper, but through Italy (the quickest way) would have probably taken 12-13 hours and we still had to make it later that evening to the concert. We stood EVERY chance of not making it all. That Friday night he went out drinking (what’s new) KNOWING we would have to set off very early for Nice the next morning. Came home roaring drunk around 5 a.m. and was again furious when I said we had to set off immediately. I was going to drive (he was still drunk but could sleep in the car). We made it about 5 km when he “went off on one” and jumped out the car. I turned round and went home where I found 3 hidden empty bottles of rosé wine and some totally incomprehensible notes about how I shouldn’t “smudge him, or don’t pudge me” (bear in mind he was drunk). So I called the hotel and cancelled, stuck the notes in the empty bottles and left them on the table and taped the tickets to the bedroom door – then went out and left him to it. Everything was all cleared up when I got home but I never got to see Celine. That was one of the first times I actually cried in utter despair – not because of the concert but because of what I was married to.

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Awww.
I totally feel you in the whole comment!

I found that whenever I felt vulnerable about anything or had any kind of fear it was like he would aim at it like a target.

You think you’re with someone that loves and protects you then you find out you are in their line of fire! So very painful. The exact opposite of sharing a life together.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

My friend said ‘this person does not have your best interests in mind’. That was a wake up call.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Mitz, your friends comment “this person doesn’t have your best interest in mind” says it all.

Wise words, wish I had read this during the early days of my life imploding.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
6 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

My 85 yo mother said, He’s NOT present. Smart.

pregnant chump
pregnant chump
6 years ago

I took back being cheated on and discarded during pregnant by telling him he couldn’t be at the birth or any further appointments, telling him I would be naming the baby without his help, telling him he wouldn’t be welcome at the hospital and having the backing of my midwife and the staff at the hospital, not keeping his secrets and telling everyone we knew what he had done and filing for divorce 2 months after d-day.

Should'veLeftTheFirstTime
Should'veLeftTheFirstTime
6 years ago
Reply to  pregnant chump

God, I wish I would’ve done what you did. I stayed like an idiot, and now 15 years later here I am in the exact same spot. Good for you. I was too scared of having a newborn alone.

BlueChumparoo
BlueChumparoo
6 years ago

Me too @should’ve.
My therapist tells me to stop “shoulding” myself.
I told her …yes, I agree….I ‘should’ stop shoulding myself.

We need to just look to our future. The past is the past. This whole thing sucks, like the biggest suck of all! }:-(

We did what we thought was right at the time.

Kibbled Again
Kibbled Again
6 years ago

^^^THIS. Sigh. Got pregnant when we were separated (but still playing house, having sex and then allowing him to go on dates “to find himself” at night). Had a baby with a major congenital heart defect, cerebral palsy and other development delays so I pined for him to truly “return” to me for her, our other two kids and our shared future. I have found out since D-day #2 that a) I trapped him into having our third and b) he resented the last ten years being married to me (despite all protestations to the contrary at the time). I wish I dumped his sorry ass then but I will say that now I have the personal, emotional and financial wherewithal to get through this without looking back even once at that turd.

Chickynot
Chickynot
6 years ago
Reply to  pregnant chump

Woo hoo, you go girl!

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  pregnant chump

comment image

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
6 years ago
Reply to  pregnant chump

Well done!!!
You are mighty!!!
I refused to be silent too!!!

struggling
struggling
6 years ago
Reply to  pregnant chump

Good for you!!! That’s awesome!

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  pregnant chump

((((pregnant chump))))
Whenever you are feeling down, think back on all that you took back from him.
YOU are an inspiration to all CN.

Attie
Attie
6 years ago
Reply to  pregnant chump

Wow, you are mighty!

Paintwidow
Paintwidow
6 years ago

I was asked for a divorce at 10pm on New Years Eve 2014. He said he didn’t ruin anything because it’s not a “real holiday”.
The next year I was taken away on a great trip with my sweet non cheater new boyfriend for NewYears after negotiating a pretty great settlement because new schmoopie was tightening the screws with my ex and he just “needed the divorce done so SHE could feel secure in the relationship…”
Oh sweetie…..there’s no such thing.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Paintwindow – Congrats on great settlement. Glad it went quickly. I’m trying to figure out why – when our divorce is at the final stage…. stbx and his lawyer have gone quiet. His lawyer was supposed to send final revisions of the judgment to my lawyer months ago. The final signing was supposed to happen in Feb. Now it’s supposed to happen this month, but no word from opposing party on anything. I’m getting my support every month like clockwork. But this final signing and hiring of atty to split retirements – my ex and lawyer are nonresponsive. My lawyer threatened sanctions. Still nothing.
A lawyer at my workplace told me that when he makes it final then his gf will expect him to marry her (they have a baby) and his not making our divorce final keeps that from happening…..
His best friend did say that he expected to go have his fling and then come back to me.
But I locked him out and got a lawyer. I guess things didn’t go as he planned.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago
Reply to  Paintwidow

Nice, wonderful that you found a real genuine person!

VulcanChump
VulcanChump
6 years ago

It was completely unintentional, but I took back July 23rd. On 7/23/15, Rhys got back from his trip (which included vacation with Annie), told me he hadn’t missed me at all, and I dumped his ass. On 7/23/16, I had been seeing Ben for three months, and we had a lovely anniversary date at the Baltimore Aquarium. Sometimes it’s good that you forget, and then when it hits you, you can have a little chuckle later.

Charlie
Charlie
6 years ago

My lovely narcissistic husband decided to leave me as I just reached the final hurdle of my stage 3 breast cancer treatment whilst living in Dubai – away from family and security.

My hair was about an inch long, nicely growing back from 6 months of chemo (which he never came with me to) and I have a beautiful scar where my left breast had been…. I was no longer the physically desirable wife and after going to hell and back on my own journey I was no longer going to shovel his sh*t anymore and he knew it!

He lied about having an affair when I confronted him with the fact that a man would not just up and leave his vulnerable wife and two amazing sons (age 10 & 12) unless someone else was involved.
He pointed his finger in my face and told me “ Charlotte, I am not leaving you because I have someone else, I am leaving you because you don’t make me feel special” ????!!! Oh, i’m sorry, I was trying to stay alive this last year whilst losing everything that made me feel feminine (hair, breast, ovaries…)

It was the first time in our 16 year msrriage I had put myself first – even before the boys… I needed to survive this so I could be around to watch them grow up!

Like the orchids that were given to me in full bloom on the day of my mastectomy, the flowers faded and the petals fell but I still watered those plants knowing that if I took care of them they would eventually bloom again.

Just before he moved into his apartment we couldn’t afford he asked me why I still watered those orchid stems? Why didn’t I just throw them away and buy a new one?
My 12 year old piped up – “what, like you did to Mum?”!
What a beautiful moment that was…
husband ignored the comment completely.

2 years on I am now living back in UK, my homeland… I have learned to love myself and those boys and I are doing great!
I spent 18 years living in many different countries supporting husbands career but now it’s my time to shine.

I have made beautiful new friends and am embarking on a new career path.
I also have a thoroughly decent man who loves me regardless of my journey through breast cancer and living through narcissistic abuse….

I am grateful for my journey, even the shittiest of timing because I can truly say that it wasn’t me! All of those years of self doubt and being manipulated…. I am strong, I am beautiful, I am moving forward into the life I was supposed to live and I am grateful.

nomorecamping
nomorecamping
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

You ARE strong and beautiful! Oh my goodness – what a beautiful story. He can’t feel special around such strength and integrity – because he has none of that. He will never have that because they are just big cowards.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

So happy for you and your sons.

chumpedaussi
chumpedaussi
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

You are absolutely amazing! Thank you so much for sharing your story.

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Charli ???????? AMAZING!! So damn mighty. Hats off to you. How you got through being so ill and fighting for life, with no support from a cheating wanker, I can’t even imagine. So tough. What a fighter. You’re sons’ hero! And a CN hero ????????

Love your 12 yr old’s quick comeback to cheater dad. Priceless! What a gem.

So glad to hear you are back home and away from the madness of expat lifestyle. I too left that scenario. I know how messed up it is. I know the life those expat men lead. I know the shit sandwiches the wives have to keep eating. I got out. Same as you. Thank goodness!!

Hope you keep enjoying that lovely life you have created for yourself. Cheater will keep roaming the planet, going from country to country picking up bargirls or the like. While I’m on that – get the divorce settlement sorted ASAP so you can rid yourself of him completely. This “sending money per month” thing is bullshit. Trust me, I know!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

What a great story! I am glad you got your reward for being a good person. 🙂

chumpnomore
chumpnomore
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

I was in the ME during my D Day after, like you, following his career around for years. We had just returned from the long summer break when all the children and mum’s leave. The children had worked hard to get into a great school and I find out he had moved her into our home over the summer! My in laws told me that it must be so hard for him that I go away and leave him every summer!!! Like I was abandoning him every year, not that it was an unhealthy 50 plus degrees and no one is there and I cooked him enough food to last all summer, arranged for him to have all the house work done, beds changed, clothes washed and ironed. Lazy bigger had to do nothing so he chose to take another woman to my bed. He fled back to the UK as well, threw a bit in a container and we have seen very little of him since. The ME can keep him as far as I am concerned. The further away the better. Good luck to you and I look to you as inspiration!

Charlie
Charlie
6 years ago
Reply to  chumpnomore

I feel for you! The Middle East has too many temptations for narcissistic people????

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

As too does Asia!

left him at the airport
left him at the airport
6 years ago

So too has Asia (?? My grammar!?!)

Off the Floor
Off the Floor
6 years ago

Yeah, my ex was offered women nightly by the companies who wanted his company’s business. Sometimes I imagine writing an expose for the Wall Street Journal about the way at least some of the executives from his well known Silicon Valley company operate in Asia, then I decide to just live my life and be happy. Ultimately, he made his own choices…..

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Wonderful story, Charlie! Thanks for sharing your mightiness!! <3

MARCUS LAZARUS
MARCUS LAZARUS
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

My son (stbxw’s 1st marriage progeny) is walking with me daily through our separation and divorce (paying attorney Wednesday for no fault D).

I can not begin to even explain the bond he and I have developed through the last 13 years. I’m grateful to my serial cheater for having him in my life. He validates me and proves to me I am a Good Man. He learns from my actions of practicing doing things for others without promise of reward. Forgiving when it is earned. Service to (deserving) others is the finest life a man can live (AA taught me this).

When our children are grown and reflect back to us the good character we had the blessing of instilling in them…THIS!!! Priceless reward.

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  MARCUS LAZARUS

ML— great post! Sober sister here — class of ‘88! ????

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Charlie, you are MIGHTY!

Divine Doorknobs
Divine Doorknobs
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Holy cow! Your son’s comment, priceless! What a great story you are an inspiration.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Your son is amazing!!!
Kudos to you!!!
I love your story!!!
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Once a Chump, Never Again
Once a Chump, Never Again
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Charlie, you are truly an inspiration! The hero of CN! You took the biggest pile of shit someone could be served and turned it into something wonderful. And your son’s comment is so spot on. Isn’t it incredible how children can be so much more mature and insightful than their grown-ass fathers?!

twiceachump
twiceachump
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Charlie he probably was being as honest as these shallow fucktards can be, sort of. He started screwing around because he lost centrality and all. Why with you garnering all those attention kibbles with your sickness and all and not making him feel special—sounds like a sadz started and he needed to find some ho relief. Geeze, how could you do that to him?

When Dr. Cheaterpants left again for another ho, I was caring for my mom who had surgery and couldn’t walk or drive, I was working full time, taking care of all cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping (adulting). I was exhausted and yes, grouchy about his arse flopped on the couch and he hadn’t even been going into work.

I had a small lump that had to be pursued and was worried I may have breast cancer. One of my friends said surely cheater would take care of me if so. And I was thinking, not only would I not want him to, I really don’t think he would. He could never take care of me if I had a cold/flu. He would tell me I was a wimp. Then he’d get it and be down and out for a week requiring total care.

This is who they are and I absolutely am astounded when these cheater freaks take on a schmoopie/leave when a chump is down: cancer, pregnant, parent died, etc….

You are super mighty and an inspiration to us all!!!!

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

You are inspirational and obviously a very special person. X

Owlbaby
Owlbaby
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Wow, talk about goals…you are my hero!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

If we take care of ourselves, we will bloom again.

Beautiful- ((hugs))

NorthernLight
NorthernLight
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Your son’s comment made me teary. I am glad you are flourishing now in your cheater-free life!

Charlie
Charlie
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you! I could write a few books on my married life, traveling the world as a hoteliers wife and the secret life behind closed doors….
we’re not yet divorced, he lives in China now and refuses to talk finances and future… he just sends me money each month whilst living the batchir life so he still has an element of control ???? but I trust things will work out..

Charlie
Charlie
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracy Schorn

Thank you so much ????❤️

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

You are amazing!

peacekeeper
peacekeeper
6 years ago
Reply to  Charlie

Charlie!!!!
????????????????????????????
I want to send you the world’s largest bouquet of flowers!
My God, YOU are so Mighty!
I love the strength and positive vibes, the happy outcome, you strived for, and you achieved!
I love your son! Spot on!

Smart Woman
Smart Woman
6 years ago

Despite having decided 6 months prior, he actually told me 24 hours before a sporting event that I had been training for all year, and that time was running out for me to take part in due to age.
With the help of a very good friend and a great support crew, I took part telling myself “one step at a time” , …I’ll just get there, I’ll just get ready, I’ll just do the first stage.
I did it, I compleated, I excelled, I will not be beaten.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Smart Woman

excellent!
“…I excelled, I will not be beaten ”
Damn right!

Cheryl
Cheryl
6 years ago

Doctor: Congratulations on your daughter being blessed with Autism, now you know you can help her have an amazing and fulfilled life and her potential is limitless as she is super bright too.
Now-Ex: Sunday dinner seems like an amazing time to start beating my family with no notice or provocation.

Now, we have whatever we want for Sunday dinner, never roast chicken & spuds, but curries, Italian, hotdogs, bbq or cereal if we just don’t fancy it. And nobody is allowed in our circle if they’re belligerent or arrogant. Took back our Sundays for sure. They’re happy days now.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
6 years ago
Reply to  Cheryl

Same here.
Exh2/The Evil One and I were together about 5 years when I got pregnant with DD. When she was 2, she was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. I went into full-on Momma gonna do everything she can for DD. TEO retreated into “why me??? The *one* time I decide to have a kid, and she turns out to be defective”
He then ramped up his time away from home, not ever wanting to do anything as a family.
He announced he was “done” 5 years later.
His OWife has two typical kids that he prefers to be full-time daddy to.
Meanwhile, DD has thrived since he left. She has come miles from where she was when he left.
What he thought would break us, actually made us stronger. She opposes going every other weekend, she doesn’t ask for him it anything.
((((((Hugs))))))

Attie
Attie
6 years ago
Reply to  Cheryl

Know what you mean – I took back the weekends. I used to start shaking Friday night because I didn’t want to go home – because I knew sometime that weekend I would be “in for it”. I also took back eating things that the Great I Am didn’t like. Oh I wasn’t allowed to servet them because he didn’t like them – he couldn’t have just decided not to have any.

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Oh I remember hating weekends and going home. Sometimes I would sit in my car just dreading going in.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

Friends could tell if X was home by the tone of my voice. they said I sounded so much more relaxed when he was away.
He worked on call but rarely got called out to go to work, when I’d her him answer the phone and hear he was being called out, I felt my body relax as he walked out the door, finally, a well deserved break.
I remember the feeling of dread increasing as the day of his arrival home came closer. My stomach would sink seeing him walk though the front door. It would only be a few minutes before his complaining would commence, who left that glass on the counter? why don’t you try peeling potatoes this way? you’re making tacos? uh, well, okay.., is this how you load a dishwasher? My son would get his share as well, “did you ask for that’? (a bag drink) come down here, have you cleaned up after the dogs today? let me show you how to pick up dog shit.., Then X would go into a long drawn out lecture on how to pick up dog shit.
X would hear a song on TV, oh, oh, turn that up, we used to play that in band,,, then we had to endure watching him play the air bells or air drums, which would take him down memory lane, we’d have to endure listening to one of his dull high school stories that we’ve heard a million times. He was the best drummer, blah, blah, everyone liked him, then there was the time when I was on the cross country team..,
I’d ask him to empty the garbage, not right now, I’d get the angry glare.., I’m sharing a story from my past for my son, yeah, right…
We had heard the story so many times we could repeat it word for word as if we were there.

Friends who called could tell if X was home by the tone of my voice.

Chumpiness
Chumpiness
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

I did this for years until my oldest was born. It never even occurred to me that this was a sign that something was wrong. Now if I sit in the driveway it’s because my audiobook is really exciting!

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago
Reply to  Chumpiness

Now it’s because I’m reading Chumplady comments!

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

Kenny Rogers can kiss my West Texas, Country Boy ass.

Not only does he sing those corny love ballads, he also sings a “RIC blame the chump for unmet needs” piece of garbage titled “Daytime Friends and Nighttime Lovers.”

When that piece of crap comes on the radio, I want to hunt him down and beat his old, plastic surgery ass.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
6 years ago

LOLOLOLOL, I feel the same way about Garth.
Exh1 and I llllllloved Garth. When he divorced me, I couldn’t ever listen to Garth again.
Then, when I found out about him and Trisha, I definitely couldn’t listen to him again.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

I have no sympathy for Marie Osmond. She broke my heart in the 5th grade. I made good grades, never went to the principal’s office, and was in the Christmas Choir that sang at the retirement home.

I may not have been a big shot NBA player like that cheater she married….but my pig won 1st Place at the county livestock show.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
6 years ago

She married him twice. Serves her right, she should have held out for someone who can do her transmission up right and not had all that mess. 🙂

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

????

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
6 years ago

The garbage that came before with the songs declaring his incredible love for the first Mrs. G just add to the nausea. Amy Grant has a similar tale. Both couples deny there was anything going on while they were all doing duets and on tour together before going through the big D-and-I-don’t-mean-Dallas.

Ya shur.

Same with Michael Landon.

Too bad there are no heroes left.

TorontoChump
TorontoChump
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

We have heroes left. We just have to look a bit harder for them since we won’t find them in centre stage on Broadway, in Hollywood or anywhere else that’s got the limelight that attracts narcissists. Remind yourself that true heroes are rarely movie star gorgeous or famous… my mother, who raised a large brood of children with kindness and humour; my Chump grandma who never let her abusive husband or humiliating (in that place and era) divorce rob her of her sweetness; my late dad, a hard working, serious introvert: the most honourable man I’ve ever known. And yes, I am also my own hero: the protagonist of an epic fairy tale filled with ogres (ex and Schmoopie), trolls (their enablers and apologists) and a gloriously happy ending I look forward to discovering.

As for Kenny? Married 5 times tells me he’s most likely a cheater and narcissist, himself.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago
Reply to  TorontoChump

Right on!

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
6 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

There really aren’t. Daughter’s hero was Wayne Pacelle (CEO of the Humane Society). She got to meet him at a book signing a few years ago and was so thrilled to have actually had a chance to meet her hero. She recently found out that he’s another harasser (a married harasser to boot). She was crushed.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
6 years ago

Another piece of sh*t gets their ass handed to them on a platter !

Mandie101
Mandie101
6 years ago

Lol! Lol! He’s a cheater himself!

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago

He was physically present during our family Easter celebration but was on his phone the entire time. I kept getting eyeballs from my mom and his evil vibes were making my family very uncomfortable. I asked him what he’s doing and he said looking for things to buy on Craigslist. He was messaging the other woman the entire time from the Easter dinner table.
He also ruined my sister in laws baby shower. instead of helping me set up for the party with my parents and brothers, he drove across town to be with other woman while I was busy setting up for 50 guests.
The day after my miscarriage he told me I’m fat, he wanted and explanation of all my recent purchases, and he doesn’t want any children.
Basically what I’m doing to regain control is enjoy the peace and silence of no contact by not having to worry I’m being cheated on or abused while I’m busy with the things in life that actually matter.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago

You took out the trash! Yeaaaah

MotherChumper99
MotherChumper99
6 years ago

What an evil bastard!

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago

Ugh. One Thanksgiving we soent wuth two other families thatwere also friends who had small children. Our daughter was small at the time too (and so cute. So very cute.) Everyone went around the table saying something they were Thankful for. He was last and just said “pass.” My friend said she just about threw up in her mouth.

On Valentines when my daughter was five he disappeared the whole weekend. No call, no text nothing.

Daughter had gotten little cupcakes and made a card for him. She put it in front of the door so he would see it as soon as he got home. Then he didn’t show up for four days. She cried the first two days.

I didn’t even bother trying to phone or text him. I was just….done. We separated almost immediately. I was just so done with all of that shyte. It was one thing to hurt me but a completely different animal to hurt our kid.

Now-I-Know-What-Hell-Looks-Like
Now-I-Know-What-Hell-Looks-Like
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

Alexandra, your poor sweet Daughter. What a terrible disappointment to experience at such a tender age.
Your ex is one despicable piece of filth. I hope his dick falls off.

Langele
Langele
6 years ago
Reply to  Alexandra

Oh yes.
He didn’t want kids.

He’s now sucking up to them because he needs them. Guilt tripping snd all

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
6 years ago

Garbage. He’s absolute garbage.
No contact forever.
(((((Hugs)))))

Soldiering On
Soldiering On
6 years ago

Good grief; you’re well rid of such an ass. And just think what an ass the OW has acquired!

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
6 years ago

What a piece of shit he is.

I am so glad you’re done with him.

Whatringofhellisthis
Whatringofhellisthis
6 years ago
Reply to  Jodi Lynch

????thanks Jodi.

Chumperchipcookie
Chumperchipcookie
6 years ago

My ex’s cheating started ramping up about the time my son with autism started going through puberty. My previously mild-mannered child now was raging on a regular basis. I didn’t think I could handle my son on my own, so I ate the shit sandwich and kept smokin’ the hopium. And instead of stepping up, the ex starting hooking up on Craigslist. Yep, he picked a fine time to blow up our family. Fortunately, I realized that raising my son alone was better than living with a low life piece of shit who could potentially give me a life threatening STD. My son is now 18 and we are more than fine without him.

UnsinkableMollyX
UnsinkableMollyX
6 years ago

Same here, CCC.
DD was 7 when he left. DD has come so far in the last three years.
It’s just us two at home and we have peace and quiet and do as we please without The Evil One pissing and moaning about the noise, the unpredictability of her, the routine she thrives on.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago

Yup, they are a pain in the ass. Not worth the time or effort.

Pret
Pret
6 years ago

He ruined the memory of our daughter’s 10th BDay. The day after her birthday he went back to his mistress for the final time and DDay #3. It was a snow day so he decided to work from home. I told him I was going out to shovel the snow. When I came back in about an hour later, there was a change in him. I knew instantly that he had gone back to her. I felt it in my heart. Two weeks later I caught them together. I’m no longer living in a state where I have to shovel snow- no memories there. So I won’t have to think, “The last time I did this he was talking to his mistress….” And unless I die, my daughter will never spend another Birthday with him. How utterly sad for him…really hope it was worth it.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
6 years ago
Reply to  Pret

Oh, snow. Actually believe that his affair was beginning in 2011. He gave me some bullshit story about a seminar (on a Saturday with a Nor’easter scheduled?) Being the ever trusting chump that I was, I believed him. I was left home alone, lost power during Storm Irene and received about one foot of snow. Shoveled the driveway next morning and he pulled around the corner just as I was finishing. Sort of remembered him looking sheepish, but, he certainly never apologized to me for not being there! I now use the new snowblower…and am proud of my independence. (The old snowblower he actually “sold” to the whore’s son before I was aware that SHE was the OW).

HoosierChump
HoosierChump
6 years ago

Hand also raised for pregnant at cheating time. Of course I mean she was pregnant. 3 months to be exact. So, of course during out wreckonciliation my joy and exgitment of the pregnancy were robbed from me. Even the birth of my second son was a bit less joyful. And I’m not proud to admit that for a time I resented him because it reminded me of her infidelity, which was completely unfair to him. But that’s long gone now. Like she is. We made it another 3.5 years since then and of course she’s done it to me again. At least this time she was decent enough to wait two months after my dad had a life altering stroke to do it.

Hope49
Hope49
6 years ago
Reply to  HoosierChump

HoosierChump, I am very sorry for her cheating during the pregnancy. I just cannot understand a pregnant woman cheating. I worried about everything during my pregnancies. Gave up coffee, made sure I took my maternal vitamins everyday without fail. Exposing your unborn child to an STD with another guy who likely has a history of cheating? Yikes! I am glad you left the relationship but I hope you LOVE those kids to pieces. Your Ex is trash but forge a close relationship with your kids and they will love you forever.

Recovered chump
Recovered chump
6 years ago

X left me when I was in the middle of a combined burn-out and depression. He told me that I had lost my sparkle and the marriage counselor that I did not give him enough attention. No, because in the few hours that I could be out of bed each day, I actually took care of the kids, the house, and the cooking. To the amazement of everyone I made rapid progress once he was out of the house. I think my celebration is everyday looking around me and thinking how amazingly well it all turned out. I wish I had a way of telling myself all those years back that indeed it would all be ok in the end.

Triumphafterterror
Triumphafterterror
6 years ago

Mine is illness & vacation. I had been having bizarre health issues & was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease (which is multiple diseases in one. Yay me!!) the previous year. The more meds the dr’s prescribes it seemed that I just got worse. We had little kids so I would drag my ass around to events & try to keep up with the ex, but would just end up horribly sick & in bed most of the time from over extending myself. He had no sympathy, always telling me I was being lazy. I can’t even tell you how many times I had to inform him that “I have a DISEASE!!” The OW knew I was sick, and they both decided to go off together & take my kids because of my illness (I was allegedly an unfit mother). That didn’t happen, and right before dday I started holistic treatment. Got off all the meds, did a complete 180 and am doing extremely well!! While the meds didn’t help my condition, I can guarantee that living with such a toxic person made me way worse than I would have been without such a douchebag pointing out how much I sucked at basically everything. So I am now healthy & happy without that horrid narc around!!

We took 2 vacations the summer he left. One with my family to the outer banks, which we had done for several years. 2nd vacation the following month with my lifetime BFF & her family. That one was an absolute nightmare, because the affair had started & he was incomprehensibly mean to me. But then nice … it was like vacationing with Jekyll & Hyde. Told me mid-way he wanted a divorce, there was no one else but he didn’t love me & wasn’t wasting anymore of his life with me. The ocean was always my oasis & he absolutely destroyed that for me. Even hearing that friends were going on vacation brought me so much anxiety.

This summer my family is going back to the outer banks, and my amazing boyfriend & his son are coming with the boys & I. We changed it up & are staying on the opposite side of where we used to stay, but I am ready to reclaim the ocean as my relaxing oasis!!!! I can’t wait!

Langele
Langele
6 years ago

They make us sick by harvesting our good energy when we don’t even know they’re doing that.
Slowly we die. Unles we get free.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago
Reply to  Langele

Yes!

Beth
Beth
6 years ago
Reply to  Langele

I truly believe that. There’s something about the chaos around the cheating, lying and stealing that creates a toxic environment that our bodies and minds respond to negatively whether we are conscious of what is going on or not. It’s amazing how much healthier I am now that the Edgar Suit is out of my life.

Cancer Chump
Cancer Chump
6 years ago
Reply to  Beth

Everything in my house is healthier since X left. Even the plants grow better!

twiceachump
twiceachump
6 years ago

Triumph I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on TV, but do you think he may have been intentionally making you ill? Poisoning? I know that’s a stretch to even think about, but DD16 and I have been addicted to Forensic Files and story after story is a cheater attempting to kill the chump so they can replace them with their schmoopie.

After watching those, I felt I was probably lucky to get out of my situation alive. The first time Dr. Cheaterpants left for howorker, I was supposed to go on a work trip (I cancelled as the kids were 2 & 4 years old and he had turned cray cray). We went to a counselor and he admitted he was praying I’d die in a plane crash. When he wanted to replace me with her, he thought he’d just move her into our home and she would take over parenting our young kids. He wondered where I’d go? Move in with my mom? I told him not so much, he’d be the one to go. He was going to get every other weekend and every Wed evening visitation. He came crawling back.

He went further underground with his cheating until I caught him many years later with DD’s 20-something asst sports coach in the kids Catholic School. Two very suspicious secretaries in between. Scary as hell thinking they don’t want to lose everything and just think the chump is replaceable with a schmoopie.

Congratulations on your cheater free life and reclaiming the ocean with your kiddos, boyfriend and his kid!! Awesome story of reclaiming!!!

One Step at a Time
One Step at a Time
6 years ago

The xhole ruined my 50th birthday. I didn’t know about howorker at the time, but he was unbelievably shitty to me on that day.

Fast forward a month to a special week-long trip for just the two of us. Behaviors that made no sense at the time became crystal clear two weeks later upon discovery of the whore.

Last but not least (evidently least to him) was the 30th anniversary a few months later. Although we were in what I thought was reconciliation, he was plotting his exit with the whore. The whole day was a disaster and I knew in my heart it was over.

Since the divorce, I have had a couple of wonderful birthdays and celebrations with my kids and friends, I have gone on a couple of great vacations with my kids, and the anniversary…who cares!?!

Best wishes, Chump Nation!!

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago

Excellent! Yes, when they are acting strange because they are plotting something…which in the end is their own demise in so many ways.

WorkingOnMeh
WorkingOnMeh
6 years ago

He was acting weird before he left. But he left right after I had a partial hysterectomy. I wasn’t supposed to drive or lift things. I needed lots of help and he wasn’t there. What a fucking tool!

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  WorkingOnMeh

WorkingonMeh, I had a complete hysterectomy while Cheater was still living with me. I think I’d rather have been by myself. He was little to no help. He never brought me anything to eat or drink without me asking for it. When I’d ask for help or needed something he’d make me wait until he finished whatever it was he was doing, watching a movie, swimming in our pool, any excuse to make me wait. Begrudgingly helped me to the restroom. A friend came over to check on me and as he was walking her to the bedroom she asked how I was doing, he sighed and said, she’s so needy.

Mitz
Mitz
6 years ago
Reply to  brit

I remember him screaming and yelling at me while I was hemorraghing, and me begging him to leave me alone.

brit
brit
6 years ago
Reply to  Mitz

Mitz, how awful to be yelled while your suffering and begging him to please leave you alone. I truly hate your X, I was brought up not to hate anyone, I’ve always looked for the good in everyone. but I hate all cheaters, They’re lacking in empathy, except for themselves.
Before the hysterectomy I was bleeding heavily almost all month with cramps that were so unbearable they would literally bring me to my knees. Sometimes the cramps would begin without warning, and became more frequent and I’d be shopping and suddenly fall to my knees with the excruciating pain.
During a particularly heavy few months of bleeding (hope I’m not too graphic) X had to go out of town. He called to remind me (as if I didn’t know) our son had Karate . I told him about my heavy bleeding, and didn’t think I could sit there with what was going on.
Cheater being the empathetic caring person he is, became upset with me, telling me I did’t care about our son or his activities, (I’m the one who signed him up for everything son participated in). I reluctantly took our son to karate and sat down in one of the chair to watch the class. As class was ending I stood up and my entire back side, and the chair I was sitting in was full of blood. As everyone left I rummaged through my sons karate bag and found a sweater to tie around my waist and one for the chair. After everyone had left I took the chair outside and fortunately was able to rinse it clean.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

I went to college on a football scholarship, but got hurt and never finished my degree. I only lacked 12 hours. It started nagging on me as I got older due to me never being a quitter.

25 years later, I started taking classes online. Did my work on my lunch break. Finished one course, then took another.

The day my degree arrived in the mail was D-day #1.

My attitude is that…..although I got taken to the cleaners….that was the one thing that she and her vacuum cleaner attorney weren’t able to take away.

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
6 years ago

I could have walked the stage, but chose not to because I would have had to take off work for a day. I am all about responsibilities.

GracieD
GracieD
6 years ago

Donkey ruined my Warrant Ceremony. Taking the degree was part of taking my life back after a ‘reconciliation’. We were supposed to go together (proud familymoment), then he called to say he’d meet me at the venue with our then 9 y.o., but instead of turning up called again to say he had fixed an unexpected game of tennis and I had to come and pick up our son from the Country Club. I had to put my phone on silent, as he kept ringing for me to come NOW! I walked up for my Licence award with the phone left vibrating on the chair. He was furious with my selfishness and didn’t speak to me for a few weeks.

I don’t know what I can do to take the day back. Maybe another Masters, or maybe the final undeniable realisation that Donkey is a hopeless narc is enough.

Langele
Langele
6 years ago
Reply to  GracieD

Good job. Fukk him.

Chumpinrecovery