“I stumbled upon this while looking for works by Esther Perel and was horrified. Perel’s research and writing comes from a place of thoughtfulness, growth, and understanding. She searches for meaning in ambiguity instead of placing a good/bad label on complicated relationships. Your writing is pure hate and bitterness toward your ex, which is reductive and doesn’t add to the conversation at all.”
I thought I’d put it through the Universal Bullshit Translator, because I simply could not resist the phrase “searches for meaning in ambiguity.”
“I stumbled upon this while looking for works by Esther Perel and was horrified.”
Well, I’m horrified by the writing of Esther Perel. Nice of you to stumble by here and make snap judgments about people who’ve suffered from infidelity. Not that you would ever place a “bad” label on me, or approach my blog in a spirit of thoughtfulness, growth, or understanding. Nah. Championing self-respect and encouraging people to leave cheaters is so… bitter.
Perel’s research and writing comes from a place of thoughtfulness, growth, and understanding.
Perel’s writing comes from a place of narcissism. She describes affairs as “quests for aliveness.” Talk to the guy who had to paternity test his children how “alive” he felt. Or the faithful partner who caught an STD. Or the mom who discovered her husband’s infidelity at her prenatal screening.
I don’t mean to harsh your Esther buzz there, Stephanie, but there’s a reason people morally condemn this cheating shit — it grievously hurts people.
She searches for meaning in ambiguity instead of placing a good/bad label on complicated relationships.
I would say Perel creates ambiguity in the places where there is clearly abuse. It’s not fucking around on your pregnant wife — no! It’s an “exuberant act of defiance”! It’s not blowing the 401K on a hooker habit. It’s a “quest for aliveness”!
Perel creates intellectual murk to excuse cheating. Her world salad is deliberate — we are not to “judge” people who do Bad Things. We mustn’t call them Bad.
Well, Stephanie, some shit is Bad. I’m sure if someone mugged you, you wouldn’t feel ambiguous about it. If someone made unilateral, detrimental decisions about your health, finances, and children’s home life to get some strange, if someone sexually humiliated you, or stole your money, you wouldn’t feel “understanding” — you’d feel righteously pissed off.
I mean, unless, your mugger was “complicated” or something. Then I’m sure you would understand that his unmet need for crystal meth made him pistol whip you.
Anyway, the most charitable thing I can say about Esther Perel and her “finding meaning in ambiguity” is that perhaps she’s just a lousy writer. If things are “ambiguous” either the writer wants it that way because they have a concealed agenda (excusing Bad Things) or they suck at writing.
“To write well is to think clearly. That’s why it’s so hard,” said Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author David McCullough.
Esther isn’t spelunking her way through the dark caves of ambiguity — she IS the dark cave.
Your writing is pure hate and bitterness toward your ex,
Did you spend 5 minutes on my blog? You’ll find a reference to my ex in About Chump Lady, to solidify my chump credentials, but the purpose of this blog is to support folks on their path out of crappy relationships.
(Yeah, I said “crappy.” I prefer the unambiguous word choices.)
You got me on hate and bitterness, though. There’s nothing more spiteful than drawing cartoons.
Careful, Stephanie, I might draw one of you. Or Esther spelunking the caves of ambiguity.
which is reductive
You wound me. Reductive: “Tending to present a subject or problem in a simplified form, especially one viewed as crude.”
Trust That They Suck. There’s a problem put in a simplified form — they suck. Trust it. If I were crude, I would title it “Trust They’re Assholes Who Would Sell Their Own Mother for an Easy Fuck,” but I’m a Methodist minister’s kid and I try to keep things classy.
and doesn’t add to the conversation at all.
Ninety thousand chump comments on this blog and 3.9 million page views in two years. Yeah, no one is adding to the conversation here.