Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love, just wrote a piece in the New York Times admitting that she’s been a serial cheater. Only instead of “serial cheater” she calls it “Confessions of a Seduction Addict.”
She kind of glossed over that “cheated on my husband” bit in Eat, Pray, Love. I admit I read the book. From what I recall she had this perfect life with a perfect job and a husband who wanted children (the horror) and she bolted. Actually, she had a couple boyfriends.
In my mid-20s, I married, but not even matrimony slowed me down. Predictably, I grew restless and lonely. Soon enough I seduced someone new; the marriage collapsed. But it was worse than just that. Before my divorce agreement was even signed, I was already breaking up with the guy I had broken up my marriage for. You know you’ve got intimacy issues when, in the space of a few short months, you find yourself visiting two completely different couples’ counselors, with two completely different men on your arm, in order to talk about two completely different emotional firestorms. Trying to keep all my various story lines straight (Whom am I angry at, again? Who is angry at me now? Whose office is this?) made my hands shake and my mind splinter.
“Intimacy issues” is kind. How about fraud issues? Really, you dragged multiple men to couple’s therapy? The “two completely different emotional firestorms” had just one arsonist, Elizabeth — you.
But hey, reading public, she’s sorry.
For the first time, I forced myself to admit that I had a problem — indeed, that I was a problem. Tinkering with other people’s most vulnerable emotions didn’t make me a romantic; it just made me a swindler. Lying and cheating didn’t make me brazen; it just made me a needy coward. Stealing other women’s boyfriends didn’t make me a revolutionary feminist; it just made me a menace. I hated that it took me almost 20 years to realize this. There are 16-year-old kids who know better than to behave this way. It felt shameful. But once I got it, I really got it: There is no way to stop a destructive behavior, except to stop.
Okay, well she never says she was sorry. But I do appreciate that she disavows cheating as a revolutionary feminist act.
Elizabeth, I give you points for calling yourself a swindling, needy, coward. It takes some guts to admit something ugly about yourself in a New York Times op-ed piece. However, I am a bit queasy about your sincerity. I read hundreds of pages such self-deprecation in Eat, Pray, Love — your chubby thighs, your inability to meditate, your romantic troubles. It made you accessible, sympathetic, and funny.
But isn’t it a form of what the kids call the “humblebrag”? You got your chubby thighs eating artisan pasta in Naples, Italy. You can’t meditate in a remote ashram in India. Your romantic troubles culminate with a relationship to a sexy, older gem merchant. You’re Everywoman, if Everywoman was an indulged child with a publisher’s fat travel budget.
Similarly, in this mea culpa, I get the distinct whiff of narcissism. Men want me! They can’t stop thinking about me! Everyone I meet is utterly enchanted by me!
I can’t say that I was always looking for a better man. I often traded good men for bad ones; character didn’t much matter to me. I wasn’t exactly seeking love, either, regardless of what I might have claimed. I can’t even say it was the sex. Sex was just the gateway drug for me, a portal to the much higher high I was really after, which was seduction.
Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you, of orchestrating somebody else’s longings to suit your own hungry agenda. Seduction was never a casual sport for me; it was more like a heist, adrenalizing and urgent. I would plan the heist for months, scouting out the target, looking for unguarded entries. Then I would break into his deepest vault, steal all his emotional currency and spend it on myself.
If the man was already involved in a committed relationship, I knew that I didn’t need to be prettier or better than his existing girlfriend; I just needed to be different. (The novel doesn’t always win out over the familiar, mind you, but it often does.) The trick was to study the other woman and to become her opposite, thereby positioning myself to this man as a sparkling alternative to his regular life.
Soon enough, and sure enough, I might begin to see that man’s gaze toward me change from indifference, to friendship, to open desire. That’s what I was after: the telekinesis-like sensation of steadily dragging somebody’s fullest attention toward me and only me. My guilt about the other woman was no match for the intoxicating knowledge that — somewhere on the other side of town — somebody couldn’t sleep that night because he was thinking about me. If he needed to sneak out of his house after midnight in order to call, better still. That was power, but it was also affirmation. I was someone’s irresistible treasure. I loved that sensation, and I needed it, not sometimes, not even often, but always.
Yeah, you’re not a “seduction addict,” you’re a kibble addict.
It’s all still about you. How do I know? Well, for starters you feel zero guilt for the chump (“other woman” hah). She’s an obstacle to kibbles. You say your seduction addiction is “destructive” but for whom? You? Did you ever think about the pain you inflicted on innocents?
I was never exactly monogamous. Relationships overlapped, and those overlaps were always marked by exhausting theatricality: sobbing arguments, shaming confrontations, broken hearts. Still, I kept doing it. I couldn’t not do it.
Relationships overlapped! Passive voice. Owning it would be writing “I cheated.”
Exhausting “theatricality”? It wasn’t theater to the people you hurt. The sobbing, broken hearted weren’t parts delivered by two-bit actors in your personal soap opera. They were real.
Until you can tell the difference between props and people, I doubt you’re sorry. Sorry.
I always hated Eat, Pray, Love. I hated the book and I hated the movie, and I could never describe why when all of my friends were perfectly enamored. From the very beginning, It Was All About Her. Her feelings, her needs, what she wanted, with no genuine consideration of anyone else. Oh, she didn’t want to hurt her wonderful husband…! Yet she did. If only life we’re that simple, with no moral code to follow but our own happiness at any given moment. She is an asshole. A shark in a people suit, as Chump Lady would say. She is the representation of the shallow, disgustingly selfish, eager-to-betray person many of us unknowingly married–the kind of person who would’ve left her kid as well as her husband if she’d had one. If only there were some sort of psychological test to separate these empty, selfish asshole shit bags from the people who actually have a conscience and will choose to do what’s right instead of what makes them happy at the moment.
Thank you Sara for expressing my feelings exactly. I am so glad to hear that others hated this book. I thought I was the only woman on the planet who didn’t swoon over her narcissistic “awakening, finding herself” crap. A person I greatly admired said “you’ve got to read this, it’s so honest and inspiring…” so I gave it a try, a really honest try. I managed to get almost all the way through it and thought at the time “This is the most self-absorbed, self-indulgent bilge I have ever read.
Doesn’t surprise me therefore that she is in the handwringing, feel-so-bad-for-being-a-cheater camp.
You’re far from the only woman who hated this book. I tried to read this in my early 20’s because everyone thought it was amazing. It made me very uncomfortable and I couldn’t really pin down why. It was a feeling of complete aversion. Keep in mind, I’m a free spirit in my own way. I’ll take that impromptu trip or try a new experience any day of the week. Just don’t ask me to hurt someone else in the process.
This book was recommended to me by a one who knew how much I adore humorous intelligent travel writing, Peter Mayle’s “A Year in Provence” and Bill Bryson’s “Neither here Nor There”, for example.
I hated ELP. It was humorless, self absorbed, self pitying and self congratulatory. While Mayle and Bryson can draw you into their lives, entertaining with colorful characters portrayed with true warmth and joie de vivre, ELP left me with a negative and empty feeling. I was dumfounded when the movie was made.
And the hours that I invested reading ELP? Well, that’s time I’ll never get back.
As an aside, I love Neither Here nor There.
So many times I read that book I would life out loud. I love the description of taking his crass friend to the Louvre, and his friend, after only a few minutes walking around, gave up saying “There’s only pictures and shit in there!”
If you want to read a quality book about travel and spiritual self-discovery, try the wonderful “The Snow Leopard” by Peter Matthiesson. A classic – sad, wise, luminous, messy and deeply personal without being nauseatingly self-absorbed.
Well said, Sara. It’s disgusting how this clown makes her living peddling her brand of shitty, entitled narcissism to an eager and delusional reading public. There is absolutely nothing heroic or inspirational about her lies, betrayals and half-assed, fake-as-fuck remorse. EPL smelled rotten the first time I caught a whiff. My suspicions were confirmed when I read it and saw the flick. Like CL I have to very reluctantly give the smallest amount of credit humanly possible to this asshat for writing her book since it may help to shine more light on these cockroaches and their parasitic ilk. I’m disappointed that the NY Times is helping to promote this back-stabbing leech’s new book.
I never read it, after finding out that she is a cheater…. I never had the desire to. Still don’t.
I am SO sick and tired of hearing “I deserve to be happy”. The disordered don’t do “happy” they do what “feels good” in the moment, they are never happy because they are never satisfied for long. The don’t get that you don’t pursue “happy” by destroying others, especially your children. They REFUSE to face their shittyness!! Unhappy people do not CHEAT…. they either seek to repair what is broken in their relationships and themselves…. OR…. decide that it can’t be fixed and find an admirable & amicable way to exit the relationship while minimizing the damage to their children and family. Disordered pieces of shit cheat and destroy the lives and emotional well being of the very people they are supposed to love and protect.
Very very true NC.
Amen, Sara, Amen…
Reading the serial cheaters words, my first thought was, no kidding “my God, she’s a monster.”
“Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you, of orchestrating somebody else’s longings to suit your own hungry agenda. Seduction was never a casual sport for me; it was more like a heist, adrenalizing and urgent. I would plan the heist for months, scouting out the target, looking for unguarded entries. Then I would break into his deepest vault, steal all his emotional currency and spend it on myself.”
No need for these three florid sentences. One word will do, and I believe the correct word is predator.
Often, the target of the predator is just another predator – two predators or paradise dancing the night away.
Cheating at its worse imo. Not only playing with my body but also using my heart as a toy? She put the effort into studying the woman so she could be her opposite? That’s premeditated! Why go to counseling? Isn’t the point trying to save the relationship? You were trying to save both relationships? I am all kind of confused right now. This woman is sick!
The point of counseling is to preserve kibbles. The relationship isn’t of any particular significance.
I thought she was playing along? Maybe praying for an answer. Like all sociopaths you can’t believe a thing she puts in her mouth. Lol
When my wife and I went to counseling, she lied through her teeth the entire time. She claimed the affair was over, and I was therefore charged with making our marriage more exciting (or else you know what!).
It was an act. A production. A ruse.
The purpose of my wife going to marriage counseling was to trick me, and others, into believing that the affair had stopped and she was committed to the marriage. Also, having me join her allowed the “blame” to be spread around. We were *both* working on it.
Fail, JC. Fail hard.
Don’t, EVER, go to MC if you spouse is cheating on you. It’s equivalent to your spouse driving drunk, destroying your family car, and then you and your spouse taking your car to the mechanic to “fix the problem.”
You’re stating that:
(1) the car somehow caused the reckless behavior, and/or
(2) a fixed car will prevent your spouse from driving drunk again.
I spent time in MC when I had no idea there was an affair just that the ex was “unhappy”. After the affair was discovered The Ex went to IC because of course he was so confused and wanted the pick me dancing to start up. Years and years of this were a waste. My goal is to become a marriage counselor who will tell the betrayed spouse to run run run. Years and years of this were a waste. My goal is to become a marriage counselor who will tell the betrayed spouse to run run run
I’m sorry you went through that JC. My ex-wife cheated on me with her boss — a man >20 years older, with a wife and children of his own. Also the same man who convinced us to move states and leave my career behind so that she could be promoted. She said she wanted us to resolve our issues and go to couples therapy and I agreed; I didn’t want to lose my best friend of over a decade. A year later, after only a few therapy sessions, she literally decided to go EPL: get rid of me, get rid of our dogs, our house, her job, leave the country and travel around the world. This came after repeated promises that we would work through things together, that she “wouldn’t give up on us” and was my “forever wife”, and that we would figure it out together. She never gave me an explanation for this sudden 180. So much emotional manipulation from her throughout this process that I truly believed was us healing together and learning to communicate again after going through a very difficult period.
My biggest regret is giving her that second chance after she admitted to an affair. What a naive fool I was. Nobody automatically deserves a second chance after such breaches of trust.
I struggled with severe trust issues for many years after and anxiety attacks in my next serious relationship; I nearly left my current wife just out of sheer terror that this would happen again due to the serious anxiety that my exes’ betrayal and infidelity caused. I know some people may claim that this is proof that everyone who is damaged can be prone to making bad relationship decisions but there is one big difference here. Even as I was struggling in the aftermath of my divorce, I was never going to cheat on my wife or lie the way my ex-wife did to me. We all have our problems. Gilbert and Strayed obviously are no exceptions. But nothing excuses people from basic honesty, integrity and trust. No personal trauma can ever excuse the kinds of deceptive acts of betrayal that Gilbert, Strayed, and my ex-wife committed.
I look at books like EPL and Wild and just see narcissistic or sociopathic con-artists who manage to convince the masses that their destructive behaviors are somehow a form of “self-love” or “personal discovery”.
This article absolutely smacks of “controlling the narrative”. And of course it is done in the most attention getting way… NY Times Op Ed. I wonder if Oprah threatened to call her out and shame her on her memoir like she did to James Frey of A Million Little Pieces. My stomach churned when she said she studied the girlfriends she incredibly called “the other woman” and tried to pry their partners attention.
She is trying to normalize sociopathic behavior. I hope other “other women” realize she takes her eye off her prize (her husband) and a similarly wired nutcase seduces her husband.
Sociopathic indeed! I’m floored that she even attempts to normalize her despicable and calculating attempts to lure a married man into an affair. She actually admits that she targeted and studied married men so she could exploit their weaknesses??? WTF?! It’s all a miserable game for her. She’s no better than any other lying, narcissistic cheater thats been written about in these posts, but I’m sure she thinks she’s in a different category.
I didn’t read the book. I bought it, and then threw it away after I read CL’s first post about it. I had mistakenly assumed that because the book was so popular, and had been made into a movie it must be good. I’m glad I tossed it. I don’t have time for the garbage she’s selling. She needs a public roasting!
Yikes! I don’t think she needs a “public roasting” — I think she simply needs people to not buy her books or believe her remorse.
She is a talented writer (I’d say when the subject is not herself).
I really don’t want to fan hatred here, just point out that this is another case of Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse.
I seriously don’t understand why it’s so difficult for cheaters who are sorry to simply say “I cheated, it was horrible, I own it.” Let the buck stop. No passive voice. Some do this. (Not enough of course, but yeah, they write to me. And I know a few IRL.)
But instead there seems to be a whole bunch of this GINR stuff on HuffPo and now the NYT of cheating as sad sausage-dom. Mea culpa! (But really the kibbles were GREAT!) The whole I regret that people got hurt but I don’t regret the affair thing.
I worked in an addiction treatment center for a while years ago. Gilbert’s post sounds like Addict Bragging–where someone is trying to get clean but still speaking about addictive behaviors in glorifying terms. It is usually a sign the person is nowhere near recovery.
Yep – that’s what i thought. All that’s missing is the name of the Malibu rehab she’s going to attend for 28 days before she begins her tour as a cautionary tale/motivational speaker.
Good point. It only took her 20 years to realize she was ‘sorry, not sorry’. I like how you separate the sin from the person… because I honestly would have a hard time approaching this woman on a stretcher due to all her mind splinters (I am a queasy nurse when it comes to this type of sick).
I wonder if at some point the conversation is going to swing, pendulum style, to a deeper analysis of how our culture is so very superficial and that the packaging of “Eat, Prey, Love”, “Mistresses” etc. are leading us culturally down a very dangerous moral path? I have a hard time articulating, but my sense is that the glorification of Patriarchy in movies and HBO series such as “Mad Men” is a not so subtle push back on the feminist movement? Clearly we are giving mixed messages on what intimacy and love are. It’s so very sad as I look at my daughter who I want to have strength to be unapologetically who she is and not repeat my chumpiness and equally humbling how I pray that my son will never lose his sense of fairness and genuine compassion. All the while cheerfully sending them off to visit their father who embodies all I dislike about modern Patriarchy.
I get that too. It just seems that everything revolves around this narrative. “I just want to thank all the little people I stepped on on my way to the top.”
She sounds like my ex-wife taken to an extreme. Yes, sociopath does come to mind reading her drivel. Think of all the people her nasty, wicked behavior hurt! She calls that “theatricality.” The pain she CAUSED them is merely an inconvenience to her on her way to more power (i.e. seduction) and ego-feeding. Very sick.
Stupid Shit Cheaters Say above.
OMG!!! I never read the book because it was during the books popularity that my hubby was having his affair. I can’t stomach Julia Roberts, & when the movie came out, hubby wanted me to read & see the movie so badly.
I found out later, that the book was “he & the ow book.” Ugh… Had a known…
I called it “Eat, Pray, Yawn’ because it droned on and on about her. She somehow skipped the pesky cheating part.
I love this article b/c it’s one of the best 1st person descriptions of NPD I’ve ever read. I always wondered what exactly went through their minds.
All that’s missing is the name of the Malibu rehab she’s going to attend to re-invent herself in 28 days before she becomes a motivational speaker.
Reading this made me livid that I gave money to this woman for her book or that she even dared to have the guts to write about spirituality and growth, especially while claiming to experience both in ancient cultures that are defined by sacred ideas (not being a shitty human and being truthful). The worst part is that in her book, she states several times that she will not reveal the reasons for divorcing her husband out of respect to him and that both people are responsible for the marriage falling apart. I can’t even imagine what it was like for that man to watch this fraud make millions off of the pain she caused him by self-labeling it as “growth”. Fuck narcissists always being the first to grab the mic and sell their side of the story, leaving the chump with a second serving of a shit sandwich.
As always, thanks for this post CL.
Elizabeth Gilbert IS a motivational speaker. I heard her speak at Oprah’s the Life You Want Weekend. I never did like or finish her book which came highly recommended to me. Now I know why. I can’t identify with a cheater! I didn’t see any remorse in her statements either. What made her ‘come out’ & admit her narcissistic personality?
And I thought the same thing Lea that she’s profiting from the pain she caused her first husband. What a bitch! How was he able to stay silent while watching her BS everyone?
“All that’s missing is the name of the Malibu rehab she’s going to attend to re-invent herself in 28 days before she becomes a motivational speaker.”
This is fucking hysterical. Thanks Chump Advocate for a good laugh.
I never got a good feeling from that book and was not drawn toward the movie. I had some internal suspicions that it was infidelity that broke up her first marriage plus it was so self-indulgent and “look at me, look at my struggles, look how I meditate, look how I eat, look, look, look…” reeked of narcissism. I guess my intuition was correct. What a sham!
Hmm it now makes perfect sense that Julia Roberts enabled this character come to life on screen- she’s a talented actor, and she’s no stranger to enabling the ‘theatricality’ and ‘relationship overlapping’.
Just another entitled, selfish, lying, cake-eating gravy-sucking home-wrecking ego-stroke junkie, no matter how eloquent her justifications are. How lovely for you, Lizzy ***slow clap***
lol VVV. I second that slow clap.
Elizabeth, got low self esteem much? Hurting innocents to make your self “feel good.” Shame on you! You earned your fame and fortune at the expense of others.
I couldn’t get through the first twenty pages of her book. I had friends who raved but it seemed so narcissistic. This admission gives me hope that my gut instincts are better than I thought. Yup. She sucks.
ftths: I sure agree! My SIL suggested this book (who is a narc by the way) when she found out I was cheated on. I can’t remember how far I got in the thing, but it wasn’t far. I just couldn’t relate to this person who wrote it at all. I thought it may help “free” me, but no one can be free from their conscience. And no card carrying Chump can do brazen things without considering the impact on others. I think the book fulfilled her fantasy of traveling the world leaving ruins in her wake.
Brazen disregard stalking innocents and causing pain. Very twisted.
Someone gave me the book to read. I couldn’t get past the first chapter. Didn’t like the writing style. This was before I even knew asshat was a serial cheater himself.
Ironically, their book (asshat and willing rectum) was 50 shades of crap.
LOL at willing rectum, ANC.
And Donna, I completely agree with you about the twisted aspect. How anyone wouldn’t be able to see that studying people in order to take something important from them is sick is beyond me. If someone did this with another’s child (studied the mom to figure out how to lure the child), they would most likely be institutionalized.
I will say that I am always proud to be part of this group after reading the comments. It’s nice to know that those of us who believe in being considerate are not alone.
I read EPL too, believe it or not, because my cheating ex recommended it.
I found it shallow and pretentious and mildly unsettling. It’s a good read if you want to familiarize yourself with the false narratives narcissistic people weave to make themselves seem more fabulous even while they calculatedly reveal some flaws.
A long time ago, I read “120 Days of Sodom” by the Marquis de Sade, a sociopathic sadist (where the word sadism even comes from). That was worse by far in terms of delivering queasy feelings while you suppressed the urge to stop reading and throw the thing in the trash.
But the feeling I got reading EPL was similar even if it was less intense.
At least deSade was honest about being a sadistic pervert.
And a MUCH better writer…..
LOL. My thoughts exactly!
What are all the kids saying these days? Oh, yeah…”sorry. Not sorry” that’s what I got out of her “piece”. Honestly, the preying, planning, and molding yourself to be different to make a man look at you…that’s a sick warped mind. Gross.
Lizzy, you sure did Eat your PREY, love!
Love that one Gypsy57! Lol!
Well, that helps explain my deep revulsion to Eat Pray Love.
Right… she “I couldn’t not do it” … The poor dear. How hard this all was on HER. The poor sausagette.. what a vile, vile, vile facsimile of a human she is. I agree narcissist isn’t strong enough; she is a true sociopath.
What disturbed me even more than the cheating was the cold and calculated way she studied other women and set out deliberately to steal their boyfriends. Apparently with not an ounce of empathy, regret or guilt at the time. That’s an act of pure evil selfishness and puts her definitely in the realm of being a sociopath. I have done a lot of things in my life I am not proud of but have NEVER done anything like that, nor would such an idea even enter my head.
I bet she is terrible in the sack.
Is this a pre-emptive “mea culpa” because someone else (oh maybe one of her kibble dispensers) threatened to out her? And make some dollahs in the process? Cheaters luv them some money!
Her husband talked about writing his own book when EPL was optioned for the film, and Gilbert accused him of trying to cash in on her success, and her fans were pretty danged viscious in their response, and for whatever reason, her ex husband decided not to go ahead with the project.
She probably threatened him with defamation… That’s what my asshole did.
I want to hear about the guys who said, “no thank you” to her advances. There must have been at least one for God’s sake! She doesn’t want to admit to that happening.
I believe that was covered under “(The novel doesn’t always win out over the familiar, mind you, but it often does.)”
And it’s not that they rejected her. It’s that they failed to appreciate novelty.
So right CL! No one could possibly reject HER! What a true sociopath.
Oh yes novelty. Playing with people’s vulnerabilities. The book will be full of justification with a big I’m sorry on the last page.
I recall there was something irritating about the story that really embedded in me and didn’t allow me to proceed with a compassionate heart for her. I related too much to her abandoned husband rather than to her selfish ways. I have come to find that in a marriage where there is betrayal, one of the partners is a narcissistic being who is searching for “greener pastures” to fulfill their feelings of entitlement. Look at the marriages that have erupted because of betrayal…isn’t it easy to identify the narcissistic personality? It is a difficult lesson to navigate for those of us who aren’t driven by narcissistic entitlement and who are, instead, propelled by commitment. In the long run, the authenticity we find along the way makes our lives much richer and better, and honestly, worth it. We have our moment in time in this physical realm of existence…how tragic to live a complete lie. Here’s to authenticity of self, fellow Chump Friends, and to those we now choose to surround ourselves with…
Greener pastures what a sad excuse. Exactly what my ex told me he didn’t replace me just went for greener pastures ha! Shit pastures is what he has now. Fool!
Haha, greener pastures. What idiots. I’m stuck on how utterly foolish everything they communicate is cheater speak for I’m just an arrogant selfish asshole.
X repeatedly was looking for greener pastures. Unfortunately they were full of sleazy whores. They can never look back and have what they lost. And the only remorse they will ever have is WISHING they could get the feeling of normalcy back in their lives. For them normalcy =supply. Sweet green pastures of karma !
Wow, thanks for this post and UBT translation. I admit I did read EPL and enjoyed what I thought was a candid and self-reflexive voice. However, I was always troubled by that opening part where she’s describing the break-up of her marriage, and she’s on the bathroom floor in agony. She never really got clear about what the dealio was. Seeing this now makes me sick. Literally sick. I totally agree with what you describe as her ‘humblebrag.’ The whole thing feels really slick to me, or maybe facile is a better way to say it. She’s supposedly owning up to what she did, but there’s no emotional heft behind it. I finished reading the piece and I feel absolutely nothing. GINR for sure. And, boy, it’s really interesting to go to the original link and read the comments. People are praising her to the skies for having the guts to own her shit. Too bad she didn’t really “own” anything.
“Wow! Pretending like I’m owning my shit gives even more kibble! Yay me!” Wish all she was getting was the disgust she deserves.
That’s the same problem I had with the book, FoolMeTwice. She wasn’t “owning” what she did. She was stating her behavior, but in a cutesy, “Aren’t I adorable in my quirky, emotional clumsiness?” She didn’t reflect. She didn’t explore her motivations or how she could stop behaving like an asshole. It was all about accepting herself as she was, which was FABULOUS.
There is a benefit here — by telling us exactly what she was thinking and how she did what she did and what she was feeling when she did these things, she is giving us a glimpse into the dark side. Most people do not think this way, and they cannot protect themselves from things that they cannot even conceive will happen.
For me to understand this phenomenon, I had to observe it. I had no idea how evil people thought. I was first introduced to how this type of person would behave when I was a child and started a new school. I had to start as the new kid in a lot of schools. It was never a pleasant experience. I met far to many “mean girls” who were not interested in being a welcoming committee. I would cry to my mother and ask her why these girls would be so mean, when they didn’t even know me or have any idea what kind of a friend I could be. My mother just told me this was the way of the world, and I better toughen up and get used to it. She also told me it was my fate to be a better friend than I would ever have. I certainly did not want to believe that, but unfortunately her advice proved true many, many times throughout my life.
When you pay attention to true crime stories on the news, and read books like The Sociopath Next Door, you start to realize that there really are a lot of people in the world who act this way. Not only are they only interested in achieving their selfish goals, they also revel in watching the damage they inflict on others. They never really achieve true happiness, because once they achieve their goal of the moment, they are bored and have to move on to the next goal. They are so “magnificent” in their quest to be a “conqueror” that they have no time to waste for the “collateral damage” they leave in their wake. Chumps are part of the collateral damage. We spackle and refuse to believe someone would do something so despicable, so we are easy targets. We are the “support cast” for the great actor. We handle “the details” that the great ones consider beneath them. They are then free to move on to the next target. It is not always the seduction of a person, sometimes it is a new business venture, or invading another company or country. It is an insatiable thirst for power and glory, and they never are satisfied. Of course they are not always so successful in their conquests, and they have different goals. They set their own standards, so many are content with relatively small battles, like seducing an affair partner or stealing from someone else. They are happy with mere sexual dominance or perhaps with never having to work for a living.
Once you accept that these people exist, it is easier to protect yourself. Once I understood that my father and my spouse were disordered and that they would never change their behavior, it was easier for me to deal with them. It was not an “illness” I could help them thru, it was a way of thinking and living and it would always be a part of them. I was merely another “useful” person, and if I stopped being useful they stopped having any interest in me. I was only interesting to the extent that they were setting me up to steal something from me — my love, my time, my money, my labor, whatever.
Some people think that this way of thinking makes me cynical. I see myself as a Survivor. I am now more watchful, and I will defend myself to the best of my abilities. I no longer waste time believing that this type of person does not exist, or that anyone I know would not be this evil. They do exist, and you probably know several of them. I meet them at work, all the time. Dating situations? We have such a bad invasion of evil people who pretend to be seeking a “lifelong mate” in dating situations, I think of the whole thing like a plague carrying bed bug invasion of the whole dating mattress. Maybe I am a cynic, but I haven’t been “bitten” for quite awhile. I’ll take that as a small victory for the “collateral damaged” of the world.
Thanks Portia – your posts are always insightful. I have a copy of the sociopath next door but have not been able to finish it yet as it makes me queasy. The Gilbert article is an excellent insight into the sociopath mind and a primer in what to watch out for.
Drama queen. My guess is this confession is nothing more than a fabrication. She must be releasing another book…. ‘ Eat your Prey’
Coffee came out of my nose!
“Eat your Prey”
Ha!My coffee was really hot when it came out of nose!
Yeah, she’s a regular Preying Mantis.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.
Thanks for the laugh The Clip.
LOL Clip 🙂
You made my day, TheClip! 🙂
Reminds me of the old joke: What’s the difference between Elizabeth Gilbert and a bowling ball?…( You could eat a bowling ball, if you really had to.)
Somehow, reading this, I can see my husband’s Owhore’s face. I can see her viewing things this way. It’s all about MMEEEEEEEEE. Did any of these men she seduced have children? Forget the chumpy wife, what about the innocent kids?
What a piece of trash. I am tempted to send this article to my STBX, but it wouldn’t matter. It would go right over his head. He thinks the Owhore is “exciting” and “passionate”. He wouldn’t know authenticity if it hit him in the face. And that’s even after living with me, his loyal partner, for 20 years!!!
I hope this whore gets what she deserves.. and I am glad I never read her trashy book.
“He wouldn’t know authenticity if it hit him in the face.” –so true for Loki too…
In couples therapy my STBX cheater said “I hate that word, ‘authentic’.” I should have called it right there.
Yes to everything everyone said above…I will simply add
she is a sick fuck
I was already postaffair with my nowdeadhusband when that stupid movie came out.
I was mortified that her seemingly glamorous flavor of self absorption was so awkwardly connected with the word “pray” as in “if you pray then do something mean, selfish, or predatory then its not so bad because the Creator of the Universe (in your moment of communing with the Divine) told you it was because OK”…that idea made me want to vomit since it had “Jesus Cheater” all over it and that requires no explanation here
Her methods are so sociopathic that one might almost feel sorry for the stupid men who took the bait…but it is the oldest damn trick in the book…there are 4000 year old passages in the Old Testament that warn against the lure of the Adultress…they meant her.
Aw dammit, I loved this book AND this author when I read it 8 years ago. It came at the right time for me and changed the way I view life, which I guess I can’t discount. BUT you’re right, CL. My over 30 mind now tells me she was humblebragging…she was positioning herself as the everywoman to seduce even us readers to let her in to our hearts, consider her a friend and root for her success.
Something from this post came full circle to me, though. It NEVER made sense to me that she was scared shitless in her marriage. I never understood her need to bolt but it was addressed so early in the book and, like you said, glazed over that what amazing adventures followed distracted me from that unsettled feeling it gave me. It makes sense now, learning this about her, because I’m not a commitment-a-phobe, I appreciate and value the bond that marriage brings and I don’t think like an escape artist. I should’ve guessed that it was infidelity that was at the root of that uncomfortable scene in the bathroom where she’s panicking about a life that didn’t seem at all bad to me.
I know, I felt the same way when I saw Julie and Julia and read the novelization. I was charmed by the writer’s self-depracation. And the fact that she used writing to life herself out of being depressed and directionless – something that I strongly identify with. I wanted to like her, but I definitely saw the selfishness and self-centeredness, even while I was reading her blog/journal entries. And then, I picked up her next book, which detailed the affair she had after the first book/movie came out and spent hundreds of pages justifying her behavior because she was SO unhappy and SO unfulfilled. I was repulsed. And I dropped the book off at my nearest second hand shop.
PS, skip Julie and Julia, and instead read Julia Child’s, “My Life in France.” SO enjoyable.
Well, that just sucks. I really enjoyed the movie, Julie and Julia, though granted, I found Julie to be quite the whiner and really self-centered. I hate when I find out things I enjoy are from or about cheaters. Of course, I’d rather know and be disappointed than not know and be snowed. I never did read the blog or book. It is possible that the main reason I enjoyed the movie so much was the Julia parts of it.
@pucksmuse, thank you for the recommendation for “My Life in France”. I’m looking for it now.
Yay! It’s so good and her stories about her husband, Paul, are so charming. They seemed to have a very loving marriage/partnership.
Yes, I watched the movie once, back sometime after it came out, a good long while before dday. I remember worrying about her husband and not understanding why she felt she had to leave her marriage. And the movie was not that great, but iI found it was sorta uplifting (in its very self-focused way). So after dday I watched it seeking a distraction and something positive in the wake of all my pain, and my revulsion right at the beginning showed me I must have learned something from my experience. Before I guess I just didn’t question why she left her marriage and figured that I must not understand and that she must have had a good reason to leave her marriage. I guess I gave her the benefit of the doubt?
Post d-day? No way. I could not watch it because her reasons for leaving the marriage made no sense and seemed to completely brush aside the spouse. Thank goodness I can see some red flags now.
I would like to interrupt this blog for a moment to say THE SUPREME COURT APPROVED GAY MARRIAGE!
YES!!!!! A historic day for the rights of EVERYONE to be in a loving, committed marriage. HURRAY!!!
Yes, but not Scalia who said something to effect of “Jiggery-pokery, back-flippin’, applesauce! Hickory-dickory-dockery flip-flappin’ Jujubes!”.
I thrill to hear the words “Scalia’s DISSENTING opinion…” Suck it up Scalia!
Ha! I also actually vocalized “Suck it up Scalia!” when I heard this today.
TH–that’s too funny. The dissenting opinion really does read like that. The anecdote is reading the final paragraph of the majority opinion. Highly recommend.
I’m so happy. Despite everything I’ve been through and all I’ve seen, deep in my heart I still believe in love, family, and commitment. Hooray for more love.
Me too StongerEveryDay, I keep waiting to be bitter but I’m not. I still believe in love, just not with narcissistic cheater assholes. 🙂
My Cheater Meter was going off a few pages into EPL. I couldn’t continue reading it. She makes me feel ill. She’s blown through lives like a tornado, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.
Yes, I started watch that one night post-d-day to try to distract myself, and I felt sickened in the first few minutes and turned it off. The reasons and way she was leaving her marriage set off red flags and I just couldn’t watch it.
Additional thought; She (Ms. Gilbert) probably wrote this piece because the attention from the book is waning and she needs a “fix.” Maybe her next book will be “Eat, Pray, Repent?”
Or ‘‘Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear’? Which the fine print below the article says “will be published by Riverhead Books in September.”
I think Gilbert has given an excellent description of how a kibble-seeker thinks. This is useful to people dealing with cheaters.
From the article, she went to therapy and stopped the destructive behavior. That’s enough for me, even if she doesn’t fully realize what she did to other people.
You are right, I do think there is a benefit in her giving us a window into her mind during the “seductions”
My Hs worst OW (I thought his only but learned otherwise later) was a woman who had been cheated on and I think she lured him in to slave her feelings of rejection…I think he was a toy to her, but he FELL for her and put our whole family on the chopping block. They eventually broke up and we wreckonciled but severe damage was dome by the narc-duo that will never be undone
I meant “stave” her feelings of rejection, not slave. Our wreckoncilliation lasted 7 years until he died …I found OWs cell phone number and sent a very casual text that he had died. I hope she decided that he was the love of her life
You go UNM! Your story inspires me. You are mighty!
I love your term ‘wreckonciled’! I guess that is what I am involved in right now, with my cheater…a wreckoncilliation. Yeah, he’s repentant, we’re still together…but ‘we’ or what I thought we were, are wrecked.
I agree, TBNB. Not only is it useful for people dealing with cheaters, but also for people who want to AVOID dealing with possible would-be cheaters in the future.
We probably won’t be able to determine ABSOLUTELY who will cheat/who will remain faithful. And even if someone is as narcissistic and egotistical as Elizabeth Gilbert, it doesn’t mean that they will DEFINITELY cheat.
But we DO know that the cheater is VERY narcissistic. And I know for my own peace of mind, if I am ‘screening’ a potential suitor, I will be paying attention to how much ego they seem to have. If it’s too much, I’m OUTTA THERE.
A big ego has no place in relationships anyway (Thank you John Gottman)
not to mention her ‘lesson assimilation time’ … 20 years… she seems like a nightmare spouse. I was beat with Mr. Thick-skull after 10 years.
I found her article was on point about how cheaters think. The OW could have written this article, especially the part about how she went about systematically seducing her prey. While I think what she did was reprehensible, it did provide an honest look into how cheaters think, kind of like articles written by rapists explaining how to avoid beiing victimized. While I have no use for her as a human being, I think her article accurately depicts the mind of a cheater.
Funny- my stbx’s AP Ho-worker’s name is Lizzy. And she LOVES this book- and her ‘passion’ is food and travel. She’s also a food blogger and travels to lovely places, to cook and photograph lovely scenery, whilst texting my husband with drippy descriptions of what she’s eating and how her” ass is growing larger by the minute but she doesn’t care….” she once told me that she’s “all Eat Pray Love” . Calls herself a Tasty mess- a tasty mess indeed. Gag.
Never read her book nor did I see the movie.
I had a feeling she was a piece of shit!
Amjive I haven’t read or seen either. Total piece of shit. No remorse, no I’m sorry for the damage shes caused. Fuck her. And all the cheaters and people just like her.
I didn’t even bother following the NYT link. I figured that the more hits these assholes get, the more they write. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of a “view.”
My own take is that her so-called orchestrating seduction isn’t all that difficult. All you need to do is to indicate that you’re interested in sex. Maybe Person A will not take you up on it. Okay,you try harder, be a bit more obvious. Maybe you invade that person’s personal space (the brush against the thigh or other body parts). By the way, that kind of behavior–if it’s unwanted–constitutes sexual violence.
Person A will tell you that s/he’s not interested or start to run in the opposite direction.
However, Person B will go for the sex because, hey! You offered it!
It’s not seduction; it’s commodity advertising!
That reminds me of a movie with Demi Moore, where she was chasing a married guy, possibly Michael Douglas, and she finally trapped him with a blow job. She sure felt special. And for younger folks, this is before they were both disgusting.
I have noticed that most ‘very desirable men’ are actually married. Did anyone consider that this is due (in part) to ALL the hard work of the wife? Seriously, decent wives make ‘husband crafting’ an art. It is work, sacrifice, tears and frustration. Ten years of it aged me about 70 years…
Yes, I turned mine into a politer, more tactful version of his early, arrogant self. All the better to seduce those young students…..
Good point. Cheaterpants long term MOW loved how well put together he look (thank you, very much). This was her ticket to a new life filled with travel and assets with a degreed person! Yeah! So much better than her 60 yo plumber in Corona CA.
The CIO of Walgreens made it a fucking point to tell asshat that behind EVERY married person’s success is the spouse who made it possible.
One of the worst experience I had post divorce was seeing my x and the new girl in Macy’s shopping They didn’t see me
What made me sad? He was carrying her huge purse over his shoulder while she shopped hands free. It took me years to groom him to tote My purse for me so I could shop
All I could think was OMG someone is getting the benefit of all of my hard work. Nothing else stuck about that day – just that sight
There are men out there who hold their wives’ purses while they shop?
OK, I see the world opening up here..
Omg She Chump you just cracked me up! The hell you say! Men carrying our large purses while we shop hands free?
Oh Chump Advocate, loved that story and the irony is rich, right? It’s hard not to continually shake my head in amazement.
How unmanly! Manly men will not be groomed.
I voiced a similar concern when about my ex-wife garnering knowledge that would better her regarding men and her next relationship. Then my friend reminded me: “Guys are pretty easy to figure out. She probably would have done it anyway.”
Did anyone in Chump Nation like that book when it came out? The book existed before I even knew what the exact issues in my marriage were, and like many of you, I disliked it so much I couldn’t read it.
Findingmyself: That was my experience exactly! Couldn’t even read the thing, or watch the movie. unable to stomach it, and wasn’t sure why, but now I feel validated.
“Seduction Addict” sounds so much better than Manipulative Freak.
Also sort of makes her like a victim, right? I mean, addicts are kind of seen as victims even when they go around doing terrible things to others.
Faux honesty like EPL was faux enlightenment. This woman’s narcissism is something to behold.
Also note how fond she is about talking about herself. It’s her schtick more or less: an impression-management version of herself, anyway.
Yes, what’s the line from the “seduction addict” in Dangerous Liasons? “It’s beyond my control.”
“Seduction is the art of coercing somebody to desire you”
This is a perfect example of how an aging narcissist attempts to put a spin on their inadequacies. Not only is she a sociopath, she is calculating and proud to be one. She studies the victims wife? That is a crock of shit. What bothers me the most about this is it feeds into the idea that our cheating spouses were no match for the OW. They were seduced. Just sitting there an along came a spider. No. She’s giving herself way to much credit. Not very intelligent at that.
Cheaters typically don’t have very high standards. An easy f*ck usually suffices.
Yep. Flatter a cheater, and (s)he’ll eat out of your hand.
They’re shit-for-brains COWARDS with empty souls.
This reminds me of the Cheryl Steig movie that came out last winter, in which viewers were subjected to a fuzzy narrative featuring Steig’s “seduction addiction” on her first husband/boyfriend that launched her need to “find herself” on the Appalachian trail for 3 months. I remember reading an article about the first husband/partner when the movie came out, and he had been living happily and successfully for years managing a coffee house/music venue with his second, (quite lovely) wife.
I think you may be talking about Cheryl Strayed’s book/movie “Wild,” but she hiked the Pacific Trail so I’m not sure. It did remind of of EPL.I didn’t read the book but was not impressed by her character in the movie. She portrays herself as sad and broken over her mother’s death. Yet, she puts her devoted husband into harms way with her illicit drug use and multiple, random sex partners. She did not seem to have much remorse about it but she seemed to realize that she lost a very good man. It’s sad our society reveres these stories so much when there is no repentance and remorse in sight.
I am completely sickened by her narcissitic reasons and responses. If she’s looking for understanding she won’t get it here. Not should she! What a jerk.
“If only there were some sort of psychological test to separate these empty, selfish asshole shit bags from the people who actually have a conscience and will choose to do what’s right instead of what makes them happy at the moment.”
The light of my life, my son, makes it all worthwhile. Nothing in the world would make me trade or give up that experience and my being privileged to be his Dad. BUT, if you took him out of the equation (which you cannot, I know), and I had the results of that test for my wife 30+ years ago, I would never have entered into the marriage. True, there were many happy years and moments, but never, no way.
I’m a pretty avid reader and I never read EPL, nor saw the movie. That was before any of the crap hit the fan in my own marriage, but even then, when things seemed fine, I had no interest in a celebration of someone walking away from a normal life and wrecking a marriage just because they felt somehow “unfulfilled”, and because they could.
I do remember thinking that I could not imagine how that could be romanticized and kind of mentally shaking my head. And also thinking how lucky I was to be in a great marriage where that would never happen to me.
Chumpguy, same sentiments here. If I could have my son without the the need for cheater ex, no way I would have married him. Like you, there were good memories but the unkindness and cruelty the ex knowingly inflicted on me by having affairs to pursue “happiness” clouds all the good stuff.
Uniquely, that’s part of what is sad. It does cloud all the good stuff. For 30+ years I thought we were soulmates, but I can’t even remember the good times and all the times we had each other’s backs without it being, as you say, clouded. Maybe that cloud goes away over lots of time, but I think the good things just kind of disappear in the mirage and you just kind of forget about them.
Such a shame.
I totally hear you Chumpguy. We had 36 yrs of rather quite blissful times. Well, let’s call it 33 yrs since his affair latest the last 3 yrs and destroyed the M. He left every single picture behind. So, I told him I burned ALL the photo albums. I didn’t but I don’t want to look at them for a long time. All our family is there in most of them but I feel it was all a lie. I don’t have a clue what to believe because when he took his mask off, he didn’t match the guy in the photos with the family. He didn’t have a problem that I ‘burned them’. He didn’t want a trace of our marriage. Not even a photo of the dogs. Don’t have a clue if I’ll ever open one of them again and I’m sure he’ll never ask to see a photo. He’s moved on . .
I think they “move on” to avoid having to examine their actions. Changing the narrative allows them to continue on their path of deception. An unexamined life is a life not worth living…
Getting your happiness at the expense of others’ unhappiness = raging sociopath. Wish we could indict her with inflicting pain on the innocent and throw her in jail. That’s the only way she would stop. But she’ll probably find a way to still inflict pain on others. She doesn’t have issues; she’s plain cruel.
I agree. I am sick by these almost ‘fully ripe’ shitheads. It makes the world seem creepy. My therapist said that some people never develop empathy, but after 20 years in prison, they decide to rethink their destructive path. I just worry that the prisons would be full. I think Loki could singlehandedly destroy the country. I saw him do it on a microscale. He needs to be locked up. I am sad that I helped raise this monster. I am sad that he has children in his care & I am sad that no one (except me) has ever alphamaled him. He needs hardcore punishment.
Wow, definitely a fraud. Did not see the movie or read the book. I can imagine how it’s slanted. I never knew it was so hard to get men to screw you and receive a blow job, lol. Seduction, my ass.
I have had an indescribable aversion to the book and movie, and now I feel validated. Thank you. It was presented as some sort of woman-empowerment thing, but to me it seemed so self-centered and fake; vomit-worthy.
Makes me sick to think of all the benefits she’s gotten from publicly being a sociopath, and now, sort-of owning up to yet and still showing no emotion for her victims. Sick.
Although it’s certainly not 100%, life experience has shown me that a very sizable percentage of people who are into “finding themselves,” “fulfilling their dreams,” “following their passion,” or any of the other similar sentiments so popular these days are nothing more than narcissists. Any of those phrases should set off red flags. That these people and their self-absorbed drivel are so applauded and celebrated by most of society simply shows me further that we are living in incredibly narcissistic times, and I’ve become somewhat cynical.
Amen. You are absolutely correct. I heard all of these from the EX. His favorite phrase was “Just Do It.” And if you ever get a chance to read their online profiles, look out for “I” in every sentence.
Ah, yes, the predatory other woman. It’s like I told my XH, do you really think it’s a mentally stable woman that gets involved with someone else’s husband?! Out of everyone in the world, only MY husband is the key to her happiness?! Turns out Schmoopie liked trolling the cubi-farm for married men (per their co-workers). Like this whore, Schmoops wasn’t looking for the strongest, just the weak ones. Her XH cheated on her, so she needed some affirmation of her beauty and worth (I’m choking as I type this). My XH’s whore played a similar games as this wing nut. “Your wife doesn’t run with you?!” “I LOOOOOVVVEEE to run!!!!” God only knows what else he told her – everything I’m sure. Apparently, the only thing I ever did was cook well. Wait! I guess she didn’t know how to cook like me – so he photocopied my recipes when he ran away from home! Now Schmoops is “Every Woman” – turn up the Shaka Khan!
They just got married. I don’t see her running the races he runs anymore. My guess is that she isn’t trying that hard at the pick me dance (since she won!) or she’s knocked up. Either way, someone isn’t going to be getting the kibbles he thinks he deserves!
Ha Ha. You might have gone through hell Cindy.. but their hell is around the corner. I am sure you are at “meh” and don’t care, but the shows are usually quite entertaining when they self destruct.. from afar. WAY afar.
My H’s whore also “loves to work out and do fitness”.. she has no children and ENDLESS time to do whatever she wants. My fitness is going up the stairs about 100x each night trying to put a four year old to bed.. while my H retreats to the basement to fulfill his “fitness requirements” probably talking to schmoopie down there. While I do that work upstairs. Funny I am not overweight, in fact, I’ve lost 20lbs due to the stress of all this.. but STBX still laments about my lack of desire to “workout”. He also hates that I don’t wear high heel shoes or short enough skirts. Guess who does? You GOT It.
Pffft. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Not quite to meh, but I can see it from here! Spot on about the bad rubbish. I have gone through Hell – XH, the weak coward that he is, handed me over to Schmoopie, so that she can torture me. I knew when I was served with divorce papers the day before my birthday that it wreaked of whore. He lacks initiative and any sort of creativity and of course, he really had no reason to be mean to me – he was the one that was cheating – not me…
Oh well, I survived and am starting to thrive. On to happier places with better people.
Oh and in regards to the whore in your situation, Newchumpatl, I’ve read where the cheater thinks that the “attributes” they find in their whore complete them – but really only while the betrayed is in the picture. Essentially, once the betrayed is unavailable for comparison, the whore actually offers much, much less. The short skirts and heels don’t really fulfill them when they don’t have dinner and a clean house to come home to. They also start to crave security and a trusting relationship – which Schmoop, being the skanks that they are – will never offer.
I am pretty worked up that he photographed your recipes before leaving….
I hated Eat, Pray, Love and haven’t ready any of her other books. Narcissism to the max…. not interested at all.
It’s helpful to read the OW Playbook. After the seduction is over and they’ve got their fly/victim, then what? On to the next… Most of our ex’s wouldn’t want to think they had been prey or manipulated, they liked the feeling of power and entitlement. The “Eat Pray Love Test” would be asking a prospective partner what they thought of the book/movie and then listening carefully to their response!! If they loved it, I’m crossing them off my list. This is a subtle test for narcissism.
This from an Amazon reviewer, with which I concur:
23 of 27 people found the following review helpful
Every man should have this book.
ByAmazon Customeron January 31, 2011
Because the author and publishers viewed this book as primarily for women, they have neglected a major marketing possibility for men. As a service to male readers (and as a suggestion to the publishers) allow me post the male instruction kit:
Step 1. Give this book to any woman you know or want to know.
Step 2. Have her read it.
Step 3. Ask her to tell you what she thought of it.
Step 4. Decision and Evaluation Phase: If she says she learned something about herself/about marriage/about relationships/about spirituality or about anything other than the narcissism of the author and of our culture, then you should dump her immediately; or keep her until a more attractive prospect comes along (it won’t take long) and then dump her.
Step 5. Rinse, lather and repeat as needed.
Of course, this algorithm does not guarantee finding a good woman, but it instantly eliminates the worst of your choices. It really is that valuable a tool for men. Stay far, far away from any woman who liked this book.
This book could also be useful to women although not in the manner the author intended. For women, any man who says he liked this book is either too pathetic to rise to the lowly level of a “beta-male” or he is lying to you to get you into bed. Those really are the only two options.
By the way, the reason that I have read this book is that somebody gave it to my wife. Perhaps you are wondering what my wife thought of it? She recognized it for the corrosive effluent that it is.
Many years before Dday I was a fan of Bridges of Madison County. Now… not so much. I viewed it very superficially. I think the same would be true of Eat, Pray, Love (if I had read it). Now that I’ve got a front row seat to the part of these stories that is mostly ignored, I find them disappointing and offensive. Can anybody name a book or movie that really digs into infidelity from a chumps perspective? All that comes to mind is Fatal Attraction, but it’s the perspective of a cheater, not a chump.
The best film depiction is Carmella’s reaction to Tony’s infidelity with his Russian mistress in The Sopranos. She becomes emotionally unhinged– grief, despair, horror, disbelief all spill out of her in one of the most accurate performances of all time about what it feels like to undergo D-day.
Or Lorraine Braco in “Good Fellas”. My now XH loved that scene. I think I channeled Karen Hill and Carmella when he had me served not 2 minutes after I gave him the Waiver of Service. I was screaming in my street that he should “Go back to your whore!!!!” I grew up in NJ, so definitely had the East coast attitude.
I should say that Goodfellas is in reference to her screaming that “Janice Rossi is a whore”. NOT the scene with the gun! LOL!
Take This Waltz with Michelle Williams and Seth Rogen. One of the few movies where the chump doesn’t take the cheater back and, turns out, isn’t so bad after the exhilaration of the AP wears off. Michelle Williams plays the cheater.
Here’s the Sopranos article.
Yeah – Goodfella’s too. Talk about cheating.
“An Unmarried Woman starring” (1978) starring Jill Clayburg from a chump’s perspective and
“My Old Lady” (2014) starring Kevin Kline from the perspective of the children of two cheaters.
Under the Tuscan Sun and The Rebound.
And Hope Floats.
I would love to have a Narc Test.
10+ for liking EPL.
5+ for liking celebrity cheaters (Angelina Jolie, etc.)
20+ for blabber about “following their passions”
I think ChumpNation could come up with a pretty good assessment.
Ok Tracy, let’s put together the ultimate “Is he/she a Narcissist?” Test. Save us all a lot of time, money, and tears…
I see that Gilbert has another book called “Committed” which is her apparently her advice/observations on love and marriage. Bleh.
LMAO. Who is going to take marriage advice from this woman? Seriously.
Reminds me of my cheater X after I had filed for divorce–he had a friend, a serial cheater who had tanked 3 marriages, and this friend was X’s main source of support. The friend wanted to caution me about dumping X as it was “unusual for someone who had been together for 2 decades to talk as well of me as X talked about me.” Lol; the friend wanted to give ME marriage advice. I declined.
Bravo on dumping him! You have guts (a great constitution).
My ex was briefly billed as a “relationship expert” on a tiny local weekly radio show (he was probably sleeping with the host, is my guess.) He was giving advice on how to have a good relationship/marriage, how to be a good parent, and even more unbelievable, financial stuff.
The part about how she pursued new men made my stomach turn. I imagine this is how my ex operates. I could never figure out how his unremarkable self could get so many women to follow his drum. It’s revolting to think about it all as a calculated, predatory exercise.
Gilbert is nothing more than a social piranha.
I feel the same way about this author, Tempest!
I read that book and came away from it feeling oogey. This was before the troubles with STBX started so I was unaware of the impact. It really blows how causally infidelity is written and portrayed, with no regard for the people left in the dust of these sparkly people.
What an amazing peek into the narcissistic brain. Only issue is she wants us to see only what she wants us to see. But it’s enough to really creep me out!
Never understood all the fuss about the book and movie. I looked it over in a bookstore and discarded it.
Now that I know this backstory, I’m shaking my head. Here I’m still trying to figure out how to flirt again. Seduction is really out of my range!
Well, the karma is that there aren’t many things more unattractive than an aging, sociopathic whore. Then she will really get to practice her Seduction Addiction, lol.
I agree that this is important because it gives us a look into what these things are thinking.
This sentence has made me feel physically ill: “Then I would break into his deepest vault, steal all his emotional currency and spend it on myself.”
This is exactly what my ex-wife did to me. She did not pry me away from another woman, instead, she pried me away from a life path and life dream which I had always wanted.
I wanted to go to live and work in DC or go to law school in New Orleans, but instead, here was my supposed life partner.
I think the quote above also explains the discard phase, because we have nothing left to give because they have taken it all. The devalue phase is nothing more than the contempt they felt for us the whole time, and the contempt these things feel those that are weaker and therefore despicable in their minds.
It is like people who have a hatred for the disabled.
I remember once we went to a Black Keys concert, and there was a sign language interpreter in front of a specific section for the deaf. We noticed because she started dancing at certain parts, and my ex-wife told me: “I have heard about this, when they dance it means it is okay for them to dance. But I don’t understand why deaf people should go to a concert, or why they would go to a concert.” I could never explain to her why deaf people would want to experience a concert – even if they cannot hear. It was incomprehensible to her.
She spent my emotional currency when I have had a hard enough time in life, but I think these things recognize the work of another sociopath. In this case my sociopath father groomed me for the relationship, and it was just a matter of time.
I am unfortunately cynical – where I was before because of the abuse and things I have seen and read in my life – more now than before.
Again, I appreciate that Gilbert gives us the truth that we are always seeking in what her true motives where – to win, no matter the cost.
My ex-wife could never apologize, and I recognize now that she wanted to win – even against me, her husband.
Like many of us here, I am not defeated – she only knocked me down; but I am saddened immensely that so many of these things exist, and the popularity of such books and movies as EPL and Wild sadden me further about the prospects of life.
Again, I know the people here are evidence of good people, and I am far, far more better at spotting these things than I ever was.
The first thing – don’t make excuses in your mind for them when you meet them!
Seriously. It is that simple. I met a friend whose husband cheated on her (and whom I believe is still cheating on her) and he went on and on about his hobbies. He had taken pictures of the scars he had received from practicing his hobbies on his phone, and interrupted the conversation to show everyone. Anytime the conversation went away from him, he brought it back to a discussion of his hobbies and himself. I just sat back and listened and realized here is another one, right in front of me. I could also tell he knew I knew, because he kept looking at me after he said something sparkly to see if I was swayed – I was not.
After writing this I do not feel so ill, but when I first read the quote above, I was because it proves what I knew all along – that my heart and soul was nothing more than a plaything for her.
My ex-wife could never apologize, and I recognize now that she wanted to win – even against me, her husband.
Sounds familiar Tony. Mine can’t apologize to me, he will apologize, then back it up. He just can’t be real.
Yes tony the mountain shook but did not fall. I will go on to be happy and I can already see he will not. What a fitting phrase used us all up took everything we have to give in the end just not enough not for people like my ex. My ultimate last sin? I didn’t get a big high paying job to be the major bread winner so he could relax play in his shop and slowly build up his business. Mother wife and devoted partner alas not good enough. Funny how I wasn’t aware I was to be the major bread winner and financial support in his old age until he left for the whore. He’s turning into a nasty bitter old man who complains about everything and his body is falling apart. Excellent that bitchs problem now, not mine!
Having your heart and soul used for a plaything saddens me. It describes the experience. Perfectly. She is basically admitting to being evil. Thank you.
Tony, I agree I agree that this is an insightful look into the mind of a narcissist. My cheater definitely has an significant side to her that feels entitled to this play for men, for “romance” and that whole game. My cheater loved ELP and Wild. And her hero is Anais Nin. I suppose that should tell me something. I suppose, unless I divorce her, that makes me her Hugh Parker Guiler. Do I really want to be Hugh Parker Guiler, one of the all time biggest chumps?
This sentence has made me feel physically ill: “Then I would break into his deepest vault, steal all his emotional currency and spend it on myself.”
This is exactly what my ex-wife did to me. She did not pry me away from another woman, instead, she pried me away from a life path and life dream which I had always wanted.
You’re not alone, Tony. Same thing happened to me. Glad to see you are surviving and hopefully thriving. It has taken years for me to recover but I’m getting there and it’s so good to hear the voices and experiences of people who have been through something similar.
Elizabeth Gilbert seems very good at dangling that carrot out in front of people to make them jump. I fell for that trick with Loki.
It is a sick way to hurt someone when you have no intention of ever rewarding their good behavior. I sorta want the reward up front next time I agree to any long-term commitment. How? I guess by learning my value. Maybe I am worth more than I ask for… how much is an American worth if she really can spin straw into gold?
I guess it’s easier to say she’s addicted to seduction than admitting she’s megalomaniac.
I just don’t feel that she owns up to anything. If one is truly sorry for their wrongdoings they have to acknowledge the harm. She discusses that her behavior was a problem, however she doesn’t address why her “addiction” was a problem to herself or others. The empathy for others is seriously lacking here. There is no mention of apology to those she has hurt. What she does instead is label herself as a swindler, coward, menace and goes on to say that she learned her lesson. This screams pity play. Look how bad I was but now I am better, please take me back. Sounds familiar?
Then she minimizes her harmful actions by the use of certain language. She says she was addicted to seduction. If one is truly addicted to seduction, they would have to enjoy most if not all facets of seduction. They would be open to being seduced and seducing others. When she describes her methodology, she admits that her end goal is to:
“Break into his deepest vault, steal all his emotional currency and spend it on myself or orchestrating somebody else’s longings to suit her own hungry agenda.”
In seduction you may coerce feeling of desire from someone or lead them astray from their principles but bending them to your will and stealing from them, sounds like an addiction to manipulation and power to me. She even refers to her cheating as overlapping relationships. I guess it sounds better to be addicted to desire than admit that you’re a cheating power-hungry egomaniac.
“You shouldn’t deliver pretty things in pretty packages that aren’t pretty”-rhony. If you’re going to play the remorseful card it would help if you were actually remorseful. If you are going to claim that you have changed you cannot sugar coast the past. You have to call it what it is, until she does this statement will serve as nothing more than a call for attention.
You speak softly and carry a big stick. Well said!
Thanks, Calamity Jane 🙂
LOL! “Relationships Overlapped” What a jackass!
I do remember reading “Eat, Pray, Love” and how sorry I felt for her husband. He seemed to be a good and loyal man, and she was sleeping with some drug addicted, rough guy just to prove she could. It didn’t seem like the thought of her husband even entered into it. I’ll never forget her description of the scene where her husband finds out, she said they “both fell to the floor sobbing.” The poor husband kept in touch with her even after her betrayal, and she seemed to feel fondly towards him, but I don’t think she ever appreciated him.
Oops, just realized I’m mixed up on the stories, the one I’m referring to above is “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed. They just made it into a movie too. Anyway, Cheryl had a difficult childhood that contributed to her issues, but I still felt really sorry for the way she treated her husband.
Anyone know what the status is of her current (“committed”) relationship?
She sounds like the lead character (the wife) in Gone Girl. I just finished the book. HOLY CRAP! Talk about sociopath. LG sounds like a textbook socio to me.
Vegan – the movie is almost better! (Plus it’s gone Ben Affleck) And, he’s a huge cad. They deserved each other.
SheChump — I have been waiting for the movie to hit Netflix streaming. I do not have cable (by choice just internet) so the only way I watch movies is to stream via Netflix. I’ve been told the movie is good. Can’t wait to see it! 🙂
Genstar – Very profound, girl! And here I thought you were just another pretty face. 🙂
Tony – I grew up with a deaf cousin who was one of the best dancers around. She even tried to teach this girl with two left feet how to dance when we were both little girls. She kept telling me to feel the music and your body will just move along with it.
Yes. Marlee Maitlin (I think that is right) who is deaf, was on Dancing With the Stars and did really well.
Thanks SD :).
I was always confused about the start of her book too. So it was fiction after all!!! In the form of cheater justification!! she left out the tiny detail about having an affair which contributed to her devolution on the bathroom floor that night. must have been affair fog affecting her memory?!
i hate that she introduced “God” into that scene. What did her”God” say to her? “Go back to bed.”. I always thought that was strange too. Not that I can speak for God in other’s lives, but my God is known to say things to me like…”Do the right thing, Chumpette.” Or “Trust me” or “I am always here…you are not alone.”
I suspect like others, she is doing this for better PR for her new book. btw, in her post EPL book, Committed, she studied marriage around the world. I guess she was trying to understand non-disordered relationships. hmm.
she is now officially on my DNT list (do not trust) until further notice. so…not interested in her new book. mission accomplished, CL.
i woke up today with this thought: Gilbert gaslit us in Eat, Pray, Love.
She studied the other woman. I thought she was the other woman. Although this is what I believe man poachers do. They listen and act. It’s not sustainable and of course their into another victim. I love the fact that X hooked up with this type of victim. A sociopath who called ME a slut and Whore. I’ve only slept with one person in my life.
I tried to read the book, but I realized she was a selfish narcissist by the time she was eating in Italy. She was a spoiled brat, and I couldn’t relate. I put it down.
I never read the book or saw the movie. The idea that you walk away from a marriage due to some vague feelings of dissatisfaction makes a mockery of the marriage vows. I have no respect for anyone who sets out to destroy another person’s relationship.
Oh, this is too funny. On Wikipedia, it says there is a parody. Drink. Play. Fuck. A Man’s Perspective. The guy who did it couldn’t understand the popularity, including that from Oprah Winfrey.
Maybe someone has already replied to this question. Why did she write this book and publish it? It was an absolute falsehood. It will not help her future writing career and won’t help movie rentals that she came clean. She is just like
Rigoberta Menchu, lying Nobel prize winner. So why did she do it. It is not be cause she has found moral religion, she still sounds like a predator to me. I think she was either paying off her previous husband, or he got mad and threatened to out her. Someone threatened to out her.
We need another word for this kind of behavior… in the natural world, a predator is a creature whose life role is to eat others, part of a eons of evolution and holds an important place in the eco system.
These creatures are part of an entirely different life form, mabye they are sulfur based. They have no place in the human ego system. They are sort of like human forms of ebola.
I just read the whole article she wrote and that answered the question as to why she wrote this. She has a new book coming out, probably about this topic, and needs to create a buzz.
Good God! I never knew this. I’m so detached from the world 🙁
I felt the same about the book after reading about 30 pages. Something was just off and I remember well her skipping over the glaring omission of why she left her husband. Didn’t bother with the movie. Same goes for The English Patient. Everybody raved about that show and it totally made me sick and I’ve never liked Kristin Scott Thomas ever since. Glorifying adultery. bleh.
I went to see the movie with a friend ages ago…she was smitten, I did not like it at all, and it felt awfully shallow…
Then, when my psychologically, financially and physically abusive x-hole was arrested, and I was going through hell, she casually gave me a ‘romantic chick flick’. It was one of many ‘insensitive’ weird reactions I got from her, many red flags of the frenemy. I broke off the ‘friendship’ when she told me with a smug smile that my x-hole was very interested in her but she rejected him so he started dating me. Sorry for the rant.. the stupid movie just brought back memories of one of the ex-narcs in my life. Happily separated for 8 months now, heading for divorce soon. I stayed because of children (have 4) and fear about financial survival! I have ‘so much money now’ without the black hole syphoning it all away!!!! What was I thinking. I’m almost half way through my diploma program since September. Life is beautiful again. Hard for sure, but in a good way :)) Love you all guys here at chump nation, especially you, Tracey. Thank you for keeping me on track and sane, and better and better each day.
Guys, I’ve been stewing about this all damn day. It really pushed a button for me, and I’m trying to figure out why. Like I said before, I did read the book, and I enjoyed what I perceived at the time to be an open and honest account of somebody’s search for meaning. But today, after reading this op-ed piece, I just feel enraged. Literally steaming, hopping mad. I think part of it is because I feel chumped by EG. She never got into the particulars of her marriage breakdown, so I feel like I got tricked into liking her. If I’d known at the beginning that she was hunting down conquests like a serial killer stalks murder victims, I never would have picked up the book (incidentally, I felt the same way about A Million Tiny Pieces–another book I really loved for its raw honesty but which turned out to be pretty much a fabrication). It feels very much like what happened with my cheating ex. If I’d known who and how my ex was from the get-go, I’d never have gone out with him in the first place. So maybe that’s part of my intense reaction.
But I think a much bigger part is the disbelief that the general public is buying into her crap and defending her for being so “brave” and “honest.” This woman has a public following of MILLIONS. They’ve read the book; they’ve watched the movie; they’ve bought into the whole ‘find your bliss’ mantra. Like CL said, I do think EG is a good writer, and it’s not that I’m in support of a stoning or shaming. What I would really really like, though, is for people to call this bullshit for what it is–bullshit. If a man had written what she did, about how she staked out her victims and calculated how it was all gonna go down, we’d instantly call it for what it is: sociopathy. Sure, she mentions feeling guilty, but whoopdefuckingdo. Guilt is lazy and self-indulgent. It doesn’t require any action at all, just a bit of angsting. Where’s her remorse for what she did? She deliberately and in a very calculated way blew up the lives of countless people, and for this we are to be bought off with a few lame adjectives? Reading this piece again, I’m reminded of that childhood thing where kids in the doghouse would sing, “Nobody likes me; everybody hates me; guess I’ll go eat worms.” There’s nothing there but ‘poor me.’ Brave would be acknowledging that she hurt OTHER PEOPLE and trying to make restitution. Instead, she describes what she did as a form of ‘self-destruction.’ To me this proves how totally unaware she actually is and how lacking in any kind of growth. It’s still all about her! Not a single mention of the impact on the men she hoodwinked and the total devastation of their partners/kids. What is any of this if not Repentance Lite? Public credit for being a good person, with half the spiritual calories!
The comments on the piece have really pissed me off, too. Folks going on about how ”brave” and “honest” she is. And I’m thinking, WTF! If Ted Bundy published a memoir on how he lured his victims to their doom, would we be praising him for his honesty and bravery? Imagine a serial killer talking about how the havoc s/he wreaked was a form of ‘self-destruction.’ Yet, this piece is probably only going to make her more popular. I weep for humanity.
Isn’t that the same as cheating though (at least being on the chump side)? Trying to make a decision based on half the puzzle pieces missing or being gaslighted to high hell? Same deal, really.
I remember on another infidelity forum, 4 years ago, a chump seethed with absolute contempt for the book. He’s a psychologist–he read right through the author’s bullshit.
Go to Amazon and check out some of the original negative reviews.
Also, there is a great blog about Cheryl Strayed
Maybe you can only see how totally messed up this is if you’ve been chumped. Unless you’ve been on the receiving end of an OW/OM’s ‘self-destructive’ behaviour, you don’t really get it. That’s why I feel compelled to speak up. I posted the piece on my FB with a really strong comment, and–surprise, surprise–only 1 like so far. It’s not that I’m trolling for approval (unlike EG), but to me this just shows how people really don’t want to talk about it. That is, until it happens to them. And then, it’s all they do want to talk about. Go figure.
When I started the book and got to the part of her leaving her husband (this was long before my own DD) and she just skipped over it confused me right then and there. I was blissfully unaware of marriages breaking up at that point but my radar was pretty good, looking back. I thought something about her marriage is what made her want to break free and ‘discover herself’. Couldn’t figure out why she got married in the first place. From then on, it sure felt like reading entitlement long before I knew what entitlement was. So, that’s why I only made it thru the first 50 pages. Rubbed me wrong and rubs me even wronger now that she writes this scat about her cheating. That should have been in the original book, not the second one. And, no doubt, she will still have lots of fans and more books out. bleh.
We need to start a FB page called ‘why we hate EG’.
Re: The idiot who wrote this trash being a cheater? Why am I not surprised. I actually suspected she was, when I first heard about this book. I remember probably about 2 years ago or so, one of my colleagues from my old job was prattling on about how great this book was that she had read, which turned out to be EPL. She described the plot to me somewhat and tried to recommend that I read it. I remember telling her midway through her saying that, deadpan stare: “Sorry. I don’t read books which glorify cheating, lying and stealing”. She looked at me as if I were crazy or something.
I’ve never read it, and I trudged through a bit of that 50 shades crap some time previous to that, only to think “This is glorifying abuse” and put it down.
My moral code is this: I refuse utterly to read any book, watch any film or TV show, or befriend someone who thinks that lying, cheating and stealing is OK, that infidelity is OK, or that any form of abuse is acceptable. Or anything which cheapens the idea of a healthy relationship (This means tripe like ‘The Bachelor’ (dozens of women playing a pick-me dance for a guy who isn’t even a prize anyway, anyone?) or other disgusting shit like that as well). If anyone has anything to say against that, they get culled too. It sure as hell keeps the fucking drama out of my life. And I’m at the age where people live their life for that sort of vapid shit, and when if you say its all horseshit – you get looked at like you’ve grown antlers or are an alien.
I agree that this travesty is an excellent way to weed out the narcissistic fucks in the world. It sure did for me.
It’s scary to me that she was so highly praised by the rest of the world for this book – though so telling about how the world views the vapid “search for meaning.” It’s also scary to me that she doesn’t see her new admissions as being worthy of keeping to herself – they’re really embarrassing, IMO.
But that’s how popular culture views cheating, how seriously it takes marriage vows, and how it praises narcissists. I recently had a friend recommend this idiotic book. Yuck. No thanks – even before the truth about her came out. Meaning can be found in being a good person – fulfilling obligations, loving family and friends, living with integrity, earning an honest living, etc.
I second whoever said she was a spoiled brat. I would have loved to have been bored in my marriage by a good husband. Boring sounds lovely. I’d trade her my lying, narcissistic, hooker-paying, intern-screwing, tranny-chasing, sex-tourist STBX any day!
Love this comment
She mocks us with her detailed disturbed, inauthentic twist by providing us with sadistic details of her lack of humanity and as a true narcissist expects to come out a winner.
… and in our world, she will. Leave the Governors mansion for a tryst in Argentina? All good, we elect you to Congress. Bill Clinton, Clarence Thomas… Maybe it is ‘Women’s Lib”, now women get to be glorified and rewarded for being selfish pigs too!
I know it is not fair or right, but maybe the shoe is on the other foot, and this is something men are just going to have to ride out…
An old friend gave me this book shortly after my divorce, and I read it, and I did enjoy it somewhat. I took it as an analogy to my new life of freedom.
After your analysis, which really is startlingly dead-on, I almost want to read it again with eyes wide open… but I doubt I will because I never really do that. But I never thought about it in the ways you’ve described, so thank you for this.
Sassy I liked it too. A lot. Read it on trip to maui. Wondered why the marriage ended but didn’t figure out why
When she wrote her second book about getting married (again) called “Committed” I did not like the way she claims the gov’t kind of ‘forces’ her to get married (for his green card) when she would like to be unmarried/unlabeled. I felt like: if you really don’t want to get married, then don’t. And deal with the consequences.
I never read the book or watched the movie, it seemed like a wealthy woman’s idea of what having a breakdown was like. I can’t imagine relating to that. Now that I know she’s a hideous cheater, it makes me glad I didn’t let myself get talked into reading that shallow ‘spiritual’ claptrap.
Gosh, I remember this book and read it til the bitter end, LOL. Anyway, her infidelity is in the book early but she too has the entitled Cheater speak down. I deserve more excitement. I wonder too if she ever had that conversation with her ex about needing more sexual variety. Lol. We didn’t want the same thing. We didn’t have anything in common. Our Marriage was no longer exciting. Marriage was work. We had trouble communicating. He made less money. Had a lower paying job. I was more exciting, had a better job, me, me, me. Blah, blah, blah. She also gets some digs in there re her ex as “he wanted” babies, stayed in the home after they separated, and even though they had discussed having children she had a change of heart and yeah it makes life challenging when you cheat on your spouse and being a parent is so demanding and leaves less time for you to be a self absorbed bitch. Not surprising for a Narc when all the world is about “me, me, me.” As to the OM she broke up her marriage with, that too was glossed over. A six month relationship at best. Hell she probably thought they were going to run off into the sunset, until they didn’t. My guess? Didn’t have quite so much excitement without that third party. She complains too about the money, and the house. Not like she was married or…anything. The other glaring lie is her hook up with a gent when she’s all about “finding herself.” She can’t live with herself so I imagine she’s always looking…. Her current marriage who knows? I would be fucking embarrassed by her article, it isn’t enlightened at all.
// , The book, even just the title, is man-kryptonite. Ask any man, in a position to give an unbiased self-statement, whether they’d read a book called “Eat Pray Love”, and there will be an “ew” look.
// , That, and the existence of this Oprah tragedy, are why some of us no longer enter modern book stores.
This is a telling addition:
“My divorce was some 14 years ago – I could hardly be jealous. I wish the couple no harm, I just want my voice heard,”
I checked that link out, Electric Tulip. I had purposely not looked at a photo of Elizabeth Gilbert, but I must say that woman is butt hurt ugly, as I expected. I don’t judge anyone by appearance. except the obnoxious ones. Cheaters. Narcs. Etc. I know see why she needs constant affirmation of her “attractiveness”. She should have strived for inner beauty.
She is all over the internet suddenly. Telling us ” Three Ways to Recognize a Soul Emergency. ” *Hanging with Oprah Winfrey, being a top ten role model for women. Seriously, OW. Just realized Oprah Winfrey has the initials OW, lol.
Thanks for posting the link, ElectricTulip (love your handle, btw). It was very interesting to see the counter-narrative, and I wish more of EG’s ‘collateral damage’ would come out of the woodwork to share their versions of the truth. Of course the sense of public humiliation and facing down a pop culture juggernaut would probably be too daunting for most to even try. It’s just too sad that the OW has the prevailing voice here. Well, until Elizabeth Lowrie’s book comes out, anyway.
I think it’s also fascinating that not only do they share the same first name, these women also look an awful lot alike. Both sunny-faced blondes and quite attractive (I don’t agree that EG is butt-hurt ugly–just her persona is ugly to me). So much for “the novel winning out over the familiar.” Except for the expression in the eyes, these guys look like dead ringers. What a cluster-fuck.
I have no idea what the truth of that account is, of course; but I wondered why in Gilbert’s latest book about commitment there had to be any negative mention of a marriage that had ended long before. If that is the case it seems lacking the kindness you would expect from someone writing ‘Three Ways to Recognize a Soul Emergency’ and other faux-spiritual narcwackery.
It worries me slightly that Gilbert seems to be as adored as she is but then look at what is popular. ‘Fifty Shades of Gilbert’. Sequel: ‘Gilbert’. Free abandoned thong in every copy.
“‘Three Ways to Recognize a Soul Emergency’ and other faux-spiritual narcwackery.” Lol!!
Narcwackery. My new favourite word. haha 🙂
Yes, first you have to be gullible enough to believe they possess a soul.
She sounds like an ugly human being.
I was really torn on this one. At first, after reading CL’s blog post and Chump Nation’s responses, I was ready to draw and quarter Liz Gilbert. I felt duped as I had originally really enjoyed her book. Didn’t necessarily remember the cheating part but did feel it was honest and relateable (if only I had gobs of money to spend during my darkest era, LOL). But then I clicked on the link to the article…and felt that she was actually very honest and humble in her confession. By her own admission, she cops to having a problem and once she realized that…refraining from more secual escapades while getting the appropriate help. Sometimes we don’t know we have a problem until we do. Does that help any of the people she hurt? No, of course not.
But she does admit to having a problem and getting help – what more could you ask for? Other than for her to have not been this way in the first place. My guess is this woman was pretty traumatized when she was a child – as normal people are not driven to need all that “power and affirmation”. That doesn’t excuse what she did but I don’t think we should discredit her growth and improvement. In fact, I don’t think we should pay her any mind at all, after all wouldn’t that be the best possible consequence for her… to be denied any interest or ‘infatuation’ at all??
I’VE always wondered what happened to her ex, M.Cooper… I guess she paid him off NOT to publish? http://www.theguardian.com/books/2009/jul/26/michael-cooper-eat-pray-love
I hated the book. She sounded like a self-indulgent, whiny, bad-American-stereotype. It didn’t seem deep, it seemed pithy and sad and self-conscious with as much insight into her own brain as Carrie Bradshaw’s wrap-ups at the end of Sex In the City. I actively avoided shows like Oprah if she was on it, because I was annoyed that people were giving her attention and getting fooled. I didn’t feel too strongly about it because I was SO sure my gut was right about her, that I didn’t need any proof or to watch it come out. However….just read an article where she cheated on her last husband with her best friend. And now she’s possibly sort of gay too, with no seeming awareness of that possibility in all her “deep” introspection? I guess staring at yourself in the mirror can be called introspection, but it’s a lot more likely to resemble the mythic Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection. This chick is in love with the sound of her own voice, with the ink from her own pen. NPD! Not too surprised, yet still pretty disgusted by the pretension of “telling my own truth” bull. She’s also telling all her husbands’ truths, her past lovers’ exes truths…
Just watched the most recent Oprah interview with Elizabeth Gilbert not knowing her back story of the past couple of years. I knew at the time Eat Pray Love came out Couldn’t get all the way through it and when she talked about that on Oprah I kept feeling like the part about her leaving her husband was somehow disturbing. Little did I know her whole other story. Anyway after watching this recent interview and her talking about her new book and what she’s been through in the last couple of years blah blah, I was really disturbed. She really positioned herself as a victim, by heroine, and now bravely soldiering on once again. This time I came away feeling really disturbed by what I’d heard as I’ve had a few sociopaths run across my path and that’s why kept coming up for me as I thought about the interview. that’s when I started googling and learned so much more about Elizabeth Gilbert.Holy cow.I manage myself that my gut instinct so many years ago was squelched by her charm inability to’s been a really good story. Spell is broken, I see her for who she is. I’m really disturbed by how much influence she has and the major BS she is luring people into. at least it feels better to know I’m not crazy in what my perception was/is.