How do I say goodbye? My soon-to-be-ex and I broke up about 8 months ago, which was the best decision of my life. We were married for less than a year — so my first marriage was a fiasco. He was a narcissist, with a special blend of emotional abuse, cheating and undeserved conceit.
I knew it was only a matter of time until he contacts me again. When he finally did a month ago and asked to meet up, I burst out laughing (MWAHAHAHA IN YOUR FUCKING DREAMS) and just ignored the email. I’m very happily single now and pursuing my dreams (thanks to the CL community for the wisdom and the inspiration!).
There’s no way I’m getting back together with him or even meeting up with him, except in court. While I ignored his email, sometimes I feeling like sending a response… Here’s a few:
3. Fuck off
4. “Go, and never darken my towels again.” — Groucho Marx
5. So long, and thanks for all the fish
6. A really angry and bitter email
But sometimes, I get this urge to send him a heartfelt goodbye email, where I thank him for all the memories and wish him well even if it didn’t work out.
CL, what’s the best way to say goodbye to a wretched excuse for a human being?
Divorce court? Waving from the dry comfort of a lifeboat while his cruise ship sinks? A singing telegram sent from your suite at the Ritz?
Saying goodbye is overrated. Acting goodbye is what matters. The goal is finality.
Let your behavior say your goodbyes for you. You’ve filed for divorce. That’s all the sayonara this guy needs. You don’t owe him a warm, fuzzy Hallmark card. Perhaps you think your goodbye requires an explanation? A justification for leaving his cheating ass? If he can’t connect those dots — I cheated on my newly-wed wife, ergo she left me — he needs more help than a letter. He needs a corporate retreat for fuckwits, on a quiet ranch where a thousand licensed therapists will listen to his bleating mindfuckery and sagely nod.
Star, don’t you have better things to do than draft letters to fuckwits?
Please let go of “closure.” I know it’s all the rage in self-help, but there’s really only the acceptance that comes with time. Fuckwits don’t have epiphanies and your epiphany has already happened — you decided you deserved much better.
I know the vogue narrative is you’re supposed to be the Bigger Person who has learned a Great and Poignant Lesson from this clusterfuck. A lesson that only your emotionally abusive, cheating, conceited fuckwit could teach you. And you should thank him and the Universe for this growth opportunity! Have you been reading too much Elizabeth Gilbert?
We don’t need to thank our abusers for the good times. Were there good times? Sure. Of course there were. Do you think innocents would get into strange vans unless there were candy promises? Every relationship has its hooks. No one is so masochistic as to sign up for unadulterated abuse. In fact, the sparkle-to-abuse ratio is usually pretty good until the narcissist is unmasked. And then, quite understandably, you miss the sparkles. You try to weigh the sparkles against the abuse. Well, he wasn’t such a bad guy. He was a really good dancer! I liked his cologne and his mother. We really enjoyed livestock shows together.
Stop it. Sometimes bad things blot out the good things.
I really enjoyed that shrimp taco!…. until they pumped my stomach.
He’s a bad shrimp taco. Let him GO. Buh-BYE.