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The Annual Christmas Freak Countdown

xmas6It’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown! To the newbies, every year we try to best each other with our cheater freak stories. The winners get their submissions cartooned and the top 12 freaks appear in a “On the First Day of Christmas” cheater freak countdown post!

The stories told are legend here — GladItsOver’s dancing Sasquatch, the cheater who jumped around in a sleeping bag, the squirrel assassin, PF’s pillow muncher… You can read previous year’s winners here, here, and here.

Xmas10This is how the game is played — I want to know the telling details of what makes your story freaky. The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak of the Week submissions, but each submission needs to be a three brief sentences, tops.

For example, my submission would go like this.

1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.

2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.

3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.

The winner of the contest gets me immortalizing the crazy in cartoon form. I promise to draw over New Year’s and announce the winners in the new year. So Chump Nation, BRING IT!


Ask Chump Lady

Got a question for the Chump Lady? Or a submission for the Universal Bullshit Translator? Write to me at [email protected]. Read more about submission guidelines.
  • 1) Said he loved me inside of three weeks

    2) Tried to Sharpie out the cursing in one of my books

    3) Never on time for anything in his life

    • “2) Tried to Sharpie out the cursing in one of my books”

      He . . . he what?!?! Oh man. That is freaky-deaky. Who does that?!?!?!?!

      • Cheater redacting … Sort of like what we need to do to get THEM out of our stories …

      • I really hope it was Tracy’s book!! That would make a great cartoon.

    • This is my first post. First of all, thank you CL and CN, you’ve been saviors. I’m 2 1/2 months from Dday.
      1) At 57 (should be wise), I discovered after 2 1/2 years in a committed monogamous, practically live-in relationship with a Navy physician, where we were discussing marriage, that he had THREE other “monogamous” girlfriends and we didn’t know about each other(I hadn’t realized that monogamy was measured in hours)
      2) My discovery was pictures and videos of him vacationing and/or having sex/oral sex with other women, some of which were included in their iPhone profiles, which I’ve since discovered they didn’t authorize or have knowledge of (I think he had a webcam in his bedroom and he’s since threatened me with exposing my photos of which I had no knowledge)
      3) After realizing that OW#2 (lived in Italy) looked just as in love as me, I sent her a jarring photo of OW#3, and over the next few weeks contacted OW#3, OW#4, AP#1, and newest AP#2 so that they could make a reality-based decision about whether to continue.

      I trust he sucks and have been NC since day #1. The last time I talked with him is when he called me from OW#4’s cellphone ten minutes after I called her and told her that I had high risk HPV (his gift to me) and she said to me “I got that from him and told him a few months ago”. And then gave him her phone – WTF???

      PS. I helped him get a job at a regional medical clinic post 34 year Navy career (he gave me his retirement flag that I’ve since returned). I also contacted the CEO of the clinic to explain the circumstances and apologize for ever introducing them to him.

      • OneofFour–I’m sorry you have to be here. Don’t blame yourself for not detecting the deception; these cheaters are masters of the double (triple? quadruple) life, and very adept at saying the right things to avoid detection. They then give just enough crumbs to keep us invested, while having plausible stories for why they aren’t around more.

        Sounds to me as if you were very mighty in tossing him out on his ear, informing the OWomen, and taking steps to strip him of his mask of legitimacy. But it still hurts.

  • XH was a brilliant, high powered attorney and heavily involved in church and volunteer work

    Who after retirement suffered from apparent frontal temporal dementia to the point of requiring sitters

    But actually was dissociated from emersion in shocking porn/prositutes/alcohol/drugs.

    Great cover!!!!

    Four sentences, sorry.

      • LOL! “Slops” is only one of the verbs that come to mind in these situations…

        So many wonderfully descriptive words, too few succinct sentences in which to use them all! ?

    • BTW, the sitters husband was providing his cocaine. Wondered at the time why he so passively accepted the sitter. Playmate!!

    • Sounds like my husband’s attorney, who’s also a “recovering sex addict” like his client.

      I guess that’s my entry: two white haired lying perverts across the table from me and my attorney.

      • My STBX and his attorney have the same therapist.
        The therapist actually recommended the attorney to STBX.
        I find that ethically questionable.
        And icky.

  • He never deletes a photo, even of his finger or the inside of his picket. (Nor throws away receipts nor retires old socks.) So when he gave me his photo collection per our separation agreement… Let’s just say it was all the evidence I needed.

  • His family figures he was justified in leaving me for OW because I needed a wheelchair due to injuries sustained having his children, whereas OW is healthier. So now he has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and I’m all better. Karma is sweet.

  • 1) AP died, she asked me to print out his photo as her printer was broken
    2) AP died, announced she was going on-line dating after 4 days of him passing away
    3) Announced she was the most attractive mistress at his funeral. (His first AP and his widow were both at the funeral)
    4) Put together an emergency box of stuff for my new apartment…towels, candles etc!

    I could probably write a dozen more, but the craziness just blends in to one big bat shit crazy mess!

    • Bwahahahah! Just choked on my hot tea at “Announced she was the most attractive mistress at the funeral.”
      Good riddance!

      • MissDeltaGirl…her exact words were..

        “His first mistress was a little dumpier than I had expected and his wife (widow) looks like a lesbian. Obviously I was the most attractive one there”

        I sometimes wonder if I mis-understood her and she meant she was the most attractive person out of ALL the people at the funeral.

          • Verity297 as with MissDeltaGirl I’ll explain more..I left crazylady in March, she continued her relationship with AP until he died n July. So she had lost me and him within the space of 4/5 months. On day 4 after he died I called in to check she was OK, and coping ok with her grief and as she sat on the sofaHer exact words were…

            Crazylady: “Your going to think I’m crazy, but I’ve signed up for”
            Me: Bit soon isn’t it?
            Crazylady: “I just can’t be alone”

            I seem to remember me having to psychically close my mouth with my hand as i left the building!

              • “I just can’t be alone”

                And there you have it. The underlying motive of my cheater and many others!

            • Mr. Sparkles and his OW broke up in August… he had been with her for 18 months and she had met our son and my stepchildren.

              ONE DAY … ONE DAY… after telling my son he wouldn’t be seeing the OW and her kids anymore, he had a “new friend” come over to his house for drinks on the back deck while my son was told to “stay inside”.

              These people are not normal. They cannot be alone because they need KIBBLES to live… it is so sad.

              There are definitely times when I would like to have a companion, but I am more than comfortable with my own company. I do not fear being alone like these people do. I do not envy being that empty.

              • I’m with you, ICanSeeTheMehComing!!

                I’d rather be alone and happy to not have to deal with their BS any day of the week, than to be lonely and miserable in their company!!

            • Ouch! Oh mickeyblueeyes, I’m so sorry you had to hear the stark naked truth straight from the CrazyLady’s mouth…but better to know the WHY of her actions than to be left wondering.

              I’m just horrified at the oblivion these narsisistic-sociopathic A**holes show to the swath of mayhem & destruction they leave in their wake. The lives they destroy without thought, care or concern is just appalling. And there’s so MANY of them…OMG!


        • I think she was trying to say she was more attractive than the corpse…but I could be wrong.

    • You are soooo lucky to be rid of that crazy! I can’t imagine what the future holds for her. It would be like anticipating the worst train wreck in history! Karma train doing a circular pattern in your life until you blow it off

      • I sometimes think I dreamt that she said those things, but then I can remember exactly what she was wearing, where she stood when she said it. I think the way that she dealt with the grief allowed her guard to drop and somehow thought that confiding in me would make me feel sorry for her. I do actually pity her, what she’s lost, what she’s done and the empty hole she has for a soul.

        • Mine was so worried for himself when he left me for the AP … he cried, “Maybe I’ll die alone”. There he is, surrounded by his family, her, still me at that point because I was a chump, and all our Switzerland friends, and he’s worried about being alone.

          The problem with them being alone is then they have to be accountable to themselves and whatever crap is floating through their brain.

          Sometimes I have a hard time getting through my day, and I wonder, how do the mentally ill do it? How do street people get through their day, or people with diagnosed illnesses? So I try to think of him like that, and when compassion starts to cloud my thinking and I start to miss him, I remember that he’s entitled, with money, with friends … he can buy his support system. He’s not suffering, and he won’t die alone. The people he’s left might … but what does he care about that.

          • My Ex runs his life using the Wingwalker’s Rule: Never let go of one thing until you have a firm grasp on something else!

            While this rule works for him, along with gaslighting & blameshifting he throws at me, the resulting havoc destroyed my life.

            I’m awaiting the day I will be free of him, and all his issues, and can move on with my life. ?

            Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life!

  • 1) Shortly after we moved to his hometown, a purportedly “crazy, stalker girl from high school” regularly called our landline phone in the middle of the night (before, during and after I gave birth to our first child).

    2) When I had our phone number changed and unlisted, our front lawn was mysteriously “decorated” with a spectacular collection of SEX TOYS for all of our neighbors and passing motorists to see…

    3) Ironically during our divorce 23 years later, “crazy girl from high school” was the first women he started dating openly…

        • Enough sex toys to be noticed on a yard would likely be a really expensive collection.

          • Naive me didn’t know what those things scattered in the yard were until I saw something resembling a penis and tube of KY… There was a large shoebox-sized cardboard box nearby. Mystery person obviously threw it out of a car in a drive-by. Ex suggested that maybe the box fell out of a passing truck by accident…

            My old neighbors still bring up the incident which happened 26 years ago!! (I can laugh about it now.) They didn’t tell me at the time, but none of them thought it was a random, “accidental” dropping of sex toys!! I figured “crazy high school stalker girl” was definitely a sicko, but I didn’t put 2 + 2 together that he was probably boinking her and she was mad that he and I had just started a family! I was so young and stupid….

            • LOL! I would love to know what conversation ensued between them after that… OW definitely was sending him a pointed message if she went to the trouble of throwing their toys in our yard!!

  • On numerous occasions, went to the altar at church to get anointed with oil as he was praying to God whether he should divorce me, his faithful spouse. I thought he was praying for our marriage. Ha! Jokes on me.

      • I guess he was “preying” not praying. Jesus cheaters suck. Mine screwed his whore every Saturday lying to his family about being at work and then sat in the front at church every Sunday with said family. Rinse and repeat for 8 months.

  • When mistress #3 got me on the phone she told me about mistress #2. When asked if it was true he said ” oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
    Got left for AP #2 (^see above) on New Years Eve over a decade later ( they “reconnected”….okay) He said he wanted to give us a good holiday so he waited, and I asked what he thought NYE was and he said “that’s not a real holiday”.
    2 hours after announcing he was seeking a divorce on non holiday New Years Eve he asked me at midnight if I wanted “a hug.”
    You can’t make this shit up.

    • What’s is it with these selfish fuckers?Paintwidow – whilst still sharing our home, albeit in seperate rooms/lives for 3 painful mths I was regularly ridiculed and mocked and he would say the most hurtful things like ” you are a useless lump in bed etc.” Then whilst I would be sobbing after one of his rants he would knock on the bedroom door late at night as if nothing happened and ask me if I wanted a hug?…….,of course I said no! But he would look surprised when I would tell him to go f@ck himself – strange that eh?

      • When my ex came back into our bedroom at 11:45pm on NYE where I was hyperventilating behind closed doors to spare our kids, and asked me if I wanted the hug I said “no, but I would like for you to die”.
        I wanted it then and every day since…and 2 years later and moved in with AP #2 and her young kids he hoped we can be friends…..not today Satan.

      • What is it with the hug? I got the same thing, can I give you a hug? You will feel better. Hell no I won’t, you will feel better.

        • I got the hug request during the he refused to leave the house until the court order stage. I had gone grey rock like nobody’s business and he was upset I wouldn’t talk to him like normal. I walked into the living room one day and he asked for a hug and I thought to myself, well this should mess with his head, so I gave him a hug and kept walking, no words just got a drink from the fridge and went back to my room. He really was shocked when I filed, must have been that hug that gave him hope. Hahahahaha!

      • I got the hug thing too… This gives me a little insight because the timing and circumstances were just so weird.

    • This freaks me out! My STBX was about to leave me in our driveway in the new car I bought him to go on a ski trip with his AP, right before he leaves he asks me if he could give me a HUG?!!! This became a pattern and the few times we saw each other after D day, it would always end with him asking, “well can I at least have a hug?”. I think it’s a form of control and as long as they can get us to hug them they feel like they can manipulate us. Talk about a cheaters playbook. They are all freaks.

      • It makes them feel less like the low lifes they are. It’s all about making them feel better not us. NO HUGS!

        • EXACTLY!!

          One line after going NC w/narc that sticks with me is “I’m hurting & I need your help. I’m so disappointed in myself for hurting you..(blah blah blah). ”

          I, I, I ! Please help ME stop hurting.

          Our pain never matters until it becomes *their* loss.

          Sorry, buddy. Not gonna happen.
          In fact I’ve learned no words can deliver the punch that you’re-dead-to-me silence does. Leaves them plenty of time alone w/ their conscience – assuming they still have one.

      • YES – the HUG is absolutely a form of control and keeping himself in kibble supply… and providing some hopium to the Chump.

        Mr. Sparkles did the same thing to me… “I’ll always be here for you if you ever need anything, even a hug.”

        That was one of those moments where I KNEW he was a sociopath. I shuddered.

      • Oh my god!!!!! My STBXH kept saying that over Skype in the months post DDay before I went NC! “I wish I was there so I could at least give you a hug”… it weirded me out but didnt know exactely why until reading your comment!!

        • Argh! Mine came home after secretly taking the children to his new apartment to tell them we were separating. The children came home looking shell shocked and I asked them what was wrong. They told me and somehow given his deceitful ways I was not surprised. He later asked me if I was upset and if I wanted to discuss it and have a hug. I declined all offers. I had long classed him as the ass he was. I just kept him thinking I was on his vibe. Later he said to me, ‘you were always two steps ahead of me.’ it’s all a game of one up manship and a pretty tedious boring game it is…just like they are.

          • Its all about control… My cheater left his family with $200 before Xmas …swore on his kids lives it was not for another woman then a year later when disclosure docs come out it is blindingly obvious from spending patterns he was seeing someone every weekend . happy Christmas !

      • I think it’s two-fold. One, they want to be able to tell themselves, “See? I’m not that bad. She’s not mad at me, she just hugged me.” And two, if you refuse the hug, they can say, “SEE? I’m trying to be open and loving here. I’m trying to ‘consciously uncouple’ and she’s just so MEAN and HATEFUL.”

        • This is freaking me out. the epically jeckyl and Hyde cheater ex has been around seeing the kids the last few days and he did the hug thing too,twice,and I was bewildered as he’d been telling me a few hours previously how much he hated me. Then tried to kiss me(WTF???)then by the next day claimed that he did it because “I looked sad and he wanted to make me feel better”(does he try and kiss EVERYONE? Actually he probably does)..then by the NEXT day claimed “I frightened him and need to get professional help because I’m unstable”. Jesus,I won’t even drink a glass of wine when he’s in town now to help keep me alert in the face of his totally erratic behaviour. :/

        • Exactly, just another example of why I couldn’t live with her/him, irrational, lack of affection,
          hateful.., or..
          See we’re still friends, I haven’t done anything wrong, we agree to disagree. Feelings are mutual..
          Not my fault we weren’t able to get along.

      • OMG THIS!
        mine wants to ‘stop by’ every few days. Just so he can cry and tell me how hard this is for him. I pretty much just wait for him to talk and do gray rock until he is done, but then he always wants a hug. Thanks for pointing out it is all about control. I freaking hate it.

  • 1. As I waited in the lobby of a swanky downtown condo complex on our 15th anniversary waiting for her favorite Indian food to be delivered, she was arranging for AP to come to our home the next morning for sex.

    2. She received a black eye during a BDSM session with one AP, texted a picture of it to a different AP, and told him that I’m the one that gave it to her.

    3. On the floor of the closet in the master bedroom, she kept a “magic bag” of sex paraphernalia including the waist harness and vibrating purple dildo she uses to fuck Creepy Writer in the ass. (The Guardian Ad Litem asked me for pictures of the contents of this bag as she compiled her report for the court.)

    • UXWorld… boy did this ring a bell for me. As part of the pick me dance, I suggested we add a “toy” into the bedroom… we replied with a mortified look on his face that he could never do anything like that….

      AND YET… wait for it… He trolls the internet looking for couples/women/groups to have sex with… AND… wait… there’s more… He reads more T4M (transexuals 4 men) personal ads on Craiglist than W4M ads.

      They are lunatics.

      • OMG I love that word. Yes. Lunatics.
        I would say that I would hide in the closet now when it’s a full moon.. but after all the stuff about ‘magic bags’ I think not!! Ewww

    • When UXworld told us about number 3 in our meet-up, a few of us googled it and regretted it. We couldn’t unthink it.

        • Not. Googling. This. Ever.

          Also not hiding in the closet! If not that thing, then surely the family of raccoons. What is up with your closets, people?

    • I am all for people getting their freak on, but this takes closet freak to a new level. Ugh.

  • 1)slept in our house trailer in the barn in October after we separated because I wanted him to move into the guest room (he thought I should move out of our befroom)
    2)when leaving to move in with AP and her daughter (young enough to be his granddaughter), said “I just wanna have fun!”(56 years old not 10yesrs old)
    3)said “I rany business for 20 years so I shouldn’t have to work anymore”(after a year of making nothing and blowing half our life savings in said business)

    Can’t make this shit up

    • Oh Yeah, I can relate! When our house was going in to foreclosure, I asked X to start working again, and he replied “It’s someone else’s turn to work!”
      (I was already working fulltime, plus doing all chores)

  • I forgot the christmas ones:

    1)–spent Christmas at “our house” after moving in with AP,cooking graby like always trying to hold my hand trying to put his arm around my waist and when I got upset walked out sending a text “I know when I’m not welcome

    2) giving our daughter a jar of olives for Christmas last year (she hates olives)

    Oh d our daughters birthday was last week,not even a text from her dad (last year it was a two word text)

    They supremely suck..

    • Had I been there, he would still be picking olives out of his pubic hair!!! That rat bastard!

      • Thanks nomoreskankboy. He has to carry that responsibility for shredding his relation ship with his daughter..

      • This made me remember the time my narc dad sent me groceries for my christmas gift, most of which were past their expiration dates lol

        • OMG, that just reminded me my x-MIL brought a basket of expired ‘exotic’ foods to us at xmas one year. My xh made a very good living, we certainly didn’t need ‘hand outs’. Extremely bewildering, unwanted and insulting.

        • Reminds me of my cheater dad too. I get a grocery card for me AND his grandsons every year for Xmas. Less and less each year!

          And for my 21st his OWife bought me a pack of three white underwear…..3 sizes too big.

  • 1. She told me she was going to visit a friend in Oregon and called me and the kids every evening to tell us how the day went in “Oregon” when in fact she’d flown to VEGAS to fuck a dude she’d met on the Internet.

    2. She hung a self portait of another affair partner as “ART” in our home.

    3. One affair partner was a guy she met playing World of Warcraft online, where they were both TROLLS.

          • X worked with a financial planner who was as big of a narcissist as himself. This man left his wife for a younger model named Tiffany, and that year for Christmas he sent out cards with not one, but two, 5×7 glossy portraits of them wearing fancy evening clothes (Tiffany’s strapless gown highlighted her cleavage, because of course it did). I can only guess that the man assumed his clients needed one photo for the office and one for home.

            When we divvied up our retirement accounts it was no surprise to discover that X’s accounts managed by this man, with a risk-tolerance level classified as “aggressive,” did far more poorly than my accounts, which were managed by a different firm and classified as “moderately conservative.”

    • Unrelated… But your “name” cracks me up. It could also been sleep deprivation.

    • No way. Unbelievable. She told the family how it was going in Oregon when she was in Nevada?! Hung his picture in the family home and was an actual troll. Just wow.

      • She ended up marrying the Troll AP after I divorced her. At their reception, they displayed a large custom oil painting of their two WoW Troll avatars being married. Classy, right? I know because they “hired” my then-15 year-old son to be the wedding photographer. I didn’t find out until after the fact. The ability of these feckless fucklets to do what’s bad for this kids is inexhaustible.

        If brains were dynamite, my ex-wife wouldn’t have enough to blow the fuzz off a peach

        • WTF!!! A freaking oil painting?! Of troll avatars? Did I read that right? I am so sorry this happened to you, but this is hysterical. Are you SURE you’re not making this up?

          For the love of God! Who are these people?

          • Correction (from post down below): oil painting of troll PRIEST avatars.

        • I have to be honest mr chumplady, this sounds like a wedding to see. And then vomit. So sorry about your poor son having to see it though. Paid photographer my tookus. Paid as close to free as you can get I get. Just yikes on their child rearing skills. ?

        • Holy Fuck, Mr. Chumplady!

          They made a piece of art with their WoW avatars FOR THE WEDDING?

          Come to think of it, there is a rather deranged couple who lives downstairs who have a similar story. Living my life alone is preferable to that crazy.

    • Mr Chump. Art? Thats messed up.

      My ex wife did the opposite….her last affair partner was a hockey legend here in Chicago.

      I had his hockey team photo on the wall.

      After her affair with him, I noticed she cut out her AP’s head out of a team photo of 25 and put it back on the wall.

      So now you look at the team photo with only 24 heads, not 25.

      I found the head shot of this asshole she cut out in her keepsake book. Twat.

        • Right, Chump Mama?

          I have lots of sports memorabilia in the basement.

          At the time I was so devastated after discovering her affair with this Chicago NHL & AHL hockey legend – whom was also my friend – and I notice his head shot was cut out of the picture? I was like WTF!! This man sat front row center of the pic of 25 players and coaches! WTF again!!

          Very hilarious now though. 🙂 🙂

          • This has me in stitches still. Sorry! Must have hurt at the time but blimey that is just funny.

          • Just shows how idiotic they all are!! I mean really – if she wanted a photo, couldn’t she just go online and get one? Or take one herself since she was seeing him? To cut his head out of a picture on your wall!! So crazy that it is funny! 🙂

          • A friend…..same here.
            I told him they were both lower than whale shit on the deepest ocean floor!
            I hate home wrecking whores!!!

      • LOL
        That’s totally fucked up! Not that everyone’s stories aren’t but cut the photo out of a group photo? Why not just take a picture of him mid screw?

        • Lostntx, turns out since he is a personality here in chicago that everyone knows, he was real careful about exw taking pics of him like that. He is still married with 3 kids.

          Although I did find a pick of him in her phone while he was wearing all 3 of his championship rings.

            • I will never forget this picture.,,He had them all on his left hand (no wedding ring on – hes married w 3 kids) and he gave the camera the finger. It was a close up pic.

              I showed that pic to his wife after I helped her up. She fell on her garage floor after I told her what her husband did. Felt bad for her. Shes still with him. I always imagined she would eventually show up here on CL but not as of yet

              • I feel so bad for the wife. I hope she ends up here, too. You did the right thing.

      • “I found the head shot of this asshole she cut out in her keepsake book” hahah I want to see chump lady drawing your ex-wife scrapbooking the photo of her AP. Too funny!

        • It sure is funny NotThisGirl, she kept that keepsake book hidden in her car.

          The even funnier part is that keepsake book also included all the dates that they would fuck.

          Her AP must of had one of those small motivational desk calendars in which each day would have a different motivational quote. He would rip out the page the day they would meet and fuck. Douchy exw saved them all!! I then knew which exact days they would fuck. Idiots, the both of them.

          • This is genuinely the story that keeps on giving….

            You know it’s bad when they do or say something and your brain genuinely doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry

            • Well Capricorn, I am crying from laughing so hard. My ex wife is without doubt the biggest Jagaloon that has ever walked on this earth.

              I remember one time, I was driving with her sitting passenger. She was reading a magazine. I think it was a Cosmo mag which appeared to have Cindy Crawford on the front cover.

              So I glance over to her and say, “Is that Cindy Crawford?” She glances out the window and said, “where?” – Jagaloooooooon!!

              • OMG I have no idea what a Jagaloon is but that is so funny I have just been helpless with laughter. Maybe I’m overtired but oh these stories are just weirdly what I needed.
                My face hurts.

              • Ok you win Sure! Jagaloon! Just hilarious. I’m from Chicago too (far South Side, with older sibs in high school late 70s). Your story has me googling to figure out the AP. Any similarities to… Cindy Crawford???

              • Sunshine, I would love to disclose this hockey homewreckers name but I woudnt want chumplady to get sued.

                But I will say he was an NHL goalie and now is in management.

                Cindy Crawford has nothing to do with it. I only mentioned the crawford story to share what a jagalooooon my exwife is. 🙂

              • Seriously, SureChumpedaLot, your story from beginning to end is so bizarre it should be made into a dark comedy. Kudos to you for staying sane as you navigated a world only the Coen brothers (Fellini?) could have dreamt up….

              • Well Tempest,

                Fellini I like but it would be nice if my story ended with my exw jumping into a wood chipper like Fargo- thanks Coen Brothers.

                Yes this is so bizarre and 100% accurate, but its so worth the laugh. My face hurts. 🙂

              • SureChumpedaLot –

                Jagaloon is right, so sorry you and your three little birds had to deal with her lunacy, but glad you can now laugh about some (hopefully most) of these memories…

        • I’m voting for this to make the list! Scrapbooking has been taken to a whole new level!

      • Going for the win, SCA! What will we call it, One Headless Hockey portrait?

        • Bliss, more like One Headless Homewrecker Hockey portrait. Lol

          I still couldnt believe she cut out his head. It was so obvious. The picture looked so stupid.

          I mean seriously, what if 1of my 3 kids walked by it and said, “dad why is that players head missing?”

          What would I have said? Your Mother is a whore. Lol

      • Wow. So your ex-wife doesn’t understand how Google image search works?

        And you intermingled your finances with her and survived? Impressive.

        • Mr. Chump, as I mentioned all over this thread, my exw is a jagalooon!

          I guess she wanted the “professional” picture of this ex-goalie insted of a google image printed version.

          Yes, we intermingled finances and I survived, boy do I have stories about that! She knows the price of everything but knows the value of nothing.

          Thanks for the inspiration Mr. Chump with your portrait “art” story. Sorry you went through that but gosh the laughs we had here today was priceless!

    • Im picturing a cartoon of her telling of the wilderness of Oregon with the lights of Vegas in the background

    • Have you ever seen the South Park episode where the boys take on some fat slob in his mom’s basement in World of Warcraft? That’s exactly what I’m imagining.

      • Actually, after my cheating ex-wife married her WoW Troll AP, they moved into his parents’ basement for a while. An example of life recapitulating art, I suppose. Or stupid a-holes acting out in cliches.

            • Reminds me when my tool walked out his mother had written a list of items he should take including tablecloths and the waffle maker …he had to ask where it was when he came back 2 days later to load up a trailer. In his reality he thought the kids would actually want to help him ..?.. ( not) this is a 45 year old man who then had his parents buying his groceries so he wouldn’t go hungry at Xmas ..poor lamb . me and the kids on the other hand had to take shopping bags of food from well meaning neighbours .. .but its OK the OW who he denied existed got the royal treatment .

              • Fast forward to this Christmas and donkey brain is forcing me to sell the house so me and the kids are out looking for a rental at Xmas while he takes a well earned holiday . of course I get the blame for forcing him to use lawyers to get the job done …couldn’t wait for mediation like a normal person . since we are literally dividing finances amounting to pocket change you would think he was some Russian billionaire the way he’s carrying on claiming I am trying to extort money from him. Last time I checked you can’t be accused of extortion if its to pay for stuff for your own kid . but as others say you can’t argue with crazy !

    • Please tell me you had a bonfire with the Art, or at the very least, up its value, by drawing a big dick on his forehead ?

    • Yeah, this one gets a big vote for me too. I’ve experienced similar to #1 (the happy Facetiming with our kids when he was in a different state than he said, and she was out of sight in the background), but #2, holy cow that’s some nerve!

  • He left me, 9 months pregnant, on Christmas night to “go help a friend” aka see a mistress.

    He bought another mistress, who was his coworker and was MARRIED, a $4,000 engagement ring.

    He supposedly got another mistress pregnant. She claimed to have her “tubes tied” then claims to have miscarried… Either way, the time frame means they were having unprotected sex the weekend the met.

    ……… Can we finalize the divorce yet?!

    • Here are the rings for us… and here are the rings for our APs. A matching set!

    • I’m sorry that happened to you. My now ex-husband left me 6 months pregnant with our 4th kid to “spend time with his elderly mother” on Christmas Day. It turns out he was really with his secret affair partner who had just learned via Facebook (he hadn’t bothered to tell her) that I was heavily pregnant, again – despite us “not having any sex for years” (4 kids aged 5 and under and no sex? Who would believe that?) Legend has it that she then demanded a baby of her own (given her age – not going to happen without MAJOR medical intervention – OW is a generation older than us) they worked on that baby making all Christmas afternoon, while the kids and I were in our home, completely oblivious, having no idea what was going on, setting up the lego sets Santa brought.

  • Wish I could comment but x is so very important.

    Some very weird shit he doesn’t want anyone to know. Use your imagination or don’t – doesn’t matter.

    Wants to pretend he’s dad of the universe

    Good dads don’t fuck other women while they are married

    • // , I would say the fact that he’s important is all the more reason to out him, assuming that it would not hurt you to do so.

      The world has too many assholes in high places as it is, and airing the dirty laundry can help to have them removed.

    • 1) after separation, while still residing (downstairs) in the house, fucktard ran upstairs as I was taking kids to a movie and said “hey, sounds like fun, can I come too?”

      2) fucktard left laptop open to Facebook while messaging AP while “chatting” to 4 other women at the same time trying to arrange sex dates with all of them

    • Jane please take care to protect yourself by copying everything you can. Use your phones camera to take screen shots of emails, ads, texts, suspicious cars, whatever. I’m in the middle of my divorce and wish I hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt on anything and photographed everything.

      • I second that Sunshine!

        Jane, I also was too nice (and too shocked) to accumulate as much evidence as I could have. I recovered quickly and got interesting tidbits I cherish to this day… But those initial pieces of evidence would have been great bargaining chips during the divorce process.

        • Good point Chump. The shock, fear and sadness will keep you from thinking strategically. Jane if you’re still reading and for anyone in the early phases of discovery, photograph your spouse’s drivers license, credit cards (front and back), the crap they pull out of their pockets at night, any papers related to employment or accounts, receipts for odd purchases, pretty much everything. Photos can be taken quickly on the spot instead of trying to figure how you’ll get to a copier. And unlike forwarding, they don’t leave any trail on the cheaters device. Also, regularly update your calendar with places you’ve been or people you met with even if it’s a bff for coffee. These will all help when you come out of the fog of devastation and get into the thick of divorce. Your brain will have a much easier time reconstructing events or piecing together those odd intuitions to help your case

          • Be sure your photos don’t automatically backup to any cloud account shared with the cheater.

            • I send pics and email evidence to my sisters and a friend as a backup plan. In case anything happens to my phone.

  • There were several videos posted on Facebook thru a roller skating club that showed my STBX twirling the OW on roller skates. I also found out they drove from MD to Ohio just to ride the worlds largest roller coaster. Apparently I’m not athletic enough nor enough of a daredevil to get beyond making this fool happy after a mere 39 years…..

  • 1. One month before he left for good, MOW banged on our door in the middle of the night and told him to choose. Said he chose me.

    2. Shortly before he left he told me I could become a nun. (I guess he was saying if he didn’t want me, no one would. Or only he could screw around. Not sure.)

    3. Packed the car taking only his clothes and then wanted a hug. No way!

    • I got the hug question a couple of times. It is so satisfying now to know I bluntly said NO. It was somewhat satisfying then too

        • I did give him a hug, to pretend friendly-parting. He broke the news to me while we were at his parents place in India. So the next day,I was in tears, boarding the train to my parents house,when he wanted a hug and I did. What he didn’t know was -that I had taken the house keys from his luggage and cancelled his flight back to Oz. Asshole was too busy enjoying the rest of the vacation with AP (who had also flown down to India ),that he didn’t even check-in,so caught him by surprise when he arrived at the airport and realised his flights was cancelled.

          By the time he rebooked and flew in ,I washed out his bank account- left a little behind, changed the house keys,cancelled his mobile account and bundled his clothes outside the door.

          My sisters who were raging mad were the brains behind the events. Looking back, I am not terribly proud,but cant help smiling:)

      • Mine didn’t want a hug before he left the final time. He wanted to know if it would be okay if he washed his car one more time using the hose. I said no.

        • Can’t be making the drive of shame in a dirty car, ya know. Whereas all your possessions loaded into a CLEAN car as you pull out of the family driveway for the last time says “class” …

  • 1) Complains that she was only pregnant 8 times in 15 years of marriage and only carried 4 of them to term. (When she wasn’t complaining that I was keeping her pregnant as an economic control)
    2) On the day of the divorce marries a man 19 years older than her.
    3) In the 27 months after the divorce has managed to have 3 children.


  • 2 hang gliders.

    In marital therapy, he had picked “hang gliding” as his relaxation technique. Within a month I had a “friend” confessing that her husband had assisted him in picking up two hang gliders for him and the OW about 8 months before.

    12k of debt.

    I got to pay off the 12K of debt (since it was in my name as well) on the divorce. But I also got to keep my pension without any grubby hands grabbing it.

    4 marriages.

    BC these people can’t keep it together for any length of time, this one is one marriage #4

    Thoughts and prayers requested. 12/16 is reintegration day between my kids and wife #4. Here is hoping for safety and good humor on the kid’s parts. She just needs to keep her hands off them.

    Two narcissists.

    For those of us dealing with them

    • My prayers for you Lovey. I was wife #5 though he told me and #4 we would be his third. He moved in #6 (7 if you count a failed engagement between me and number 4) three months after I filed. I’m so grateful we didn’t have kids together. I’m also sorry for his grown sons who have to tolerate this behavior from their father, who doesn’t realize what a laughing stock he’s become in his town.

  • Freaky family fucker exwife was boinking my lil sis’ husband in my house on my bed.

    Freaky twat also opened credit card under my Moms name. Her reasoning, “because my Mom said that she coddled kids to much.”

    Freaky fiend would go score her weekly dime bag of cocaine while my 3 little birds were in the mini van with her.

    • With your kids in the car???? What a slunt! Hope you had proof of that for the judge.

      • Yes lontnx, the kids in the minivan strapped into their kid safety seats. They were 1,2 and 3 years old at the time. This coke-whore did this weekly. $100.00 each purchase.

    • “because my Mom said that she coddled kids to much.”

      Well, that’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for committing a felony. I’m sure the cops heard that and closed the case right away.

  • Hugs to all of you new to this ‘tradition’. My contributions are old- DDay is 3yrs ago.
    1) Branding Iron. Gift from the MOW to asshat. Asshat’s last name initial. Proudly displayed in the home pre DDay
    2) Knife Sharpener. Nothing says Merry Christmas more than gifting your unsuspecting chump a device whereby the cheater can sharpen every knife plunged into their chump’s back.

    I got nothing else. These losers suck.

  • He said the condoms were are gone because he used them to masturbate so he wouldn’t have to clean up a mess.

    • Damn! Mine did the same–3 months after the marriage, when I am pregnant with oldest daughter, he left for a conference. I notice one of the condoms in a box in the bathroom has gone missing and ask him about it–“I don’t know, I might have used it to masturbate to see how it felt.” smh

        • I would of told him it’s much easier to clean up the mess – and less expensive – if he uses his tube socks instead. Idiots, the whole bunch of them!

      • Found a condom in the bottom of husband’s bag that used to go on a guys weekend shooting trip to Utah.

        Silly me believed him. There was no trip.. he never left the state. Only a ho-worker 15 years older than him living on the nasty side of Vegas. Those pesky receipts he left in his pocket gave his non-utah location away.

        Had to wait a few more weeks to find out about trashy ho-worker.

      • Wow, just wow. My cheater said a similar thing. During our separation (also known as his kibble fest from his wife and girlfriend doing the pick me dance) I went over to his “bachelor” pad for a booty call and found a condom wrapper in the bathroom. I confronted him and got “I was masturbating to porn and didn’t want a mess”. Can’t believe I fell for that one. No one actually does that, but I wanted to believe he wasn’t still seeing her soooooo badly. So glad that OW won that prize!!!!!!

        • If anything its messier …. Not that I have done it but …. Here’s one
          I need to move her car so she says keys are in her purse guess what I find
          Box of twelve with ten in it so I leave it there beside her purse and go.
          Don’t hear anything all day come home she’s acting off and the more I don’t say anything the more she can’t be out of my sight .She is starting conversations talking about nothing asking if I want a drink etc etc etc I finally look at her and say stop with the bullshit I saw the condoms. She says ohhh thats for us I want to go off the pill I said theres two missing the box is open. She looks stunned for about 30 seconds and says ” Im going back to walmart they ripped me off”.
          Seriously ? Seriously thats the best you got
          She is gone now

          • I laughed out loud at that one. #howtocobbletogetheralie; #Wallmarthaspoorqualitycontrol

          • Walmart ripped her off! I don’t know how they can say such crap. Mine claimed he checked into the hotel near his office 3 afternoons to sleep off a headache. I burst out laughing then told him to get the f— out.

          • I believe I would have driven her to Walmart and escorted her to customer service and let her have the embarrassment of making that explanation to the folks at the counter. It would have been highly entertaining for everyone but her!

            • Dixie Chump, that is genius!! The eye rolls at customer service alone would have been worth it. Requesting video of the transaction would have been even better!!

      • I always kept an up to date box of condoms in his sock drawer. Did since early in the relationship. My reason? My gay dad. We discussed my fear at finding out my dad was sleeping with men and my mother simultaneously in the 80s. Without protection. When Mum found out, she stayed for a year. Then kicked him out. I asked about safe sex. She said there was none (WTF????) I spent the next 2 years at university freaking out when she phoned me that this was going to be the HIV positive call. I told him that if he EVER fucked up and had sex with someone else (please don’t) to ensure he did so with condoms. ALWAYS.

        Nope. No condoms ever used. Not the ‘supplied’ ones. Not any either of them bought themselves. His excuse? (After I got my HPV and chlamydia diagnosis having only on sexual partner ever in my then 42 years.) “I was worried you would count them.”


        For the record. I never did. Chump. And I replaced box when they expired every couple of years. Without looking inside. Shame you can’t just buy them at every service station and convenience store, right? Oh, wait ….

        I envy those whose fucktards at least used condoms. Even the dumbfucks who took them from home and lied some more.

  • 1 – X broke into my home months after divorce was final when I had a date over – bringing along my 9yo – to see who I was with. Then he took a picture of my boyfriends license plate when he left (still not sure why??) and texted all my family to say I was having sex with ‘some random guy’ (who they all knew since we were friends in high school and reconnected to in my new happily single life. We’re still together btw.) X then made Facebook posts about it trying to make me look like some kind of Jezebel. My mom still asks me how my random guy is doing when she calls *eye roll*.

    2 – Told me he would watch the kids one weekend then left for a baseball game with AP out of town and left our children with his uncle who has been accused of inappropriate contact with minors.

    3 – Had an affair and left us at the same time as his sister did the same to her husband & kids, and his brother did the same to his wife & family. Must have been some kind of family pact that summer…

      • It’s amazing how time and distance can make you go back and see the crazy even more clearly! I’ve got plenty of stories, but in comparison to some of the poor chumps on here my story can’t even compare!! The kids and I are very lucky to be away from all of this.

        • Umm I’m gonna say unfortunately you can compete. Those are some doozies. Glad it’s over for you. Yikes!!

          • I’m just glad x has done the fade. My ex-BIL (who’s wife cheated on him at the same time) constantly had the AP over, sleeping together in their bed, would bring their kids around the AP all the time, and would record conversations he had on his phone from outside the room. Compared to some of his stories, mine felt pretty tame :/ I’m probably just too used to abnormality to see it that way!

    • My Xhole did the same thing, took pictures of me and a guy at a shopping center, we were putting groceries in my car at 10am in broad daylight, and he texted photos to my parents, kids stating I had a new lover. The guy I was shopping with thought it was funny, asked me who my lover was because it wasn’t him…haha….I wasn’t sleeping with him at the time, because the divorce wasn’t settled yet…some of us try to have integrity, unlike Xhole…still don’t know how many he had slept with over our 20 year marriage.

      • God forbid you talk to another man! People with no morals always think that no one has morals. What dicks.

        X wrote me a letter before the kids and I moved saying he hoped I would move on and live my life and be happy and not pine after him. Like his dick and presence was some kind of magical snowflake I would never recover from losing *snort*. I thank god every day now that X found strange and I caught him. Life is so, so much better without his deadweight!

        • PalmTrees, my Xhole did the same thing, kept telling me he was worried how I would survive without him…I just couldn’t figure out why he kept saying that, like he felt sorry for me that I was finally getting free of his craziness…yes, life is much better without them…he is the one having trouble moving on…or finding another victim.

          • Palm Trees and ChumpedToTheMax, that “concern” is much like the hug demands others have talked about. What’s really happening is an entitled Fuckwit wants to keep a chump on a leash of some sort. My wasband actually put a deposit on a condo practically in the shadow of the house I could not afford to keep in the divorce. I suppose the idea was to keep an eye on me and “be friends” so I’d be available when he was in between soulmates and/or so I could see every day what I’d lost. None of those things is caring.

            • I’m just grateful that the light and truth that is Chump Nation helped me break that leash!

          • I will say that I got lucky on this front. Mine was astute enough to both realize and vocalize “You will be fine without me. Meeting and being with people is so easy for you. Your life will probably better without me.” This was when we were arguing about the “just a friend” Howorker and I was like “If you want to get divorced, let’s get divorced.” I don’t know if this was an attempt at pity channel or what, but I was so done with him that I just remember looking a little confused and say “Of course I will be fine without you. I’m fully functional adult. I will be fine.” Probably why he kept at it with Howorker… I didn’t jump and dance to make him feel special.

            Guess I didn’t

            • I wish I had been that mighty. I picked me danced for far too long. I’m just glad I finally broke away. Good for you on being mighty and knowing how awesome you are!

    • #3 would have landed mine back in court. What a selfish idiot! There are people that just shouldn’t be allowed around kids. Even their own!

      • So true! Fortunately my daughter is pretty smart and called me because she was scared. I left immediately and picked her up. X was all ‘why are you trying to ruin my weekend’ when I have him an earful for leaving his kids with a suspected child molester. *GRRRRR*

      • It was the weirdest month of my life. I found out about the XBIL over the summer. THEN found out about the XSIL cheating with her MAP and I remember commiserating about my poor chumpy XBIL’s situation with the X. Things like ‘How could she do this.’ ‘It’s so wrong’ ‘That poor man and the kids.’ “I could never do such a thing’. HA. The whole time he was boinking his ho-worker. Ugh. Such a gross and devastating time. Especially for all of the kids involved.

  • 1. Hannibal Lecher and I plan an add-on & kitchen remodel, plus put a deposit down for a puppy for the kids, months before he starts his affair with gradwhore.

    2. After she issues her ultimatum and he asks me for divorce (after 16 years together) BY PHONE from Mexico, friends convince him he is stupid to divorce me and he dumps her instead. [I am still clueless about the affair.]

    3. Post D-day, I find credit card receipts from the time showing he lavished her with expensive meals in Mexico but bought me a $25 Chinese takeout meal for our “I might not want a divorce dinner” AND purchased her a going-away $200 Juicy Couture watch for Christmas.

    • Classy how he announced wanting a divorce over the phone while the ap was there to support and cheer for him! What a wimp! He sure knew how to impress the ap. Who needs to show the mother of his kids how awesome they are running the home?
      BTW, mine got a kitchen remodel while having an affair and planning divorce. I bought the high $ granite too!

      • Mine remodeled the kitchen after Dday in an attempt to keep me from kicking him out. I came home to find the kitchen torn apart and it took months to finish and by that time, i was letting me stay, in a guest room. Then he started the master bath remodel, but i was sick of him by then, filed for divorce, kicked him out and finished the bath myself!

        • Mine remodeled the kitchen and most of the bathrooms. After I busted him for cake, he said he did this to keep his mind of off AP. I wish he hadn’t told me that.

          I had mistakenly seen it as a metaphor. He was investing in our house, our family, our marriage – working hard. I was proud. I am such a chump.

  • X lost everything his stingy ass had worked for all his life – I got EVERYTHING, including a large portion of his retirement! Demoted at work from Sgt back to rookie cop due to sexual harassment, but was scared shitless because he thought he was going to be fired! Recently diagnosed with PROSTATE cancer, which from what I’ve been told, his junk ain’t gonna work no more for his home wrecking whore who also cheated on her spouse. KARMA ROCKS!

    • Oh, yes, the sexual harassment….good times.

      We were in Florence, staying in a romantic villa with friends. I am impressed that Hannibal Lecher is not ruining this vacation with his grumpiness and snide comments. Yeah! But why? Because he is feeling vulnerable having received the request from the sexual harassment officer to have a hearing due to his affair with gradwhore from years earlier (see above).

      I find those notes preparing for the sexual harassment hearing in his computer bag a little more than a year later for D-day.

            • Yes! For the 1st time in a very long time (almost 24 years of being married to a serial cheater), I will have an awesome narc free Christmas!

      • I actually have it written into my divorce decree that if I have to be bothered at all due to any legal trouble his bullshit behavior has brought along (sketchy finances with his business, fucking the girl that works for him at his day job and he pays off the books for his business = sexual harassment claim)… I send him the bill. This includes legal expenses, travel expenses should I move and time off work.

        I doubt it will be an issue, but it was worth it just to watch him squirm as brought up the issue of sexual harassment law suit to our mediator.

        • I got my attorney to rush the divorce because it was possible he would face additional sexual harassment charges, which might cut into marital assets.

    • Mine STBX is a cop too, your story made me smile! Glad you got everything and he lost it all, just the beginning of what they assholes deserve!!

      • Yes, NotThisGirl, that is his name…ASSHOLE!

        The 2 female officers turned in complaints to HR dating back 7 years. Internal affairs investigation went on for weeks. He had already moved out of MY house but I noticed his disheveled look and knew something was going on at work.

        Funny how these cops are suppose to be role models in their community, yet the majority of them cheat! Even the one’s that you think would never cheat on their spouse, have.

        His HWW can now deal with all of his bullshit!

        Congratulations on almost being done with your ASSHOLE!

      • XCop wife here too…boy oh boy. Whore was a “liaison” to his department. I think both of them misread what she was supposed to be liaison of.

        • Yup, X was a cop here too. Met the whore when she made a complaint that he responded to. The rest is twu wuv history. Threw away 22 years for someone he knew all of 3 months. Fucking idiot. And yes, the MAJORITY of them are cheater with their trailing fucking badge bunnies.

  • 1). He said that if we were talking on FaceTime he was always at least 10ft away from whichever of his three affair partners he was with.

    2). When I told him I wanted a divorce he agreed and said “I really want to date you now. After this is all done we can go on dates. ”

    3). I found out that he had lived for at least a week with his 25 year old AP (he is 50) he said that they did share the bed but he didn’t sleep with her. She was cramping his style so he just turned on his side away from her in anger.

    4). He told his then 15 year old son who had found sex texts on his phone that it was just ‘banter’ with work colleagues and nothing serious. Four years later same son feels guilty and ashamed for not saying anything to me at the time as this was the first affair.
    Ok have an affair on me but drag out son right into this too. Words just fail me.


    • And he never used condoms.
      And he slept with OW#3 on our 21st wedding anniversary.

      • Seems they never wear condoms. One of my first concerns after his “confession” to me was, “Did you use protection?” His answer, “she’s clean! You should know that!” Really MOFO? I worked in health care and I have yet to be able to “diagnose” an HIV positive patient by just “looking” at them! What a dumbass!

        • It is so common. When I said he should get tested he looked so shocked. It had never crossed his mind.

          When he got the results and they were clear he said that he was going to get them laminated to remind him not to do that again – still don’t know if he meant he will not sleep with strange or will always use protection from then on.

          I was just in shock to realise that the sight of his devastated family wouldn’t be enough to stop him. Just this laminated card of possible harm to him.

          • Mine looked shocked too when asked to do a test, it came back negative but the pregnancy one one didn’t a few months later.

        • Oh God! “She’s clean!” Yep. So sparkly and pristine. Seriously??? I am closing in on 50. OW is closer still. Never married. Never lived with a man. Never lasted in any relationship longer than 6 months (other than this one when they lived in distant locations and oh, he had me and 3 kids and 28 years together.) I have only ever had sex with him. No one else. She has a kid. And a sex life. So pristine. So not requiring condoms. FML.

      • Me: “Did you use condoms? Did you ever fuck her and me on the same day?”

        Fucktard: “She’s an MD, I’m sure she doesn’t have STDs! And she didn’t like the feel of condoms, so no. And yes, did fuck both of you on the same day but I always washed in between!”

        Just. Wow.

        • ^^^^ditto. Magical anti-STI shower we have at home. We should patent it! Oh wait. It failed. And I deal with the consequences forever now …

        • Don’t these fucktards realize that they are not only screwing the “Ho” but everyone that the AP has ever fucked?

          I guess that Schmoopie Pie is invulnerable.

          Yeah, get an entire panel of STD tests!

    • God they suck at life. Ugh. Nothing is worse then when kids get dragged into the muck.

      • After fucktard left, he frantically told me we should remain friends & he should have a key to my home

        • Ugh – no. I had to change the locks because X would still walk into the house that was now only mine. Just one of the many reasons I am glad to be 1500 miles away now.

        • Also – (hit enter before I meant to) why do they think this? I am always flummoxed at how they think we should sit around waiting for them or be friends after everything. X said he would always be my friend and I laughed and told him ‘no – real friends don’t do things like this.’

        • Omg. X said “I think you’ll find that we will better friends than being married.”
          What an asshole statement!
          I said “not only will we NOT be friends, I hate your selfish ass & I could care less if you or your home wrecking whore take 1 more breath!”
          Narcissim at it’s highest level….assholes!!!

        • So reminds me of the declaration fuckface made after nearly a year of no contact ‘we would have to interact at some point for the kids sake ‘ – now adults ….hmmm how about no !you can go and interact with yourself aka go fuck yourself . control freak till the end . didn’t get the memo that when you leave your family out of the blue and penniless for a ‘new chapter of your life’ the rules change and the wife appliance seems unwilling to carry on as before . funny that .

          • I got that too. “We’ll need to be friends so we can keep being good parents.” Then he sued me 3 times in 4 years to end or reduce child support and lost each time. I don’t let my “friends” treat me that way.

            • My ongoing way of saying f— you is to only communicate by email. And when he let himself into my garage with the code he demanded from my daughter he got a stern warning from my lawyer.

  • 1. Walked out after 20 years of marriage and 2 kids when I was 6 months pregnant (after 2 years of wreckonciliation) claiming that the married and family life wasn’t for him (dday#2)

    2. Found out he fathered a child 2 years previously and dday#2 was with a 23 year old girl who used to work for him.

    3. I saw an order last night for 2 personalized Christmas stockings that look eerily like the ones I bought for us 20 years earlier and they recently adopted a couple of dogs…it is like he is trying to re-create what he left.

    Add-on: Young AP is a graduate student in mental health counseling…

    • He can try to re-create it but the loving spouse will be missing! Hope all misery is re-created for him though. They don’t know what they want!

    • He’s hoping for a do-over… so many wonderful kibble years.

      She’s thinking “her love” will save him.

      They’re both fucked.

    • Funny how they take their AP to restaurants YOU found and went to together during the marriage, purchase things with AP (pets) they refused to purchase during the marriage, takes her on identical vacations that YOU coordinated and went on during the marriage……asshole was creative in serial lying and serial cheating so why stop now?
      Apparently I was so boring that he had to lie, cheat and leave….wtf?

    • Had the same thing happen. “I don’t know if I want to be married!” sniff sniff

      Left me, divorced me asap. Engaged to Skankenstein (10 years younger than me) within a year. Married It and purchased a house around the corner from our former marital home. Takes her on the same trips, at the same hotels I used to arrange for us (he doesn’t have a creative bone in his greasy body).

      Skankenstein thinks she’s got some Man of the World. Hardly. Just a hillbilly that had at one time married someone with some style. Now he has less money and has to be in debt up to his beady eyeballs.

      He’s got his “do-over” alright. We had nothing when we first married. He’s got nothing now – just a money grubbing skank who’s down with OPP.

      • Exactly. Now that I have researched personality disorders, I see so clearly the tactics he used for years. The two he probably does the most are lovebombing and gaslighting. You would think that she would have studied these things along the way…oh well, she made her choices.

  • 1.Sent me a text message to say he was leaving while I was out of town.A grown ass 58 year old man.
    2.Juggled multiple APs who worked together and knew each other,all of them oblivious to their membership of his narcissistic harem.
    3.An obs/ gynae consultant with multiple concurrent sexual partners who did not use condoms.Asked for my ‘friendship’ and ‘support’ while transitioning from exit AP to the next victim.

    Fucking mental .

    • I got the news via text message too. 38 years of marriage and the fucker didn’t have the balls to face me. Still hasn’t.

      • Yep! He was spending ten days with his Schmoopie screwing at her condo! Sent we a text that said, “we’re finished.” That’s what you get after nearly 40 years of marriage I guess!

        • A text after 40 years? That’s disgusting. If these narc’y assholes had worked at a company for 40 years and then got the boot, they’d be furious.

      • X was to arrive home early on a Sunday evening after visiting his family on the east coast.
        A couple hours after I was expecting him home I called his cell phone it is then that he announced he wasn’t coming home and was leaving me. I asked why he didn’t come home to tell me this, his reply,
        “I know how you are, I don’t want to hear you create your drama.”
        Discovered later he had stayed that night with his AP (who happened to be an attorney). I was the last to know. Switzerland friends all knew, his family, and our son all were aware of his plans but not one of them let me know.
        Before X left he had spoken privately to our son telling him of his plans explaining he couldn’t take living with me any longer.
        The following day he stopped by and told me he had something for me and handed me a book on Divorce in California.

      • Mine didn’t text me. He had the police come over because he falsely accused me of molesting one of our kids and tryng to rape him (STBX). Now-STBX had me served in court while I was fighting for the right to ever see our children again. Years later, he still takes ME to court for crimes HE commits. The day I married, I didn’t realize that I was selling my soul and my mortal life to the Devil (the man I married).

  • 1) After a formal church military wedding with 2 Priests, singing lady, grandmas in chiffon and sword arch, he told me that his cheating wasn’t an affair because we “weren’t really married”.

    2) He bought a new SUV that I nicknamed “Scrotumobile” filled it with new bike, new golf clubs and drove it 3000 miles away (where OW worked) to his beachfront apt with new leather sofa and TV. Later, he told me “Im very proud that I never left you”

    3) When I found the “LEARN CHINESE” CDs, he said he hid them because he know that I would say he was doing it for his Chinese AP but he was really learning for himself. Yea…there is a real need for Mexican guys in rural Virginia to learn Chinese.

    • After following his hotel career around the world and living in eight different countries with two children, far away from my U.K. home we settle in the Middle East.
      He tries to get me into “swinging” (I couldn’t do it) to spice up our sex life – I should have left him then but my chumpiness thought I could fix him.
      Get diagnosed with stage 3, grade 3 breast cancer (10 positive lymph nodes too) lose my left breast..,
      16 doses of chemo (he didn’t come with me to any of them!) 5 weeks of daily radiation and then one month later from nowhere – he wants a divorce!
      “You don’t make me feel special anymore” says he! Denied another woman but hand written notes in his briefcase said otherwise….. chump here would have taken a bullet for him whilst he stabbed me in the back and the heart and told me to go and get myself a boyfriend – I still have one breast until reconstruction!
      Shithead of the year for his timing!

      • Oh Charlie, Im so sorry…what ghastly things for him to do. There is a chump here, Roberta…she was very sick and the cheater and AP were horrible to her waiting for her to die and leave them her stuff and to their own devices. She recovered fully after the cheater betrayed her so harshly then the cheater became sick and the OW dumped him. Talk about him getting a taste of his own medicine. My cheater was horrible to me for years then he dropped dead. You go on and be mighty !!!!!

        • Thank you! I fully intend to live a long and happy life now, I’m almost 43 – I just need to locate a conscious and emotionally intelligent man who only wants to have sex with me!
          Onwards and upwards ?

          • I was a bride at 50 to a guy I met when I was 10. We have a great life and plenty of good sex. He makes 5x what I do but he still does laundry, grocery shops, and pays for my cleaning lady. There is life after the shit storm.

          • Charlie, unicornnomore is referring to me. My cheater has been dumped by his Schmoopie because he ended up with pancreatic cancer. Schmoopie didn’t sign up to be a nursemaid! Guess who he immediately runs back to? Me! Karma gets them, but don’t sit around waiting to see them get their comeuppance. Go live a good life, have some adventures, live well. These crazy cheaters just hate it when the tables turn!

            • He is playing the field and on Tinder now but he still uses me as his emotional crutch… it’s complicated unfortunately but I know so must move on and enjoy every precious moment of life now! ?

            • “Don’t wait around waiting for them to get their comeuppance.” Amen Roberta!

            • Agreed, Roberta. Don’t wait for them to get their comeuppance. Living life without them is really the best way. They just live in these worlds of banality. Rinse, wash, repeat.

              My life is 50 times happier now. Even on the hard days.

          • You can find a good guy who is all about you!
            Don’t be surprised if it happens when you’re not paying attention. I found mine in my PTSD therapy group. We’ve kind of seen each other at our lowest, so we’re creating an intentionally healthy life together.

      • So sorry – it sucks when the people we think will be our partners in the worst times are actually the ones causing the most harm. I applaud your strength! Keep kicking ass.

        • It really does suck to be kicked when you are at your most vulnerable but so do believe in karma…. I have patience ?

          • Well I have faith it will be paid off in spades! If just by you living your mighty and awesome life happily.

      • Charlie, I am giving you a hug right now. I am so sorry for everything that you’ve been through, your strength is truly amazing. Sending prayers and love your way, you deserve better!

    • Unicornomore

      “Yea…there is a real need for Mexican guys in rural Virginia to learn Chinese.”


      • There was a moment when I was sure they would marry and have kids and I thought “Every time I see a Mexican and Chinese child it will remind me of them!!” (as if exotic looking children walking the streets of rural Virginia would wear tshirts that said “Im Mexican and Chinese if you are wondering”) ….then I thought “Oh, never mind”

        • So funny. I’m really glad he’s dead though. I hope that’s okay. You’re so amazing and give so many hope here and then every story is about what an ass he was. And each one is worst than the one before. He was just horrible, and you deserved so much better. And now you have it.

  • He cleared all his stuff out of the garage except for the kitchen sink — the one he had planned to install in our garage so his mother could live there. Neither I nor his very wealthy mother could ever understand that plan. Now what so I do with this kitchen sink?

      • Lol! Nomor…that’s perfect!
        I’m good with everyone of these assholes having something extremely large shoved up their ass! They need to feel some form of pain, just as we have, even if it’s temporary!!!

    • Sell it on Craigslist or donate it to Habitat for Humanity Restore (tax deduction!).

    • Apparently the plan was that his mother was going to live in our garage so she could be close to him, and he was going to renovate the garage, though he has no renovation skills and it would violate our condo’s policy. He got as far as buying a kitchen sink and leaving it there. His mother was completely insulted and baffled, and blamed the idea on me, as though I’d want my MIL living in our garage! The sink will go to habitat, though I’m tempted to give myself some therapy by finding a very high cliff and dropping it off and watching it smash.

  • (1) Moved his boyfriend into our house and bed for 5 weeks while I was sitting by my mom’s hospital bed in Italy watching her fight for her life.

    (2) Found my beloved dog minutes from death and the basement covered in blood. Stepped over her body and drove to work leaving me and my five year old to walk into this scene about 5 minutes later.

    (3) Took my toddler to “play dates” at OW’s house with her toddler. Lots of playing on those mornings, I’d say.

      • kids & I had to put down our beautiful pet due to illness. I held it together until they were in bed. With tears in my eyes, I started to talk to the fucktard about it. Fucktard says “I hope you’re not going to get hysterical” then turns off the light & promptly goes to sleep

  • 1. His AP ( the free hooker ) – a google search of her name came up with a picture of different people in a line up. It made the number one spot on google. Her mug shot is the first one. Felony convictions – 2.

    2. The free hooker/felon is young enough to be his daughter, that claims to be a “hard working mom” on her Facebook profile, is a part time bartender that sells plastic *wraps* for weight loss online.

    3. The STBX portrays himself on Facebook as a good guy that loves God, his country, babies and puppies – stole his mother’s money with Alzheimer’s to pay for countless hookers, defied the Judge’s orders to pay for half of my dog’s surgery and refused to provide any additional money for me to buy Christmas gifts for the grand kids last year while he spent over $20,000 on himself and his *dates*.

    • Yes, mine is along these lines, HLMHLMN.
      1. Google search AP’s name and she’s the first mugshot.
      2. AP is 32 yrs younger so I call him grandpaboyfriend.
      3. He committed adultery with multiple partners while comfortably serving at our church as president, elder, and communion assistant.

      • My daughter refers to X’s current GF/AP (20 years younger than him) as the Fetus.

        • OMG, Tempest! Your daughter is a genius! I WILL use that one!!! The fetus….LMAO!!!

  • 1) Asked me over Skype “Do you think we can be together again, in the future?”, he was on his big fun road trip with OW days after it all came out, I was 7 months pregnant with our baby, overseas, completely devastated and in shock.

    2) When he was crying over Skype because he wanted me back, a few months after DDay, I asked him but who do you feel sorry for?? He said: “For me!!!”

    3) When I asked over SKype, wy did you do it… he shrugged, made a dumb fake sad face and said “Sex, I guess”

    4) He gave OW my surfboard, my bicycle, so much stuff, while I was pregnant with our baby, he stole from me… can’t make this up

    I guess I went no contact pretty soon after our last Skype calls, thanks to finding CL.

    • OMG Junglechump…picture this cartoon…guy carrying surfboard yelling “Schmoopie, here is a surfboard for you – my wife cant use it, she is pregnant!!” Given a chance I would help you smack him over the head with it. His behavior was beneath contempt

    • The list of mine and our belongings he stole is extensive . House trailer,Harley, snowmobile, utility trailer,tools from 3 properties, all of the “good stuff” from our cottage and Florida home (leaving me to clean out both for closing to new owners after bringing AP to both for “fun”). Some of my nicest jewelry (I still wonder if she’s wearing it or he pawned it). By the way he went into a rage when he saw I took some camping supplies from the house trailer(so I could camp with our daughter in a tent).

      • sadlady, I have a huge list too, and I havent been back. When I am bac one day, I want to sneak into “their” place and see what else they stole from me. It is beyond baffling. And I am sure my ex too would rage if he sees I take like a screwdriver he thinks is his, pffff, or a gift MY MOM gave to him for us as a “family”.

      • I was married to a ratbastard for 26 years and he stole a lot from me…time, truth, dignity, decency, but it never even occurred to me that they would steal your personal possessions and give them to the OW. THe OW in my case was engaged to a high end jeweler who gave her a $39,000 engagement ring…nothing I owned would have interested her. I am so sorry that you folks were actually stolen from !!

        On another topic, until I came here, it virtually never occurred to me that so many men used prostitutes and then tried to convince spouses to not fuss about it. As sucky as my sitch was, others had some terrible suffering.

  • We were living in the States at the time. I had just had our first son and a friend was over from Ireland (for just four days). We were driving back from an outing, baby facing backwards in the front passenger seat (as was the way then) and me and my friend sitting in the back. The Twat had his window wide open and my friend asked if he could shut it at bit because it was really windy in the back. Twat claims it WASN’T windy in the back and when we insist it IS he sulks. So my friend tells him that as she has had Bels Palsy she should not be in a draft and could he please close the window a bit. So his idea of a compromise (bearing in mind he’s still sulking) is to have the window COMPLETELY closed for 10 minutes (in 90 degree weather) and COMPLETELY open for 10 minutes!!!!

    One time I was packing to go to England to see my elderly mother (in her 90s). I put my suitcase on the bed to pack, moved my pillow and find a packet of condoms under my pillow. Obviously I was going to England to cheat, not to see my mom (oh sorry, that was him).

    Another time he came out to our “neighbourhood clean-up” event dressed in what I would call a “muscle man shirt” (although I think they call them “wife beaters” too – you know, a string vest with no sleeves. He weighs all of 112 lbs (I kid you not) and has cystic acne! You can imagine how good THAT looked! (UUUUAARRR – let’s hear it for the Marines!)

    He had already left me to move in with his skank, but was up at the house for something or other. Said he was horny and could we have sex. When I told him to take a long walk off a short pier he said “I have rights you know”! Sorry, I know this was supposed to be short but I could go on and on and on and …….

  • 1) He demanded that my son go without Christmas presents to pay to upgrade his phone to an iPhone 6 so he could schedule his prostitutes.

    2) When I said no, he told me to sell my fully paid car instead as the annual insurance was due and it was the same amount as the iPhone 6

    3) When I said no again, he complained that he will just “suffer and sacrifice” with the iPhone 5 ; I guess it must be really challenging to WhatsApp prostitutes on the smaller phone?

    • A prostitute costs 300 to 500 an hour. Couldn’t he have just cut back instead? Or perhaps spend less than 4000 a year on clothes? These guys suck.

      I have to say whenever we talk about budget cutting, he was tells me to get rid of my things or tells me that our son needs to go without. Never mind the fact that this man overspends, refuses to make a budget for his other children, or even create a budget for himself. I really hate this motherfucker.

      • Yes how very spiteful nasty of me to expect him to cut back on his own personal expenses to make room for new ones.

        I just did a calculation of all the things I have cut back on over the past three years. When it comes to personal care, clothes, after-tax investment, I have reduced all of this by 1700 a month, I do my own hair, I do my nails every five weeks, no more waxing, no more after-tax pension investment. Meanwhile I’ve paid more than my fair share of the bills while looking for a job, and this guy earns plenty to support us both.

        When I reread what I wrote, I get so angry!

        • I, too, am cutting back on expenses. I am forgoing treatment of a chronic injury I’ve had for four years so that the kids can get expensive necessary medical assessment and treatment while deadbeat dad takes vacation overseas again (seems to be monthly) with his latest partner instead of visiting our kids.

          • RSW I get you. It sucks. They trounce along spending in themselves without a care in the world and it hurts. Mine makes 300k a year and I have to buy clothes second hand, toys second hand, shop for food on reduction and cut out all of my expenses. I spend less than 200 a year on clothes. Color my hair at home. I desperately need dental work (reconstruction and the whole lot, 20k of work) and can’t afford it. While he got his dental work done while I pay half the bills from my savings. I do 100% child care, look for full time work now for 2 years, while he gets laid off recently and he spends his time sleeping in, working out, fucking prostitutes and doing personal writing. 6 weeks until filing. Counting down the days.

            Santa bring the karma bus.

            • Getting Real, I will ask Santa to fulfill your needs and wishes! By the way, one of my kids, when he was young, brought Santa candy at the mall. At least there is some hope for the next generation and hope for offspring of the monsters we married!

              • I pray everyday for my kids that they are nothing like their father…immature, no character, no boundaries, no morals, narcissistic asshole!!!