It’s time again for our Cheater Freak Christmas Countdown! To the newbies, every year we try to best each other with our cheater freak stories. The winners get their submissions cartooned and the top 12 freaks appear in a “On the First Day of Christmas” cheater freak countdown post!
The stories told are legend here — GladItsOver’s dancing Sasquatch, the cheater who jumped around in a sleeping bag, the squirrel assassin, PF’s pillow muncher… You can read previous year’s winners here, here, and here.
This is how the game is played — I want to know the telling details of what makes your story freaky. The object here is to be as SUCCINCT as possible. No essays! You can comment on other people’s Freak of the Week submissions, but each submission needs to be a three brief sentences, tops.
For example, my submission would go like this.
1) He had the same mistress for over 20 years and three marriages.
2) OW and ex apparently had a kid together and she passed the paternity off on her brother-in-law.
3) After boinking his OW in Vermont, he drove home and presented me with a one-pound bag of coffee.
The winner of the contest gets me immortalizing the crazy in cartoon form. I promise to draw over New Year’s and announce the winners in the new year. So Chump Nation, BRING IT!
1) Said he loved me inside of three weeks
2) Tried to Sharpie out the cursing in one of my books
3) Never on time for anything in his life
“2) Tried to Sharpie out the cursing in one of my books”
He . . . he what?!?! Oh man. That is freaky-deaky. Who does that?!?!?!?!
Cheater redacting … Sort of like what we need to do to get THEM out of our stories …
I really hope it was Tracy’s book!! That would make a great cartoon.
This is my first post. First of all, thank you CL and CN, you’ve been saviors. I’m 2 1/2 months from Dday.
1) At 57 (should be wise), I discovered after 2 1/2 years in a committed monogamous, practically live-in relationship with a Navy physician, where we were discussing marriage, that he had THREE other “monogamous” girlfriends and we didn’t know about each other(I hadn’t realized that monogamy was measured in hours)
2) My discovery was pictures and videos of him vacationing and/or having sex/oral sex with other women, some of which were included in their iPhone profiles, which I’ve since discovered they didn’t authorize or have knowledge of (I think he had a webcam in his bedroom and he’s since threatened me with exposing my photos of which I had no knowledge)
3) After realizing that OW#2 (lived in Italy) looked just as in love as me, I sent her a jarring photo of OW#3, and over the next few weeks contacted OW#3, OW#4, AP#1, and newest AP#2 so that they could make a reality-based decision about whether to continue.
I trust he sucks and have been NC since day #1. The last time I talked with him is when he called me from OW#4’s cellphone ten minutes after I called her and told her that I had high risk HPV (his gift to me) and she said to me “I got that from him and told him a few months ago”. And then gave him her phone – WTF???
PS. I helped him get a job at a regional medical clinic post 34 year Navy career (he gave me his retirement flag that I’ve since returned). I also contacted the CEO of the clinic to explain the circumstances and apologize for ever introducing them to him.
OneofFour–I’m sorry you have to be here. Don’t blame yourself for not detecting the deception; these cheaters are masters of the double (triple? quadruple) life, and very adept at saying the right things to avoid detection. They then give just enough crumbs to keep us invested, while having plausible stories for why they aren’t around more.
Sounds to me as if you were very mighty in tossing him out on his ear, informing the OWomen, and taking steps to strip him of his mask of legitimacy. But it still hurts.
XH was a brilliant, high powered attorney and heavily involved in church and volunteer work
Who after retirement suffered from apparent frontal temporal dementia to the point of requiring sitters
But actually was dissociated from emersion in shocking porn/prositutes/alcohol/drugs.
Great cover!!!!
Four sentences, sorry.
Sometimes the crazy slops over. It’s okay.
LOL! “Slops” is only one of the verbs that come to mind in these situations…
So many wonderfully descriptive words, too few succinct sentences in which to use them all! ?
BTW, the sitters husband was providing his cocaine. Wondered at the time why he so passively accepted the sitter. Playmate!!
Sounds like my husband’s attorney, who’s also a “recovering sex addict” like his client.
I guess that’s my entry: two white haired lying perverts across the table from me and my attorney.
Thanks, Geode!
Love that visual!!! Cartoon worthy!
Forge on, all….ForgeOn!
My STBX and his attorney have the same therapist.
The therapist actually recommended the attorney to STBX.
I find that ethically questionable.
And icky.
He never deletes a photo, even of his finger or the inside of his picket. (Nor throws away receipts nor retires old socks.) So when he gave me his photo collection per our separation agreement… Let’s just say it was all the evidence I needed.
ROTFL at this one!
His family figures he was justified in leaving me for OW because I needed a wheelchair due to injuries sustained having his children, whereas OW is healthier. So now he has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and I’m all better. Karma is sweet.
wow, messed up people!!
Sounds like the story Ethan Frome.
He is an evil jackass; glad you’re rid of him.
I’m left feeling happy that somebody is ill, which is a contorted moral place to be, and hoping I will eventually be able to rise above this all and feel pity.
Schadenfreude at its finest. Enjoy your Ex’s misfortune. ? LOL!
I am so happy for you! Congratulations! Karma is a bitch!
1) AP died, she asked me to print out his photo as her printer was broken
2) AP died, announced she was going on-line dating after 4 days of him passing away
3) Announced she was the most attractive mistress at his funeral. (His first AP and his widow were both at the funeral)
4) Put together an emergency box of stuff for my new apartment…towels, candles etc!
I could probably write a dozen more, but the craziness just blends in to one big bat shit crazy mess!
Sorry, I got a bit over-excited with this one…Same as Dianne i did 4!
Bwahahahah! Just choked on my hot tea at “Announced she was the most attractive mistress at the funeral.”
Good riddance!
MissDeltaGirl…her exact words were..
“His first mistress was a little dumpier than I had expected and his wife (widow) looks like a lesbian. Obviously I was the most attractive one there”
I sometimes wonder if I mis-understood her and she meant she was the most attractive person out of ALL the people at the funeral.
Sorry, I’m still trying to get past the 4 days! WTF!
Verity297 as with MissDeltaGirl I’ll explain more..I left crazylady in March, she continued her relationship with AP until he died n July. So she had lost me and him within the space of 4/5 months. On day 4 after he died I called in to check she was OK, and coping ok with her grief and as she sat on the sofaHer exact words were…
Crazylady: “Your going to think I’m crazy, but I’ve signed up for datesite.com”
Me: Bit soon isn’t it?
Crazylady: “I just can’t be alone”
I seem to remember me having to psychically close my mouth with my hand as i left the building!
She is crazy to be telling you this!
“I just can’t be alone”
And there you have it. The underlying motive of my cheater and many others!
Mr. Sparkles and his OW broke up in August… he had been with her for 18 months and she had met our son and my stepchildren.
ONE DAY … ONE DAY… after telling my son he wouldn’t be seeing the OW and her kids anymore, he had a “new friend” come over to his house for drinks on the back deck while my son was told to “stay inside”.
These people are not normal. They cannot be alone because they need KIBBLES to live… it is so sad.
There are definitely times when I would like to have a companion, but I am more than comfortable with my own company. I do not fear being alone like these people do. I do not envy being that empty.
I’m with you, ICanSeeTheMehComing!!
I’d rather be alone and happy to not have to deal with their BS any day of the week, than to be lonely and miserable in their company!!
Ouch! Oh mickeyblueeyes, I’m so sorry you had to hear the stark naked truth straight from the CrazyLady’s mouth…but better to know the WHY of her actions than to be left wondering.
I’m just horrified at the oblivion these narsisistic-sociopathic A**holes show to the swath of mayhem & destruction they leave in their wake. The lives they destroy without thought, care or concern is just appalling. And there’s so MANY of them…OMG!
sigh…
I think she was trying to say she was more attractive than the corpse…but I could be wrong.
Setting the bar kind of low, isn’t it?
She’s have to dig her way to fucking China.
You are soooo lucky to be rid of that crazy! I can’t imagine what the future holds for her. It would be like anticipating the worst train wreck in history! Karma train doing a circular pattern in your life until you blow it off
I sometimes think I dreamt that she said those things, but then I can remember exactly what she was wearing, where she stood when she said it. I think the way that she dealt with the grief allowed her guard to drop and somehow thought that confiding in me would make me feel sorry for her. I do actually pity her, what she’s lost, what she’s done and the empty hole she has for a soul.
Mine was so worried for himself when he left me for the AP … he cried, “Maybe I’ll die alone”. There he is, surrounded by his family, her, still me at that point because I was a chump, and all our Switzerland friends, and he’s worried about being alone.
The problem with them being alone is then they have to be accountable to themselves and whatever crap is floating through their brain.
Sometimes I have a hard time getting through my day, and I wonder, how do the mentally ill do it? How do street people get through their day, or people with diagnosed illnesses? So I try to think of him like that, and when compassion starts to cloud my thinking and I start to miss him, I remember that he’s entitled, with money, with friends … he can buy his support system. He’s not suffering, and he won’t die alone. The people he’s left might … but what does he care about that.
My Ex runs his life using the Wingwalker’s Rule: Never let go of one thing until you have a firm grasp on something else!
While this rule works for him, along with gaslighting & blameshifting he throws at me, the resulting havoc destroyed my life.
I’m awaiting the day I will be free of him, and all his issues, and can move on with my life. ?
Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life!
Oh Mickey, this reminded me of one of my favorite Flight of the Chonchords songs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YIxpNPhAQE
I’m sure if she was not the most beautiful narc in the room, she was definitely in the top three!
HA!
Lol! Love the line, “You’re so beautiful, you could be a part-time model…”
Or a waitress! ?
Or a prostitute
Ding ding ding. We have a winner doing me.
Just a big ball of class, isn’t she?
1) Shortly after we moved to his hometown, a purportedly “crazy, stalker girl from high school” regularly called our landline phone in the middle of the night (before, during and after I gave birth to our first child).
2) When I had our phone number changed and unlisted, our front lawn was mysteriously “decorated” with a spectacular collection of SEX TOYS for all of our neighbors and passing motorists to see…
3) Ironically during our divorce 23 years later, “crazy girl from high school” was the first women he started dating openly…
This happened before cell phones
Sex toys on the front lawn? That takes Bunny Boiler to a new level here.
Enough sex toys to be noticed on a yard would likely be a really expensive collection.
Ewww.
Naive me didn’t know what those things scattered in the yard were until I saw something resembling a penis and tube of KY… There was a large shoebox-sized cardboard box nearby. Mystery person obviously threw it out of a car in a drive-by. Ex suggested that maybe the box fell out of a passing truck by accident…
My old neighbors still bring up the incident which happened 26 years ago!! (I can laugh about it now.) They didn’t tell me at the time, but none of them thought it was a random, “accidental” dropping of sex toys!! I figured “crazy high school stalker girl” was definitely a sicko, but I didn’t put 2 + 2 together that he was probably boinking her and she was mad that he and I had just started a family! I was so young and stupid….
That would be an interesting dissipation of marital assets filing!
LOL! I would love to know what conversation ensued between them after that… OW definitely was sending him a pointed message if she went to the trouble of throwing their toys in our yard!!
I hope no animals were hurt.
LOL!
No sex toys were injured in the making this story.
Thank you, Baby Jesus! whew
LOL!
On numerous occasions, went to the altar at church to get anointed with oil as he was praying to God whether he should divorce me, his faithful spouse. I thought he was praying for our marriage. Ha! Jokes on me.
Wow, his pompous arrogance is astounding. What a hypocrite!
Not sure what God he was praying to!
Maybe one in his own image.
I guess he was “preying” not praying. Jesus cheaters suck. Mine screwed his whore every Saturday lying to his family about being at work and then sat in the front at church every Sunday with said family. Rinse and repeat for 8 months.
When mistress #3 got me on the phone she told me about mistress #2. When asked if it was true he said ” oh yeah, I forgot about that.”
Got left for AP #2 (^see above) on New Years Eve over a decade later ( they “reconnected”….okay) He said he wanted to give us a good holiday so he waited, and I asked what he thought NYE was and he said “that’s not a real holiday”.
2 hours after announcing he was seeking a divorce on non holiday New Years Eve he asked me at midnight if I wanted “a hug.”
You can’t make this shit up.
What’s is it with these selfish fuckers?Paintwidow – whilst still sharing our home, albeit in seperate rooms/lives for 3 painful mths I was regularly ridiculed and mocked and he would say the most hurtful things like ” you are a useless lump in bed etc.” Then whilst I would be sobbing after one of his rants he would knock on the bedroom door late at night as if nothing happened and ask me if I wanted a hug?…….,of course I said no! But he would look surprised when I would tell him to go f@ck himself – strange that eh?
When my ex came back into our bedroom at 11:45pm on NYE where I was hyperventilating behind closed doors to spare our kids, and asked me if I wanted the hug I said “no, but I would like for you to die”.
I wanted it then and every day since…and 2 years later and moved in with AP #2 and her young kids he hoped we can be friends…..not today Satan.
What is it with the hug? I got the same thing, can I give you a hug? You will feel better. Hell no I won’t, you will feel better.
I got the hug request during the he refused to leave the house until the court order stage. I had gone grey rock like nobody’s business and he was upset I wouldn’t talk to him like normal. I walked into the living room one day and he asked for a hug and I thought to myself, well this should mess with his head, so I gave him a hug and kept walking, no words just got a drink from the fridge and went back to my room. He really was shocked when I filed, must have been that hug that gave him hope. Hahahahaha!
I got the hug thing too… This gives me a little insight because the timing and circumstances were just so weird.
This freaks me out! My STBX was about to leave me in our driveway in the new car I bought him to go on a ski trip with his AP, right before he leaves he asks me if he could give me a HUG?!!! This became a pattern and the few times we saw each other after D day, it would always end with him asking, “well can I at least have a hug?”. I think it’s a form of control and as long as they can get us to hug them they feel like they can manipulate us. Talk about a cheaters playbook. They are all freaks.
It makes them feel less like the low lifes they are. It’s all about making them feel better not us. NO HUGS!
EXACTLY!!
One line after going NC w/narc that sticks with me is “I’m hurting & I need your help. I’m so disappointed in myself for hurting you..(blah blah blah). ”
I, I, I ! Please help ME stop hurting.
Our pain never matters until it becomes *their* loss.
Sorry, buddy. Not gonna happen.
In fact I’ve learned no words can deliver the punch that you’re-dead-to-me silence does. Leaves them plenty of time alone w/ their conscience – assuming they still have one.
YES – the HUG is absolutely a form of control and keeping himself in kibble supply… and providing some hopium to the Chump.
Mr. Sparkles did the same thing to me… “I’ll always be here for you if you ever need anything, even a hug.”
That was one of those moments where I KNEW he was a sociopath. I shuddered.
Oh my god!!!!! My STBXH kept saying that over Skype in the months post DDay before I went NC! “I wish I was there so I could at least give you a hug”… it weirded me out but didnt know exactely why until reading your comment!!
Argh! Mine came home after secretly taking the children to his new apartment to tell them we were separating. The children came home looking shell shocked and I asked them what was wrong. They told me and somehow given his deceitful ways I was not surprised. He later asked me if I was upset and if I wanted to discuss it and have a hug. I declined all offers. I had long classed him as the ass he was. I just kept him thinking I was on his vibe. Later he said to me, ‘you were always two steps ahead of me.’ it’s all a game of one up manship and a pretty tedious boring game it is…just like they are.
Its all about control… My cheater left his family with $200 before Xmas …swore on his kids lives it was not for another woman then a year later when disclosure docs come out it is blindingly obvious from spending patterns he was seeing someone every weekend . happy Christmas !
Narcs NEED to feel that everyone NEEDS them. They can’t stand being told NO!
I think it’s two-fold. One, they want to be able to tell themselves, “See? I’m not that bad. She’s not mad at me, she just hugged me.” And two, if you refuse the hug, they can say, “SEE? I’m trying to be open and loving here. I’m trying to ‘consciously uncouple’ and she’s just so MEAN and HATEFUL.”
This is freaking me out. the epically jeckyl and Hyde cheater ex has been around seeing the kids the last few days and he did the hug thing too,twice,and I was bewildered as he’d been telling me a few hours previously how much he hated me. Then tried to kiss me(WTF???)then by the next day claimed that he did it because “I looked sad and he wanted to make me feel better”(does he try and kiss EVERYONE? Actually he probably does)..then by the NEXT day claimed “I frightened him and need to get professional help because I’m unstable”. Jesus,I won’t even drink a glass of wine when he’s in town now to help keep me alert in the face of his totally erratic behaviour. :/
Exactly, just another example of why I couldn’t live with her/him, irrational, lack of affection,
hateful.., or..
See we’re still friends, I haven’t done anything wrong, we agree to disagree. Feelings are mutual..
Not my fault we weren’t able to get along.
OMG THIS!
mine wants to ‘stop by’ every few days. Just so he can cry and tell me how hard this is for him. I pretty much just wait for him to talk and do gray rock until he is done, but then he always wants a hug. Thanks for pointing out it is all about control. I freaking hate it.
1. As I waited in the lobby of a swanky downtown condo complex on our 15th anniversary waiting for her favorite Indian food to be delivered, she was arranging for AP to come to our home the next morning for sex.
2. She received a black eye during a BDSM session with one AP, texted a picture of it to a different AP, and told him that I’m the one that gave it to her.
3. On the floor of the closet in the master bedroom, she kept a “magic bag” of sex paraphernalia including the waist harness and vibrating purple dildo she uses to fuck Creepy Writer in the ass. (The Guardian Ad Litem asked me for pictures of the contents of this bag as she compiled her report for the court.)
Oh please, CL, do NOT draw an illustration of No. 3
Lol! I had the opposite reaction — I wanted to see this drawing! 😉
Hahaha
Hahah!! Cartoon worthy shit right here!
Ha Ha My reaction too NWHI!! Reaching for the brain bleach…
UX, What is with the purple dildo’s? Whorrie had a purple one also. It wasn’t a strap on like KK’s but it did have 2 heads….it was called the “anal intruder”.
She also left her “magic bag” on the closet floor of the master bedroom.
Ewww I just threw up in my mouth…
???
Shouldn’t have logged on to CL just before lunch…..
No way, purple dildos are a thing, really? Aack!
Why purple? I just have to ask. Of course I’m sure someone out there is saying “why not?” I have no clever comebacks. Blah.
Purple is an arousing color would be my best guess. 🙂
I think the colour contrasts really well with any skin tone.
Holy fuck, what did I just read? You win!!!
Hahahahahaha!!!!
The color purple is forever ruined. Bleh.
UXWorld… boy did this ring a bell for me. As part of the pick me dance, I suggested we add a “toy” into the bedroom… we replied with a mortified look on his face that he could never do anything like that….
AND YET… wait for it… He trolls the internet looking for couples/women/groups to have sex with… AND… wait… there’s more… He reads more T4M (transexuals 4 men) personal ads on Craiglist than W4M ads.
They are lunatics.
OMG I love that word. Yes. Lunatics.
I would say that I would hide in the closet now when it’s a full moon.. but after all the stuff about ‘magic bags’ I think not!! Ewww
Do.not.hide.in.the.closet!! I think we all know what’s in there, now.
OMG I fell out of my chair laughing at this!
If you do hide in the closet, sit down very carefully … ease down ever so slowly and brush your hand back and forth to carefully clear a space!!!
Also stay away from anything purple….hahahaha
or with an on/off switch.
OMG … an on/off switch … tears are running down my face!!!
Trying so hard not to laugh reading all this as my kid is in the room if I laugh he always wants in n the joke.
When UXworld told us about number 3 in our meet-up, a few of us googled it and regretted it. We couldn’t unthink it.
*nor unsee it …
Not. Googling. This. Ever.
Also not hiding in the closet! If not that thing, then surely the family of raccoons. What is up with your closets, people?
I am all for people getting their freak on, but this takes closet freak to a new level. Ugh.
1)slept in our house trailer in the barn in October after we separated because I wanted him to move into the guest room (he thought I should move out of our befroom)
2)when leaving to move in with AP and her daughter (young enough to be his granddaughter), said “I just wanna have fun!”(56 years old not 10yesrs old)
3)said “I rany business for 20 years so I shouldn’t have to work anymore”(after a year of making nothing and blowing half our life savings in said business)
Can’t make this shit up
Oh Yeah, I can relate! When our house was going in to foreclosure, I asked X to start working again, and he replied “It’s someone else’s turn to work!”
(I was already working fulltime, plus doing all chores)
I forgot the christmas ones:
1)–spent Christmas at “our house” after moving in with AP,cooking graby like always trying to hold my hand trying to put his arm around my waist and when I got upset walked out sending a text “I know when I’m not welcome
2) giving our daughter a jar of olives for Christmas last year (she hates olives)
Oh d our daughters birthday was last week,not even a text from her dad (last year it was a two word text)
They supremely suck..
Had I been there, he would still be picking olives out of his pubic hair!!! That rat bastard!
Thanks nomoreskankboy. He has to carry that responsibility for shredding his relation ship with his daughter..
Oops gravy.
.
A jar of olives! WTF! Even if she did like olives…seriously WTF!
This made me remember the time my narc dad sent me groceries for my christmas gift, most of which were past their expiration dates lol
OMG, that just reminded me my x-MIL brought a basket of expired ‘exotic’ foods to us at xmas one year. My xh made a very good living, we certainly didn’t need ‘hand outs’. Extremely bewildering, unwanted and insulting.
Hatc, good to see you around these parts! V
Reminds me of my cheater dad too. I get a grocery card for me AND his grandsons every year for Xmas. Less and less each year!
And for my 21st his OWife bought me a pack of three white underwear…..3 sizes too big.
1. She told me she was going to visit a friend in Oregon and called me and the kids every evening to tell us how the day went in “Oregon” when in fact she’d flown to VEGAS to fuck a dude she’d met on the Internet.
2. She hung a self portait of another affair partner as “ART” in our home.
3. One affair partner was a guy she met playing World of Warcraft online, where they were both TROLLS.
A portrait of the AP hung in the home as art!! We may have a winner!!
Yes – who does that ?
I had a boss who did that kind of thing. He is no longer in the military.
X worked with a financial planner who was as big of a narcissist as himself. This man left his wife for a younger model named Tiffany, and that year for Christmas he sent out cards with not one, but two, 5×7 glossy portraits of them wearing fancy evening clothes (Tiffany’s strapless gown highlighted her cleavage, because of course it did). I can only guess that the man assumed his clients needed one photo for the office and one for home.
When we divvied up our retirement accounts it was no surprise to discover that X’s accounts managed by this man, with a risk-tolerance level classified as “aggressive,” did far more poorly than my accounts, which were managed by a different firm and classified as “moderately conservative.”
Best yet…
Agreed. This is the winner!
Unrelated… But your “name” cracks me up. It could also been sleep deprivation.
No way. Unbelievable. She told the family how it was going in Oregon when she was in Nevada?! Hung his picture in the family home and was an actual troll. Just wow.
Well, that was 2 different APs. Out of several. But, yeah.
Deranged.
#3 is classic!
She ended up marrying the Troll AP after I divorced her. At their reception, they displayed a large custom oil painting of their two WoW Troll avatars being married. Classy, right? I know because they “hired” my then-15 year-old son to be the wedding photographer. I didn’t find out until after the fact. The ability of these feckless fucklets to do what’s bad for this kids is inexhaustible.
If brains were dynamite, my ex-wife wouldn’t have enough to blow the fuzz off a peach
WTF!!! A freaking oil painting?! Of troll avatars? Did I read that right? I am so sorry this happened to you, but this is hysterical. Are you SURE you’re not making this up?
For the love of God! Who are these people?
Correction (from post down below): oil painting of troll PRIEST avatars.
I have to be honest mr chumplady, this sounds like a wedding to see. And then vomit. So sorry about your poor son having to see it though. Paid photographer my tookus. Paid as close to free as you can get I get. Just yikes on their child rearing skills. ?
Holy Fuck, Mr. Chumplady!
They made a piece of art with their WoW avatars FOR THE WEDDING?
Come to think of it, there is a rather deranged couple who lives downstairs who have a similar story. Living my life alone is preferable to that crazy.
Mr Chump. Art? Thats messed up.
My ex wife did the opposite….her last affair partner was a hockey legend here in Chicago.
I had his hockey team photo on the wall.
After her affair with him, I noticed she cut out her AP’s head out of a team photo of 25 and put it back on the wall.
So now you look at the team photo with only 24 heads, not 25.
I found the head shot of this asshole she cut out in her keepsake book. Twat.
Funniest one so far! You can’t make this stuff up!!
Right, Chump Mama?
I have lots of sports memorabilia in the basement.
At the time I was so devastated after discovering her affair with this Chicago NHL & AHL hockey legend – whom was also my friend – and I notice his head shot was cut out of the picture? I was like WTF!! This man sat front row center of the pic of 25 players and coaches! WTF again!!
Very hilarious now though. 🙂 🙂
This has me in stitches still. Sorry! Must have hurt at the time but blimey that is just funny.
Oh I’m still laughing also! Just inept lunacy.
Just shows how idiotic they all are!! I mean really – if she wanted a photo, couldn’t she just go online and get one? Or take one herself since she was seeing him? To cut his head out of a picture on your wall!! So crazy that it is funny! 🙂
A friend…..same here.
I told him they were both lower than whale shit on the deepest ocean floor!
I hate home wrecking whores!!!
LOL
That’s totally fucked up! Not that everyone’s stories aren’t but cut the photo out of a group photo? Why not just take a picture of him mid screw?
Lostntx, turns out since he is a personality here in chicago that everyone knows, he was real careful about exw taking pics of him like that. He is still married with 3 kids.
Although I did find a pick of him in her phone while he was wearing all 3 of his championship rings.
Where was he wearing the rings?
I will never forget this picture.,,He had them all on his left hand (no wedding ring on – hes married w 3 kids) and he gave the camera the finger. It was a close up pic.
I showed that pic to his wife after I helped her up. She fell on her garage floor after I told her what her husband did. Felt bad for her. Shes still with him. I always imagined she would eventually show up here on CL but not as of yet
I feel so bad for the wife. I hope she ends up here, too. You did the right thing.
“I found the head shot of this asshole she cut out in her keepsake book” hahah I want to see chump lady drawing your ex-wife scrapbooking the photo of her AP. Too funny!
It sure is funny NotThisGirl, she kept that keepsake book hidden in her car.
The even funnier part is that keepsake book also included all the dates that they would fuck.
Her AP must of had one of those small motivational desk calendars in which each day would have a different motivational quote. He would rip out the page the day they would meet and fuck. Douchy exw saved them all!! I then knew which exact days they would fuck. Idiots, the both of them.
This is genuinely the story that keeps on giving….
You know it’s bad when they do or say something and your brain genuinely doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry
Well Capricorn, I am crying from laughing so hard. My ex wife is without doubt the biggest Jagaloon that has ever walked on this earth.
I remember one time, I was driving with her sitting passenger. She was reading a magazine. I think it was a Cosmo mag which appeared to have Cindy Crawford on the front cover.
So I glance over to her and say, “Is that Cindy Crawford?” She glances out the window and said, “where?” – Jagaloooooooon!!
Lol
OMG I have no idea what a Jagaloon is but that is so funny I have just been helpless with laughter. Maybe I’m overtired but oh these stories are just weirdly what I needed.
My face hurts.
Ok you win Sure! Jagaloon! Just hilarious. I’m from Chicago too (far South Side, with older sibs in high school late 70s). Your story has me googling to figure out the AP. Any similarities to… Cindy Crawford???
Sunshine, I would love to disclose this hockey homewreckers name but I woudnt want chumplady to get sued.
But I will say he was an NHL goalie and now is in management.
Cindy Crawford has nothing to do with it. I only mentioned the crawford story to share what a jagalooooon my exwife is. 🙂
Seriously, SureChumpedaLot, your story from beginning to end is so bizarre it should be made into a dark comedy. Kudos to you for staying sane as you navigated a world only the Coen brothers (Fellini?) could have dreamt up….
Well Tempest,
Fellini I like but it would be nice if my story ended with my exw jumping into a wood chipper like Fargo- thanks Coen Brothers.
Yes this is so bizarre and 100% accurate, but its so worth the laugh. My face hurts. 🙂
SureChumpedaLot –
Jagaloon is right, so sorry you and your three little birds had to deal with her lunacy, but glad you can now laugh about some (hopefully most) of these memories…
I’m voting for this to make the list! Scrapbooking has been taken to a whole new level!
Haha Mama, I think we should my harlequin’s Scrapbooking – “Crapbooking”
Hahaha!!! And ewww.
Crapbooking!!! Hilarious!
Going for the win, SCA! What will we call it, One Headless Hockey portrait?
Bliss, more like One Headless Homewrecker Hockey portrait. Lol
I still couldnt believe she cut out his head. It was so obvious. The picture looked so stupid.
I mean seriously, what if 1of my 3 kids walked by it and said, “dad why is that players head missing?”
What would I have said? Your Mother is a whore. Lol
Wow. So your ex-wife doesn’t understand how Google image search works?
And you intermingled your finances with her and survived? Impressive.
Mr. Chump, as I mentioned all over this thread, my exw is a jagalooon!
I guess she wanted the “professional” picture of this ex-goalie insted of a google image printed version.
Yes, we intermingled finances and I survived, boy do I have stories about that! She knows the price of everything but knows the value of nothing.
Thanks for the inspiration Mr. Chump with your portrait “art” story. Sorry you went through that but gosh the laughs we had here today was priceless!
#3 – Finally, some truth in advertising!! LOL
Im picturing a cartoon of her telling of the wilderness of Oregon with the lights of Vegas in the background
Picasso is turning in his grave.
WOW TROLLS, MR, CL? LOL!
Troll PRIESTS, actually.
Stop!!!! I cannot take anymore. Hahaha.
Have you ever seen the South Park episode where the boys take on some fat slob in his mom’s basement in World of Warcraft? That’s exactly what I’m imagining.
My favorite episode ever!!
Actually, after my cheating ex-wife married her WoW Troll AP, they moved into his parents’ basement for a while. An example of life recapitulating art, I suppose. Or stupid a-holes acting out in cliches.
Ha! She moved into his mom’s basement? Hahaha!
Sweet baby Jesus.
Reminds me when my tool walked out his mother had written a list of items he should take including tablecloths and the waffle maker …he had to ask where it was when he came back 2 days later to load up a trailer. In his reality he thought the kids would actually want to help him ..?.. ( not) this is a 45 year old man who then had his parents buying his groceries so he wouldn’t go hungry at Xmas ..poor lamb . me and the kids on the other hand had to take shopping bags of food from well meaning neighbours .. .but its OK the OW who he denied existed got the royal treatment .
Fast forward to this Christmas and donkey brain is forcing me to sell the house so me and the kids are out looking for a rental at Xmas while he takes a well earned holiday . of course I get the blame for forcing him to use lawyers to get the job done …couldn’t wait for mediation like a normal person . since we are literally dividing finances amounting to pocket change you would think he was some Russian billionaire the way he’s carrying on claiming I am trying to extort money from him. Last time I checked you can’t be accused of extortion if its to pay for stuff for your own kid . but as others say you can’t argue with crazy !
AP as “art” for the Win!
Please tell me you had a bonfire with the Art, or at the very least, up its value, by drawing a big dick on his forehead ?
Yeah, this one gets a big vote for me too. I’ve experienced similar to #1 (the happy Facetiming with our kids when he was in a different state than he said, and she was out of sight in the background), but #2, holy cow that’s some nerve!
He left me, 9 months pregnant, on Christmas night to “go help a friend” aka see a mistress.
He bought another mistress, who was his coworker and was MARRIED, a $4,000 engagement ring.
He supposedly got another mistress pregnant. She claimed to have her “tubes tied” then claims to have miscarried… Either way, the time frame means they were having unprotected sex the weekend the met.
……… Can we finalize the divorce yet?!
Here are the rings for us… and here are the rings for our APs. A matching set!
I’m sorry that happened to you. My now ex-husband left me 6 months pregnant with our 4th kid to “spend time with his elderly mother” on Christmas Day. It turns out he was really with his secret affair partner who had just learned via Facebook (he hadn’t bothered to tell her) that I was heavily pregnant, again – despite us “not having any sex for years” (4 kids aged 5 and under and no sex? Who would believe that?) Legend has it that she then demanded a baby of her own (given her age – not going to happen without MAJOR medical intervention – OW is a generation older than us) they worked on that baby making all Christmas afternoon, while the kids and I were in our home, completely oblivious, having no idea what was going on, setting up the lego sets Santa brought.
Wish I could comment but x is so very important.
Some very weird shit he doesn’t want anyone to know. Use your imagination or don’t – doesn’t matter.
Wants to pretend he’s dad of the universe
Good dads don’t fuck other women while they are married
// , I would say the fact that he’s important is all the more reason to out him, assuming that it would not hurt you to do so.
The world has too many assholes in high places as it is, and airing the dirty laundry can help to have them removed.
1) after separation, while still residing (downstairs) in the house, fucktard ran upstairs as I was taking kids to a movie and said “hey, sounds like fun, can I come too?”
2) fucktard left laptop open to Facebook while messaging AP while “chatting” to 4 other women at the same time trying to arrange sex dates with all of them
Jane please take care to protect yourself by copying everything you can. Use your phones camera to take screen shots of emails, ads, texts, suspicious cars, whatever. I’m in the middle of my divorce and wish I hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt on anything and photographed everything.
I second that Sunshine!
Jane, I also was too nice (and too shocked) to accumulate as much evidence as I could have. I recovered quickly and got interesting tidbits I cherish to this day… But those initial pieces of evidence would have been great bargaining chips during the divorce process.
Good point Chump. The shock, fear and sadness will keep you from thinking strategically. Jane if you’re still reading and for anyone in the early phases of discovery, photograph your spouse’s drivers license, credit cards (front and back), the crap they pull out of their pockets at night, any papers related to employment or accounts, receipts for odd purchases, pretty much everything. Photos can be taken quickly on the spot instead of trying to figure how you’ll get to a copier. And unlike forwarding, they don’t leave any trail on the cheaters device. Also, regularly update your calendar with places you’ve been or people you met with even if it’s a bff for coffee. These will all help when you come out of the fog of devastation and get into the thick of divorce. Your brain will have a much easier time reconstructing events or piecing together those odd intuitions to help your case
Be sure your photos don’t automatically backup to any cloud account shared with the cheater.
I send pics and email evidence to my sisters and a friend as a backup plan. In case anything happens to my phone.
There were several videos posted on Facebook thru a roller skating club that showed my STBX twirling the OW on roller skates. I also found out they drove from MD to Ohio just to ride the worlds largest roller coaster. Apparently I’m not athletic enough nor enough of a daredevil to get beyond making this fool happy after a mere 39 years…..
1. One month before he left for good, MOW banged on our door in the middle of the night and told him to choose. Said he chose me.
2. Shortly before he left he told me I could become a nun. (I guess he was saying if he didn’t want me, no one would. Or only he could screw around. Not sure.)
3. Packed the car taking only his clothes and then wanted a hug. No way!
I got the hug question a couple of times. It is so satisfying now to know I bluntly said NO. It was somewhat satisfying then too
“Can’t I have just one more hug?” I love it!
I did give him a hug, to pretend friendly-parting. He broke the news to me while we were at his parents place in India. So the next day,I was in tears, boarding the train to my parents house,when he wanted a hug and I did. What he didn’t know was -that I had taken the house keys from his luggage and cancelled his flight back to Oz. Asshole was too busy enjoying the rest of the vacation with AP (who had also flown down to India ),that he didn’t even check-in,so caught him by surprise when he arrived at the airport and realised his flights was cancelled.
By the time he rebooked and flew in ,I washed out his bank account- left a little behind, changed the house keys,cancelled his mobile account and bundled his clothes outside the door.
My sisters who were raging mad were the brains behind the events. Looking back, I am not terribly proud,but cant help smiling:)
I am so proud!!
WOW!! I am in AWE of you, Des!
And your “Crazy” sisters! Love how their ‘devious’ little minds work!
Crazy sisters are the best! I have 3!!
That’s freaking brilliant!
Mine didn’t want a hug before he left the final time. He wanted to know if it would be okay if he washed his car one more time using the hose. I said no.
This makes me laugh too. So random!! I mean what the heck??
Can’t be making the drive of shame in a dirty car, ya know. Whereas all your possessions loaded into a CLEAN car as you pull out of the family driveway for the last time says “class” …
I just laughed out loud. What the hell?
Mine wanted a goodbye fuck. You’ve got to be kidding.
Classy Tempest.
I would have given it to him in the manner of oral sex…..FUCK YOU!” “Now go and have your post-coital ciggie!
Perfect NMSB, Tempest, unfuckingbelievable, but really, nothing is anymore.
1) Complains that she was only pregnant 8 times in 15 years of marriage and only carried 4 of them to term. (When she wasn’t complaining that I was keeping her pregnant as an economic control)
2) On the day of the divorce marries a man 19 years older than her.
3) In the 27 months after the divorce has managed to have 3 children.
Freeholder
I feel so sorry for her kids!
Karma in the form of taking care of the kids alone when he’s too tired to help because of age or dead!
3 kids in 27 months? Any multiples?
The second pregnancy turns out to be twins. 17 months after the first one. The first one was born 10 months after the divorce.
2 hang gliders.
In marital therapy, he had picked “hang gliding” as his relaxation technique. Within a month I had a “friend” confessing that her husband had assisted him in picking up two hang gliders for him and the OW about 8 months before.
12k of debt.
I got to pay off the 12K of debt (since it was in my name as well) on the divorce. But I also got to keep my pension without any grubby hands grabbing it.
4 marriages.
BC these people can’t keep it together for any length of time, this one is one marriage #4
Thoughts and prayers requested. 12/16 is reintegration day between my kids and wife #4. Here is hoping for safety and good humor on the kid’s parts. She just needs to keep her hands off them.
Two narcissists.
For those of us dealing with them
My prayers for you Lovey. I was wife #5 though he told me and #4 we would be his third. He moved in #6 (7 if you count a failed engagement between me and number 4) three months after I filed. I’m so grateful we didn’t have kids together. I’m also sorry for his grown sons who have to tolerate this behavior from their father, who doesn’t realize what a laughing stock he’s become in his town.
Thank you!
She had better keep her mitts off NY kids! What a wackadoodle
Freaky family fucker exwife was boinking my lil sis’ husband in my house on my bed.
Freaky twat also opened credit card under my Moms name. Her reasoning, “because my Mom said that she coddled kids to much.”
Freaky fiend would go score her weekly dime bag of cocaine while my 3 little birds were in the mini van with her.
With your kids in the car???? What a slunt! Hope you had proof of that for the judge.
Yes lontnx, the kids in the minivan strapped into their kid safety seats. They were 1,2 and 3 years old at the time. This coke-whore did this weekly. $100.00 each purchase.
“because my Mom said that she coddled kids to much.”
Well, that’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for committing a felony. I’m sure the cops heard that and closed the case right away.
Hugs to all of you new to this ‘tradition’. My contributions are old- DDay is 3yrs ago.
1) Branding Iron. Gift from the MOW to asshat. Asshat’s last name initial. Proudly displayed in the home pre DDay
2) Knife Sharpener. Nothing says Merry Christmas more than gifting your unsuspecting chump a device whereby the cheater can sharpen every knife plunged into their chump’s back.
I got nothing else. These losers suck.
I cartooned that branding iron as I recall. 🙂
Yes, you did. ?
There’s some good new stuff to work with this yr!
He said the condoms were are gone because he used them to masturbate so he wouldn’t have to clean up a mess.
Damn! Mine did the same–3 months after the marriage, when I am pregnant with oldest daughter, he left for a conference. I notice one of the condoms in a box in the bathroom has gone missing and ask him about it–“I don’t know, I might have used it to masturbate to see how it felt.” smh
The mind-numbing idiocy of liars. 🙂
I would of told him it’s much easier to clean up the mess – and less expensive – if he uses his tube socks instead. Idiots, the whole bunch of them!
I suspect the tube sock was blond.
Hehehehe
CN is killing me today. My face hurts from laughing so much!!
Oh now you did it, I was calling my X’s girltress skippy legs (easy spreading pun intended), but brunette socks might fit better…
Found a condom in the bottom of husband’s bag that used to go on a guys weekend shooting trip to Utah.
Silly me believed him. There was no trip.. he never left the state. Only a ho-worker 15 years older than him living on the nasty side of Vegas. Those pesky receipts he left in his pocket gave his non-utah location away.
Had to wait a few more weeks to find out about trashy ho-worker.
Wow, just wow. My cheater said a similar thing. During our separation (also known as his kibble fest from his wife and girlfriend doing the pick me dance) I went over to his “bachelor” pad for a booty call and found a condom wrapper in the bathroom. I confronted him and got “I was masturbating to porn and didn’t want a mess”. Can’t believe I fell for that one. No one actually does that, but I wanted to believe he wasn’t still seeing her soooooo badly. So glad that OW won that prize!!!!!!
If anything its messier …. Not that I have done it but …. Here’s one
I need to move her car so she says keys are in her purse guess what I find
Box of twelve with ten in it so I leave it there beside her purse and go.
Don’t hear anything all day come home she’s acting off and the more I don’t say anything the more she can’t be out of my sight .She is starting conversations talking about nothing asking if I want a drink etc etc etc I finally look at her and say stop with the bullshit I saw the condoms. She says ohhh thats for us I want to go off the pill I said theres two missing the box is open. She looks stunned for about 30 seconds and says ” Im going back to walmart they ripped me off”.
Seriously ? Seriously thats the best you got
Wtf
She is gone now
I laughed out loud at that one. #howtocobbletogetheralie; #Wallmarthaspoorqualitycontrol
Walmart ripped her off! I don’t know how they can say such crap. Mine claimed he checked into the hotel near his office 3 afternoons to sleep off a headache. I burst out laughing then told him to get the f— out.
I believe I would have driven her to Walmart and escorted her to customer service and let her have the embarrassment of making that explanation to the folks at the counter. It would have been highly entertaining for everyone but her!
Dixie Chump, that is genius!! The eye rolls at customer service alone would have been worth it. Requesting video of the transaction would have been even better!!
I always kept an up to date box of condoms in his sock drawer. Did since early in the relationship. My reason? My gay dad. We discussed my fear at finding out my dad was sleeping with men and my mother simultaneously in the 80s. Without protection. When Mum found out, she stayed for a year. Then kicked him out. I asked about safe sex. She said there was none (WTF????) I spent the next 2 years at university freaking out when she phoned me that this was going to be the HIV positive call. I told him that if he EVER fucked up and had sex with someone else (please don’t) to ensure he did so with condoms. ALWAYS.
Nope. No condoms ever used. Not the ‘supplied’ ones. Not any either of them bought themselves. His excuse? (After I got my HPV and chlamydia diagnosis having only on sexual partner ever in my then 42 years.) “I was worried you would count them.”
Jesus!
For the record. I never did. Chump. And I replaced box when they expired every couple of years. Without looking inside. Shame you can’t just buy them at every service station and convenience store, right? Oh, wait ….
I envy those whose fucktards at least used condoms. Even the dumbfucks who took them from home and lied some more.
OMG…. smh
1 – X broke into my home months after divorce was final when I had a date over – bringing along my 9yo – to see who I was with. Then he took a picture of my boyfriends license plate when he left (still not sure why??) and texted all my family to say I was having sex with ‘some random guy’ (who they all knew since we were friends in high school and reconnected to in my new happily single life. We’re still together btw.) X then made Facebook posts about it trying to make me look like some kind of Jezebel. My mom still asks me how my random guy is doing when she calls *eye roll*.
2 – Told me he would watch the kids one weekend then left for a baseball game with AP out of town and left our children with his uncle who has been accused of inappropriate contact with minors.
3 – Had an affair and left us at the same time as his sister did the same to her husband & kids, and his brother did the same to his wife & family. Must have been some kind of family pact that summer…
Every one of these got an “Ewwww” from me
It’s amazing how time and distance can make you go back and see the crazy even more clearly! I’ve got plenty of stories, but in comparison to some of the poor chumps on here my story can’t even compare!! The kids and I are very lucky to be away from all of this.
Umm I’m gonna say unfortunately you can compete. Those are some doozies. Glad it’s over for you. Yikes!!
I’m just glad x has done the fade. My ex-BIL (who’s wife cheated on him at the same time) constantly had the AP over, sleeping together in their bed, would bring their kids around the AP all the time, and would record conversations he had on his phone from outside the room. Compared to some of his stories, mine felt pretty tame :/ I’m probably just too used to abnormality to see it that way!
PalmTrees, your family sounds a lot like mine!
Good news is they aren’t my family anymore 😉
My Xhole did the same thing, took pictures of me and a guy at a shopping center, we were putting groceries in my car at 10am in broad daylight, and he texted photos to my parents, kids stating I had a new lover. The guy I was shopping with thought it was funny, asked me who my lover was because it wasn’t him…haha….I wasn’t sleeping with him at the time, because the divorce wasn’t settled yet…some of us try to have integrity, unlike Xhole…still don’t know how many he had slept with over our 20 year marriage.
God forbid you talk to another man! People with no morals always think that no one has morals. What dicks.
X wrote me a letter before the kids and I moved saying he hoped I would move on and live my life and be happy and not pine after him. Like his dick and presence was some kind of magical snowflake I would never recover from losing *snort*. I thank god every day now that X found strange and I caught him. Life is so, so much better without his deadweight!
PalmTrees, my Xhole did the same thing, kept telling me he was worried how I would survive without him…I just couldn’t figure out why he kept saying that, like he felt sorry for me that I was finally getting free of his craziness…yes, life is much better without them…he is the one having trouble moving on…or finding another victim.
Exactly. The real question is how did we survive with them! *high five*
Palm Trees and ChumpedToTheMax, that “concern” is much like the hug demands others have talked about. What’s really happening is an entitled Fuckwit wants to keep a chump on a leash of some sort. My wasband actually put a deposit on a condo practically in the shadow of the house I could not afford to keep in the divorce. I suppose the idea was to keep an eye on me and “be friends” so I’d be available when he was in between soulmates and/or so I could see every day what I’d lost. None of those things is caring.
I’m just grateful that the light and truth that is Chump Nation helped me break that leash!
I will say that I got lucky on this front. Mine was astute enough to both realize and vocalize “You will be fine without me. Meeting and being with people is so easy for you. Your life will probably better without me.” This was when we were arguing about the “just a friend” Howorker and I was like “If you want to get divorced, let’s get divorced.” I don’t know if this was an attempt at pity channel or what, but I was so done with him that I just remember looking a little confused and say “Of course I will be fine without you. I’m fully functional adult. I will be fine.” Probably why he kept at it with Howorker… I didn’t jump and dance to make him feel special.
Guess I didn’t
I wish I had been that mighty. I picked me danced for far too long. I’m just glad I finally broke away. Good for you on being mighty and knowing how awesome you are!
All three are winners!
Impressively awful.
#3 would have landed mine back in court. What a selfish idiot! There are people that just shouldn’t be allowed around kids. Even their own!
So true! Fortunately my daughter is pretty smart and called me because she was scared. I left immediately and picked her up. X was all ‘why are you trying to ruin my weekend’ when I have him an earful for leaving his kids with a suspected child molester. *GRRRRR*
Family genetic cheating defect for the win! Shaking my head!!!
It was the weirdest month of my life. I found out about the XBIL over the summer. THEN found out about the XSIL cheating with her MAP and I remember commiserating about my poor chumpy XBIL’s situation with the X. Things like ‘How could she do this.’ ‘It’s so wrong’ ‘That poor man and the kids.’ “I could never do such a thing’. HA. The whole time he was boinking his ho-worker. Ugh. Such a gross and devastating time. Especially for all of the kids involved.
1. Hannibal Lecher and I plan an add-on & kitchen remodel, plus put a deposit down for a puppy for the kids, months before he starts his affair with gradwhore.
2. After she issues her ultimatum and he asks me for divorce (after 16 years together) BY PHONE from Mexico, friends convince him he is stupid to divorce me and he dumps her instead. [I am still clueless about the affair.]
3. Post D-day, I find credit card receipts from the time showing he lavished her with expensive meals in Mexico but bought me a $25 Chinese takeout meal for our “I might not want a divorce dinner” AND purchased her a going-away $200 Juicy Couture watch for Christmas.
Classy how he announced wanting a divorce over the phone while the ap was there to support and cheer for him! What a wimp! He sure knew how to impress the ap. Who needs to show the mother of his kids how awesome they are running the home?
BTW, mine got a kitchen remodel while having an affair and planning divorce. I bought the high $ granite too!
Mine remodeled the kitchen after Dday in an attempt to keep me from kicking him out. I came home to find the kitchen torn apart and it took months to finish and by that time, i was letting me stay, in a guest room. Then he started the master bath remodel, but i was sick of him by then, filed for divorce, kicked him out and finished the bath myself!
Mine remodeled the kitchen and most of the bathrooms. After I busted him for cake, he said he did this to keep his mind of off AP. I wish he hadn’t told me that.
I had mistakenly seen it as a metaphor. He was investing in our house, our family, our marriage – working hard. I was proud. I am such a chump.
X lost everything his stingy ass had worked for all his life – I got EVERYTHING, including a large portion of his retirement! Demoted at work from Sgt back to rookie cop due to sexual harassment, but was scared shitless because he thought he was going to be fired! Recently diagnosed with PROSTATE cancer, which from what I’ve been told, his junk ain’t gonna work no more for his home wrecking whore who also cheated on her spouse. KARMA ROCKS!
Oh, yes, the sexual harassment….good times.
We were in Florence, staying in a romantic villa with friends. I am impressed that Hannibal Lecher is not ruining this vacation with his grumpiness and snide comments. Yeah! But why? Because he is feeling vulnerable having received the request from the sexual harassment officer to have a hearing due to his affair with gradwhore from years earlier (see above).
I find those notes preparing for the sexual harassment hearing in his computer bag a little more than a year later for D-day.
D-Day was YESTERDAY!!!
NO LONGER DEALING WITH HIS NARC SELF!
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS YESTERDAY, DEC 1ST, WAS DIVORCE DAY! IT’S FINAL!!!
congratulations! hope you have a amazing narc fee Christmas!
Yes! For the 1st time in a very long time (almost 24 years of being married to a serial cheater), I will have an awesome narc free Christmas!
Best present ever!!
Hate – same thing happened to mine. The day the divorce was final, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and the whole thing had to come out. Poor schmoopie.
Congrats! Wow, that karma was fast!!
Congratulations on your divorce and I wish you a fabulous narc-free Holiday season!!!
I actually have it written into my divorce decree that if I have to be bothered at all due to any legal trouble his bullshit behavior has brought along (sketchy finances with his business, fucking the girl that works for him at his day job and he pays off the books for his business = sexual harassment claim)… I send him the bill. This includes legal expenses, travel expenses should I move and time off work.
I doubt it will be an issue, but it was worth it just to watch him squirm as brought up the issue of sexual harassment law suit to our mediator.
I got my attorney to rush the divorce because it was possible he would face additional sexual harassment charges, which might cut into marital assets.
Mine STBX is a cop too, your story made me smile! Glad you got everything and he lost it all, just the beginning of what they assholes deserve!!
Yes, NotThisGirl, that is his name…ASSHOLE!
The 2 female officers turned in complaints to HR dating back 7 years. Internal affairs investigation went on for weeks. He had already moved out of MY house but I noticed his disheveled look and knew something was going on at work.
Funny how these cops are suppose to be role models in their community, yet the majority of them cheat! Even the one’s that you think would never cheat on their spouse, have.
His HWW can now deal with all of his bullshit!
Congratulations on almost being done with your ASSHOLE!
XCop wife here too…boy oh boy. Whore was a “liaison” to his department. I think both of them misread what she was supposed to be liaison of.
Yup, X was a cop here too. Met the whore when she made a complaint that he responded to. The rest is twu wuv history. Threw away 22 years for someone he knew all of 3 months. Fucking idiot. And yes, the MAJORITY of them are cheater with their trailing fucking badge bunnies.
1). He said that if we were talking on FaceTime he was always at least 10ft away from whichever of his three affair partners he was with.
2). When I told him I wanted a divorce he agreed and said “I really want to date you now. After this is all done we can go on dates. ”
3). I found out that he had lived for at least a week with his 25 year old AP (he is 50) he said that they did share the bed but he didn’t sleep with her. She was cramping his style so he just turned on his side away from her in anger.
4). He told his then 15 year old son who had found sex texts on his phone that it was just ‘banter’ with work colleagues and nothing serious. Four years later same son feels guilty and ashamed for not saying anything to me at the time as this was the first affair.
Ok have an affair on me but drag out son right into this too. Words just fail me.
Sigh.
And he never used condoms.
And he slept with OW#3 on our 21st wedding anniversary.
Seems they never wear condoms. One of my first concerns after his “confession” to me was, “Did you use protection?” His answer, “she’s clean! You should know that!” Really MOFO? I worked in health care and I have yet to be able to “diagnose” an HIV positive patient by just “looking” at them! What a dumbass!
It is so common. When I said he should get tested he looked so shocked. It had never crossed his mind.
When he got the results and they were clear he said that he was going to get them laminated to remind him not to do that again – still don’t know if he meant he will not sleep with strange or will always use protection from then on.
I was just in shock to realise that the sight of his devastated family wouldn’t be enough to stop him. Just this laminated card of possible harm to him.
Mine looked shocked too when asked to do a test, it came back negative but the pregnancy one one didn’t a few months later.
Dr. Crazy diagnosed his Craigslist prostitutes “clean” too.
Oh God! “She’s clean!” Yep. So sparkly and pristine. Seriously??? I am closing in on 50. OW is closer still. Never married. Never lived with a man. Never lasted in any relationship longer than 6 months (other than this one when they lived in distant locations and oh, he had me and 3 kids and 28 years together.) I have only ever had sex with him. No one else. She has a kid. And a sex life. So pristine. So not requiring condoms. FML.
Me: “Did you use condoms? Did you ever fuck her and me on the same day?”
Fucktard: “She’s an MD, I’m sure she doesn’t have STDs! And she didn’t like the feel of condoms, so no. And yes, did fuck both of you on the same day but I always washed in between!”
Just. Wow.
Puke
^^^^ditto. Magical anti-STI shower we have at home. We should patent it! Oh wait. It failed. And I deal with the consequences forever now …
Don’t these fucktards realize that they are not only screwing the “Ho” but everyone that the AP has ever fucked?
I guess that Schmoopie Pie is invulnerable.
Yeah, get an entire panel of STD tests!
God they suck at life. Ugh. Nothing is worse then when kids get dragged into the muck.
After fucktard left, he frantically told me we should remain friends & he should have a key to my home
Ugh – no. I had to change the locks because X would still walk into the house that was now only mine. Just one of the many reasons I am glad to be 1500 miles away now.
Also – (hit enter before I meant to) why do they think this? I am always flummoxed at how they think we should sit around waiting for them or be friends after everything. X said he would always be my friend and I laughed and told him ‘no – real friends don’t do things like this.’
Omg. X said “I think you’ll find that we will better friends than being married.”
What an asshole statement!
I said “not only will we NOT be friends, I hate your selfish ass & I could care less if you or your home wrecking whore take 1 more breath!”
Narcissim at it’s highest level….assholes!!!
So reminds me of the declaration fuckface made after nearly a year of no contact ‘we would have to interact at some point for the kids sake ‘ – now adults ….hmmm how about no !you can go and interact with yourself aka go fuck yourself . control freak till the end . didn’t get the memo that when you leave your family out of the blue and penniless for a ‘new chapter of your life’ the rules change and the wife appliance seems unwilling to carry on as before . funny that .
I got that too. “We’ll need to be friends so we can keep being good parents.” Then he sued me 3 times in 4 years to end or reduce child support and lost each time. I don’t let my “friends” treat me that way.
My ongoing way of saying f— you is to only communicate by email. And when he let himself into my garage with the code he demanded from my daughter he got a stern warning from my lawyer.
1. Walked out after 20 years of marriage and 2 kids when I was 6 months pregnant (after 2 years of wreckonciliation) claiming that the married and family life wasn’t for him (dday#2)
2. Found out he fathered a child 2 years previously and dday#2 was with a 23 year old girl who used to work for him.
3. I saw an order last night for 2 personalized Christmas stockings that look eerily like the ones I bought for us 20 years earlier and they recently adopted a couple of dogs…it is like he is trying to re-create what he left.
Add-on: Young AP is a graduate student in mental health counseling…
He can try to re-create it but the loving spouse will be missing! Hope all misery is re-created for him though. They don’t know what they want!
He’s hoping for a do-over… so many wonderful kibble years.
She’s thinking “her love” will save him.
They’re both fucked.
Funny how they take their AP to restaurants YOU found and went to together during the marriage, purchase things with AP (pets) they refused to purchase during the marriage, takes her on identical vacations that YOU coordinated and went on during the marriage……asshole was creative in serial lying and serial cheating so why stop now?
Apparently I was so boring that he had to lie, cheat and leave….wtf?
Had the same thing happen. “I don’t know if I want to be married!” sniff sniff
Left me, divorced me asap. Engaged to Skankenstein (10 years younger than me) within a year. Married It and purchased a house around the corner from our former marital home. Takes her on the same trips, at the same hotels I used to arrange for us (he doesn’t have a creative bone in his greasy body).
Skankenstein thinks she’s got some Man of the World. Hardly. Just a hillbilly that had at one time married someone with some style. Now he has less money and has to be in debt up to his beady eyeballs.
He’s got his “do-over” alright. We had nothing when we first married. He’s got nothing now – just a money grubbing skank who’s down with OPP.
Skankenstein!! Lol.
Well now you know she’s crazy too.
Exactly. Now that I have researched personality disorders, I see so clearly the tactics he used for years. The two he probably does the most are lovebombing and gaslighting. You would think that she would have studied these things along the way…oh well, she made her choices.
1.Sent me a text message to say he was leaving while I was out of town.A grown ass 58 year old man.
2.Juggled multiple APs who worked together and knew each other,all of them oblivious to their membership of his narcissistic harem.
3.An obs/ gynae consultant with multiple concurrent sexual partners who did not use condoms.Asked for my ‘friendship’ and ‘support’ while transitioning from exit AP to the next victim.
Fucking mental .
I got the news via text message too. 38 years of marriage and the fucker didn’t have the balls to face me. Still hasn’t.
Yep! He was spending ten days with his Schmoopie screwing at her condo! Sent we a text that said, “we’re finished.” That’s what you get after nearly 40 years of marriage I guess!
A text after 40 years? That’s disgusting. If these narc’y assholes had worked at a company for 40 years and then got the boot, they’d be furious.
X was to arrive home early on a Sunday evening after visiting his family on the east coast.
A couple hours after I was expecting him home I called his cell phone it is then that he announced he wasn’t coming home and was leaving me. I asked why he didn’t come home to tell me this, his reply,
“I know how you are, I don’t want to hear you create your drama.”
Discovered later he had stayed that night with his AP (who happened to be an attorney). I was the last to know. Switzerland friends all knew, his family, and our son all were aware of his plans but not one of them let me know.
Before X left he had spoken privately to our son telling him of his plans explaining he couldn’t take living with me any longer.
The following day he stopped by and told me he had something for me and handed me a book on Divorce in California.
What a douche bag coward! He’s a pu$$y!
Mine didn’t text me. He had the police come over because he falsely accused me of molesting one of our kids and tryng to rape him (STBX). Now-STBX had me served in court while I was fighting for the right to ever see our children again. Years later, he still takes ME to court for crimes HE commits. The day I married, I didn’t realize that I was selling my soul and my mortal life to the Devil (the man I married).
Please tell me you were able to fight off his accusations, and have the kids.
1) After a formal church military wedding with 2 Priests, singing lady, grandmas in chiffon and sword arch, he told me that his cheating wasn’t an affair because we “weren’t really married”.
2) He bought a new SUV that I nicknamed “Scrotumobile” filled it with new bike, new golf clubs and drove it 3000 miles away (where OW worked) to his beachfront apt with new leather sofa and TV. Later, he told me “Im very proud that I never left you”
3) When I found the “LEARN CHINESE” CDs, he said he hid them because he know that I would say he was doing it for his Chinese AP but he was really learning for himself. Yea…there is a real need for Mexican guys in rural Virginia to learn Chinese.
After following his hotel career around the world and living in eight different countries with two children, far away from my U.K. home we settle in the Middle East.
He tries to get me into “swinging” (I couldn’t do it) to spice up our sex life – I should have left him then but my chumpiness thought I could fix him.
Get diagnosed with stage 3, grade 3 breast cancer (10 positive lymph nodes too) lose my left breast..,
16 doses of chemo (he didn’t come with me to any of them!) 5 weeks of daily radiation and then one month later from nowhere – he wants a divorce!
“You don’t make me feel special anymore” says he! Denied another woman but hand written notes in his briefcase said otherwise….. chump here would have taken a bullet for him whilst he stabbed me in the back and the heart and told me to go and get myself a boyfriend – I still have one breast until reconstruction!
Shithead of the year for his timing!
Oh Charlie, Im so sorry…what ghastly things for him to do. There is a chump here, Roberta…she was very sick and the cheater and AP were horrible to her waiting for her to die and leave them her stuff and to their own devices. She recovered fully after the cheater betrayed her so harshly then the cheater became sick and the OW dumped him. Talk about him getting a taste of his own medicine. My cheater was horrible to me for years then he dropped dead. You go on and be mighty !!!!!
Thank you! I fully intend to live a long and happy life now, I’m almost 43 – I just need to locate a conscious and emotionally intelligent man who only wants to have sex with me!
Onwards and upwards ?
I was a bride at 50 to a guy I met when I was 10. We have a great life and plenty of good sex. He makes 5x what I do but he still does laundry, grocery shops, and pays for my cleaning lady. There is life after the shit storm.
Uni….so good to hear life after cheater stories!
Charlie, unicornnomore is referring to me. My cheater has been dumped by his Schmoopie because he ended up with pancreatic cancer. Schmoopie didn’t sign up to be a nursemaid! Guess who he immediately runs back to? Me! Karma gets them, but don’t sit around waiting to see them get their comeuppance. Go live a good life, have some adventures, live well. These crazy cheaters just hate it when the tables turn!
He is playing the field and on Tinder now but he still uses me as his emotional crutch… it’s complicated unfortunately but I know so must move on and enjoy every precious moment of life now! ?
“Don’t wait around waiting for them to get their comeuppance.” Amen Roberta!
Agreed, Roberta. Don’t wait for them to get their comeuppance. Living life without them is really the best way. They just live in these worlds of banality. Rinse, wash, repeat.
My life is 50 times happier now. Even on the hard days.
You can find a good guy who is all about you!
Don’t be surprised if it happens when you’re not paying attention. I found mine in my PTSD therapy group. We’ve kind of seen each other at our lowest, so we’re creating an intentionally healthy life together.
So sorry – it sucks when the people we think will be our partners in the worst times are actually the ones causing the most harm. I applaud your strength! Keep kicking ass.
It really does suck to be kicked when you are at your most vulnerable but so do believe in karma…. I have patience ?
Well I have faith it will be paid off in spades! If just by you living your mighty and awesome life happily.
Charlie, I am giving you a hug right now. I am so sorry for everything that you’ve been through, your strength is truly amazing. Sending prayers and love your way, you deserve better!
Thank you so much ?
Unicornomore
“Yea…there is a real need for Mexican guys in rural Virginia to learn Chinese.”
???
There was a moment when I was sure they would marry and have kids and I thought “Every time I see a Mexican and Chinese child it will remind me of them!!” (as if exotic looking children walking the streets of rural Virginia would wear tshirts that said “Im Mexican and Chinese if you are wondering”) ….then I thought “Oh, never mind”
Hahaha! Unicornnomore, you are funny! ?
So funny. I’m really glad he’s dead though. I hope that’s okay. You’re so amazing and give so many hope here and then every story is about what an ass he was. And each one is worst than the one before. He was just horrible, and you deserved so much better. And now you have it.
THIS.
Forgets to see the children then blames me for keeping them away from him
Mexican guys in rural Va learning Chinese!!! ???
He cleared all his stuff out of the garage except for the kitchen sink — the one he had planned to install in our garage so his mother could live there. Neither I nor his very wealthy mother could ever understand that plan. Now what so I do with this kitchen sink?
Like his wealthy mom needed a sink in the garage?
You can shove it up his ass, that is what you can do!
Sounds like it will fit with room to spare!!
Lol! Nomor…that’s perfect!
I’m good with everyone of these assholes having something extremely large shoved up their ass! They need to feel some form of pain, just as we have, even if it’s temporary!!!
Bahaha
Sell it on Craigslist or donate it to Habitat for Humanity Restore (tax deduction!).
Apparently the plan was that his mother was going to live in our garage so she could be close to him, and he was going to renovate the garage, though he has no renovation skills and it would violate our condo’s policy. He got as far as buying a kitchen sink and leaving it there. His mother was completely insulted and baffled, and blamed the idea on me, as though I’d want my MIL living in our garage! The sink will go to habitat, though I’m tempted to give myself some therapy by finding a very high cliff and dropping it off and watching it smash.
(1) Moved his boyfriend into our house and bed for 5 weeks while I was sitting by my mom’s hospital bed in Italy watching her fight for her life.
(2) Found my beloved dog minutes from death and the basement covered in blood. Stepped over her body and drove to work leaving me and my five year old to walk into this scene about 5 minutes later.
(3) Took my toddler to “play dates” at OW’s house with her toddler. Lots of playing on those mornings, I’d say.
ew. Just ew.
kids & I had to put down our beautiful pet due to illness. I held it together until they were in bed. With tears in my eyes, I started to talk to the fucktard about it. Fucktard says “I hope you’re not going to get hysterical” then turns off the light & promptly goes to sleep
That’s just chilling. For real. What a psycho.
Geeze! Sociopaths step over bodies. So sorry.
1. His AP ( the free hooker ) – a google search of her name came up with a picture of different people in a line up. It made the number one spot on google. Her mug shot is the first one. Felony convictions – 2.
2. The free hooker/felon is young enough to be his daughter, that claims to be a “hard working mom” on her Facebook profile, is a part time bartender that sells plastic *wraps* for weight loss online.
3. The STBX portrays himself on Facebook as a good guy that loves God, his country, babies and puppies – stole his mother’s money with Alzheimer’s to pay for countless hookers, defied the Judge’s orders to pay for half of my dog’s surgery and refused to provide any additional money for me to buy Christmas gifts for the grand kids last year while he spent over $20,000 on himself and his *dates*.
Buy a plastic weight loss wrap from her then promptly wrap it around her head!
Hahaha!
LOL! Just where it belongs!
Yes, mine is along these lines, HLMHLMN.
1. Google search AP’s name and she’s the first mugshot.
2. AP is 32 yrs younger so I call him grandpaboyfriend.
3. He committed adultery with multiple partners while comfortably serving at our church as president, elder, and communion assistant.
My daughter refers to X’s current GF/AP (20 years younger than him) as the Fetus.
OMG, Tempest! Your daughter is a genius! I WILL use that one!!! The fetus….LMAO!!!
1) Asked me over Skype “Do you think we can be together again, in the future?”, he was on his big fun road trip with OW days after it all came out, I was 7 months pregnant with our baby, overseas, completely devastated and in shock.
2) When he was crying over Skype because he wanted me back, a few months after DDay, I asked him but who do you feel sorry for?? He said: “For me!!!”
3) When I asked over SKype, wy did you do it… he shrugged, made a dumb fake sad face and said “Sex, I guess”
4) He gave OW my surfboard, my bicycle, so much stuff, while I was pregnant with our baby, he stole from me… can’t make this up
I guess I went no contact pretty soon after our last Skype calls, thanks to finding CL.
OMG Junglechump…picture this cartoon…guy carrying surfboard yelling “Schmoopie, here is a surfboard for you – my wife cant use it, she is pregnant!!” Given a chance I would help you smack him over the head with it. His behavior was beneath contempt
LOL
The list of mine and our belongings he stole is extensive . House trailer,Harley, snowmobile, utility trailer,tools from 3 properties, all of the “good stuff” from our cottage and Florida home (leaving me to clean out both for closing to new owners after bringing AP to both for “fun”). Some of my nicest jewelry (I still wonder if she’s wearing it or he pawned it). By the way he went into a rage when he saw I took some camping supplies from the house trailer(so I could camp with our daughter in a tent).
sadlady, I have a huge list too, and I havent been back. When I am bac one day, I want to sneak into “their” place and see what else they stole from me. It is beyond baffling. And I am sure my ex too would rage if he sees I take like a screwdriver he thinks is his, pffff, or a gift MY MOM gave to him for us as a “family”.
I was married to a ratbastard for 26 years and he stole a lot from me…time, truth, dignity, decency, but it never even occurred to me that they would steal your personal possessions and give them to the OW. THe OW in my case was engaged to a high end jeweler who gave her a $39,000 engagement ring…nothing I owned would have interested her. I am so sorry that you folks were actually stolen from !!
On another topic, until I came here, it virtually never occurred to me that so many men used prostitutes and then tried to convince spouses to not fuss about it. As sucky as my sitch was, others had some terrible suffering.
We were living in the States at the time. I had just had our first son and a friend was over from Ireland (for just four days). We were driving back from an outing, baby facing backwards in the front passenger seat (as was the way then) and me and my friend sitting in the back. The Twat had his window wide open and my friend asked if he could shut it at bit because it was really windy in the back. Twat claims it WASN’T windy in the back and when we insist it IS he sulks. So my friend tells him that as she has had Bels Palsy she should not be in a draft and could he please close the window a bit. So his idea of a compromise (bearing in mind he’s still sulking) is to have the window COMPLETELY closed for 10 minutes (in 90 degree weather) and COMPLETELY open for 10 minutes!!!!
One time I was packing to go to England to see my elderly mother (in her 90s). I put my suitcase on the bed to pack, moved my pillow and find a packet of condoms under my pillow. Obviously I was going to England to cheat, not to see my mom (oh sorry, that was him).
Another time he came out to our “neighbourhood clean-up” event dressed in what I would call a “muscle man shirt” (although I think they call them “wife beaters” too – you know, a string vest with no sleeves. He weighs all of 112 lbs (I kid you not) and has cystic acne! You can imagine how good THAT looked! (UUUUAARRR – let’s hear it for the Marines!)
He had already left me to move in with his skank, but was up at the house for something or other. Said he was horny and could we have sex. When I told him to take a long walk off a short pier he said “I have rights you know”! Sorry, I know this was supposed to be short but I could go on and on and on and …….
1) He demanded that my son go without Christmas presents to pay to upgrade his phone to an iPhone 6 so he could schedule his prostitutes.
2) When I said no, he told me to sell my fully paid car instead as the annual insurance was due and it was the same amount as the iPhone 6
3) When I said no again, he complained that he will just “suffer and sacrifice” with the iPhone 5 ; I guess it must be really challenging to WhatsApp prostitutes on the smaller phone?
Now I think you’re really spite Getting Real! Shame on you!
Spiteful!
A prostitute costs 300 to 500 an hour. Couldn’t he have just cut back instead? Or perhaps spend less than 4000 a year on clothes? These guys suck.
I have to say whenever we talk about budget cutting, he was tells me to get rid of my things or tells me that our son needs to go without. Never mind the fact that this man overspends, refuses to make a budget for his other children, or even create a budget for himself. I really hate this motherfucker.
Yes how very spiteful nasty of me to expect him to cut back on his own personal expenses to make room for new ones.
I just did a calculation of all the things I have cut back on over the past three years. When it comes to personal care, clothes, after-tax investment, I have reduced all of this by 1700 a month, I do my own hair, I do my nails every five weeks, no more waxing, no more after-tax pension investment. Meanwhile I’ve paid more than my fair share of the bills while looking for a job, and this guy earns plenty to support us both.
When I reread what I wrote, I get so angry!
I, too, am cutting back on expenses. I am forgoing treatment of a chronic injury I’ve had for four years so that the kids can get expensive necessary medical assessment and treatment while deadbeat dad takes vacation overseas again (seems to be monthly) with his latest partner instead of visiting our kids.
RSW I get you. It sucks. They trounce along spending in themselves without a care in the world and it hurts. Mine makes 300k a year and I have to buy clothes second hand, toys second hand, shop for food on reduction and cut out all of my expenses. I spend less than 200 a year on clothes. Color my hair at home. I desperately need dental work (reconstruction and the whole lot, 20k of work) and can’t afford it. While he got his dental work done while I pay half the bills from my savings. I do 100% child care, look for full time work now for 2 years, while he gets laid off recently and he spends his time sleeping in, working out, fucking prostitutes and doing personal writing. 6 weeks until filing. Counting down the days.
Santa bring the karma bus.
Getting Real, I will ask Santa to fulfill your needs and wishes! By the way, one of my kids, when he was young, brought Santa candy at the mall. At least there is some hope for the next generation and hope for offspring of the monsters we married!
I pray everyday for my kids that they are nothing like their father…immature, no character, no boundaries, no morals, narcissistic asshole!!!
Yep. THIS ^^^
Dr. Crazy’s prostitutes were only $150-200 and the neighborhood “ladies” on Adult Friend Finder were free. Many cost saving opportunities for the careful shopper…
Do they take coupons?
Or, if you want a threesome is there a Groupon?
1. As I was on my knees with tweezers to pick crabs out of his butt hairs, he was telling me how he most likely got them from the bedding in our hotel in Mexico.
2.Post D-day #4 – In tears, I shared with him how having sex with him AFTER discovering his online personal ads made me feel like I was being raped, he walked over to his new garden at his rental house and replied: “Yes, I can see how you would feel that way. Do you think these are sunflowers?”
3. When he received the divorce papers with the cause of action being “Adultery”, he angrily replied, “It wasn’t cheating. I KNEW I WAS DONE WITH THE MARRIAGE.”
Sadly, my Chump Nation buddies, you cannot make this stuff up.
I love how these assholes always say they knew it was done so it isn’t cheating, but somehow forget to clue in us poor chumps. Sorry for your pain – but the good news is you never need to worry about his crabs again!
I definitely want to see a cartoon of #1!! You are a better woman than I am – I would NEVER had done that for any man. Guess that’s why asswipe cheated on me.
Seconded!
Definitely want to see the cartoon of #1!!
Another vote for #1. So EWWWW, but so hilarious!!!! Lmao!!!
True story… as I was doing it, I remarked that I must really love him because I WAS willing to do it. And, I was so ignorant/naive to the world of STDs it never registered in my brain that they DIDN’T come from the bedding.
Good Lord – give a man a 3 hour window to “rest” and if they’re a Narc, they’ll use it to cheat every time!
You should of just set is ass on fire!
?????
???
OMG!! — textbook example of “it’s so fucking bad, you just have to laugh.”
Not to minimize your anguish ICSTMC but I can’t stop laughing at his imbecility.
No, just no to a picture of #1. Couldn’t he just shave his own ass?
And for your viewing amusement, a Daily Show clip of attempts to save the Pubic Lice from extinction:
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/cdnpoy/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-beasts-of-the-southern-wild
Tempest – I’d need a lawn mower to shave his ass and would run it all the way up his back!
Boy – I sure don’t miss that 🙂
Could a man actually shave his own backside successfully? Just asking. Eww, so gross and completely unacceptable that he would ask you to help manage his STD from cheating and lie about said parasites’ origin. Yuck.
Okay, that deserves a cartoon! Lawn mower!!
Bottle of Nair?!!!
We wear short shorts lol
Number 1 is too much!! ????
OMG!!! I can’t stop laughing!
I’m far enough out now that I look back and see nothing but red flags and insanity. If we didn’t laugh about it, we’d go insane 🙂
Rock on Chump Nation!
Oh yes…same here!
Him: “I want a divorce. I don’t love you anymore.”
Me: “So who is she?”
Him: “I knew you were going to say that. There’s no one. We’re just not compatible anymore.”
Me: “Yeah, right. It took you almost 24 years to come up with that?”
Him: (silence)
What an asshole!
I thought you got crabs from the water in Maryland? Fuck….gives new meaning to crab cakes!
Crab cake, I get it.
This just hits it … They are the centre of the universe . I got ‘there is no family unit /home anymore ‘ (after he left me and 3 kids ) . no asshole we’re still a family you’re on your own buddy. Yeah I’m waiting for the karma bus .
You were picking crabs out of his ass hair!??? With tweezers? How about a fucking blow torch instead? That is insanely horrific – I’m so sorry for you!
Definitely crab pickin for the win. Just. NO. ?????
And don’t forget the pliers!
Gotta be sure the flames can reach them all! hehehehehehehe
Cheese Fries was forever getting “triggered” by things (noise, crowds, vacations, holidays, our kids) and withdrawing into a silent sulk. At the same time, he would accuse me of not being emotionally supportive and not doing enough fun stuff with him. So during my pick-me-dancing days, we went to Comic Con and after awhile he went silent and withdrew into himself. I made sure we left early and rubbed his back in the car as we pulled out of the parking garage. I asked whether the noise and crowds had been too much for him and he told me, “No. I was looking around at all the women in costumes and I got sad that you’re not the kind of woman who’ll spend months making a costume so we can dress up for Comic Con.”
Lmfao ! ?
LOVE this one @BetterDays.
Sitting alone in a chickfila snorting over this one. How could you not laugh in his face.
Yeah, I laugh my ass off about it now but at the time my reaction was stunned fury.
Of course if you’d spent the time and money to make a fabulous costume,
he wouldn’t want to go, and he’d complain that you were spending too much money and ignoring him.
HIL. AR. I. OUS!!!
Haha!
1. He made up a few fictional relationships from his past in order to, as he said, “look normal”.
2. He started a huge, nonsense fight with me because I was using our laptop and (unknowingly) caused him to miss a chat session with his AP.
3. After being caught viewing child porn he made a big display of going to confession for it, sobbed through his penance Hail Marys but then later claimed he landed on that web page by mistake.
After BD:
1.) Cheater left alone for evening mass, told me to create a list “of what he was going to get” if he stayed in the marriage.
2.) Requested I lie to a church tribunal to facilitate annulment. Told me it “would benefit me, too” if I lied.
(He was a 4th degree Knight in the Knights of Columbus.)
3.) Told our newly minted 18 year old to “get a job” for groceries and “check into Obamacare” for health insurance.
Mouth still agape at #3.
Got the #3 too Magneto, for our 17y/o daughter who started university this year. Divorce decree states he’s responsible for higher education costs not covered by my tuition reduction assistance since I work at said uni. His thinking was that she’s old enough to be in uni so she should be old enough to pay her own expenses, live on her own if she wanted, pay her own car and insurance if she “really needed a car”, etc.
Now that I have a move pending cross country with my two youngest, all of a sudden she is TOO YOUNG to be left alone in an apartment…how ever will she pay for her expenses, let alone the apartment?
Goodness, now I’m the heartless mother to leave our very, very mature 17 y/o (more mature than him on every scale) alone in a city she was born and raised in!
I will never understand that mindfuck…
1. Received via email (while I was at son’s guitar class) a letter on how to shape up or he will ship out. I found out later that he got help from AP. Intent was to goad me to initiate a divorce.
2. Found out that he took AP to his mother’s funeral (MIL lived in another country. I stayed behind with son) and after the funeral, they went to Jordan, Greece, and Egypt.
3. Marries AP after divorce, telling son (he was 18 at the time) that AP was his friend for 4 years, and he (dad) wants to “share happiness” with son with lavish dinners and vacations.
Oh, I have another one! (Or a million of them, something like that.)
In order to convince me that his “emotional affair” with his NYC chickadee (he had women in three cities) could never be serious, he told me, “She’s probably going to adopt her crackhead brother’s child and I don’t want to deal with that.”
1). When Fucktards brother was dying and in a morphine induced coma (pretty sure he was aware of this surroundings and could hear), Fucktard comforted grieving widow and told her that the family forgave her for cheating on his brother and we all make mistakes.
2) Fast forward 2 years following brother’s death Fucktard becomes grieving whore widows financial advisor (ummm but wait he’s a compulsive gambler ?). Leaves his family moves in with slunt and they blow through hundreds of thousands of dollars in life insurance money that was meant to be left for brother’s children. Fucktard financial advisor convinces slunt not to transfer brother’s legacy (cabin) in to children’s name like his brother requested as a dying wish.
3). That legacy cabin they paid $250,000 for was valued at $110,000 after the passing of brother because the summer real estate property took a massive hit when economy skidded to a halt and Fucktard financial brother makes slunt pay the $230,000 mortgage off on the cabin and she is leftover with a large mortgage on the family/principal home and then Fucktard convinces slunt to kick the semi adult children out of the family home and then wants our kid to move in so he doesn’t have to pay me child support.
There’s a special place in hell for them – oh and I sued him and my son never moved in ? And I lived happily ever after with morals and values intact.
OMG what horrible, monstrous people. They deserve to burn in hell.
He is evil.
Caligula?
Yes. Exactly.
Heissobroken, your story is so damn awful it deserves a novel, not a cartoon. BTW, my FIL did something like your EX and I am helping my EX’s non-Switzerland cousin discover if she is my FIL’s daughter.
1. 2 days after his mother’s funeral he is discussing openly with our sons his next skiing holiday.(having professed to being heart broken)
2. At her later memorial he boasts how he has only manage 40 days skiing this year not the planned 50 ( in front of the children, whom he refuses to pay for and rarely shows up for)
3. Has from when I kicked him out made our kids spend whatever time he has them ( not a lot), with his AP and her children.
4. – sorry so many to choose from – when my 15 year old son wrote him a heartfelt letter asking him why he behaves so badly and why he has destroyed their life, he gets back a list of financial stuff idiot brain is being asked to pay for. Not one single emotional response at all to all the questions. Ends with : “Always remember I love you”… er no you don’t!
First Post…
1. Ex has been harassing me to refi the car we still share a loan on (in good standing btw) so she can buy a house with AP in the coming months, but she has over $80k in collections including $70k in student loans and has racked up over $7k in NSF charges this year alone. New H has no idea, but he has a barely year old foreclosure of his own.
2. She created a fake Twitter account (one of 7 that I found post d-day) to hide affair from AP’s chumped wife. Later used the same account (posing as a grown man) to verbally attack and threaten violence against my 18yo son, his girlfriend, and her family because he rejected her and her AP. The family is long term family friends.
3. AP (remarried him within 6 months of our D and 3 months of his) is an avid cook like me, is outdoorsy like me, veteran like me, musician like me (though terrible according to my younger boys), has the same birthday as my oldest son, and he and his ex shared the same anniversary day. Oh yeah, he also has the same fairly uncommon name as me… Wish I was joking…
1. XH left me on New Year’s Eve to join his AP1 at a nudist colony across the country in CA. NYE was their big anniversary, it turns out.
2. XH also went to same nudist colony with AP2, which made AP1 very upset! So much for exclusives!
3. XH is 6 ft tall, weighs 310 lb and is bald. He shaves his pubes to make the magic wand look bigger.
The magic wand….hahahahaha!
LOL. Yeah, that cracked me up. The thought of the picture CL could do…
Lol
OMG #3….I’m still laughing.
Meg, had a mouth full of wine. My clothes are ruined but so worth it! I’ll be laughing about the magic wand the rest of the night/week….
Oh my god…my bald ex shaved his too for the exact same reason. Absolutely serious. Oh my god doesn’t it make you just cringe now!?? WTF? I’ve been reading these on and off all day. I am mortified. Fucking mortified. Haven’t brought myself to make my own list yet, which is surprising given how much shit seems to pour out of me on here…
No. He needs to keep his clothes on.
Number 3, I have to ask how he manages that over his belly? He can’t see what he is doing! Maybe the APs do it for him…
That is amazingly creepy. It is you 2.0, but with lots of bugs and no improvements!
1- In an incredulous tone he said: “you mean you haven’t had sex w/ anyone else our entire 28 yrs of marriage”?
Mmm not clear how he confused our marriage vows on this question!
2- “let’s say, seldom in our marriage was there a time I wasn’t having sex w/ other people”.
Mmm something to be proud of?
3- “I don’t know why I needed “girlfriends” as I had it all….great wife, kids, health, wealth.
Mmm no longer living the dream for this sad sausage…I’ve been divorced 3 years.
“you mean you haven’t had sex w/ anyone else our entire 28 yrs of marriage”? – WOW!
I got…
Crazylady: “You’re telling me you didn’t swap your phone number with random women in the 25 years of marriage?”
Me – “NO, why would i give random women my phone number?”
Crickets
Must be part of the cheater manifesto. I travel very little for work and the X got very defensive ‘you mean you never cheated on me while on those work trips?!’ Nope. Thought never even crossed my mind. That’s what marriage is about!
Mine asked me the same question, WTF is wrong with these people. No I never had any desire to have sex with anyone but my husband “well that’s just weird” Really, it weird? Fucktard!
Gotta always blame someone else to excuse their own actions dontchaknow? 🙂
Yeah. Mine likes to bring up in court my current relationship, which did not exist before or while my STBX and I were married–even after I learned of my husband’s adultery. Perhaps in court I should bring up all the affairs and sex with prostitutes he had all those years I thought he and I were engaged and married.
The traitor thinks I am asexual, because I have never cheated on anyone and never wanted to…They have their own dictionary too.
The day after my wedding to Nice Guy last month, my brother showed me something my ex had posted on the wedding day. Brother only saw it because Ex had tagged one of our aunts in the post, along with anyone else who might somehow be connected to me.
Ex wrote that he was married to a wonderful woman for 21 years. Wrote that I was “the only woman who ever truly loved him, and he threw it all away.” But that it had to be that way.
Ex wrote that he was feeling “kind of melancholy” as I was marrying another man.
He attached several old photos from my wedding with him.
Predictably, this got Ex a huge amount of “likes” and comments along the line of, “Wow, Ex, what a thoughtful, mature post.” Ha, if only they knew.
I thought it was bizarre and especially weird to post the pictures. Hell, weird to even still HAVE the pictures, I threw out my wedding photos from that nightmare marriage years ago.
Oops, forgot to add this was posted on Facebook.
GIO, he can put on his yeti suit and dance to cheer himself up maturely.
Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
These douches are all the same. I’m so glad you’ve moved on to a better life!!!
Better…
So true. X left me and within minutes had a FB account. Posts about him cooking for others, pray for me I have cancer, look at what someone gave me-a journal to write about my cancer journey…..blah, blah, blah.
Narcs need their egos stroked hard…sad asshole!
Hate, it’s not just their egos that need to be stroked hard, evidently.
Nomore….
Agreed!?
But due to his recent diagnosis of prostate cancer, his ego may be all he has left to stroke!!!!
Bahahahaha!
Hate…hahahahaha….he can make a fine STROKE of his pen and give you more alimony! Just a thought!
Nomore…..he literally has NOTHING left!!! He “gave” me everything in exchange for keeping my mouth shut to his Chief so he wouldn’t lose his job. I agreed because I need him to help financially support our kids.
Trust me, my retirement is gonna be great!!!
My stbx posted on Facebook that it was my birthday. And asked everyone to wish me a happy birthday because “divorce transition is hard.”
I have a few friends that I asked to remain fb friends with him for spying purposes. And we have several mutual friends from college who, up until his post, knew nothing about our divorce. And certainly don’t know about his 10+ years of cheating.
My lawyer told his lawyer to get him to knock it off, or she would have the judge do it.
My spy friends told me that he got lots of likes and comments about his kindness and sensitivity.
????
I think this stuff is the WORST – it’s that covert narc thing of wanting to always look like a nice guy. I’m sure he ate up those comments praising his kindness and sensitivity. There is no way in hell he could have posted something honest like – divorce transition is hard especially when you find out your husband has been cheating for 10+ years and doing all the shitty things that go along with that. Lying, neglecting, enjoying the special power of having a secret!
He could never own up to being a piece of shit. So similar to my X – people call him all the time to “see how he’s doing”. (It’s like commiserating with a rapist that he has to go to jail – poor poor you!) It’s devastating to have been married to an asshole.
He posts pictures of the kids all the time too, to show what a great dad he is. While we were together, he would post pictures that I had sent him, or tell stories about the kids that I had told him.
It is nauseating.
When my divorce is final, part of me wants to post “I’m divorced. If you want the scoop, message me.”
??????
Louisvilleflower, my STBX does that, too. Also, he complains long and loud about fathers, including him, not being given their rights but choooses not to see our kids over winter break because he is taking vacation with his current girlfriend. He seems to take an exotic vacation every month.
I always have to bite my tongue when men complain about not having enough custody or the legal system being unfair to fathers. I know that my own situation is just one situation–it is not representative of the whole system, yet this issue is so central to me, that even when I know better, it is still a trigger. My EX tells our kids whenever he sees them how much he misses them, loves them, and hates that the “biased” judge and your despicable mother prevent me from being with you.” This BS all comes after missing months of weekend custody time or for having them for 5 days of the summer instead of for several weeks. I keep hoping my kids will learn to value actions above words. No one kept him from his custodial time. No one prevents him from attending sporting events or school graduations or calling every day if he wants. He’d rather skip out on his kids and blame other people than expend the energy to show up for them. We are in the 12th month of the year–and he has seen his kids during 4 of those months–and in no month did he bother to see them more than once. I think he’s had 10 days with them this year. I don’t know why it makes my blood boil so much–I’m fine with them seeing him as little as possible; he’s a horrible influence. But they miss him and they want a real relationship with him, and my resentment over being blamed by him for the absence of that relationship is something I have not reached “meh” on.
The traitor did the same thing with his kids from his first marriage. The whole discriminated against devoted dad shit. I was completely fooled by it for many years. He would get “depressed” because his evil wife won custody, but didn’t phone them for months, didn’t go to see them, although I kept urging him to. He was too sad… I used to feel sorry for him. The kids would come down for school holidays, but it was a struggle to get them here, because in between, no communication from dad. He basically wanted THEM to ring him, pouted because they didn’t. Never behaved like a grown up. Aaahh but he was “depressed” . Perfect excuse not to be an adult and to make it all about him. He left their mum, they didn’t leave anyone.
Louis…that’s an awesome idea!
Found out he’s told some of our friends “it was mutual.”
Yes, I quickly began spreading the truth to everyone that had the balls to ask!!
OMG, Louisvilleflower, mine too. In fact, his current FB cover photo is a picture *I* took of our kids during last year’s holiday wreckonciliation. He posted it, talking about how cool his kids are with no mention of where that photo came from, and got tons of likes/comments about it — as usual, mostly from women. Come to think of it, despite him living his life on FB, he never once posted he was reconciling or anything that mentioned his wife even though he was telling me how much he loved me, how I was his other half, how he was committed to our marriage and to working things out. He even posted a photo of all the Christmas gifts I got him without mentioning they came from me. Tending to his kibble supply even during wreckonciliation.
He still does all the posting of our kids to show what a great dad he is (despite resenting them for years, treating them like an annoyance, and spending family time on the couch with his phone glued to his hand). He gets loads of validation from his two thousand “friends.”
I think we chumps can take this as validation for *us.* After all, the cheaters fooled us for so long and now we’re seeing them easily dupe dozens or hundreds of people into believing the image, into offering praise and support for their sad sausage story. I’m letting myself off the hook some this morning as I think about all the people taken in by him over the years, and not just the ones on FB. Sure there were red flags and we need to fix out pickers … but these freaks are GOOD, really good, at lying and manipulating and charming and seducing. If all these other people can be fooled so easily, maybe I can forgive myself for being one of the fools. And now I know some people are flat out liars, I’ll won’t give away my trust so freely.
BetterDays, one of the things that I LOVE about CN is that every day, I have at least one “ah-ha” moment. You brought me mine…
During our wreckonciliations, STBX would unfriend former affair partners/sext pals/people he had met on Match. Until today, I thought that it was (just a show but) for me – to indicate effort, honesty, etc. After DDays he would refriend them all. I realize now that this was two pronged: to manipulate me, and also to hide from them that he was posting things about us, ensuring future supply of cake.
Thank you for today’s insight. I was mentioned and pictured on Facebook for a select audience only. Everything he does is manipulation.
And the other way around, that’s why I cut some slack for Switzerland friends. Traitor fooled me for years and we lived and worked together. Can’t expect friends to see through it if I didn’t.
That ???
KathleenK….same thing here. Asshole is a great manipulator!
Louisvilleflower, that is really cold. Social media sure does put a whole new spin on things. These delusional deceivers have a whole new way to rebrand themselves as “the good guy” instead of the person who brought their marriage down in flames. Asking for sympathy for YOU like he’s a magnanimous prince, plus publicizing it all…that’s ridiculous.
My STBX has kept mention of our conflict offline, but posts kiddo pictures on FB all the time too. He almost entirely ignored his kids for their first 2 years, but now that he’s done the affair and now separation, he posts photos of them all the time on Facebook trying to look like Dad of the Year…he conveniently leaves ME out of what he posts even though I was almost always the person who arranged the outing and did all the work.
Those in the know started putting snarky comments on his FB page, so he closed his entire account rather than face the tarnishing of his image. Poor baby.
It’s stuff like this that made me stop doing social media years ago. I have a good friend who need to get divorced. Her husband is a nightmare. He’s put hands on her, he’s manipulative, we know of at least one attempt to cheat (supposedly the girl backed out at the last minute), he’s racked up thousands of dollars in debt on porn and like other stuff. Seriously, her’s is worse than mine… but they have this debt and little kids so she stays.
Her FB is all about fun family times, his accomplishments, cute things the kids do, trips that they take… It’s so curated and just untrue that it dawned on me a few years ago that what was even the point of FB if everyone was just creating an artifice and not being truthful. Who needs that.
1) OW had prior affair which resulted in her being dumped by MM after illegitimate child was born.
2) OW’s affair with my exH consisted of leaving her husband and 2 young daughters for days at a time to join my exH on “business trips” out-of-state.
3) 20 months after exH dumped her, OW sent him a “relationship quiz” in 40 texts in under two minutes (to prove that she was a much more suitable partner than I was).
Asked to go with his AP up to the crematorium on Christmas Eve to see where her dead husbands ashes were buried.
After he had refused to go there with me to lay flowers for our son the same day.
oh man this is brutal. So sorry you had to deal with that Verity!
That is horrific. I hope he spontaneously combusts into ashes.
No. Just no. So many kind of wrong.
Verity, you have my sympathy.
That is truly one of the most disgusting and disturbing things I have ever heard.
Why isn’t that monster struck by lightning? I am so sorry for your loss, Verity. You are a true survivor.
I can’t top these but while in marriage counseling (before I knew of any infidelity) he:
1) Wrote up a list of “bad things” about me on the back of my Victoria’s Secret catalogue. It’s nice to masturbate in your car while remembering your wife doesn’t clean the house good enough I guess?
2) Claimed he had “no voice” about having children… the youngest was 13 AND we had to go to a fertility doctor to get pregnant… usually when you take your sperm in a cup to the fertility clinic then you probably know you’re trying to have kids?
3) The marriage counselor actually told him she couldn’t help us because he was being dishonest. When I called to talk with him later about it he denied she said that. I had recorded the session. Crickets….
I have a friend divorcing a malignant narcissist. She found a copy of a book in which he had recorded all the negative things he could about her, from before the marriage.
Oh yeah!! Been there… that’s the way to enter marriage counseling… a plan to think of everything your partner has ever done “wrong” ?
Marriage counseling should come with a warning label and a lie detector test BEFORE the first appointment!
Precisely!
How about a lie detector test for the MC too? Or just skip MC with a cheater, waste of money, more kibbles for them.
1. Husband tried to grope and kiss one of my friends at my 50th birthday party.
2. He groped and sent sexy Facebook messages to another friend’s 21 year old daughter at a Christmas party.
3. Started playing footsie with another friend at another party and then they beganan affair as they were “true loves”.
And I had no idea about any of this until way after the events. I wish someone had given me the heads up 🙁
1. Ex cheated on me before, during and after stage 4 cancer. You’d think that 6 rounds of chemo, 35 radiation treatments and nearly dying would get him to stop cheating.
2. During our 5. month in house separation after Dday, I happened to catch the mail before he did and found a bank statement where he had a joint bank account that he opened with the OW DURING our in house separation. I took it to my pastor. When we approached him about it, he at first tried to make it look like I should have kept it secret….”Why did you have to tell our pastor?” And then tried to make it look like he was doing something honorable…” I’m just trying to help her out while she gets another job”. OW was our babysitter and was fired for being his fuck buddy. Somehow he thought I should be ok with this….
So sorry about your cancer 🙁 hope you are better now??
Mine burnt his genital warts off before we were married so I would not know he had HPV. Fast forward 3 years later and I am diagnosed with cervical cancer, he confesses what he did (hiding his STD) and said he was “just burying his head in the sand as per usual.”
Also mine was financially providing for his single mom harlot, while I had cancer too, even though he claimed it was over and they were just ‘friends’, said it was only because he felt guilty and ‘adored her child”. I found out about this all after the fact of course. Even saw the email where he “hates to ask her but can she give him some of the money back so he can pay for my specialist Dr appointment, but if not no problems!”
Sorry, not very cartoony but I can relate Kurleegirl.
Forgot to add, after the first time I was declared cancer free (it came back another 2 more times later), we were having a glass of wine in the backyard at night to celebrate, and he turns to me and salaciously says… “so I always wanted to ask but couldn’t, what WAS it like to have cancer?? Did you lay awake at night worried that the millions of bad cells were multiplying??!!”
Going for the win, SCA! What will we call it, One Headless Hockey portrait?
Don’t know why this posted here instead of way up above.
Zeebee, that is one disordered and evil SOB. So glad you’re rid of him.
No, it wasn’t my cancer….it was his! Who continues to cheat under the threat of death? I worked 16 hr days to take care of him and as soon as he is well, he runs off with his whore….no thanks to his wife who drove him back and forth 45min each way for his treatments at the hospital daily, worked full time while he was on disability for 6 months, took care of the kids, house and paid all of the bills. Nope, not even a thank you….Well, she can have him. Last I remember, he was having some ed problems…thanks for the opportunity to find someone with some working equipment!
Zeebee, I hope you are ok, this cancer thing is no joke. I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through this and be sick at the same time.
Oh wow. Well, that gives it a whole different perspective. What a creep. He will get what he deserves!
Even cancer doesn’t stop them from cheating.
My spidey senses were immediately heightened when one day POP comes in and floats the idea I adopt a poodle, even though I already had 6 dogs and 4 horses which took my time and energy.
Questions as to how/where he learned a poodle needed adoption, who owned it etc were met with nonsense.
Bottom line: the whoredog was trying to get me to adopt his whore’s dog.
Holy shit. That’s some serious brain damage.
My Xhole brought home a dog one too, from some single mom he was trying to help out, I ended up walking it, cleaning it, cleaning up its poop cause it wasn’t trained…I always thought it was weird and one day the dog just disappeared back to its owner, maybe that was when they broke up and she wanted her dog back.
2 affairs that I know of. Long expensive divorce. I am disabled and had to use my retirement to pay for my attorney.
After asking him to move out since D day 5 years earlier, he finally did on November 9 2015. Great. What’s wrong with that you ask?
Well. On that day I was in the hospital with blood pressure in the stroke range 227/121 caused by the stress of divorcing a narcissist (we were into year 2 and I was at $100,000 spent simply trying to get what I was legally entitled to) He was trying to get out of CS and maintenance so he could continue his traveling and multiple affairs.
So yes, while I was in the hospital he backed his pickup up to the garage and moved without telling me or our 17 and 14 year old boys.
We came home to find a bed, big screen TV, and miscellaneous other things gone!
Happy Holidays, Chumps! ?
Only three, that’s very hard but I’ll have a go. Mine didn’t have any affairs as far as I know it was hundreds of prostitutes.
1. I found a folder on his computer of news paper reports of prostitutes that had been murdered by a lorry driver a few years back. He said it wasn’t the murders that interested him just the details of the women’s lives.
2. He would regularly sit in the same room as me and look for prostitutes to visit and message them. He thought that was ok because I was watching TV and wasn’t talking to him at the time.
3. A found another folder on his computer with lots of that vile “Photographer ” David Hamilton pictures in. If you have seen any of his so called work it would make you sick. Very young women. He’s 60. It’s not porn of teenage girls it’s art. You can look at nudes as long as it’s art.
Mine had a business printing photos. Claimed to be a christian but had no problems printing nude photos of women. Said they were ‘artistic art’ so it made it ok. I wasted an hour of my time taking him to a pastor to get him to explain that naked is naked.
Hamiltkn is definitely porn. Some kiddie porn. Immoral and should be illegal. I wonder if these girls were trafficked.
Beth, I think number 1 is worth reporting to the police, just in case. Who knows what he has really done.
Hope you are far away from him now. Creep.
I “love” all the stories… I can never truly contribute as my ex was a vanilla cheater. Ex simply withdrew over time, claimed he was unhappy with work (not us), etc.
Tracy– maybe one of the “days” of xmas can be the vanilla “deserve Happiness” cheaters in the corner.
But, here are a few things, two of which are monstrous:
a) then spouse would spent 3-4 hours making dinner from scratch even when I asked to have more family time (later admitted it was to avoid interacting with me)
post- divorce:
b) after eldest’s suicide attempt did not come back to city, even with daughter in hospital;
excuse– new job training, if he left he would lose position; daughter said she did not want to see him (but she might have if he came, given her suicide text to him was “now you will listen bastard”)
c) 6 weeks after suicide attempt, depressed daughter asked to see her baby half sister but did not want to speak to ex… he refused “if she wont speak to me, she cannot see her sister.”
The background to this– pre suicide attempt I had planned xmas vacation near where ex was living so kids could see him over the holidays (his turn, but did not to come (new job) saying he had no time.
nothing draw-able, but monstrous and demonstrative of ex’s entitlement/selfishness.
zyx321, I wouldn’t call this a vanilla cheater. Just a very avoidant covert narc. Your poor kids have been terribly affected. No vanilla here, just poison.
When our teenaged daughter tried to kill her self the second time after Dday number two and blamed it on his abandonment, his response was to take his affair partner to Italy and spend one of the days in Venice. In 25 years he never took me anywhere.
1) Ex = Psycho NPD Evil Bitch and she wanted me to support her new found love for photography by giving her tuition for a course at the local museum, as a Xmas gift.
2) Clueless chump happily supported Ex’s passion for photography
3) Ex used new found photography talents with her AP (and also my cousin) by taking “romantic art” photos which I found. Great evidence but came close to projectile vomiting upon discovery of said photos.
Family fuckers are the worst. They will find their rightful place very deep into Satan’s ass.
Yeah, family fuckers are bottom of the barrel.
Just above them are the nanny or Best friend fuckers.
Above them are the co-worker or professor/student fuckers.
Just crossing so many boundaries.
It’s like the circles of hell, isn’t it?
Tempest, what about groupie fuckers?
That’s a status/power differential relationship, too–group them in with the professor/student fuckers.
Tempest, what about client fuckers? Or
What about chicks you meet in an elevator fuckers?
I hope there’s room in Satan ass for those!!!!
???
1) When I found texts on his phone telling a girl he was desperate to see her etc, he said he was back on heroin and she was his drug dealer.
2) He was penniless and came home with brand new designer trainers. I asked where he had got them from and he said, ‘I gave a bloke a blow job for money’. I thought he was joking
3) Possibly his final words to me “Every woman in [our town] fancies me apart from the ones you’ve turned against me.”
Oooh, and how could I forget – after I threw him out, his friend took him in. He shagged the friend’s girlfriend, then two weeks later had a tattoo of her (very uncommon) name on his neck. In massive letters. She dumped him a month later. ‘What will you do about the tattoo?’ ‘I’ll get a dog and call it [tattooed name]. I still like to think of him searching for a woman with the same name as her……
I seriously hope he never found an available dog.
Man I feel wrong for laughing. How is being back on heroin and her being his drug dealer a better situation. What do you even say to any of this stuff?
I had to laugh at that too. “Oh it’s not an OW, it’s your drug dealer? Well, that’s okay then.” WTF.
Not in the same league, but after I discovered Cheese Fries’s date, I finally decided to check his texts — with him in the same room. As I scrolled and scrolled through texts with his tri-city chickadees, he said, “If it makes you feel better, those texts go back years.”
No, not that doesn’t make me feel better. I guess I was supposed to be comforted by the fact that he was betraying me in small doses over many years?
Oh, he was full of stupid excuses that were as bad, if not worse, than reality! After being chucked out, he went on a bender, fell asleep at his mate’s house, and didn’t go into work or answer his phone when they called. When he went to work the next day, instead of saying he’d been ill, or even telling the truth (which would probably have resulted in a damn good telling off, maybe a warning), he said he hadn’t come in/answered his phone because the Police had caught him in possession of heroin and put him in jail overnight. Of course, he was sacked on the spot.
BetterDays, that is so horrible. I don’t think normal people can contemplate how their minds work, where multiple historical betrayals are somehow ok.
1. He worked at a telecom giant for 15 years and ruined his first marriage by cheating with coworkers (my D-Day was finding out about his latest, a subordinate, who didn’t even know he was married).
2. After I revealed myself to OW and she promised she “wouldn’t be a problem in our marriage,” she sent him a cootchie closeup video of her masturbating with a vibrator I’d found under his bed while cleaning. Just making the house livable was like being part of the crew on “Hoarders.” There were truckloads of unopened shipping boxes full of comics everywhere, blocking hallways and making rooms unusable.
3. Upon moving to live with him after we married, I was faced with a “Color Purple” situation in the nasty kitchen, and found a Crockpot full of maggots in the sink.
A CROCKPOT FULL OF MAGGOTS.
A crockpot full of maggots will make the final list.
With that visual I don’t know how it couldn’t!!
It fits the twelve Days: “And a crockpot full of maggots in the sink!”
That can rhyme well, maggot crockpot has to make the 12 days of cheating…
OMG, I use my Crock Pot all the time and seriously hope this image is not permanently burned into my brain! So disgusting!
I should clarify that I didn’t know why his previous marriage had failed; he told me they disagreed about wanting to have children and she got a nursing degree and then selfishly asked for a baby. I later found all of the email evidence describing pretty much the exact same situation I went through after D-Day.
Real nice, Deadfool.
Hi Chump Changed I’m so sorry about the crock pot full of maggots. I’m Chump Change. Been on this site nearly 3 three years. Our names are so very close I’m concerned about people being confused. I’m sure it’s just one of those coincidences or else we have a the same sense of humor. 😉 I just noticed your post today have you been here long? Someone recently came on as Chump Change and this site doesn’t recognize duplicate names. Let’s work this out…
Hi! I just saw this, only because I wanted to see if there were new submissions for the contest. I can change my name, doesn’t matter to me. It’s too bad there’s no way (that I can find) to see all the names already registered so this won’t happen again. It’s 1:00 a.m. and I’m using my phone right now but I’ll get a new name next time I comment or post.
“Meow”
…that’s all I heard for 6 months after satan’s initial ‘break down’ which I thought was a brain tumor or stroke…regardless of the (non) conversation, all I got was ‘meow’.
Then I saw the ‘super secret cell phone’ (his words) and the physical abuse started…
Thank goodness that crap is over and I am free.
That’s what my nine year old says when he doesn’t know what to say.
Quicksilver, your 9 year old is probably more intelligent than my x. Mentally and emotionally! 🙂
He actually meowed? Like a CAT? smh
Yes, neverwouldhaveimagined, like a cat. His answer to every question, even if I hadn’t said a thing to him, he would just walk into the room and meow. It was debilitating to say the least…I didn’t have the first clue what the hell was the matter with him. Crazy making. He was trying to make me crazy…it worked…
Thank goodness I am out of there!
Six meowing months…wow
DAT 🙂 I hope you are doing well!
Yes, six months of insanity…knuckle draggin mouth breather…ugh…
Good to hear from you!
Jeep and Beau
Was that his double secret way of telling you he was getting some outside pussy?
More than likely nomoreskankboy, I wasn’t a factor in his choice to secure the burner phone…his boss probably objected to the excessive usage on his work cell..which is the only cell he had…I thought till I saw the burner. I truly couldn’t believe it when I saw it, after all the meowing and cruelty. But, the reality of what was truly going on sunk in then. I knew he wasn’t suffering an ailment…he was just an asshole. An abusive asshole that I needed to be free of.
The end of our 36 year relationship…poof…over.
These disordered idiots are a hazard to themselves and others…the destruction is far reaching. But, we are free now and I am grateful for that 🙂
He was totally technically clueless. He once handed me his laptop so I could read and decipher the error message that had popped up; when I handed it back I told him he could have at least closed the “Women Seeking Men” Craigslist tab he’d left open. “I only read that for the laughs.”
The only techie thing he ever DID learn on his own was how to delete his browsing history. I wish I’d have had the presence of mind to install a keylogger.
He spent so muct time trolling on that laptop, he actually wore through the finger glidepad.
In a file cabinet full of our family business stuff, I found records of 13 years of child-support payments the X had made secretly to the mother of his illegitimate child, along with a copy of the original court order compelling him to pay. This was how I found out the child existed.
When I confronted him about it, he whined, “Well, I put that file with the bank statements so if anything happened to me you would find it.” As if bestowing one last posthumous blow on me somehow ennobled him?
Like I would continue paying child support to his mistress if he died!!
Crap. Totally shocking. And he had never told you? I’m assuming he got another woman pregnant and had a child WHILE you were married? Just horrible.
Ha, yes, we’d been married for 15 years and had two kids when he got this stranger pregnant. I found out 13 years after the fact!
With the child support papers, I also found a thick printout (60 pages) of all the text messages he’d exchanged with his CURRENT affair partner. She printed them all out, bound them with a lovely cover, and given them to him for Valentine’s Day. I secretly copied the whole thing. Then I made all my friends and relatives read it. Here’s a sample:
Her: You turn me on.
Him: YTMO always. I already had to MB to your pic and I’m getting hard thinking about you.
Her: I need a new pearl necklace!!
Him: I’m ready and it is the holidays after all.
Etc., etc. You can’t make this up.
Eeeeeww!
OMG: “It is the holidays after all…”
Holy. Shit.
1) Viagra subscription renewed for several years, although he would never have sex with me…claimed he used it to masturbate. I initially picked up/paid for it but later refused to do either one.
2) “Most Visited” location on his GPS — local no-tell motel where he went for sleazy Craigslist hookups.
3) Forced pre-teen son to clean out his truck, during which son discovered a box of condoms (son punched a bunch of holes in one and draped it over the steering wheel – hilarious).
1) He brought a handful of viagra to a work conference in Miami to “masturbate” (I was pregnant at the time) because he had “shame” about his ED.
2) The night I found out my pregnancy wasn’t viable, he was in his car making and sending masturbation videos to one of his OWs. Because “touch yourself and say my name” to another woman and ignoring your partner’s texts of “where are you??” is the proper response to losing your child.
3) One weekend when I was away (and yes, pregnant), he had another woman over to the house. On his phone I found photos of ALL MY STUFF, such as my clothes hanging in the closet, my products in the shower, etc. When confronted, he admitted he’d taken these so he could re-arrange all the stuff of mine he’d hidden so he could appear single for this woman.
Number three should win the cartoon for sure. It’s totally unbelievable on a site asking for fucked up cheater stories and I still had trouble wrapping my head around that one.
Me too, and it happened to me. Would you believe he’s a school principal? I mean, of course he is right. Sometimes intelligence is wasted on fuckwits.
K
“When confronted, he admitted he’d taken these so he could re-arrange all the stuff of mine he’d hidden so he could appear single for this woman.”
Holy cow.
Every single post. It’s mind blowing.
It’s like the reverse of finding a room full of gold and treasure. It’s like finding…oh I don’t know…
a crockpot full of maggots….!!!!
Wife? What wife? Where?
+1
Anything is possible with these people, ANYTHING. I stopped thinking “well it can’t get any worse”, they can always come up with something worse.
I hope his dick falls off. What a turd.
1. Gaslighter is a wannabe real estate developer.
Was sued successfully by a client over a commercial building he built. Proper inspections were not performed and there were many issues. Heard through the grapevine later that Gaslighter was fucking the building inspector who was who was immediately transferred to another city.
2. Gaslighter was sued again by a partner in one of his developments. For Fraud. Shockingly I was sued as well, discovering through this lawsuit that I was the Chief Financial Officer of his LLC. WTF??? News to me! I had not signed a single document or been involved in any way.
3. Surprise Surprise!!!!….Except for the $10 Million worth of Personal Loan Guarantees for the LLC that I was tricked into signing on my kitchen island. Gaslighter was “racing to to the bank” and these were “Just refi documents. No big deal, no personal liability. Quick, sign here, here, here… gotta run before bank closes honey! The only time in my life I didn’t read a document I signed. Lawsuit ongoing…
Sorry, that went long!
1.) Both times I was pregnant, the one smell that made me consistently very sick was buffalo sauce. Ex proceeded to eat buffalo wings, buffalo wraps, etc. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
2.) Took $400 cash out of our joint checking a few weeks before Christmas the year before we split, saying he was spending it on a surprise for me. Christmas came and he got me NOTHING. Made up a lie about giving it to some guy to do bargain shopping for him and that the “guy” ran off with his (MY) money. Turns out he spent it on hookers and gambling.
3.) Wrote a letter to ChumpLady describing his interpretation of our situation and blaming ChumpLady for our divorce.
Wow is that letter on this website somewhere? Would really love to see that.
Sure is: she put it through the UBT in April.
https://www.chumplady.com/2016/04/ubt-made-terrible-mistake/
His “terrible mistake” (singular) was actually sleeping with a number of women before and after we were married (including hookers) and before and after we had our 3 small kids. He would leave me home alone with twin newborns and a 1 year old to go out and chase girls and gamble. And now blames me, ChumpLady and my mother for our divorce. Thank god, it was just finalized in October!! Now the long arduous journey of co-parenting with the asshole.
Oh my… I thought single parenting my nrwborn, now toddlrr, is hard… I always say to myself at least it’s not twins and only one kid…
You are mighty!! And will have three awesome kids 🙂
that is hilarious, cheater blames CL for you leaving him, denies you have agency, gets assed handed to him.
1) During the hell that was the 9 months he lived here after D-day… He had to “work” in an office 45 minutes from our home and stay over night (which in 18 years of being at the same company he had never done before; ironically also happened to be the town his GF lived in). In light of his long “work” hours we had to reschedule our sons 504 plan meeting at the school (which had been scheduled for months) because his “job” was more important. I called him out, and his response was “I am not trying to fool you, I have to work”
2) The following morning after his overnight “work trip” (and the original date for our son’s meeting) as I was walking into my therapists office, I receive a screenshot of the song “On my Mind” playing on his radio in his car, along with the simple caption – Mmmmmmm! When I responded with “wrong #” he backpeddled and said he wanted to talk because “he was confused about what I wanted” My therapist and I had a good laugh at that one! I hope he panicked, even if it was for a millisecond!
3) When we finally did have my sons 504 plan meeting he went on a tirade about how I’m so soft on our son and he’s lazy, but he pushes him to be a hard worker like he is. Yeah, he works hard on out of town trips by spending $10,000 in one night at a strip club and god know how much on prostitutes … really hard working guy wouldn’t you say?
I am a newbie.
1. He announced on Christmas Eve, after 21 years of marriage, one teen-age son and two new boxer puppies we bought that day, that he was leaving. I thought he was going to the grocery store. He meant he was leaving me for a biker named Harriet.
2. While I was crying in the living room, I hear scraping and thumps in the attic.
3. He, and our valuables safe, fell through the ceiling onto the Christmas Tree. He destroyed the Living Room, the Christmas Tree and furniture. He got up, dusted off the plaster and insulation, took our money and left.
HAHAHA! I vote for JoAnne’s #3. I can just imagine the cartoon!
Holy shit JoAnne, sorry for your pain, but this is hilarious!
Too bad you didn’t have a 3 story house so that cretin would of fallen through at least a couple more floors. 🙂
I also vote for this one! I can just picture this!!
You sure know how to introduce yourself to Chump Nation.
^^^^ so much this ^^^^^
I’m a bit disappointed in my cheater now as he clearly sucks at everything even being an original cheater story. ?
Same here, @Capicorn , “I got nuttin’ “!!!!
I have one thing to share of the crazy (or evil) that is EXH#2/The Evil One:
He left his laptop up and running when he went out one night, left his facebook logged in too…
In short, i read a PM between h7m and his intended AP telling her he was leaving me soon, etc.
Heres the crazy part: he had activated the web cam and watched me read his PM with that skanky whore.
Bastard
That is super creepy and messed up.
He went out with a bang?
I’m still laughing here JoAnn,
I mean seriously, which Stooge was he? Moe, Larry or Curly. Or was he Shemp?
JoAnne F, I have a mental image of #3 and I cannot stop laughing to myself. I actually went out for a coffee this morning (I live in Australia) and the more I thought about your comment the more I laughed. People must have thought I was nuts !! My ex almost seems normal at times even though he isn’t.
OMG
Hilarious!! I am crying!!!
Crap! This is so awesome. Terrible but terribly funny.
Okay, this image is just the best. I mean, seriously, couldn’t he have just taken the money/papers OUT of the safe first for crying out loud? No, he had to try to take the actual safe. And thus fell completely through the ceiling. Just. Wow.
This is incredible and awful. A safe falling through the ceiling and taking out the Christmas tree?
I’m voting this one for the win!
Welcome JoAnne to the club no one wants to join.
I have to vote this for the win also. I cant stop laughing.
He just got up, dusted of, took the money and left. I mean, he didnt even try to pick up the tree or sweep up? Im on the ground laughing and I cant get up. So sorry JoAnn so sorry. ?
Just left. For a biker named Harriet.
Too bad the Christmas tree wasn’t wedged where we are all envisioning it.
Hahahahaha!!!
Can see the headlines in the local paper: “› Safe thief impaled on Christmas Tree. Wife says “I should have known he had it in him…”
You win! I’m so sorry that you had to deal with all that, but the mental image….Oh my, I can’t help laughing.
JoAnne F. I am laughing at #3 (merits a cartoon), but if he gets a disease from the plaster and insulation I hope he has to spend all the money he took from you on doctors and a lung transplant. I can’t believe how many pompous ass stories I read at CN. Just surviving them and with such good humor makes us ALL heros
#3!!!!!!! Too bad the safe didn’t fall ON him though!!!!???
An ego so big that even falling through the ceiling … with a safe … onto a Christmas tree!!! … doesn’t leave a mark. Against some very stiff competition, Joanne, you won the whole shebang with your very first post. I am so sorry and I sincerely hope you are okay, but I also hope that you become a regular poster here!
Please, PLEASE tell me, the tree had angel hair (spun fiberglass) on it and he is still scratching his balls to this day! (Santa, please, pretty, please!)
Helluva a first post. there has got to be a way to combine 2 boxer puppies, falling through the ceiling with a safe on top of the Christmas tree…
Ok seriously I have snorted over this all day!!! I can’t quit laughing!! I really would love to meet you JoAnne and see what your cheater looks like because I’m still tearing up!! I know that was a b*tch to clean.
And just deal with !
Hi. Yes, I meant I was new to posting. On any website.
This did happen over 15 years ago. My parents (now deceased) used their savings to hire me the best lawyer in our state for divorce.
We caught him living a double life dead to rights. I took my case to trial and won. He pays me permanent alimony monthly, not a small amount and I will not consent to a penny change. He and his wife that he left me for and married hate me for it. I have never lost one drop of sleep over that.
If he is a day late with my money, I call my lawyer.
I still hate him. I wish I could offer some help for the bitterness. I don’t have it yet. I can laugh (some) about him falling through the ceiling. I don’t think he was trying to steal the safe. We had old furniture up there and he was moving the safe around so he could crawl in there and take every penny we had saved. I taught (and still do) piano lessons for 20 years, gave painting lessons and my parents helped us save that money. That was our money he took.
When people say, How could you not know? I did not know.
I thought we were happy.
And, I am a person that loves arts and crafts. Most of my tree ornaments that he fell on were either handmade or hand painted by myself or my mother. Or whittled by my father.
Reading your comments did make me laugh, but it has taken me many years to be able to tell this story. I am a bit older than most of you, and this was not something we talked about then.
He has never expressed any remorse or repentance for anything he has done. He hates me that he has to pay me monthly and provide me with a new car lease every 3 years. He never has acknowledged that I loved him. He also tried to turn my son against me.
As they get older, children figure that out and began to distance from the parent that constantly stirs the pot. Especially when they get married, have children and need a sane and dependable grandparent to help them with family problems.
JoAnne–I am sorry your fuckwit of an X destroyed handmade Christmas ornaments. I, too, have a lot of heirloom ornaments and might have been tempted to do bodily damage to anyone who destroyed them. Were you able to repair most of them?
I am pleased to hear that you have a good monthly check and even more pleased that he doesn’t like paying it. I hope you have a beautiful Christmas, Joanne.
Knew xh was cheating – doing the snooping thing in his pockets .
Found his Christmas list
1. OW
2. Kids
3. Me
3. The dog
Divorce attorney looks at it & says “at least you were ahead of the dog”
Can’t make this shit up !
last on the list of humans, what did he give you and what did he give the dog? Could be worthy of inclusion in the 12 days with a little more info
After I said I wanted a divorce ex insisted on exchanging gifts anyhow. I believe he thought I’d go all out. I bought him a couple of gifts from CVS, a kids magic kit and a candle. For the first time in years he gave me what appeared to be thoughtful gifts, and they would have been if it wasn’t clear to me the thoughts were from OW> Pretty damn sure he gave her the same gifts. LOL
STBX gave me a card a few years ago which promised “bling” of my choice. Would you be surprised if I told you it never materialized?
Think I can cash it in this Xmas before the divorce is final? Maybe I should slip it in with his mail for the kids to hand him…
1. Gaslighter started going on a trails ride to a local winery at the hottest time of the day and “sweetly” offer to pony my horse (lead him) because I’m very heat sensitive. (So my horse was getting exercised too…how considerate.)
2. That’s where he met Schmoopie, giving her a ride on My horse. “Pony ride pretty girl?” Predator!
3. The winery is a big client of mine so Gaslighter felt entitled to ask the staff to “take good care of my girls” when Schmoopie would bring friends to the winery as cover. Then “coincidentally” Gaslighter would ride in with his horse and mine like the goddamn Marboro Man. And buy them all wine with my big discount.
4. He’s no longer welcome at many wineries who sell my art. Winery staff told me that when he came in they used to draw straws and the loser had to serve them. HA!
1. Secretly deleted my Facebook post announcing our pregnancy, in case his secret affair partner saw it.
2. When I thought it was a technology glitch and reposted Facebook pregnancy announcement, secret affair partner did actually discover my pregnancy in this manner.
3. When she questioned him about it, he lied and told her I wasn’t really pregnant. This baby is now 6 months old ?
How did he think this was all going to go down? One day he would casually mention, you know how I have 3 young children, well now I have 4 kids….hey look, a squirrel!!!
these cheaters, they know eventually their OW will find out. Their only goal is prolonging it. Even if they can prolong it by a DAY and get laid one more time, its worth it. Just how in the reverse scenario,w hen OW is pregnant, these cowardly cheaters wont tell their Betrayed Wife until such time as they are actually forced ie served w/ child support papers or whatever. I think the mentality is something like “You never know, she might die”…and I wouldn’t have to face my consequences, so just avoid and delay it as long as possible
1. X is a musician and a master hooverer. He married and divorced his first wife 3 times, then wrote a song about it making her out to be a crazy bitch and him a saint for taking her back. She’s a nice lady. I am now Facebook friends with her.
2. Never got a gift for birthday, Christmas, or anniversary when we were married. One year he was very hungover on my birthday after he spent all his money drinking with his friends (without me). I was supposed to feel sorry for him, so being a chump I just asked to spend the day with him and all I wanted a slice of chocolate cake. We took a drive and when he stopped to get gas, he bought me a cookie from the gas station and threw it in my lap. That was supposed to suffice as “chocolate cake”
3. X never had a real job the entire marriage. He is a mediocre “musician” and terrible “artist” and his “business” never turned a profit. Meanwhile I’m financing musical equipment, CD projects, tools, a shed “makeover” for his art studio and going into debt for him awaiting the payback that never came. He told me he paid me back by being a great tax deduction.
4. X moved into the home I own when we married. When I filed, he refused to leave and my attorney verified that he was entitled to stay until the divorce was final (6 months). Once final he still refused to leave, and threatened to sell all of my stuff on Craigslist while I was at work if I made him leave. I waited until he had an out of town gig and had family help me pack up his shit, change the locks, and then texted him that he did not live here anymore. Of course he showed up and made a scene, but fortunately my son and my mom were there on the front porch to support me. My mom had a pistol tucked into the back of her shorts and had decided she would shoot him if it got physical, figuring they would go easy on a 70 year-old woman.
Sorry this went long. Happy Holidays to all of you beloved fellow chumps especially you Tracy. This blog has been a lifesaver for me.
Gives new life to the phrase ‘pistol-pack in’ mama”. That’s a great story.
Your ex and my ex should get together and write awful songs in a shed far far away! My ex’s new gal can sing pitchy backing vocals.
My STBX could join your exes. My cheater told me before we separated that he had written a song about how much he hated me.
I’m sure he is writing hate songs about me too. I am blissfully unaware (and fresh out of fucks) due to no contact.
Tell him with a smile on your face… if it becomes a hit ….you ll expect a cut in the royalties …..since you were his inspiration. Bet that d just piss him off
I have a nice voice and he always told me I sucked, so I believed him. I got to pay for the CDs but was not worthy of singing even backup vocals. Another musician friend encouraged me to take up the Ukulele and I now sing to my grand babies. Bliss.
peaceatlast, your #4 gets my vote. Brilliant story and visual.
Tracy can definitely work with that!!!
BTW, you Mom rocks!
?, V
I LOVE this. Your 70 year old momma was ready to take the fall for you. You threw that damn cheater out!
I absolutely love your mom.
Your Mom could start a business. There are, unfortunately, all too many chumps who could use her on their front porches. You call an exterminator when you want vermin removed, what would we call a person who helped remove a cheater?
Exactly what you said! an “EX – TERMINATOR”.
Hahahaha, good one!
love the pistol-pack in’ mama keeps the ex in line
I like you mother.Great lady!
After I threw him out and took his keys he repeatedly asked for a jar of quarters he hid in his masturbation chamber in the basement.
I told him I rolled them and sent the money to my daughter who was homeless after losing her job.
You’ve heard of a 180 and a 360, well I pulled a 280. That’s how many quarters were in the jar. The Limited was too cheap to hire a lawyer as the SlunT believed he could represent himself. I kept my pension in full. He has no retirement at 60. I’m sure he needs a new jar.
You are my new hero. I love your story.
Office Christmas party lap dancing on an employee in front of me.
Got back to the table and I said goodbye. I walked home 12 miles in freezing weather to the farm.
When I got there, he was upset that he would have to call the Sheriff’s Dept. to say that I made it home.
1. On one of the many very emotional nights, with me in tears, shortly after D-day the evil one stood in our bedroom and looked me in the eyes and told me that “she wanted to suck his “c***”. I surprised him when I gave him a big ole slap across the face.
2. When me (the chump) decided to try to save our marriage and give him a chance. He couldn’t understand why I made him throw out the clothes the slunt bought him for Christmas. He just couldn’t wrap his head around why I would be upset he was wearing them??? I mean really, I was being so sensitive, they are just clothes.
2. Evil one sends me a text and tells me he continue to stay with his slunt (2 years after D-day) because he LOVES me so much he can’t date anyone else and he can’t be alone.
1.During the last weeks of the wreckonciliation, before our finances were split, he had all his teeth capped and went on a heli-ski trip. The entitlement is truly endless. I stayed home and looked after kids and dogs. He said he deserved it because he had been so stressed (because I found out about the double life), it was the trip of a lifetime, and he’d never be able to afford it after the divorce.
2. He continues to believe that his double life simply could NOT have affected the kids and me because we didn’t know about it.
It was his private business, so how could it affect us? How on earth could something we didn’t know about affect us? The cluelessness is truly jaw dropping.
3.His Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse included a fake suicide attempt. He set up his car with a hose and duct tape – I know because he showed me pictures. The 3 photos were a bit of a giveaway that maybe it was all show? He drove around with the duct tape pieces on the passenger seat of his car for a week. I think he was proud of them because it showed what a remorseful creature he was. I highly doubt he ever got in the car. But OMG he used that story to portray me as horribly unforgiving.
He’s the victim here… always.
OMG – my STBX husband did the same thing! His “suicide” attempt involved sneaking back into the house after I kicked him out and leaving the receipt for the hose on the kitchen table. He then disappeared for a WHOLE day (poor sausage.) He reemerged at a switzer-friend’s house and was SO SAD and showed everyone his car with the duct tape and cardboard he used cause he was SO SAD. SO VERY SAD.
Friends promptly sided with him as I must have driven him to that desperation with my terribleness and lack of forgiveness. For his 9 FUCKING YEARS of cheating with 3 D-DAYS and years of MC and wreck-onciliation.
He was always the victim. And I am so happy to be freeeee…….!!!!!!
My STBX was so lame in comparison…
He told me he “thought about driving his car into a tree.”
If only.
?
I would have called the EPA and ratted out his ass. Poor tree!
Crying!!
Poor tree indeed!
Poor car, too!
Fuck the car!..poor tree has no liability insurance!
Hobo mama -This is why I love to come to CL – you find out that you are not alone. They follow the same script even down to the attention-seeking-fake-suicide via car exhaust hose and duct tape. I would have appreciated his remorse better if it was something helpful like not telling everyone he knew what an angry unforgiving person I am. And maybe if he had taken responsibility for the 10+ years of double life. But no, his story that he sticks to is… grew apart… divorce for the best… she has anger issues and is unforgiving. Too bad nobody says, “what was she angry about?”. And yes, Louisvilleflower, I hate to admit how much easier my life would be if he would go drive his car into a tree!
Yes!
He tells people that “we are better off as friends” and “weren’t meant to be married” (for 20 years…).
No accountability. Ever.
Virtual fist bumps to you both, KK and Louisville. We are mighty! CN is a saving grace for sure.
Skankboy tells people we are still friends…..REALLY? A friend never wants one to go bald, become impotant and really doesn’t care one way or another. If I had a friend like that, I would surely invite them to dinner. (eye roll.)
My EX sent me emailed articles about the suicide rate among divorced men. Apparently, fear of his death was supposed to compel me to invite him back. Oddly, it did not have that effect. Even at my chumpiest, I could tell that he had no intention of committing suicide, only of trying to manipulate me.
Eilonwy – good for you for seeing through it!
My STBX was especially manipulative because I worked in mental health. He knew that I woul feel a duty to respond to his talk of suicide – it is completely engrained in me.
I should have called 911 and let them deal with it.
Plan for next time!
Seriously, these fuckers are masters of sad-sausage manipulation. Mine sat in some friends’ living room a month after D-day and sobbed about how he wished he was dead because he was about to lose the “love of his life.”
Reality: 3 days after D-day, when he know the marriage was in trouble, he had taken AP (aka slutress) to Beijing with him, stayed in a posh hotel, and visited the Great Wall & Forbidden City with her. He neglected to mention that little nugget to the friends. Nothing was Forbidden, it seems.
I love your name, Tempest.
But if you ever want to change it, may I suggest “Rimshot”?
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Rimshot
My 18 y/o son cried suicide twice. I was so scared. We got him to therapy with my Pastor, who is also a licensed provider, to evaluate whether to take him to a facility or not. Asshole will never own up to our son being effected by his affair with my son’s school counselor. He was betrayed by both and what was suppose to be a great senior year, my son felt embarrassed by his home wrecking whore dad and school counselor having an affair. The entire school knew. My son became depressed.
To this day neither one of them would own up to hurting my son.
Just typing this infuriates me!?
Hatehww – I am so sorry about your son’s suffering. It’s horrible what he went through. I am having some regret for posting about my X’s fake suicide attempt. Should have know there are lots of people here in CN struggling and having different aspects of suicide come up in their lives. It’s not really a laughing matter and I hate the thought of hurting you and bringing up bad thoughts. My son is a HS senior and is struggling so I’m feeling so much empathy for you and your son. I am truly sorry if I caused you any more pain by my post.
My 8 year old was hospitalized for suicidal ideation.
It was “my fault” because I took him to a therapist who suggested we go to the hospital.
STBX has told me he will never forgive me (for keeping my son safe…).
So sorry about your 8-yr-old and hope he’s doing better. Your STBX does sound a lot like my X. I hope he is your X soon…
Of course he will never forgive you …for keeping your son safe. They want to find fault in you and they will make it up to find it. Crazy.
1. Dresses up as a cowboy for OW
2. Morphed overnight from slightly rednecky guy to full-out Kid rock wannabe
3. Started calling himself Dom after the main character in Fast and the Furious.
Let’s hope he rides off into the sunset and never darkens your doorstep again.
He smokes a pack a day now, so it’ll probably be more like sulking off coughing his lungs into a trash can. I can’t see him being healthy enough for horse riding ?
DemHoez, I am not sure if these bloody idiots see how stupid they are. I know of one bloke whose name is Frank but he prefers to call himself France because it makes him sound more exotic!! What ever floats your boat I suppose.
they have adopt new personas because they hate who they really are. And they have a lot of company on this tegarf.
In this regard.
Narc ex and OW from Hong Kong are suing me and my daughters five years after divorce was finalized for intereing in their relationship They seem to have forgotten her interference in our marraige of 35 years. Bud sadly has. Already been in the courts for a year
How is this even possible??
Get both of their phone records & computers subpoenaed. Counter sue some bullshit too, just like they did!
Fucktards!
My friend told me she had seen him out at a bar with a strange girl at 1:30am, when he was supposedly coaching hockey and I was sleeping at home with our 6 month old baby. He was away on business so I called him to ask about it and he told me she was just a friend, he was so stressed out with the “relationship problems” we had been having that he needed to talk to someone, and he had “lots of friends that were women that he never talked about because it would make me jealous.” I found out several months later that he had been cheating on me with late night bar girl for 1.5 years (that tends to cause certain “relationship problems”), and was on a sleazy vacation in the Poconos WITH HER when I called that day to ask him about it.
I read somewhere that men cheat most during pregnancy and right after baby is born.
I honestly don’t know if mine did – I wouldn’t put it past him.
But I think they are pissed that the all you can eat cake buffet is going to end once their child is conceived/born.
My STBX claims that I abandoned him emotionally and sexually after our first child was born. Um, no. I was just being a mom. With a newborn and a grade 4 tear from her delivery…
The Other Wonan told me it was not Christian-like of me when I told her to keep her mouth and legs shut and keep walking when she would not stop approaching my ex at work when we were going through reconciliation.
It is amazing how flexible theology is when it is being wielded by self-serving jerks.
Mine’s pretty simple:
1) 15 years
2) 780 prostitutes
3) Ninety thousand dollars, and that’s a conservative number.
Ugh.
Those numbers are brutal.
They are!! I’m so sorry!!
1.) Introduced me to “our new girlfriend” and informed me that we were poly now.
Yep, that’s what I got too (albeit “boyfriend”).
1) Stayed with the married-with-kids AF in local 5-star hotel on our anniversary (he told me he had to work out of town); they also stayed in a boutique hotel on HER anniversary.
2) After 3 months of separation, he spent 5 days “committed” to reconciling with me; this involved crying about how much he missed AF (who was in a local hotel begging him to return), then immediately asking me for comfort sex; after 5 days he went 180 again.
3) $14000 in secret credit cards and counting.
My favorite quotes so far:
“I kind of hope it doesn’t work out with her so I can come home to you and the kids.”
“I couldn’t have married a nicer person because I know you’d never keep the kids from me”.
To the MC, on why he wants out: “the house is just too cluttered and she can’t keep it clean” (um…we have twin 2 year olds!)
“Don’t tell me you miss me, it makes me feel guilty!” Poor baby.
On why he lied to me about being with her: “I only told you what you needed to know.”
On his explanation for the anniversary hotel room bill: “I was alone, I just needed some space to think about us; don’t worry, my boss is very understanding and helped me pay for the room”. In a 5-star hotel with $40 valet parking. Really???
Asshole. Karma bus please.
1 After he ran off and moved in with the AP he cleared and replanted her front yard. He had not bothered to redirect his post so I would go round when I thought there was no one there and post it through the letterbox. Nothing else. Never ever been in her front garden before or since. He accused me of vandalising one of the fuchsia plants, how devastated he was that it was wrecked, how he had worked hard planting it. I have never vandalised a plant in my life. I put it down to not watering it in probperly, he’d never planted flowers before. Think he still believes I did that
2 After I said that he could not come inside the house without me being there [by this time various things had gone missing when I HAD trusted him to come when I wasn’t there] he insisted that he absolutely HAD to come round as I might be growing illegal drugs and as he was joint owner he might get into trouble. I’ve never even as much as smoked weed, hardly drink either or smoke and he knew that. He knew I was not as he still got the electric bill online, and saw how much I was paying each month. I did jury service once and one of the cases was someone growing cannabis plants, and there were pictures of all the lights and things that you needed; obviously as the electric bill had gone down rather than up since he was here, I wasn’t
3 spoilt for choice really. I met her ex shortly after he’d moved in with her. Apparently when she decided she was done with him she kicked him out one evening after the housing department had closed, and he was forced to sleep in his car. And that was a house that they jointly owned. At the time I was still concerned with then husband’s well being and told him, urging him to get a proper cohabitation document. Naa, he will take the chance. She’d not do that to HIM! As an aside her ex had transitioned fully to being a woman. It happens, no judgement. But you couldn’t make it up. if a soap opera had that story it would be thought far fetched. OW must have something about older men, her ex was about 15 years older, my ex is over 10 years older. She is short dark and rotund, looks a lot like his mother did at that age. Someone who hadn’t seen me for some months after he went and who didn’t know what had happened said wow, what a lot of weight you’ve lost, bet your husband is pleased [!] I’m afraid I said words to the effect that he would probably not be as he’d gone off with someone who was much fatter than I’ve ever been and quite a lot shorter. At least I know he didn’t go because I’d put on weight
All true
The accusation that you are using the house to grow weed is just priceless. If these jerks were half as inventive about living up to their responsibilities as they are about avoiding them and making up excuses, we’d have cured cancer and found world peace by now.
Okay, I’ll play. Ex never quite got the gift giving thing down. He always expected gifts, but never could get around to buying any.
1) One year, ex made a big deal of telling me he had ordered a big set of designer cookware for me for Christmas.
2) When said gift failed to materialize on Christmas Day, leaving me the only one without a gift, he assured me he’d been notified that it was on back order and coming soon.
3) In April of the next year, when asked once again if the order was coming, sighed and said, “I guess I forgot to order it after all.”
Thirty Christmases of this kind of crap.
“Ex never quite got the gift giving thing down. He always expected gifts, but never could get around to buying any”
^^^^^^THIS!!!!!^^^^^^^
Never got anything for Christmas or anniversary or birthday worth anything or even memorable (when I did actually get a gift), but oh yeah, he expected a pile of presents for his entitled feeling ass!!!
Similar to pfrey71 I had . . .
A Math “Problem”
1) Disclosure confirmed by polygraph = multiple women *every* year (lowest 3-4, highest 15-20) X multiple sexual encounters with said women for the *entire* 34 years I’d been with him. Do the math.
2) Recovery program for 2 months post-disclosure = morning sex addiction support group conference calls (OK but no real interaction with the men) + no sponsor + no 1st Step + no additional therapy + very little reading + no real remorse. But, hey, he gave himself “recovery” points for working out and eating healthy.
3) My math after watching this foolishness for two months, finding ChumpLady, learning about narcissism, and putting down the hopium pipe . . . Attorney + No Contact = Bu-bye! Life, here I come!
Don’t need a calculator for this.
You rock!
I’ve never comment, but here goes….
1) After twenty years of marriage, three kids, and no fighting, he got up one morning and just said “I’m leaving”. He moved in with her the same week he moved out, and married her less than two weeks after our divorce was final. Oh, and they’re expecting a baby that was conceived while we were still married.
2) He, the OW, her husband, and I are all teachers in the same town which means everyone know all of our business. Of course, he and the OW are coworkers. Her (now ex) husband was our kids’ teacher.
3) Meanwhile, he signed the kids over to me completely (visitation at their discretion since they are teens, which basically means they never have to see him) in a settlement to avoid a lengthy court battle. He hasn’t seen them in months because he told them “if you want a relationship with me, you have to have a relationship with her” (OW). Guess they answered him.
My favorite freaks from CN today: Meg’s Pubes-shaver (belly is still hurting); Dianne’s cocaine-supplying sitters for fake demented (holy shit!); mickeyblueeyes being asked to print out a memorial picture of his EX’s AP, etc.; Over and Out’s lawn decorations of sex toys from a box that fell out of a passing truck by accident; sadlady15’s jar of olives from EX to olive-hating daughter (really!); Mr. Chumplady’s self portait of AP as “ART” decorating his home (wow!); ANC’s Branding Iron, but it already earned a CL cartoon; Amiisfree’s Disappearing Condoms; the docility of Tempest’s Hannibal Lecher in Florence having received request from the sexual harassment officer; ICanSeeTheMehComing! on her knees tweezing crabs out of butt hairs (belly still hurting), crabs “picked up in a hotel”; UXworld’s Guardian Ad Litem asking for pictures of the contents of sex toy bag for report for the court; K’s cheater taking photos so he could re-arrange of all her stuff he’d hidden so he could appear single for this woman.
My Xmas freak contributions:
At his weekday apartment EX actually had a little shrine with TWO bibles, a rosary, a scapular, my wedding and graduation pictures and OW’s kindergarten-level rhymes and drawings of hearts and flowers on artisanal paper. File this under scrapbooking. (I had key to said apartment; when I knew EX was out of the country I travelled 750 km, said hello to the doorman and collected credit card statements, etc., since $$ spent on Flatterfuck is computed in his part of the settlement. And stumbled on shrine).
EX had me stay at home in Brazil waiting for a new bed (king-size) that he chose and I paid for while he took OW to Disney World and upon his return involved me for an entire weekend on the phone with the airline that lost his “assistant’s” luggage, checked under his name because she exceeded a 64 kg baggage limit after shopping spree in USA while “assisting” EX in meetings. Judging from facebook pictures of scantily clad Flatterfuck in The Magic Kingdom (just a thick-skinned chump here collecting evidence), she must have had room in her baggage for A LOT of shopping.
When confronted with the financial reality of divorce (very unfavorable for him), EX admonishes me to “discuss things” because “our future and our children’s depend on how we split our assets”.
Like other chumps, I received offers of “hugs” and “let’s be friends” from Lord Sparkledick, but Tracy already has a “We can still be friends, right?” cartoon.
Oh, Clearwaters, you made me laugh so hard, the way wrote that . . . this stuff is horrible but, shit, it’s funny.
Been here getting help from ya’ll for months but rarely comment. Can’t resist this though….
1. Me, my kids, my parents and my ex MIL take loving care of X from Dec. 12 through the holidays after same day surgery to remove a seemingly out of the blue baseball sized hemorrhoid – only to piece together after DDay #1 (Jan. 19) and much sleuthing that it coincides with him hooking up with questionably young male dressed as female he hired on a business trip.
2. DDay #1 – see above Jan. 19 few years ago – find out my seemingly loving and perfect husband had a AP/GF for over two years when I received a text from her ratting him out because she had gotten sick of him coming and going and saying he was going to leave me and kids – she figured this way he’d never come back.
3. After kicking him out DDay #1 and obtaining more info than an FBI undercover agent through my sleuthing, cooperation of a number of women that he dated but didn’t even know me and the kids existed plus the AP partner – I get great divorce settlement, become good friends with Ex wife #1 and find out he cheated on her on the company time and dime too – and she’s not AT ALL the crazy ex I though she was for 9 years – we are now good friends. Figure wife #3 will join the club in due time.
Oh, I could so go on….limiting to three is just too hard!
Oh I have a new one
–when asked why hes wearing a band on his wedding ring finger he says its the only ring that would fit (doesn’t explain why that finger,and he has been caught calling his AP his “wife”-note that we have been separated 14 months and don’t even have a separation agreement since he doesn’t cooperate) they are pretending to be married imo
OK, I’ll play. Cheater ex was spending us into bankruptcy. We were always behind. Of course he was handling the money, and financing schmoopie. He comes up with this crazy idea for me to make extra cash. He had it all set up for me to go down to the local porn parlor and strip in a glass booth with a bunch of strange men standing around and masturbating.
Ahh, NO! (Along with ewwww, ick, ick and a good case of heebie-jeebies even thinking about it. Makes me slightly nauseous to even think about it still.)
He just couldn’t fathom why I’d be grossed out……But, but, but I could make a lot of money! Why was I being so selfish! It wasn’t like I would be doing anything bad or dangerous! (The level of disrespect was breathtaking.)
I told him if it was that great, he should do it. It fit right in with his narrative that he was trying to build that I was really a hooker. He planned on trying to take my kids away from me. Didn’t work.
Asshole!
Although your story is much worse than my own experiences, it does make me rethink part of my own history with a jackass.
When my husband suggested I should have a relationship with another woman, I was initially baffled and angry. I thought at the time he was trying to lay the blame on me for our relationship problems via an (inaccurate) theory that I had lied to him about my sexuality for 15 years and was secretly a lesbian.
A few months later when I learned about his “soul mate” (30 years his junior), I assumed the attempt to get me to have an affair with a woman had been a strategy for justifying a divorce. If I was an active lesbian, he’d be the object of pity for having been tricked into marrying me. And his new church would have been very supportive of him.
Now your story make me wonder if it wasn’t a ploy to set me up as an unfit mother. We live in a very conservative part of the US that is actively trying to roll back and restrict the rights of gay and lesbian citizens and that recognizes “alienation of affection” as an actionable offense I have no doubt he could have made a case for more custody and financially penalized me in the settlement if I’d been interested in taking him up on his offer to find a female affair partner.
Kind of makes me wish I’d told his employer about the soul mate–it would have violated his employer’s work rules, although the soul mate dumped him right around the same time that I did.
And just to tie back to today’s CN theme–the soul mate received the same present for graduation that I received for Christmas that year. I had one of the lazy jackasses–hey, if it made one woman happy, I bet the other gal would like it too!
I had to think long and hard to decide on just 3.
1. The babysitter picked me up, kids in tow, after my hysterectomy. STBX couldn’t be there because he had to “work”. Emails revealed that he was “working” the OW.
2. After DDay #1, told me, out of the blue, “The kids and I would be fine if you died.”
3. Had OW help him pick out jewelry for me. Sadly, that was the only gift, besides a cookie press, that he had gotten me in a decade.
(Sorry, had to add a 4th)
4. Told me the only reason he hadn’t hit me was because a domestic violence/ assault charge would make him lose his medical license.
‘Ville, ‘ole Doc was quite the jewel to “work” so hard while you were having surgery. POS
And sounds like he could get a little huffy — what, did you have the nerve to withdraw his kibbles?!
Louisvilleflower, whenever I think of your story, I feel your cheater and his whore had very dark fantasies about harming you or killing you. It’s chilling. I am so glad you are safe.
I don’t think I can even fathom the darkness of his soul.
Oh wait, he has no soul.
I can’t fathom the depth of the void where his soul should be.
?
It’s called an abyss! Just let asshole who is the doorman to hell to let him in….Im sure his ticket is a speed pass!
Wow, just wow at #1…
In my case, the evil one moved out of our house just 10 a ays after I had my hysterectomy. I could barely get myself to the bathroom…
I do recall just after my surgery, he blew up on me in the recovery room because he had gone through my texts on my phone and realized all of my plans and just how many people i had really told about DDay, and how he was chatting on me, impression management is everything to these fuckers…
It really is. He was there with me the day of surgery. Acting like the doting husband. Texting my family about how I was doing. Chatting it up with the doctors (probably getting the numbers of the nurses).
The next day – nothing.
The mindfuck of that abrupt change in behavior messed with me for a long time. I would replay events over in my mind for clues as to why the sudden change. That was before I knew about impression management.
Now I just roll my eyes at that shit.
I’ll give it a whirl…
1. He spent 2 days, 3 hours each time Mother’s Day shopping for me, (I’m his son’s step mom) & presented me with a gift card for a store an hour away that was going out if business.
2. He sent me a text meant for his a.p. saying he’d, ” meet you at the plaza,” & when I asked who he was meeting, he told me, “You!”
3. He found a new bang buddy & finally left his a.p. he left me for 5 1/2 years ago a few weeks ago. He told her that since his son & her son (both over 18 btw) don’t really care for each other he & his son were moving out, but he & she would “still be together.”
He pitched a tent in our lawn when I refused to take him back after the second AP. (Chumpy me took him back after a few days of camping. I should have just moved.)
I would have tossed him a stick and a bag of marshmallows and said “have a wonderful stay, we’ll leave the light on!” Idiot.
NMSB – The visual I got was him on a stick …
Hahahaha, I love your creativity!
Uniquelyme
A tent in the back yard. That is a great visual.
I recall my daughter saying her Dad was going to have to live in the dog house. At the time I thought it was an odd thing for a 5 year old to say. Evidently, when he was taking a five and three year old to his girlfriends houses he told them not to tell mommy as he would be in the dog house. My daughter recalls many girlfriends and described them.
1) Left me homeless, as he went on deployment with the navy.
2) Sent me a text on my birthday meant for another woman
3) Had a one night stand with a woman he met in a bar, had protected sex with her, decided he would rather finish on her back, pulled out, pulled the condom off, snapped the condom, lost his erection, then went back in raw to finish the job.
Apparently, when a girl gets offended you won’t stick it in raw, that’s the all clear and means “STD” free.
I’m a new chump. Just graduated the police academy.
Welcome Sailors Chump – you’re going to fit right in!
Let’s hope he keeps sticking it in raw until it falls off.
Thank you so much. 2nd D-day was a month ago. Despite, knowing the truth already, I set out and hacked his cloud. It was everything I suspected and worse.
I’ve been lurking around here for a month and decided that condom story was too spectacular to keep to myself.
Now, I’m waiting for him to come back from his over-seas deployment, so I can stick him raw. Wouldn’t you know adultery and prostitution, especially with ones shipmates, is frowned upon in the Navy?
Settling will be a piece of cake.
Thank you so much. 2nd D-day was a month ago. Despite, knowing the truth already, I set out and hacked his cloud. It was everything I suspected and worse.
I’ve been lurking around here for a month and decided the condom story was too spectacular to keep to myself.
I’m so happy to have found a place that reaffirms what I’ve known all along, but couldn’t consciously grasp. And, knowing there are other Chumps out there, who understand the insanity these dysfunctional fucks invite into your life, has been a beacon of light.
Right now, I’m just trying to cope. I’m so glad I found Chump Nation.
Sailors Chump, I am sorry about your situation, but I must say I am very happy for you that the Navy has the faithful spouse’s back. And a bit envious about that I must say. Good luck with you settlement.
Thankfully, under the UCMJ, adultry is still illegal. They turn a blind eye to it, until the non-Petrie dish spouse comes forward with evidence. Like, using a government issued travel credit card, so he can get a cash advance for a hand job. How do I know? He price shopped on google, then iMessaged the other married friends, who went with him. Alllll backed up to his iCloud.
He is calling it coercion; I call it all’s fair in love and war.
Don’t bring a condom, to a knife fight.
Unfortunately, having him served will have to wait, until Sept 2017, due to his present location.
His mindfuck channel only has one channel, self pity. So I changed my number.
Yea he’s the one who’s life was devastated. As I’m finding out from the doc that I have a grapefruit sized fibroid, a damaged fillopian tube and half the eggs a normal 32 year old, should have, he’s rushing me off the phone so he can go eat lunch with his strange. Poor him.
Thankfully, I never breed with this piece of shit.God knows better.
Good for you for getting your ducks in a row while he is at sea!!
You might be a new Chump but you are learning fast!!
Well done!
I’m a chump lol. But I’m a pissed off chump. I don’t know which was my breaking point; The money shot on some whores back or haggling the price of a hand job. But, somewhere in there, I knew it was enough. There’s no fixing this.
I’m his power of attorney and already started pulling cash advances and siphoning money from our accounts. He’s so enthralled by self pity and Ms. bday text (a girl in his squad) he hasn’t even noticed. It’s not like the dumb shit ever paid attention to stuff like due dates and balances. That stuffs not important. I just take things to seriously. A 510 credit score is perfectly acceptable and Ms Bday text doesn’t break his balls over things like that.
Well, look at that you’ve changed my mind. Youre right. Your credit is not important. Yolo you shmuck
Sailor, can you get divorced sooner and not waste another childbearing year with that traitor? Or get some eggs frozen?
His present location is in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of nowhere. It’s a non English speaking country and getting the actual papers in his hands will be impossible. Civil Service Relief Act makes it very hard to divorce them while deployed. Add on where he’s stationed and it’s impossible.
I’m having the fibroid and hopefully, the tube repaired, in two weeks (his timing is impecable) , then me and the doc will come up with a battle plan. I will most likely freeze my eggs.
It was something to be there one week planning our family and the next having to ask for a full panel STD test. Happy birthday to mwah.
You are mighty! Use every tactical advantage you have. Welcome.
I need it. I’m in a no fault state.
And thank you. You ladies and Gentleman are salt to the earth. A much needed reprieve from the Switzerland friends and family.
Sailor, I am speaking as a 52 year old chump with fibroids who wasted her years on arsehole (s), nine miscarriages, no kids. I wish you the best of luck. I had a myomectomy and reconstruction (didn’t help). Fibroids returned, within 2 years I was a bag of onions down there again. Bottom line I was told surrogacy was the last chance, and that didn’t appeal to me. So don’t waste any more time if you really want children. Maybe it’s not even worth waiting for a better divorce settlement. That’s up to you of course, but be careful. Time is not on our side.
Kiwi,
That’s what keeps me up at night. He’s taken my dignity, my self respect and possibly my chance at having a family.
Unfortantly, I can’t serve the mother fucker, because of his present location. He’s in a muslim country most people don’t even know exists, on a base that doesn’t exist. Getting the actual papers in his hands is impossible. And, i wonder how do I start dating again with this bag of crazy waiting in the wings and still technically married? Mother fucker won’t be state side until Sept 2017.
He’s wipped his ass with the best years of my life. Most things we can rebuild. You fine folks are proof of that. But, as you know this is one thing I can’t get back.
Sailor, I don’t know if you’re still following this thread? You could have some eggs fertilised by a sperm donor frozen as insurance in case this whole mess takes too long? I believe frozen embryos have a much better chance of survival than frozen eggs…Spend some of his wages on that!
1. Lightning struck twice, first in 1991 and then in 2015, when XH messed up two new car seats by having sex with someone who was not me. The first time he successfully gaslighted me by saying he vomited on the seat, but the second time his gaslighting was an abysmal failure. I didn’t believe it was normal wear and tear, the sun, salt from the road, from gloves laying on the seat, from french fries or his mother did it.
2. He finally admitted that he cheated on me in 1981 when he came to visit me at college and he gave me the crabs. He stated that it was my fault for being away and that he was so drunk that he could not remember what she looked like or any details about the sex. He indicated that she took advantage of him.
3. He told me he hated me and did not want to have sex with me in 2014, one year before D-Day. Said he would just be celibate.
4. Post-divorce, he asked me to buy him a truck. I declined, just knowing he wanted it to get back to the whore. I then realized he had been fucking her in the bed of our old pick-up truck. He also asked if he could use my car sometime and I said no.
After your divorce, he asked you to buy him a truck? Seriously? Just when I think I can’t be anymore surprised by what I read on this site, now this. At least you’re divorced and the psychopath is out of your life. SMH!
My cheater told me he had offered to be his 40 y/o AP’s sperms donor if she decided to freeze her eggs. He said he did not consider this fatherhood, but rather equivalent to donating sperm to Ivanka Trump.
The new girlfriend called me and told me she would try to calm down my husband, who was having a screaming tirade at me because his girlfriend’s husband was trying to wreckoncile with her.
Asked if I was upset about forgetting our wedding anniversary the day he had family photos taken of OW, her child, our children and himself. We were not divorced yet at the time and still living together.
We were forced to share finances for 7 months while the divorce went on. He insisted that he was entitled to 50% of all of the money, even though I paid for myself, the kids and two dogs. He only paid for himself.
I’m so glad this chapter of my life is over…
1. Hid his secret cell phone on a stained glass window ledge, in the sanctuary of the Presbyterian Church where he was the senior pastor.
2. Promised our kids he wouldn’t move to states away, then after he snuck off without telling them said, “I never promised I wouldn’t move. I promised I wouldn’t leave them, and I haven’t.” (It’s a 10 hour drive.)
3. Texted me this morning to ask what to get the kids for Christmas.
I hope that in the long run #2 turns out to be a blessing (the kind real priests give, not demonic spawn pretending to be priests).
As for #3, tell him all the things the kids need, but won’t necessarily appreciate. If they need new soccer cleats and winter jackets, tell him so. If they want, legos and a bike, make those the gifts you give them.
1) STBX gave one of his APs the same book of love poems he gave me and at the same time, including Pablo Neruda’a poem Puma, which Neruda wrote for his wife — AP pointed out the irony and douche said “so?”
2) MIL told everyone, including our YOUNG children that her 50 year old, millionaire son HAD to fuck the slut he picked up in an elevator because I MADE him so mad when I asked for $2K diamond earrings for Valentine’s Day after DDay 1 — we’d been married 23 years at that point and the last “gift” from him was a generator– STBX had already been in a 2-year affair with his client, unbeknownst to me, when I suggested I would like those earrings.
3) When asked why STBX couldn’t follow through on his promise to commit and stay no-contact with the YOUNG elevator slut AP he said he didn’t know why he HAD to text her and call her dozens of times a day but that he was fascinated by what she had to say about her co-workers — he’s a partner at a large lawfirm and 15 years older than AP, she’s an admin at a document storage facility and those co-workers were also admins and in their 20s– STBX is 50.
I hate your STBMIL.
I hate mine too.
Divorcing the whole family is awesome.
I’m realizing that his entire family is fucked up. I know mine isn’t perfect, but we don’t have family members who conveniently “forget” that their son gave up parenting rights to their grandchildren. I mean, seriously, what grandmother would “forget” that?!?! She’s also spent the past 10 years bitching about her husband. And how miserable he makes her. Then… LEAVE. At one point, I even suggested she move in with us. Thank God that never happened.
There has been so much shit unveiled with the divorce, that I’m glad I’m no longer a cornerstone in that “family”.
Louisville Flower, I love you for hating the douche that was once my husband! It heals me.
1. Ran off while I was at work leaving a “goodbye” note written on the back of a cigarette carton telling me to take care of the parakeets.
2. Called me from another state saying he hadn’t saved/stolen enough money to keep OW in the style she deserved and needed advice.
3. Tried to stick me with huge medical bills for MRI and CT scans to prove the affair wasn’t his fault.
These. These HAVE to be the best. Especially #3. Of course, it’s not their fault, poor things. Their brains turn to mush. But to have the creativity to get an MRI and CT to prove it? Beyond the pale!
His excuse for having sex with his 19 year old mistress was because she was apparently raped when she was 14, and he felt sorry for her.
I’m sure having sex with a 53 year old morbidly obese narcissist at age 19 did wonders to help her through the rape trauma and restore her self-esteem.
Just in case she didn’t already have enough issues to discuss and work thru while in therapy….
Late to the party…here’s just one of many
His lawyer presented the following offer in lieu of alimony – he and his cockroach would move into my home and support me in the lifestyle I was accustomed to for the rest of my life. I could even keep the master bedroom, they would take the guest room.
You would think I’m 90 years old and feeble. My lawyer couldn’t stop laughing he had never heard an offer like this in his entire time practicing law. Told me, while laughing uncontrollably, – maybe we could all become really good friends…
You’re not old, you keep the master bedroom, they get the granny flat!
Ha! Didn’t think of that!
That is truly generous! Just bless their little hearts…
1) Bought me a bottle of cream for my 50th birthday, 1000ml, so a treat! Nothing else.
2) Said I wasn’t a team player because I refused a menage a trois with the ex he was cheating on me with. So instead he…
3) told me he was going to Christchurch to visit his 16 year old son he hadn’t seen or spoken to for over a year and his 2 adult sons. Asked me to look after his 10 year old son with the ex for these few days because it would be good for him to spend time alone with me on the farm. Went to fuck the ex (the boy’s mother) instead. I found out because his oldest son rang me looking for his dad who was supposed to be in Christchurch visiting with them…
4) Said he was afraid I was going to harm him and I was trying to poison. No, but I probably should have.
1) It was 20 years in when I discovered damning evidence that I was married to a serial cheater with multiple women for our ENTIRE marriage.
2) I fall for ‘wreckonciliation’ and later discover he has merely gone deeper underground with his stealth mode tactics.
3) When I file for divorce, he emails OW and claims he is “blind-sided and doesn’t know why after 23 years of marriage that his wife wants a divorce”… He also asks me if it’s ok for him to start dating other women since we are getting a divorce… (WTF?!?! He’d been doing it for 2 decades without my permission!!!)
O&O, Number 3 is just insane!
He can’t see why. Really? Is that not the definition of delusion?
1) Three months before our wedding. He and his brother’s girlfriend sat on either side of me in church at my son’s bible school program. They skipped the cookies and punch for sex at his place!
2) He drove 45 minutes to co-workers house for sex. Came home from a “late call” (he’s a paramedic) to have sex with me, Then the kids and I surprise him with breakfast in bed and presents, Happy Father’s Day!
3) He confesses these things to me after 23 years of marriage!!! Favorite quote; I think those vows meant a whole lot more to you than they did to me!
Ha! #3 rings a bell. My STBX used the same line: “you wrote our vows, so they probably meant more to you than they did me”. (Offensive, and also rewriting history since he’d forgotten we BOTH came up with those vows together!!!).
Hmmm, so many insanely good ones already. Insane being the operative word here!
1)What was I supposed to do Abermarm? I couldn’t leave CFMD in the car….that would have been rude!
Said to me after introducing ap to his mother and one of our kids not even two weeks after he left.
2) Told me as he was leaving, “you will always be my best friend’ and then looked like I had killed his puppy when I said “No, I am not. Not anymore.”
3) When defending the psycho he had introduced into our lives, he attempted to defend her by saying “CFMD has NEVER hurt anyone in our family” Yeah , she just demanded that you leave us all.
4) “We bonded over my Great Unhappiness, and her horrible divorce…..her husband CHEATED on her!” Oh, the horror.
Rofl on #4 — oh my goodness these cheaters. You can’t make this stuff up.
I bought my demented EX a laptop pc for Christmas the year I was laid off my job. (He bought me nothing that year, no surprise.) He repaid my kindness by reconnecting with an old GF from high school thru Facebook. When he asked the Brokeback Bitch if she’d fuck him, she said ‘yes’. That’s all my EX fuckwit needed to hear before chasing down that well used kibble-hole. A match made in heaven!
1. When his Internet connection would drop out, he’d scream at me, or pound on my bedroom door, to come “fix” it for him so he could continue his online chatroom sessions with the Brokeback Bitch.
2. My desperate EX would go live with the Brokeback Bitch every weekend and, even long after her second divorce was final, SHE STILL LIVES WITH HER MOTHER, IN HER MOTHER’S HOUSE! ?
3. My EX ran out of the kitchen & hid in his bedroom to cry when I made my dinner one night, because it smelled so good & he misses MY cooking!
ROTFLMAO!!!
We’re not really dealing with adults here, are we?
They don’t appear to be anything more than ill-mannered self-absorbed children.
When it stops being about them, they head out for greener pastures. Sadly, they drag their unresolved baggage with them into each new relationship. Then have the audacity to look surprised when the new AP starts acting exactly like the old spouse?!?
There’s a large swath of mayhem & destruction in their wake. I only wish it were a “visible” swath so we could spot them coming from a mile away & could take the necessary steps to avoid them like the plague!!
You should cook a lot more and not give him any. He’s only allowed to smell. Or you put pics of it on your Facebook page. Make him cry!
Oh I did just that, kiwichump! Made and ate those drool-worthy meals right in front of him while he miserably munched on his store-bought fried chicken pieces.
It also is fun knowing that he’s spent most holidays eating at family-style buffets since his Mother is now too elderly to cook those huge meals, and the Brokeback Bitch doesn’t make the effort.
Very satisfying indeed!
“There’s a large swath of mayhem & destruction in their wake. I only wish it were a “visible” swath so we could spot them coming from a mile away & could take the necessary steps to avoid them like the plague!!”
Like an oil slick…But instead of avoiding it, so far we chumps tend to be like birds that dive into it and get smothered in lethal oil.
That’s so mind-boggling. Even my children understand, “If you’re mean to someone, they will not want to do something nice for you.” Maybe he should have considered the things he would miss about you before cheating, rather than rationalizing his bullshit by telling himself he DESERVED to cheat because of some list of faults he made up.
Mine thinks he’s a top bloke and Im the nagging bitch and his cheating was ‘his little escape’ oh and then blames my Dad for driving him away from me. My Dad hates him.
He honestly believes his own bullshit and told me he was sick of negativity and arguing in his life, yeah really interesting when you bring it about.
Like talking to a pile of bricks. I am starting to think he is mentally impaired !
Im at the anger stage of grief and feel f..ed over by his crap.
I already entered 4, but I just remembered these gems:
1) We went to my home country for IVF because he has scar tissue (from chlamydia in his early twenties go figure) in his testicles preventing the spermcells to get out. He gave me all my IVF shots and then he got HIS SPERM SURGEICALLY EXTRACTED, and it worked I got pregnant and he was over the moon. I stayed for the rest of my pregnancy (and now appearantly forever) in my home country and he went back, months later when he got it going with spiritual yoga schmoopie he shooted to his family and everyone I DIDNT WANT A BABY. DUDE YOU WERE THERE WHEN THEY CUT THE SPERM OUTTA YOUR DAMNED TESTICLES WERENT YOU, and I wasnt holding a gun to your head, neither when you carefully gave me my IVF shots.
2) His mom (has been so sweet to me) had just put her nice SUV in his name so we would have a family car for when the baby is born (he already had a pick-up), when he dumped me pregnant his mom took it off from his name and put it back in her name again, and he got mad yelling but it is “my family”car” LOL should have thought about that before you dumped your family!!!!
The entitlement never ends with these jerks, does it? Fabulous that his mother supports you!
(I miss your little green tree frog avatar! Did WordPress eat it?)
Tempest, his family has been very nice… they make mistakes with him still (enabling his addictions), they love him (albeit they are pissed of, sad and dissapointed), but they have been very supportive and understanding with me for the most part. I actually miss them a lot…
The frog shows up when I post from my phone but not when I post from my desktop and since I have no time for anything while single parenting my toddler I havent had time to fix the frog issue hehe. Yes, I love my meh-frog!!!
I am a little late to the party. This is one of my favorites each year…the stories are sad, funny, and incredible all rolled into one. I appreciate the contributions from all the fellow chumps.
My cheater wasn’t exceptionally freaky, but I will contribute a few.
1) Xhole comes home from a business trip giddy about a jar of honey that is attached by a pink ribbon to a small stuffed bear. He excitedly explains that is a Christmas gift from the team of women he supervises at work. He wants to display it on the mantel among my beautiful decorations. I think it is inappropriate, question him, he explains it away, and I tell him no to the mantel display. He pouts and complains that he doesn’t understand why I am so meticulous about the Christmas decorations!! Fast forward to Dday when I find out through messages between him and Owife that “Honeybear” is her pet name for him.
2) Our 30th anniversary is on a Saturday. Xhole insists that he must “run to the store”. I have spent hours making him a book of our life together plus purchased some other meaningful gifts. When we exchange gifts, I receive an UGLY $10 bracelet from a greeting card store. Later I find the receipts that show while he was at the store that day purchasing my bracelet, he also made another stop by a jewelry store to buy Owife a $500 bracelet. (I knew that day…on my 30th anniversary…that my marriage was over.)
Cheaters just suck!!!
Precious One Step!
That just makes my heart hurt for you…..
They are all beyond sick……So much destruction, yet we hold fast to our own integrity and moral character. They are cowards / We are conquerors!
{{{HUGS}}} to you as you ForgeOn!
OSAT,
What’s with cheaters’ need to insert their shmoopies into our home lives? Ugh.
But “honey bear?” What dreck. But since honey is bee vomit, not entirely inappropriate.
1. Condoms stretched over our back door doorknob and on my windshield wipers a couple times a week for months after D-day – and emails from her asking if I thought he missed her…and the subsequent reassurance from him that he never bought the condoms they used.
2. “I didn’t want to, but I felt like I owed her” he ‘only wanted to see her boobs’ – apparently flashing him earned her 6-8 months of minivan/park bench/construction site/yard waste dump site romance.
3. “She was always coming onto me and I always told her no, but I was afraid she was going to lie and tell you we were messing around…” so he started messing around with her to keep her from telling me they were messing around before they were messing around (this one still makes my head hurt).
Seriously, LoopdaLoop, you have to ditch this loser.
Buy one of those Charlie Brown Christmas trees, drape it with condoms, and hand it to him as you put a boot in his ass out the door. Merry Christmas!!!
Loop, that whore is crazy, crazier than your cheater, watch out!
Number 3 . That’s incredible mindfuck gymnastics, right there.
I’m just so happy I found this place. I thought Mother Fucker was a special kind of fucked up, but the more I read, the more I see, he’s just a garden variety serial cheater. They all seem to just throw shit at the wall to see what sticks.
Contortionist gymnastics at that! This “assignment’ from CL has me replaying the highlights from Cheater Extravaganza of Bullshit – and I’m mortified at what I’ve put up with…and what he’s gotten away with.
Loop
It’s so believable, right? All her fault. And when she comes to YOUR home leaving condoms on your personal property, she HAS to be the crazy one right?
Make this a deal breaker Loop. Its all on him. Chances are that she has been in your home screwing him. If this is the first time he has cheated, make it the last. He will try to play the victim as he already has. FUCK HIM he’s the asshole who brought crazy into your life putting you in danger. File a restraining order on her if she steps on your property. And dump him.
When mine packed up and left, he took all his books with him. All THREE of them. Two high school year books and one USMC yearbook. Because a book is only worth reading if your own picture is in it!! #intellectualcheater
Hahaha! Love this one Dixie. My cheater never read a book either. When I first met him he claimed to have just finished one, “Trinity” by Leon Uris. In the subsequent 34 years, I am not aware of any other book he has finished, and only a handful he ever started, so I think that thing about “Trinity” was just to impress me. When he left he didn’t take ANY books with him.
This is hilarious! I am indeed familiar with the book Trinity … I read it in 10th grade! And I can tell you exactly why he uses this as his “serious book to impress” … have you seen it? It is fucking LONG!! And a LONG book means it must be really good literature!!! Ha Ha Ha!!!
Yes I remember that Trinity was fat, which makes me pretty sure he did NOT read it. The only books I personally have seen him attempt to read are books about super successful mega-moguls, who he thinks are exactly like him except for luck and circumstance–Jack Welch, Steve Jobs, etc. He gets about 50 pages in, then they start gathering dust.
LOL. Yes, about 50 pages in they figure out that one has to actually DO things, THINK things, ACT on plans … so much easier to text someone for a meetup.
Haha! Yes, and a book doesn’t have the capacity to make their miserable, disgusting souls feel better about themselves. That, and it can’t give a blow job…
My cheater, too. Never read or completed a book. Only picked up and skimmed the first few pages of success books featuring tycoons that where luckier than he was or knew somebody that he didn’t. Ugh.
They are too shallow…..Reading quality literature is one way to feed one’s soul.
Therefore, one with no soul has no need to read, correct?
Yeppers….Cheaterpants is NOT a reader. Go figure……No soul to feed
Books were the MAIN THING I sought to retrieve from marital home after I had to escape. My tiny little apt will never be able to hold all the fine books my soul desires! Thank the Lord for tablets and Kindles, no?!
Read on, ChumpNation…..
I read somewhere that narcissists don’t read much. Something having to do with a lack of empathy. We normals enjoy reading because we can empathize with the characters, whether they’re fictional or not. Narcs can’t. As much as my life has been turned upside down by deceit and betrayal, I am so, so grateful to be a normal, feeling, book-loving person. I wouldn’t trade that for the most attentive, richest, best-looking narcissist in the world. My next romantic partner HAS to have a library card! That gets used!
He forgot the 4th book he was in…”Proctology For Dummies,” cuz he’s such an ass!
Dixie, This is priceless!
Hi Dixie.
So I’m just curious, do they all cheat on deployment, in your opinion?
When I “got into his iCloud” I saw most of his married friends were right there with him.
I’m still torn if I should inform the unaware chumps.
Hi … sorry so late to replying. I don’t know what percentage cheat on deployment. I know mine certainly did the year he was over in Okinawa by himself. There are a lot of good guys in the military. But the shitty ones definitely take advantage of deployment as do the cheating military wives. Bleh.
“If you go home with someone and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” John Waters
Another goodie (and I paraphrase): “Never have sex with someone you wouldn’t want to be.” I love this one. Forces me to step back and take a damn honest look at who that person is. Wish I’d come across these words of wisdom years ago.
As a newbie this place (and the book) has probably saved me from a life of Hopium (still embers nearly 8 months on from DDay via midnight IT sleuthing that’d make the FBI blush)…apart from the lying and gaslighting in marriage counselling….the one were I (husband) could ‘learn from his mistakes in his next relationship’ as she was leaving me to become ‘single and independent’….she nearly is now ! AP married with three young kids and his wife making most of their joint income…us with two great young kids who were going bonkers/distressed for months from seeing Mammy overly friendly in playground with AP god love them…their daddy wondering wtf? So….my addition…
Her in arguement post dday to her faithful and hardworking husband ..’what’s more he’s a better father than you’ll ever be ….and he’s a better husband too’…. ….’he at least makes time to care for his kids’
I threatened him I’d tell his wife if he didn’t btw…que weeks of him getting an ulcer before he finally confessed
Two weeks ago when I stopped being passive to her crap she didn’t remember her nighttime quote (I did) so replied justifiedly to me …..’well I was in love what was I supposed to say’
Followed by ‘well everyone has affairs…it’s no big deal’ to me who needed xanax, sleeping pills and shitloads of therapy to get over his distress of Mrs trustworthy giving her moral compass to the trash heap….oh brings me to one more !
Doing the marriage referendum here in Ireland to legalise gay marriage…I voted yes, she voted no…why ? ‘marriage is a sacrament between a man and a woman so I don’t believe in same sex marriage’…she’s off to her friends lesbian sisters wedding in two weeks….I so want to tell friend !!!
Turns out he is a serial cheat…he’d learned it from now deceased father who was notorious in the local Irish village we moved to…my wife was number three in his bedding list but they ‘never had sex with each other ‘ just lay naked on the bed….that’s all right then…and they were soulmates it seems…but he was never leaving his wife he told her….he’s still with his wife…terrified no doubt and skulks in his car when I meet him at the school gate …gormless twit
Bizarrely my wife was willing to wait for him as bit on the side…phd grad in her forties with nice lifestyle and two great kids….happy to be part time lustfer for years….but ‘single and independent’
Thank you Tracy and everyone for keeping me on the sane and narrow road to a sunlighted future life…
Howdy from Austin, Bannerman. You’re my Irish brother from another mother! Sorry to meet here under such miserable circumstances.
Sounds like you voted for gay marriage because you’re a good person who believes people should love and marry whomever they want.
Your STBXW sounds like a psychopathic bigot who has rules for everyone but herself. Everyone may have affairs, as she alleges, but not with *you* – that’s a good response for her drivel.
Sounds like you are only two weeks out from D-Day. Ouch. Lots of good men around here repairing our lives from the damage a cheater inflicted.
Is there some turn of phrase I’m not familiar with? I.e., “gormless twit?”
Go easy, fellow. Her bed buddy can escalate things quickly, and you’ll be stuck out. Concentrate first on legal and financial protection for yourself and your kids. Beware the “part-time lustfer,” because once you serve her some consequences, she will ramp up the accusations of manipulation against you. A cheater wife when cornered can get very dangerous as she thrashes around and enlists her flying monkeys.?
Bannerman
“my wife was number three in his bedding list but they ‘never had sex with each other ‘ just lay naked on the bed….that’s all right then…and they were soulmates it seems…but he was never leaving his wife he told”
This would make an amazing song. Love your voice.
Oh, how awful!
I don’t get the affair goggles – my ex is shacking up with a woman I can only describe as a pathetic weasel: jobless (quit on the spot rather than take a drug test, a real winner), didn’t finish college (UK college, not American college), has cheated on the last 3 blokes she’s had, and about as cute as an old boot. She’s knocking on 32, looks about 45. Tough life she’s had, by the looks of it. Meanwhile, I make good money, have an Oxbridge education, took care of everything in our lives, and held it all together…
There’s no justifying the insanity. It’s delusion at its finest.
I hope you’re shoring up ok.
Bisous from another chump in the Isles…though from the English side 😉
STBXH’s and married “Rub and Tug” massage parlor AP have moved into the top of a commercial space he’s renting for her new massage parlor.
He created a website and has written 5 star Yelp review under faux name for their new business venture. He actually says in his slimy review “beautiful, strong young women who can read your body and relieve tension” in an effort to “legitimize” her work.
You can’t make this stuff up.
I’m hoping to get a settlement, divorce decree and NED (no evidence of disease) cancer re-check for Christmas.
Crazy…slopping over for sure! Huge hugs CN. Stay mighty!
Thanks mate, months from dday but on those weekends you don’t have the kids and it’s a bit quiet, I do find it hard to get my head around it all. Btw the ‘gormless twat’ thing is ‘twat’ as in twit or Idiot…. ‘gormless’…. someone who is a bit, how shall we say…underwhelming…dull…lacking in a bit of life…he’s an accountant, likes watching airport tracking radar to unwind and quoting war movies…we were very well travelled, worldly aware and maybe a bit up ourselves….but she defiantly traded down in my view!!! Her bed buddy I’d say is keeping a low profile …but think eventually his wife will kick him out…that’s the worst…his wife is impressive, smart, good looking and bit of a milf…really don’t get it. Ah life ….could’ve lived with a little more boring!
I got the house…kids fifty fifty and a hell of a view from the high moral ground! Legal fun begins in January !
Best to all
Excellent! Thanks for your clever reply. Okay, you are months out from the heartbreak, yes? Don’t forget about the forums up on the top of the home page. They are a good way to connect with other chumps at odd hours while us yanks try to sleep. There are many chumps from all over that congregate in the forums and trash-talk the cheaters.
Have you intervened with his wife? Just curious. It’s a risky business, but apparently she knows about your wife and him, yes?
No matter, you’re free now(ish). Not your circus; not your monkeys.
Ok, I’ll play now that I have some free time:
1) Skankboy is a bartender. His mother was visiting from RI, staying here at the house. It was past 3 in the am, he wasn’t home, so she called him to ask where he was……he was at Ida Whore’s house a bangin’ away. Nothing like a phone call from Mommy when you’re balls deep.
2) After I told him to GTFO, tossing his stuff into Hefty bags, calling a locksmith, he had to leave the house. Texted me to let him know when the locksmith was gone. I texted back he was gone. He came into the house with his mad-as-hell look. I asked what is your problem, he said, “You don’t trust me.” My head spun…..then, I said “I trusted you with my heart and look what you did to that.” He shut the fuck up very quickly! TOUCHE’
3) A few days after his unexpected trip (being thrown out of the house), he asks to move to the other side of the house and we could date. Really? Fucking really?
You can’t make this shit up!
#1 has me lmao!!!!! 3:00am call from “Mommy” during his bangfest!!!!
I once left a message for ex to “call home” when I learned HE was in the middle of a bangfest. I had to leave the message with a campground manager … he wasn’t sure which “home” to call so he called his mother first!!!
Hahahaha!
NMSB
That just made my fucking night. He asked you to DATE….. Best laugh ever.
The crap they come up with as cheaters! LOL!
One of my top five statements from ex throughout all this, aside from the frequent and unwanted comparisons of OW’s and my figure (hey, at least he said I’m aging a lot better than she is though duh, she’s older), our performance in the sack (“It’s not about the sex!” which translates to she’s often so diseased/infected they don’t have much and it apparently isn’t very good according to other guys) and how her family wasn’t surprised nor concerned that she ended up with a married man would have to be during a heated discussion we had over where lo would spend her third birthday.
Best wtf statement from ex: I was not following the fucking state formula and wanted her here, it was not Gray Rock’s Finest Moments and, after his getting more frustrated, he says, “I’ll admit I overestimated how optimistically you and I could get along and communicate after what happened.”
Oh really?
After. what. happened. You know, like it was as upsetting yet typical as stepping on your spouse’s foot, or breaking a sentimental little decoration or burning dinner. Not I fucked our mutual friend for six years behind your back, didn’t bother to file for the divorce, fought you where ever I could and abandoned you to raise our kids? And maybe I’m a little put out?
Were we supposed to have one of those old school international coffee moments where we laugh fondly about the past over sugary instant coffee, warm light pouring in all around us and our smiles about as over the top as the flavoring additives? I didn’t get that memo. He was always so shocked when I would start screaming at him in those early days, shoving him out the door and slamming it in his stunned face afterward. Yeah, you overestimated the optimism, all right so move along. The power of chumps compels you!
Also, not only is he inconsiderate as all hell (ordered a gift basket sent to me from our favorite local winery sent to me on our anniversary, which was on Valentine’s Day and a little over a month after D-Day, while he spent most of it at the OW’s house save to make a two hour appearance for the twins’ birthday and see if I got his “gift”–Oh before calling later that night to ask if he could come have a glass of wine with me “because we don’t want you to think we’re heartless.”) but apparently whenever someone sighted is around when he drops by to pick up/bring back the kids from custody visits, he’s still checking me out like I’m some piece of meat.
Admittedly I’ve tried from D-Day to take care of myself as soon as I could manage, but what the fuck is he thinking? Because I can’t see him do it then it must be okay? After all the shit he did and said, staring at my chest/behind doesn’t count? It’s so gross and makes my skin crawl, and he’s on some really good drugs if he thinks he’ll ever get within five feet of either bit again.
Though it would be funny if he ever “accidentally” says my name during sex with OW. He never did that to me, thankfully, and I think if he was going to sing the praises of anyone at that point, it’d probably be himself first and then maybe God.
Also, he agreed that he got off lightly on D-Day with me and said he knows if they ever break up (lol if) there will likely be police and an ambulance involved. He even kind of chuckled when he said it, and said something like “The house wouldn’t have any walls left.” Yeah. Good luck with that.
Cakeless: “…after what happened.” Like a sneeze…or an earthquake. SMH. They just don’t own their shit. This is one of the phrases I’ve finally learned to see as a huge red flag…even in small matters with new acquaintances.
He was in the hospital recovering from addiction to OxyContin..The nurse caught him in the furnace room of the hospital fixing the furnace with shitty pants at 3am.
1. Cheater propositioned my younger
sister at our wedding rehearsal.
2. While we were wreckonciling,
cheater visited his hospitalized, dying
father and discovered that dear old
dad had been cheating on mom, and
and upon seeing his mother’s distress
at the news he vowed yet again that
he’d taken the lesson to heart, yet I
found lovey text messages from his
AP on the night before FIL’s funeral.
3. Cheater claimed that a wild turkey had
flown up from the roadside and
smashed his car windshield and so had
that repaired, then 10 days later a
bullet hole appeared in the new wind-
shield and he insisted he’d shot it out
himself to allow airflow in the car as
his A/C was broken.
“10 days later a bullet hole appeared in the new wind-shield and he insisted he’d shot it out himself to allow airflow in the car as his A/C was broken.”
Wow. Just wow.
I took pics for posterity and no blood or feathers are present from the so-called turkey incident. I thought the gunshot might’ve come from *outside* the vehicle, but a former police officer trained in forensics confirmed that it had indeed been fired from inside the vehicle, and from a similar caliber weapon as his own.
I’m still not convinced these weren’t the handiwork of a deranged AP or AP’s enraged chump.
Yeah, odd hunting technique to shoot the turkeys from INside your car. My bet is on the deranged AP hypothesis.
What, that is outrageous.
Wild turkey… I might actually miss a guy with that much imagination.
Hahahaha!
Newly minted her.
Had dickhead around to pick up kids and when he came back had to ‘use the loo’ call me crazy but I knew he was going to use that one to bail me up and ask why we couldnt work it out.
He had 8 months to consider ending his skype bullshit and not contacting local skank from the past but apparently him leaving (i kicked him out 2 weeks ago) was because I didnt defend him to my Dad My Dad thinks hes a prick for all the shitty things he did to me and kids in the past. But apparently my Dad doesnt know the real him! Da f,,,,
I shoved him out the door because he wouldnt leave, he put his foot in it and claims I jammed his foot in the door.
Anyways on my financial apart from child support as of next week but thats fine, we are not married together 13 years.
I think he thinks I wont cope financially without him but I will the wheels of fortune are already in motion.
2 weeks in and Im feeling better about it all skipping the dance I did three years ago.
Took me to lunch during wreckconcilation. Held my hand. Then told me he was going to AP for the night and then take her on a trip the next day. But don’t worry chump, I’ll sleep on her couch. Her kids are there. LOL.
Yea right.
Took me to lunch during wreckconcilation. Held my hand. Then told me he was going to AP for the night and then take her on a trip the next day. But don’t worry chump, I’ll sleep on her couch. Her kids are there. LOL.
Yea right.
1. A month after D-Day (he moved out a couple days after), he texted me wanting to let me know that he found a lump in one of his nuts and will let me know if it’s cancerous.
2. In an email to his mistress, he raved in whole email about how the facial scrub she gave him.
3. The last time I saw my ex, he backed his U-Haul into my garage and had to pay $1,000 to fix it. We were drafting up the settlement around that time, so that conveniently went in there.
Revise #2. …he raved in the whole email about the facial scrub she gave him and how wonderful it was.
He’s such a charmer! lol
Another special I just remembered.
While in MC (ha ha ha- what a joke), the therapist asked him why he was there. ( One affair had come to light, not the many more I found out about later). He answered ” so we can sometimes go for a coffee”. Jesus.
A friend of mine had gone through an awful 10 years after her terrible divorce and said never divorce unless husband is a wife beater or alcoholic / drug addict and we were discussing this.
Think the therapist saw right through EX as he said to him ” I would add serial cheat to that list”
I was trying to remember something entertaining, not cruel and vindictive so here goes as my XH ALWAYS felt he could strike it big ( read Richard Branson/ Alan Sugar autobiographies etc.)……….
1)In the early years circa 1995/6 the BBC Teletubbies were a big hit and a ‘must have Xmas toy’ so guess what gobshite XH did ?……. Bought a £12-15 teletubby (the least popular) off a guy on the internet behind my back for £50 (we were students) and then went to our local High St and pulled ‘Dipsy’ out of his backpack and stood there amongst all the shoppers expecting someone to offer him £££££££ for it …( we’ll be millionaires Rodney!!!) ……no one did – or on eBay either ….. Last time I saw Dipsy he was lying face down in biscuit crumbs in my nephew’s car seat.
2) Convinced he was gonna be the next Stephen Spielberg after a holiday in the US visiting my best friend and her husband (who both work in the film industry). I bought him a journal so he could write his next blockbuster ….. I found the solitary entry when I was packing up the house ….. “Idea for a story plot “….. Which was basically all about an unknown potentially fatal virus is sweeping the nation/ world……sound familiar anyone ??? I still can’t look at a dvd of Outbreak or Contagion without taking s picture and texting it to my BF and we still laugh about it today – yup my BF ( ‘cos I was mean and had no friends- that’s why he fucked his way out of a marraige ) that we holidayed all over the US with over the years cos his mates went no further than Benidorm.
3) I had two life saving ops in hospital and emerged out of a 10 day stint in HDU infertile and exhausted ……he had to have a new car ( he had suffered too!) and it had to be a fucking Lexus – even though he always drove a VW. At 6ft 4 his head was touching the sunroof – and he looked ridiculous / he drove it for a week before he finally conceded he actually looked like a dick and spent even more of our money swapping it for a VW..
First post ever, so here goes nothing!
Mr. Brittsy slept with his oldest friend’s girlfriend, an unemployed bus driver he met the day before, at a festival in August.
After discovery of the affair, he continued his affair – and showered her with gifts, including my pajamas (yep, my pajamas…), a Christmas present he’d been hiding in his office for me since June, and a pair of pink furry handcuffs he kindly had posted to our home (including a useful label on the outside of the package, describing contents – which I photographed for posterity).
In the aftermath, we’ve been sharing the house we bought together, which his lawyer is now claiming to be too stressful for him, so we must sell our house ASAP for his mental health!
He is a twat. Get a lawyer, and in my opinion get him to move out of the house, then decide if you want and can afford the property on your own.
If you have to be sneaky take the keys off his key ring and lock him the hell out, put his gear in the garage, waste of you time like my idiot is who thinks he has a future with some married ho he meet on the net in another country, they have never meet in person.
We have two kids and 13 years together.
You owe him nothing kick his sad ass out. These people are agents of Chaos!
You’re absolutely right.
Don’t worry, lawyer already engaged and new house bought (though presently bunking with friends who don’t mind my crazy cat lady-ness!) – just waiting for the completion. He has no idea, and I did it with my money, without the need of the money from our joint house.
Now I can sit on that house and refuse to let him sell (my lawyer filed a restriction on the property that means he may not sell until I say so) – considering he lied about his salary to AP (literally doubled it…), he needs that money.
As soon as we have final agreement on who is getting how much of the money (complicated situation, as I wasn’t allowed on the mortgage because of my immigration status), I’ll move my stuff into storage and stop paying my share of the bills – which means he’ll really be squealing.
Which is hilarious – because he told me he didn’t need money or material things to be happy. Easy to say that when you don’t know what it is to have none!
Wow Jesus you have it sorted. Mine says the same shit about money and is quite in debt. I refused to co sign on c cards with him, thank god.
These peeps are hypocrites and think they are special. There is a term for them in AA it is ‘terminally unique’.
As gran would say ‘ good riddance to bad rubbish’
Your kickin some ass and on a bullet train to meh by the sounds of it.
Thank you! I still have bad days – I’m not even 4 months post D-Day yet, and we were together for 8 years. We weren’t married, but I was sure he was going to propose (and he told his friends that he was planning to do it when he returned from the festival where he met Slaggasaurus…).
I’m one of those people that copes with hardship best by keeping moving. I think once I stop having these “projects” to focus on, I might struggle a bit – but until then, I just project manage the hell out of this split.
Good for you for not getting involved with his debt. My ex was awful with money and I was always bailing him out – helping him with one offs of a few hundred here or there when things hit the fan. I wish I hadn’t now, but hindsight is 20/20.
Also – he passive-aggressively threatened my visa status. My visa was based on him being a British national (I’m American) – so he casually left the UKBA home office website up for how to report the end of your relationship in these circumstances. Really charming.
I just got back from the States last Sunday, where I picked up my shiny new visa that work sponsored. I have to stay in my job for the next 4 years until I’m citizenship-ready, but I’d rather be tethered to a corporation than a massive penis.
1. 49 days of marriage to plan your Dday attack.
2. I’m sure your AP will agree that you do your best work on your back.
3. Merry Christmas to me.
Certainly one of those days should be calls from AP.
OW called me to explain what LOVE is.
No kidding, that really happened about 1 month after D-day.
He said I had a horrible sense of decor, I would destroy the house if he wasn’t around and I didn’t keep my car clean enough.
These are the things he answered in response to what was wrong in our relationship enough to make him cheat.
BTW, house is still standing and a few days later I asked my brother to rate the uncleanliness of my car 1-10. He said it was a 2. Yep.
That sounds close to the validity of my cheater’s complaints about me which included; I bought salads for dinner from Wendy’s, didn’t wax the kitchen floor enough, and yes the kids left wrappers in my car on occassion.
It doesn’t matter what we do, they’ll always find something.
Sounds like classic mindfucking. He just doesn’t want to be around. I bet he will do same to her.
1) He is a personal trainer. He lives next door.
2) He didn’t want tank-top tanlines, so he mowed the grass with his shirt off.
3) Our house was too messy for him to see … so she always went to his (although the graham-cracked-crusted minivan worked in a pinch).
Hope it’s not too late to add this.
1. When I finally got him to agree to move out, he took all the dishes, silverware and cleaning supplies, but left his clothes.
2. We were renting several motorbikes to friends of mine, he threatened to call the police and report them as stolen.
3. A year after (only about a month ago, really) he was at a bar talking shit about me and the bar owner’s mother shouted at him that he wasn’t a real man. He stalked me the next day to ask if I thought he was a good man or not. I said not.
After I found out my ex was addicted to gay porn, sleeping with male prostitutes for 5 years, had a secret email address, a secret dating account and a secret STD doctor he:
1) Bought himself a $50,000 car because he felt he deserved it,
2) Read a relationship book and highlighted all passages where he felt I went wrong and then gave it to me to read,
3) blamed me because I refused to have a 3rd child after 2 dangerous and damaging labours
4) got himself ‘confirmed’ in our church so he could show the congregation how holy he was
5) went on retreat to Israel to find ‘forgiveness’ and came back expecting me not to say another word!
1) A recently ordained minister, he sought out the most troubled groupie in the community, baptized her, and soon began fucking her.*
2) We took an expensive vacation to visit his family, maxing out my credit card, but when we returned, he seemed SO refreshed and renewed in his ministry, gone for hours visiting the sick and elderly.
3) Pics and emails on his iPad soon revealed that the time was actually spent on romantic hikes and shopping for fancy outdoor gear—but at least it was on her credit card.
*It’s illegal in some states for ministers to violate their fiduciary duty, but not ours; immediately after D-Day, I notified his superiors, and he was promptly and permanently defrocked.
I’m way late on participating in this post, but I’m so fortunate to have had so many things in my head I couldn’t even focus on a few! And…so many of the things I have read on this post, actually, ALL of them, blow my freaking mind. Really…I didn’t think I could be shocked any more, and holy geezus, I’m dumbfounded, disgusted, pissed, heartbroken…and some of you made me laugh! So…here’s to all of us and a better 2017!! My heart goes out to every single one of you. Here are a few from my list:
1) Went to pick up bosses coming in from his corporate office at the airport, and ended up being confronted by the COO and head of HR…was questioned AT the airport about drugs and sleeping with employees/co-workers at multiple accounts..ALL of which, lucky me, turned out to be completely true! And the fucker didn’t get fired.
2) Used to work out in our driveway lifting weights, jumping rope, throwing shit around, grunting for the entire neighborhood to hear…shirt on, shirt off, whatever….used to make me so proud…ugh, it was so annoying and embarrassing…he had SO much extra time to work out, but not to actually be a good husband participating in our marriage….
3) I got pregnant and miscarried during the affair with his main ho-worker #1 (even though he was sleeping with multiple other people, too, but she’s called this because I know her and we all worked at the same place-she was a newlywed and we went to her wedding). But during that time, when I was pregnant, he wrote emails (which is how I initially found out about the affair, for the most part) to her with emojis of diamond rings and kissey faces puked all over them telling her he couldn’t wait to go to THEIR kids soccer games and parade his hot young wife around (she’s 10 years younger than me) to all of the other dads…while I was pregnant with our “real” baby…
Happy 1-year day of divorce freedom to me on December 18!
1.) He left his work laptop home while on business trip. He forgot to close the otherwise locked company intra-email. Found sexually charged exchanges & him asking an employee to locate a former woman employee for him.
2.) I brought our new baby to his workplace and I overheard his close male colleague say how beautiful I was and why was my husband “having hamburger at work when he could be having steak at home!”
3.) Found his thumbnail drive and located a freak of a story he was writing:
—he’s a journalist, with a foul mouth, who sought out an interview with a Wiccan. He describes her physical attributes, paying special attention to her breasts and he often repeats he can’t help himself being drawn to her. He also wants to attend a Wiccan “ceremony” in the deep woods. (What’s the big deal you might ask? He PRIDES himself on being a Christian!)
1. He bought me a sample of eye wrinkle cream and my dog Dynovite. He bought her (26 years younger than him) a salon manicure, haircut, full highlights and styling.
Cheater says “I used to pray one of you would die in a car accident so I wouldn’t have to chose”
Really not sure how to respond when he said that one…UBT anyone?
One of many mind fucker comments.
My cheater flew first class and texted me that “this is a great set up for the mile high club.” Then I found an email to his girlfriend with the exact same sentence. He just copied and pasted, at least mine was first!!
This may be a little too long to qualify for the contest but it’s worth sharing anyway, I think.
Year 3 into our relationship, I got the flu a week before Xmas but still got up out of bed to go shopping for awesome gifts for DoucheCanoe; for a few weeks prior, he’d been plying me about what I might like, so I gave him a few inexpensive ideas (he wasn’t working and had no money of course).
On Xmas morning, I got up, made cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate for Douchecanoe and watched as he unwrapped amazing gift after gift from me. When he was done, he informed me my gift was not “ready.”
Turns out my “gift” was a “song” (I’m being generous) that he could not complete for me without a particular piece of musical equipment that fortunately it just so happened I got him for Xmas, at his request.
The little money he had supposedly set aside for my gift just disappeared I guess (or was spent on one of countless Schmoopies). No card. No note. Nothing for me on Xmas morning. No f*cks given by him about my present. I finally got the “song” after nagging him about it for weeks via a surly-worded email.
The worst caterwauling I ever heard. It was so bad I could only listen to it once. If CL and CN are interested, I could dig it up and share it (but you’ve been warned).
OMG, Chumpzilla…I find this hilarious! Sheesh, do they suck.
Reminds me of the time my cheater narc alcoholic XH wanted to attend a religious retreat because, as he put it, he needs to understand God loves him. I already understood God loves me, but the wife attending the women’s weekend a few weeks later was part of the deal. So I went.
One of the daily features is that the person on retreat receives little gifts…from friends, but also – and quite importantly – from their spouse. I baked, and got all crafty and creative for his four days, and accompanied my daily gifts with supportive little notes.
My weekend? Nada!…All the ladies were opening little scented soaps, candles, boxes of candy…and tender letters from their husbands.
On the final day, one of our classes was interrupted to play a tape, a surprise “gift” from one of the husbands. (Mine.) Don’t even remember what he sang, but it wasn’t about me or to me at all. Just looking for the limelight again. No one was impressed. At all.
Last Christmas Day before D day, I was cooking dinner for the family ..he walked past me all dressed up heading for the door “where are you going? ” he said “I’m going to a Christmas party” I threatened him if he left I will go to a lawyer. He responded “do what you want, I’m not stopping “. Leaving me for his whore… like my son & I were garbage.
I hope some day he feels the pain I went through.
“Christmas Day is my BIRTHDAY” he did say
“I deserve some me time, so off I go”
To the gym, it’ open at three
and so is my “secret” ho, ho, ho
Returned three hours late
“you’re cooking the meat all wrong”, said he
“Fuck you” his wife did reply
MIL just blinked her eyes
1. My HUSBAND, a grown man, claimed it wasn’t an affair, he had just been raped by the AP.
2. “I wasn’t having sex with her, she was having sex with me.”
3. Claims he just froze, so she took advantage of him – even though his mouth and penis could obviously still move!
4. He said “I’m the victim here, because I sold my soul to the devil and didn’t even get my compliments.” (He had his affair because she would compliment him on his work, but after the sex she dropped him – poor baby).
5. “If it helps, the sex with her was awful.”
6. He gave me separation papers but said he did not want to file them, they were just to show me how generous he would have been if he had.
7. “I hid this from you for 13 years to protect you.” My hero.
8. I’m trying to change (after 29 years of marriage, why bother now?)
Is it possible to look at all their stupidity and not feel stupid yourself for not seeing it sooner? putting up with it for so long? As the saying goes – better late than never! Looking forward to many future MEH moments.
over, mine also claimed the sex was bad and that she was “all over him like a train wreck.”
They really are bat shit crazy to think we’d believe this crap.
#1 – Grabbed a pillow to cover his naked parts when I walked in on him (we had been married 33 years).
#2 – Asked me to attend the OW’s church (both were pastors) one Sunday.
#3 – Claimed he didn’t know how “she” got so many pairs of his boxers and flannel shirts – she must have stolen them.
Wow, chumps…your entries have been…just…jaw-dropping. I’m so sorry for many of your heartrending experiences. I’m offering some relatively lighter stuff, because I just can’t let myself visit the heavy hurt much anymore.
Here’s my two cents, times four. Each is separate, and under three sentences. If I’ve misunderstood the rules, that’s okay. Just want to be part of the fun and the sharing.
XCheaterNarc#1:
1. Showered twelve-year-old daughter with birthday gifts, because they were with his family that day. Six weeks later, gave ten-year-old birthday daughter a magnet. One magnet.
2. For Christmas, gave each of our three children a stocking full of candy. Nothing else. Then, before they left, he told them to empty the stockings into a plastic bag, explaining he had to refill the stockings and give them to Schmoopie’s kids.
AnotherCheaterNarc:
3. As the front man for his popular local band, he regaled his audience by informing them that he has to spend half an hour with online porn before having sex. With me. It was understood…as I was his SO, all fixed up pretty and sitting alone at a table, cheering him on (until that point).
4. As a veteran humor columnist at a local newspaper, he published fiction – peddling it as truth – about me and my “anger”. Depicts himself as a sweet, lovable, clueless, idiot…who just doesn’t understand women. It was a (popular) series.
Not “under”
For one birthday, many years ago, he took my mother’s old cuckoo clock to a repair man, had the cost of the repair estimated. He gave me the still broken cuckoo clock as a present, saying he had looked at getting it fixed but it was expensive and he knew I wouldn’t want to spend that kind of money. So he just hung it on the wall like this. That was the most thoughtful birthday present I ever got.
After that I just asked for firewood cos there never was any at the start of winter (my birth day month) and we were cold. So I thought that would be the way to get some for sure… The first year I got some a week after my birthday, after WE had spent 2 days splitting the logs together. Same the second year. Third year, I didn’t ask for anything anymore, and got a bottle of cream (as in dairy)…No bloody firewood, froze our arses most of the winter..
He always gave us a list of demands for his birthday and Father’s Day, and complained if all the sons didn’t pay homage exactly as he wanted. Before DDay, the whore gave him a re-gifted cheap garden light for Father’s Day, 2 years ago, pretended his son had chosen it.
I always tried to find thoughtful gifts for him, and did. Shortly before DDay he said he wanted a bike for his birthday to get fit again, so I took note and 7 weeks after DDay he got his bike anyway while I was pick me dancing. He rode it ONCE! I guess he meant another type of bike. The wreckonciliation year post DDay, she finally gave him a REALLY thoughtful gift on Father’s Day…
They really ran rings around me.
Poor man was sooo miserable with meanie me!
Just unbelievable, a toddler mentality. I agree Tempest, alone and/or lonely wins over living with a fuckwit, hands down.
Kiwichump, so glad you are free from that self centered ass.
One Christmas, I had got each kid a box of belgian chocolates wrapped under the Christmas tree. When Christmas morning came and the kids opened them, they were all empty. Traitor had eater them all and rewrapped the boxes so no one could tell. “Do as I say, not as I do”, he said.
Another year I had bought and wrapped chocolates for each of this many brothers and their wives and kids, hidden them so he couldn’t eat them, until the time we would be leaving at 6am to drive 400kms to the family gathering. Note that we live 55kms from the shops, so I only went shopping once a week.
Come the day before leaving I decided to check that everything was ok and I hadn’t forgotten any prezzies. All I found was a pile of wrapping paper and chocolate wrappers. He had eaten the 20 or so boxes I thought I had stored safely.
He always made a big fuss about Christmas and how it should be a big family occasion, and I was the kill joy who wasn’t fussed about Christmas, but I made all the preparations to make him and the family happy. He always sabotaged all my efforts, but I was the Grinch…
Honestly, how is being alone worse than what we have all lived through, based on the stories on this page? Frankly, loneliness is a relief relative to living with these fuckwits.
I am looking forward to a quiet Christmas with no fuss this year! And I don’t have to hide stores to make sure we don’t run out of food when all the shops are closed. No longer living with a munching rat. Traitor is getting fatter and fatter with the whore, it was fun watching him struggle at tailing. Then he complained tea and milk are giving him headaches. I managed not to snipe that the whore is poisoning him now, not me. Couldn’t possibly be that he is just stuffing his face too much!
Just wow to these stories.
1. Our last trip before DD was to a beautiful european city. Kids at grandfather, so we made love, had wine, talked for hours, fabulous. I found out months after DD, his mistress was raised there as a child. He wanted to know how she lived and he texted with here during the whole week (when!?), and went right back to her when we landed.
2. His son, my stephson, now lives with me, since he could not figure out any other idea besides the boy should live with his bipolar mother who lives in another country (boy does not want that at all), far away from his brother for 9 years (our mutual son). Could not live with dear dad offcourse, too busy with girlfriend no xxx. So now he lives with me and his brother like most of the time, and dad for 2 days a week (only way to keep him with me and his brother), if he shows.
3. He came home after a couseling session during wreckonciliation, claiming he did it ‘out of love’
Grace, this boy is lucky to have you and not be stuck with his fuckwit ungrateful dad! ?
SBXH was looking for a “babysitter” near his work, through a Fb post.
He brought her home, while I was at work, and filmed the baby while she “performed” on him.
1 year later, he hired her to babysit our child.
She was paying for the room her friend/pimp was lending her for these activities, by babysitting friend’s daughter.
SBXH wrote to me demanding respect for his new partner and to call her by her name.
Sorry, I tried really hard to keep only the freakiest ones … so it came to 5
Call her by her name! “Unfit mother skank”, then call child protection services.
Nope, no palpable proof. Not an option when you try to move to another country. You keep your mouth shut and let the lawyer and mediator do their job.
I still think it’s the best solution, long term. My son will experience only 2 times per year their fuckedupness. With the possibility that SBXH will upgrade his partner 🙂 Best wishes to him!
1. He is a closet alcoholic who was good enough at hiding his drinking to make me feel I was crazy to suspect him.
2. He pushed me to buy our first house even though he had been cheating on me for at least a month or so.
3. He fully participated in trying for a third baby (took several months) even though he was cheating on me – when I told him I was pregnant, he acted shocked, and invited OW over the following day without letting her know.
#3, Julia I think it makes these arse holes feel more manly and potent to have one woman pregnant and bang another one at the same time. That’s how weak their masculinity really is that they have to prop it up this way.
1. Called his mom on D-Day, devastated and asking for help. She told him to take photos of my medications.
2. He moved out the day before my birthday, came by and gave me a birthday card the next day saying how he loved me more and more all the time. He had moved in with his AP the same day he moved out.
3. Classic Chump Move: I called the cops on MYSELF one night when I lost my cool and went to his apartment to scream at him. Luckily for me, the cops said, he didn’t file a complaint about me kicking over the bonsai tree I had given him.
He sobbed and told me two weeks before he’d met the woman God had told him he was going to marry.
He said he had a list of 7 things he’d told God he wanted in a woman and she met all 7.
I asked if he’d mentioned to her that he’d been calling me every night for those two weeks looking for sex. Found out later he was juggling 5 of us.
We were sitting in a bank rep’s office opening up new bank accounts. The bank rep needed to make copies of our driver’s licenses. Wallet in one hand, he pried loose his DL stuck to the clear plastic pocket with the other. As he yanked it out a tightly folded paper square sprang into the air. It landed between our chairs. He scooped up the paper sealed with a lipstick kiss off the floor, and popped it into his mouth and he ate it.
One year 2 days before Christmas he snagged the socks I’d just purchased at Walmart while shopping for our X-mas dinner. He wrapped them and put them under the tree while I was putting away the groceries. The only reason he fessed up was because I was about to head back to the store, receipt in hand, to find my missing socks.
For another Christmas he bought me a very cheap vacuum cleaner. (There’s a huge backstory, but let’s just say he hated my vacuum cleaner) Even though it was a gift, during our divorce he took the cheap vacuum cleaner, claiming the 50% rule. I didn’t tell him it was broken.
1. On D-Day when among other things I asked him if he loved OW, he said, “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but she is NOT the kind of person that I could ever be in a relationship with!” I think it’s hysterical. As far as I know he’s stuck with her 3 and a half years later, as he couldn’t support himself w/o my income so he needs her. He’s one of those men who is parasite and lives off a woman.
2. On D-Day, when I chumpily begged him with tears in my eyes not to leave me for someone he claimed he’d only MET two weeks prior, he said coldly, “Oh no Muse. That would never work. I already ran The Sharing Idea by her, and SHE won’t go for that.” I was stunned as he had never asked me about “The Sharing Idea.” I wanted to puke.
3. Also, on D-Day, he said with fake crocodile tears streaming down his face, “I wish I could split myself in two, so one of me could be with you and one with her. I saved the asshole the trouble and removed myself from the equation/triangulation.
4. Months later on the public MLS site for the city where OW lived, I saw in the photos of her house listing, a photo of Ex at age 5 that I had I’d had enlarged, and for sixteen years it sat on our dresser in our bedroom next to a photo of me at the same age. It was sitting on OW’s dresser next to a baby picture of her now. He had taken it when he moved out then given it to her to display the same way it was displayed here. He also gave her his “favorite” painting of himself, a full color watercolor of him at age thirteen, shirtless. At the time it made me sad but now I think it’s ridiculous and narcissistic. Turns out one of the photos he gave to me when we started dating was a gift from one of his “exes” that she took of him.