How Cheap Is Your Cheater?

Once upon a time, GladIt’sOver’s ex presented her, apropos of nothing, with a half-eaten box of Wheatena cereal. As a “gift.”

She told the story here and that telling detail has stayed with me ever since. It perfectly illustrates the Bounty for Me! Crap for You! narc dynamic.

Today’s Fractured Friday Challenge is to play a round of How Cheap Is Your Cheater? Ever been devalued with a craptacular, passive-aggressive gift? How about incredible cheapness when it comes to real life grownup expenses?

The flip side of this of course, is the magnificent generosity they indulge in themselves and with their affair partners. And how they try to convince chumps that this flamboyant lopsidedness is Right and Normal. It’s good to be King/Queen.

Mr. CL once told me that in 22 years of marriage to his cheating ex the best gift he ever received (and he was serious, he really enjoyed this gift — it was the BEST!) was a set of screwdrivers.

Contrast that with my tie-dyed license plate cover. Yes, we’re epic chumps.

Of course his ex, like my ex, spent a prolific amount on all sorts of gadgetry and gewgaws for themselves.

Now I know some of you are going to write and say, no your cheater was terrifically generous, always sent flowers, pulled their own weight, and one day was abducted by an alien affair partner. Okay, you didn’t have a cheap cheater (but I’d wonder — did you look at all the credit card statements?) Today’s How Cheap Is Your Cheater? isn’t for you.

So tell me, what Stupid Cheap Shit did your cheater do? And what was the contrast to how they treated themselves?

And better yet, tell me how you treat yourself now. May all your Wheatena boxes be full.

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Lindsay
Lindsay
4 years ago

My Ex cheater saved large buckets of sawdust from his woodworking, crap building hobby. Cheater rarely left tips in restaurants and has not contributed one cent for either child’s college costs. He was very generous to his whore with family money. Typical cheater.

Virginia Murray
Virginia Murray
4 years ago
Reply to  Lindsay

So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Robinson.buckler he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that ( Robinsonbuckler @ ) yahoo. com real and powerful spiritualist, if you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact him now.????????????????????????????

Di
Di
4 years ago
Reply to  Lindsay

I’ve shared this before: but the one Christmas I cried and begged him to pick out and purchase gifts just for me. I’d still buy everything for the kids, his parents etc – I was just sad at the thought of getting a gift and stuffers for me. It was shocking that I wasn’t going to wrap it as well apparently because Xmas morning there was a cvs bag with one knock off phone charger and a phone case – both for a galaxy phone. I bought both of us the same new iPhones last year. He could have bought a charger and case for the phone he had and at least got a crap I could even use!

FreeWoman
FreeWoman
4 years ago
Reply to  Di

What a jerk. Bye bye!

Chump no More!
Chump no More!
4 years ago
Reply to  Di

That is simply awful! So glad you are free of him!!

Di
Di
4 years ago
Reply to  Chump no More!

Thank you!!! Me too!!

Georgie
Georgie
4 years ago
Reply to  Chump no More!

We were on holiday and went to a supermarket for a few supplies. I grabbed a magazine. He said loudly so the check-out person heard. “$8 dollars for a magazine!” I was so embarrassed and later told him never to embarrass me like that again.
This was from a man who spent thousands on tools.

Desdemona
Desdemona
4 years ago

He spent 80000 dollars on a music system; but my 100$ dress was “ not worth the money”…

Mardi Meh
Mardi Meh
4 years ago
Reply to  Desdemona

Desdemona, He sounds a bit like like Joan Robinson Hill’s infamous husband . (I recently read the true crime book Blood & Money. It’s quite the page turner)

Thone
Thone
4 years ago

The Rev Cheaterpants gave me a set of grey bath towels for Christmas.

Who the fuck uses grey towels?

NotbLUEinTC
NotbLUEinTC
4 years ago
Reply to  Thone

My Ex bought white shower towels ???? ????

It was downhill from there………..

Fireball
Fireball
4 years ago
Reply to  Thone

Oh my God ….. Gray towel set, there must be a hidden meaning there. Maybe color-blind! lol

Merry X-mess
Merry X-mess
4 years ago
Reply to  Fireball

grey towels for grey rock?

livefortoday2
livefortoday2
4 years ago
Reply to  Thone

Me. LOL. Gray towels. From Costco…

Chumpachump
Chumpachump
4 years ago
Reply to  livefortoday2

I have the same gray towels

Rebecca
Rebecca
4 years ago
Reply to  Thone

Me?
????????
Sorry, but I use grey towels.

Lady B
Lady B
4 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

How about brown towels, that’s weird!

Mary King
Mary King
4 years ago
Reply to  Lady B

I have brown!

Kathleen
Kathleen
4 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

So do I … ????

Mardi Meh
Mardi Meh
4 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

I use gray and black and white towels but that guy is still an insidiot.
I pick out towels by the way the feel. If a towel feels good enough I’ll buy it, possibly even if it’s chartreuse. But I digress. Whatever color the towels were, we all know The REViled Cheaterpants earned his title, Thone!

AugustaCarp
AugustaCarp
4 years ago
Reply to  Kathleen

So do I.

Kathleen
Kathleen
4 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

So do I ????

al K
al K
4 years ago
Reply to  Thone

I do, but that’s not the point 🙂 As a gift they are just an big no-no. SOrry

nomar
nomar
4 years ago
Reply to  Thone

A. People who disdain “black and white thinking.”

Diane J. Strickland
Diane J. Strickland
4 years ago
Reply to  nomar

HAHAHAHAHA!

neverachumpagain
neverachumpagain
4 years ago

A used VHS tape of Jurassic Park 2. For my birthday, 6 days late. For himself he bought new Playstation, new games, steaks, and lobster.

While I worked 2 jobs to pay the bills.

WishinforHappiness
WishinforHappiness
4 years ago

Literally the same…minus the used VHS tape…I got nothing. He forgot my birthday even though it was 2 days before his.

I also worked two jobs to pay the bills.

My counsellor told me that I couldn’t hold it against him…chemo brain. But I do hold it against him because it was shitty character and not cancer that made him an asshole.

Susan Devlin
Susan Devlin
4 years ago

I received a unexpected cheap vacuum cleaner, I was supposed to be grated. He and ow, prostitutes etc received cocaine, he explained once they “didn’t” do cheap coke either.
I have a feeling I was ripped off, apparently the ow, prostitutes never paid for drugs, that wasn’t a surprise, same they needed antibiotics for the sti’s.
We split up nearly 7 years ago, he actually told me tho week he loved me, I put the phone down on him.
The vacuum cleaner still works.
It wasn’t a expensive one either.

Renay
Renay
4 years ago
Reply to  Susan Devlin

Your vacuum still works? Further evidence that he will suck forever!

Sorryforeverthing
Sorryforeverthing
4 years ago
Reply to  Susan Devlin

She paid for the drugs, just not with cash.

Mr. CL
Mr. CL
4 years ago

In my defense, they were Craftsman screwdrivers. 3 slotted and 3 Phillips head, in a plastic wall bracket. If your main Christmas gift to someone is going to be screwdrivers, you really couldn’t do much better.

glutenfreekchump
glutenfreekchump
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

omg this comment gave me my first morning laugh. classic

TorontoChump
TorontoChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

Honestly, that sounds like a pretty nifty gift, to me.

jen CDC
jen CDC
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

Omg. I can the gift of getting screwdrivers as a subtle message that you were getting screwed over… Call me cynical!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  jen CDC

Booooom!

Traveling the World
Traveling the World
4 years ago
Reply to  jen CDC

“Screwed over!” Ha ha ha!!!
😀

Chumped In Broad Daylight
Chumped In Broad Daylight
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

Mr. CL , I get it. A good set of screwdrivers is a great gift.

Captain Chumpy Chumperton
Captain Chumpy Chumperton
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

Ha! Nice try, Mr. CL, but it’s still a cheap cheater gift. 🙂

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

????

It’s ok to like the screwdrivers, no matter how big an asshat the person who gave them to you might be. It’s not the screwdrivers’ fault. You have nothing to defend. ????

Marianne
Marianne
4 years ago
Reply to  Amiisfree

My ex gave me a swiss army watch. I loved this watch but felt weird because it was from her until my now wife pointed out that she didn’t buy it her parents did (she was constantly unemployed and being sent money y by them.). I know this is not a crap gift but just wanted to point out that sometimes the gift is better than the giver.

Rebecca
Rebecca
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

Craftsmen screwdrivers will last a lifetime. Cheater not so much.
Love my craftsmen tools and I took them in the divorce!

Mr. CL
Mr. CL
4 years ago
Reply to  Rebecca

Yep, today the screwdrivers reside in the tool closet of the CL apartment. The cheating ex is 1,500 miles away. ????

SuperDuperChump
SuperDuperChump
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

There’s nothing that a Texas boy can’t fix with a screwdriver, pair of pliers, and a can of WD-40.

Lucky
Lucky
4 years ago

I love tools ( apparently, because my x was a giant tool …), so the screw drivers would be a win/win for sure!!!

One year my x bought a truck stop door decoration with the $20 price tag still attached as my one and only Christmas gift.

Like so many have stated, he endulged himself every chance he got. The rest of us had to scrounge on crumbs.

One thing that pissed me off was the vehicles.

He always drove an expensive truck while I got a piece of crap car. When my Mother was dying she gave me her car.
It was older with low mileage- and apparently worth something.

I loved that car, but somebody offered my husband a good amount of money for it and he sold it to the guy st work without my permission.

In return he gave me his 92 year old Grandfather’s Grand Marquis- which was falling apparat and terrible on gas. But free !!!!

When I divorced I went out and bought what I wanted. Screw him!!!

Ps – he and MOW got married and he bought himself an 80 k truck while she drives a 11 year old car. Joke’s on her -it was her money – I hope she enjoys never being allowed to touch the truck. I doubt her name is even on it????

ginger
ginger
4 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

Mine was offered a good price for our daughters bed! Luckily she thought it was fun to sleep on a camp bed, because it took two years to extract the money for a new one.

Tessie
Tessie
4 years ago
Reply to  ginger

Now that’s beyond low, selling your kid’s bed. What a tool. I am outraged on your daughter’s behalf. Thank goodness she has you for the sane parent.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
4 years ago
Reply to  Lucky

How was he able to sell YOUR car ? Wasn’t the title in your name ?

Lucky
Lucky
4 years ago

Unfortunately no – he always demanded that the vehicles be in his name.

I was too exhausted from dealing with a Mom who died of cancer, a newborn son and preschooler at home and a Father with the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s.

I was completely worn down by him at this point!!!!

paigeup
paigeup
4 years ago

And duct tape & bungle cords ????

Mine was a (step)mother’s Day gift card for a store an hour away that was going out of business. I know it was carefully selected because it took 2 days of shopping over about 6 hours total.
He bought his son a birthday gift after cleaning the kid’s bank account out that was in both of their names. It was the kid’s birthday & Christmas money, so…

Tall One
Tall One
4 years ago
Reply to  Mr. CL

I get it! Especially the smallest Phillips head=worth gold sometimes.

For the last (unbeknownst to me) married Xmas I got replacement dinner plates. Boring dinner plates. Guess who ended up getting them in the asset split?

My cheater is a control freak and doesn’t spend money much at all. It’s one of the ways she controls her anxiety. And then she gets to stress about it and then you try to care for her and that’s how she gets her buzz… and ‘round you go.

Kintsugi
Kintsugi
4 years ago
Reply to  Tall One

A thoughtful gift of tools is always welcome by me. My kids have gotten me some every year and I looooove them.

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  Tall One

One Christmas when my kids were too little to buy me anything on their own, I got absolutely F all from him! I’d bought several smaller gifts for him and one large one. When my little boy asked “where are your presents mommy?” it broke my heart – not because I needed anything but because it was such a big F you from him!

chutesandladders
chutesandladders
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Me too, Attie. There are too many Christmas mornings to count when there was nothing under the tree for me.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Attie, this broke my heart. I am glad you are done with that cheating, cheap, narc!

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Ha thanks. I’m glad he’s history too!

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

A former neighbor shared with me that she purchased her own gifts and signed her husband’s name on the gift tag. She didn’t want her kids to ask questions like this. Spackle job.

2nd Gen Chumo
2nd Gen Chumo
4 years ago

My parents used to give me money to buy and wrap gifts for the other parent. While they were married. I grew up thinking this was normal and healthy.

Poconochump
Poconochump
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

My ex gave great gifts right up until the end. Now that we are done he won’t even buy anything for our 9 yr old to give to me for Christmas or my birthday. The narc mask is off and time to punish the chump for adulting after d-day. My son has said too I feel bad I don’t have a gift for u. I said it’s not ur fault it’s your dad’s (parent) responsibility to help u with that until u have a job to buy your own gifts. What I love even more is modeling those values to my son. I don’t want a narcissist for a son. I want a respectful and responsible son. Ex still gets a Christmas and birthday gift from our 9 yr old with the help from mom. ????????#saneparent #adulting

Caroline Bowman
Caroline Bowman
4 years ago
Reply to  Poconochump

I am very fortunate to not have this issue, but what we do so that our boys are able to buy gifts and so on and learn how great it is to find the perfect thing for someone you care about (which is a great thing, being a good gift giver is a real skill and it needn’t require much cash), is give them a modest allowance through the year, with check-in’s to help them remember to save a little of it towards gifts for others. Then each parent takes them / shepherds them / discusses with them their budget and ideas for what the other one might want. Of course, for this to work, you need two sane, decent parents, but still, it’s quite cool for when they’re too young to have any independent income!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
4 years ago
Reply to  Poconochump

Way to go. Keep being the sane parent!

Chumpful
Chumpful
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Same thing happened to me numerous times at Christmas. Similarly, my small children asked where were my presents and I felt so humiliated and unloved. I didn’t care that I didn’t get anything, but I was heart-broken because he didn’t care enough to make any effort. This also happened for my birthdays and Mother’s Day – so embarrassing when workmates asked what gift I received. I learnt to prepare to lie. Meantime, he spent thousands on camera gear for himself and jewellery and fancy dinners for his “friend”.

ginger
ginger
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumpful

Same! But we are embarrassed. Why?

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumpful

It breaks your heart doesn’t it!

AllOutofKibble
AllOutofKibble
4 years ago

Oh, I once got a $4 plant….about 6 pm on my birthday that Narkles the Clown bought at the grocery store when he stopped to pick up a $22 Piece of meat for himself after son and I had turkey sandwiches and apple slices for dinner. No card.

I also got the same $20 X-mas gift two years in a row and I never used the first one so of course he bought me another one.

I don’t want to even go through the list of things he bought himself but let’s start with a boat. If nothing else the occasional stop here really makes me feel like a life lottery winner for getting divorced. For those of you worried about your future finances please know Narkles the Clown made three times as much money as I did and we were always struggling with bills. Now I live great on my 25-percent, with son and can save money now.

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  AllOutofKibble

Bingo, same here. He took away say 48% of our income and I have 10 times more money in savings (and a paid off mortgage after having to take out a $350,000 mortgage at age 53)!

UXworld
UXworld
4 years ago

KK wasn’t cheap to me or the girls, but was combative when it came to members of my direct and extended family.

One Xmas, a huge fight ensued when I told her I was giving a $15 gift card to my 9-year old goddaughter, my cousin’s little girl: “You KNOW I don’t like those people!”

Hellhathnofury
Hellhathnofury
4 years ago

My 24th birthday, the day before I had given birth to our first child. I had made mention I was thirsty during a long 38 hour labour, and that I was craving milk.

My birthday the next day, he came to the hospital (yep, he didn’t even stay after she was born, he went to a 21st and got drunk) he came with a carton of milk and a small tin of milo.

My 30th birthday, my present was to be told I was fat, needed to go on a diet and he no longer found me attractive anymore.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  Hellhathnofury

Did you say…”too bad you were never generous with your FAT wallet, you cheap ****!”

chumpupthevolume
chumpupthevolume
4 years ago
Reply to  Hellhathnofury

Good grief! What a bastard.

ATG
ATG
4 years ago

It’s not so much the value. It’s just that her gifts always revealed that she absolutely nothing about me.
I always looked at the gifts and was wondering how she came up with these things .

Loretta
Loretta
4 years ago
Reply to  ATG

ATG- I wonder if this is a disordered thing? Married 21 years and same experience. Gifts that did not match who I am at all. Also, 21 years of trying to pass me the salsa at a Mexican restaurant to go with my chips. I don’t eat salsa ever. You would think your spouse would learn you just a little. I can’t leave this post alone today. So many gift related triggers! He also regularly forgot our kids bdays. How is that even possible? I didn’t know it was sons 15th bday when I made my plans! This is “your fault”. Also- the flowers after the abuse no acknowledgment of the issue.
My daughter has a hard time w/ flowers and she is working on it! Ok, I need to get a grip! Back to work.

NotMyFault
NotMyFault
4 years ago
Reply to  Loretta

Ha ha, the flowers. I actually once told him that the flowers would not be necessary if he didn’t do so many things wrong. Of course, never an apology.

McJJ
McJJ
4 years ago

So many, hard to pick just one. But as evidence I offer the phrase our oldest child (now in his 30’s) coined many years ago to describe his father: “Spare no Cheapness”. We all still use it and laugh about it.

Loretta
Loretta
4 years ago
Reply to  McJJ

Perfect phrase! “Spare no Cheapness”

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago
Reply to  McJJ

????????????????????????????????????????

Rebecca
Rebecca
4 years ago

Ex was never a good gift giver and didn’t even try and pretend.
He didn’t change much as the only gift I found he gave OW were some boy shorts from The Gap.
Cannot unsee that mental image.

Chumpoftwo
Chumpoftwo
4 years ago

For our first anniversary, my ex got me a laptop bag. now fair enough, i was commuting a lot to uni etc at the time so it would be very useful, not particularly romantic though. but a few seconds after he gave me this gift i noticed another laptop bag in the corner and asked him what it was. he grabbed it and was very enthusiastically showing me all its gadgetry and also that it cost more than the one he just got me, even though he didn’t need a laptop bag.
this moment was burnt in my mind and was early in the relationship, that he would always try to ‘outdo’ me or make me feel smaller or not worthy. if i got a car, he got a bigger one, if he bought something for himself, he would buy me something smaller.

Chumps_Ahoy
Chumps_Ahoy
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumpoftwo

My ex did the same. I couldn’t have anything without him needing to get something for himself that was much better and more expensive.

It’s strange being able to buy things for myself and not needing to beg for it or broker a deal so he can have something too.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago

I asked for and received the practical presents I wanted. An air compressor. A wet/dry vac. A movie that I had wanted to see on my birthday (couldn’t afford it!) that he would begrudgingly give me the DVD the following year (so expensive!). He always complained that I didn’t want the “right things”.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago

NSC, did you tell him he was right! “I didn’t want a loyal, loving, caring, honest man with morals. That’s why I chose YOU!”

Cuzchump
Cuzchump
4 years ago

My cheater never got me gifts. We decided that we would use the money for the children. After the children were raised the trend continued. I paid all the bills while he restored a 1970 Dart. Bought all kinds of tools etc. The chump that I was would buy him gifts throughout the years. I bought cell phones, a laptop, clothes you name it. I got nothing. One year I bought a washer. It was a horrible washer it took a long time to fill up. I bought front loader and sold the washer. I got $400.00 for the washer and he took $200.00 of the money. He said the money was half his. Every time we would go out to eat or to a movie etc. 90% of the time I would pay.

I later found out that he paid for all his outings with Skankella. I estimated that he spent at least $15,000 on her over the 4 years he screwed around with her. I basically paid for the affair. When he filed for divorce(later stopped) I had $500.00 to my name. While he stashed at least $15,000 in his parents safe. Funny how when he sold the Dart he kept all the cash for himself. But, took $200.00 from me for a dam washing machine. What do you expect from a low life cheater?

Madge
Madge
4 years ago

Never bought spontaneous presents. Generous at key celebrations. I now realize that this was because other people asked what he had bought me! Bought himself endless pairs of expensive shoes and jeans. Looked askance when I spent my money on myself.

LeslieA
LeslieA
4 years ago

My cheating ex sent me a Christmas present this year, we now live 1000 miles from each other. I received THROUGH THE USPO….1.1 litre bottles of shampoo and conditioner. Since I have very short hair, that is at least a years supply. I thanked him. When he (as usual) mentioned the cost to ship was as much as the gift (this was expensive shampoo), I told him next year he could just send me a visa gift card for the entire amount.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
4 years ago
Reply to  LeslieA

Return to sender !

chumpittychumpchump
chumpittychumpchump
4 years ago
Reply to  LeslieA

Why the hell is he sending you gifts??

MamaMeh
MamaMeh
4 years ago

Besides the lettuce spinner, (which I actually have to admit I’m glad for and use to this day), I honestly cannot remember a single present from The Delusionist that was thoughtful or generous. Married 22 years.

Anyway. Today, apropos of nothing, I dropped a couple hunnerd bucks on myself (“because you’re worth it girl”). Went to buy moisturiser and struck an Angel at the Beauty Counter.

Full Disclosure: not much of a groomer and makeup usually minimal, but had absolutely zero makeup on and had had a little cry a little earlier. Not my best 52 yo self.

She sat me down and got to work with some tinted moisturiser, concealer, blush and mascara. She was authentically sweet, gentle and kind.

I ended up saying I’ll have the moisturiser plus everything you just put on my face. She threw in generous samples of eye cream and fragrances. Walked out looking and feeling 1000% better.

An annoying not-very-feminist cliche I know, because mostly, my presents to me are plants for the garden, art, books … but today, this was part of my Gaining a Life.

small jar of fireflies
small jar of fireflies
4 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

What could be more feminist than doing as you please with your own skin and image? Have fun!

glutenfreekchump
glutenfreekchump
4 years ago

absolutely. this is exactly what feminism is about. well done Mamameh. tbh your story made me cry….that would have felt amazing.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

Happy Birthday! Good for you!

SerenityNow
SerenityNow
4 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

That’s awesome! I love that you did this for yourself.

No Shit Cupcakes
No Shit Cupcakes
4 years ago
Reply to  MamaMeh

Happy Birthday and you’re always awesome. But I’m glad you FELT better afterward. Have fun with your gifts!

IndependenceSoon
IndependenceSoon
4 years ago

One xmas cheater gave me a 15.00 coffee press. I was shocked because I didn’t know WTF it was. I had to Google it. My whole pay check was for Bill’s. Only some of his paycheck was for Bill’s. His hidden money was to spend on watches, iPhone, BMW, clothes, cologne, gifts for his AP, hotel visits with his AP. But for me and my kids, we were supposed to do without. We were supposed to be happy we had a roof over our head and food. Cheater was cheap with us…

Magneto
Magneto
4 years ago

Since I never really expected anything, I was always happy with gifts.

When we divorced, he “claimed” 255 line items of ours as his “personal property/ inheritance” (not subject as a marital asset) After 30 + years together, we had a lot of items. I let every one slide.

The kicker is when he listed MY ANNIVERSARY gifts (things he bought with himself in mind, I guess) as his personal property. Yes, gifts that went back as far as 20 years. He also claimed all my jewelry was to be split, and wanted back a silver necklace from Venice – my birthday gift.

On my 40th, we were in Rome, on a trip I paid for, he bought me ….. nothing. So, a few years later the Venice necklace was a make up gift, I think. Then he wanted it back.

Makes the mind boggle.

BlueChumparoo
BlueChumparoo
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

That is really hurtful. Mine did that too with some very sentimental items….I think just to hurt me.
Weird thing was the minute he said he wanted them, it gouged my soul, but then I no longer wanted anything to do with the tainted item.
I’m sorry your cheater was so petty.

Magneto
Magneto
4 years ago
Reply to  BlueChumparoo

Mine counted used underwear as a marital asset. On a mediation/court document.

It was painful. His mother gifted me a beautiful fox coat. I liked it very much. He came into the house and stole it. Mediator said, “Give it back!”. He never did. He got away with every petty little thing.

I do look at the items now with both good and bad vibes. I gave away a houseful of materials. I pretty much own all new now.
My daughter has my 2 ct. stone set into a lovely wedding set. I don’t miss it.

I can write this down without crying, that is a step forward.
My XH cheated, lied and cheated some more – up until the last interaction.
That hurt as much as the cheating.

Magneto
Magneto
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

THE GOOD NEWS IS
I bought a 1925 Cape Cottage near a “Gilmore Girls” type town. GUTTED that sucker. Electrical, plumbing and plaster – I did it. Took 3 years.
Now, with the help of FB Marketplace, Habitat for Humanity/ Detroit Architectural Salvage Yard, I own a doll house, CUTE enough to the extent I could not afford to buy it or live there if I had to pay current market prices. About $50K out of pocket – at least $125K increase in equity, now.

I still have a fancy for high end items. I think they are worth it in the end. 99% of the time, I can get new/like new items second market for about 20% of retail. The house is about done (are they ever done?), last kid out of school, and I can relax a bit. It is almost 4 1/2 years post divorce.

I was in the mall and I stopped browsing. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that I really want or need at the time being. What ever it is that I need – Including a surprise complete septic rebuild for the house $12K done for $3K from a former student.

I can cover it. I can obtain it. I did it.

THAT is the best gift, ever.

NotbLUEinTC
NotbLUEinTC
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Magneto—–

“I can cover it. I can obtain it. I did it.”

????

That’s what Meh will be for me. You rock.

livefortoday2
livefortoday2
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

I love that Salvage yard – I have some really cool stuff from there!

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

GOOD FOR YOU MAGENTO! I’m on the same timeline……4 1/2 years here too! You have grown by leaps and bounds! Keep going!

Gerberachump
Gerberachump
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Way to go, Magneto. That sounds fabulous. Well done you!

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Magneto, did he get those things? Did you have to pay him half? I’m curious because LTC(R) Asshat is claiming my jewelry as marital assets. Yup, right there in print he is claiming “Diamond Anniversary Band”. I am peeved as he didn’t claim his marching band. I bought those bands to celebrate our tenth anniversary and the birth of our miracle baby. I spent my last paycheck before becoming a SAHM. Mr. Lawyer says all gifts are mine and not to worry about it.

I hope you still have your property.

NotbLUEinTC
NotbLUEinTC
4 years ago

Thirtythreeyearsachump

All gifts are yours IF your lawyer fights for them. Sounds like your attorney is on top of it. GOOD!!! But still be your own advocate and use your voice & speak up in court (in a respectful way) if you think something is off. I’ll always regret not doing that.

Results of bad attorney:
My attorney didn’t get an order for quiet enjoyment of my house, so my Ex and his Howorker continually and repeatedly came into my house & bedroom. So during the lunch break of our first settlement conference (son oblivious upstairs, but my handyman saw him), Ex went into my bedroom and took photos of all my jewelry. He came back to court with notecards demanding I give him the values of all the jewelry he gave me. I was so defeated during the months of abuse from my Ex and not being protected by my attorney, that during the final negotiation before trial, my attorney literally yelled at me (10 days after my mother died) to give my Ex $50,000 for what he thought was a perceived inequity in the property division. He believed my husband’s briefs about the valuation of our property instead of listening to me. Apparently sexually abusive sociopathic narcissistic drug abusing doctors are more believable than crazy ex-wife chumps! Moving on…..

SerenityNow
SerenityNow
4 years ago

Yeah, my asshole husband asked if he could get back the gold ring with diamonds that he gave me as a gift. “Isn’t it traditional to return gifts?” Fuck you no. I kept it. Maybe I’ll wear it again. Maybe I’ll pass it on to our daughter. He would either have given it to skank as an engagement ring, or more likely, pawn for drugs. It is a pretty ring. He pawned my original wedding ring. He denies that to this day, but I’m sure of it

Poconochump
Poconochump
4 years ago
Reply to  SerenityNow

I kept my stuff too. I can always head it down to a family member. A gift is a gift. In my eyes. I don’t wear my engagement or wedding band. Just can’t do it because he was so proud of it and it symbolizes something to him but it symbolizes forever to me but it wasn’t. So those pieces make me sick in the stomach unfortunately. They symbolizes something the narc can never see feel or touch unfortunately for my son and I. So I can’t stomach it. But I wear everything else because they are beautiful jewelry.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  SerenityNow

Me ex-husband, not skankboy was very generous in the jewelry department. Gorgeous pieces. OK, to resolve him of guilt. My son married and I gave my new DIL most of those pieces. She did not have any “good” jewelry and was thrilled. She had them reset and loves them. Something good coming out of something bad. (I received tons of beautiful jewelry since his father and sister worked in the gem and jewelry business.)

Magneto
Magneto
4 years ago

33AC:
I got hozed. He drove the mediator SO CRAZY with line items (5 pages excel sheet) he took everything (hoarder, he could have all that shit) and the mediator just added up all his “requests”. XH pages and pages were confusing, listing even used underwear as a line item. He FORCED the sale of the “extensive Christmas ornaments” collection. We gave each other expensive bulbs for anniversary gifts – MOST said “Anniversary”.

So, I split them. Put all the Anniversary/ ugly ones in his boxes. THEN he dictated they be sold. I did. Sold his $5,000 stash for $30 — the cost of the rubbermaid tubs, and a REALLY nice friend bought all mine (for $1) and gifted them back to me.

Any how – back to mediation. At first, total out, all said and done, I owed him $15,000 – to keep my own jewelry. So, I paid over $5,000 in mediation fees to be robbed blind. I almost had a breakdown!

Fortunately, the mediator apologized, said he “forgot” my notes about the jewelry being mine, and zeroed out the $15,000 debt.

The initial was the worst outcome, Mediator’s mother died, so we believe he gave my husbands confusing spreadsheet/paperwork to his secretary to “add up”. Sad note: after this was zeroed out, she got fired after this case. XH vile, confusing nastiness cost her a good job. I actually liked her.

The mediation was a terrible mess. Cost thousands, and there is no justice in this world.

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

My mediation was a joke too. My lawyer sent his B team, she showed up late, she and the mediator had other jobs in the afternoon so rushed my divorce through to get to her next gig. I paid over $7000 to lose my savings, monies for selling the house and half my pension to an abusive, lying, cheater. I could have just given him everything on my own. Afterwards, when he wasn’t sticking to his part of the divorce, she told me I could take him to court, which would cost me more money. I have to stick to the terms, but not him it seems. At least the X is out of my life and won’t cost me anymore.

Poconochump
Poconochump
4 years ago

Sorry that happened to u guys. Fuck’n cheaters. Never mediate. It just costs more money and drags the drama out longer. Plus narcs are in it to win it. They will slash and burn everything. They don’t compromise. Plus how can u mediate with someone who lied, manipulated u, gaslit u, showed u how selfish and entitled they are. Hell no. Makes me angry this bullshit happened to u guys. My cheater wanted to mediate too. I said it’s a waste of money and I have a lawyer.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
4 years ago

Don’t even get me started on the absolute uselessness of mediation. The court-appointed mediator in my divorce didn’t even spell my name right – or the same way twice – in the whole document. I told my attorney I was *not* going to agree to any mediation for that reason alone. Judge herself threw it out when she saw it was totally riddled with inconsistencies. What a waste!

Thirtythreeyearsachump
Thirtythreeyearsachump
4 years ago

Marching Band! Wtf, spellcheck, Matching Band. If the man owned a marching band I’d be hard pressed to leave.

Motherchumper99
Motherchumper99
4 years ago

33 years…. ditto???????????????????????????????? XH listed jewelry he had given me as marital assets. Judge laughed when he ruled they were mine.

I learned during one of the “trickle truths” ????????????. That XH who earns 7 figures gave one AP the same book of love poems he gave me at the same time and he gave the other AP an umbrella while he was courting her. They’ve been living together 5 years now, since GTFO day, and no ring (I’m no contact but my kids would notice in a heartbeat).

When we were together XH never once mentioned wanting to go travel to Europe. He’s been there 7 times in 5 years now. Mostly to Amsterdam to smoke pot. Ewww

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago

He could come to Colorado for that! Or Illinois. Or Washington. Or Or. No need to go all the way to Amsterdam. Maybe he’s going for the legalized prostitution.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  Adelante

Good observation, Adelante! Didn’t know Amsterdam has legal prostitution!

Chumped In Broad Daylight
Chumped In Broad Daylight
4 years ago

When my XW moved out she took the box of Salt that had about 1/4 left in it. She said that I wouldn’t need it since I don’t cook.
She spent about $8,000 for a “neck lift” on herself (I made her pay me back my half of the money in the settlement).
First thing I did to start gaining a new life was to get a new box of salt and start cooking!

Attie
Attie
4 years ago

Pity the doc couldn’t have just taken the stitches back out of her neck lift on “your” side of her face!

So Done
So Done
4 years ago

This is a very relevant post for me. Just a few examples out of the millions: My Ex (1) yelled at my daughter for not using a $2 coupon for her pizza, (2) nagged me for years about the fact that I had hired household help, even though I worked full time and received zero household help from him, and (3) continually complained about my non-extravagant credit card purchases. Meanwhile, he was hosting his OWs at the Ritz Carlton, purchasing jewelry and other gifts for them (I later learned that he had his own jeweler to whom he would refer his other cheating friends), and taking them on trips for which he paid.

These are just a few examples. Even as I type this, I cannot believe what a chump I was.

Cheryl
Cheryl
4 years ago

Mr would always pick a hell of a fight a week before my birthday, causing crushing and devastating upset and me asking for no celebration or fuss (because it was upsetting to be around him). So he would sometimes buy a nice thing, but it was always the “cheap” version of the pretty inexpensive item i’d asked for.
He, however, could have piloted a starship with all his gadgets and kit.

MrsVain
MrsVain
4 years ago
Reply to  Cheryl

Yep. Wasband always picked a fight on mothers day. Not sure what he has going on with this day but he would mess it up for me every single year. And all I wanted was to go out to eat as a family.
He would usually get moody for the week prior, then stay out drinking all night the night before. Ignoring my calls and texts of course. So I would stay up all night worrying. Then come home sometime in the afternoon mean as hell. No gift. Usually demanding he wants the kids. And gets pissed when I tell him no because I was taking them to dinner with me. (The only time I ever tell him no but it is every year on mothers day). Sometime he would leave and disappear for days. sometimes he would come in and fall asleep on the couch. I never knew what he would do. I never had a good mothers day in all the 15 years I was with him.. .. .. … of course I went all out on Father’s Day. Gifts. Bbq. Cake. Friends and family. Same for his birthday too. I always got flowers for my birthday but I would go all out for his

KarenE
KarenE
4 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

Mrs Vain, he probably fought with you just before or on Mother’s Day, because he HATED the idea that YOU might be the center of attention for a few hours, and people might be showing how much they loved and appreciated YOU.

Narcs must be the center of attention. They are SUPER envious, he couldn’t stand it, had to wreck it for you. Asshole.

SerenityNow
SerenityNow
4 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

Your horrible husband sounds like my horrible husband. The picking fights and disappearing for days. Either drunk or high. Thank you for the reminder that he’s best seen in the rear view mirror, receding into the distance.

Magneto
Magneto
4 years ago
Reply to  MrsVain

Did you ever hear “You’re not my mother!”

ginger
ginger
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Yes!

So Done
So Done
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

Every. Single. Mother’s. Day.

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
4 years ago
Reply to  So Done

Hahaha, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I could’ve hired three lawyers!!!

Frankly, my answer now would be “Thank God I’m not. She had to put up with your asshole father who, obviously, taught you everything you know.”

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

Mic drop!

chumpupthevolume
chumpupthevolume
4 years ago
Reply to  Magneto

I did. I never got a mother’s day gift, supposedly for that reason. That was bullshit, because his mother didn’t get gifts either. He just couldn’t be bothered.

karenb6702
karenb6702
4 years ago

Where to start !!

I will start with my personal favourite i asked for a pair of boots for my Christmas ( Christmas 2018) these boots were only £19.99 so approx $26 he gave me £10 ( $13) enough for 1 boot and i had to pay the other one myself .

I got a rolling pin for my 40th Birthday as i seemingly had said i wasn’t happy with my pastry on a pie one time ( i took him to London for 5 days for his 40th )

Other gifts ( Only Christmas I’ve never once had a birthday ( only 40th ) or valentines present ) over 19 years
A candle
A £ 2 scratch card for the lotto
A 6×4 plastic photo frame nautical style
A packet of 4 dusters and a feather tickle brush
A packet of cola bottles ( these are gummy chew sweeties / Candy )
A pack of 3 thong panties in a size 20 ( i am a UK 8 and i don’t wear thongs )

I could go on but you get the idea

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
4 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

Thong panties in a size 20 ? Bet he watches squashing porn. It’s a thing.

nomoreskankboy
nomoreskankboy
4 years ago

Squashing porn?

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
4 years ago
Reply to  nomoreskankboy

Yup. Some men pay women that are obese/morbidly obese/heavier than them to sit down HARD on their faces over and over again.

Chumpluscious
Chumpluscious
4 years ago

That is an image I will have to live with the rest of my life…

chumpupthevolume
chumpupthevolume
4 years ago
Reply to  karenb6702

????

ChumpedToTheMax
ChumpedToTheMax
4 years ago

I never did understand how he could not buy a present for me…I resorted to putting together a list, with links to the items, but he would decide I needed something else. If I wanted a Clint Black CD, he bought me Madonna’s “Argentina” soundtrack, which I can’t stand. It was like he bought me presents that he actually wanted or from gas stations at the last minute.

But he had the nicest car, mine didn’t even have air or heat that worked. We had the best and latest phones, tons of watches, new clothes. I went without thinking I was saving us money, but I was also the one paying most of the bills. He grew angry when he learned I had saved money and quickly found ways to spend it.

I lost a lot in the divorce, he took everything that was useful and left me with his piles of hoarded junk and half my pension.
All in all, he’s gone. I am saving and investing, live the life I want now without fear of his temper tantrums and rages, totally worth it!

Attie
Attie
4 years ago

Asshole got drunk one day and bought himself a $60,000 car. When we divorced his car was valued at around $40,000 still I think and mine was very generously valued at $1,000 (because they had to put a figure), but I’d say $500 might be more like it!

RoseThorns
RoseThorns
4 years ago
Reply to  Attie

Yep but on a lesser scale. My xh truck was valued at $30k (he had sold my grandma’s car I was given to pay part of it). My mini van (which my parents had paid for when I had my daughter 10 years before – it was older but reliable then) was valued at $2k. Ex apparently raised a stink claiming the van was worth a lot more. His attorney questioned me on the stand about me under appraising it. I actually chuckled at that on the stand & responded that 2k was a high estimate as it was 17 years old with 150k miles on it, a good amount of rust, leaking oil like crazy & in its last wheels. I told his attorney to go ahead & take a look out the window at it as it was parked in front of the court house. I think I actually saw a slight smirk ok n the judges face. Lol

Attie
Attie
4 years ago
Reply to  RoseThorns

They are such assholes aren’t they!

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
4 years ago

My general impression of 31 years with him was he could not be bothered to know me at all. By the end he was getting me online crap gift certificates purchased day-of, with the time stamp showing day-of. He is a passive aggressive freak and loved to punish me and tweak my nose by doing that.

According to him it was my fault that he never knew what to get me.

My last birthday with him he didn’t do anything for me at all except eat the PF Chang dinner my parents took us out to. He said the weekend trip we took to Arizona 2 months earlier was my gift (where he texted his whore in the bathroom for hours). 6 days later he abandoned me, moving out of the house while I was on a business trip and sending me an e-mail as my only notice.

The memory of how hard he worked at not giving a shit about me is still pretty raw.

Hope Schmoops is enjoying her prize.

OCWoman
OCWoman
4 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

I agree, Now IC. I can still conjure up the hurt of my XH not really getting me.
It was never about how cheap the gifts were, because they were not cheap, just thoughtless. It hurt me to know that he would go out on Christmas Eve, without any idea about what I wanted and would come home with a somewhat expensive piece of jewelry that was not me. Or last minute ticket purchases to events I had no desire to see, printed out at 2am Christmas day, while paying a premium price. Same for birthdays. My jewelry box is filled with things I will never wear. Too bad you can’t get much $$$ for secondhand jewelry.
He just did not give me much thought, nor much time. Until the day I decided I wanted out.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
4 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

In contrast, the Asshat had no problem going out and buying himself a $4000 guitar “just cuz” on eBay. He had a guitar in every room.

And the AK-47 was a fun little thing he got for himself, too, a nice addition to his substantial collection.

When he came back for 2 days to scream at me post-abandonment, one item I used to defend myself was by pointing out how I had always tried to give him special and custom gifts. He said, “I know you do and that doesn’t matter at all.” He still decided I was so awful, controlling and judgemental.

I then handed him the 50 caliber bullet bottle opener I had already gotten him for that year’s Father’s Day (this was only early April but I already had this purchased for him). He said, “Huh. Cool.” and pocketed it.

He is such a complete dick.

Better Alone
Better Alone
4 years ago

For Christmas one year, he gifted me a thick terry cloth dark brown robe, head to toe…
When my daughter did a semester abroad, he allowed her $100 a month for living expenses.
He exchanged e-mails for months about 2 paring knives he had requested during the divorce. Those things cost $2 for four…
He paid off a house we had built in his home country, one his mother lived in, in less than 10 years, before we even divorced (I didn’t know…) Ours was far from being paid off. So far.

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
4 years ago

Valentines Day after a couple of D-days I had some higher expectations. What I got….

A Valentines Day card with a sample packet of foot lotion and written in the card ” Good for one free foot massage”.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

He never got me anything for Valentines, not one time ever, in 31 years.

At age 17 I had made him cookies for our first Valentine together and presented them to him before school one morning. He grabbed the bag and threw them hard into his locker and broke them, angry at me. I should have turned and run away and saved myself three more decades of abuse, but instead I adjusted myself and decided that of course I was wrong to make them.

OMG I was such a fucking doormat.

Letitsnow
Letitsnow
4 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

I’m sending you 31 valentines.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❄️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Letitsnow

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
4 years ago
Reply to  Now I.C.

Now IC, that’s the one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve read on CN. What an asshole.

Kim
Kim
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

My ex used to get me flowers on my birthday. It was really the only time he did, which wasn’t a big deal to me as long as I thought we were otherwise good.

The birthday after I found out about his whore (when you’d think he’d make a lot of effort, particularly since he didn’t want a divorce) I got a card (which was really his thing…you’d think after 13 years he’d know that). The decision to skip the flowers was one of many deliberate fuck yous from a passive aggressive coward who was mad that I wouldn’t rug sweep (turned out he was still carrying on with her).

It never occurred to him that I might start to think about how good of a deal he was for me….and he wasn’t a good deal.

Was SHOCKED when I filed….said he never imagined life without me.

What he did imagine was keeping his much younger wife who was in good shape and made more money, and keeping a cheap whore on the side. And he’d use passive agression dick tactics to make sure said wife didn’t talk about anything that made him uncomfortable.

Funny enough…..after I filed he sent me flowers twice. I ignored them….he can shove them up his arse.

Chumptastic
Chumptastic
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

I never got a foot massage.

And the next week he bought himself a jaguar, which he said I could drive sometimes.

A real winner!!

LeavingToxicTown
LeavingToxicTown
4 years ago
Reply to  Chumptastic

The last Valentine’s Day before D-day. I got expensive roses. Found out that he didn’t use the regular place (regular – only V-day and Mother’s day) because he waited for the last second and had to use the expensive place. He wrote the whore poetry. Guessing not last minute. I never got poetry in 27 years. Dickwad. I never want roses again. I always thought sending flowers was thoughtful, now I see he was doing it to cover up the affair and felt obligated. I bet he told his executive assistant to do it.

Every gift he bought me was either something he’d like or something I told him I wanted. Never had an original idea. Typical of a narcissist. They have no empathy and can’t think of the other person’s wants/needs. He had no problem buying himself guitars, expensive clothes…

My dog bought me some amazing gifts this Christmas. She’s so generous 🙂

Her Blondeness
Her Blondeness
4 years ago

Poetry, hahaha. Cheater #2 fancies himself a great writer. You know what I got for our last anniversary? A poem he had written for a friend’s daughter and her new husband when they got married. I guess he figured I would’ve forgotten that it was “recycled” for me. Too bad I don’t have an outhouse, I would take every piece of worthless paper he wrote his shit poetry on and, well, use it for shit. ; ))

Discarded Wife
Discarded Wife
4 years ago
Reply to  Her Blondeness

HA! My cheap cheater used to write me (bad) love songs. I was so impressed with this when I was 19! The songs did not last long….

After I discovered the affair and hacked his email, I found where he had been writing the OW bad love songs — about how he had wasted decades of his life, and that “it should have been her in that white wedding dress”. At first I was crushed — until I realized that a poorly written song is probably the only gift the OW will ever receive from him.

They really do follow the same playbook, don’t they…

ICanSeeTheMehComing!
ICanSeeTheMehComing!
4 years ago

When Mr. Sparkles was love-bombing me, it was tickets to the orchestra; flowers for no reason; lovely and thoughtful (not expensive) gifts. After we were married (and I signed the mortgage), I was lucky to get the cheapest bouquet from Traders Joe’s and a odd card in which he wrote the same thing every year, “I love you and I want to fix us. I know I haven’t been a very good husband or friend. Let’s spend the next 40 years together!” WTF… mindfuck… it’s what for breakfast 🙂

And speaking of mindfucks… ONE MONTH before the discard for the other woman we “celebrated” our wedding anniversary. He gave me a bronze sculpture (desktop size) of a couple in an embrace and a card waxing poetic about how much he loved me and wanted “us”… 30 days later, not so much apparently. I put the sculpture in the goodwill bag after he moved out.

Rock on ChumpNation… you’ve got this!

Jodi Lynch
Jodi Lynch
4 years ago

Yep, same for me. Love bombing was incredible spontaneous gifts and once married, nothing.

For Christmas he would buy a new big screen flat TV ~ for both of us… LOL. Watching the big
albatross made me physically ill ~ dizzy.

A year before he abandoned me for the Circus Clown ~ at Christmas he bought matching wedding bands and wrote a note about how he wanted to re-commit and spend the rest of his days loving me and grow old together.

The next Christmas ~ no gifts ~ nothing. A month later he moved out to be with the Circus Clown ~ in a cottage owned by her saying he needed to get his head on straight. Truth was he just needed more space to fuck the Circus Clown.

I am so fortunate to be rid of the shallow pool of piss. Divorced 3 years and counting! Yay me….

wasjustanotherchump
wasjustanotherchump
4 years ago

Looking back on our marriages the hugest red flag would be the money, time, effort and passion a person spends on themselves vs loved ones.
Hubby had just lost his job a few months before, he was living part time in the city while attending college. I was working full time, seven months pregnant, and we had a toddler to care for. Because he needed the car to commute to school I bicycled everywhere with a special cart attached for my son.
My mother comes to visit, brings some maternity clothes she made and takes me out to buy some baby outfits. While she’s helping me launder and fold these new clothes x asks her to iron some shirts. He had just bought half a dozen dress shirts (from a tailor no less) while parking the toddler at daycare because we were out. His closet already had lots of dress clothes, the new ones were for “job interviews”. My mother says to me under her breath “six bloody interviews”. She made an excuse to play with her grandson and did not touch the shirts (neither did I)
Entitlement 101. No job. Wife paying for school. He uses the car while preggo rides a bike. Spends money on himself. Expects MIL to be his maid.
Christ on a cracker. My stupidity knew no limits. Glad he dumped my chumpy ass.

NOMORECOUCHSLUG
NOMORECOUCHSLUG
4 years ago

My ex gave me what he described as “a very nice, expensive” engagement ring. First, I have to say, I am not into jewelry. I prefer small and understated. What he gave me was a gaudy huge thing that was my birthstone, that he knew that I hated (who gives someone their birthstone for an engagement ring anyway?). It was multiple sizes too big, and he refused to have it resized because his mother said “resizing it would not be necessary.” So, I never wore the thing because the only finger that it would fit was my thumb, and it was even loose on it.

Fast forward a few years. After we were married about three years, the ex demands that I buy him a new wedding band because the one that he had was too plain. Never mind that it matched mine, and I did not want/need a new one. He did not offer to buy me a new one. So for father’s day, the kids and I spent a few hundred dollars on a less plain wedding band for the ex.

A few years later during our separation as I was sorting through his crap, I found the receipt for that “very expensive engagement ring.” $29.95. Yep, less than $30, and couldn’t even splurge to have it sized to fit me. Also found multiple receipts for women’s jewelry that was purchased during our marriage. None of which were given to me. Pretty sure he was not buying these for his mother or sister either.

I got the last laugh because I sold both of his wedding bands and some of his other jewelry that he left behind….did not get all of what I paid for it, but got some money back…

vivaler
vivaler
4 years ago

My ex husband would get whatever the heck he wanted for himself and would blow through money like no tomorrow, but would freak out if I picked up something from the grocery store that wasn’t on BOGO. Most of my purchases were always questioned…

And our last Christmas together, he gave me the most hideous, amethyst ring that was more suited to his whore than me. I made him take the ring when he moved out. LOL

eggf
eggf
4 years ago

He gifted me a bag of popcorn and some jelly beans for my 50th birthday. The same day he gifted the OW with a handcrafted shadow box containing pictures of her accomplishments and items from their “friendship” which he spent hours working on while we were still together.

ChumpedPunk
ChumpedPunk
4 years ago

With the exception of a sneaky birthday present left at my door after abandonment, my birthday was never really celebrated by him. Usually not even an acknowledgement of the day. His mother would do more for my birthday, then he would complain about going to the dinner.

And the creepy ass gift left at my door? Christmas socks from his favorite Christmas movie and a 3 pack of scrunchies. I dont usually wear socks at home, because I live in the desert, and I have never worn a damned scrunchie in my whole life. He even left the price tags on for me to know exactly how much he saved by shopping at the dollar tree.

ChumpedPunk
ChumpedPunk
4 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedPunk

And I forgot to mention that if I ever tried to throw a simple get together party for his birthday I would get all the rage. One year I saved up some money for my birthday and I gave it to him so he would have it in case he wanted to do something for my birthday (we were super broke and it was the same amount I had spent on his birthday party). He went right out and bought himself a ton of new/used video games. When he came home to show me how much he got for himself he was surprised when I started to cry and lock myself in the bathroom. His reasoning? “Your birthday isnt until next week. Just give me more money.”

chumpupthevolume
chumpupthevolume
4 years ago
Reply to  ChumpedPunk

You GAVE him the money to buy you a gift and he spent it on himself, then asked for more money. Wow. Mind-blowing.

MrsVain
MrsVain
4 years ago

He never was a good gift giver. All the gifts I got the first years that i thought were so thoughtful were actually picked out by my daughter. Then his sister, when he finally had to pick out my gifts himself he apparently could never find anything I like. I suddenly became so hard to buy gifts for. Because I am so picky… … .. so for ever valentine’s day, birthday, anniversary, and mothers day I got cheap flower from walmart or the grocery store. Not the real pretty bouquet either because he always waited the day of and rushed to the store to pick out whatever was left over and half dead. He would get soooo upset if I was super grateful for the same half ass half dead wilted flowers. Once I even told him, I dont care what you get me (it was valentine’s day) just please dont get me flowers. So he ran to the store that day and came back with flowers. My young daughter was shocked, she said why did you buy flowers? She told you she didnt want flowers. .. ..

On Christmas he gave horrible gifts. I got electric scissors once. I never used them. He used them once. I got a broken Chinese pot and tea cups. I actually really like that but one of the cups were broken. I found out later his sister picked it out and they knew it was broken. But it was the only one at walmart. He would get mad if I was happy with my one gift. He would walk the whole super walmart and could never find a single thing he thought I would like.

His problem is that he can not put himself in my shoes. He never paid attention to my likes or needs. I used to drop hints like crazy right before Christmas but he never paid attention. He actually never thought of me. So for years I just told him what I wanted. I would take him to the store and point to something and tell him buy me that for Christmas or I would print out the item and hand it to him. He still managed to fuck that up too, I wanted a $600 digital canon camera. I pointed to the specific one I wanted. I even told him dont cheap out. I want this canon. And he got me the knock off version. He just could not spend that much money on me. God forbid. Even thou we had the money. Oh he could spend it on himself, rims and stereo systems for his truck but just not on me.

I dont get anything now except from my mom. But she puts lots of thought into it

BlueChumparoo
BlueChumparoo
4 years ago

My ex would buy himself anything and everything he wanted the weeks leading up to a gift giving occasion. It was weird. He would leave nothing for me to buy him, and would run the credit card up during that months billing, so when the bill came he’d be screaming about how much money was spent, but HE was the one who spent it. Also (he thought I never knew, but I always did) that he would sneak his daughter from a previous marriage extra money. Like we’d give all the adult kids $100 in a card under the tree, but he’d give her an extra 3-5 hundred on the sly.
He demanded the steel cut oatmeal after he had filed and moved out 6 months before. Sent a letter from his slimy lawyer through the court and everything. It was an open carton and he could buy it at our local Aldi for a few bucks. His covert message to me was, “I eat healthy, you don’t and as such won’t be eating the oatmeal”. Whatever, I happily gave it to him……and had my son give him 2 cartons for the next Christmas! Because he loves it so much dontchaknow.
He filed a ridiculous “indirect contempt of court” case 3 months after we settled our 3 year long divorce battle. Complicated story, but he was demanding items he left in our home after it was foreclosed on, auctioned-off and bought by the bank. I had moved out and had an estate sale….that is what burned him, that I had the gall to sell what he so graciously left me to deal with. Anyway, his statement was that he didn’t have the opportunity to get what he wanted (FOUR times over 3 years he came and took loads of stuff), but many demands for single items over the three years also. I had to represent myself in the case as I owed my attorney over 50k and they wouldn’t work for me anymore. First ‘exhibit’ I presented while questioning him under oath on the witness stand in front of the court …….was the documentation of him demanding the steel cut oatmeal and receiving it! Should have seen his face! Hilarious! Won that case hand and fists over him. 3 court days, a full trial. Exhibits, witnesses, him sworn in 3 times, me freaking the hell out, his THIRD slimy lawyer making all kinds of faces because he didn’t know the full history,…..and my ex had to pay thousands for being stupid and ridiculous.
Off topic at this point, but my experience with divorce ….. the best thing I could have done was stay the course, don’t fight over stupid items, don’t let them know they’ve hurt you, stay calm and businesslike in all communication, don’t let emotions get the better of you, go gray rock/no contact, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING, trust no one, go low (or in my case NO profile anywhere), keep your nose clean. It’s exhausting, not fair, no fun, but in the end my ex had absolutely nothing to use against me in court, and he had been his true lying, cheating, spending self along with his whore he spent hundreds of thousands on. The credit card statements were outrageous and we had to subpoena them to get them. My ex had 13 cards and stupidly left his wallet on the counter the week before he finally moved out 4 months after filing. He lied under oath, we presented the accounts, awesome!
My “rule” for myself was that I could cry, scream, throw a hissy fit, but I could not respond to my ex and his slimy lawyer until I was calmed down and could respond cool as a cucumber. Sometimes that took a few days and a lot of angst. Sometimes no response was needed. It was rewarding to get compliments from the court secretary, my attorney, her paralegal, my close friends and family, neighbors, other attorneys as to how well I handled myself, publicly. Privately I was, and still am, a depressed, anxious, CPTSD, confused, angry, sleepless, soul ripped out horrid mess. Therapy is helping, but it’s been many years and I’m only slightly better, but I’m better and it’s encouraging to hear that other’s here have had years of recovery and healing…..so I plod on…

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  BlueChumparoo

You’re a badass Blue Chumparoo!

BlueChumparoo
BlueChumparoo
4 years ago
Reply to  BlueChumparoo

Never got me a thoughtful gift.
Early on, always jewelry that was tacky and gaudy. I never wore it because it wasn’t my taste and didn’t fit with my modest clothing, so jerkoff ex declared he was “NEVER BUYING ME ANOTHER PIECE OF JEWELRY!!!” and he didn’t thank goodness. But he bought his whore gaudy crap she described in her deposition as a necklace with “little” diamonds in it. Lololol
Never filled my stocking, while every year his and his daughters were filled to overflowing to the point they’d have to be propped in a chair with items spilling out.
Last fake Christmas together he put coal in my stocking. Never anything, but then a dickmunch move of coal. That really hurt.

Mandie101
Mandie101
4 years ago
Reply to  BlueChumparoo

He’s a real piece of shit.
When it all comes down they are bullies.

Stig
Stig
4 years ago
Reply to  BlueChumparoo

Coal!? That fuckwit is a psychopath!

chumpupthevolume
chumpupthevolume
4 years ago
Reply to  BlueChumparoo

The steel cut oats! Priceless! ????

Amiisfree
Amiisfree
4 years ago

My ex wanted everything in our house except a few basic items when we separated. I agreed, with the boundary that all items of value (that I knew about) would be professionally appraised and he pay me half the value in installments over an 18 month period. He agreed. I asked for no other money.

He was a network admin. I had stopped working to take care of my dying sibling before our divorce. The payment was $1000/mo. His income was about $5000. This was many years ago. He made a lot.

Then he blogged about his “unfair alimony” and his fancy new purchases and trips, then, not knowing I knew about the blog, asked to avoid paying the payments citing financial difficulties. (Blogging was new then – he thought I wouldn’t find it. Always thought I was stupid.)

I always said he had to pay. He did, each time, begrudgingly, but boy did he blog about it. And he never did make the final payment. They never stop trying to Hoover.

He’s super wealthy. I’m still just lower middle class me.

My life’s better. How do I know? Because I have my issues, but I’m not a lying cheating narcissistic manipulative self-serving asshole.

StrongerNow
StrongerNow
4 years ago

I’ll give my STBXH credit: he is consistently cheap across the board.

Many years ago I found out that he bought his whore a $20 jacket from The Gap. The first thing I thought about was, “HEY-I PAID FOR HALF THAT JACKET” since he had a joint bank account. Then I really thought about it and realized-this bitch has cheap taste! (He bought it for her on their lunch break because she was admiring it from the store window at the mall.

Flash forward-they started dating last March. For their first Christmas together-he bought her…an air fryer.

Because nothing gets a woman you’re dating whipped up into a sexual frenzy like a kitchen appliance.

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago

My ex was always generous…when it came to himself. He’d demand gifts for Christmas or for his birthday or Father’s Day that cost in the hundreds of dollars, and make it clear he was entitled to them. I went along with it for years: a commercial foosball table (meaning expensive, regulation play); a Nordic Track (that he’d never tried out before wanting one); a gas grill (guess who cleaned it and kept the propane supply topped up?)

In contrast, I will never forget the Mother’s Day he said to me, “I didn’t get you anything. You’re not my mother.” Now I see that as the logical outcome of the years when our son was small, and I’d ask for a lilac bush for Mother’s Day, which my ex would go buy–but would leave the planting all to me.

Luziana
Luziana
4 years ago

Cold Slab O’Meat came to the relationship with beat up credit and a beat up minivan. After a year of dating he and SD moved in with us and his commute became longer. Never mind that he was saving 900 clams a month on rent and the only bills I asked him to cover were personal cellphones for himself and my son (again, my credit because he couldn’t qualify!) and car insurance for both cars. And the cable TV we didn’t have and he couldn’t live without.

No grocery money, no utilities, no car payment.

Because Old Me was a Foolish Chump, let me tell you what I did. For two years I let him drive my nice late model car to work. I still paid the payment! I still paid the maintenance and repairs! CHUUUUUUUUUMP.

He had the nerve to complain he now had to spend 50 dollars a week on gas! What really made me realize who he was, though? The seat handle incident.

He’s a large man, and he broke the lever to slide the seat back and forth. Right about the time he had saved up enough and rehabilitated his credit enough to qualify for a new car. While he was car shopping I asked him nicely to order a new seat lever and put it on so I could drive my own car again.

He ordered the wrong side and wrong color and slapped it on. So it only sort of worked and backwards.

This is how you thank the woman who has driven your shitty van for two years while providing you a sleek and lovely car, as well as a FREE GATDAM HOME.

A week after he got his own nearly new car with his sparkling new DTI ratio (no rent or mortgage!) someone at a movie theater dinged the door the size of a DIME and left a note. He mercilessly hounded that guy. Got 4 estimates. Did tons of research. Got it fixed in a week.

We were married by then, but I had to beg to drive his car. I did not have my own key.

Pretty sure I was a SUPER CHUMP. Pretty sure he’s always been an Asshole.

Luziana
Luziana
4 years ago
Reply to  Luziana

AND OH. Birthdays are easy now. Let’s see. New Small Kitchen Appliances, a cool ModCloth Skirt and Cardigan, Clearance Christmas Items including a vintage Kewpie, and a sweet croc-embossed red Brahmin wallet!

12and20years
12and20years
4 years ago

I would have to get the grocery list reviewed and adjusted as he saw fit. No we don’t need 7 bananas- you can only buy 5!!!
Birthdays and mother’s days meant a a 6am run to the grocery store for a last minute visa gift card – no forethought ever.
No money for a sitter to go out to dinner, no money for vacations.

All this and he’s buying her jewelry and spending at least a thousand a month for 5 years on hotel rooms and dinner . But because we had a joint account and separate personal spending accounts he says he could do whatever he wanted with his spending money. Meanwhile I was judged for putting too much on my cards (even though I paid my cards on time and had excellent credit our entire marriage)! He monitored my credit and my spending- wish I had asked to monitor his as well- would’ve found all the charges years earlier!

Adelante
Adelante
4 years ago
Reply to  12and20years

Re: monitoring credit. My husband did the bills so he saw the credit card statements and knew everything I spent. (We had only one online checking account into which we put our paychecks.) I never really knew how much money we had, although we made the same salary, so whenever I wanted to buy something extra and a little pricey, like shoes or a winter coat, I’d ask him if we had the money. Meanwhile, he took advantage of the fact that because he was doing the bills and I didn’t want to look like a suspicious wife, so I didn’t open credit card bills or sign up for online banking to monitor our joint account and consequently had no knowledge of what he spent. When I finally decided to start getting my ducks in a row to divorce, I signed up for online banking, and got access to years worth of statements, which is how I saw that every month he spent at least $350 going out to lunch every day (while I was brown bagging leftovers) and having a monthly massage (a legit one).

Chumpinrecovery
Chumpinrecovery
4 years ago

My ex was always a big spender on himself (airplane) and me (Gucci purse and I don’t carry a purse) throughout most of our marriage so we didn’t have much saving to split in the divorce. That last Christmas before DDay, however, when he was balls deep in Schmoopie 1.0, he had thoroughly devalued me and, quite frankly, I am not sure he was even really in his right mind, he gave me a half used tube of nasty smelling lotion he had gotten from a store that was going out of business. It was the sample tube. To add insult to injury, when I tried to use it to show how much I appreciated his gift, he complained that I stank.

Bicycle stand extension rubber
Bicycle stand extension rubber
4 years ago

The cheapest thing XH did was insist when splitting our stuff that we also splitted the open bottles of liquor. And when he made the ladt tour trough the house, he said ‘I did not get my sleeping bag cover’ and took my sons instead. This on top of years of no gifts or the cheapest gifts – I remember he got me a 2€ gift and thought himself really clever and funny for it. I could not see the joke myself. But in the end he gave us the biggest gift of all by removing himself and schmoopie twue love to the other part of the world – sail the seas together. Good riddance of bad rubbish I say.

Now I.C.
Now I.C.
4 years ago

That reminds me how when the Asshat was back in the house 2 days after abandonment he proceeded to try to consume as much shrimp, prime rib, and salmon he could from the recent fancy foods delivery we had gotten. He was stuffing his face so he could get “his half” since he had fled to a town 5 hours away and couldn’t figure out how to transport the frozen products across the state in his truck. He then started cleaning out the liquor cabinet including polishing off my tequila which he hated, then opened the expensive bottle of red wine my daughter had just given me for my birthday 6 days earlier.

He always had a compulsion to get what he thought was his and that petulant and piggy little boy came shining through.

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
4 years ago

Me (one week before my birthday) I need a watch look at these here I love this one.

On my birthday…

Cheater: I was going to buy you a gift but I did not know what you like, you are so hard to buy for. I even considered a watch but you do not wear one so how would I know what you like.

Every holiday and birthday almost the same conversation. I never received a watch in 20 years. I did get a storage cabinet one year for my birthday while he was re arranging the basement for a pool table. LOL I think that was the only gift I got that I did not pick out and buy for myself. I always got the “you are so hard to buy for” comment. It took me a long time to realize I am one of the easiest people to buy for, a reader, girl with holes in her ears, even loves kitchen gadgets, and as a programmer, electronic toys make me happy. See very easy.

20 years he did not get that.

After he was gone I found hidden jewelry receipts in the garage…. I never received it.

After he left, I told my 16 & 17 year old sons, if I do not get Me a gift for my birthday/Christmas (even a gift of service) as was the old normal in our house than they do not get one, we are all appreciated and loved in this house. 5 years later my sons and I are closer than ever and they get real joy out of gift giving, I see it when they date too, we have all learned a great lesson. It is not about the money or gift but the thought that the other person matters!

TheBestMe
TheBestMe
4 years ago
Reply to  TheBestMe

sorry should say I told my sons “If you do not get me a birthday/christmas gift as was the old normal in our house, than they do not them one either.

Seerant
Seerant
4 years ago

My ex gave me a $50 Amazon gift card for our 14th anniversary. The documented phone calls and texts to the OW started the next day. I used the gift card to buy us a festival blanket. Before I knew.

Wormfree
Wormfree
4 years ago

The Worm was a fantastic gift giver. Diamond earrings, Michael Kors purses etc. Why? They came with a price. Each and every gift was a bribe to keep your mouth shut and put up with his crap.
The gifts got less sentimental but just as extravagant. The last Birthday, he gave me $500
worth of gift cards.

Nain
Nain
4 years ago

Oh, the merriment one Christmas when he presented me with — a 10lb bag of bird seed and a giant roll of duct tape. Yes indeedy, only those two unwrapped “presents” are what he gifted me in front of our opened mouthed kids that morning. He worked in the local farm store and he told me he grabbed those two coveted items on his way out the door, Christmas Eve. Probably lifted them in his rush and never paid. No bird feeder, mind you, and nothing in the house that could ever require yards upon yards of that sticky gray tape. I was stunned but mind you, he had no qualms at all about that being his choice.

Yet later during divorce, I found a $3500.00 receipt from a specialty jeweler for exquisite earring for his married whore person. What cheaters value and how they show it comes shining through in so many ways, right? At special times that should be romantic, happy, thoughtful, they really bomb out.

Sugar Plum
Sugar Plum
4 years ago

My cheater was beyond cheap. For 5 of the 8 years we were married he “forgot” my birthday. No card, no gift. Zilch. Of the 3 years he remembered, one of them he gave his son money and told him to go pick out some pajamas for me and have them wrapped. The first year he “forgot” I gave him grief. Every year after that I put 3 reminders in his phone calendar of my birthday, one a month out, one a week out, and one 2 days before. At the time it would hurt that he didn’t care, but thought it wasn’t a divorce-worthy event. Now, looking back, I wonder why I stayed. I should have left long before he cheated.

Hopium4years
Hopium4years
4 years ago

He would go through phases and collect different things (then get bored and move on to something else). Some guy at work collected knives so of course he had to start. By the time he had 15 or 20 he must have seen the little pink one while shopping for knives for himself.

Yes, he proudly presented a pink knife to me. It was even on a lanyard so I could wear it around my neck. For self defense, he said.

Chumptastic Voyage
Chumptastic Voyage
4 years ago
Reply to  Hopium4years

Wow, this thread is hopium kryptonite.
Sometimes that creep floats into my thoughts, and I romanticize about “what-ifs”…
Then I think about all of the above.
20 months NC and the biggest gift- the absence of so.much.mindfuckery.
Earlier this week, my daughter and I were at the grocery store. It’s a store that I no longer frequent, since it held too many memories. What is it with grocery stores.
So after the checkout, we loaded the bags into my sassy little sports car (I love that car), I made a joke about not crying in the parking lot anymore. My daughter said firmly: “Mom. He was living off of you. He was broke. It’s not okay. You won’t ever do that again. You’re different now.”
She’s 14.
It was a total RBG movie “taxi scene” moment.

Sucker Punched by a Saffa
Sucker Punched by a Saffa
4 years ago
Reply to  Hopium4years

Somebody deserved a stiletto heel (not knife) to the skull !